1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,040 Are you in a position where you're defined by your age and 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,200 that's limiting you to pursue a dream or goal you want to 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,320 accomplish? The More Than Your Age podcast 4 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:17,360 is about having conversations with women who fully live their 5 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:20,880 lives without being dictated or defined by their age. 6 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:25,360 This is a space to encourage women who fill blocks to pursue 7 00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:28,160 a dream or goal based on their life circumstances. 8 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:31,600 Welcome to the More than your Age podcast. 9 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:37,680 I am your host, Erica Pasbar. Let's start living life fully 10 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:49,010 and become more than your age. Welcome Vicki Turley to the More 11 00:00:49,010 --> 00:00:51,450 than your Age podcast. I'm glad to have you here. 12 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,640 Oh, thank you so much and I appreciate so much the 13 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:58,680 opportunity to do this today. Yes, absolutely. 14 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:03,120 Vicki, you owned a thriving virtual assistant business for 15 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:07,640 many years, but you did have to shut that down in 2011. 16 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:12,400 You were suffering from chronic pancreatitis for almost 20 years 17 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:16,000 and you had to go on disability. I want to know, wait, what was 18 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,480 life like when as you suffered during those 20 years? 19 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,920 I'm sure it kind of varied in each season. 20 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,200 It did. As the illness progressed, it 21 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:28,480 got worse and worse. The two things I think that were 22 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:32,760 the worst part about it is #1 the unpredictability. 23 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:38,040 I could wake up and feel, be feeling great and I think I can 24 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:42,560 go to work and go and then the next thing I know I'm just hit 25 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,120 with a develop debilitating pain. 26 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:49,960 I have to go home. And so that that's what happened 27 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,840 is it would just, you never knew when it was going to hit you. 28 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:58,240 And so making plans, living life was it got to where it was just 29 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,920 very difficult to do. Where? 30 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:04,120 Where was the pain like and where would you experience the 31 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,960 pain? The pain was absolutely 32 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,240 horrible. I, I honestly, I've had two 33 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,640 children. It was so much worse than having 34 00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:14,600 children because it was constant. 35 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:21,560 It was all the time, even when it wasn't just debilitating it, 36 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:27,320 you could feel it and it was in the lower right side of my 37 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:34,240 pelvic area and just it would radiate through my back and 38 00:02:34,240 --> 00:02:37,960 cause headaches. It was unreal. 39 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:45,360 Did you because it was sporadic or just unpredictable, did that 40 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:49,360 hinder you from making plans with people or did you just say, 41 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:52,160 OK, I'll make plans and if, if something flares up then I'll 42 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:55,160 cancel? Well, again, as as the years 43 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:58,280 went on, I found out I was making less and less plans. 44 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,960 When it first started, I couldn't figure out what it was. 45 00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:06,040 It was something that came on after my gallbladder surgery had 46 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,600 never had any issues before that. 47 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:14,280 And so I thought, oh, this is just, I don't know what it is, 48 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,040 but I'm going to go ahead and make my plans with my life. 49 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:22,160 As it went on, as months went on and then as years went on, it 50 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:27,880 was like less and less going out because I had to cancel all the 51 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,560 time. And I hate that that is a kind 52 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,800 of a pet peeve of mine. And so I just got to where I 53 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,160 wouldn't make plans. Yeah, and I bet that was really 54 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:41,400 challenging with, you know, just having a social life and your 55 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,840 overall well-being and you know, time with family, I'm assuming 56 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:48,200 and I know we'll we'll kind of touch base with that as well. 57 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:49,400 When? How did? 58 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,200 I'm curious to know You may have touched. 59 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,200 You kind of just mentioned this briefly just now, but how did it 60 00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:59,680 get so bad to where you were just unable to work like you had 61 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:03,640 been able to work previously? Well, as I said, I went through 62 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:09,360 a few years of it and I was going to doctors and I had so 63 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,920 many different things that I was told. 64 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:17,600 They ran lots and lots of tests. And most of the doctors that 65 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,959 were here in my town at that time were not familiar with 66 00:04:20,959 --> 00:04:24,480 pancreatitis. So they were gastric doctors. 67 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:28,080 They told me I had IBS. They told me I had 68 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:32,160 gastrointestinal issues. I actually was told that it was 69 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,600 all in my head. It's very, very frustrating. 70 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:40,760 It's very depressing that number 1, it gets to a point where you 71 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:44,480 are second guessing yourself. You know, maybe this is just me. 72 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:48,040 Maybe it's all in my head. I went to counseling because of 73 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,600 that. And finally, finally, just I 74 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:54,120 realized that this is going to continue. 75 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:57,280 And I can't seem that I can't find the answers. 76 00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:01,680 So at at a certain point, I just had to say I can't work anymore. 77 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,240 One of the issues I had was letting people down. 78 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:09,840 I don't like to let people down. And so if I made a commitment, a 79 00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:13,920 work commitment or going out with my grandchildren and then 80 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:18,760 had to reschedule or just say I'm so sorry, I can't come it, 81 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:25,920 it was that was such a a mind. It messed with your mind, you 82 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,680 know it Just yeah. Yeah. 83 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,800 Well, and then you said too, that doctors were saying, oh, 84 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,560 it's in your head or, you know, they weren't really able to 85 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,480 treat it. And, and I mean, eventually you 86 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,960 had to find somebody that figured out what was going on. 87 00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,320 Was that when in 2016 when you'd begun the TPN? 88 00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:51,000 About 2014 actually, my just my general doctor, he had been with 89 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,280 me through this whole journey. He had referred me to many 90 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:57,600 physicians and, and we just couldn't get to the bottom of 91 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,800 it. And I went in to see him one 92 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:03,960 time and he I was losing a lot of weight and I was sick all the 93 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,680 time. That's something that came 94 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,560 afterwards too. It's not just the pain. 95 00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:10,680 Then you start being not being able to keep food down. 96 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,120 And he said, I think I'm going to send you to Louisville. 97 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:18,640 I know about this doctor there. He's really, really good and 98 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:22,600 he's written pay papers even on pancreatitis and chronic 99 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:26,320 pancreatitis. And, and so I went to him and 100 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:30,320 oh, it was such a game changer. Such a game changer. 