Welcome to the recovered, attic podcast.
Yes, we use the word recovered episode 1.
We talked about that. So some of you are here and
you're listening and I want to talk to our host, just sitting
right over here. Nuda podcasting doing that's
awesome dude. You've been doing like this.
My first the last two, we hit it out of the park.
So the third one today, of course, our ego wants to say, we
did amazing. We did great thousands of
people. Listening to us, probably the
best podcast and yeah, best ever, you know, Trump that seems
like the best ever. He always puts his hands out
like this and does not that we're political enemy.
I always say, take the right, the left both wings and just
throw the whole bird out. Yeah, exactly.
Not affiliated with any political party and also, you
know, recovered addict podcast, of course a little controversial
but we're not affiliated with any specific, Recovery Group
either. Right.
Yeah, 100%. We're here on our own trying to
practice spiritual principles as well.
Walking down the only road we've ever known like a Drifter.
So, one of the things that I want to get into today, we got
into the physical Dimension, the emotional Dimension, and I want
to we're going to hit heavy. Yeah.
On the spiritual Dimension just for the simple fact, is the
spiritual Dimension is where it's at, you know, they're
speaking of songs. He was like nine, 80s, hip-hop,
where it's at. I got two turntables and a
microphone. But you know where it's at that
135? Yeah.
At the big 50. But spiritual Dimension to us is
the key to recovery. Absolutely.
We're also still in our module
1, understanding addiction, and now approaching that from the
spiritual Dimension. Mmm, what does that mean?
How am I understanding addiction?
Without a clear? Understanding of the problem, I
don't really have a clear Direction head in for a
solution. It's important that we as
recovered. Individuals.
Practicing a spiritual lifestyle.
Understand that I'm suffering from a spiritual malady.
There's something inside me. That is sick.
Otherwise, why would I need this outside thing in order to be
okay, why would I have this delusional seeking this selfish,
self-centered, run you over attitude, to get whatever it is,
I want in order to be okay, nobody seeks anything unless
they believe the having of it is going to make Make them better,
that's good. Yes.
Why would I see? Kenny, I'm not I'm not
intentionally trying to hurt myself.
Most people aren't unless your little psychotic.
Yeah. And then this can happen in
relationships where I need them, so that I can feel better.
Absolutely. Yeah.
I can be addicted to relationships.
That can be addicted to constantly having someone
around. Absolutely, yeah, addicted to
work. I have that.
Yeah. Yeah.
Same same with me. I think, I think the
entrepreneurial part lends itself to addiction.
Yeah. What through whole podcast on
that because I think I think that desire for and you had
talked about it. Last one was so good and help me
out. Was that desire for more and
more and more. Well that can be a good thing
and it can be a bad thing for more.
And more donuts for me are more and more and more proving that
I'm good enough. You know, all of that's the
same. You know, that mechanism in my
brain, it's all the same. It's all just gas.
Go do this, this is good for you.
Jason, where it's my ego talking and it's not good, you know,
you're better than everybody. ADI else, you work harder?
Yeah, you know, that app, that's when the ego can mask itself and
I look pretty because I'm, I have entrepreneurial Spirit.
Oh yeah, I'm running three businesses.
I'm running for businesses, but I'm killing myself.
I don't sleep my hair's falling out.
Yes, I have stress. Well, it's not those stress.
I mean, you're in the fitness industry.
It's like those, you know, and your body builder and all that
stuff. So it, you know, you have the 1%
body type thing. But when you go on Instagram and
you look at these fitness models, They test them, they
are, you know, reluctantly done, blood tests and stuff like that.
And they find that inside a lot of shit is going on.
That's bad. You know what I mean?
Like it's super high cholesterol, super high blood
pressure, they may be taking illegal substances to get there,
you know? Absolutely.
You know perform at Auntie drugs, all these different
things so outside looks amazing. Like your every picture on
Instagram but then you see, you know, Several months later, you
see a thing of them in the hospital, you know, at 27 years
old, having a heart attack, you know?
So that's the thing that you have to look at.
It's like the ego wants the Instagram look, you know, but
inside that's what you really got to deal with.
And that's what we're talking about today.
My spiritual approach to navigating the world if I'm
hurting spiritually and I'm unaware of it, it's easy to have
misguided Direction. Added ideas of what's going to
help because if I don't know any better, this bottle this
alcohol. Oh, this makes me feel better.
This must be, this must be the direction I had him if I don't
know any better. Oh, this sex.
This relationship. This makes me feel better.
I have to have that in order to be okay and enough of that,
unconscious behavior Can rewire my neocortex, the chemicals
produced in my brain. To be a normal part of life.
That's just the way I am conditions.
That's just how I'm going to go through the world.
I need this outside thing. In order to be okay, very
dangerous with the Instagram, very dangerous.
With the comparing constantly comparing my insides to somebody
else's outsides. Yeah, they look so much better
than me. I feel horrible how I look and
people starve themselves or like you were talking about taking
taking whatever. Medication or supplement they
have to take start. Yeah, the starving themselves is
the big deal about the fitness models.
And yeah, they and they don't realize that that picture was
done pre-contest but they normally don't walk around
knowing know. I've been able to and I'm
grateful. I had this experience but I've
been on, I've competed in seven different competitive
bodybuilding shows. And when you take that level of
Fitness, we successfully, We take Health to an unhealthy
extreme. Yes, it's like, I've got two
speeds, I'm all or nothing. That's the way I drank.
That's why I'm going to be when I drive super healthy.
But really, super unhealthy really, it could be kind of an
addictive. It appeals to people who have
addictive personality because all it takes is everything you
got. I'm going to dedicate
everything. I have to be looking at
particular way. So City getting blackout drunk.
I'm gonna go to the gym. Three times a day correct.
Correct. I'm going to burn my muscle
tissue. I'm working out so much and you
know that's a that's a subculture and itself,
bodybuilding is a wild world. I was in that world for a lot of
years now. I own my own personal training
business and I'm honored to take my clients, you're one of them.
Yes. Through their own journey of
health and wellness. And you know what, you know,
we'd like to join. Peterson likes to talk about
Order and Chaos. A lot, it's the oldest oldest,
taoism type of one of the oldest teachings there.
