In a time when Wizards roosted in their mountain towers and
warlords trampled the steps of history, a world left carved by
giants, remembered only in dreams.
The fog of greed clouded the eyes of many people, their booms
the foundation of the winding passages of the deep, their
names lost upon the lips of the wind.
Fools who never learned that the glory of gold was always
temporary, and too late did they find out in the shambling misery
of undeath that gains are. Forever.
Plunging into the depths, climbing the highest of peaks
and sailing the furthest of shores, meatheads see glory of
quests, the thrill of death, the humbling of ancient wisdom.
What are the glories there to gain?
Meatheads. Coming 2024.
And welcome to the weekly Scroll podcast.
My name is Ryan. And I am the sixth time Mr.
Olympia champion Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Hello, Hello. I am Stella Condrey, returning
once again from the realm of Muscles.
I am the editor of Red Solstice and creator of a bunch of other
really cool RPG stuff. Glad to be here.
Hi, I didn't see you there. I'm Mark Conway, I'm creator of
Meatheads and I'm here to tell you about it.
And we're going to run a little game of Meatheads today.
I'm happy to be here. Thank you for Ryan and Hunter
for having me install on. Basically we have a sample
section of the mega dungeon that's coming to Meatheads on
February 14th to Kickstarter. It is basically half of the
first level, kind of like changed around a little bit, you
know, So no big spoilers, but a lot of fun goofy weirdos to run
in and interact with. But before that we'll kind of
start just outside of the dungeon, do character
introductions. But yeah, the basics of
Meatheads is it follows the old school structure of games,
original Dungeon, the Dragons and Chainmail, as well as like
flavoring from Troika Wolves Upon the Coast.
Basically it is an old school dungeon crawler.
And with that it comes with a lot of old school sensibilities,
motifs, tips and tools. And I mean the best way to kind
of just show how show it off is, get right into it.
And so I think we'll just get right into it, dive right into
it and we'll begin. If anyone has any other
questions or any other things, no.
Good. So we begin on a cloudy day in
the rolling green hills on the plains just below this Gray sea.
Where we begin at this junction in the crossroads where there is
just down the road a Tavern known as the 12 Toes.
In just down the other side of the road is what is known as
this place of treasure and magical enchantments and tales
of great wealth and power that come with it.
So we meet our travelers, our beefy trio, and we'll just go
down the line and make some character introductions.
Ryan, why don't you go ahead? Yeah, so my character is Smash.
I almost forgot his last name. Smash.
Thick Fist. The Orc.
Gosh, what's important that I have oh I have the head basher
kit. So not do not only do I have one
helmet, I have two. I did I say I'm an orc already?
I I have 0 languages so I can only speak poorly and and that's
about it. That's me.
Smash Thick Fist the orc. Nice.
Oh yeah, yeah. Languages is one of the kind of
scores abilities that you have in this game.
It kind of determines, yeah, you know the language that you're
able to speak. If your language score is score
is 0, you can only speak the colloquial language, but you
cannot read or write it. Yeah.
Stella, why don't you go ahead Next.
All right, I I am playing the EFF, the broke ass elf.
I rolled snake eyes for money. So I started with 20 gold and I
spent all of that on a spear, shield, oil, vial, and a 10 foot
pole. I have nothing to my name and
she has a Chelsea cut. Oh yeah.
Nice. Sweet.
Yeah, I'm glad you spent all your gold, all your coins,
coins. They don't, you know, measure XP
or anything. And meatheads, as they would
like in other old school dungeon crawlers, but you, you know,
like to amass some coins as you do use them for services, for
buying equipment, gears and supplements.
Yeah, other people besides meatheads do need coins in the
world. So you know, unfortunately you
do have to kind of gather them at some point.
Hunter well ended up with you. Why don't you introduce
introduce us to your character? Oh, me, I'm bulk headbutt.
I'm a big orc. The headbutts, Yeah, my guy.
I I also took the same kit as Ryan.
So I've got some maces and I got some helmets and I'm just
looking to headbutt, you know? Yeah.
And so I'm like picturing like on this like windy, cloudy day
under like the green hills. We have two big beefy orcs just
flanking this elf, just like, you know, the lean elf with the
spear flowing hair. Yeah.
So basically you guys have some directions.
Do you guys want to check out the inn or do you guys want to
get right into the dungeon? Just start like getting into it.
I've. Got no money to me.
I think I know what my. Well.
It's it is. Funny you mentioned that this as
you see on the you know the Tavern sign that says Tavern
this way to 12 toes in. It does have a little like, you
know nailed on piece of wood placard that says like help
wanted, oh. That.
That would be a quick way to get some cash to buy my meaty, meaty
supplements. I'm down to go check out the The
Tavern. I have 30 coins and I would be
happy to buy everyone a drink because, you know, after a
strong session it's important that you take in calories so you
can end ketosis because you don't want that muscular tissue
to break down. Exactly.
And Hunter, you actually. In Windows.
You bring up a great point because in meatheads, meals are
a big thing. In the game, you'll want to be
eating a meal every day, basically because it adds some
bonuses to like your saving throws.
The better the meal, the better the bonuses.
There are some special meals, but what's most important about
eating meals is that it allows for a death save.
So if you ever reach 0HP0HD, if you have eaten a meal for the
day, you can make a death save and have a chance to, you know,
bounce back and then basically once you do like make that death
save, that meal is gone and you have to eat again.
So yeah, always a good idea to be looking for things to like
chow down on and. It's trail.
Hell yeah. So you guys make your merry way
along the roads and you come to the 12 toes in it is this sort
of hob Burrow, this collection of stones that like create this
mound that have pockets of Moss gardens and sort of like
shrubberies and tuber plants kind of growing around.
There is this thick chimney with like smoke billowing out of it.
There is like a small ramshackle stable where there is a
menagerie of like giant, it's like giant frogs as mounds and
horses and like sort of giant Guinea pigs oxen.
A lot of like beasts of bird and animals tugging wagons.
This seems to be like a place, a very common place where
travelers and traders and merchants come to, you know,
stop and find some relief from the night.
But what you notice also, and what you've heard, I'll say just
by like this tavern's reputation is that it is operated by 1
Sweet Delilah, who is a world renowned chef.
And often time travelers come to this Tavern like out of the way
of their planned routes just to have a meal here.
And so it's always very busy. And you see just that, you know,
as you approach it, there is like the signs of warm fire on
the inside from like the Burrow windows.
And there is like a joyous, just like carousal of music.
And yeah, a din of laughter erupting.
But yeah, so you guys are outside of this Tavern.
You guys want to go immediately inside?
I think Bulk does. It's a very, it's very important
that we all know that Bulk is like wearing the type of outfit
that, you know when you see bodybuilders out in like Los
Angeles and you're like, that's way too small of a shirt.
Like like that's way too small of a shirt.
Dude, just pants are way too tight.
There's no reason for you. There's no way you can feel your
feet at this point. That's the type of outfit he's
wearing. Oh.
Yeah, just. Actually, I think something
that's important to note about meatheads, meatheads, orcs is
that they're like elephant seal people.
Yeah. It's like really big, bulky,
just like layers of like fat. Just like, yeah, big guys love
them. Love elephant seals, orcs.
So fun. I think it's really important to
know that my Max is 1 higher than the other Orcs Max on
bench, so just so we know who's who bulk.
Who's who? Yeah, yeah.
I I think, I think my broke ass is definitely interested in the
idea of someone else paying for a meal.
You know, she'll say I'll gladly pay you, you know, next Tuesday
for a hamburger today. I I reach in my pocket and pull
up my coins and I say I have, I don't think I can count, can I?
If I have no, If I have zero, if I have negative language.
I'm like I have this many this. Many.
Yeah. You got a general idea, you
know. You know how much this amount of
coins go by. Yeah.
All right. So yeah, you guys all kind of
gather and you make your way into the Tavern.
You open the round door to the borough and inside it's, it's
rich with the smoky scent of Pete.
And there's like quite a few, I'd say like a couple hearths on
either side of the borough. Like, I'm burning these great
Chimneys, these great fireplaces of Pete and the entire floor of
the Tavern. This sort of round structure is
just dotted with dingy and half, like broken tables.
And there's a number of a menagerie of all sorts of folk
just kind of like at the table speaking all sorts of different
languages. You see like traders just
dealing where's right at the table.
You see people acting as trade interpreters, like kind of like
doing trade deals, like interpreting different
languages. But you do see this long bar
that stretches out on one side of the borough, and behind that
bar looks to be this overworked Hob Hobbs are just like a short
they're basic halflings of this of, you know, meatheads.
So Hob bartender, she is doing the best she can to, like, sling
drinks and, like, cook meals. She's got this big grill behind
her where she's, like, flipping big things of meat, rotating
stuffed gooses, stirring some, you know, big porridge of soup,
all the while, like handing out like stouts of ale, glasses of
wine. And she looks overworked, but
she sees your party enter and she says, Oh my God, just what I
know I did. Go ahead, big yourself.
Get yourself your own seats. I'll be with you in just a
second. Yeah, we're.
Oh yeah. I've got who's the who's the
beefiest person in the bar. I think we should try and sit
next to them. That would be me.
Yeah, I mean, you three are definitely like, you size
yourself up because like, you're definitely like the big guys who
walk in here. But as you look around the bar,
you see that in sort of like one section, there are three other
really big beefy people. One of them is a, a human, and
he's just kind of like, they're all mopping the floor, like
doing janitorial work. And one of them is a human who's
just like kind of, like talking. You don't hear what he's saying.
He's just like talking to the other two.
The other one is like a big burly, like lizard man who is
just shirtless and he's just got his like, gut out and he's just
like chill and he's like smoking a pipe.
And the other is this elf, this older looking elf with like,
salt and peppered beard and Gray hair.
And he's just kind of like listening to the human kind of
like talk on. So I'd say sizing people up,
those three guys are the biggest beefiest guys kind of comparable
to your bulk good. To know, good.
To know, yeah. So as you guys also.
Oh, go ahead. No quick question is, are most
creatures in this world like beefy?
Like is is beefiness a general thing or are we special?
Are we specially beefy? No, meat heads are always
especially beefy. I like to think that, you know,
the world of meatheads is, you know, it's a fantasy setting.
It's sort of my own like take on it.
But I wouldn't say that people, not everyone is as beefy as the
meatheads, because then if they were meatheads wouldn't be
special, you know, you guys got to stand out.
It's kind of like Baki Baki the grappler.
Is. Kind of freakish at it, but
like, the fighters are even more so.
It is. You know, it's kind of like when
you're watching an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie and, like,
he's just playing a normal guy when you know that anyone in
real life would see him and be like, Oh my God, you're like so
huge. Like, who are like, how You're
not like a Detroit cop. Like, who are you?
But yeah, So short answer, sadly, not everyone is beefy.
Just in the hands they could be. Listen, if everyone was beefy,
the world would be a better place.
So everyone out there's the gym. Yeah.
Might make we count their macros.
Yeah, might makes right? If you can lift a large rock,
that means you're morally in the clear.
Well, we'll see about that. So, but where you guys are in
the Tavern, you guys collect the table not too far from those 3
beefy janitors that you guys saw working.
And I'd say another thing you do notice in this Tavern is
obviously sweet Delilah, the proprietor, she's overworked.
She needs, like we actually do see a sign that says help needed
bartender. And then there's also a big pile
up of these flaggins, tagger tankards that like kind of
collect in this bust bin that need to be, you know, obviously
brought to the kitchen. So you do spy those kind of
glaring issues in the Tavern, but it's not long before Sweet
Delilah does come over and she says welcome welcome to the 12
Toast Taverns. Hello, you are some big boys.
What can I get for you today? I think we're trying to eat.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But.
But what would you like? How deep are your pockets?
I think Menu's gonna. Oh yeah, Okay, So well this is
what we have on the menu. We have a hot cheese and brown
bread served with salt flakes. There is a slow roasted pork on
a flatbread with parsley, jam, mushrooms and onions that is
served with an ale or stout. And then finally, we have a
whole roasted goose spice with caraway seeds and cider vinegar
plumped with bread, stuffing of apples, cheese and walnuts and
that is served with both a apple tea and DJ stiff before and
after the meal. What?
The fuck did she say? How much is the last one?
So the last one is a magnificent meal.
This would be 30 coins and basically what a magnificent
meal will do. It gives you a + 1 to your
saving throws as well as let me double check.
So in addition to being able to have a def save, OK here we go.
