1 00:00:00,700 --> 00:00:05,000 Chris Brown was on staff at our church and when he was here, he 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:08,800 made this statement, conflict is inevitable. 3 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:13,100 Drama. Is a choice. 4 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:19,100 Conflict is inevitable. Drama is a choice for the last. 5 00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,100 Several weeks at many of our locations. 6 00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:26,100 We have had an escape room that you could go and interact with. 7 00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:28,400 And while it was a great opportunity for friends and 8 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,900 family to make memories, we as a church, had more Sinister 9 00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:36,600 motives. It was designed to inflict 10 00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:39,800 conflict into the relationships of those. 11 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:46,100 You cherish the most and some of you are going Clayton, we don't 12 00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:48,200 need an escape room to get conflict. 13 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:51,400 We have plenty of conflict in our house. 14 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:56,500 In fact, if conflict were stock, we would be the buffets Jennifer 15 00:00:56,500 --> 00:01:01,000 and I, we were early in our marriage and I was not prepared 16 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:05,900 for the amount of conflict My parents were good, godly people 17 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:11,300 who never raised their voices. Never yelled. 18 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:17,100 I've never heard my parents have an argument and so I thought, 19 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:23,300 That that is how normal Christian marriages operate. 20 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:27,100 And then I found myself in my marriage. 21 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:34,400 And it did not operate like that and I spent depending on who you 22 00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:39,700 ask, how long it was three to five years, trying to figure 23 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,400 out, which way was up inside of our marriage. 24 00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:46,300 Now, hear me. We both love Jesus. 25 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:52,900 We were both good Christian people, we both loved and cared 26 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:59,800 for each other deeply. But there was an awful lot of 27 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:04,900 conflict and it robbed us of days. 28 00:02:04,900 --> 00:02:08,300 And nights that could have been very joyous. 29 00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:12,500 Today, we are going to talk about conflict. 30 00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:20,000 Why it exists and how to handle it and how to become more Godly 31 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:27,100 through it at a crazy question. What if conflict I can make you 32 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:30,400 more like Jesus. I want to welcome all of you 33 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,100 joining from all of our different locations. 34 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,600 Those of you watching online and inside I am. 35 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,000 So thankful that we get the opportunity to hang out and 36 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,600 spend time together today and I just got one big goal in mind. 37 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:44,300 Is that the end of the day, whether this is your first time 38 00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,600 here at our church, for the first time, in a long time, 39 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,800 whether you've been following Jesus, your whole life. 40 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,600 For this is your first time hearing about Jesus that every 41 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,300 single one of us. By the end of today, we would 42 00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:57,000 just take one step closer in an intimate personal relationship 43 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,300 with Jesus Christ. Now, before I get into, To the 44 00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:01,200 message. I want to make you aware of two, 45 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,000 great things that are happening at our church. 46 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:06,700 First one is Camp, sign-ups are underway right now. 47 00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:11,300 We are already 50% ahead of where we were last year. 48 00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:14,300 So if you're the kind of person who wants to prioritize the 49 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:17,800 spiritual development of your kids, I want to encourage you to 50 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:21,600 sign them up soon. And there are some of you who 51 00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,700 you're like Jennifer and I you want to be in the corner of 52 00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:29,000 those who would like to go to camp but financially do too. 53 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:32,200 Circumstances. That might be a little bit of a 54 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:34,700 big leap for them. I want, you know, you can take 55 00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:37,200 advantage of the QR code on the seat in front of you, to not 56 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,900 only sign your kid up for camp, but if you want to be in their 57 00:03:39,900 --> 00:03:43,800 corner, you can help scholarships some other kids and 58 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,400 provide funds for scholarships so that other people can go to 59 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,400 Camp second thing next weekend all over the world. 60 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,000 People are going to be celebrating a resurrected Jesus 61 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,900 on Easter weekend and we will be doing that at all of our 62 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:58,500 locations. Make sure you are paying close 63 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:01,700 attention to to the service times at your specific location 64 00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,200 because it many of our locations. 65 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,600 They're going to have different service times to accommodate all 66 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,700 the people that God is gonna be bringing into our different 67 00:04:08,700 --> 00:04:11,200 locations. And we will be using that 68 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:15,200 weekend to start a brand new sermon series called if. 69 00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:19,600 And the whole reason for this sermon series is twofold, we 70 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,200 want to strengthen the faith of those who have it. 71 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:26,500 And we want to answer the questions of those who want to 72 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:29,000 start one. And we're going to be taking a 73 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,300 You'll hard. Look at Christianity, at the 74 00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:35,500 claims of Jesus and sing what the implications are for your 75 00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:37,000 life. And for mine, I'm telling you 76 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:41,400 that because there is not a better time to bring a friend, a 77 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:45,800 family member, A co-worker to our church, than the next seven 78 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,400 weeks. So, if you love Jesus, and you 79 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,400 want people to know Jesus, take advantage of that. 80 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,000 So you can be thinking who's one person that you could be 81 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:57,200 bringing with you next week. The second thing you could do is 82 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,000 if you're on Mission with us to help people. 