It's me, your host Zach Newey Towers, looking sexier than ever
if I do say so myself. I just wanted to let you know
real quick that I am going on tour and I'd love to see you at
a live show. So real quick I'll be in San
Diego, CA May 22nd, Raleigh, NC June 16th, Charlotte, NC, June
17th San Francisco. I'll be at the Punchline all
weekend June 25th, 26th and 27th.
London is August 1st, Philadelphia September 23rd, St.
Louis September 24th, Portland, OR in October 15th.
Also, my special is fully out and available to watch for free
on YouTube on the Purse First Studios channel.
It's called Twink Death and I think it's very good.
I'd love for you to like, comment, share if you can.
Anyway, enjoy the episode. It's Teacher Appreciation Week
and I of course volunteered to like not be the room mom, but be
like the room mom assistant. What's that even look like?
Is it like getting cupcakes and? It's like, yeah, lots.
It's like stuff every day. But it's crazy because the mom
who's running it is a teacher and I'm like.
At the school. Or a different school and I'm
like you shouldn't have to be doing this, but I don't have
any. Looks like a conflict of
interest. Yeah, so, but like, I guess
she's like knowing she knows what the she knows what the
teachers want. Megan Gailey.
Teacher Appreciation Week. Drama, you know, we as a young
mom, yeah. Mom of young children, I realize
how I. You're a young mom.
Not young. You're a child bride of sorts,
my children. Are young and I am old.
No, it's not true. Is there like crazy drama
amongst the Mamas? So my son has I have two sons.
The one has not gone to school yet.
He's only 10 months and so like he, he has no drama in his life.
Everyone loves him is. He a good baby.
He is he's such a he is such a good baby, like a lot of like
issues. So he's so good and it's not his
fault, but I am like, if you had been first, it would have been,
it may have only been you. Wow, you're like.
Never again. No, and he's, he's genuinely so,
so, so good and so sweet. But he had to spend an extra
week in the hospital 'cause he just like went on a hunger
strike and and then he has been in the ICU.
Since Oh my God, that must be and levels of cortisol you
didn't know were possible. I am not well.
It's like I need like a giant
like shirt that says I have postpartum depression.
Oh my God, and my baby's a real drama queen.
Yeah, he's anaphylactic to eggs, which it's like, Sir, yeah.
So we're bind stuff together. We're sorting through that.
He has asthma, which is like it's very early to diagnose,
very, very early. And then he also has really bad
eczema. Oh my God.
And those three things go together.
That's a in in triple threat. It is.
And so, like, at first it was just the eczema and then they
were like, once the other they were like, he's gonna have all
three. So wait, you didn't find out
about the egg thing 'cause you put an egg in his mouth?
Yes, I did. Oh, you did.
Yes, I did. Oh my God.
And there's a lot of, like, fear around, like giving your kids
food. Like, sometimes people will
like, drive and sit in the hospital parking lot when their
kids, like, try peanut butter or something.
So my husband is anaphylactic to all seafood.
Oh. My and you knew this before you
married him. I did.
Wow, I did. Do you like seafood a lot?
It's. My number one favorite food,
Really. I love lobster.
I used to have a joke about how much I love lobster.
I made us have sea bass at our wedding.
We have you. There was a turf, there was a
serve and a turf. Of course, and a veg probably.
Of course, it was family style, so he didn't even have to like
engage it, but it was just like, yeah, I'm not going to have
seafood at my wedding. I'm not not going to have my
wedding like. Have you engaged with like a
lobster town of any sort where you go and it's like lobster on
a stick, fried lobster, lobster. So the way you're describing it
sounds high end and and the way that I've engaged with it is at
like a fair. That that counts, honestly.
So I've had, I've had a lobster corn dog at, I believe like
mermaid in in in New York raising a corn dog recently.
A an old A A a classic a classic.
Corn dog. You know who the number one
lover of corn dogs in the world is?
Who? Reba McEntire that tricks out.
Reba has all these pictures of her, like, you know, that smile
she does like, like there's that.
Shit eating grin. Yes, there's a picture of her on
a private plane. Like got my corn dog.
That is crazy. She loves corn dogs.
I love corn dogs. I had a corn dog last week from
Culver's. Is that a solid place to get
one? Oh yeah, Have you never been to
a Culver's? I don't think so.
It's like, where are you geographically from?
From Saint Louis went to IU. Wow.
OK, we have beef. No, I.
Thought you went to Purdue. Yeah, I went to.
Purdue. Wow, your your campus smelled
like manure. Oh, Purdue is.
Like routinely about it. Like ugliest, grossest campus.
It sounds cute though. Purdue.
And then I was just there like, well, I guess I'm a 10.
I guess I'm the hottest man. We also have there's tons of
gorgeous floral trees on the campus and the flowers smell
like cum and then sometimes they smell like pussy.
Me not knowing. And I'm like, what is we gotta
get a horticulturist out here to explain.
They're the horniest trees in North America.
So sometimes you walk out and you're getting the manure.
And I do believe, remember when Wow chips.
Oh yeah, with with anal leakage, right.
And I was. They didn't, they didn't do a
number on me, me neither. So I was just like, I think we
need to keep making them whatever the like product was
that was doing that was made in the town where Purdue is too.
So you've got like that smell. You've got you're saying manure.
I, I don't know that maybe I just became immune to it.
And then you've got this sort of like cum and like pussy, pussy
smell. Wow, you grew up so privileged.
I I just, I love it. Wow.
