1 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:03,360 Well, good morning Crossing Church. 2 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:08,360 How are you doing today? It is so good to be here. 3 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:10,240 And I'll tell you what I want. First of all, I just want to 4 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:15,080 welcome all the campuses all across the States that are 5 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:17,000 joined together. We get to be one family 6 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,720 together. If you're inside or online, we 7 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:24,440 are so thankful for you as well. And do you know what we call 8 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:29,960 last week, we just call that a regular week at the crossing. 52 9 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:34,520 baptisms, 52 baptisms. Come on. 10 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:38,640 I mean, does anybody have any question whether or not God is 11 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:41,240 all over what was happening here? 12 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,840 I mean, it is a it is a time of revival. 13 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:47,360 It's an exciting time and we get to share in it. 14 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:51,200 This is what God's doing and we get to participate in that. 15 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:54,840 You see that happening at camp Allison and I that's a huge 16 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,080 thing for us. We remember some, many of you 17 00:00:57,080 --> 00:01:01,200 were here back when we did the Wreck the Roof campaign and you 18 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:06,360 made commitments and one of those commitments was to pay for 19 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,400 this camp. And, and there it is right 20 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:10,920 there. And look what it's doing. 21 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:14,160 You see all of these young people coming into this 22 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:17,440 relationship that's intimate and personal with Jesus Christ. 23 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:22,960 It's so, so great. Well, Father's Day weekend. 24 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:25,720 So should we get a trophy for that or something? 25 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:29,560 I mean, what what do we get Actually takes very, very little 26 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:36,280 to be a father in the biological sense, but actually earning that 27 00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:42,480 title is a much heavier lift. And we've been talking a lot 28 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,840 about family in the last three weeks. 29 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,240 And this is something that I've noticed, Allison, I think would 30 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:51,920 agree with me that getting married isn't really much of A 31 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:55,440 change if you've been in a serious relationship for very 32 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:58,080 long. We were in our relationship five 33 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,360 years before we got married. And so it was just like all the 34 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:05,360 benefits came in and it was awesome to be married. 35 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,759 But that does not compare to parenting. 36 00:02:09,759 --> 00:02:12,200 If you want your life changed, become apparent. 37 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:19,560 I mean, it is a seismic shift in life and it will define your 38 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:23,680 life until you leave this world. And there will be times you will 39 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,840 pray for that because that's parenting, right? 40 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:31,280 That's, that's the reality of of parenting. 41 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,400 Allison, share a little bit about what you think about that. 42 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:39,960 There's a common conception that, especially in American 43 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:44,800 culture, that once they, we've raised our kids and we, we want 44 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:50,880 them out and, and we've done our job and now it's time for them 45 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,240 to carry on with their lives and start their own families. 46 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:56,200 And that is so true. I mean, I, I, we love empty 47 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,600 nests. I like the quiet. 48 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,360 But some ways that's true. But in a lot of ways that's not 49 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:06,760 true. There's no off switch to being a 50 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,760 parent. And in so many ways, parenting 51 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:14,720 adult children is significantly harder than raising younger 52 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:17,800 ones. They may be leaving our house, 53 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,400 but they're not leaving our head and they're definitely not 54 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,200 leaving our heart. This is the stage that Jerry and 55 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,960 I are in. Let me give you a little insight 56 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,280 on how this looks for us. Our oldest one is Ben and his 57 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,720 wife Kim and our 2, two of our grandkids live in Franklin, TN. 58 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,120 So we're down there. About a month ago, we gave him a 59 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:39,800 Christmas present that we would come down and watch the kids and 60 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,720 and send them on a special date. And it, it was wonderful during 61 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:46,200 that day that we were down there, they got a phone call 62 00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,520 that their landlord was selling the house they were renting in. 63 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:53,920 So they needed to start looking for different places and they 64 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,120 wanted to actually buy. Buying in Franklin, TN is like 65 00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:00,920 buying in New York City. It's just like the prices are, I 66 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,960 mean, we were blown away at the prices, but we were so thankful 67 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:07,080 that they invited us into the conversation and they asked us 68 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,440 to go look at houses and we're like, you know what, that's 69 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,040 awesome. Thank