So a magnificent meal will give you a + 1 to your saving throw
for the entire day. You get advantage on one chosen
roll for that day. Yeah, and basically that is the
goose is a magnificent meal. The pork, kind of like
tenderloin on the flatbread is a modest meal which gives you a +
1 to 1 chosen saving throw per your day.
And the meager meal, like the very, you know, just the very
basic one of hard cheese and bread, which is 5 coins, just
gives you a simple depth save. So the meager meal, the hard
cheese and bread is five, the pork flat bread is going to be
10 coins, and the goose is going to be 30 coins.
Well, I really want to get the goose, but I won't be able to
share it with anybody else because I only have 30 coins.
The meal is just fit for one meal.
Yeah, well, sorry y'all. Looks like you have to take care
of yourself. I'm like, I'm going to get that
fucking goose. I'll spend all thirty of my
coins. Nice.
All right. She just like, yeah, writes it
down. She's going to have that right
up for you. Any of the other two want
something? You can also get a drink too.
That'll just cost you like 2 coins to get like a simple L or
Sal. Excuse me?
Or a wine. I'm a bit broke at the moment so
I'll have to pass. But if you're looking for make
an extra coin. I could use a new bartender or
someone to hold all those bus bins to the kitchen if you're
interested. I think, I think with the
mention of hauling in particular, she's, you know,
beef is just like, oh whoa, easily I could do that.
Yeah. Of.
Course. Yes, of course.
Bread. You know, like, yeah, I can pick
it up. Oh please, I you know, my boss
has been gone for the past week and the piles dishes have been
just collecting and collecting. If you would be so kind as to
move them to the kitchen, it would be a great ease of burden
for me. Oh, so gladly, if I could ask
what? What happened to the the bus?
Or did they get used by a badger or something?
No. He was blinded by Cromans.
He picked his eyes out. It happens, yeah.
Oh oh, goodness gracious. Yeah, that seems unfortunate.
Yeah, it is. He'll be fine.
You know, since he's, he's got some sick days.
I loved him, some sick days. So he'll be fine.
He's back at work next week. With that, I think I'm gonna go
and start carrying all of the dishes and stuff.
Yeah, absolutely. So Biff, as you size up this
huge bin of just like dirty tangards and flaggards and wine
glasses, basically what you need to do is just take it very
gently to the kitchen. What I need you to do is just
make a basic strength test. All right.
And to make that strength test, you have to be a score of 20 by
rolling AD 6 on top of your current strength score.
So why don't you go ahead and roll that first D6 for me all?
Right with that that is going to be that is going to be 4, which
is a 17. 17 So you're wavering as this thing is pretty you
know, heavy, and your strength alone right now is not going to
push it. You can choose to, like you
know, put it down, leave it there.
Or you can push your strength by rolling another D6 to see if you
get over 20. What would you like to do?
I'm going to push myself. There's only a there's only a
two and six chance that it goes wrong, right?
Exactly, Yeah, basically. All right.
That's a four that is a that is a success.
I'm up to 21 on that. Well, what does it look like as
you hold this big ass pile of dirty dishes back to to the
kitchen? I think, I think, you know she
kind of takes a deep breath. She's like and you know she just
kind of studies herself and she like kind of she closes her eyes
for a second and then she just, you know like it's it's just
it's it's purely mental stuff right now that she's working
through just mind over matter. You do that and as you're doing
so sweet to lies, she's like Oh my fortunes, you're a strong
one. I need you to have you on
permanent staffing. But she's impressed.
She loves it. You did her great.
Help. I'm.
Just going to pose like this, you know, afterwards, you know,
that kind of. In fact, she liked you so much
she's going to give you the Max pay.
So she's going to give you 67 gold pieces or coins rather.
I gotta stop saying pieces. Go She gives you 67 coins, so
that's now in your pocket to spend that.
Is big money big money? That, that is, that is more
money than I have seen in a very long time.
I truly rolled like double sixes.
So you got like Max Coin did a great job.
Yeah, as far as Sweet Delilah is concerned, you guys are very
welcome to hear. She'll even bring you guys out
because I was like, so good. She's going to bring out a fee,
a free meager meal to your table so everyone's able to eat some
hard cheese and bread. Little appetizer.
Yeah, just a little appetizer, so.
And if you do eat a better meal in the day, like a magnificent
meal will supersede the effects of a modest meal.
So you can, you know, it'll be fine.
But yeah, with everyone having a little bit of nourishment and
kind of like some calories pumped into them before the day
starts. Yeah.
Anything else you guys want to be checking out in the Tavern?
Anyone you want to talk to, I mean.
There were There were the BP janitors.
Yeah, I think we need to. I need to know what their
training regimen is. What are they training for, you
know? So you're kind of like
overhearing their conversation. And the human, he's just like,
this is how we keep getting ourselves in this situation, all
right? We spend all of our money and
then we're working shit jobs like this, all right?
We're the mighty guys. We got to be doing dungeoneering
stuff. We can't be janitors all our
goddamn time. I lat spread as I walk up.
Couldn't help but notice your biceps.
The big lizard guy, he kind of like pull like like pulls down
his shades. He's like, right back at you,
man. How you doing?
Brother, even harder, you know, I'm just like full cobra, you
know? Thanks.
Lies away What's your, what's your What's your set Rep like
these days? Oh, you know, usually I start
with like isolation on the machine for like very high
weight, low Rep and then I'll get into some compound movements
and I'll really knock the weight down.
Just get that full range of motion.
What about you? Well, usually I got a warm up
about some stretches and I do a little kettlebell workout trying
to get on my pull up regimen. Apparently I can only do one as
he like slaps his like big muscle gut.
He's like carrying a lot of weight.
It's hard to get this old gut lifted up above the ledge, but
you know, we're working there. Got to make your goals for
yourself. Nice.
Well, hey, we're about to go on an adventure.
A few fellow lifters would like to come with us.
And with that word of adventure, the the human guy, he says.
Like, what the hell, you guys are going out.
You guys looking to maybe hire some people, You know, we we the
mighty guys. We can toad you around for some
people for just 50 coins. Low price.
You're looking for it. I don't have 50 coins.
I can promise you a share of the treasure.
Yeah. Yeah.
We could do that. You know, I mean if you're
promising us a share, need something a little bit more, how
do we know that you're actually, you know, as bad as you say you
are and with this does this. Seem like a lie, just fucking
like. Actually, so with this, usually
by the way you get toadies and meatheads is that you make a
strength test to impress them, because obviously they want to
see that you're strong and worth following.
So I'd like to try to pick up the biggest one of them over my
head. Like, just press them over my
head. Yeah, absolutely.
So with this also we can possibly make this a mighty feet
as it seems quite astonishing as it's like in a Tavern full of
people. Would you like to try and make a
mighty feet of this? Yeah, What's the?
How's that different from? I don't exactly remember the
rule for mighty. Feet.
Sure. So a mighty feet is essentially
the way that you gained a hit die.
And so any test of strength can be a mighty feet.
Of course, like if you fail strength test, you risk getting
an injury. Same with a mighty feet.
Basically what makes a mighty feet different from a regular
strength test is that a mighty feet can only be done by the
declarer. They can't have any help.
And if they declare their feet and then like back away from it,
then you know you're like shunned as a coward.
You can't do that mighty feet any more longer.
So yeah, you know, you got to stick with your word.
Then I'll I'll just go ahead and declare this one of mighty feet.
Yeah, absolutely. Let's see you do it.
So why don't you roll for me that first D6 to see what it is?
I rolled A4 and I can push myself right to hold one more.
Yeah, absolutely. And I roll the six.
Let's go. Tell me what that looks like as
you accomplish this mighty feat. I'm like, oh, you want to see,
you want you don't trust me. I point the big guy like Plank,
as hard as you possibly can be, as stiff as a board.
And I like not even just picking my lean over, grab his ankles
and his shoulder and pick him up with just my obliques and press
him over my head. I'm just like and I set him back
down gently, like I have true control of the bar, you know?
This. Yeah, the lizard, lizard, man.
He's just like, like through his shades and, like he's like still
smoking his pipe this whole time you lifted him and he's just
like respect. And the the human guy, he
introduces him to stuff. He's like, what?
Oh, man, that's all right. You know what?
Sure, we'll take a kind of the treasure.
My name's Raj. He gestures to like the the
older elf. He says that's that's danger.
And then to the lizard, he says. And that's Gabers.
And to each one of them I'm going to reference something I
referenced last time we did an actual apply.
But this works. It's in our Schwarzenegger type
thing. Each one of them, I give them
like that hand grasp from the like opening of the Predator
where it's Carl Weathers knowledge and they're just like
flexing as hard as they can to each one.
You. Yeah, You do not realize how
much you use that gift in The Meathead's Discord.
It's maybe one of the most important gifts on the planet,
yeah. That's amazing.
Total cultural artifact and absolutely with that gaining of
the Hittai. Basically your Hittai goes from
1:00 to 2:00. So we do a little bit of a level
up and ME Heads, me heads is level less, but you just kind of
gain hit dice. Pretty much everything is
centered around the hip dice. So this kind of goes back to
like OD and D and Chainmail. One hit die just kind of
represents the fighting capability of one person.
So with being at 2 hip dice, you're, you know, conceptually
as strong as like two people or can fight the capability of two
people. So you get a little a little bit
stronger. So basically what I would like
you to do is that with your two hit dice you know the two D6 can
you re roll your HP and if the result is higher than your
current HP you keep that result and if it's lower then you just
raise the result by one point instead.
Cool. I did re roll them immediately
because I did remember that rule and I rolled all together A6
like A1 and A5 which is actually better than my HP by a good
amount so I have 6. HP oh.
Oh, nice. Let's do a little bit of a lift
break, a celebration. I got my own weight.
Get a pump in. It makes you cool like this.
Perfect. All right, Congratulations.
You gained a you gained a hit die.
It's that simple. Basically, you as players can
declare mighty feats and try and gain a hit die and level up
whenever you guys want in the kind of baseline rules of
meatheads. It's kind of like once per day
you gain a hit die. But since we're just, you know,
having fun shooting shit with this one shot, you guys can gain
as many hit Dies. Do as many mighty feats as you
want to try today. Sweet, but with a new revenue of
these three toadies in tow, you guys seem to be ready to go for
the dungeon diving. Yeah, anything else you guys
want to try and do here in the Tavern?
You had your meals made a little bit of coin.
I think I think beef is going to go look at the giant frogs for a
bit. Yeah.
Ponder them. You got to see the giant frogs,
yeah? Yeah.
You guys are like making preparations and like leaving
and getting your toadies are like getting all their stuff,
but if you're like petting the giant frog and slimy and it's
wet, but he's nice. Reminds me of my my elf in
Homeland, the slime lands. And you can actually, Stella,
you can do a little beast mastering.
Do you have any points? Language points.
Unspent Stella. No, I decide to to spend all of
my language points by learning Common, Elvish and being able to
half speak intish because I think being able to speak to
trees would be cool. Fair enough.
Yeah. So in meatheads, you can bank
language points usually, so you can, like always preserve them.
For when you do encounter someone new who speaks a
language you don't know, you can be like, oh, I actually do speak
that language. But also in meatheads, your
language points are used to make like, animal bombs.
So if you want to do some beast mastering and be friend animals
and, like call on them for, like in times of trouble, times of
trouble or help, that's something that you can totally
do as well. But yeah, no, you're petting the
frog. And he's he's docile and he's
like blinking his big, you know, beady eyes good.
Good. Sweet, Cool.
Well, sounds like you guys are ready just to go to the dungeon.
Am I wrong with that? Oh, I'm, I'm so I couldn't be
more ready. Yeah, all right, sweet.
We're going to get right to it, though.
So you guys get up, get squatted up, and you travel down the road
as you come to this ominous hill that is dotted with these
Cairns. A lot of them are carved with
motifs of seashells and sort of, excuse me, footprints.
And she sells footprints, fish, starfish and like stars, like
stars that you could see in the sky.
A lot of these Cairns are also toppled over as if something had
like pushed them over and like dug around like what was inside
of them. So you see these Cairns kind of
dot this massive ominous hill as it rises upwards and upwards and
upwards. And you know, at the very top of
this hill is the entrance to this dungeon.
And so you make your hike up this hill and it takes you about
an hour to get all the way up there.
And when you get to the summit, what you see is this just sort
of like this like pit, this gash.
There is no sort of like grand entrance, marbles, megalith, any
sort of, like indication of some great structure.
It is simply just like a bare hole in the ground that like
drops 20 feet below into the darkness.