It is and you have the yin-yang to order and chaos and too much
order. And I'm 3% body fat on stage
looking lean and you look that way.
One day year, but I'm ready to faint right?
Ready to fall over my body is so depleted and too much chaos.
I'm 400 pounds overweight. I don't even get off the couch
really, I can't even move my own body's too much chaos.
I have Road Direction. I don't know how to treat my
metabolism. I don't know how to treat my
organs. I don't know how to take care of
myself. So too much order and too much
chaos, both of those things are not good for us, right?
The proper place for us is that thin line that dancing that line
in the middle of that yin-yang where it's malleable, it
changes, we need order, we need chaos.
We can't have too much of either one so helping clients find
their own spiritual journey, their own fitness journey with
the with a fitness program is a joy for me.
Well, you know when it when it comes to addiction as it is with
anything. And that physical Dimension that
we talked about and then the emotional Dimension, the
spiritual Dimension. And we say this in our module,
from a spiritual perspective, addiction can be seen as a
misguided search for wholeness or piece.
That's inspiring. I love the Greek etymology of
perfection because you get, you know, that's again to the
bodybuilding reference. You want to look perfect on
stage Or whatever. Whatever the reference.
Maybe I would have a perfect relationship, right?
Then I'll be okay. I want to have a perfect bank
account, then I'll be good. And the Greek etymology of the
word, perfect is whole never meant without blemish and never
let sparkling Sterling. So beautiful right Perfection
just meant whole if I'm coming from the spiritual Dimension and
you know, we're this is going to be a Podcast.
We're going to talk a lot of spiritual principles.
I believe, strongly, I am not going to recover from any
addiction without a spiritual solution.
Yes, 100%. I don't have a spiritual
solution. There's no chance for Recovery.
There's none because you can't white-knuckle something.
You can't will something into existence without understanding
deeply what's going on and it's it's to know thyself.
Mmm, very good. You know what I mean, at that
was, put up all over, you know, the Grease and stuff like that,
know, thyself, thy self, you know, that's the whole desire,
you know, mentally physically and emotionally and spiritually,
know thyself and you see, you can't heal until, you know
yourself, very good, very good. So, if I know myself, if I know
that my identity is grounded in spiritual Dimension, I mean,
God, conscious a present being from that space, I can be whole
That part of me is infinite that part of me is Connected To
Source, that part of me is not subject to life or death.
It's not subject to time. It's whole, it's already
perfect. Eckhart Tolle likes to say, be
what you already are. Mmm, that's so good.
You know, the whole? Yeah well so if I'm In a
conditioned pattern, we were just talking about this at the
gym, a destructive Loop of disillusionment.
A constructive destructive Loop of dishonesty of seeking outside
things. In order to make me, okay, I'm
not aware that I'm whole, I'm definitely not being what I
already am. Yes, be what you already are.
You already are whole because you already have connection to
Source. Yeah, that's so good.
You don't I have $35 years of conditioning, right?
Worry about this money. Or I have whatever 20 years of
conditioning drinking, this substance makes you feel better.
I'm just going to do what I know works.
So we're very interested in Shifting.
The Paradigm here, we're very interested in getting to a place
of complete willingness to do something different.
And unfortunately I have to really go down the rabbit hole
with this misguided search in order to reach a bottom, you
know, recovery program say all the time the sufferer must hit
rock bottom. Yeah we and I like the word
misguided misguided search because it lends to, you know, I
always like to look at Us as being on a hero's journey, but
you know, and so you can go past that all movies are made off
that, you know, Star Wars is built off all that and you could
go and I think Campbell was a guy's last name that made the
hero's journey. You can go and read all of that
and understand it. But there's always this part of
the hero having to meet the teacher.
And the teacher, we always think of it being some wise Guru, you
know, somebody that is you know all knowing and you're going to
be like swept away and they're going to give you all the keys
to life in a bullet point format and you're going to be changed
forever. Yeah.
But the teacher on the journey is constant and you don't know
your mom, maybe the teacher. Hmm, you know what I mean?
Your dad and you see the things that your addiction is related
to the the things that you haven't dealt with with your
relationship, with your parents, you know?
And so your parents become a teacher because that shows
itself because what you've been doing on this misguided search
for wholeness or peace, what you've been doing is not and
we'll get into upper limits and stuff like that but because of
them I'm this You know, because if they were okay, if my parents
were okay and they didn't raise me this way, then I would be
fine. I wouldn't be an alcoholic, or I
wouldn't be a drug addict or I wouldn't be 400 pounds.
Yeah, you know, whatever your diction is - food guys.
Just so, you know, probably more on the I wouldn't say, sexual
per se because I'm not like a sex addict or something, but
it's more like seeking wholeness in relationships, you know?
And then like bouncing from relationship to relationship and
then obviously like, Two year, I get the two year mark after two
years. It's all blown up.
While I blow it up like that because it's just too good.
You know, I just can't have that much peace and wholeness in my
life. I gotta, I gotta have the chaos
upper limit problem. Yeah, it's upper limit but I
want to get to this because you were talking about this the
other day, this whole idea of the hero's journey and then the
options that you have when you, when you have a teaching moment
and you slay the dragon. Hmm.
I think this is really, really good.
At this moment because the teacher is your so-called
suffering? The teacher is your addiction.
Yeah, if that makes sense. Absolutely.
So you have to on the hero's journey, you have to go and not
only be taught by that addiction but you have to go over come
that you know you have all the tools we always say you have all
the tools in the power in you but when you're going to that
when you're going to that whatever type of dragging, it
may be in your life. What are the choices that you
have? Because I think this will get it
was it, Jordan Pederson. Again that was talking about.
Yeah, yeah, go ahead and share. This is your appearance ends
analogy of, you know the hero, the Hero Journey and you know
it's important to say first that I have hit a bottom.
Hmm I guess had a lot of teaching from my suffering
because my selfish destructive behavior is causing a lot of I'm
getting a lot of consequences now.
Yeah. Like initially was fun.
Yes. I don't need a hero's journey.
When I'm just having a good time I'm seeking a hero's journey and
my life needs to change. I was presented with the
opportunity of recover, our die. Hmm.
