Yeah, more. Give it to me.
Yeah, more. Good morning Sad Mites with Zach
Bowie Towers Day harder. Hi.
Hi, welcome back to the pod. Thank you, I can't believe I'm
back. If y'all haven't listened to
Jake's first episode, this is a return to a good side pod.
But your episode is called Sex God.
Do you remember anything you said?
I remember that I was I said like I have AI just bragged on
your podcast and was like, I have a big, beautiful Dick.
Big, beautiful. Yes.
Something like that and that you're very good at sex.
All things that are true. Those are the things I remember
too. Jake is your social worker.
Yes. But also model.
Yes. And actually, I haven't asked
you. I haven't caught up as a friend.
Are you still exploring modeling again?
Because you. You threatened to.
I threatened to yeah, you know, the door is kind of always open
or maybe the window is open and I'm willing to go through it,
but that's not kind of my, my major focus right now.
OK, I'm I'm still trying to figure it out.
Are you fun? Employed.
I I am. So I just finished a contract
with the county. Yeah, I do.
I do contracts with the county. And so now trying to figure out
if I'm going to do another one or do something different.
So if you or anybody has any ideas let me know if.
You have a job for Jade? We were just having a great
conversation before we started recording about kind of our not
necessarily attachment styles, but like how we go about dating
and how we often pursue people that we know aren't available to
some extent in an effort to maybe not get hurt.
And but then cut to you do wind up getting hurt.
Where for the people who don't know what's like your
relationship status and like what's your current like sex and
dating life like? So my current relationship
status is. I'm single and I would say that
my, I think I'm ready and I've been doing some of the internal
work that maybe two years ago or three years ago when we were on
on this podcast, I was kind of more like, I'm a slut.
Yeah. Like, I don't, you know, I'm
having fun, whatever. I think now I'm starting to
really feel ready to like find like a romantic partner and it's
crazy because I think my sex life reflects that as well now
where like now like my biggest kink is like somebody being
like, like, I'm into you, like I, I like.
The innocent stuff. Yeah, I, it's like, I want that
connection so bad. I I and I like the fantasies
that I have are like, I'm like, this is so toxic.
I'm like in. I can't wait.
I'm in somebody and I'm like
staring in their eyes and I'm like saying like I love you.
Isn't that crazy? That's like way down the the the
road. But I think I haven't had that
in so long that now I'm like. But you have had it.
Yeah, I think. And when you say you're in
someone you're soaking like or it's like you're between thrusts
or you're doing it cause also someone told me about like sex,
naps, basically where you like. I've always wanted to do that.
You enter them and like, you aren't humping but you're
obviously moving enough at certain points to stay hard and
stay in them. I thought you're.
It's very like I'm inside you, but we're like resting.
I thought it was like you're literally asleep, like you fall
sex. Well, it's just like you might
have just had sex and. Then you stay in.
Them and then you stay in there and I feel like that feels
romantic. It's like you're, you know,
you're like connected, but you're, you know, it's like
transcendent. So the booty does go.
It's like foreign object push, yeah.
Eventually it comes. Or do you, do you strap in and
then like you tie each other like in the spooning position?
Wait, that's, that's so funny. OK.
So you have had that where you're in, you're inside
somebody and you're saying like I love you.
But I, I don't think I've had it to the extent that I want to
have it. And maybe that's just like kind.
Of fantasy. Yeah, an attic brain.
Like I need it the most extreme kind of vibe that's like.
Never enough. Right, right.
'Cause when you're inside someone and maybe about you
inject DNA into them, some would say you couldn't get any closer
unless you start saying things like.
Right, right. I want to be with you forever.
Yeah, I think, I think the like, obviously the novel Do you have
sex hasn't worn off. I don't, I hope it never does.
But I think there's like this level now where I'm like, Oh
yeah, like sex is. And if I want to bring it to the
next level where like I feel so turned on, it's this connection,
it's like. Get to know their name, Yeah.
Know something about them, Yeah. Maybe that they're staying the
night. Maybe this is the first time of
two times you're going to have sex with them over the course of
the weekend. Totally.
I mean, what would be kind of the ultimate fantasy is like,
maybe I call them my boyfriend. That would be crazy.
I mean, it's been five years, so it does feel like like, exotic.
It's been five years since you have had a boyfriend.
Yeah. OK.
So the pandemic took so much from us.
It did. So talk to us then about the
timeline about like, 'cause you said this off the pot too.
And I, I'm doing the same thing, going to places, meeting people
IRL. What's like a timeline for
getting to calling them your boyfriend, penetrating them and
saying I love you. Like how too soon as too soon.
Have you had, have you looked up with some guy who says I love
you as like kind of like a kink thing?
I, I don't know if I've ever had somebody say I love you, but
I've had people say crazy stuff where you're like you, I'm like,
you don't know me and that's not this.
And when I'm, when I'm saying like, oh, I, I want to say that
I love you. I really mean like, I mean it.
