A moment of silence befalls the Ted Billions as they have earned
passage from their deadly game of pinball.
Back in the endless darkness, they have received but a glimpse
of their next challenge, a track populated by aggressive drivers
and dangerous pitfalls. I'm Q and this is Wasteland
Pirate Radio WPR bringing you the uncut airwaves from the
blasted wastelands. Hello everybody, welcome back to
Dungeons, Drive INS and Dice Arcade Apocalypse this season
utilizing the Powered by the Apocalypse system to tell the
stories of the citizens of Tedville and their quest to
return the good, good wets to its good, good peoples.
I'm in this season. I'm the master of ceremonies
that never rolls off the tongue. Well, someone made a joke today.
Oh my God. We were in a in a meeting.
What did she call it? She called it the cuck master
and I thought it was incredible. I just don't like.
I've heard that comparison recently as well and I'm not a
fan of it. I.
Sent. I sent the dungeons drive in
some dice account on Instagram are real about the cook channel
and with the with the eyeball emojis.
Yes, I have yet to get a reply but I did send it.
Ohh. Shit, maybe one day they'll get
they'll they'll reply to us. Yeah.
I don't know who runs that anymore.
I'm am. Like I said, I'm running the
game. Today's our question before we
dive in is what is game night to you?
We've been talking about all these different arcade games
and, like, nostalgic mall times, and now we're talking about game
nights. And I think if I'm loosely
invited to a game night and I'm not given a moment to ask
questions, I might call in sick that day to the game night
because that's so terrifying to not know anything about what I'm
walking into. I could just be sick that day,
but if I'm not sick that day, I am a coward.
My first thought is probably like, what's easiest, a Jack Box
Games? I like a good Jack Box Games
night, and way more people know about Jack Box games and play
Jack Box games than I expect to, and that's kind of surprising to
me every time. I would prefer my game nights to
almost all be DND, but that doesn't really work for every
single person in our friend group so can't always be DND,
but I just love DND. That's game night for me, baby.
Hey, I'm Theodore and I play Dill yellow, stretchy bad to
look at guy. Not really a not really an
arcade games person is Dill, but I like the game night.
If I'm invited to mystery game night, I I hope that it's going
to be. I like board games and cards.
I think I'm you'd like old school classic, kind of I want
to play play really any card game, butt poker or a selection
of board games or other party games.
That's that's sort of what I would like to play.
Jack Box, I think is the technological evolution of some
of those games. Catch phrase was fun back in the
day. It's like the titular board game
you expect. It could go one of two ways.
It could sort of be like a simple table great game like
Bananagrams or something, or it could be like Betrayal.
I've definitely been invited to a game night that wound up being
like 4 hours of board game and that was great.
Hello, my name is Lawrence and I play the Deluca's Chop House
answering machine. Now when I think about getting
invited to a game night, you guys are talking about, you know
in an ideal situation, you know I might mystery game night blah
blah blah. But here's how I feel.
If I'm invited to a game night, I expect that we get through 1
long form game or several short form games.
If if it's game night, we're gaming.
I want to hang out with you too, but you said it was game night,
so let's get these games. Going.
Different short form games or several like rounds of the same?
Is it 2 games or is it like 5 games?
I would say there are many short form games nowadays that have
like more replayability, but I mean, even if you're just
playing like, you know, pretty standard board game like Sorry
or something like that, you know, you can get through
several rounds of Sorry pretty quick.
That is true, most of the those like sorry Monopoly level of
board games have been banned from most of my family game
nights. Too intense, my brother.
My brother is hyper competitive. I mean sorry.
Might be our answer to the games that have been banned.
Like monopoly. No monopoly in our house.
I'm here to win, but I'm not going to be aggressive about it.
I'm just going to be calculating.
My brother knows the rules front to back and will tell you when
you've done wrong. I'm just going to be over here
trying to find loopholes. And I am Michael and I play
Spigot, the Water Bearer and for me game nights for a long time,
our standing go to game was a card game called Dominion.
But I'm also a big fan of Carcasson.
But Carcasson is not a small time investment.
You better have three to four hours if you're going to play
Carcasson, so. What is Carcasson?
Carcasson is a strategy board game with meatballs about
building your empire, your buildings, your fields, all
kinds of things. It's based on a small French
town that got wiped out and rebuilt every time the next set
of troops came through. What's a meeple?
I was mostly stuck up on the word meeple.
Meeples are the little wooden people figures.
Oh, OK, OK. We have a big event in Kansas.
City called Meeple A thon and now I understand.
Yes. The whole time it's just been
like why am I here? What the fuck is happening?
I mean, there it's a board game convention and I was excited to
go for it, but now I understand why it's called that.
Great. How do?
You How do you spell Carcasson? CARCOCARCASONNEI believe.
Dang Carcasson. Didn't realize there was going
to be a quiz tonight. I was not prepared.
CARCOO. The fear.
You can also play online. If you don't have other players,
you could play online with others virtually.
Oh, I bet we can find it on virtual yeah Tabletop 100%
Tabletop simulator. Yeah, and my name is Grace and I
play channel who is you know what?
And I grew up going to game nights and we that I would
didn't want to hang out with all of because everyone else, all of
their families had boys. I was the only girl.
And so they would go downstairs and play like Smash Brothers or
watch YouTube videos or being boys.
And so I always would sit at the table with the adults and just
watch them play cards because I was not old enough yet.
And then eventually I would try and play and not be good.
But when I got into high school, we played mostly card games but
would usually warm up with catch phrase like Gabe said.
Like, are you like Deck of card games?
Like what's your card games of choice?
Yeah, growing up my kind of play what A8 and back, which is long
and terrible. What, Wait you don't like 8 and
back? No, I do like OK I like 8 and
back but. Long and terrible.
I just don't like who I become when I play 8.
And back, OK, but as the youngest always playing, I was
always the worst because I'm figuring it out was so hard.
I mean, everyone else would play 8 and back and I would play like
3 and back because I was like, I was like 9 and trying to still
figuring out what to. Bid and everything.
Hey, what's up YouTube? It's your boy Aiden back.
I think you were still middle of the pack.
You were still better than. Someone.
But then once I hit high school and I was, you know, actually
getting really good at card games, we played this game
called Hodgepodge. This card game, it's 5 rounds
and every round is a different rule and the final round is all
the rules at the same time. And there's like point systems
and stuff. And it's always a lot of fun.
And it's really fun with the big group because you can do 2 decks
and then that's even more fun. But I play a lot of board games.
Growing up more, mostly card games, we weren't really besides
Risk. We play Risk with the one board
game. We used to do a big card game
and I don't remember the name of the game, but whoever won the
hand would get to make up a rule for the next time we played.
And so by the the time you end, you have like 52 rules you're
trying to remember. Like when I play a six, I have
to jump up and down or take a little guy off my beer before I
drink him or whatever. That is like just like little
rules that are stacked. And so by the end you're like
all fucked up on rules and maybe alcohol.
We had this, yeah. We had a game called like that,
Then we called it Mao because you're the dictator.
Oh, that's what you said. Yes.
Mao. Yeah. 100% that is the game.
Yeah. Yeah.
Fuck yeah. OK.
And then on this episode, we also have a special guest.
A very special guest we're going to welcome in Jonathan to our
little group. He'll be playing a guest that
they they, they'll be playing. I almost called him an NPC
again, but he can't be that. No, I'm an NPC, it's fine.
Well, he may be one, but his character is now APC.
In life. And art in life and art.
Hi, my name is Jonathan. I'll be playing.
We'll be introduced soon, I hope.
Be a wild session if we just didn't quite get to the kid.
This. Time around, sit here quietly.
I grew up playing lots of games. I've been playing tabletop games
for many, many years now. But growing up, I guess my game
night with my family was always Monopoly.
We'd all wear ridiculous hats and evily got 2 fights.
Tables got flipped. You know, it was just really
heated. You know, the Monopoly's
probably awful to play with. You know, children, especially
children are evil. But we did our best.
How ridiculous are we talking for these hats?
I had a like a sailor hat that I would wear for a while, like a
weird like white captains hat, like a little black brim.
My mom would have these ridiculous like like a like a
winter hat, but it had like like a big pom pom and like long.
Frilly like Theodore has like a satchel of hats that whenever
we're like doing something goofy, he brings whatever he
needs a weird. Hat I have this box in my
closet, Gabe. We had a, we had a bunch of
weird hats and my brother had like a like a top hat with like
a feather in it. At one point he was wearing,
which was too big for him, but it was great, Yeah.
That's how you know it's fancy if it's just slightly too big.
Oversized hat is huge. Oversized hat is huge.
And then, yeah, Super Smash Bros as a teenager, for sure.
Video games and D&D now, mostly. It's D&D now, mostly.
Even when I'm playing other games, I'm like thinking about
the next time I might be playing D&D.
OK, OK, introductions out of the way, let's get caught up on what
happened last time. I was thinking all day, kind of
pressuring myself, like, why aren't you listening to the
episode? Why aren't you listening to the
episode? But that's 'cause I know what
happened. And that is that you guys played
pinball on a, on a pinball board.
You wiped out a few of the crew members and you made some points
in doing so. I have said that the points are
esoteric and I have given you guys set numbers of points.
If anyone has kept up with those, please let me know.
But the idea is like, you know, your points are going up for
doing things now. Yeah, I've got like 13 billion
now. Right, right.
It can't be that that's a high score.
That's a new it's. Close to that though, right?
You can't have more points than boobies.
I think right, right I. Think I have the most.
Well, you have a different number now.
Yeah, I have more than boobies. You have 8 like 800-9135.
You got 1000 points. Has Pedal always had that on her
face? She does in the PNG if you zoom
in very close, which you can't really do.
Like the numbers down the side of her face read 800-8135.
And the ironic thing is the art designer also kept on giving me
boobies even though my female character is ambiguous.
I like this. So they forgot the boobies on my
face but gave me boobies on my chest.
But made some points. We beat some guys and we have
opened the first door to escape the pinball board towards the
race tracks and ran up and off the pinball board away from the
pinball. During that, we have beat the
system in a fun way, caught the ball and stopped it and drug it
around and used it to hit the things we needed it to hit,
which was a good idea. So you caught the ball and you
open the door, leaving the pinball board behind you and
entering into the tracks. You have seen up ahead down like
a a long dirt Rd. in between some, some trees, right?
The whole environment has sort of shifted as we've walked up
this this path that has been opened.
And you can see a racetrack down there with like cars whipping,
whipping around, doing some like practice.
I don't know. I don't even know if we would
call it practice races. They're just racing each other
on this racetrack. You can see little patches of
maybe oil slicks on certain corners or like obstacles they
are avoiding. You see explosions and can kind
of hear gunfire from coming down there.
But before we got to really like get down there and into it, our
vision has gone black and some words, a neon have sort of
popped up that said choose your racer or something along those
lines. And we're going to build our
race car. And even before we do that, we
have to do a pedal vision roll to actually get started.
They have a vision of what the best cars could be.
What is the number one winning car?
And we'll make her car look like that quick. 4 + 6 and what is my
plus for vision? Check, check check 2 I think.
That would be a 12. 12 I think on your visions A12 is a hold
one if I'm not mistaken. Oh, is it cool?
If it's cool, it's not 12. Is it cool or weird?
I think LA is cool. It's cool for sure.
That's cool. That's 10.
Visions 10 plus hold one that puts me at 2 now I believe, and
I am going to, I think spend them now here at the start of
the session. No, I've made them all off of
something visual and we're like a black space.
So I can't like muddy black vision into something.
I'm gonna hold on to that and I can do it at a moment of
transition. But we are here in this black
space and a podium rises out of the blackness in front of you
guys with a little joystick on the top of it.
And at the base of that podium is a small wrapped.
I mean, it's a present. It's basically it's a it's a
present for sure. Medium, medium sized box, gold
wrapping paper and a red bow wrapped nicely on it.