83 00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:01,500 Find an intimate personal relationship with Jesus Christ. 84 00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:04,100 If you're on Mission and making this, the hardest place on 85 00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:06,700 planet Earth to get to Hell from, if you want to be in the 86 00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:09,000 corner of those who are trying to find their faith, I'm going 87 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,700 to encourage you next weekend to do two, besides bring a friend. 88 00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:16,900 I'm asking you to do to other things Park far away and show up 89 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,600 early because of all the people who, you know, already love 90 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,500 Jesus are, you know, taking all the key parking spots. 91 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,900 Then a person, when he shows up, who's trying to figure out, 92 00:05:26,900 --> 00:05:29,400 Jesus is like, okay. So I guess I, you know, Park in 93 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,200 the grass. So, just be a Jesus follower 94 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:36,700 next weekend, would you do? Okay, so why this conflict 95 00:05:36,700 --> 00:05:41,000 exists only give you five reasons, why conflict exists? 96 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:44,700 And it's not because the person you're married to stinks. 97 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,700 Okay. Here's five reasons. 98 00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:51,600 Why conflict exists? The first one is because we're 99 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,600 all Sinners. Every single one of us were a 100 00:05:53,608 --> 00:05:57,200 little jacked up all of us. Have fallen short, and continue 101 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:01,800 to fall short of the Perfection that God intended for us. 102 00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:05,800 That means that at some point in time, in the distant future, it 103 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,000 probably hasn't happened yet. You're going to be a little 104 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:13,700 prideful. A little selfish, a little lazy, 105 00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:17,900 maybe you'll lie a little bit, maybe you'll struggle with Envy. 106 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:23,900 All of us are going to continue to sin and have to navigate the 107 00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,600 effects of not just our sinful Behavior. 108 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,500 But the people we care about, they're going to send. 109 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,500 And when you're dealing with sand or they're dealing with sin 110 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:38,100 that creates conflict, second reason is because every 111 00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:43,600 relationship you have has an enemy Every relationship you 112 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:45,800 guys have heard me talk about this non-stop. 113 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:50,100 Satan wants to steal kill and destroy the relationships. 114 00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:53,700 That matter the most to you. The relationship that God wants 115 00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:57,500 to use to bless you and for you to be a blessing to them, I'm 116 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,400 going to keep hammering this verse, John 10:10. 117 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,600 You guys are going to have this memorized or being a great 118 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:02,600 tattoo. Okay? 119 00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:06,900 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. 120 00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:12,000 This is Jesus talking Jesus. I have come that they may have 121 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,800 life. And have it to the full. 122 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:19,400 So you and I, we have a choice. We can follow Jesus plan for our 123 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,200 relationships or we can follow Satan's plan. 124 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,700 There's not a middle ground, not following Jesus. 125 00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:28,700 Plan is following Satan's plan and Satan's. 126 00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:32,100 Desire is to take that marriage, steal kill and destroy it. 127 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,300 Take that relationship with your kid, steal kill, and destroy it. 128 00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:38,100 Take that relationship with your boss, your coworker steal kill 129 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:40,700 and destroy, but Jesus going, hey guys, just so, you know, 130 00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:45,200 hey, over here over here. There's life and life to the 131 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:48,000 full. Now, if you follow the Holy 132 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,900 Spirit, he's going to continue to conform you into 133 00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:53,900 christlikeness. He's going to make you better at 134 00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:57,200 relationships. The third reason that conflict 135 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:01,000 exists is because God made us all different. 136 00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:06,600 Between you and me, that wasn't the smartest thing for God to 137 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:11,300 do. Because and I mean, this, I want 138 00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:20,200 to say this carefully, I wish he had made you more like me. 139 00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:24,300 Do you know how great that would be? 140 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,800 If you were all like me there be way less conflict. 141 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,800 We be high-fiving ourselves over our decisions all the time. 142 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,299 think about think about this, how many of you deep down 143 00:08:35,299 --> 00:08:39,100 inside, you actually kind of wish that more people were made 144 00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:45,100 just like, You the problem is in your relationships. 145 00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:51,300 She wishes you were more like her and he wishes you were more 146 00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:54,200 like him. And that creates conflict. 147 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,900 Imagine how incredible the world would be tomorrow. 148 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,900 If all of you thought like me the election, there wouldn't 149 00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:05,300 even be an election, you know, you also know. 150 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:15,000 Me. I humbly submit my candidacy for 151 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,300 president of the United States of America. 152 00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:21,500 And because you now think, like, me, I am indeed the candidate 153 00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:23,600 because I would vote for me, okay? 154 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:27,300 That's how it would happen when you get in the car and you want 155 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:32,100 to go grab something to eat. No conflict, because everybody 156 00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,500 already wants to eat what you want to eat. 157 00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:37,800 Think about how incredible the world of being. 158 00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:41,300 At the same time, I need you to realize how horrible the world 159 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:44,300 would be. Because I mean, you know you 160 00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:49,000 right? if everybody was just like you, 161 00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:53,400 Think of all the things that would be absent in our world. 