But I'm not somebody who's like gonna rush it out at all.
So it would definitely in my mind, I think I go kind of slow.
So it would be like, let me go on some dates, you know, it's
like a few months and then. When are you having sex though?
Pretty soon, OK, 'cause that's important right to know if if
you're connected yes. What about you?
Like do you what's kind of I I feel like I didn't even going
back to the last question about like relationships and sex right
now, like what are you feeling? I'm kind of in the same place
where I'm just like I've hooked up a lot since I was became
sexually active. I'm still like a a horny human
being with needs, but at this point I'm almost two weeks off
the dating apps 'cause I found it to be like a little bit of a,
a low return on investment, taking more time than giving.
So like the concept of meeting someone IRL, having chemistry,
both putting in the work, both being available, having good
sexual chemistry and like really exploring that does sound
titillating. Whereas being on this side of
town, 'cause if we're on the east side right now, being on
hopping on grinder, finding some dude who's like, I don't know,
working at a mechanic's shop, like down the way and like, you
should come blow me like hot, hot, hot.
Like all my Pistons are firing. But now I'm like, oh, but
wouldn't it also be cute if I was going to the farmers market
with the boy for our first date and we like made physical
contact there? Like the little stuff like the
Oh my God, or like on the oh, watch out for that person.
They guide you away by touching your lower back.
Like that sounds so much hotter, right?
Than like anything. I mess up in the garden.
Totally, totally like getting, you know, anything, Yeah.
And so I'm also patient. I also have like a faith because
of the recovery program that I'm in and I'm not stressed about
it. I am avoidant.
So that's factored in there too. But I do and I have to worry.
I have to wonder about this, like the fantasy of it all,
where I'm like, oh, am I fantasizing about going to like
watch RuPaul's Drag Race tonight at high tops, seeing the guy
from across the bar saying hi, exchanging numbers, him texting,
I really wanted to kiss you tonight.
And then it's like, I don't know, you know what I mean?
It's. Like it's a story I run with it.
I mean, it's sometimes that's like even more fun or like it
tickles me more than actually like meeting that person in real
life. Like, what is the potential that
this person has? And what's this like narrative
that I'm creating? Oh, I can get off on that.
See and but someone someone say that that's like that can lead
to problems. Totally.
Yeah, 'cause then also what reality can match up with that?
Right. And you're never like, you're
not allowing people to surprise you 'cause you already have like
all of these expectations which are crazy.
They're like these like. They're infusions of TV and
film. Totally.
And the best stories you've ever heard.
Yeah, and our imagination. Yeah.
And, and so then it's like that person is fighting an uphill
battle and they're never going to win.
So something that I've been trying to work on is letting
people surprise me and having no expectations.
That's great. Which is.
That's like clear your mind. That's a, that's a Kingdom
meditating where it's like, oh, we just don't think of anything.
And you're like, that's impossible.
And it's really hard. Yeah, it's really, really hard.
I especially because I'll be in a gay space, like a gym or like
a bar, like maybe if I go tonight and there's hot guys all
around and I'm like, I imagine they're all cool and I imagine
they're all good kissers. And I imagine I could live a
happy life with any of them. And then like in reality, one of
the ones I didn't even notice might be the only one interested
in me. And like you said, I have a
different story in my mind. So I mean, I even notice that
he's flirting because I'm like, well, not you.
It's. Always like.
I want. I'm so alone.
But not you, yeah. Yeah, it's it's very, very that.
But that's part of the avoidance thing too, where you're like,
no, part of The thing is I want someone who doesn't maybe fully
want me. But then there's also the
fantasy of they're perfect and I want them and they want me and
it's like, so hot. Sometimes there's a little bit
different, but sometimes like I'll have a gym crush and I'll
know, like I'll have the awareness, like my gym crush
isn't who I think they. Are.
So I won't ever talk to them and I'll just, I'll just live in
that. Little let them be.
And be the gym fantasy and we have like a little fake
relationship in my head and I pretend like they noticed me,
which they never do. And it's like a but that that's,
you know, then I, I can have that, you know.
Do you really think your gym crush doesn't notice you?
So currently. OK to be clear I am dating my
gym crush but no. No, no, currently at my gym
there's this little like little man and short.
Kings shout out shout. Out to our short kings out
there. I don't know.
He's probably usually I'm I'm 60, so I'm I kind of I.
Can't wait for you to say what little is.
Go on. I, I don't know, in my mind he's
like 5657. OK, cool.
I don't know. And he's very fit and he's very
cute and he pays me absolute dust.
And he's like kind of got like a little Kunti attitude.
So he's gay? Yeah, I think so.
I mean, he wears like kind of like the he's got like the
lesbian tags. Yeah, and I'm obsessed with him,
and I think it's because he pays me absolute dust like he won't.
And what does that tell you about me, you know?
That's not a unique thing though when like we are like foaming at
the mouth over someone who doesn't know we exist.
I have to say I have a opposite taller built.