It's at the bottom of that podium, but there's a podium and
a joystick and you guys are just kind of standing in this black
space. Press 12 and he doesn't even
finish, he just walks right up to the joystick.
D Ham straight up grips. You click it once just to like
feel out its movement and the vision of a of a car kind of
materializes in front of you, a long chassis load of the ground.
It looks like it may be pretty bulky here and it sits there for
a second and you click again and that shifts vaguely into like a
dune buggy size body right where just it looks like you're
starting to click through bodies.
You click 1/3 time and the a car appears, but then almost just
glitches out. It like begins to glitch.
The half of it jumps forward and half of it jumps back and then
it's like glitching into itself. OK.
And then an error message pops up, just the word bright red
error. OK, I'm going to make a roll
here. I'm going to use a things speak
move which is my savvy head move.
So I'm going to roll 2D6. That's going to be 5 six. 7 + 2
is 9. Which I believe means I get to
ask one what's wrong with this and how might I fix it because I
want to have good car. You want to have a good car?
I yeah, 100 percent, 100%. If I get to pick good car, can I
have good car I want to fix? Yeah, on 100%.
What's wrong with this is that it is trying to load information
that is not set up for the player using.
It's just you don't have this in your save file.
You haven't unlocked these cars yet.
How would you use these cars? I know somebody who.
Has a save file, but you have unlocked some cars and you
you're like moving the joystick back and forth just like, you
know, trying to figure out what's wrong with it, right
trying to Click to other cars you get a couple errors and then
all of a sudden a car comes into vision that is not errored out
and it's a very familiar car to us.
We have a rust, I imagine rust yellow and kind of stained
pretty large and bulky atop it. You see, I guess a old tinny
speaker and on the side plastered off holding his guns
and shooting them into the the air is dickle to pickle.
And you have currently you're on the selection of the
Dicklemobile. Is that the only one?
Like if we keep clicking is that the only one?
No, it isn't actually. I'm just, I mean, we should be
thorough. You're right, you're 100% right.
Pedal comes up, it's like let me try it.
G clicks. Pedal I need you to grab this
joystick. All right, all right.
God damn. I don't want to use that car.
The second one that comes up is a larger version of a another
car we are familiar with A It looks like a very big two
seater. You imagine you could fit more
than two people in this car. It looks like the front half of
a car, but quite a bit larger than we were used to before.
And while it looks like it may be a little cramped, you also
have the availability, just like the D cab.
Do not press that one. Don't do.
Don't do that one. That's my car.
I do not want to see your hands disconnected.
Now that would be a nightmare. Someone else tries to drive your
car and it just takes them apart.
Are there any other ones? Oh no, no.
Those are the the two options that we have for our, our
chassis to pick between or our our vehicles to pick between.
Well. Unfortunately, press 1 for
pickle the pickle. Both of which have stats that we
can look over. I think Lawrence and I talked
about his cars stats, I think. Did we go through that?
Lawrence? Yes.
Okay, cool. But it is not going to come up.
I add a character moment, don't do it.
We won't fit. It'll be so bad.
Nothing's tied down in there. Dilgo is a pretty large vehicle.
You got speed plus one here handling 0 armor, one or two
from the front because of the cage that you guys put on the
cattle guard and we have a massive of three which is
slightly on the large side, a food truck sized food truck.
And then can you tell us the stats of the other vehicle?
Of your vehicle. No, there's only the two
options. I thought there was a third one.
No, no, just those two options. Uh oh.
All right, tried. Yeah, pedal came back and tried
to find through too, but. Unfortunately, we must select
the Dickel mobile keys. Dickel, he is here.
Art imitates life. Yeah, there's a.
Little button there on the podium too it looks like to
select. I'm not jazzed about it either.
We go back to Ham's vehicle stats.
I have them in ADMI think I don't think I've implemented
them. Massive 1 handling 2 armor one
OK. Nice, nice.
A massive 1 handling 2, armor 1. So yeah, seats 0.
It'll be a bit cramped. I would say the selection in
front of you does look increased in size for sure.
It's not like, but it's not the vehicle you.
It's just my vehicle but scaled up, but scaled up for for enough
players to fit in. I changed my mind.
Press 2. Press 2.
It's you.
It's you and pedal seemingly on the joystick.
No, no, I don't want that much power.
You let go if if pedal let's go. I'm pressing two 100%.
A scaled up version of my car sounds hilarious.
Then, well, I don't wanna go in there.
Okay, hold on. I'm standing next to you, not
going, not lunging, not going for the handle.
I'm waiting patiently, but I am staying.
Press 2. Press 2.
Press 1.
I Press 1. Pedal switches it back to the
Dilgo and slaps that button and a green you've selected the
Dilgo pops up and then the image in front of you just sort of
phases out and the podium begins to sink into the ground, leaving
behind this gold present with some red ribbon sort of wrapped
around itself. It looks very nicely wrapped.
We should take that. Is there AI?
Think it's for you? Pedal.
What is that role that we made of Oh.
Examine. Close Examine.
Closely. Yeah, I want to examine closely.
When you spin an uninterrupted closely examining an object or
location role plus sharp. Oh, OK, OK.
That's a 7 + 2 nine. On the 7:00 to 9:00, choose one
and the GM will choose one. So you pick.
You can either notice something hidden, you understand exactly
what's here, or you complete the scan to snap.
Unfortunately, that is all we have for now.
Make sure you mark Exp for rolling sharp.
Yeah. Oh yeah.
Okie, dokie, I understand exactly what's here, what's in
there. There's like a little
handwritten like, you know, like a 2 from note that just says 4
pedal on it. It's a handwritten note, 4
pedal. And there's like a little
drawing, like a little hand, you know, sketch of a flower flower
with some like 5 big petals on it.
I'm not really sure what that tells me.
I think the the understand exactly what's here is that it
is a present for you. I'm scared.
OK, fine. I'm scared to open it.
All right. Well then I guess I'm opening
it. Inside there is a number of
objects, on top of which sits a very hastily short, hastily
scrawled, very short note that just says welcome back, comma,
we missed you. And then there's a little heart
after that. And underneath of that are rolls
of bandages. Theodore has narco stabs in his
like as a weapon that's like a paralyzer, but there's probably
like a heel shot version of that.
Some like red liquid, a syringe. It's like a care package.
It's like a a care package to heal up some wounds and give you
guys a couple bottles of water in there, right?
Like a little break. And in total, there is enough in
here for your team to heal up eight hit points.
So you guys can dole them out however you want.
But there is enough gear in here to heal up eight hit points for
people. Because I know you guys got
bashed around in the last session.
I almost killed all of you, maybe except for pedal.
I didn't really mark anything. Is that because I didn't take
any harm or because I'm a bad player?
I don't know. I think it's possible you didn't
take too much harm. I know that spigot.
I am too away from death currently.
Yeah, Spigot and D Ham took some hits.
Oh yeah, because Dylan, I hit a pie.
I do not value my life because I am not mortal.
I have a backup file. Yeah.
That feels like a cheat code. Dyl put pedal up high and then
came back down and got hit by the ball a bit, but he's he's
the T1000 of the of the so back at modestly.
And I'm at 2 harm right now. Dyl's at 2, bigots at 2 and
Lawrence, how many harm are you at?
You said you're 2 away, is that put you at?
4 I'm at 11:00. Damn, yeah, I mean life is
almost unsustainable. D ham is like breaking down in
here Sparks and. Stick a knee into with red
liquid into D ham that. Well, one of the things that's
also in the care package is like a drill and a bunch of bolts.
OK, that's that's usually what happens whenever I get hurt, my
bolts pop out. And this person knew that.
I mean, that's how all robots work.
It's fair. Everyone who lives in this world
knows that. It's 36910.
So you've taken four hits, Lawrence, or 4 harm total?
I have taken five hits total. Okay.
So you guys have 8, Mike has two, Dill has 2/5.
So let's just give a bolt. Press 1 for me to be boltless.
Press 2 to let me use the healing item that only I can
use. Press 3 to get out of the car
and walk. At this point, about half the
heel has been designated to specific robot.
Is he broken enough that he can't fix himself?
I can fix myself. All right then.
I fix myself. I'm gonna take.
I'm gonna take two for now. There are 6 more points in
total. There's enough for everyone to
get 2, which will fully heal everyone except Dham.
I would love 2 if they're available.
We just start chugging potions. We're like oh fuck, oh boy.
I just stand there watching, 'cause, you know.
All right, I will take two and that puts me back at no harm for
the moment. It's.
Probably some like hydrogen peroxide.
You could chug in there if you want.
No, I'm not. I'm.
Still still not looking for poison.
Is the joystick still there? Is it just one joystick choice
for the team? It was just one joystick choice.
After the selection was made, the podium sunk into the ground.
OK, are you going to take any heals?
There's still now 4 available. Is it poison?
Yeah, it could be a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.
You can, instead of dabbing on your wounds, just drink.
Still goes snuffling in there like a like some kind of Basset
Hound. Makes it, stretches his nose all
big and snorks his way through the the pile of goodies and and
comes up with a couple of vials of mercury or something.
He breaks the the thermometer. Down the Hatch, just there was a
thermometer to check to check your temperature and he just
snapped it and drank it, sucked it out like bone marrow.
Good thing we're in the desert. Yeah, well, I guess you're in
something right now. We're somewhere.
I never want to see that again, though I fear I will.
Yeah, and that'll give D Ham two extra points.
That is the contents of this box save the note that you can't use
to heal, but is a handwritten note towards pedal.
Great to have you back. Welcome back.
Something like that. Good to see you again.
I missed you. We missed you heart.
And the blackness around you starts to fade away.
A roaring crowd seeps into the the silence around you and in
the blink of an eye, the 1234 of you, the four of you find
yourselves standing on a dirt racetrack.
On either side of you. There are two crowds of folks
like 8 tiers high in these stadium style seating and they
are just uproarious, cheering and hooping and hollering.
It reminds you guys of the crowd in the the around the pinball
game. Literally.
You might be able to spot some similar faces up there.
Just people hooping and hollering and enjoying hear the
show as racers pull up 1 by 1 and like get out and start like
waving at the crowd. We hear, I think a voice cut
over. I think that there is like a
it's like an automated almost voice that's coming on as the
the drivers pull up and it's like burned rubber and the crowd
goes wild. And then another one comes up
and it's, it's, it says, I don't know, needles on wheels.
And this big spiky car rolls up and the lady steps out and she's
waving to the crowd and everyone crazy.
But that's just like this automated narrator announcing
the the the racers as they pull up.
Wait, we're not Meals on Wheels. That was, that was.
Maybe I call them needles on wheels.
Spiky car. You might be Meals on Wheels.
We can even cut back for a brief moment.
What you guys before that the joystick went down, you got to
name your racer. Do we?
Do we name it the dildo? It's gotta be the dildo.
The very cool best car the. Very cool.
Best car. Oh, that's really funny
actually. The winner?
He takes out he he like deletes out Dilgo, the winner best very
good car. You get to the end and you can
only put the winner best, very good.
You have to delete it all. Like take up the right letters
as the, the, the, the thing comes out the, the, the, the
automated announcer says the very best car on the track or
whatever. Man, that's going to change
every time. And yeah, I think for the most
cars, there's one, there's one racer, but you guys have a team
of four. And so they do announce.
I think they announce I like our order because that lines
everything up wonderfully. They say, they say Dill as he do
you guys step out of the car as you guys are announced or no,
your your spawned it kind of spawned next to the car.
So they say it's Dill Deluca's chop house answering machine.
The crowd is going to. Throw a knife into the air.
And then it hits the ground and spigot.
Spigot will wave to the crowd. And then they announce Pedal's
name and the crowd. There's a wild hush actually,
that kind of falls over the crowd, and there seems to be
murmurs amongst them as Pedal's name is announced.
