Does the ego dominate you? Always.
No. Just give.
What are they called they call like in the in sexual, like they
have those, I don't want to say deviant, but those things like
some people are into and and I'm not judging any of it at all.
Like some people have different things that they love, you know,
But they have like the Dom or something like that.
And that's the guy that, yeah, he's the dominant guy or
whatever. And then the girl calls him the
Dom or whatever. And then they like, I watched
the whole show. It was so interesting.
I think it was on Netflix and it was like fetishes or something
like that. And like this guy and girl, they
were like totally in love, love each other.
And they just had that like weird relationship, what we call
it weird. But what is weird, you know?
Yeah, But for them, it was like, she called him that and then she
would, like, call him out of the blue and then he have to do
things that she said, you know, and then vice versa, you know?
And it was just so wild. It was like, it's like to me.
I would start laughing. If somebody, if somebody started
like take your pants off, you know, like do this, do that, you
know, I would probably start laughing like because you're.
Just not going to. Maybe I'm boring in the sexual
arena or something, Who knows. But it it's just so funny to me,
you know, when when you think of the word dominant or dominant
and now I've got everybody thinking in a sexual way, but
when I I think of that word, it's like something that's
that's got control over you. It's dominating you.
Yeah. You know, it's like when when
you watch Michael Jordan in that great documentary, I forgot what
it was. The last.
Yeah, the last. Dance.
He's dominating. Like just absolutely next level
on the court in his prime and just running around all nine
guys. I cannot I.
Cannot watch that. I can't watch that.
And then not go play basketball. Yeah, exactly.
I've run out my house with a basketball.
Every time that comes on, you just see total domination.
Yeah, yeah. He dominated his opponent.
And when I think of the ego, it's the Michael Jordan of our.
Brain perfect analogy. Perfect analogy.
It's dominating my thoughts. It's dominating the way I
navigate the world. It's dominating how I treat
others well. I mean, you were bringing up
Calvin and Hobbes, and I was thinking what you were talking
about, that I was thinking of the ego and me like the real me
and the and the ego. Yeah, Calvin is a 5 year old boy
that's learning to navigate the world.
And in, you know, often in in that in that comic series they
talk about Calvin Ball. You want to play Calvin Ball?
What's like? These are the rules.
It's like, no, no, no. As soon as I start losing, I'm
gonna change the rules so that I can win again.
That's the ego and that's. Exactly what the ego does.
The ego just with denial and self deception.
I don't have to look at that. Oh, we can make a different.
No, it's change the rules right now that's not important
anymore. So.
So Calvin and Hobbes would kind of be like a perfect
representation of of you fighting your ego.
And then Hobbs is there, you know, kind of guiding Calvin
along the better path. That would be a spiritual
representation of, you know what, You're not in alignment
with your vertical dimension. You probably don't want to shoot
the slingshot through the neighbor's window.
Don't do that. But that's how we learned.
I was totally I was a Calvin Hobbs kid all the way.
Yeah, it's so wild. And so I want to.
This is Part 2, so I encourage people to go to We're in module
3.1 and Raveling the Ego and we got into a little bit of the
denial and self deception and how the ego engages that and how
it always wants to keyword preserve our self-image.
So when I think of preservation, you know, I used to do, I had a
farm back in the day and we would do preservation in the
sense of canning. Yeah.
So you would get cucumbers and or tomatoes and you could make
tomato sauce and salsa. You could do so many different
things, cucumbers, green beans, like you name it.
So you could just go grab a can anytime you wanted.
You'd pull it off the the canning shelves, you know.
And then you would have meat from your, you know, your cows,
your pigs, chickens, whatever. And so you could always make a
big meal, like you always had potatoes and, you know, all that
stuff. And I thought it was a way to
preserve that vegetable because that vegetable would be rotten
in a couple weeks. Like, I can we both eat a lot of
avocados. I can leave an avocado out and
it's done in a week. Yep.
Now I could put it in the refrigerator and I can get two
weeks, 2 1/2 weeks. The refrigerator preserves the
avocado. I also think of a life
preserver. Ah, yes, yeah.
I'm in the sea. I'm in the stormy sea.
I don't know what's going on. There's a ship, I see a light,
I'm drowning. That life preserver gets thrown
out. That's the window of grace.
But that life preserver gets thrown out at me.
And the what do they call it? A life preserver.
It's preserving my life. It's a mechanism that preserves.
It's keeping it possible the canning system preserves that
vegetable, yes. You know, the boiling, the jars,
the lids, the ceiling, the vacuuming, all that stuff.
So when I when we think of denial and self deception, those
are tools that the ego uses to preserve our self-image.
So now I want us to get into this.
Yes, the self-image. Is false?
Yes, yes, It's. It's the part of me that's
selfish. It's the part of me that is
delusional. It's also the part of me that
hurts others. It causes harm.
How can I preserve being in that behavior?
The ego uses denial and self deception as a catalyst for me
to continue that type of conduct.
What's that game that's like? You can like drag cars and pull
women out of cars? It's kind of.
Oh, Grand Theft Auto. Yes, yeah, I always think of my
ego like the self deception. It's my ego's running around
like Grand Theft. Auto tearing apart, It's just
tearing the world up. All the cars, that's myself
image. On the way.
Yeah. All of them.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
I'm stealing. I'm stealing.
I'm lying. I'm cheating myself.
Image what I have built to the world to preserve.
Here's it Is to preserve myself in this level, not in this
level, right? Inform is for me to do whatever
I need to do to survive. And that if that means me
telling Dwayne a little why lie? You know I can't work out today,
bro. I'm like, you know, not just not
feeling well or you know, I was late to work.
I wasn't being disrespectful. The reality is I was being
disrespectful to my work and to my boss and to everybody, and
instead what I chose to do is wake up late, be lazy, and then
be reactive to everything and made the decision to be late.
