1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:09,360 Recovered Addict Podcast we got. Dwayne Yardman, Frank in the 2 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,760 house, Who else? Jason Rigby here. 3 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:14,600 I want to get into today and I think this will be interesting. 4 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,320 I mean, you know this, you've lived it for 13 years. 5 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:23,760 Why so many people fail? They go to a meeting, they spend 6 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:28,120 10s of thousands of dollars in a program and then week, 2-3 7 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,330 weeks, month, two months later they're using again. 8 00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:39,290 So I think this is a this podcast is going to show you the 9 00:00:39,290 --> 00:00:42,810 blind spots, the things that you're not thinking about, the 10 00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:47,050 motivation for you to be self aware enough to catch on because 11 00:00:47,370 --> 00:00:49,090 your mind is going to play a trick with you. 12 00:00:49,530 --> 00:00:52,330 The ego. When you're in your ego, you 13 00:00:52,330 --> 00:00:54,290 can't solve it. Your ego can't solve your 14 00:00:54,290 --> 00:00:56,050 addiction. Very good. 15 00:00:56,170 --> 00:00:59,090 Yeah, very good. The ego exasperates the 16 00:00:59,090 --> 00:01:01,010 addiction. Yes, it makes it possible. 17 00:01:01,370 --> 00:01:04,090 If I'm in my ego, I also have to be unconscious. 18 00:01:05,050 --> 00:01:12,130 And usually, at least for me in my experience, the unwillingness 19 00:01:12,370 --> 00:01:16,330 to change, the failure, the unwillingness. 20 00:01:16,330 --> 00:01:19,610 Yes, The unwillingness to change, the failure of attempts 21 00:01:20,050 --> 00:01:24,450 to enter recovery programs. I have all those experiences. 22 00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:27,980 All of that had my ego wrapped up in it. 23 00:01:27,980 --> 00:01:35,100 All of that involved a denial of of and a lack of reality. 24 00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:38,220 I can't really see reality, so I'll figure it out. 25 00:01:38,780 --> 00:01:42,540 I'll be big enough. Dwayne and his own devices will 26 00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:46,180 figure this out, right? I have to figure it out, Or you 27 00:01:46,180 --> 00:01:49,300 know, I deserve this. I can do this. 28 00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:53,290 I can handle this. I'll just drink beer, Not 29 00:01:53,290 --> 00:01:54,330 alcohol. Awesome. 30 00:01:54,890 --> 00:01:58,290 I'll do weed, not coke. I'm big enough to figure this 31 00:01:58,290 --> 00:02:00,090 out, yes. And then I substitute one 32 00:02:00,090 --> 00:02:01,770 addiction for the next. Yes. 33 00:02:01,770 --> 00:02:05,330 Yes, absolutely. So we, we all know more than 34 00:02:05,330 --> 00:02:09,690 anything, if you're motivated enough, you can solve anything. 35 00:02:10,289 --> 00:02:13,210 So you know motivation is the key ingredient. 36 00:02:13,330 --> 00:02:17,280 Somebody that's really motivated to give up their addiction and 37 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:19,560 you can white knuckle it you know hundreds of people that's 38 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:23,000 white knuckled it and have been motivated enough where they've 39 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,960 gone through addiction programs they've gone to the meetings 40 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:31,240 they've and they've just kind of I got to change like I have to 41 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:34,640 change and in that motivation they've done it. 42 00:02:34,640 --> 00:02:39,440 But there's that's that's a that's a a way that you can do 43 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,960 it. And I think motivation is dirty 44 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:47,240 fuel and I may be wrong so correct me on this but there's 45 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,360 like clean fuel you can put in your hot rod or you can put 46 00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:54,520 dirty fuel in your Ferrari and and your Ferrari will run for a 47 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:56,080 period of time with The Dirty fuel. 48 00:02:56,720 --> 00:03:01,160 But and you know this with gyms you know with motivation alone 49 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:04,360 is not going to get you to the gym because motivation comes and 50 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,520 goes with emotion. You know I'm not motivated to go 51 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,400 to the gym myself. You are. 52 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,800 But I I have not got to the point where I'm excited to go to 53 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,160 the gym. That's very good. 54 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,840 That's a very good I have to go to the gym, but I'm not excited 55 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,400 to go. Yeah, it's very Eat ice cream. 56 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:20,720 Nice. Me too. 57 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,240 It's very good to just understand the difference 58 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:28,680 between motivation and dedication, and I believe that's 59 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,520 what you're touching on here. And motivation is an emotion, 60 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:36,280 and human beings don't feel the same emotion 100% of the time, 61 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:37,080 right? Like. 62 00:03:37,490 --> 00:03:40,970 We're just up and down creatures and that's the way we'll always 63 00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:43,730 go through the world, so I have to be willing to navigate my ups 64 00:03:43,730 --> 00:03:45,410 and downs in regards to my emotions. 65 00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:50,730 Motivation is an emotion, but discipline is an action. 66 00:03:51,170 --> 00:03:53,330 Yeah, it's like you were just telling me about the weekend 67 00:03:53,330 --> 00:03:57,010 that you went through with with addiction program that you were. 68 00:03:57,010 --> 00:03:58,650 You spent a whole weekend in the mountains. 69 00:03:58,650 --> 00:04:01,250 And yeah, I was very blessed. So you had somebody that had 54 70 00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:02,410 years. Or 53. 71 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:06,880 Yeah, 53 years, 53 years of recovery, recovery and. 72 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,600 And absolutely not having alcohol, drugs and alcohol. 73 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,000 And then you had somebody that had one day. 74 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:14,640 Now the person with one day because you guys love them so 75 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:19,240 much, they are motivated in that moment not to use. 76 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:23,920 And probably during that weekend they would be motivated enough 77 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:28,720 not to use. Now the person with 53 years, he 78 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:32,000 has the dedication. It's Kanaka. 79 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:35,840 He's a week from that meeting, not going to use no, more than 80 00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,760 likely with 53 years. Yeah, 'cause he's gone through. 81 00:04:39,320 --> 00:04:42,080 Now she is going to face when she's all alone in her 82 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:47,040 apartment, Not, you know, And that motivation wears off. 83 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,680 You see what I'm saying? Absolutely could use again the 84 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:57,120 odds of those two, the 53 years and the one day motivation's not 85 00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:00,500 going to help either of those two people you see. 86 00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:02,580 Do you see what I'm saying in long term? 87 00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:05,580 What we're interested in doing is creating a new lifestyle. 88 00:05:05,820 --> 00:05:10,060 Yes, 100%. Creating a new way to navigate 89 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,300 the world. And in my addiction, I navigated 90 00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:16,500 the world with a substance making me OK, right? 91 00:05:16,540 --> 00:05:18,860 That makes sense. Yes, this substance in order to 92 00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:24,380 be OK, in order to live in the world and now we enter recovery 93 00:05:24,380 --> 00:05:29,220 program and I still have to live in the world without the 94 00:05:29,220 --> 00:05:32,840 substance. So learning new tools, new 95 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:36,960 disciplines to navigate the world are what we're talking 96 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,600 about. So really, it's the design for 97 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,720 living. I'm interested in redesigning my 98 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:45,080 paradigm, redesigning how I approach reality. 99 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:49,480 And yeah, motivation can only last so long. 100 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:53,120 It will only get me so far. Let's say a couple weeks, let's 101 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,000 say three months. I've made it three months, 102 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,840 totally white knuckling it before. 103 00:05:57,420 --> 00:06:02,460 And I was living at home with my mom and she was like, you can be 104 00:06:02,460 --> 00:06:04,580 here, you can stay here. I love you, but you can't drink. 105 00:06:04,580 --> 00:06:07,980 I said OK, I won't drink. I had no spiritual solution. 106 00:06:08,140 --> 00:06:13,900 I had no exposure to any type of program or support group. 107 00:06:14,380 --> 00:06:17,580 I was just white knuckling. It motivated to have a roof over 108 00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:21,700 my head. I was such an asshole to be 109 00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:24,780 around because my emotions were so raw. 110 00:06:25,610 --> 00:06:31,490 She kicked me out of the house three months sober, and I was 111 00:06:31,490 --> 00:06:35,290 like the whole point of having the house was I wasn't going to 112 00:06:35,290 --> 00:06:37,730 drink. And then it was very easy for me 113 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,850 to say, fuck it, I'm drinking. Yeah, because. 114 00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:42,410 Because I lost the house anyways. 115 00:06:42,410 --> 00:06:44,090 Well, the purpose got taken away. 116 00:06:44,290 --> 00:06:46,410 Correct. I and I was no longer motivated. 117 00:06:46,410 --> 00:06:48,050 Yeah, I mean you were in self aware to understand that. 118 00:06:48,050 --> 00:06:50,010 But no. So motivation can only get us so 119 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,290 far. Yeah. 120 00:06:51,290 --> 00:06:56,830 And I want to get into why addicts, why they don't seek 121 00:06:56,830 --> 00:07:00,190 help, why they stop going to meetings, why they drop out of 122 00:07:00,190 --> 00:07:02,870 the program. And #1 and I want you to talk 123 00:07:02,870 --> 00:07:04,310 about this, Number one is denial. 