Dwayne. Big J.
What is going on? What's up man?
Just got back from the gym. Yep.
Did our you? I mean, you lift.
What time do you lift at 7:00? 7:00 AM?
Yeah, 7:00 AM is my six hour, 6 days a week.
That's crazy booked for me. I'm going to take an hour out of
the day for me and then the rest of the day I'm going to serve.
And then you have six or more clients a day on top of you
lifting 88 clients. So that's eight straight hours
of of clients at the gym on top of your hour working out.
Yeah. So it's 9 hour days at the gym.
Usually 9-10 hour days at the gym.
Yeah, and sometimes it's a little less, but.
Yeah, and you have clients start at like 5:00 AM and it's crazy,
bro. That's a lot of being busy.
The hard part about getting to complain about that is I make my
own schedule. Yes, yeah.
Yeah, that's funny. I signed up for that.
I was like, yeah, I own my own business and I chose to work at
5:00 AM. So let me complain about the the
choice I made. Yeah, Benjamin Franklin has that
quote for addicts that I always love.
I mean, he was an addict because they said that he just would
like go to whore houses all the time and be drunk and but I
mean, women was his addiction. But he said, and I don't mind,
is a devil's workshop. So when you get idle and you
have no purpose and you're not, you're just reacting and just
kind of or you're bored. Like the devil's workshop starts
kicking in for an addict when you're bored.
Like, I think being bored is probably the worst thing an
addict could experience. Absolutely.
'Cause it's it just starts running that loop, that
obsessive loop. My mind is not a safe place to
be, especially if I'm bored and I don't know what to do.
Another nice prompt for me is always do well.
Do you know who gets bored? Boring people.
Poor people too. Boring people, boring people,
boring people get bored. So part of that is just my my
cognition. It's like I can't think of
enough things to do. Yeah, I was watching Joe Rogan
had Elon Musk on a couple days ago.
And just Elon Musk's schedule's insane.
Like he's just like limited by having to sleep.
Like he's like he goes, I just work seven days a week.
That's what I do. That's who I am.
This is I'm eccentric. I know this isn't for everyone,
but I like to work so 12/15/20 hours sometimes not sleeping,
working through the night because he was talking about, he
goes, do you know how hard it is to do manufacturing?
He goes, it's easy to do a prototype of something like make
a car, make a cyber truck or whatever, but he goes, now
you've got to like get supply chain together.
You got to get it cheap and then you got to find all this places
and then you have to scale it in a factory.
Once you get all the parts together and you got to get the
people and the machines working, right, he goes, manufacturing is
like, he goes, Henry Ford was an absolute genius.
He was talking about that, But he was saying he's like, I am,
you know, like, I mean, he's basically what we would call a
workaholic, but he's the richest man in the world, work, money
and and as an addict, if you're not working, you don't have a
purpose. Good point.
Very good. Point I think.
I think working out and working are probably the two best things
that you can do. Like go get a job, even if it's
at McDonald's. Swallow your pride, go make some
fries. I'd love it if I had to I would.
I would I would not think twice if I was desperate down and out.
I it would not bother me in the least bit to go get a job at
McDonald's. I I just feel like I'm not.
I don't think that I wouldn't be afraid or have like.
Pride. Pride.
I just don't think I would be there now in my life because
it's like, this is what I need to do.
Yes, like I've I've done it where I've been sitting on the
couch feeling sorry myself and that doesn't work.
I think that's important to. You've done that with.
Cocaine in your system? You've had, but you've done the
appropriate work and lived the opposite existence to know
that's a spiral downward. Yes, yes.
The the idle, the idle hands the board the nothing to do, the
zero purpose. You try and move through the
world without any purpose and tell me how that goes for you.
It's like go get the razor blades.
Yeah, that's what it's like. I don't want to go through the
world without a purpose. One of our one of the
psychologist we love to listen to Jordan Peterson.
I I was listening to recently and he was discussing Sisyphus,
the guy the Greek. Yeah, that's just pulling the.
The guy that pushes the rock up the hill, pushes this huge stone
up the hill and you know how many times have you heard.
Oh well it's it's hard. And just when you get to, you
think you're going to get to the top.
You have to start over again or always 2 steps forward, one step
back and it was, it was Jordan that said, well, a nice helpful
perspective when it comes to Sisyphus is to view him as
happy. He wants to push the rock up the
hill. He's not so mad about it,
rolling back down to the bottom and having to start over.
He has something to do. He has a purpose.
And that's a better perspective for me.
That's a better personal life lesson for me in regards to
work, in regards to working out at the gym, in regards to I have
zero purpose in life. It's like that's not actually
true. Go find a load you can carry and
carry it to the top. Do it and then do it again.
Get up the next day. Do it again.
Do.
It again go. Go to work again and it's most
people want to complain about that type of existence.
But when I shoulder responsibility, I find purpose.
I find a meaning. It's no longer get the razor
blades. Yes, it's like, no, I have a
place to be. And then, God willing, that
perspective can evolve and maybe I get to carry the spirit of
service with me in my workplace. It's like, how can I be of
service today? Who can I help today?
Very useful tool for us in recovery is God used me today,
Yes. God make me of use today.
God put me where you want me to be today.
Those are those are prayers that I take with me often and
obviously it's out of experience.
I didn't. I didn't know this when I
started a recovery program, but through experience I learned
being of service to others is the greatest form of existence
on planet Earth 100%. I feel electric when I can give
of myself and help someone else. With no conditions tied.
Is that yes, Yeah, that's the hard part.
We. Were talking about that earlier
or recognition like me trying to do the the me trying to do it
without conditions or or me being a victim like look what I
did, I need, AI need. And this is the narcissistic
side of an an addict. Yes.
Where I need to do something and then I need the birthday cake
and the candles blown out and the song sung to me.
Correct. And I want everybody looking at
me. Even though I did something
minimal, I still need all the praise.
Yeah. And you see this in relation
when an addict gets in a relationship.
Because it's like, in order for me to feel good, I need you to
tell me how awesome I am. Yes, yes.
I was talking with my wife the other night and I was like, did
you know I buy all the laundry detergent?
And she was like, yeah, I buy all the diapers.
Yeah, exactly. I was like, oh, good point.
Well, I forgot about the diapers.