you for inviting us. 70 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,640 And how do we, how do we respond to that? 71 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:17,760 About a couple months ago, our second, our second child, our 72 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:22,480 oldest daughter, Jessie called us and surprised us that she was 73 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,680 pregnant. And I'm like going yay, she's 74 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:29,040 pregnant and she lives in Puerto Rico. 75 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:33,840 And how do I as a grandma, be a super long distance grandma, 76 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:38,200 Great blessing. How do I respond to that? 77 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,960 Then a week, about about two weeks ago, we went to 78 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,960 Indianapolis to see our son Joey and Erica and their son Alex. 79 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:49,240 And they just bought a house and they asked us to come over and 80 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,400 help move in and do some chores around the house. 81 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,520 And we were thankful to be asked and we said, all right, how do 82 00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:59,080 we respond to that? In about 3 weeks, our youngest 83 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:02,680 1, Abby and her husband Aaron, and their two boys are going to 84 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:07,480 welcome a little baby sister. And so we're super excited about 85 00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:09,720 that. And every time a child comes 86 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,680 into your life, it adds a different layer. 87 00:05:12,080 --> 00:05:13,960 So we, how do we be helpful in that? 88 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:17,320 Let's, let's admit it, life is awesome. 89 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:22,120 And it's also awesomely messy. No doubt, no doubt about it. 90 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,440 And and she was just telling you what it's like with adult 91 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:29,560 children in the last what, two months at least in our lives. 92 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:31,960 You know, it, It's, it's pretty crazy. 93 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:37,160 So a couple of weeks ago, Allison and I were up here and 94 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:40,680 we shared with you about raising children while paying attention 95 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,440 to their love language. But we were talking about when 96 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,280 children were at home, when they were young, when they were 97 00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:48,480 infants. And as they grow in your home. 98 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:52,360 We never sailed into the turbulent water of what that 99 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:55,280 becomes after they become adults. 100 00:05:56,080 --> 00:06:00,000 So I want to tell you that we're in that stage of life now, and 101 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:04,000 we're obviously not experts. We've never done this before and 102 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,560 we're trying to learn how to do it. 103 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:08,280 So we're right in the same boat with all of you. 104 00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:12,920 And once again, our only examples are what they were two 105 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,280 weeks ago. And that's how we were raised, 106 00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:21,480 how we are the adult children of our parents and trying to learn 107 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,440 that and understand that maybe like for me, I'm the youngest, 108 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:29,680 so I have older siblings. And of course they'll say, well, 109 00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,640 you know, the parents that raised us are very different. 110 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,800 The parents that raised you, you know, because you got everything 111 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,240 you ever wanted and we didn't. And you've heard all those 112 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:41,040 stories before. But once again, if, if that's 113 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:44,200 all we have, we want to look somewhere else to get a more 114 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,080 perfect example. And so why don't we just go look 115 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:52,040 at God's word? Maybe it's different from when 116 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:56,360 children are young and still in the home to when children are 117 00:06:56,360 --> 00:07:01,480 grown up and they're adults. So I just took another scan 118 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,280 through God's Word. So let's see if we can get some 119 00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,680 good examples. How about we'll start with Adam 120 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:11,080 and his adult children? Nope, sorry. 121 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:16,000 His oldest murdered the younger brother as an adult. 122 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,160 So that's the first murder in the Bible. 123 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:23,800 Some of you have been close to that in your families, but Adam 124 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:25,760 actually and Eve experienced that. 125 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:30,280 How about Noah? No, he ended up cursing one of 126 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:36,280 his three sons for perversion. How about Abraham father Abraham 127 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,000 Fail. He banished his first son, 128 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:42,480 Ishmael. He was about 100 years old when 129 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,960 he actually started parenting. How about Isaac? 130 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:50,960 You got to be kidding. That family was was plagued with 131 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:54,920 favoritism and sibling rivalry. Rivalry that ended up with 132 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:59,480 stealing and hate. Like hate enough to murder. 133 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:04,160 How about Jacob? No his kids sold their own 134 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:08,240 brother into slavery. How about Aaron Gee? 135 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,680 Fire came from between the wings of the of the angels on top of 136 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,400 the ark of the Covenant and burnt them both to a crisp 137 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:20,840 because they were cheating God and desecrating the altar. 