101 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,920 Wow, how far is Louisville from where you are now? 102 00:06:34,280 --> 00:06:37,000 It was a four hour drive, 4 hour drive. 103 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:41,800 So yeah, once we did start becoming, once I became a 104 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:45,320 patient of his, we were making many, many trips to Louisville, 105 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,880 my husband and I. Wow, well in that even itself I 106 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,560 would imagine it's very exhausting 4 hours away. 107 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:55,880 Very exhausting, very time consuming, very expensive. 108 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:59,800 I wasn't working by then. So it was, we were on one end 109 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:04,640 and yeah, it was. And then too, the other thing 110 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:08,040 was once I'd get there, I might get so sick that I'd end up in 111 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,880 the hospital. So then I have to be in the 112 00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:12,600 hospital in Louisville. So then a trip that you're 113 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:16,400 expecting to take one day, it's now turned into four days to a 114 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,160 week. Wow, how often would you have to 115 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:24,200 take those trips? I went probably once a month 116 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:29,360 until as it got worse and worse, it was even more often than that 117 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:34,280 it, it got to where we were going probably every two weeks. 118 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:39,080 And at this time, this was still in the phase of them trying to 119 00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:42,000 figure out a treatment that would work for me. 120 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,160 So we're trying all different treatments. 121 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:47,800 We're trying procedures. I was put to sleep so many 122 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,080 different times, which I don't know if you know, but that is 123 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:56,040 really hard on the body and just we just couldn't find anything 124 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,080 that would really work. And then here at home I was 125 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:02,800 doing things such as I went to, I was going to pain management 126 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:07,920 had pain pumps put in and the pain pumps then would something 127 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,960 would go wrong with them and I'd have to have surgery for that. 128 00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:15,360 And it was constant medical issues. 129 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:20,720 I just got to a point where it was exhausting and tiring and 130 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:24,360 just depressing. Yeah, my goodness. 131 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,560 And then on top of all of that, then you just think the 132 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,320 financial burden of it too 'cause like you said, you had 133 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:34,320 quit your business and you're on one income and so that's going 134 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,520 on. OK, so you told me too that in 135 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:40,960 2016 you would begin and I may pronounce this incorrectly, 136 00:08:41,039 --> 00:08:43,919 incorrectly TPN intravenous Venus. 137 00:08:43,919 --> 00:08:48,200 How do you pronounce that? Intravenous feedings and between 138 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,840 and hardly being able to eat anything. 139 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,760 The pain was extremely intense, like you would share shared with 140 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,520 us. How long were these feedings? 141 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:58,920 How long did these take place? The feedings, I was on TPN off 142 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:04,040 and on for a period of almost three years, so there were times 143 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:09,000 when I could go off of TPN for maybe a week and then an attack 144 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,000 would happen again. I'd have to go back on it. 145 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:15,040 So we got to a point where we just had all our supplies sent 146 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:18,600 here to my home. I got really good and my husband 147 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:22,680 got really good at knowing how to put, put it on. 148 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:24,880 I mean, it's just like an IV basically. 149 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:29,160 And it's your, your, your feedings all through a tube. 150 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:34,360 I had a port put into my chest so that it would make it easier 151 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,600 because of my veins were collapsing. 152 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,840 You know, you couldn't even hardly get blood from me 153 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:43,360 anymore. My body was just shutting down. 154 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:47,240 Yeah. Did you feel like like, is this 155 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,680 is just how I'm going to live for the rest of my life or were 156 00:09:50,680 --> 00:09:55,120 you hopeful at all? I was hopeful probably until 157 00:09:55,120 --> 00:10:02,560 about I'd say 2014 maybe, let's see 2009. 158 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:07,680 No 2000 and and 16. By that time it had gotten so 159 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:13,640 bad, I was either in the hospital constantly and it got 160 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,680 to a point where I was doing so much at home that when I went to 161 00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:19,840 the hospital, all they do is give me Ivs and pain medication. 162 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,600 So I thought, well, I can do that at home. 163 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:26,120 So it got we then decided we're not going to the hospital 164 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,880 anymore. It costs too much, even with 165 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,800 insurance. I mean, we were, it was 166 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,080 ridiculous. So I got to a point where I was 167 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:38,760 in bed all the time just just sick and having Ivs running 168 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:44,840 through me and the pain was I, I just can't even describe it, how 169 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:50,120 debilitating it was when it would hit and go through your 170 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:54,120 body and come out your back it, it was just unreal. 171 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,040 Yeah, it sounds, it sounds miserable. 172 00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:00,760 You you shared with me that you basically gave up at the age of 173 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:03,720 58. You became addicted to the pain 174 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:07,040 medication and you fell into a deep depression and you stayed 175 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,240 in bed for days and weeks on end. 176 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,640 You were questioning God about like why? 177 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,080 Why were you still here taking up space on earth? 178 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,960 You would only listen to the nasty whispers of the enemy that 179 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:21,080 you were worthless and no good to anyone. 180 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,840 What? What did your friendships look 181 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,680 like? What did your value of yourself 182 00:11:26,680 --> 00:11:32,440 look like at this time? There was none when I fell into 183 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,840 that deep depression. Let me just tell you, I've been 184 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,320 a Christian almost my whole life, but I would call myself 185 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:43,680 maybe a fair weather Christian. I wasn't, I wasn't in a real 186 00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:47,840 close relationship with God. And so when this all first 187 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,080 started, I was really turning to him. 188 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,720 Oh God, you know, what is this? Help me get through this. 189 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:58,920 But after many years and ending up in bed a lot, I did. 190 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:02,880 I started listening to the whispers of Satan like this is 191 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:05,040 this is how you're going to live the rest of your life. 192 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:07,000 You are worthless. You are worth nothing. 193 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,680 And I've tried to tell you that my your whole life. 194 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,120 And so I started listening to him. 195 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:16,360 I started, I stopped answering calls from my sisters. 196 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,320 I had three sisters who are just my best friends. 197 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:23,320 I stopped answering their calls. I stopped answering their texts. 