162 00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,900 He made each and every single one of us uniquely we have 163 00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:01,300 different perspectives, different priorities, different 164 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:04,800 approaches and the challenges are and how we navigate the 165 00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:07,200 challenges and opportunities that life presents. 166 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:10,800 We see things and approach things differently and this is a 167 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:14,300 good thing. None of us can be the full 168 00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:19,000 expression of God on our own. We need the body of Christ, 169 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:23,300 which is one another, to bring a fuller expression of Jesus to 170 00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:27,800 Bear to a NG world. And the people we care about 171 00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:32,900 Paul in different parts of the Bible goes over and over at 172 00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:36,000 length, trying to get people to acknowledge. 173 00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:41,500 Which is at least recognize that we're different and appreciate, 174 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,700 which is I'm thankful for how we're made different. 175 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:49,700 The gifts that God has placed inside of his people, some 176 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:52,600 people are more prone to be faithful. 177 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,200 Risk-takers other people are, you know, more gifted at 178 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:59,700 prioritizing stewardship, some people are more gifted at grace 179 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:02,500 and mercy, other people are better at telling the truth or 180 00:11:02,500 --> 00:11:04,800 maybe at leadership. Some are better at teaching, 181 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,800 some might be better at encouraging. 182 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,600 Ying. He brings all of these gifts to 183 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:12,700 bear inside of his people. And while these are gifts from 184 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:17,100 God to be used by God to reach people, for God, since they are 185 00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:20,100 gifts from God, we kind of like them. 186 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:27,900 I got this gift from God and you need to love it. 187 00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:32,600 Because we're passionate about what God has placed in us 188 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:38,700 because we got it from him but God does not want one gift to 189 00:11:38,700 --> 00:11:41,800 dominate. But for all of us to bring the 190 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:46,100 gifts that he has placed in us to Bear, to make all of us 191 00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:48,900 better and to love people better. 192 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:53,800 The fourth reason. Is because that there's 193 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:57,700 conflict, is because some people are yielded to God, and some 194 00:11:57,700 --> 00:12:02,500 people are not yielded to God. And so if you have two people in 195 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:05,000 a relationship that one prioritizes God. 196 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:10,800 And one doesn't prioritize God, that creates conflict. 197 00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,300 That's why he says, when you get married, don't become unequally 198 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,100 yoked. You shouldn't have a couple get 199 00:12:16,100 --> 00:12:18,200 together. We're one loves Jesus and one 200 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,700 doesn't because that's going to create all kinds of conflict 201 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:24,800 inside of that relationship. If one person is serving God and 202 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,900 the other one is just serving themselves, there's going to be 203 00:12:27,900 --> 00:12:33,700 conflict, but the fifth reason, Ian and this one's probably the 204 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:38,800 one that affects this the most is, every single one of us we 205 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:44,200 have expectations You have expectations of your husband, 206 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:47,800 you have expectations of your wife, you have expectations of 207 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,900 your kids. You have expectations of your 208 00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:53,100 parents. We all have expectations and we 209 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,300 about how we want to be treated, how we want to be cared for how 210 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:59,500 we want to be spoken to. We have all of these 211 00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:03,300 expectations. Not only is this true in the 212 00:13:03,308 --> 00:13:05,600 workplace. This is true in your home. 213 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:08,100 This isn't true and this is true in every year of your life. 214 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:14,800 However, one of the gifts, That God did not give anybody is the 215 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:22,100 ability to read people's minds. Which means we have all of these 216 00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:24,600 expectations. And if they are not accurately 217 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:28,900 communicated, it creates conflict. 218 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:33,900 Let me show you. Husband works hard all week, 219 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:37,600 long looks on the family calendar and sees nothing on the 220 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,300 calendar for Saturday. So, on his way home from work, 221 00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:45,000 he goes calls up. The fellows says, hey guys, I 222 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:47,200 got nothing going on tomorrow. What do you want to do? 223 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,700 It's like, let's get up and go fishing. 224 00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:53,500 I love that. I'll be at your house at 6:30 225 00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:58,200 a.m. and so he gets up early on Saturday and he goes fishing. 226 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:03,900 Meanwhile, his wife was also driving home from work on Friday 227 00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:07,800 after working a long week and she looked up family, calendar. 228 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:12,400 And she goes. There's nothing for us to do 229 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:17,200 tomorrow, we can wake up and we can clean the house and we can 230 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:20,000 do some of those projects that we've been wanting to get done 231 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,600 around here for a really long time. 232 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,000 And then we'll just sit by each other on the couch and hold 233 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:31,700 hands. Like we used to And she wakes up 234 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:34,900 at 9:30 on Saturday, because she can sleep in, she doesn't have 235 00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:37,900 to take anybody anywhere. And she rolls over to just kind 236 00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:41,900 of put her hand on his hand, and there's nothing there. 237 00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:47,800 And so she calls him. Thinking maybe he's gone to get 238 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:54,600 her a coffee, right? Hey sweetie. 239 00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:59,000 Where are you? I'm fishing with the fellas. 240 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:04,700 Woo. Some of you like actually 241 00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:07,900 careful Clayton. Um it was a nice day the other 242 00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:14,200 day. Then he comes home and she 243 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:16,200 decided she was just going to go ahead and get all the projects 244 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,600 done and get all the cleaning done. 245 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,800 So he comes home from a long day of fishing. 