Couldn't seize through me. Like I'm made of cellophane.
Like truly does not see me as a human being in the gym, which
makes it easier to stare, 'cause like he's never gonna, he's
never gonna catch me. You have to look at me first.
Well, that that's part of like with this guy.
I'm like, is he ever gonna look? So I'm constantly staring away
and never. Trying to catch guys.
You know, what's really crazy is there'd be so much power in,
say, you, like, run into them at the grocery store or something
where they're maybe disarmed. And she's like, hey, I think we
go to the same gym. I've always wanted to say hi.
Yeah, but I'm Jake. Yeah.
And then just see what happens. Totally.
I wouldn't. You would never do that.
No, I, I want to do something like that.
Even in the gym. I'm kind of like, do I ever say
something? But then you don't want to ruin
it. But I think you're right.
It would be more in like a outside place it would be.
I think it would be such a like a like.
Empowering. Yeah, it'd be like I'm, I'm
brave. And I will say I am pro ruining
the fantasy ruin. It 'cause then.
There's a lot of guys out there, but then take him off the list.
But then he's like, you know, a good reason why I go to the gym.
OK. He gets me to the gym.
Cute boys in general get my ass to the gym.
They also get me to meetings where I'm just like, That's the
other thing too. I've made a decision not to
date, not to intentionally date a guy from our recovery program,
but I can. I can be titillated by cute boys
at meetings. Totally.
I will also say good. For you for the first part of
that. Not dating with intention, no.
No, no, not dating people right in the.
Program, I would never say no. It was that's like not an
airtight rule, but I would never like intentionally start
flirting with someone from like a meeting.
I always go to the ideal would be honestly, we meet
organically, find out 30 minutes into the conversation.
We're both sober and they go to like east side meetings.
I go to West Side meetings and maybe we go to each other's
meeting. Like I get you with the fantasy.
I I like the fantasy like that. Like I have a friend, Deborah D
Giovanni, who loves 'cause I'll just have like a piece of
information. I can weave a tail.
Yeah, which is fun. I agree.
I think that's exactly what I want is somebody that doesn't go
to any of my meetings but then is actually in the program and
sober. They're also like a chef and
like a massage therapist, but just like, as a hobby, you know?
Oh, a massage therapist is a hobby.
Well, just for me. Really.
Well duh, OK duh. The dream.
OK, let's go over what the dream is.
Cause the dream is a guy who is more like quiet for me.
More quiet but very funny. Just like feels the need to jump
in sparingly. Can they be funnier?
As long as they don't need to be the ham in the room.
Got it. OK.
Like as long as that, like I obviously need someone who's my
supporting act and not I don't, I can't be the sidekick when it
comes to like you're on a show, I think.
Yeah. No, that's fair.
Especially like in that context. Yeah, like.
They could be the Beyoncé of their own thing, whatever they.
Want yes, I would love that. And I was just like the meek one
who was like, oh, I don't know anything about glassblowing.
Please go on. But like I want my friends to be
like, I love Trevor. He's so like, sweet and funny,
but like, he's also such a good cook and like Trevor like, loves
taking candid photos of me when I'm like, not paying attention.
That's so cute. I know.
That's so. Cute and then it's like I don't
even even at someone who posts like I don't have to like I'll
be on the trip enjoying him, enjoying my time.
And he's like, wait, you look so cute pink.
And then like I have a little built in photographer is what
I'm saying. And that he really does like
massaging. And like I've been thinking
recently, I want to date a soft top.
OK, who's like gentle but like a top but also like doesn't bring
out the the dominance until like halfway through the experience,
OK. Yeah.
I like that. Like, kind of unsuspecting.
Yeah. And you're like, oh, yeah.
Oh, I forgot. He is in charge.
Nice. Yeah.
It's it's like the gosh, there's like a word for it.
It's like silent confidence. Yeah.
But I think there's a better word for that.
But like, kind of like quiet confidence.
Quiet confidence. Like they're like you're like,
OK. They're grounded.
But then they can really kind of pull it together.
No, this is what we're going to do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Deep voice, very rich.
Wow. I mean, you're probably not of
the age yet, 'cause I used to romanticize.
We're both going to figure it out.
As someone who is on the cusp of figuring it out, I don't.
At this point I don't think I could date someone who is
struggling a bunch more than me. No, me neither.
I can't do transitional things very I, I need like you have
your company or something or like you have your dentistry or
your law thing and like you have that part figured out.
Yeah, yeah, I agree. I feel like I could, I I like to
be one of my friends. They there's like this
philosophy that they talk about of like in a partnership,
everybody, there's one person's the star and one person's the
rock. Yeah.
And the star is like, kind of like.
There's gardener and flower too. OK, Yeah, so like the rock is
kind of who's holding it down? They're kind of like the, you
know, the. Anchor the rock.
The Rock. Yeah, and the star is kind of
like giving the show. On fire, full of gas.
