Let's podcast y'all yeah I don't know if there's anything else we
need to how we. Start every recording.
Let's podcast y'all, let's. Podcast, y'all.
Hey, good luck on the podcast y'all, everybody, and welcome
back to Dungeons Drive, Insurance and Dice Wider world.
We're playing DND, we're 4 cobalts and there's an extra a
big cobalt with us and we're hunting a big bad evil tree.
That's it, that's everything. I'm MI play Duckett, the
Treasurer Cobalt of the Cobalts, and our question today is our
character's most like significant item, our most
personal item. I don't remember the exact word
I used. That's far better than the words
I've chosen now. Precious keepsake.
Most precious keepsake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. For sure.
Duckett's is a doubloon with a skull and crossbones on it.
It's a big chunk of a gold coin, like a big doubloon, but being
like treasurer's apprentice into treasurer for the Cobalts, a lot
of the gold that they stole early on right is still in the
horde that we're giving to the dragon.
And I'm imagining it came from the raining days.
But it's just a big doubloon with a skull and crossbones on
it and duck, it's it's his like he keeps it always on his hip.
He can always feel the like cool gold of it.
He loves it. He would go, he would go Gollum
for this doubloon. I imagine, though, when that's
held to a narrative, wait, maybe not if it helps me get out of a
column. And my name is Lawrence and I
play but soft the project manager director type cobalt for
the Merchant of Venice. As far as most precious keepsake
heirloom, I would say it is there.
He has he has this silver belt buckle that he was gifted from.
Remind me the name of the dragon Nelson Nelson the dragon.
Nelson the Dragon. Sorry, it it's deeply afraid.
It's deeply fearful. However, I am dragon blessed.
So you know, this is only like my third time maybe seeing
Nelson or fourth time, you know, most of the time we're
supplicating entirely. But it was nice to have that
conversation earlier anyway. It's that it's that belt buckle
that he got from Nelson. It says Nelson on it.
And whenever I got it, I was dragon blessed.
Dragon blessed belt buckle, all right.
And it actually says Nelson on it.
Uh huh. And people all the time.
Go. Is your name Nelson?
He goes no, no. My name is Grace and I play Eep.
Who's the winged Cobalt? And EP's greatest treasure is
his best friend, a rock named Big Tony.
No friends 'cause he was in the back of a cave with his
siblings. Is it the big rock outside of
The Cave? How big is Big Tony?
It's so huge. Yeah, Big Tony is just like, I
don't know, like I guess we're small.
So Big Tony lives back at The Cave.
Big Tony is like grapefruit size, so he can't take Big Tony
with him everywhere because, you know, he's so big.
That's why Heap. Is in the back, just called
Logan. But it like it like kinda, it
kinda looks like it has a face. Like if he can't, you know, if
if you imagine you've lived in the back of a cave your whole
life, sometimes the rocks kinda start to look like, well,
torchlight. I can see in the dark.
I got great peepers. But it kind of starts to look a
little bit like the nooks and the crannies.
This starts to look a shape like a face.
Big Tony's born. But yeah, Eva, Big Tony.
Since hatchlings, those two. But yeah, the greatest position,
Big Tony. All right, Mike, Top Big Tony.
I I don't know that I can top Big Tony.
So my name's Michael and I play Bite my Thumbser, a day player
of the troupe and the Cobalt in charge of pyrotechnics.
And his most sacred item is a key that he was given to the
temple, which may or may not do anything, but he felt really
important to be given this key that he wears on a chain around
his neck. So he is has never even had an
opportunity to look around the temple to see if there's
anything he can open with the key.
But he's been given a key as one of the keepers of the temple.
So that's his most precious. Item so me and Bai are we're
bling down yeah we got the. Temple.
Because it was and I can't remember the name of the the
priest that the main party allowed to live.
Attrick. Attrick, who has recruited Byte
to help maintain the temple, obviously outside of his call to
perform in the play. So Attrick gifted him a key.
Whether it does anything or not, we don't know, but he feels it's
important and it gives him status.
Where is the temple in relation to our waterfall?
I've heard. It was in the temple.
It was the farther backroom where, if I recall, there was
the main room, and then there was a farther backroom where
Thaddeus had the final. Molded like with.
Iron. Bones, yeah.
Sorry, shrine, not temple. No, I'm, I'm here for that whole
room. You know, we call it temple,
people call it shrine. It's all.
Good. We probably work in conjunction,
because if I recall, that's also where we picked up all the
golden items, like that's where the Horde was.
So you and I might work closely together actually.
Indeed, it's all about collaboration.
Well, hello, I'm Josh and I'm playing Gareth Mockford, the
vampire slaying extra sized cobalt with the group.
And we're off to kill a vampiric tree today.
But I think the most prized possession that Gareth has is
probably the Cape that he he wears.
He's wearing like a family crested ape that's draped over
his shoulder kinda. And it it goes down his back,
but not like full like a three quarters Cape.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly what I'm
imagining. Thank you. 3.
Quarters, Cape. But it's just, it drapes down
slight but anyway. But yeah, there's like a black
Cape that drapes down and it has like the family M on the Cape on
the shoulder that you can see. So it's like something that his
mom made for him as a kid that he keeps around.
Where does a vampiric tree fall on the joy of hunting for you?
Because we know that you are bored with vampires, but dudes
are hell yeah. Yeah, I think we're just craving
variety and I think with the tree it, it UPS the the interest
level a lot. A lot.
