Hello and welcome to the Weekly Scroll podcast.
My Name Is Ryan. And I'm a hardball detective.
And my name is James. And I'm John.
There we go. And this is like what we're
calling for this year. We're calling it the Weekly
Squirrel plays and then and then there's a game after it and
today is Crime Wave from John Davis 1920s noir role-playing
game. And James is not just James.
James is James Crane from Crumbling Keep role-playing
games. Makers of Marching Order want to
make sure that gets out there first time James gets to play in
an AP on our show, you know, fuck John, you killed us last
time. So I guess we'll see what
happens this. Time but.
How's it right? How's everybody doing today?
Great. Yeah.
Oh, that's a cat right behind me that no one can see doing great.
Good. Yeah.
So this is, This Is Us. This is early morning short on
coffee playing crime Wave. So John, before we get going
here, what is? Crime Wave Crime Wave is a 1920s
set role-playing game of the noir genre.
So think of gangsters with Tommy guns.
Think of bank robberies. Think of like down and dirty
like lowlifes that are just trying to get by in the 1920s.
So pinstripe suits flappers, That sort of deal.
Nice. Love it.
Gangsters. But like gangsters, Gangsters.
You. Know.
Yeah. So this is a tunnel goon tack,
plus a little bit, right? So pretty clean, pretty
straightforward. I actually have the entire
thing. I can put it right there on
screen as of right now. It's a nice one.
Pager, which is beautiful, including even the character
sheet on it. And you can snag this right now
over at the Sieved's Sanctum Itch page, which if you're
watching is in the bottom whatever corner of your screen.
Definitely go snag that. I know John's been updating it
added some schmucks, which we'll get to eventually, but this is
our chance to to run it here on the stream.
So John, why don't we go through the very brief rules of Crime
Rave real real quick. I'm sure Hunter made his
character already, because he always does.
But I'll make my character and we've already got names and
we'll get to it. But yeah, tell us, let's go
through Crime Wave so the people at home know what we're doing.
OK, so Crime Wave. Like I said, it's a 1920s
role-playing game of the noir genre.
It's based off of Nature Maze, Tunnel Goons, Gangbusters by
Rick Krebs and Traveller by Mark Miller.
How you play is when success is uncertain.
You're going to roll 2D6 and add points from your traits, skills,
and items. If the total is 8 or more, it's
a success. Just that easy combat is when
you roll, the difference between your roll and eight is the
amount of damage the endangered participant takes.
So if it's a failure, you take the damage.
If it's a success, your target takes the damage.
Let's see, Inventory. You can carry a number of items
equal to your muscle doubled. Death occurs when room when
wounds reach 0, and then you advance by adding one to a trade
or a skill to a Max of four in between scenarios.
It's just that easy. Like games aren't complicated
people. You can do this these one pagers
and that's all you need. I agree.
I'm a huge proponent of that.
Less is more. Less is more.
Let me agree. Make one pagers normal again.
Yeah, there we go. Yeah, make one pages great
again. Yeah.
Make. Yeah.
We needed. Yeah.
All right. And this is oh I I talked about
this before I so we're doing crime waves.
So I get to rock my all cops are bastards goblins and garden
shirt. So yeah.
Hell. Yeah, Thematic for the for the
theme and life. All right, so we're throwing six
points into traits, 6 points into one of the 10 skills, and
then just picking a starting weapon.
And that's pretty much our character, right?
Yeah, it's actually six points across all of the skills.
So add the the six points where you want in your skills.
Right, Yeah, 6 and Traits 6 and Skills, right?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. OK cool Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool
Cool Cool Cool Cool 234123. Four and muscle is our wounds
are twice our muscle, so it'd be nice to have some of that
muscle. Agility 00.
And we are a podcast too, so let's So our traits that we
could possibly have our Muscle, Agility, Observation, Presence,
driving, or Luck and the skills are disguise, explosives,
Fingerprinting, Firearms, Forgery, Gambling, Lock Picking,
Pickpocketing, Safecracking, and Stealth.
And then what do we got? Oh, weapons.
So I dig the weapons and I was curious because they're not
equivalent, which they don't have to be, obviously, but my as
soon as you see shotgun A+ damage, you go, damn, I want a
shotgun. You know is there any any kind
of plus, minus or like as far as like inventory stuff goes, the
differences between the shotgun and say like your stiletto or
anything or is it just one item is 1 item and you just.
One item is just one item. Cool.
Yeah, like I wanted to make the weapons all unique.
But also, it's like, I don't think it's like particularly
warranted whether the shotgun takes up more space than
stiletto. Yeah, the shotgun technically is
an instant kill if you get above this certain like damage
threshold, but like that stiletto is pretty nasty.
That plus one makes a big difference when it comes to a
2D6 role. And I was thinking the same
there. Yeah, it it is nice how they're
all very different and it just feels, it feels more like the
character building than almost like picking a weapon in
different games. It's not just a like wow, I
don't know which one either sounds cool or has the highest
damage like. Yeah, I want to be a big.
I want to be a Big Axe guy, so I choose the Big Axe.
Right, right. Well, I mean, the other thing
too though is if you if you if all three of us, pick shotguns,
stealth missions are gonna be quite difficult because shotguns
are very, very loud. Where as opposed to if we're a
bunch of pickpocketers and lock pickers with stilettos would
feel like that'd be a very different adventure.
So there's definitely a lot of play in the different things you
want to because there's two weapons here stiletto and
blackjack that don't make noise realistically beside thump and
but revolver, a little bit noise.
Pistol a little bit noise. Rifle louder noise machine gun
whole lot of noise. Shotgun even more so it can
definitely yeah yeah right, can definitely really swing what
happens. I also love the non use of tags
because I hate tags and I feel like a lot of them are
self-evident. So shotguns are loud.
I don't need you to tell me that, Yeah.
Right. Shotguns are loud.
Shotguns are harder to hide than a stiletto would be.
And it's like, it's just common sense stuff, you know?
And like and like I said, that's the narrative portion of it.
That's not even getting into the mechanical difference between
the weapons. I like the implied narrative
difference. Yeah.
I do think I don't have as big an issue overall with like tags
as like Ryan does. But I do agree that, like, you
don't really need him a lot of the time, right?
Like narratively it's fairly self-evident.
Like what is the difference between one thing and another?
We all live on earth. We all have the ability to
reason on most of us. Yeah, it's like me I well, I
think. That last one might be a little
bit of a stretch, but, well, it's like the rest of what
you're saying. Do you really need A tag to tell
you whether a a staff can be held one handed versus 2 handed?
No, I don't. Yeah, right.
You know, and to each their own. If people do that's fine.
I've I've I've I've self. I've crystallized my own
personal opinions about some things and I just realized that
for me I prefer less scaffolding and people that require more
scaffolding or enjoy more scaffolding.
That's totally fine way to play your games.
Yeah, I think for me it's that like it's that trade off of if
you know the old, if you make a rule about someone being able to
do a thing or like an item having this property, by default
it means everyone else can't or doesn't have that type of thing.
Like the more rules you add in be able to do cool things.
Specifically, the less people can do all the cool things.
Because I don't know, there's you know what I mean?
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, that's why
bring back one pagers because like the more rules you add on
to a thing, the greater the limitations become.
Like having something like this where it's just like here is the
decision making process, have fun.
Like, yeah, it's a lot of freedom, you know?
And that's why the the plan with Crime Wave is to keep it this
one pager that will remain free and always will be free.
Like my plan is to, like print it as a broadsheet, You know,
like on actual news print. Yeah, nice.
And then just expand it with adventures, with scenarios.
That's my plan with crime. Well, 100% getting at least one
of those. Yeah, absolutely.
That's I Somewhere in my feed recently I saw a company
advertising like, hey, print your own newspaper.
And I was like, OK, I don't know what I'd do with this, I'll
bookmark it for later, but this is perfect for that.
That's such a good idea. Yeah, I think I know the exact
company you're talking about too.
I got the print. I got the print.
They'll send you a free package of, like, all their stuff so you
can just look at it. I got I got the folder.
In the other room. I love that work over here too.
Oh yeah. I think, I think, I think if I,
if I remember correctly that my brain is breaking into my piece.
Josh Demansky who runs a bunch of games on our show is here a
bunch. I think they actually used like
some of the prints from that for like some something in their
wedding or something like that because he got married recently.
Ish. So.
And he said they were they were fantastic.
So. Awesome.
I know so much more about it than I did a minute ago.
We're all growing as people all the time.
Right. And none of us can tell you the
name of what it is. But you company out there, good
job you. It's not interesting.
Club is it? Is it newspaper?
Might be. It might be, it might be.
Yeah, I think I've seen that ad as well.
So don't I Did I like I said, I got the digital and physical
test print. They're fantastic, All right.
You're ready to talk about the character, yeah.
Let's do it. Why don't you?
Why don't you start us off, Hunter?
Well, I How do you know that I'm done with my character Ryan.
Because you started before we even started.
I can't help it. Yes, I'm playing Johnny 6
Fingers. You know, he's he's very much
like a wants to appear very wealthy and is in fact not at
all. He drives a car that is decently
maintained, but like a older model as far as stats goes.
He's not incredibly muscular, but he's not quite a schmuck,
you know, I got one in my muscle, I put 2IN Agility, 2IN
Driving because I'm the driver, and then I put one in luck
because that just sounds fun. And as far as sorry, that was
traits. And then as far as skills go, I
have two in disguise, 2IN lock picking and two in stealth.
He carries A stiletto and yeah, that's that's Johnny Johnny 6
fingers you know can get through any door.
Don't let him next to your wallet.
All right, why don't you go, James?
Because I'm going to remake my entire character.
Because Hotter and me made the exact same kick.
I just scratched out and changed a few things there while I was
talking. So I don't know if you want to
pot. Like I I'm worried now that I
just changed the changes you're changing.
Anyway. So my character is named Benny
Mccool, AKA Chips. I view Chips as kind of a
survivalist, and I don't mean it's like really experience that
survival. I mean, more like a cockroach,
you know, gravitates toward whoever is powerful, like I'm
henchman material until his loyalty is in any way questioned
anyway. So traits wise, we got some
muscle of one, an agility of 1. So I figured, like, he's got to
be at least somewhat of a useful henchman, right?
Observation of two. And I feel that's mostly because
he's nervous and twitchy and always watching.
And then a luck of two because that's probably what's gotten
him this far really. And then some skills.
We got one in gambling, we got one in lock picking.
But his his love is pickpocketing.
He's got 3IN pickpocketing and you know he's that's comes from
a lifetime of being a bottom tier criminal here and one in
stealth and he has a blackjack. All right.
Well, here we go then. So as I continue here, let's
figure it out as we go. So I get to be Enzo 2 tricks.
That's my guy. He's now a big fan of
explosives. That's kind of his whole thing.
He's going to be our bomb guy. So I got definitely not six
fingers. Probably 6 fingers total at this
point. Don't know what his two tricks
are. Well he does, you don't.
But as far as his stats, we're going to go 2 Muscle, 2 agility,
2IN luck. I feel like let's knock off one
of those agilities and put another one in luck because I
feel like I've used enough. I need some more because these
explosives are going to happen. And for skills let's go 2IN
explosives, one in safe cracking.
Let's go one in stealth. Got to be able to put the bombs
places 123 and nothing else is important.
What? What is fingerprinting?
Is it me being fingerprinted? Fingerprinting.
Other people? Well, yeah, it both actually.
