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Recovered at a podcast, I want 
to start off with a real life 

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story from someone named Sarah 
and she had what? 

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You'll recognize this. 
She had an addiction to alcohol 

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and how it began was it was her 
way to cope with social anxiety.

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Interesting. 
But she had social anxiety, and 

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at parties or gatherings, the 
only way that she would feel at 

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ease is to drink alcohol. 
And the addiction really was 

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rooted in a desire to alleviate 
her anxiety. 

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And all alcohol became was a 
crutch to handle the anxiety 

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instead of taking the time, 
we're going to talk about today 

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and do a self-assessment on the 
anxiety. 

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Itself very interesting, yeah, 
and completely normal for 

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Alcoholics and drug addicts. 
I don't feel comfortable in my 

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own skin. 
Yes, my skin is crawling. 

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I love that. 
Yes, now I'm in fear. 

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The fear is shutting off oxygen 
to my brain and I'm having an 

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energetic response. 
Cortisol levels increase. 

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I'm in the sympathetic nervous 
system. 

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I'm now in fight or flight. 
I feel like I'm about to enter a

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battle and I'm really at a house
party. 

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And what can I do to not feel 
this boom? 

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Alcohol works so quickly. 
That's why it's easy to get 

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addicted to. 
I'm instantly feel something 

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different. 
You know, drugs do the same 

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thing. 
Gambling does the same thing. 

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Sex does the same thing. 
I instantly feel something 

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different. 
So go down the rabbit hole. 

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Enough with that behavior. 
And sure, it's the mask of my 

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anxiety, but what's my anxiety? 
That's just the mask of not 

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being comfortable in my own 
skin. 

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How do I get comfortable in my 
own skin? 

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Yeah, it's like and I'm. 
I'm not maybe you need them. 

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I'm not a medical. 
We're not medical in any ways. 

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But like antidepressants, the 
same way it's like is the pill. 

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Have I realistically dealt with 
my depression and done a deep 

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dive in my depression? 
Like, for me, I found for me 

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personally, not saying for 
everybody else, maybe people 

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need, you know, antidepressants.
I don't know. 

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But for me, I was prescribed 8 
different antidepressants. 

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Right. 
Nothing worked for me. 

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It just made me tired and I 
couldn't think very well, like 

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cloudy. 
That's what it did for me. 

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What worked for me was doing the
shadow work enough to understand

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my depression comes from self. 
Interesting. 

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When I'm putting myself 1st and 
then I'm believing everybody's 

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against me, that's where my 
depression hits. 

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And then I start believing that 
story that I tell myself, that 

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false story narrative. 
Then it's it's just a spiral, 

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yes, to where I'm laying on the 
couch watching horror movies, 

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eating junk food and not wanting
to leave the house. 

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It's. 
Easier to hide from the world. 

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Yes, yes, feeling suicidal, all 
that stuff. 

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But I want to get in today. 
Now this is Part 2, so people 

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need to listen to part one and 
what? 

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What would you call the deep 
self inquiry? 

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Like? 
Like a self-assessment? 

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What do you call it? 
It's a personal inventory. 

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It's a personal inventory. 
So when I take stock of my 

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grocery store, I'm I'm writing 
down. 

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I'm taking inventory of 
everything on the shelf, right? 

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And that's what I'm doing with 
my behavior. 

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That's what I'm doing with my 
fear. 

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That's what I'm doing with my 
resentment. 

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That's what I'm doing with my 
sexual conduct. 

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That's what I'm doing with my 
role in these areas. 

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So a personal inventory, a 
self-assessment. 

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Again, we discussed this in part
one, but. 

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Guidance is very important 
through this process. 

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I'm just not writing down things
Willy nilly. 

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I have a a good hopefully we we 
can get plugged into a support 

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group, we can get plugged into 
some type of recovery group and 

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I'm getting guidance through 
this process. 

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I'm not just stumbling through 
it, making this up like this is 

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not a new Jason and Dwayne idea 
like this has been going on for 

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thousands of years, but when I 
have an accurate view. 

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Of the things that are kicking 
my ass, my behavior and my 

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thinking, then maybe I can have 
an accurate view of a solution 

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oriented direction and 
recognizing it's thousands of 

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years. 
When you said that, I laughed 

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because I was thinking of the 
old western movies. 

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Remember, they would go work 
really hard 1215 hour days and 

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then they come into town after 
they get their money. 

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Oh, yeah. 
And they blow it on booze, 

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women. 
I mean, you could just see it 

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fighting. 
Like, I mean, you can watch 

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those old Westerns. 
That was it was about, you know,

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and they just blow all their 
money and then they have to go 

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back out to work again. 
Yep. 

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You know, so. 
And and they would get like 

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finally take a bath, you know, 
And it's like all these funny, 

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you know, movies and stuff like 
that. 

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Yeah, I do too. 
But, you know, you see that. 

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And it's like that was in the 
1800s. 

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There was the addicts. 
You know what I mean? 

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Absolutely. 
Some literature says they've 

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there has been Alcoholics since 
they crushed grapes. 

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Like once you start doing that 
shit grease. 

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Trust me, honey, with the Mead. 
Yeah, there were enough. 

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There were There were people 
drinking uncontrollably. 

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Even then there was a there's a 
reason that you have the God of 

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euphoria, wine and euphoria, 
Dionysis. 

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That was that was I was Dionysus
reincarnated? 

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That was my excuse to get 
blackout drunk all the time. 

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Yeah, it's so funny. 
I talked to, I talked to a 

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Brewer and I was like, you're 
around beer all the time. 

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He goes, yeah, I tasted it, 
drink it. 

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But he goes, I just tasted or 
drink it. 

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He goes, it's not a, you know, 
which I love beer, but it's not 

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a for him. 
It's not, you know, like he's 

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like you couldn't be an 
alcoholic and be a Brewer. 

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Like you have to look at it like
a craft. 

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You would burn your business to 
the ground? 

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Yeah. 
Yeah, exactly. 

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Because he's a yeah. 
I mean, he's a well, he's 

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Brewer. 
Here is he's right, you know you

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couldn't be an alcoholic and be 
a Brewer. 

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You know, like he's not. 
He's like I'll taste like a 

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little these little jars. 
I'll go up to the fat, you know,

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just taste a little bit. 
And he's like, I'm not getting a

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buzz. 
You know, it's rare that I. 

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That's like a drug addict trying
to sell drugs like, well, he 

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used his whole supply, you know?
Yeah, exactly. 

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So let's get into identifying 
patterns, behaviors, and 

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underlying beliefs in this self 
inquiry and in the process of 

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this. 
Very scary. 

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And I know you're going to be 
fearful when you do this. 

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We talked about this the last 
We're going to start to notice 

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reoccurring patterns and these 
patterns might include 

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consistently prioritizing your 
own needs over others. 

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So why do you think the bottle 
for Dwayne caused you to put 

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your own needs over others? 
Perhaps my parents did a good 

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job, and perhaps I knew it was 
wrong to behave selfish and self

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centeredly. 
I knew it was wrong. 

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My there was a moral. 
There was an intrinsic moral. 

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Barometer inside of me that 
would go off when I took 

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something that didn't belong to 
me. 

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That makes sense, yes. 
There was an intrinsic part of 

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me, a natural part of me, that 
knew it was not right to sleep 

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with that girl, tell her she's 
the only one I love, and 

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simultaneously sleep with 
another girl and tell her no, 

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no, I'm not seeing anybody else.
There was something inside of me

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that knew that wasn't right, the
alcohol. 

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Made it easy not to look at that
That makes sense I. 

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Did not have to look, It would 
just blur the line of morality. 

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I wouldn't even look at it. 
Yeah, it wasn't blur. 

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I'm having fun. 
Yeah, it wasn't blur. 

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It was. 
It was easy to turn a blind eye 

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because I didn't have to feel 
how uncomfortable it was to go 

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against my morality. 
I was behaving immoral. 

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I was. 
I was doing stuff that I knew 

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was wrong. 
But in my drinking, I didn't 

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have to look at it. 
It became an excuse to 

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perpetuate the bad behavior. 
And that's you don't know that. 

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I didn't know that early in 
recovery you don't realize 

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you're putting yourself over 
everything. 

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Else, no. 
You'd find that out through 

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years of introspection. 
It's it's so it's important that

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every individual has their own 
journey. 

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With this process and pull back 
their own layers of Why was I 

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dishonest? 
Why did I have to behave this 

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way? 
What is this desire to get what 

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I want above all else? 
And then how come I kept doing 

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it? 
You know, that's for every 

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individual to answer by 
themselves, but for me, the the 

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alcohol allowed me to turn a 
blind eye to my bad behavior and

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then after enough of that, 
that's the only behavior I know.

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That's just how I'm getting 
through the world. 

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It becomes a norm. 
It that's it. 

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Exactly right. 
Our alcoholic life becomes our 

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only normal one. 
I didn't know there was a 

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different way to live. 
So a recovery program provides 

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me with a different way to 
approach life. 

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Yeah, it's like it's like in I 
was reading a book on World War 

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2 and they were talking about, 
you know, in Great Britain, 

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England, all that area. 
They got eventually got used to 

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the bombings and then people 
started just having kids and 

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having it would be they would 
get married. 

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They were showing this one 
picture of this couple. 

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They got married. 
Their house got bombed. 

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That night was all blown up into
pieces and then the next day 

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they have a picture of them in 
there. 

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They went ahead and had their 
wedding. 

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You know, it just becomes the 
craziness becomes normal. 

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You don't. 
You don't. 

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It's not that big of a deal but 
a bomb just went through your 

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house because you see it every 
day. 

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That's wild. 
And Jordan Peterson talks about 

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this and I think it's so 
interesting and and how the 

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people in the mental health 
institutes in in Great Britain 

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the men had a purpose and they 
got well like they were like we 

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have no one else to drive this. 
We we've got dead bodies all 

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around and we have an ambulance 
sitting here and we have 

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literally no men to drive it. 
Wow. 

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And mental help people. 
Mental help people started like 

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helping move bricks. 
Help rescue people. 

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Yes. 
And all of a sudden they're 

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like, I'm fine now. 
Yeah, like they just needed a 

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purpose their life. 
How many, how how many people if

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they would do this work through 
this they would find their 

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meaning and purpose through this
self. 

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If I'm sincere, all of 
everybody. 

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So you want to find your meaning
and purpose in life, which 

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everybody does. 
Yes, do this work. 