It's at. Least a tree, not just some
vampire. Dude I don't think Gareth is
playing one of these before to be honest I thought.
I was going to say, if a vampire tree falls in the woods, does
anybody? Gareth And I was like, I don't
know what? I don't know if that works.
I don't. Know if that No, it's part of
the lore that they actually don't they don't make any noise
if they fall in the. Woods.
There you go. If vampire tree turns into a
vampire tree bat, do you hear it?
It leaves. There's something there.
I'll shop it. I'll figure something.
There. No, I think that's the final.
Product that's perfect. Is everything there?
Do I do like special cloak? Yeah, Cloak's a good name for
it. We're gonna have to make special
cloak I think magical at some point.
Not right now. It has a mother's love.
Whenever. Whatever thing like as soon as
Yeah as. Soon as possible.
I need to remember that Marjorie has like the special patches for
her. Oh yeah.
I mean you, you aced those special patches in the final
encounter and you for. Sure, still have a goat.
But I have a goat, I've got 3 jars of spiders, I got a whole
bunch of stuff. Yeah, but you were using big.
Tony. And Big Tony.
Well, the Cobalt has big Tony Marjorie.
Cooks have taken big Tony. Yeah, Marjorie.
Marjorie. Could come in.
Tony from from Eve. Believe my own curve.
Eve's most prized possession was good Tony, until the benefactors
came. Oh, big Tony.
My next character is going to be
Big Tony. Harbo's not coming back.
It's big, Tony. Listen, Big Tony was made-up
immediately on the spot. I did not.
I did not plan ahead. It's just Big Tony.
Wonderful. And I'm Theodore Stringer,
player of everyone else. And what's your prize
possession? Is it the iPad?
No, Why would my iPad be my prize possession?
I was thinking. About what are the Plex lives?
And I was like, it kind of sometimes exists on the iPad.
Oh my God. They're handy, they have a lot
of people. What's Nelson's prize
possession? I haven't given Nelson enough
fleshing out to give him a prized possession, but zog moths
prized possession is A and I did.
I did think about just copping out and being like Marjorie zog
moths prized possession. That's not the answer.
The answer is it it's a it's a huge piece of horrible
alchemical equipment that you you put people into and
transmogrified them into other things.
The Juicer. The.
Juicer. I was like, is the curse
reliquary? Yeah, there's no way.
It's no juicer for. Surely.
Juicer with AG nailed it. Sometimes you don't need a
second take, you just nail it. Those people call it the gooser.
Straight goose and. That's what you call it right
before you go in it dying juiced.
Oh no, I'm getting juiced. OK.
Dog Moth, the Gooser, Goose and. Left.
Immediately not scary anymore. I'll work on that.
Do you want to be juiced? I don't.
You want to get goosed? Juice.
Juice M Don't juice sparkle Onias OK?
Juice is cooked. With that out of the way, when
last we played we fought a bunch of plants and really I think
that's about all that we did. Yeah, we.
Yep. We fought a bunch of plants on
one side of of the street and then we crossed the street and
then we fought some more plants and we hid from some plants and
then we found a big plant and that was I think that was the
the whole long and short of it other stuff.
Zombies ate a plant. Zombies ate a plant.
We were hiding from those plants until the zombies ate.
Them it should be stressed how efficiently we fucked up a
challenge way above our level. I will say 100% for me and EP.
I don't know about Dragon Shield Cobalt, but me and EP should
have died every step of the way there.
I gotta just fly away man. You.
Gotta use what advantages you're given.
Yeah, I definitely could have put more narrative weight on how
dangerous and spooky and bad this forest.
Seems seems pretty bad to me. Yeah, we're just a bunch of
little guys. We just got really lucky, like.
Super. I'm deeply afraid of everything
that's about to happen to me. Totally valid because scary
things. Are he's he's ready to go.
Scary things are in the midst of happening couple of sort of
table things We're we're going to speed run the the level UPS
of these Cobalts just because they're right out in the in the
thick of. Into the thick of it.
Let's see what we got here.
I liked flat HP increase of, you know, let's just raise it by 10.
Everyone's getting thick. Yeah, we're all going to be able
to still take exactly one hit from this tree.
Mm hmm. And that'll be the hit that
kills. Us, but now it's a low roll hit.
We did a, we did a bunch of burpees and now we're stronger.
Mm hmm. Mm hmm, the war cobalts are
going to be crazy about it. Anytime Gareth took a took a
break on the walk all the cobalts started doing sit ups.
That is a short rest to us. We're going to raise an ability
score, not the, not the base number, but the bonus.
Oh. OK.
So not like 14 to 15, but plus one to +2.
Yeah, yeah. More like take away a minus.
I got minus everything. Yeah.
For dexterity. Man, I'm so clumsy.
Stupid Kobe. And then I think I'm going to
give you guys one skill, any skill you want to have
proficiency in. Cool.
All right. Gareth, I dropped in the in the
discord chat the cloak, specifically the magical effects
of your cloak. Shit Cell +5.
I immediately became a ghillie suit.
Cobalt. I do like that I like, you know,
these, it all sort of reflects how how you guys are trying to
adapt to this, this nasty bad forest.
And something that I think we would have like experience with,
you know, hunting in the woods and hiding in the woods and, you
know. Running away from things in the
woods. Running away in the woods like
we're in our element at a minimum, even if it sucks.
Although don't we have like a minus to sunlight?
