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We are back at it. 
The recovered addict podcast, 

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Jason Ricci and I've been Frank.
Yes. 

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And I want to get into today 
we're going to go right into the

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ego. 
This is going to be cool. 

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So if you're an addict then 
there's a part of you that's 

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called the ego that plays a role
in this addiction and that's 

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what we're going to get into the
role. 

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It's playing a role on a stage. 
Hmm. 

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The role of the ego and 
addiction and it says this. 

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This the ego in psychological 
terms refers to the conscious 

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mind that mediates between the 
individual and reality. 

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So what is reality join? 
I'm gonna throw a big, what is 

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reality. 
Well, if I'm behaving in my 

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addiction, usually reality is 
all about me. 

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In the meantime. 
Me is the, yeah, you know, how 

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an addicts alarm clock goes off 
in the morning. 

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Me me, me, me, me me. 
That's what we like to say. 

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All the time. 
You know, I'm not much but I'm 

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all I think that's all I think 
about. 

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Yeah. 
So I have a skewed version 

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version of reality. 
I'm usually if I'm behaving in 

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my addiction, if I'm behaving in
my ego I'm not capable of seeing

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reality. 
I don't really know what that 

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is, the world and its people are
here to serve me, right? 

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That's what I thought that 
aren't you here for me? 

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What do you got? 
I'm ready, I just need to get 

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mine because the world is cruel.
I'm here for me and I need to 

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get as much money as I I can 
make and I need to have as much 

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fun as I want. 
And I'm just going to do 

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everything about me and 
subconsciously, that's not the 

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real you. 
But your the ego has you fooled 

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into thinking? 
That. 

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That's the real used. 
So it says this and I think this

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is really good. 
It is the part of our psyche 

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that is primary responsible for 
our sense of identity and 

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self-worth. 
So, the ego is not bad. 

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No, the ego is not bad and it's 
important to also understand. 

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I'm never getting rid of it. 
We don't want to view the ego as

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an adversary. 
We don't want to view the ego as

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this thing. 
I need to remove from my life. 

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It's important understand. 
It's a normal part of the human 

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brain, the functionality of my 
Consciousness ego is going to be

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their lives in my mind, it 
couldn't possibly live anywhere 

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else, I'm not ever going to get 
rid of my mind. 

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So we don't get very far when we
try and fight it. 

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It's just like saying I 
circulate my blood. 

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I digest my food, hold on Jason,
I need to tell myself to digest 

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my food right now and that's not
the way those organs work. 

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That's not the way the mind 
works either. 

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I don't say, I think my thoughts
thoughts just happen, the ego 

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just is it's going to be there. 
I do. 

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I'm not going to. 
It's important that we all 

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understand that, I'm not going 
to get very far trying to fight 

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the ego. 
No. 

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Yeah. 
And the ego played a big role 

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especially back in the day. 
Day, you know? 

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And so we have if we look at 
Evolution psychology especially 

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back in the day, I mean it it 
protected you like the fire 

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flight. 
Like, if you're running from a 

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cheetah you need your ego, it's 
important in. 

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It will save my life, right? 
It's necessary again, we're not 

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ever going to get rid of it and 
I think so looking at what a 

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healthy ego is, I think is 
really important but 

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understanding the eagle plays a 
lot of different roles. 

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The ego helps me win a 
basketball game. 

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Hmm. 
You know, like you just played 

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basketball and you said you were
pretty sore for three days. 

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If there's a few hours after 
that game, I couldn't walk, I 

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hadn't played five-on-five 
basketball in over in full court

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in over a decade. 
But my ego said you got this? 

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Yeah, give it everything. 
You got so you and you wouldn't 

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have even tried if you had. 
No ego. 

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No. 
And that experience was a blast.

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It was very enjoyable for, 
right? 

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Yeah. 
I felt present. 

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And I was definitely existing in
reality and, and you ski to. 

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So the ego says you got this, 
you can handle this mountain. 

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If you didn't have an ego, it 
would just the ego. 

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Can also tell me you've never 
skied before. 

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Jason, this potentially could be
super dangerous. 

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You don't know what you're 
doing, so don't go on that ski. 

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He lifts to that very dangerous,
you know, I don't even know what

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they call them Trails or your 
runs or you know, whatever they 

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call them. 
So the ego plays, a very good 

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role in our psyche, in the sense
of identity and self-worth. 

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This is where we get hijacked. 
This is where the ego starts to 

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play. 
It's your it's your little 

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friend that comes up alongside 
of you as a one-year-old. 

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And because I always look at as 
a baby is Ultimate selfishness. 

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Yes a baby. 
A baby is all in their ego 100%.

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It's like I'm going to cry. 
I'm going to do whatever I want 

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because I right now feel 
uncomfortable and I need all 

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these people to serve me. 
That's kind of like I've always 

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looked at like a baby or I mean 
you have a two-year-old I have a

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two-year-old and they call it 
terrible tools. 

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For a reason a baby is not 
capable. 

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I'm surviving without outside 
help. 

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So, a baby needs to be selfish. 
Baby needs to be the center of 

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the universe. 
Otherwise, they literally are 

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not going to survive, but if 
that behavior persists, past a 

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functional age of, now, I can 
fend for myself. 

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Then I'm acting in my ego. 
Then I'm the center of the 

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universe. 
Then I still have an unconscious

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belief that Anyone else is 
supposed to behave to cater? 

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To me. 
I'm used to everyone catering to

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me, but only children's 
innocence. 

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Yeah, only children have this a 
lot. 

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The appropriate role for parents
is to be an excellent role model

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for their child and an excellent
parent takes responsibility for 

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themselves. 
How do I be a good parent? 

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I take responsibility for myself
which in turn provides an 

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excellent role model for my 
child. 

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It's not give the child 
everything they want, right? 

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That's not the best guy 
prepared. 

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It's just not. 
I'm crippling the child. 

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Yeah, they were asking this. 
This guy had hundreds of 

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millions of dollars and they 
were asking him the other day. 

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I thought it was really cool 
side note real quick. 

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How he parents whose kids to try
to prevent them from being, you 

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know, you have hundreds of 
millions of dollars, you're set 

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for life. 
You have generational wealth. 

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So how do you like keep your 
kids from being spoiled? 

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And it goes, I really thought 
about this, like, I've done in 

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depth. 
He says one is not to give your 

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kids. 
Everything like you just said, 

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number two is to have them learn
things. 

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You know, and then allow them to
understand, you know, to set 

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rules and boundaries and things 
like that. 

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So he had them every day they 
had to they had a pool. 

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So every day they had to swim 
for like an hour then they had 

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to watch a, if they're going to 
before they can watch regular 

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TV. 
They have to watch a documentary

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on something that they can learn
from. 

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And it may interest them and 
maybe the Michael Jordan Last 

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Dance documentary. 
If they like sports, whatever it

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is. 
But they have to watch something

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that's going to make them better
and then they have to work and 

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I'm not talking like child labor
and all that stuff. 

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And I'm talking about they have 
to To do several hours a day of 

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work and he's like, so far so 
far, we're, you know, batting a 

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thousand. 
I think he has four kids but 

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batting 1000 with all four of 
them, you know, being 

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productive. 
But if you're and I like to I 

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like the rich kid analogy as 
looking at it with just being 

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dominated by your ego. 
It's like everything's been 

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given to you. 
I have a Rolls-Royce. 

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I live in a mansion dad's 
provided everything for me. 

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But what type of Am I, I'm 
depressed, I'm suicidal, you 

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know, I can't function in the 
so-called real world because I 

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totally disabled and that's what
the ego will do to you the ego, 

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want your comfort? 
It wants you to eat the 

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doughnuts. 
It wants you to go to the 

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casino. 
It wants you to pick up the 

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bottle, it wants, what's good 
for you and it's limited 

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capacity. 
You know that bottle the ego is 

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like you know, we've handled 
lots of problems with this. 

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This, let's try this again. 
You know, we've done. 

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This is comfortable. 
Yes, let's grab this bottle and 

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do it again. 
Oh, now, you're blackout drunk. 

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Oh, now you're in the hospital 
drawing what, you've experienced

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my story. 
Yeah. 

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So, the materials has, however, 
when the ego becomes overly 

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dominant this, what I want you 
to talk to, when the ego becomes

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overly dominant, it can lead to 
a host of issues including 

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addiction. 
Yeah, my world is chaos when I'm

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behaving in my ego. 
I'm ruled by selfish and 

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self-centered decisions, 
thoughts and obsessions. 

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And if I don't have a way out of
that, if I don't have an outlet,

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if I don't have an Avenue of 
service, why would it be of 

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service to somebody else? 
I'm here to be of service to me.

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I didn't know that was an 
option. 

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So pretty paradoxical thought 
for an addict to help somebody 

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else. 
I'm just interested in getting 

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mine and that type of behavior 
creates a lot of suffering. 

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Discomfort disconnect, and, I 
don't feel, I don't have any 

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sense of self-worth. 
It was never presented an 

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opportunity to take 
responsibility. 

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For my inner, my inner, my inner
peace. 

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My inner being for how I'm 
feeling on the inside, the 

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gentleman. 
That's raising those four kids. 

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I try and have similar plant 
practice with my kids. 

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They have their chores around 
the house they need to do. 

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They have Guidelines boundaries 
and expectations. 

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I try and teach them and form 
them. 

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And what's acceptable not 
acceptable. 

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And with one of our kids, we 
even are doing a reward system 

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where if they get these chores 
done then they get a like a 

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token. 
It's like a pretend piece of 

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gold, right? 
And then if the, if the, if my 

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son acquires five pieces of 
gold, he can cash those in an 

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experiment. 
So it's a little, you know, 

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external Reward there, but at 
the same time, we're teaching 

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him. 
Work ethic. 

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We're teaching him, delayed 
gratification. 

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You don't get the, you don't get
the the treat right away, you 

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don't get that. 
Go to the ice cream parlor with 

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one gold coin, you have to work 
for it. 

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You have to earn it. 
You have to it's on you. 

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If you don't if you don't do the
chores. 

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Sorry. 
You're the one that doesn't get 

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it. 
Yeah, that's okay. 

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You didn't take action. 
So we're teaching 

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responsibilities were teaching 
sense of purpose. 

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We're Teaching boundaries were 
teaching consequences, and if 

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I'm not presented with those 
opportunities, of course, I'm 

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going to be a selfish, 
self-centered individual 

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selfish, self-centered 
individual loves to live in 

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their ego and it's easy for that
ego to lose X function, its 

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original function of fight, or 
flight and need to keep myself 

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safe, work, hard, we want to win
this. 

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We're in a competition, those 
type of Original functions, 

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those type of natural functions 
can be taken to an extreme, if 

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I'm in a delusional lifestyle of
addiction. 