It it would sort of involve like avoiding getting your
fingerprints on stuff, but also if you are more of the
investigative type, taking fingerprints.
I'm going to do one in, I guess, fingerprinting because I work
with a lot of fine wires and things putting these bombs
together and I don't want to accidentally leave a little
fingerprint on them. And for a weapon grubby mitts
all over everything, I. Don't I?
Don't. I got to have some of the
gunpowder in it, right? I love the revolver as the plus
one against prone targets. Do you consider someone on their
knees begging for their life prone?
Absolutely. OK.
Wanted to make sure that that's what we're going for here.
But I'll be. Clear that though.
I know we talked about it a little bit, but I feel like if
I'm the bomb guy, I really only have one option in the list of
weapons, 'cause if I like big booms, I like big booms, right?
They're going to very hunter build today, huh?
I'm going, dude. I apparent why I don't know how
I always default to the muscle guy or whatever every fucking
time. What's funny is I almost picked
the name Knuckles and realized that it was my character last
time. So not doing that.
But I gotta go shotgun if big booms is big booms, so I'm going
shotgun with my guy here, so it. Would be a shame if no one did,
you know. Yeah, we got into two tricks
with his, with his shotgun and his bag of bombs.
That's us, See. Yeah, so.
And that's that's character creation.
It's as simple as that. Like I I enjoy games that get
you in into the action as quickly as possible and that's
that's that's my ethos when it comes to designing these games.
But if there's nothing else, we can get right into it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna redo my character sheet so it doesn't
look like this and but we can we can get into it.
Let's go. We crank the there's not tunes.
Yeah, let's do it. All right, so we open on a early
January morning on the streets of New Babylon.
There's a snow falling. The streets are littered with
with snow drifts like head high icicles are.
You know, coming off of all the rooftops and there's steam just
drifting over the rooftops of the city.
We zoom into an apartment window above a above a pub, above
Mahoney's Pub, and we go into the into the apartment.
There's a radiator hissing in the corner.
And the three of you are here in this apartment.
What are the three of you doing right now?
Let's let's start off with Johnny 6 fingers.
So Johnny's probably sitting a few feet from the radiator.
He's probably fairly dressed, sitting cross legged on the
ground, playing like playing solitaire.
You know, he's just a deck of cards, just throwing them down.
And like every few minutes he just looks at him and like,
makes his mall up, shuffles and starts again.
Yeah, playing, playing solitaire with a deck of 51.
All right. I can't go.
I get it. Yeah, as you're sort of like
sort of like scratching your head over this game of solitaire
in the corner, Benny Chips, what are you doing?
I'm pacing the floor back and forth kind of nervously, like
adjusting my like, threadbare coat repeatedly and just eating
the driest crackers you could imagine, with no forethought of
to where the crumbs land. Just like making a mess.
Yeah, just sort of like this was that you're open up the nature
Valley pack and it's just a mountain of crumbs just falling
all over you. Yeah, totally, totally that.
All right. And then Enzo 2 tricks.
What about you? What are you doing on this cold
January morning? I'm I'm sitting in the corner at
a small desk. It's like a fold out chair and
you just see just stuff like piled all around me, perpetual
hunch over the desk And you every now and then you hear like
a little buzz or some solder and things like that.
And like I'll drop something and be like it's OK, we're good,
we're good. And I'm just.
I'm tinkering away with too much explosives and too small A room.
Yeah, and and as you're doing this, as three of you are sort
of just the like doing your own thing milling about, you
suddenly hear this like small cry coming from the corner.
You look over and there's a bassinet in the corner.
Who goes to it first? Who responds?
Well, is this a mysterious new bassinet out of nowhere, or are
we aware of this bassinet already?
No, it's been there. Yeah, I guess Johnny's going to.
Johnny puts down his cards and like he's in the middle of like
pulling out a cigarette and he hears the crying and like stops
it back in the his pack of Fortunate Strikes, you know, and
like back in his pocket he stands up and he goes and lunes
are the bassinet and he looks in.
Yeah, there's a there's a small infant there in the bassinet.
It's a Hugh Herkimer, heir to the Herkimer rifle fortune.
Good, I'm like. You 3 have kidnapped an heir and
are now ransoming him for $50,000.
Perfect. You know where the pickup point
is, but here's the issue. You have to get Hugh Herkimer
across the city and everyone in the city knows it's you that did
it. Fantastic.
Thinking. About this.
This is this is a great adventure start, by the way.
Yeah, yeah, I'm. Like, oh, this is good, cool.
So are we're in our own apartment, right?
Yeah, this is your apartment. So I assume Johnny has Johnny is
like a is, you know, he's a disguise guy.
He's a man of many hats, literally, he believes very much
in hats. He believes that the hat you
wear really dictates your personality, so he he wants to
get a disguise going to make himself look like a woman, like
a tall woman. A very statuesque woman.
Yeah, very statuesque woman. OK, all right.
Well, in that case, give me a role adding your disguise to it
and let's see, is there anything else applicable to this?
Is moves so portly, you know, I can stuff him into maybe like
pull him up a little bit. Can I add luck to this?
You absolutely you can. Nice.
You're going to hear me say that a lot today.
Hey, that's what it's there for. I rolled an 8.
Oh yeah, that's. With the bonus actually rolled 5
but +38. Nice.
So you two are sort of doing your own things.
You know Johnny is you know in disguise together normal Johnny
things. You look up and you sort of, you
sort of have to take a double take because it's like really,
really spot on. It's really good.
Like unless you were looking like directly, like scrutinizing
him, you wouldn't be able to tell otherwise.
Gentlemen. Oh hell, Johnny, Hell's this
going to help us? I'm Lady Cordelia Bloomfield.
Johnny, Lady Cordelia, Whatever. What are we going to do now?
Well, you 2 ruffians are in some trouble, but Lady Cordelia
Bloomfield is just on a walk with her newborn in the freezing
cold today. You got to disguise the newborn.
You think they're not going to recognize Hugh, Hugh Harkner
over here? Don't all babies look the same?
Yeah, you got a good point. Lady.
And you, you two are sort of like duking it out.
Enzo, what are you doing right now?
How are How are you? Taking in all this.
Then you put the pin. It's not, it's not the blue
wire. Don't ever cut the blue wire.
Leave the blue wire. It's the green wire.
That's one that we need to do here.
So let me get this and I'll just.
I don't think this place is any safe place for a child it.
Was the green wire. That's right.
Good. OK.
Right. It's like, that's good staring
right at Enzo. I don't think this is a safe
place for anybody. As you say that there's a knock
at the door. Who is it?
It's it is. Who's at the door?
It's Mom Mahoney. I'm sorry, I think you have the
wrong address. You better open this door.
I'm going to get my nephews up here to break your legs.
I look back at those two. I'm like, not breaking
character. Not the face Johnny would make
the the face of statuesque woman would make, you know.
Yeah. If she opens the door, she's
going to lose her fucking hand. Just saying.
I think Benny is going to try and like hide out by the door
frame, blackjack in hand like James thinks.
If she didn't send her nephews up here already, probably isn't
trying to really get at us right now.
But Benny's not that chill, so. OK, and just so you know, I the
door handle's booby trapped. If if I need to roll explosives
to see if it actually goes off or not, you just let me know.
OK, all right, so so tell me how this booby trap is rigged.
Pretty small, pretty small explosive we got there.
It's just, I mean, you know, with a little gunpowder in the
keyhole, right? So as soon as she turns the
handle from the outside, it's going to swing a thing down and
get the bada Bing bada boom. You know, she becomes Mama
honey. 54 fingers, if you know what I'm saying.
Good to know. All right, so who's who's
answering the door? Does anybody answer the door?
I mean, I'm talking through the door as Lady Cordelia.
Bloomfield. OK, all right, all right, she
says. I don't know what kind of funny
business you play in EU three are two months late on your
rent. I expect it by the end.
I expect it by the end of the day.
Oh absolutely. I don't live here, but my 2
companions do. I'll have make sure they run it
down by the end of the day, sweetheart.
Johnny, is that you putting on a voice?
Johnny. Who's Johnny?
Bunch of bunch of loads they are, and you can hear her
thumping away down the hallway. OK, you know, I think Chips was
just inspired suddenly and actually starts stamping away.
I imagine I know how to open the door without setting off this
bomb. Hopefully.
Enzo Enzo gave you the walkthrough.
Done it. You've done it a couple of times
before you. Just took the thingy.
You need to flip it to the right, not to the left.
You know so. Yeah, I'm gonna do just that.
Open the door. Wait.
Wait, wait, ma. Left.
Not, not the right. It's in all right.
Looks at all of them. Thankful they're still there,
Ma. Hey Mom.
Miss Mahoney? You look down the hallway and
there's this, like, hunched, like small little old woman with
like a shawl over her head. And she turns and you can see
that there are black, like shades over her eyes.
And she's got a baseball bat in one hand.
And she turns and looks back down the hallway, not
necessarily looking at you directly.
Yeah, I imagine for behind the glasses.
It's kind of hard to tell where her eyes are focusing.
Ma. Ma.
See, see, It's like this. We we got your money.
We've been we've been working real hard.
We all got jobs out there. And yeah, I've been doing
construction for like 3 weeks now.
And my foreman, yeah, he's got the money for me to pay me.
But you see, I see all that snow out there.
If I was trying to walk over right there, I'd I'd be dead.
I'd freeze my cockles off. I was wondering if we could
maybe borrow your car, go pick up the money to pay the rent.
We could. We could throw in a little extra
rental fee, make sure it's nice and gassed up by the time we
bring it back. You know, we're always good for
it, BA. Give me, give me a presence
roll. Everyone knows Chips is a
terrible liar and has no presence.
All right, well, we got a 7, and I don't think I have anything
that is reasonable to add to this.
Luck feels like a stretch. I don't know.
I have luck. But hey.
You can add it to any role. OK yeah.
I'll, I'll, I'll flash a like jagged smile doing my best to
appear charming and we'll add some luck to that Flash little
yeah just a little bit of little bit of like chicken leg ankle to
her. So with luck, that'll be a nine.
Nice. Oh, nice.
Yeah. So yeah, she she shuffles back
down the hall towards you and sort of like again, not looking
directly at you, just sort of like just sort of you seem like
a good boy. Well, of course, Mahoney.
Ma, you know me? All right, but don't let that
Johnny drive. I've, I've, I've heard.
I've heard him peeling out of here day and night.
Oh yeah, don't. Don't worry, Johnny lost his
license. I'll drive myself, lady.
Cordelia Bloomfield leans out the door with her fake long hair
is like. Thank you, Ma.
This is this is my new lady, Ma. She's sort of like crimps his a
bit and she says you you stay out of trouble now.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And did I hear a baby crying?
No. That is, it's mine.
Yes, hers. Ours.
We're not sure.
She you can, you can see the the suspicion on her face, but she
she doesn't really know how to react to this.
She's like, all right, just as long as you get me the rent by
the end of the day. Well, we'll pick you up a
cannoli from that bakery you like on the way back.
We got you. All right.
And she she Pats you. She reaches up and tries to pat
you on the on the cheek, but her hand kind of just whiffs by your
face. Then she tries to get and Pats
you on the cheek, and then she shuffles down the hallway
downstairs. Boys, I can't believe she bought
that. But what, sweetheart?
Johnny, Lady, take the keys. Daintily, Daintily takes him,
shall we depart. All eyes for Enzo at this point.
Enzo takes, so he definitely has, you know, those glasses
that have too many lindges in him and stuff, you know what I
mean? Like that definitely pulls those
off. You know, puts down the
soldering iron, straightens up a little bit.