198 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:28,880 I wouldn't talk to my mother. My friends were I just they were 199 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:32,240 gone and they kept trying to reach out and I wouldn't talk to 200 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,480 them. It got to a point where I would 201 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:41,360 rarely even talk to my husband. And yes, you can't imagine the 202 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:45,760 shame, the guilt, all of that that you feel when you're this 203 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,280 age and know you've been a Christian your whole life and 204 00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,960 yet you know that also you're abusing your pain medication. 205 00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:59,560 That was it became my out. Even though the pain medication 206 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:04,160 never took away the pain, but it dulled my senses enough that I 207 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,760 didn't care. I didn't care. 208 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:09,480 I was just in a fog. And in that fog, what I was 209 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,800 doing was listening to the enemy. 210 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:17,520 And was must have been just really, really lonely and really 211 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:19,240 hard. And, you know, like you were 212 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,560 saying to just kind of, I mean, just pushing out everyone away 213 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:25,680 because you were in so much pain and and hurting so much. 214 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:30,560 And, and there was one point your husband walked in and he 215 00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,480 said something to you that changed everything. 216 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:36,680 What did he say? He walked in and he said he 217 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:39,920 wanted to talk and I said OK, of course I'm laying in bed as 218 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:43,720 normal and he says I think I want a divorce. 219 00:13:44,560 --> 00:13:49,760 And it, it shocked me. I have been through divorces 220 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:54,520 before, but Rocky, my husband was the one that I knew was 221 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,000 going to last the rest of our lives. 222 00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,760 He was the one I knew that God had brought into my life. 223 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:03,880 And so when he told me that at first I got really mad, really 224 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:07,720 mad and all this is not my fault and how dare you, How can you 225 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:12,200 leave me and, and all of that. Then I, I got to a point where I 226 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,880 was, well, maybe you should talk to some other people about this 227 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:20,440 and see what they think. I guess I thought in my, in my 228 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,720 fog that they would all take my side. 229 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:28,680 Oh, she's sick, you know, But what the reactions were was, is 230 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:35,040 she doing anything mentally, I guess, to help herself, even 231 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:38,440 with the pain? Is she gathering her community 232 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,640 around her? Is she talking to God? 233 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:44,680 Is she listening to her family? And the answer was no, I totally 234 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:49,040 isolated myself. And so he, you know, he said 235 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:53,400 there's, I've got to have one thing from you for us to stay 236 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,480 together and you've got to get off the medication. 237 00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:00,920 He said, I know that you can't get off of it, but you've got to 238 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:05,560 stop abusing it. So I, I went to my doctor and I 239 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,400 was very honest with him and told him I was abusing my 240 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:13,840 medication because I'd been on it for so long and was on a pain 241 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,000 pump. In addition, he felt the best 242 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:21,320 route was for me to go into a treatment center And I prayed 243 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,840 about it. I did a lot of praying. 244 00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:28,760 I all of a sudden the, the fog almost seemed to lift. 245 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,320 It was really odd because I was still on the medication, but 246 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,880 it's like a little light came in when all this happened. 247 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:40,520 And so I prayed to God and I just said, OK, if this is, if 248 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,400 this is what's going to help and this is, you know, this is what 249 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,800 I need to do. I cannot lose my husband when 250 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:49,960 I've lost everything else or I knew I truly didn't think I'd 251 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,320 have anything to live for. So after praying about it, I 252 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,800 felt like I could do this without going into a treatment 253 00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:00,880 center. I don't know why, I don't know 254 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:06,120 how, but with my doctor's help, we did it ourselves. 255 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,320 I didn't go into a treatment center, I just started backing 256 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,960 off. He had me on a specific plan 257 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,640 where we would just back off their medications. 258 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,840 You can take to help with the the withdrawals that you're 259 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,880 going to have. And they were rough. 260 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:24,720 They were rough, but I got back to a point where I was only 261 00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:28,560 taking the medication when I actually was supposed to and and 262 00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,880 and when I needed to. Wow. 263 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:36,080 So it was, yeah, it was God. It was absolutely God. 264 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:40,040 I think he was showing me Erica. I think he was telling me that, 265 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,840 Vicki, I am so not done with you yet. 266 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,320 And so here's the first thing. We're going to do this together. 267 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:48,560 And we did. We did it. 268 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,680 That's that's phenomenal. Well, and I'm, you know, even 269 00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:56,840 thinking too, your husband comes in, he says, I want a divorce 270 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:00,960 and this is a shock to you. This is the man you want to be 271 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,160 with for the rest of your life and you like you. 272 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:08,040 I mean, that was a wake up call. And so did you know when he said 273 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:10,079 this? And then, you know, he he said, 274 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:13,119 oh, you know, talking to other people or, or they said, you 275 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:15,839 know, get in community and what's she doing? 276 00:17:16,839 --> 00:17:21,160 What did I guess, I mean, he says, I want this divorce. 277 00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:24,680 What more? So I guess in the time 278 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:27,240 following, however, you know, whatever time frame that was, 279 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:31,560 what did you say to him or I guess have to show to him where 280 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:36,160 he was able to say, OK, I see that she really is making a 281 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,880 change or she's she's going to practice what she's preaching 282 00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:42,560 with this Are these words that she's she's sharing with me. 283 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,640 Well, the one thing he said to me when we had this conversation 284 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:50,320 about divorce, he said, I don't know you anymore. 285 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:54,680 I don't know who you are. Like, I don't know if you even 286 00:17:54,680 --> 00:17:58,800 realize the person you are. He said, in fact, you're you're 287 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,800 like a shell. And I think that part kind of 288 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:07,200 really spoke to me too, is that. Yeah, I had just, I was a shell. 289 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,560 I wasn't a person anymore. I definitely wasn't living. 290 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:16,440 And so all of that I think gave me a motivation, you know, and 291 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,520 I've never really even thought about that. 292 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:22,920 But I think, yeah, it was motivation then that made me get 293 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,920 up out of the bed. Even if I could be up out of the 294 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:32,560 bed in a day for 15 minutes, that was that was progress. 