I do find myself, I think I'm more of the rock, but I in the
relationships, but I think that comes with like the emotional
side of like being grounded and all of that.
But I'm kind of looking for like my like financial rock.
Yeah, 'cause I'm, I'm like these gay guys in the money that gay
gene missed me. I'm like, I want to be like, I
want to be gay, right? I want to be how did they get to
Puerto Vallarta this weekend? I will say guys do be taking
trips last minute. And I can only assume it's
because they do have corporate jobs they've had since they were
22, maybe no debt going into the corporate job and no kids,
right? So they're just like, yeah, I'm
going to buy Prada. Right, working in homeless
services isn't going to quite get me that that lifestyle.
Yeah, being assaulted in the modeling industry also doesn't
lead to, well, the the other thing is you could ride some
rich daddy into the sunset. Yeah, but I can't.
I know I've tried emotionally and like I.
Can't. I can't do it.
I feel you. Some things, the price tag does
not exist. OK, I'm trying to think, OK, so
we both said that. We've expressed that oh, you
just got back on the apps. Yes, but I I mean I'm very.
You're wishy washy. Yes.
You don't trust them that much? No.
Are there any ones like I guess when I say the apps I mean like
grinder but are you on like a more Christian one like Tinder,
A bumble or? Hinge.
I'm on Hinge. Hinge does seem to be the other
gay app. Yeah, I don't.
I will like match, I mean just the common gay story.
You'll match with somebody you'll like, have 3 messages and
then beyond to the next. That was my Tinder, yeah, a
graveyard of conversations. Yeah, horrible.
Horrible, huh? I'm, I'm really in this new era
of trying to meet people in person IRL.
And it's always, I think it's because then people can surprise
you is you go someplace and then you like have a conversation.
Something new for me is like, I'll meet somebody and I'll be
like, Oh yeah, they're cool. Like, or they're cute.
You know, when I, but I'm not like, wow, they're so hot.
Like, like, I gotta, you know, take them home tonight.
But then we'll like continue talking throughout the night.
And then I'll be like, damn, 'cause what they got on the
inside is sexy. Then I'll be like, Oh yes, like,
and that's something new for me because I think I used to always
be like that person across the room.
They're really hot. I wanna like focus my.
Energy. Or whatever.
And maybe that's maturity or or whatever, but now I'm kind of
being more open to. Broadening your.
Yeah, letting people surprise me.
I agree that also I will say when I got off the apps last
time, as soon as I got off them, I was meeting people in real
life. And I don't know, my theory is
that I was putting sexual energy into my phone before and then
after I put the phone down, I was broadcasting it and people
were picking up on that. But yeah, all of a sudden I'd be
like at it was high tops actually on the east side for a
friend's birthday and someone I had never met before.
We were talking 20 minutes in the conversation.
He goes, we should have sex sometime.
And I was like, OK, but it was like, it's, it's an experience I
don't think I would have had if I were still on the apps.
Cause in theory, I could have been half checked in, half
checked out to that conversation in general, 'cause I'm like,
well, this guy who's 800 feet away is like hitting me up.
Yeah, yeah. There's just something so you
can't really hide when you're face to face.
Absolutely. Both the apps, yeah.
Yeah, and you immediately get a vibe, yes.
And that that will carry you so far 'cause you either go, this
person is for sure not for me. Like you know, you get the Eck
kind of or, or like they're friend zoned or whatever or you
are like, wow, they have this thing that I'm drawn to where
you can never, no matter what, no app can give you that.
No, like even if they do a voice note or whatever I still don't
think it's it's the same. I mean there literally has to be
a pheromone to to this aspect where you can like
subconsciously smell them. But so many times I've had epic
conversations with guys on apps and then 2 seconds in the
meeting I'm like Oh no you, you fool me, right?
I'm. I mean, you can't even.
Your hand was so cold. Sorry, I know.
That Oh my God, cold hands. Why?
One time this old woman said, cold hands, warm heart.
So I've been running with that ever since.
OK, well, you don't need to ice your hands or whatever you do.
I think it's you circulation, yeah, that's yeah.
I also kind of have poor circulation, but it suits me.
You look like you would like. I don't know.
I think it's like I have long. Oh, and it takes a while to get
to get everywhere. Cool app by the time to get to
the the fingertips a. Lady said Cold.
Yeah, cold. Cold hands, Warm heart.
Oh, I was gonna say that. I think also with the apps and
you can maybe speak to this 'cause you've experienced it
from me. You know I sound like a serial
killer over text. Oh my Jake is one of those
people who when he texts I'm like, well, he wants me dead.
He actually wants to be my 13th reason something I did may upset
him. It's like devoid of any emotion,
any personality. It's it's like worse than AI
cause AI is like fake pretend. Nice to see you, but you're just
like, no. Yeah, it's there's something in
my brain that just doesn't think that texting that that sort of
medium doesn't like connect. And so I, I mean it's I'm.
Here to tell you you're wrong. It was for I do it to everybody,
I and. And I wish I could say that
makes me feel better. Can you, can you at least like
take a little pity on me and realize how a.