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So, whenever we look at the ego 
becomes overly dominant, So it 

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hijacked and for majority of 
people, they're living in their 

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ego. 
Absolutely. 

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And it's become overly dominant.
Yeah, instead of and you had 

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said something before, and I 
thought it was so good. 

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The spirit and the ego, the 
spiritual side in the ego, can 

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you kind of explain that a 
little bit in the submissiveness

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to that? 
Yeah, absolutely. 

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So like we've discussed in the 
past hope good way of 

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understanding for me and a nice 
spiritual tool that we have in 

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our tool kit is Portal. 
Dimension of existence vertical,

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dimension of existence, 
horizontal existence. 

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Is the world of form is the 
world of job relationship, 

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money, anything form-based exist
in my world. 

228
00:11:57,900 --> 00:12:00,100
My horizontal world what most 
people believe. 

229
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,500
That's it. 
That's it. 

230
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:06,700
And we would also say human so 
human form exists in that 

231
00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:11,200
horizontal and then if you enter
vertical Dimension, enter World 

232
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:15,300
of spirit Source. 
God Consciousness, we could also

233
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:20,500
say being. 
So we're human world of ERM 

234
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:26,600
where the ego lives and being 
where my spirit lives. 

235
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,800
So we're both, it's very 
important to understand that 

236
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,700
we're human beings. 
I'm not ever going to just get 

237
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:37,200
rid of the human part and be 
total Buddhist monk floating on 

238
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,400
a mountain. 
And, and that's it. 

239
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,000
I don't even need to eat anymore
because I'm just pure spirit. 

240
00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:45,200
It's important to honor both 
honor. 

241
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,300
The part of me that is form. 
That is human honor, the part of

242
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:52,000
me that is being. 
That is It the correct place for

243
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:56,900
us. 
Is the marrying of the to we 

244
00:12:56,900 --> 00:13:02,500
want them to blend together. 
And in my opinion my ideal is to

245
00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:08,100
have this Spirit foremost in 
that marriage to end to have the

246
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:12,500
ego. 
Submissive to my spirit, they're

247
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:16,600
working in coherence. 
They're working in agreement but

248
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,900
the eagle understands Source 
gets to make this decision. 

249
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,900
So allowing the spirit are for 
me. 

250
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,000
A higher self. 
That's kind of how I look at 

251
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:30,200
allowing my how herself to be 
the dominant force in everything

252
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,600
I do. 
Because I'm understanding that 

253
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,000
is eternal wisdom. 
I'm understanding that as, you 

254
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:38,800
know, God or whatever it may be.
That is what needs to be overly 

255
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:43,000
dominant, not the material, not 
the ego in addiction. 

256
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,800
It's the ego. 
That is dominant. 

257
00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:46,600
It's the ego that says this will
work. 

258
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,100
This will work now. 
Do it. 

259
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,400
Mmm. 
Don't seek spiritual solution if

260
00:13:51,400 --> 00:13:53,000
I'm trying to feel a god-sized 
hole. 

261
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:56,400
Hole inside of me. 
It takes work. 

262
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,400
Yes. 
Yes, it takes work touching 

263
00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:04,300
spirit, it takes work. 
Tapping into A different 

264
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:07,200
perspective of life. 
That's going to enable me to 

265
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:11,400
feel free instead of feel fear 
instead of feel in bondage. 

266
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:16,600
I'm just bent up. 
I'm totally Limited. 

267
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:20,200
If I'm coming from my ego and 
I'm unconscious to it, if I'm 

268
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,700
unconscious to it. 
Usually means I'm behaving in my

269
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:24,900
addiction. 
Yeah. 

270
00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:27,600
And overly dominant ego, I want 
you to share the store. 

271
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,800
If you don't mind, you've shared
with me offline before is, you 

272
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,100
know, you were sober for a 
while. 

273
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:37,600
And then there was a time frame 
where you weren't and then you 

274
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:41,600
happen to meet someone and they 
had a conversation with you and 

275
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,700
you were, you didn't even 
realize that at the moment till 

276
00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:46,200
they cheered with you but you 
were An overly dominant ego 

277
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,600
stage? 
Yeah absolutely. 

278
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:51,800
It's funny how? 
My selfish, self-centered 

279
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:55,500
Behavior. 
In the world when I behaved that

280
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:59,400
way in the world, usually the 
world will kick my ass in 

281
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,000
response to my destructive 
behavior. 

282
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:06,100
And one of our great analogies 
is I'm living such a 

283
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:07,900
destructive, addictive, 
lifestyle. 

284
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:12,900
I'm actually in the gutter. 
No, no, I'm in the gutter, I'm 

285
00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:16,200
bleeding. 
And the ego is so powerful and 

286
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,600
revealed so quickly. 
I'm in the gutter, I'm bleeding.

287
00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:22,900
And I'm still judging people's 
shoes as they walk by. 

288
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,200
To be superior. 
I'm so glad feels to look at her

289
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:32,300
bleeding from my addiction. 
So, yeah, I had an experience 

290
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:35,100
where I was five months, 20 days
sober. 

291
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:40,800
I was very lucky and graced to 
be around spiritual teachers 

292
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:42,900
that were helping me at that 
time in my life. 

293
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:46,900
I was working a couple jobs. 
I didn't have many spiritual 

294
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:49,200
tools at the time. 
I didn't have enough spiritual 

295
00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:51,900
tools at the time to disidentify
from my ego. 

296
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,800
My ego said more. 
Money is going to make this 

297
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,900
better. 
You probably need to work even 

298
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:59,800
more. 
So I was putting in 8088 hour 

299
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:06,100
work weeks and Getting burnt 
out, burning the candle at both 

300
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:09,100
ends. 
My ego. 

301
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:12,400
The part of me that is 
unconscious said, you know, 

302
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:17,800
cocaine would make this a lot 
easier and I returned to drugs 

303
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,100
and I don't know, 20 minutes 
later I returned to alcohol. 

304
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,100
Five months, 20 days was out the
window. 

305
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:24,100
And then amazing. 
How? 

306
00:16:24,300 --> 00:16:25,800
Yes. 
And because of my destructive 

307
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,600
Behavior, I picked it right back
up, exactly where I left off. 

308
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:33,000
So the ego, the ego said, the 
ego said, this is the upper 

309
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,200
limit problem to the eagle 
turned around and said, you know

310
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:37,400
what? 
You've been working 80 plus H, 

311
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,500
you've been doing so good. 
You deserve a treat joining. 

312
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:41,800
If you have this heat, let's get
you some nose candy. 

313
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,300
Yeah. 
Nose candy will help you work 

314
00:16:43,300 --> 00:16:46,100
even more as well? 
Oh, yeah, it was like I said, 

315
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:49,400
you got you could work more. 
You have to have the thought at 

316
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,500
all. 
Was it just so unconsciousness? 

317
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,300
As I want this, I'm going to 
take it now or was it? 

318
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:54,900
Like, I think I could handle 
this. 

319
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,300
I didn't have the thought of, I 
think I could handle this. 

320
00:16:57,300 --> 00:17:03,400
I just was not well practiced 
enough to come from vertical 

321
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,700
Dimension. 
First, I was not making 

322
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:08,400
decisions based out of my 
spirit, I was making It's based 

323
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,000
on the former world of the world
of form out of my ego and just 

324
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:15,300
pure pure pure emotion. 
Like oh my God, that sounds 

325
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:16,099
awesome. 
Let me go. 

326
00:17:16,099 --> 00:17:18,700
I got money money. 
I want more money right? 

327
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,400
If I get it. 
So the money was making me feel 

328
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,400
better. 
I wasn't drunk and I thought 

329
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:25,599
well I just need more money. 
I'm going to feel even better 

330
00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:27,800
because this is really important
right now at the stage because I

331
00:17:27,808 --> 00:17:30,600
think there's a lot of people 
that are listening to this, or 

332
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,400
watching this, that are at this 
stage right here, where they 

333
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,200
their ego is tricking them and 
thinking that they got it. 

334
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,300
Correct. 
Yeah, they're good and you Be 

335
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:41,900
five months over you, maybe five
days over, you know, you maybe 

336
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,900
five years over. 
It doesn't matter. 

337
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,400
It's scary how quickly. 
The ego root will rebuild my 

338
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,500
addiction, will administer a 
good beating and usually that 

339
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:53,400
good beating puts me in a 
position of submission and after

340
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:57,600
that position of submission, I 
come in asking for help please, 

341
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:00,800
you know, I'm willing to live 
different, but then I'm right 

342
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:06,300
back to my old ways because I 
don't have the tools to retrain 

343
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:09,400
or rebuild. 
Yes, structure, that is 

344
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:12,300
destroying my life that 
structure exists in my mind that

345
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,200
structure is condition. 
That structure is my 

346
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,400
selfishness. 
That structure is my 

347
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:21,300
uncontrolled ego, my ego 
foremost, not my spirit. 

348
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:26,100
So five months. 20 days sober. 
Get a little cocaine. 

349
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:31,400
Get a little alcohol. 
The way that I participate in my

350
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,700
addiction. 
Took me two weeks to get into 

351
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:38,000
the hospital. 
So you are hard-wired like 

352
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,400
that's your thing. 
I don't know any other way to go

353
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,600
100%. 
I have two speeds All or nothing

354
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,800
makes me. 
Very successful in business, 

355
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,800
makes me very deadly in my 
addiction. 

356
00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:53,700
Hmm, Frank got it's close to 
dying as I ever want to get God 

357
00:18:53,700 --> 00:18:55,000
willing. 
That was my bottom. 

358
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,200
That was my last drink, that was
for 13 years. 

359
00:18:58,200 --> 00:18:59,900
That was your last drink. 
Yeah, that was. 

360
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:05,700
So that was 13 years ago. 
And you had a spiritual teacher 

361
00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:08,200
that yes, I had something to you
that I was already. 

362
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:14,300
I was already exposed to some 
spiritual teachers by grace and 

363
00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:18,300
I came in and saw this spiritual
teacher. 

364
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,000
Now, this was a very, this was a
tough man. 

365
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,900
This was a rough man old school 
old school. 

366
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:28,400
His name is Dick. 
And dick was was dying of COPD 

367
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:31,500
and he was on oxygen. 
And he sound like Darth Vader. 

368
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:36,900
He would You knew where you were
spiritually. 

369
00:19:36,900 --> 00:19:42,300
If you spent any time with Dick 
and because he would rub people 

370
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,700
the wrong way, they would just 
be furious being in his 

371
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:47,600
presence. 
No, I can't stand and and so if 

372
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,200
you weren't in good on good 
spiritual terms, you were 

373
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:56,200
bothered by your outside world. 
And anyways, dickhead he had 

374
00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:02,400
done time in Leavenworth State 
Penitentiary, he had, he was 

375
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,100
convicted. 
Of attempted murder of a police 

376
00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:06,700
officer. 
They gave him 25 years. 