295 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:35,600 And so each day I'd make sure that I tried to get up out of 296 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,760 the bed. I made sure that I tried to get 297 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:43,920 a shower. I made sure that I tried to just 298 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:46,840 talk with him, just have a conversation that wasn't totally 299 00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:51,920 surrounded by pain and illness and pancreatitis. 300 00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:58,200 And as it went on, it just, it was like I came back. 301 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:02,320 It was like I woke up. I can't tell you a lot of what 302 00:19:02,320 --> 00:19:04,440 happened during that time during that fog. 303 00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:09,960 I know it was dark and deep, but my memory, I don't it. 304 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:14,600 But I can tell you when I woke up because I can still remember 305 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:19,280 the difference and I'm going to live again, whatever that looks 306 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:27,760 like, I'm going to do it so. When you decided to make this 307 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,720 change and get out of this fog and you know, you had, you said 308 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:35,480 kind of stop talking to your sister, stop, stop, stop talking 309 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:40,800 to your friends. When, when did you reach back 310 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:46,640 out to your sisters or friends? Or, you know, at what point did 311 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:50,520 you reach back out to them and say, hey, you know, this is 312 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,920 what's going on And, and how difficult was it to, to kind of 313 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,200 humble yourself and, and say, I was wrong? 314 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:02,640 It was very difficult. I started with one particular 315 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,840 sister who's always kind of been, I just am able to talk to 316 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:10,440 her very easily. And so I called her first and I 317 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,520 told her that he had Rocky had come in and said he wanted to 318 00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,760 divorce. That's when I first reached back 319 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,120 out to her. And so we got to talking about 320 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:23,280 it and. She said you, you've really 321 00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:28,520 scared me, Vicky. She said I just you isolating 322 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,480 yourself. I think it's the biggest thing. 323 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:35,840 And so after our conversation and she told me there's nothing 324 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,440 you can do that will ever make me stop loving you. 325 00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:45,560 And I believed her. And so I started believing those 326 00:20:45,560 --> 00:20:47,720 things. And so that made it easier for 327 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:52,200 me to reach out to my family. I told them about the abusing my 328 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,960 medication and what that had done to me. 329 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:59,440 And, and I was very, very honest and open with them. 330 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:02,120 And there was a lot of tears, a lot of crying. 331 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,240 But in all that, there was so much love and so much 332 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,480 acceptance. I think maybe that's one of the 333 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:13,040 things too, is I was so afraid that if I told the truth about 334 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:16,920 how dark it had gotten and what the things I was doing abusing a 335 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:19,160 medication, that they wouldn't love me anymore. 336 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,640 And it's so funny because they said they all knew it anyway. 337 00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:27,600 They knew I was abusing just because if I was around them or 338 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:32,720 if I did speak to them, there was no, it was AI think they 339 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,320 call it a flat affect. And that's how I was. 340 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:39,400 There was no emotion, no, no anything. 341 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:43,200 So they knew it all along, and yet they still loved me. 342 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,760 That huge? It was, yeah, yeah. 343 00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,520 It helps so much towards my recovery. 344 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:55,400 I bet, and I know that I know this like this, just as having 345 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:59,080 this conversation is not a nor you know, we talked before that 346 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:02,040 this is your first time doing a podcast and it, and I can just 347 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:06,360 tell how emotional it is affecting you and just going 348 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:09,880 back and talking about it. And I, I, I love that your 349 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:12,280 sister, you know, your first sister you spoke with said, no 350 00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,320 matter what you do, I, I'm going to love you. 351 00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,800 And then your family continued and your friends and, and 352 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:21,200 obviously your husband too. I mean, just huge in the 353 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:25,760 recovery and you, you know, you were also given a specific 354 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,320 surgery that could save you as well. 355 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:33,200 Walk us through that surgery and and how how this helped with the 356 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,960 feeling as well and then time frame of all of it too. 357 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:43,280 So it actually started in 2017. The physician, I was singing a 358 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,320 Louisville. He said I really believe that 359 00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,880 it's time for us to think about a total pancreatectomy. 360 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:53,240 I know nothing about this and honestly, a lot of people still 361 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,880 don't these days. I said I didn't know you could 362 00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:59,320 live without your pancreas. And he said, well, you can, they 363 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:03,240 have this surgery now and it's a total pancreatectomy with islet 364 00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:07,240 cell transplant. So basically what they do is 365 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:11,240 they take out your pancreas, they then send that to 366 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:14,920 laboratory and they take your islet cells, which is what 367 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:20,040 produces insulin in your body. They take those out of your 368 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:25,280 pancreas and they do some medical things to them, but then 369 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:29,080 they come back and they put pills into your liver. 370 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,920 And then your liver, if the surgery is successful and all 371 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:38,280 the islet cells live in your liver and your body is actually 372 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:43,400 able to still produce a little bit of sugar of insulin. 373 00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,840 So this was about a 12 hour surgery. 374 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:50,080 Wow. And he told me that it's very, 375 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:54,440 very difficult that usually recovery takes about a year. 376 00:23:55,160 --> 00:24:00,280 So it took me almost two years to decide to do the surgery. 377 00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:05,360 I thought what, what my rationale was, was even though 378 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:11,120 things were in, I was in such bad shape, I wanted to try every 379 00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:16,400 single known treatment before that to say that I had done 380 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:20,120 everything possible I could do before I went this route. 381 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,880 And so he supported me. The doctor supported me in that 382 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:28,600 my my husband supported me. And finally in 2019, I had the 383 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:32,040 surgery. I was, I woke up, it was on. 384 00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:36,920 I'll never forget this. It was on July 31st, 2019. 385 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:44,200 I woke up in ICU August 1st, and the first time I can remember 386 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:49,520 waking up, you know, and the first thing I knew is I had no 387 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:53,520 pain, none. And it was the first time in 388 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:55,720 almost 20 years I had been without pay. 389 00:24:56,760 --> 00:25:00,400 And even that in itself was a little unusual because he had 390 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,680 told me most people, you're still going to have pain for a 391 00:25:02,680 --> 00:25:05,440 while. The body has a way of once 392 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:08,800 you've been in pain for that long, the body has a way of even 393 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,720 when it's gone, it's like you're missing limb syndrome. 