So as you guys kind of prep yourselves, you know that your
toadies throw a rope down there to start climbing.
How do you guys want to handle light sources?
Does anyone have a torch or a Lantern?
I have a torch. Perfect.
Do you want one of your toadies to hold the torch for you guys?
Yeah, that's a good idea, I think one of the one of the
buds, you know. What they call themselves.
They call themselves the. Mighty Guy.
The mighty Guy. Yeah, one of the mighty guys can
hold the torch. You know what are we?
Called What are we called? Oh.
Uh, huh. Like, did we?
Do we not have a name day of the name?
The the Olympiads, you know. Well, wait, no.
So it's Wait, what is it? So it's Beef, Bash, and.
B Bash and then call us together, bulk and smashes.
Bulk and smashes are bash. You're a couple couple.
Oh, smash and bulk beef. Oh, smash and smash, bulk and
beef. Yeah, and that's actually a good
point. We'll bring up the battle order.
So when you guys do like your dungeon crawling and move from
room to room, they'll have like a order that you guys move in.
Basically two people can stand, you know, next to each other in
a space. So who would like to be up
front? We'll have like you know, 3 rows
basically. I I think I'd want to be upfront
because I've got a spear, you know, that's got a little bit of
a reach, you know? Yeah.
Alrighty. So what I might do.
Oh, go ahead. No, and we're the Bash brothers
in the back. I mean, like I said, we're both
orcs with two helmets and mesas and chainmail.
No neck. Yeah, zero neck.
That's got intended. Zero neck, just yeah, I love it.
Sweet. So I got beef and Gaber's up
front. Gaber's the lizard man has a big
mole. Very good.
And the 2nd row is Stanger the elf.
He's got a crossbow and his name or his middle.
Name. It's just it's just one moniker.
Stanger like she did one. And then Raj the human, he has a
long sword in one hand and he's holding your guys's torch in the
center. And that torch illuminates like
20 feet around you. So here, let me get to the
actual dungeon map here. Here we go.
So where you guys enter? And is this room?
So every one of these square grids is gonna represent around
10 feet. OD and D style.
D&D, Yeah, OD and D style. So as you guys drop into the
center of this dark chamber, which you kind of see
immediately as the sunlight kind of shines down, there is the
chamber. Below it is this stone Chamber
of kind of like stone and dirt floors.
The walls have these wooden Stellas, which are these large,
like wooden pallets that have these carvings depicting a hob
life. So like little like halfling
folk, they're like in this boxy kind of depiction.
But it's depicting these hobs kind of like doing their daily
life of village activities from fishing to coral diving to
shellfish farming, as well as like weaving and diving, dying
of fabrics. So you're seeing that all along
the sort of like walls here and there are two passageways, one
leading up north and one leading down South.
As you take a peek to the north side, you do see that there is a
door. These doors are circular in the
hob style. They're made of wood and iron.
They're sort of like opening device is a kind of like turning
handle that is opened at the center and all the locks are at
the center too. So just to give you a, you know,
visualization of what the doors look like.
So you see such one door up to the top here and in the bottom
where you see the southern hallway extend, you see it kind
of turns into this crossroads here in this hallway and you get
a just like a kind of like a drafty noise from there to see
it seems like empty, dark and cold.
Whereas on the northern side, if you like, face your direction
there, you almost get a scent. Sorry, a sense of a scent of
decay from behind this northern door.
Maybe somebody's dry aging some meat behind that northern door.
It's true. It's true it.
Could be, what do you think? Are we going to go that way or
are we going that way? Excuse me?
I think, I think maybe, you know, we want to let let's head,
let's head eastward, right? So you want to go like down this
direction? Yeah, yeah.
Absolutely. Beef's like, yeah, beef box
like, yeah. Yeah.
I think, well, while we're
walking, I'm gonna ask, 'cause, you know, we saw stuff about
like shellfish harvesting. Anyone know like the anyone know
like what the protein situation is for the, you know, for
abalones? And that is it.
Good. So Bulk pulls out like a little
booklet that he keeps on. He's like, so wait, what kind of
shellfish we talking about? I mean look like abalones and
the like. Abalones 20 grams of protein per
100 grams of Avalon. I like baloney.
If you. Do it by oz.
Think it's like 17g per 3 ounces.
Good to know. All very important information,
and Speaking of important information, from what you guys
see as you move ahead going down this hallway, what you're
getting a sense of is that there are these passageways, these
archways to the South that seem to open up to what looks like a
larger chamber that is dark and cold and has this like dank and
I like smell to it. But what you also notice is that
going down the eastern hallway, up northwards, the hallway turns
and going forward you see that there is a door as well.
This one has a clear like lock on the center of it, so you
would assume that this door in front of you is locked in fact.
You know what that means? It's time to break it down.
That's, I mean that's almost the only answer to that.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
Who's got a good bashing score? So everyone should have a one to
six chance to batch. I think we, me and Ryan, have a
plus to the Bash because we're both orcs.
So bash for Bash brothers, Yeah, 1314.
So basically if you were to try and bash down this door or
anything, basically when you roll the D6 you need to get a 12
or a three for your bash to be successful.
So you have like a 5050 chance basically.
I yeah, it's good to. So I'm.
So. I'll fall below that some and
I'm like, so who who? So who's doing it?
I think I I picked up a dude earlier.
I picked up a guy already in this adventure, So I think it's
your turn. All right, let's.
Smash it down. And I just want to just drop a
shoulder and just, just get just just, yeah, smash the sucker.
Absolutely. Just fucking shoulder bash it go
for. It shoulder bash it.
OK so I get this is a strike test so I just roll the D6
right? But I get a + 2 because I got
bonus bash. So with a bashing it is a like a
specific mechanic. It basically comes straight from
like BX. So all you need to do for a
bashing is roll that D6 and if you get a 1-2 or three, it's a
success. Oh, here we go.
OK, bash. So I roll 1D6 and we see what
happens. I rolled A6.
So you like, bash up against this door and it's a tough door.
It's Hardy. Locked doors are like harder to
bust open than just like unlocked doors.
So you do so and you're like, oh, you know, didn't size up the
door quite, you know, quite properly.
But as you were bashing, you start to hear a sound from
behind you coming from the western hallways as because you
heard that you were not catch caught surprise.
But what you do see coming from this section seems to be a robed
figure with a wide brimmed hat and a big sort of like white
beard, almost like gliding down the hallway.
And behind him are five would look to be sort of like
mercenary type bad dudes and sort of like like leather and
chain armor carrying like Spears and long swords.
And they have, like this, like grim, veteran, determined, you
know, look about them. So you see this kind of like
Elder Chi robed figure approaching the hallway and
seeing you and stopping just about like 4 spaces away from
you and lifting up. You see under his brimmed, wide,
brimmed hat these sort of like beady, treacherous eyes of no
doubt of a wizard. And from his booming voice, fuck
Wizards. From his booming voice, he says,
Hold there. Who goes travelling amongst this
dungeon area? These are the halls claimed to
me, Ammonius the wizard. Well, hello there, Bench.
I'm Beef. I'm I'm the Beef, the El Elvin
Warrior. What are you doing banging on
that on that locked door? I am the one seeking its key and
I shan't have you busting it down and taking whatever is
inside of it. It is mine.
I have claimed it. I'm insulted by your lack of
pump. Sir, one doesn't need pump with
the powers of eldritch energies at their fingertips.
Foolish Lunk. Oh yeah.
Always, always need. Yeah, we're.
We're flexing. We're fucking flexing Adam at
this point, like. So you're flexing, and his, like
mercenary guys behind them are like muttering to each other.
And they're like, those guys look pretty strong and they're
like muttering. And the pneumonia is just like
Snaps and he's like sex. Be wary, ye meatheads, for next
time we encounter each other. My patience won't be so.
Patient. Anyway, as he walks away, I'd
like to yell something at his back now.
Yell. The society that separates its
scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by
cowards and its fighting done by fools.
Indeed. Yeah, so yeah, with that he's
you telling him off. He doesn't have much else to
add, but he does go back to the dungeon entrance and it looks
like him and his retinue leave the dungeon.
But were you to run into them again, they probably wouldn't
be, you know, too kindly the greeting you with open arms, But
yeah, so that. That was that Apollonius fella
didn't seem too above board. Yeah, I like baloney.
So basically, as the time has gone by, it's just been 20
minutes that you've been in the dungeon and where we're getting
off to the next 10 minutes, you are in front of the door.
You can try bashing open that door again.
It is pretty loud and it might attract some people, you know.
There's always a chance of that, or you can check out the
northern hallway. If you were to have like a set
of thieves tools, that's an object or a rather a piece of
gear that you can use to try and unlock doors quietly.
But yeah, it's up to you guys. What would you like to try?
What do you guys want to do? Because I feel like Bulk is so
dumb that the fact that it makes a lot of noise wouldn't deter
him from trying to bash in after Smash.
But if you guys want to go a different way, I don't care.
Oh yeah, no if, yeah, if. If another attempt is allowed to
be made, yeah, Smash will definitely try to smash again.
Yeah, like. Or like or after Bulk tries,
Smash will try like this door's coming down before Smash is
working. This is what's happening.
That's all they're saying. But fantastic.
Well then it bulks and collide and try.
OK, it's loose and dump. I got it.
You know, I just. Go for it.
And I'm rolling. Sorry, I'm I'm, I'm, I'm rolling
a 1D. 6AD6 please, yeah. I'm trying to get 3 or under
right. Three or under.
Sorry, I my dice roller's on my phone.
Sorry I'm not texting mom. So.
I roll the two. Sounds like a two.
Nice as you. That's a.
Fucking Goal. What does it look like as you
bust down that door? Well I feel like you know I'm
I'm very pro team and I was trying to step on my buddy
because we're competing together in life.
So I'm like, it's simply loosened up and I just like just
full shoulder and I just think it pops open, you know?
Hell yeah. So you bust open this locked
door and as you do so, a bunch of the dust on the inside from
this, like uncapped chambers gets swirled up and starts to
settle. Very delicate.
Yeah. So in what you see in this room,
a very plain looking room, there is this stone chest.
And what I mean by that, it's sort of like a, you know, a
compartment 4 sides of a Stonewall, but it has a heavy
lid, kind of like plopped on top of it.
But it seems to be the only thing that is occupying this
room. And like I said, this room has a
thick layer of dust like kind of like left over it.
So it seems like no one has been in this room or has disturbed it
for a long time. 2C's sick or like 3C's thick.
Sorry, say that again. 03 question actually about the
bashing mechanic. So we get plus we get pluses to
bashing. But how do the pluses to bashing
work when it's like AX and six chance?
It increases the X and six chance only It's a one and six,
but because your orcs is 3 and 6.
So yeah, basically that bashing is always like a one and six
chance basically for everyone. And then depending on your
strength, you know, if you have high strength, you have a little
table and it says, oh, if you have like this high strength,
you get, you know, a bonus to bashing and then you add that
bonus onto your thing. Yeah, it's all in little tables,
but so bashing is a very fun mechanic.
I'm I'm glad to like have it as a holdover from BX and because I
feel like it's a very simple tool that you can like expand
and like make it not just bashing doors, but you can bash
statues, bash enemies, bash all things but.
If it exists, you can hit it. If it exists, you can hit it
absolutely. What also exists in front of you
is this heavy ass stone lidded chest.
How would you guys like to approach this Chamber?
I mean, I I reckon just as a group, you know, because then, I
mean, this seems to be a pretty unwieldy bit of weight, you
know, So I don't think anyone would want to want to risk
taking up some unwieldy by their lonesome unless they're very
confident. But I think maybe we should,
like, get one person on one side, one person on the other,
and we just kind of do what we can to lift up this thing real
easy, like, you know? Yeah, absolutely.
I'd say like if you get, you know, you flank either side of
the chest and, you know, you kind of like do a little test
lid. Yeah, two of you or, you know,
big beefcakes are able to, with a combined strength, open up
this lid, no problem. Sounds like that's what you guys
want to do. Yeah, I'm down for.
That OK, so you like bust open this lid.
What you see inside of it glittering from your torchlight
are I might get a little dice roller but immediately what you
see are 6 emeralds. These emeralds are 2.5 carat and
so they're like not kind of like tiny, but they glimmer in the
torchlight and those are the tiny ones.
But what you also see IS31 carat emeralds, ones that are about
the size of 1/4 and you see them laying in a bed of 120 points.
Oh. So I assume we just split
everything. Yeah, yeah, we so 120 and split
between the six of us, that's forty.