I don't say anything. I, I just look around like, I
mean, because I don't know what's going on either.
Well, well, well. Welcome to today's race,
everybody. Looks like we have a special
guest. Been a while since we've seen
you here, Pedal. Who are these new?
Looks like you have a new crew. All these weird tall people.
The crowd, The crowd is cheering and cheering at the tall people
around you. As usual folks, we will have a
great race today, plenty of entertainment and who wants to
see Pedal Crash? The crowd goes absolutely ape
shit over that. They all want to see Pedal
Crash. Apparently.
Well damn. Is this an important person?
This is a person that you guys can't see.
This is an announcement sort of coming from there's like a
loudspeaker on top of a a glass tower.
Dill sits in the back. Dill looks around angrily,
sprints his eyes and sits down. We'll be putting our newcomers
to the test and as always, I'll be here Racer the kid to
commentate on today's races. And with today's special guests
arriving, we might even get a little sneak peek of us a little
race track in the sky later on. Oh, in the crowd, there's lots
of oohs and. AHS freezers, we'll get ready,
pull up. We're getting ready to start and
the countdown will begin soon. Although drivers start getting
back into their car and you hear the clicks and clacks of their
engines starting up, the revving of engines, the hammering of of
the Pistons. And you guys hear a lot of those
like engine, you know, flares and pops as you're climbing into
the Dilgo and. I want to say for a fact that
the Dilgo does not have one of these engines, no.
It does not. It stutters and pops in a
different way when turned on. D Ham turns to Spigot and he
says, Do you think the racetrack in the sky is heaven?
I also have that. No, I'm afraid, Spicket.
We're gonna die. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Do you think I will go to heaven?
I think we'll be lucky to survive is what's gonna happen.
The cars around you guys seem outfitted for battle on the
road. I I only describe needles on
wheels because after I said that I had to say why the fuck she
would be called that and that is all the spikes on her car spikes
armor. There's cars with like a mounted
machine guns on them, battering Rams and tanks of something
hanging off the back. Like all these seem outfitted in
in different ways to like really battle on the.
Rd. DM looks underneath the
cabinets, underneath in the in the kitchen section of the dil
Go and I'm going to look for some bottles of oil and I'm
going to Rev up those fryers. Yeah.
Yeah, you saw your glug glug, glug glug, glug glug glug from
the back as as the the fryers are being filled up and turned
on the. Dil climb into the driver's
seat. Or is he just in the back
expecting someone else to drive? Yeah.
The other thought that I had was that DYL was when we were ported
in because, like, I don't think we ever got like a reveal on the
Dilco. We just, like, appeared on this
racetrack. Yeah.
When we were ported in, DYL was just like in the driver's seat.
And it's just like, oh. Buckled in all right.
Problematic because he can't drive.
Yeah. I might I might interject that
perhaps in the same way that Pam's car was sized up so other
people might be able to drive it, the Dilco might have been
changed so that someone else could drive it.
Yeah. Are you able to, you know you
can make your body bigger, but can you make your body smaller?
The problem is, well, that was actually the other thought was
that if we were going to pick individual cars, I do actually
think that I could break myself in such a way that I could fit
into and drive. That would be Bob.
Yeah, it's horrible, but it would be.
It would be wall to wall BLOB inside the.
Decal like it just slushes out like a car.
Oh my gosh. Just a pair of eyeballs up on
the windshield because you can't see the rest of me driving the
car back under there. One moment I need to delete
that. Yeah, I will say in here we
still have the three buttons, one of which turns off the
music, one of which. All I want is it it required an
intelligence check for me to try and and drive the car before and
it required an intelligence check for anyone to drive this
car. The pedals are still in the same
place, so if you has driven it, he at least understands the
mechanics of driving the car. The the car though, still hasn't
been driven as hard as it can because we haven't broken down
these. Pedals yet drive it not allowed
inside of the I mean I'll I mean if if an intelligence check is
what it takes, I've got dice I'll roll an intelligence check
and if I fail Bill is going to bail out of this.
I like an intelligence. What is that?
A sharp. Yeah, nice dice, dice.
Dice, Dice. Why do I only have one?
Well, there's one. It's OK, I rolled the same
number twice and that number was 3, so that is a cumulative 5.
Dill vacates the the T takes an experience and levels sitting in
the back. Oh.
My God, he gains some knowledge, but he's gonna have to parse
that real quick. Yeah.
Pedal, this racetrack is feeling very familiar to you.
This is feeling like a world you have been in.
Something is like you have been in this environment before.
The cheering crowd, the roar of the engines.
It it is like it feels familiar. But Dill has stepped out of the
driver's seat. I'm guessing Spigot has driven
the Dill Go before so he would jump into the driver's seat.
Chef, I am busy on Fry's. I need you to drive.
You look back and D Ham has like his little chef's like paper hat
on It's it's bolted to my forehead with one of those
bolts. Yeah, yeah.
You use the last bolts done Chef D Ham OK pedal Do you jump in
the front seat with spigot or do you jump in the back with the
fryer and. Several gallons of hot oil.
Several gallons, yeah, I think. If and when you spin it like
that. Weirdly enough I think if the
passenger seat is vacate is like empty, I'm going to hop on and
be a passenger Princess. The two semi immortal characters
in the back of the hot. Yeah, yeah.
And speak. It gets in and turns on the
engine. I'm Dickle and I'm here blasting
above some of the roaring engines quickly button pressed
to I'm Dickle. Fade out.
All the drivers seem to be in place and ready to go.
Hey spick it real quick. You've got the highest history.
Should I try and shore up a weakness or maximize the
strength? Man I would say maximize a
strength maybe. Yeah, you don't really have a
lot of. Weakness.
My intelligence. Oh, as a stat.
OK as a stat. Oh well, that is true, but does
it? Would would Dill think to get
smarter? Or would Dill think I could be
stronger? It would take a look in the
mirror. Dill Dill is going to do
neither. Of those things, neither of.
Those Dill's going to do neither of those things, but he is going
to maximize the strength. Dill has one other strength that
isn't his hard stat and I think that's what we're going to going
to wind up doing next time. Nice.
OK, OK, the drivers in their vehicles, engines revving.
I'm Dickle and I'm here. Stopped the crowd on the edge of
their seats, ready for this race to begin.
It's like the start of our cool racetrack arc.
Can like one person in the crowd also start chanting I'm Dickle
and I'm here. I fucking I absolutely I'm
dickle and I'm here. It actually goes times and by
the third time one person's like I'm Dickle and I'm.
Yeah, no the. 4th the 4th time gets abandoned but you there is
one person who is like really into I guess your pinball play
who's here for a follow up they're following.
No one notices but the camera. The camera notices all of.
You listening? You noticed?
You saw that? OK, why don't you lead us into
this race here, Announcer? There's like a you start hearing
like a dinging come down on the tower.
There's a see some everyone can see some lights starts counting
down and what races will be off in 3 two.
And as it gets down to 1, you see like a little like cannon
spout come out of the tower and all of a sudden and you could
see it briefly as it flies through the air.
But a it looks like a pinball almost.
But the flies out of the cannon. It's gonna land right in front
of the starting line on the dirt Rd., particularly right in front
of where the Dilgo is about to kick off, like kind of like in
line, and also just kicks up a bunch of dust immediately for
the start of the race. So that's kind of your go.
And the shotgun is the kid shooting directly at the track
to create a big dust cloud to start off the race.
Yeah, the engines kick into life, the Dilgo having an
obstacle thrust in front of it from the gate as the cars start
to RIP off. The first thing right in your
way as it is colliding with the track and creating this giant
cloud of dust to whip through is a big pinball, which I don't
think it's going to take a roll to pull you guys out of because
we haven't started yet. But it what it will do in order
to like course correct to move around it.
You can't just like crash that gas pedal right away.
You got to like turn off and away from the pinball,
effectively putting yourselves near the back of the pack.
There are a couple cars that were started behind you in the
lineup. You know you guys are we can put
it in like 10th place of 12 as as these.
Literally every Mario Kart time, that's me.
Every time I play Mario Kart I just, I'm like, I can totally do
the cheat thing this time. I can time it.
I've been playing this game since I was 11 and then every
single time, no, I can't. I can't time it and I spin out
it's. Embarrassing.
And this time it has happened the same, but we've ripped off
way ahead of you. You can see some racers in like
first or second ripping off down the track about I'm so bad at
distance. So when I say about half a mile
in front of you, it's going to make this track a massive maybe
or small see, I don't know. They're ahead of you about half
of the length of this straight away.
We'll say you've got two vehicles flanking up on either
side of you. One will say to the back right,
is a chunker of a vehicle big. Imagine like a bank truck.
You know, they're like, you can tell that's a secured armored
vehicle, big and chunky. The other is one of those single
wheeled like the wheel goes around the pod that the the the
driver is in trying to drive it right.
These two are gaining on you and we'll say the place in front of
you is quite a bit away. What is our first action that we
are going to to take in this in this race from either drivers or
folks in the car? Not, you know, get too crazy too
quick. I think D Ham is going to crack
the back door of the Dilgo. What are we looking at directly
behind us? The vehicle that's the closest
behind us here, Windshield question mark.
Are you gonna dump the oil out the back door of the Dilgo?
No, I'm not gonna dump the oil yet.
Come on. But out the back of the dilgo,
is that the play? Maybe.
I don't think the time has come for the oil yet.
You cracked the door to check. These two cars are like swerving
in and out behind you. They bump each other, they push
each other to the side. They are keeping pace and they
are just right behind you, lightly closing in.
I think that spigot I'd like you to give me just what is it?
I'm almost all these drive checks Gabe pointed out are
based on. Cool.
Maneuvers are speed based too, right?
It's cool. Plus your speed vehicle.
Speed so it is always roll plus cool and then modified by an
additional vehicle stat. So that role is an 8 + 2 for
cool is a 10. OK.
And what is your initial goal out of the gate?
Is it to pick up ground? Is it to get these two people
out from behind you? Like further away from you?
Well, 'cause I don't know that I can see them behind me.
I know that DM can see them. Imagine you have some rear view
mirrors. Side view.
Mirrors, yeah, OK. Then my goal would be to keep
the deal, go in front of them so that we can maneuver and make
sure that they have to kind of follow our lead.
So I want to contain them behind us as we're moving down the
track. So that's first play is to be
that annoying driver that won't quite get out of the way.
Annoying 10th place I. Think I'm going to add that's
right to this actually, because this feels like you're trying to
keep them behind you. Yep, you're already keeping
speed with them on our massive status 3.
I think massive might just be for help here, but you already
got a 10 anyway, we're good and you got you guys have no
negative. So you're going to be able to
keep that pace easily as they they they swerve and bump each
other. They start to like gain pace,
but you're keeping them in your rearview mirrors and just
keeping them right behind you. You can hear that door open up
in the back of the van and you like look back in that you know
your your main rearview mirror in the car and you can see back
to see D Ham like open it up and scoping out behind him.
DM You see those two cars like kind of bumping each other,
ramming each other. Looks like Pedal found a
competent driver for her team finally, as our races are
speeding ahead, we have a fun little fight in the back end
here, but it looks like our racers are first in first place.
They're starting to come up to our first obstacle you see, and
you'll see some of the racers start to kind of like go around
either way, kind of avoiding a center.
And as you come up, you see a little divot just like a
standard, like looks like a quicksand little trap thing
there. Since you're still in the desert
area, all the drivers are kind of taking it around like those
desert plains Mario Kart tracks. Yeah, yeah, we'll say that even
even the, the, the two cars in front of you like up a little
bit, you're going to have to pull up some pace to catch up.