394 00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:16,120 I don't know if you've heard, but when people lose an arm or 395 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,160 leg, sometimes they feel like it's still there. 396 00:25:18,360 --> 00:25:20,200 The body does the same thing with pain. 397 00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:23,160 Even though the pain is gone, the body says, oh, it's still 398 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,400 here and you've still hurt. I did. 399 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:29,680 I woke up and I was pain free and I was praising God. 400 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:34,760 I was praising God. I was in ICU for I think four or 401 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:39,080 five days and then went to a regular room and I was there for 402 00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:45,200 almost 2 weeks, just getting up every day, trying to walk. 403 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:49,680 Making sure my body is going to work, make sure my kidneys work 404 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:54,680 and make sure that the that the islet cells were working, that I 405 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,960 was obviously was going to be diabetic and had to have 406 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:01,240 insulin, but that it would my body would still produce some 407 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:06,960 insulin like recovery instead of taking a year and three months. 408 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:12,720 I felt amazing, not 100%, but I felt really, really good. 409 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:17,160 And I honestly called a friend of mine to see if she was 410 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,360 looking for any virtual assistants that we could work 411 00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:22,400 together. And sure enough, it was perfect 412 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:25,440 timing. And I've been working with her 413 00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:29,320 ever since and I've been working since then and living my best 414 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:32,800 life. You know, your, your podcast. 415 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,720 The reason I was so drawn to it is, is the name of it. 416 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:39,160 It doesn't matter the age. I feel like I started living my 417 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:43,240 life on July 31st, 2019. I mean, my best life. 418 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:48,240 I'm so much closer to God than I ever thought possible. 419 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:54,480 I every day will tell someone if I can that he did a miracle in 420 00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,880 me and he continues to do him every day. 421 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:01,240 Absolutely. I mean, this physical healing 422 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:05,320 where you wake up and you're pain free, your marriage was 423 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:09,600 saved, your relationships were restored, I mean, that's huge. 424 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:13,120 Something you said earlier too, was that, you know, God is not 425 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:18,080 finished with you and he wasn't. And I mean, man, it's just so 426 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:21,520 powerful. How much also do you believe 427 00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:24,520 that there's this physical healing from God? 428 00:27:24,720 --> 00:27:27,400 And also, how much of it do you believe that some of your 429 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:31,240 mindset helped with recovery? Oh, I think it played a huge 430 00:27:31,240 --> 00:27:32,480 part. Absolutely. 431 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:37,200 The day that I decided to get off the pain medication or quit 432 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:40,840 abusing the pain medication and I started getting up out of bed, 433 00:27:41,400 --> 00:27:45,280 I spoke out loud to Satan. And I don't do that. 434 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:50,120 I have trouble praying out loud. It's just something that I'm not 435 00:27:50,120 --> 00:27:52,200 comfortable with. So I've never spoke out loud to 436 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,160 Satan, but I spoke out loud to him and I said I am done with 437 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,800 you. I said I am tired of listening 438 00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:00,040 to your lies. You know you're not going to 439 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,040 control my life like this anymore. 440 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,960 I said I am a child of God and that's something I've forgotten 441 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:11,160 and he loves me and my family loves me and my husband loves me 442 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,600 and I'm about to just show you some things and I did. 443 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,280 I almost, in fact, I think back and I think I almost kind of 444 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,800 gave him a dare, you know, like I just dare you. 445 00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,120 And he did. It wasn't easy. 446 00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:24,840 It wasn't all a bed of roses. Trust me. 447 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:29,920 There were days when I thought, Oh no, you know, but but the 448 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:34,280 mindset was it. That change made a huge impact 449 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:38,040 on my recovery, on my relationships. 450 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:42,240 Absolutely. And just instead of leaning into 451 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:45,600 the enemy's lies, I was leaning into God. 452 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:51,280 And Oh my goodness, He's so, so big enough to handle that. 453 00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:56,880 Yeah, that's huge. Absolutely I was going to say 454 00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:59,520 something and then it just, it just slipped my mind to 455 00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:03,040 something that you had said. If I think of it, I'll, I'll 456 00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:06,480 come back to it. And you, you told me to, or, you 457 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,200 know, you shared it here just now that you had struggled with 458 00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:13,240 understanding your existence for living and God's work in your 459 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:16,560 life when you were in that in just the deep, deep, deep low 460 00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,720 part. And and then now just saying you 461 00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:22,600 that you were telling Satan like, you know, I'm done with 462 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,440 you. Where, where are you at with God 463 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:27,840 now? And and and and talking about 464 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,440 this purpose of feeling like I have so much of A purpose now. 465 00:29:30,440 --> 00:29:32,000 Where? Where are you at with all of 466 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,520 that now? It's pretty amazing. 467 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:37,640 You know, as I said, I've been a Christian my entire life and 468 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:39,640 I've gone to church most of my entire life. 469 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:45,280 So I'm familiar with the Bible and I can quote Bible verses and 470 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:48,720 all of that. Even when we were young child 471 00:29:48,720 --> 00:29:52,560 went to GA's, girls in Action and things like that. 472 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:59,520 But we never there was something about an intimacy that I thought 473 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:03,960 I would never have. I thought that that that just 474 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,880 wasn't for me. And a lot of that was part of 475 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:12,440 myself worth problems. After the surgery, one of the 476 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,200 things that I determined that I was going to do was to go 477 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:16,760 through some intensive counseling. 478 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:20,000 Now, I've been through counseling before and I thought 479 00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:22,880 I had dealt with a lot of things, but I really hadn't. 480 00:30:23,480 --> 00:30:28,640 So part of my recovery was going through counseling and really 481 00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,000 embracing the fact that God does love me. 482 00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:36,920 He loves me just as I am. He loves me as a Sinner and my 483 00:30:36,920 --> 00:30:40,640 imperfections. And because of that, I am. 484 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:43,800 I embraced it. I just, I embraced it holy. 485 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:49,040 And so that really helped with the relationship. 486 00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,960 I am in an intimate relationship with him now. 487 00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:56,320 I, I get up and do devotions and Bible study every single 488 00:30:56,320 --> 00:30:59,280 morning. For me, that's when I have to do 489 00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:03,080 it before the day gets going and you, you know, everything else 490 00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:07,000 gets in the way. So that time with him is it's 491 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:14,880 almost like breathing for me. It is so part of me and who he 492 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,680 meant me to be. The purpose. 