377
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:13,800
Wow, this is a hard man and I 
was a, he died, 70 years old, 10

378
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:17,000
years sober. 
And I had the gift of getting to

379
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,800
be in his hospital room with him
as he passed away. 

380
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:23,800
And I've helped, I've been, I've
done that with a couple people. 

381
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:27,200
A couple spiritual advisors that
have helped reshape my life and 

382
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:32,100
dick was one of the first men 
that helped me and You know, I 

383
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:35,700
came back after after that trip,
to the hospital. 

384
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:42,000
My ego had already rebuilt when 
dick was in prison in 

385
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:45,300
Leavenworth. 
He was doing a construction job 

386
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:52,200
to get his sentence lowered. 
And a big cinder block had 

387
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:57,100
fallen on this construction, 
site landed on his hand and 

388
00:20:57,100 --> 00:21:00,900
severed his index finger. 
Dick was a hard man. 

389
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:05,800
He picked up his severed finger,
jammed it back on his nub and 

390
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:09,000
then went to the infirmary and 
the infirmary sewed it on, but 

391
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,100
they sewed it on all crooked and
messed up. 

392
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:14,400
Not like professional doctors. 
It's just a prison. 

393
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:21,700
And anyways, He was interested 
in living a paradoxical 

394
00:21:21,700 --> 00:21:24,600
lifestyle in his recovery. 
He was interested in helping 

395
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,700
other people. 
He knew if he was of service to 

396
00:21:27,700 --> 00:21:31,200
others, he was coming from 
Spirit rather than coming from 

397
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:35,500
ego. 
And I can't, I saw him that day 

398
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:40,900
after I got out of the hospital 
and he said, Dwayne, Dwayne. 

399
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:45,200
I'm so glad to see you. 
I was worried about you and my 

400
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:48,600
ego had already rebuilt and I 
said, really, what was going on?

401
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:52,400
a lot of guilt and shame, and I 
didn't know how to communicate 

402
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,800
that and I said, yeah, I'm glad 
to see you too dick. 

403
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:57,800
I got it. 
I think I got it this time and 

404
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,700
Dick. 
Hit me real hard in the chest 

405
00:21:59,700 --> 00:22:03,300
with his nubby little index 
finger and he said you don't 

406
00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:05,500
have shit. 
God has it. 

407
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,900
That's awesome. 
Completely crushed my ego. 

408
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,000
I was vulnerable enough at that 
moment. 

409
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,800
From the beating alcohol had 
just administered me that I was 

410
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:19,900
willing to listen and I heard 
him, say this old man dying on 

411
00:22:19,900 --> 00:22:23,300
oxygen with a Broken body and 
messed up finger. 

412
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,700
I heard him say you don't have 
it, you can't do this. 

413
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,400
You can try as much as you want 
but you're not going to be able 

414
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:35,200
to figure this out. 
God has this is a spirit inside 

415
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,800
of me has this? 
That's so good. 

416
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:39,200
Yeah he saved my life, that's so
hot. 

417
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:43,300
But that little nubby finger you
never drinks and that moment of 

418
00:22:43,300 --> 00:22:47,000
truth the and you don't know 
what that moment of truth can be

419
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,200
for someone. 
You never know. 

420
00:22:48,300 --> 00:22:50,300
So that's why you just constant 
service to others? 

421
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,100
What I learned about the story, 
one of the things that is so 

422
00:22:54,100 --> 00:22:57,100
beautiful about it is and people
don't realize this. 

423
00:22:57,100 --> 00:22:59,700
I don't think with the ego 
because it's such a trickster, 

424
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,000
that's why I look at it as, 
like, just tricking you all the 

425
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:02,900
time. 
Yeah. 

426
00:23:03,100 --> 00:23:06,700
That guilt and shame that you 
experienced guilt and shame is a

427
00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:08,800
direction of ego. 
Absolutely. 

428
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:13,500
You're in full bore taking over,
like, Alien Invasion. 

429
00:23:13,500 --> 00:23:17,700
Like the ego has took over if 
you're in guilt and shame. 

430
00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:19,400
Yeah. 
What are the best examples of my

431
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:23,900
ego is? 
Oh, there's an alien invasion. 

432
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:53,000
They're coming for me. 
Thinking that the cops are 

433
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,400
worried about you. 
Yes, thinking that people are 

434
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,900
out to get you. 
You know that's all the 

435
00:23:57,900 --> 00:24:00,500
hijacking of the ego. 
It's making you the center of 

436
00:24:00,500 --> 00:24:04,100
attention for everything often a
lot of substance is increased 

437
00:24:04,100 --> 00:24:08,500
sense. 
Perceptions vision is increased,

438
00:24:08,500 --> 00:24:10,900
hearing is increased. 
That's what I'd so easy to get 

439
00:24:10,900 --> 00:24:15,500
addicted to the outside world 
around me is like wow this is 

440
00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:17,300
incredible. 
It's like I said it's a tree, 

441
00:24:17,300 --> 00:24:18,600
it's a leaf. 
Yes it is incredible. 

442
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:23,100
You can get there without drugs.
but when sense perceptions are 

443
00:24:23,100 --> 00:24:30,700
increased, it's very easy for 
the mind to start taking over 

444
00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:35,700
and trying to compute, trying to
make sense of these increased 

445
00:24:35,700 --> 00:24:38,800
sense perceptions. 
So I get lost in the mind. 

446
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,600
Which if I'm behaving 
unconsciously in my addiction 

447
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:46,500
means, I'm also lost in my ego 
so the mind is taking over in 

448
00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:48,900
the next thing. 
You know you're seeing rats or 

449
00:24:48,900 --> 00:24:51,100
your you're worried that the 
cops are right outside your 

450
00:24:51,100 --> 00:24:52,900
door. 
You know, different things like 

451
00:24:52,900 --> 00:24:54,600
that. 
I know the side effects of 

452
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:56,500
staying up all night long, doing
cocaine. 

453
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:03,000
You get ninjas on the lawn, 
possibly peering window to see 

454
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:07,700
if no one ever came for me. 
But I knew someone was coming to

455
00:25:07,700 --> 00:25:09,200
get me. 
Yeah, and that's it. 

456
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:13,400
That to me, it. 
Revelation but being 

457
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:18,300
passive-aggressive being where 
you're sacrificing. 

458
00:25:18,300 --> 00:25:20,900
Oh, you know I just have to do 
so much for my kids all the 

459
00:25:20,900 --> 00:25:22,800
time. 
It's just, you know, I just do 

460
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,500
so many things for them and they
just never realize all the 

461
00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:27,500
sacrifices. 
I make that's all he go. 

462
00:25:28,100 --> 00:25:32,600
The guilt it's just tricking you
and people get mad about this, 

463
00:25:33,100 --> 00:25:37,400
you know, and I I used to get 
mad about it because I was so 

464
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:40,400
into my self-pity I would go 
down the rabbit hole saw L pity 

465
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:41,600
that it would lead to 
depression. 

466
00:25:41,700 --> 00:25:45,800
But I was so into self-pity and 
so into how much of a victim I 

467
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:49,700
was and how every single person 
I ever interacted with would 

468
00:25:49,700 --> 00:25:52,700
take advantage of me. 
Yes like every single person 

469
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:57,000
well obviously those aren't it's
not the people's problem it's my

470
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,800
problem one. 
Why am I attracted people take 

471
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:00,700
advantage of me? 
That's the first question. 

472
00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:05,600
I said number two it's like why 
is every single person my 

473
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:10,400
parents my sister my my family 
you know the people that Why why

474
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:14,800
is every boss mean and always 
just making me work. 

475
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,600
So many hours. 
Well it was the illusion of my 

476
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,800
mind. 
My balls really a lot of my 

477
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:20,500
bosses didn't even they're so 
busy. 

478
00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:23,300
They're not concerned about me. 
They're not thinking about me 

479
00:26:24,100 --> 00:26:26,600
but I'm obsessed. 
That they're seeing me slave 

480
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:27,800
away. 
Very good. 

481
00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:29,700
Do you see what I'm saying? 
The eat. 

482
00:26:29,700 --> 00:26:34,300
I want people to understand a 
lot of your thoughts. 90% of 

483
00:26:34,308 --> 00:26:36,100
them are ego-based. 
Absolutely. 

484
00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:41,000
And this is But a large 
component of what we're addicted

485
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:44,500
to, it may be whatever any 
substance doesn't matter where 

486
00:26:44,500 --> 00:26:46,500
we're really what we're taking 
for me. 

487
00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:50,900
It was the alcohol from. 
You was the cocaine But the 

488
00:26:50,900 --> 00:26:58,300
thoughts that arose, hmm from 
the unconscious ego taking over 

489
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:02,200
and then the energetic response,
the emotions the chemicals that 

490
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:05,300
were released as a result of 
those thoughts. 

491
00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:10,000
That becomes the addiction. 
I've become addicted to the 

492
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:13,500
energetic response of fear. 
I begin addicted to the 

493
00:27:13,500 --> 00:27:15,400
energetic. 
Responsive, we have to fight 

494
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,400
these people. 
All these people are against me.

495
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:21,600
Rrr, I feel so good as I'm 
driving to the casino. 

496
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,600
Yeah, exactly. 
I'm gonna be I'm gonna do 

497
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,900
24-hour poker game. 
Yes. 

498
00:27:25,900 --> 00:27:27,400
Yes. 
We say, if you've met for 

499
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:29,900
assholes before, lunch, you're 
probably the asshole? 

500
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:41,100
That is so good, bro. 
They think about themselves. 

501
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:52,200
Because he they're all thinking 
about you now. 

502
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,800
Start to align your behavior as 
such but that's so freeing, it's

503
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,100
freeing. 
When you can get out of that rat

504
00:27:58,100 --> 00:28:02,000
race in your head of you being 
this most important thing in 

505
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:05,000
everybody's Minds, very good. 
Because now, it gives, if you 

506
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,500
can take that space, like, you 
talked about our last podcast, 

507
00:28:07,500 --> 00:28:09,800
if you could pull yourself away 
from that emotion and be in that

508
00:28:09,808 --> 00:28:11,100
aware space. 
Mmm. 

509
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:16,000
Now, you can begin to look at it
and you can be like, Oh my God. 

510
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,300
My ego has been tricking me. 
I've been living in this Spear 

511
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:25,800
and I've been taking people's 
opinions as the reality of who I

512
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:27,300
am. 
And I've been putting them all 

513
00:28:27,300 --> 00:28:29,800
together. 
Even if I'm like a mom or dad or

514
00:28:29,800 --> 00:28:31,000
whatever. 
This is obsessed over their 

515
00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:32,000
kids. 
Yes. 