Lot of pity on me. How how difficult that must be
while I'm trying to be on these ABS?
OK, like these men because you lean top or you're a top and
like I am used to like my back hurts from all the conversations
with tops I've carried just dragging information out of
them. Right, right.
And it's, I think I, I will ask questions, but it because I
don't put any kind of warmth in it.
It kind of sounds interrogating or, or whatever.
So I don't think I'm doing myself any favors on the apps.
And I constant feedback that I get is like, if somebody is
willing to weather the texting and then they meet me in person,
they're like, whoa, you're so different in person, like you're
so warm. And so it's something that I've
always said I'm gonna change, but it still hasn't happened.
So I don't know what I'm gonna do about that.
I don't, I honestly don't know either because it feels like
texting's not new. I would willing to bet bet that
since you were a child, you've had access to text messaging.
So you've had countless situations that might have been
the turning point, almost like getting sober where you're like,
OK, this ends here. But like Jay, you've pushed
through, you've been like, I'm a still not use emojis.
Like emojis are right there next to the thing.
It could really change. I know younger people aren't
even using emojis anymore, but for you it might really change
the game. Right.
I think the three emojis that I use is like the devil, the
purple devil, horny. Do you?
Use it for horny. Yeah, that's a little cliche.
I know. I guess I'm a millennial, you
know? Even like I think the the water
splash is a little bit more. I don't I don't go near her.
No. Really, that's just a little
like too much fluid. Fluid doesn't scare me.
OK, wait, double emoji, smiling or frowning?
Smiling. OK, it's a happy time.
I don't know if bottom might really like they're the top to
look at them like, well, not not pouting, he's kind.
Of isn't it kind of pouting? He's like.
He's just he's got really bad things on his mind.
Yeah, I, I like to kind of going back to the, the gentle top
thing or the soft top. I want, I want people to know
that like, I'm a fun top. Like it's like it's a smiley
devil. Like we're having a good time
together. You don't have to be scared.
Like that's just not my energy. It's like we're here, we're
gonna have a good time. You guys are gonna have a good
time. You're like some seminar, like,
OK, turn to the person next to you, suck their Dick.
Oh wait, OK, so purple double emoji.
Yeah, I do do the hearts a lot, but that's more for for friends,
family. OK, but I don't think I've ever
gotten one. But also on go off clean.
And then maybe the Peach cuz I'm a perv.
Fascinating that 66% of your emoji use is sexual.
Yeah, yeah. I would often, OK, you know how
like when we were a little and we didn't have access to
emotions, it'd be like a series of emojis and be like tired,
sad, happy, angry, mad. Maybe he's just get into the
habit of like, what emoji matches what I'm saying.
Right. Let it fly.
But yeah, 'cause I guess what's helpful, I'm kind of realizing
this in real time right now, is that, you know, it's so hard to
know what people's tone is over text.
Yeah, so an emoji could help like be like, oh, I said this
and I'm I'm happy about it or. I'll be there.
I. Said yeah, right.
I'll be there. Right.
Mine would say like be there. Yeah.
And that's it. OK.
Never came but like OK. OK, yeah, some would say worse.
That thumbs up something. Oh God.
Yeah, thumbs up. They.
Literally I think they have a smiley thumbs up guy.
That's crazy. You know I love sending as the
pregnant boy. For what?
You can imagine, like if I'm really excited about something
like you just got. I'm pregnant.
Yeah. I'm like, you guys want to go to
Chili's? I'm like pregnant boy.
Oh, I love that. Like hell yeah, I know.
Yeah. Or like someone will post a hot
guy and I'll comment pregnant boy.
Right, right. I'm carrying his baby.
Right, you're waiting, pregnant boy.
Yeah, a lot of things it can mean.
Yeah, OK, let's. I've I the other thing that I
sorry that I remember about the first time I did this is our
conversation was just kind of all over the place and I feel
like we kind of did the same thing today.
It was intentional. It was intentional.
Or maybe you and I are hard to
wrangle as far as like, well, piece.
I'm trying to think of like we piece in the first episode, we
went over your how we got you here.
So ideally I would have listened to like the end of last episode
and saw like where we left off. Yeah, I couldn't tell.
You but like again years ago. You asked me about like my kind
of first sexual thing and that's and then we got to a place where
I was like, yeah, I'm amazing at sex.
You're like, I'm really good. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, obviously the word sex God was said at some point.
Yeah. And you said a really pretty
penis. Right, so very humble in the
first one, but you know the when we did this, we hadn't gone on
our journey yet of being like close friends.
It was like, truly, I hadn't met you and then you were like, do
you want to do my podcast That's.
Crazy. Which is insane.
That's crazy, yeah, but now that you're trying to remember it.
Giving you this information not knowing you at all.
I mean like super shy. And I and I ran with it. 1000 of
people have heard it. No, I'm getting a lot more
actually. Let's talk.