I don't know and I change them. I deal with shit.
It's way more you. Just buy the But but who?
Who uses the laundry detergent? Oh, I do.
Well, it's the same. I mean it's the same exact I
get. Into that.
That's my ego. And, and I think today's topic,
it's perfect with you using the rock.
Why is he happening? Why?
Why is what you're appearing as seeing something that's
horrible? Yeah, why?
Why this You Why this conditioning?
Especially in the new world where everything is easy and
gifted to me. And you know what?
You don't have to work for that. We'll send you a check.
Anyways, in the new world, why this perspective of negativity
have to go to work. Why this perspective of a It's a
grudge. It's I do this, but I do it
begrudgingly. It's not what I really want to
do. It's like maybe this is a
stepping stone to get to where I want to be 100%.
I used to work at a restaurant from 3:00 PM in the afternoon to
3:00 AM in the morning, and I did that for four years
straight. And it's definitely not for
everybody. It was something I was willing
to shoulder. It was a boulder I was willing
to push because I used it as a stepping stone to get where I am
today. Yeah, I mean.
You were able to. I built two businesses.
Off of. Off of.
That type of schedule, yeah. Millions of dollars worth.
And human beings are the only creatures on planet Earth that
can sacrifice the present in turn for the future.
I'm willing to sacrifice the present, whatever's going on in
the moment. My, my, whatever my desire to be
free and eat cakes in order to benefit future Dwayne later.
Yeah. And and this is what we're
talking about today is awakening awareness, so that you awaken
that awareness by understanding that.
So when you pull back and you look at that myth that Jordan
Peterson talks about that you were talking about an addict is
going to look at it are are probably pretty much a victim
mentality. Human regardless of who you are
is going to look at and they're going to focus on the rock, the
incline and how much work it takes to push it up.
Very good. And then they're going to turn
around and look at that and see who's watching me as I'm pushing
the rock up. So you have that part.
Then as I'm pushing the rock up, I need to stop with the people
that are watching me and tell them how hard I'm.
It is appaired to being happy where you have an awakening.
Awareness is has nothing to do with the incline, has nothing to
do with the rock. All of this is a spiritual the
work that I'm doing is just a spiritual metaphor of who I can
become. Nice if that makes.
Sense. That makes perfect sense.
I love that, Yeah. It's not real.
Do you want? The Rock's not real.
The Incline's not real. Well, I love this metaphor of
who I can become. Do you want to be, continue to
be the victim of your oppressive job?
Do you want to continue to be the victim of.
Well, it's never been easy for me.
Do you want to be the is that your role in this world?
Unconscious victim Tell me how things work out for you if
you're the unconscious victim. That's what the world is
praising. Absolutely, absolutely.
The news media and everybody else is like, we want you to be
unconscious and we want you to be a victim.
Very good. Because if you're an unconscious
victim, what are you, a slave? A slave.
A slave to work. You're a slave to the
government, both sides. Very good Republican, Democrat.
You're a slave to like Canada is just coming out with the rule
where they're they're going to filter podcasts like one of our
podcast in Canada with our Canadian listeners.
Hey all you guys, we get a lot of people from Canada listening,
so there must be a lot of addicts in Canada.
You know who it is. This is so funny, guys.
You guys are going to love this. And.
And I'm from there. I'm.
I'm not from there. My lineage says I'm part Irish
and part English. So.
But it's funny when you look USA is number one for our listeners.
Who do you think #2 is? India.
Ireland because. They're drinking all the time.
Recovered addicts froze. I love you guys at.
Least you guys are trying, you're trying.
So awesome. They listen to the podcast in
the bar. And in Ireland, if Nico is
listening to this, we'd love to come visit your shop, the watch
shop. Oh please, Pride and Pinion.
We we have like a thing with watches so we that.
Would be awesome. Yeah, but he's in Ireland.
There I think in Dublin or something.
But it's it's so, it's so wild when you look at this and and
this kind of the oxymoron of awakening, our awareness, we
awaken our awareness and this is number one in our literature is
to understand and admit our limitations.
Now this sounds counter intuitive to what the self help
is out there. The self help is out there is
like be like Kobe Bryant, Michael Jordan, you're
unlimited. But that's not what we're
talking about here. Whenever you look at
understanding and emitting our limitations, it's you up on the
rock, pushing that rock and then understanding.
I can't do this by myself, but there's something that can do.
This starts with the G and ends with the D, and it's three
letter God. I need God to step in and 'cause
he can push the rock up. No problem, very powerful.
Very powerful. But when you talk, I mean,
'cause you've done this for 13 years, that first step in
admitting their limitations, what does that look like for an
addict? Because you've articulated this
really well multiple times. Often it's extremely painful,
like the price to enter. We say it costs nothing to to
belong. But the price you pay to need to
recover is very high. And what I had to pay was years
and years of selfish destruction.
I was destroying my life. I was destroying the life of
people around me. And as a result of causing that
harm my existence suffered. I it was it was it was
unbearable. And it's difficult to admit that
I can't do this alone. That I'm I'm me.
Dwayne left his own devices. He's not enough.
Especially when it comes to my addiction.
When it comes to now, I need this thing in order to be OK,
and it's very paradoxical. It's backwards to the way my
mind normally works. My mind normally says work
harder and figure this out on. Your own.
You can do this. You can do this.
Only quitters quit. Don't be a fucking.
I'm an island. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll figure it out. I'll push harder, work harder.
So you're pushing the rock up with anger.
You're pushing the rock up with self deceit.
Yes, yes, you're pushing the rock up selfishly.
It's like. Fuck you while you're pushing
the rock my. Feet are are are scratching the
mud behind me and I'm giving it all my might and and I'm about
to blow a gasket in order to get this rock to the top and I can't
and I can't. So you got to get a little
broken. You actually have to get very
broken in order to admit complete defeat.
And that admitting complete defeat just looks like, OK, I
can't deal with this. So the boulder has, you have to
almost get halfway there, Then the boulder has to run over with
you, and then it falls back into the pivot that that divot that
it was in. And then it's and then you got
to start all over again with that momentum.
And then it's like, I'm bruised, I'm fucked up, I got a bone
that's like halfway stuck out my leg and I'm going to do this
again. You got to do that a whole bunch
and get that ball to that big heavy concrete ball to roll over
you and fuck you up a bunch of times before you finally say I
can't do this. Very powerful.