And when I walked in here, I was like, it smells so good.
Oh, no, no, no, I don't know. No, it definitely like bothered
me. Yeah, the smell is gross, but
then you. I mean, my sophomore year, my
second semester freshman year, you're probably like, that's
what it smells like. My rental car, I got into it and
I was like you. Have a rental car right now?
I have a rental car. I haven't been in LA.
I've been in Indy for 10 months. Oh my God, that's a.
Year, but I'm coming back. Oh, you are.
I'll be back full time in August.
OK wait and I want to push your special before any either of us
forgets. Let's just yell our special
names at each other. Can you send some of the twinks
to me? Yeah.
Send some of the twinks to me, I'll send some of the drunk.
We both have YouTube specials. Twink death obviously.
Live for my. Live for my driveway.
So funny. Thank you consistently are one
of my favorite. You're a comic and I literally
don't say this, that if you're on stage or like I'm going into
the room to watch. Do you know what I mean that?
Means a lot to me. Well, yeah, 'cause some people
are leaving the room, so I need people.
Coming in, they're misogynists. I need people coming in.
What was the experience of doing your special?
What was the AN? Apologies if you've said this a
million times in different places.
What was like the where'd it come from though?
What was the organic thing of doing it from your driveway?
So I wanted to film a special pregnant in my first pregnancy
and I wanted to do 30 minutes pregnant 30 minutes after the
baby and I was pregnant like tail end of lots of COVID like
protocols. And then, oh, is it Omicronic?
Some, some strands resurfaced. Yeah.
And my, and my doctor was like, yeah, you just can't really like
be out doing your term of stand up 8 months pregnant.
Well, there's a global pandemic and I'm like.
Oh, you're telling my dad? OK, rude.
And then Rosebud did like an she didn't take it from me.
They were these were separate thoughts.
They they were the version that I wanted to do was different it.
And so it just sort of was like, OK, so I'm not going to do that.
And so I did want to do it pregnant.
And the reason is because I was like, if I do not film it
pregnant, then I'm never going to film it.
Yeah, 'cause it's. Oh, it's like having to do with.
I just was like this after you have a baby, you're not just
like, well, back to. Right back to the mill, I think
about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But like. Not to.
You're tired. I forget word like your baby.
Basic words all the time. Like you're just not sharp.
You're not at your best and Happy Mother's Day.
So I was like, I got to do it. I was.
I wanted to do it outside because I love outdoor shows.
Really. I love for that.
Wait. Really I.
Love them. What about them, 'cause I in my
head, I'm like, people hate them.
Yeah, I'm like, uh oh. I love zoom shows.
Oh, get the fuck out of here I. Would still be doing zoom shows
if I could. What I did appreciate about Zoom
was I'll never forget the first Zoom show I did in the pandemic.
They've been owe me $90.00 after and I went You get money during
stand up comedy you. Didn't even have to leave your
home. Crazy.
Well, in LA we're conditioned to get $10 and a drink ticket.
Yeah, if that. If so, then to get $90.00 from
being pantsless like. I would spend, I would do some
laying in bed, like I would be propped up in my bed and people
could tell it wasn't like, oh, I was like, I was just like, hello
alt. Showcase.
I remember towards the end it got a little eerie that it was
like sometimes almost no cameras were on so it was just me
delivering jokes into the void. And what I realized about myself
during that time was I'm fine with that.
This is like, I know this is funny, yeah.
I, well, I just, I like, I tell people I'm like, I learned.
I didn't need to hear laughter. I just needed a space to yell
like the laughter is like so. Secondary to me.
So funny. Like I'm like, oh, will I bomb
in my bed? Yeah, y'all bomb in my bed.
But also you could not be around more like comfort that you know,
So it's like lowest stakes. I think also for me, there's an
element of like it's not being and, and, and I think for gay
men, this exists too. Like being out in the world is
scary. Being out in the world at night
is scary. Travelling is scary, driving is
like, there are so many situations I have put myself in
over the course of my career that I'm like, I actually
probably should be dead for sure crazy things.
And so you take that element totally out and that is like, so
that takes so much anxiety out of it for me.
So it's like, yeah, OK. Are there less laughs?
Yeah. And I is like a man.
I don't even think is funny. Not gonna grab my pussy.
Great. I'll, you know, like, like when
I heard grabbing by the pussy, I was like, Oh yeah, a terrible
comedian did that to me at like a riverboat show in Kentucky.
Like I have been grabbed by the pussy by SO.
That's by funny losers. So it's like, yeah.
I'll be on Zoom. It's even like even in.
Green rooms because this happens to only a gay guy, only a girl,
rest straight comics and they're just throwing it up and you're
just sitting on the other side of the room, kind of like
looking in your notebook and just doesn't.
It's not a fun environment. Half the time was like waiting
to do my set. And I, I like sports.
So like, I can talk to evil people.
You know, we'll find some sort of like the draft, you know,
like, and maybe that was born out of like, feeling like I have
to have something to talk to these people about.
Have you always liked sports, though?
Yeah. Have you?
OK because it is a sex podcast. Do you have any like athlete
crushes? Yeah.
Oh, OK yeah. Is that part of it too?
The. Number one, people I'm attracted
to. Really.
Oh yeah. Any sport specific?
So hey Otani, does he? Does he watch and listen?
Yeah, he's the tower bottom. He totally.
Wow. OK, well, you know, he's
actually verse 'cause he does both.
He pitches and hits. Is that what's called verse?