Or at least I do. I've got a sunlight.
It's midnight, so we don't need to worry about that.
Yeah, that's a, that's a cobalt thing.
They're all sunlight sensitive. And we need to remember Pack
tactics. Please remember Pack Tactics.
Yeah, I forgot it when it was. Important I.
Forgot it a lot. So the cliffhanger of the last
episode was that you guys found the mad bad tree, the Golfius
tree, which a week ago was that two weeks ago, a week ago that.
Was a week ago, Yeah, it's been a.
Week ago I I thought that that was just a fun piece of lore.
This. Tree, this is a bad thing we are
in front of. And so and I found, I found in a
in a home brew book that I was working with a just like a
suggested stat block. And that stat block seemed
manageable for the levels that we were dealing with.
But. But in in between those two,
those two points then and now, I did a little bit of research and
I discovered that the folks at at Wizards, those Wizards on the
coast, they have been working and they have cooked up an
actual factual stat block for this tree that is exponentially
stronger. Way bigger.
Than my original. Thought, Oh dear.
So when I did, when I left off you guys with a with a
terrifying description of this frog looking tree with the with,
with hedges marching out of its mouth and grasping tentacle
dangly vines and things that feels right on the money to me.
Half of you, 2 of you, maybe 3 of you instead see a huge
ancient black dragon. Which of us?
Which of us are those? EP Butt no EP Bite and the
Dragonborn Gareth. And Gareth, OK.
Me and me and Soft Butt both, like, like bookended the episode
with really good perception checks.
That's right. Yeah.
So you and I know it's a tree.
Did them think it's a big old dragon?
I was looking as I was, as I was copying these stat blocks into
the legend keeper. I was, I'm looking at butt softs
and you actually you've got a feature for this that I hadn't
looked at or thought about. Heart of the Dragon.
Not the heart of the dragon. Yeah, I'm dragon bust.
It says so on my belt buckle on itself.
Well, it says Nelson, but. Cobolds within 30 feet of it is
crazy. Cobolds within 30 feet of it so
so yeah, with the. Heart.
Of the dragon, I think you. Get to do.
Like you're you can take a reaction to do something brave
in the face of this, this tree. And whatever you do, whatever
you choose to do, it will snap all the other Cobalts out of
their out of their their stupor. Not Gareth though.
Sorry, Gareth. He's not a cobalt.
I'm going to wait. He's a big cobalt, no?
He's a big cobalt, so it's just snapping out twice as hard.
I am going to Allah Return of the King, pull a torch from my
belt, light the torch and then look back at my party and then
I'm going to start running and I'm going to Chuck that.
Bitch Oh my God, Oh my God. I'm going to start riding around
in my bag following him because I'm also I know it's a tree and
I believe in my boss. We're here to do this.
Ape is cowering because why are you throwing a torch at a
dragon? Oh my God.
It's it's a tree now. Now you're it's a tree.
Now as he as he charges in to throw the torch, you you snap
out and you instead see this tree.
A little bit of a lens. Blame my torch.
My torch throw is a 15 if that is necessary for your
information. Eat.
You can also fly. Oh.
Fuck yeah. Don't leave yet.
Don't leave me. And I say please, I see you're
about to leave. Don't be PPPP.
No, wait. Or or proto.
No, don't don't remind her I I have a plan.
You know, I think Gareth make a wisdom save for me.
Let's see. Let's see if this snaps you out.
I won't make it automatic. OK.
I got a 20. Absolutely.
OK. So big cobalt.
You see this. You see the cobalt through this,
this, this. Torch bravely through the air.
Bravely. So bravely.
Almost like that in the heart of
a dragon or whatever. But the heart of a butt.
And and and the as he throws the torch and it archs through the
air, the the ancient black dragon ripples and becomes this
tree and you instantly know at least one thing.
You got tricked by a vampire. We're burned.
That's when you know closer. Closer to the second, perhaps
that you'd, you'd, you know, read about, you'd read about
these trees, you'd heard about these trees in your, in your
studies, but the thing that perhaps you forgot about these
studies is that they're so dangerous.
They're level 16 you how could you not remember dangerous.
Let's go and. As this occurs to you, the torch
finishes its art perfectly. Perfectly a. 100.
Percent. Fiery head right into the the
tree, you know, not very high up and it just it just it goes out.
Sizzle down. That goes out.
Let's go. Incredible.
Passion was there. Let's.
Fucking go. Because, my guy, it resists
fire. Yeah, for sure it does.
Oh no. That's crazy a a vampire tree
that felt would be like. That'd be a double fire
situation. Apparently it's no fire.
That's stupid. It loves water.
Because it's stupid for sure. OK, what else kills vampires?
Garlic. Really quick point of order.
I see that and my brave, my brave run, my brave run towards
takes an arc to the left. And then AU turn and EU turn is.
I'm. Straight.
Shooting it now. Fucking fucking duckus is
sprinting past you, just pull more.
EP has been flying away. EP has been since since the
Ripple went away. And it's not a giant dragon,
it's actually this nightmare tree.
EPA's like, yeah, bye. OK.
So you've had 30 feet in fly fly speed.
So are you? Are you 30 feet up or 30 feet
away? I want to be not fully 30 feet
but I think I would go up at least like.
OK. So you're like the the next
couple trees back up. Yeah.
Just like clinging to the side of the tree.
Yeah, oh, I'm, I'm clinging. Straight up clinging and scared.