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I mean, that's what it leads to.
Absolutely, absolutely. 

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Shouldering responsibility gives
me meaning and purpose. 

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I like the word shouldering 
responsibility. 

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Putting a backpack on. 
Very good. 

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Yeah, absolutely. 
I'm shouldering. 

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Well, and it's a load, it is. 
It's a load and it should be. 

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Do you know what? 
You're fucked up. 

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Yes, absolutely, absolutely 
human. 

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Again, Jordan Peterson to 
reference, Human beings are 

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beasts of burden. 
Very similar to sled dogs in a 

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In that perspective, take away 
the sled and the dog doesn't 

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know what the fuck to do with 
himself, yes? 

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We're built for a burden. 
We're built to carry a load. 

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It's just about finding the load
that works for me. 

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That's the purpose and. 
That's the purpose. 

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That's what we're But life is 
too easy now. 

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Yeah, it's too, yes. 
So I might as well just numb 

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myself out with Netflix. 
Or numb myself out with vagina 

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or Dick or relationships or 
alcohol or cocaine. 

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Whatever I mean. 
Not only is it easy, it's 

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socially acceptable or for me, 
Donuts. 

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It's the norm, right? 
It's the norm. 95 to 98% of the 

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world is going through, going, 
walking through their day 

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unconscious. 
I'm not willing to take 

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00:12:24,590 --> 00:12:26,950
responsibility for this. 
It's Donald Trump's fault. 

229
00:12:27,790 --> 00:12:30,030
Yeah, I'm not willing to take 
responsibility for this. 

230
00:12:30,070 --> 00:12:32,710
It's the bank's fault, Biden's 
or whoever. 

231
00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:33,910
Whoever. 
Yeah, we just throw the whole 

232
00:12:33,910 --> 00:12:34,670
bird out. 
We don't care. 

233
00:12:34,670 --> 00:12:35,030
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

234
00:12:36,230 --> 00:12:38,750
I couldn't possibly take 
responsibility for my health. 

235
00:12:41,030 --> 00:12:43,550
It's it's my mom's fault because
she cooked. 

236
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:46,590
I'm a genetic she cooked no key 
every every Sunday. 

237
00:12:46,990 --> 00:12:52,990
And now I love pasta. 
You know, like I, people are 

238
00:12:53,070 --> 00:12:55,630
taught to sidestep 
responsibility. 

239
00:12:56,050 --> 00:12:59,490
But when I shoulder 
responsibility and I take on 

240
00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:04,730
load, my life gets huge. 
My life takes on meaning. 

241
00:13:04,730 --> 00:13:08,530
I got places to go and things to
do and I'm maybe, God willing, 

242
00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:13,650
excited about it. 
Yeah, it's like take out the 

243
00:13:13,650 --> 00:13:16,610
trash or fantastic. 
You know you you had to do that 

244
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,970
when you're in your recovery, 
they would have you take out 

245
00:13:18,970 --> 00:13:19,930
the. 
Take out the trash. 

246
00:13:19,930 --> 00:13:22,290
You want to be a purpose? 
Take out the This is the most 

247
00:13:22,290 --> 00:13:25,860
important thing you could do for
the day, yeah, is to show up to 

248
00:13:25,860 --> 00:13:27,700
this meeting and take the 
fucking trash out. 

249
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:33,140
And from there, through respect 
and earning it, you'll get where

250
00:13:33,140 --> 00:13:35,980
you're leading him. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

251
00:13:35,980 --> 00:13:40,380
Well, and also I began to 
belong. 

252
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:45,580
I was no longer this outsider 
that was just there selfishly to

253
00:13:45,580 --> 00:13:46,980
take. 
Yes, yeah. 

254
00:13:46,980 --> 00:13:48,780
Yeah. 
They said no, come in here and 

255
00:13:48,780 --> 00:13:50,540
give. 
Yeah, that's not the 

256
00:13:50,540 --> 00:13:52,020
prioritizing your needs over 
others. 

257
00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:55,340
That's that's you now serving 
others in humility the. 

258
00:13:55,340 --> 00:13:58,340
Flip of this, continuously 
prioritizing my own needs over 

259
00:13:58,340 --> 00:14:00,660
others. 
And the next one is acting from 

260
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:03,300
a place of fear, which we talked
about. 

261
00:14:04,340 --> 00:14:06,380
And I like the word acting from 
a place. 

262
00:14:06,860 --> 00:14:08,100
Yeah. 
So it's what stage do you wanna 

263
00:14:08,100 --> 00:14:10,900
be on? 
Let's flip the lights on. 

264
00:14:10,940 --> 00:14:13,420
What's the background? 
What's the scenery you want? 

265
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:16,540
What's the audience you want 
your creator in this world. 

266
00:14:16,740 --> 00:14:18,900
So what stage you wanna be on? 
Do you wanna be on a stage of 

267
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:22,500
fear or do you wanna be on a 
stage of creating happiness? 

268
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:27,440
Love. 
You control the matrix, if we're

269
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:30,280
creators. 
Absolutely, we were endowed. 

270
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,400
I mean, the Constitution of the 
United States says that we're 

271
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,120
endowed by a creator and that 
we're all equal. 

272
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:41,200
So if we are creators and we can
create whatever we want, I would

273
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,080
imagine we can create how we're 
going to act. 

274
00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:47,040
Very powerful, don't you think? 
We're creating our own reality, 

275
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:50,000
Yes, Yes, exactly. 
Do I want to be in the reality 

276
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:54,460
of vertical dimension? 
Infinite possibility, Infinite 

277
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:57,780
abundance, infinite access to 
source and solution. 

278
00:14:58,060 --> 00:15:02,620
Or do I want to be in horizontal
dimension, the world of form? 

279
00:15:03,140 --> 00:15:05,420
What happens if that form goes 
away? 

280
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:09,060
I'm afraid I'm going to lose 
that form. 

281
00:15:09,060 --> 00:15:10,660
I'm going to lose that money. 
I'm going to lose that 

282
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:13,300
relationship. 
Now I'm navigating the world in 

283
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:18,900
this horizontal dimension, and 
I'm in fear. 

284
00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:22,520
I'm an ego. 
Don't you think that fear is 

285
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:27,920
just a false reality of what you
think is real? 

286
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:30,560
But it's not. 
It's for me. 

287
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:35,200
When I'm most fearful is when 
I'm believing that this is all 

288
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,400
there is. 
Absolutely. 

289
00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,840
You know, like like this woman 
is all that there is for me. 

290
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,960
This job is all that there is 
for me. 

291
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:44,400
Like I can easily. 
And you're the same way as I. 

292
00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,720
We've talked about this. 
I can get a job in four hours. 

293
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:51,470
Yep, I'm just that way I can. 
I'll go and talk to 100 people 

294
00:15:51,470 --> 00:15:55,190
in an afternoon, put, put a tie 
on and go talk to a bunch of 

295
00:15:55,190 --> 00:15:57,750
people and I can get a job. 
Like, I don't worry. 

296
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:00,390
I've never not had a job. 
You'd get 10 jobs. 

297
00:16:00,790 --> 00:16:02,190
Yeah. 
And you're the same way. 

298
00:16:02,550 --> 00:16:04,790
Like you get a job literally 
this afternoon. 

299
00:16:04,790 --> 00:16:06,030
Yeah. 
Like, no, no. 

300
00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:07,430
There would be no question about
it. 

301
00:16:07,910 --> 00:16:11,310
So why do we worry about that? 
Why are we worrying about money?

302
00:16:13,380 --> 00:16:15,820
I mean, maybe a job that we 
don't like in the necessary, but

303
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:19,540
I mean I could go and get a job 
I could probably pretty 

304
00:16:19,540 --> 00:16:21,020
confident I could get a job that
I like. 

305
00:16:21,020 --> 00:16:22,660
And same with you. 
Yeah, you know what? 

306
00:16:22,660 --> 00:16:27,020
That's a very good way to 
present this topic. 

307
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,580
And part of it is my condition 
behavior, part of it is my 

308
00:16:30,580 --> 00:16:34,620
conditioning, you know, Eckhart 
totally likes to say. 

309
00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:37,060
And of course, Hindu, Buddhist 
teachings. 

310
00:16:37,420 --> 00:16:40,080
There's no tiger in the room. 
That's good. 

311
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:43,920
Yeah, Why is Why am I having the
energetic, responsive fear? 

312
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,840
Why am I behaving as if there's 
a tiger in this room? 

313
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,160
Stop looking for him. 
Right, right it is a portion of 

314
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:55,080
that is my brain is wired to 
detect predators. 

315
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:59,520
Tiger is a fucking big predator.
So is a snake. 

316
00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:05,800
So is a predatory bird. 
And when that circuitry goes off

317
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,490
in my brain. 
It's good to be afraid. 

318
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:12,770
If you got to get away from a 
tiger, you better be afraid. 

319
00:17:13,410 --> 00:17:14,970
And you're going to move 
quickly. 

320
00:17:15,130 --> 00:17:21,250
You're going to move quickly. 
But now that's not happening to 

321
00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:27,290
me today. 
We're not 150,000 years ago in 

322
00:17:27,290 --> 00:17:32,330
the trees combating these 
predators, but my brain has been

323
00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:35,450
conditioned to go there with 
money. 

324
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,320
My brain has been conditioned to
go there in traffic, with my 

325
00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:43,480
boss, with my coworkers, with, 
with, with the world around me. 

326
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:47,320
Now the world around me becomes 
these predators and my brain 

327
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:49,960
doesn't know any difference. 
I'm fighting a tiger. 

328
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:52,680
I'll fight an avocado, yes, and 
the price? 

329
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,480
The avocado doesn't even know 
who I am. 

330
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:55,680
Oh my God. 
Gas. 

331
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,560
I'm gonna fight the gas. 
Liquid. 

332
00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,880
Yeah. 
And and and so rewiring the 

333
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:05,730
neocortex, the new brain. 
Is the task of spiritual 

334
00:18:05,730 --> 00:18:10,010
development, especially when it 
comes to my perspective of fear.

335
00:18:10,770 --> 00:18:14,650
We can rewire that I can have 
tools today and I can tell 

336
00:18:14,650 --> 00:18:19,370
myself that's not real, that's 
not happening to me today. 

337
00:18:20,450 --> 00:18:22,690
Very interesting. 
The neuroscientist discovered 

338
00:18:22,690 --> 00:18:27,930
that we talked about this the 
predatory call for that monkeys 

339
00:18:27,930 --> 00:18:30,690
used to give each other for 
snake. 