I made that decision, but instead I'm going to blame
everything else all around. So what I want to get into is
this self-image, The self. If the self-image is false, what
is the ego really trying to preserve?
Nothing. It's a false.
It's a whole. The whole thing is fucked up.
It's trying to preserve a lie, yes.
And if I'm trying to preserve a lie.
My foundation is built on sand, yes.
I I I crumble. I crumble under pressure.
I I don't know how to navigate the world.
I don't know how to deal with hard shit.
I don't know how to go through that type of stuff.
When life happens, as it has a way of doing, I crumble.
I never my my my dad's parents passed away.
I wasn't even out of high school yet.
But my I was well into my drinking career.
I never mourned them. I never had an opportunity to be
present for their death. I just turned to the bottle.
I remember being there and you know, I've I've made the
appropriate amends to them in a way that works well for me.
This so that I feel. Forgiveness and healing took
place years later. Do you think it was an excuse to
get dive into the bottom? More, it was.
It was just all I knew to do. It was how I had to preserve
myself. I didn't have any other way to
deal with the hand life dealt me at that moment.
And it's delusional because I don't have to look at how
hurtful that was, Not only to them, not only to my dad.
But also to the spirit inside of me.
Yeah, it's almost like when I see this self-image and self
deception. What you're saying, how you were
talking to yourself. It's almost when I see Trump or
Biden standing up there, you know, I always say I'm not right
when you're left. I'm throwing a whole bird out.
You know what they're saying? It's not real like either one of
them. Most politicians, 99.9% of them
tell you a great speech and don't do shit.
Sure, you know and you know that.
All of them have money. They all don't have much, but
well, maybe besides Trump, but they all don't have a lot of
money going into the thing. And then they come out where it
being worth hundreds of 1,000,000.
Yeah, it's like, how does that work?
Where does this money come from? Who is telling me to say what?
And it's so funny because we watched them.
It's like WWE wrestling, WWF, whatever.
You watch them, you know it's fake, yes, but it's still so
entertaining. We watch a movie, we know
they're acting and we're crying. This is there's like cut, cut,
cut, see. Good.
You know, we're on to the next scene.
Green screen wear, green screen up.
There's the the raccoon movie Gardens of the Galaxy, the new
one. Every I haven't seen it yet, but
everybody's telling me that, you know, it's super sad and people
are crying in the theater and I'm like the whole movie's done
on a green screen. But guess who gets emotional in
movies? Me, my dumb ass gets really
emotional. I have to like, kind of hide,
and I don't know why I'm ashamed of it, but I can.
A Disney movie can get me emotional.
Oh yeah. Well, the storytelling
generationally, evolutionally, is how we have evolved as human
beings. So movies are just a great
extension of storytelling. But I understand the point
you're making with That's not real.
That's not real. How come I'm treating it like
it's everything? There you go.
That's the most important thing in my universe and in reality.
It's not even real. That's how powerful my ego is.
That's how powerful my delusional thoughts are.
If I'm identified with the thoughts, the ego can only exist
in the mind. It has a proper place.
It is necessary. I'm never going to get rid of my
ego. But when it's out of control,
when it's unchecked like we talked about last podcast.
I don't know. I'm separate from these
Thoughts. Yeah, it's so funny.
It reminds me, I was watching the whole fiasco right now with
Conor McGregor. I don't know if you heard all
that, but it was like one night or two nights at Miami and he's
like, you know, next thing you know, he's like beats up a.
And I don't know how. I don't know the whole
circumstances, but what. And the news could be false.
This whole story could be like whatever.
But what I was reading and what I heard and I I listened to a
podcast a little bit on it because I like a little bit of
MMAI think it's kind of entertaining and fun was, you
know, he punched out the mascot, you know, during the game or
whatever. And the mascot got hurt, I
guess, and went to the hospital, you know, because he's beating
it up. I don't know if you saw it.
And then he went to a club and then he brought a girl in the
bathroom, you know, and he's married and he's getting his
fourth kid coming on, coming along, you know.
And I don't know whether they have an agreement or something,
Who knows? But you know, here he is.
Top of the world. Yep.
Most popular MMA fighter, king of the world.
Anything he's ever decided to do, he does and does it.
Yep. And he tells everybody to fuck
off and he does it. He took a whiskey that wasn't
that even that good and made a billion dollars off of it.
Proper 12, yeah. And made a billion dollars off
of it, you know so. He's a powerful creator.
And then he goes to Miami and he's not like helping charities
or doing. And he may, I don't know, but I
always see him on his yacht and stuff like that, which is great,
you know, hanging out on your yacht and have fun.
But it's so funny. It's like, here's this person
that is not knowing how to act in this reality.
The only reality I've ever known is to fight yes and scrape and
get through and move on. And now I have all of this
abundance. Yes, yes, yes.
And I don't know how to be responsible.
And it's all of a sudden I have an addiction personality and I
don't know what to do. I've finally got a job.
I finally got, I'm at. I was at level one killing
myself. You know, I've been there and
you've been there. I was at level one killing
myself. Then I got to level 2, and now
I'm going to fuck it up and go back to level one.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, classic ULP.
Upper limit problem. I don't know how to experience a
leap in vibration. I'm so conditioned to this
heartache. I'm so conditioned to this
delusional existence. I'm so conditioned to having to
struggle through it. Life's supposed to be hard,
didn't you know? Making money supposed to be
hard. I'm supposed to effort, effort,
efforting. That's the same as swimming up
upstream and. Once I make a leap to a higher
vibrational existence, that resonance might feel kind of
weird and subconsciously like Connor just did in Florida.
I might do something to screw that up.
Yes. What can I do to drop myself
back down to my normal level of existence so that I feel OK?
It's a little bit insane. Actually.
It's very insane, but it's normal.
If I'm living in plane one, Plane two, level #1, level #2
situation, energetic response, that's my whole life.