That's a hard. Fucking thing to do, entering,
recovery. And this is something that we're
building a community here online.
You and I have each other. We bounce life topics off of
each other all the time. You're one of my spiritual
giants, like you're a spiritual heavy hitter in my corner.
And we we we have each other's back.
We're like wrestling WWE, like Tag Team One.
Of the One of the beautiful components of having a recovery
program or support group around you is I don't have to push that
rock alone anymore. Yes.
So we start with this admission of limitation.
It doesn't always look like, God, I need help.
Sometimes it just looks like I can't anymore.
Well, for me with you, it's like you coming to me in a spiritual
aspect and it's basically saying you come to me and you're
saying, why are you pushing the rock?
You're struggling so fucking hard, Jason, why don't you just,
why don't you take a break, go have a sip of some coke zero
that you like to drink, and let God push the rock up.
Very good. I mean, that's what that's there
for. That's what you are there for.
You know what I mean? I.
Told two changed my perspective. I told two people that today.
God, you deal with this 'cause I can't.
Yes, I've said that as an affirmation, you know.
God, I need you to deal with this because I can't.
When my son was in gestation, we had gone to one of Emma's
doctor's appointments for ultrasound, and he was tracking
very small in regards to the amount of how fast he was
supposed to be growing in gestation.
And the doctor said, well, usually when they track that
small, like his brain and his femur, his head and his femur,
that's usually like Down syndrome.
And we were just like like devastated his shot to the
heart, you know? And I'm whatever, 12/10/10 years
sober at that time. And I had had enough experience
and enough exposure to spiritual principles and I just started
laying down that prayer as often as I could.
God you deal with this because I can't.
God, you deal with this because I can't.
And I'm very honored and blessed to be connected to such a
powerful woman because she did her work too.
She went to work and started doing meditations in regards to
OK, we're going to grow this little thing inside of us.
And then the next ultrasound he had had a 30% growth whatever
leap in however many weeks. And it was it was like this huge
rate of. Growth.
Isn't that amazing though, that you're you saw that spiritual
work being done and she did it, and she saw that power, so she
can draw into that anytime she'd be she could be like and and you
as a husband be like babe. Remember when you grew the baby
30? Percent yes, yes, yes, like in
just a few weeks. Those.
Thoughts and God and letting and letting the God consciousness
inside of me, the universal source power inside of me do
that work. That's not my rock to push.
I can't fucking even. I can't move it even if I tried.
There's nothing you could do. I couldn't go in there and
stretch him out like I couldn't do it.
Right, Yeah. I wanted to but I didn't know
there's not you know there's nothing I could do is my hands
were tied and God took care of him.
We had we she gave birth to a very healthy little boy.
He's wild he just went trick or treating and and at the time of
his life it was it was insane and and I'm so honored to get to
be connected to the type of family where those are some of
the principles we practice. Yeah, you just started them on
the candy industrial complex. First, you can eat as much candy
as you can as you want while you're hunting for.
Handy. Because when we get home, it's
going away. That's crazy.
Yeah, I get so addicted to the Reese's cups.
Reese's my favorite. I know those are my.
Favorite. So dealing with our limitations.
You know, a nice prompt for me is always God, help me recognize
my human limitations. God help me recognize.
So I need to see. I need to be able to see if I'm
unconscious and I'm in my ego. I can't see reality.
I can't really see what's going on.
I'm just, I just keep smashing up against this boulder and I'm
not figuring out how to get help or do something different.
So God help me recognize my human limitations.
Part of this stuff is I'm in human form, like I can only do
so much. I can only do so much.
And when it comes to my addiction, I definitely was not
enough to stop drinking on my own.
That, that, that for you alcohol more than anything probably.
I mean, there were some drugs involved, but that Boulder was
just running you over. Yeah, no matter how much you
tried to push on it, you couldn't push that alcohol
boulder up that. Boulder was hospitalizing.
Me it was. It was.
I was.
Black and blue broken, and I didn't know whose blood was.
On and and you've had to have mentors and people that that
came into your life through programs and stuff like that and
meetings that helped you through that.
But you had to make that decision to say, God, I can't do
this and be honest with yourself.
How hard is it in that first moments to recognize that you
are helpless? I mean, that's got to be a tough
feeling. Most people don't get it.
Most people just die. That's how hard it is.
It's so hard to have a a simultaneous break of the ego
and then willingness to to to kind of figure out what that is.
OK, if my ego cracked open, what's inside what what what,
what can illuminate the situation?
Most people aren't willing to let their ego crack open and
have God's light shine in. They just continue their
destructive behavior to the bitter end.
Yeah, I was watching this horrific video with the guy that
got ate by a shark in Egypt here recently and it's horrific.
I mean, it shows, you know, like he's in the water and then it
shows him moving all around, you know, how you'd picture.
And then the sharks like, on them, like.
And there's a point, I would imagine, I mean, I've been close
to death multiple times, been in three helicopter crashes in
Somalia and Bosnia and Haiti and all that.
But there's a point in your head where you have to be like, I'm
dying. I'm dead.
Like, like there's a point in your head where you're like, I'm
going to try to fight the shark, but then after a while you're
like, oh, I see blood everywhere.
Half my torso's gone. There has to be that moment
where the shark's too big, like I'm fucked and that that's the
shark of the addiction. It's kind of that same like, oh
fuck. Like, it's almost like a death
feeling, I would imagine. It is.
It is a a death of sorts and death.
Is there fear? It's.
A spiritual death. There's always fear.
Because I don't. I'm not.
It's not what I'm used to. I'm not used to surrendering.
I'm not used to giving up. I'm not used to saying I can't
handle this. I'm used to just smashing my
head against the wall and trying to do the same experiment over
again tomorrow. Right.
And. Like you're not going to fight
Jaws. I love the I love the shark
analogy. I just saw this Neem the other
day and it was there was a picture of a lion, a polar bear
and a gorilla and it says OK, you pick which one, No weapons,
no tools whatsoever. Which?
One, you're fucked. All three.
You're fucked no matter what. And it's that's that's my
addiction. Fuck.
No matter what I I I partake in the unconscious behavior.