I'm a scared cat up in a tree. Uh EI got AI got a plan uh, if
you. Cancel Fly over.
Well, you're running. That's my plan.
That is the plan. I take just a stick with a
scorpion tied on to it out of my bag and I toss you the bag and I
say just empty it over the tree. This will do it.
And I give you a thumbs up. Wait, you?
Give me a wait. I tossed you my sack.
So you throw, stop, stop. Throw your sack at me.
I'm 10 feet up in the air. I could throw.
OK, so if you draw. I draw a scorpion on a stick
from my bag and then I give Eep the rest of my bag.
I just want a weapon and this is my weapon, a scorpion on a
stick. But I want to give Eep the rest
of my bag and then I verbalize to Eep.
You should fly fly fly over. Just dump the contents onto the
tree. It'll all be good.
You don't need to pick from it if you could just dump it out
whole cloth. I don't know, it's kind of big
it fire didn't work. It fires.
Yeah, OK. You hear a bunch of like,
scrambling and heaping from inside.
It's the best bag in the woods. And I give you another thumbs up
with my scorpion stick in the other hand.
I'm I'm fully believing in this plan.
I love that for you. What's Well, some initiative now
that we've gotten this tree's attention.
Oh good. A7. 9:15 here 4.
That's a 14. How many feet is duckets away
from us if he's running away? Not duckets butt, soft butt.
I thought that was running away from us.
No, no butt. Soft is soft, buddy.
Yeah, soft. Butt turning away, butt soft,
lay bravely through the torch, and then bravely ran.
Said Robin. Right.
Away, yeah. Away, away, away he did.
So how do I not murder everybody?
All you just need to don't murder is Gareth Real?
I mean, if this torch is so tiny and doesn't do anything, does it
really? Is it big enough to attract a
giant vampire tree's attention? It's like a family landing on
you, like, and then you go back to your tree life, right?
Depends upon how loud Buttsoff was screaming as he ran away.
I I can roll for that. Roll for scream.
Roll 'cause if we can just like, just like back away and we can
just go back to Shakespeare. It's pretty loud.
It's it's pretty loud. It's the 17 on the dice.
The 17 to scream? Yeah, I'm pretty sure you got
the vampire trees attention. Yeah, it's a 17 on the.
OK, so a few things happened sort of all at once for you guys
because the trees initiative was a was a crit.
Oh dear. We have another 4 cobalts in the
wings, right? Yeah, and thus.
Neep is. Getting Neep.
Is 7. War Cobalts.
OK, what you at first assumed to be 1 big solid trunk starts to
move and shift and the the optical illusion breaks as four
large log shaped legs basically like spider out from from the
sides of the tree and plant themselves in the ground and the
tree lifts and rotates towards you guys.
Oh boy. He pisses himself.
It's like it drops 10 feet, 10 feet in the air.
That drops on someone if they roll to get out of my.
Bag and you piss on me like. Roll the roll the dodge my piss.
I guess because I piss. I will roll to dodge.
Anything I've ever seen. I got a natural four.
I do not dodge it. You get completely nailed by my
piss. It started off as a joke and now
it's gross. Now it's gross.
We move beyond that moment into the next one into the next.
One, it's really scary. Into the next moment as as a a
blistering hail of thorns fires from the the mouth of this tree
arcing towards you guys not but actually impacting 20 feet in
front of you and leaving deep gouges and craters in the earth
where they land. And then this tree takes 1 two
big steps forward, and that's the end of its turn.
Hey, those two big steps forward, how much, how many feet
would you say that equates to? Yeah, how much ground did it
cover in 2 steps? 20 feet.
OK. That's fine.
It's a lot, yeah, But I move. I move faster than that.
No, I don't punk. But it's is is D&D like Pokémon?
Can you like run away? You.
Can. Run away, honestly, in D&D
easier than in Pokémon. I'm doing it right now.
Hey, wait. We need you.
I also run sloshing off into the
night. I need to I need to live.
Yeah, this seems like something I don't think for lizards.
Guys have. Got this Eve give me my bag
back. Never mind, don't waste the bag
on the tree. I drop it then on you I guess.
I run back and pick up my bag and then I run again.
Are we all? Are you, we all running away?
Is that what we're doing? Yeah, dude.
I was just curious, I mean this seems like this where this guy
seemed way beyond our capabilities.
So we could, yes. So I see good, good podcast we
could podcast contact, we could fight, bad podcast contact.
We all die. But then Meep is born.
But then he would lose Gareth, and this was the whole point of
the Dang thing. Don't worry about that, he was
temporary. A whole.
New character I don't. Know what to tell you?
You died in the two tours. You know, it was fun to to watch
you think, think through that. We have to run.
Yeah, no fucking way. We felt confident about Bushes.
Don't we all? Gareth, Gareth and the the
Ducketts and Butt, the two who had the good perception checks
at the end of the last episode. Yes.
You guys are you guys are running away and off to your
right through the trees you see a a soft glowing green light and
illuminated by that light is a a humanoid shape and you.
Hear. All 5 of you in your minds you
hear. This way.
Yeah. I curl up into a ball, I drop
and I curl up into a ball. For sure.
This is way too. Scary.
Our brains must be so small. This is so scary.
I think, I think Butts Soft agrees and goes and he's like,
Elson, is that you? You're a green dragon, I think.
EPA is a follower, so EPA is going to follow.
If more than one person goes, EPA will follow because he did.