I don't know that I'm separate from those things.
Then those things dominate me and it's very normal.
To behave in my unconscious ego and go back to where I feel at
comfortable. And it's crazy to say that.
It's crazy to say I feel uncomfortable having to
struggle. Yeah.
And I remember Christian Bale, you know.
The same scenario. Classic Batman, yes.
And just amazing to me. He's the best.
I like him the best of all of them.
This last guy is pretty good too.
I like all that. Yeah, they've all done great,
but you know he's getting ready to win an award.
One of the highest grossing films ever and he's in a hotel
room. With his mom and sister, you
think you're fine? You would think, you would
think. But I don't know how to
experience this most love, abundance and success domestic
violence case with his mom and sister and it's an ULP upper
limit problem usually comes on the heels of a great success.
Or victory. Or a good time.
We both have big events coming up in our life and now I'm
looking out for UL P's. I'm traveling out of country
next week. I'm very excited to get to honor
that experience with my wife and have a good time.
And I'm just like worried about spending $40.00 at the grocery
store. UL P's are coming to get me, but
it's my job to just observe the ULP, see it for what it is.
What is that? Is that real?
Or is that a lack based thought? Is that a low vibration thought?
That's not real. That's just a crazy thought.
Well, you said before and it's so, and it really hit me when
you said it last podcast was, and it's such a basic statement.
We've heard it so many times as the universe gives you what you
are. Universe gives you what you are
and so if I'm complaining about 40 bucks then I'm gonna be
struggling for 40. You're the type of person that's
gonna worry about 40 bucks. Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
And so I'm gonna just have $40 all the time, correct?
Yeah, you know, so. So a trip to out of country and
me worrying about the money. I'm not that person.
No, I don't. I don't know how to experience
that type of existence. I need to drop back down to the
level of vibration I'm used to. And what I'm used to is my
addiction. I'm used to worrying about this.
I'm used to my fear. I'm used to my lack.
Yeah. And and this goes right along
and it says this. Listen to this part.
This deflection can create significant barriers to change
in healing. So let's talk about deflection.
I couldn't possibly take responsibility for this.
It's not my fault that this stuff costs $40.
It's frickin Walmart's fault because they hiked their prices
up and now I'm the victim of it's Covid's fault.
It's this, it's that. It's the politicians, it's our
supply chain. I'm just a victim of society
that has inflation and how dare they my toilet paper inflation
just a tax. My toilet paper.
I don't even need toilet paper. Fuck it.
Yeah, exactly. That's deflection.
That's how crazy we get in an ego controlled mind that is
incapable of taking responsibility.
You know what our response is to inflation?
Make more money, get your ass off the couch and get busy and
and that's that's taking responsibility for me, myself
and my family. I just have to stop working
because things went. Through the roof, price wise.
Fuck that. I'm gonna work double, triple,
yeah. I was listening to Rob Dyrdek,
The Skater. But he's like a billionaire now,
and he, he has, like, great spiritual teachings.
You guys should follow him. And he's like, I love living in
Beverly Hills. Yeah, my family loves it.
School systems are great. Everything's great.
I can afford it. I like going to the Ferrari
dealership. My wife likes, you know, doing
all these amazing things. He goes, I love Beverly Hills.
Yeah, I pay 40 percent, 50% taxes.
I just need to make 4050% more. Yep.
Because I'm not moving and I love that.
That's so great where most people be like, you know what?
You know I need to move, save and then.
Yeah, so powerful. But that's the deflection.
That's the I couldn't possibly take responsibility for my life
and what's happening to me. Let me sidestep this and make it
somebody else's responsibility. So do you remember it was the
first or second Captain America movie, and he's on a ship.
And it starts out like hardcore action, like, in a good way.
I love those. Like, I love all the Marvel
movies. And it's a shield in him.
Yeah. And that shield is just going
through like 100 guys. Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
It's like a, it's like a almost like a John Wick movie, but with
his shield. And the Captain America shield
to me, is a perfect reflection of the flexion.
Because I could just hold this thing and deflect everything I I
could. I can hold my ego.
Can hold this ego shield and be like, you know what, my mom.
This is the reason why I'm a drug addict.
You know what? My dad abused me.
Oh, this is the reason why I can't hold the job down.
Oh, you know what? I I'm not good at math just
because I've never been good at math.
You know, like, I I say that all the time.
It's like, well, I'm just not good at math.
I'm not going to learn Excel. Yeah, yeah, I mean with Excel
sheets every day. And I'm like I'm not gonna learn
this cuz I am not good at formulas and math.
So I'm gonna outsource it to somebody else, which is fine if
you don't wanna do something outsource to somebody else.
But it's like I could probably in a few hours learn it.
You definitely could learn it. The deflection, the I'm
deflecting the responsibility. Yes, there you go.
Yeah, that's what I'm using my shield of ego to do.
The ego Shields me from the outside world that is constantly
calling me to responsibility. The, the the paradoxes is when I
answer the call to responsibility, I start getting
a life worth living. That's so funny.
You brought up the Marvel, the Marvel films, bro.
I've shared this story with you, but it's a good story to tell it
again. I work at a gym and I work out.
I have a A7 o'clock hour. That's my hour.
I dedicate that time for me in the gym.
I don't take clients at that time.
I'm going to take care of myself for one hour and the rest of the
day I serve. So I'm there in the gym and this
guy comes in that I've never seen at the gym before, this
bald guy. And he's kind of moving around a
little viciously and he's doing shadow boxing and he's moving
weights really fast and he's just, he's throwing me off.
And I'm a decorated champion bodybuilder.
Like, I don't compete with me, bro.
Don't come in here at my gym and try and dance around me.
And my ego is just sneaking up and my ego wants to be superior
and my ego wants to judge and my ego wants to hold this guy down
because it was an anomaly to the system.