340
00:18:32,550 --> 00:18:36,830
Cat and bird. 
It's the same neurological 

341
00:18:36,830 --> 00:18:39,910
wiring that goes off in our 
brain when we curse. 

342
00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:45,070
When I say fuck or when I say 
whatever, Bad word, short, 

343
00:18:45,070 --> 00:18:48,270
guttural word, archaic word. 
It's the same. 

344
00:18:48,270 --> 00:18:51,710
So when I say this fucking 
avocado, it's fucking gas. 

345
00:18:52,470 --> 00:18:59,310
I'm literally cursing the thing 
that I that I used to 

346
00:18:59,310 --> 00:19:04,010
ancestrally view as a predator. 
This is the same neurological 

347
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:07,770
part of the brain we used to say
hey look out, predator. 

348
00:19:09,730 --> 00:19:13,770
And now, thousands of years 
later, I'm still saying hey 

349
00:19:13,770 --> 00:19:17,690
predator, but it's not reality. 
It's a delusion. 

350
00:19:18,010 --> 00:19:20,090
The avocado is not a predator to
me. 

351
00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:23,050
Why am I having an energetic 
response as it is? 

352
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,980
So we're very interested in 
rewiring the brain, but we're 

353
00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:29,980
also very interested in 
navigating the world with more 

354
00:19:29,980 --> 00:19:32,340
freedom. 
Yeah, and it's so funny if you 

355
00:19:32,340 --> 00:19:34,420
just don't put an avocado, but 
put it in a relationship. 

356
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,820
Yes. 
Why am I looking at my boyfriend

357
00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:41,420
as a snake that's going to 
attack me and kill me? 

358
00:19:41,540 --> 00:19:43,300
Very good. 
Yes, the response, the energetic

359
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:45,620
response through evolutionary 
psychology that I'm having right

360
00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:49,660
now is that he's a snake and 
he's a predator and he's gonna 

361
00:19:49,660 --> 00:19:52,600
kill me. 
If you think of it that way, 

362
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:56,080
it's funny then. 
There's a reason the serpent, 

363
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,280
It's like, oh, I'm overreacting.
He's not a fucking snake. 

364
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:02,680
He may be kind of, but. 
There's a reason the serpent in 

365
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:07,480
the Garden has this Satanic 
connotation, right? 

366
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:11,240
Nowhere in Genesis does it say 
that's the devil, right, Right. 

367
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:16,000
It doesn't say that that 
explanation evolved over 

368
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:20,350
thousands of years of 
storytelling, but the 

369
00:20:20,350 --> 00:20:25,470
correlation with the snake is 
that's a predator that used to 

370
00:20:25,470 --> 00:20:28,390
kill us. 
And or it can beguile us like it

371
00:20:28,390 --> 00:20:30,950
could talk us into something. 
Yes, like, you better be 

372
00:20:30,950 --> 00:20:32,870
careful. 
Like, you know, like you don't 

373
00:20:32,870 --> 00:20:34,870
want your woman going around a 
snake. 

374
00:20:35,070 --> 00:20:37,230
Next thing you know, she's 
giving you an apple. 

375
00:20:37,230 --> 00:20:43,070
You know, an SCD, so a nice tool
for us, for any, any person in a

376
00:20:43,070 --> 00:20:45,510
relationship or whatever it is, 
the thing that's kicking your 

377
00:20:45,510 --> 00:20:47,470
ass is. 
Oh, that's not a snake. 

378
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:51,390
That is so. 
That is such a nice tool to just

379
00:20:51,390 --> 00:20:55,870
be able to. 
Yes, bring the the Comic Relief 

380
00:20:56,150 --> 00:20:59,390
can crack open my ego. 
It's my ego that's afraid. 

381
00:21:00,110 --> 00:21:04,670
So I can have the spiritual 
mantra and say, oh, that's not a

382
00:21:04,670 --> 00:21:07,190
snake, that's just my bank 
account. 

383
00:21:08,630 --> 00:21:10,830
That's not a snake. 
That's just an accident on the 

384
00:21:10,830 --> 00:21:13,590
highway. 
Oh, that's not a snake. 

385
00:21:13,590 --> 00:21:15,830
That's the mantra. 
That's the mantra. 

386
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,560
That's the spiritual tool. 
That's not a stink. 

387
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:22,640
And obviously the undercurrent 
of that mantra is I'm choosing 

388
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:28,040
not to live in fear right now. 
I'm choosing to walk in courage,

389
00:21:28,120 --> 00:21:30,440
in strength, in vertical 
dimension. 

390
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,080
I am not choosing fear right 
now. 

391
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,440
Well, the opposite of fear is 
love. 

392
00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:35,600
Boom. 
So, you know, I mean, the 

393
00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,800
Bible's real clear on that. 
It talks about that multiple 

394
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:39,520
times. 
But, you know, and so I always 

395
00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:42,200
look at that. 
It's like when I'm in fear with 

396
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,800
this person, thing or whatever, 
Maybe I'm not in love. 

397
00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:47,750
I'm, I'm out. 
You know I'm out. 

398
00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:50,070
I'm out of the I I I've 
switched. 

399
00:21:50,110 --> 00:21:53,390
I can't, You can't have fear and
love hanging out in the same 

400
00:21:53,390 --> 00:21:54,870
room. 
You know what I mean? 

401
00:21:54,870 --> 00:21:56,870
So. 
So when I'm being fearful, I'm 

402
00:21:56,870 --> 00:22:00,790
not I am not being loving. 
And the number one thing that I 

403
00:22:00,790 --> 00:22:05,630
can do is to love others. 
Love the world, love the tree, 

404
00:22:06,270 --> 00:22:08,750
you know, love the mountain. 
All that stuff, you know? 

405
00:22:08,750 --> 00:22:10,470
And I'm not talking about like 
going up to a tree and hugging 

406
00:22:10,470 --> 00:22:11,510
and whatever. 
That's great. 

407
00:22:11,550 --> 00:22:11,990
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

408
00:22:11,990 --> 00:22:14,630
And to be honest, Jay, and you 
know this already. 

409
00:22:14,990 --> 00:22:17,550
You know, this is important for 
people to hear, though. 

410
00:22:18,670 --> 00:22:20,710
This is the next step in human 
evolution. 

411
00:22:21,070 --> 00:22:22,910
Like, we're not going to get 
bigger and stronger. 

412
00:22:23,350 --> 00:22:25,710
No, we're not. 
Yeah, you know, but we are going

413
00:22:25,710 --> 00:22:31,640
to evolve spiritually, God 
willing, and be able to say I'm 

414
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,640
choosing love today, That's. 
What they're talking about I'm 

415
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:35,400
choosing to walk in love. 
And I've told you this before, 

416
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,800
but they're talking about like 
UFO, like aliens. 

417
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:42,240
Like they have small spindly 
bodies, no sex organs and a huge

418
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:45,720
head with a big brain. 
So it's kind of like they've 

419
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:49,560
evolved past the evolutionary 
monkey mind. 

420
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,680
Yes, and whether you believe in 
them or not, it doesn't matter. 

421
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:55,320
But I want to get into cuz I 
think this is good too. 

422
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,200
Not only prioritizing our own 
needs over others, or acting 

423
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,000
from a place of fear, but this 
one is good. 

424
00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:02,700
Seeking control in unhealthy 
ways. 

425
00:23:03,300 --> 00:23:06,420
Yeah, seeking control in 
unhealthy ways. 

426
00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:08,860
Now being a leader, that's a 
healthy way. 

427
00:23:08,860 --> 00:23:11,980
Like if you're self sacrificial 
and you're leading people, 

428
00:23:12,220 --> 00:23:14,220
that's what we're not talking. 
We're not talking about that. 

429
00:23:14,500 --> 00:23:16,460
We're talking about 
manipulation. 

430
00:23:16,460 --> 00:23:20,140
Yes, we're talking about 
dishonesty, which we talked 

431
00:23:20,140 --> 00:23:21,540
about. 
We talked a lot about dishonesty

432
00:23:21,540 --> 00:23:25,700
in the last episode. 
But why do I have a desire to 

433
00:23:25,700 --> 00:23:30,010
seek control? 
The second great, we've talked 

434
00:23:30,010 --> 00:23:32,090
about this before also, but 
it's, you know, it's important. 

435
00:23:32,090 --> 00:23:36,890
The second greatest lie I ever 
tell myself in addiction is, 

436
00:23:37,410 --> 00:23:39,170
well, if only you were 
different. 

437
00:23:39,810 --> 00:23:44,410
Yes, I would be OK. 
Yes, that's the it's a delusion.

438
00:23:44,410 --> 00:23:46,330
And I tell myself that all day, 
every day. 

439
00:23:46,410 --> 00:23:48,290
So the minute, the minute, I 
don't mean to interrupt you, but

440
00:23:48,290 --> 00:23:52,650
the minute I think that you're 
not, OK, then I have choices. 

441
00:23:53,530 --> 00:23:57,300
I can act in fear. 
And in that action of fear, the 

442
00:23:57,300 --> 00:24:00,660
choice that I have is to try to 
control you with an illusion. 

443
00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:02,540
Exactly. 
Or I'm gonna run away from you. 

444
00:24:02,740 --> 00:24:05,340
Yeah, I'm out. 
Yeah, that's sometimes that's 

445
00:24:05,340 --> 00:24:07,500
easier. 
Yeah, so that's the addict 

446
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:09,940
brain. 
But the real, you know, the real

447
00:24:11,580 --> 00:24:14,380
telling sign of an addict is, 
well, I'm gonna try harder. 

448
00:24:15,900 --> 00:24:17,900
I'm gonna do the exact same 
thing, but I'm gonna get a 

449
00:24:17,900 --> 00:24:20,300
different result this time. 
That's the first greatest lie. 

450
00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:24,960
And so the the the lie I tell 
myself in that delusion is I'll 

451
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,560
be able to control their 
behavior. 

452
00:24:27,600 --> 00:24:30,520
I'll be able to manipulate the 
situation so that I get what I 

453
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:35,840
want. 
I can use my words as dishonest 

454
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,200
tools to help perpetuate my 
addiction. 

455
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:45,080
That's all they are. 
How much of it do you think 

456
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,360
whenever you're looking at 
control? 

457
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,040
Or like seeking control, because
I like the word seeking because 

458
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,000
you never obtain it. 
It's an illusion. 