But they are combating one another and trying to shove each
other off the road. And they're like fighting for
one of these little lanes of safety in between this quicksand
trap and the the edge. And one is able to shove the
other in. And they are wicked slowed down
as they're trying to just pull up and out of this quicksand
onto either side. But their handling is being
fucked with in the sand. They're losing speed, they're
just trying to get out of it. And then that person is just
wicked outpaced by the person who shoved them in.
Let's see, right as you guys approach this quicksand trap to
begin pulling off to one side or another, as you're looping up
through this first moment, you see a line of like prismatic
glowing boxes kind of spinning slowly in place above the road.
Those two cars fighting as they pass through. 1 shatters it and
it just kind of like shatters and dissipates upward.
Nothing else really occurs after that moment, but you guys pass
through Spigot. Would you attempt to avoid or
hit one? I'm more concerned about missing
the quicksand. I think the Dilgo, we could
afford to hit one. Give me another cool roll, but
let's add handling to this. One is 0.
Handling is zero. Well then yeah, cool, cool roll.
That's 5 + 2, for a grand total of 7.
OK, I think the the choice here is with the angle you're trying
to avoid and like get into a lane and then these boxes like
as they spin, they're they're kind of hard to see at certain
angles. They're much easier and maybe
you just didn't notice them until you're like right up on
them. Swerve the dilgo to hit one, but
it's going to be blinding you up with that sand trap and you'll
have to be dealing with the sand trap if you would smash a box on
the way through. I'm not that giddy to hit a box.
I would. I'd rather stay out of the sand.
That single wheeled vehicle rolls up behind and smashes the
box, hitting the edge of the sand trap and losing a bit of
speed, but pulling off like to the we'll say that you guys are
on the left lane and they've pulled off into the right lane
on the right side of the the pit trap.
The bank truck though, right hard on your tail, spigots
keeping pace. What does our team do about this
bank truck in closing? They got a windshield on that
thing. Yeah, they do.
Big blacked out windshield do I have?
Anything heavy back here that I could?
Throw out the back of the not not oil, not a bunch of oil.
If I recall, we said that this thing was heavily stocked with
canned goods. So.
You. Have hard cans filled with
probably beans and shit to to like just toss and I think
that's pretty. Yep, bad on a course.
I'm gonna start throwing cans out the back, aiming at the
windshield specifically. Fucking that's incredible.
Give me the same role you do for your your knives.
I think 14 Oh. Jesus.
Deham rushes back in, the door swinging open.
He grabs an armful of cans, stuffing them into his cabinet
for ammunition, and then comes back and starts just hucking
them out the back at the car. They're swerving in and out,
trying to avoid, but with this lane being what it is, kind of
tight, they're unable to properly avoid that.
Several of the cans hit the windshield.
You you get shatters and smashes all over.
You crack it and spider web, but it doesn't shatter through.
Seems pretty reinforced but you have like spider web conceive
like 3 giant crash marks from these cans that have cracked
which arguably is worse than a missing windshield.
I think is when it's like fully spider web cracked over.
Yeah. Yeah, you can't see anything.
The approach ends up the same either way.
They're more disabled than they were before.
You know I can't throw a knife at them, but.
Well, you can hold on. You can always throw a knife at
them through. A windshield?
I don't think so. I think with that they are they,
they have awesome speed. They lose some speed.
They're they're swerving a little bit to the left and the
right trying to find the the proper straight course where
they can see through the windshield and like still move
at a good angle. I think you can see a little
shadow moving around trying to find the way through the cracks
in their windshield to see. But they've lost a lot of speed
and you are a few car lengths ahead of them as this uniwheel
behind you on the right in the right lane.
You all of a sudden see from your rearview mirror or looking
out the back of the vehicle. People get a kick of speed.
A blast of fire comes out of the back of their vehicle and they
hit a little raised portion of the road and are able to ramp up
and over the quicksand patch landing right next to the bank
truck. But their speed and the the the
lack of handling on the bank truck equates in a them slamming
the bank truck and the bank truck completely losing control
and like swerving, smashing into the wall and then going into
like a flipped roll before smoking.
You're just it's behind in the dust now gone, gone behind in
the dust. You guys.
I fact even hear like a large siren blast from that tower that
is just ever present in the center of the course as you cut
through and out of the the quicksand trap.
Do we get any assist points for that or?
I got a couple 100 points each. Couple billion, I meant.
Sorry, a couple billion points each.
Pedal's gonna roll down our window and have her arm hooked
through like the seat belt, but it's like buckled so it's you
know how it all locks and it's so fucking not going to happen.
And it instantly like sets my rage to like internally take off
the seat belt. To fix it and then when you do
it again you're so mad that you overdo it a second time and then
you're like extra I do it every fucking time.
But this time, this time misses strategic because I am doing it
so I feel more secure to lean out the window because I'm
reading the situation and I rolled A10 with my plus with my
pluses. I have a 10 and so I'm going my
first question I'm going to ask is what should I be on the
lookout for? So I'm like looking out up
ahead, not behind me where the bank car is, but up ahead where
the other vehicles are to see if maybe with my really good
prosthetic I can, I can like look for the grit in the sand or
whatever and see what's up ahead towards spigot about Erode.
That's my first cue. As you're as you're coming
around the curve, you start, you see kind of like structures kind
of around the track. It looks like similar to trees
or kind of like dead forests may seem traveling through the
apocalypse world. And if I guess from even though
it's around the curve, you can see the racers starting to like
avoid like making weird movements on the track.
It looks like some of the trees and logs may be falling onto the
track sporadically that the racers are now starting to
avoid. They do start kind of rolling
off and like off of the track, but it looks like they're almost
trying, like the trees are trying to hit the the cars
before they kind of oh. They're like actively falling as
they pass. Oh, Mario Kart.
Yeah, I love it. I love it.
Yeah. Up ahead, you can see all these
like Deadwood that is set up in like a like a dead, a fake, a
fake dead forest, right that you knew you would be driving
through. But you can see and hear the
cracks of timber louds snapping cracks as these trees break and
begin to fall onto the path in front of the racers.
I think you can also with that, see that coming up before you
hit this next like the dead falls, we'll call that that
section. You can see more of those
glowing boxes that you know you could point to, spigot to.
Are those boxes what I think they are?
Yeah, OK. Yeah.
I didn't, I didn't see the what's it called again?
The Wait, what's the name of your car?
The Dilgo. The very good car.
The very good car that's gonna win, the good car that.
Wins the good car, Dilgo. The very good best car on the
track, right? Very good car, that's the best.
Yeah. It doesn't look like our our,
our, the favorite, our favorite. They'll go.
I can't even can't even remember the name.
It starts messing me up. The very, very good car.
Very best car. Really.
Very. Good, see it hit pick up any
race items, but looks like it they have.
They brought some items of their own to mess with some of their
fellow racers on the track here as they're coming around to Dead
Falls. Let's hope they have something
to help them avoid these falling trees.
With that dead fall, there's probably like a loud explosion.
You can see some smoke raising up from that area too.
That's already been capturing some of the racers in front of
you. This uniwheel behind you has
caught up. They are like right on your tail
and still putting some speed on these flames beginning to
sputter. You can hear them crack and fire
a few times before the flame cuts out and they are basically
I'm going to put them like right next to you guys as you come out
of this quicksand bit your driving has been on on par so
far and this person is just speeding up.
So I think that you guys are also approaching one of these
other two cars. We'll put it at the needle on
wheels. This big spiked you know all
spikes, oops all spikes sedan in front of you and this the
uniwheel that is on your side trying to create distance or
make it. Pedal, you got 2 questions.
Oh yeah, pedal, you do have two more questions.
I won't answer as much for the next two.
Yeah, don't progress the scene, but the next?
Fully progress the scene. Yeah.
With every question. I love it.
OK. That happened.
Like 2 laps in before her questions are all answered.
So can I ask another one like right away?
Yes. Please, Yep, don't let me do
what I did just now. OK, got it.
Got it, got it. Sorry.
My next question is what should I be on the lookout for like
other is there anything like hidden that might be you?
Just asked. That was the only one question
you asked. That was your first.
Question. Oh shit, sorry. 6 You've only
asked. 1 You can't ask it three times at all.
You know what? You're good.
You guys both goof. This all right?
That's two questions. What's the third?
I'm just kidding. You stop that.
Genie rules. Yeah.
Genie rules. I shake your fist at this guy.
My next question is what's my enemy's true position?
Like not like, not like the cars because I feel like that's
obvious because I can look through the windshield and see
the. Car I do love this question
though, because you're you're on this racetrack, but the racers
are just doing what you're doing right, like you guys are all in
this situation seemingly together right?
They're just loving it. They love this situation you
guys are fighting for your lives.
I would probably say your enemy's true position is in that
tower. The announcer they shot a gun at
you with. No, they seem to be in the most
control of this space. That's true, they did shoot a
Canon. Canon.
Canonically, they got. You.
That's cannon. Okay, okay.
And I have my next question ready.
Yes. What's my best way past like,
like I don't know, that's the question.
That's it. No, sure.
Did did you ever learn the sneaking technique in Mario
Kart? The what we just no.
You just. You just powerglide the whole
time in and out, weave in and out of.
Your eyes, you are following my mind.
I have no idea what that means. I do know that we should be
hitting the boxes like the like the question mark box.
Yeah. No, you know, you know, when
you're playing Mario Kart, you like, you can press the like the
R button and you'll like hop and like do a little slide.
No. If you do the slide around a.
Corner. It's long enough.
Wait. You can give yourself wait.
Grace. Wait wait, I've only ever played
on the Wii so there's no R still do it.
On the Wii. Yeah, have to press.
What button is it R? It's R or L When you go to turn
you press the the one you're turning I think.
What button is R on the Wii? Just keep.
Pressing it, you'll find it. Yeah, ZR and ZL.
Yeah, I mean, I remember doing it on the DS.
Mario Kart. It's always your, like, whatever
your back fingers are on. Yeah.
Your triggers, those are your. They're called.
What is that? Drifting.
That's how you drift in Mario Kart.
You. Yeah.
Pop into it. You're gonna have.
Crazy. You're gonna have so many things
to try out in Mario. Kart if you this.
Is just truck nuts all over again, remember?
In Tokyo, drift for the car just like sideways up the whole park.
I've never seen Tokyo drift. That's what you can do in.
Mario I don't. Know what that means?
Grace is going to come back next week and be like I have been
playing Mario Kart for a week. So first I watched Tokyo Drake
and then. I've seen every Fast and the
Furious movie and I beat Mario Kart.
Let's play. Oh, we're done with Mario Kart.
Fuck yeah. What's your way past is to like.
We have been driving the dildo straight.
It is a big car. But the way to make distance is
to drive like a racer, right? You got all this space coming
up. If there's any way we can do
little ramps to get past ways we might have to turn around,
right, Like drifting. If we can do what, what do they
call it when you're drafting on someone where you're you're like
taking, you're like driving right behind them to hold their
wind resistance? You know, get your slipstream
speed boots. Also something in Mario Kart
Grace, by the way. Oh.
My goodness. Yeah, this is.
I feel like I've always had a disadvantage and whatever were.
Gracious, like Mario Kart is the hardest game I've ever played.
I've literally only got first a couple times.
I don't get how when I do. I'm not gonna lie, I didn't know
about that one. Yeah, so to drive, you know, to
race, that's the best way past these guys are pulling maneuvers
and that's how they seem to be able to catch up.
That guy had a little flame boost and caught up like we need
to utilize the track and the the things in front of us.
Rather than trying to run away, we need to drive in.
I adjuster ahead to the little boxes that we can see through
the windshield and I and I tell Spigot, try to aim for those
those have power ups or other things that will help us get us
through this course and you see what the others are doing.
Can you do that? Can you drive by?
That can you do that? Can this accordion you know
looking pedal thing, can you make that happen?
And you guys feel a bump, bump, bump as the the car is like
bumping into you, beginning to try to run you off the road.