Yeah. OK, catches and catches and
pitches so. He is like kind of.
Is that is that common in? No, no, no, no.
It's so it's he is, he will probably.
This is baseball. This is baseball.
He is on the Dodgers. He is a six foot 3 Japanese
Disney Prince Who is the best pitcher and the best hitter?
That's crazy. Could you imagine someone being
the best top and the best bottom?
I mean, they they are out there. Wow.
But but it is rare. It is rare.
OK, OK, but. It is rare.
Also, they deserve to be celebrated.
Do you remember watching? Baseball games when you were a
kid and you're like, look at these old men.
Yeah. And then now I'm like, oh,
they're letting 17 year olds play professional sports.
It's very actually I have a joke about this on my special Oh.
OK, I'm just. Feeling about how now I have to
be attracted to the coaches cause I've aged out.
Of like you have a child you are a MILF whether you want to be or
not, no. So like, I'll see a coordinator,
I'll see a man with a tablet and go, OK, what's going on with
him? Because yeah, the athletes who
are like, my husband will be like, look at this guy.
He's cool. I'm like, he's cute.
And he's like Megan, he's 20. And I'm like.
So scary. So I am sexually.
Attracted to a lot of the coaches.
Also, if he if if a player came at me in my DMS and I welcome
you to please, I'm not turning down a professional athlete of
legal age. If he's 20, I will give it a go.
I'll give it a go of. Course I was at NBA All Star
weekend like 2 years ago. What's an All Star weekend look
like? Is that showcasing or is that a
game? So it's different for each
league. OK.
The NFL there's is called the Pro Bowl and they used to play a
game and it used to be in Hawaii and now they just do like
little. Like now they just do little
obstacle courses in Orlando really.
Is like training activities sort of.
Or look how hard I can throw. People were getting hurt in it
and then like. Like we can't lose a player over
a frivolous game. Yes.
And so then they were like, let's just have like, let's just
put on bucket hats and see who can throw it the farthest.
And like, it's cute. It is cute.
To go from Hawaii to Orlando is jarring.
Tough. Yeah.
But I went to the Pro Bowl one year too.
And it's like fans go and they all I would describe as seen
touched by an Angel. Oh, really interesting.
If you talk to someone, they're like, I'm going to the Pro Bowl,
like for fun. I don't.
I wouldn't let them like drive you.
Oh, interesting. They're like a little salt of
the earth off and it's because they're so into.
It I don't even know why you would go.
OK, I don't even know why you would go.
If they were like scantily clad I would go like if they were in
like loose fitting basketball shorts and tank tops.
They're wearing like short shorts now.
I love short shorts shirts. Off and they're doing yeah funny
funny cute little challenges OK some people like it are there
any pro athlete guys like killing it on TikTok yes NBA
there was a guy. I feel like there was an
Olympian boy who was really going hard on TikTok.
The Olympians are yeah, because they have like, you know,
they're like every every four years I do this.
In the meantime, I can definitely learn dances.
There was a guy, he was like a he was a rookie, I believe he
was on the Pistons. He painted his nails and he was
like huge on TikTok and then. If you had to guess, what sport
is Pistons? Yeah, well, I know what it is.
Well, it's basketball. OK, it's basketball.
You know who does really well on TikTok is the wives.
Oh. Really.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. The there's a lot of Wags
content because it's like, here's my outfit, here's the
funny things I'm doing make my protein smoothie for my for
Jake. Yes, yes, yes, or.
Like it's like a whole baby goat into like a blender.
There's a lot of I follow a lot of professional athletes, chefs.
Instagram too, I bet that is. Fun.
And some of them are like hot women.
And I'm like, oh, killing two birds with one stone.
I see. Yeah, I see.
Going back to like when you first started dating boys and
like sexually active I guess, were you into like the athletic
boys at your school? Yes.
Did you date in high school? Yeah, I guess I had like,
boyfriends. I didn't ever.
I never said like, I love you. And I didn't even have sex in
high school. When well, OK, do you remember
your first orgasm? Probably by myself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's common. Yeah.
But like high school?
Maybe middle school? OK, what was the vibe on sex in
your household? Were people talking about it or
was it like very like? I have two older brothers and
SO. What a curse, kind of.
I mean to to hear about sex. From from that teen boys that
are older than you that you have to live with nightmare yeah I
remember once picking up because this was before cell phones like
picking up our. Oh, the landline.
The landline household phone and my brother's friend was calling
and he thought just my brother was there and I was probably
like 12 years old. I picked up the phone and he
goes, I've already jerked off 7 times today.
And I was like, so it was like, yeah, there was like a lot of
like male testosterone around. And then like I played sports,
but then I also did theatre and my mom let me have Coed
sleepovers after plays 'cause she just assumed every boy was
gay. But then there were like these
two deaf boys who were not gay twins, twin deaf boys and they.
Yeah. And so like, yeah, they were
definitely like that. We were, I was having a Coed
sleepover. I wasn't doing anything.
But I think maybe there were people that like definitely
hooked. Up were the deaf twins cute?
Yeah, they were. And also like the, you know, the
bar is so low for boys in theatre, like a straight boy in
theatre. Oh, you're just like, cleaning
up, cleaning up, cleaning up. Wow.
And it's weird that she assumed they were all gay because my
brother was in theatre and he was straight.
What's straight still is straight still is straight.
So I don't like it. It was like her own theory had
been proven wrong in her own home.
But maybe she saw, she saw my crew and she was like.
Oh, there's, there's no threat, No.