459
00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,440
There's no control. 
A meteorite could hit us right 

460
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:58,640
now. 
This podcast would never go, you

461
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:00,960
know what I mean? 
It's like if this podcast goes 

462
00:25:01,120 --> 00:25:04,920
because, I mean, they've had, 
they've talked about this matter

463
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:08,560
of things that almost wiped out 
the human race multiple times, 

464
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,600
you know, these huge, 
catamalistic, and you could be 

465
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,240
worried about that all day long.
But obviously if a meter hits, 

466
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,960
you're not going to know. 
You know, you just gone back to 

467
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:19,330
source and here we move on. 
You know, but it's it's so funny

468
00:25:19,330 --> 00:25:23,930
to me, the illusion, it's an 
illusion to think that you can 

469
00:25:23,930 --> 00:25:26,850
control anything. 
You can't control the gas prices

470
00:25:27,050 --> 00:25:29,570
of today. 
Now you tried to control it by 

471
00:25:29,610 --> 00:25:32,410
keeping it at 40. 
You know what I mean? 

472
00:25:33,610 --> 00:25:35,330
Yeah. 
Or me trying to control. 

473
00:25:35,650 --> 00:25:39,770
I got a bad e-mail so I I made 
an extra meeting just so I can 

474
00:25:39,770 --> 00:25:41,450
see how everybody is to feel 
good. 

475
00:25:42,490 --> 00:25:45,250
So I I, I I manipulated 
everything all the way around. 

476
00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:47,770
Make it like it wasn't so. 
And then I got the meeting. 

477
00:25:48,410 --> 00:25:51,250
And then I'm going to see how 
the temperature of everybody in 

478
00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:55,410
that meeting you know so because
that all came from fear and 

479
00:25:55,410 --> 00:25:59,930
security and I can't control but
and I'm basing, I'm basing it 

480
00:25:59,930 --> 00:26:02,730
off of delusion of what I think 
may not even be true. 

481
00:26:03,450 --> 00:26:06,730
But I created this all of this 
and wasting people's time and 

482
00:26:06,730 --> 00:26:09,370
doing all of these things, 
manipulating everything all 

483
00:26:09,370 --> 00:26:13,170
around me just so I can feel 
that I have a sense of control 

484
00:26:14,010 --> 00:26:17,010
tomorrow after the meeting. 
Do you see how silly that is? 

485
00:26:17,580 --> 00:26:19,740
Yeah, that was manipulation, 
control, all of that. 

486
00:26:19,900 --> 00:26:23,580
It's wild, but it's part of the 
game we were taught to play. 

487
00:26:24,180 --> 00:26:26,820
You know, again, it's some of 
this is condition behavior, some

488
00:26:26,820 --> 00:26:31,900
of this is I need the world to 
act a certain way and then I'll 

489
00:26:31,900 --> 00:26:36,180
be OK. 
So what control mechanisms can I

490
00:26:36,180 --> 00:26:39,740
put in place that I get my 
desired response or I get my 

491
00:26:39,740 --> 00:26:44,180
desired result? 
And if we're in the business of 

492
00:26:44,180 --> 00:26:49,230
doing God's will, the world is 
no longer about what I want. 

493
00:26:50,150 --> 00:26:52,630
And that's a motherfucker. 
Yeah, that's hard. 

494
00:26:52,870 --> 00:26:55,230
That's a hard one to swallow. 
It's like, what do you mean? 

495
00:26:55,590 --> 00:26:57,190
The world is not about what I 
want? 

496
00:26:57,990 --> 00:27:03,870
And it's like, well, if my 
motive is pure, then that's the 

497
00:27:03,870 --> 00:27:07,710
proper use of the will. 
To love and serve others as high

498
00:27:07,750 --> 00:27:09,870
as calling. 
But if but if my motive is 

499
00:27:09,870 --> 00:27:16,250
selfish, it's a losing strategy.
It's miserable going through the

500
00:27:16,250 --> 00:27:19,970
world that way. 
Which I think 99.9% of most 

501
00:27:19,970 --> 00:27:25,130
people's yeah viewpoint of what 
How their life would be perfect 

502
00:27:25,170 --> 00:27:28,650
is a version of having something
more than I want now. 

503
00:27:29,370 --> 00:27:32,250
You know, like I've talked to 
multimillionaires and they're 

504
00:27:32,250 --> 00:27:33,890
not happy because they're not a 
billionaire. 

505
00:27:34,130 --> 00:27:36,130
Yeah, their yacht is smaller 
than. 

506
00:27:37,100 --> 00:27:40,620
The billionaire shot, you know, 
and then that yacht is is five 

507
00:27:40,620 --> 00:27:42,820
years old. 
It's not the, the, you know, I 

508
00:27:42,820 --> 00:27:45,860
didn't get from the factory the 
one that I wanted or you know, I

509
00:27:45,860 --> 00:27:47,620
went to the watch place. 
We like watches. 

510
00:27:47,620 --> 00:27:50,300
I went to watch place and this 
guy got it and I didn't because 

511
00:27:50,300 --> 00:27:52,700
he's on the list because he's 
bought more than me. 

512
00:27:52,700 --> 00:27:56,940
You know, there's all of this, 
like, comparison, yes, and ego. 

513
00:27:57,380 --> 00:28:03,020
So we we've looked at this deep 
self enquiry, I want to have a 

514
00:28:03,060 --> 00:28:05,700
example here, a real world 
example of. 

515
00:28:07,490 --> 00:28:10,330
David and he recognized a 
pattern in his life where he 

516
00:28:10,330 --> 00:28:13,610
constantly sabotages 
relationships due to a deep 

517
00:28:13,610 --> 00:28:15,490
seated belief that he was 
unworthy of love. 

518
00:28:15,490 --> 00:28:16,890
And this is what we're going to 
talk about next. 

519
00:28:17,970 --> 00:28:20,850
Whenever someone got close to 
him, he would push them away 

520
00:28:20,850 --> 00:28:24,730
with his addictive behavior. 
And so he did self inquiry. 

521
00:28:25,090 --> 00:28:27,730
And through the self inquiry he 
connected this pattern to a 

522
00:28:27,730 --> 00:28:31,170
belief formed in his childhood 
when his parents divorced. 

523
00:28:31,730 --> 00:28:36,160
So he found out his addiction. 
Was this belief that he had 

524
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,320
built and like you said, a 
thought that you keep thinking 

525
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,400
over and over again is a belief 
about his parents divorce. 

526
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:45,480
He all went back to found that 
that he had never dealt with 

527
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,360
that and then it ended up 
helping him with this addiction,

528
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:50,440
very powerful. 
Isn't that wild? 

529
00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:53,880
How that so? 
This believing you were unworthy

530
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,600
of love or happiness, what is 
Yeah, so so. 

531
00:28:56,600 --> 00:29:00,520
Powerful in an ex mind, yeah. 
To to start to address these 

532
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,750
deep seeded issues. 
You know it's not surface level 

533
00:29:04,750 --> 00:29:10,350
issues and it's important that 
we say and we encourage everyone

534
00:29:10,670 --> 00:29:14,190
to seek outside help. 
You know there are a bunch of 

535
00:29:14,190 --> 00:29:17,390
recovery programs available. 
There are therapists available. 

536
00:29:17,390 --> 00:29:22,150
There are countless approaches 
to getting well and it's good to

537
00:29:22,150 --> 00:29:27,110
have guidance through this 
process, especially this, this 

538
00:29:27,110 --> 00:29:30,430
deep seated trauma, this deep 
seated hurt. 

539
00:29:30,910 --> 00:29:39,050
And it's interesting because my 
addiction can kind of be like 

540
00:29:39,050 --> 00:29:44,890
gasoline on a fire when I have 
these deep seated hurts. 

541
00:29:44,890 --> 00:29:47,810
These deep seated traumas that 
I'm not willing to look at, I 

542
00:29:47,810 --> 00:29:50,490
don't really even understand. 
I don't know where they came 

543
00:29:50,490 --> 00:29:54,450
from and all I know is I'm 
miserable and I don't want to be

544
00:29:54,450 --> 00:29:57,610
here. 
And so the alcohol or the 

545
00:29:57,610 --> 00:30:01,050
addiction is kind of like 
throwing gasoline on that. 

546
00:30:01,630 --> 00:30:07,110
And it's just more fuel for this
ugly way to go through the world

547
00:30:07,110 --> 00:30:09,710
of this ugly feeling that I'm 
experiencing inside. 

548
00:30:09,910 --> 00:30:17,790
And for many of us, you know, 
there's a feeling of of 

549
00:30:17,830 --> 00:30:20,790
unwanted. 
There's a feeling of not good 

550
00:30:20,790 --> 00:30:22,950
enough. 
There's a feeling of I don't 

551
00:30:23,350 --> 00:30:27,550
deserve. 
And, you know, maybe we picked 

552
00:30:27,550 --> 00:30:33,080
that up in childhood. 
And Gay Hendrix, in his book The

553
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:38,680
Big Leap, talks about the four 
major fears that individuals 

554
00:30:38,680 --> 00:30:41,080
have. 
And one of them is the fear of 

555
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,080
being fundamentally flawed. 
There's something wrong with me,

556
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:46,000
yes. 
At the fundamental level, 

557
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:50,120
there's something wrong with me.
Another one is the fear of being

558
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:54,200
a burden. 
My existence is a burden. 

559
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,800
So any success that I might have
is probably a further burden. 

560
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:04,740
Also, another one is the fear of
leaving others behind. 

561
00:31:05,780 --> 00:31:08,700
Oh, if I do this, if I'm this 
successful, if I experience 

562
00:31:08,700 --> 00:31:12,060
this, I'm going to leave 
disloyal to my roots. 

563
00:31:12,060 --> 00:31:13,620
I'm going to leave people 
behind. 

564
00:31:14,540 --> 00:31:18,900
And then the last one is the 
fear of outshinning others. 

565
00:31:20,420 --> 00:31:25,540
This behavior, the spotlight 
this success is going to 

566
00:31:25,540 --> 00:31:28,100
outshine others, and I might 
even get in trouble. 

567
00:31:28,780 --> 00:31:30,270
Right, right, right. 
Because I'm. 

568
00:31:30,310 --> 00:31:32,630
I'm doing better than others. 
And all of those are, are 

569
00:31:33,990 --> 00:31:38,870
basically we you know if I have 
a traumatic past, if I have 

570
00:31:38,870 --> 00:31:42,670
these deep seated issues, 
somewhere along the line I got 

571
00:31:42,670 --> 00:31:44,990
convicted of a crime I didn't 
commit. 