Oh, and we've got mass, so I would push back on the car
bumping on us. Flick V Harm.
Are they are they parallel to us?
Yeah, yeah, like although are we windshield can I roll a window
down and just our gesture for D hand to hand me a can one I'm
gonna try. I just I went directly because
like this is the driver right there, right?
I'm gonna throw it as hard as I can.
I'll press one for 2 liters, press 2 for three liters, press
4 for. Oh gosh, that's too many liters.
What is that? What do you roll for that pull?
For pull for pedal. Dang, I have no pluses.
OK, just roll. Oh well. 5 + 4 nine OK, I press
4 for whatever liter the biggest option that D Ham said and I
Chuck it as hard as I can. You press 4 for oh God, that's
too much. That's too many liters.
I don't know which one, I don't know which one.
Whenever I. Hand you I hand you I hand you 4
pots of full of boiling liquid. You have some.
Out the window. Like one at a time.
But it is four of them. When vehicles clash with one
another, they can inflict regular harm, but they can also
inflict V harm. V harm as established as the
attacking cars Massive minus the defending cars handling.
I like that. I'm gonna say though that they
are the attacking car in this case because they started
hitting up against you first. Yeah, they started rambling.
Yeah. That put a significant
disadvantage. It does, it does.
But this car, I'll say it is a probably, I mean it.
So it is just established as the cars attack massive minus the
defending cars handling, yeah. We are, we are just going to
take a motorcycle. Yeah, like A1 motorcycle
vehicle. Yeah, just just roll dice.
Good. When you suffer V harm, roll
plus V harm. So Mike, you're the driver.
Roll plus one. That's 9 + 1 is 10.
On a 10 you lose control and your attacker chooses 10.
Boy. Never mind, I thought 10 would
be good. Or choose two from the list
below. You know I'm going to give you
I'm going to give you a spin out.
You are you try to give it back, but that car is ready and
waiting for this. They they tapped you a few times
knowing they couldn't drive you off the road.
And as you went to give it back, they did like a brake check and
pull back to pull around to your left side right.
So you have went to push right and with no force there to stop
you, you go into a little bit of a spin out.
You spin a couple times and slam up against the wall and have to
kick it back up from 0 now in in the last place.
It's easy with this speed to shatter into one of those boxes
on your way by directed by pedal as you enter into the dead
falls. Neil on wheels now gained some
speed thanks to that spin out pretty far up ahead, probably
leaving the dead falls or nearing it.
This unit, unicar unit unit wheel just entering Spigot and
pedal in the front of this car. As you hit that box, a fourth
red button appears and above it a little screen that's spinning
and beginning to lock into place.
And while I'm figuring out what gets locked on there, what were
you about to say, Jonathan? Just to say as the you could see
the needle car kind of like use one of the down logs now that
it's like in the road not moving, they kind of like take
it as a little ramp as it's rounded out.
Yes, random generator. Do I just spin it?
I do. No fucking way.
The little screen is like rotating through a number of
selections and it starts to slow and it hits like a little
digital green rocket and it passes down into a digital red
rocket and then it slowly clicks and it looks like it's not about
to. And then it clicks into place
down a Big Blue rocket with like a skull on it, right over this
button, which is fucking ideal for you guys, being in last
place. The only time that I accept that
that can come up. Get the It's the Blue show.
Yeah, it lands on and this is, Yeah, big digital blue rocket
with a skull on it sitting next to your three other buttons that
we know what they do turn off your music, give you a handgun
or spill the oil press. 6 to give the blue shell a pot of
boiling water. Not a lead pedal.
Make that call because she's done this before.
DM swings his hand up to the left like he's about to do the
disco dance, and then he presses 6 and he hands the Is it like
floating nearby? Do we see it?
Is it spinning around us ready to be deployed?
Oh, no, yeah, no, there's, yeah, a little button, a little button
right next to all our other buttons on the dash has
appeared. OK, I press, I press that button
and then I, I look outside the window, holding the pot of
boiling water expectantly. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
You press that button and you guys feel a mechanical like Kurt
chunk on the top of your vehicle and graze or pedal like hanging
out the window looking back and up, you know, still still well,
well tied in with the seat belt hold.
You can see that oh man, how do I do this?
I think that because you can't see the top of the truck, but
you can see rising out of the top of the truck like there's a
a section in there that it was stored in all along, but there
clearly isn't the room for it is a giant pickle cannon that
raises up and then you hear a loud and you guys are kind of
swerved off for a second. You still hold your control and
a massive blue rocket comes ripping out of that and it
shoots up forward and it looks like it's about to go like at
the car in front of you, the unit wheel.
But it maintains its height and whips around the curve and off
around the edge of the track. And as you guys enter into the
deadfall, you hear a loud and you look over and kind of in the
distance around the next turn you can see like a big mushroom,
blue mushroom cloud often pretty far ahead of you A.
Loud mushroom cloud could conk and somebody way off the
distance going. Dang it.
And you guys enter into the dead falls the the single wheeled car
seems to be doing a they seem to be performing expertly here,
able to mostly just bound up over anything that kind of falls
in front of them, avoiding what things are falling around them
as they do. Did anything happen with my can
that I threw? You did throw a can.
What you get with your can throw.
I apologize. I rolled A9 is 9 anything and I
have plus. Cool.
It's a bummer. OK, then what I'll give you with
the can because I did totally forget about it.
I'm going to take back that they're doing well here.
You also cracked their windshield.
So they're trying to like maneuver through here without
like they bump up against some things they shouldn't.
So while they were able to create that pace with the brake
check and spin around, you guys are catching up to them.
They haven't outpaced you all so much because they are contending
with also a cracked windshield in the dead falls.
We have our driver give me another roll here to catch
what's vehicle moves. It will be overtake another
vehicle I think here. So roll plus cool plus speed.
That is an 11 plus whatever our speed is.
On 11 plus speed, more than good enough.
A few of the dead falls I think you're able to take over with
like a little bit of a set up natural ramp.
A few of them you just break right through because we
actually have that cattle guard on the front for Ram.
You're able to shatter through some of the smaller ones and
really overtake this vehicle. I think with the 12 and their
cracked windshield already with the method of just like ramming
straight through these situations in you're overtaking
them. Like as you come up alongside
and breakthrough the final piece of deadfall, it shifts it out of
the way and I think that they're going to lose some of their
their control and and roll off. You've outpaced them.
They are lightly behind you. And we're re catching up on
needle as we enter into the next third leg of our race.
Third leg. What is present at the third leg
of our race? This leg of the race is full of
kittens and hugs and also we're in first place.
This was sponsored by a Purina with Kittens and Hugs.
It's an amazing blue rocket straight out of last place pedal
you. See.
Our our front side races are coming into the most slippery
part of our track here. Looks like our snowmen are
starting to pop up and stuff goons.
We got it. You'll see that it looks like
the cars up ahead are starting to slow down.
You notice that the track, the road will start changing a
little as looks a little bit like there might be some ice
patches going around and as the racers hit this patch, little
little men in or a little like snow like I don't know.
I don't know if anyone's ever seen snow, but it exists here on
this track, this virtual, this weird track.
That's a great point. What is that?
So you see all the other racers
kind of slow down as there's this white powder on the road
and then little shapes kind of start popping up and then little
white balls start getting thrown around.
One of the cars actually gets hit by 1 and then you could see
the pedal with your with your eye, just kind of how it bogs up
the engine. It's kind of the car kind of
slips out. You just all the cars are
starting to slow down in this part of the race until they can
kind of get a better gauge of the track.
Yeah, the front party of cars has become less distance amongst
one another like the top six are all now butting up against one
another, trying to slowly slick and slide their way through.
And as you following up still at the oh, I guess we're not at the
end anymore. You got unit wheel behind you
who is re trying to gain their pace after the dead falls.
And ahead of you, the needle car needle on wheels that you're
gaining pace on because she's starting to slow reaching the
edge of that having smashed through a box.
And I think since you're not fighting, it's relatively easy
for you to gear the car into another box.
You know, hoping for another nice giant blue rocket to help
with this fight. We should speed up recklessly.
Press 4 to speed up recklessly. Spigot was sort of thinking
ramming speed would be most entertaining here.
While D Ham is pressing 4, Dill has sort of situated himself
right at the back by the of the Dill go and he leveled up last
failure and so he put his his extra new stat point into weird.
Going to get even weirder, He. Sure is going to get even
weirder. So what Dill's going to do is he
he has sort of brooded his hands and fingers into the back of the
Dilgo and he is stretched up to his full height out the back
door. His head and maybe shoulders out
of the back of go into the open race.
All of his skin is sort of pulling away.
So he looks like a big tall skeleton just stuck in the
corner of the of this food truck and all the skin has come up to
his head to form like a radar dish.
But you know, it sort of looks more like a weird cauliflower
that's unfurling on the top of the head.
And he's going to he's going to the only move I've got for weird
is open your brain. But he's trying to re establish
contact with the other one here with his extra weird.
Maybe try and drive the car real?
Let's see roll plus weird. OK, OK, that is a 9 + 312.
In this new space, things have been moving quick since we
entered into the black space. But you do you do feel that
connection with the other one? I think now that you've tried to
look for it, it kind of feels like it comes rushing back,
like. Yeah, this is the first time
that Dill has actually actively, like, gone and searched for it
in such a way. You no longer feel alone like
you did when we entered into this Dome the first time.
Well. Yeah, I've got like 3 sessions
worth of built up, other one that I've got to roll right
into, so we're immediately switching over.
And so like, if anyone's watching Dill, it's pretty weird
because he's sort of like elastics from.
What's your move about scaring people, frightening them or
dismaying your enemy or something?
Go aggro I think. When you go aggro, you may
instead. I don't have to seize by force
to if I'm if I'm being horrible with my body.
I think this is that roll was also good enough.
I think that it's going to dismay or frighten that car
behind you at like to see the door kicked open and then this
just like form come out and thin and like skin stretch up, open
up on the head. I think I think there's a swerve
and like a crash into the wall from behind you and they're like
they're they're out. They're out of that.
They have been frightened out of this race for sure.
But the button rotating on your dash clicks into place and sets
on three flame symbols. It's like on the screen there
would be 3 little symbols of flame all.
Right. Dills going to yank back into
his regular man shape elastically.
Just Yep. Straight from cauliflower radar
dish to to human shaped dill pick.
Are you trying to make a move? We just hit the box, so we got
that. So we're just out of the
Deadwood. We're coming up on the needle
car. I'm going to floor it and try
and ram right through the back of the needle car.
I love it, I love it. Give me overtake another vehicle
roll plus speed. Don't see an option on here.
Do an A sick awesome trick. That's an.
That's an 8. I don't know if I'm supposed to
add anything to that or. Just cool modified by vehicle
speed. So, OK, so then that's a 10.
A10 OK on A10 you overtake and draw alongside, but that's not
our goal. That wasn't our goal at all.
Our goal was to ram them. And you do that, yes, catch up
and just smash them three harm minus their handling, which
maybe even. Plus harm.
We have spikes. Yeah, you have spikes.
You're actively a ram. They also spikes.
I think that those might those might even out in this one.
You're going to ram them, they're going to lose a little
bit of that. We're just hitting the ice.
So they like really skid out and slide to the side as you cut
through. I have a notion about the ice.
Yeah, hit me. I feel like there's an option
if, you know, if you've got like just the timing.
We are a massive vehicle with spikes on the front.
And I think if we like wrench the vehicle at like the
mathematically perfect time, we could spin drift all the way
around this thing and like smack.
Cars. Cars on the way.
Yeah, whatever. We could hit the fire button and
shoot fire out while we're spinning around.
We open the side of the door like the the serving window of
the bus and I'll just let the fly fryers go.
We'll just close the door that goes back to the back kitchen.
Everyone gets in there and just hopes we.
Just gotta make sure that back door.