124 00:07:04,830 --> 00:07:06,990 Addicts often deny that they have a problem. 125 00:07:07,270 --> 00:07:10,910 They, and this is a big one with me with food addiction is they 126 00:07:10,910 --> 00:07:13,110 minimize the severity of the addiction. 127 00:07:13,830 --> 00:07:15,590 And I think that's really, really important. 128 00:07:15,950 --> 00:07:19,550 And so they it makes it difficult for them to be honest 129 00:07:19,990 --> 00:07:25,020 and get help, because if you're denying it or you're minimizing 130 00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:27,380 it, it's the same thing. Very good. 131 00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,900 Very good. I want to touch a little bit on 132 00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:30,940 what the you just said. Honest. 133 00:07:32,220 --> 00:07:36,140 Yeah, I'm in denial. If I can't honestly see my 134 00:07:36,140 --> 00:07:41,740 behavior, if I'm not willing to look at the harm that I've 135 00:07:41,740 --> 00:07:47,660 caused in my addiction, then I can't be honest with how serious 136 00:07:47,660 --> 00:07:50,860 it is. So one of the nice tools that a 137 00:07:50,860 --> 00:07:53,540 recovery program should be presenting people is the 138 00:07:53,540 --> 00:07:57,780 opportunity to get honest about their bad behavior, about their 139 00:07:57,780 --> 00:08:01,300 delusional reality. And you know, many recovery 140 00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:05,620 programs meet, they they tell you to meet pen to paper. 141 00:08:05,940 --> 00:08:07,860 They say write it down, write it down. 142 00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:14,700 You get an accurate survey of your conduct over the last 143 00:08:14,740 --> 00:08:17,300 decades, however many years it's been. 144 00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:21,950 Of of my unconscious behavior and then I can I get a actual 145 00:08:22,110 --> 00:08:26,590 real view of harm that I've caused the real? 146 00:08:26,590 --> 00:08:29,710 Selfish decisions that I've made. 147 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,429 It's black and white and it's right in front of me, and I can 148 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,870 no longer run from it. So it's like Morpheus showing 149 00:08:35,870 --> 00:08:38,350 Keanu Reeves Yes. What's really happening. 150 00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:39,870 Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. 151 00:08:39,870 --> 00:08:41,710 Yeah. You're you're you're waking up. 152 00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,789 Yes. You're waking up to reality. 153 00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:49,850 And if I'm in denial? A I'm definitely not going to 154 00:08:49,850 --> 00:08:53,250 write that shit down. BI can't even see it. 155 00:08:54,010 --> 00:08:58,250 I can't even see. I minimize how my how bad my 156 00:08:58,250 --> 00:08:59,370 behaviour's been. It's OK. 157 00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:03,450 Well, I'm not under a bridge. Yes, I drink all the time, but 158 00:09:03,450 --> 00:09:05,930 I'm not under a bridge. I'm not willing to be honest 159 00:09:05,930 --> 00:09:08,530 that my drinking has pushed away my family. 160 00:09:09,410 --> 00:09:12,050 My drinking has lost every good job I've ever had. 161 00:09:13,210 --> 00:09:15,890 My drinking has wrecked multiple vehicles. 162 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,600 And harmed others in the process, right. 163 00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:21,000 Right. My drinking has got me. 164 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,000 I I woke up with blood on me. Whose blood is this? 165 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,240 Do you know? I don't even know whose blood? 166 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:30,200 This is my drinking take. My drinking takes me all sorts 167 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,240 of insane places. And until I'm willing to see 168 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:38,320 that accurately, I'll behave in denial, because the denial gives 169 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,440 me an excuse to continue the bad behavior. 170 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,120 So the denial. I like this. 171 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:47,700 So the denial allows you. It allows you to look at your 172 00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:50,460 ego and say, yes, I can continue to do this. 173 00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:54,580 It's it's an excuse. To continue the addiction. 174 00:09:54,820 --> 00:09:58,340 Absolutely. So the denial is the dishonest 175 00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:02,100 matrix. It's it's you living the lie. 176 00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:06,420 Yes, because opposite of honesty is lying. 177 00:10:07,220 --> 00:10:10,220 So it allows you to lie to yourself and then allowing to 178 00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:13,580 yourself you can play a victim or you can do whatever you want 179 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,480 because there's no responsibility and it's just the 180 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:21,720 denial is just one big excuse to continue the party if you want 181 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:22,840 to say yeah. Absolutely. 182 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:27,320 Jordan Peterson studied the malevolence over the 20th 183 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,240 century. He was very interested in how 184 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:36,920 World War 2 and Communist China and and all all sorts of 185 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,760 horrific events took place. And he says, do you know how? 186 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:48,760 Nazi Germany became possible. One malevolent decision at a 187 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:52,680 time. Yes, I have to be able to turn a 188 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:58,440 blind eye in order to participate in the willing 189 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:03,360 destruction of myself. I I I'm slowly killing myself 190 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:08,800 with drugs and alcohol, and I had to be willing to turn away 191 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,800 from the God consciousness inside of me that knew. 192 00:11:12,170 --> 00:11:17,090 There was a better direction and that's the same as denial. 193 00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:22,330 So denial comes from I I want you to think of you like early 194 00:11:22,330 --> 00:11:27,610 20 year old Dwayne. Is it so much fun to party and 195 00:11:27,610 --> 00:11:31,490 drink that you want to deny it because you don't want to give 196 00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:33,650 it up? It wasn't fun for a very long 197 00:11:33,650 --> 00:11:36,330 time. It was fun in the beginning. 198 00:11:36,490 --> 00:11:38,890 What do you think the motivation to deny it is? 199 00:11:39,130 --> 00:11:42,490 Like like is it like your identity is you're an alcoholic 200 00:11:42,490 --> 00:11:44,250 or? Yeah, that's part of it. 201 00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:44,930 Are you? I mean you. 202 00:11:44,930 --> 00:11:46,650 Use drugs. This is just who I am. 203 00:11:46,650 --> 00:11:51,410 This is what I do. My old self has to die in order 204 00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:52,770 for and I don't want to have that happen. 205 00:11:52,770 --> 00:11:55,130 No, In order for me to be born into something new, it's very 206 00:11:55,130 --> 00:11:59,810 painful walking through death. So it's avoidance of pain, it's 207 00:11:59,810 --> 00:12:03,240 unwillingness to change. Part of it is also just, I don't 208 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:07,320 know, There is another option. I have come down like I've gone 209 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:11,400 down the rabbit hole so far for so long, like I've lived this 210 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:15,440 way for so many years. Our alcoholic life is the only 211 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,560 normal one. I don't know there's a different 212 00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,600 type of life. So our addicted life is all I'm 213 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,720 used to. So my old self literally has to 214 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,000 die in order to be born. Yeah, and that's tough. 215 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,640 And and that dying process sucks. 216 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,040 Yeah, like I don't want to feel that way. 217 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:37,320 I'd rather feel numb with alcohol in my system than feel a 218 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:40,240 responsibility. And we can perpetuate that for 219 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:41,440 years. Yes. 220 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:42,400 Yeah. I see what you're saying. 221 00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:45,000 Evidence denial. Evidence denial I couldn't 222 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,440 possibly change. The only thing an alcoholic 223 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:50,280 hates more than change is the way things are. 224 00:12:52,650 --> 00:12:53,490 That's so true. I love. 225 00:12:53,490 --> 00:12:55,250 That fight about reality, and I'm going to fight it. 226 00:12:55,290 --> 00:12:57,370 Having to change it. Well, that's the second one. 227 00:12:57,650 --> 00:12:59,650 So denial was the first. The second one is fear of 228 00:12:59,650 --> 00:13:00,690 change. Very good. 229 00:13:01,290 --> 00:13:02,690 You're just right on. You don't even know that you're 230 00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:04,650 doing this. But addicts may be afraid of 231 00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:07,330 what their life will be like without drugs or alcohol. 232 00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:09,850 They may worry about losing friends, their job or their 233 00:13:09,850 --> 00:13:11,690 home. So I want to get into this. 234 00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:14,930 Why? Why am I afraid? 235 00:13:16,090 --> 00:13:20,610 Why am I so afraid to not have drugs or alcohol? 236 00:13:20,990 --> 00:13:24,190 Like what? Is it the fear of the unknown or 237 00:13:24,190 --> 00:13:29,270 I don't know who I am or why do you think a person would want to 238 00:13:29,270 --> 00:13:32,550 keep that? Like what's the fear of change 239 00:13:32,590 --> 00:13:36,190 like? Yeah, this is you know, this is 240 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:42,110 a a big, a very big topic and a very big issue for anybody 241 00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:48,990 trying to enter recovery program and it was hard accurately 242 00:13:48,990 --> 00:13:51,420 looking at myself. And figuring out that I've made 243 00:13:51,420 --> 00:13:56,820 every single decision ever based in fear that we like to say that 244 00:13:56,820 --> 00:13:58,500 we all face that, that would be the same. 245 00:13:58,820 --> 00:14:02,100 Same with me. Fear is the corrosive thread 246 00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:05,180 weaving its way through the fabric of our entire existence. 