Threat 1 attacked. Was she Were your parents
protective of you in the realm of sex and dating?
Very yes. Like, yes, 'cause my mom was a
nurse, a labour and delivery nurse.
Oh my God. And so she, you know, she had
delivered 14 year olds. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then, and then she started teaching at the high school that
my, she's taught at the vocational high school that my
high school fed into. So like I had friends who had my
mom as a teacher. So it was like she was a nurse
and a high school teacher. She once we had a snow day and
my mom always had access to a like 70 slides of photos of St.
DS like at their, you know, like stages and then and she made my
brother and I sit in her bedroom and look at all of these slides
of St. DS before we were allowed to go
out and play in the snow. In case you fuck a snowman or
something. So like nurse moms are like the
best because like, nothing grosses them out.
I mean, and like, they, they're unfazible, but then also they've
seen so much. So like, they at least my mom
was like a little probably overprotective because
everything was like scary to her.
Oh yeah. They're also really good in an
emergency where it's like you have a cut, there's more blood
than you've ever seen, like sit down like.
My mom is so excited when someone needs a nurse in public.
Like she's waiting for someone to get injured on a flight and
they're gonna be like. She's sticking her foot out.
Oh my God, she like we were at my son's like breakfast with
Santa and like an older gal fainted and my mom, I didn't I
didn't see her the whole time. Like it was like she's like,
fuck Santa. I I'm needed like I am Doctor
Quinn. Medicine woman and like.
Everyone really like she loves it.
I think she's standing for SO. Then be able to go.
I'm here very Munchausen, yeah. Is that that Munchausen?
Munchausen by proxy is yeah, I think when you're.
Like you convince someone you're sick or yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And then Munchausen is just like
you. Interesting.
Yeah. That'd be a kind of a funny TV
show or movie. My mom the like, yeah, crazy
nurse it. Yeah, it's like Sixth Sense, but
like happy. Yeah.
Wait, can you talk about your first?
Time Well, what's really sad is I don't know because I like went
through like a real phase that was many years long where we get
like blackout drunk. And so I actually do not know.
OK, that's beautiful. It's really like I and like I,
I, I know when the you know, and I'm like an older millennial.
And so it's like. I'm.
Yeah, I turned 40 this year and, and so that I think like around
me too. And as like as there's been sort
of a shift in how we talk about like it was like, oh, I so I, I
guess if you're not, if you're not able to consent, that's
assault. And it was just like, oh, that's
not how I. I had waves of that too.
Yeah, that didn't exist for like you don't have sex with people
to be polite or you don't have you.
You can say no even though like yes, you've given you've gone a
part way down the. Path Yes Yes yes yes, yes I.
I yeah, I learned a lot, I guess me too movement and on maybe
before that, but I was just like, wow.
And then memory service. I also black got blackout drunk
a lot. 'Cause you're sober?
No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm not you would think you would think give him these.
I'm obviously like fine fine fine well, but like married,
have children. And you?
Know have overcome, but I think it what was the there was an HBO
show It was. Michaela, this will destroy you.
Or this? Will destroy you like I remember
watching. Oh my God, I had to stop.
And I was like, oh, yeah. Well, that like, yeah, happens.
That's like, happened. And he was like, what?
And I'm like, oh, that's probably happened to like every
almost every woman you know, I know of.
And so I know, I think. And and that was why that show
that the name we were reaching for, I think had such a cultural
impact because it was like, Oh yeah.
It's like it's, it's illuminating, a thing that's
very common but is probably not talked about talked about ever
because it is like layered. Yeah, yeah.
Was do you think that set? And if at any point you just
don't want to talk about it, just let me know.
Did any of it like feed into a cycle where then you like did
feel compelled to drink heavily when you were approaching a
sexual like like a yes? Yeah, yes, yes, yes.
And like this was all in college.
So this was like pre like I wasn't in grain.
Alcohol in like a Tupperware cog.
Absolutely. And then I think there's
probably an element too of like, oh, well, that's the girl that
will get wasted and have sex with you.
So then like, sure, yeah, it was cool.
But it was like, and it's like, oh, OK, well, let's let's get
her some some drinks. And like, I also too, 'cause I
was in a sorority, I went to a Big 10 school.
Like that is definitely like elements of it.
I was, I was never having sex with anyone that anyone else
wanted. Interesting.
So it wasn't like, oh, she sounds like I would.
I have never had crossover with like my friends.
Sure, sure, sure. You haven't been the other girl
with no. No, it's been like like in in
college, like I was hooking up with lots of like, I guess like
there were some frat boys, but a lot of it was like athletes too.
And like, the sorority girls were like, Oh my God, what?
They didn't like that. I think it was just like like I,
I have dated like outside of my race since I was in middle
school and growing up where I grew up that was like extremely
stigmatized and like talked to me by adults that were not my
parents countless times. And the sorority life couldn't
have. Yeah, I think it was like, I
think I remember like I have friends that they're like, I
remember you saying you had like dated a black guy in college.
And that was like, I was like, how is this girl in our
sorority? Not even like they were just
like, oh, I they thought they, they thought I was like a wigga.
Crazy and. And I don't, my husband says
we're not, we can't say that word anymore.
And I'm like, then you have to find me another one.
It comes up rarely for me these days.
That's your second child's name. Because it's just so it's so
specific. And also, I'm back in the
Midwest and that's like. Oh my God, wait.
Yeah, that's such a prototype of a person that I like.
Indianapolis is the headquarters for them.