Oh, no, that. That's that's 20 each, right,
10. I forgot we have to give the
guys. Yeah, yeah.
Shiny, yeah. Woo, I'm up to 86 coins.
Roger is just like, all right, man, I knew we were doing the
right choice. Phone, you guys.
All right, We're gonna make a rich.
We're not gonna be janitors anymore.
So I guess we'll give them like 20 gold and then one each of the
smaller emeralds. That way we all get one smaller
emerald and then the three of us get one of the bigger ones.
Yeah. Absolutely.
If you. Yeah, if you were to give them
that now they'll they'll, you know, have much more of a
commitment to follow you guys a bonus on like their like metal
tests as well. You know, I mean, part of being
like a leader within your weightlifting community is like,
you know, leading by example. And so obviously, like I want to
pay my employees well and incentivize them to do a further
better job, you know. Absolutely they.
Do anything? Yeah.
Why we give them anything I don't understand.
It's funny because like meatheads, you know, and
meatheads toadies, they follow the line of like hire lanes and
like OD and D So basically a lot of times a meathead toady can
just be doing things behind the scenes.
So one of the things that you can have meatheads is a safe
house, which is like, you know, your home base, which gives you,
like, you know, it's safe to work out there and rest there or
eat meals there. But to maintain a safe house,
you always have to have like a toady there to like, you know,
on duty. And if you have like, a shit ton
of treasure, you'd have more toadies.
So yeah, they're always, they're kind of just there to like, you
know, be extra hands. Hell yeah.
Shout it to the toads. Yeah, so the toadies we love,
this one's for the toadies sick. So you guys loop this chest and
basically from here there's doesn't seem to be like any
other exit entrance in this chamber.
How do you guys want to move from here?
It's been about 30 minutes. Your torch light is about.
It's still going strong, but yeah, oh.
Y'all feel like going. Well, we could head southward.
Yeah, you've got this S passage, which seems to open up into a
large chamber, and there is this N hallway that opens, not opens,
but leads north. And there's also the western
chamber from which Ammonius the Wizard and his Bronies stepped
outwards. And there's also that door up
north from the entrance chamber. But yeah, just tell me where you
guys would like to go. Yeah.
I I think South. I'm now, yeah, sure.
So entering in, entering in from this direction, you guys come to
this expansive chamber, I'd say your torch lights.
It feels a little bit more, but get the idea.
So your torch light shows you standing on top of a platform,
this kind of stone platform with the stairwell rather steps that
go down about 10 feet into this. What do you call it?
Not foyer, but like large expansive chamber where, yeah,
the floor is kind of like just descended 10 feet.
So you guys are on this like stone platform.
What you see is this massive well, you know, like a stone
well, the lip rising about two feet off the ground.
Carved all along the lip of the well are more motifs of
seashells, Hobbit feet, fish sort of like sea urchins.
And surrounding the pillar you see there are these large stone
or rather well are these large stone pillars.
But that's not the only detail. Sorry.
Yeah, telling you a little bit more about what's in this room,
would you? Those are the immediate things
you see. The details you start to notice
is that along the floor, on this like floor right here of the
chamber, there is a collection of shattered glass and rusted
dented metal pieces of armor. Kind of that like scatter all
over the floor in such a way that it would be hard to, like,
move your feet and step without like stepping on something or
moving something. So it would make it much harder
to sneak or like move around without noise on the floor down
here. But yeah, that's the strange
situation you see. You know, I'm not.
I'm not sure if the EF is a barefoot is legal kind of gal,
but I think there's a chance I'm going to roll AD 6 and just just
see if she's barefoot or not because giving.
Yourself. Your own chance.
Yeah, yeah. I was saying there's like a one
in six chance that she just wouldn't wear shoes.
Fair. Yeah, and that is that is a six.
So she definitely wears shoes. She's not a barefoot as legal
type lady. Feel like most most elves should
have a one in six chance of being barefoot.
New rules. Making it into the game.
Yeah, it is. It's funny because Hobbs
specifically, if you travel in a group of four or more people,
your sneak chance to be detected goes up by 1:00.
But Hobbs specifically don't have that penalty because they
are all barefoot. So they can like gang gang up
and like sneak up in like big ass groups.
But with that, sorry, getting back to where we were.
Yeah. So you're in this huge chamber,
the subterranean well chamber it looks like.
And I'd say like the well, the diameter, the opening of the
well is about like 8 feet in diameter.
Yeah. So pretty big.
It would. It would take two of us, like
standing back-to-back to like, you know, you know how you can,
like prop yourself up in an enclosed space.
It would take two of us doing that together.
Good to know. Emperor's New Groove Canyon
scene type thing. I just want.
To be over, yeah. Exactly.
I'm OK, just good to have that in our back pocket in case we
want to descend into the darkness.
I'd be down. I mean, we could not.
Right, well, you could check in another direction.
Yeah, yeah, big hole. But but we we can't see the
other side of the room, right? So for this room, this chamber
is large enough where your torch light just barely eeks out what
you can see at the edge of here, so the other side of the room is
still shrouded in darkness. Can I take one of my torches and
throw it across the room? Absolutely, Yeah.
So you light your torch on rod. Oh, go ahead.
No, I just saw Hunter's eyes, like light up the same time mine
eyes did it. Was the exact same thing.
I was like, Yep, you. Go for it.
Nice. Yeah.
So you light a torch and you like hurl it across the room and
it does illuminate the rest of the room.
Nice thinking. So what you see, the other edge
of the chamber, you see that there are, you know, again two
more pillars, stone pillars, like kind of flanking the stone.
Well, more curiously though, at the very southern side of the
wall, there seems to be a door. And this door doesn't have, like
a central knob like the one that you'd encountered before.
So it doesn't seem like there's a way to open the door from this
side of the chamber that you can see directly.
I'd also note that when you tossed the torch as it, like
flew up into the sky, you got a glimpse of the ceiling and you
started to notice that along the ceiling there was a painted
mural depicting the sun rising in the east and then it rises
right over the ceiling. At the zenith of the ceiling,
right above the well, is a painted sun that smiles like
directly down into the well, and then that sun continues down
westwards over the ceiling and descends into the darkness of
the ocean painted along the Western Wall.
Oh. Is it like a Teletubbies Sun
kind of situation or like? Yeah, it is.
It is kind of like, yeah, it's got a face, it's got like a like
a like a chubby little like hob face and everything.
So, but yeah. Well, I have no idea to decipher
what this means. I have no idea.
So. I think the sun's in the.
Well, so we're going. Down the well.
Maybe we're going down. Yeah, we're going down the well.
Going down the well, we're going to explore that well.
Yeah. Well, alright.
Here's, here's, here's thing I'm pretty positive that I have.
You said how far or wide was that?
It's 8 feet wide. All right, never mind.
I do have a 10 foot pole. So, yeah, me too.
I also have a 10 foot pole you. Can always like snap off 2 feet
of that? No problem.
Get yourself an 8 footer. Well, no, no, we we wouldn't
want to ruin the integrity of it.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we could angle it a little
bit. Yeah, I think he's good.
Yeah, that's true. I mean, the way I see it, if we
go back-to-back and we we slowly shimmy ourselves down.
I've I think, I I think I have a better idea.
I'm going to take one of my other torches and line it and
I'm going to drop it down the well and watch it go down the
well. Just have to cross the ground.
That's covered in all the armor and shit stuff, right?
Yeah. You could.
You could also toss it into the well from where you are on top.
Yeah, but then I can't see down into it.
You know it's true, yeah. So I can throw it to.
You to the well, what if we do like a straight up like
cheerleading move where we have beef as our flyer and we're the
base is and we launch beef across onto the edge of the
well, the two of us together. There's no way that could go
wrong. Yeah, I I don't.
Also, this is a surprisingly common trope in my Dungeon
Delve. Like, I don't know why my
characters always get thrown, but they do.
Well, you. Can throw me instead?
But I think, I think throwing beef would be fun.
Oh yeah. So I think I like that idea a
lot, but I think the way it will work is that.
So if Smash and Bulk together, if I guess we'll say Smash and
is, are the two of you going to launch beef together?
You. Think I believe so, yes.
OK. So what we can do is kind of
like do an assisted you know, strength roll, so bulk if you
want to roll the D6 first because you have the higher
strength. And then actually smash is the
higher. Oh, higher.
Wait a minute, all right? I'm sorry, Bulk, what what was
that? Say that again.
Well then it's the same bracket of ability, so it doesn't make
any difference. Oh no, I just just.
Oh no, but you'll you'll still add that D6 onto the score to
get to 20, so even just a little bit helps.
Yeah, I see. This is gonna be a strength
test. So one of you guys rolled AD 6
for me. And then whoever's helping out,
if you could roll AD 3 and add that on top and then we'll see
if that beats the 20. Actually, not actually. 3.
Yeah. 5. 5. I I think that's that's a
guaranteed success because 14 + 5, yeah.
Absolutely, Yeah. So 21 with what does that look
like as a smash and bulk you guys launch a bit?
Yeah, there's a lot of like like we we Bulk and Smash Bash are
just like dropping down into a thing and doing like a, you know
this, you know a foot and a foot.
And I think we just launched. So I don't know what the EEF
does in the air, but we we definitely launched her far
enough. I I think that the EEF is going
to do like the most serious fucking Sprint and.
And then so. Fuck.
I'm.
I'm going to attempt to dive head first.
And right into the well. Yeah, if there is water, then
that's good. You'll find out, Oh yeah, so as
you do your flipping in the air and you, you dive beef, beef,
can I have you make a saving throw for me?
So that's 2D6 and. Trying to get over 10 in 90s.
Well, let's let's hope there's water.
That's a four. That's not over a 10.
So you are expecting to hit water.
Honestly, you're expecting to, like you know, sail like a few
feet, dive a few feet further into the well, but you are met
with like a unexpected, like crash as only 10 feet into the
well. You're like you hit something
and you hit it hard. You take three points of HP
damage. OK, I'm going to need to make a
death save in that case. All right.
Yeah, go for it. How hard did we just get beef?
Because too, I thought. I thought she was going to land
on the edge of the well, all fancy, and she dove in.
So Biff yeah, for death save it's just the same as a saving
throw, so you'd have to roll 26 above your 10.
But you can only make the death saves if you've eaten a meal for
the day which you which. Luckily I have.
Otherwise you'd just be straight dead if you got.
Me, Yeah, I think. I think there is.
I think the chances are I'm this is going to kill me.
Yeah. Yeah, that's a nine.
That is not a 10 plus, All right?
So you like you hit hard? I think my neck just snaps.
Stella, you better get your second character out.
OK, well. I'll.
Get you? I got 2 character sheets.
Perfect. We'll we'll get you introduced
in just a second. But I'll tell you what happens
is you hear a great cracking sound from the well and like no
response from beef. Beef, Beef.
What you hear in response is a crunching sound as yeah, you
just hear this like crunching and like sound coming from the
well doesn't sound good. It sounds like, yeah,
something's happening to her body like a.
Bulk and I just say, where's the beef?
I like slug his arm a little bit.
You know, it's a bad joke. It's.
Inappropriate. So you dead.
You say that. And you know, laughing at that
joke too, is this is this new bee head appearing just behind
you, seemingly just, you know, coming out of nowhere into the
Dungo. Stella, why don't you introduce
introduce us to your new media? My new he is a fella named
Bronte. He has one HP as opposed to
beefs. Mighty too.
And he is not broke. He actually has a lot of money
on hand. He has a breastplate and a mall
and while beef, well, the Eve had the Chelsea cut so it was
just like bangs. And this little bit here he has
a skullet so this bit of the head is shaved and the rest is
long. Oh yeah.
So between them they have a full head of hair.
Real quick question. Did beef have any?
What kind of armor was beef wearing?
Beef Did Beef only had a shield? Only a shield.
OK, duly noted. So after you hear this like wet
crunching sound from the well, from the depths of it, the
shield of beef just like kind of flies up.
It's like tossed outwards and like like slams, bangs against
the clatters against the floor and just joins amongst all the
other rusted, dented like metal or shattered glass on the floor.
Oh. Are there in terms of a new
friend was it brought? Brought, yeah.
And I'm like, wait, I'll throw you real quick.
Come on, you turn. Buddy, I just.
I just saw what happened to that Lady through there.
I don't. I don't think I wanted to do
that. Yeah, yeah, beef was a good one.
Yeah. So I was hear a wet crunching
sound or was that like nothing? That that seemed a little
conservative and whatever did that burping, I don't.