246 00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:22,500 And he sees that the house is all clean. 247 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,800 Kids are all hanging out at other peoples houses. 248 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,600 He starts to get some expectations too. 249 00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,700 He goes. Hey how are you doing fine? 250 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,200 Okay. All right. 251 00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:37,900 Do you need some ibuprofen? No. 252 00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:39,200 Why? Why? 253 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,200 Didn't know if you had a headache? 254 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,700 No I don't have a headache. His expectations are 255 00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:46,600 skyrocketing and then he comes into the bedroom at about 9:30 256 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,800 at night and sees it. She's got sweatpants on to 257 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:54,300 hoodies and is already asleep and then he is frustrated 258 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:59,600 because he too had expectations But since nobody communicated 259 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:06,200 those expectations conflict resentment, frustration are 260 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,900 growing inside of their marriage. 261 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:12,500 So how does a Christian navigate the inevitable challenge of 262 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:17,900 conflict and avoid the hurt and drama that destroys so many 263 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:21,000 relationships? Now I'm going to focus primarily 264 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,600 on marriage and parenting relationships with the 265 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,100 principles were going to talk about apply to every 266 00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:28,800 relationship you have. Look at Galatians, chapter 6, 267 00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:33,800 brothers and sisters. If someone is caught in sin, you 268 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,100 who live by the spirit. Those of you who are following 269 00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:39,700 after Jesus, the the pathway to a full and Abundant Life, should 270 00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:42,900 restore that person gently this is conflict. 271 00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,200 You should enter into this, but you should do it. 272 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:50,300 Gently, but watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted, which 273 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,500 means that as you get ready to enter into this conflict, you 274 00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:57,200 could sin while trying to point out the sin of somebody else. 275 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,200 Carry each other's burdens have a little bit of Grace for him. 276 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:03,900 And in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ. 277 00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:08,800 If anyone thinks they are something, when they are not, 278 00:17:09,099 --> 00:17:13,200 they deceive themselves. Have you ever noticed sometimes 279 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:16,300 when you're in Conflict, one of you likes to paint yourself as 280 00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,099 mr. Perfect. 281 00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:21,000 Or Miss Perfect. Well, I would never do that. 282 00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:27,700 You did it yesterday, okay? Keep going each one should test 283 00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:32,600 their own actions, then they can take pride in themselves without 284 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,200 comparing themselves to someone else. 285 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,000 For each one should carry their own load. 286 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,500 We're going to stay here for just a second. 287 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,100 Without comparing themselves to someone else. 288 00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,900 Here's what we do. Sometimes in Conflict, someone's 289 00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:47,200 approaching you about the things that you do. 290 00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:51,300 You yell a lot. Well I don't yell nearly as much 291 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:53,800 as my dad. Did you want to hear yelling? 292 00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:55,900 You should have been raised when I was raised. 293 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:04,400 And you you you you're mean and hurtful you think I'm mean and 294 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:08,100 hurtful we all know what Bob did just down the street you know 295 00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:11,200 crazy Bob you hear him yelling with the screen doors up? 296 00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:13,100 We you know what it's like crazy Bob. 297 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,200 I'm not crazy Bob What we like to do. 298 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:19,700 Is we like to compare ourselves to somebody else? 299 00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:23,900 Who stinks to give ourselves permission slips to just stink 300 00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:28,900 less. And he say no no no Jesus 301 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,100 followers. You are always going to find 302 00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:33,100 somebody that will give you a permission slip. 303 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,000 You're always going to find somebody who's messing it up, 304 00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:38,900 but that's not we're supposed to do. 305 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,300 We're not supposed to compare ourselves to someone else and 306 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,800 look at my own motives. Am I operating the way I'm 307 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:46,500 supposed to operate? And my being the husband, I'm 308 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,100 supposed to be in my, the wife, I'm supposed to be my the 309 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,000 parent. I'm supposed to be my, the child 310 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,900 that I'm supposed to be what my mean, I don't sneak out as often 311 00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:58,400 as the other kids in my class. No, no, no, no, no. 312 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:00,700 There's a higher standard here. Okay, let's keep going. 313 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:05,100 Nevertheless, the one who receives In the word should 314 00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,200 share. All good things with their 315 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,900 instructor, do not be deceived. God cannot be. 316 00:19:08,900 --> 00:19:10,300 Mocked a man reaps. What? 317 00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:12,200 He sews. Let's keep going. 318 00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:14,700 Whoever sows to please their flesh. 319 00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:16,700 From the flesh. Will reap destruction? 320 00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:20,700 I wonder how many of us when we are going into conflict? 321 00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:26,100 We are motivated by our flesh. And then we are wondering why we 322 00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:28,000 are reaping such a horrible Harvest. 323 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,000 Whoever sows to please the spirit. 324 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:35,300 I am entering into this conflict for the glory of God. 325 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,600 From the spirit will reap eternal life. 326 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,700 Let's keep going. Let us not become weary in doing 327 00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:43,600 good for at the proper time. We will reap a harvest. 