If you go down this path that's death.
I got very close to experiencing that I got as close to
experiencing death from my destructive addiction.
As I ever want to get That presented me with willingness or
a bottom to try and do something different.
You know, what? In Jordan Peterson's, analogy of
the hero's journey is there's two types of heroes in the
world. First type of hero is the type
of hero that goes out into the Wilderness.
Confronts, the dragon slays, the dragon, and then comes back and
shares the spoils with the community.
Yes. And in our addiction that dragon
is Diction that dragon that Wilderness that chaos, that,
that the Dark Knight. You know, that's, that's our
teacher. That's the dragon.
I had to be willing to go into the Wilderness, confront the
term, the destructive Dragon, we slay.
The destructive dragon by shining laser point Awareness,
on the things that are kicking my ass.
Yes, being willing to do something different.
And start heading in that direction.
And now we're presented with a beautiful opportunity to.
Now, share those gifts with the rest of the community.
The second type of hero is the type of person that confronts
the tyrannical structure, the controlling leadership.
This would be pharaoh and Moses comes in to free his people that
type of hero rips down. The tyrannical structure.
And is prepared to rebuild it. This is me and the structure of
my mind right conditioned, thinking I need that outside
thing in order to be okay. In me, it's 35 years old, if
we're going spiritual Dimension, it's much older than that.
I'm carrying generational, and says, astral wounds hurts,
whatever it may be, right, Which allows me to be the victim of
generational wounds hurts unconsciousness.
And then, I can just perpetuate the unconsciousness, and try and
check out because this is too difficult to feel.
I want to feel something else. So confronting the tyrannical,
structure of my condition mind, my fear, my worried, my anger,
tearing that structure to the ground and being prepared to
rebuild it with spiritual principles.
Spiritual affirmations prayers, meditations.
This is the hero's journey. The best type of hero does both
those things. Yes.
Best type of hero slays the dragon, right?
And tears down the tyrannical structure.
Yeah, of the mind because the mind is the illusion.
Yeah, you believing in your emotion.
You believing in those thoughts. They do and then allowing them
to control you to the point of, you know, because your mind your
mind only knows the programming of, you know, for me 50 years.
So that's it from and we're even talking about Like in the womb,
the things that your mom was saying, your dad, you catch all
that stuff. So, these Loops these thought
patterns Loops begin to form and the next thing you know, you're
just running off this program. Jason Rigby's programs.
Pretty simple. What am I afraid of today?
How can fear manifests itself? Oh, I need to get really angry
at this person because I'm kind of fearful that they're going to
take my job. Yeah.
Are, you know, I need to get angry at this because I'm
fearful that I'm going to lose my relationship.
You know the cool part about it is my fear.
Is it always comes true. When I really delve deep into
it, that's because you're a powerful manifest.
Yeah, I'm a Creator. You know,
it's amazing. It's powerful.
Our job in rebuilding that structure is now what do I want
to manifest? Do I want to be the victim?
Of my life or do I want to be the creator of my life and I
want to get into because I think this is really important what
you talked about and this misguided search for wholeness
or peace. This part is really really
important. It's like what is wholeness and
peace look like for me. Hmm.
And can I define that with clarity You know, and I think
there's a lot of fog and you've mentioned this where you're kind
of just walking around in the fog.
There's a lot of fog that's going on.
With understanding what wholeness and peace looks like
for me, you know? I know I'm an addict.
Yeah, I get that. Yes I know I have a problem with
this this or this but I'm in this Falk like wholeness and
peace. I don't even know what that my
life is so chaotic I'm just living from moment to moment.
Try not to drink. Try not to do drugs.
I have no I don't even have a concept of what wholeness or
piece looks like how can someone begin to establish that are
began to shift? If their thought process and go
towards that Clarity. Yeah, that's an excellent
question. That's what we want to dress in
in our modules as we go through the process here.
Like what is, what is wholeness and peace?
Look like to you. Well, understanding
understanding that whole means Without void without lack,
right? I don't need a particular thing
in order to be okay. I already am.
Okay? The whole idea of be what you
already are and then piece. This piece is so elusive.
His like Serenity. I don't know what the heck
Serenity means. What does that mean?
That means inner peace. That means on the inside.
I'm perfect the way I am and nothing external is gonna screw
with that. No, no.
I when we talked about this last last class, you know, last
podcast, if I, if I can be independent from my outside
circumstances, I'm mastering my environment.
If I master in my environment, I have emotional intelligence,
emotional challenges is the same as Serenity is the same as inner
peace. However, for a person who is
conditioned to live in chaos, who is walking through the fog
that inner peace is going to feel really weird.
Oh, yeah, Enterprise. And what the heck is this?
There's nothing. There's no fire.
I need to put out. There is nothing.
This is nothing. Crazy going.
Going on right now. That's going to feel weird at
first. Like I caught my boyfriend
cheating. So now I normally go do drugs or
drink bottle. Yes.
And then cheap back and then cheap a yeah, whatever.
So so now I'm in like a halfway decent relationship.
Mmm, what do I do now? Yes, it's going to feel really
weird. Yes, it's a great opportunity
for an upper limit to sneak in upper limit problem.
I don't up and ulp. Ulp is what I experienced this
is from gay Hendrix and one of his books, the big leap and I
don't know how to experience this much.
Love abundance and success. My conditioning does not allow
me to experience this. Much love abundance and success.
What can I do? Unconsciously the drop myself
back down to my normal state of existence, my normal pain and
suffering, the Comfort level. Yes, I'm comfortable with this,
much pain and suffering, right? I have 35 years of it, right?
All right. No.
So that's the rebuilding of the structure of my mind.
I like to think of it like for me, it's this way because we
battle this every summer and being like money, comes money,
worrying, all the time. So the thermostat that I have
out here, right? So I would like it to be at 71
72, it'd be great, but because I'm trying to save money with
the air conditioning, we live in Albuquerque so it can get 90s
and high 90s and 80s. I'll put it to 76.
Now 76, I'm calm, I'm not very comfortable, but I know I'm
saving money. Yeah.