493 00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,320 All my life I struggled with what my gifts were. 494 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:25,720 Everybody talks about spiritual gifts and I think my 495 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,480 understanding was a little bit skewed in that I didn't have a 496 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:35,560 spiritual gift of ministering to people or to, I wasn't a pastor, 497 00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:39,160 I couldn't be a speaking leader or I could teach children. 498 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:43,320 But so I always thought I, I just, I don't know what my gifts 499 00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:47,000 are. I don't have gifts and he has 500 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:50,040 shown me that. Oh my goodness, the gifts that I 501 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,040 have might be different from others, but they're still gifts. 502 00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:55,000 I have the gift of encouragement. 503 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:59,320 I've always been an encourager and I tried to whatever 504 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:06,560 someone's going through to not. I don't dismiss their struggles. 505 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:10,520 I try to empathize, empathize with their struggles, but show 506 00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,680 them that through it all, God's going to make us stronger and 507 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,160 that He's going to be there for us. 508 00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:19,360 So I'm going to encourage her. The other thing is my business 509 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:22,760 acumen. I have been an amazing business 510 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:26,440 person since I was 17 years old. I love computers. 511 00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,720 I'm a tech person. You give me a program, I'm going 512 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:32,080 to learn how to do it, and then I'll teach you how to use it. 513 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,440 Those types of things. And I never felt like those were 514 00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:38,040 part of my gifts, but I realize now they are. 515 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:42,040 God gave those to me. He gave me the passion for them. 516 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:48,040 I love that kind of thing. He gave me the the skills to do 517 00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:52,080 it, to understand and to be able to teach others. 518 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:57,920 And so those just like being a teacher or a preacher, those are 519 00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,160 my gifts. Those are the things that I can 520 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,480 do. And when I was able to embrace 521 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:08,280 all that and realize that me, Vicki and me, the professional 522 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:13,560 Vicki, we're all in one, my, my life, all of that is me. 523 00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,400 And whether that be my personal life or my business life or 524 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:21,920 whatever, it's all from God. And all I want to do now is, is 525 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,320 serve others and point them to Him. 526 00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:30,280 Around what age do you think or do you feel like you came to 527 00:33:30,280 --> 00:33:35,760 that realization? Well, let's see, my surgery was 528 00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:43,560 in 2019 and it's now 25. I have to count I'm 67 now. 529 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:46,800 So I was about 60 years old. It's been about 7 years close, 530 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,640 so 6061 years old. Yeah. 531 00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:54,080 Then I came to that and. And The funny thing about it is 532 00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:56,840 I truly am living my best life now. 533 00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,880 I'm not that I didn't have good times before, I had great times. 534 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,960 I have children, I had a wonderful marriage. 535 00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:10,920 The thing now is the joy that I have, I know that is rooted deep 536 00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,800 inside me and there's nothing and no one that can take that 537 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:19,280 away. So at 61, I now am just the most 538 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:25,000 joyful, you know, person that you can meet. 539 00:34:25,159 --> 00:34:29,199 I, I, I just, it might have taken me a while, but you know, 540 00:34:29,199 --> 00:34:31,840 I got there. You got there and you had to go 541 00:34:31,840 --> 00:34:33,800 through some really hard things to get there. 542 00:34:33,800 --> 00:34:36,440 I, I want to share something that you wrote that you wrote to 543 00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,080 me. You said I don't take one single 544 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:42,960 day for granted and I thank him God every day. 545 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:47,840 I live life to the fullest. I work, I take my grandchildren 546 00:34:47,840 --> 00:34:51,199 on adventures and first and foremost, I try to be more like 547 00:34:51,199 --> 00:34:54,719 him every day. And then with that you shared, 548 00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:56,120 you decided to start working again. 549 00:34:56,120 --> 00:34:58,440 You called your friend to say, hey, you got you have any 550 00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:03,240 virtual assistant work and you got that you're starting newer, 551 00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:05,440 new at A at a later stage in life. 552 00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:11,040 You felt this nudge to start writing and then another nudge 553 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:14,560 working outside of your comfort zone to offer services to female 554 00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:17,400 small business owners and provide proofreading and 555 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:20,840 editing. Tell us about this this nudge 556 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:25,880 that you you felt at 67. Yeah. 557 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:30,920 Well, last July I went to a writers conference, my first 558 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,800 one, and I just knew that God was asking me to write. 559 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,560 Well, I guess maybe it was peer pressure. 560 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:40,680 Everybody writes a book, you know. 561 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,320 And I thought, oh, I've got to write a book. 562 00:35:42,320 --> 00:35:44,800 I've got a story. I do. 563 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:50,120 But for six months after this conference I thought, do I keep 564 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:51,680 blogging? Do I write a story? 565 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:55,880 Do I write a business story? Do I write my personal story? 566 00:35:56,720 --> 00:36:02,000 All of this for six months. I was stuck in January of this 567 00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:05,960 year. Well, probably mid-december, I 568 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:09,400 don't know what happened, but it just one day it hit me, it 569 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:12,320 popped into my mind and God said, Vicki, here's what I want 570 00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:15,280 you to do. I want you to continue blogging. 571 00:36:15,280 --> 00:36:18,200 That is writing. I want you to post, I want you 572 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:21,720 to blog and that's your writing for now. 573 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:27,280 A book at this point would it would hurt some people that I 574 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:30,200 love. And it is not time for that. 575 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,920 It's it's just not time now. But here's what else I want you 576 00:36:33,920 --> 00:36:35,320 to do. Here's what I'm gonna stretch 577 00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:38,000 you and grow you. And I'm thinking, wait, wait, 578 00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:40,760 you know, this is enough. I wanted you to take your 579 00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:44,680 encouraging. I want you to take your skills 580 00:36:44,720 --> 00:36:51,120 and proofreading and looking at stories and getting so involved 581 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:54,400 with those stories that you're wrapped up in it and helping to 582 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:58,080 enhance those stories and helping to enhance characters. 583 00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:03,840 And I want you to support writers and authors and editors, 584 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:06,440 people who support writers and authors. 585 00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:14,360 And I'm thinking what what I mean, I'm all about living my 586 00:37:15,160 --> 00:37:17,760 full life and living every day to the fullest. 