328 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:48,100 If we do not give up verse 10. Therefore, as we have the 329 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:51,800 opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially those who 330 00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:55,300 belong to the family of Believers, the first thing you, 331 00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:59,100 and I need to do is we need to change our perspective, and 332 00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:01,700 here's the perspective shift that needs to take place. 333 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:06,400 Most of us are not dealing with evil rotten despicable people. 334 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:09,800 People, but that's how we treat them in Conflict. 335 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:15,000 We step into conflict with so much angst, so much rage because 336 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,300 they are an evil person. How could you? 337 00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:20,500 We assume that they are out to hurt us. 338 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,900 We assume that they are doing this on purpose and then we 339 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:29,100 react instead of responding a phrase that we use around our 340 00:20:29,100 --> 00:20:31,700 church. A lot is stepping on air hoses. 341 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,400 If you're, you know, Jennifer was breathing through an oxygen 342 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:39,200 mask, and I were to step on her air hose and she can't breathe. 343 00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:42,700 She's going to react. She's gonna go, you've got to 344 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:45,000 stop because what would you do if you couldn't breathe? 345 00:20:45,900 --> 00:20:49,300 But what the assumption is, is that I'm over here, cutting off 346 00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:51,500 our Air, Supply choke woman choked. 347 00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:54,300 That's not, I'm just got big feet. 348 00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:56,700 I didn't even know I was stepping on the, I'm sorry. 349 00:20:57,700 --> 00:21:00,200 We give each other a little bit of Grace to realize that this 350 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:04,200 person is not necessarily out for with evil intentions, but 351 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:09,200 send just happens here me every, single one of us we have blind 352 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,500 spots. And conflict is a way for people 353 00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:17,600 to point out things in us that we don't see in ourselves. 354 00:21:18,600 --> 00:21:22,500 In other words, if somebody hasn't addressed something in 355 00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:26,700 your life recently, nobody in your life cares, enough about 356 00:21:26,700 --> 00:21:35,600 you to help you get better. Or they care deeply about you 357 00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:37,800 but they didn't know that they can't enter into the 358 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,600 conversation because of how you will respond. 359 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,500 Having people, engaging conflict with us, gives us an opportunity 360 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:48,100 to see ourselves more clearly to have a fuller understanding of 361 00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:52,900 how we are actually. Treating other people conflict 362 00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:54,600 is not just a chance for us to get better. 363 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,700 It's also a chance for us to help others get better. 364 00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:01,900 Otherwise they will continue to keep doing this. 365 00:22:03,100 --> 00:22:05,500 We will end up enabling their behavior. 366 00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:08,800 They are doing this in, it hurts you well you know that they're 367 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:12,000 doing this and it's hurting all kinds of other people but nobody 368 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:17,300 wants to step on their grenade. Nobody wants to set them off and 369 00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:21,000 so they keep causing harm in all of the relationships that they 370 00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:25,000 enter into this could also cause their light for Jesus Christ, to 371 00:22:25,008 --> 00:22:28,100 be diminished and hurt their ability to reach the very people 372 00:22:28,100 --> 00:22:32,100 that Jesus died for Mark, chapter 12 gives us this the 373 00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:35,700 second And greatest commandment. This is Jesus talking first 374 00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:37,300 greatest commandment love. The Lord your God with all your 375 00:22:37,300 --> 00:22:38,200 heart mind. Soul, and strength. 376 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:40,900 The second greatest commandment is equally important. 377 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,000 Love your neighbor as yourself. No other commandment is greater 378 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,500 than these. We were out of Staff training 379 00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,400 and we were talking to the staff here at the Crossing. 380 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:53,100 And here's what we noticed, everybody has an expectation 381 00:22:53,100 --> 00:22:55,900 that people would come to them if they were doing something 382 00:22:55,900 --> 00:22:58,500 wrong. Right, you've heard about this. 383 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,400 You found out secondhand that somebody was frustrated with 384 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,800 you. And what's your first response? 385 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,000 Well, I wish they would have come to me. 386 00:23:08,100 --> 00:23:11,600 I wish they would have. Why didn't they just come to me? 387 00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:15,000 But in reality, you know, stuff that other people are doing 388 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,800 Non-Stop and you don't ever go to them. 389 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,100 So, we have a standard for other people that they should come to 390 00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:24,200 us if they have a problem but we don't keep that same standard 391 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,600 High when we have the opportunity to go to someone 392 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,400 else. Most of our struggles I would 393 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,200 say come down to this. We failed to treat people the 394 00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:35,000 way we would actually like to be treated. 395 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:36,900 We need to change our perspective. 396 00:23:36,900 --> 00:23:40,000 The second thing we need to do is we need to change our motives 397 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:44,300 when you enter into conflict. If it is not to put them on the 398 00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:49,900 defensive, it is not to get even and it's certainly not to put 399 00:23:49,900 --> 00:23:54,900 them in their place. Conflict is a way for us to help 400 00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:59,700 them get better and to help us get better this change in 401 00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:03,900 motivation, takes so much heat out of the conversation and so 402 00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:07,200 much heat out of the conflict because it puts you in a place 403 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:12,300 mentally, emotionally and spiritually where we are trying 404 00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:16,000 to to help them be. The person that we believe that 405 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:20,800 they want to be. Let me say to you this way when 406 00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:26,900 you enter into conflict and you are the person being confronted. 