572
00:31:46,750 --> 00:31:51,590
So we picked up some unconscious
behavior from the people that 

573
00:31:51,590 --> 00:31:55,910
reared us, and some of that 
unconscious behavior might have 

574
00:31:55,910 --> 00:32:01,170
felt like you're fundamentally 
flawed. 

575
00:32:01,970 --> 00:32:04,330
Yeah, you're a victim to yes, 
yes, it. 

576
00:32:04,530 --> 00:32:06,730
Might have and to expect the 
parent to be perfect. 

577
00:32:06,730 --> 00:32:08,450
No, silly. 
They're just doing the best they

578
00:32:08,450 --> 00:32:10,290
can with what they have. 
Grandparents. 

579
00:32:10,330 --> 00:32:10,850
Parents. 
They're. 

580
00:32:10,850 --> 00:32:13,290
Not going to be consciously 
perfect, whatever it is. 

581
00:32:13,290 --> 00:32:14,650
They're going to. 
Your parents are going to hurt 

582
00:32:14,650 --> 00:32:16,090
you, Yes. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

583
00:32:16,090 --> 00:32:18,010
Because they're human, and 
you're going to get hurt by 

584
00:32:18,010 --> 00:32:20,170
humans. 
So we may have picked up some of

585
00:32:20,170 --> 00:32:22,130
this unconscious vibration, 
right? 

586
00:32:22,250 --> 00:32:24,800
Your existence is a burden. 
You're a big. 

587
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:26,800
That's a big one. 
That's a big one. 

588
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:30,200
I had some of that, and I also 
had the fear about shining. 

589
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:35,080
Yeah, I oh, sorry. 
I watched a documentary on HBO 

590
00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,360
about the Green River killer. 
Now he's the guy. 

591
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,440
He's killed the MO. 
It's like 60 something women 

592
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,400
he's killed, jeez, that's a 
serial killer. 

593
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,520
And they were interviewing him. 
And on this documentary you can 

594
00:32:44,520 --> 00:32:46,520
watch the interview. 
And he was talking about his 

595
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:48,400
mom, of course, a lot of serial 
killers. 

596
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:49,960
And this is shadow work and this
is it. 

597
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:54,030
And This is why he felt. 
He felt that he was unworthy of 

598
00:32:54,030 --> 00:32:57,670
love and that his mom, and it 
was kind of weird twisted in his

599
00:32:57,670 --> 00:32:59,550
head like that. 
He even said you like I'm a 

600
00:32:59,550 --> 00:33:02,630
weird dude because my mom would 
put me down and I thought I was 

601
00:33:02,630 --> 00:33:05,870
a horrible person. 
But then as I started coming 

602
00:33:05,870 --> 00:33:08,430
into my sexuality, I wanted my 
mom sexually. 

603
00:33:09,150 --> 00:33:12,030
And there was like this weird 
thing, you know, that his mom 

604
00:33:12,030 --> 00:33:14,990
didn't realize that he did to 
him, you know, by putting him 

605
00:33:14,990 --> 00:33:16,870
down. 
And then over sexually, all this

606
00:33:16,870 --> 00:33:19,960
weird stuff that went on. 
And he explains it all and it 

607
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:23,280
it's so interesting. 
And then this desire to I'm 

608
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:25,200
fucked up. 
I'm not worthy. 

609
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,760
I need to control this. 
So I'm going to go grab 

610
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:33,640
prostitutes in Seattle and take 
him to the woods and then murder

611
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:35,000
them. 
And he murdered like 60 of them,

612
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:38,920
you know, so and all of this was
this. 

613
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,360
I mean, this is extreme, but 
this is where it goes if you're 

614
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,560
psychotic, I mean, if you let 
this control you. 

615
00:33:46,060 --> 00:33:49,220
And as we've talked earlier 
about being the snake, that 

616
00:33:49,220 --> 00:33:51,740
other person, I like to look at 
it this way too. 

617
00:33:51,740 --> 00:33:53,100
It's like, you wanna go down 
there, Rabbit hole? 

618
00:33:53,100 --> 00:33:54,740
Jason, this is how dark you can 
get. 

619
00:33:54,740 --> 00:33:57,500
Yeah, yeah. 
You need to handle this and deal

620
00:33:57,500 --> 00:34:00,260
with this and be who the person 
that you know you ought to be 

621
00:34:00,460 --> 00:34:02,540
because you are not unworthy. 
Very good. 

622
00:34:02,820 --> 00:34:04,780
You wouldn't be here if you were
unworthy. 

623
00:34:05,140 --> 00:34:07,820
So really, it's about shining 
the light. 

624
00:34:08,260 --> 00:34:11,360
Yes. 
On the delusion that I may or 

625
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:13,199
may not have picked up along the
way. 

626
00:34:13,480 --> 00:34:16,000
It's like that crime that I got 
convicted of. 

627
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:21,400
I didn't commit it, but I am 
guilty of perpetuating the 

628
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,840
energy. 
It's like okay. 

629
00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:25,920
Well, that wasn't real. 
I didn't. 

630
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:34,159
I wasn't a burden. 
But I exist in myself. 

631
00:34:34,159 --> 00:34:38,460
Pity. 
As if I am so I can go there 

632
00:34:38,460 --> 00:34:42,100
energetically and I can 
perpetuate the unconscious 

633
00:34:42,100 --> 00:34:46,780
delusion. 
I can perpetuate the bad cycle. 

634
00:34:47,620 --> 00:34:50,980
And it's our responsibility, 
with this spiritual awakening, 

635
00:34:50,980 --> 00:34:55,219
with this spiritual path, to 
start taking responsibility for 

636
00:34:55,219 --> 00:34:59,220
the delusion. 
I might not ever be able to heal

637
00:34:59,220 --> 00:35:04,740
or fix the individuals that I 
picked this up from, but I can 

638
00:35:05,050 --> 00:35:09,210
take responsibility for my 
perspective of that old pattern 

639
00:35:09,210 --> 00:35:12,610
conditioning and break the 
cycle. 

640
00:35:13,090 --> 00:35:15,770
Yeah, that's the key to have the
courage to break the cycle. 

641
00:35:15,770 --> 00:35:18,450
And that's the not going down 
the rabbit hole with it. 

642
00:35:18,690 --> 00:35:20,170
Yeah, my granddad may have been 
this way. 

643
00:35:20,170 --> 00:35:22,930
My dad may have been this way. 
But I don't need to be that way.

644
00:35:22,930 --> 00:35:24,970
And that's what you did. 
You broke a pattern and it's you

645
00:35:24,970 --> 00:35:29,250
did too. 
And that work is so powerful, we

646
00:35:29,250 --> 00:35:35,230
believe it heals generations in 
the past simultaneously, healing

647
00:35:35,230 --> 00:35:39,750
generations in the future. 
So my daughter does not have to 

648
00:35:39,750 --> 00:35:45,150
have the same energetic delusion
that I was raised with, but 

649
00:35:45,150 --> 00:35:49,390
simultaneously, I didn't have to
have a conversation with my 

650
00:35:49,390 --> 00:35:51,270
parents about, hey, do you 
remember when you did this? 

651
00:35:51,270 --> 00:35:53,110
And it was really fucked up 
well. 

652
00:35:53,470 --> 00:35:54,790
Yeah, there's no use having 
that. 

653
00:35:55,270 --> 00:35:57,390
We were just instantly 
different. 

654
00:35:57,430 --> 00:35:59,830
I just had a different 
perspective of them. 

655
00:35:59,910 --> 00:36:04,930
And that anger or that 
victimization was replaced with 

656
00:36:04,930 --> 00:36:06,890
compassion. 
That's true. 

657
00:36:06,890 --> 00:36:09,730
Forgiveness right there, because
they were just doing the best 

658
00:36:09,730 --> 00:36:12,970
they could with what they had. 
And understanding that to me is 

659
00:36:12,970 --> 00:36:14,570
true forgiveness. 
So not because there's no such 

660
00:36:14,570 --> 00:36:17,090
thing as forgiveness, really. 
Because you have to feel like 

661
00:36:17,090 --> 00:36:19,250
somebody did something to you. 
Yes, you just have to be 

662
00:36:19,250 --> 00:36:21,650
separate. 
And and and you're just a mirror

663
00:36:21,650 --> 00:36:23,690
of your parents, and your 
parents are a mirror of you. 

664
00:36:24,010 --> 00:36:28,690
It's all one so not only did I 
have a different perspective of 

665
00:36:28,690 --> 00:36:31,970
my parents, but my daughter 
doesn't have to have the same 

666
00:36:32,970 --> 00:36:35,780
pain and hurt. 
Yeah, because you shouldered 

667
00:36:35,780 --> 00:36:37,180
that generational 
responsibility. 

668
00:36:37,380 --> 00:36:39,060
Yes. 
So this work and yeah, did the 

669
00:36:39,060 --> 00:36:40,660
work. 
This work is very powerful. 

670
00:36:40,700 --> 00:36:44,660
Yeah, I love that it can heal 
both both 3 generations at once.

671
00:36:45,860 --> 00:36:51,100
I want to get into and I think 
this is a really interesting 

672
00:36:51,100 --> 00:36:57,180
one. 
What is like? 

673
00:36:57,420 --> 00:37:00,340
And I know you've had issues 
with this in the past, so 

674
00:37:01,340 --> 00:37:04,380
fearing abandonment. 
Leading to manipulative 

675
00:37:04,380 --> 00:37:07,100
behaviors like hearing 
abandonment. 

676
00:37:07,500 --> 00:37:11,420
Yeah, like what does that look 
like as a addict? 

677
00:37:12,380 --> 00:37:16,900
Again, you know, some of this 
stuff is very deep seated and 

678
00:37:16,900 --> 00:37:20,940
it's appropriate to walk through
this with help and guidance 

679
00:37:22,580 --> 00:37:26,940
usually from a professional. 
We are not professionals, but my

680
00:37:26,940 --> 00:37:38,420
experience with that is valid. 
And you know, the fear of being 

681
00:37:39,380 --> 00:37:42,820
a burden, the fear of being 
fundamentally flawed, the fear 

682
00:37:42,820 --> 00:37:46,380
of being left behind, the fear 
of being abandoned. 