It looks even worse. All right there, let me pack a
bag. What's the plan?
I think. Johnny, why are you dressed like
a lady? Oh, Johnny, I'm Lady Cordelia
Bloomfield. You must be mistaken.
And Lake Cordelia Bloomfield, by the way, has like a a large sun
hat. You know, it's very important to
Johnny. The moment he puts on somebody
else's hat, he becomes that person.
So there is no Johnny here anymore.
It's just Lady Cordelia Bloomfield, and she has no idea
who Johnny is. You're doing it.
You're doing it Andy Kaufman right now.
Which one's Andy Kaufman should I know that reference?
I'm sorry I failed you guys. You should.
Oh, Oh, yeah. Bad guy.
Yes. Yeah, so you you 3 know the drop
off point in the city? It's a It's a lonely pier.
Yes, it's a It's a lonely pier at the harbor.
There's a barrel there where you're supposed to pick up the
money and drop off Baby Hue. Let's put the baby in a barrel.
Yeah. But they it is barrel.
Yeah. I.
Think that was. The yeah, I mean it is, it is
the 1920s people didn't male literally male children.
It is a thing that happened. So sticking a baby in a barrel,
I mean they literally had cages on the window so they could put
their baby outside during the day.
So this is not by any such imagination, not I guess normal
for the baby barrel situation. So.
So how we getting there? We walking.
It's snowing. I got Mama's keys, Mama Honey.
And I was thinking that Lady Cordelia Bloomfield could maybe
take a drive over there. Why don't we we put the kid in
the front seat. I'll get in the trunk because
they're looking for us. Yes, and I think I should hold a
bomb under my blouse just in case looks.
Like you already got a couple bombs under that blouses, yeah.
Oh heavens. All right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got to pack a few things
here. Give me one second.
All right. OK.
So all right, so you take this one and I'll hand.
I'll hand the lady a small device.
Don't don't jump too high. And then I'm gonna, I'm gonna,
I'm gonna stuff a a couple in like a a a.
Were there Fanny packs in the 20s?
Is that a thing? Yeah, I have a satchel like the
Indiana Jones. Yeah, like a like a mail bag
kind of thing thing. Yeah, messenger bag mess.
I'll rock the messenger bag, which means they got to have the
messenger hat thing instead of the fedora.
You know, like that whole situation.
Sure. I stuff some stuff in there.
I'm like chips that you want. You want one?
You good? You know I hate those things.
Give us a hell at the end. So.
I'll, I'll take yours, stick in there, stick one.
I'll, like, unzip my boot and I stuff something in my boot.
And then like, I lift up my shirt and I stuff something in
there. And then I take my hat and I
just put like a thing in there and I'm like, all right, we're
good. Make sure nothing shakes out.
Make sure nothing. Nothing's you know.
If it rattles, it ain't good, you know.
This poor baby gets in the barrel.
It'll be a miracle. All right, so lead the white
lady. Absolutely.
And I picked up the I'm holding the baby, right, I assume.
Yeah, sure, if you're if you're holding the baby.
Does the Bassett have wheels on? It is like a yeah.
We'll, we'll say it's one of those baby carriages, yeah.
Yeah, a little pram. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So yeah, I I take it and I like, you know, start to walk very,
you know, comfortably. Like I've done it.
Like this is my life. Like this is the identity of who
I am. This is my baby.
Sashaying down the hall. Absolutely.
Yeah, all right. So if you follow, you head
downstairs through the pub, it's the, it's Mahoney's Pub
downstairs out the back. And there's like a detached
garage, like in this, like little snowy lot behind behind
the pub. And yeah, there's Mom Mahoney's
car there in the garage. It's like a beat up.
We'll say a Model T or something.
Cool. Absolutely we.
Approved the baby in the front. Seat, you know, does.
It have like a a shooting hole. A shooting hole How?
Do you think Mama Honey's been living?
Yeah, right. She's retired.
Pile in the vehicle. Yeah.
Yeah, I think I am going to like get in the trunk to be less
visible which. I'm.
Sure, will be helpful later. Yeah, there's no way it could
possibly go wrong. Yeah, what could happen?
We'll. See, I definitely have my
shotgun with me. I want to make sure that that's
clear. Would one of you find gentlemen
mind giving out and starting the car because you know it's a?
Right. Yeah.
Oh, I.
I, I, I, I got you. I got you, lady.
She like puts her hand on your hand and like looks at you in
the eyes, like, thank you so much.
Yeah, do me a favor. Hold on to this real quick.
Don't shake it. And I'm going to go to the front
and I'm just going to do that. Yeah, you got to kick it a
couple times just to get it going.
And the. Model T like cranks to life.
It's sort of like sputters out this jet of of of exhaust and
just filling the the garage with this like black smoke but you
managed to get going. So there's two routes that you
can take. There is a so the drop off point
is in the southeast of the city. You can head that way going
cutting through the hobo jungle and lonely street or you can
head east. Cut behind was Our Lady of the
Blessed Shroud which is an orphanage across Lonely St. and
around Tarantella Manor which is the the House of like boss
Tarantella, one of the biggest gangsters in all the city.
So you you have two different ways to go at this point.
How's our relationship with with that specific boss?
You have no qualms with him. He has nothing against you.
You you guys are kind of like low level like?
Nobody's. You're nobody's.
Is this our? Is this our us trying to make a
name? Yeah, this most definitely this
is you trying to get like sort of get out of a gutter,
basically. Yeah.
I once again try to convince the fellas that the Bomb Boys is a
good name. They don't usually go for it,
but I think it fits. I also, as we climb, as I climb
back in the car, you hear like a tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
And it's go. All right.
We're good. I got.
So we got the two, we got two roots, right?
But the one goes behind orphanage and that makes me
think a little bit, right? What if we steal a second baby,
right. And.
Enzo, that doesn't even make sense.
No, because listen right, say like we we stick the the real
baby in the trunk, right? And then if we get mugged on the
way, right, say someone just stops us, pulls a gun, reaches
in the car, takes the baby, Right.
We still got the right baby. You want to stick the real baby
back here with me? I don't know guys.
I. Think you can handle the baby?
You see how he looks mean? Actually, babies look the same.
Actually, I think part of that is a fantastic idea.
We should put the baby in the trunk.
That way if we do. Get stopped on the way.
We have no baby. Well, if we don't got any baby
anything, got to look in the trunk.
Oh no. Let's just strap it.
Underneath the car sometimes. That's no What's the most
believable, comforting, no chips that's ever heard?
Why don't we just strap the thing up under the car?
No, it might. Die.
It can't wrap a baby under the car.
It's not a bomb. Think about the windows.
We fully transitioned to the Three Stooges, you know.
Hey, it was going to be that way eventually, era.
Appropriate. So listen, how do we feel about
my steel? A second baby idea?
I just need to know. I think I think Lady Cordelia
Bloomfield is does the down voting that.
Listen. Yeah, OK To continue with that
option, we Why don't we steal two more babies than we each got
a baby. Yeah.
I. Mean it?
Gives us like a couple of shots, right?
Like we go one way, someone stops us, takes a baby, we go
the other way, someone stops us, take the baby.
Everyone knows we ain't got no baby.
No more than we drop off the real baby in the barrel,
admittedly. Admittedly, like in all tabletop
games I've ever played, especially with you, Ryan, this
is the dumbest idea you've actually ever had.
This. Is amazing.
This is amazing idea. I wonder if it's more trouble
than it's worth, you know? I mean, if we're going to get a
second baby, how much harder is it to get a third baby?
At that point? It's my mommy.
You would go into an orphanage. Just nothing but babies in
there, yeah? It's like when Mama Mccool used
to make dumplings. You make two, You might as well
make 50, you know. Yeah, right.
Appear to be outvoted, yeah. People just popping out.
Baby, it's left and right. We got a it's a baby smorgasbord
over there. Yeah.
I OK, but I get to pick which baby I carry, OK?
Oh Lord. All right, all.
Right. So we doing this Listen.
I heard you. Were doing it.
OK, well that was a joke plan, but it's also amazing, so let's
fucking do it. We're still have more babies.
But so I guess. We're taking the route near the
gangster boss and Our Lady of the.
Trout was suffering baby shroud and hope.
What was that? Yeah.
Something that has the blessed. Shroud.
Oh, the blessed Shroud. It's it's clothes or pain.
That's just how it all works. That's the entirety of of
Catholic guilt. So I guess we're going that way.
All right, someone wrote me two D6.
Ryan saw you. Got it. 2D6 I got an 8 on the
dot at two and a six. OK do I get any luck or anything
with it or is that just a random?
This is the mooks we run into. This is the.
This is the mooks that you run into.
So as you exit out of the back lot of the of Mahoney's Pub, you
get onto the city street and you putter along through the
snowdrifts around frozen cars and and snowdrifts.
You actually managed to enter into what appears to be a group
of on the side of the street, a group of hobos panhandling one
of them plainer harmonica. And you actually see one of them
riding in what looks to be like cryptic symbols on the sidewalk
as you're driving past. You know you're going like 15
miles an hour, so, so you're able to see all this.
Do we know the cryptic symbols? Is it like low iron?
Like cool on dry like the like lodger hieroglyphics.
Or is it something else? Let's see who has.
Let's see, does anybody have anything in, let's say, forgery?
No, damn. I almost did.
Forgery instead of lock pick. No.
Well. I have.
I don't even have observation. Well, and and I yeah, well,
observation. How how about that?
Who has observation? Well, I got two dots in
observation, but I also stuck myself back in the trunk.
You. Can you can see out a window,
but you you recognize it as a hobo language?
OK, yeah. So you recognize it as this guy
is basically keeping tabs on everything on the city streets,
on the sidewalk here. Martin.
Boys, that guy's writing a novel about us.
But I'm sorry, boys and Cordelia.
I prefer a. Lady, but thank you.
This, like, 1920 thieves can't. Is that what's happening right
now, basically? Yeah, basically, yeah.
Nice is so they're just taking notes on who's passing.
Yes, and go ahead. So I'm a I'm a woman driving a
car. That's not Johnny's car, right?
So we're like, fairly innocuously disguised.
Yeah, pretty much, yeah. It's just like woman driving car
and I I'm. Perpetually, Any time there's
not something to do, I'm perpetually heads down.
Like messing with something, like always.
Like, you know, doing this so you see the top of my messenger
hat and someone just, like, just mumbling away.
You know, whatever the 1920s version of like, a strawberry
pie was. OK, all right.
Well, Benny, you actually catch that up ahead based on these
notes, and you're able to catch this from the car because he's
probably, he's probably scrolling them up on like a a
wall of a building as well. You can catch that.
There's actually cops up ahead. A crew.
There's there's a there's some bonkers up ahead.
Ah, lovely. I love a man in uniform.
Yeah, they're not going to love you though.
Maybe we should take a turn. Is there a turn for us to take?
Yes. Well, actually you're going to
hit Our Lady of the Blessed Shroud first.
But there's going to be a route heading northeast and then SE.
So the cops are northeast. You can head SE instead.
OK, well then we pull up to Our Lady of the Blessed Shroud.
Hey. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Don't pull up to the front of
the fucking building. We're stealing babies here.
I thought, we're adopting a child.
You don't just. Well, I don't know.
It's 1920s. I don't know.
They don't just hand them to you, I guess.
We don't even got no monies. You got you got to be buying
babies. This is human trafficking.