You know what I mean, 74. I'll compromise and do 74, you
know, just to make sure that I'm, you know, at that level but
76 is like, I'm uncomfortably comfortable.
So this range from 72 to 76, you know, 72 is making me worried,
I'm feeling good but it make it, I'm worried constantly.
Yeah, so it's kind of an Inky hindrance.
But this is like a thermostat. Yeah.
And so when things go so well and so good like you get a
promotion at work? Oh, I need to cheat on my wife.
I've got I need to go. Yes, I'll go.
Bitch, I've gotten past that thermostat setting.
Yes, yes. I don't know how to handle this.
Much love abundance and success. I don't know how to handle inner
peace, right. How do I handle Inner Peace.
So it's so, to getting back to your question about defining
wholeness to finding inner peace.
Both of those were tiptoeing in the same in the same.
Language here it. Perfect.
The way I am. I'm complete the way I am.
I'm there's not a void. I'm not in lack.
I don't need to seek something right now.
I'm whole. I have peace.
Both those things kind of walk hand in hand as you have those
things you are, you are all the time, completely whole and
completely piece and we're blowing people's minds right now
because they don't understand that.
No, not make zero sense, right? That's why we're interested in
tearing down the old structure of my mind that says, I'm not
Hmm. You know what, in our in our
teaching, in our, in our a lot of the teachings that have been
exposed to, we always talk about sex status and security.
Oh, I like this. Yeah, so sextus arrius.
I have a Miss. Well, let's remember here, I
have a misguided search for wholeness and peace in my
addiction, so I need to go to security.
Yes. So security always transfers for
us into money. If I have the right money, then
I'll be okay, that outside thing is going to make me.
Okay, so I'm chasing that sex If I had the right relationship, if
I have enough of the right type, if it's if it's more, I'm
getting more. And if I want this person, I can
conquer them. They want me back.
Yeah, I need them to want me back.
Exactly. Exactly.
Then I'll be okay. Hmm, status status is very, we
like to correlate status with Prestige Prestige is dangerous
for addicts because it serves the ego.
Hmm. To if it's taken to an extreme
Prestige is I want to be viewed as a leader.
Look at me, I actually know best.
The rest of you should follow me.
Look at my title, look at this all the time created so that's
status. Mmm problems.
I'm sex status and security. Usually, I mean, those are,
those are like big categories. Those are, those are no.
I like those categories but that's a understanding of what
I'm willing to Chase and seek in order to be okay if I'm behaving
in the delusion of my addiction, a we need to wake up to the
delusion right? Be I want to I need to be
willing to seek a different type of life. see, I need to have the
realization that I have a god-sized hole in the middle of
me. From my destructive, addiction
behavior that has been going on for years.
And I'm using this sex status and security to try and fill
this hole up. Yeah.
And because it's not god-sized, it doesn't work.
I don't feel whole and I don't feel peace.
No, I mean, we have people who are listening the pockets right
now that maybe multi-millionaires, maybe have
you know, everything, the nice house, a nice car.
Yeah, and they're looking at it, they're looking at it and I just
kind of I've done that the first, you know, I went from
homeless to being successful and like my first the first salary I
got where it was like six figures years.
And years ago it was like six figures and I was like, holy
smokes I broke into like the 100,000 Mark you know?
And I was like wow this is amazing and then I started
getting these big paychecks and then I was like, I don't, I
can't spend this much money, you know?
I mean I could I mean I could be stupid but I'm not stupid enough
to go to. I'm not going to go the Louis
Vuitton store, you know, and pull my whole paycheck, you
know, that type of thing. And so I was like, well what can
I do with my money? Like you're on making like money
and at the time that was a lot of money to me being homeless
and then go into that. It's a lot of money that's
average wage probably for a lot of people but I was like, I
don't know what to do and then I started making more of those
paychecks and then my income began to grow and then I was
like, this didn't make me feel better.
Mmm, Yeah, Yeah. Seeking the thing.
Yeah. I thought it would make me feel.
I thought money would make me feel better, it's gonna fill up
this god-sized hole in the middle, right?
And then I'll be okay. I had the relationship, right?
I'll kill myself slaving three different jobs for different
jobs, making more money than I ever made in my work, in my life
and I'm still uncomfortable on the inside.
When am I willing to prioritize being whole?
When am I willing to prioritize having peace?
Am I making inner peace of priority in my life?
If so, what does that look like? Yeah, that's the hard part.
It doesn't look like me chasing three different women.
No, then I'll be fine. It doesn't look like me slaving
for different jobs because then I'll be okay because I got the
thing. I got the for jobs, I still
wasn't okay. so, an understanding of I will not be
whole, I will not have inner peace from the world of form.
The world of form is not going to give that to me.
We're talking about here is the world of spirit, here we go.
The only thing that's going to be able to feel that spiritual
void, I need to stop looking for outside things to make me okay
on the inside. So whenever we look at this
because the next part is it's a seeking of external solution.
To internal painter emptiness. So there's no such thing as an
external solution. The wording is, we need to
you're looking, that's a facade, it's but I want to get into
combining this wholeness or peace with the seeking of
external Solutions because I have this emptiness and it may
not be paying per se. Some people may have a deep
pain, they use a bottle or drugs or whatever, maybe they were,
you know, you know God forbid maybe they had something super
rific happened to them you know as a teenager or something like
that you have a lot of A lot of trauma, you know, whether it's
child abuse or, you know, being you know, raped or something
like that, super horrific. And so that's pain that you're
carrying around. I get that part, you know, as
far as understanding that deep pain and so you want to clear
that pain with alcohol drugs. You know, food, whatever it may
be. Yeah, but the emptiness that's
the part that gets me is like because I always battled
depression and I know my depression is self pity.
No. But that creates my depression
creates emptiness, you know, like this empty feeling where I
was like, oh I did get a big paycheck, but I don't feel
anything. Am I supposed to feel something?
Or I'm at like one of my kids birthday party and I'm like
everybody's happy and laughing and I'm just sitting there like
this is my kid's birthday party. Why am I not feeling any
emotion? Like towards I should feel like
happy and want to go cut the cake instead.