I mean, if we're driving on ice and there are people behind us
that will make potholes, basically, yeah.
It would. Oh man, damn.
That button too. It's oil time button after you
pass a few people spinning and destroying shit.
I love it. Gabe is right, there isn't a do
sick tricks move, but every vehicle move is roll plus.
Cool, so let's start there. Feels like a wheel wrench at the
correct instant. So it could be someone's if
someone has a sharp or if someone has a great cool score.
A great cool score would also be fire here to like turn the wheel
at right just the right moment if we don't have a vehicle makes
it happen. That's.
Smart that I can put out there is +1, so I don't know actually
that I am the the character for the.
Yep, my my sharp is a + 1 for Rita Sitch to know when to spin
out. But if someone else who has is
sharper can like just yank their hand in there and and wrench the
wheel. I could I have +2 to sharp?
Yeah. Oh, let's see a pedal.
Let's see it about to go into some crazy fucking maneuver.
Yeah, yeah, I did. I did it.
I did. It's a + 2 is an 11 and another
experience. It is good, I think, with that.
Thank you, purple dice. You push through this first car
and you're starting to gain up on this.
We'll say there's like one or two more cars or one more car
before that big group of 6 right in front of you that are all
vying over this ICE to try to like their.
Their speed is about half, but they're making good distance,
right? Not spinning out too much, a
little bumps, little knocks. Here you see a little bomb get
launched from one car to another and then someone kind of
spinning, but they bump the wall and regain their composure.
Pedal reaches over spigot is jamming on the gas pedal.
Pedal reaches over to grab the wheel as you enter into a a just
like your first turn and she says gun it and then pulls the
wheel very hard down and you guys start to go into a spin
around this corner. I think you do it at the the
time in which you're lining up with this first car.
So your first spin bounces and like keeps your angle going.
Spigot, I want also a sharp roll from you.
This is more of a love thing, but it's going to be based in
Sharp. Let's go.
That's an 11 + 1 for a 12. You flexibly react and respond
and she is spinning out the car. And I think your, your immediate
muscle response is to jam on the brake pedal so that I don't spin
out. Like it's just you.
You know, you, you almost can't stop yourself, but you do at the
last second and you end up hitting the pedal like next to
it, one of our unknown pedals. And you can feel a click on the
back wheels as they reshift and one of them locks up and the
other doesn't. You almost have to like brace
because the spin kicks into like a a disk of spin as you're going
down. I think with this as it is,
you've overtaken another car in front of you and the six of
these cars fighting are nearing the end of the ice.
But we're not quite caught up yet.
But we're we're almost to this main pack.
You can see I don't think much as you're spinning so fast.
I don't want to describe too much more in front of you.
It's all a blur. Do we want to do anything else
in this, like as another action before we exit out of this ice?
You guys have caught up really well.
If you want this to be damaging, we'll have to do something to
get this spinning spike deathtrap into that group.
I would love to see if we can spin into them and hit the three
flames as we get into proximity, but it's I also don't want us to
just spin into a oblivion trying to hit them so.
You're about as close as this maneuver is letting you get with
the way that it's spinning. And I think that you slam your
hand down on that button with the hopes that it's going to
fire out the fire in front of you.
You know, that's what we're imagining.
When you hit the button, the three flames click down to two
flames and you are launched forward.
The spin like the the circle becomes wider, but you're
covering more ground, right? Because you're it's that flames
that you saw shooting out of the via the unicar behind you.
But with this spin, I think you're you overtake and get up
into this group and start. It's almost like a game of
pinball in the middle of that, right?
You're hitting a car and bouncing and hitting a car and
bouncing and spinning and we're going all sorts of ways.
I think we need a couple rolls. I want, let's do a roll from
everyone for like bracing yourself in this vehicle.
This is a physically tumultuous moment for everyone in the
vehicle. Probably like a, I'm going to
say a hard roll to just like maintain your, you know, like
your physical body and then like holding on, gripping for dear
life so you're not launched. That's a 10 for pedal.
It's a six for spigot. It's.
Also a six for Dill. Oof.
It's gonna be a 7 for DM. Let's see during this spin.
Pedal your belt today. I really quick.
I apologize. That's a six, which I believe is
a failure for me. Three sixes.
Oof, I think. Let's see, Spigot.
You smash your head on the driver's side window, breaking
it out. You're going to take one harm
from that right on the cranium. The other two in the back.
I think you're just flung like D Ham is flung in a heap.
And why? Have we got rid of that oil?
You know my bolts? My bolts.
The oil spinning out behind you, that's right.
It's like melting all this ice around you guys.
You guys are spinning out and fire.
We're wrecking cars. The two of you also take a harm
from just like being fumble and thrown together.
You clash into each other like bumping heads.
It probably hurts still. I don't know if it hurts either
of you more than the other one. One of you doesn't feel and the
other, I don't know if he can feel any more from all the
poisons and such. He feels a lot, but I don't know
if it's pain. Let's see.
That's just for maintaining ourselves.
Is there a vehicle roll? I'm not going to worry about
that because every roll leading up to this maneuver was awesome.
I think you guys, as we exit the edge of this ice up ahead, you
can see a really long straight away into a spiraled tunnel that
gets really small at the end. And it looks like it's angled up
and just like way, way up, like you're about to go up one big
spirally ramp. But we're in the middle.
We're bit, we're around these guys, we're bouncing.
We've knocked a few of the back two cars like out and spinning.
They've lost some pace on us. There's probably like 3 cars
behind us, I'm going to say, and like maybe 2 cars that we're
keeping pace with and one in front of them as we exit this
ice. But it's all like one big pack
and you have a straightaway. There might be a couple like
pitfall traps in there, like a couple spike traps, right?
But it's leading up to this giant metal tube ramp.
Looks like our races are finishing up lap one and with so
many bad drivers falling out today, it looks like the the
Road to Starlight Lane is opening up for our racers here.
You kind of see the like the tower at the back.
You see more cannons fires like kind of pop off like a little
they're more like even they're they're not hitting the road or
anything. And like as they start coming
down and like rolling around, cars are just kind of swift.
They're kind of going off toward 1 towards the other and then
kind of see the tunnel, the tower start to kind of like
shift a little bit more. And you that look, it looks like
towards the top, think there's like a little bit of a wider
cannon kind of appearing now. And you hear and it looks like
it's time for the kid to join the race.
And as that last, as she finishes that last announcement,
you see the last cannon fire from from this kind of the
starting line and it lands like right in the middle of the pack.
And as it's coming down, you kind of see it's a little
protected and there's a little car, a vehicle that has now a
new vehicle that has appeared on the track.
It's like a small little yellow coop in the driver's seat.
You see a small person body wearing a little bit of a beanie
hat, wild hair kind of sticking out at the bottom there.
And the kid has placed her car on the map now with kind of just
like slowing down all those other racers and then launching
herself kind of in first place. And as you see, she kind of hits
the ground running, or she did. She rubs up and starts going and
then takes the tunnel full force to go to launch it up into the
sky. And as she enters into the
tunnel, you see that like the little hole at the end black out
and it like blooms up and you hear a bang and the the racer,
the new yellow racer, the kid in front of you has disappeared,
shot off into the sky. And you are approaching that.
But currently we're in a pack, yet have hit it.
What do we do? It appears we are heading to
heaven. Have we come out of the spin now
and we're kind of settled into the pack?
Yeah, I think that makes sense. I'm going to grip the steering
real hard and hit the red button again for the 2 remaining
flames. Yeah, let's this is an out
distance, another vehicle for sure.
I'm gonna give you an additional plus one on this so 10 plus.
I think you should give 1 + 2 because I'm gonna click the I'm
Dickle and I'm here. I'm Dickle and I'm here.
I think you should get him plus three, 'cause I'm gonna hit the
fire button again after he hit the fire.
Button he presses the fire button and then.
You plus the r + a billion, so press a billion points again.
That's awesome. Just a one finger stretch from
the back, Yeah. I don't even get up.
I will give you a + 2. I'm not gonna give you a plus
one from the I'm Dickle and I'm here, but I I love it.
I do. I don't know that increases our
speed but the two flames defo so roll plus cool plus 10 or +2.
Roll plus cool +2. That is an 8 + 2 + 2, so that's
12. Your first jolt forward pushes
you up and into the car in front of you, pushing them slightly
out of the way. We'll say with all these balls
dropping in and like rolling. I was imagining that like you
know the like half bowl style where the balls are like always
rolling up and down. I just got that awesome little
image so as as all those those first cannons go off and the
balls are hitting the thing and starting to roll amongst their
half pipe. That's what it's called.
You overtake the vehicle in front of you, shoving them
lightly to the right as one of these balls comes down and just
squishes them as you roll up in front of them and the ball
rolling behind you. And then the the finger comes up
and presses and it says I'm Dickel and I'm here.
And a second finger comes up and presses the button again.
And you rock it ahead and into the cannon, firing out
excessively fast. And as you fly through the air,
you can see that the arc is taking you to this sky bound
track, sort of. I imagine it's held up by these
like long like strings on propellers, you know, just
holding it up as as it probably would in Mario Kart or they have
that engine you with this extra extra speed, your ramp comes up
and as you start to come down this yellow coop that had
outpaced you because they've launched themselves off.
You are coming down on top of them and they have to like
scooch like slide. You know the what?
What do we just call that drift? I'm going to do a little hop,
slide out of the way and you see a little sparks kick up and then
they drop out of that and they're boosted forward a little
bit. And now you're just like right
behind them on the left of them. Now we're into this like sky
bound track. You see a few of the other cars
soaring through the air about to land on the track behind you
guys. I think that as you guys hit
this track like you probably land right on a box, kids.
Actually the kid hits the box that you're about to hit and
then slides out. So the kid grabs the the power
up that you were you were coming down a top of to give us one
start. Can you can you describe the
tires of the vehicle? Directly in front of us, the
tires of the vehicle directly in front of you tell.
Me about the tires. Are these are these?
Special Tigers yellow coupe. No, they're just, they just look
smaller than normal. They're a little bit wider.
They actually have like bright orange rims along with the
bright yellow body of the car. Pretty normal, but wider is good
for me. I throw a knife at it.
Whip Whip a knife at it 8. I mean, your trajectory is
right, but you guys are moving so fast like it by the time it
would have hit there, the car is, you know, 2-3 car lengths up
ahead, so it flatters around. I don't I don't think much
negative Besides, you know, that's a very hard shot to make
While you're a little behind them in the kids dashboard of a
button appears rotating screen that rotates through and ends up
on a just a white like I mean, fuck it, it's a boomerang, a
white boomerang with like a little band on the corner of it
and you have just a little bit of distance ahead of them.
I'm going to just kind of pop it into whoever wants to take
action first, whatever group may make may call it, because you
guys are the ones in this like head to I.
Mean. OK, well, I mean the first.
Yeah. Well, the first thing is the the
Starlight lane that the kid refers to in the sky.
It's like actually dark. It's like dark up here.
Like it. I don't think any of you have
ever experienced night time. So it's kind of probably a
strange concept of being then like all these bright stars and
lights. It's just it's very dark, but
like twinkly and even the road itself is kind of twinkling with
with the Starlight. It's a it's a very beautiful
sight, which is kind of strange for you're bracing for your life
in a wasteland. There's no banks or borders like
you can fall right off this road.
There are little splits in it that fold up like little ramps
to to give you some distance. Rainbow Rd. everyone.
I think it would be just decam that would remember what night
time is. You might.
Yeah, you would. You would remember what night
time is. I think what the kid would do
first is she's trying to get ahead and especially as all the
other group of racers are. Holding distance behind, yeah.
Yeah, I'm coming onto the lane. I think it's a good time to use
my vehicle's weapon. That is just going to be it's
gonna be AV harm situation. Let me look at harm again
because you are just. Why don't you describe the
occurrence of this from your vehicle and then I'll read our
our role here. Yeah, so as the she's as she's
like rounding the corner coming off of with the item you see
like almost next to like maybe like Midway, but like more on
the passenger side than anything.