Oh yeah, And I think maybe ladies got something.
If we tell them we're adopting a child, we got it in Boom.
We'll just take one out for a test drive.
We'll bring it back tonight. I mean, how else do you choose
one, right? They gotta let you try them out.
I do get a bit. Of.
Please let me handle this gentleman.
Or our a a lady you are. You got it?
Go get them. Yeah, so, yeah.
Lady Cordelia Bloomfield, you know, gets out of the car and
stands up her tall, statuesque self, and she walks into the
building. I wolf whistle from the car.
This lady's coming. To look her.
This described the orphanage. It's like this tall brownstone
and there's just children everywhere.
There's like easily like 60 children just running around and
like scrawling on the on the building wall and like playing
in the snow, you know? Did you snag them just we could
just take them home? Got to do this whole.
Like they're doing the They're doing the little kid thing where
they just stare at you. Walking past Hi children.
Just just staring daggers through you and you enter in and
you're quickly ushered to the office of of a Mother Mary
Stigmata who is. The It's never a good name, you
know, It's always like, yeah, Ryan's, Ryan.
It's always pain or clothing. Or.
And you go to knock and there's a voice on the other side of the
door that says, who is it? I am Lady Cordelia Bloomfield.
Come in. And the door just swings open
and she's sitting behind her desk.
Spooky. Oh yeah.
So Lady Cordelia Bloomfield walks in and she sits down
across from that person. Yeah, the only seat is a little
kids desk that you have to kind of squeeze into.
Oh dear, how would ladylike? Do you have a purchase?
Do you have a chair that I may sit in?
What's good enough for the children is good enough for you.
Oh, fantastic. And so this tall, statuesque
woman sits down like hello. How may I help?
You. Well, I'm on my way to meet my
husband at the docks and we were interested in adopting a small
baby. I preferably a boy.
And we we were just wanting to take one out for a test drive to
say it today to see how it went a.
Test drive. Yeah, you know you don't want to
take a baby home permanently and find out that that baby doesn't
love your family or you. But just for an afternoon
outing, I'm sure the child would love it.
What's your What's your presence?
It's. Nothing.
But. I am disguised so.
You are disguised. You are disguised.
I'll give you a plus one on that.
So give me a roll. Can I use luck as well?
Yeah, sure. Nice.
I rolled 6, so 7:00 and 8:00. She she eyes you up and says,
well, it's it's a little unorthodox, but I don't see
what's the harm in letting you see the children at least.
OK, so she she gets up motions for you to follow her.
Say like slide out of the no, actually, to get on this desk
you have to rotate your legs out and then stand up and press down
on them so you don't get stuck in them.
So that's how she exits that desk, just so you know.
Yep. So you follow her and you end up
in the nursery, in the orphanage.
And there's, I'll say, yeah, I'll say there's two babies here
in the nursery. She apologizes, It's been a it's
been a slow month, so there's not that many babies.
And there's a yeah, there's a couple babies there.
One is a little girl, one is a little boy.
And yeah, there. Just to be clear, the baby we
already have is a boy, right? Yes.
OK. Yeah.
So yeah, I look at the little boy I'm like.
Gucci Gucci, goo. And I'm like, I think my husband
would be so happy to have a young son.
Don't you feel the same? Sure, yeah.
Absolutely. Well, if you wouldn't mind, I'll
take him with me just for the afternoon and we'll come back
tonight and we'll decide how it went.
Let let me let me take your information down before you.
Absolutely. And what?
What do you tell her? Oh, I tell her Lady Cordelia
Bloomfield. And then what information does
she want? Like an address?
Yeah, she wants an address. I assume like I'm fairly
familiar with the city, right? Oh yeah.
I give her an address to like kind of an upscale, upscale like
housing complex that I've maybe broken into before or like like
stole from before. Stole mail from yeah.
Or stole, actually. That's That's so on point for my
character, actually, yeah. It's like I stole mail from at
some point. So the original concept for this
character is that just like when he's not in dress, he like walks
around. Just like picks things up from
people when they're not looking. You know, not quite
pickpocketing, but just like, yeah, but not when he's in
character because that this character is a person.
So this. Character is real.
Yeah, no, absolutely. It's 100% real.
She is a real person, kind of. So yeah.
Is 100% real Kind of. 100% real Yeah, you you basically take a
take a baby for a test drive. You grab the you grab the little
boy and coochie coochie COO and then just like football.
No, she's a lady. She's a lady from a fine
neighborhood. She carries him like a baby all
the way out. But she's particularly strong
because actually she's not lady, but one arm is like very well.
We'll be We'll see you this. Evening and Lady Mary's stigmata
just stands there waving, just very dumbfounded with what just
happened. Oh, fantastic.
Yeah. So I get back to the car I I
put. You got a.
Baby. Well, of course I did.
And so she got a. Baby.
But where's? Where's the second one?
I thought we all going to have a.
Baby oh. I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
I don't think that was going to work out.
Well then, which one of us doesn't get a baby?
That doesn't seem fair. I thought we got a baby.
I got enough, I got, I got, I got, I got enough to carry and
take care of it. He probably shouldn't have a
baby. That's a good point.
So real quick, I switched the baby's outfits.
OK, chips. And then I'm I'm gonna, I'm
like, Enzo, would you like to take the rich person's baby back
there with you? No, I take no baby that I'm.
Sorry, not Enzo. Chips.
Yeah, Chips is in the truck.
Yeah. Like, I kind of like give them
both the ones over and like, yeah, OK, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll take the rich one. Perfect.
So the rich one dressed in a a, the orphanage clothing, and then
the orphanage one dressed in rich clothing in the front seat
and we are off. All right, little Huey.
Let's get back in the trunk. You and me, buddy.
Oh. Wait, what's the baby's name
again? Huey.
What? Huey Herkimer.
Huey Great. It's a.
Very terrible little baby. His last name, you know.
Why do they have such ugly last names?
What's the deal? But obviously the moment you
heard it, you're like, oh, that's a rich baby.
Obviously the other I guess the other problem with the Model T
is it ain't got no trunk. Oh.
So you just all the way in the back, but you need to peek out
that window in the back, right? That's where you're at.
Just all the way all the way in the back.
Yeah. Like obviously, like under some
kind of blanket or something. Yeah, you got a tarp back there
or? Something.
Yeah, yeah yeah. That way I can also peek out the
window, so that would be helpful.
Perfect. Wonder when now I now at the
deep dive, when the car trunk was invented, anyway.
OK, I've driven enough if someone else, not Lily, driving,
but I mean the adventure. Oh, no, lady.
Listen, you you. Apparently I I know I'm not the
boss, and I feel like Chips ain't quite the boss either, so.
Chips ain't the boss. That's really true.
I think. Lately, John is the boss.
Look, John is the boss. You know he's.
Yeah, I guess we divert our path, right?
We don't want to go northeast. We want to go.
You said SE. Mm hmm.
Southeast. Southeast and then cut back up
north to hit the dock. So the docks are actually so if
you hit SE you'll be hitting Lonely St.
It's a street that stretches the entire span of the city.
It's a very contested ground between a lot of rival gangs.
And then from this point you'll have to cut NE and hit
Tarantella Manor and then go South to hit the docks.
OK. Yeah.
So we kind of got contested territory or cops right now,
huh? Yeah, pretty much.
I feel like feel like maybe we could get past the caps with
maybe one baby. Well, we got two babies.
We got to keep quiet. That's all right.
This one's under the blanket, Uncle.
Uncle Benny's got it. Yeah, Hugh, Hugh, like does that
baby thing of grasping your your finger and then and then
laughing. If he gets too loud, just shake.
Him. That's what other parents do in
the 1920s. He.
He just grabbed my finger. He just, he got a little handy
and just grabbed my finger. How cute.
I don't know if I want to give this baby up.
Oh, great. New problems every day.
Yeah. So what do you guys?
I I'm divided. What do you guys think?
I'm kind of thinking cop it too. You can go through the cops,
Yeah. OK, what is What does Enzo
think? I I I think I said no cops, but
I got my shotgun, so. Well, we'll use a shotgun.
Guess it's all where we want to use the shotgun at.
This seems like a really great situation for all of us.
Good. No, no.
Fuck it. No.
Because I'm fully exciting. So let's make a plan and then
I'll do that. I was going to say fuck it,
let's just go through the cops. All right, fuck it.
Let's go through the cops. And just in case anyone out
there wants to know, the trunk was integrated into cars
sometime in the early 1930s. One of the first times was in
1934 Buick Club sedan. Prior to that, it was literally
a trunk that was. Strapped to the back of cars.
Yeah. Wow.
Yeah. So as of right now, if we got a
trunk, we're literally stuffing chips and a baby into a trunk
strapped to the back of the car. How?
Interesting. Because we're in the 1920s and
so anyway, coppas. Yeah, So you head back on to the
city streets heading northeast, and you get stopped by two cops
there. It's like a line of traffic.
There's two cops up ahead just checking cars basically, And
you've got, I'll say you've got six cars in front of you, so you
have time to decide what you want to do.
I'm I'm just going to lie if I'm talking.
So yeah. I'm just gonna.
I'm just gonna not talk. And I'm just gonna try and not
move as much as possible while under this tarp while keeping
Huey entertained to keep Huey quiet.
All right. All right.
So. You In case I need it, right?
Shotgun is in my messenger bag and I'm just gonna put my
messenger bag across my lap. So the shotgun is aimed at the
door the cops will be on, just in case.
I think the the story I'm gonna go with is that Enzo is in fact
my my, my, like, Butler, bodyguard.
OK. Well, then I should be in the.
I mean, so where does everyone imagine themselves in the
vehicle right now? Well, I'm driving.
We can switch spots, so. Yeah, and back seat under a
tarp. With the baby, how many seats do
we have? Is it just the two in the front
and then the back seat? It's a it's a four seater, yeah.
OK, all right. I don't know why in my head, I
imagine that the entire time I've been sitting in the back
seat while she's been driving. But I think, yeah, I think if we
have the, if they can't see us, it might be a good idea for me
to, like, be the driver. Why?
The mom, like you know, does a thing.
And we have the baby. And yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, And if you kind of like, listen, if you shake it a little
bit and it cries, sometimes the cops will just be like, yeah,
then only deal with it and then we'll just go, you know?
That's unfortunately a really good idea.
Yeah. It'll just be.
Listen. And if that one is screaming so
loud no one can hear nothing, then they can't hear the one in
the back, you know what I'm saying?
So listen, if you just gotta, you know, you just gotta, you
know, edit the real baby. Say thank you dear when.
We pull up. Let's just say that.
You're my mute Butler, so no talking.
I might. But listen, I mean, you ain't
that bad to look at. I could be the husband, you
know. Oh.
You. So you pull up and it's like
square jawed, like low brim hat like cop, just like leers in and
just looks at the two of you and it says where you headed Sir?
Good afternoon. Is it afternoon?
Yeah. Yeah.
I'd say it's about 10 in the morning.
Oh, good morning, officer. My Butler was just driving me to
meet my husband at his warehouse that he runs down by the pier
and very quietly and like my hands, unlike holding the baby
in one of my hands under it. I pinched the baby's leg really
hard with my hand. That's under the baby.
So the baby, I assume you start screaming.
Yeah, OK. I'm like, oh, it's OK, dear.
We're almost there to see your husband.
Do you see your father? We're almost there.
The cop, like, reaches into a a breast pocket and it's like
rifling around for something. And he's just like, eyeing up
Enzo in the driver's seat. And it's just like, does he
speak? Oh, I'm so sorry.