247 00:14:05,180 --> 00:14:08,820 Like it's it's in every part of every part of the every decision 248 00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:11,460 I've ever made. And it's it's hard to look at 249 00:14:11,460 --> 00:14:12,980 that. It's hard to look at that. 250 00:14:12,980 --> 00:14:16,860 I make decisions based out of fear, some of the recovery 251 00:14:16,860 --> 00:14:19,650 language says. Selfish and self-centered fear. 252 00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,890 So I have fear of losing what I have or fear of not getting what 253 00:14:22,890 --> 00:14:26,490 I want. And in my addiction, what I have 254 00:14:27,410 --> 00:14:32,330 is connection to the bottle. Yes, that numbs me out so I 255 00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:36,170 don't have to look at the uncomfortable harm I'm causing 256 00:14:36,170 --> 00:14:38,730 in the world, the selfish decisions I'm making. 257 00:14:38,970 --> 00:14:42,330 I don't even have to look at it because I don't have to feel 258 00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:45,330 those feelings. I don't have to be in reality. 259 00:14:45,370 --> 00:14:50,640 I can check out SO. A I'm afraid of facing reality. 260 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:59,040 B I'm afraid of losing what I know works, And unfortunately, 261 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,560 if we go down the rabbit hole enough, it's not working 262 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,640 anymore. I'm killing myself. 263 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:07,760 I'm isolating myself, right? I'm losing the things that 264 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:12,880 actually care or create a whole full life, family, love. 265 00:15:13,340 --> 00:15:16,180 Responsibilities. Those things all start falling 266 00:15:16,180 --> 00:15:19,900 away because I'm willing to prioritize the drink over any 267 00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:22,860 type of spiritual development, any type of love development. 268 00:15:22,860 --> 00:15:25,380 I I don't know what it is to have a connection with someone. 269 00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:27,580 Those things are all foreign to me. 270 00:15:27,900 --> 00:15:31,380 If I'm behaving selfishly in my alcoholism, yeah, for me, fear 271 00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:34,620 of change was. And this is what I I I talk to 272 00:15:34,620 --> 00:15:38,220 myself this way as a man is. I'm being a coward. 273 00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:43,930 If I'm operating in fear and I'm not willing to evolve and adapt 274 00:15:43,930 --> 00:15:46,890 like creation does, You know, all of creation. 275 00:15:47,170 --> 00:15:50,250 God created this earth, you know, and it evolves and adapts. 276 00:15:50,290 --> 00:15:53,610 That's that's part of life. If I'm not willing to change and 277 00:15:53,610 --> 00:15:58,370 I have fear of change, you know, then for me personally, it's me 278 00:15:58,370 --> 00:16:03,010 being a coward and I don't like me being a coward. 279 00:16:03,490 --> 00:16:07,210 I don't want to be the person that hides when it gets tough. 280 00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:09,580 You know what I mean? I don't want to. 281 00:16:09,580 --> 00:16:11,940 I don't want to be the person. I watched that video and it was 282 00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:15,940 so horrific. Of the guy walking in France and 283 00:16:15,940 --> 00:16:18,180 stabbing little kids in the playground and people just 284 00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:22,020 running away or. And there were men I hope that I 285 00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:23,900 would be, you know, and I've been in the military, so I've 286 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:26,300 confronted those things and been in combat and all that. 287 00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:30,380 So I would think that I would go towards that person and try to 288 00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:33,820 stop them with a knife. Then I would run away as a 289 00:16:33,820 --> 00:16:35,700 coward and let him stab little kids. 290 00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:39,640 I don't want to be the person, and that's what I visualize like 291 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,680 I want to stand up for my family. 292 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:47,040 If I if it's sacrificing my life or my family, I want to be that 293 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,440 person. And if I'm in my addiction, I am 294 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:51,080 that coward. Absolutely. 295 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,480 I am not going to. I'm going to be self-centered 296 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:57,080 and selfish and run away. I'm not going to stand up and 297 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,880 take responsibility when I need to in that moment. 298 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,520 And that's embarrassing and it hurt. 299 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:06,480 It. It hurts like at me as a man. 300 00:17:06,839 --> 00:17:09,200 You see what I'm saying? That type of existence is 301 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,240 tragic. Yes, exactly. 302 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:16,119 Not only is it tragic, it's disgustingly selfish. 303 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,480 Disgustingly. That's a good It's just for me. 304 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,880 It's just for me. I could save my family, or I 305 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,440 could. I could preserve me and get out 306 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:29,360 of here, right? And I choose me and it, and it's 307 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,360 it's a betrayal of all that we hold sacred. 308 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,640 It's a betrayal of all that we held him, and that's what you're 309 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:38,280 doing in your addiction, though. I'm turning my back on God. 310 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,640 I'm not willing to shoulder responsibility to connect other 311 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:46,520 people or or or be of service or or live in this world in a in a 312 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,640 productive way, in a sacrificial way. 313 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,840 I just care about getting me mine. 314 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,360 It's a very selfish existence and. 315 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,160 You know, there are a lot of analogies that we use and have 316 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,600 used in previous episodes, but it's worth reiterating. 317 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,720 Fear is often like a curtain. I think of it as a concrete 318 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,920 wall. Like, I can't go through this. 319 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,920 I don't know what's on the other side of that wall. 320 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:12,920 I I can't even get through this wall. 321 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,760 It's a barricade and it's good. If I try to go through that 322 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:20,880 wall, it's going to really hurt. And that's usually my denial and 323 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:23,800 my delusion because I'm so afraid of change. 324 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:32,210 But. We say alcohol can often take us 325 00:18:32,210 --> 00:18:37,770 close to death, and that death can often be very motivating. 326 00:18:38,610 --> 00:18:41,930 That's that initial motivation that you might walk into a 327 00:18:41,930 --> 00:18:45,170 program with, into a recovery program with, and that that 328 00:18:45,170 --> 00:18:48,130 motivation can't help open the door. 329 00:18:48,530 --> 00:18:51,650 So if I'm motivated to take action and do something 330 00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:55,200 different. Maybe I'm motivated to try and 331 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:59,680 attempt to go through that wall, regardless of the amount of fear 332 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,120 involved in the process. And then when I actually take 333 00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:06,000 the action, I figure out, oh, you know what, This isn't a 334 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,080 cinder block wall. It's always that way. 335 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,520 This is like a curtain fear's an illusion is always. 336 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,080 Yes. I don't know what's on the other 337 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,800 side of the curtain, but I can get through a curtain. 338 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:21,000 I can step through that. The nice acronym for FEAR Future 339 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:25,080 Events Appearing real, right? That's not real. 340 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,440 That's a wonderful spiritual tool that we have that we like 341 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,960 to share with everyone. If if you're in your mind, if 342 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,840 you're thinking about how could I possibly change, how could I 343 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:40,280 even get through today without drinking or get through today 344 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:43,640 without the sugar, without whatever it is? 345 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,720 Nice tool for us is. That's not real. 346 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:52,780 Can I spot the crazy thought? Can I be separate for at least a 347 00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:58,060 moment In my mind? From my mind, there's a fearful 348 00:19:58,060 --> 00:19:59,260 thought. Well, you can get used to 349 00:19:59,260 --> 00:20:01,580 anything. I mean, like, I mean like in 350 00:20:01,580 --> 00:20:05,060 combat it's like first time you're throwing up super sick, 351 00:20:05,540 --> 00:20:07,540 like freaking out, and then after a while you're making 352 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:10,980 jokes, having fun, hopping on the helicopter, not even caring. 353 00:20:11,220 --> 00:20:14,700 Like almost like you're Superman, which is a fault, you 354 00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:17,180 know, But it's like, you should still be kind of scary. 355 00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:19,920 But. You can get used to anything. 356 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,080 I remember you telling me the story of that golfer that 357 00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,240 flubbed it, you know? And then the difference in the 358 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,720 money between the 2nd place and the 1st place. 359 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,160 This is like last year or. Something, yeah, yeah, you know, 360 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,600 at the end he like with the tournament or whatever, he ended 361 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,120 up. I don't know if you remember 362 00:20:34,120 --> 00:20:36,160 that story or not, but I think it was, wasn't it? 363 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,200 Last year he lost millions of dollars. 