I'd never seen him before. My circuit, my circuitry went
off deep, deep in my my, my subconscious, where I viewed
this guy as a predator. He's a threat to me.
He's doing a whole different workout and and he completely
different from me. I'm separate, separate.
So my ego and my deflection of taking responsibility for my
judgment of this person was just forefront.
I was pure form and I was superior.
And screw this guy, I was doing abs on a bench and he was near
me and he's doing a shadowboxing thing and my brain said this
mother, he needs to get away from me now.
I sat up. Not 3 seconds later he came over
in front of me, looked me in the eye and gave me a fist bump and
said looking good my brother and walked away.
He he wanted to be my brother and told me I looked good
simultaneously in the same moment I'm judging him saying he
needs to get away from me. So now.
You're Kane and he's able. He was my ideal.
Your sacrifice. His sacrifice was a He just
wanted to. I was hating what I I was hating
myself in that moment. I was hating what I already am.
He just wanted to be my brother, and I had already thrown him out
of the Kingdom of heaven. Get the hell away from me in
that moment, bro. I just I I felt so crushed.
I put my head down and I hid my tears because I don't want to be
the type of man that just judges someone for existing.
I hadn't done that in a long time, and I was I I I felt so
embarrassed about how forefront my ego was in that moment.
I was working at a upscale restaurant at the time.
Not two weeks later, the same person came upstairs and I made
it a point to have a present moment practice with this
individual every time I saw him at the gym.
After that, we became good little buddies at the gym.
I would always give him a fist bump.
He'd give me a fist bump. We talked and I felt that that
judgment inside of me was removed for this individual.
And he gave me, he gave me a gift.
He gave me a gift in that moment to be spirit 1st instead of ego
first because when I was ego first, it felt horrible.
He came upstairs when I was working at this upscale
restaurant and I'm talking with him and his brother and I said,
So what are you doing man? Tell me what you do.
I know you're here, like in town, but not permanently.
What is it that you do? He's like, I'm like kind of semi
retired. What do you mean retired?
Brother, there's no way you're 40.
What do you mean you're retired? He was like, ah, you know, I do
real estate stuff, but I, I, you know, I dabbled in like
producing and I don't do that anymore.
And his brother nudged him. And his brother said, tell him,
tell him. And he said, well, you know, I
produced 24 Marvel movies and I don't really need to work
anymore. This too is multimillionaire.
He has an Emmy on his mantle in his living room from the Marvel
series that he's helped produce. And I'm there assassinating him
in the gym. Because my ego is forefront.
Because my ego's delusional. Because my ego can't take
responsibility for the judgments in my head.
And think about how many times there's been a misunderstanding.
And we've put that I was. This is so funny because I was
talking to somebody earlier today about this.
I was like, we've create avatars of what we think people are,
Yes. And we don't even know them.
Even if we know somebody, we really don't know them.
I don't know what you think. No, I've never been in your
brain. I have an avatar of what I think
Dwayne is, yes. But I really, really, really
like, deep down don't know you. I don't know what you're
struggling with. I mean, we talk pretty openly,
you know, at the gym and stuff of stuff we're struggling with
or stuff we're working on, spiritual stuff.
But I don't. I don't know know know you like
you, I never know what someone else is.
Thinking and all I know is the avatar of Dwayne that I've
created and my egos part in that, and hopefully my Higher
self is part in that. You know, to create, to love
you, to be to the point to where I can be totally accepting no
judgment. You know, all of those things.
And that's what I really try to do with people that you know,
that I want to be a friend with or close with or whatever.
But I don't really. I have avatars, you know, it's
not the real person. And I I was telling this this
person was talking about a relationship and I and I was
like, you don't know, you're guessing, you're getting upset
and emotional based off an assumption that you think that
this person is thinking about you.
Yes, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, and now you guys are arguing over each other about
the avatar, but you're but so the avatar you've created
doesn't live up. To the judgment that you've put
on the Avatar because you've created this person to act this
way, but that's not the real person.
A real human's pretty fucked up and a great way to understand
that, which that's why I love the Bible so much, is because
it's open. The Bible shows the flaws.
Yeah, King David was a man after God's own heart and.
Adultery. Murder.
I mean, the list goes on and on, especially the Old Testament.
Yeah, yeah, Old Testament is intense.
And they're never painted as. No.
Pretty Moses. Yeah, yeah.
He didn't even have enough courage to help his wife.
You know, somebody was out. His wife must have been good
looking or whatever. Or was that Abraham or Moses?
I forgot who it was, but and yeah, Abraham lied to.
Yeah. And then he was going to kind of
give up his wife. Yeah.
Yeah, You could have her. Go ahead ticker, just don't kill
me, you know? And then you see that with all
the disciples denying Jesus and the time, you know, and we
always think I'm the man. I could, you know, I would have
stood up and I should have been crucified next to Jesus and
everybody was like, Nope, I'm not here.
You wouldn't. Yeah.
And then simultaneously, it's like Jordan Peterson and his the
studying of the ego and how far that can be taken to an extreme
in the 20th century, Nazi Germany.
And everyone said no, I'd be the one that stood up and said no,
that's wrong. And it's like you're going to
stand up, you're going to say no, you and your family all get
machine gunned. That's you.
Prove it. It's important to know that
that's where my ego can take me and how easily I can get there,
how easily I can turn a blind eye to the destruction and
horror that we're capable of producing.
Oh, we do it all the time. We make compromises to better
our ego all the time. And this is so the deflection
can create significant barriers to change in healing.
So. When you think of significant
barriers in your life, before you felt extreme change or
before you felt extreme healing, what do you think those barriers
were like? I always think of like a
highway, and then they put barriers up.
What do you think those barriers were for you not?
When you were unconscious not to change in healing.
Yeah. It's important to understand
that that's on the other side of the barrier.
What's on the other side of this bear of this blockage while
change in healing is on the other side of this.