Even if I don't want to, even if I know it's hurting me, I still
partake. Well, you were talking about in
one of our podcasts and it it's in my head all the time.
It's just running against a concrete wall.
Yes, the brick wall running on a brick wall, Yeah.
And I I picture is like a concrete, like, you know those
parking garages and the big concrete walls like go ahead.
Well, I watched, I don't know why my Instagram is giving me
these horrific videos, but maybe because I'm watching them.
I don't even like watching them because it makes me feel gross.
But there was a guy in a one of those wing suits which most of
those people die. Yeah, the squirrel.
Suits the squirrel suits. And he hits a bridge.
He's going 140 miles an hour. Yeah, that's literally what it
sounded like. Just like it sounded horrible,
But it's like because it had its camera on him, you know that
they collected the footage and it's like, there's the bridge
isn't going to move that concrete wall, that brick wall
is not going to move. Yeah, So what type of insanity
do I have to have? Just think.
I'm going to move the brick wall.
It didn't work. Oh, let me try it again.
What? What?
What is going on there? What?
Why? Why this?
Why this blind, egoic, destructive behavior.
That's it. That's my that's my addiction in
a nutshell. I'm blind.
It's all ego and it's fucking me up.
Yeah, it's it's fucking me up so bad I can't even see it's I I
can't even see how bad things are around me.
There's a popular analogy of being the tornado ripping
through everyone's life. You're the tornado ripping
through everyone's life. I love that, Yes.
And then the minute you get a little bit of, you get a little,
little bit of time. You say, man, it's nice that the
wind stopped blowing, but everything else is in shambles.
You look around. And yeah, everything's
destroyed, including my family and and that's.
So good bro. That's that's the addict.
The addict is the tornado. So usually something very
traumatic has to happen in order for me to be willing to look, to
look at the path of destruction. And if I'm lucky enough I
haven't died before, I take a look and I start to have a
little bit of awareness What makes that possible, What part
of me is aware? We've done a lot of podcasts on
this already. We have vertical dimension and
horizontal dimension in the world of form.
That's all. That's all horizontal existence.
That's that's my job. That's anything form based,
anything tangible, anything I can see.
We would even throw in thought forms in the world of form.
But then there's also a second dimension, vertical dimension,
spiritual dimension, an awareness dimension.
I'm having a thought about saying the word dimension.
Which part of me is thinking and observing that thought?
So we exist in two planes at the same time?
Vertical dimension, horizontal dimension.
The vertical dimension is what I want to be in the forefront.
That's what gives me a chance. That's what might be powerful
enough to help me try something different to help me.
OK, we're no longer going to partake in this insane behavior
and run into the wall anymore. We're going to ask for help.
We're going to go call Jason. Because he has a bulldozer,
right? Right.
Yeah, and and maybe we have a better chance at conquering this
obstacle together than you alone with your forehead.
Yeah. Or you could call God because he
owns Caterpillar, you know? Very good, very good.
He owns all the bulldozers. That's all.
John Deere doesn't matter. We create entire universes.
Do you want to move a wall? No problem.
Yeah. Yeah.
Look, we create universes. I'm creating them right now.
They're way out there. You can't.
And this is crazy, You know, It's like the law of awakening
or the law of awareness, like the law of gravity.
Like this is how it goes. Like it's a law like.
Universe A law. Yeah.
And for me whenever you look at and the vertical horizontal,
there's a lot of mystery school teachings back in the day that
talked about opening the heart chakra.
So I'm gonna get kind of real spiritual here for a second but
and and the Bible talks about it has to come from the heart 1st
and then the mind. So it's it's that's a vertical
in the horizontal is having that awareness in that heart.
You know what and what the Bible refers to as a heart.
It's kind of your soul, that soul awareness, you know, where
intuition comes from and all those, and then that thought,
The mind, you know, is kind of the spirit, you know, So you
have the soul and the spirit, these two, and and this is a
spiritual aspect of things. But it's kind of like that
awakening comes into the heart and it's that emotional.
And you've experienced that you know with your addiction that
that that emotional awakening that comes through.
And then the mind catches on. And then the logical part, the
vertical part comes through. Yeah.
Or is it the horizontal? I want to make sure I'm saying
it right. Yeah.
The vertical part comes through. And then that begins to lay out
the oh, OK. I've got God.
He's helping me move the rock. OK next rock I need to move with
God's help is get a job. You know, is let me use.
I saw a lady on Instagram and I'm gonna try.
I'm gonna try to get her on the podcast.
She showed her body in her transformation and stuff like
that for years. But I think she's even a
personal trainer or something. But she she's her whole thing is
like addict and being an addict. And then so she like, she shows
her body and like you know how they have those before or after,
like in a bikini or whatever. And then you can see this
transformation every single year since she, you know, since she
said I'm going to use physical to help me and the same as you,
you know, So if you're lazy, fat eating shitty food and you're
addicted to like I was like addicted to food or you know, I
still face that issues because I use that as a coping mechanism
like you would use alcohol or anything.
But if you're lazy, fat, you're a coward, you're a tornado,
you're selfish, you can change all of that.
Yeah, you could change it today. Yes.
If that heart chakra would open up and you would realize who you
really are inside and that's the next thing is what is what is
our current path and what is the path that lays before us?
Because I could have gone 13 years ago and said hey Dwayne,
you're going to be a multi millionaire.
You're going to have this. You're going to have an amazing
wife, you're going to have amazing kids and you're going to
have, you're going to go to a on a Halloween and not drink.
In fact, you're going to go on a Halloween and you're going to
have the most amazing Halloween you've ever had.
No one blacked out, yeah. No one.
There was a lot called involved in it.
So it's like and you didn't need alcohol to have the most amazing
Halloween because you told me that in the gym.
He's like, it's the most amazing Halloween I ever.
Had It's the best Halloween I ever had in my life.
I'm 35 years old and I've never had Halloween that much fun
ever. And if I would have went back
thirteen years ago and been like, hey, you're going to be a
multi millionaire, have a wife and have the best Halloween you
ever had and none of that involves alcohol, you'd have
been bullshit. Listen, who the fuck are you?
So. I don't believe you.
Yeah, yeah, you. That's what you say.
Sorry, I don't believe you. So yes.
Yes, do I. So the path I'm traveling.