For sure my bisexual drug dealer that I would have sex with in
college buried that Nelson and he was like pants like suspended
in disbelief below his flat ass like kind of like the the
shuffle and. They're not for me, sure.
Oh, well, yeah, it's it's in. It's an interesting archetype.
Could they still exist? Oh, they.
Exist, and some of them are fathers now.
I, I, I think most of them are probably fathers of some sort.
Did you? After college you went to
Chicago and you started doing comedy and then what was like
dating and sex life at post college?
So I was in Chicago, a lot of people from Purdue moved to
Chicago. So I had my college friends
there. I knew some like hometown
people, like people from Indy and then also comedy scene.
And so when I started doing stand up in Chicago, like 3
girls, myself included, started within like a year of each
other. It was myself, MO Welch and Lisa
Traeger and so oh. My God.
All three like I think MO and I started like in Chicago in like
the same month. Like it was like we may have
been at like 1 of the same first like.
What did you study? In college I started as an Econ
major and then I switched to theater and sports broadcasting.
Do you know you wanted to do stand up though?
I like didn't even know that that was.
A thing like an option? Yeah, I, I guess I, I wanted to
be a sideline reporter, OK. And I like, you know, worked
like around that, had an internship at like a, a news
station in Chicago, worked for like a sports website in
college. So I like dabbled around it.
But yeah, I graduated in 2008. There were no jobs.
So I was like, OK, great. I didn't really want to get a
job. I guess I'll just go do mics, do
mics. And so it was like, there were
so few of us. And it's like, it's very hard
for women in comedy. Like everyone is trying to have
sex with us all the time. And it's really stigmatize if
you become like a. Girl in Comedy and.
It's like, I'm always just like, who fucking cares?
Like imagine if they were in our situation.
And so I had like an on again off again like guy I was with
sort of like the whole time I was in Chicago and then had like
one other serious voice and that guy was a comic and then had one
other like serious ish boyfriend who was not a comic, was like a
normal person. And then.
But I probably made out with like every comedian in Chicago.
I think that's fine. Totally what except my husband?
Wait, really? Yes, like we knew each other for
eight years and then we had just.
Friendly. Oh, wait, totally friends.
But you were friends. Yeah, friends and good friends.
Wait, talk to me about that. Because, like, isn't that kind
of the dream? You crossed the line with a
friend. Yeah.
That you do feel comfortable with.
And you. Was it a switch moment or had
you always had like a little bit of a crush or?
Had never had a single thing and I always like, we were always
friends. I always like liked him.
There's like so many pictures of us from when we were like 20-3
years old, like laughing. Yeah, just in the same We're on
the same coffee table. Him in my apartment that I lived
with it with like 2 girls from college and he was like, oh, I
just always was like, wow, Megan's such a grown up, you
know, 'cause my apartment wasn't like disgusting.
Totally, totally. We paid 600.
I paid $600 a month in rent. You know, it's like I was like I
was a bartender and I paid $600 a month.
I was not a grown up. And then so we knew each other
in Chicago. He moved to New York while while
we were all in there's, you know, there's like a larger like
your class or whatever. He moved to New York, then he
came back. We still remained friends.
He had a very serious girlfriend during that time.
And then I think I, he went to LA like before anyone else did.
I went to New York, then we crisscrossed.
Then I came to LA. He went to New York.
We were still friends. The 2016 election happened, and
I was like, I celebrating. Yeah.
I was just like, oh, thank God, all my dreams are true.
And I was like, OK, I I what can I do?
How can I help? And for me, that manifested as I
will not be having sex with a white man until this man is out
of office because no, you're cut off, not gonna do it.
And obviously I've already explained that like it was
minimal. So the, the, the white man I was
attracted to was like minimal. And then I was going to New York
to shoot a pilot. Oh, my God.
Comedy Central. Yeah.
It was like a travel show that was called Highbrow Lowbrow.
And it was myself and Ramon Rivas.
And him and I were going to go to cities.
And we're Ramon Rivas. Ivan.
Yeah. Wow.
OK. So this is 2016.
And so he was. Well, I guess it was 2015
because. Wait, no, it was 2016, end of
2016. So Ramon was going to get to
pick like divey things we did, and then I was going to pick
like hydro fans we did, yeah. And it was really fun.
It's. Fish out of water, buddies.
Yeah. And so we shot the Pilot in
Philadelphia, but we, like, did all the prep and stuff in New
York. And so I went to a Colts, Jets,
Monday Night Football game. And then I was staying at this
Airbnb. And it had been like, such a
bitch to get into that. I was like, I'm breaking every
rule, you know, like, I'm smoking weed.
I'm like, I could like, see the cameras.
And I was like, yeah, it took me two hours to get in.
I'm gonna blow a cigarette into your pillow.
Like, I don't fucking care at this point.
And so I invited CJ, my husband over, not a white man.
And I was like, like we had he had come to my apartment in
Studio City. I was living with a friend.
This is like before the New York trip.
And we were like smoking weed, watching football, drinking like
mimosas. And then when he left, I came
back in and I was like said to my room And I was like, I feel
like I was about to kiss him like, and it's like, I'm a slut.
So it's like kissing someone is like, I would make out with you
on camera right now. Like just like not even that big
of a deal. But it was like.
So strange. And my roommate was like.
You guys were on a full blown date and neither one of you
talked to me the whole time. Like she was like, yeah, it was
like she was like I was. A full.
I felt it. Yeah, I was.