407 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,800 They're pointing stuff out in you. 408 00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:34,500 This is what this is what you're doing, they are helping me be a 409 00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:38,100 better husband. They're helping me be a better 410 00:24:38,100 --> 00:24:40,400 wife. They're helping me be a better 411 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:42,300 parent. They're helping me be a better 412 00:24:42,300 --> 00:24:45,100 child. They are having this conflict 413 00:24:45,300 --> 00:24:48,900 because they want to help me be who I want to be. 414 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:54,400 If you're the person having the conversation, I'm having this 415 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:58,000 conversation because I know they want to be a better husband and 416 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,500 they might not realize what this is costing them. 417 00:25:01,100 --> 00:25:03,500 I'm entering into this conversation because I believe 418 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:05,500 that they want to be a good wife. 419 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:09,400 They want to be a good parent. They want to be a good child, 420 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,200 and they need someone to come alongside of them and help them 421 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,800 navigate it. When we change our motives and 422 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:19,000 we change our perspective, it will force us to change our 423 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:23,100 strategy and we need a better strategy. 424 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:27,600 Look what Ephesians chapter 4 says, do not let any unwholesome 425 00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:30,700 talk come out of your mouths. I'm going to view your 426 00:25:30,700 --> 00:25:33,400 confrontation. Your conflict has unwholesome 427 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,600 talk? how many of your confrontations 428 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:42,600 are but only what is helpful for building others up according to 429 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:47,700 their needs that it may benefit those who listen And do not 430 00:25:47,700 --> 00:25:49,900 grieve the holy spirit of God with whom you were sealed for 431 00:25:49,900 --> 00:25:55,200 the day of redemption. Get rid of all, bitterness rage 432 00:25:55,300 --> 00:25:59,900 and anger brawling, and slander along with every form of malice. 433 00:25:59,900 --> 00:26:00,900 Let's stay right there for a second. 434 00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:04,800 Let's go back. This is like the checklist of 435 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:08,900 all the stuff we typically do wrong in Conflict, right? 436 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:12,100 We show up bitter. We're Pretty stinking ticked, 437 00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:14,900 we're crazy angry. If you were a dude, we'd be 438 00:26:14,900 --> 00:26:18,400 fighting right now. This is how we operate. 439 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:21,000 Let's keep going. Here's what we're supposed to 440 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:27,900 do, be kind and compassionate to one another Forgiving each 441 00:26:27,900 --> 00:26:32,900 other. Just as in Christ, God forgave 442 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:37,800 you I think it's safe to say. We could all use a better 443 00:26:38,100 --> 00:26:42,100 strategy. Some of you you guys are people 444 00:26:42,100 --> 00:26:46,600 who like to sit and stew on it and so you don't bring it up 445 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,500 four months, some of you don't sit on it, are you sit on it for 446 00:26:49,500 --> 00:26:54,000 years and then all of a sudden you're signing papers use. 447 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:58,200 Blow up your soul, just eroded and all of a sudden out of 448 00:26:58,200 --> 00:26:59,300 nowhere. You're going. 449 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:03,900 I'm done some of you your the passive-aggressive people. 450 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,500 You're just going to keep making little comments and saying I'm 451 00:27:07,500 --> 00:27:10,200 fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine but 452 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,600 everybody, absolutely. Everybody knows that you are not 453 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,900 fine and so you don't ever clearly communicate what it is. 454 00:27:16,900 --> 00:27:19,200 That's frustrating. You and so everybody else is 455 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:23,100 stuck in this fog of what you're trying to communicate and so 456 00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:25,400 they can't bring about the change that they actually want 457 00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:28,200 to bring about because you won't actually say what's bothering 458 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:32,100 you and so the problem persists which continues to erode your 459 00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:36,200 heart. Here's another one we have in 460 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:40,000 our Earthly relationships. They have an impact, on our 461 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,300 spiritual relationship with God. And so, when you continue to be 462 00:27:43,300 --> 00:27:46,300 passive aggressive, you are making it hard for them to have 463 00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:49,300 a right relationship with you, which makes it in turn hard for 464 00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:50,700 them. And you to have a right 465 00:27:50,700 --> 00:27:54,200 relationship with God, you are robbing them of The Godly 466 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:58,000 Ministry of reconciliation by, not speaking, clearly about how 467 00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,200 they're frustrating. You, you can't get that 468 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,200 relationship, right? Some of you, you are always 469 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,100 addressing it. It. 470 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,100 And the Biblical word for that is nag. 471 00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:11,800 Like we need a break. Okay. 472 00:28:11,900 --> 00:28:15,500 Not every day is like 15 things that you need to confront us on. 473 00:28:15,500 --> 00:28:19,000 You need to have a little bit of Grace or some of you, you choose 474 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,300 to punish people through silent treatment or yelling and 475 00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:26,700 overreacting so that nobody will ever confront you again, this 476 00:28:26,700 --> 00:28:30,400 results in confusion Rising frustration and resentment. 477 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:35,800 If somebody hasn't confronted something in you, recently, you 478 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,300 already know you've sinned, you already know you let people down 479 00:28:39,500 --> 00:28:42,500 but if they haven't addressed something recently in your life 480 00:28:42,500 --> 00:28:46,900 chances are it's because they are either struggling with a sin 481 00:28:46,900 --> 00:28:48,600 as it pertains to comfort station. 482 00:28:48,700 --> 00:28:51,500 Or there's something about you that has made them feel like 483 00:28:51,500 --> 00:28:54,900 they can't confront you and if they feel like they can't 484 00:28:54,900 --> 00:28:57,600 confront you, you will keep doing the behavior that hurts. 485 00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:59,600 The people you care about the most. 486 00:29:00,700 --> 00:29:07,300 Psalm 34 says, this turn from Evil and do good seek peace and 487 00:29:07,300 --> 00:29:13,600 pursue it there is a better way. Clear consistent communication, 488 00:29:13,900 --> 00:29:16,400 I'm going to tell you what Jennifer and I use Jennifer and 489 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:21,700 I use the two for one method. Here's the question. 490 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:23,700 What are two things I'm doing really? 491 00:29:23,700 --> 00:29:25,900 Well, that you want me to keep doing? 492 00:29:26,100 --> 00:29:28,900 I need compliments. I need to know. 493 00:29:28,900 --> 00:29:31,100 Hey that's a goal that I can stalk. 494 00:29:31,100 --> 00:29:32,600 I'm doing this great, I'm doing this great. 495 00:29:32,900 --> 00:29:36,900 And then I asked what is one thing that I need to do better 496 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:40,800 or what is one thing I need to stop doing? 497 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:48,500 And if you can use the word feel when you do this it makes me 498 00:29:48,500 --> 00:29:53,700 feel. So I'm going to ask Jennifer to 499 00:29:53,700 --> 00:29:57,200 come up here on stage and we're going to show you what this 500 00:29:57,200 --> 00:30:03,200 looks like. Okay, here are the ground rules. 