Yes, here we go. The path I'm traveling, how do I
get from unconscious victim to creator of my world?
It sounds something like fucking responsibility is what it sounds
like. But that's a huge transformation
to go from unconscious victim. What's wrong with me is you.
What's wrong with me is the federal government.
What's wrong with me is. The Democrats or the
Republicans? Yeah, what's wrong with me is
Catholic. Church do.
These dying kids, they don't do what I need them to do.
What's wrong with me is you. If only you were different, I
would be OK. My mom shouldering 100%
responsibility for what's going on in my head is how we start to
walk that path from unconscious victim to creator of my world.
What's going on in my head is a lot of judgement.
What's going on in my head is a lot of fear.
What's going on in my head is a lot of I want the easy way.
I don't want to work this. I don't want to do that.
I want the easy way. Don't.
Don't you know who I am? I I should come first.
So tons of selfishness. An appropriate, well practiced
recovery program teaches me spiritual tools to start
rewiring to A recognize B. Start rewiring these crazy
thoughts. I have unconscious, selfish,
fearful, resentful, judgmental thoughts all day long, and my
shitty life is your fucking fault and I don't know how to
take responsibility. It's just a symptom of your
current path. Very good, very good.
That's all that is. So start.
You're sick because of this. So to start tapping into that
vertical dimension, to start tapping into that power that can
solve my problem. Very simple tool to start
rewiring the brain is God help me not judge.
Yes, God help me not judge. How many times do I have to walk
down the path and pray? God help me not judge.
God help me not judge.
I have not reached it yet, so I don't know.
I'm still praying that same prayer and it's been years.
God will leave me in my fear. God will leave me in my fear.
So those are, those are just two
simple little tools I can use as I'm walking this path to go from
unconscious victim to no, no, I'm taking responsibility for
what's going on in my head because I want to be the creator
of my world. I'm not the victim of my
surroundings. I'm the creator of my existence.
You know, we've talked a lot. We've we've had many podcasts
about tools and there there are countless spiritual tools
available to us. Another helpful one is to have a
high aim. It's like, OK, you were dying
drunk you were, you were killing yourself with with food and and
upset at what you saw in the mirror all the time 24/7.
I'm not good enough. What's a high?
Aim.
Yeah, OK, well, I want to be good enough.
I want to be someone I like when I look in the mirror.
I want to have 19 percent, 18% body fat.
How do I start heading in that direction?
Well, it might look like a meal plan.
These these are the six meals I can eat a day.
Five meals I can eat a day might look like a cardio format.
Five days a week, I'm going to do 20 minutes of cardio.
Might look like a strength training program.
Three days a week I'm gonna go hit the weights.
Might look like doing that over and over and over again.
At least I have a boulder to push.
Yeah, I know what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing today.
I'm not swimming in chaos. And the boulder was put there by
God, that that boulder you can push.
Very good. Yes.
So the. Yeah.
Yeah, go ahead. You go ahead.
No, but I because realizing that our literature says, realizing
that our current path is unsustainable.
So I want people to know the current path right now.
Current path that you're on as an addict right now is you
trying to pull up your own boulder, push up your own
boulder. The idol that you've the idols
that you've created. Alcohol, drugs, gambling,
pornography. You're trying to do it on your
own and it's running over you, beating you up constantly, just
using you, beating you up. That's that's one path.
That's one part of the current path or you're like, fuck it.
I'm not going to the, I'm not going to the boulder today.
I'm just going to look at it. It's sitting there, but you're
going to go to the boulder and then you're going to try to do
it again by yourself and that doesn't work.
So sitting around not doing shit when you know you got a boulder
to push up the hill and then looking at the boulder.
See, this is the paradox. People don't understand.
They get caught in this loop, the current path loop.
The current path loop is I'm going to do this by myself and
I'm going to push this boulder up and I'm going to work really
hard and do it and then know what fucks in, falls back on me.
Fuck it, I relapse. And then I'm going to, well,
fuck it. I'm just going to drink a whole
bunch for months on end or do drugs, or I'm going to cheat on
my wife or whatever it is months on end.
Because fuck it, This is what I this is who I am.
So you're not even getting close to the boulder.
But you don't realize when you invite God in, he brings you,
gives you a whole different path, like the the boulder and
that hill that you thought that you needed to climb was not the
one. Yes, you can choose a different
boulder there. There's one that's really easy
over here on a whole. You just have to go to this
other path. Nice.
And then there there's there's a physical boulder that's that's
not that hard to to move. I can actually move it.
Every day I do these things. There's a mental boulder.
I can understand that. Me doing the physical that helps
my mental and I'm not getting as depressed.
Oh, the spiritual boulder. Oh, I need to do these spiritual
practices and affirmations and listen to these podcasts and do
these different things and go to meetings and talk to other
people and serve other people. Oh, spiritual's working.
I can push that boulder. Yeah, yeah, I can do that.
All three of those boulders I can push.
Yeah. This is like a little juggling
ball. It's fantastic.
This is about finding my optimal load, Yes, it's about human
beings are load bearing creatures.
We're not built for Utopia and cakes.
It's not what we're fucking built for.
We're built to carry a load. I'd never felt better in my life
than what I had responsibility to show up to show up to it and
it unfold well. I I don't feel good when I stay
on the couch and eat cake. No, I don't.
I'm not happy. I'm not happy with how.
I get sleepy, I get tired the. Sugar.
It's a. Shitty way to live.
And then I'm watching these shows.
I love that you. I love that you say go get a
fucking job, get up and shoulder a load you can handle.
It's about finding the load that's appropriate for you.
That doesn't mean you're going to be the CEO of a downtown New
York law office next week. It'll be unrealistic about.
It but it might mean, OK, well, I got to go start supporting
myself. I could fill out these
applications. I could go to this interview.
I could show up. I could fucking make coffee at a
fucking Starbucks. I could do it and use that load
that job as a stepping stone to something better and then use
that job as a as a stepping stone to something better.
What's the spirit of the sacrifice I'm bringing to the
situation? Do I have a genuine spirit or do
I have the spirit of Cain? Am I saying yes?
I don't. I don't want to do any of this.
Well, the work. The work is cool because it
gives you a whole different paradigm.
It's like you step into a whole new planet when you step into
that nine to five job or whatever you get at Starbucks.