364 00:20:39,420 --> 00:20:42,700 He was way ahead, yeah. And then at the the last day or 365 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:45,300 something, he choked. Yeah, this happens really often 366 00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:47,140 in golf. Like yeah, they they say they 367 00:20:47,140 --> 00:20:50,940 call it A50, a 54 hole lead. It's like you've it's a four day 368 00:20:50,940 --> 00:20:53,780 tournament and you've been leading for three days and then 369 00:20:53,780 --> 00:20:57,700 you have to go home and you have to sleep and you have to prepare 370 00:20:57,700 --> 00:21:00,860 yourself to play that 4th day. And you know on the other side 371 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:04,460 of that fourth day is like a $15 million prize. 372 00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:07,260 Can you imagine making $15 million in four days? 373 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,960 Yes, yes, I can imagine. Yes, I'm ready. 374 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:15,040 I'm ready. However, not all the time, but 375 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:19,840 often they they lose that lead and they don't win the money 376 00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:25,640 because I had that long of a time to be alone in my mind. 377 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:28,040 But it's fear. And to sit in the fear, and to 378 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,520 let that fear manifest, to let it fester, to let it surface. 379 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,640 Worry. Yes, yes, Worry pretends to be 380 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,400 necessary. And. 381 00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:42,490 In those moments, I have an opportunity to turn towards God. 382 00:21:43,290 --> 00:21:46,890 And we believe that the God consciousness inside of us is 383 00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:52,290 not capable of existing in fear, you know, and and this is like 384 00:21:52,290 --> 00:21:56,450 the fear of change in losing, like you know you're already 385 00:21:56,450 --> 00:22:00,530 losing, like you've already lost your family if you're if you're 386 00:22:00,530 --> 00:22:02,790 in your addiction. And the friends that you're 387 00:22:02,790 --> 00:22:05,350 going to lose are not friends. They're not real friends anyway. 388 00:22:05,350 --> 00:22:08,670 That's such a good point. You're just trauma bonding from 389 00:22:08,670 --> 00:22:11,030 addiction, you know? This guy is going to steal my 390 00:22:11,030 --> 00:22:14,190 wallet. And that girl over there, I know 391 00:22:14,190 --> 00:22:16,270 she's slept with everyone in this room. 392 00:22:16,790 --> 00:22:22,950 But God, these are my friends and and what if I lose all my 393 00:22:22,950 --> 00:22:24,430 friends? And it's like these ain't your 394 00:22:24,430 --> 00:22:26,270 friends at all. They don't even know what 395 00:22:26,390 --> 00:22:28,710 they're not everybody's unconscious, so no one knows 396 00:22:28,710 --> 00:22:32,030 what true friendship is. In those environments I'm I'm 397 00:22:32,030 --> 00:22:33,470 there to see what you got from me. 398 00:22:33,910 --> 00:22:36,870 It's like how how many? To take from you friends, did 399 00:22:36,870 --> 00:22:43,030 you get and understand through your 13 years and in working 400 00:22:43,030 --> 00:22:46,150 with programs and stuff that you've worked with and and in 401 00:22:46,150 --> 00:22:49,470 addiction recovery and all that, How many true friends did you 402 00:22:49,470 --> 00:22:51,430 make? I've made some very powerful 403 00:22:51,510 --> 00:22:53,510 connections and lifelong friends. 404 00:22:53,510 --> 00:22:55,750 Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm think, not I. 405 00:22:55,750 --> 00:22:57,630 Called Boom. I know they'd be there, not the 406 00:22:57,630 --> 00:22:58,870 guys you were snorting coke with. 407 00:22:58,950 --> 00:23:00,630 No, those guys don't even know anymore. 408 00:23:00,830 --> 00:23:04,390 I don't remember their names, and the ones that I do, I don't 409 00:23:04,390 --> 00:23:07,430 know where they are, but how deep are the two relationships 410 00:23:07,430 --> 00:23:08,950 compared to? Yeah, there's no comparison. 411 00:23:08,950 --> 00:23:10,790 There's no comparison. It's like a puddle compared to 412 00:23:10,790 --> 00:23:12,910 the ocean. It's like the depth that I have 413 00:23:12,910 --> 00:23:16,750 with with those friends now, you know, I tell them my deepest, 414 00:23:16,750 --> 00:23:18,510 darkest secrets and they love me anyways. 415 00:23:18,750 --> 00:23:20,950 Yes. Yeah, see, that's the awesome 416 00:23:20,950 --> 00:23:22,270 part. It's powerful where you would 417 00:23:22,270 --> 00:23:24,710 never share. It's just your connection with 418 00:23:24,710 --> 00:23:29,390 the bottle or the drug with the friend that that's wild. 419 00:23:29,390 --> 00:23:33,030 So #2 is fear of change #3. This is really important. 420 00:23:33,030 --> 00:23:35,370 Shame. Addicts may feel ashamed of 421 00:23:35,370 --> 00:23:36,890 their addiction and embarrassed to seek help. 422 00:23:37,290 --> 00:23:39,890 They may worry about what others will think of them. 423 00:23:40,010 --> 00:23:45,170 Very good, very good. I'm very concerned about what 424 00:23:45,170 --> 00:23:50,410 you are going to think of me and I think that causes addiction 425 00:23:51,010 --> 00:23:54,410 cause I've talked to some pretty heavy duty addicts. 426 00:23:54,570 --> 00:23:57,890 I'm talking like meth users, you know, like heroin users, stuff 427 00:23:57,890 --> 00:24:00,210 like that. And that was, The thing is like 428 00:24:00,330 --> 00:24:02,810 they they wanted to be the life of the party. 429 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:06,320 So they wanted to use alcohol or wanted to use drugs. 430 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:10,440 So they'll be accepted. So, you know, this comes. 431 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,880 I think places like I'm worried about what others thinking of 432 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:13,800 me. So I'm going to take this 433 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:18,360 substance, you know, maybe that blocks it out one or two. 434 00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:22,960 Maybe it's that because people have this tendency. 435 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,480 I think we all do to a certain extent. 436 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:28,800 But I think addicts maybe maybe this is like a trigger for for 437 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,870 addiction. If you're overly like 438 00:24:31,870 --> 00:24:36,230 empathetic, like what do they call those empaths or something 439 00:24:36,230 --> 00:24:37,990 like that. If you're an empath and 440 00:24:37,990 --> 00:24:41,550 oversensitive to what other people are thinking about you, 441 00:24:42,150 --> 00:24:45,790 maybe that can be a Ave. to lead to addiction. 442 00:24:46,470 --> 00:24:51,070 That's an interesting idea. I think that my brain can be so 443 00:24:51,070 --> 00:24:54,540 loud. In regards to what? 444 00:24:54,540 --> 00:24:57,100 Are they thinking about me? Am I wearing the right stuff? 445 00:24:57,500 --> 00:25:00,500 Did I say something stupid? Are they going to like me? 446 00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:01,900 Oh my God, that was embarrassing. 447 00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:03,900 I shouldn't have fucking said. It's like I had this whole 448 00:25:03,900 --> 00:25:08,460 sitcom going on in my head and I can never be present. 449 00:25:08,460 --> 00:25:14,300 I can never enjoy reality if I'm too busy with this manufactured 450 00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:17,180 thing, this manufactured story in my head. 451 00:25:17,420 --> 00:25:19,460 I'm not much, but I'm all I think about, right? 452 00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:22,310 And. We also call that the itty bitty 453 00:25:22,310 --> 00:25:24,910 shitty committee. It's like it's non-stop in my 454 00:25:24,910 --> 00:25:28,470 head and it won't shut up and then boom, I get exposed to a 455 00:25:28,470 --> 00:25:33,790 substance and it goes away. So it definitely can contribute 456 00:25:33,790 --> 00:25:36,510 to my addiction because that's the time my brain shuts up. 457 00:25:37,310 --> 00:25:43,430 That's the time my shame or worry goes away. 458 00:25:43,910 --> 00:25:45,590 Yeah, we call. That's why they call alcohol 459 00:25:45,590 --> 00:25:48,580 social lubricant. It's like, boom, I instantly fit 460 00:25:48,580 --> 00:25:50,060 in. I had more money than I really 461 00:25:50,060 --> 00:25:51,900 did. I was taller than I really am. 462 00:25:51,900 --> 00:25:54,820 I'm stronger than I really was, and everybody likes me. 463 00:25:55,380 --> 00:25:58,180 So when you, because the embarrassment is part of the 464 00:25:58,180 --> 00:25:59,780 shame, you're not wanting to be embarrassed. 465 00:26:00,500 --> 00:26:04,300 And I remember you telling me that you're one of your mentors. 466 00:26:04,820 --> 00:26:07,660 You know, he talks about this. Saved my fucking life, man. 467 00:26:07,660 --> 00:26:10,540 So switch the perception. This is about shame and 468 00:26:10,540 --> 00:26:13,260 embarrassment in regards to going into recovery. 469 00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:16,540 And it's like, oh, I have shame about admitting. 470 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,040 I have this issue. I have. 471 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:25,720 I have guilt or I have an unwillingness to address this 472 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,440 real issue. Oh my God, I'm an alcoholic. 473 00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:31,840 Oh my God, I'm a drug addict. Oh my God, I'm a gambling 474 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:32,720 addict. I can't. 475 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:36,640 Oh my God, I'm a sex addict. I couldn't possibly share this 476 00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:40,200 with other people. And you know, we have to be 477 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,400 vulnerable in order to be willing to change. 478 00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:46,040 And when I share that vulnerability with someone. 479 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:52,840 Even though the fear and the shame is still there, maybe 480 00:26:52,840 --> 00:27:00,480 that's me getting close enough to God, getting close enough to 481 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,240 the shoes of inner being that there there may be some type of 482 00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,000 transformation that can happen for me. 483 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,680 There's some type of magic that takes place for me. 484 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:11,840 I remember going back I had I had five months, 20 days sober. 485 00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:16,930 I relapsed because. I was working 80 hours a week 486 00:27:17,210 --> 00:27:19,890 and I was not working spiritual principles. 