So what do I have to what's this bear bear the biggest barrier
for me and for most addicts I would I would take a leap, you
know and guess and say is is fear.
Is fear fear. I often viewed as a like a
concrete wall, exactly like a barrier, and I don't know how to
get through a concrete wall. This is going to hurt, trying to
go through this concrete wall. But if I don't want to die drunk
or if I don't want to behave in my unconscious addiction
anymore, if I don't want to be the type of man that is so
selfish, I constantly harm others to get what I want, I
have to be willing to take a different approach to life.
I have to be willing to go through some fear.
I've been down Dwayne's path 10 million times.
I know every turn in the forest. I know every rock.
I know where every bottle is. I know where all the women are.
I know where the lack of fear, the lack of money, fear is.
I've been down that path 10 million times.
But when I'm asked to go down a new path, a spiritual path where
I'm walking in faith, I don't know the terms on that path.
I don't know the rocks in that forest.
I don't know what's down around the next bend.
It takes courage approaching a new direction in life.
It takes courage to walk a new path.
But when I have the courage and I tap into the God consciousness
inside of me that can make that possible, that can make a new
journey possible, I find out that this concrete barrier, and
it's kind of more like a curtain.
My fear was a lot more like a curtain than a concrete wall.
And I can step through a curtain.
That's the imagery in my mind. I stepped through a curtain into
a New Forest, onto a new trail, onto a new path.
I could step through a curtain, bro.
I could fucking walk around a curtain.
So you think that not only the ego being a bully with fear, but
it was aghast lighting you with fear?
Absolutely. Stay small, stay small.
Don't try that. Don't.
No, no. What we what we're doing, we
know it works. I know a bottle works like that.
I know a fight works like that. I instantly feel different.
Those are old condition patterns for me to get control, to stay
small, to to not heal the what's on the other side of that
curtain change in healing. So change in healing is fearful?
Yeah. Well, well, absolutely.
Especially if I've never done it before.
But all men of faith have courage.
All men of faith have courage. Doesn't matter what I have faith
in, It just matters that I start behaving as such.
Can I act in a way I believe I'm going to be taken care of.
What's taking care of me? The God consciousness inside of
me that's eternal. It's not subject to life or
death. It doesn't even die.
But I'm worried about spending $4.30 at Walmart for spinach
because I have a conditioned fear of money.
It's it's crazy, it's delusional.
But we're very interested in going beyond our addiction.
We're very interested in evolving past that.
What's the next existence? Beyond that, what's this new
journey? Yeah, and I want to get a get
into insights. From some spiritual leaders.
Just we're gonna briefly go over those.
Yeah. And then we'll go into the
disillusion of the ego, especially in addiction
recovery. Carl Jung, one of the.
And I encourage everybody to look him up.
He believed that addiction could be viewed as a misguided
spiritual search. And so I think, and that he
suggests that recovery requires acknowledging our shadow self.
The aspect that we deny or ignore.
So your shadow self is anything that you're not going to share
with anyone else. So your shadow self is that part
of you that you may not like, that super scary part of you,
Like there's like you're not going to share with your mate,
you're not going to share it. And we all have it.
Oh yeah. Whether we have we, it's like,
I'd really like to kill that person, you know, or or I'd
really like to, you know, whatever it may be, like
whatever. The part of us that we're not
willing to share with somebody else.
Because, he says that's the key to the understanding the shadow
self. It's because we always get the
shadow self. Like, I'll share some things
with you, Dwayne. Like, I get pretty personal with
you. Yep.
But there are a few things I'm not going to share with anyone.
Yeah, they'll take it to the grave stuff.
Yeah, yeah, take it to the grave stuff.
So you know, that's the shadow self, and if we deny or ignore
it, he says, we have to acknowledge it, bring loving
awareness to it, and then integrate it with our
consciousness. To achieve and he uses a word
and I think it's really good individuation.
And Rudolf Steiner talks about this too.
But he said it creates A psychological wholeness because
you know as above, so below the dark and the light, the yin and
the Yang. I mean this is virtual
principle. Everywhere the seasons in life
seasons, you see a tree lose its leaves and then gets them and
grows, you know, and then. You see death and reborn babies
and old people die, all of this. We could see it in creation.
We see it in life. We see this whole process of
acknowledging, yes, and I hate to say this, this sounds really
bad when I say this, and a lot of people are gonna disagree
with me on this, but there's nothing really bad or good.
And you're like no. You don't know what happened to
me, Jason. What a lot of bad shit happened
to me, too. I mean, I could share some
things with you that blow people's brains off, you know,
about some super horrific things that happened to me, especially
when I was younger. But at the end of the day, was
it bad? You know?
Am I going to be a victim to it, or am I going to have it as a
learning lesson for me to understand that it's not me?
Just because something was done to me doesn't mean that it's me
that's powerful. You know what I mean?
Or something that I did to somebody else, cuz we've all
done horrific things to people, yeah, And we've all had horrific
things happen to us. Every human has.
That's very you're not special, and other people think they're.
So special you are not unique. It's great bro.
You are not unique in your suffering.
You are unique in how you show up to it.
If I can take responsibility for my perspective of the situation,
if I have a separateness, if I'm separate from the situation,
then it wasn't good or bad. It just is.
It just happened. Yeah, and everybody thinks that
their thing is so unique and individual and so horrific.
I was reading an article about North Korea and women that
defect from North Korea and they have to go through.
It's horrific with dealing with the weather.
So they finally make it. And they get the, you know, the
the, the route that usually goes to China.
Guess what happens when somebody sees this lone super frail woman
and they instantly know she's from North Korea.
Sex slave. It's like 80 or 90% of women
that leave North Korea leave horrific like where they eating
rats and stuff like that. I listen to that one, you know
me Park or whatever her name is that defected and she's here in
the United States now. She was like in the hospital,
sick feeling, and she was watching the rats eat dead
people. In the ward of the hospital
where the beds were. Somebody would die and then at
night time she would hear rats eating the body.