Let's use. So now you've they said yes, you
can come work. We need people.
You can work at Starbucks. So you get up in the morning at
5:00 AM and you head into Starbucks, you've entered a
whole new dimension that's totally different than you've
ever entered before. And guess what you're going to
learn in that dimension. You're going to serve other
people in that dimension and they're going to pay you for
being there. They're going to pay you for
being on the right path. Very good.
You're going to be on the right path.
Start getting a job is going to put you on though, right?
We just had somebody talk about that to us and they listen to
our podcast and they've gotten 2 jobs, two jobs, Great.
You got three jobs once, but once you relapse.
I'm an addict. I got to do it all or nothing.
Probably get one job. I'm going to get 3.
But get a job. Take that paradigm, that new
paradigm, that new world that you've entered into.
Allow them to pay you and learn. That's the whole process.
You're learning in this. You're learning a new language
in this whole new world. You're stepping into this new
planet. Yes, you're you're you're Han
Solo and you went into this whole new planet and you got to
learn how everything works. Phenomenal.
But if you do it with the spirit of Cain, you're going to be
like, well, fuck this job. Fuck the people I work with.
I'm just, I just work at Starbucks, you know, I'm giving
people coffee. And then I'm then I'm still the
victim. Yeah.
And I'm still the victim. And victims never recover.
Victims never take responsibility for their life.
Victims never recover. So we don't want to have the
spirit of king. You got to listen to the last
podcast about that. Yeah.
Yeah, that was a great one and it was phenomenal.
But that's also my ego. And many times throughout
history, the ego has been associated with Satan.
Oh, yeah. That's the part of me that takes
my existence to hell. That's hell on earth.
Fuck this job. I hate being here.
I hate serving people coffee. I hate doing this.
I hate. To Well, that's that's Hell on
Earth. That's the first time Satan
shows up is in the garden. Exactly what does he tell Eve?
Oh, you'll be like God yourself. Go for it.
Go. For it, you know, he's, he's
been holding back from you. Yeah, he wasn't telling you.
It's he's unfair like he's probably taken like 80% of the
cut. You know that job at Starbucks,
You know the guy that's CEO, he's a multi millionaire.
Look at you. You're only making $15.00 an
hour like it's it's that's the lie of Satan.
Very good, very good. He wants you to be that way.
And that creates, I get to create my own little hell living
that way. And then I go home and I kick
the dog and I curse at my wife and I and I and I and I go get
on my porn and then I and I wake up and do it all over again.
And enough of that and I don't want to exist anymore.
So the spirit that I'm bringing to the path that I'm walking
helps my awakening. Either I'm going to awaken
spiritually because I have some gratitude in my life, I have
some presence in my life, I have some vertical spiritual
dimension in my life, or I'm going to become more and more
unconscious because I'm spinning my own little hell.
And and that's very specific and I, I love this and I want you to
talk about this. So I get the job at Starbucks.
I go there. What does that look like now on
the new path? Well, it looks like you calling
your bullshit out with the negative attitude that you
always had at every other job, calling your victimhood out and
putting your What does Jason look like with his best self,
with a smile on his face, serving the employees, serving
Starbucks and serving those customers?
Fantastic. And it I'm going to be my best
in doing that. Fantastic.
What does that look like? That looks like?
Now you have a whole paradigm. That looks like this spirit of
Abel. And they said Abel walked with
God. That looks like walking with
God. So now I'm walking in the
garden. I'm in the Adam walked with God
too. I'm walking.
I'm in. I'm creating my own heaven.
I'm creating heaven on earth. And it doesn't matter.
This is the best part about this.
If you get further enough down the path and you can buy into
this, fucking buy into this, the job doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you're
fucking pouring coffee. It doesn't matter if you're
throwing trash for waste management.
It doesn't matter if you're training people in the gym.
What matters is the spirit that I bring to the job.
Do I want to be there? Do I want to be of service?
Am I here to help? Am I here to give or am I
spinning? Hell, am I saying all you guys
are against me? I hate having to get up in the
morning. I hate having to be.
Here one is selfish, the spirit of Cain.
This is selfishness, what you just said.
The other is let me practice in small ways not to be selfish.
Oh, I'm going to remember the regulars that come in and I'm
going to purposely write their names down because that causes
me not to think about me and me being a victim.
And they're the enemy, and they're interrupting me when I'm
trying to make coffee. But it causes me, I want Frank
to come in because I want to say, hey, how's it going?
Not going to talk about me and be selfish.
I'm going to ask how your day's doing.
Frank. I'm going to pour my spirit and
this as as it's just coffee, but it's way more than coffee it
turns into. We talk about spiritual alchemy.
You don't realize the power that you create.
Whatever job you have, whether you're, whatever it may be, you
said trash. Whatever.
When you come with an attitude of of service, higher self, it's
God. Like so powerful like it.
It's it's that ego God, the opposite of that in that show
we're watching. Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely. Foundation.
Foundation is killer. You know, when I was working at
a restaurant, that's not a very glamorous job.
Like, I touch people's saliva. I'm throwing trash.
I have to clean up after people. I have to clean up the alcohol
spills on me all the time. I I, you know, idiots.
I have to deal with. You deal with people.
Bathrooms. It's not the most, it's not the
most glamorous job, but the spirit that I was able to bring
to that job I was. I'm so, so grateful that that
crazy restaurant environment I got to use as a practice ground
for these spiritual tools. Can I detach from other people's
unconsciousness, and can I bring my own presence to the
situation? How good does it feel being in
someone's presence? The part of you that's connected
to God, the part of you that is unconditional, the part of you
that is eternal, how good does it feel?
Yeah, to experience that, Yeah, it's amazing.
Yeah, the. Best thing I can give anyone?
Well, that's how we. Met and I didn't give it.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, a lot of years ago.
And I wasn't perfect at it. And.
I was impressed. I was so impressed with the
service, but I was like, what the fuck?
Cuz just my friend and I were coming in there just smoke
cigars and it was like 180° from how everybody else.
But what you've done with your spiritual alchemy in that job.
Yes, Yes, is an average person there.
The average. And they had some cute girls
that you'd look at or whatever, you know, waitresses.
But you know you're not going to, they're not going to
remember your name. They're not going to remember
like you joked around about stuff that.