I just want to sit here and hold a beer, you know and just kind
of watch everybody, you know and I don't you know there's like
emptiness feeling. I think a lot of people are at
that empty stage and it's an excellent, it's an explanation
of not just seeking external Solutions, but it's an
explanation of not understanding who you truly are, and I want to
get into this. And I want you to kind of talk
about this. A little bit, is the
understanding of the spirit, the higher self.
The god in you, maybe you can approach it in a way, kind of in
a practical way. We're somebody could understand
who they really are. Like you, are you all right?
I love it now. Yes, now we're discussing my
identity. Yes, yes, yes, very easy to
identify with the world of form, very easy to identify with my
paycheck. I got the six-figure paycheck,
that's who I am. Look at me, that's Prestige,
very easy to identify with my relationship.
Hmm. Look how gorgeous she is.
Look at, who's on my arm, what type of man do I have to be?
If she's on my arm, yes, very easy to identify relationship,
very, very easy to, to identify in the Old of form.
And if I'm lost in addiction and simultaneously trying to
identify with the world of form, usually, the world of form is
running away from me because I'm behaving in such a selfish
destructive way. I'm losing the jobs.
So if my identity is my job and I lost the job, who am I If my
identity identity is my relationship and I lost the
relationship. Who Am I?
Who am I? Am I nobody should I kill
myself? That's where I went.
You know, I went thoughts of suicide because I lost the
relationship. That was my identity.
That's who I was. That's still delusional.
If my identity is based in transient things, I'm headed for
trouble. The world of form is extremely
transient. Everything fluctuates jobs.
Come and go relationships, come and go.
None of that is going to be forever.
It's the destiny of all form to eventually, go away all for.
So what do we have left vertical Dimension?
World of spirit Consciousness presence.
God Soul. Love eternity.
We use many terms because any one term limits it.
You remember from last one last class?
if my identity is grounded in my consciousness, That's not going
anywhere. Yes, that's good.
That's not going anywhere. Rose things.
Those Eternal part that Eternal part of me that is formless.
Is not transient that with me forever.
So if my identity is grounded in something that is forever, then
I'm On Solid Ground, then I can build from there and I can start
to honor the world of form. It's important to have jobs,
it's important to have relationships.
It's important to be able to provide for my family, but if
those things are who I am, I'm really in a lot of trouble when
they start to change and shift and mold my kids today are 10, 6
and 2. They are not going to need me in
10 years, the same way they need me now, right?
So my role as father, if that's my identity I'm in a lot of
trouble as soon as they don't need me.
I'm not gonna have more kids. I'm about to lose myself and I
don't want to have more kids. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I also don't want to be dependent upon them in order to
be okay. That's the real issue I think.
Good. I think it's a really good
explanation. Now for me in this is a personal
belief, you know, for me it's and I'm we're going to get real
scorcher but it's higher self. So you know what?
I once made sense to me is looking at whether you want to
call it, reincarnation or whatever it is.
And maybe there's people that don't believe that on here, but
I've had millions of meat suits and I'm evolving to my higher
self. But my higher self is in a whole
different dimension. That is can does not bound by
time. I'm conscious, whatever you want
to call it. And it's kind of lovingly or
God, you could look. You could say, it's God is
lovingly looking at me almost and I like to picture him
laughing at me, you know, with my struggles, because here's
this guy men's, men's years ahead or girl or whatever,
imagine I've had lots of different genders, you know,
going through my all my different meat suits.
But, and then looking and saying really, you think this is such a
hard struggle, you know, you know, a million meat suits ago,
you were in prison, you know, you got your head chopped off,
you know, Like, who knows what? Yeah, you know, so it puts it
into perspective and I like to look to my higher self for me
because now I now it's not such a big deal.
It's not just 50 years of programming.
This is something that I've been experiencing and working through
an evolving to a higher Consciousness, slowly over
millions of years, if that makes sense.
So for me and it's just another way.
However, people want to believe it, we can do the Christian way,
you know, where you have a holy spirit that lives in you, hmm.
You know, so whether you accept Jesus or, you know, God or
whatever it is, and then that allows Holy Spirit to live in
you and then you are not your old self anymore.
You know, you are a new creature, born through Christ,
you know, so Christ Consciousness, we could get into
that. So you know, the Holy Spirit,
then you look to the holy spirit to guide and direct you, you
know, in the things that you want to do to me, that's the
same as the higher self are looking to God, that higher
person, you are not join. The bottle in his hand.
As you are not. Dwayne blackout drunk with throw
up on the side. Are you in the hospital?
And we'll get into those stories.
Some point, you are not. Any of those things has nothing
to do with me, has nothing to do with my identity, right?
Those are things that happen to me as a result of my destructive
behavior, my destructive addiction.
But yeah that God Consciousness that the Holy Spirit the
indwelling, I love it, that is what helps me rebuild the
structure of mine. My mind, how many millions of
times did I have the thought the condition thought?
I need that to be okay. Oh worry worry worry about this
worry about this. It's millions of times that my
broad word Millions has fired these neurological wirings.
So we have to recondition the brain with neural plasticity in
the brain can change grow and evolve.
This is, this is just late 80s, you know, up until the late 80s
science told us. Don't drink the tequila if you
kill your brain cells, you'll never get them back and sign.
I found out that that's not true, right?
Scientists that are not interested in Spiritual
Development, they found out. No, you can have you can create
wire, you can create new neurological Pathways called
neuroplasticity takes place. In the neocortex, the new brain,
and repetition makes that possible.
How many millions of times did I have the worrisome thought?
Well, it's like, I've told you and we talked about this funny.
You're all new sales get created like seven years.
Maybe seven years. Yeah, your entire body is almost
two new people before your body doesn't know alcohol.
Correct? At seven years sober twice.
Now your body doesn't know alcohol.
Not a single cell in this body has experienced a drug or
alcohol or yeah. So, think about that.
At like it's so cool. It's like a new lease on life.
Exactly. You know like it and so you say
seven years sober your it's just your programming in your mind,
that saying that you want that drug, you know what I mean?
Because nowhere in your body, is there any drug?
Because our life and because my inner peace depend on me
changing, I'm willing to head down that path.
Yes I'm willing to find a new way of living.