138 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:26,160 How about David? Yikes, that man after God's own 139 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,720 heart raised a family that committed rape, murder and 140 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,600 attempted patricide. Allison said. 141 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:32,919 You need to tell them what that is. 142 00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:34,360 That's wanting to kill your parents. 143 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,120 How about Eli? His kids were thieves. 144 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,919 How about Samuel? His kids were terrible and it 145 00:08:40,919 --> 00:08:43,559 just keeps going and going. So guess what? 146 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:49,480 The same problem exists with parenting adult kids as it did 147 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:53,760 with raising smaller children. So we talked about it a couple 148 00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:58,000 weeks ago that nothing builds your prayer life rather than 149 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:01,840 raising kids. And I don't have very much 150 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:05,400 advice for you other than praying, praying, praying, 151 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,080 reading your Bible and praying again. 152 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:12,600 John 17 says this John 1715, My prayer is not that you take them 153 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:16,600 out of the world, but that you protect them from the evil one. 154 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,560 It's one of my prayers that you pray for our children. 155 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:22,720 Let's not take them out of the world, but protect them from the 156 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:26,320 evil. 1. So as we wrap up this parenting 157 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:31,880 series, there's three parts of raising kids that I want to go 158 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,400 through. The first one is control. 159 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:38,160 Control coaching and consulting. That's those are the three 160 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,760 areas. The first one controlling. 161 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:44,320 This is the stage from birth to tween and tween nowadays is 162 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:49,680 between 11 and 14 ish. There you are their whole world 163 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:53,120 and they are yours. There isn't anything that you 164 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:56,920 don't have your fingerprint on, every decision, everything they 165 00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:00,680 eat, everything that they do, everything they think you have 166 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:04,520 an exact and entire representation wrapped up into 167 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,440 that. There are rules to be kept, 168 00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:11,560 there are rewards for keeping those rules, and you want to 169 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:14,680 teach them good choices. Parents try to protect their 170 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:20,040 children from life changing mistakes and parents protect, 171 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,640 provide and nurture so that we can keep them from life changing 172 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,840 mistakes. Now let's move to the second 173 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,280 one, coaching. So in control, you are on the 174 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,440 field, you are a player, you are in there. 175 00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:34,000 Now coaching would take a step back. 176 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:37,080 We're on the sidelines, we're still calling the plays, we're 177 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,840 still paying for everything. We are still right in their 178 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,640 life, but we're at we're at a different seat in the in the 179 00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:47,520 playing field. This happens between tweens and 180 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:52,680 goes somewhere into the early 20s unless you're in the 181 00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:56,800 military and then that's then the military gets you at 18 or 182 00:10:56,800 --> 00:11:01,040 whenever you go in. But usually young 20's the 183 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:05,960 boundaries start to come down in phases, in very small phases so 184 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,520 that they you can teach them to actually make good choices. 185 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:13,360 Parents try to protect their kids from the life changing 186 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:18,080 things that would happen if they make bad choices, but the 187 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:21,560 consequences are things that we also have to teach them. 188 00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,280 So we can't let, we can't protect them always, but we have 189 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,320 to learn how to coach them to make good decisions. 190 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:35,120 This is a dangerous time because some choices are life altering. 191 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:37,960 Now I want to move to the last one, the one we're going to talk 192 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,800 about today as we finish this series. 193 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:43,440 And now this is on consulting. We've gone from controlling 194 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,240 right on the field to coaching from the sidelines. 195 00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:50,160 Now we're backing up even more and we are in the stands. 196 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:57,360 We are watching from the stands. We kindly and without motive. 197 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:04,120 Let me say that again. We kindly and without motive, We 198 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:08,880 ask more questions than making profound statements. 