683
00:37:47,100 --> 00:37:51,020
Usually I pick that up when I'm 
very little. 

684
00:37:52,060 --> 00:37:54,260
A child does not know how to 
navigate the world by 

685
00:37:54,260 --> 00:37:59,460
themselves, and I had a very 
small experience with this at a 

686
00:37:59,460 --> 00:38:05,300
micro level at a grocery store. 
My parent, well, I'll take 

687
00:38:05,300 --> 00:38:08,820
responsibility 1st every single 
time we go to the grocery store.

688
00:38:08,860 --> 00:38:12,460
When I was very little, I was, 
you know, a selfish child who 

689
00:38:12,460 --> 00:38:13,860
just wanted to play all the 
time. 

690
00:38:14,460 --> 00:38:20,660
I would be lying to the toy 
aisle and my parent would have 

691
00:38:20,660 --> 00:38:27,560
to stop what they were doing, no
longer shop, come find me, get 

692
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:31,640
me in order enough to get in the
cart or whatever, and then go 

693
00:38:31,640 --> 00:38:33,200
about their shopping. 
I did this for years. 

694
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,440
Well, one day we go to the 
grocery store. 

695
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:41,520
I beeline to the toil. 
My parent did not come find me. 

696
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,760
They had had enough and they 
were trying to teach me a 

697
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:51,600
lesson. 
But in that small example, the 

698
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:56,650
amount of fear that I felt, the 
amount of abandonment that I 

699
00:38:56,650 --> 00:39:01,490
felt, it was powerful enough to 
have a molecular input on me, 

700
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:20,480
and unconsciously that started 
contributing to how it mapped 

701
00:39:20,480 --> 00:39:24,600
the world. 
Oh well, I must not be good. 

702
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:29,510
I'm not wanted. 
I must not be good enough if 

703
00:39:29,510 --> 00:39:33,750
they just left me in the in the 
grocery store and they didn't 

704
00:39:33,750 --> 00:39:34,510
leave me. 
You know what I mean? 

705
00:39:34,510 --> 00:39:36,150
Like they never left the store 
without. 

706
00:39:36,270 --> 00:39:37,710
Yeah. 
Or like this woman's going to 

707
00:39:37,710 --> 00:39:40,990
leave me this relationship. 
So unconsciously I begin to map 

708
00:39:40,990 --> 00:39:43,870
the world. 
This way I'm not good enough. 

709
00:39:44,030 --> 00:39:48,990
I don't deserve a woman that 
will stay, a partner that will 

710
00:39:48,990 --> 00:39:50,670
stay. 
So unconsciously, I started 

711
00:39:50,670 --> 00:39:56,680
seeking out situations where I 
could relive that experience and

712
00:39:56,680 --> 00:40:00,000
I was not doing the shadow work.
I was not trying to heal this 

713
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,640
part of me that was unconscious 
and delusional. 

714
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:06,760
I was just experiencing it over 
and over and over again in my 

715
00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:09,960
relationships. 
So you would have to, because of

716
00:40:09,960 --> 00:40:12,200
the fear of abandonment, you 
would have to manipulate. 

717
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:18,560
In my job, I would manipulate 
the situation as such that 

718
00:40:18,560 --> 00:40:20,980
people would leave. 
Right. 

719
00:40:20,980 --> 00:40:25,420
And then I was so unconscious. 
I felt like it was abandonment. 

720
00:40:25,420 --> 00:40:27,260
I'm being abandoned all over 
again. 

721
00:40:27,540 --> 00:40:33,060
So the energetic feeling of 
abandonment, although it's bad, 

722
00:40:34,140 --> 00:40:38,300
it was normal because I behaved 
that way so often. 

723
00:40:38,660 --> 00:40:42,220
It just became normal. 
So I started speaking that out 

724
00:40:42,340 --> 00:40:45,340
over and over and over again 
because I didn't know that any 

725
00:40:45,340 --> 00:40:47,340
other way. 
So. 

726
00:40:49,990 --> 00:40:52,990
The manipulation led to the 
abandonment. 

727
00:40:52,990 --> 00:40:58,990
But once we start getting honest
with the inquiry and the the 

728
00:40:58,990 --> 00:41:02,070
personal inventory and getting 
this stuff down on paper, I can 

729
00:41:02,070 --> 00:41:06,670
then start taking responsibility
for my behaviors, for my 

730
00:41:06,670 --> 00:41:11,350
manipulativeness. 
And then maybe I get some 

731
00:41:11,350 --> 00:41:14,630
clarity on the fact that I 
cannot be abandoned. 

732
00:41:15,710 --> 00:41:17,910
Today. 
I'm an adult male. 

733
00:41:19,140 --> 00:41:23,420
You cannot abandon me like I am 
not a little tiny 4 year old 

734
00:41:23,700 --> 00:41:26,180
victim in the Smith's grocery 
store. 

735
00:41:26,540 --> 00:41:29,060
Like that's an old tape that 
I've been playing for a long 

736
00:41:29,060 --> 00:41:31,060
time and it keeps me fucking 
small. 

737
00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:35,260
Like if that's my perspective, 
I'm just an infant, I'm a child.

738
00:41:35,260 --> 00:41:39,780
It's like no you're not are the 
are the you know person that's 

739
00:41:39,780 --> 00:41:43,620
been abused. 
You know so I I'm, I stay small 

740
00:41:43,620 --> 00:41:47,160
because you know and I'm always 
subconsciously seeking an 

741
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:48,280
abuser. 
Yes. 

742
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:52,520
You know because I am the abused
you know and just and I want 

743
00:41:52,520 --> 00:41:56,760
people to understand this that 
you know to talk about this but 

744
00:41:57,160 --> 00:42:00,400
you're just a human in pain. 
You're not a bad person. 

745
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:01,920
Very good. 
You're not different from 

746
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:02,880
anybody else. 
Very good. 

747
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,960
Yeah. 
You just have some pain that it 

748
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:09,840
takes responsibility on your 
part to handle and deal with and

749
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,160
you have tools inside of you. 
That's the good news. 

750
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,720
Yeah. 
Every single person has enough 

751
00:42:14,720 --> 00:42:19,970
tools inside of them to to 
conquer. 

752
00:42:20,810 --> 00:42:24,010
I believe that. 
I believe our higher self is in 

753
00:42:24,010 --> 00:42:28,490
us and we have the ability 
within ourselves to fix 

754
00:42:28,490 --> 00:42:31,970
ourselves. 
We do not need a religious book.

755
00:42:32,530 --> 00:42:36,410
We do not need a guru. 
We do not need any of this. 

756
00:42:36,610 --> 00:42:40,850
All we need is to do enough self
inquiry over and over and over 

757
00:42:40,850 --> 00:42:44,090
again like you did to get to the
point to where you see it, you 

758
00:42:44,090 --> 00:42:47,390
recognize it, and then through 
that recognition, healing begins

759
00:42:47,390 --> 00:42:48,150
to happen. 
Very good. 

760
00:42:48,150 --> 00:42:49,350
It's the light. 
It's all it is. 

761
00:42:49,390 --> 00:42:50,230
And. 
You've done the work. 

762
00:42:50,230 --> 00:42:54,550
Also, the simple tool for us is.
That's not happening to me 

763
00:42:54,550 --> 00:42:56,350
today. 
I'm not eating a doughnut today.

764
00:42:56,430 --> 00:42:57,670
That's not happening to me 
today. 

765
00:42:57,710 --> 00:43:00,150
I'm not four years old being 
left in the grocery store. 

766
00:43:00,190 --> 00:43:00,910
Yes, yeah. 
Yeah. 

767
00:43:00,990 --> 00:43:02,750
What am I? 
I'm right here right now. 

768
00:43:03,590 --> 00:43:07,550
Or like for me, it's like this 
person is not against me I 

769
00:43:07,550 --> 00:43:10,750
pretty much care less about. 
You're not even thinking about 

770
00:43:10,910 --> 00:43:12,230
me. 
I'm thinking about everybody 

771
00:43:12,230 --> 00:43:13,710
else here. 
I'm thinking everybody thinks 

772
00:43:13,710 --> 00:43:15,310
I'm the worst enemy of all of 
them. 

773
00:43:15,550 --> 00:43:17,750
But it's so ridiculous. 
I mean the list goes on and on 

774
00:43:17,750 --> 00:43:20,030
with it. 
I do wanna get into three things

775
00:43:20,030 --> 00:43:24,910
really quick and then we'll get 
into cuz I wanna talk about 

776
00:43:24,910 --> 00:43:28,350
compassion and seeking guidance 
and then getting help. 

777
00:43:28,350 --> 00:43:34,390
But one of the things that you 
can do for, and this is some 

778
00:43:34,390 --> 00:43:36,270
prompts for you when you're 
writing this out, what do you 

779
00:43:36,270 --> 00:43:38,470
want to call it? 
Journaling or whatever list 

780
00:43:38,470 --> 00:43:41,430
specific instance where you 
acted out of your self-interest.

781
00:43:41,430 --> 00:43:45,070
We've talked about that. 
But be specific #2 Write down 

782
00:43:45,070 --> 00:43:48,590
reoccurring behaviors you notice
and try to identify the belief 

783
00:43:48,590 --> 00:43:50,630
driving them. 
And that's where, like with your

784
00:43:50,630 --> 00:43:53,150
band and that belief, I'm going 
to get a band and I'm going to 

785
00:43:53,150 --> 00:43:55,150
get a band and that's the belief
#3. 

786
00:43:55,430 --> 00:43:58,070
Reflect on how these patterns 
have affected your relationships

787
00:43:58,070 --> 00:44:00,150
in your life. 
So how have they done it? 

788
00:44:00,150 --> 00:44:04,300
Get into the how, not the why, 
the how, how specific. 

789
00:44:04,780 --> 00:44:07,380
And then I want you to talk 
about this Dwayne, the 

790
00:44:07,380 --> 00:44:12,820
importance of compassion. 
How can you not fall into the 

791
00:44:12,820 --> 00:44:17,700
trap of just having self blame 
when you're going through this 

792
00:44:17,700 --> 00:44:20,420
process and just thinking you're
like, I'm the worst person ever.

793
00:44:20,540 --> 00:44:22,540
I hurt this person. 
I heard you know, you because 

794
00:44:22,540 --> 00:44:26,140
you basically had to say I hurt 
my mom, I hurt my brother who I 

795
00:44:26,140 --> 00:44:29,220
love tremendously. 
And I, you know, I've hurt these

796
00:44:29,220 --> 00:44:31,140
girls that I've been in 
relationships with. 