Have you had in the past three years any career highlights or
low lights in your sex life? It's.
So like it's like hard to to pick.
I I feel like I've had some honestly really great make outs
are what's coming. I'm like really into lesbian
sex. Like that's kind of my new over
the last. That's definitely new from the
last podcast, because the last podcast I expressed how I
thought oral and like foreplay was like the bee's knees and
you're like, I like to fuck. Yeah, I still do of course, but
I'm really like, I just, I can really get into a make out and I
think it kind of goes back to the romance thing to also a make
out can make or break. In Oh my God, I'm not teaching
anyone how to kiss. No, I and it's just like if you,
if you're my age and you still don't know, we should put you on
a list. And when you move, you have to
introduce yourself to everyone in the neighborhood as a bad
kisser. No, it's.
Just like, don't waste. My time this is the question
though first it's a multi pronged question.
Is there a world in which, much like in other areas of life,
there are no bad kissers, just people who are paired up
improperly. I know I'm a great kisser so I'm
kind of like leading you as a witness but I'm sure other
people kiss with tight lips and a fish mouth and darting tongue
and then when you get 2 together they're like.
I just, I, I sometimes think of, I think about this actually
often like, oh, maybe people just like like some people like
getting nod on like like they like the intensity of it.
But then I really think about it and I'm like, I don't, I don't
think that's true because like the after I hand out my survey,
after we've like hooked up, I'm getting touched.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Intense no matter who you are.
Really good kisser and my last hook up on snippies was a guy
and we weren't even making out, wasn't even like kind of on the
docket, but we did because we felt like a strong and he was
like, oh, you're such a good kisser and I was like, you are
too. And he's like, it's hard to come
by. I know.
OK, but then the other prong of this is at what point do we need
to take responsibility and tell people you might want to do
different things when you're noshing on my mouth?
I'm, I don't know, did I say this in the last podcast?
I don't know. Who knows?
There's no way. There's no way of know.
But I, I am. I think feedback is a gift in
all parts of life. Like if somebody offers you
feedback. Constructive.
If they're like out to get you, then no.
But I think people are really sensitive and and kissing is
like a really vulnerable thing. But that's how we all get better
is I wish we could be like and and you can make it a nice
statement. You can say, Hey, I really like
soft kissing. I don't like a lot of tongue.
I like or I do like a lot of tongue or whatever, or can I
show you how I like to be kissed?
And I think that goes for kissing head, any of the sexual
things and also like a myriad of other unrelated sex things.
Tell people what you like, because how are they supposed to
know? Yeah, you can't read someone's
mind. I think where it gets tricky is
when you say you're a bad kisser and misses.
Why? Why that?
OK, that's crazy. Yeah.
And I think there's, I mean, you know, there's a lot of clues you
can give, like you can when somebody, if somebody's doing
something that you don't like and then they switch it up and
do something you do. Like you're like, Oh yeah,
that's amazing. Just like that.
I love one of you. Yeah.
But I think it's OK to be like, oh, can you do, can you do this?
This is so a lot. More gentle, yeah.
And I'm like all about it. I am too.
I I don't know if I always was. I think I might have
internalized it and been embarrassed in the past, but now
obviously I've seen communication can do so much
good, right? Right.
By all me, because I used to think I think I was one of those
people who was like I had to ask him to blah blah, blah.
I had to tell him not to and it's like, that's so annoying,
but it's like, we're not mind readers and it.
Goes back to the you already had a fantasy of how they should be
and then the next time they will do that.
If you do tell them so. Tell your people that you're
having sex with what you like and then you'll have good sex.
Maybe we should all truly have like user manuals where you like
Download this PDF. These are my tips and tricks.
These are my activation points. These are my no Nos.
Are you following this at all? I just the PDF thing sounds
crazy but continue. Oh, I mean, that was the joke
part. But like, you know, like how it
shows like a remote in a manual, it shows the remote and it has
like line. It's like avoid, you know, like
spend extra time light teeth, OK, don't pull like.
And then they can literally study and be like, oh, I'm gonna
like, right. I actually think I'm on to
something in this moment. You are, but I think some people
are so like stubborn and also unwilling and.
To look at a manual, well, actually a lot of people throw
out their instructions. Yeah.
And I yeah. And I think people just have
like some people are can't handle feedback.
That's that's and maybe what I'm trying to say is find the people
that can. If you can't kind of hear
somebody and and change, then that's not the person I want to
be with. Of course, of course.
I guess I was just giving. Maybe mine is more for the nerd
out there who wants to study before they take the exam.
Yeah. And the other way I think the
PDF is a great idea is also get your hours, get in there, get
those 10,000 hours clock. In, clock in and lock in.
That's how you get better. I mean, that's why like older
men. Oh my God.
Very, like, they kind of turn it out, you know what I mean?
It's like, 'cause they put in the work, yeah, they've gotten,
they've got 20 years on. You they yes, they also they
roll up their sleeves and they've seen it all, they've
done it all. They're like I'm a hit em with
this one. Right.