Yeah, Bite Bite will grab duckets under the arm and pick
him up and move towards the green light.
Yeah, I don't know what a ZOG moth is.
Fully dragging duckets. Yeah.
Come. On here, are you coming or do
you want to fight this tree? No, I am not going.
Solo Wait, what? You're not going?
You're not going Where's? The light.
Towards the light or towards the tree?
Cobalts are going towards the light.
Oh my God, it's just. Which is.
Or maybe not dead.
I'll choose. Maybe not.
Definitely. Worse.
Yeah, now and think about it, you.
Know what I think? I'll Live Today.
You can see what happens. OK, so y'all, y'all run off into
the into the woods towards this light.
Or are dragged off. Or are dragged off, hawked over,
bite shoulder like a sack full of loot.
You run into the woods and the, well, I mean, it's not Nelson,
sorry, but it isn't, It's not Nelson.
I'm not sure the humanoid figure maybe should have should have
tipped you off, But if that didn't.
Nelson named the friend once. You once you run into the once
you run into the clearing. Zog Moth himself, certainly.
Does. Oh, and now I piss myself.
Worst episode. You drab.
Duck, duck, drag duck. It's.
Up and it's just a trail of piss left.
If we're going blue, we're going fucking real blue.
Just keep trying to get past these moments.
I'll be better. This time we doubled up.
You run up and you see, you see Zog moth Gareth, you're bringing
up the lead and so up ahead you see basically all of the Cobalts
like in fetal positions, shivering and.
Through. Before you floating in the air,
perhaps 3 feet in the air is AI mean It's a lich.
It's a nasty bad lich. It's got the usual kind of sort
of a a mummified corpse appearance, however this guy's
been into somebody modifications and he's he's loaded himself up
with different sort of steam punk, but sleeker alchemical
contraptions that are that go through his body and like weave
in and out of him. Yeah, yeah, I know.
I look like this. It turns, it turns towards you
and I think the green light is it's on the like on the tips,
there's it, they form like an X basically this, this alchemical
contraption, it, it forms an X to either side of him.
And on the tips of the X are the is where this, this soft green
light is coming from. And he, he turns towards you,
and he says, a dangerous night to be out in these woods, little
Ranger. You are a brave little.
Troop, aren't we? Wasn't exactly our intention to
be out here, but you know, have to slay out when we can.
You might not like this next bit, but you'll have to get
close to. It.
He says and without really waiting for you to do anything
he starts floating towards you guys and you hear you hear the
crashing and cracking of of great tree boughs behind you as
the the golfius tree starts to like muscle its way between the
trees. Same tree, a lot coming up on
you, and everyone hears a low bass hum whose frequency slowly
rises as the the green light on the tips of the XS starts to
glow brighter. And Zagmoth says you'd best
avert your eyes and maybe cover your ears.
And then he says a syllable. You don't quite you can't hear.
None of you can hear. And it probably would be a
really bad thing if you could hear what he says.
Yeah, I don't want to. Yeah, good.
Thank you. Probably pop Harveau's whole
gourd. Duckets, listen.
Duckets. Tries to.
Duckets make a Wisdom save. He's a curious little cobalt
natural 10 that's like an 8. Yeah, you know, you.
He says this. He says this phrase and it like
it arcs through your brain and you comprehend it maybe for like
a second. And that instant makes you go
completely boneless, like a sack of potatoes on the ground.
Goose your bones. Eve thinks that he's.
Done it Eve. Starts uncontrollably wailing
because. Eve.
Thinks that he's immediately, I mean, he goes boneless, he
immediately slams his size. So he starts wailing, like just
absolutely losing it. And the he says he points at the
tree and he says this syllable and all of the green light
ejects from his finger and into the tree.
And there is it sounds like a Thunder clap, basically.
And the tree makes a rending screeching sound and staggers
back away from from the the horrid magics that Zogg Moth has
visited upon it. It's like a training.
And Zagmoth says. Even 9th circle magic will only
put it off for a minute. The.
Meatballs. To make.
Our. Escape and I run.
And he's he's floated down and he puts a hand on 2 of you,
whoever 2 he's around. Oh God.
Butts off and not duck kids because he's a puddle.
Then all of you are suddenly not in the forest.
Are we in heaven? What's going on?
Am I dead? Are you dead?
Please. Duck kids.
Oh my God. Duck is sad and scared and also
boneless. I think.
I think I'm trying. Yeah, I think, I think for for
just like the briefest instant, you're in a cave and you can
hear howling winds and this, this instant feels, feels so
long. And it just at the point that
the the screaming wailing of the winds becomes unbearable, you're
back not in the woods, but back in what feels nice and normal
and home. No screaming winds, regular
winds, maybe a light breeze. You are sitting on a Foothill of
of these same mountains South of the the pine forest.
Below you you can see a a farm that is growing little like
aloe, Aloe looking shrubs, little cactus skies.
Succulents. Whatever a succulent farm looks
like. Behind you is the blasted ruin
of what might have been at one point, kind of a nice little
little wizard's tower. And with you is is Zog moth
ducats. You've got your bones back.
Oh my God. Oh my God, he's good.
He's good. Duck is.
Like running early. Like back in, I don't know if
we're on the screen, you know? Also, there are zombies
everywhere. Oh my God.
Oh no. Some of them are like walking
around looking like they have asks or things.
Most of them are just kind of standing evenly spaced, staring
at the at the pine forest. Oh my God.