But the cigars, they're not going to go get the ashtray for
you. They're not going to do all the
amazing things that you did, remembering what you drank,
remembering names. Which is like, how the fuck do
you remember my name? You know, all all of those
things you did, you 10X everybody else, income wise.
Yeah, I'm not going to mention numbers, but I guarantee you
each and every one of you would be shocked at how much money you
can make in a night. Yeah, they're knocked down some
serious cash. You were making what a doctor
makes. But that's because of the
presence I brought to the situation.
I start, I, you know, I started practicing.
God help me out for my presence. God help me out for my presence.
And because it feels so good to be in that vibration if it feels
so good to be in that flow of energy.
How many $100 Tips? Did you get started throwing
money at me? People started.
Throwing money at me. Because it feels so good.
That type of service is unheard of.
I was a paradigm in the industry.
Usually you get people who are drunk or high and they forgot
half your fucking order and it's like, well, OK, well let me,
I'll be back. And that's not what I brought to
the table. I brought my very best and.
And you could see it. It was so obvious.
It was not. I got to say, you know, this
didn't happen overnight. This, this.
I learned this through years of heartache.
And I learned this through years of spinning my own hell.
And I learned this through years of willingness to continue to
expose myself to spiritual teachings.
And those spiritual teachings ripped me up out of that hell,
and they presented me with an alternative type of behavior.
And that alternative type of behavior said go fucking help
other people. Because.
We have service. When you're at that level, like
like you were I saw at that restaurant and you, it's just
very rare to see that. But the second part about that
is when you start to act in that abundance mindset, it's amazing
what the universe gives you. Like, you know as well as I do,
if you do that at Starbucks, what you did, you're going to be
district manager for two weeks. People can't help but want to
give you more. They're going to give you more.
Like you're going to transform. If you're a garbage collector,
they're going to be like, I don't know what the Hell's going
on with this guy, but you know, he's too good of a worker, too.
How valuable are you to the work that you perform?
Are you taking all the time? Just don't even think of the
paycheck. Don't think of the money.
Say, how can I be the best version of myself and serve
these people? That's the alchemy.
That's such a powerful paradox. That's what you.
Did I stopped and the money came?
I stopped focusing on the tip. I didn't prioritize my wallet.
I prioritized your experience and paradoxically, I made a shit
load more money. And you would tell me stories
when you focused on the tip. Yeah, and it went real bad.
It went real bad because I had fear, yes, That you were going
to screw me. Yes.
Fear that you weren't going to give me what I deserve.
Yeah, credit cards going. To be.
And I was here. I was there for the wrong
reason. I was there for me.
I wasn't there to be of service and to provide, to offer my
presence. The other beautiful part of that
alchemy is I got like a best friend out of that, like I met
you at a restaurant. Yes, yeah, 100.
Percent. And now, three years later, four
years later, No, it's almost 55. Years later, yeah.
We trained together in the gym. We're doing this.
This is from this. We bounce spiritual ideas off
each. Other I wouldn't have.
I mean, how many people were at the.
I mean, how many people served there 2025.
Well, and through the years it's like a.
Revolving door, I mean, but I mean it's like I would go there
just for that because when you, I haven't been there since you
left. Yeah, yeah.
So I mean there's no reason to you know like and and I imagine
a lot of people are probably like missing you, you know in
that point, you know, I mean you're you don't want to be
serving at a restaurant while you're a multi millionaire.
I mean, you're sick for your time.
It's not worth it at this point. It.
Was a It was a wonderful stepping stone for me and I'm
extremely grateful to have been in that environment.
And you were saving tons of money.
You bought real estate one. Of the most successful
environments in town and I'm so grateful for that experience.
People would be shocked. We're not going to get into
numbers, but people would be shocked if you told them how
much you could make in a night. A doctor probably makes that.
Maybe a surgeon makes that much in a night, you know, like
working one shift, like a go. A surgeon goes to the hospital,
works one shift. That's like what you were doing,
bro. I know, I know it now, on the
other side of the experience. But I stopped.
I stopped trying to push the boulder by myself.
Yes, yes. So in a very crazy environment
where unconsciousness is the norm, I started asking, God help
me push that load. And it was not a job.
Like, I've had a fucking blast. I had a lot of fun.
I would show up. I would perform.
Well, how can a how can a
alcoholic serve alcohol? Yeah, that's only God.
That's, that's it's not me. It's definitely not me.
And I mean, you've. Got it.
All over you. It's splashing on you.
That's a miracle, and that's a miracle.
That's one of the the greatest miracles that is offered to us
through recovery. I don't have to be dominated by
substance anymore. I don't even have an emotional
feeling. I feel nothing.
It's neutrality in regards to that substance.
And that substance used to make my stomach do figure eights.
I would have panic attacks even being around it.
So to go from panic attacks to fill nothing, that's a miracle.
But that's God, That's the vertical dimension.
That's the world of magic. It's like, how do you articulate
magic? I don't know.
You need to go fucking experience it for yourself.
That's how you articulate magic. When you understood, admitted
your limitations. God, this is all you.
I can't do this. God needs to do this.
You realize that the current path you are on is
unsustainable. I need a God path.
You went on that path and then next and and then we'll we're
going to because we've already kind of went through these So
we'll go through these for a SEC of time but exercise and
self-awareness and mindfulness. So you know for you you use a
lot of affirmations. You always tell me and I'm like
dude, so good and I'll use them too.
I use a lot of your affirmations, but like for me,
self-awareness is calling my bullshit out like I do a
different way. Like because I'm really big on
the self-awareness side, it's like I ask myself questions.
Why are you feeling this way? Like couple meetings ago I was
like Spirit of Kane all over you, bro.
Why are you playing victim right now?
I'm being so angry at somebody that doesn't even care.
They're not even thinking about you right now.
You're you're thinking 2 hours before the meeting even hits
that this other person's going to be angry towards you are are
spiteful and and it's the US versus them and that's how Cain
was with God and his brother. He killed his brother for it.
That anger that jealousy that. And we we did a whole thing on
that. So I don't want to get into that
but for me it's like asking self-awareness questions.
Why are you feeling this way? Oh it's the spirit of Cain.
OK, call your bullshit out Jason.
You know, for you, you're more like repeat affirmations.