This is my Butler, Enzo. He does not actually speak.
He was born mute. He's a family friend, but we
hired him. He does a great job as a driver,
and he makes sure that I'm, you know, escorted by a man.
Anywhere that I go. It would be improper for a woman
of my stature to go alone, even though my husband is so busy.
The The cops kind of like squints at this and like pulls
out a photograph and it's just like holding it up to the baby.
Better quiet him down. Go ahead.
On. All right, near, you're ushered
on through. Catastrophe navigated sound.
All right, so. Oink out the windows Lee No did.
We make it. Listen, I could say a cab and
they don't know what that is. It's the 1920s.
Yeah, we made it.
Yes, we made it. I told you cops.
Yeah. Welcome.
Did you? You did it, didn't you?
You fucking. You punched the baby or
something? Is that what you did?
Oh, I just gave him a slight. Pinch Hey, listen, all I'm
saying is and I'm like, you know, driving now and I'm going
to like, you know, kind of get a little bit, you know, whatever
with it. You know, I'm just saying I've
had a couple of good ideas. I'm just saying I had a couple
of good ideas today, right? If we would, they had the
regular baby in the front seat, who knows what would have
happened. Don't worry, Huey, I'd never
pinch you like that. He.
Giggles and Coos and like just
sort of like starts reaching towards your face.
And this kid is a trip. Do you do you all see this?
Yes, he loves you so much. Oh my gosh, you think so?
All right. So you make it to Lonely St. and
currently it's all quiet, nothing to see.
It's an empty alleyway that you're sort of like creeping
down in your car. And yeah, like it's pretty
quiet. Usually there's like turf wars
going on down here, but it seems that they've given up for the
day at this point. You can go directly South along
Lonely St. and all the way to the docks, or you can avoid the
rest of Lonely St. going SE towards Terratella Manor.
Might not be the. Smart decision, but lonely
street just sounds like so much fun.
Yeah, I mean, Lonely St. sounds like a good time, right?
I mean, I'm driving this thing right now.
I can decide where we go, but we'll see.
I don't know why the beef in the day, but I mean the other, you
know, the other thing that is you know, we know that, we know
that, that Hobo knows that. Do we think that hobo knows that
what we know that he knows, We know that we saw what he was
writing, Was he writing about us?
Do we think that maybe they waiting for us?
I mean, who's out there looking for Lady Cordelia Bloomfield?
From what I know, everyone out there is definitely looking for
the baby. There's got to be plenty of
babies in this town. Oh, I mean, we got, we got the
wolf Em, as you know, because we sweet because we took that baby
anyway. So I don't know why would we?
Is there any reason we would go towards Tarantino or whatever?
They don't know our name yet. We could keep it that way.
Yeah, I don't know. I don't just don't know why I'm
getting a bad feeling that the streets are empty, you know what
I mean? Like that ain't normal.
And what time of day is it? It's it's about around, say, 11
at this point. 11 like mid of the day, 11 or 11 at night 11:11
AM Oh damn yeah this. I mean, unless they on a fucking
lunch break from fighting, which sounds fucking ridiculous.
I don't know why they wouldn't be, is all I'm saying makes.
No sense in the old country, middle of the day, all the time.
You take a break, you, you get some pasta, you drink a little.
You know that? Wine.
I was thinking about what's dropped into an Americano
because suddenly my knowledge of coffee has flown out the door.
Yes, you have a little espresso and, you know, a little like
pasta dish. You take a break.
That's what they're doing. I know.
I know you stop stabbing the guy.
You go get some spaghetti. A little, you know, a little
Gabba ghul. Oh.
Man I'll. Get a little panoli.
Right now. Right.
I know. But it's just usually that's
like like 1:00 PM kind of shit, you know what I mean?
But I don't know. I just.
I don't know. All I'm saying is I got a bad
feel on the street till fucking the 11:00 in the morning.
And so you you got like 5 bombs on you.
I got a bad feeling all the time that you're just going to go,
you know, and it'll the feelings aren't real.
Feelings ain't real. You ever see a feeling?
I mean, you ever see the air? Oh shit.
No, I ain't never seen the air. Yeah.
Oh man, air ain't real either. That's a real.
Oh no. I don't feel like that's the
conclusion you're supposed to come to from what I said right
there, Air is real. Feelings is real.
How am I going to raise this kid in this world with the air that
may or may not be real? My fucking God ships this
fucking guy. Listen.
Air. Air is red.
Listen, what are you breathing right now?
Nothing. Well.
I don't like just starts trying to grab it that you know, it
don't matter, it don't matter whatever, I'm breathing.
It matters. It matters here, right?
Right. So like if you don't, if if air
is nothing, then you don't got to breathe nothing.
So stop breathing. Hold your breath.
See how long that fucking lasts? Yeah, and you know what?
I'm breathing right now. I'm breathing in the sweat of
you and Lady Cordelia up here as we try and get this baby to the
barrel. Yeah, right.
I know What I'm saying is what direction we fucking go in.
Lady Cordelia is being exceptionally quiet right now,
which is not like her. But I don't.
Know it's this whole character acting thing that she does, you
know? Yeah, I think she is she mad at
me? For the last time, we're not
always mad at you. You know, every time we do this,
it's, it's emotional labor we got to do to reassure you.
Listen, I don't mean you Chips. I mean Lady Cordelia.
I feel like there's always something I'm doing to the lady.
Like, Oh yeah, yeah, I guess. I don't know.
Whatever she's mad at me for, no.
Fucking reason, you know? And then she does the whole
silence treatment bit and it's the whole fucking thing.
Yeah, I don't. I just wish we lived in a well
where we could just, you know, talk about these things and be
upfront and just like, why is everyone hiding it till the
resentful an open line of communication is?
Yeah, I just, if there was just some type of person that we
could go through to talk about our feelings and if I even if I
had to pay them a little bit, not too much so that everybody's
has access to it. But, you know, that would be
really a nice thing that we'd be able to do.
Well, I mean, like if if if feelings is real, and I'm not
saying they is, but if feelings is real, everybody has them.
And so wouldn't it make sense if, I don't know, that was
something like, oh, maybe the government was just to pay for
everybody to talk about their feelings?
Yeah, yeah, maybe at some point if if if we get like a a new
deal that really helps fund public services that would be
fantastic. I just hope someone doesn't come
along and I don't know, start busting unions and reducing the
tax rates on the on the richest and you know.
I don't think anyone could ever could.
No, that would be ridiculous. I mean, Can you imagine someone
really thought that giving money to the rich would somehow
trickle down to US poor's? If it did, we won't be out here
doing this right now, would we? Because.
Right, exactly. You know, as long as someone
like that doesn't come along and fucking ruin America, then we're
good. Where we at right?
I can't wait to see this place in a ballot.
And yeah, you can't even imagine what it might look like in 100
and three years. 104 years. Yeah, yeah.
As long as something like that doesn't come along, I think
we'll be fine. I think we.
Should go down lonely. Street.
All right, all right. Lady Lady Cordelia, how you feel
about us going down Lonely St. What are your thoughts and
feelings and emotions? We've been talking about
feelings here. What are yours?
Yeah, lot of talks about feelings.
Sorry, I did. I had a emergency call I had to
take. What was the the thing I missed?
We're going down Lonely St., which we tried to avoid earlier,
specifically. That was what I was saying.
But he was saying, listen, my field we we got like 2 seconds
before I got to make a turn. My feeling is lonely streets.
Really empty, you know, kind of lonely for some fucking reason
that makes no sense to me. At 11:00 in the morning we going
on this so we heading towards boss Tarantino or whatever his
fucking name is. Oh.
Well, we're nobody with Tarantino, right?
We're nobody to nobody, really. That's.
Right. Nobody with a baby.
You know what? Nobody with two babies.
Yeah, you. Got you, guys make the call.
We already made the fucking call.
Now we need your fucking opinion because we got two different
opinions. That's why there's three of us
fucking here. Well, I say don't Lonely three.
He says do lonely 3. So we need your fucking opinion,
lady. You got plenty of more fucking
day. Huey ain't going to break the
tie. Oh yeah, Huey.
Look at you, little man. I say let's go for lonely
street. Now just for the record, I want
you guys to know that my girlfriend's currently trapped
at the Portland airport because our airport got closed and so
they flew out to Portland and she went to go rent a car and it
was so expensive that instead she's taking a two hour lift
ride. Oh my God.
She hired the lift and she just called me.
She's like, so it was too expensive to rent a car, but I
got a lift. And so she's driving Lyft
drivers, driving her from Portland to Eugene.
That is wacky. Yeah, I would.
If I was that Lyft driver, I'd be furious.
So hey, they've accepted the job.
They did accept it so. Yeah, it's the Lonely St.
The lonely St., you say? Huh?
Yeah, all right, someone rolled ME2D 6AS.
You're heading down Lonely St. I'm the.
Biggest one, yeah. I'm on it.
I'm on it, yeah. We got a six down Lonely St.
Six down, Lonely St. OK, all right.
As you're heading down Lonely St., you get to a point where
you can move no further in the car because there's about 40 or
so people basically like demonstrating outside of this
small factory that's on lonely St. hoisting signs and demanding
fair pay. Fucking right, you guys.
Keep unions strong. That's what we were talking
about and that's right. I think we all react positively
to this, you know. Yeah.
But also, we should have listened to you and go the other
way. I'm sorry.
Sorry about that. I didn't.
I didn't foresee this can. We turn around.
There's actually a side street that you can cut down.
Oh, that sounds bad. It sounds like a bad idea.
It heads to Tarantella Manor. Oh, so whether we were they
really want us to go to Tarantella Manor, I feel like
we're getting together. Failed the role to go down this
street so. The dice decided that, yeah,
the. Dice.
Decided that would go with that who would get out of the?
Car and walk through this crowd with the babies and I'm sure it
would be fine. That is an option.
How far away is the dock from here if we start walking?
Let's see if you walk from this point.
Oh yeah, this is also not our car.
Yeah, I was gonna say yeah, if we want them to be able to live
in our fucking apartment, we might not want to leave.
I mean, I don't think we do. Even if this goes well, they're
gonna know we have the money and people know how to find us
there. I don't know if we want to go
back there. That is an amazing point,
actually. Hey, listen, I gotta at least
stop by back. I got plenty of stuff that if
someone touches, we won't be able to go to the pub anymore
either, cuz that shit won't fucking be there is all I'm
saying. I mean, it's a if someone
touches my stuff, it's going to go boom.
That's what I'm trying. Trying, Yeah.
Yeah, we got you in. Yeah.
We got it, yeah. Yeah.
No, no, no. That's it.
So. I don't listen.
Oh my, you fucking guy. Listen, we're in a car that
drives faster than we can fucking walk.
It's not like we're taking the side straight and driving into
the person's fucking man and we can just take the side straight,
go up. Want to make a left right.
OK. And none of us have any decent
presence, huh? No, I don't so.
OK, I was just thinking like, oh, what if this turned into a
riot and they pushed into the building, but.
Oh. I don't know that we have the
the necessary means. So the necessary means I.
Mean. Here's the thing.
If I need to clean the street, I can clear the fucking street, if
you know what I'm saying. You're not bombing the union?
Yeah. I got to draw a line.
No. No, no, no, no.
I'd obviously bomb the fucking business, I mean.
Oh yeah. You know, actually that might be
all right. What kind of business are they
protesting? It's a it's a shark.
Factory. So textiles Dangerous.