I don't. I don't know that this is an
improvement, no. It's what is Don Puff doing?
Is he like reading the paper? Like when is he like we would
come like he would come to And he's like just Jay Johan making
a sandwich. When is he?
Looking at you guys. Can we go then?
Thank you very much. Thank.
You for returning my bones. We can only have so many
benefactors, so we can't give you anything.
Can you help us pay money? You need guards for your
merchant care. Care Caravan.
I can start reciting my monologue.
I think it's a scroll to find it.
We have art as well, if that would please you, Sir.
Oh. I'm Antonio.
Well, I think we mean to say is thank you and we appreciate what
you did back there. Yes, thank you for the bones.
I was simply doing what I could as a good neighbor.
Hell yeah is AAGMA. Hell yeah is Aagma.
That's my mentor. You're so hyped and I love it.
Grace's height. Hey, I hate that guy.
I mean. That's my son.
That's. My hockey daddy.
I love it. Duckett's.
Doesn't, though, he's panicking. Yeah, I think he, I think he for
the first time perhaps notices, like actually takes a look at
the collection of beings that we've got here.
And he sort of, he furrows his brow.
Which you, you know, I don't think Gareth, you thought of
which. Could do he?
Says I thought there would be more of you in a theatre
company. Everyone else joined the ROTC.
I have to do all the roles. He reaches into a bag.
He. Has a bag he.
Pulls out. Yeah, he's got a bag.
Oh. My God.
Is he is only a satchel? Is that a weird?
Bag. Is it satchel?
A satchel? A bag?
It's not. It's not satchel, it's a bag.
Messenger bag or backpack? Messenger bag feels right.
Briefcase. It's a It's a Fanny pack slung
slung low on its head. Fuck yeah, she's a hot girl.
We did not What? Color is it?
It's too dark to know. Bright pink because it's too
dark. It's too dark.
Too dark to know I've got Gray eyes.
That's crazy. It must be really.
Dark. It's Gray.
But I can see well in the dark, so I don't know if you've
considered. That cool?
It's Gray, or maybe black. One of the two see in the dark
colors. Anyways, he reaches into it and
he he pulls out what looks like a hand, a hand sewn doll and he
looks at it and he squeezes it and a soul comes out and he
breathes it in for a second then.
He breathes. And then he breathes it back out
and it goes back into the doll, and he puts the doll back into
his pocket. Oh my God.
You did not just have to spin vain.
I like. Him now, Actually, now I love
him. That's better.
I was like, how are we going to ingratiate ourselves with this
guy? It happened.
I love him now. In my head he he also has a
skateboard because he's cool like that, but way.
Too cool, he's on my list. He's on Fanny pack.
That's how. That's how Marjorie learned the
cool spell. Yeah, where did the cool come
from? It came from fucking.
Vapes souls and pulls skateboards out of his Fanny
pack. So he says this director's soul
tells me that theater companies usually have more members and.
Would you like to join our production?
No. OK.
I'm sorry. However, and without any sort of
signal that you guys can see, 20 zombies peel off from the, the
ones standing and watching the the forest.
And they troop over and they, they form, they form up, you
know, in lines. Oh.
My gosh. These will listen to whatever
you say. Put on a good show.
I point at them and I say kill yourself.
And then these these 20 will also, but please don't, please
stop doing that. I mean.
Do I look stupid to you? No, Sir, of course.
They're not going to do that. I love this dog Moth, it's such
a patron of the arts. They also can't talk, but
they're very good extras. Wait, they can't talk?
How? Is what's up then?
I have 32 other roles. I guess they can grow.
They can help you with the physicality.
They can help you with the physicality of your different
roles. You could just be passed from
zombie to zombie with different outfits and then you just change
what voice that you're doing. It means you don't have to learn
blocking anymore. You build build.
Sets out of them. Maybe we should just have them
as our audience, because no one's gonna watch.
Just have. A clap, clap.
Yeah. No one's gonna watch.
We should have. 2020 zombies in unison at the end of the play,
all simultaneously, all at once. I can't do lines.
OK. That's the biggest piece that I
needed covered, but it's all right.
Duckett's needs a cobalt cigarette, whatever the cobalt
cobalt of a cigarette is. He's both terrified and
enlightened currently. Yeah, let's see.
Are we not near our cave? Do we know where we are looking
around? Yeah, I think you could probably
make your way back to The Cave. It might take like a day or so
'cause now you are kind of South of where you where you are at.
Like the Cobalt Cave is basically on the same parallel
as Deckrum. And then your fight was just a
little bit north of all that and now we are more than a little
bit South of all of that. We're a day behind for.
Rehearsals. You can see the kill where where
Deckram is at to the north and then across the across the the
road. Your homewoods sort of an
unfamiliar portion of them, but they you know, they are, your
homewoods are are there. Should be running lines.
Hey zombies, could you a carious home so we can run lines while
we're going home? My.
Gosh, home. Is that that way?
Yeah, You tell them moth and then we tell Zogg moth when the
performance is going to be. Can we give them a?
Yeah, we give. Them a ticket?
Yeah. Then we got a comp Zogg Moth.
We give them a comp. So.
Which of you? Which of?
You can write one of you writes just.
Like I know at least one of us can write I think.
Well, we can read, so surely one of us can write, right?
Because we can all read for sure.
Can if any of y'all? Eric for sure can.
Yeah, he he went to school. Wow, wow, wow, went to.