199 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:11,760 I had to learn this the very hard way. 200 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:15,640 Nobody taught me this. And I knew as a parent that I 201 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,240 was going to have to let my child go. 202 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:19,880 I mean, the minute they come to you in the hospital and you have 203 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:23,200 that child and you hand, you know that eventually you got it. 204 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,800 You got to let him go. God designed it that way. 205 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:31,560 So I understood that. But the next part, nobody taught 206 00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:33,560 me this one. So if I could share just two 207 00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:39,000 seconds of advice here. Letting our dreams for our 208 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:45,640 children go is way harder for me than letting our children go. 209 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:50,400 Let me say that again. Sometimes we have to let our 210 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:55,200 dreams for our children go as we let our children go. 211 00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:01,120 I, I needed counseling for this part because I did not 212 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:05,880 understand what this meant and how part how how they're my 213 00:13:05,880 --> 00:13:09,920 dreams for them were such a part of me that when I had to let go 214 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:14,640 of the dreams, I was letting go of myself and I didn't know what 215 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:18,840 to do there so little word for advice there. 216 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,920 We have to learn to how to be cheerleaders and keep the 217 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:26,240 communication lines open. So I stole this from a book that 218 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:29,920 I read. We keep the welcome mat out, we 219 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,200 keep the bank account guardedly available. 220 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,080 Yeah, right. You're so good at that. 221 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,840 I have grandkids. Grandkids are, that's all. 222 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:43,440 The rules are different. OK, We keep the bank account 223 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,960 guardedly available and we keep our mouth shut. 224 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:51,040 OK, now this is this is definitely here's here's the 225 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,040 definition of extension of your mouth shut. 226 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,480 What we don't do, take it from me because I did it. 227 00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:59,160 None of this. None of this. 228 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:05,280 None of this, none of that. OK. 229 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:10,120 We smile, smile and nod and, you know, go back to our seat in the 230 00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:13,480 stands. Some of you parents are in all 231 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:17,520 three phases at the same time. Been there, done that. 232 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,080 Exhausting. Let's pray. 233 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:25,000 Yeah, you could end with that. We could end with that, and we 234 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:29,360 could just have an altar call right now and you'd probably be 235 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,600 up here if you are a parent of an adult child. 236 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:37,680 So once again, the best Bible illustration for raising adult 237 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:42,760 children is actually the same one that Allison and I used two 238 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:46,280 weeks ago, the story of the prodigal son, because the story 239 00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:50,880 of the prodigal son happens actually with adult children. 240 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,440 We're going to see emphasis maybe in a few different places 241 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:58,400 in this story. So just I'm not going to read 242 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,200 the whole thing again just to review. 243 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,720 You know, there was a father, this is a parable Jesus told a 244 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,600 father. Now that father that he is 245 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:10,800 portraying in the in the parable is the heavenly Father. 246 00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:15,320 And the father has two sons, and the younger son wants his 247 00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:19,800 inheritance early. And so the father obliges him, 248 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:23,680 gives him his inheritance early. He goes out and the Bible says 249 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:30,600 he spends his inheritance on loose, living in every kind of 250 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:36,880 bad way that you can imagine. And so it ruins his life and he 251 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,280 becomes penniless. There's a famine in the land. 252 00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:43,240 Circumstances happen in the world, and he's trying to manage 253 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:44,840 those circumstances, and he can't. 254 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,520 He has no money. His friends leave him, and he 255 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:51,160 ends up getting a job feeding pigs, which is like the worst 256 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,600 thing that for a Jewish person that could be imagined. 257 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:58,360 And the Bible goes so far to say that he longed to fill his 258 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,280 stomach with what the pigs were eating. 259 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:05,080 And it was in that moment he says he came to himself. 260 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,080 Like, he kind of woke up from this. 261 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,680 And he goes, you know, even the servants in my father's house 262 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:13,560 have it better than I do. I'll go back and say I don't 263 00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:17,840 deserve to be your son anymore, but just treat me, hire me as 264 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,000 one of your hired hands, and I'll be OK with that. 265 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,560 And so he makes starts his way home. 266 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:26,360 And then, when he's still a long way off, he comes over the 267 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,400 horizon. The father sees him, runs to 268 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:35,880 him, embraces him, puts a coat over his shoulders, new 269 00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:39,560 clothing, because I'm sure he was dishevelled and looks look 270 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,640 terrible. Puts the signet ring on his 271 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:47,000 finger, puts sandals on his feet, tells the servants to kill 272 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,240 the fatted calf. You know, this son has this 273 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:52,480 whole prepared speech. He doesn't even get through it 274 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,080 before. The father won't hear any of 275 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,520 that. My son was dead. 276 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:57,040 He was. He's alive again. 