A little mounted gun with like a little wide barrel pop out.
And then she's like taking that corner of speed to head a little
bit. She goes, welcome to Starlight
Lane, Eat my dust and launch starts and you just see like
this that just plugs out this little like ball as she
activates her grenade launcher on her vehicle.
Fuck yeah, I don't think it makes sense doing massive versus
handling oh when you suffer V harm role plus V harm suffered.
Okay, well spigot still behind the wheel of the car.
Yep, this ball is launched at your car and it hits and you see
the beginning of an explosion paused in split screen as you
roll. Plus V harm, so +4.
That is a. That's about as low as you can
roll. That was Snake Eyes, so that's 2
+ 4 is 6. That is so good though.
That's really good. You do want low on this one
roll. Yay for crappy dice.
You on a miss you swerve but cover without disadvantage so
that that shot it lands in front of your vehicle and explodes.
And I think the kid smirks to herself and looks in the
rearview mirror at the the little cloud of smoke.
But you just RIP through that cloud of smoke, parting it and
rushing out of it, her aim being just lightly off as we enter
into the like low ramps all over the the straightaway phase.
Behind you, you hear you can hear some some machine gene
gunfire, Black, black, black, black, black, black, black
bouncing off of metal. You hear like the the roaring of
engine. You can hear the imagine the
whine of an engine as it gets faster and faster.
Behind you, you can see the flames like a few cars are just
starting to catch up on your tail from their power ups that
they've received. Yeah.
What do you guys do? Well, I think we've used all our
current power up, so I guess Pickett would be scanning the
road ahead to see if there are any other blocks he can get to
as we try and keep pace with the little yellow kid.
The racer car. Looks like up ahead after this,
like small ramps, bumps all over the all over the course section.
There are these giant rings that surround the track and right
below the first string there's a.
You can be up ahead of the spinning box.
OK, I would like to make a roll about one of the spinning boxes.
I'm going to make an open your brain roll.
I'm going to psychically attune myself to this next box.
I got an 8 and that means you'll give me an impression which is a
good box. I think to myself psychically,
which box is good? I.
Think the impression you've gotten is that they're seemingly
random. Deham shrugs and says I don't
know, just get a box. But I will say that you there is
this small moment during that like rotation where it's being
selected that you think you might be able to engage with if
you can like get into the the data of the vehicle, right?
All this is connected somewhere and the selection is not
occurring right when you hit the box.
It's occurring when it settles. Interesting.
I guess I start, I lay down and I start looking up underneath
the dashboard to see what I can get investigate.
You hear the little wheels as he's like slides up on one of
those like under the car Dolly to to look up under the
tashboard you're driving. He's shaking.
I have healy's on my shoulders and ass.
Oh, so that you can slide up under vehicles to to work on
them? Yeah, of course you do.
Yeah. You start scoping that out,
trying to get up in the machinery of it all, do dill or
pedal, want to make want to take an action to do anything before
we advance. I don't have anything as of
right now besides that, you know, having now I've obviously
back inside that if. I'm not.
At a minimum I will remind you, you may not have like a bunch of
weapons on you pedal except for your face Breakers, which are
exceedingly useless in this moment.
You do know that one of those three dash buttons pulls out a
very small handgun. You can utilize that.
Is true. OK.
That's good to take it. Back just just in case.
You know, just in case. I imagine it's like one of those
really thin barrelled, like has a brown handle, you know, tiny
thin black steel barrel coming off the handle.
One of the small ones that you can like put in like a thigh
holster like. Under, under, Yeah, yeah.
It's got like a six shot single stack magazine.
It's the it's the gun you start with in any Call of Duty game
where you're like, I can't wait till I unlock just one more
pistol. Just a little pea shooter.
But it does exist and you can't shoot with it.
Anything from Dill? There is a board a vehicle
option. When we get up there, someone
can board a vehicle. You know, getting up near him, I
think. And as one final thing I
recalled, and as I was listening, Lawrence did say the
word yoink. And so technically it is picked
up even though we never talked about it again, But Lawrence did
pick up an Uzi after the last fight.
He has a submachine gun at a So as in, you know, another like
some sort of weapon. I just recalled as I was
listening, I said. Oh, yeah, it's in.
It's in my chest cavity. But nobody has, you know, been
in there in a while. Just filled with cans and an
Uzi. And some broken dishware.
Oh. Has none of that been removed?
Some of it has, but you know, it's just a lot of it in there.
And what's has what has fallen out as you've been taking other
stuff out? Yeah, I'm surprised.
It's it's it's they're fragile at all.
I was like, I was like, I was like, oh, like I was listening
to the first first couple episodes.
It's like, it's like they're sandblasting metal plates.
Like, that's it, right? No, it's a pure survey.
Yeah, unfortunately inside, yeah, I've got bolts in there
too. And whenever I take damage the
bolts can shoot out fly. Around you here, ping ping ping
ping ping ping in his chest as he's shattering all the glass
where he wants to use. Yeah, like I get punched in the
chest and you just hear like, like a shotgun blast and then
the shattering of plates. I love that spigot.
Did you do a thing? I was aiming us towards the next
box. Cool, cool, cool.
Give me since they since it still is in this case of you
trying to keep up or like regain that that distance that they
lightly have on you. Let's let's call it the out
distancing another vehicle again rule plus cool plus speed.
That is, and speed is +2. It is one.
So that's a grand total of 13. Damn the rolls coming through
and we need. Floored it.
Yeah, OK. Out distance another vehicle.
Is that me? Because my oh, I have to roll
too, right? So this is overtake another
vehicle on A10 plus you overtake and draw alongside them.
So there's no role for you. Your role was the attack or
you're like action was the the the grenade launcher in this
case. Yeah, but they have overtaken
you and are alongside you as the two of you come out of this ramp
phase. Maybe the kid has taken a little
ramp up and you've taken one up and you guys are just like, you
know, around and around by your pace.
As we approach this next set of rotating boxes and AB blue big
hoop that surrounds the the the track.
I think for this moment, I would like a, I think both of you,
Jonathan and Spigot, give me a vehicle roll, roll plus cool.
And then you can add your either speed or handling up to you.
The goal, I think, is a fight over a box because like the kid
would know and at this point you figured it out.
We got to get a box to get a power up.
And it always comes that one phase in the race, right, where
you have the opportunity to deal the box from the person that
you're like fighting for that place with.
Yeah, I got a total of 6. I rolled the six but +2 cool
plus one speed. OK the kid attempts to do like a
side shove to like push this dildo out of the way and and
secure the box but the dildo's massive is just much for this
little yellow coop to do. And the dildo is on from this
push and just shatters right through the power up smoothly.
Kids still maintaining theirs but dildo on the screen popping
up now. Now a little green rocket.
Can I try and alter that result? Yes, you absolutely can.
Give me a thing. Speak Roll.
You're already up under there. 1313's great.
You either have the green rocket or a golden flame.
OK, I'll take the golden flame appears on your dash.
This flame is just a little bit larger than all three of those
little red flames, but it's there on the dash as the two of
you enter into this giant loop on the track and are shoved
forward like a giant speed boost, making the handling very
difficult. But you are being launched down
this track. I mean, you guys have been
rolling. Exceedingly well, so I'm not
going to even be worrying about the cars that are behind you
guys that you have super outpaced.
It's really just this almost one-on-one fight at this point
between you guys as before, like maybe as you even hint at that
second boost and you're rocketed forward yet again.
There's a few of these tunnels, right?
It like like by the time you enter the 2nd and are shot for
you can see the first like group hitting that first boost.
So, you know, you have pretty good distance on them, except
the kid who is just right next to you, like you guys are
touching each other as you're boosting through this, trying to
not, you know, lose that pressure.
Because the moment you know, if the kid turns off, your pressure
is pushed over. If you turn off, you know,
etcetera. We're trying to maintain that as
we're we're pushing down. You said we're right next to the
kid. Yeah, you and the kid are like
touching sides. We're like lightly bumping and
pushing up against one another trying to.
Hold and the kid is on which side of us?
The right side of you. Then what I'm going to do is I'm
going to lean out of the vehicle, I'm going to flip the
serving door open. I'm going to hold on to it with
one hand. I'm going to lean out where I
can see how. I mean, can I see the back of
the kids car from from this far back on the the Dilgo?
I don't know how long the kids car is.
I mean, I imagine there's spots in and out, right?
Like there's probably a spot where he's like just right
behind you, and then there's probably a spot where he's just
right ahead or she's just right ahead of you.
And that's like moving back and forth, right?
It's a moving. Target, I want to be right
behind and I'm gonna lean out with one arm holding onto the
window and then with my other arm and I'm gonna reach into my
chest cavity. I'm gonna pull out an Uzi and
I'm just gonna like, I'm just gonna start shooting at tires.
I'm just gonna unload on tires. What's your cars armor,
Jonathan? +2. +2 Ozzy gun I believe is a
tour also. So 2 D 6 + 2.
No, no, no, just a all harm is just a flat number.
For the most, you just. Do it OK.
Cool. Yeah, you just.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. You're doing your.
You have to do a or act under fire.
Like same thing you throw your knife.
Yeah, I guess the harm itself is established.
Oh OK. The role is a 12, The roll is a
12. OK, Yeah, yeah.
You spray across this, this car, the tires while you know there
and why there's a little bit of like a metal protective like
skirt almost that comes over to keep someone from jamming
something down into the tires while we're like trying to board
or whatnot. You definitely pepper up the
side of this vehicle, putting a bunch of little holes in it.
None quite hit the tires with this shot nor seem to really
leave any lasting damage with A2 armor and A2 damage.
You've just caused some surface. I throw the Uzi at the back
window. It bounces.
Off. I'm not going to have you roll
for that. Like rolls off in the dust
behind you. That's funny, is what.
Oh, within. To board a vehicle, to jump out
and board board a vehicle? Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I mean, yeah, we're keeping that space that Uzi has just been
thrown. Launch.
The lawn out of the side door. Almost a beautiful dive motion.
For. Becoming a meet.
Meet Spear Interesting words Boarding a vehicle to board a
moving vehicle roll plus cool minus speed.
So what's your speed, Jonathan? My.
Speed is 11 so roll plus cool -1.
No, minus the difference. Oh, minus the DIF in their
speeds, which I don't think there is a difference in.
Just the cool, yeah. Yeah, roll plus.
Cool. 8. 8. The goal and jumped out of here
was jump out and to put his fist through ever part of the party.
And that's going to be the back. It's going to, you're going to
put your fist through the back windshield where the gun bounced
off, but you're hanging off the back.
You're like having to grip the glass to keep.
Deep in this car, yeah, It puts me like kind of far behind it.
Your feet, like every now and then, are dragging on the
ground. You have to pull them up or suck
them inside yourself a bit. OK, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I have a thing. My my terrible body.
Can your terrible body do? I might be able to like, stop
this car win, right? I'm trying to win.
Yeah, OK. My inhuman strengthen might help
me. Like if my feet can can like
along the ground, I can jam them in there.
Oh damn, just try to stop the car from moving.
Yep. I want to get sucked up into the
Gears of this car. With your terrible body.
Yeah, with this terrible, terrible body.
I like that idea. We're gonna like that you're
you're in the car and you're starting to develop that plan to
like jam in and stop. Let's keep this in bullet time.
Is there anyone else that wants to act in this moment?
Do we do we have a role from the kid?
Do we have or an idea from the kid or spigot or pedal?
And while you're thinking about that, let's quickly cut to
Dill's inner monologue. Planning this plan, dude.
Body squish. Also on a 7 to 9 you're on.
But Jesus, that's what it says. That's it.
This feels like a butt Jesus moment.