Yeah, you like to prompt. Prayer You like?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like prayer and affirmation.
The repetition works very well for me.
So I think most important is having a positive for me, for me
and my one of my spiritual practices in regards to
mindfulness and presence is just having a positive, a positively
associated, repetitious behaviour.
And God relieve me of this. Obsession.
God, relieve me of this obsession.
I would say that 3000 times a day, minimum.
That's your picture. God relieve me in my obsession.
When I was trying to, you know, when I was new in in sobriety.
And now it looks like I'm wildly successful because I'm connected
to the present moment. Not because of my bank account
and not because of this job, that job, this whatever, but
because I'm connected to the present moment.
Where does all power exist in the present moment?
Where does God exist in the present moment?
So what am I really saying when I say I'm wildly successful
because I'm connected to the present moment?
The undercurrent of that mantra for me is I want to be connected
to God. I want to be connected to
source, because that makes me useful right now.
When I'm useful, my life is above abundant.
I have there's just this endless wealth that's available for to
me. I have this endless wealth of
air to breathe, this endless wealth of podcast microphone to
speak into this endless wealth of GM equipment to use and
sunshine on my face. It's it's such a backwards way
of existence. Conditioning.
Yes, yes, we're just there's hot water.
So much wealth available to me. I'm getting pissed because I
can't. I have to load the dishwasher.
I have a fucking. Dishwasher, bro.
In a few years, you'll have a dishwasher and he'll be wearing
an apron. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Oh, that's the dishwasher. That's my shoe.
He's the he's the chest. And you know that wealth of of,
of it's there's just so much majesty available to us.
But I have to be willing to have that perspective and with the
repetitious affirmations do for me is I I I believe, rewire my
conditioning so that maybe that's my first thought.
Maybe that's my first thought. My first thought is no longer.
Fuck this motherfucker. Yes.
Judgment, judgment, judgment, judgment.
Well, maybe my first thought can be.
I'm grateful. I have a load to push that I can
handle. If that's my first thought, I'm
doing really well. Well, yeah.
Why am I even thinking about this?
In the present moment, there's no judgment.
It doesn't even matter. So in the present moment,
there's no obsession. So, and this is really key and
we'll close on this and I think it's really good.
On our Third Point here, exercise and self-awareness and
mindfulness. Notice the word exercise.
You have to exercise self-awareness and mindfulness.
Yeah, mindfulness by pulling yourself in the present moment.
Self-awareness by doing affirmations.
Whatever that practice you use. Maybe you like to stop and read,
or you like to go for walks and and pray to God what?
Whatever, that self pulling yourself out of the bullshit.
Very good. Yeah, and believing in that
current path that you're on 'cause that current path and you
use this one a time, and I love it, The current path I'm on is
not real. That's not real.
It's not real. My obsession is not real.
That's a prayer. That's a mantra.
That's a affirmation all the same time.
And it's a recognition of awareness.
It's like you're it's it's like what you said.
You're with your son for Halloween.
A kid that believes that that Halloween costume is real.
When they walk up to the door, if they believe that's real, it
scares the shit out of them. But it's not.
So I was Voldemort. But he was what he was like.
I don't care. I'm.
I'm the prize is the candy. Yeah, fuck all these
decorations. I didn't tell you this.
I was Voldemort for Halloween and I wore a mask.
It was actually extremely frightening and I did not want
to traumatize my 2 year old. And so I got the mask and I put
it on with him. That's cool.
Yeah, and I said I need you to understand this is dad.
And then I put the mask on. I said I need you to understand
this is not real. And he, he got very afraid and
he started to cry a little bit. And then I would move the mask
to the side of my face, to the top of my head, to the to.
And I said, I need you to say that's not real.
And I had him say that's not real, that's not real.
And then on the scary houses when we were trick or treating,
there were witches up and they were glowing on.
That's the thing. And and and I could see him
withdraw and I said that's not real.
And then he would walk over to the door and he he mastered his
fear. He walked right through it
because he knew that's not real, that's not real.
Future events appearing, real. Fear that's not real.
You know, fear is useful, don't get me wrong.
But just in regards to my crazy thinking, to my 2 year old
monkey mind thinking that's not real, that's not real.
That's so. Good.
The best time Trick or treating because I was able to bring my
presence to my family and be with them.
And having a family, especially having kids, young kids is a
major responsibility, right? It's very difficult, but that
responsibility gives me purpose and children pay you for your
time. The way they pay you is you get
to see the world new again. It was like I had been never
been trick or treating before. I was like, what the fuck is
going on? I was like look at all these
kids. This is a black and it was
because they had so much fun and in that present moment I was
able to see the world through their eyes for a brief, brief
amount of. Time and then seeing watching
him overcome that fear. Yeah, through you mentoring and
you're so awesome, but that that's the same as an addict.
Yes, yes, absolutely. It's not real.
That's not real. It's all fake.
I need this alcohol to be OK. I need to have this porn.
In order to be OK, I need to have this cupcake.
Actually, I'm going to have 12 cupcakes.
Yeah, then I'll be OK. That's not real.
And then I obsess. Why?
So I eat four of them. There's twelve.
I eat four of them. Then I got to go lay down.
And while I'm laying down, I'm thinking about the eight that
are left. And you're guilty as shit.
And then I'm like, milk would sound good with that cupcake.
Yeah, I'm already doing that. So guys, we're done.
Today's cool. But I do wanna mention one
thing. The number one thing that you
can do for us with this podcast, if you appreciate this podcast,
is share it with someone. Yeah, so click that share
button, Send the links over. If this video helped you help
someone out with it and everybody's an addict, Yes, and
everybody could admit something that they obsess over.
Yeah, Even if it's addicted to my crazy thinking, yeah.
Grateful to work, to, to food, to porn, to gambling, all of
these things. So if you know somebody, just
say hey and and don't do it. Like, I know you're an addict.
Here's watch this video. Be like, hey, did this video
really helped me out? I've been struggling.
Be honest. Be open about what your
addiction is. I've been struggling with, you
know, this, this or this and this.
This episode helped me out and I just wanted to share it with you
because I love you, You know, that's so powerful.
You don't realize where somebody could be AT.
And I know a lot of you have shared comments with us.
We appreciate that in Ireland. We're we're working for you
there.