Yeah, so I went to New York, I hit him up.
He came over after Monday Night Football, which is like midnight
brought like weed and a six pack and then we just hung out and
nothing happened. And so I was like, oh, OK.
Then it was just like there was just like a thing because we
were like high and drunk and whatever.
And so I sort of think nothing of it.
He went to his job the next day and he works.
He worked in sports and was like, you know, this like bro
dynamic, you know, Wes Wilson who's like in trouble in the
news right now. He also worked at the.
Company. Is he a sports?
Guy, yeah, but he's on Summer House.
And he. Oh yeah.
With Sierra, yeah. Yes, so he like goes to work and
it's like I fucking she had me over and I like blew it like I
didn't even make a move. I did nothing.
And so then I was doing a show right by his apartment like 2
nights later. I do this show, it's a lot of
our friends from Chicago. He comes and we both start
getting drunk and then we went back to his apartment and his
line was if I lived in Lai would date you.
And then I was like. I wish I could find a girl like
you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK. I.
Guess that's good enough. And so we have sex.
And then I thought, it's like, so sad.
I hope my children never see this.
And then no. Wait, I don't want you to do a
thing be my fiance thing that like.
No. Oh, I don't know.
I've like I my children are gonna have to eat.
So many horrific mud now, but so much fun.
They're gonna be like, Oh, my mom is nuts.
And I thought it was like one time thing, you know, just like,
I'll have sex with a friend, whatever, done it before, do it
again. And then he really courted me
and fell in love with me, obviously.
And when I got back, he came and met me in Philadelphia 'cause I
was staying in this crazy like hotel, 'cause we were filming in
my suite. So we came.
That's lucky. Hooked up again.
When I got back to LA, there were flowers waiting for me.
He kept coming to visit and then I was like, I don't want to do
long distance like this sucks. And he was like, I'll come in a
year And I was like, honey, I'm not going to be available in a
year. And then he quit his job and
moved here. Before the year.
Oh yeah, like next day. Oh my God, did that scare you?
Yeah, and I was such a bitch about it.
I was like, well, you're not coming here for me.
You're coming here 'cause you want to be back in LA, you know,
'cause he had tons of friends here.
I was like, we're not living together.
We like, I was a bitch. Like 2 days after he got there I
went to Australia for two weeks for shows and and yeah I was
like a total bitch to this man who had like quit his dream job
to move across the country for me and had a therapist.
That would terrify me. I don't think I, I don't think
I'd be able to handle that well. So much pressure and so that's
why I was just like this. You decided this.
I don't even like you. I don't even know your name, you
know, like just. Like you block him.
Get out of my apartment, find your own fucking apartment, do
your own shit. And then like I, I had like a
therapist at the time who then broke up with me.
Wait really? Well, she was just like, I think
you're good, which is like she knew I wasn't like you're like.
You're like, this is malpractice and if something happens to me,
it's on your head. You know, I'm not healed.
And now I'm you're saying we don't need to see each other.
So. And she was like, would it be so
bad if you just admitted that he moved for you?
And I'm like, yeah. Yeah, because then it's crazy.
Then it's crazy. Do you do you get into the
attachment styles at all like anxious, avoidant, secure?
No. Do any of those words only the
love language? OK, OK.
Anxious attachment secure. Anxious, avoidant or secure?
OK, two of them are ringing very true for me.
Anxious and detached. Anxious, avoidant, anxious.
And avoidant. Yeah, interesting.
Yeah, sure. Right.
Yeah, I mean. Secure.
Who is secure? Exactly.
It's like people they're they're less least likely to be in the
dating pool, according to this book.
Because they're in relationships.
Well, they're just like I anxious people are like kind of
like looking for confirmation that you like them.
Hey, he hasn't texted back. He hasn't.
But avoidance like playing it cool.
OK so I'm anxious and then attempt to be avoidance and I've
never been secure. I mean, surely you you felt
secure in this relationship? I feel secure, Yeah, yeah, in my
in my marriage. But I'm still probably like,
like, can you have these with your children?
Yeah, I think so. Which one are you?
Oh, avoidant to achieve avoidant.
Avoidant never made it past a year.
Definitely like a cat vibes where I'm like I do want
infection, but I want it to be on my terms and like don't
smother me. Yeah wow, I'm so.
Oh, thirsty. Really.
Yeah. And I also thought every guy I
dated I was going to marry. Oh really?
Yeah, even after the 1st 10. I mean, I actually that's
probably. A good sign because you're like,
I know you. You're.
Confident, yeah. But I think it also, I think
it's like confidence that's like probably masking insecurity.
Sure. Oh, so you're like telling
yourself. Yeah, I think I'm going to.
Like I think every man who I'm not married to must be gay.
Well, also to for to this effect, you were right because
CJ, yeah. And the only two men on earth
are CJ and Neo. Yeah.
So it's like, I'm married to my husband and then you're gay.
So it's like, well, I guess. And the make out and the make
out's still on the table. That's so interesting with the
kids. You're anxious.
No, no, I'm actually secure with the kids like I no, I.
Like do my kids think I'm? Cool, I love them so much, but
like there is 'cause I have two boys and so people, you know,
boy mom is like a thing and like a trope and it's talked about
and it's and so people will always be like boys love their
moms, you know, like that's like a real and my oldest is now like
obsessed with me. I'm his number one, but like I
wasn't for like a little bit. I'm sure that will wax and wane.
It will and I'm not going to be OK with that.