516
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:34,300
And they live for their kids and
their kids become a god, an 

517
00:28:34,300 --> 00:28:35,800
idol. 
You know, we talked about this 

518
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,700
before and so they, when their 
kids leave, they have no 

519
00:28:38,700 --> 00:28:40,600
identity. 
You know, you see couples 

520
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,500
separate, you know, like they've
been married for 25 years, 30 

521
00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:44,800
years and they separate when 
their kids. 

522
00:28:44,900 --> 00:28:47,600
They're gone because there are a
whole identity was put into 

523
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:50,100
their children. 
Absolutely, you know, and so, 

524
00:28:50,100 --> 00:28:53,400
they needed their kids to 
function, they needed those 

525
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,900
events, you know what? 
I, it's so crazy, you see, it 

526
00:28:55,900 --> 00:28:58,500
with the proverbial, the crazy 
dad, that goes to the football 

527
00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:02,200
game and he has a son, you know,
he's like, you know, he's going 

528
00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:04,900
crazy and you know, he looks 
like that asshole. 

529
00:29:05,100 --> 00:29:08,200
Mmm, that is he's not he's not 
there. 

530
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:13,700
His he goes there for him, he's 
using the kid, very good for him

531
00:29:13,700 --> 00:29:16,400
to be there. 
It's About him in that stage 

532
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:18,700
because you're not supporting 
your child. 

533
00:29:18,700 --> 00:29:22,000
In fact, you're being cruel to 
your child by forcing them to do

534
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,500
something. 
They may not even want to do, 

535
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,700
you know? 
It was, it was so hilarious. 

536
00:29:25,700 --> 00:29:28,700
When, you know, I have three 
sons, it was so hilarious. 

537
00:29:28,700 --> 00:29:30,600
All three of them. 
Only one of them wanted to do 

538
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,500
Sports. 
You know, the other two were not

539
00:29:33,500 --> 00:29:35,400
and I gave him, I gave everybody
a choice. 

540
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:38,700
Like what do you want to do? 
You know, like what are you 

541
00:29:38,700 --> 00:29:40,800
like? 
What is it that you really 

542
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,800
really want to do that? 
Makes you productive for 

543
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:50,800
society, you know, and And they 
all three love mechanics, that 

544
00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:52,900
was just their thing, you know, 
and they do do that as a 

545
00:29:52,900 --> 00:29:56,700
profession now, so it's just 
funny how all three of them got 

546
00:29:56,700 --> 00:29:59,200
into working on cars or working 
on, you know, whatever, heavy 

547
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:02,100
equipment. 
But if I wouldn't have allowed 

548
00:30:02,100 --> 00:30:05,100
them to do that and push them to
do basketball, like, I did, yes.

549
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:06,500
None of them. 
They didn't even like to play 

550
00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:08,300
basketball, they had no interest
in basketball. 

551
00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,400
Now my ego wants them to play 
basketball. 

552
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:14,400
It wouldn't have served them. 
It wouldn't have served you, 

553
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:15,000
right? 
Right? 

554
00:30:15,300 --> 00:30:17,800
Because you would have been 
upset that they didn't become 

555
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,800
the menu thought. 
They were supposed to be the 

556
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,500
man. 
I thought there you gave them a 

557
00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:24,600
gift. 
Yes, I detaching your 

558
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:29,300
expectation on their reality, 
but I think this is what this is

559
00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:32,300
what I'm getting at when the ego
becomes overly dominant. 

560
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:37,500
And then the host of issues that
are material talks about it 

561
00:30:37,500 --> 00:30:40,300
leads to a host of issues, 
including one of them is 

562
00:30:40,300 --> 00:30:42,300
addiction, but it leads to a 
host of issues. 

563
00:30:42,300 --> 00:30:45,400
And these issues are affecting 
every single part of your life. 

564
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:46,500
Very good. 
Yeah, very good. 

565
00:30:46,500 --> 00:30:48,500
There's a web of it. 
Yeah, to return. 

566
00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:53,600
To our initial conversation I 
think was podcast won the first 

567
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:58,500
greatest lie of addiction is 
This time will be different. 

568
00:30:58,500 --> 00:30:59,700
Mmm. 
Yeah, tell him. 

569
00:30:59,700 --> 00:31:01,600
I'm not going to get arrested 
this time. 

570
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:03,200
I'm not going to lose the 
relationship. 

571
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:04,200
This time. 
It'll be different. 

572
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:08,700
The, the experiment of insanity.
Let's try the exact same thing 

573
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:10,000
but this time would be 
different. 

574
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:14,100
It was never any different. 
The second greatest lie of 

575
00:31:14,100 --> 00:31:17,400
addiction is well, what's wrong 
with you? 

576
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:20,100
Is me, excuse me, is wrong with 
me. 

577
00:31:20,100 --> 00:31:24,500
Is you if only you were 
different I would be okay. 

578
00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:28,400
If only the world behave, the 
way I Think it needs to behave 

579
00:31:28,500 --> 00:31:31,700
I'm going to be okay if that's 
my delusion. 

580
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:35,600
Hmm and that's easy to come from
that delusion if I'm in my 

581
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:40,200
addiction if I'm in my egoic 
self, centered mind. 

582
00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:44,800
For some reason, I get a host of
issues, you know, you shared 

583
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:46,000
something. 
I thought was really important, 

584
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,400
you may not even realize it. 
It was really really cool. 

585
00:31:48,400 --> 00:31:50,700
The story you shared and you 
baby shirt real quick because 

586
00:31:50,700 --> 00:31:53,000
this is a small story but you 
had said something a couple 

587
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:57,000
weeks ago where you had a party 
And I was, I really thought 

588
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,200
about this because it was really
interesting. 

589
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:01,200
You said, you said, you and your
girlfriend. 

590
00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:04,800
We're just in flow. 
Yeah. 

591
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:07,400
And you guys were just like, 
moving around and both of you 

592
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,200
had been in food service so it'd
be easy. 

593
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:12,100
So I don't know if you had 20 
people, 30 people at your house 

594
00:32:12,100 --> 00:32:13,900
and backyard. 
Having a supper party break 

595
00:32:13,900 --> 00:32:17,100
apart or whatever it is. 
And I began to think about how 

596
00:32:17,100 --> 00:32:22,800
people get in such big fights 
and they get so angry and, like,

597
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,100
before the party, and after the 
party and do, During the party. 

598
00:32:26,300 --> 00:32:29,000
And there's people right now 
that are that are just just had 

599
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:33,900
experiences that they they can't
be present. 

600
00:32:33,900 --> 00:32:39,300
And in the moment because ego 
has to say I'm doing this party 

601
00:32:39,300 --> 00:32:42,900
and I'm sacrificing it don't you
realize I stayed up all night to

602
00:32:42,900 --> 00:32:45,000
make these hors d'oeuvres. 
You know and I'm a damn, 

603
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,700
absolutely perfect and everybody
just ate him really fast because

604
00:32:47,700 --> 00:32:49,100
everybody's drunk, I didn't 
really care. 

605
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,900
And Jim you know, spilled 
alcohol on my we spilled wine on

606
00:32:52,900 --> 00:32:56,300
my white carpet and you know, 
Susan did this, you know and 

607
00:32:56,300 --> 00:32:58,900
Teresa got, can you believe she 
did this? 

608
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,800
We're in the moment when you had
two people that were spiritually

609
00:33:02,900 --> 00:33:05,900
just serving others. 
You see what I'm saying? 

610
00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:08,800
There was no, like, I can't 
believe I have to barbecue, you 

611
00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,700
know, you were just happy in the
moment and you had told me, you 

612
00:33:11,700 --> 00:33:14,400
said, you were excited to see 
how people were talking to each 

613
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:16,700
other, like family members. 
I hadn't talked to each other in

614
00:33:16,700 --> 00:33:18,200
a while. 
It was just complete service to 

615
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,200
others. 
Yeah. 

616
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,800
It was, it was a beautiful 
experience that my son, had his 

617
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,900
seventh birthday and we threw a 
party at her house. 

618
00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:30,200
My my partner, she put the whole
thing together. 

619
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:34,300
She's incredible. 
And it was themed it. 

620
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:40,400
Had Spaceman cupcakes, Spaceman 
Spaceman banners and that's 

621
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,200
normally like a super stressful 
situation. 

622
00:33:42,200 --> 00:33:44,600
It was it was a themed party. 
She put it all together. 

623
00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:51,800
She was the host of this party 
and she for that moment, 

624
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:59,700
honored, that role I was able to
take a I guess a step back. 

625
00:34:00,700 --> 00:34:03,400
Offer my presence instead of 
offer my judgment. 

626
00:34:03,500 --> 00:34:06,500
I had like thirty five people at
my house and kids running around

627
00:34:06,500 --> 00:34:10,699
throwing water balloons. 
My backyard is pristine, she 

628
00:34:10,699 --> 00:34:13,000
knew better not to tell me that 
they were going to do water 

629
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:14,800
balloons until she was filling 
up the water. 

630
00:34:16,100 --> 00:34:17,699
All right. 
Little plastic pieces can be all

631
00:34:17,699 --> 00:34:18,699
over the yard. 
Are you ready? 

632
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:34,199
Wants it to be my way. 
My ego wants to say, well, 

633
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:36,600
what's wrong with me? 
Is you guys in your behavior. 

634
00:34:36,699 --> 00:34:38,500
If your behavior is different, 
I'll be okay. 

635
00:34:38,500 --> 00:34:40,500
Just don't throw those water 
balloons and I'm going to be 

636
00:34:40,500 --> 00:34:41,900
funny. 
I don't don't be a kid. 

637
00:34:42,199 --> 00:34:44,199
Don't have fun. 
You couldn't possibly make fun 

638
00:34:44,199 --> 00:34:46,199
of my back. 
Why are you here? 

639
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,400
So, if I'm coming from 
horizontal Force, if I'm coming 

640
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,100
from ego first, I'm extremely 
controlling an extremely 

641
00:34:52,100 --> 00:34:55,699
selfish. 
You need to fit my idea of how 

642
00:34:55,699 --> 00:34:59,500
this supposed to go, but if I'm 
coming from Spirit first, if I'm

643
00:34:59,500 --> 00:35:02,700
coming from source, First, if 
I'm coming from the part of me 

644
00:35:02,700 --> 00:35:08,400
that his presence that can be 
present and I offer that 

645
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,000
presence. 
We talk about this all the time.

646
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:13,500
What's the best thing I can give
anyone ever my presence? 

647
00:35:13,500 --> 00:35:15,600
The best thing you do for an 
addict. 