797
00:44:31,140 --> 00:44:33,280
You know, I've hurt these 
bosses. 

798
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:34,760
I mean, you gotta write all this
shit down. 

799
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,200
Yeah. 
So how do you not have self 

800
00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:38,640
blame? 
Cuz self blame is this 

801
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:40,360
narcissistic. 
It's just a pattern you fall 

802
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:40,720
into. 
Yes. 

803
00:44:40,960 --> 00:44:44,960
That's gonna lead to you 
committing an addictive act. 

804
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:47,600
Right, right. 
You know, that's a big question 

805
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:54,600
and it unfolds over time. 
It's a very normal response to 

806
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:58,220
be hard on myself. 
Especially when I start looking 

807
00:44:58,220 --> 00:45:01,660
at myself accurately and I don't
like what I see. 

808
00:45:01,700 --> 00:45:04,220
Yes, so it's normal to be hard 
on ourselves. 

809
00:45:04,220 --> 00:45:06,420
It's normal to be disgusted in 
my behavior. 

810
00:45:06,420 --> 00:45:09,500
I was disgusted in my behavior. 
I couldn't believe I behaved 

811
00:45:09,500 --> 00:45:13,300
this way, but it was the first 
time that I was honest with 

812
00:45:13,300 --> 00:45:15,540
myself. 
And that's beautiful. 

813
00:45:15,620 --> 00:45:17,300
Yes. 
Like, you gotta recognize that 

814
00:45:17,300 --> 00:45:20,380
and get happy about that. 
Yes, and get pumped up like this

815
00:45:20,380 --> 00:45:22,420
is the first time I'm honest 
with myself. 

816
00:45:22,420 --> 00:45:24,080
That's a small win. 
That's. 

817
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:25,680
A big win. 
It's a big win. 

818
00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:28,680
But I mean just to recognize 
that cuz this is the pattern of 

819
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:30,800
self healing now. 
That's a win in itself, yes. 

820
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:32,920
So out of observation comes 
transformation. 

821
00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:35,840
The mere fact that I'm willing 
to look at that means it's 

822
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:38,000
already starting to heal. 
It's already starting to shift. 

823
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:46,400
But over time, You know, one 
nice tool for us is God help me 

824
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:47,920
be kind. 
God help me be kind. 

825
00:45:47,920 --> 00:45:49,800
God help me be kind. 
But the undercurrent of that 

826
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:54,640
prayer is God help me be kind. 
To myself and then with an 

827
00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:56,200
understand it's hard. 
You don't know. 

828
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:59,920
I didn't know this early in 
recovery, but going through 

829
00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:07,360
recovery process, experiencing 
the benefits, the freedom, the 

830
00:46:07,360 --> 00:46:12,840
strength, the capability that I 
receive through this type of 

831
00:46:12,840 --> 00:46:17,480
journey, that's how I have 
compassion for myself. 

832
00:46:18,160 --> 00:46:22,070
That's. 
How I experience forgiveness for

833
00:46:22,070 --> 00:46:25,590
myself. 
I can forgive myself and have 

834
00:46:25,590 --> 00:46:30,230
compassion for myself as a 
result of doing the 

835
00:46:30,230 --> 00:46:33,470
transformative work. 
It doesn't happen as soon as I 

836
00:46:33,470 --> 00:46:36,230
write this shit down, like I'm 
not going to be doing. 

837
00:46:36,310 --> 00:46:37,910
Be compassionate. 
Don't feel so bad about 

838
00:46:37,910 --> 00:46:40,550
yourself. 
Like that's not how it unfolds. 

839
00:46:40,590 --> 00:46:45,990
It unfolds through the practice 
of trying to be better. 

840
00:46:47,530 --> 00:46:51,130
Overtime, it dissipates. 
Overtime it dissipates and I 

841
00:46:51,130 --> 00:46:54,370
start to have compassion. 
And then, because I behave 

842
00:46:54,370 --> 00:47:00,050
delusionally, because I had 
these unconscious fears of 

843
00:47:00,050 --> 00:47:04,050
abandonment and not good enough,
when I start doing that shadow 

844
00:47:04,050 --> 00:47:06,530
work with enough practice, I 
begin to start to recognize it 

845
00:47:06,570 --> 00:47:08,010
so I can see it when it crops 
up. 

846
00:47:08,010 --> 00:47:09,890
Oh, there's Dwayne that that's 
not real. 

847
00:47:10,530 --> 00:47:12,730
You can't be abandoned. 
Nope, you can't be abandoned. 

848
00:47:12,730 --> 00:47:14,170
God, shine your light on my 
insecurity. 

849
00:47:14,170 --> 00:47:16,410
God, shine your light. 
So not only do I start to spot 

850
00:47:16,410 --> 00:47:17,260
it. 
Boom. 

851
00:47:17,780 --> 00:47:23,420
I'm able to spot it in others. 
That's just his insecurity. 

852
00:47:23,940 --> 00:47:25,700
Oh. 
His belief structure is 

853
00:47:25,700 --> 00:47:28,220
different than mine. 
He's believing in fear. 

854
00:47:28,220 --> 00:47:29,340
He's acting in fear. 
Right now. 

855
00:47:29,340 --> 00:47:33,340
He's not acting in It's OK. 
So I also start to experience 

856
00:47:33,340 --> 00:47:38,260
compassion for others. 
A nice prayer for us is he too 

857
00:47:38,260 --> 00:47:42,500
like myself is sick. 
He too, like myself, is sick. 

858
00:47:42,540 --> 00:47:45,500
I'm dealing with a sick person 
when I get mad at someone if 

859
00:47:45,500 --> 00:47:47,270
they had cancer. 
Right. 

860
00:47:47,510 --> 00:47:52,590
Fucking dumbass cancer. 
No, you have compassion, right? 

861
00:47:53,150 --> 00:47:55,590
And so why am I getting mad at 
someone when they're behaving in

862
00:47:55,590 --> 00:47:57,390
their delusion, in their 
illness? 

863
00:47:57,390 --> 00:48:01,870
It's the same thing. 
So it opens the window for 

864
00:48:01,870 --> 00:48:04,150
compassion. 
I started experiencing a little 

865
00:48:04,150 --> 00:48:08,430
bit of compassion because I 
realized he too, she too, like 

866
00:48:08,430 --> 00:48:10,310
myself. 
We're just sick. 

867
00:48:10,310 --> 00:48:13,110
We're just sick people trying to
get well, Yeah. 

868
00:48:13,110 --> 00:48:15,580
And. 
And I like what it says here. 

869
00:48:15,580 --> 00:48:19,140
And then we'll close in this. 
It says deep self inquiry is a 

870
00:48:19,140 --> 00:48:23,460
courageous act. 
It is the cornerstone on which a

871
00:48:23,460 --> 00:48:25,980
new, healthier and freer life 
can be built. 

872
00:48:26,780 --> 00:48:31,740
By facing ourselves honestly and
compassionately, we take a giant

873
00:48:31,740 --> 00:48:35,860
step towards recovery and 
healing, moving. 

874
00:48:36,380 --> 00:48:37,980
And I love this word the way 
they use it. 

875
00:48:38,060 --> 00:48:43,060
Removing moving from the worship
of a substance or behavior to a 

876
00:48:43,060 --> 00:48:47,120
place of genuine. 
There's a keyword freedom and 

877
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:51,000
holdness breaking free from the 
addiction. 

878
00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:55,000
Yeah, this is how you do it. 
Breaking free from my 

879
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:59,760
unconscious delusion that I need
the world to be a particular 

880
00:48:59,760 --> 00:49:00,880
way, otherwise I'm not going to 
be. 

881
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:04,560
OK, that's the that's bondage. 
That's not freedom. 

882
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:12,640
So moving through the world as a
Freeman, you know, it's all of 

883
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:13,920
this stuff. 
It's, it's. 

884
00:49:14,670 --> 00:49:18,790
It it's a big task and it 
unfolds over time, But taking 

885
00:49:18,790 --> 00:49:21,750
responsibility for my 
perspective, taking 

886
00:49:21,750 --> 00:49:24,550
responsibility for my behavior, 
taking responsibility for my 

887
00:49:24,590 --> 00:49:29,070
thoughts, Then trying to do 
something about it, Taking 

888
00:49:29,350 --> 00:49:31,030
action. 
Taking action. 

889
00:49:32,190 --> 00:49:33,990
More positive action. 
Taking more. 

890
00:49:34,150 --> 00:49:35,990
Taking action. 
When it comes to my crazy 

891
00:49:35,990 --> 00:49:42,470
thinking, we start to tiptoe 
into that freedom. 

892
00:49:43,770 --> 00:49:48,890
And I began to learn the world 
and its people don't have to 

893
00:49:48,890 --> 00:49:51,890
dominate me. 
Yeah, exactly. 

894
00:49:51,890 --> 00:49:54,290
I'm not. 
I'm not a victim to any of. 

895
00:49:54,290 --> 00:49:56,170
It I'm not a victim to the 
person that left me in the 

896
00:49:56,170 --> 00:49:59,890
grocery store when I was four 
years old for maybe 15 minutes. 

897
00:50:01,500 --> 00:50:02,980
Yeah. 
But it's so funny how you know 

898
00:50:02,980 --> 00:50:06,940
the victim, my victim mentality 
plays it out to be where it'd be

899
00:50:06,940 --> 00:50:10,260
two days instead of 15 minutes. 
You know, I was screaming and 

900
00:50:10,260 --> 00:50:13,380
crying and you know, and then I 
need to tell that story all 

901
00:50:13,500 --> 00:50:16,660
made-up, the made-up story. 
I tell it the bazillion times, 

902
00:50:16,660 --> 00:50:18,300
and then that becomes my 
reality. 

903
00:50:18,380 --> 00:50:22,940
When I'm the victim, I don't 
have to take responsibility, and

904
00:50:23,020 --> 00:50:25,940
Joe Dispenza is real hot on this
with the neuroscience, he says. 

905
00:50:25,940 --> 00:50:30,380
Well, and if fifty, we find out 
that 50% of memory isn't even 

906
00:50:30,380 --> 00:50:34,960
the truth. 50% of what I 
remember isn't reality. 

907
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:38,560
And we made it up because our 
mind can't hold that much at it.

908
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:41,960
One time, like, I don't remember
exactly what happened. 