Yeah, that is where you'll have to either start blacking out
again or or playing it real, real cool.
I cannot and I don't want to feed into any anxieties you
might have. I cannot conceive of the idea of
having a child and letting it go outside of the house.
Yeah, it's hard. Couldn't do it.
It's really hard and there the news is hard.
Yeah. Yeah, every, every time.
I'm like a place. I'm like, oh, I could die here.
Yeah, you know, 'cause I oh, every.
Time I'm at the Grove, I'm like we're moments away from.
Yeah, and there are ones that like hit me harder than others.
Yeah. The the schools.
Oh, my God, like so horrific. But then there was like the the
4th of July parade, like the movie theaters, like there's
just like you're just like, oh, there's no, there's no.
Space. And then you're in a movie and
someone walks in mid movie and stands there and you're like,
yeah, what are you doing? When I was pregnant, I was like,
oh, I'm a sitting duck. Which?
Is a big fat target. Probably can't run as fast as
the other people. Because the number one cause of
death in pregnant women is homicides.
Yeah. And I was like, well, C JS not
going to kill me, but I could piss someone else off.
You know, like CJ likes me. And he, like, needs me.
I think women probably have it the worst as comedians online.
Has that ever been like, oh, it's scary, scary 00?
Yeah, yeah, and because I talk mad shit about men like I hate
men. As you should.
Like I'm like I hate men. I talk mad shit about men.
I talk mad. I run my mouth like I felt.
Dressed Wallow. Yeah, yeah.
Love her. She's so, I mean, she's a master
of the craft. Yes, I'm aggressive, aggressive
and I'm not for everyone. Obviously no one is.
But yeah, they hate me. And I'm also overtly political,
my specialist political like I like there's.
No, there's no like, confusion. No I have opinions about
everything down to like parmesan cheese.
Like I am fucking a mean, aggressive, opinionated you.
Really have one about Parmesan cheese.
It's like what format you're coming because I'm not loving
the big like the long, like the the shit, the flakes.
Well you know what's crazy? Because everybody's on this
fucking protein kick. Yeah I'm just so tired of
hearing about strangers protein intake but parmesan cheese has
been discovered that it is the most densely like.
Protein. Rich and so people are like
going. Crazy for protein.
Yeah. Fucking like smashing broccoli
into parmesan. And so I guess like, my opinion
is we stop. Like we liked it.
We liked it before, you know, when like stuff came out and
they were like, oh, it's been gluten free.
It's like, well then don't tell me.
I mean, that's marketing, you know, because they'll be like,
yeah, they'll be like orange juice, gluten free.
And you're like, yeah, I do think there was gluten in this.
But people like, people are so dumb in our country.
Like wildly dumb, so dumb, which is a bummer.
It's a really big. Bummer.
Sometimes I I do have to go down the compassionate route, be
like, this person probably doesn't even think this.
They've just been fed so little information that of course
they're reacting this way. And, and I also am like
privileged in the way that I was born, you know, I was born a
white woman in a developed country in a like but but so
that's just like a core privilege, but then also having
two educated parents who wanted me and could.
Support. You to support me and be with me
and ask me questions and raise me in a way that like every
child would probably want to be raised.
Now I have some notes. Obviously my dad's dead, but
I'll give them my mom still kicking.
You know, there's notes for sure.
But it's I'm like, Oh my God, imagine it.
And my parents are like, not just like politically correct
and, and I don't mean like PCI mean they're not just like
they're on the right side and but they're also morally sound.
So it's not just like, oh, do as I say, not as I do.
They walk the walk, they talk the talk.
They're doing it. That's so rare.
Oh, it's a. Fucking lottery ticket.
Like, And so especially where I come from, I'm like, oh, what if
I had been raised super Christian?
Like we're Irish Catholic. That's like barely anything.
I'm Irish Catholic. We don't even care.
I know they're like, go sit. The fact that two Hail Marys or
whatever don't even. Yeah.
Like it's like I could give a rat and my husband's Filipino
like these are like people are like, Oh my God, did you have
the most longest church wedding of all time?
I'm like, we got married in Palm Springs outside.
Like we're basically gay men. Like it's like no, no one cared.
No one was. No one was like you need to do
this. You need to like it that just
and that's such a privilege and I'm so lucky that I do try and
consider people's like situations and it is tough
because you see people who come from the the most fucked up
situations be able to do it. I know, but not everybody's I
know to overcome. Have you heard of the Curse of
Knowledge? Yes.
Yeah, Really. It blew my mind when I heard it.
And it's so, it's so real because it's like the longer you
know something, the less patient you become with people who
don't. Yeah, know it, but would you
want because I we hear people, especially in stand up, it's a
common trope to be like I wish I was dumb.
Like it like remember when people were like I guys like I
wish I was gay. I'd be so awesome to be gay and
then I could just like and it's like.
I don't know, from your perspective it is insane how
much straight male comics talk about gay stuff.
I mean, look how much like our president talks about men's
appearances. Yeah, it's.
Crazy the times I've been the only gay guy in the lineup and
they're all stepping on my material and like I feel like I
feel. Like a crazy.
Person but what I want to be more dumb.
I think I'm actually the perfect amount of dumb where and beyond
privilege because yeah, sis white male.
I in fact get embarrassed that I am this white 'cause I'm like I
know what it must look like when I'm like not smiling and sitting
in any space. Like I probably look like a cunt
type person but the white. Gays and the white women, we
have many things we need to work.