I have to find a way to live without my whatever desired
substance is. At first initially, we do it
because our life depends on it. If I don't change, I'm going to
crash and burn. So defining the word Addiction
to me. I don't know like what our
material says. It's an addiction can lead to a
disconnection from ones true self and higher power.
Hmm addiction can lead to a disconnection, I'd love that
word. So let's Define addiction and
kisses. Your first time somebody
listening to this podcast, it's anything that takes you away
from. I like to say it's anything.
It takes me away from my herself.
It seemed that takes me away from God.
It's a then takes me away from Source.
Yeah, and if I, if I have a pattern of that Then that is an
addiction. If and my ego wants to take hold
of that pattern and then run it Loops in my head and calls me to
my Egos and fight with my higher self.
Kind of, there's like this little, you know, that you
remember the old cartoons Porky the Pig.
Some of you may not remember this, but there was like this
devil and angel, the devil and the angel, and they're like
little pigs and they would tell them to do this or tell him to
do this. So I kind of look at my like my
ego and herself that way. You know, which is not
necessarily bad and good, you know, because it was so as above
so below. But it's so funny whenever you
look at things that are taking you away from God, And then I'm
doing these things constantly. Well I have an addiction, the
dependence of yes this action, the dependence of this
substance. Yeah I have to do this in order
to be okay. I need to get approval from
women so that they like me so that I feel good about myself.
It's a very I'm manipulating common addiction.
Yeah. I'm manipulating Women to get
all your awesome. That's all I want to hear.
I'm just addicted to the approval.
The approval. Yes.
There we go. Yes.
And it looks best when it's pretty when it comes from
someone gorgeous, or someone that I admire.
Yeah, just I'm just looking for the approval.
I don't have self-worth. The addiction the delusion is I
don't have self-worth unless I get her attention.
Yeah. And I didn't realize this pretty
heavily. I mean this was recent and I've
talked to you about this because we share all we share all our
drama and problems. To each other.
But that we had some today that we talked about.
So it's this is continual, but it's so funny because you don't
realize you have this until you. I had somebody that I respected
and they told me, they told another person that person told
me about my work and how bad my work is, in their opinion, that
tore me up for a week zala. I didn't sleep for like two days
because this person I had respected, they didn't see my
value in. What I Gave you know.
So they thought I was like an amateur when I consider myself
an expert in my work. So I really had valued that
opinion of that person. You see the external solution to
my internal pain or emptiness, wasn't there?
Yes. You see what I mean?
Get the approval. No, I did.
I needed the approval to feel good.
I want everyone to like me and then I don't know how to handle
the feeling of pain or emptiness.
Yes, it was the approval that got rid of the pain and empty.
Yes, that's what I'm addicted to.
Yeah, I love it. I love it.
Anything that I'm doing unconsciously in order to make
me feel okay because we need. To understand this.
So basically what we're saying is everybody has an addiction
yeah that's why the podcast God willing can be of service to so
many. Yes it's not just alcoholism,
it's not just sex, not just gambling.
It's my unconscious conditioned Behavior to be separate from.
Yes, I'm not Connected To Source.
I'm connected to Ego in that moment which makes me separate
from source and usually I'm blind in that behavior.
I need that thing and I'll run you over to get it.
Yeah, I'm not much but it's all I think about.
I love that quote, bro. We gotta get it Birch.
We gotta get like recover data quicker that on there, only
60,000 times a day, separate, separate, separate separate.
And, and my problem is the most important thing in the universe
in the universe. Yes, you vast Universe.
Yeah. Planets are Being read as we
speak and creating new galaxies. But no, no, that's not
important. What's important is that this
person said some bad things about me to another person and
it destroyed me and that was nine months ago, ten months ago.
And I remember that that person was a teacher and a catalyst for
me to buckle down and say, what do I need to learn from this?
Absolutely. And we talked about it, you
know, 10, 15 times, you know, going over over and over again.
Then why am I seeking approval externally?
And I think that was so important what you said.
And it says this addiction can lead to addiction action from
ones true self in higher power, whatever that may mean to the
individual resulting in spiritual void and suffering, so
talk about spiritual void and suffering.
With enough destructive Behavior enough attack attachment to the
world of form enough action from my ego.
I'm not touching spirit at all. So, the spiritual void.
I'm not. I'm not relying upon Spirit, I'm
not relying upon higher self. I'm relying Upon A Bottle to
make me feel different. I know that that liquid will
work enough of that behavior. Becomes my almond only normal
way of living and yes I don't know any other way to get
through the day. I don't know any other way to
get approval, I'm going to manipulate.
So the spiritual void is I've lived long so long in this
unconscious destructive pattern. I don't know any other way to
live. And then as a result of a the
destructive behavior that creates suffering, some of the
some of my favorite literature says we step on WE step on the
toes of our fellows and they retaliate, I'm behaving in a
selfish way and what do you expect?
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know any other way to
live. I'm gonna ask selfish to another
selfish being. Yeah, somebody else is in their
ego and I'm going to be big time in my ego and it's not going to
be okay, but I want them to be okay.
But Then they retaliate, of course, the world around me.
Yes, starts coming at me. You're not acting normal.
And Wayne it creates suffering my selfishness, my delusion, I
cannot see. Wait, wait, wait, you have human
feelings too? No, no.
You couldn't possibly have human emotions?
Well, my more important. The only one that has options
and I have to get my Hmm. So if that doesn't happen, I
take steps to make it happen and then that pushes the world
around me away that disconnect from the world that disconnect
from source that disconnect from, you know, reality that
causes suffering. Yeah.
And this and and I like the Buddhist way of suffering.
You know. Understand Eckhart Tolle talks
about this too is suffering. He's just not being in the
present moment, love it. It's so simple.
Yeah. Yeah, so when I'm like in the
future thinking or in the past thinking when I'm suffering and
I guess that makes four that's I'm like a big monkey so that
helps my brain. Keep it simple.
Yeah, it's keep it simple. It's like, why are you feeling
self-pity and depression right now?
Jason is because you feel like you're suffering now.
Your separate. What are you dwelling on?
Oh, I'm doing on this past event to happen.