I think it's best we skedaddle. I think that's probably not the
worst idea. Yeah, yeah.
You know, with your Duke companion.
So you guys want to go back to the north hallway?
I'm thinking, yeah, go northwest this time.
Absolutely. So why don't we throw a toady?
None of your toadies are like, they're like, Nah, like, and now
you're you're not paying us enough.
Like, give us some money. We might, you know, negotiate
it. But we have this.
Many. And it's just like the five
coins that you have. I It would have been so fucking
great if there was water down there in the well that would
have looked so smart it. Would have been great, yeah.
But as you guys travel this to this room over here, another
dungeon turn passes. But what you see is this
chamber. What's most notable is that
there is a rock in the center of it, like a big boulder, a 5 by 5
boulder that seems to have fallen from the ceiling, leaving
this kind of like this like gap in the ceiling.
But this rock slammed against the stone floor, leaving like
this like crack on the floor beneath it.
Other than the two passages South and E, you see that the
passage also extends further north and might take a quick
look. You see that on the corner, it
turns to the further W I'd say in this room you get the you
hear coming from this direction. You hear the sounds of like kind
of like splashing and if anyone would like to make a listen,
carefully check anyone can do that.
It's basically just a two and six chance of success.
Would anyone like to try that? It's not with him, but I don't
think. I don't think that the bulk
would be smart enough to think about that.
Well, we we both have helmets on and helmets give us a minus,
right, 2R, listen right, yeah. It would be yes I.
Don't hear nothing. Bronte is actually a weakling
and only 10 strength, so I think, I think he has to rely on
on his wits and hearing for this.
So I think I'm gonna check you roll that, correct so.
Yeah, let me roll that for you. Sweet, actually.
So you do hear a faint sound of what sounds like croaking or
rivets forever, along with like, the splashing sound and like
what you know, like kind of like rippling of water almost.
Sounds like good eating. Yeah.
Giant frog legs. Yeah, sounds of.
Water Mama used to make them. Frog sounds coming from the
direction, but in the room you're in the boulder.
Yep, just a big ass boulder. Big enough to like block a
hallway if you were to plug it into the, you know, passage.
Yeah, Where do you guys want to move from here?
Oh, I I can school. Do you communicate the frog
noise that you're hearing that you've heard?
Oh yeah, yeah, I'm just like that.
That's possible. Good eating, giant frog legs.
OK, I think bulk is taken in by the idea of eating well as I
would be so. But actually, very quickly, I
think, I think Bron, I think he's going to delicately place
his hand upon the stone and just, yeah, I'm, I'm communing
with the rock. I don't.
I don't know. I don't speak the language of
stones, mind you. But regardless, I'm just like.
Yeah, so you do that. You you put your hand on the
rock and you're just like communing with it, and
everyone's kind of looking like your toadies are looking at you,
confused. And the torch that Raj is
holding actually goes out. So like in meatheads, there's
always a chance that torches go out with each turn, and this
won't happen to do that. But he can quickly reignite
another torch. But she does have no problem.
Sorry to ruin your moment, brawls the stones.
He's like Raj. Like, sorry about that.
Let me hold on. Let me reignite.
And you do so. And with the reignition of this
new torch, you kind of get a look at the ceiling from, you
know, directly above the boulder.
And yeah, this boulder looks to have fallen just out of, you
know, this hole. This hole is empty.
It's about like a 5 by 5 foot hole, you know, big enough for
two. Yeah, no, not two, but like big
enough for like a tall folk. So like any of you guys can like
fit up there and like hide. Or if you're like a small folk
like a dwarf or a hob, 2 of you can hide in there.
But yeah, it's just a hole in the ceiling with a boulder
that's that's good. You know.
You know what, Stella? I will say, Since you were like
kind of interacting with the boulder, you also get the
impression that there's something underneath this
boulder. Wow.
In that case, I think that that Braun is going to going to turn
to smash and smash and bulk, right?
Bulk. Yeah.
Bulk. Bulk.
Headbutt. Bulk Headbutt.
God, that's fucking good. Yeah.
So in that case, I think he's going to turn to Smash and Bulk
and he's going to be like, just judging by the way it felt when
I touched it, there's a there's a holler or something directly
below, I can tell you that all. Right.
I'm going to, I'm going to put my hand on Bullock's chest and
like, push him back and be like, oh, I got this one brother.
And I'm just going to, like, saddle up to this and I'm going
to try to let this boulder all by myself.
Go for it. Do you want to try and do this
as on mighty feet or just a straight I?
Was going to say if it's if it's a big enough boulder that it's
on mighty feet, I would love to it.
Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go for it. Yeah.
OK. It mighty feet's the same.
Just the strength check. It's just mighty right.
Yeah, exactly. It's just a qualifier you put
onto a strength test essentially.
And I. Can still I can still push my
mighty feet, right? Absolutely.
Yeah. Yeah.
So you roll. Is my push another D6 or is it
it's a second D6 right? It is the second D6.
So yeah, you roll for your first, the strength test.
You always roll the one D6 first, and then you know if it
beats it, you know, just for the first roll, great.
If not, you can push your strength to, yeah, attempt to,
yeah, get another push. Got you.
OK, so usually you can roll like, go ahead.
What's up? No.
Yeah, usually you can roll. What?
No, I would say usually you're rolling like 2D6 if you're like
around strength 1314 because you need the average around 7:00.
But once you get to like Strength, I mean like 15/16/17,
you're usually going to succeed quite often with just one D6.
The one problem is, is that there are often like curses and
poises and the things that do SAP your strength too.
So strength, like your HD is also like a fluctuating score
sometimes in the game, but. I thought games were forever.
Well, sometimes. I mean, you have to be vigilant.
They only keep those games, yeah.
I I definitely think that beef had lost some gains recently on
account of that. She wasn't.
She wasn't eating much because she was so broke.
Yeah, I mean, she definitely lost a lot very recently, a lot
of those games. Are.
Gone. But so The thing is with you, if
you do push and still fail, that's when you get the injury
right? So, yeah, with.
OK, that is correct. Yeah.
Yeah, so I rolled A5 again on my
first one, so that's 19. So I can't fail the mighty.
I rolled A2SO5 and a 221 with the 14, so yeah.
Three. Yeah.
What does it look like as you lift this boulder with your
mighty feet? Yeah.
So I do the whole like, I can't remember the Atlas Stone thing.
Anyone else like, like, watch way too much like World's
Strongest Man. And it's like, I wrap my around
it and I do the thing and I like, lift it and I like, roll
it up before I can I actually get it up and before I can
actually push it. And I'm literally just there,
like holding it. And I'm like, nice.
Yeah. You hold this uh boulder on your
back all by yourself. As you perform your mighty deed,
you jump up from 1 HD to two HD uh.
So go ahead and feel free to re roll your HP for that.
Umm but yeah, as you're holding this boulder, you got a pretty
good grip on it. Umm if you want to continue
holding this boulder and move, uh, you're just going to be
moving 4 spaces uh per move. Umm, so you're moving slower,
but yeah, you pick up the boulder.
I think we all clap, honestly. I think, yeah.
The toadies and I I definitely yeah.
Yeah, Nice. Yeah, there you go.
And it's funny because what you actually find under the boulder
is the flattened corpse of what looks like to be a goblin.
There's a singular goblin. He's just like like a Looney
Tune style, just like flat. Is he dead?
Oh, he's dead. Yeah.
Gaber's is like, he sees that. Or not the Gaber's, but he sees
that and stands. You're the elf pillow.
He's like, check his pulse. I think Braun's gonna gonna put
a finger on his neck. Yeah, no, This guy is long dead
with him, though he does have in his hand.
He's clutching what looks like to be a little sack of
something. Magic beans, I reckon.
I grab the sack, you grab the. Sack and rummaging around.
Inside of it you find 30 coins as well as A1 carat emerald.
These one Cara emeralds too are worth 200 coins.
I'll just like you don't need to keep track of that, but I'll let
you know that this is like pretty.
Pricey. I'll add that to my, you know.
Yeah, and and that means since we're splitting, everyone gets
five more coins, right? Because we're because we're
splitting this even style. Sure.
I mean, I picked up a bag, but yeah, who's counting?
Really. Yeah.
OK, we're splitting it up. Yeah.
You got the bag. That's the important part of the
situation we're currently in right now.
I flex harder as I hold the rock.
Perfect. Awesome.
Yeah, I think, yeah, that's pretty much what's, you know,
sorted out in this room. I found that little dead goblin.
You've got that big boulder. You're able to carry that
boulder if you like. Riley, you think you running
with me like is it? Yeah.
You can, yeah. You can carry it out of the room
if you like. Damn, You know what I would
really love to do with this boulder?
I'm not going to what I would love to do.
They're in the fucking well and kill that thing that killed
beef. I that that actually sounds like
a really good idea, honestly. Could do that.
You could plug up a hallway. You do.
There's so many things you can do with a boulder.
I mean, really. Yeah.
We we we need to avenge Batik.
Yeah, but it's a yeah, I'll leave it up to you guys.
You can continue go back S You can explore N where you heard
the riveting and the splashing of water.
Well, that's the other thing that I'm thinking is that what
if we need, what if it's like I could throw the boulder in the
middle of the water, we could cross the water so I could
throw. There's so many places I could
throw this boulder. There's so many things you can
do with the boulder, you know. Well then fuck it.
I'm just going to take you with us for now.
And I'm just going to like, walk with this boulder like on my
back, yeah. Yeah.
So yeah. And meatheads, when you dunk and
crawl, you just you move as fast as your slowest member.
So currently with your party, you're just moving 4 paces as
you carry the boulder. And what that basically means,
you know at the end of run at 4:00, at the end of every
dungeon move, which is be 8 paces spaces.
Rather, I roll to see if an encounter happens or if your
torch light goes off. And luckily neither of those
things happen as you reach this room.
So you guys are greeted with a chamber with a standing inch of
water in front of you. Here we go.
Yeah. So several inches of water kind
of like gather in the chamber in front of you.
It is all like dark and muddy from like the muck underneath
it, but swimming and hopping around in this water just like
kind of peeking. Above the you know the surface
of it are a menagerie, a collection of multi colored
toads that are like hopping around and just like are
completely like just clueless to even your like presence.
Like they'd seem unbothered by, like anyone's presence in this
chamber. I use my one banked language
point to talk to toads. Absolutely.
Oh. Yeah.
I I'm gonna I'm gonna do so. Also, I want you to know that
like, I always think language mechanics are really annoying.
Except this one, because this is such a good way to handle it.
Oh, you can just bank it and decide later on.
So it's actually useful. That's amazing.
I got, I got to get full credit. That's straight up from Wolves
Upon the Coast by Luke Eering. That's a straight up mechanic
from Wolves. So yeah, I mean meatheads,
Wolves being also an OD and D kind of clone, meatheads kind of
follows in the same you know, path.
And I took, and I'd say, like, even meatheads are just a hack
of Wolves Upon the Coast differently as much as a hack of
like OD and D and chain mail. But yeah, that's that's a Luke
Gearing thing, so I'll credit to him.
Yeah. Even the half language thing,
which I think is good, yeah. Even the half language thing
too, Yeah. So yeah, but you're able to
speak Toad if you like. What, do you just want to pick
up this big, big honking toad and like, stare at him?
No, I think it'd be. That's disrespectful.
I'm going to talk to them. Yeah, I'm going to greet them in
their language. You know, like hello friend
toads. I'd like to imagine that you
inflate your big elephant seal nose, I think.
It's exactly how it's achieved so.
Hell yeah. So you you greet these toads in
their language and they like several of them like look at you
with their eyes, and their eyes you see are like swirling their
irises or have like this like gentle swirl to them And they
begin to speak and it immediately just betrays they're
like out of like they're just zonked out of their minds.
And they say welcome brother, come swim with us in the pool,
come relish in the worm dreams. Serve the goop master.
I I don't. I don't think that sounds like a
good thing. Pick me up, brother.
Lick upon the secretion of my skin, gain new visions.
Come. I mean, if it's consensual, I
might pick one up and then I lick it.
Great. So at the behest of this toad,
yeah, he he employs you to lick him.
And yeah, as you do, can I have you make a saving through?
So that's a 2D6, yeah. Oh yeah, my dash was on my phone
and I'm trying to roll two D 6 / 10, right?
Well, actually over not because I have a plus from the
extraordinary meal I had earlier.
Yeah. So you rolled the two D6 and
then plus the one from that meal, Yeah, yeah.
And yeah, if you're 1 HD, you have to get just 10 or higher.