487 00:27:19,890 --> 00:27:26,130 That's why I relapsed. However, it took me two weeks to 488 00:27:26,130 --> 00:27:30,330 get into the hospital, drinking the way I drink, and I went back 489 00:27:30,890 --> 00:27:33,730 to the recovery group that I had been exposed to and I saw. 490 00:27:34,310 --> 00:27:38,790 All the men and women that were teaching me a new way of living 491 00:27:38,790 --> 00:27:42,110 and I felt like I had let them down and I felt a bunch of shame 492 00:27:42,110 --> 00:27:45,870 re entering the program and a bunch of guilt around my 493 00:27:45,870 --> 00:27:49,750 behaviour. And one of my mentors walked up 494 00:27:49,750 --> 00:27:54,910 to me and he said Dwayne, I'm so glad to see you. 495 00:27:55,790 --> 00:28:00,190 And I said, yeah, yeah, I think I got it this time and hit me 496 00:28:00,190 --> 00:28:02,190 real hard in the chest. And he said, you don't have 497 00:28:02,190 --> 00:28:04,960 shit. God's got it. 498 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,200 And he was telling me that I need to get in touch with 499 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,080 spiritual principles in order to save my life. 500 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:11,440 And he. And then he put his hand on my 501 00:28:11,440 --> 00:28:14,920 shoulder and he said, Dwayne, there's no room for shame or 502 00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:19,680 guilt in this deal because I don't feel shame and guilt that 503 00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,480 you're here. You make us better. 504 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,000 And it's a very paradoxical perspective to have that me 505 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:30,560 entering a recovery program, even if I'm new, even if it's my 506 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:35,770 first day. That my presence can improve the 507 00:28:35,770 --> 00:28:37,850 environment. And you don't know this at one 508 00:28:37,850 --> 00:28:40,290 day sober. But when you're one day sober, 509 00:28:40,570 --> 00:28:45,970 you give the other people in the room purpose you. 510 00:28:46,210 --> 00:28:49,210 You reaffirm their reason for being there. 511 00:28:49,250 --> 00:28:52,170 Yes, they're there to help the newcomer, because you just 512 00:28:52,170 --> 00:28:54,730 wouldn't want a bunch of it'd be like living on an island. 513 00:28:54,730 --> 00:28:57,050 With the same five people over and over again, you hear the 514 00:28:57,170 --> 00:28:58,770 same message over and over again. 515 00:28:58,770 --> 00:29:02,540 You're not helping anybody. You're there to help the person 516 00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:05,940 that walks in the door fresh. It's like vampires with blood. 517 00:29:06,660 --> 00:29:07,900 It's like the new. New blood? 518 00:29:08,420 --> 00:29:10,380 Yeah, exactly right. You're in a weird way. 519 00:29:10,380 --> 00:29:13,340 You're the FNG when you're the FNG, You're the most important 520 00:29:13,340 --> 00:29:14,540 person in the room. Yes. 521 00:29:14,780 --> 00:29:16,620 And you don't know that walking in the room. 522 00:29:16,620 --> 00:29:18,820 You're just terrified and and riddled with shame. 523 00:29:19,020 --> 00:29:22,900 But do you think that the shame is narcissistic in the sense 524 00:29:22,900 --> 00:29:25,660 because everybody else experienced the same thing in 525 00:29:25,660 --> 00:29:29,140 that room and they all know that, so you feeling that 526 00:29:29,140 --> 00:29:32,940 emotion sitting there is just a form of the ego protecting you 527 00:29:33,500 --> 00:29:36,740 to not open up and surrender. Absolutely. 528 00:29:36,820 --> 00:29:37,980 Yeah. It's just more. 529 00:29:39,140 --> 00:29:40,700 Absolutely. It's just more survival 530 00:29:40,700 --> 00:29:43,260 mechanism. It's like I've survived so long 531 00:29:43,260 --> 00:29:47,260 living this way with this hard outer shell and I don't know how 532 00:29:47,260 --> 00:29:49,740 to bring it down. Of course I'm not going to bring 533 00:29:49,740 --> 00:29:51,700 it down and tell you what's really going on. 534 00:29:52,460 --> 00:29:57,360 What would you like, somebody going into a meeting and being 535 00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,960 shamed or embarrassed? Maybe they're walking around 536 00:29:59,960 --> 00:30:02,360 outside, maybe they're smoking a bunch, you know, typical like, 537 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:07,360 and then not wanting to go in. What's a good affirmation or 538 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:09,480 something that they could say to themselves over and over and 539 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,520 over again kind of to get them to get in there, you know? 540 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:14,960 Yeah, that's an excellent question. 541 00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:19,760 A nice helpful tool could be something like God relieve me of 542 00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,170 my fear. God relieve me in my fear. 543 00:30:22,170 --> 00:30:24,010 Just saying it over, over and over and over again. 544 00:30:24,010 --> 00:30:27,010 God relieve me in my fear. Obviously my fear is what's 545 00:30:27,010 --> 00:30:30,690 making it difficult to change, Like get in the car, say it 546 00:30:30,690 --> 00:30:33,490 while you're driving, just get in the car, make the commitment. 547 00:30:33,730 --> 00:30:36,450 God relieve me in my fear and then another nice mantra or 548 00:30:36,450 --> 00:30:39,490 affirmation is God make me teachable. 549 00:30:40,370 --> 00:30:46,530 God make me teachable if if I wasn't willing to change and my 550 00:30:46,530 --> 00:30:50,690 life was going perfect. I would not need the group. 551 00:30:51,170 --> 00:30:54,530 I would not need recovery. Like if my life was straight on 552 00:30:54,530 --> 00:30:57,730 track and everything was evolving and I was happy and 553 00:30:57,730 --> 00:31:02,570 growing and and and present. I would not be showing up asking 554 00:31:02,570 --> 00:31:05,570 for help, I'd be trying to offer others help. 555 00:31:06,090 --> 00:31:10,930 So when you when I am entering program for the first time, I 556 00:31:10,930 --> 00:31:13,690 need to be teachable, but the shame is an illusion. 557 00:31:14,090 --> 00:31:14,650 Very good. Yeah. 558 00:31:14,650 --> 00:31:15,810 It's not real. That's not real. 559 00:31:16,370 --> 00:31:18,290 That's not real. That might be another helpful 560 00:31:18,290 --> 00:31:20,730 mantra that's not real. It's you gotta understand it. 561 00:31:20,730 --> 00:31:23,770 It's it's an illusion. Because no one is like, Oh my 562 00:31:23,770 --> 00:31:25,570 God, look at this person walked in. 563 00:31:26,250 --> 00:31:28,170 Oh my God, look at them. They look like shit. 564 00:31:28,170 --> 00:31:30,490 And they've only one day. There's no one in that room 565 00:31:30,490 --> 00:31:32,970 saying that. So that shame you're feeling 566 00:31:32,970 --> 00:31:35,530 walking into that meeting is false. 567 00:31:36,210 --> 00:31:38,770 It's only on you. You're putting that on you for 568 00:31:38,770 --> 00:31:41,010 no reason. Well, it's not logical. 569 00:31:41,010 --> 00:31:43,930 We It's not logical, but we do have years of conditioning. 570 00:31:44,470 --> 00:31:46,550 Years of conditioning to beat ourselves up. 571 00:31:46,550 --> 00:31:49,270 We say all the time, if anybody was as hard on me as I am on 572 00:31:49,270 --> 00:31:50,990 myself, I'd beat the shit out of them. 573 00:31:51,590 --> 00:31:54,230 So I'd assassinate myself. In my mind that makes sense, 574 00:31:54,230 --> 00:31:58,510 yeah. And and then like because I 575 00:31:58,510 --> 00:32:02,310 think this is so important in the sense of I'm feeling 576 00:32:02,310 --> 00:32:06,590 ashamed, you know? So I I have shame, I'm feeling 577 00:32:06,590 --> 00:32:10,270 ashamed. And this is kind of self aware. 578 00:32:10,270 --> 00:32:12,150 But like me, I would be. Why? 579 00:32:13,550 --> 00:32:16,550 Like, why am I feeling ashamed? Like, I need to get clarity on 580 00:32:16,550 --> 00:32:19,110 that. Oh, you're feeling ashamed 581 00:32:19,110 --> 00:32:21,350 because you just stole from your dad? 582 00:32:21,350 --> 00:32:23,630 Or you you took money from your dad. 583 00:32:24,070 --> 00:32:26,390 You were dishonest with your sister. 584 00:32:26,910 --> 00:32:30,590 You know, you lost three jobs in the last six months. 585 00:32:31,190 --> 00:32:33,150 Like, why am I feeling ashamed now? 586 00:32:34,830 --> 00:32:38,030 Well, OK, that's why I'm feeling ashamed. 587 00:32:38,710 --> 00:32:40,830 But what does that have to do with these people in that room 588 00:32:40,830 --> 00:32:43,840 that wants to help me? Nothing. 589 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:47,400 There's a disconnect there logically, you know, and being 590 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:49,960 self aware and that's really hard to do, you know, when 591 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:52,840 you're caught up in your conditioning and your addiction. 592 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:56,880 But for me it's like gain that clarity and then take 593 00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,320 discipline. Like gain the clarity. 594 00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:02,560 Understand why what? Obviously, like you said, I mean 595 00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,880 it's real simple. I wouldn't need to go to this 596 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:06,680 meeting if my life was going perfect. 597 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,480 There's no reason to step into the meeting. 598 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:16,300 There's no reason like, I'm not going to cocaine meetings. 599 00:33:16,380 --> 00:33:17,980 I've never had cocaine in my whole life. 600 00:33:18,660 --> 00:33:21,540 It would be stupid for me to go to a cocaine meeting, you know 601 00:33:21,540 --> 00:33:23,780 what I mean? But I'll go to like a food 602 00:33:23,780 --> 00:33:27,100 meeting. And I I was telling you, I had a 603 00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:30,780 surgery and was feeling super shitty, so I relapse with food, 604 00:33:30,780 --> 00:33:32,180 you know, I was like, well, fuck this. 605 00:33:32,180 --> 00:33:34,980 I'm going to McDonald's and I'm getting everything, you know? 606 00:33:34,980 --> 00:33:37,100 So I just ordered everything. And I just, I didn't. 607 00:33:37,100 --> 00:33:40,460 Even unconscious. Not only just ordering the food, 608 00:33:40,460 --> 00:33:43,300 but just eating it so fast and unconscious. 609 00:33:43,900 --> 00:33:45,660 Not even tasting it. Not even enjoying it. 610 00:33:45,660 --> 00:33:47,740 Enjoyable. Yeah, it was just, I had to have 611 00:33:47,740 --> 00:33:50,340 this because I feel so shitty, you know? 612 00:33:50,460 --> 00:33:52,020 And it makes you feel something different. 613 00:33:52,100 --> 00:33:54,460 Yes, exactly. So I get this. 614 00:33:54,580 --> 00:33:56,900 I didn't have any shame because I'm self aware enough to know. 615 00:33:56,900 --> 00:33:58,860 Well, that was stupid. You're an idiot, Jason. 616 00:33:58,860 --> 00:34:01,300 You know, next move on. And I think this gets into the 617 00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:04,180 next one. And and Dwayne, I want you to 618 00:34:04,180 --> 00:34:06,940 talk about this lack of trust. Addicts may have been hurt in 619 00:34:06,940 --> 00:34:09,219 the past and they may not trust the meetings or programs can 620 00:34:09,219 --> 00:34:12,940 help them. What's the whole idea of you 621 00:34:12,940 --> 00:34:17,179 thinking that you're different? Like it's helped millions of 622 00:34:17,179 --> 00:34:20,900 people, but it cannot help you. Yeah, yeah, that's my terminal 623 00:34:20,940 --> 00:34:25,260 uniqueness. I'm so bad and my life is so 624 00:34:25,260 --> 00:34:28,340 miserable that sure it works for you, but it couldn't possibly 625 00:34:28,340 --> 00:34:32,449 work for me. And these spiritual principles 626 00:34:32,449 --> 00:34:35,810 that are laid out in recovery programs are ancient. 627 00:34:36,610 --> 00:34:38,570 A lot of them are Jesuit principles. 628 00:34:39,050 --> 00:34:40,810 A lot of them are Christian principles. 