I even when we were just talking about the guy that I respected
that said, something bad about me, I even started to get an
emotion for that of Course. Yeah, you had to trigger an
energetic, response was a small motion, you know, and I can
catch it and know what, you know that my values, not buy them or
whatever, you know. Yes.
Because you have a spiritual practice but it's so funny even
now, a little tweak of that emotion just started to, you
know, that little light of that of my ego just started to kind
of Pier itself through just by me talking about it.
Yeah, of course, the ego. Can only exist in the mind.
So, of course, I want to go. I have conditioned Behavior to
go into my mind and be in the past and being resentment or be
in the future and be in fear, the ego loves it, the Mind loves
it because that's the only place the ego can exist.
You caught it just now within the, within the 45 seconds.
We've been talking about this. I'm able to spot the thought.
Know that that's not real. That's not who I am.
It's just a thought. And then turn towards spiritual
solution which is Omni. We're space for that.
Thought we were just talking about this in the gym.
This is a helpful tool that I use when I'm present enough to
use it. That helps pull me back off the
ledge. And there are two, there are
three levels to every scenario level.
Number one is the situation. The situation is this individual
slandered me behind my back. Level number two is my energetic
response to the situation, anger, resentment fear.
Betrayal, the fear, the fear of not being good at fear of, not
being good enough. That's yeah, little, that's
excellent and more specific. So that's level number one, the
situation level. Number two is my energetic
response to the situation. That's as far as most human
beings ever get, especially if I'm in a delusional addiction.
Of course, I'm not going to take responsibility and look any
further than that. Now, what's level number three?
Level number three is We like to do big breath.
Be aware space for both those levels.
I'm the awareness that gets to see the anger, observe the
anger. I'm the awareness that gets to
observe the situation of the nerve the station basement.
Pulling yourself. Back in that moment if I can
separate from those two levels, that's Freedom, Mmm.
Yeah. Identity is not wrapped up in
the situation of this person slandering me, my identity is
not wrapped up in my Ocean of anger.
It's not who I am. I am the you wear space, or both
those things that's Freedom, that's foundational, freedom.
I can build on Bedrock if I'm coming from the source.
So this is very, very practical in this going to help a lot of
people. So I want people to understand
this so you're in level 1 level 2 that's where people exist.
Most people exist? That's all that's, yeah, that's
the ego. The world is real.
Most people don't know they're not.
Two thoughts. Yeah.
That that's thinking we're very interested in going Way Beyond
the thinking mind. So level 1 level 2.
I got the emotional response and what we'll just play with my
thing. Okay what really trigger was an
upper limit problem is I'm not good enough so that that's my
trigger for just about everything so that's fear-based
of I'm not good enough. So this person triggered that.
So in this trigger I can identify with that emotion.
And say this is me, where that's the level 2, that's where most
people stay at. So now I need to react to this
false sense of self. This it's not real but I'm I'm
pretending like it's real because that's my Matrix.
I just took the wrong pill, the blue pill or whatever the red
pill. And so now I'm acting in this,
I'm acting in this and so my reactions are going to be Well,
I'd like to find him. I mean like if I could fist
fight him, that would be great. You know, our let's do a dual,
you know, or something even, you know what I mean?
That's kind of more of like, a male part of things, you know, a
female maybe to like in the feminine nature, may be like to
withdrawal to be hurt. You know, which I experienced
all those things is fearful, I don't want to talk to that
person, you know, my fear is going to be in that Arena, so,
Taking that space. Would you were talking about a
so important and not identifying with it and pulling yourself
back. And then just inaccurate only
talks about the being The Observer.
Yes, exactly. And what does that look like?
When you can take I'm at level 1 level 2 and I'm just I'm not
identifying with it I'm taking a breath and I'm looking at that
emotion and you said something very powerful.
Don't you talk about it is that's not real, that's not
real. What is that?
That's a crazy thought. What is that?
That's just I'm dealing with some.
Plumbing issues at one of my investment properties currently
and it had, and has the power To take over my identity.
Situation, ruptured pipes energetic response, Veer have to
spend some money. I'm worried now.
Now, if I go down the rabbit hole, With the situation, if I
go down the rabbit hole with my fear.
So, let's Lose Myself. Yeah, will be a little bit
vulnerable because this is fun because I know you really well.
So, so going down the rabbit hole for you and this doesn't
appear to be bad with anybody. This is actually praised in the
world. You is saying I need to grin and
Barrett, I need to go find another way where I can earn
thousands of dollars to fix the pipes.
So I'm going to as Abraham six at Hicks says, you know, our
Esther Hicks if you guys have Listen to her.
She's great. I'm going to paddle as hard as I
can upstream and I'm going to do.
I am going to do this, and I'm going to work super hard.
I'm going to go kill myself, physically and work till 2:00 or
3:00 or 4:00 in the morning. Yeah.
Just so I can make this even totally, that that's been my
literal experience. I would work at a restaurant
from 3 p.m. to 3 a.m. after doing a normal night.
Five on Fridays and Saturdays. What's not, even in your normal
95 because you're getting, you're getting, you're getting
there at 5 a.m. 5 a.m. in the gym and then all the way to 3
a.m. the next day. And then do that's not normal,
dude, almost 28 hours into days that.
Yeah, that's not. So I can sustainable.
If I have this outside money, mmm, then I'll be okay.
So it's part of my it was part of my delusion.
It was part of my seeking part of my addiction part of My
seeking outside thing to make me, okay?
And then and I always you've told me this and I was like
where's God in any of that now? And it's not there has not risen
all if I'm Connected To Source, I'm connected to infinite
abundance. Yes, infinite abundance is.
Can take care of me, no matter what.
But coming from that place takes practice.
I'm very practiced at coming from Fear.
I need to do something about this, then I'll work really hard
and make it happen. That's the that, like you said,
it's praised in America, normal people say?
Well, we'll get another job. Yeah.
Just keep working instead of coming from Source coming from
connectedness knowing that. I'm going to be okay regardless
of these pipes. I'm going to be okay regardless
of that extra job. I'm okay.
Regardless of what my job is. Am I identified with my job or
not? If not, I need to come from the
place of source in order. To experience.