And they've kind of lost that ego, like the that ego.
They're just like, I'm here to have a good time.
I don't need to do all of this crazy stuff.
I remember. Did you ever have a moment when
you were like, in your earliest gay years where you did the
most? Yeah.
And. Performative 1000% over the top,
like yeah. And it's like, well, and.
I often find that that stuff is the stuff that I like the least.
Same. I have literally, well, that's
the other thing too, 'cause as I get older, I don't really
tolerate A subpar experience, especially if I'm only in it for
that experience. So it's like if I want a beach
and I coordinate with the person and they come over and it's like
at all kind of like big, performative, whatever.
And I have to give tons of notes and like I like lose interest
pretty fast, which is actually it sounds really close minded
and like bitter, but like, yeah, doing the most.
I think there's that's totally normal.
Yeah. I guess it's like, why would you
want to continue? I had a guy, not recently, but
maybe a year ago, like really like, and I was like, first of
all, I'm fine, but I'm not like, yeah, I'm not like causing
anyone kind of strife, like. And he was just like, it felt
like he was doing it for me. And in reality, I was like, oh,
like, no, like, let's just connect for a second.
Totally. Sometimes when it's when it's
that the like kind of I'm gonna jam this thing somewhere that
like there isn't room for it. I'm like, you're doing that for
you. Actually, you're not doing that
for me Cuz there's like if you just thought for two seconds,
like does this feel good? It No, no, you're trying to make
it fit in a place that it just doesn't.
Fit. Hilarious.
Yeah. OK, let's see.
I guess we could play a what? I'm just feel like I'm never
mind continue. What are you gonna say?
That I'm like, so no, never mind.
What are we gonna say? Nothing.
Continue.
Yeah, well, it was in a fully formed thought, so.
OK, OK. You know, I get a lot.
So you're bored. Today, Pregnant boy, Pregnant
boy. Maybe that's episode titled
Pregnant Boy. I guess we'll play a quick round
of hot or not and then we can wind down.
This is where of course I list things and you tell me if you
find them hot or not. OK, let's say threesomes and or
group. You're coming from a much more
maternal, I know. Mature.
I'm gonna say threesomes. Hot group.
Not OK. I'm more yeah, I like as I like.
Smaller a contained. Yeah, I will say yeah, it's.
Overwhelming and I'm recently coming to the fact that I have
ADHD. It's too much going on.
Sure, yeah. Do you find yourself in your
head or just like just? Truly overwhelmed and with I
feel like I'm hyper aware of like social dynamics and
totally. All of that is everyone okay is.
Everybody doing. Does everybody feel included
like I know? And what are the odds you want
guy #3 to do the things to you that Guy number one is doing to
you? And you're like, wait, wait,
wait, wait. Yeah, he can do that.
I'd prefer you didn't do that. Yeah, yeah, and I would say that
I do think threesomes can be hot, but I think the hottest is
kind of a one-on-one situation. Yeah, but you know, maybe it's
because the grass is always greener and I'm like so single
right now that I'm like, oh, this haven't going back to.
One, I just want one right now. I do think again, when
communication comes into play, it's like, I often would guess
star in threesomes, but like the more communication the better.
I always ask guys like, what's the dynamic?
Like, Oh yeah, you come over and we both pal him or like you come
over and we both blow you. You know what I mean?
It's like, you know what else I'm going to say is annoying
When I do lay down parameters and like things I'm liking,
wanting and expecting and they try to renegotiate in the room.
I'm like I said, I didn't want to do that.
And then like guys be trying. Yeah.
OK, let's say. Guys be trying a lot of crazy
things. I mean, it's like that wasn't on
the mood board. Totally.
Yeah. You send them an Etsy page.
No, not Etsy. What was the What's Pinterest?
Yeah, sex in a long term relationship.
Hot really Well. Do you think it gets better for
you the longer you're in a relationship?
I know it gets different. I that's so hard.
I meant more like hot because if you're having sex in a long term
relationship, like you're doing the work, you're like figuring
it out and you're figuring out how to make it like special when
you, you know, having sex. And I, I hope that along the the
way you like grow this like intense bond.
And yeah, and it's kind of circling back to the first point
of like having so much love and that being hot.
See, I've said this before too. My whole thing does become
there's a point where intimacy clicks over for me and feels
familial, and that's where I struggle to bring sex into the
equation. I'm like, I know everything
about them and I like I'm there for them when they cry.
I like, I don't know, I've cleaned up bad for them when
they got sick. And I'm like the idea of like,
wanting to engage with their genitalia as that gets deeper
and maybe more beautiful, the less I think about, I don't
know, having sex with them. Totally.
And I think that's totally normal.
And I agree with you that it it gets harder to kind of find
that. But if you somehow can find it,
then that's hot. But let's not like kid anybody
that it doesn't get tougher as sure deeper and deeper in.