648
00:35:15,600 --> 00:35:18,000
If you're listening to this and 
you're trying to help somebody 

649
00:35:18,300 --> 00:35:21,600
just offer your present for your
presence, instead of offering my

650
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,600
judgment instead of offering my 
fear. 

651
00:35:24,900 --> 00:35:27,800
Instead of offering, my anger, 
all those things exist in my 

652
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:29,200
ego. 
Those things don't exist in my 

653
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:32,700
presence if I can. 
For my presence is the best 

654
00:35:32,700 --> 00:35:37,800
thing I can give anyone because 
it feels so comfortable being in

655
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,300
someone's presence. 
I can just be who I am. 

656
00:35:40,300 --> 00:35:42,800
These kids can just be who they 
are, they can just throw the 

657
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:44,800
water balloons. 
I didn't take a backseat, but I 

658
00:35:44,808 --> 00:35:47,400
took the role of Manning the 
grill. 

659
00:35:47,900 --> 00:35:52,500
I've cooked a brisket, we had 
Burgers, we had hot dogs going. 

660
00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:55,800
I was on the grill, she was 
playing host. 

661
00:35:55,800 --> 00:36:00,600
We never communicated once at 
the beginning of this party, Ooh

662
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:05,300
saying okay, you talk to the 
guests and and be host and and 

663
00:36:05,300 --> 00:36:08,800
interact. 
I will cook and and and be on 

664
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:13,600
the grill and cook and take care
of the food that just unfolded 

665
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:19,100
organically and it's cool that 
you are able to understand the 

666
00:36:19,100 --> 00:36:21,900
potential that made that 
available. 

667
00:36:21,900 --> 00:36:25,900
Well, what normally happens is I
can't believe Bill, you know, 

668
00:36:25,900 --> 00:36:29,600
the wife to the husband you're 
just hanging out in the garage 

669
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,600
and I've done This work, I spent
six hours getting ready for this

670
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,100
party and you don't care, you 
just drinking, you know, 

671
00:36:35,100 --> 00:36:38,400
pre-gaming before the thing 
watching and you're not helped 

672
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,100
at all. 
And then the guys, like, well, I

673
00:36:40,100 --> 00:36:43,200
don't want to be around her for 
a party, so I'm just going to go

674
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:45,200
do my own thing. 
You know, I mean both are at 

675
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,900
fault here. 
It's all ego and then they've 

676
00:36:47,900 --> 00:36:50,100
gotten into big fight. 
She's crying, while she's trying

677
00:36:50,100 --> 00:36:53,400
to figure stuff out and then one
of their close Neighbors comes 

678
00:36:53,400 --> 00:36:54,600
in. 
And then the close neighbor 

679
00:36:54,600 --> 00:36:56,400
turns around, it's like you. 
Okay, what's wrong? 

680
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,700
Just like I just kept you know 
until for 20-something years. 

681
00:37:00,100 --> 00:37:01,900
You know what? 
Then she's just make both the 

682
00:37:01,900 --> 00:37:03,200
people and then bills out in the
yard. 

683
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,900
Just, and with the bunch of 
guys, you know, sitting there 

684
00:37:05,900 --> 00:37:09,300
smoking and then talking shit 
about their wives and how 

685
00:37:09,300 --> 00:37:11,700
horrible there were there. 
You could just all ego. 

686
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:13,600
Yep. 
None of that was service to 

687
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:18,200
others, all ego and very common.
That's why I'm saying, I believe

688
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:21,500
that relationship also. 
Yeah. 

689
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,400
Too much control, too much 
chaos. 

690
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,300
Hmm, not good for anybody. 
Yeah. 

691
00:37:27,300 --> 00:37:30,700
And the material says, this is 
an inflated ego can make us us 

692
00:37:30,700 --> 00:37:34,100
feel Invincible leading us to 
take unnecessary risk like 

693
00:37:34,100 --> 00:37:37,700
experiencing that the Des 
acceptance or behaviors and you 

694
00:37:37,707 --> 00:37:41,400
had talked about this earlier 
you at five months, you know, an

695
00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:44,500
inflated ego makes us feel 
invincible and there's a lot of 

696
00:37:44,508 --> 00:37:47,700
people like and I've heard this 
from addicts, I'm talking like 

697
00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:49,800
drug addicts or whatever. 
Like I've got this. 

698
00:37:49,900 --> 00:37:52,700
I think I got it this time and 
you'd said that to Dick. 

699
00:37:52,700 --> 00:37:54,400
Yeah. 
You're like I got this. 

700
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:55,900
I got it. 
I can think I got it this. 

701
00:37:55,900 --> 00:37:58,200
Figure it out on my own. 
I have some game left. 

702
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:05,100
I have some moxie. 
When he hit me in the chest, he 

703
00:38:05,100 --> 00:38:08,600
was he didn't have any other 
tool at the moment to tell me 

704
00:38:08,900 --> 00:38:11,900
you're coming from your inflated
ego. 

705
00:38:13,300 --> 00:38:16,700
You know, a large portion of 
spiritual practice is deflating 

706
00:38:16,700 --> 00:38:19,700
the ego. 
I'm get, it's gassed up enough 

707
00:38:19,700 --> 00:38:24,500
on my practice now it's deflate 
that ego a practice of humility 

708
00:38:24,500 --> 00:38:29,600
is a difficult walk be careful, 
be careful. 

709
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,400
If you start asking for 
humility, we I want to make this

710
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:36,400
very clear anyone that's 
listening, you're gonna get it. 

711
00:38:36,700 --> 00:38:39,700
So you get lots of learning 
lessons, a lot of lessons 

712
00:38:40,100 --> 00:38:43,800
opportunities II prayed for 
humility one time, I'm my girl, 

713
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:47,100
my girlfriend at the time. 
Was pregnant six months later. 

714
00:38:48,500 --> 00:38:50,800
So, be careful. 
If you ask for humility, you 

715
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:52,900
might get it. 
Life was no longer about me 

716
00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:54,400
because there's no problems in 
life. 

717
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:55,900
They're just learning lessons 
correct. 

718
00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:58,100
Yeah, it's so you're just going 
to if you want humility, you're 

719
00:38:58,100 --> 00:39:00,300
just going to get a bunch of 
learning lessons are what we 

720
00:39:00,300 --> 00:39:02,300
call problems. 
Be careful asking for that one, 

721
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:08,300
but it is a wonderful spiritual 
tool to not be the crazy dad, on

722
00:39:08,300 --> 00:39:12,800
the lawn who can't believe he's 
with his wife or 27 years 

723
00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:14,500
because he's not getting his way
ever. 

724
00:39:14,700 --> 00:39:17,600
Mmm. 
I'm not at all. 

725
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:21,400
Humble in that moment. 
Coming from a perspective of 

726
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:26,800
just a member of, I'm just a 
part of I'm not King Dwayne, but

727
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:29,300
you didn't get to piss on me 
either, right? 

728
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:32,300
I'm just a part of the, I'm just
right sized. 

729
00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:34,400
One of our favorite definitions 
of humility is being 

730
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:37,000
right-sized. 
The ego, does not allow me. 

731
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,900
My unconscious ego. 
Does not allow me to be right 

732
00:39:39,900 --> 00:39:41,800
sized. 
My unconscious. 

733
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:44,700
Ego is either, I'm King Duane 
you behave the way I need you 

734
00:39:44,700 --> 00:39:48,200
behave or Your everybody just 
pisses on me, I'm the worst 

735
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:49,600
thing. 
There is there doesn't get any 

736
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:53,000
lower existence than me. 
Whether it's really, really - or

737
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:56,400
really really positive. 
If it's selfish self-centered, 

738
00:39:56,700 --> 00:40:00,000
it's still ego and those 
oscillate with a person with an 

739
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,000
addiction Personnel. 
Absolute. 

740
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,300
That's how it happened. 
I could be like this person is 

741
00:40:04,300 --> 00:40:07,100
the greatest person ever. 
I love them so much, and then 

742
00:40:07,100 --> 00:40:08,900
five minutes later. 
It's like, oh my God, I'm so 

743
00:40:08,900 --> 00:40:10,800
depressed. 
Yeah, like, I mean, I can 

744
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:13,400
oscillate that bad with my 
emotions if I'm not careful. 

745
00:40:13,400 --> 00:40:15,400
Just some people have more of an
empathic. 

746
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:17,600
Yeah. 
Motion, you know, this. 

747
00:40:17,600 --> 00:40:19,600
I thought was interesting. 
It says, it can prevent us from 

748
00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:24,400
seeing the truth, about our 
addiction, causing us, to deny 

749
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:26,600
the problem, and reject, help 
from others. 

750
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:32,100
It's a wild. 
Tool that the mine has. 

751
00:40:34,600 --> 00:40:37,700
Like a, it's basically like, 
putting a pair of sunglasses 

752
00:40:37,700 --> 00:40:41,600
over my eyes, like a psychosis 
like my. 

753
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:47,600
Addiction is so powerful my 
delusion moment in my selfish. 

754
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:50,400
Self-centered Behavior. 
I need to keep doing what I'm 

755
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:53,300
doing because it's the only way 
I know how to do what I'm doing.

756
00:40:55,700 --> 00:41:01,600
I refuse to look at reality when
I have this selfish pair of 

757
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:03,600
glasses that come down over my 
eyes. 

758
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:05,400
It's like blindness. 
Like I said, a blind was, like, 

759
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:09,100
I can't see reality. 
I'll do what I need to do to get

760
00:41:09,100 --> 00:41:12,300
what I want. 
The truth about our addiction 

761
00:41:13,300 --> 00:41:14,500
and we've talked about this 
before. 

762
00:41:14,500 --> 00:41:18,400
But I want people to understand 
what is the truth about your 

763
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:21,100
addiction Dwayne like what's the
truth about yours? 

764
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:24,600
Like your alcohol and drug abuse
but mainly alcohol, right? 

765
00:41:24,700 --> 00:41:26,500
Yeah. 
We've talked about this a lot. 

766
00:41:26,500 --> 00:41:29,200
Now, we're going to get, I'll be
vulnerable and we're going to 

767
00:41:29,200 --> 00:41:30,800
get, you know, pretty 
deep-seated. 

768
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,800
These are usually stem from 
deep-seated issues, but the 

769
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:38,900
truth about my addiction. 
Is I didn't have a way to 

770
00:41:38,900 --> 00:41:45,200
address. 
The trauma or the 

771
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,900
uncomfortableness I grew up 
with. 

772
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,900
I didn't have a way to address 
the pain that was living inside 

773
00:41:51,900 --> 00:41:56,300
of me as a result of my 
conditioning, or as a result of 

774
00:41:57,400 --> 00:42:01,800
My environment. 
All I knew was this is not what 

775
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:07,200
I want to feel. 
So alcohol and drugs allowed me 

776
00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:09,000
to not feel that you felt 
amazing. 