Not not the pass. I rolled 4 plus 1/5. 50 So you
lick this toad, this multi colored toad and there we go.
As you do so you start to get this like you know euphoric kind
of feeling. You feel like the the quick, the
quick change and shifts and colors and your perception of
things and you kind of like see a swirling indeed like the walls
around you seem to like ripple and swirl like the floor in
front of you is as water. Suddenly really into trance
music. Yeah, but you know, everything's
feeling good, pretty good. But then you start to get this,
like over sensing the sense of dread and what sounds to be like
almost like the clacking of spikes on stone in the back of
your mind and indeed out of the corner of your eye.
You always almost see this segmented horror coming closer
and closer to you. OK.
As you're like freaking out and then.
You're out, man. Bad time right now.
So basically you feel this segmented horror wrap around you
and you feel this presence of this thing.
It's not all in your mind. You feel that something is in
your mind and it's like around you and it's paying attention to
you and you are going to gain a permanent head injury.
So that's a -, 1 to saving throws from here on out.
Again. And you are also going to have
something else happened to you. Something great.
Something good's gonna happen, so.
You got the mind set to feeds. So you through this like horror
and this like bad trip, you start to sweat profusely and
this sweat has like this like kind of oily multi color Sheen
to it and it stinks horribly. And so like everyone around you,
all your companions, the toadies, they're just like ah
man this what's this guy's deal? Licking that toes.
I like come back to earth. My eyes are wide.
I'm like, you don't want to know what I've seen.
Man. I went there.
You stink. Everything stinks, man.
It's all around me. This toad still speaks to you,
he says. Lick again, brother, join us in
the worm dreams. They just they just want to
employ this. They want people to lick them as
much as they can. Yeah, Rivet.
Rabbit. Rabbit, you know I'm going to
try to lick him again. OK, go for it.
Yeah, make him lick the save and click.
Like the Toad. You guys didn't think I wasn't
expecting for the toads to be licked multiple times, right?
I knew that shit was going to happen.
Yeah. So yes.
I'll do it again. I'm really, I'm really going to
know the safe. Does my like plus one after from
the meal go away at a certain point or?
No, no that'll that'll stick with you until you make a def
save. If you make a def save, it kind
of voids your stomach. So does that make sense?
So I have a plus one and a -, 1. So all things are perfectly
balanced. Oh my God, I rolled A4.
We're. Rolling low on the saves today.
You're just like, you're like, fuck it, let's go back into it.
Yeah, you're licking this toe and it's not good.
It's still bad. It might be even worse than
before, because what happens from this bad trip result
besides stinking horribly? You're just like, your mind
loosens up a little bit and you start to like shout and wail and
like just like as you feel like this, you know thing, this like
entity crawl up around you and as you're whaling like just like
totally helpless under way of doing it yourself.
You then hear something coming from the western hallway, this
direction, attracted to the sound of your whaling.
My. Things are, yeah, nothing.
It does not catch you guys surprised, anything you guys
want to be doing like any immediate reactions or I think
I'm. Just coming back to Earth,
honestly. Yeah.
I think, I think what Braun's going to do is he's going to
grab the toad and throw it like a frisbee.
Yeah, I'd like to imagine it skips like a stone on the water
for a little bit. Yeah, he skips on the stone in
the water and they fall in the water and he's fine.
He's not hurt. That's good.
I wouldn't want to herd a toad, you know, out of out of
character in character. I think bronc would be fine with
it, but yeah. As you guys were sitting,
sitting there, dealing with the, the, the whaling of your
compatriot, what you hear skater scattering from the western
hallway is a collection of 10 giant spiders.
These giant spiders, they're about the size of about like a
medium dog. It's not like huge, not like
horse or bear size, but they're big.
You know, these are big spiders, so they're like dog sized
spiders. Like Polish?
Yeah. And meatheads for like animals
and stuff, their HD kind of scales with their size.
So these giant spiders, I'm going to tell you, just have one
HD. But if you had a giant spider
that had like 6 HD, it just, you know, obviously be bigger and
beefy. So HD for foes kind of scales
with their size a little bit too.
But yeah, it's kind of a good way to say, like I said, the HD
is like king in terms of like determining foe stats.
So basically a goal of meathead set.
If you have an HD of a creature, that's all you'd really need to
run it. Yeah, sweet.
I realized that that a spider can do eight times many reps at
once. That's true.
They've got. Unfair advantage in regards to
Bolton app. So yeah, I'd say that from this
Western passage, ten of these giant spiders are like starting
to, like, come into this hallway And yeah, no one is surprised,
but basically, what do you guys want to do?
Do you guys want to try and book it?
You want to stand your ground and fight.
We got one guy carrying a giant rock, so.
Oh yeah, yeah, you could. You could throw the rock and
like block up the entrance. You could, yeah, you could plug
up the hole. Yeah, let's let's do that.
Absolutely. So I mean with The Rock acting
quickly since you guys weren't caught, surprised if you want
to. I mean, it sounds like you're
able to, not if you want to, you can just go and plug up this
stone right here and plug up the hallway and prevent the spiders
from coming. Is that what would you like to
do? That is what I would like to do.
You the when the GM tells you repeatedly you could plug up a
hallway with the boulder. At some point you should plug up
a hallway with the boulder. Yeah, that's that's fair.
Definitely. I mean, yeah, it sounds like,
yeah, that's what you guys wanted to do.
So rushing forward, you like hurl that boulder downwards just
before the spiders can spill out into this room.
And yeah, you block the passageway large enough to where
they just can't get out, like several of the their like, you
know, spider legs are like in between the cracks trying to
skitter and get in between, but they just can't make it.
Thought yeah, you sidestep that encounter, just blocking that
hole. Nice.
Now, admittedly, we we cannot avenge beef.
Or we might be able to. If we wait a while, the spiders
leave. But.
Give me a pump. Yeah, you might.
Maybe if you come back another day or another time, they'll
won't be there anymore. Yeah, so with the spiders trying
to get in but not having no success, I'll let you guys know
that there is this little sub chamber up to the north here
which I did not fully describe yet.
But as you have some time to look around and the spiders are
skittering, what you see in the subchamber which is not, does
not have standing water. So like if you're standing here
there's a, you know, stern, a stone and dirt flooring, but
there is a old rusted wood and iron hob door that if you guys
were to like you know, try and open it, you'd find while not
locked, it is stuck. Wow.
Wow.
And stuck. I mean, I I'll say stuck doors
can be opened by bashing. Yeah, yeah.
I think it's time for another bashing session, brother.
Oh yeah, I'm going to walk up and I'm going to like, I'm going
to bash the shit out of this is, can I just say, like, for the
sake of fluff that I had bub it, or will I get any kind of.
OK, cool, perfect. Absolutely.
Yeah, he's going to. Absolutely Headbutt the shit out
of this door. Oh.
Yeah. Not used to my dice roller being
on my phone. It's weird.
Oh yeah, 'cause you lost your other monitor.
Yeah 'cause I'm down to one monitor right now.
I've got the two monitors set up currently.
Right now, it's Swank. OK, so I rolled a four.
Oh wait, is it? Is it one per hit die?
No, no, it's just it's just a one.
But you're you're an Orc, right? I am, yeah.
So you should have a + 1. So with your base chance, so I
think a four. So I have +2 size 6.
So 19, So I'll go ahead and push it and roll another one.
Oh, no. Like bashing is bashing doesn't
like isn't tied to strength at all.
Oh, right. It's two.
It's out of six. Right.
Yeah.
So for bashing, you just rolled
AD 6, but it sounds like It sounds like you.
OK, perfect. Not perfect, but like you, you
can bash out this door and it's just like not making.
It suck. Not making any account, any
budget. My neck.
What neck? Like fine.
So as you are bashing down this door you hear coming from the
hallway where you guys had crept up with the boulder, you hear
something approaching from here and it sounds almost like talons
on the stone floors, like clicking, clacking and like
almost like the heavy, kind of like guttural breathing through
teeth as you guys like spin around.
And with your torchlight what you see here illuminated
immediately are these shining, luminescent like beady white
eyes placed into the faces of these like pallid skinned, like
long limbed creatures with like huge fangs, like teeth, like
Rosen teeth. These ghouls, out of curiosity
like, peek around the corner at like the noise and commotion.
And they have these like wide toothy grins, like stretched
upon across their faces. And they speak to you.
They say to you don't. Get.
Through that door, there's nothing there but trouble.
That's my middle name. I'd like to ask who asked.
Just a concerned neighbour. I live here too and I know a
place, I know the layout just a little bit and trust me friend,
you do not want to go there. I.
I I don't trust this whisperer. I.
Don't trust this. I don't either.
Hey, we don't trust you. I'm sure you have.
Good. Reason to but I only want to
help please and if you could help me I could help you no.
Because you look weird. Whoa.
Well, he's, I mean. He's.
Rude man, That's. Why?
I mean. I mean, you got to admit, you
are kind of funny looking. Me and my family, we can't help
the way we look. Our diets made us this way.
Sweet, sweet flesh. That's all we want.
We don't even want to hurt you. We just want the flesh.
Yeah, protein. I guess, yeah, have.
Have you considered lifting more?
I think it would help if your general physique and appearance.
Oh, we are. But we.
Creatures we can't move and lift as strong as you.
We can't even get at the inner tombs and.
Sup upon the sweet. Flesh.
But if you mighty meatheads were to move these funeral Mortuary
slabs so that we can eat the flesh in the tombs, we could
teach you a trick or two. OK, cool.
Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.
Yeah, you know, that's that's we.
We've got corpse eaters, tricks, you know, we don't know what
they are, but I reckon there could be some cool stuff there.
We could learn how to be really freaky looking.
Yeah. So this collection of these 4
ghouls do offer to kind of like lead you through the dungeon if
you do trust them to where they tell you are some funerals, some
like funerary tombs that need to be opened up so that they can
eat the flesh there. Does that sound like something
you guys want to do? I think so, but I think Braun's
going to have his his mall ready at all times, you know?
Definitely. Yeah.
Bulk is so broken by his psychedelic experience that he's
like, yeah, I yeah. And I think that's OK That's OK.
I haven't. I haven't really come all the
way back down. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to do it.
Smash, what say you? I.
Thought wouldn't impress these guys.
Very well we think about. It we could learn their tricks
and secrets. Oh, so aren't.
Aren't tricks for cowards tricks?
Hey, pick up a trick or two. Tricks are for kids.
Are for kids.
So as you guys are led by these ghouls, you're LED through the
dungeon with some I'm just rolling for torchlight.
Your torch is fine. As you're being escorted by
these guys. You're not going to really run
into any other encounters, but what you're coming towards the
path they lead you on. You come through this hallway
that have these four alcoves built into the hall.
They are look like to be like Hobbit alcoves and but they are
defaced with the graffiti of like, goblin vulgarities,
profanity. Yeah, like drawings of buttholes
and like Dicks and everything made by goblins.
They then need you. They then lead you to this large
chamber where there are these shafts of sunlight that peek in
through the ceiling upon this raised stone altar, on this like
stone dais platform. But yeah.
And there seems to be like some stuff on the altar.
But they are very quick to get to the tomb as they're so eager
to like just Sup upon the splash lead you down here into this
room. Coming through this chamber
there is a mural armed into a wooden stellae like a wooden
plat wooden plank along the wall depicting what looks like to be
a hob migration from the South as they follow the direction of
the stars. And there's like a the mural
kind of like points out like 9 directions being north,
northeast, E SE S southwest, W, northwest and then a ninth
direction in the center and labeling here like the direction
of here. But those are all very cursory
details as you come to here and here dipping down to this room.
Now the ghouls. Before they enter into this
chamber, they warn you. They say be very careful, move
still and along the edges, and don't ever approach the arm at
the center. They never approach the what?
Sorry. Oh the.
Arm the withered arm, OK. So and as you guys open this
door, this chamber has a lower ceiling than the other parts of
the dungeon as like any kind of tall folk, which is should be
most of your party of your party as like kind of crouched down to
like you know, get through it. You see that there is a door on
the South end of the wall. In the center of the room there
is what it looks like to be this desiccated and withered arm,
this like right arm that is like cut off from the shoulder and it
is just like kind of like Gray skinned and like dried and just
like lying there in there and lifeless.
But the ghouls are very adamant about like, not approaching it.
Is it attached to anything or is it just kind of there?
It's there. It's like totally severed from a
body, just like left there in the center of the room.
It's. It's not even like attached to
the stone itself, OK, it's. Just large it's.