And then people were starving in the hospital, so they were
eating the rats because that's common practice.
They eat rats and they were eating the rats and the rats had
the diseases. So it's killing those people.
So it says. So you think it's bad, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
You think you got it tough? Yeah, yeah, exactly horrific.
Yeah. So, you know, put things into
perspective. Yeah.
Yeah, we've all have David and Goliath in our life.
But the Goliath can be slayed. We see that in that story.
David went to that stream, picked up those small little
stones, he got a little slingshot, and he slewed the
warrior of the world, the giants.
Like, back in those days, they had giants.
They've even proven this, you know?
They've had this giant, this warrior that had killed
thousands of people. Boom.
But that's also. Found the vulnerable.
That's the hero. That's the hero myth as well.
That's the hero story. I have to go into the wilderness
and slay the dragon. What's the dragon?
Well, very cool. We were talking about this
earlier at the gym, you know? Evolution, Evolutionally.
Evolutional psychology. What's been eating primates for
millions of years? Snakes, cats and birds.
We've talked about this before. Now, What's the amalgamation of
a snake, a cat and a bird? It's the ultimate predator.
It's a dragon. And I have to be willing to go
into the wilderness, confront the dragon.
And that's what Young is the talking about when he's talking
about shadow self. What's the dragon?
Is it real? Is there really a dragon out in
my backyard? No.
It's the shadow in my mind that I've been so afraid to look at
that I've been so afraid to take responsibility for those crazy
thoughts. What's the only thing a
monster's not afraid of? Another monster?
I got to turn a little bit into a monster in order to walk into
that wilderness. I got to grow some fucking teeth
and take responsibility for the fear in my mind.
And when I walked through that fear, I realized I don't even
have it that bad. Yeah, definitely not in a
hospital bed dying. Yeah, and I I always think of
Witcher. Yeah, he's part monster.
Yeah, you have. Who's a monster fighter?
You have to be part monster if you're gonna confront the
monster of your mind. Yeah, and I love Rudolf Steiner.
I've been reading a lot of his. I've got three books over there
of him. That I just bought Steiner's
teachings underscored the need for overcoming ego driven
consciousness to atstain spiritual transformation.
And he talks about tonight that aligns with Young's notion of
individuation, but this overcoming the ego driven
conscious and that's what he calls it.
And I love the word that it's driving the car.
Yeah, yeah, it has control, yeah, yeah.
When? When my ego is in the driver's
seat. I've proven it to myself over
and over again. I'm crash and burn like my ego
is not a good pilot. It's just not.
It's a great copilot, but it's a really crappy, really shitty
pilot. We crash and burn every time.
I might like, you know, coast for a while, but eventually my
control and my selfishness run people over and I crash the
vehicle. Yes, I'm trying to get through
the world with, get through this world with if God is forefront,
if vertical dimension is first, that's who I want flying the
plane, that's who I want driving.
That's my pilot. I need to get in touch with the
part of myself that is the pilot of a successful life.
Yeah, I would say that like it says.
God is my Co pilot and my dad would always say that's cuz my
dad was pretty religious, you know, Baptist all that.
But I always like what he said. He's like, that's not the true,
that's backwards. Yeah, he said.
God is your pilot and you're the Co pilot.
You're the Co. I'm a really great Co pilot.
Yes, yeah, exactly. And I really love that analogy.
So whether it's God, herself, universe, whatever, they're the
pilot. What does that look like?
We've talked about it before. That looks like surrendering my
control. I don't need to control the
ship. I don't need to fly the plane.
God, you fly it. Universe, you fly it.
I am prepared to deal with whatever comes, but that comes.
That's because I have a spiritual practice.
That's because I have a conscious aware checklist to get
me through the day. I know I can handle life when it
gets tough because I'm connected to God it.
Where does all source generate from the present moment?
Where does God live the present moment?
Why can I tap into infinite source all power and get through
hard shit? Because I'm connected to the
present moment. So in the moment in that, in
that scenario, in that Copilot scenario, I'm honoring the
present moment, I'm honoring the perfect objective, which is of
God, and I'm heading in that direction.
That's so good. I know I'll never be perfect,
but that's the direction I want to head in.
Yeah, and let's get into for the last few minutes, ego
dissolution in addiction recovery.
So we talked about dominance early, earlier.
But dissolving the ego's dominance allows us to confront
our addiction without deflection or denial, seeing it as a
harmful habit rather than a fundamental part of our
identity. That's good.
It's just a bad habit. It's not who I am.
That's a crazy thought. It's not who I am.
There's another crazy thought. There's no it happens 58,000
times a day initially. So we have to get very good at
spotting the thought. It's almost like another analogy
is just catch it fishing. Catch and release.
Catch the crazy thought, release it.
That's not who I am. Catch the crazy thought, release
it. That's not who I am.
It's dissolving the ego's dominance.
I'm not going to get rid of the ego per se, but I can release
its control over my identity. Yes, 100 percent.
It's no longer dominating my life.
It's no longer steering the boat.
Yeah, that's so good. And and it says seeing it as a
harmful habit rather than a fundamental part of my identity.
The seeing is the hard part, yes, because when you're blind
then you're going off of. The other senses take, you know,
like physically they've said that with somebody that's blind
and maybe we have somebody listening that's blind.
They could better explain this. But they always talk about like
if you can't see, then all of a sudden your nose, you're
hearing. The other senses take control.
Yeah, they'll see for you. Yeah, exactly.
And I always think of this is if I'm looking, if I'm not looking
and seeing. Then I'm allowing other things
to take control, and I'm relying on those other things that are
harmful to me to whether it's a bottle or whether it's a needle,
whatever it may be. I'm relying those things to
reinforce my false identity. Very good, yeah.