777
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:12,900
I didn't have to feel hmm if 
initially it felt amazing but 

778
00:42:12,900 --> 00:42:16,000
then it just turned into I don't
have to feel and the truth of 

779
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:20,400
that it at that progresses. 
The truth of the addiction 

780
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,500
becomes I need this in order to 
be okay. 

781
00:42:24,700 --> 00:42:27,000
Just to be okay just to be okay 
because the pain is so 

782
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:29,100
embarrassing. 
Yeah I'll lose a job. 

783
00:42:29,100 --> 00:42:30,400
Don't care. 
I need to be okay. 

784
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:33,400
Lose a relationship. 
Don't care need to be okay. 

785
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:35,800
It's been every cent in my bank 
account. 

786
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:40,100
Don't care need to be okay. 
And so through this pain, this 

787
00:42:40,100 --> 00:42:44,700
childhood pain that you 
experienced its sought it self 

788
00:42:44,700 --> 00:42:50,000
the ego came into if they the 
ecos like Dwayne I got you Yeah,

789
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,300
we're going to we're going to 
take walk down this road 

790
00:42:52,300 --> 00:42:54,100
together. 
You know, we're gonna go down 

791
00:42:54,100 --> 00:42:57,800
this journey, this ego journey 
and it's going to be, it's it we

792
00:42:57,800 --> 00:42:59,200
don't have to worry about your 
pain anymore. 

793
00:42:59,500 --> 00:43:02,200
I got you the pain. 
No more pain. 

794
00:43:02,500 --> 00:43:04,500
If you do this, you like doing 
this. 

795
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,700
Do this more. 
I didn't have any tools to slay 

796
00:43:06,700 --> 00:43:08,500
the dragon. 
Yeah, exactly. 

797
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:11,900
And we all have this, we all 
have passed. 

798
00:43:11,900 --> 00:43:14,700
We all have hurt. 
We all have life happens. 

799
00:43:14,900 --> 00:43:17,200
Whether you live a spiritual 
life are not life happens. 

800
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:18,900
We don't we all have to go 
through. 

801
00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:21,500
Hard stuff. 
So, tell me because our material

802
00:43:21,500 --> 00:43:24,600
talks about this part and tell 
me if this related to what you 

803
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:26,800
just said. 
Because I kind of set you up, 

804
00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:29,100
this is really good. 
Listen to this. 

805
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:33,700
The ego can also lead us to 
believe that we are Unworthy of 

806
00:43:33,700 --> 00:43:37,700
love, happiness and Recovery. 
Keeping us stuck in the cycle of

807
00:43:37,700 --> 00:43:42,800
addiction unworthiness. 
Yes, I definitely experienced 

808
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:48,100
unworthiness. 
In the progression of the 

809
00:43:48,100 --> 00:43:50,500
addiction. 
I didn't, you know, I didn't 

810
00:43:50,500 --> 00:43:53,800
feel that right away. 
Hmm, I believe that I've always 

811
00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:58,100
had the god-centered inner being
inside of me. 

812
00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:04,200
But the more and more dependent 
I became upon alcohol in order 

813
00:44:04,200 --> 00:44:09,400
to feel okay. 
The more I turned away from that

814
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:13,300
part of me that God centered 
piece that already knew. 

815
00:44:13,500 --> 00:44:17,900
I was okay. so the sense of 
worthlessness is sense of not 

816
00:44:17,900 --> 00:44:25,500
good enough to sense of Shame. 
I needed to get further and 

817
00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:29,300
further away from that which 
made it easier and easier to 

818
00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:34,300
progress into the disease. 
And I think, for me, the 

819
00:44:34,300 --> 00:44:39,300
unworthiness part hit me harder 
because of the trauma that I 

820
00:44:39,300 --> 00:44:41,100
experienced as a child too. 
And I think that's pretty much 

821
00:44:41,100 --> 00:44:42,300
all of it. 
You know, that's what your 

822
00:44:42,300 --> 00:44:45,300
blueprint is that your Matrix, 
that's what your judge. 

823
00:44:45,300 --> 00:44:47,100
If you had a great experience on
something. 

824
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:49,800
You know, if I go out skiing for
the very first time and I have a

825
00:44:49,808 --> 00:44:53,300
terrific experience, I probably 
won't go ski again or I think - 

826
00:44:53,500 --> 00:44:56,100
You that your number one thing 
like for Flow State. 

827
00:44:56,100 --> 00:44:58,400
Like you love skiing, you know, 
so it's all about our 

828
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,600
experiences but for me, the 
unworthiness part, I think hit 

829
00:45:01,600 --> 00:45:06,200
the most being raised in a very 
fundamentalist Christian home. 

830
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:09,400
You're never good enough. 
There's so many sins out there 

831
00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:13,700
and you're always sitting, you 
know, and it needs sins like and

832
00:45:13,700 --> 00:45:15,600
you got to be careful because 
the devil will have you sinned 

833
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,100
like all different kinds of ways
you don't even realize it you 

834
00:45:18,107 --> 00:45:21,000
know it's almost like the devil 
becomes the ego you know that 

835
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:24,100
whole thing. 
But for me it was like Your and 

836
00:45:24,100 --> 00:45:27,600
then the Hell Fire Brimstone 
preaching and you always felt 

837
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:30,200
guilt and shame and you never 
felt good enough. 

838
00:45:30,200 --> 00:45:33,700
I'd never felt like here. 
I'm a 12 year old boy and I 

839
00:45:33,707 --> 00:45:37,700
discover my penis but you can't 
do that. 

840
00:45:38,300 --> 00:45:41,000
That's a sin. 
So then I'm just constantly, you

841
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:44,000
know, as twelve-year-old, I'm 
not be too graphic here but you 

842
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:46,200
know what a 12 year old boy, 
does he said you are one? 

843
00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:50,900
Yeah you're just sitting a lot 
and then obviously you start 

844
00:45:50,900 --> 00:45:53,500
looking at girls, you know. 
And then it's like I never Just 

845
00:45:53,500 --> 00:45:56,500
that on a girl before you know, 
at 12 and 13. 

846
00:45:56,500 --> 00:46:00,200
So I got all this guilt and 
shame and then I'm going to the 

847
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:04,800
Altar and praying you know and 
asking for I'm crying and asking

848
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:08,700
for, you know, am I even saved? 
Am I going to go to heaven? 

849
00:46:08,700 --> 00:46:11,300
I'm probably going to go to hell
because you know I looked at a 

850
00:46:11,308 --> 00:46:14,600
girl's ass you know what I mean?
And so then I got to go repent 

851
00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:16,500
for that. 
And just all this constant of 

852
00:46:16,500 --> 00:46:19,400
just repenting and repenting and
going through this whole 

853
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,800
process. 
And so it developed in me, this 

854
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,400
sense of empowerment, 
Unworthiness. 

855
00:46:24,800 --> 00:46:27,200
And so it got to the point and 
here's where diction happens in 

856
00:46:27,207 --> 00:46:30,100
my life, in different formats, 
not an alcohol or drugs, but 

857
00:46:30,100 --> 00:46:33,100
other ways. 
My unworthiness would be like, 

858
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,000
well, fuck it. 
I'm unworthy. 

859
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:37,300
So just fuck it. 
Yep. 

860
00:46:37,700 --> 00:46:41,500
And then guess what happens? 
Major destructive behavior. 

861
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:45,200
I'm talking torching things. 
You have any relationships. 

862
00:46:45,300 --> 00:46:49,500
I feel sorry for with girls that
I were in where I just torch the

863
00:46:49,500 --> 00:46:51,300
thing I would say. 
Okay. 

864
00:46:51,600 --> 00:46:53,300
You want to have wordplay here, 
okay? 

865
00:46:53,300 --> 00:46:55,400
And I'm talking like physical, 
none of that ever that. 

866
00:46:55,500 --> 00:47:01,000
But it was like words that hurt.
That is the thing that I the 

867
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:04,600
things that I said you can't go 
back from, you know, I would 

868
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:06,600
just Just okay. 
I'm hurting inside. 

869
00:47:06,700 --> 00:47:10,500
So I'm just going to throw a 
whole word salad, torch and just

870
00:47:10,500 --> 00:47:14,000
cool just flame throw and I'm 
going to be super 

871
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:17,600
self-destructive all because I 
did not believe I was worthy of 

872
00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,500
love, you know? 
And I think this is really 

873
00:47:20,500 --> 00:47:24,600
important because the the 
material says keeping us stuck 

874
00:47:24,600 --> 00:47:27,800
in the cycle of addiction. 
Yes, that's the problem. 

875
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:29,900
Yes. 
I don't have the tools to break 

876
00:47:29,900 --> 00:47:33,500
free from the cycle. 
I'm unworthy. 

877
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:37,600
We also understand, we're 
powerful creators whether we're 

878
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:41,300
conscious of it or not. 
So I start creating environments

879
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:43,400
where I'm going to feel 
Unworthy. 

880
00:47:44,100 --> 00:47:46,900
Of course, I'm going to have a 
relationship that falls apart. 

881
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:51,300
I couldn't possibly be deserving
of a real relationship of loving

882
00:47:51,300 --> 00:47:55,200
healthy relationship so I'm 
going to attract and create an 

883
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:58,200
environment where I get the 
blowtorch things. 

884
00:47:58,300 --> 00:48:00,500
Why? 
Because I'm used to blowtorching

885
00:48:00,500 --> 00:48:02,200
trauma bonding. 
It's exactly. 

886
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:03,500
Right. 
Trauma bonding. 

887
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:07,400
And again, this is the pair of 
glasses that come down over my 

888
00:48:07,400 --> 00:48:09,000
eyes. 
That was not what I chose. 

889
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,500
I didn't choose that and I would
never be what I signed up for 

890
00:48:11,700 --> 00:48:16,700
the Eco wants the best for us 
but often produces the worst, 

891
00:48:17,200 --> 00:48:21,500
that's the same as the road to 
hell is paved with good 

892
00:48:21,500 --> 00:48:23,400
intentions. 
We don't really care what your 

893
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:27,000
intentions are not in a 
spiritual lifestyle, and 

894
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:29,600
spiritual lifestyle were very 
concerned with what your feet 

895
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:32,000
do. 
What are your actions say? 

896
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:33,800
Dear? 
Action, say you love me your 

897
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:36,800
actions. 
Say this is a safe environment, 

898
00:48:37,300 --> 00:48:39,200
your action say. 
I can just be who I am? 

899
00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:42,300
No, my actions, never said that 
my actions had. 

900
00:48:42,300 --> 00:48:44,400
You need to be this way in order
for me to be okay? 

901
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:48,300
If it's not I'm Wiley Coyote, 
I'm gonna blow it up. 

902
00:48:48,300 --> 00:48:52,000
I had the same experience over 
and over and over again. 