Just a desiccated arm in the middle of the room.
Yeah. I'm having a really hard time
not approaching just the random arm in the center.
It's always a lick you. Yeah, you can do it if you like.
I've already licked 2 of it today, so.
Why would you approach that arm? It obviously doesn't know shit
about lifting. Look at it.
Nothing but skin and bones. He used to get his ass in the
kitchen and eat himself something good.
Are you guys going to approach the arm or are we just leaning?
I ain't. I ain't approaching the arm.
Come on, Smash. No, we should get.
I mean, here's the thing. So, but Eve already did
something dumb, and then Bulk already did something dumb.
So I guess, yeah, I I'm gonna, I'm not only going to approach
the arm, I'm going to do the like.
You're gonna you're gonna need the Predator.
The flex, the flex predator handshake with the arm.
Yeah, definitely. Awesome.
I just wanna pick it up by the shoulder, just like like that.
Just like give it the, give it the old, you know?
Not, not even gonna touch it with the 10 foot pole you got.
Yeah, so smashed. Ignoring the warnings of these
ghouls you like, I'm gonna fuck this arm like you're striding
upwards and you go to like do your predator handshake and you
see it like leap, like push itself off the ground and can
like leap at you with this, like terrifying, like outstretched
grip, like grabbing at your hand.
And it does grab your hand like as you like.
You know, do your your thing and you feel that you immediately
regret it feels there's, you feel like what almost feels like
a like your life force being sapped from it.
A. Death grip.
So what it is, This thing's gonna try and grapple you.
And the way that grapples work is that basically whatever your
HD is, you roll that amount in D sixes and whoever gets the
highest wins. Oh, so I got 2.
Yeah. Yeah.
All right. I.
Got a four to? Four.
I got an 8. Nice.
All right, so I got a 10. So this thing does this thing
like, as you like. You know try to shake this thing
off it. It's grapple is firm now, and it
grabs onto. Don't I get bonus to grapple?
Don't I get? Is that just from HD or don't I
get an extra? I get an extra plus one D6 from
grappling because my 3. Yeah, go ahead and roll that.
We'll see if that changes in, yeah.
It's one. Row 5.
Nice. So good thing to remember.
Because you. Whip this thing off of you and
like it falls across. Like it goes across the room and
as you whip it, it's like kind of like fully animated now, you
know, like classic hand, like crawling styles, like trying to
inch itself closer to you guys. So with that and it's like
coming closer, you guys have a chance to dip out this South
door and totally avoid it. Or do you guys want to keep
dealing with it? I I think, I think Braun's gonna
gonna use that maul that he's had ready the entire time and
just try to Gallagher it, you know?
Absolutely. Still, like, that's gonna be an
attack roll. So yes, yes, first attack roll
of the game and we're almost done.
So basically you roll the two D6.
Tell me what your result is and I'll tell you if you hit it's
AC. All right, that is A7.
A7 Yeah, this thing's AC. I'm just counting it as leather.
So I'm giving an AC 3:00 and basically, you know, and me
heads with the damage table. You roll the two D6, whatever
your result is, you check to see if the target number matches
with the AC. If it's equal to or higher,
that's a hit, and that is a hit, Stella.
So that means you're gonna roll the D6 for me, and I'm gonna
tell you what that gets for damage on the damage table.
Yeah, with the and this is with a mall, which oh, that that
landed perfectly in the wires in a way where nothing was up.
Yeah, that was merely A1 and. So you with the one, that means
you deal two points of damage onto this hand, Let's see what
its HP is. So you smash his hand and you
hear the crack of the bones and no blood comes out or anything
'cause it's just like long, desiccated and bloodless.
But even though it's like smashed and bruised and like,
you know, half, you know, smashed up, it's still crawling
towards you guys. Anyone else have a other idea or
do you guys want to book it? I I.
Think we should book it? Yeah.
Nice. I I think Brant is dumb enough
to to stick around and just trying to keep hit this thing
with the mall. If they're not leaving then I'm
going to run up and try to hit it as well.
OK, sure. Yeah, let's, I'll let you guys
do another hit at it before I'm going to have it try and do some
retaliation at you. So who's who's taking a swing
at? I'll take a swing.
Sure, what kind of weapon you wielding?
I'm wielding Mace. I have actually the damage
matrix, uh written down for it, so oh.
Yeah, yeah. Because I mean, I'll tell you
right now, this guy's H uh, AC is 3, so you have to get just
eight or hundred. OK, and I'm sorry, I'm rolling
2D6 for attack, correct? Yes, I rolled A7 and I have a
plus one to hit, so I rolled 8. Eight.
That's a success. You hit that.
UH, again, withered hand. But you also get a + 1 to damage
rolls because of your strength. That's correct.
So roll that D6 and then add a + 1 to that and just tell me
whatever your result is. Yeah, I rolled a. 4 Sure.
So four on the die. So five.
I'm sorry, no. Three on the die, four with the
plus one. That's what I figured.
Just wanted to make sure, but yeah, with a four that's gonna
be 4 points of damage, which is enough to smash this thing back
to inert lifeness. What does it look like as you
deal with this wither I? I feel like he, you know, Bulk
is still dealing with that really terrifying experience.
He's kind of how he's, as we've been walking behind these
ghouls, he's like, wait, why are we do, what are we doing?
Oh, and then the whole thing. He hears A commotion, He looks
back. He sees like this desiccated
arm, like draining life from his buddy.
And they start hitting it with a fucking, you know, they start
beating on it And I'm like, yeah, and I just jump in and
like, like, I assume it's on the ground at this point, right?
Yeah. I'm like, I'll get on my knees
and put one hand on it and just like hitting it with my face,
you know? You're keeping it up even after
it stops moving. Yeah, it's it's totally that
Simpsons name where it's the case.
Like, stop, stop. He's already dead.
Hell, yeah. The ghouls were like, pretty,
you know, like they're like, oh shit, you're really doing this.
But seeing that you've taken care of yourselves, the ghouls
are like, ecstatic. They're like, oh, yo, just the
right job. Quickly help.
There's the tomb is not far from here.
We need your assistant. OK, so as you guys continue
southwards following the ghouls, you come to this room
immediately. When you exit that room with the
withered hand, you're met with this bluish green light that
comes from this direction, and it's the direction you're
heading in. And as you enter into that room
which you see immediately, this entire room is illuminated with
this group blue-green glow, as there's this large drooping
paper nest of glow beetles growing at the center of the
ceiling here, this nest droops downwards about like 6 feet and
it is teeming with a bunch of these glow beetles which are
about the size of, you know, my cup here about a pint glass.
And they are like, you know, like lightning bugs.
They have luminescent thoraxes or appendant thoraxes that
periodically like flash this like green blue light, and that
light is bright enough to kind of act as a torch if you were to
like hold it up. That's good to know.
Yeah, so as you guys pass by the glowing Beetle roof, you guys
can like, pluck a Beetle from the ceiling if you want.
No problem. These things are like.
Slow Can we tell one of our toadies to grab a bit, to do
literally anything for the money that we're paying them for?
So these that they're like, yeah, they're they're mainly
just janitors, but yeah, they start like collecting,
collecting all the they're mainly.
Just janitors. Not just wanted them to be.
That one, like Buff Janitor, though, You know what I'm
talking about. Yeah.
The guy that like randomly, like, shows people up by, like
picking stuff up. Hunter.
You know what I'm talking about, Anatoly, Yeah.
That's his name, Yeah, Yeah. I reckon those things that taste
good boiled. Probably.
So you come to the end of this hallway and what you see is this
green. Green.
Sorry. Maps green.
You see this large stone slab. So it's like a stone disk that
blocks the archway leading into the next room.
And upon the stone slab you see the name carved in old Hobb.
Does anyone here speak Hobbish? No.
No, I speak frog. Almost close enough.
And Smash hardly speaks. So as you get to this part with
the ghouls, start to like, indicate and plead with you to
the move. This big Mortuary stone slab, as
they like, are like telling you that they're too weak to open
this and they just want to get into the other side, eat the
flesh on the other side, and then you can have whatever else
is in there. OK, sure.
I mean. Here's the thing.
They're being very honest. I feel like they're not like.
Duplicitous, pernicious, or perfidious in any way, shape, or
form. Yeah, I they just want the
flesh. Yeah.
So do you guys want teamwork? Move this door.
I yeah, are. We moving the door at all.
Like what? What is our?
Yeah, I I think, I think we should move the.
I think we should. Yeah, I'd say if.
You go wrong, really. You know what?
You guys. Nothing.
Absolutely nothing. Let's do it.
If you guys all work together as a team, like with your toadies
and everyone you're able to like move this like with a combined
strength open this door up no problem unless to someone want
to try and do it by themselves. I definitely think branch will
not because it requires pushing myself and getting a tin on the
roll for me to even succeed at a strength check, which is just
not non viable. Absolutely.
So together with your combined strength of well over like 50,
you're able to move this funerary funeral slab and are
greeted into this Chamber of a hob tomb.
There is a tall stone coffin in the center of the chamber.
And in the chamber there's decorations of, like, tapestries
depicting like seashells and waves.
And these tapestries particularly have what it looks
like to be like emeralds, kind of like sewn into them.
Yeah, with this tomb, here we go.
That's what we're looking for. All right.
So on the southern wall you see another like wooden stele
depicting what you assume to be the occupier of this tomb.
There looks to be like this hob who was like this sort of like
kind of like Workman. He's hauling Pete from like farm
to farm and like this, like wheelbarrow of his.
But it shows him meeting this circus woman from a traveling
circus and falling in love with her.
And together they get like married and they have like a
bridal shower of like these, you know, this like bridal shower.
And their wedding is decorated with these like red flowers.
But that is what you see in this like mural right here.
Oh, that's really beautiful. Well, it's open.
It's a coffin. It's really beautiful.
The, the, the, the exactly. The ghouls are just like.
The ghouls are just like at the coffin, just like just like
smelling it and just like being all weird and creepy and just
like. Please please.
I don't. Open up, This is why.
People don't trust you like this right here.
This is why people are hesitant to help you.
I I think Brant is gonna leave the room, 'cause I don't think
he has. I don't think he has the
fortitude to watch the corpse consumption.
I'm. Gonna make this a feat of
strength. Sure.
Yeah. Yeah.
Go for it. I almost rolled the wrong die,
so 4 + 12 and then one more. Yeah.
So that first is like 16. So if you push your strength and
roll that other D6, you just have to get it over 20.
So you only need a four or five let's.
Go. Perfect.
So what he plays. You complete this mighty deed.
To flip over it, open the stone coffin.
What does that look like as you complete it?
Oh, it's just like a stone coffin lid.
So I like I take one hand, I put behind my back and I look around
and I nod and I take the other one and I just get a little low
and I cross, You know, I do it like it's a full.
What are they called where you, like, press and squat up at the
same time? Chad help me out.
Prodding. Push, press, Push.
Press. Yeah.
Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, push press, so by an
event. So push pressing the still lit
open, it reveals the corpse of this like Hobbit, and he's
holding this bouquet of dry red flowers and he has like this
peaceful look upon his face. But that is like immediately,
just like ruined as the ghouls like reach in and start like
just like tearing off like pieces and like eating and and
they're just ecstatic. They're happy as can be and
after they kind of take their fill of this flesh they're going
to teach you this technique. But as they're eating and like
you're it's a very disgusting scene.
Your toadies are doing their best to collect the treasure
that is around the room, which will include.
Let me just roll that up real quick.
Should someone shot said thruster and that's actually
correct, so. Yeah, to thrusters love.
It. Also in spaceships and with
people working out. So what you find in this coffin
is 2156 coins. As well as what?
Yeah, 2156 coins 2156. These are all like being
collected by your toadies. They also collect two art
objects. They are these like silver cast
Candlestick holders. Each of those is going to be
worth 400 coins. There is also, let's see, a
number of .5 carat emeralds. Should you guys get eight of
those? Each of those are worth 150
coins. God damn.
These are just like things that like your toadies are picking
up, putting in, you know, packing up the ghouls as they're
munching down and like, eating the flesh.
The one that was speaking to you guys just turns to you and like
kind of wipes away like like the dried bits of flesh around its
mouth. And it says it was like, I knew
you were true to your word. You are so kind of travelers.
Please let us teach you a secret that will for their strength.
A man can gain strength by eating the flesh of another.
OK. So basically, oh, go ahead.
If if someone can gain, why do they look so lanky, then they
don't got no gains. Oh, that's just, they just
appeared to be that way. So basically, these ghouls are
gonna be able to teach you a technique.