629 00:34:41,330 --> 00:34:45,130 A lot of them are just like, suck it up and be willing to 630 00:34:45,130 --> 00:34:47,639 change. And adopt responsibility 631 00:34:47,639 --> 00:34:50,520 principles like we we always joke, you know, that like, oh, 632 00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:53,600 religion stole this stuff from us thousands of years ago, 633 00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:55,120 right? And recovery programs that are 634 00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,920 only like 80 years old. Buddhism calls it. 635 00:34:57,920 --> 00:34:59,760 And I I really like. It's a hungry ghost. 636 00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:01,200 Very good. Yes. 637 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:04,880 Yes, it's so good when you think about that and the pictures are 638 00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,720 like a ghost that you would think like, it's hungry, you 639 00:35:07,720 --> 00:35:10,400 know, like if you look at ancient Eastern Buddhist 640 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,000 pictures, you know of this hungry ghost. 641 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:17,300 It's just there, like lurking, always wanting more, you know. 642 00:35:17,300 --> 00:35:20,180 And I always picture, I always picture this when it when when I 643 00:35:20,180 --> 00:35:24,700 think of trust, it's like, why do I have such a hard time with 644 00:35:24,700 --> 00:35:26,220 trust? Because I have a hard time with 645 00:35:26,220 --> 00:35:28,020 trust. So it's like, why do I have such 646 00:35:28,020 --> 00:35:29,860 a hard time in any relationship I'm in? 647 00:35:29,860 --> 00:35:31,620 Because it has nothing to do with the person. 648 00:35:31,620 --> 00:35:33,820 It has to do with me because it's every relationship. 649 00:35:34,380 --> 00:35:37,220 So my lack of trust that I'm going to get hurt. 650 00:35:37,940 --> 00:35:41,020 Why do I feel like I'm so separate that this person's 651 00:35:41,020 --> 00:35:42,940 going to hurt me? Because guess what? 652 00:35:42,940 --> 00:35:46,100 Everybody's human like I am, so I've hurt people. 653 00:35:46,220 --> 00:35:48,780 Yes, yes. And they're probably, If I'm 654 00:35:48,780 --> 00:35:50,700 going to be in a relationship when they're going to hurt me at 655 00:35:50,700 --> 00:35:52,380 some point. But hurt, it's an illusion in 656 00:35:52,380 --> 00:35:55,420 and of itself. If, but if I'm just waiting for 657 00:35:55,420 --> 00:35:59,340 that, if I'm defensive and waiting for that hurt. 658 00:35:59,660 --> 00:36:03,140 And then my ego wants to look right there. 659 00:36:03,620 --> 00:36:06,420 See where she fucked you over. See where he fucked you over. 660 00:36:06,620 --> 00:36:07,940 Look at that. There you were waiting. 661 00:36:08,580 --> 00:36:10,180 You know, I was talking. We were talking about business 662 00:36:10,180 --> 00:36:13,310 partnerships. You know, I have to like Lone 663 00:36:13,310 --> 00:36:16,590 Wolf it because I'm worried. I've been hurt multiple times, 664 00:36:17,430 --> 00:36:19,430 but I didn't look at him as learning lessons. 665 00:36:19,430 --> 00:36:21,630 I'm like, fuck that motherfucker, you know, he stole 666 00:36:21,630 --> 00:36:24,750 $76,000, you know, out of the bank account. 667 00:36:24,750 --> 00:36:26,670 And I didn't even, you know, I had. 668 00:36:26,670 --> 00:36:29,030 I had no money. And then that money's gone. 669 00:36:29,590 --> 00:36:31,590 There's no way to get it back, you know? 670 00:36:31,590 --> 00:36:35,590 The person's in jail now. But but even then I can't look 671 00:36:35,590 --> 00:36:39,720 at it and be like, see you, you motherfucker. 672 00:36:39,720 --> 00:36:43,120 You're in jail, you know, here I am smoking cigars at Vintage 673 00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,400 with this person. Get in a know them for years, 674 00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:49,680 Christian person, get into business with them. 675 00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,320 Next thing you know, they steal money from me, you know? 676 00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:58,520 So it's like the hurt is my an illusion. 677 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:02,480 Or like I'm going, this person cheats on me, you know, that's a 678 00:37:02,480 --> 00:37:04,080 big one. You know, like, Oh my God, I'm 679 00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,600 so hurt because this person cheated on me. 680 00:37:07,670 --> 00:37:10,390 They would have done that whether your name was Susan or 681 00:37:10,390 --> 00:37:13,350 Bill or Jim or Mary. That's very good. 682 00:37:13,510 --> 00:37:17,510 You know what I mean? So why like, like when you think 683 00:37:17,510 --> 00:37:23,310 of like, trust, like being hurt, like an addiction, do you see a 684 00:37:23,310 --> 00:37:26,430 lot of people with like their arm out trying to enter 685 00:37:26,430 --> 00:37:31,030 addiction slowly because they're worried about that getting hurt? 686 00:37:31,700 --> 00:37:35,940 Almost everyone, almost everyone, so I'm not unique. 687 00:37:35,940 --> 00:37:38,460 No, you're not unique. It's a very rare thing where 688 00:37:38,460 --> 00:37:40,580 someone comes in, they're just like, whatever you got, I'll 689 00:37:40,580 --> 00:37:41,820 take. Yeah, exactly. 690 00:37:41,820 --> 00:37:44,220 Yeah, sometimes people are that desperate, and it's wonderful. 691 00:37:44,220 --> 00:37:45,980 We call that the gift of desperation. 692 00:37:46,340 --> 00:37:48,500 And you'll eat shit if we told you you eat shit. 693 00:37:48,500 --> 00:37:52,060 If eating shit gets you sober, please as much as just shovel 694 00:37:52,260 --> 00:37:57,100 it. Come on and however, usually my 695 00:37:57,100 --> 00:38:01,420 unconscious behavior. In my addiction has exposed me 696 00:38:01,420 --> 00:38:05,100 to some real malevolence. I've actually experienced some 697 00:38:05,100 --> 00:38:10,620 real bad shit. Whether that means other people 698 00:38:10,620 --> 00:38:15,140 being cruel to me. And what it usually means is me 699 00:38:15,140 --> 00:38:17,860 being cruel to others. Yeah, that's the same with. 700 00:38:17,980 --> 00:38:19,740 Me. That's what it usually means for 701 00:38:19,740 --> 00:38:23,060 most addictive me being not open and cruel leads to. 702 00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:27,680 The hurt it leads exactly. I caused it a lot of times by 703 00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:30,800 being evil. If you want to use that one 704 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:34,920 evil, or or or or just cruel, just cruel. 705 00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:39,800 My behavior was unconscious and it caused harm, and so I was so 706 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,440 guilty of causing harm to others. 707 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:51,120 Why in the world would I expect or trust this these strangers to 708 00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:54,980 be kind? Why would I trust that this 709 00:38:54,980 --> 00:38:57,780 would work for me? I'm used to just getting screwed 710 00:38:57,780 --> 00:39:03,500 over left and right, so we're simultaneously rewiring years of 711 00:39:03,500 --> 00:39:07,180 bad behavior and years of unconscious conditioning that 712 00:39:07,180 --> 00:39:12,380 this is going to fuck me up. I'm going to get screwed over so 713 00:39:12,380 --> 00:39:14,580 that those things happen simultaneously. 714 00:39:15,140 --> 00:39:18,740 I'm rewiring bad behavior and I'm rewiring. 715 00:39:18,740 --> 00:39:21,780 Unconscious conditioning of this isn't going to go well for me, 716 00:39:21,900 --> 00:39:23,680 right? Yeah, yeah, Be worried about 717 00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:24,720 this. Don't trust them. 718 00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:26,360 Don't try to wait for the other shoe to drop. 719 00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,240 This is too good to believe. Too good to believe. 720 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:32,760 God does not play a 0 sum game. I have two good weeks and then 721 00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,920 oh, you better get ready. God's going to get you back to 722 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:36,800 0. Here comes two bad weeks. 723 00:39:37,720 --> 00:39:40,440 The God doesn't do that. The best indication of how 724 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:42,680 tomorrow's going to be is how today was. 725 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:46,080 So if I'm willing to change, if I'm willing to grow. 726 00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:50,080 If I'm willing to practice trust today. 727 00:39:51,580 --> 00:39:53,740 Maybe I'll be willing to do the same thing and head in that 728 00:39:53,740 --> 00:40:00,180 direction tomorrow. Trust is a huge topic. 729 00:40:00,180 --> 00:40:06,060 We could spend an entire hour just talking on that, but it's 730 00:40:06,060 --> 00:40:11,020 similar to the self esteem. It's like you want some self 731 00:40:11,020 --> 00:40:14,180 esteem. Yeah, I'd really like some self 732 00:40:14,180 --> 00:40:16,740 esteem. It's like, OK, start doing 733 00:40:16,740 --> 00:40:20,100 esteemable acts. Start behaving in a way that you 734 00:40:20,100 --> 00:40:25,740 can be proud of the man you are. It's like, OK, You want trust. 735 00:40:26,620 --> 00:40:31,820 You want us to trust you. Start taking some trustworthy 736 00:40:31,820 --> 00:40:33,900 steps. It's like show up. 737 00:40:33,900 --> 00:40:38,980 When you say you're going to show up, do the thing you said 738 00:40:38,980 --> 00:40:41,780 you were going to do. Uphold your side of the bargain. 739 00:40:42,220 --> 00:40:46,140 Trust is the single most important economic principle we 740 00:40:46,140 --> 00:40:49,620 have, let alone not. Like economics, yes, but just 741 00:40:49,620 --> 00:40:52,260 principle in general. Like like eBay is wild. 742 00:40:52,260 --> 00:40:54,580 Successfully is, excuse me, a wild success. 743 00:40:55,900 --> 00:41:01,580 What should have happened is you send me broken shit and I send 744 00:41:01,580 --> 00:41:04,180 you a check that bounces. Yeah, exactly. 745 00:41:04,180 --> 00:41:05,900 That's what should have. And you're talking about eBay, 746 00:41:05,900 --> 00:41:10,460 the marketplace, yeah, eBay has a 98% success rate, yeah, in 747 00:41:10,460 --> 00:41:13,370 regards to items and and likes and whatever. 748 00:41:13,410 --> 00:41:15,170 I I buy love stuff for me, love eBay. 749 00:41:15,490 --> 00:41:19,170 And so what's the common element of that? 750 00:41:20,050 --> 00:41:21,930 It's trust. It's I trust that you're going 751 00:41:21,930 --> 00:41:24,490 to send me something that works and you trust that I'm actually 752 00:41:24,490 --> 00:41:28,530 going to send the money. And if that element, if that, if 753 00:41:28,530 --> 00:41:32,530 that piece is missing, you're not going to receive the gift, 754 00:41:33,250 --> 00:41:35,250 you're not going to receive the recovery. 755 00:41:35,930 --> 00:41:39,290 So I have to have trust in the middle, even if it's an 756 00:41:39,290 --> 00:41:42,830 unpracticed thing for me. Just like being honest. 757 00:41:43,710 --> 00:41:47,310 Just like wanting to fill my heart with forgiveness. 758 00:41:47,510 --> 00:41:51,190 Just like willingness to change. All of those things are very 759 00:41:51,190 --> 00:41:56,550 foreign in the beginning of a recovery journey, but you got to 760 00:41:56,550 --> 00:41:58,870 start somewhere. Yeah, I had a guy, and this was 761 00:41:58,870 --> 00:42:02,070 really cool. I was doing a leadership podcast 762 00:42:02,070 --> 00:42:04,870 and he talked about he trusts people automatically, Like right 763 00:42:04,870 --> 00:42:05,710 off the bat. Yeah. 764 00:42:06,430 --> 00:42:07,950 And I was like, that was like, foreign to me. 765 00:42:07,950 --> 00:42:09,590 And I'm like, no, you got to earn trust with me. 766 00:42:09,590 --> 00:42:11,110 He's like, no, no, no. Why? 767 00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:14,000 It takes too long. He goes, just trust. 