Yeah, hey. You know what the working
conditions are in places like that.
They. Yeah, there's fingers all the
time in those machines like they're not, Yeah.
So listen, they're not right there with no.
Man, though. So we're going to go by the
manner then, I think. Wait, so I'm not bobbing the
building? No.
I haven't even got the football at all.
Fucking day is all I'm saying. Oh my God, it's on the building
then. No, we can go down the thing.
I'm fucking turning already. You told me and I was stuck with
it, so we turned towards, you know what I keep saying?
Tarantino. Tarantella.
Because Tarantino's a heck. Terencella Manor.
SO2D6 it's on Roman 2D6 Hunter you you have it's.
Hunter, it's on yours. Yeah.
OK, please, please don't suck this time 9. 9 OK.
I've hit the threshold 8, but my two other rolls I rolled under
but I just enough went to hit 8. This is the first time I've
rolled above an 8 actually. And who knows, It's random
encounters. This could be terrible all.
Right, you're heading down the street towards Tarantella Manor.
When you see that marching down the street or what appear to be
a large grouping of like you think they're cops at first.
But then you get to a closer look at them and you're like,
no, it's the silver swords and it's like these black coated
Jack booted thugs with silver swords embroidered across their
shirts and they're just marching down the street.
They're going to be cops? Are they fascist fucks?
There's there's a actual like a lot of cars are stopped and
there's a cop walking by just sort of like just like tell well
telling people that they need to turn around and he comes up to
your car and like motions to your roll down the window and
sorry folks you're going to need to turn your car around.
They're they're demonstrating today.
Oh. Demonstrating what?
They they got their day in court.
The the It's the fucking Nazi Party.
Oh, so shouldn't. We run them down.
Wouldn't the world be? Better if we just kept going in
our cars and they just clung clunked under them.
I'm just saying I hate new Babylon Nazis.
I'm not. Well, I guess we'll fucking turn
around. Not right what you're going to
turn around? Oh yeah, because no, we're going
to turn around to a side street. Ninzo's going to use a bit of
stealth, is all I'm saying. OK, good.
We're not. We're not actually like as the
car turns around because chips didn't quite get that, we're not
actually leaving, are we? Oh fuck, no.
I turn, I turn, I park and I take my bag and I'm like, we
got, we got something to do. Who's staying with the fucking
babies? And I just step out of the car.
I'll stay with the babies. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean you wouldn't might want to keep that engine going.
I will. I will, of course.
Why don't you hop in that driver's seat and make sure the
door stays unlocked too? And yeah, I pull my hat down,
pull my jacket tight on my chips.
You coming or not? Yeah, we'll miss this.
Come on. Let's fucking go.
Here, take this and I Chuck something over my shoulder.
Oh no, is this one. What am I doing with this Enzo?
Hey, you throw out when I tell you to, all right, That's all
I'm saying. And I want to turn, turn back,
you know, hands him a Pockets messenger bag, kind of tucked
into my jacket and hat down. And what am I?
What am I looking at when I see? See this here.
So there's a big line of cars, basically a bunch of people that
are just attempting to turn around.
There's like a line of them basically.
And before them there's a large grouping of these silver shirt
folks like just doing their dumb goose step through the streets,
you know. And yeah, there's basically just
like maybe I'm going to say, yeah, there's just a single cop
that that one that told you that you probably need to turn around
just like watching from from the sidewalk and the the silver
swords are going around handing out pamphlets to people, but
that that's what you see in front of you.
Gotcha. So I think we're we're splitting
up, right? Well, listen, all right, here's
my thoughts. Chips, why don't you go, why
don't you go have a conversation with the with the cop there and
I'll, you know, I'll deliver a package too.
Yeah, I'm going to talk with the cop and also that car first in
line. Maybe both.
Only at once, yeah. Looks like they're having car
trouble to me. Look like they're having car
trouble to you, Yeah. It looks like they're having a
bit of car trouble. Yeah, that's.
A good thing my my father was mechanic.
I'll see what I can help them out with over there.
What? What's the signal there, Enzo?
When you hear a boom, you should probably be running back to the
car. All right, all right.
While we're doing this Lady cordial, Bloomfield's going to
turn the car back around. Like, still on that side street,
but like, ready to like, drive out the direction we, you know,
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, Johnny, why don't you give me a stealth check?
Give me a give me a + 1. Because, like Benny is like
keeping the cop preoccupied. Cool 9 + 110.
Huh, Johnny? Oh, shit.
That's my bad, Enzo. I meant, OK, perfect.
Yeah. Oh, so I rolled A7.
Plus my Stealth is 8. Do I you want me to add anything
else to that? Or nice?
Are we good? You're.
Good. You're good.
All right. Yeah.
So you're you start playing, playing bombs.
Where? Where are you playing them at?
Well, I guess it I guess it depends on what about the body
count to be realistically how many?
How many of them are here? 66 There's a lot of them.
All right, well, I'm shooting for 100%.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to take a lap around the
group and just kind of drop them all around.
OK. Yeah.
And then I'm gonna try to just be like, woo, yeah, I'm gonna
like, cut it into the middle. Yeah, one of them, actually.
Yeah, one of them actually comes up to you and hands you a
pamphlet. Oh, thank you so much for this.
Yeah. Swords, right.
You know, And I'll open the pamphlet and I'll be like, Boo,
are they in court? Right.
It's it's totally heinous shit. What's up?
The the the pamphlet. It's totally heinous, like you
can toss it into the snow. Yeah, yeah.
It's, it's. No, I don't I I take, I get a
couple more. Yeah.
And I take a couple more and I take a couple more and I make
sure that they're tucked in tight with my little package
here. So when someone finds it, my
fine parts of this pamphlet in it too, That's what I'm that's
what I'm doing with that. All right.
And and I and I would like to just get to the middle, then I
do it and I would just like to leave a little something there
in the middle. And then when I go, I'm going to
just get on out of here and that one's got like just a second or
two longer on it then the rest. So when the outside ones go,
everyone comes into the middle. You know what I'm saying?
All right, Gotcha. Yeah, you guys have.
You guys have a great day. All right.
Thanks so much. You know, you keep doing what
you're doing and you have the day that you deserve, All right?
Yeah, a couple of, Yeah. Yeah.
You have the day that you. Deserve.
Yeah, that's. Such a great That's a really
great insult. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you hear one of them guys like, hey, wasn't that guy
Italian? And the the, the if, if, this is
cool, if I can be a bit cinematic with it.
As I step out of the Group, One last one hands me a pamphlet and
I take it and I kind of do one of this just like a like a like
that. Pretty loud.
So that chip nearby can kind of hear it.
OK, I'll catch a cast a glance over that way.
Yeah. And and then I just put my head
down and like, we hit like it. Just a bit of slow motion as I
tear the pamphlet in half. And right as I throw it over my
shoulder just and it's just like sprinkles down as like the
things are coming up behind us. And like I'm slow walking away
and Chip comes into scene and he's walking with me back to the
car. We look over and I'm like, oh
shit, a little bigger than I thought.
And we kind of like him and you know, yeah, and he cuts back to
regular motion. We start running.
I'll give an over the shoulder of the one you gave me at any
place I saw that didn't get covered as much as maybe it
needed to be. Oh, that's right, you got one
too. And.
Yeah, and it's just like absolute chaos.
There's like, it's just like you said, the outer perimeter like
blows and driving them all to the center where it's they're
basically grenades going off and they like coalesce in the center
where the last one goes off, just blowing them all to bits.
And I imagine you 2 Sprint back to the car, hop in, and you just
peel off, yeah. What's the what is the like
orchestral piece that's playing in V for Vendetta when he blows
all those bombs? Oh, I know the one you're
talking about. I'm whistling that just so y'all
know. Hell yeah, awesome.
Yeah. If I if I, if I knew how to
whistle, if I could whistle, I would do that too.
But I. Don't You can't whistle.
Got nothing, you know, I worked. On it after a show.
Real loud, but yeah. See, I can't do that.
That's impossible. Oh, so you can watch?
That one either. You can't learn to whistle,
though you either can or you can't.
You hear that? Huey, I hope you're going to be
a Whistler when you grow up. Blah blah blah blah and just
like just smacking your face. Yeah, so we drive.
This guy can't get enough. Of this kid.
All right, yeah. And you head on, You threw the.
Good job, good job. Over over over these these
silver swords and yeah you head on to Tarantella Manor.
It's this big sweeping like Greco Roman like Manor house up
on a hill in the city. Like right near like you can
actually see the docks from where you are.
But yeah and there's like you can see 22 armed men out out by
the front gates just just watching you.
You 3 like pass as you as you passenger car.
Fine, this is. Fine.
We don't need to stop here, do we, lady?
Yeah, yeah. I don't think we even need to
look. Just keep looking forward, keep
looking forward. Yeah, yeah, I I got nothing.
Am I holding the baby now while you're driving?
I think so. I think so.
Listen, I work, so I don't say nothing, but you guys can see
what's happening here, right? And then I handle bombs all
fucking day, right? Like little P and none of it
fucking bothers me. But you can see like, I'm like
literally holding this baby the most awkward fucking way
possible, 'cause I got no fucking clue what the dog fuck
yeah, like this thing is going to fucking explode.
And I'm actually worried about this one.
So it's just it's it's like. Like all I know is someone once
told me to cradle the fucking head.
And other than that, it's just like, I don't know, like I hold
like a leg, you know? Or something.
I'm just like. And So what?
What the hell you doing? It's not a chicken wing.
What is this? Fucking no.
Just let's just go. Let's just put this.
Thing in the fucking room. Come on.
Do this and like I'm I'm like oddly very paternal.
This like side none of you have seen from me before.
Yeah, yeah, Chips. I don't know, Maybe a life crime
ain't for you. Maybe you should settle down and
get a get a lady. Or, you know, just get somebody
that you care about deeply and spend the life with them.
Who, me? I mean, who?
Whatever. I mean, I couldn't just be a dad
to a kid like this, this. And look, it's like it's like
sunshine in a little box, you know?
Like I could just kind of like trail off and stare at.
It's just having like a really like, transcendent experience
realizing that he, like, is such a kid person, you know?
Yeah. Hey, listen, all I'm saying
chips, is you can't keep that. Well, you can keep this one if
you want. We got to give that one from the
money, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that.
Of course I know that, Yeah, I know that, says Chips.
Come on, I'm, I'm one of you. I'm.
I'm in the crew. Chips, you look down and Hugh is
just staring up at you. Just one of like, big doe eyes.
Just. This.
Was so much so much love. In the crew with you, maybe it
could be a two man crew. OK.
Yeah, well you just drive past the the Manor and and head
towards the docks. All right, you head directly
South. Someone rolled me two D6.
Thanks, Ryan. Again.
It's back to me again. Let's do this.
I roll the fucking. I roll the 9, the six and the
three. Another nine.
A lot of nines today, man. 8-9's a good number.
It's a nice round Number. It's like, 'cause I'm using a
dice roller and so after getting so many like, oh like eights and
above, I I rolled a few times just to test that and I failed
every single one. I'm like OK.
You see all the back of that? Are you using the roller die or
a different? One No.
I'm using Google's dice roller. Oh, I use the rollerdie.net.
Someone give me an observation. I have nothing in observation.
I got two. May I?
Yeah. Yeah, please.
Yeah. I mean, I'm definitely pretty
you you're you got that baby down.
I'm definitely still trying to figure out how to fucking hold
this thing, so I'm not really looking anyway.