A technique in meatheads is just kind of like a special ability
that you gain from, you know, helping people or pursuing them.
They kind of, you know, yeah, just kind of like fun feats or
abilities that you can do. This technique that he's going
to teach you is called first taste, and it concerns with the
eating of flesh of foes. So with first taste, eating the
flesh of foes Nets you a temporary plus one to your
strength for the day. But your hunger becomes more
ravenous every time you increase your strength in such a way by
eating someone. You must eat an additional 10
lbs of unsullied fresh flesh a day, untouched by flames, smoke
or salt, raw and bleeding, the heartbeat felt in blood.
So if you guys want to be cannibals, these guys are more
than willing to teach you then. If I learn it, can I just not
use it? Yeah, you can also just not use
it. OK.
Just just have our our dark secrets in our back.
Yeah. Yeah, when we get stranded in a
mountain pass or whatever. I'd say I'd say specifically for
this technique, you can always have it in your back pocket, but
like once you start eating someone, like it's no turning
back, then you're going to have to like keep eating someone.
But it's up to you. You just you just got to start
eating someone. OK.
Well, thank you for the knowledge.
Really appreciate that. Thank you.
At this point, it's been about one hour that you guys have been
dungeon diving, so I also know that we're kind of like running
up on time. So I'm thinking should we kind
of like wrap it up there? Yeah, no, I I definitely think
we got, we got a shit ton of money we should head back to
town and and you know supply up and all that shit.
Hell yeah. We can.
We can now easily afford magnificent meals.
Oh, absolutely. And yeah, if you guys do leave
the dungeon, I went ahead and rolled the turns for you.
You guys do not have any encounters.
So yeah, you're able to leave the dungeon with your first
delve with loot in tow. Sweet.
Yeah. Any any any questions, fellas?
Any. No.
I don't think I got any questions.
Can we get we get a really good brother in chat for for
surviving or for mostly surviving our first Delve?
Mostly. Mostly, yeah.
The best part is that no enemy killed any of us.
Yeah, and true tabletop fashion. More like let's try something
stupid. And that killed one of us, so
yeah. I mean, I love that.
That's that's great. That's it's.
Recipes for If I Never Got to Tell You About her Tattoo.
Oh no, I would love to have seen Yeah, with meatheads it it does
lend to trying stupid things. Because yeah, it's pretty simple
premise. You just gotta be a big, big,
tough, beefy guy, and usually people can take it from there.
That's sweet. Thank you so much guys for
playing today. Thank you so much for having me
on. Thanks.
For coming on to run, it was a blast.
I I this is AI very much like this as like a like an old
school like retro spoof. I thought this was like a a ton
of fun. Yeah.
I think that's yeah, it's it's it's very much it's pretty much
just the the past eight years I've had as like running games
and basically just kind of catering to how I would run an
old school style game with the sort of like gimmick of being
big strong guys. Yeah.
But yeah.
Thanks. Thanks again for saying that.
Appreciate it. Yeah.
I. Really, genuinely enjoyed it a
ton. I really am excited to get this
when it comes out, yeah. I would play the hell out of
this. And so, I mean, one of the
reasons you're coming on the show is to talk about the fact
that this is coming out. So let's talk about the fact
that this is coming out. So when is this coming out?
When is this gonna be available for people to support and then
it at some point? Well good news is, is that the
system of meatheads, the rules everything is always free, so
that is available on either My Itch page or our card page.
They're currently in the works of being updated.
So because we had the pre pump edition which was our like
Ashcan which is also like freely available at Itch, there's
already a bunch of content you can play for meatheads I wrote
like Suspension. For, like, so much content, for
a game that's not even technically out yet, it's crazy.
So, like, it's still like version .9.
All that stuff is like .9, but we're getting the first version
out tomorrow and just getting people playing, having
adventures out. But our Kickstarter is launching
February 14th, Valentine's Day, the Medias Day of the Year.
You know, everyone's heart has got to be in it.
And yeah, we're excited to roll out some new art.
You can see on, you know the the, the, the frame that you
have made around us featuring the artwork by Samba Melli AKA
Skull Boy. He did the cover art for us.
We are currently in talks with getting a few more spot pieces
from him, but we all artwork from Chow and then otherwise.
I am doing a lot of artwork myself too, which is fun because
I get to do a lot of writing and artwork designing, editing
layout. But I'm working with a great
team. Eric Hill, who's worked on a
bunch of mothership stuff, is my layout artist.
He's great. We have AIR.
We have Matt Kay, Matthew Kay, who has been editor for a lot of
projects, most recently a Seas of Sand Sam Sorensen game that
came out recently. Giant, expansive hex scroll.
Yeah, everyone does good work. I'm really excited to be working
with a great team of people and also just getting to play the
game too with a lot of great people.
So again, thank you for having us.
On Yeah, that was a blast. Thank you.
So, so the Kickstarter's coming February 14th.
Did you have you guys decided what all is actually gonna come
with the the Kickstarter Is that is that.
Well, let me yeah, let me tell you a little bit about the
actual like product. So Meat Meathead's being
released on the Kickstarter is being released as 100 page plus
booklet. Only a very, very small sliver
of that section is the system that's included with it.
The rest of it is the mega dungeon, the mega dungeon known
as Sea Hill Tomb, which you guys played just a bit of a, you know
today, this small sample, it is A5 level mega dungeon with 250
rooms and like just a bunch of stuff.
More so because like the system of meatheads is done.
We've hammered that out. What I'm really excited to share
with you guys is this mega dungeon, because it's been a lot
of fun to write. It's got a lot of crazy wacky
encounters and it's just like me pouring in a lot of my ideas and
just thoughts about long form play and like running dungeons.
And yeah, really just kind of like being a referee and long
form play games and also providing a lot of tools, tips
and resources for referees. So like, bookkeeping is a thing
that happens. We try to make that as simple as
possible. We even have like a designed
referee sheet. Whereas like, you know, players
have your beat sheet, your player beat sheet.
We have the referee sheet that just kind of keeps track of
things that occur in the dungeon, things that occur in
the village. Yeah.
So it's really my love letter to long form games.
Yeah, nice. I I remember when this was just
like it was just an OD and D game.
Oh yeah, it it it did start out just uh, straight up.
Same rules as the OD and. D fighters only.
Yeah, fighters only, OD and D fighters only.
Which I mean it was kind of chainmail, but and then I just
like changed it. Originally from instead of
gaining XP from getting gold, you gained XP from lifting
weights. So it'd be a one to one thing.
So if you lift like 100 LB stone, you get 100 XP and that's
essentially just how me head started and it kind of like
snowballed into some freakish mess that's.
I think that that's great. I, I, I I'm interested to see
like more of this 'cause I like the generation of it and I like
this. Like I said, I like the spoof on
kind of the OD and D thing where it's like, yeah, it's fucking
your weight lifted meathead guys and everything's, everything is
strength. You're like, OK, cool.
I can, yeah. That's a.
Blast. So appreciate that.
Specifics on the kick server are we so though are the the
physical thing that we're going to get.
Is this a hardback book perfect bound?
Is it just the book? Are we getting more or or or is
the book the the the primary thing we're getting?
We, I mean as far as like our tiers rewards go, we have you
know digital PDF, We are also offering the hardcover printed
booklet that's you know the thing that we would like to get
out in people's hands. There is an additional tier
where we're offering printed extras.
So there should be a chance to get printable pamphlets that we
have made so far. So like the Goblin Week Zine
will be printing, The Wiz Killer 3000 Adventure Will be Killing
or printing we can. Also kill modules we.
Can also kill modules. But as far as far as like what's
offered, it's pretty basic right now because we try to keep it
just kind of, you know, slim for the time being and just trying
to hit our main goal of printing the book.
So yeah, what we'd like to do is hardcover letter size page, 100
/ 140 pages, yeah. And that's kind of like the main
reward. Other than that, there's like a
retail tier where like you know, shops can buy a bulk books.
Yeah. Does that, sorry, answer your
question, Ryan. Yeah.
Absolutely no. I just want people to see this,
to know what to expect and what to hope for and and what what
they're going to be able to grab.
And just by the time this comes out, which probably be tomorrow
less than two weeks, and then this will be going and how long
is the campaign going to run for?
So the campaign's going to run for 30 days.
Pretty standard. Like we're starting the middle
of. Yeah, of the month, so we're
just going to go end in the middle of the month.
But yeah, as far as what we hope to get out there, we want to get
a physical book. We want to print out posters,
pamphlets, some handouts, stuff like that.
It really depends on like what we hit for our funding tiers.
We've got a few other exciting people kind of joined up in the
plans. We've got Ros Leahy is set to
make a pamphlet if we hit a certain tier.
And then we also have Sean Christopher, who's owns
Kickstarter. Snake.
Wolf Three has just launched and we're hoping to get him for an
adventure as well if we hit a certain tier.
So yeah, we got a few ideas out. It'll all be on the Kickstarter
when it launches, but just to give you guys a sense of yeah,
it's available. Great.
Super excited. Like Connor said, I agree with
everything. This is such a great, fun
system. I love that everything's
strength. Like, it's just it's really
enjoyable to be able to just know that you're gonna go in and
just like be goofy and have fun but still have like a system
that really lets you like, still, you know, get your teeth
into it, I guess. Yeah, yeah.
You know, yeah. That's that's great to hear.
That was always like my hope for it is that yeah, it's like crazy
and wacky. You can do crazy fun things.
But also, you know, it being based on like chainmail, it has
that sort of that tactical kind of thing to it where it's like,
OK, so I know I can build like a bad ass dude if I do this and
volleyball. But yeah, no, it's it's really
just up to the player what they wanna do and that's great.
Yeah. So glad that you guys had a
chance to play. Yeah, it is so much fun.
Thank you. Thank you for being here.
And Stella, Stella as well, thank you so much for coming on
as well. I know you have some stuff
recently that's come out as well.
Did you wanna tell people what that is and where they can find
that as well? Well, the most recent thing I've
put out, with the help of many, many people that I just simply
helped to organize is Red Solstice Issue four.
Let me let me get it from myself.
Let's see there's a generic slash blah blah blah.
Wait, that's the BX. Wait, Fuck it.
I can't find it Regardless. Wait.
No, I I know. Let me get it real quick.
And we'll also make sure that we drop the links to Red Solstice
that still is gonna grow. We're out for now to the itch
page where you can get meatheads right now to the card page,
everything like that in all the notes below.
So if you are listening to this, you definitely wanna just click
on those beneath as well as Kickstarter link that'll be
there as well. Blessed.
Great. Thank you.
Love it. But yeah, Red Solstice issue 4
fight. Weird.
It is a collaborative amateur Press Association, which means
anyone can submit anything and we will probably print it.
You know, if we think it's good stuff.
The entire point is to get as many people as we can into the
creating things, because they love creating things.
That is currently available online via Spear Witch, Silver
Sprocket and what's It Called? Space Penguin Ink.
There. We go and we got.
Fans here on the show, you'll see Jert a lot over the next
couple of months, so definitely, yeah, definitely support spirits
as well. Shout out to Jert and actually
if if Mark moves his head a little bit directly behind him,
you can see Prince up on the wall for the last project I
released with the help of Mark and Jarrett Crater, which is
Prison of the Forsaken Bear God, which is for DCC and also just
kind of happens to be kind of swimming in the same kind of
waters as meatheads because it's an adventure that is
fundamentally about carrying a really big rock a really far
ways away. I mean I've thought about you
could you could very easily run bee heads and present the first
thing and bear got just like with like that's that's just DCC
with Hittites. So it's like, oh, I got a
Hittites like I. I also just provided a generic
OSR conversion for it as well as a 5th edition conversion of it
which is available for free online with either going to the
Itch page or you will get these PDFs with download of it on, you
know with with physical bits so. And they're good.
All the red sauces are great. I also have bear God.
We'll make sure, like I said, that we have the links to all
the Stella stuff, to all of Mark's stuff, to the meathead.
We can get it now. And we're going to be the where
you can get it soon. The Kickstarter page is already
up, so you can follow it beforehand so that you will get
notified when it launches on Valentine's Day.
Apparently the Medias Day, which we all know now as that.
And again, thank you all so much for being here.
Really appreciate it. It was such a fun time.
Definitely please come back again in the future.
We would love to do anything with either of you.
Thank you so much. Yeah.
Absolutely love that. Thank you so much.
Cool. All right, Well then that is it
for us today. We will see all of you later.
Thank you so much for those in chat.
Bye.