768 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:16,720 Yeah, he goes, yeah, you'll have problems, people will screw you 769 00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:19,680 over, fuck you over, whatever. But he goes, majority of people 770 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:23,000 like you said, 97% of them, he goes, if you just trust people 771 00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:26,880 right off the bat and just run with them, he goes if you hired 772 00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:30,320 good and all that stuff, then you know you it's going to for 773 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:31,520 the most part, it's going to go good. 774 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:36,600 So if you could hop into that meeting, walk into that meeting, 775 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,400 walk into that addiction program, walk into that. 776 00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:42,880 You know psychiatrist or whatever whatever what you're 777 00:42:42,880 --> 00:42:45,360 doing and immediately just display trust. 778 00:42:45,960 --> 00:42:48,840 How would it go apparent to putting your arm out. 779 00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:51,880 Same with the relationship like if you can walk into a 780 00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:54,920 relationship say well this person's a good person, you know 781 00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:57,640 and and I want I want to do a spiritual aspect of this because 782 00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,080 I think this is really good and Jesus is a great example of 783 00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,360 trust. And we could talk about this but 784 00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:04,200 because I want to go spiritual with this because this is really 785 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:09,040 important if you believe in understanding. 786 00:43:09,820 --> 00:43:12,620 And something I'm going to get into that's kind of wild, but 787 00:43:13,460 --> 00:43:15,940 third density, 4th density, all that stuff, you know and and we 788 00:43:15,940 --> 00:43:17,780 understand we're in a third density here. 789 00:43:19,540 --> 00:43:24,740 There's a veil of separation that we believe that is separate 790 00:43:24,740 --> 00:43:26,940 from our higher self or God or whatever you want to call it 791 00:43:26,940 --> 00:43:32,020 universe. But if you really look at 792 00:43:32,020 --> 00:43:35,420 collective consciousness. There's no difference between 793 00:43:35,420 --> 00:43:37,300 you or I. I'm just a different reflection 794 00:43:37,300 --> 00:43:38,660 of what? Of what God is. 795 00:43:39,380 --> 00:43:41,980 So if I'm just a reflection of what God is, and your reflection 796 00:43:41,980 --> 00:43:44,620 of God God is, then there's no hurt that can be done. 797 00:43:44,780 --> 00:43:46,420 Very good. And this is heavy duty, 798 00:43:46,420 --> 00:43:49,180 spiritual practices. So for me to get hurt, it's to 799 00:43:49,180 --> 00:43:51,460 me to believe an illusion of separateness from you. 800 00:43:51,820 --> 00:43:56,020 Yes, instead of understanding what Duane was doing is just 801 00:43:56,020 --> 00:44:00,780 expressing his learning in his level of consciousness, but it 802 00:44:00,780 --> 00:44:03,910 has nothing to do with me. But you're like, well, he fucked 803 00:44:03,910 --> 00:44:05,310 me. No, he didn't fuck me over. 804 00:44:05,310 --> 00:44:06,230 He wasn't thinking. About you? 805 00:44:06,230 --> 00:44:07,710 He wasn't thinking yet. Exactly. 806 00:44:07,710 --> 00:44:09,310 Yes. Yes, that's powerful, Jim. 807 00:44:09,310 --> 00:44:11,150 That's a spiritual. That's really powerful. 808 00:44:11,150 --> 00:44:14,270 No one can ever behave beyond their level of consciousness. 809 00:44:15,350 --> 00:44:18,550 And with those people in the past that may have hurt me and 810 00:44:18,550 --> 00:44:21,590 broke my trust. They were just behaving at the 811 00:44:21,590 --> 00:44:23,350 level of consciousness they were at. 812 00:44:23,790 --> 00:44:27,830 And you're you're the guy that poked you really hard because of 813 00:44:27,830 --> 00:44:30,630 the shame that you had. He was willing to forgive you 814 00:44:30,630 --> 00:44:33,120 right off the bat. I didn't even have to ask. 815 00:44:33,120 --> 00:44:35,000 And you said this weekend, you know how people come up, just 816 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:36,520 hug you off the bat and seen you for years. 817 00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,080 Yeah, that's the demonstration of trust. 818 00:44:39,160 --> 00:44:41,920 Yeah, absolutely. There's love wrapped up in the 819 00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,800 middle of that. There's like God magic wrapped 820 00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:46,160 up in the middle. Of that, That's for the magic 821 00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:47,480 habits. Yeah, it's difficult to 822 00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:55,480 articulate, but it's a better way to go through life with a 823 00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:59,760 trust practice and get screwed over a couple times. 824 00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:04,440 But be open for the rest of it. Be open for the benefit. 825 00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:09,600 Be open for the change. Be open for the powerful 826 00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:12,640 existence that's available for us, like I found purpose and 827 00:45:12,640 --> 00:45:14,360 meaning when I started trusting people. 828 00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,080 Yeah, it's like Ted Lasso, he they have a statement where it's 829 00:45:17,080 --> 00:45:20,040 a funny show, but he's be a goldfish, Yeah. 830 00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:22,360 Like the goldfish is just short, just next. 831 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:26,360 But that's such a great mentality because it's like, why 832 00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:31,360 am I holding on to the past and then allowing future? 833 00:45:31,970 --> 00:45:34,770 Jason, which is not even the real Jason that was in the past 834 00:45:34,770 --> 00:45:36,450 anyways. In the past is an illusion. 835 00:45:36,650 --> 00:45:39,210 I'm not that person anymore. Like you're not the alcoholic 836 00:45:39,210 --> 00:45:41,370 joint anymore. Your sales are different, 837 00:45:41,370 --> 00:45:42,370 everything's different about you. 838 00:45:43,090 --> 00:45:45,890 So why would I allow that thought that's unreal. 839 00:45:45,890 --> 00:45:51,450 Anyways of the past dictate me not having trust in a new 840 00:45:51,450 --> 00:45:53,490 relationship of something I'm doing now. 841 00:45:53,950 --> 00:45:55,790 It doesn't even make sense when you play it out. 842 00:45:55,790 --> 00:45:57,550 This is very powerful stuff, Jake. 843 00:45:57,590 --> 00:46:00,630 Some of the spirit psychological teachings that we've been 844 00:46:00,630 --> 00:46:07,830 exposed to recently deal with human beings and and and 845 00:46:07,870 --> 00:46:10,990 climbing a dominance hierarchy. And usually the thing at the top 846 00:46:10,990 --> 00:46:14,750 of a dominance hierarchy is the thing that sees and the thing 847 00:46:14,750 --> 00:46:17,230 that speaks. And we're very blessed because 848 00:46:17,230 --> 00:46:18,870 we get to do that here on this platform. 849 00:46:18,870 --> 00:46:21,500 Yes. And God willing, share our 850 00:46:21,500 --> 00:46:23,740 experience with someone else. That might lead to some help. 851 00:46:24,420 --> 00:46:29,620 But human beings can see our brains are actually based off of 852 00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:34,140 vision, and most mammals, their brains are based off of smell. 853 00:46:35,020 --> 00:46:39,180 Vision is one of our highest senses and human beings can meta 854 00:46:39,180 --> 00:46:41,060 see. We can see so well. 855 00:46:41,060 --> 00:46:46,420 We can see into the future. You can just imagine something 856 00:46:46,820 --> 00:46:49,060 in your mind. You and I are sitting at a table 857 00:46:49,500 --> 00:46:53,140 conducting a podcast right now, but in my mind I can be on the 858 00:46:53,140 --> 00:46:56,580 beach in Barcelona. Oh, of course I can see it, yes, 859 00:46:56,580 --> 00:46:59,340 and maybe I'll be there in six months from now. 860 00:46:59,940 --> 00:47:02,980 So I saw into the future like we can Medici. 861 00:47:03,380 --> 00:47:08,580 However, another way to say that is human beings are bargaining 862 00:47:08,580 --> 00:47:12,700 with the future. I'm willing to make a decision 863 00:47:12,700 --> 00:47:16,460 now that's going to benefit future Dwayne later. 864 00:47:17,450 --> 00:47:20,370 We're the only creatures on planet Earth that can do that. 865 00:47:20,370 --> 00:47:21,090 That's awesome. Yeah. 866 00:47:21,690 --> 00:47:27,010 Why not incorporate trust in my bargaining with the future? 867 00:47:28,490 --> 00:47:35,290 Can I trust that if I take this scary decision now, don't drink. 868 00:47:36,130 --> 00:47:40,010 It's gonna benefit future Dwayne later? 869 00:47:40,570 --> 00:47:42,610 Yeah, you'll still have your job come Friday. 870 00:47:43,330 --> 00:47:46,220 You didn't drink. You still have your job. 871 00:47:46,500 --> 00:47:51,420 You can pay your fucking bills. Go back to the recovery group, 872 00:47:51,820 --> 00:47:53,900 learn a little more spiritual discipline. 873 00:47:54,060 --> 00:47:57,140 Wow, I got a friend now. I'm not alone all the time. 874 00:47:57,420 --> 00:47:58,620 What else? What? 875 00:47:58,620 --> 00:48:02,980 How else could my future be benefited if I started taking 876 00:48:03,180 --> 00:48:06,620 trust based decisions? Well, that's trusting yourself. 877 00:48:06,620 --> 00:48:07,980 Yeah. I mean, if you can't even trust 878 00:48:07,980 --> 00:48:10,460 yourself not to drink, then how can you trust someone else? 879 00:48:10,500 --> 00:48:11,660 Very good. I mean it. 880 00:48:11,660 --> 00:48:14,920 It's real simple but. And I and I think and we'll get 881 00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:17,320 into the next one because I think this is really important 882 00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:21,360 and we'll close out on this one. But mental illness, many addicts 883 00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:24,480 also have mental health disorders and and I have one 884 00:48:25,080 --> 00:48:30,440 depression, anxiety, a lot of depression that I've had. 885 00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,040 So I get this and these disorders can make it difficult 886 00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:37,720 to stay motivated, stay in treatment and and for me, I've 887 00:48:37,720 --> 00:48:39,800 talked about this too, My depression, a lot of it is self 888 00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:43,410 pity. But they've, they've genetically 889 00:48:43,450 --> 00:48:46,370 shown, you know, with alcoholism, same thing too, like 890 00:48:46,810 --> 00:48:48,290 and we're learning more and more of this. 891 00:48:48,290 --> 00:48:51,730 This is so interesting. The other day I was watching a 892 00:48:51,730 --> 00:48:56,530 podcast and the scientist was talking about what are are 893 00:48:56,530 --> 00:48:59,090 people that like throw up bulimic? 