277 00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:00,160 He was lost, but now he's found and they start to make 278 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:03,040 preparations. And in the meantime, word 279 00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:07,079 reaches the older brother. And the older brother is angry 280 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,240 about that. And so the father, he runs 281 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,720 interference and he goes to the older brother to explain to him 282 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,119 what's happened. The older brother has got some 283 00:17:16,839 --> 00:17:22,200 harsh words to say and they're not untrue, but the father said 284 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:26,440 we have to celebrate because you're brother, he was lost, but 285 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,240 now he's found. He was dead, but he's alive 286 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,720 again. This is actually what Jesus was 287 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:35,960 trying to say about the entire lost world, that we're all the 288 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:39,520 younger brother. We've all got our inheritances 289 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,960 early. We've all blown that inheritance 290 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:50,080 on loose living and but that is exactly why Jesus came. 291 00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:54,480 Let me point out a couple of things from this story that you 292 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,440 may not have seen the first time we looked. 293 00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:02,680 Jesus depicts the Father as loving both of his sons while at 294 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,920 the same time realizing that they're very different. 295 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,440 And so he parents them in different ways. 296 00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:12,040 Now, that's true when they're young because they're wired 297 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:14,400 differently. God has a sense of humor. 298 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,440 He doesn't make clones, does he? No. 299 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:20,280 Every one of them has got their own personality and a lot of it 300 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,440 times is very different than yours. 301 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:26,960 And so as parents of adult children, we have to understand 302 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,960 that parenting as adult, parenting adult children, we 303 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,880 have to be sensitive to their specific needs. 304 00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:37,320 And that might be misinterpreted by siblings. 305 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:43,400 So that actually happens, right? Notice that just because the 306 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:48,040 prodigal son made really bad life altering choices, it didn't 307 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,720 mean that he had a bad father. One of the things in counseling 308 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:55,520 that I've heard is that parents who have children that make 309 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,680 really bad choices want to assimilate all the 310 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:01,880 responsibility for that. They want to take it all on 311 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,160 themselves. Like if I would have been a 312 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,440 better, better parent, they wouldn't have made those 313 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,840 choices. Remember, God doesn't have 314 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:12,440 grandchildren, He just has children, and everyone has to 315 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:15,720 make those life choices themselves. 316 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:20,440 And I think it's important to understand that just because 317 00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,000 your children make bad choices, it doesn't mean you're a bad 318 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:27,360 father or bad mother. Would you call God a bad father? 319 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:34,360 He's a perfect father and yet he portrays himself as a father who 320 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,720 has children that make bad choices. 321 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:42,160 So that's something that we need to let we we need to release if 322 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:47,760 we're holding on to that. We don't see the father give up 323 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:54,560 on the younger son, even though he's made bad choices, like 324 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,680 Allison said, he never got him out of his head and he never got 325 00:19:57,680 --> 00:20:01,920 him out of his heart. He was always looking out to the 326 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:07,760 horizon for that lost child. And we don't see the father when 327 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:11,520 the son comes home, go into the I told you so mood mode. 328 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:16,720 He sees the bigger picture and celebrates the win in spite of 329 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:21,640 what had been tremendous losses. The father reminds the older 330 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:25,600 brother, too, of this truth that you've heard Clayton say many 331 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,640 times, that God's way is the best way. 332 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:32,200 The Father's way was the best way, and there wasn't going to 333 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,880 be a second split of the inheritance. 334 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,360 So the younger son had profoundly lost things, and 335 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:41,240 those things were going to stay gone. 336 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:45,600 That's why he said everything I have is yours to the older 337 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,920 brother. There are still earthly 338 00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:54,720 consequences for making bad choices, and as it applies to 339 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:58,440 our relationship with God through Jesus Christ, we should 340 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:02,360 understand this, that the most important things are a lot in 341 00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:05,440 life between you and your children aren't the physical 342 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:07,800 things, they're the spiritual ones. 343 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:13,760 So like we as we wrap this up, we know that God is the best 344 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:15,880 parent and he shows us how to parent. 