903
00:48:52,100 --> 00:48:54,400
Isn't it funny that we seek a 
safe environment? 

904
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:56,300
That's so beautiful what you 
said in and it funny that we 

905
00:48:56,300 --> 00:48:58,800
seek a safe environment and then
we're not safe at all. 

906
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:00,800
No. 
I mean it's not safe to be in a 

907
00:49:00,800 --> 00:49:02,900
relationship with us. 
Our diction. 

908
00:49:02,900 --> 00:49:04,400
It's not safe in my mean it's 
safe. 

909
00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:06,800
Now for me, I believe, but I 
believe is my spiritual 

910
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:09,700
practices and stuff like that. 
But you know, ten years ago. 

911
00:49:09,700 --> 00:49:11,500
It was not safe to be in a 
relationship with me. 

912
00:49:11,700 --> 00:49:14,800
My mind is not a safe place, but
I was seeking safety all the 

913
00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:18,000
time and I thought that 
externally I could get into this

914
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:20,600
with this. 
And that goes into the second 

915
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,500
part. 
It says not only does it this 

916
00:49:22,500 --> 00:49:24,700
unworthiness of love happiness 
recovery at the same time. 

917
00:49:24,700 --> 00:49:28,300
The eagle can fuel are addictive
behaviors as we seek external 

918
00:49:28,300 --> 00:49:32,200
validation and escape from 
feelings of inferiority. 

919
00:49:32,300 --> 00:49:36,400
Already or inadequacy. 
So this is an ailing me like 

920
00:49:36,400 --> 00:49:38,700
this material right now is just 
hitting me so hard. 

921
00:49:39,700 --> 00:49:42,000
I got the two before the 
spiritual, 2x4 under rights. 

922
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:46,800
So the eagle can fuel are 
addictive behaviors as we're 

923
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:51,400
seeking external validation 
because the unworthiness seeks 

924
00:49:51,400 --> 00:49:55,000
the validation. 
That's also part of my ego, can 

925
00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:57,000
dress it up. 
It looks good. 

926
00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:58,400
Look at him. 
He's the best employee. 

927
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:03,400
We have he works every day. 
And it's I'm not really I don't 

928
00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:06,500
care a damn about this job. 
I want your validation. 

929
00:50:06,700 --> 00:50:09,400
If I don't have your validation 
I don't have self-worth. 

930
00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:14,500
It's very difficult to 
articulate that in a Unconscious

931
00:50:14,500 --> 00:50:16,200
Behavior. 
There's no way I will ever 

932
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:19,700
articulate that I'm just killing
myself, working all the time, 

933
00:50:19,900 --> 00:50:22,900
but people don't even realize 
this, the cruel father that I 

934
00:50:22,900 --> 00:50:26,600
had, or the cruel mom that I had
not me personally, but like, if 

935
00:50:26,600 --> 00:50:30,100
you have that, you seek that in 
bosses. 

936
00:50:31,200 --> 00:50:33,400
Absolutely. 
So you want the off chance that 

937
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:36,800
the Basta at any moment is going
to go off the handle and tell 

938
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:39,800
you, you know fire you or 
whatever and you're all nervous 

939
00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:42,700
about it, are you had a bad mom?
So all of a sudden your bosses 

940
00:50:42,700 --> 00:50:45,000
are all women. 
And, you know, you feeling like 

941
00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:46,600
they're all mean to you, you 
know, yes. 

942
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:50,100
Because I'm unconscious and I'm 
a powerful Creator. 

943
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:56,000
So I'm creating the unconscious 
trauma that I'm used to mine 

944
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:58,500
which was a big deal for me. 
And it will continue to be a big

945
00:50:58,500 --> 00:51:00,900
deal. 
I still work on this daily is 

946
00:51:00,900 --> 00:51:05,600
the fear of outshining others. 
I was born and I instantly 

947
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:09,200
outshone. 
Members of my family, I got more

948
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:12,400
attention, I got more love, I 
got more kisses, I got more 

949
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:15,900
presents. 
Just by the fact of being born. 

950
00:51:17,400 --> 00:51:20,700
As a result, I was treated 
differently as a result. 

951
00:51:20,700 --> 00:51:25,300
I was punished. 
So I had this unconscious 

952
00:51:25,300 --> 00:51:29,800
imprint of needing to get in 
trouble for doing. 

953
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:34,500
Well, I would do really well and
Contour over and over Oregon, 

954
00:51:34,500 --> 00:51:38,300
put myself in positions where 
people were going to punish me 

955
00:51:38,500 --> 00:51:44,800
as a result of My Success. 
That's a wild coming from 

956
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:47,300
vertical Dimension. 
First coming from Spirits 

957
00:51:47,300 --> 00:51:50,300
Spirit. 
First, I love my parents. 

958
00:51:52,400 --> 00:51:57,800
No one can ever behave past 
their point of awareness. 

959
00:51:58,300 --> 00:52:04,400
So I can't Take the victim role 
anymore because my parents did 

960
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:06,100
the best they could with what 
they had. 

961
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,700
No one is ever going to behave 
beyond their point of 

962
00:52:08,700 --> 00:52:10,700
Consciousness and I have 
excellent parents. 

963
00:52:10,700 --> 00:52:12,400
I love them very much. 
Today, we have a wonderful 

964
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:18,400
relationship today. 
But seeking an environment where

965
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:21,900
I was going to be in trouble for
doing well. 

966
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:28,200
I cannot understand baguette 
into understand that or even 

967
00:52:28,200 --> 00:52:32,400
know I'm doing it. 
If I'm coming for my ego because

968
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:36,000
being an environment where I'm 
doing well, my ego is pushing 

969
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:37,300
that. 
Do well, do, well you're the 

970
00:52:37,300 --> 00:52:40,000
best and then getting in 
trouble. 

971
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:44,100
My ego is pushing that too 
because now it's all about me 

972
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:46,500
and can you believe how she 
behaves can you believe they 

973
00:52:46,500 --> 00:52:48,000
want to do this? 
Can you believe they're going to

974
00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:49,500
fire me? 
Because I'm the best one. 

975
00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:51,200
They have. 
Thank you, Kimberly, and it's 

976
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:55,100
still all about me. 
Learning to detach from that not

977
00:52:55,100 --> 00:52:57,600
coming from ego. 
First coming from Spirit, first 

978
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:01,000
is a fascinating Adventure, it's
probably going to take the rest 

979
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,000
of our life, however, the rest 
of my life. 

980
00:53:03,000 --> 00:53:07,900
However, I'm willing to go down 
that path now because I'm not 

981
00:53:07,900 --> 00:53:10,300
willing to get in trouble for 
doing well anymore. 

982
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:14,700
I'm taking my power back owning 
the god Consciousness inside of 

983
00:53:14,700 --> 00:53:17,100
me. 
I'm not the situation of 

984
00:53:17,100 --> 00:53:18,800
Behaving. 
Well, I'm getting in trouble. 

985
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:22,900
I'm not the energetic emotion of
anger. 

986
00:53:23,100 --> 00:53:26,000
What am I? 
I'm the aware space. 

987
00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:28,300
That gets to deal with both 
those things. 

988
00:53:28,500 --> 00:53:32,200
So in that moment I'm separate 
and so in your zone of genius 

989
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:36,000
and your creativity, it allows 
you the freedom to expand the 

990
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:39,300
the the key word there is 
freedom in that moment. 

991
00:53:39,300 --> 00:53:41,800
I'm free. 
You're exactly right, you're 

992
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:44,000
exactly right. 
I don't want to go through the 

993
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:50,500
world in the bondage of self. 
We are so free, we can choose 

994
00:53:50,500 --> 00:53:54,200
bondage. 
But that's usually unconscious. 

995
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:56,600
So I do want to go through the 
world. 

996
00:53:56,600 --> 00:53:59,400
A free man, taking 
responsibility. 

997
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:05,100
Owning. 
My delusion choosing to come 

998
00:54:05,100 --> 00:54:08,000
from Source. 
First gives me a good chance 

999
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:12,400
gives me a shot and 
interestingly enough you know we

1000
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:15,100
discussed this to how many 
thoughts a day do I have on 

1001
00:54:15,100 --> 00:54:18,300
average 60 thousand? 
If I'm a high functioning addict

1002
00:54:18,300 --> 00:54:23,300
it's probably more like 70. 
I have 70,000 opportunities a 

1003
00:54:23,300 --> 00:54:27,900
day to take responsibility and 
come from Source. 

1004
00:54:27,900 --> 00:54:33,500
First have source for front. 
That's a better way of living. 

1005
00:54:33,900 --> 00:54:36,800
Yeah, and it's so crazy. 
It in the material talks about 

1006
00:54:36,800 --> 00:54:40,900
says, the ego went unchecked can
thus lead to self-destruction. 

1007
00:54:42,300 --> 00:54:44,700
Recognizing understand the role 
of ego in addictions critical 

1008
00:54:44,700 --> 00:54:47,400
first step towards recovery the 
ego unchecked. 

1009
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:49,600
And you talked about this, I 
mean, being in the hospital or 

1010
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:53,300
whatever leads self-destruction,
that's where it goes. 

1011
00:54:54,300 --> 00:54:58,500
I mean you have to realize your 
ego unchecked will lead to 

1012
00:54:58,500 --> 00:55:03,600
self-destruction. 
Even though I know the god 

1013
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:05,500
Consciousness part of me knows 
it's killing me. 

1014
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:11,200
Ego and addiction doesn't care. 
I still had. 

1015
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:12,900
I'll do it. 
Even if it's going to kill me 

1016
00:55:13,700 --> 00:55:15,900
and this is going to you know 
there are people that are 

1017
00:55:15,900 --> 00:55:19,900
listening now that will resonate
and this is, you know, important

1018
00:55:19,900 --> 00:55:22,600
if there's a window of Grace and
you can hear it. 

1019
00:55:28,400 --> 00:55:31,600
That's usually when it's time to
make a decision. 

1020
00:55:32,500 --> 00:55:35,400
Let's go on to The Bitter End. 
I'm going to continue and do 

1021
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:38,700
this and die. 
Or am I going to make a decision

1022
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:40,300
and try and do something 
different? 

1023
00:55:42,100 --> 00:55:45,700
We're here to say something 
different is available for you. 

1024
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:51,100
I don't have to continue my 
destructive path of dilution 

1025
00:55:51,100 --> 00:55:53,400
meant. 
I can choose to live a different

1026
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:58,000
way of life. 
Again, that's that's that stage 

1027
00:55:58,000 --> 00:56:01,200
of change at that. 
Unfortunately, that 

1028
00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:03,200
self-destruction, when you're at
that, when you're in the 

1029
00:56:03,207 --> 00:56:06,200
hospital bed, or your blacked 
out laying in a ditch judging 

1030
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:09,900
people choose or whatever it is,
whatever it may be, you're 

1031
00:56:09,900 --> 00:56:13,000
you've become 400 pounds in the 
doctors, told you, you know, 

1032
00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:15,800
like my addiction with food, you
know, you've become 400 pounds. 