909
00:50:41,960 --> 00:50:44,520
I'm going to embellish it. 
And it was really bad. 

910
00:50:44,560 --> 00:50:47,400
And I was always dreadful. 
I felt so unwanted. 

911
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:51,520
And it's like, yeah, but that's 
only half the story. 

912
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:55,400
It's like, what else happened? 
You were being selfish. 

913
00:50:55,960 --> 00:50:58,280
You were being controlling, 
trying to get your way. 

914
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:00,720
Your parent was probably having 
a bad day. 

915
00:51:00,720 --> 00:51:04,840
Couldn't stand you anymore. 
I've seen this over and over 

916
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:06,280
again. 
I saw it once with my family. 

917
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:10,560
My aunt was having another 
argument with my grandma or 

918
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,400
something, and my aunt's like, 
the story didn't go this way. 

919
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:15,320
The timeline, like when was 
this? 

920
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:17,960
And they're like, well, it's 
this time just like you're 

921
00:51:17,960 --> 00:51:20,760
saying this that about me and I 
was in Europe. 

922
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:24,880
Like that's the truth. 
I can pull up the info to show 

923
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:29,350
you that I was in Europe, so the
whole story you made wasn't even

924
00:51:29,350 --> 00:51:31,630
real, you know? 
And not intentionally that. 

925
00:51:31,630 --> 00:51:34,910
Just no what? 
The belief that got transcribed.

926
00:51:35,030 --> 00:51:37,430
It's so funny. 
Addicts and Alcoholics are any 

927
00:51:37,430 --> 00:51:39,870
addictive person. 
We're really good salesmen and 

928
00:51:39,870 --> 00:51:42,750
women. 
Fantastic salesmen and women, 

929
00:51:42,750 --> 00:51:45,150
yes? 
Do you think Tony the Tiger 

930
00:51:45,310 --> 00:51:47,870
would have sold any Frosted 
Flakes if he said. 

931
00:51:48,690 --> 00:51:53,610
They're OK No, they're great. 
And that's how we that's how we 

932
00:51:53,610 --> 00:51:55,810
speak. 
We embellish left and right. 

933
00:51:56,210 --> 00:51:59,890
But if my motive is dishonest, 
if my motive is to get what I 

934
00:51:59,890 --> 00:52:04,490
want, and I don't care if it 
harms you in the process, then 

935
00:52:06,130 --> 00:52:08,890
I'm using that tool for for 
evil. 

936
00:52:09,570 --> 00:52:11,250
It's my ego that's using that 
tool. 

937
00:52:11,250 --> 00:52:14,610
It's not my spirit. 
We can be just as animated and 

938
00:52:14,610 --> 00:52:19,620
just as excited in our recovery.
I can still use that tool to 

939
00:52:19,620 --> 00:52:22,940
benefit others. 
I can still use that tool to be 

940
00:52:22,940 --> 00:52:26,260
of service. 
So I can bring that out of the 

941
00:52:26,260 --> 00:52:29,260
shadow and into the light, and 
maybe it can do some good. 

942
00:52:30,540 --> 00:52:36,700
Maybe it can motivate others. 
Yes, yeah, and having. 

943
00:52:36,700 --> 00:52:38,700
And I want people to understand 
this like true freedom. 

944
00:52:39,510 --> 00:52:42,230
When you can break this paradigm
and you got to work on it every 

945
00:52:42,230 --> 00:52:44,710
day, like we talked about these 
affirmations, But when you can 

946
00:52:44,710 --> 00:52:47,990
kind of look at it and be like, 
oh, that's not the real Jason, 

947
00:52:48,990 --> 00:52:50,750
that's not me acting in my 
higher self. 

948
00:52:51,070 --> 00:52:54,630
The real me is this eternal, you
know, and I don't want to get 

949
00:52:54,630 --> 00:52:58,110
too spiritual, but this eternal 
being that's, you know, that's 

950
00:52:58,110 --> 00:52:59,990
that's been here forever, that's
the real me. 

951
00:52:59,990 --> 00:53:03,190
The real me has the answers, 
knows and has the knowledge, has

952
00:53:03,190 --> 00:53:04,910
the wisdom to make on each 
decisions. 

953
00:53:05,150 --> 00:53:07,590
So how do I tap into that? 
Through prayer, through 

954
00:53:07,590 --> 00:53:11,200
meditation, through journaling, 
through self-awareness, through 

955
00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:14,640
meetings, through going to a 
therapist, you know all these 

956
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:16,160
things. 
And then getting the 

957
00:53:16,160 --> 00:53:19,640
realizations. 
And then in that realization 

958
00:53:20,160 --> 00:53:22,960
doing like you have been talking
about just doing the work. 

959
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:26,640
It's it's it's it's easy, but 
it's hard at the same time 

960
00:53:27,240 --> 00:53:30,120
because what happens you're when
you begin to open up to your 

961
00:53:30,120 --> 00:53:32,120
higher self? 
What's happened for me when I 

962
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:34,200
begin to open my higher self, my
higher self's like, oh, you can 

963
00:53:34,200 --> 00:53:35,720
understand this now. 
OK, cool. 

964
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:39,500
Well, you get you were telling 
me about your son, what is he, 

965
00:53:39,500 --> 00:53:42,660
two and and you're like teaching
him some soccer moves. 

966
00:53:43,220 --> 00:53:45,140
He's like kind of a little 
coordinated. 

967
00:53:45,140 --> 00:53:47,460
He's two. 
So it's like, what does this 

968
00:53:47,460 --> 00:53:48,500
mean? 
He. 

969
00:53:48,500 --> 00:53:50,980
He doesn't. 
He knows you can show him what 

970
00:53:50,980 --> 00:53:54,100
to do and he'll take his foot 
and do it, but he doesn't know 

971
00:53:54,100 --> 00:53:56,700
the rules of the game yet. 
He doesn't know about a soccer 

972
00:53:56,700 --> 00:53:58,020
field. 
He doesn't. 

973
00:53:58,180 --> 00:54:00,980
The grasshopper only sees the 
field that they're in. 

974
00:54:01,340 --> 00:54:03,460
They don't see the farmer and 
the equipment. 

975
00:54:03,460 --> 00:54:07,990
And you know, you know, the the 
minute that you begin stepping 

976
00:54:07,990 --> 00:54:11,590
back and saying I'm not a 
grasshopper, I'm the farmer, you

977
00:54:11,590 --> 00:54:15,270
know, oh, I'm not the farmer. 
I'm you know, Higher Self. 

978
00:54:15,270 --> 00:54:17,790
Higher Self doesn't even exist 
on the plane of the earth. 

979
00:54:17,790 --> 00:54:19,950
You know, in and of itself it's 
eternal. 

980
00:54:20,190 --> 00:54:22,550
The minute you can gain these 
big God perspectives. 

981
00:54:22,550 --> 00:54:25,150
Yes, yes. 
Then the problem looks so small.

982
00:54:25,710 --> 00:54:27,470
It's it's comical. 
That's how I get now. 

983
00:54:27,470 --> 00:54:30,710
It's like, oh, Jason's acting 
like you're acting like a 11 

984
00:54:30,710 --> 00:54:35,180
year old stupid boy that wants 
you know what he wants and he's 

985
00:54:35,180 --> 00:54:37,060
going to throw a fit if he 
doesn't get it perfectly, 

986
00:54:37,100 --> 00:54:38,940
totally. 
And then I can laugh at it and 

987
00:54:38,940 --> 00:54:41,300
then go in the right direction. 
And that's freedom. 

988
00:54:41,460 --> 00:54:45,020
Yes, it is. 
Comic Relief cracks open my ego.

989
00:54:45,020 --> 00:54:50,500
In that moment of cracking open,
God's light can shine in and it 

990
00:54:50,500 --> 00:54:54,860
no longer has control over me. 
My unconscious fear. 

991
00:54:54,860 --> 00:54:58,740
My unconscious desire to 
control, to get what I want. 

992
00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:00,520
I love that. 
It dissipates. 

993
00:55:00,520 --> 00:55:02,680
It dissipates. 
But it does take the work. 

994
00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:04,840
It does take an honest 
appraisal. 

995
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:08,400
I have to really be willing to 
look at myself honestly up. 

996
00:55:08,960 --> 00:55:12,120
That's a selfish thought. 
Oh, that's a fearful thought. 

997
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:14,440
How many thoughts the day do we 
have? 

998
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:17,480
60,000 on average. 
It's work. 

999
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:22,520
But if you're worth it, 100%, 
your happiness and your freedom 

1000
00:55:22,520 --> 00:55:23,920
are worth it. 
Yeah. 

1001
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:27,880
And and and it organically will 
help you with your addiction or 

1002
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:30,880
anything, whatever addiction you
may have, whatever it is that 

1003
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:32,840
you feel like you're in chains 
too. 

1004
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:34,680
Yeah, yeah. 
When you become self aware, the 

1005
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:38,080
chains fall off, you're in a 
self-imposed prison and the key 

1006
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:40,120
is inside of. 
You That's so powerful. 

1007
00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:43,280
It's like, it's so funny. 
The doors actually open, really.

1008
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:45,320
There's really no prison, you 
know? 

1009
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:50,200
Abraham will say we are so free 
we can choose bondage that's so 

1010
00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:51,400
good. 
That's our free will. 

1011
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:53,080
You're so free, you can choose 
bondage. 

1012
00:55:53,160 --> 00:55:54,320
That's good. 
Well, let's end on that. 

1013
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:56,930
I encourage people subscribed on
YouTube. 

1014
00:55:56,930 --> 00:55:58,650
If you wanna watch this in 
video, if you're listening to 

1015
00:55:58,650 --> 00:56:02,810
this in audio, we do ask you. 
We post a lot on social media, 

1016
00:56:02,810 --> 00:56:05,050
especially Instagram. 
It's kind of our main thing that

1017
00:56:05,050 --> 00:56:08,130
we're on Dms. 
If you have any questions you 

1018
00:56:08,130 --> 00:56:11,250
want us to answer, we're gonna 
be doing a Q&A cuz we're getting

1019
00:56:11,250 --> 00:56:14,810
a lot of questions on Dms. 
But it's Recover Attic podcast. 

1020
00:56:14,810 --> 00:56:17,250
You can look that up and follow 
us on Instagram. 

1021
00:56:17,250 --> 00:56:18,650
We'd love that. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

1022
00:56:18,850 --> 00:56:19,250
Thanks bro.