345 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,400 So I want to talk about one thing that he just mentioned in 346 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:24,880 The Prodigal Son. And many of us and maybe you 347 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:29,680 right now have an adult child that is not living their life 348 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:32,840 the way that you taught them or that you want them to. 349 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,560 And you're worried about them and you are concerned about 350 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:41,320 them. And sometimes you want to go 351 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:44,640 back into that control mode. You want to just reach out there 352 00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:47,320 and take control of the situation and bring them back in 353 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:50,320 because you like, I know better, I'm the parent, but they're an 354 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:52,960 adult and you can't do that anymore. 355 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,880 We can't. Once we get to that consulting 356 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:59,720 phase, it's we shouldn't go back to the control phase. 357 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,040 So what do we do when that happens? 358 00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,680 We do what is shown in the prodigal son. 359 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:12,600 The father waits the heavy word. He waits. 360 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:18,960 He looks every day, all day. He prays and he waits. 361 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:24,120 He prays and he waits. Well, wait a minute. 362 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:27,360 There's the verse that says that Jesus went after the lost sheep. 363 00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:29,600 He left the 99 and He went after the one. 364 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,720 Well, that's true, He did. And aren't we glad that He did? 365 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:36,480 Because we are the one. It's some time in time in our 366 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,120 life. We are the one that needs the 367 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:41,280 Savior and we need Him to come reach us and get us. 368 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:45,360 And he reached that lost sheep because that lost sheep didn't 369 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:48,560 know any better. So he needed someone to save 370 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,960 Him. But sometimes if we have an 371 00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,080 adult child who's not making the choices that we want them to 372 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:58,560 make or that God wants them to make, they have to come to their 373 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:01,200 own senses. And the only way that that 374 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:05,160 happens isn't by us controlling the situation, it's by praying 375 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:10,520 them through the situation. Only God knows those things. 376 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:15,160 So we have to be very attentive to God as he parents and follow 377 00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,800 his direction. The verse that I cling to that I 378 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:24,400 have said probably more in any other verse that I pray 379 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:28,560 constantly is Romans 826, not 828. 380 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,440 Every everybody uses the word all things work together. 381 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:34,800 This verse all things work together for you know, OK, yes, 382 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,360 but Romans 826 is the best verse. 383 00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:40,960 Don't don't lose that verse. Go back and memorize it. 384 00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:46,840 In the same way, the Spirit, the Holy Spirit, helps us in our 385 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:50,440 weakness. We don't know what we ought to 386 00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:54,840 pray for. I spend too many times in my 387 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,160 prayer life trying to convince God that I'm right. 388 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,480 And guess what? God just looks at me and he 389 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:08,480 goes, bless your heart. But the Spirit himself 390 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:12,120 intercedes for us through wordless groans. 391 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:21,360 I want to make a a little caveat point here because of something 392 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:28,040 I've seen that where Christian parents, parents of faith that 393 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:31,920 have raised their children in faith, see their children do and 394 00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:35,400 then they adjust because they're two things that slam together 395 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,440 here. Being a godly parent of an adult 396 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:42,680 child doesn't mean you give up your faith to accommodate their 397 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,680 choices when they violate God's truth. 398 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:50,840 I'm going to say that again. Being a godly parent of adult 399 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:55,720 children does not mean that we give up our faith to accommodate 400 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:59,480 their choices when they violate God's truth. 401 00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:04,360 I've seen parents walk away from their faith when their children 402 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:08,800 make certain decisions, particularly sexual identity 403 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,720 choices. And instead they they lean into 404 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:16,120 those bad choices because they're afraid of losing their 405 00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:19,360 kids. That's real. 406 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:25,040 The idea of being afraid of losing your kids is real. 407 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:29,560 And so the the natural human inclination is to lean into a 408 00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:32,760 decision or a choice even though it's a bad choice. 409 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:38,280 Now, you don't have to approve of a thing, tolerate a thing. 410 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:42,600 You can stand on your faith and love them through those choices. 