587 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:23,920 But Lord, that's a little scary. And he says to me, you know, I 588 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:27,480 want you to stretch. When you get inside your comfort 589 00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:30,600 zone for so long, it's almost like you put yourself in a box 590 00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:34,720 and this box doesn't grow. You get really comfortable 591 00:37:34,720 --> 00:37:38,920 there, but you get stagnant. And how can you really learn and 592 00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:42,720 grow if you're not moving? So he asked me to step out of my 593 00:37:42,720 --> 00:37:47,480 box, and I've done that. It has gone amazingly well so 594 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,680 far. I have so many friends who 595 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:54,040 support me with everything, and I think that kind of gives me 596 00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,880 the validation to know that this is from God. 597 00:37:58,240 --> 00:38:02,000 Pieces are falling into place, People are supporting me, they 598 00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:07,000 see the need and so I'm just following God and seeing where 599 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:10,800 He's going to lead next. You know what's so what's so 600 00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:15,080 cool for me to to listen and hear in this is that you know, a 601 00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:21,720 lot of people retire at 6567 and you're choosing to start this 602 00:38:21,720 --> 00:38:25,960 new chapter and listen to what God is asking you to do. 603 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:31,000 When you know, when you hear that people retire at and 604 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,760 everyone is doing whatever they're doing for you know, 605 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,000 whatever reason, that's their life and their story. 606 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:39,200 But when you hear that and then you know that you're in this, 607 00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,840 this other chapter, what do you think of that? 608 00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:47,480 I think that we think wrongly about the word retire. 609 00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:54,440 I think for me, what I've found out is that retiring is just a 610 00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:57,240 transition into the new chapter of your life. 611 00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:02,760 Because here's the thing, if you retire and just sit and do 612 00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:07,840 nothing again, your body starts going down, your mental 613 00:39:07,840 --> 00:39:11,560 stability starts going down. As long as you are living and 614 00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:14,720 moving and growing. I think that's what God wants 615 00:39:14,720 --> 00:39:17,600 for us. And who wants to stop? 616 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:21,760 I mean, as long as I can work and as long as I can serve 617 00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:25,840 others, I am going to do it. And as long as I can also then 618 00:39:26,200 --> 00:39:29,680 take my grandchildren on adventures, which we'd love to 619 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:33,880 do, as long as I can spend time with my husband and us go visit 620 00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:37,760 our state parks, I'm going to do all of that. 621 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:41,240 And I'm able to do that at my stage of life. 622 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:44,560 So it was like perfect timing really. 623 00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:48,520 I imagine I'm just, I'm listening to you talk and I'm 624 00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:53,320 thinking, you know, I'm, I'm hearing this, this woman who has 625 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:58,400 so much just so full of life has this purpose as a second purpose 626 00:39:58,400 --> 00:40:01,280 of you. You know, you could say that and 627 00:40:01,480 --> 00:40:04,520 thinking about just me visualizing the Vicky that I see 628 00:40:04,520 --> 00:40:07,840 in front of me, visualizing the Vicky that was in bed all the 629 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:13,040 time and, you know, stuck to these pain medicines and. 630 00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:16,760 Keeping the people that you love the most out of your life 631 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,040 because you were hurting and you were in a dark place. 632 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,760 And just this Vicky, now what are you proud of? 633 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:29,880 I'm proud of the fact that I had the courage to do the surgery. 634 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:36,080 I'm proud of the fact that I told Satan get away from me. 635 00:40:37,280 --> 00:40:40,560 I'm proud of the fact that I went all in with God. 636 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:48,520 I just said whatever it is, it is still scary, it's still hard, 637 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:52,800 but whatever it is you want for me, I'm proud of the fact that I 638 00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:59,840 finally embraced His love and and His goodness and His mercies 639 00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:03,480 every single day. I still mess up every single 640 00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:06,360 day. And man, he has so much patience 641 00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,760 and so many mercies and so much grace. 642 00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:11,560 And he just says it's OK, we have tomorrow. 643 00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:15,880 And so I get up the next day and I thank Him for allowing me to 644 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,680 wake up, and then we have a whole new day of mercies and 645 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:23,760 grace. It's it's beautiful. 646 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:27,720 I even more just thinking of as you were talking, I was thinking 647 00:41:27,720 --> 00:41:30,760 like, one, everyone needs to hear your story. 648 00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:33,880 So there's that. And then two, I was just 649 00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:37,600 thinking like, man, what the power of God's work in your life 650 00:41:37,600 --> 00:41:42,320 and how also visualizing again, a lot of your story, I'm 651 00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:46,080 visualizing you, you know, telling Satan, like you do not 652 00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:49,320 have a hold in my life anymore. I'm done with you and how your 653 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:52,080 life has just transformed and it's just changed. 654 00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:55,120 It's beautiful. I also, I want this, I think was 655 00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:56,720 my question. That was just a brief question. 656 00:41:56,720 --> 00:41:59,080 I wanted to ask where I was like, Oh, I forgot your your 657 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:01,280 pain. You said that you woke up that 658 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,160 one day and it was gone. How about now? 659 00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:06,440 Because you were also saying that, that your body has a 660 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:09,800 memory of the pain. So wait on date, maybe not 661 00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:12,760 day-to-day, but on occasion. How is the pain for you? 662 00:42:13,000 --> 00:42:15,680 Is it still completely gone? It's completely, completely 663 00:42:15,680 --> 00:42:18,400 gone. My doctors kind of freak out 664 00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:20,880 about it. They say like never, never. 665 00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:25,200 I I have not had a pain. In fact, it's really funny you 666 00:42:25,200 --> 00:42:28,640 asked that question. Just recently I was, I had some 667 00:42:28,640 --> 00:42:32,320 gastritis, went to the doctor and they wanted to just make 668 00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:34,720 sure everything was OK and did a CT scan. 669 00:42:35,320 --> 00:42:40,480 And I had been having some pain in the same area and I thought, 670 00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:44,160 oh, no, after six years, is this is this it? 671 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,400 You know, is this the pain coming back? 672 00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:48,400 And it wasn't, it was something else. 673 00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:52,720 They actually found a mass on my lower pelvis. 674 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:56,280 And I just got the news that, praise God, everything is fine. 675 00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:58,840 It's wonderful. No cancer. 676 00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,800 I don't even know if we're going to have to do surgery on it. 677 00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:10,040 So again, he just amazes me. What I do want to say though, is 678 00:43:11,120 --> 00:43:15,360 I would not have wished those 20 years, almost 20 years on 679 00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:22,960 anyone, but I know that only because of those 20 years am I 680 00:43:23,240 --> 00:43:29,440 living the life that I am now. And if we don't know how far 681 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:35,560 down we can go, how deep we can, how, how dark it can get, how 682 00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:39,360 can we know to praise God and be thankful every single day and 683 00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:41,840 grateful for how far He's brought us? 684 00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,280 Thank you, Vicky, Thank you for saying that. 685 00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:53,200 I really just love how God has worked in your life and even 686 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:56,480 just like you were saying, you wouldn't wish those 20 years on 687 00:43:56,480 --> 00:44:00,680 anybody, but you went through those years to get to where you 688 00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:03,480 are now, all the good and the bad. 689 00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,080 And there I know there was a lot of bad. 690 00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:09,320 You said this, you said God has shown me so much more. 691 00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:12,280 He's shown me that he's not done with me yet, which we've talked 692 00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:14,080 about. He's shown me that there is more 693 00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:16,360 to work, work to do. He's shown me that I can still 694 00:44:16,360 --> 00:44:19,480 use my skills and my passions to be able to supplement our 695 00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,280 income, which we talked about with your job. 696 00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,840 You also said you don't know if it will stay small or grow big, 697 00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,920 but what you do know is that you're giving it all to God. 698 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:32,840 And I know it's so easy and I know you felt this when you were 699 00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:35,880 in the low. It's, it's so easy to either 700 00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,360 look at other people's lives, to look at your own life 701 00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:42,960 circumstance and situation and, and struggle and, and go through 702 00:44:42,960 --> 00:44:46,160 it and, and, and women will view their circumstance or even their 703 00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,360 age as a limitation or a barrier. 