School OK. It's probably home school, I
should not think about it. So maybe I shouldn't be?
Pregnant. Immediately walks it back.
I was cave schooled, me and big Tony.
And. Meep and Jeep and all the other
siblings. Yeah, EEP writes out TKIT on a.
Scrap of paper. And and gives it to gives it to
ZOG. Moss, this will get you in.
I give a thumbs up. Looks at it and he looks you
guys and he nods and he puts it in his Fanny pack.
Lights out at 8 and and then like shut lights down at 8.
So the show starts at like 8:15. So just give me some time and
think about stuff. Give me that for 15 minutes.
To the sound of Zombie Zombie shuffling around in the dark.
Lights out show starts whenever I'm ready after that.
Classic cave production. Show starts when we get the fire
going, it's 15. Minutes of Piper ventilating off
the stage. Sometimes it takes us a long
time to get the fire started. Good job.
Us. We defeat.
We defeated your tree puzzle. We ran away.
We all strongman high 5 and walk back to The Cave.
No challenge. No, no walking back to The Cave.
Oh, we don't even have to walk back to The Cave.
We rehearse back to The Cave. 2 zombies double up on on each of
you, hoist you up in a in a fireman chair.
And we come back like we did it, we did it.
Which still leaves 12 zombies. We have those guys like go out
and get food for us. If it's like a long journey like
hey go like mob a rabbit or. Something that's so much better
than what I was going to say. I was just going to say there's
12 zombies trailing behind us doing cartwheels.
Does Gareth walk or does he also get carrying?
A few extra. Gareth, he probably needs more
than. Two.
Yeah. Jacquemoth turns to Gareth and
he says. You are welcome, of course, to
join these lizards in their play, but if you choose to stay
here with me, you might see a thing or two that would interest
you. Such as?
Such as the reasons why this whole region seems to gone just
a little bit crazy. He has a kick flip, kick flip.
Yeah, standing still, Kick flip. I've got a pinball machine in my
crib. Well, Shara Brew, come on back.
I've got a fine lager that's ready to that's ready.
For taste, I'm. In he does A1 handed handstand.
Yeah, yeah. Is staying there.
Pops up and then back and then starts walking off I got to say
though, as far as it goes, Zach Moth does his very best to be
cool. Spooky lich in front of Marjorie
is how I'm going to square this is that he he's just.
When Marjorie's done around, he's just cool.
But he's got to be also spooky for his protege.
Yeah, sure. There's gotta, there's gotta be
a healthy amount of fear because that's how it works.
He's trying to set an example so that Marjorie can become more
evil. Exactly that one.
Everyone knows Marjorie needs to work on her evil.
Everyone knows Grace needs to work on Marjorie, working on her
evil. Marjorie killed a kid.
Grace would never. I need a hold of mirror.
You need to be evil. You.
So I have split the party. I mean, if our part if our part
is done, that's fine. We're just cobolds, man.
Bye big Cobold. Make sure you come to the show.
We write out and then we go and. Kick ass at the play.
At the end of the day, you guys are just cobolds.
I think you know you've been given a bunch of extras to put
on your show. Look, Gareth in the face, I say.
You better rehearse your lines and show up on show day.
And then I get I jump into the arms of the zombies to carry me
and I leave looking him in the eye.
He hugs his calf like, just hugs his.
Legs his zombie. And then lose.
He didn't say anything. He can fly, but chooses to be
carried. Oh hell yeah.
I shall rehearse every day. I will miss you all little
creatures. Goodbye, big Cobalt.
Call us little creatures when you're just a bigger.
Did he not hurt any of our names?
We have single good names, not a single one of our names, he
learned. But it's OK.
That's why I called him Big Cobalt as we left.
Did you see Boss? Yeah, you really showed him.
I don't know what his. Name is either.
Garth. Garth.
So Zog Moth leads you back into this this shattered tower and in
here many more zombies are actively doing things.
They're like building furniture and setting up equipment.
There's a few of them that are like adjusting a big glass bowl
shaped device with many sort of attachments and and doohickeys
coming off of it. I don't know why you don't know
why either, but the the term juicer wanders through your mind
with looking for something to connect with.
But he walks past that and he walks like if he floats down
some stairs and down into this really cool sick den there's.
It's got a bass on the wall that shakes and shimmers.
Take a bead curtain. There's a lava lit, but it
doesn't have a plug. It's just magic.
A beanbag. Folding lava lamps line the
walls. There are beanbag chairs and
lazy boys. He's the he.
Throws himself into into a lazy boy, reclines all in one motion.
So what do you think? Frosted mug of beer appears in
your hand. Oh my man.
Cake. Oh man.
Do I have a crush on Zag? Well, why is he so cool?
My my notion here is I kind of want to bring Gareth up to speed
on the situation. You're going to tell Gareth
about Wilhelm's hole through Zagmoth.
I'd like to learn about Wilhelm's hole through Zagmoth,
if we're being honest. This is him.
Duckett's is long gone. He might be dead for all we
know. I hope not, but he might be.
As soon as our offscreen the corn apart by the zombies.
The tree just fucking eats all of our asses.
The moment we leave. We turn around.
In the background of Zagmoth and Gareth walking off, we see the
tree just like lift us up. Awesome.
So you and Zogg Moth are kick it in his his sick pad.