Yeah, that's my delusional existence as an addict, seeing
it as a harmful habit. You know, there's a progression
to all spiritual development, of course, and we will continue
that progression. It's a lifetime endeavor that is
is constantly changing and evolving and there's a
progression to that. But initially, initially, for
most issues, especially ego delusionment, I can't see the
truth. My ego is in control.
We kind of get that little window of grace where we
realized, OK, something needs to change here.
Something needs to happen differently in order for me to
heal. And then that ego, same ego,
part of me takes over and says I'll do it, I'll change us, I'll
change us. We need to change.
I'm ready. I'm ready.
I'll answer and and it's still selfish, it's still controlling.
And what ends up happening is I fall on my face because, and I
don't change because I'm still behaving selfishly.
I'm not really killing myself with alcohol anymore, but I'm
destroying every relationship I touch because you're not
behaving the way I need you to behave in order for me to be OK.
And use bounce from, yes, a job relationship to shift my
addiction to the next thing. And what my addiction really is
is this selfish and controlling. I want control.
I want to dominate not only myself but others, so seeing it
is the same as shining laser point awareness, which part of
me has laser point awareness God consciousness.
So if I can shine laser point awareness on this delusion,
shine laser point awareness on this selfishness, sign laser
point awareness on this sin, it's not my ego trying to fix
itself. I'm now inviting the appropriate
power into the situation that's going to give me a real chance
to heal. So we like to say that the
problem is not solved. The problem of of my delusion,
the problem of my selfishness, the problem of my dishonesty,
That problem is not solved. When I bring laser point
awareness to the situation, those parts of my character
begin to dissolve. It becomes to, it begins to
fall. It just kind of falls to the
side. It's dissolved like an Alka
seltzer. It just it just kind of fizzes
out because now I'm seeing it because now I'm shining laser
point awareness on it. God makes that possible.
Dwayne and and his ego can't do that.
What did you say to Jim earlier today about if it was right and
easy? Yeah, that Alex Hormel or
Hermosi or whatever his name was, he was talking about that.
He goes, It was so good. He had a short I encourage
people to follow him and he was talking about if it's if it was
easy and right, you would have already done it.
You I would have already. Done it.
So when you're debate in a debate between what's easy and
what's hard, always pick the hard because you got to go for
the hard because if it was just easy.
In Riot, you would have already done it, if that makes sense.
So if it's just easy, then that's you're probably taking a
shortcut, or you're being lazy, or you're not handling it in the
way that you should by doing the hard thing and the hard thing.
And he talks about that too. Hard things are hard things.
Just accept them. Yeah, the minute you begin to
accept like this is gonna suck. This is gonna be really hard.
Most people don't do hard things.
I'm gonna do hard things. I've got an addiction.
I like to take the bottle. I like to take a needle.
I like men or women or whatever and use their bodies, whatever
it may be. I'm going to do the hard thing
and it's going to be hard. But this is the way it goes.
Listen to this. Seeing it is a harmful.
I have a red than a fundamental part of it any as we silence.
So seeing in silence as we silence the ego, we become open
to accept help change and grow. And I want you to talk about
this because I had talked about this in the gym.
We always have these great conversations in the gym.
We're working out. But we silenced the ego.
And I was telling you earlier about physical, physiological
changes. And as a child, the monster in
the closet, the monster in the bed, yes, and how it changes
your body. But I want us to think of of
higher self, and I want us to think of God and I want to
picture dad. So you're sitting there freaking
yourself out, even to the point of your body changing.
You're in pure terror. Yeah, and and everybody can
remember this as a child because most everybody's been afraid at
some point pure terror. You have given yourself pure,
absolutely pure terror because you have convinced yourself that
in that closet is a big one eyed purple monster that's super
hairy and scary monster. Zinc is really funny with that
great, great movie. I love that one.
But you've convinced yourself this thing is going to come out
of the closet any moment. You've even kind of maybe even
saw the door move a little bit. You've heard a noise.
In there, you've convinced yourself of all this false
reality. You're finally you get enough
hell, I think, Guess what happens.
Dad comes running in, flips the light on.
What's wrong? What's wrong?
You know, half tired.
You know he's trying to get some sleep.
And you know the monster, my cousin.
And he. What is the first thing dad does
with the light on? He opens the door and you look
in the closet and there's your shoes, your clothes.
No monster. There's no monster.
It's the same God or herself is the dad.
He's the one that will, if you're willing to see.
He's the one that comes in and silences the ego because he
flips the light on and opens the door.
So powerful if you know what I. Yeah, yeah.
Literally. Shines.
Literally, Yeah. Yeah.
And you know, not to get too into any religion, but that's a
wonderful starting place. People will say and often judge.
Oh, I'll be I don't like that big bearded man in the sky and I
don't believe. No, no, that doesn't work, and
it's perfectly fine. If it doesn't work for
individuals, we just suggest that you find a pathway to
spirituality that works for you. But this idea of a powerful,
judgmental father figure in the sky, that's a great starting off
place. That's a great OK, well, maybe
I'll do this because that judgmental father, in the
future, it's going to be it. It knows it's better for me in
the future. If I start addressing my fear,
if I start addressing my addiction, if I start having an
aim, what's we human being? Human beings are the only
creatures on planet Earth that can bargain with the future.
I'm going to make a sacrificial decision now.
A hard decision now. That's so good, yes, to address
my addiction. So because it's, I know it's
going to benefit future Dwayne later.
That's so good. Which part of me knows it's
going to benefit future Dwayne later?
Maybe it's that judgmental father.
Why is the father judgmental? Why does the father shine light?
Well, we always say this too, Like religion helps you bring a
system in place. Absolutely.
So you got chaos going on in your life?
Yes? Get involved in a chess,
Absolutely. Our program or whatever, any,
any path is a good path as long as you're touching spiritual
principles. That vertical dimension, that
father figure image, that part of me only wants the best for
me. That's that's what I'm getting
in touch with when I'm bargaining with the future.