411 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,800 And if you stay consistent in your faith, let me tell you, 412 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:50,800 there'll be a time later on that your children will, will 413 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,160 appreciate the fact that you weren't hypocritical when it 414 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:57,280 came to your faith, that you were solid in your faith. 415 00:25:57,440 --> 00:25:59,440 That's really hard to do. Now what? 416 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:05,320 What do I mean by that? Well, I mean that as parents, we 417 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,360 have to do this with everybody, but especially with our 418 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:10,600 children. We want to lean out with grace. 419 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:12,600 We want to, we want to embrace them. 420 00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,440 We want to lean out in grace, right? 421 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:19,280 So grace is loving and it's forgiving and it's accepting and 422 00:26:19,280 --> 00:26:22,720 it's all of those things. But we can only do that as far 423 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:26,920 as truth will let us. If your child was drowning in 424 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:31,480 the water and you were on a dock and you're trying to reach out 425 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:35,280 and save your child, you can lean out a long way. 426 00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:38,280 But you can only lean out as far as the dock. 427 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:42,120 And gravity will let you. Because if you lean out further 428 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:43,960 than that, there's going to be two people in the water. 429 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,640 Do you understand? And so we can only lean out as 430 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,960 far with grace as truth will let us. 431 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:54,960 We hold those things in tension, but ultimately we want our 432 00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:58,840 children to make good choices because they understand good 433 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:02,600 choices. Now that doesn't mean that we 434 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:06,200 should beat our kids down. Does mean that your children 435 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:11,360 should respect your choices of faith and should not expect that 436 00:27:11,360 --> 00:27:14,200 you would abandoned your faith for their choices. 437 00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:19,200 So we need to learn to practice grace while holding firm to our 438 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,400 faith. In Romans 12/18 it says when it 439 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:25,280 is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace 440 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:28,160 with everyone. And I want to do that, but I 441 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:32,200 don't want to dishonor my Lord in the process. 442 00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:40,480 The last piece of advice that that I would share is that you 443 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,520 stay on the same page as the other parent. 444 00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:45,440 If you're married, it would be your spouse. 445 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:47,840 If you're not married, it is the other parent. 446 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:52,360 One of the best things that Jerry and I do is a regular 447 00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:57,600 evaluation conversation of where we are as parents and how we 448 00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:02,920 should respond to the challenges or the situation of what is 449 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,920 going on in the lives of our adult children. 450 00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:13,240 We don't always agree. We yeah, we don't always agree. 451 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:20,000 And we definitely almost always have different approaches to the 452 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:24,080 same goal, but we're always united. 453 00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:29,640 We're a united front on the big picture, especially spiritually, 454 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,200 even though we're opposites attract on the little picture. 455 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:40,120 And what I've noticed is that when we stay on the same picture 456 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:44,880 and we offer up our children to the Lord, there comes a time 457 00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,760 where God just says, hold out your hand and I hold out my 458 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:55,600 hand, and your adult children become your friends. 459 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:05,200 And that is a real blessing. Big statement here. 460 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:10,840 Parenting is the closest we get to God on this side of heaven. 461 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:20,080 Let me explain why, like God, we actually get to participate in 462 00:29:20,080 --> 00:29:27,600 the process of creation. Like God, we have an unbreakable 463 00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:33,440 bond of love that forms with our children to the point that we 464 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,080 would give our very lives for them. 465 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:43,160 You see how that's like God. Like God, we long for their best 466 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,320 while at the same time enduring their worst. 467 00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:52,400 And we bear the scars of our parenting. 468 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:58,880 But ultimately, and this is a hard one to wrap your head 469 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:04,840 around, they're not your kids and they're not my kids. 470 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:11,440 They're his. We are only stewards of what 471 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:15,280 always has been and always will be his. 472 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,800 Like I said a little earlier, God doesn't have grandchildren, 473 00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:25,480 just children. So we have to do our very, very 474 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:31,600 best to reflect Him as we go through this wonderful, 475 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:39,880 terrible, scary, euphoric time in life of being parents. 476 00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:42,200 We're moving to a time of decision. 