Peace. Now somebody may be listening to
this and they're just sitting around all day on their couch
and smoking weed or being paranoid and doing coke or, you
know, drinking all the time and they're like, well, you know, I
don't need to get a job, you know, or whatever.
Know the thing that you need to do is be productive, you know.
So there's this other side where, you know, you have the
entrepreneurial type, you know, that archetype, you know, that's
going to grin and bear it and do it.
God's not involved in that. Then you have the other side of
the person who's super lazy just sitting around, you know, in
some of Are listening to this are doing now.
You're just sitting smoking weed all day into Oblivion, you know.
And I see a lot of people that can function with weed.
Yeah. But they have a major addiction
to wheat. Yeah.
It's same with alcohol. Yeah, I need to take to work.
I need to do, you know, I have carried this pin with me.
So, oh my God, I can't find my phone where dick to our phones.
Oh my God, I can't find my pen or my phone.
I need these two things and so I'm running into the bathroom
smoking weed, I'm going outside and so I'm constantly you saw
this in restaurant industry, I'm just Lehi 24/7.
Absolutely. All you did was replace
alcoholism with weed is MM, you know you just became a drug
addict. Yeah.
And it's care is even more scary now because they'll give you a
card. No, legal legal, go for it.
The same as alcohol have as much as you want.
You have PTSD. Here's more.
Yeah, exactly. And if you know again we I like
we like to prompt the question. Am I the victim of my life or
my, the creator of my life that answer is simple for us?
But that's because I'm interested in In making inner
peace, a priority in my life, I'm interested in honoring the
part of me that is whole, if I don't know any better I'm still
behaving in a destructive close-minded, unconscious
addicted way because that substance makes me feel
different. I don't have to feel fear, but I
don't have to think I can check out.
Yep. Yeah, so it doesn't really
matter. What the substance is weed.
Alcohol cocaine does matter, the behavior is unconscious and
really what We're discussing is being addicted to being in my
own conscience. Hmm, I'm, I'm just addicted to
living in that low level existence.
I'm used to the feelings of fear.
I'm used to the feelings of worry.
I'm used to needing to check out from those feelings.
What can I do, anything? You got just give me more and
and, and that's because like we were saying earlier to get back
to, you know, the whole premise of this that's because I feel
like I'm suffering Yeah, you're perceived suffering.
Yeah, I feel like I'm suffering so I'm going to check out with
this. Yes, you know, I've had a really
hard week, it's been really tough.
I'm just going to lay around, you know, for two or three days,
eat really bad, junk food, and watch, Netflix and just binge,
you don't know what that's okay. Every once in a while, if you
plan it and you figure it out, you know, sometimes I'll do
that, you know, I mean there's healthy ways to that but if
that's your way to cope is just smoking weed, then binging out
on Netflix and hanging out on your phone.
And you know for I mean I think they said the other day, the
average 20 year old spends like eight hours on their phone or
longer, you know, and then on Tick Tock it's like crazy the
amount of hours that teenagers are spending on Tick-Tock.
I mean, it's hours and hours and hours, every single day.
Well, you've created, there's an addiction there.
I'm not going to be whole or I won't have peace, or I'm
suffering. If I don't have my phone lose it
without my phone. So that's an addiction,
absolutely. And you know, Am I seeking
responsibility or not? If I'm the victim of my life,
then there's no way I'm willing to adopt responsibility for my
life. It's your fault.
If you were different, I would be okay if the government was
different. I would be okay, if my parents
were different, I would be okay. If I had more money, I would be
okay. I'm still just the victim of my
life. that existence is low-level that, existence is
unconscious and that creates my perceived suffering.
So of course, I'll grab the phone in order to feel something
different. I don't know, any other better
way to be Seeking spiritual principles, seeking
responsibility presents me with a different approach to life.
I no longer get to blame all of these outside things for how I'm
feeling on the inside. I have to take responsibility
for what's going on on the inside of me.
Whether I'm staying on the couch, watching Netflix, all day
or whether I'm working 80 hours a week.
In order to be busy and not feel, I don't have to worry
about my problems. I'm too busy.
So that's again the yin-yang we're talking but it's the same
thing. People don't understand this.
The 80 hours a week is you doing something to avoid correct.
Boiling. What's really going on?
Yeah, and then you have an excuse just like with any
addiction is to say, well, don't you see I'm suffering.
I working 80 hours a week. You can understand your how
important I am and all the things that I'm doing in this is
to support. Family support, whatever the
things I'm doing for you. Yes.
Yeah. Look at all the sacrifices.
I've given you know, which nothing we do in our zone of
genius and we'll get into zones. Usually, but nothing we do in
our zone of Genius to sacrifice. No it's Joy.
It's pure joy and just pure serving others as his pockets.
So we've gone over an hour. So I want to we're going to do
recovery in this context of the spiritual Dimension will get
into that a little bit on the next episode and kind of get a
little bit more detailed in this journey, but I do want to say
this before we close out. I'm joining and maybe you can
just talk real quickly to this if somebody such as podcasts.
And, you know, somebody maybe a year, like obviously I have an
addiction but you have five, ten fifteen, twenty other friends
share this. Yeah, absolutely.
It's the number one thing you can do to help us.
We're not asking for any money or anything like that.
We want this word to get out and we believe that this is the way
that you can cure your addiction.
Yeah, it's a beautiful platform that you you are very well
versed with Jason and not. It's an honor to get to be a
part of something like this. Especially in 2023, how many
people can receive a message or receive a solution to perhaps a
deadly illness? Yeah and you don't know by
sharing information. You don't know how what impact
that can happen. Somebody's life.
Yeah so you know like you shared you told me today you shared the
podcast who Spotify real quick. Mmm.
You know, we have Spotify video YouTube video where you know, we
on Instagram video, we have it all reals and all that stuff and
YouTube shorts. So, just taking the time to
share that with somebody. D can help change their life?
Yeah, you never know, you might be the first message or you
might be the first line of hope that someone needed in order to
save their life because you don't know.
And you've known this when you're an alcoholic, what that
person said to you how much it meant to them they do sets
something to you but it changed your life forever.
Yeah absolutely reshaped. My reality and a tool like this
might get to help someone in that way.