1033
00:56:15,800 --> 00:56:18,900
And I used to be way heavier 
than I am now, but because I 

1034
00:56:18,908 --> 00:56:21,900
sought comfort in food, you 
know, so that, that would, that 

1035
00:56:21,900 --> 00:56:23,900
would help my pain, just like a 
bottle did for you. 

1036
00:56:25,500 --> 00:56:30,500
Whenever you're in that self 
destructive mode and ego is just

1037
00:56:30,500 --> 00:56:34,300
full rain. 
There's there's no point of 

1038
00:56:34,300 --> 00:56:37,300
living you know like when I 
would get into those moments it 

1039
00:56:37,300 --> 00:56:39,100
was just be like, well I'm gonna
die early. 

1040
00:56:39,300 --> 00:56:40,600
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

1041
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:42,600
One of my friends who's always 
tell me I'm not good with pets 

1042
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:45,500
30. 
Anyways, you know, you kind of 

1043
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:49,800
the ego even puts these You 
know, Jesus only lived to 32 or 

1044
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:52,400
whatever, you know. 
So if I make it to 30, I'm doing

1045
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:53,800
pretty good. 
It's wild. 

1046
00:56:53,800 --> 00:56:57,400
How we are not unique Even in 
our selfishness, I'm still not 

1047
00:56:57,400 --> 00:57:00,600
unique. 
I never expected to live past 

1048
00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:03,200
23. 
Yeah, that's what I hear. 

1049
00:57:03,200 --> 00:57:05,000
That a lot. 
I never expected to live past 

1050
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:08,200
23, so my suffering does not 
make me unique. 

1051
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:13,900
However, that type of lifestyle 
that destructive. 

1052
00:57:15,000 --> 00:57:19,500
Addicted lifestyle. 
It's not worth living, right? 

1053
00:57:19,500 --> 00:57:22,000
The god Consciousness inside of 
me knows. 

1054
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:25,500
This is not my my choice and I 
obviously don't recommend this. 

1055
00:57:25,500 --> 00:57:31,000
We recommend recovery. 
But the god Consciousness inside

1056
00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:33,800
of me knows death is actually an
improvement. 

1057
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:39,000
To that type of existence. 
Yeah, and you that happens, you 

1058
00:57:39,000 --> 00:57:42,000
get a new meat suit. 
You can be starting this all 

1059
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:45,200
over again, you know, you just 
playing the same game level 

1060
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:47,100
because you didn't beat the 
dragon at the end. 

1061
00:57:47,500 --> 00:57:49,400
You're just gonna play that 
level again in a different meat 

1062
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:52,200
suit. 
And this is a part, it says, 

1063
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:55,100
goes right into so beautiful 
that you said this, it says it 

1064
00:57:55,100 --> 00:57:58,900
sets the stage think about 
setting the Stage, IT sets, the 

1065
00:57:58,900 --> 00:58:02,300
stage for the essential process 
of surrender. 

1066
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:11,600
Yeah, which it says, which 
involves letting go of our ego, 

1067
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:15,300
German desires and behaviors 
accepting the reality of our 

1068
00:58:15,300 --> 00:58:18,900
addiction and opening up 
ourselves to the possibility, 

1069
00:58:19,200 --> 00:58:21,400
the possibility of change and 
healing. 

1070
00:58:22,500 --> 00:58:29,500
It's beautiful language. 
The In order to be born into 

1071
00:58:29,500 --> 00:58:36,500
something new, my old self has 
to die. in order to be willing 

1072
00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:43,800
to go through that death takes a
lot of Courage, takes a lot of 

1073
00:58:43,800 --> 00:58:48,600
faith, takes a lot of 
willingness, if I'm In my 

1074
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:51,700
addiction and unconscious. 
I don't have faith. 

1075
00:58:51,700 --> 00:58:55,000
I don't have curves, I don't 
have willingness So there's 

1076
00:58:55,000 --> 00:58:57,400
this, I believe there's this 
moment of Grace. 

1077
00:58:57,400 --> 00:59:00,500
We've talked about it before 
that's presented to us that we 

1078
00:59:00,500 --> 00:59:02,500
can step through this little 
window. 

1079
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:05,400
Where we can muster enough 
courage? 

1080
00:59:05,400 --> 00:59:09,000
We can muster enough faith. 
We can muster enough willingness

1081
00:59:10,900 --> 00:59:14,900
To start taking those actions. 
So it's almost like a prison 

1082
00:59:14,900 --> 00:59:18,200
with the very small window in 
it, you know like a like a I'm 

1083
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:21,300
picturing in my brain, you know,
like with the cinder blocks and 

1084
00:59:21,300 --> 00:59:24,600
there's just like the mold and 
there's rats running around and 

1085
00:59:24,600 --> 00:59:28,100
I've been in this prison for 
years and then all of a sudden, 

1086
00:59:28,100 --> 00:59:30,900
look at the window and said, 
there's no bars on that window. 

1087
00:59:31,500 --> 00:59:35,200
Maybe I can break it. 
What if I can squeeze through? 

1088
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:38,800
Yeah, you know, it's that moment
and this is the cool part. 

1089
00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:42,900
When you this render process and
we're going to get heavy into 

1090
00:59:42,900 --> 00:59:44,800
surrender. 
The next we're going to do a 

1091
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:49,200
couple pockets on surrender, but
it's this process of admitting 

1092
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:53,900
that you're powerless over it. 
You know, that that's the 

1093
00:59:53,900 --> 00:59:58,500
process of saying, you know 
what, the life that I'm living 

1094
00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:01,100
is self-destruction and 
unmanageable. 

1095
01:00:02,500 --> 01:00:07,400
And I have to admit to myself 
that it's not all about me and I

1096
01:00:07,400 --> 01:00:12,100
can't fix this. 
That's the that who I am right 

1097
01:00:12,100 --> 01:00:14,100
now. 
Jason maybe right now cannot fix

1098
01:00:14,100 --> 01:00:16,900
this issue. 
Absolutely. 

1099
01:00:16,900 --> 01:00:20,500
Yeah. 
The to get to that place is so 

1100
01:00:20,500 --> 01:00:24,500
difficult and usually again all 
it takes is everything. 

1101
01:00:24,500 --> 01:00:30,200
We got in that moment, have to 
be willing to put my ego aside 

1102
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:32,700
source is screaming. 
So loud. 

1103
01:00:32,700 --> 01:00:34,800
We need you to put us first for 
once. 

1104
01:00:34,800 --> 01:00:39,500
Please put us first in that 
moment of putting Source first I

1105
01:00:39,500 --> 01:00:46,400
can allow this idea of I'm not 
King Dwayne, I don't have it in.

1106
01:00:47,200 --> 01:00:48,600
That's one of my favorite 
definition. 

1107
01:00:48,700 --> 01:00:53,600
Essence of admit admission when 
they give you a ticket at the 

1108
01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:56,900
movie theater. 
And it says admit one, that 

1109
01:00:56,900 --> 01:01:00,200
means I got let in to the 
theater. 

1110
01:01:00,400 --> 01:01:05,100
They let me in. 
So I have to let that in to the 

1111
01:01:05,100 --> 01:01:09,400
part of me that is not ego to 
the part of me that a source I 

1112
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:15,500
have to absorb that. 
I have to surrender to the fact 

1113
01:01:15,500 --> 01:01:17,600
that I can't do this, that's 
crazy. 

1114
01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:19,500
What we're going to get into the
next episode. 

1115
01:01:19,500 --> 01:01:22,600
We'll get into the surrender 
side of things and understanding

1116
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:24,400
a little bit more and give you 
some tools. 

1117
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:27,500
If you're at that window of 
Grace right now, that may be in 

1118
01:01:27,500 --> 01:01:31,200
your life. 
I encourage you to delve into 

1119
01:01:31,200 --> 01:01:32,600
this. 
I mean you could study on your 

1120
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:36,100
own there's lots of there's 
thousands of programs out there 

1121
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:38,800
that you can be a part of. 
There's hotlines that you can 

1122
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:41,200
call. 
We are not like medical 

1123
01:01:41,200 --> 01:01:45,000
professionals, all we're doing 
is just During our, you know, 

1124
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:47,800
we're not certified anything or 
anything that all we're doing is

1125
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:50,400
you're sharing our journey in 
Sharing. 

1126
01:01:50,400 --> 01:01:53,300
What is going on in our lives 
and kind of trying to be honest 

1127
01:01:53,300 --> 01:01:56,100
and transparent and and hope 
that that helps you. 

1128
01:01:56,300 --> 01:01:59,600
But if the best thing that you 
can do for us before we close 

1129
01:01:59,600 --> 01:02:03,600
out, Dwayne is I want people to 
understand sharing this. 

1130
01:02:04,300 --> 01:02:06,900
That's all we ask of you is to 
share this with others. 

1131
01:02:07,300 --> 01:02:10,200
If you know somebody, if this 
has helped you and you know 

1132
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:13,900
somebody that has addiction just
take the Time to just send them 

1133
01:02:13,900 --> 01:02:15,000
the link. 
You don't know. 

1134
01:02:15,500 --> 01:02:17,000
Maybe they'll laugh at you. 
Who cares? 

1135
01:02:17,700 --> 01:02:19,600
Maybe they'll be like why are 
you sending this to me? 

1136
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:22,900
Or maybe they'll be like thank 
you so much and most people are 

1137
01:02:22,900 --> 01:02:25,500
going to be like thank you. 
You know I needed that. 

1138
01:02:25,500 --> 01:02:29,000
I need to hear that. 
Also we're on Instagram. 

1139
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:31,000
We're on YouTube. 
Leave a comment on YouTube. 

1140
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:32,300
I saw that. 
There was a bunch of comments 

1141
01:02:32,300 --> 01:02:36,000
there today so and I love the 
comments and we'll do some 

1142
01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:38,600
answer in the comments. 
That'll be a fun show where we 

1143
01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:40,300
can, you know, answer the 
comments. 

1144
01:02:40,300 --> 01:02:42,800
Some of them were funny which I 
love, you know. 

1145
01:02:42,900 --> 01:02:46,200
I love some good sarcasm and 
stuff like that, but you can DMS

1146
01:02:47,600 --> 01:02:51,800
at at our Instagram Channel and 
if you have any questions, we 

1147
01:02:51,800 --> 01:02:55,800
would love to be able to answer 
them and just share our journey.

1148
01:02:56,400 --> 01:02:57,000
Excellent.