477 00:30:48,630 --> 00:30:54,440 I don't know about you, but I get done with a sermon like 478 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:56,640 that. And I go, yeah, I don't know if 479 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,600 anybody else needs to be up here, but I do. 480 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:01,600 I don't know if anybody else needs to be on their knees 481 00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:03,720 asking God, crying out to God, but I do. 482 00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:08,440 Not just when they're growing up, but when they've grown up. 483 00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:15,840 And I would imagine that's true with you as well. 484 00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:21,880 And I want to speak to two groups of individuals out here. 485 00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:33,960 Group number one is your faith is kind of on the side in your 486 00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:36,040 life. It's like when you order salad 487 00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:38,920 dressing at the restaurant, you're afraid they're going to 488 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,720 put too much on it. And so you want it on the side 489 00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,520 so that you can put as much on as you want as you need it. 490 00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:50,600 And a lot of times that's the way we treat God in our personal 491 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,400 lives and in our parenting lives. 492 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:55,600 Like, you know, well, you know, if I get into a rough spot, well 493 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:59,560 then I'll call on God. But I can handle most of this 494 00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:02,200 myself. You know, that's not true. 495 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:07,120 That's just not true. You need God and you need an 496 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:10,680 intimate, personal relationship with him through Jesus Christ. 497 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:15,280 You need that. You can't have him as a tweak. 498 00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:18,760 You can't have him as an option. And some of you are living that 499 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:20,600 way right now. And if you're trying to do 500 00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:23,920 parenting by yourself, that is not a winning proposition. 501 00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:28,040 That's a losing proposition. And I want to encourage you, if 502 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,800 you've never come into an intimate personal relationship 503 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:34,360 with Jesus Christ, you need to do that today. 504 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:42,400 The past is the past, but today belongs to you. 505 00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:47,440 You can't fix what you've done in the past, but you can make 506 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:52,960 good decisions with God today, and that'll impact the things 507 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:59,160 that have happened in the past. Because I love this word. 508 00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:04,520 My God is a Redeemer. He is a Redeemer. 509 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:09,280 He knows how to buy things back, bring things back. 510 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:15,040 He knows how to restore things. So if you've never come into 511 00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:17,400 relationship with Jesus, there's going to be somebody right over 512 00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:21,360 there by the baptistry that would love nothing more than 513 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:23,880 talk to you about that decision and pray with you about that 514 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:27,680 decision. If you're here today and you 515 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,640 have that relationship with Jesus, that doesn't mean that 516 00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:32,520 you don't need this time any less. 517 00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:36,680 You should recognize because of your relationship that you need 518 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,160 it more. You just need it terribly. 519 00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:46,080 When I was a kid, you know, I grew up in a traditional church. 520 00:33:46,080 --> 00:33:48,120 They were all pretty much traditional back then. 521 00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:53,680 We'd sing out of a hymnal. We sing verses 1-2 and four. 522 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:58,360 First three always got left out. I don't know why, but they had 523 00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:01,160 the same chorus. So you might have a different 524 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,280 verse, but you'd have a a different chorus. 525 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:06,200 And you know, I grew up to the point where I thought, well, all 526 00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:08,880 those old songs are lame and we need to sing new songs. 527 00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:10,760 And I still believe that to some extent. 528 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:16,600 But those old songs stuck with me and especially with 529 00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:20,120 parenting. I need somebody with me. 530 00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:27,480 God was so gracious when he gave me Allison, and she's great, but 531 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:33,920 she's flawed just like me. One of those songs had a chorus 532 00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:39,800 that said, And he walks with me and he talks with me. 533 00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,639 I need that. And I love this next line. 534 00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:53,719 And he tells me I am his own. When I start feeling defeated 535 00:34:53,719 --> 00:35:00,320 and isolated and uncared about, unloved, He reminds me who I am. 536 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:09,480 And you know what that creates and the joy we share as we tarry 537 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:13,040 there. None other has ever known. 538 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:19,920 I invite you to have a moment with God, your Father who loves 539 00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:25,440 you, who can tell you that you're His own, up at these 540 00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:29,280 steps today. Would you stand with me? 541 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:30,920 Let's pray together in Jesus name. 542 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,680 Heavenly Father, would you just take this holy moment, this 543 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:36,920 godly moment, the separated moment? 544 00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:47,280 I pray that our hearts would be open to hear you're still small 545 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:52,520 voice speaking words as only a perfect parent could. 546 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:58,080 And I pray that his little children, all of us, we would 547 00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:05,120 run to you for hope and help and strength in Jesus name, Amen.