I got 11, OK. There's a car following you.
Hey, I don't want to panic anybody, but we got a tail.
Oh, not me, darling. It was removed when I was born.
That was that was actually a good one, lady.
But maybe you want to take some of Vasa maneuvers.
Try and out drive this fellow back there, huh?
Can't be anything good. I'd love to.
And yeah, I'm like, Lady Cordelia is going to start
driving like an absolute fucking maniac, but a practiced 1.
Yes, OK. Give me a driving.
I rolled in 8 + 2 is 10. Oh holy shit, you've never seen
a Model T make these maneuvers before.
There's like skidding around corners, like going down side
streets, you know? And you can see from the rear
view that it's a car full of silver swords.
I knew it was fucking Nazis, man.
It's always Nazis. It's.
Always Nazis. But you managed to evade them.
You managed to lose them. Yeah.
Like at one point in time I I start to turn like I'm going
down a side street and very last second like jackknife it onto
the like onto the sidewalk and then back onto the Main Street.
And I assume I just lose them. It's too tight of a turn, you
know. Oh, hell yeah.
And they they can't make it. They.
Didn't even know Model T's could turn like that, so.
Yeah, like that wasn't invented yet, yeah?
Basically I basically. Drifted, you know.
Yeah, you absolutely drifted. So while that was happening, I
was just holding the baby by one leg and I had one hand on like
my last, you know, one or two bombs in my bag, just in case I
got close enough. But I'll like pull my and I'll
like, you know, pick it back up I guess and just tuck that bomb
back away. It's pick it back up, yeah,
yeah. So yeah, you managed to evade
the silver shirts, the silver shirts, silver swords, and you
head towards the docks. You head through the gate,
through the muddy Wharf, towards the pier, and there it is,
sitting on a lonely, isolated pier, a single barrel.
Who's going to approach? Feel like I feel like there's
only one answer here. Yeah, I feel like.
I feel like Lady Cordelia. This is my approach with the,
the not real child the. Yeah.
OK. All right.
So you you approach, there's no one around.
Perfect. You approach the barrel.
Do you look in? Yeah, I do look in the barrel.
Barrel's empty, and then you suddenly hear a freeze right
where you are. Who, me?
And you turn and on a nearby yacht that's been docked there
is about, let's see, how many of them are there?
Yeah. 11 suited men coming out of this yacht that's docked
nearby and they're approaching you?
Yeah. They're approaching me.
I kind of think I'm, I don't have.
I mean, this is not the same baby, so.
Oh, you you took the I took the ringer, baby.
Yeah. Yeah, I took the This is not
even the baby they're looking for.
So. You just the lady you walking on
the docks, which is weird but. John, this might be a little bit
meta knowledge, but not that I think we all even care about
that. But yeah, does this baby like,
just look distinctly different at all?
Like, if it if this baby's mom picked it up or the baby of like
Huey's mom, would she be like, oh, this is not my baby?
Probably, yes. OK.
Yeah. I'm I'm going to wave him like,
oh, hello, I'm so sorry. I was told to bring this baby
here. Give me a you don't have
anything in prisons, do you? No.
Give me a 2D6. OK.
How much luck you got? Though or my disguise.
Oh. Yeah, you can do luck and
disguise. Seven.
I mean 567. So I fail.
OK. Finally failed.
Then you you say this and one of the they're they're federal
agents. One of them walks up to you and
just rips the wig from your head.
And so the hat comes off too. Yeah, the hat comes off too.
Like, oh dude, what do you not, dude, sorry, that's that's very
modern. Hey dude, what's going on here
pal, pal, buddy, what's your game friend?
What's your game, pal? The federal engine says Johnny.
6 fingers, I presume? Oh hey, I listen, I only got 5
on each hand. You're under arrest for the
kidnapping of Hugh Herkimer. Hugh who?
Turn around please. I'm going to toss him the baby
and dash. OK.
All right. So you do so and start running
and like that one federal agent just like holds the baby and the
other 10 just start sprinting after you.
Cool. I don't think I'm running back
to the car, I. Was going to say make a
decision? Cause what?
What do you guys think? Should I run back to the car or
no? Hey, we're not there.
Yeah, that's AI. Hate to say it.
That's a you call with that one. Oh fuck.
No, I I'm not going to listen. We're we're friends and I know
the score. I know one of us gets caught.
It's on that one person. I'm not going to drag the rest
of us down. So I bolt in like the opposite
direction from the car, like as far as I can.
Like I kicked off the heels immediately and just like
Sprint. I was going to ask about the
heels. No.
I kicked them off immediately. When they took the hat off, it
was like the character's done. So yeah, got.
It all right. Well, you're running and you
look back and they're pulling, they're they're strapped.
They're they're pulling their guns out on you and they're
like. How far away?
Yeah, how far away are the How far away is the car from the
agents baseball throw? Yeah, baseball throw.
Time to throw baseball. Time to throw baseball.
All right, go for it. Give me a Give me a roll, plus
any appropriate traits or skills.
Explosives. Oh yeah, absolutely.
Can I add my luck to it? Luck.
Agility. Whatever.
OK, so is it possible for me to fail?
Because I got plus three luck and plus three explosives, so
unless even if I roll the 11 I succeed.
So you want to see how much damage I can do with this bomb
on these? Yeah.
Do damage, yeah. Fuck.
I rolled A9 again. I rolled a six and a three.
So I rolled a total of 15. Total of 15, so that's eight.
Oh wait, wait, did you say you could add agility too?
Because then it's 16. Well you you can only add 1
trait at a time. Oh, 'cause I can't 'cause if I
added my muscle in 17, So yeah, I'll do, I'll do explosives.
And what? I mean, I have muscle agility or
luck, whichever one you think is most appropriate.
I mean, it's a success either way.
So it really just depends on. What gives you the most?
Oh, the luck.
Luck would give you the most I got.
I put 3IN luck. So what's a total of 15?
Total of 15, so difference of eight that is 7/7.
Seven, yeah. So that would off.
Now, do I need to necessarily off them or can I just have an
explosion happen like between the two so they couldn't get us
a line of sight? I don't necessarily want to kill
federal agents because then the heat's on us, but if I throw it
like in front of them, it's so the mud kind of like like
splashes over all of them and like smoke goes up and they
can't get a clear line of sight on Johnny.
Would that be OK instead of instead of killing them?
Yeah, you you tell me what what you want like the outcome of
this to be. That's what I want to happen is
just like if it's if it's the the movie.
Like he tosses the baby and starts running and then it's a
whole like freeze and like the guns come out or whatever.
And then like you see one focusing on right as the finger
starts to squeeze, just this massive explosion of mud and
smoke, like goes right in front of them, splashes up.
And then it like cuts to me, like bringing my arm back down
from like the throw and like jumping back in the car, like
that's what I would like to have.
And that's OK. Yeah, No, totally go for it.
Yeah. So yeah, that all happens,
Johnny. You're kind of like thrown
forward by the the concussive force of the explosion, but you.
Just. Keep on your feet.
Do you run back towards the car? Where were you headed?
So there's a they don't have a clear line of sight on me
anymore, right? No, no.
Then yeah. I'm, I'm.
I'm. Running back to the car.
I'll. Scramble in the driver's seat
and start driving it toward him, even though I've never driven
before in my life. Yeah, and I'll just Chuck the
baby in the back seat and I'll literally be like hanging out
the side of the car mobster style, like on the tracks or
whatever and like hand out towards Johnny.
And he's like. Scoop him up.
It's like. That it's like in Lord of the
Rings where fuck, help me out, you know, get stupid and fucking
leg rings and the horse, you know?
Yeah, like that. We do that.
We scoop, Yeah, because we're going a hole like 50 miles an
hour. So you jog up, you jog up to the
car, and I just like reach out of hand and you, like, step on.
Perfect. I'm on.
Yeah. So, yeah, you're all back
together. You're peeling off.
You've left these federal agents behind.
No ransom money. Still got the baby.
What?
What do you do? I guess for now we head back to,
I mean, I guess we head back to Mama Mahoney's.
Well, we can't head back to our apartment.
If the feds are looking for us, they'll know where we live.
Yeah, I mean. But they knew where we lived if
they knew. All I'm saying is if they knew
where we lived, they would have come and got us.
They wouldn't have waited for us to get here.
I. Think far more.
Go ahead, James. Sorry.
I'm just saying I need to piss. This kid probably needs to piss.
Why don't we pull over somewhere, get our heads
together, take care of ourselves, and then then we
figure this out. Yeah, I agree.
Oh, sweet. I'm talking the regular voice
now. Yeah.
We're going to head to Is there a bar nearby that we know of?
There's a multitude I think we're going to in the city.
We're going to find a bar that maybe we're not known that, but
like we can lay low in. Absolutely.
You find taking. The baby with us.
Yeah, totally. Yeah, I got it.
Don't worry. You find some like dive bar to
lay low in that you like, maybe you know the owner or something
that he's cool, so yeah. Johnny Johnny pulls on some
clothing that he like that he just also has for some reason,
reason, you know, I clothes under my clothes.
I'm still dressed, you know. Gotcha.
Well, so we we, we we get together in this dimly lit bar
full of cigarette smoke and beer with our baby and.
What do we do with the other baby?
Oh, they have it. That's right.
Yeah. Toss it.
Right, right. You toss.
Them the fake baby, right. Yeah.
Do we kind of want to? I mean, do we want to plan our
next adventure in this bar and see what happens next time?
Kind of thing like. Oh yeah, John, what do you
think? Yeah, I was.
I was. I was going to ask like, what's
What's now? That you're out ransom money
with a baby? What?
What's next for you guys? What?
I think, I think we need to send a message to them and be like
that's not your baby, We still have them.
Yeah. Well, I think.
We'll go for chips. Not just going to say I think
Chips is having very complicated feelings about this at this
point, but is willing to at least verbally agree to that
right now. Yeah.
Yeah, I'd Enzo doesn't even, doesn't even fucking know.
All I'm saying is at some point I'd like to at least swing by
the apartment because I got like one bomb left on the well.
I got one package left on me, and that makes me feel a bit,
makes me feel a bit naked, if you know what I mean.
Like that's all I'm saying. So I think what we should do is
we need to bring this car back because it's not ours.
We have a car. We have my car.
What was this? Being fine, gentlemen and all,
we should bring back this car, get my ride, which is better,
and then I think we need to send a message.
So my thought right now, in and out of game, is we are at this
table in this dimly lit bar, like I said with the cigarette
smoke, and I'm rifling through my bombs, Johnny making plans
and ships, talking to this baby. And as we are continuing to be
like, well no, what if we what if we did this instead?
Like it cuts to like the gangster music and we kind of
like fade out, fade scene and and play crime wave again
sometime sooner than later. Yeah, yeah, that sounds pretty
good to me. That.
That's cool. That sounds perfect to me, Yeah.
What a blast. Also like this is.
This is so much fun. This is a blast.
So. Hey, yeah, like we didn't try
out the combat mechanics, but that there's nothing wrong with
that. Again, that's what I love about
these games that only have combat mechanics, because you
never do combat. You're always just fucking
around. Yeah.
And I think like, by nature, like looking at the combat
mechanics, it's like, oh, I have two wounds.
I could die really easy. And it's just kind of like,
which is really reasonable. So it makes you be like, what
can I do that's not going to get me killed to resolve this
situation. I'm not a superhero going in
guns blazing, you know? Yeah, sometimes you throw a baby
out of the Fed, you know? Yeah, right.
Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes you run over some
Nazis in the street. And that you bombed that you.
Bombed. Also bombed.
Yeah. I like that when the kids.
And the cops, you're like, well, I don't really want to kill all
of them. But the Nazis, you're like,
yeah. So I try to get them all in
circle. Yeah.
Hey, listen, the feds, the Fed. All I'm saying is with the feds,
if we kill the feds, we're never gonna be safe again, right?
If we kill Nazis next time, we just kill more Nazis.
You know? So, yeah, no, that was so much
fun. And I know when trunk started.
Yeah. Now we all learned so much.
James By the way, I I totally let you totally played into the
raising Arizona vibes that I had with this adventure where it's
just like you're starting to fall in love with little baby
Huey. I love that for both of us was
not planned at the beginning, but it just started to kind of
happen and seemed too too good to ignore.
Yeah. Yeah, I think it's your
descriptions of the baby. Every time I interacted with it,
I was like, oh, this is rewarding dopamine.
Well, it definitely gives that. I know he said something a
little bit before stream starts, but the Nate stream adventure,
like, is it what? What baby?
Is this what child what? Child is this, Yeah.
That was. A big influence.
The God baby one. Yeah, that's a great one.
Yeah, totally. Yeah, I was.
I remember just flipping through my copy of Haunted Almanac and
coming across like, I'd known what child is this before that?
But I never really sat down and read it.
I was like, oh man, this is so good.
Like, this is just really like solid adventure riding, like,
and I was just like, like what if, what if I took this?
And it's like, it's kind of the opposite where you've like
stolen this baby. It wasn't given to you, You,
you've stolen this baby you're trying to, like, get ransom
money out of. It like if they gave it to us,
you. Know.
Yeah, it's the it's the anti version of what child is this?
Which? Excellent opener there.
Yeah, like, oh, you hear a cry from the corner in the bassinet.
Like what? What?
Hold on. Yeah, It's like, oh.
It's cool because it's. Almost like you dropped us.
Not necessarily in the middle of an adventure, but like there
wasn't this like slow build to starting the adventure.
The adventure started immediately because we already
have this child that is both an asset and a danger.
You know, I really tried to subvert that with this adventure
because I think most people would have the Adventure Bee
actually kidnapping the baby. Whereas this is like, no, you,
you've already done that. You're having to deal with the
repercussions of that. Now, you know, that was my that
was my big, like design. That was one of my sticking
points with this. No, you're having to deal with
what you've done already. It's very hit the ground
running, you know. More adventures should start
like that. Like, I love, I love.
I mean, I'm definitely that piece of shit that likes movies
that start with the action already happening and you just
have to catch up. I don't want the exposition.
I don't need the back story because also one of my favorite
things in books and movies is prequels.
So if this was a movie, it starts the whole thing and we
have a couple of books or whatever of what happened, and
then eventually we'll get the story of how we kidnapped the
baby, you know? And it's so chuckle fucker read,
you know. Yeah, I see what you're saying.
Yeah. But I love I this was a perfect
get up because like, yeah, we're not theoretically in the middle
of the adventure, but like, we are like already, you know, 1
foot into it. Because it's pretty much just
like you have this now what are you doing?
There's no like like, let's. Figure.
Out who's drinking what at the Tavern and then like oh like the
thing comes in it's it's great. This was so much fun.
Definitely going to play this again especially if you if you
keep I know you're going to keep it one page and my God but it
looks sick as a newspaper but such a fun game and and it's a
ton of goon tag too which is Nate.
And seriously anyone out there that doesn't know nature may
stuff please go do it like that's kind of game designer
that should be making millions of dollars not wattsy and nature
May is definitely your favorite game designer's favorite game
designer. So, you know, grab the Haunted
Almanac. In games, I'm different.
It really is. Yeah, right.
Grab grab all that. John, I haven't read Gangbusters
or Traveler and like obviously I've read Tall Goose.
We also did it on stream and so I'm very familiar with it.
What from those two other games did you to put into this?
So gang, so you obviously know the Tunnel Goons influences, you
can get that from it. The influences from gangbusters
is the basic, like obviously the setting, but also the basic
makeup of the characters. Like if you look at the traits
and you see driving and you're like driving in the traits, like
what's up with that? That's that's straight from
gangbusters. I thought it was so weird and
esoteric. I was like, why is driving in
the traits? I thought it was hilarious, so I
was, I just put it straight into prime life.
And then the influences from Traveller are basically it
married with the mechanic from Tunnel goons, the resolution
mechanic. Now that 8 plus is straight from
traveling. OK, yeah that's that's the basic
mechanic behind travelers that oh, you just got to beat an 8.
That's all you got to do. I think it worked really well.
I mean, I think I I personally, I think I rolled like incredibly
well tonight because I really only failed once.
Like, I think I really only rolled like four or five times.
So I like the 8 plus beating. It's like that's cool.
I mean also I think it puts a good ceiling on it.
And I think the fact that you can only use one trait and one
skill, like combining those, like, yeah, I this was great.
I very much enjoyed this. Yeah, I'm I'm glad you guys got
such kick out of it. I was worried that the adventure
was a little too bare bones, but it seemed to like like speed
along pretty well. Mm hmm, yeah I really to its
credit. Yeah.
It was great like the idea of like a map of just like like
roll to see if you can go down the street.
If not, you have to go down that street and kind of like a thing
at the end of everyone would is such a good idea because you
could realistically make like a whole city kind of like that
where like going across the city or anything you need to do is
just really you want to go One Direction but you roll and you
don't or you don't, you know. My my big goal with crime wave
and this is going to be much further down the line but I you
know, I said keep them to one page.
Keep the game to one page and expand it with adventures.
I want to do a box set for the city.
New Babylon. Cool.
Because I, you know, I I have this book.
It's like urban wilderness or something.
It's a city. It's a book about just cities
and how they came to be in America.
And it's got all of these old pictures of like old New York
and old Chicago. And it just like makes my brain
fire off with like ideas for like a man.
A box set set in the 1920s for this this fictional city just
sounds like a ton of fun to like adventure around him, and that
that's like the big like dream goal with crowd wave.
Cool. Well, the great thing about a
city too, especially when you think of like a 1920s city and
you put in like the, you know the modern idea of like the
1920s mafia and stuff like that is like if it's you make it open
world like that, you never really have to.
You're never going to do like wattsy style fucking campaign
adventures. But it's pretty easy to be like
pick a boss, pick a job they gave you kind of thing.
And when you when you encounter situations where and the cool
thing about that is like you're going to go do a thing but if
one of the mooks you killed is from another crime, family,
whatever. Now you have an enemy you made
or something like that, and then you might have to like smooth
that or make an alliance. So like, you literally could,
just like, you know, light one match and the story could go on
forever as you deal with the consequences of of the actions
you do throughout the city. Yeah a city is very conducive
for faction play. Like there's so many different
like factions that can exist within such a such a constrained
space. You know, you've got, you've got
the mob, you got the bosses within the mob, you got the
cops, you've got these silver sword bucks that are like doing
their shit around the city. You know, you got all this, like
all these influences, pulling the characters from all these
different directions. And I I I'm very excited to play
around with that a bit more. It's like the Good Parts and
Blades in the Dark because the faction part was was really sick
in that one of the one of the Nevermind.
I'll keep my opinion myself there.
Is all the right now this is this is better Blades in the
dark people. Just remember that.
Well, all again, 3 hours of my opinion already exists in the
world, so well, something. And the other thing too, like
talking about the consequences of our actions, one thing that
we have to worry about too is we've got federal agents after
us now. The cops know what's going on,
right? The supposedly all the other
criminals kind of know that where the Chuck of fox that took
the baby, We don't know how they know, but we know and we could
figure that out. We also just bombed some people
even if they're shitty people, we drop bombs some people so
that all the cops in the city are going to be riled up too.
Like we're and the union is out there, so you know the cops are
going to be trying to be busting that.
So the city is going to be overrun with cops for a little
bit too. So that's something that based
on the consequence of our actions, we just made everything
hotter for us. You guys definitely made a name
for yourselves with this scenario, right?
Listen all I'm saying. Is bomb boys going to stick
boys? That's us.
It's really nice. It's interesting.
I'm I'm reading The Shadow of Self by Brandon Sampson, which I
kind of mentioned earlier, which is like takes place in like the
1920s in like a fantasy world. But in that book there's this
whole, like the workers are being riled up and like the cops
are being, like riled up and there's just like the city's in
chaos, essentially. So it's funny that I'm, I'm like
reading a book about like a very similar setting.
And we're also playing this, like the character that I played
today is 100% a rip off of a character in that book because I
was like, oh, this is perfect. I'm reading this right now.
So I'm. I'm very much, I also knew
Babylon. Sick name, Totally sick name.
I tooted my own horn here, but I I think that was a good bit of
inspiration there when that when that one came along.
Yeah, that's a good one. That's a it feel.
It feels like almost esoteric and like foreign while also
like, yeah, it's a city, it's a 1920s like post industrial
revolution like city and you're like OK yeah, totally.
But it also feels fancy enough that it could be like a a
Metropolis or a Gotham, or like the the kind of sub, you know,
the the adjacent New York kind of thing.
Just like, what kind of world is this to raise Huey in in this
city? That's what I'm worried about.
I fucking love. I'm so happy that if we were
naming these episodes 100% someone said earlier 3 gangsters
and a baby or whatever, we definitely, because we
definitely did the whole three men in a baby thing for sure
like so all right so that's crime waves from John Davis.
Definitely go snag all the rest of John's stuff.
I mean we've we've talked about helm we've played Helm 1 before
definitely want to go grab helm. Definitely go to check out.
I know I'm doing this for you John but if it sanctum on itch
we'll drop the links and everything.
But you got anything else cooking or any other things that
people can can look for? Or are we just waiting for more
awesome stuff like this? Yeah.
Everyone out there waiting for the next installment of the
bastardized classics. We're starting up work on
Expedition to the Barrier Peaks in February, and hopefully
that'll be coming out in either the spring or the summer.
So we're we're we're starting back.
Work on that. Good.
That's awesome. Good.
Excited for that. All right.
And then James James Crane. I mean we got we got to do this
again James Crane of marching order.
We've we've talked about marching R on the show.
What do we got brewing from crumbling Keep.
A lot. At the moment we have our Mark
Board Pamphlet adventure on Kickstarter D/D/D/D, which is
much more awkward to say than read.
So yeah, that's up there for about another week yet.
And then right after that we have a deck of OSR hire lanes
we're going to put up there as well.
So it's a yeah, it's going to be a busy start of the year.
Good. Cool.
Yeah, super excited for all of that.
You know and we're going to be at some point getting more
marching order. Is that is that in the pipeline?
Yeah, if all goes well, like and everything seems to be going
well now I think we're actually gonna be able to finally launch
the campaign for what is. We're arguing.
We're not arguing. We're discussing on what to call
it, if it's second edition or something different.
But in April if. You if you call it firsty and
make the first one zero, I will fight you.
Physically, I will come find you.
I'll admit I never thought of it until you said that, and I never
wanted to until you just said that and now just.
Please do it. Actually, this was marching
order basic. The next one I'm going to
release is going to be Marching Order Basic.
Good. Yeah, good.
All right, and that is that is our guest here again.
Definitely come back for more adventures with Johnny 6
Fingers, Enzo 2 tricks. Benny, Chips and the boss catch
all of our stuff on the links that we have said a million
times. You all have a wonderful day.
We will see you all later. Bye.