Maybe you start pranking each other and then hooking up if you
survive the prank right, this is like probably not going to align
with how you are now either, but cruising.
It's the fantasy is hot, but the reality, it's like I want too
much control. I want to know who it is, what
they look like. I'm just like having the like
person and having no control of like what it's going to do.
Well, to be clear, cruising can range too, from you're at Runyon
walking by yourself. You pass a guy, you both, you
both turn around and look. You come back, you say hi, and
then you like start making out. Yeah, I like that because that
also feels like a surprise rather than like going to like
a. A dark park.
Yes, with the intent of like or like a like a spa or something
like, you know? Cold really.
Although spa, I do find myself at spa situations being a little
in my head about looking and like how it's going on a lot,
you know what I mean? Like on a hike or something.
It's a little bit more isolated. It's a little more fish out of
water. In a spa.
You're like, yeah, I see 4 Dicks right now and that one's kind of
plump and like is he looking at me?
And it's like, do I follow him? It's like a lot of moving
pieces. Totally.
I think you answered this in the last one, but come.
Neutral. OK, I feel your face.
Kind of scrunched up. No, I feel.
It's unnecessary evil. Yeah, and I like, I do like when
my partner like comes that there's like a nice woo about
it. High 5, high five.
OK, I what? If it was like confetti that
came out. Incredible, incredible.
I have a friend. Messed up on that one.
Hates cum even like his own. He's like very like grossed out
by it. He's like, if I could come air I
would like but OK, confetti would be cool.
And also like if you could control the flavour where it's
like I took my birthday cake pill.
Well, well, gosh, I really just brag on your podcast.
Your cum tastes good. That's that's something that I
get quite often because I. Have I've gotten it a couple
times too. I have good tasting cum but is
that? But are people lying to you like
that's? No, I don't think.
I don't think anyone would. That's a weird thing to lie
about. If anything I think cum taste is
kind of like grin and bear it. And if I ever say it to a guy,
I'm like, here comes not bad. Yes, it's like AI.
It's neutral or yeah, one guy blew in my early to mid 20s and
it was kind of sweet. And it could be that I just was
like really attracted to him. No, no, no, that's, that's like
a, that's like a, you taste it and you're like, oh, no, like
you need to drink more water or like less creatine or like
something. But yeah, that's interesting.
Do you know, do you eat a lot of red meat?
I eat some. OK, I've heard red meat really
sours jizz. So does cigarettes.
Oh, I don't smoke so. Good for you.
Yeah. And the last thing on the pod is
what some advice you give to, I guess just even yourself five
years ago maybe, or maybe advice to future Jake.
Oh, oh, you know, for future Jake, something that we kind of
talked about earlier off the pod was I would say that when like
going, when you meet someone, have like an abundance mindset
rather than or like this. Yeah, like, oh, this could be my
only person. Am I going to get chosen like
this person has to choose me or if not then like oh.
They're not looking at me. I'm wilting.
Yeah, I think moving forward, I really want to bring this like
like almost like the serenity of like if this if me and this
person connect like I can just yeah, cool.
Like I can just let it be in that present moment without
having to futurecast of what trying to control the outcome of
what it's. Going to God and replaying every
like date or interaction or like what did he mean by or is it
weird that we didn't make out this time at the door or.
And I wish I could bring that back, like both for my future me
and I wish I could have told that to me when I was 20, you
know? Like you're gonna be OK.
Right, like this person and it's that it has nothing to do with
them and has everything to do with me and wanting to feel
love, chosen, special, all of those things.
And like this is so cheesy, but like you got all of that inside.
Like you don't need it from this person.
You got it in there. I would like to say the same to
my Celsius can I don't need you, you're cool, but I actually have
all the energy I need inside me. Absolutely.
It's like that the God sized hole looking for completion in a
person, place or thing. Totally.
And you're just like, no. You're fine, Yeah.
You will be with this guy.
You will be without this guy. That's great.
Yeah. I hope you find your lesbian
lover. I do too.
And I just want to be clear that I'm still with my first podcast.
I'm still into big butts that oh.
Good big inconsistent. They do see dumps.
Yeah, dump trucks. Yeah, dumps.
Sorry you get the wrong kind of DMS OK.
And then you can tell the tower problems where to find.
Love and support you if you want to be found.
Yeah. But it's hard because you're on.
And off and kind of, you know, off off social media.
A lot of times you can find me on Instagram at Jake Hart, but a
lot of times I don't have Instagram.
So you'll just have to find me in real life.
To the east side of Los Angeles. You stalk me, I guess.
Look around. Yeah.
All right, thank you so much for doing this.
Love you as always. I love you.
And come see me on the road, I'm probably touring to a city near
you. And until next time, keep
sucking and fucking. Yay.
Hello, Tower Bottoms. It's me, your host, Zach Newey.
Towers, thank you so much for listening to Good Side Pod.
If you haven't already, give it a five star rating.
Leave a review, share it with a friend, get the word out.
I love you so much.