894 00:48:59,090 --> 00:49:05,370 Bulimic that they found that there's a gene that is like 90% 895 00:49:05,370 --> 00:49:08,490 more people will be bulimic if they have this gene. 896 00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:11,560 And it's it's not a lot of gene, which there's not a lot of 897 00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:15,840 people that are bulimic, you know, but that's a horrible 898 00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:20,520 state disorder. And a lot of people, it's like 899 00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:23,840 10 times more than than you'll die from bulimia, 10 times more 900 00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:27,120 than alcoholism, drug ISM. It's like really most a lot of 901 00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,360 people 'cause it's you're basically starve yourself to 902 00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:33,520 death, you know? So but you see that's a gene 903 00:49:34,360 --> 00:49:38,480 that that people have, you know? So I want people to understand 904 00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:40,830 that. You don't have to be a victim to 905 00:49:41,310 --> 00:49:44,310 depression or to alcoholism or any of these things. 906 00:49:44,670 --> 00:49:50,030 Yeah, you may have a a meat suit, you know, 'cause that gene 907 00:49:50,030 --> 00:49:54,310 is part of your meat suit. Lean towards that direction. 908 00:49:54,390 --> 00:49:56,350 Yes, you know, but that proclivity. 909 00:49:56,430 --> 00:49:58,710 Yeah. At the end of the day, you you 910 00:49:58,710 --> 00:50:01,110 have something that's higher than that, very good. 911 00:50:01,390 --> 00:50:04,110 And that's the part that we talk about, yeah, getting in touch 912 00:50:04,110 --> 00:50:06,890 with the non physical part of us. 913 00:50:07,010 --> 00:50:09,410 Yeah. Yeah, another the real part of, 914 00:50:09,410 --> 00:50:12,210 you know the epigenetics involved in that non physical 915 00:50:12,210 --> 00:50:16,490 source energy is maybe I have access to the most powerful 916 00:50:16,490 --> 00:50:19,130 pharmacy in the universe. That's good. 917 00:50:19,130 --> 00:50:21,290 I could turn on any genes I want, Yeah. 918 00:50:21,290 --> 00:50:22,970 Currently I'm trying to regrow some hair. 919 00:50:22,970 --> 00:50:26,130 Yes. And I'm praying and I'm inviting 920 00:50:26,130 --> 00:50:29,010 God into that process. I'm inviting non physical into. 921 00:50:29,130 --> 00:50:31,370 So you're going to have like a yeah next. 922 00:50:32,130 --> 00:50:33,250 Next. Next one, guys. 923 00:50:33,250 --> 00:50:34,850 Who's going to have two weeks? Abundance. 924 00:50:35,010 --> 00:50:38,690 I got an abundance of hair. Exactly, exactly so. 925 00:50:38,690 --> 00:50:40,490 Thoughts. Become for me too, bro, thought 926 00:50:40,610 --> 00:50:43,130 I'll try. Thoughts become things. 927 00:50:43,130 --> 00:50:44,730 Thoughts become things. Thoughts become things. 928 00:50:44,730 --> 00:50:47,570 So I want to be pretty focused on what I'm thinking about. 929 00:50:47,890 --> 00:50:51,330 Am I thinking about man, I'm. I'm struggling and life is so 930 00:50:51,330 --> 00:50:52,610 hard. I hate this. 931 00:50:52,970 --> 00:50:57,460 Or am I thinking, God help me be useful today, God make me of 932 00:50:57,460 --> 00:51:00,380 service, put me in position to be just just make a difference 933 00:51:00,380 --> 00:51:08,780 today. At the same time, we always say, 934 00:51:09,020 --> 00:51:12,580 you know, there are countless platforms and avenues available 935 00:51:12,580 --> 00:51:16,500 for help. And we suggest that if you're in 936 00:51:16,500 --> 00:51:21,540 need of help, whether it be mental illness, whether it be 937 00:51:21,540 --> 00:51:25,060 addiction, whether it be depression, anything like that, 938 00:51:25,060 --> 00:51:27,820 that you know don't deprive yourself. 939 00:51:28,180 --> 00:51:31,100 No, of the wisdom that's all around us there. 940 00:51:31,100 --> 00:51:35,100 There are countless, you know, groups, psychiatrists, 941 00:51:35,100 --> 00:51:39,340 therapists, doctors. There's the availability that is 942 00:51:39,340 --> 00:51:43,020 out there for help right now is more than it's ever been, ever. 943 00:51:43,260 --> 00:51:45,900 And the biggest lie that you can tell yourself is that you're 944 00:51:45,900 --> 00:51:48,740 alone. I'm alone and my mental illness 945 00:51:48,740 --> 00:51:52,220 is kicking my ass so much I couldn't possibly get well. 946 00:51:52,980 --> 00:51:54,220 Yeah. You're not unique. 947 00:51:54,220 --> 00:51:58,260 There's, there's millions of you out there that have the same 948 00:51:58,260 --> 00:52:00,580 situation. And I guarantee you and you're 949 00:52:00,580 --> 00:52:05,700 within 10 miles of you, there's somebody that could partner up 950 00:52:05,700 --> 00:52:08,620 with you, can help you. Powerful, very powerful. 951 00:52:08,620 --> 00:52:09,780 I mean you. You, I mean. 952 00:52:09,780 --> 00:52:12,060 We looked in our town, alone, just under like. 953 00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:14,600 Addiction programs and meetings and stuff like that. 954 00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:17,200 And I think you were telling me it's over 400 meetings a week. 955 00:52:17,240 --> 00:52:18,680 Yeah. And this is like a million 956 00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,240 people in Albuquerque. Yeah. 957 00:52:21,240 --> 00:52:22,560 And that. This is just Albuquerque. 958 00:52:22,560 --> 00:52:24,400 Yeah, you know what I mean? There's there's a lot of. 959 00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:27,560 Yeah, yeah. I mean, so I guarantee you 960 00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:31,960 whatever city you live in within a 30 mile radius, there's 961 00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:33,520 someone that could help you. Absolutely. 962 00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:36,640 You're not alone, Absolutely. Some of our strongest, strongest 963 00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:42,770 suggestions also are something like if I'm willing to be honest 964 00:52:43,530 --> 00:52:50,450 and admit that I have a life threatening illness that needs 965 00:52:50,650 --> 00:52:56,330 addressing, and if I'm willing to take action, then I got a 966 00:52:56,330 --> 00:53:01,610 pretty good shot. Regardless of how far down I am 967 00:53:01,850 --> 00:53:07,650 with the mental illness, how how delusional I may be in regards 968 00:53:07,650 --> 00:53:12,130 to seeing reality, if I'm willing to be honest and if I'm 969 00:53:12,130 --> 00:53:17,850 willing to take action, there's hope for anyone, anyone, in 970 00:53:17,890 --> 00:53:20,930 regards to finding recovery. And I want people to understand 971 00:53:20,930 --> 00:53:24,330 that, that you're not special. Like, there are people far worse 972 00:53:24,330 --> 00:53:27,250 than you that have faced horrific. 973 00:53:27,290 --> 00:53:30,010 I've heard some stories that will just curl your skin. 974 00:53:30,010 --> 00:53:32,810 You know, like I was listening to a lady of the day that was. 975 00:53:32,810 --> 00:53:37,370 She numbed her addiction with alcohol because she had like 10 976 00:53:38,650 --> 00:53:41,950 men. When she was little, you know, 977 00:53:42,230 --> 00:53:44,070 take advantage of her as a child. 978 00:53:44,750 --> 00:53:48,950 You know, so there's people that have gone through some heavy 979 00:53:48,950 --> 00:53:52,590 shit and they would be more than happy to have a conversation 980 00:53:52,590 --> 00:53:53,550 with you. Absolutely. 981 00:53:53,590 --> 00:53:55,750 And put their arms around you like you've experienced. 982 00:53:55,750 --> 00:53:58,550 How many, How many people have you experienced that's loved on 983 00:53:58,550 --> 00:54:00,350 you, put your arms around you in 13 years? 984 00:54:00,350 --> 00:54:01,910 How many? Countless, but you can't count. 985 00:54:02,070 --> 00:54:04,390 Yeah, you can't count how many people that you believe have 986 00:54:04,390 --> 00:54:08,510 been honestly loving towards you as a human to to another human. 987 00:54:09,090 --> 00:54:11,890 That that have helped you. It's part of the miracle of the 988 00:54:11,890 --> 00:54:15,250 recovery programs that that love that's available for us. 989 00:54:15,490 --> 00:54:18,490 You can't put a number on it. I have been that they always say 990 00:54:18,490 --> 00:54:20,010 we'll love you till you can love yourself. 991 00:54:21,090 --> 00:54:23,890 And that takes what it takes. It takes exposure. 992 00:54:23,890 --> 00:54:27,930 It takes practice. It takes giving it a try and. 993 00:54:27,970 --> 00:54:30,610 Give it a try that that's a great just try it. 994 00:54:30,610 --> 00:54:32,570 Just go. What do you got something better 995 00:54:32,570 --> 00:54:35,210 to do? You're dying from from this. 996 00:54:35,250 --> 00:54:37,660 Situation and there's zooms, Yeah, there's no. 997 00:54:37,740 --> 00:54:41,060 You don't have to. You can use your phone and go on 998 00:54:41,060 --> 00:54:44,980 and listen and not hook on the camera or put your camera on. 999 00:54:45,020 --> 00:54:47,660 Yeah, there's so many different You don't have to leave your 1000 00:54:47,660 --> 00:54:50,780 bed. If you're stuck in bed, get on 1001 00:54:50,780 --> 00:54:55,860 your phone, in bed, get on the laptop or whatever and attend a 1002 00:54:55,860 --> 00:54:57,580 meeting. And there's an evolution to 1003 00:54:57,580 --> 00:55:00,580 that. If I'm willing and I'm seeking 1004 00:55:00,580 --> 00:55:05,510 God and I'm seeking solution, there's some magic unfolding 1005 00:55:05,510 --> 00:55:07,430 that takes place. And it's like, wow, I got this 1006 00:55:07,430 --> 00:55:08,670 guy's number. Oh, wow. 1007 00:55:08,670 --> 00:55:10,790 We went to coffee, man. I left my house. 1008 00:55:10,790 --> 00:55:12,830 Oh my gosh, This guy knows a therapist. 1009 00:55:12,830 --> 00:55:14,830 Oh my God. The therapist exposed me to the 1010 00:55:14,830 --> 00:55:17,790 appropriate medicine that helped shift my perspective. 1011 00:55:17,790 --> 00:55:19,470 And now I'm, I'm holding down a job. 1012 00:55:19,470 --> 00:55:21,670 And oh, man, it's I got the month over. 1013 00:55:21,670 --> 00:55:26,510 And like, there's a huge evolution to this practicing of 1014 00:55:26,510 --> 00:55:32,330 trust and getting honest and taking action, and you can 1015 00:55:32,330 --> 00:55:36,010 revolutionize your entire life and find a life that's worth 1016 00:55:36,010 --> 00:55:36,850 living. Yeah. 1017 00:55:36,850 --> 00:55:38,410 And if you're thinking about relapsing, I was just a 1018 00:55:38,410 --> 00:55:39,690 comedian. He was talking about this. 1019 00:55:40,050 --> 00:55:46,490 He's like, I did 2 zooms a day, plus did a meeting because I I 1020 00:55:46,490 --> 00:55:49,090 was dying. I was that crazy relapsing. 1021 00:55:49,090 --> 00:55:51,250 And he's like if I didn't do that and he did it for like 4 or 1022 00:55:51,250 --> 00:55:54,250 five days straight and then it finally, you know, he was able 1023 00:55:54,250 --> 00:55:57,950 to have enough spiritual. Principals through that and have 1024 00:55:57,950 --> 00:56:00,630 enough people help him, but he's like, I had to, there was tons 1025 00:56:00,630 --> 00:56:02,350 of meetings. So I just hopped on one, you 1026 00:56:02,830 --> 00:56:04,070 know, and he's like, I was feeling the urge. 1027 00:56:04,070 --> 00:56:05,550 I was feeling the urge really bad almost. 1028 00:56:05,750 --> 00:56:08,590 He's like, I drove past. He's like, well, I'll just get 1029 00:56:08,590 --> 00:56:11,590 some weed. And he, so he drove past the 1030 00:56:11,590 --> 00:56:14,710 weed shop and was like parked and then like almost went in. 1031 00:56:14,710 --> 00:56:17,710 Yeah. So there's so much help for you. 1032 00:56:17,710 --> 00:56:20,910 And now 2023, you can zoom all over the globe. 1033 00:56:21,830 --> 00:56:24,390 I could go to meeting in Israel. In Barcelona, yeah, I could go 1034 00:56:24,390 --> 00:56:27,310 to meeting in Barcelona, absolutely and and like so now I 1035 00:56:27,310 --> 00:56:30,910 got no excuse. It's just it's just me and my 1036 00:56:30,910 --> 00:56:35,270 cowardice that keeps me from turning towards the sunlight of 1037 00:56:35,270 --> 00:56:37,270 the spirit. That's wild. 1038 00:56:37,270 --> 00:56:38,470 Well, thank you, Dwayne. Thanks bro.