704 00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,600 That's why I'm just so passionate about this of like 705 00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:53,880 of, of trying to use your story and other women's stories to 706 00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:57,960 really help women realize you're where you are for a reason. 707 00:44:58,080 --> 00:44:59,240 What are we going to do about it? 708 00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:03,000 And so if you could encourage that one woman who's in the spot 709 00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:06,600 where you were 20, you know, or however many years ago, if you 710 00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:09,480 could encourage that one woman who feels blocked or limited to 711 00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:12,560 pursue a dream or a goal based on her age or a life 712 00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:14,680 circumstance, what would you say to her? 713 00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:18,800 The first thing I say is, and I love that you use the word 714 00:45:18,800 --> 00:45:21,720 circumstance. When we focus on our 715 00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:24,720 circumstances, that's all we're going to see and they are going 716 00:45:24,720 --> 00:45:29,280 to swallow us. But when we focus on God instead 717 00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:33,280 of the circumstance and what is He teaching me from this? 718 00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:35,720 What is He growing? How is He growing me? 719 00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:38,720 Then it helps us get through it better. 720 00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:41,520 It's not going to take it away. Nothing is. 721 00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:44,400 We live in a fallen world and we are fallen people. 722 00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:50,080 But if we can keep stay focused on Him and figure out what is He 723 00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:53,720 trying to say to me, then it will make it so much better. 724 00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:57,520 And age, it does not. It does not matter. 725 00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:01,160 It really doesn't. I think like I said before, if 726 00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:05,720 we can constantly be growing, if we can constantly be looking for 727 00:46:05,720 --> 00:46:10,200 what God has for us, we are going to find so many blessings, 728 00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:12,520 so many things to be grateful for. 729 00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:16,800 And isn't that what makes life so much fun? 730 00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:20,480 And this world that we live in with the news and the, and the 731 00:46:20,480 --> 00:46:27,880 just the stuff and the wars and the meanness, we can focus on 732 00:46:27,880 --> 00:46:31,120 him and his goodness and then see that goodness and other 733 00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:34,560 things. And the six inches of snow that 734 00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:38,520 we got last night here in Kentucky And the little Bluebird 735 00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:43,000 I saw sitting on my bird feeder earlier and my grandson smile 736 00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:44,760 when he runs in to give me a hug. 737 00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:49,640 I mean, we can find it anywhere. And the more that we focus on 738 00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,880 him instead of the circumstances, the more we're 739 00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:56,880 going to see those. That's huge focusing on him more 740 00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:01,480 so than the circumstances. And I, as you were talking to, I 741 00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:04,240 was just thinking like, you know, I've gone through some 742 00:47:04,240 --> 00:47:07,200 hard things and then thinking of I know that more hard things 743 00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:09,560 will happen down the road. And I'm just thinking for 744 00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:12,520 listeners out there, whether you're in the hard or when the 745 00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:15,440 hard things do happen, just to listen to the words that you're 746 00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:19,080 saying and focus on the Lord because he will get us through 747 00:47:19,080 --> 00:47:21,680 those times. And I'm just hopeful and need to 748 00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:25,120 pray myself that now for future me and even, you know, anyone 749 00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:28,080 else who's listening to make sure that we're aligned with the 750 00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:30,880 Lord when those times happen. Absolutely, absolutely. 751 00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:33,360 And God made us for community too. 752 00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:35,080 So let's don't isolate ourselves. 753 00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:38,280 You know, we tend to do that when things get hard, we're 754 00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:41,000 going to isolate. That's the time when we should 755 00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:44,200 be surrounding ourselves with community, with our loved ones. 756 00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:47,360 Absolutely. Well, Vicki, I would love, you 757 00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:49,960 know, if anyone needs any of your services, I'd love for you 758 00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:54,360 to just share where people can reach out to you or your website 759 00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:56,480 or any anything else you want to just share. 760 00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:00,760 Yeah, absolutely. Well, I'm on Facebook as Vicki 761 00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:04,760 Brack Turley. BRACK Turley, you can find me 762 00:48:04,760 --> 00:48:08,360 easily. I'm on Instagram as Vicki Turley 763 00:48:08,360 --> 00:48:11,520 Rider. And then my website is just 764 00:48:11,520 --> 00:48:16,920 www.vickiturley.com. And I think if you go to my 765 00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,240 website, I hope people will just check it out. 766 00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:22,680 I think you're going to see me. I hope that you do. 767 00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:26,600 I try to be authentic and open and honest with everything and 768 00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:29,640 so I hope you see that on the site also. 769 00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:31,440 Yeah, I'll put that all in the show notes. 770 00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:34,640 And I also like how you said earlier too that you're writing. 771 00:48:34,640 --> 00:48:37,080 You said, you know, I'm blogging and you go and you said, and 772 00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:39,000 that is writing. I am, I am writing. 773 00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:41,760 I think that that's important to to share that. 774 00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:43,760 That you're a. Writer. 775 00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:45,760 And that's what you're doing. Absolutely. 776 00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:48,800 And honestly, that's kind of why I put writer after my name on 777 00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:53,080 Instagram. I thought I am writing, even if 778 00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:56,960 one, one person sees it, that's going to be the one person that 779 00:48:56,960 --> 00:49:00,120 God wanted to see it. So numbers really don't matter 780 00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:01,800 to me. They really don't. 781 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:06,600 As long as I am doing where what I feel God is leading me to do, 782 00:49:06,960 --> 00:49:10,200 then the people that need to see it will come to see it. 783 00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:14,480 So that's. So huge yes, Vicki, this was so 784 00:49:14,480 --> 00:49:17,120 encouraging to me. So one I want to say just on, 785 00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,520 you know, on on the recording so everyone can hear that this side 786 00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:22,480 of this really spoke to me a lot. 787 00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:25,920 And so I know that that's going to help so many other women as 788 00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:27,880 well. So thank you for taking the time 789 00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:30,680 and for joining me today on the More Than Your Age podcast. 790 00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,920 Thank you so much, it's been wonderful. 791 00:49:35,720 --> 00:49:38,760 If you were encouraged by today's episode, like and 792 00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:43,840 subscribe to this podcast, leave a review and share this episode 793 00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:46,680 with a friend. You can find me on all of the 794 00:49:46,680 --> 00:49:51,880 socials at More Than Your Age. Keep striving for your goals, 795 00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:55,760 live fully, and we'll catch you next time on the More Than Your 796 00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:56,720 Age podcast.