I really hope that Butt Jesus saves us here in heaven.
Oh fuck. Oh fuck.
Oh fuck yeah. I mean.
Probably just oh fuck oh fuck. Like it's just like I'm just
gonna try and put my feet down and stay.
Just deranged animal noises. Yeah, incoherent screams.
Creature. Just creature sounds.
Relaxing the exhaust smells. Maybe he tries.
To like, pull himself in for a quick huff off.
Oh my God would my boomerang button help in this situation.
Boomerang button could always help in.
Or if I try to out distance, can I like wiggle and try to
maneuver him off? Mm, hmm.
Mm hmm. You can even try to like scrape
him off on the front of the dilgo if you get in front right
because he's hanging off your back.
So if you can swipe your back across the front, it might just
like Squeech him. Off.
Yeah, let's do that. Let's try.
Feels going to be like a pressed bug on the front of the car.
Yeah, I think that then is out distant other vehicle.
We have the same speed so. There's no OK, Yep, Yep, just a
roll plus. Oh, no, actually this one, this
one isn't comparative. This is just out distancing.
So you're in a roll plus cool. By the vehicle's relative speed.
Oh, because our speed relative to OK, yes, yes.
No more fire. Yeah.
OK, math. What is that?
That's A7. That's a 7.
Now that we've pointed that out, I've realized that I've given
Spigot a lot of bonuses here that I maybe shouldn't have
because it's a relative speed. So everything was based on just.
Oops. Maybe going fast this whole
time. Fast, fast and loose.
Fast and loose. OK so on this you get to pick
one option from this list. You out diss them out distance
and break away but your vehicle suffers A harm from the strain.
You don't escape them but can go to ground in a place you choose
that's is interesting. Or they overtake you but their
vehicle suffers 1 harm from the strain, so I guess you can
choose that on them too. Sounds like what you were going
for, but any of these are. Yeah, like maybe the first one
because I I'm like intentionally smashing my car up.
So I'll take the harm, but I'm in front and.
Yeah, the the hammering of your engine pulls you just ahead.
And Dyl, you can see this occurring.
You can see that the back of this car is has just overtaken
the bat or the front of the Dilgo and he's starting to or
she's starting to swerve over to like ram you into that cattle
guard, scrape you right off. OK, well, I've got like one arm
jammed into the. OK, well then I'm I'm going to
try and and sort of shift myself out of the way and also hook my
other arm into cattle guards. Now I've sort of a wagon train
of vehicles. Connect the vehicles, yeah.
I don't know. I love it.
OK, do that same. Use your nasty body roll.
If I make you roll, it's roll under.
It does say I break away so I be careful.
It's true, that's true. Let's see if it's a if it's a
speed up and then a sketch over. Then I'm just going to hop up on
top of the I've got my arm in the back like a cuddly spider,
rotate around my arm up on the top of the of his car.
And maybe I can. Maybe I'll take a swing that
trying to grab the cattle guard once over.
But that hampers my plans. I think that one is I, I think
with, with, with the way with this setup, I'm not going to
need to roll from. We're not connecting 2 vehicles.
That feels like a lot more physically than just getting up.
I'm still going to try and connect the.
If I can't reach it, I can't. The follow up then is the out.
There's like 1 moment of sketch off.
You're either getting sketched or you're on top of the and then
the vehicle is out there. OK, so it is sketch for.
Yes, OK. Well.
Then let's let's try and grab these this that's the.
OK, OK. Since the outcome is an out
distance like that is occurring, you're about to be stretched.
I'm going to give you a -1 I'm holding ours together with
muscle because you're rolling. Plus go act under fire, go
aggro. The tricky bit of this is my
strength and my flexibility are different portions of this.
Being flexible is the act under fire portion strength and
reflexive getting bonus to doing things.
Yeah, like I have the same trouble that Jake has in
Adventure Time with stretching too much.
Too bad I'm. Going to say this one.
Let's just take it in. Let's go.
I'm going to give you, you can act under fire to do it when a
normal person would simply be incapable.
That's it for me. A normal person would not be
able to start together driving. Fast row plus cool.
If I get a choice and I get ripped off then I want to stay
with Dilgo, but if I don't I don't.
See how bad the roll is? 10, That's 10.
I, I mean, I think with a 10, that's a super positive move.
You get almost like pushed off, but you pull your legs up so you
can't get scraped. And as they start to, as she
starts to pull away, you stretch your arm out and wrap it around
the cattle guard and hold. There's a moment where you look
like, you know that toy, that rubber toy that has the two arms
you stretch out to the side. Yeah, Stretch.
Armstrong, literally you were, you're like stretched out and
your body's in the middle and you're just like, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, I got this, I got this.
But that's you're only able to make about 6 between the two of
you. That's how far Dills body
stretches. Yeah, that was Oh my gosh, the
kids turn. Does anyone on the team have an
action? Doesn't seem like it's reached,
like there is a finish line you're crossing.
This is like battle cars. Are we still like nose to butt
of the car in front of us? Yep.
Yeah. We're dilled together.
You're nose to dill. You're dilled together.
You want to cross a Dill bridge? D Ham.
D Ham says press 12. And then he like looks down at
Spigot like. More subtly, and he like holds
his hand up and he points at the button that has the golden fire
and he looks at Spigot and he looks back at the button and he
looks at Spigot. It looks back at the button.
He looks over to pedal and then back at the button.
The other one's like Press 2, press 12 Spigot.
'S gonna hit the. Button.
You know, you know, the fire's coming out the back.
And we know fire is the thing that will do Dylan, so I'm
hoping you press it and that gold light just lights.
Up and starts blinking and you can feel several pulses of the
flame and the jet pushing you forward.
Slam and as music starts to play, slam into the front of the
vehicle. I'm dickle and I'm here I'm
dickle. Slam into the.
The vehicle. In front of it, Dyl, I think
you're going to be pressed and squished up into this cattle
guard. You're going to take this feels
like 7 harm all of whatever is going to happen here.
I mean, I am going to call it. I am going to.
Call it 3 harm as you are just squished in between.
These two cars and forced up and into the grate all filled up in
there fully prepared to be at 11:00 for this maneuver that
I've concocted. Yep, Yep, you are injured you.
Feel squished and pressed and that you can't like even if we
were stopped. You would need help being pulled
out of this this cattle guard for sure, but I would like a
this is a A roll from the kid to see if you can maintain your
vehicle. It's going to be I'm going to
call it deal with bad terrain because everything else fits,
which is roll plus cool plus handling.
Okay, this is to see how well you can respond to being
absolutely. Obliterated from.
Behind pretty well. I rolled it.
Oh, I actually rolled it 10. Oh, really?
Well, yeah. You are pushed forward and you
lose a little bit of your drive. Like you're driving straight,
especially while we're being boosted and boosted and they're
being boosted from behind. There's so much like speed input
happening. You lose a little bit and you
swerve out, but you maintain you're able to like get get get
control of the handling, but they with the repetitive boosts
of fire are shooting up ahead and they reach another gate
before you do and another gate. And then even I mean, maybe by
the time that that golden fire slowly dims out on your board,
you have just jetted and jetted and jetted ahead.
And this is a as they start to out distance you.
I would like a roll plus sharp from the kid as a you kept your
handling, you kept on the track, you didn't spin out, but you can
give them one last knock with your boomerang.
Just as a jaded I rolled A5, I'll I'll hit I'll hit the
button A5. This is good jaded.
Launches the boomerang out, it comes up.
You see a incoming spigot, your eyes get a little wide and then
it starts going backwards and it's going to just collide with
the front of the kids car. It's going to spin out and hit
the next racer starting to come up and there's a big like rough
and tumble switch up there in the back as they are hit into a
almost a pile up. And you were left alone on this
track as you zip, zip, zip and pass through and yet another
cannon firing you downwards and just right across the finish
line alone because you took out all the cars on the track.
Or if they are going to finish, it's going to take them another
minute or two, right? The crowd, that one person as
you cross the finish line, that one person stands up and chants,
I'm Dickle and I'm here. I'm Dickle and I'm here.
You can see some like screens that are replaying some of the
the things. The crowd is going absolutely
wild. I think that this is a great
moment to leave it in this moment of like uproarious joy
over the victory of the moment as the area arounds us starts to
fade out to black and the the crowd noise like is slowly
dissipating. You can and see one final shot
of a screen of that like replay screens of of of the kids
wrecked overturned vehicle and the door being kicked open in a
shape starting to like pull itself out of the vehicle and
scowl towards the camera throwing a full tantrum throwing
a full kicking kicking the car. Another another racer tries to
get out of their car. He.
Pushes him back into the car. Shuts the door on him and we're
going to fade to black on that. The person who knows Dill the
best is the one who was looking at Dill when he did the.
Cauliflower head, Yeah. Who was in the back with Dill?
That feels like a D ham thing. Was D Dill almost?
Certainly, Yeah, okay, you get a + 1 for dill.
Yep. And you're next.
Honestly, the fact that spicket press that button I didn't even
have to do. It I think I think Spicket
deserves it this time around. I think we both learned a little
bit about each other here, plus one to history with D Ham.
I think the two of you could do a buddy cop adventure after
this. Like it's it's like.
All you 2 hanging out and the other two are just like either
being weird or. Having.
Visions and not able to communicate about it because
it's just constant visions in her head.
My big weird body and my big weird visions featuring Spigot
and D Ham. Yeah.
Right, Spigot, who knows you better or less than they did
before the one I had. Almost no contact with this.
This go round was probably Dill. So are you handing out a
negative? So and I I squished.
I squished. The crap out of Dill.
Now Pedal was my copilot and my navigator through that, but did
she learn anything about me other than maybe I'm a little
more maniacal of a driver than she thought?
That's mine's going to be a + 1, but that's that's me.
But I'm going to wait for that. I mean, she can trust you.
To drive the car, yeah. So I would say that's probably
it, that pedal with. Her guidance and.
My unnaturally good driving skills.
So that's a plus one, cool and petal, you say you have a plus
one for whom's first Beckett just cuz I.
You know, I realized that I was like, hey.
Go through here thing do this thing and we'll be OK and he
just Yep, is willing to jump on board and just listen yeah
that's yeah Blue Shell +4 and we got.
A blue shell. That beginning of the race was
literally every single. Mario Kart experience of my
life. Like totally beefing it in the
beginning, starting with a blue shell.
Like beefing, beefing it again and being in lap and then
somehow. Managing to hit.
A box and then getting a blue shell.
Incredible. People get so mad at me for his
blue shell and I'm like, that was totally an.
Accident, I hope. OK, I think that is going to do
it for here on this. Session.
Jonathan, thank you so much for coming to join us.
I know it's like there's so many voices to have you as the kid.
I really like the input. That was so helpful.
Most entertaining. It was.
It was super chaotic. I really liked it.
The moment of victory. The Tedvillians bask in the roar
of the crowd. There are moments on one's
journey upon which. One will look back on fondly, no
matter how heavy. It may be this is one of those
moments. This episode was produced and.
GM D by M Williams, featuring Theodore Stringer as.
Dill, Lawrence Jennings as Deluca's Chop House answering
machine, Mike Harrison as Spigot and Grace Stringer as pedal
music composed for the season by Chris Rogich.
Additional voice overs by McKenna Lynch.
Other credits can be found in the episode description.
That's all for this edition of WPR.
I'm Q. See you next time.
When I was in middle school, I was top. 10 on the North North
America server of Mario Kart. DS because that's nothing else
to do Azure. Lord so.
When you asked me when you. Asked me to play these
characters. I was like, yes.
Absolutely. I didn't know we have such a
guest on Oh my. God, a literal professional in
the field guys. Oh my 13 year old with Noah.
To be fair, not a lot of people were playing Mario Kart DS
online. But like more than 10.
Yeah, and. I beat all of them except for
the other like 8. Below.
Me.