501 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,100 I said you can't do the same one you did on Thursday. 502 00:30:09,700 --> 00:30:13,500 And you can't be incredibly mean-spirited, but you need to 503 00:30:13,508 --> 00:30:15,700 be radically honest. Because, I mean, how many of you 504 00:30:15,700 --> 00:30:18,100 guys want to air your dirty laundry in front of 10,000 of 505 00:30:18,100 --> 00:30:21,100 your closest friends? So Jennifer? 506 00:30:21,700 --> 00:30:23,700 What are two things that I am doing? 507 00:30:23,700 --> 00:30:26,300 Well that you would like me to keep doing? 508 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:33,400 Okay, one thing is, you respect my desire for an orderly house 509 00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:37,400 and you will pitch in and be helpful to make that a reality. 510 00:30:37,700 --> 00:30:39,400 I appreciate that. I can keep doing that. 511 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,600 Thank you for sharing. Okay. 512 00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,200 What's another thing that I'm awesome at? 513 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:45,800 I mean that you want me to keep sorry. 514 00:30:46,100 --> 00:30:49,000 Sorry I said that wrong. What's another thing you'd like 515 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:52,300 me to you'd like me? Yeah, you do a great job of 516 00:30:52,300 --> 00:30:56,000 involving our boys and things and teaching them things that 517 00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,200 will help them be good husband. Ins and good Fathers like, how 518 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,200 to detail a car, how to grill a steak, how to clean a bathroom? 519 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,800 So you do a great job of training them up. 520 00:31:04,900 --> 00:31:07,200 I appreciate that, guys. Would you like those good? 521 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:09,400 We will have to do last done. Okay. 522 00:31:09,500 --> 00:31:10,700 All right. We're not done. 523 00:31:11,300 --> 00:31:14,400 Okay. Jennifer, what is one thing that 524 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:18,000 I'm doing that? You'd like me to stop doing or 525 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:19,500 something that I'm doing that is hurting. 526 00:31:20,900 --> 00:31:29,100 So you you might be the most impatient person, I know. 527 00:31:30,900 --> 00:31:34,000 And sometimes there's no good reason for it. 528 00:31:34,300 --> 00:31:37,200 Like, I don't know why were rushing through this but we are 529 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:42,100 and in those moments, you will brush past what could be 530 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:46,500 Precious Moments with your kids or just an enjoyable time as a 531 00:31:46,508 --> 00:31:50,300 family because to be honest with you, it frustrates the heck out 532 00:31:50,300 --> 00:31:53,500 of me when you didn't, let's go, let's go, let's go. 533 00:31:53,500 --> 00:31:56,500 Where are we going? We don't have anywhere to go and 534 00:31:56,500 --> 00:32:01,200 your boys will, well, you just miss out on things that they 535 00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:05,100 want to share or things that you could just see them doing 536 00:32:05,100 --> 00:32:08,000 because we got to rush through her IV to get know. 537 00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,300 No. We're okay. 538 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,800 What I'm hearing you say is, I need to do a better job of being 539 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,300 patient because when I'm constantly in a rush, I'm 540 00:32:16,300 --> 00:32:18,800 missing meaningful moments and opportunities with you in the 541 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:22,200 family and I'm putting you guys in a deficit position. 542 00:32:23,300 --> 00:32:24,900 And frustrating us and frustrating. 543 00:32:24,900 --> 00:32:27,500 You. And I don't need from the garage 544 00:32:27,500 --> 00:32:31,300 because I know. Okay, I know my God bless you. 545 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:42,100 Okay now okay now Here's why I am telling you that first of all 546 00:32:42,100 --> 00:32:45,200 those were real. Okay, here's why I'm telling you 547 00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:49,800 this it is possible for you to have life-giving conversations 548 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:53,600 through conflict. If Jennifer never got to 549 00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,700 vocalize that it would continue to create resentment. 550 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,100 If she never vocalizes it, I would continue to be impatient 551 00:33:00,100 --> 00:33:01,600 and hurt people. That matter. 552 00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:06,100 Now here is the superpower approach because some of you are 553 00:33:06,100 --> 00:33:08,200 playing a game right now. I know what I'm going to do. 554 00:33:08,700 --> 00:33:12,100 I do not like this woman that I married one bit. 555 00:33:12,100 --> 00:33:13,800 And so what I'm going to do is I'm going to go home and make it 556 00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:15,000 look like. I was a really good Christian 557 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:17,200 and I listened to Clayton sermon and I'm going to go home to her 558 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,800 and I'm going to say, hey baby, I saw what Clayton and Jennifer 559 00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:23,400 did and I would like you to 241 me and the only reason you are 560 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:26,500 doing that is so that when she gets done, telling you what you 561 00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:29,800 need to do better, you can turn around our her and say, well, 562 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:34,600 just so you know. No, no. 563 00:33:37,100 --> 00:33:40,400 The most Godly thing that you can do is seek out an 564 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,000 opportunity for you to get better. 565 00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,800 So, I'm gonna go through this whole weekend and I'm going to 566 00:33:45,808 --> 00:33:49,100 ultimately win because I will have asked Jennifer three times 567 00:33:49,100 --> 00:33:53,900 this weekend. 2241 me and if Jennifer opens up the door, that 568 00:33:53,900 --> 00:33:56,200 is a great thing. Now if she doesn't open up the 569 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:58,000 door and there's something that's wrong that I need to 570 00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,100 address in our marriage or something. 571 00:33:59,100 --> 00:34:01,300 That's messed up, I have the freedom to go. 572 00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:03,000 Hey sweetheart. I need to tell you two things 573 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,900 that you're doing great at and one thing that's bugging me but 574 00:34:05,900 --> 00:34:09,400 I'm creating a safe way to engage in a conversation that 575 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:13,600 brings about meaningful results. And here is why this Anders 576 00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:17,300 Matthew Chapter 5 says this. Therefore, if you are offering 577 00:34:17,300 --> 00:34:19,500 your gift at the altar and there, remember that your 578 00:34:19,500 --> 00:34:23,600 brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift 579 00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:27,600 there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to 580 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,400 them. Then come and offer your gift. 581 00:34:32,100 --> 00:34:35,600 Because you cannot have a right relationship with God. 582 00:34:36,100 --> 00:34:40,600 If your horizontal relationships with God's people, is not right? 583 00:34:42,500 --> 00:34:44,600 If you want to have a great relationship with God, you have 584 00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,199 to get these right getting these right. 585 00:34:47,199 --> 00:34:50,300 Is a way that we worship God and some of us are trying to have a 586 00:34:50,300 --> 00:34:53,500 great relationship with God with no respect to the other people 587 00:34:53,500 --> 00:34:58,000 that Jesus died for. We go into, we engage in 588 00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:01,100 Conflict, to make us more like Christ and to make them more 589 00:35:01,100 --> 00:35:04,700 like Christ. And Jesus is our Supreme example 590 00:35:04,700 --> 00:35:08,700 at this, we do these things because Jesus deserves it. 591 00:35:09,300 --> 00:35:13,100 He forgave us which gives us the ability to forgive other people. 