So it's a great starting place. They don't hold any prejudice
against any religion and that's one that works for me.
Yeah, 100%. And I think we all have.
I have like a view of Mystic Christianity and stuff like
that. Judaism.
Everybody kind of has a mix of different things that they
believe in or do. So for the next 5 minutes, let's
get into some positive affirmations that people can do.
And you're great at this. These are like great tools, bro.
You're great at this too. You're great at this, too.
But I think you're ahead of me on this.
Let's have a scale here. No, no, on a scale one to 10, I
think I'm probably at a four and you're at A8.
But so let's get into some affirmations real quick before
we go. What are some affirmations?
Besides, you know that's not real.
I use that one all the time. You you taught that one to me
and I love it. What are some of the
affirmations that you use daily? So these are practical tools
that help us navigate our day. Now, if I'm interested in going
through the world, basically we like to say I made a handshake
commitment with the universe that I'm willing to feel good
all the time. That's an affirmation.
It's also a radical idea.
Most people will never make that commitment.
But if I'm heading in the perfect objective, which is of
higher self, I'm willing to make that handshake commitment.
I want to feel good all the time, not just when I get.
Even when you're in a foreign country.
Even when I'm in foreign country on vacation, Not just when this
is perfect, I'll be using it. Trust me, I'm using the tools.
Not not just when I'm having sex.
Oh, I don't feel good if I'm getting laid.
Isn't amazing how present we are only with an orgasm?
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You're like a pure presence.
That's you're not thinking about it.
That's circular. But I mean, yeah, you're not
thinking about anything else. Like in that moment you are not
thinking about anything else? No.
Very present. And sorry I I took it there.
It's that's a nice practice as well.
Yeah, exactly. To bring us present the So the
handshake, commitment with the universe is all the time.
That's the radical piece. Not just when I'm orgasming, not
just when I'm getting a paycheck, not just when being,
oh, I got the green light at the traffic light all the time.
So it's independent of my outside circumstances.
So what I'm getting in touch with is my inner being, my inner
emotional intelligence. Great affirmation.
Great affirmation is thank you God for this moment.
Thank you God for this moment. I use this every single day,
multiple times a day, usually during cardio.
But if I'm present enough, it's it's with me.
That's the that's the struggle. Yeah.
Thank you, God, for this moment. Thank you, God, for this moment.
I'm very interested in rewiring
the neurological synapses that help create my identity, a
belief. It's just the thought that you
keep thinking. So our job now with a spiritual
development practice of expansion practices while start
paying attention to your thoughts.
That's the handshake commitment with the universe.
If I'm going to feel good all the time, I need to start taking
responsibility for the 6060 thousand thoughts a day that are
kicking my ass. Thank you God, for this moment
is a thought. Thank you, God, for this moment
opens the door for gratitude. I can start to vibrate at a
level of well, I'm just. I'm just appreciative for this
moment, no matter what it looks like, independent of my outside
circumstances. Very powerful.
Another great one that has worked wonders for me is I am
wildly successful, not because of my bank account, but because
I'm connected to the present moment.
I'm wildly successful. And you're not lying to yourself
because you're not an addict in the present moment.
No, you're not Jason Rigby in the present moment, and I'm not
poor either. No, you're nothing in the
present. Look at this.
Abundance around me have
abundance of air. I have abundance of sunshine.
I have abundance of trees. I have abundance of access to
loved ones. I have abundance to navigating
the world. I can get anywhere I want to
get. Today.
Tomorrow I could leave and go. Anywhere in the world I want to
go. I have abundance.
All around me. I'm wildly successful, not
because of my bank account, but because I'm connected to the
present moment. I'm reaffirming my identity.
I'm tapping into the success that is around me and I'm
heading in that direction. Yes, I love that.
That's good. I'm infinitely abundant because
I'm the flowering of consciousness.
I'm not infinitely abundant because of dollar signs.
I'm infinitely abundant. Abundant because I'm the
flowering of consciousness. Because my consciousness is
becoming more and more aware, because that's the realm, that's
the dimension that I want to be more and more in touch with that
I want. Yeah.
In the forefront. I'm infinitely abundant.
How abundant. Infinitely abundant because I'm
the flowering of consciousness. Those mantras have served me so
well, and there are countless other.
And there's, like, you know, in their material we have, I'm not
defined by my addiction. What are some of yours?
Yeah, yeah. I use.
I'm kind of more like in the because of my ulps.
I found those and I encourage everybody to look that up.
There's great articles just online if you type in upper
limit problem. And so I have to say I am worthy
of yeah, because I feel like I'm not worthy of things.
I am worthy of success. I am worthy of a great
relationship. I am worthy.
So I use the I am worthy. I like anything with I am
because that's I am that I am you know that's what that's what
that's God Cause Jesus said yeah I am that I am.
I say it's total present moment, so whenever I can say you know.
And it's not like I'm saying false things to myself, It's
like you know, because my higher self, my true self.
Is the. I am absolutely so I believe
those things. Whether you're Christian, you
believe the Holy Spirit relies in you.
That Holy Spirit is part of the Trinity.
That is the I am. Yes.
So every religion has this, this I am, you know, so that resides
in me. So the minute that I can tap
into the I am, I know that I have unlimited power.
And we talked about it's the power that creates.
Abraham ticks us about this power that creates worlds.
But I want to close in this. This is so important to do
affirmations, and you're so great at this.
Because it breaks the ego's negative narrative, yes, And
that's so important. The ego has been giving you a
storyline and a narrative for however many years old you are.
So the affirmation breaks that. Yeah, it breaks that.
Like just like that. It's powerful enough to heal
generations in the past and generations in the future.
The repetition of an affirmation can retrain my identity and
rewire my mind.