Real style. God, never going to see this
image of Zogg Moth again. It's all horror from here on
out. Oh yeah, the next time we see
Zogg Moth, he's going to be in like a scary cloak and no
skateboard, and it's going to be the.
Only Gareth is going to know how cool Zogg Ruth is.
I guess you'd be like what the hell?
So I'm off. Why are you so scary?
Over to the kick flips. He's got him.
It's a spooky kick flip. They're passing back and forth
the little mummy vaping him, just repeatedly.
Yeah, that's what the Marjorie did.
This is the of a Stoner dude. Smoke so much weed you can still
get high from it. Stick.
Ahead. Hi, baby.
Scion of House Mogford. I assume that you are familiar
with the Shadow Fell. Correct.
Indeed. The plane of death where All
Souls are bound to go unless they are diverted.
It is a plane that overlaps this world here and yet invisible,
intangible, and for the most part unaffecting the world
around us. However, this part of the world
is not the most here. For whatever reason, the
membrane between our world and the shadow fell was made thin.
So thin, in fact, that someone had the great idea of punching a
big old hole right through it. From what I can tell, this was a
few 100 years ago. Someone managed to patch up the
hole and do what they could to hide the evidence, I suppose,
but the scars remained and it seems that they have attracted
new attention. Someone is up in a ruined
fortress up in those mountains, and they've gotten their hands
on the site, the site of the initial incursion.
They're pressing on it. They're trying to reopen that
hole. They're real close and you're
seeing the effects of that all around us.
Even my zombies are growing restless.
They're going to eat the lizard guys eat our Cobalts.
Probably not. You're not here.
You can't ask that. I can ask God whatever I want.
No, that was one of Zog Moth's skeletons asking Zog Moth.
I'm sure that you have felt something of this pressure as
you have mounts themselves. Yes, I was wondering where the
undead presence was coming. I couldn't tell if it was you.
Or. Something else?
And beyond having an undead presence, the one making all of
this happen is considerably messier.
Ion of House Mogford. I know that vampires are your
primary prey, however Expeditionary force that can
employ stealth is needed. To stop this undead presence.
At least to find out who or what is making all of this ruckus.
And then the ground rumbles. Zogmoth says I would volunteer
you for this particular assignment.
I can provide assistance towards your.
Own personal mission in exchange and the ground rumbles again, he
says. Do not worry that I send you
into the maw of some greater horror than the tree.
I've brought some I've. Brought some help.
Suddenly he also has a tankard of beer.
And he goes and he, he reaches out to cheers you and cheers
Sogmoth. Oh yeah, you cheer Zogmoth.
And as you cheers Zogmoth, the two of you are both pop back out
on the on the hill. The beer is gone.
The skateboard is gone. The Fanny pack is gone.
No. And the ground gives one final
tremendous rumble, as punching through the the fields of
succulents is the head of an enormous drill.
The succulents. I think that's where we're going
to going to stop for the the evening.
Hell yeah. So cool.
And now it's time for D&D. When next we return, the main
cast is back together. Bye.
Crossover, crossover, crossover, crossover.
And then Gareth is gonna have to tell us all of that.
Uh huh. Oh nice, you have to remember.
Dungeons, drive, Insurance and Dice.
A Wider World is DM Ed by Theodore Stringer.
The players are Josh Baker as Gareth Mockford, Lawrence
Jennings as Buttsoft, Grace Stringer as EP, Mike Harrison as
Bite My Thumbs, Sir, and myself and Williams as Ducats.
If you're looking to support the show, you can do so over on
patreonpatreon.com Back slash D Dad podcast, where we're also
hard at work preparing several side games for exclusive
release. They will be available to all
members, including the free ones, but if you feel so
inclined, there are several paid options that go right back into
improving the quality of the show you love to listen to.
Next episode, The heroes of our journey, the band members of The
Real Kissing Booth, return to settle their quests and see how
the region has changed in their absence.
We'll see you next time. Oh, and by the way, my prize
possession is Herbert right now. Hello, Herbert.
Is that a rabbit? You're.
A friend of Craig's because you have the same stair as Craig.
Wait, but the deer's antlers are coming off of the ears.
The. Lighting in my house is a trick.
That's not how a deer works. It's.
Not how a deer works. Apparently that's how Herbert
works. Oh, they're separate.
OK, OK. Herbert's just like a head on
the wall, you know? He's just.
Like. Yeah, how do I turn the blur
feature off? Tell me you.
Decorated your apartment? We're not allowed to see it.
Click on. That change the.
Symbol next to your camera the. Arrow.
Next to your camera, change video background.
Boom. Nobler.
Lots of Christmas though. Yes, Pervert.
Yeah, and. Thrust to him, he was 8.
Dollars. Oh shit, that's a great one of
those. It's a Unicorn.
I love that. I love that.
You see what I mean? That Herbert and Craig have the
same stare. They really do.
And then soulless. Yeah, void pupil unblinking.
Eyes. I had a plan on New Year on
April Fool's Day because my roommate, her bed is like right
against this hall that there's a wall here.
And I wanted to hang her bark because his head kind of turns
so that he looks right from the hallway into like into her room
because there's a hook there. But then she moved out so I
couldn't prank her. But I thought it would have been
real. Funny, that's awesome.
But then. She moved.
Out she fully escaped the prank. Just gave her birth.
Just gave her fate. That's awesome.
Don't even know my plan. Oh yeah, that's my price
position. Oh yeah, I guess now you guys
can see my living room. Before we just got the essence.