592 00:35:13,300 --> 00:35:15,800 There is no sin that you are going to confront and somebody 593 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:20,500 else that Jesus didn't pay for and there is no sin that you're 594 00:35:20,500 --> 00:35:23,400 going to confront and somebody else that Jesus hasn't already 595 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:30,800 forgiven in you Now hear this, Jesus always took the high road 596 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:37,300 and so should we Jesus never compromised on truth. 597 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:43,100 Neither should we, but Jesus continue to serve and love. 598 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:49,000 And so should we I'm willing to wager that the reason conflict 599 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,100 goes so poorly in our relationships is because we 600 00:35:52,100 --> 00:35:56,200 don't model Jesus. Well, in our relationships, we 601 00:35:56,200 --> 00:36:01,000 compromised on Truth, we don't serve, we don't love, we get 602 00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:03,400 tired of taking the high road and we write ourselves a 603 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,100 permission slip to take the low road. 604 00:36:07,100 --> 00:36:11,700 And I think we can do better. And I hope you'll do that. 605 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,200 We're moving to a time of decision. 606 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,500 For those of you here that don't have an intimate personal 607 00:36:20,500 --> 00:36:24,100 relationship with Jesus Christ, I got really good news for you. 608 00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,300 The great thing about Jesus is that he didn't wait for you to 609 00:36:27,300 --> 00:36:31,600 do the right thing before. He did things on your behalf, he 610 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:36,500 made the first move. Hear this before you were ever 611 00:36:36,700 --> 00:36:38,300 born. Before you took your first 612 00:36:38,300 --> 00:36:41,000 breath. Before you committed your first 613 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:45,500 sin, Jesus had already paid for that sin on the cross. 614 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:52,300 He made the first move. Which means that there is 615 00:36:52,300 --> 00:36:56,100 nothing that you can do to get him to love you any more than he 616 00:36:56,100 --> 00:37:00,300 already does. He's already moved on your 617 00:37:00,300 --> 00:37:03,000 behalf. He went to the Cross, he paid 618 00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:08,400 the price that you couldn't pay. To bring you into a right 619 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:12,600 relationship with God, to solve the conflict between you and 620 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:15,900 God. The question I have for you, is 621 00:37:15,900 --> 00:37:19,800 this how long will you put that relationship off? 622 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:27,000 In light of everything that he's done on your behalf for your 623 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:31,100 good, in light of everything that he has in store for you, 624 00:37:31,900 --> 00:37:36,500 he's willing to put in you do for you in light of all of that. 625 00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:40,100 How long will you put making a right relationship with him? 626 00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:52,300 How long will you put it off? for those of us who know, Are 627 00:37:52,300 --> 00:37:57,700 encouragement to you. The conflict that I would inject 628 00:37:57,700 --> 00:38:03,300 into your world is, don't put it off any longer. 629 00:38:04,900 --> 00:38:07,300 The dumbest thing you could ever think is that you got to get a 630 00:38:07,300 --> 00:38:10,300 couple things with God or a couple things ironed out in your 631 00:38:10,300 --> 00:38:12,600 life before you get to God, that's like doing your laundry 632 00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:15,000 before you do the laundry, you just don't do it. 633 00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:18,600 The washing machine is designed for dirty clothes, so you just 634 00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:22,100 put dirty clothes in them. When you come to Jesus Christ, 635 00:38:22,100 --> 00:38:25,800 you bring your sinful broken self to him and he's the one who 636 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:27,400 restores and put you back together. 637 00:38:28,100 --> 00:38:30,300 And if you're here today, and you've never started an intimate 638 00:38:30,300 --> 00:38:33,300 personal relationship with Jesus Christ, you're watching online, 639 00:38:33,300 --> 00:38:35,500 and you want to start that. To be moment, there's gonna be 640 00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:37,700 somebody over there by the bachelor, who love an 641 00:38:37,700 --> 00:38:39,800 opportunity to talk with you about that or there's something 642 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:42,100 that just popped up in the chat. For those of you who are 643 00:38:42,100 --> 00:38:45,600 watching online now, to those of you who have a relationship with 644 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:50,800 Jesus Christ, we must do better. Jesus has an incredibly high 645 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:53,200 standard for every single one of us because when it comes to 646 00:38:53,207 --> 00:38:55,600 conflict he says things like pray for your enemies. 647 00:38:56,500 --> 00:38:58,100 Pray for those who persecute you. 648 00:38:59,900 --> 00:39:03,500 We have a high bar that has been set in sometimes as Christians. 649 00:39:03,700 --> 00:39:06,800 We are spending as much time as humanly possible, trying to 650 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:10,100 write a permission slip to not. Take the high road, then ask God 651 00:39:10,100 --> 00:39:12,500 for the strength to stay on the high road. 652 00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:16,200 He did not put his holy spirit's power inside of you for you. 653 00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:19,600 To take the low road, he put the holy spirit inside of you to 654 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:22,700 give you the strength to do the very thing that your flesh 655 00:39:22,700 --> 00:39:25,500 doesn't want to do, which is keep loving. 656 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:32,600 Even if keep praying, even if keep caring and even if You 657 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:34,700 don't need the holy spirit's power to write yourself a 658 00:39:34,700 --> 00:39:39,000 permission slip. You just don't, he put it in you 659 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:42,500 to help you live up to the high standard that he has called you 660 00:39:42,500 --> 00:39:44,400 to. So here's why I'm asking you to 661 00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:48,600 do. You're going to go. 662 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:51,100 Why did we come to this service? Because I might change it for a 663 00:39:51,100 --> 00:39:53,300 second. Here's what I'm asking you do. 664 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:56,100 Would you be willing to come up here to the steps? 665 00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:02,100 and pray for the person that, you know, you have conflict with 666 00:40:04,300 --> 00:40:06,400 pray that you would see things differently. 667 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:08,600 Pray that God would take some of the heat out of the 668 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,500 conversation, pray that he would give you the courage to have 669 00:40:11,500 --> 00:40:16,400 that conversation. Pray for those. that you're at 670 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:19,600 odds with that's what Jesus calls us to be. 671 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:22,100 Is those kind of people that you guys stand with me? 672 00:40:24,700 --> 00:40:27,900 Heavenly father, I pray that you would fill our prayers with your 673 00:40:27,900 --> 00:40:30,900 wisdom that you would lay heavy on our hearts. 674 00:40:30,900 --> 00:40:34,200 The people that we need to have conversations with that. 675 00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:38,000 We begin to give and receive conflict in such a way that it 676 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,400 glorifies you and makes us more like you. 677 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:43,000 And the people around us more like you. 678 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:47,200 God used conflict to make us more like your son, Jesus name. 679 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:48,400 I pray. Amen.