Oh my, yes, we are. We are the probably the last
people holding up white supremacy outside of like the oh
geez, you know. Yeah, yes, yes, yes.
Because we're like, well, it does.
Then this is me speaking as a, of course awful person.
They're like. Well, we're just not.
We're just not forced to face it like other people are.
So of course, you get through your day, you're struggling, you
have kids, you have whatever. And it's just like you take for
granted that like it's going actually smoother than it is for
a lot of people. But I don't wish I were Dumber.
I do actively try to think as little as possible.
I try to stay in like a meditative state and like, do
the next right thing. Like, don't get too far ahead.
It's like, OK, there's an election coming up, let's figure
out who I'm going to vote for. A little bit of the weight is
lifted. Oh, there's a thing I can donate
a little bit of money to, or there's a canvassing thing I can
show up to. Cool.
And were you able to like, reach that through therapy?
That's a great for me it yeah, it's a mix of sobriety therapy,
which I'm which I'm not with a therapist right now.
I cut mine loose because I was like, I found myself like being
like, what am I going to talk about today?
Like, I guess I want my dad again, like fertile ground.
And then mental health meds, Zoloft and Wellbutrin, which
lowered my anxiety, made I got clarity from it.
And I'm like, oh, not everything's life or death.
And there's only so much any one person can do.
So let's start there. That's good.
But having again, having kids, I can't imagine it's like flowing
gasoline on like the anxiety fire where you're just like, oh.
Yeah, when people bring up like AI and conversation, you know, I
mean, I had someone last week who I thought was going to give
me good advice on something be like, you should ask ChatGPT and
I'm it it it will be the thing that sends me to like a farm and
I lose my mind. So like it, like I am fighting
it tooth and nail. Like I get aggressive with
people, like I'm calling people dumb to their faces.
Like I'm not handling it. Which is not helpful, no.
I'm like really, like, really, really hate it.
And like, I know people around me are like, oh, and I've had
people say like, oh, is this because it's like affected your
industry? And I'm like, no, it's 'cause I
want my children to have water. Yeah.
Yeah, and I want your children to have water.
I actually want all children to have water.
This is and that's why it's such AII.
Can't wrap my mind around it really.
The greed thing where it's like people, certain people will
never have enough zeros in their bank account to start caring
about anyone else which blows my mind.
But then it's like there is a way we could integrate AI to
benefit us. I replace the CEOs.
And we're just, we're not a society built that way.
I know, yeah. We're capitalist piggies and
people are looking to, you know, fatten their bottom line, not
help single mothers, you know, do their taxes.
I hosted this or I moderated a debate right after we'd have
been legalized in California. And it was someone who had been
pro it and someone who was against it.
And I was just like how I don't understand being against it.
And the man who was against it was a black man.
And he was like, we as a society do not do things well.
Like we are not going to. Like black people are still
imprisoned. All of the negative parts still
exist. And all that's happening is
massive corporations are profiting off of it and stealing
any. So he was like, I smoke weed, I
grow weed. I what?
There has been no decrease in arrests of black and brown
people for it. There has been no shift of money
towards communities that have been punished for it.
And I was just like, oh, Oh yeah, even if something is good,
we are. Built to.
Suck it up. And that was tough and, and it
was like, and that's probably, I'm like heavily diluting it and
that's, and he probably made better points 'cause there's
like a hopelessness to that too of like, well, how do you, how
does 1. Person unfurl that.
Yeah. And one person can't, obviously,
but it's like that is just sort of like how it feels sometimes.
Yeah, the plight. Yeah.
Thank you for doing the pod. I'm gonna go self harm.
No, I'm kidding, kidding, kidding.
But we strayed a little bit from sex.
But is there a piece of advice you give to the younger version
of yourself before she began her sexual journey?
You don't have to. Period.
You just don't have to. And I like probably like would
repeat that to myself like every day.
I'm just like, you don't have to.
It sounds like I really felt like I did have to of course,
and probably convinced myself that I wanted to like a lot just
out of like self. Preservation I think about how
like we can learn you can I love, I do love TikTok.
I love reels. I'm I'm seeing things that my
ancestors could never dream to see.
And you, well, you can like, and you can hear a nugget of like,
if someone treating you this way, it's not OK and do this.
We didn't have that. We were listening to like the
five other dumb bitches that we hung out with.
And they were all flawed logic too.
And it's just like, and then you had alcohol and like, I don't
know, it's just like, it was always going to be hard, I
think. Yeah, yeah.
And like, I think even as like a married person, it's hard to
like, it's like, oh gosh, we're going to have sex forever and
like this, you know, that's definitely.
And you you go home and you say I don't have to.
Well, he's, he's across the damn country.
He's across the damn country and I'm on my period.
Hell yeah. Mark safe from sex and marriage.
Thank you so much for doing this.
Where can the Tower Bottoms find love and support you?
It's called Tower Bottoms until this moment.
It's, well, it's that's my fans. Tower Bottoms.
I love you guys. They can find me outside of
Shohei Otani's house. No, people do get really, I love
when people get mad at me for sexualizing men.
And they're like, what if a man said this about a woman?
And it's like, will that be different because men murder
women and rape us all the time? And also they've been doing it
for thousands of years. So I'm I'm a just get in on the
action at this point. It's.
I don't think Shohei Otani is afraid of me.
No, he's good and his wife is really beautiful.
He did have a daughter the same like week out of son.
And if they meet, you know, and then I'm just at the wedding
staring at show. Hey, where can people find me?
You're special. Or yeah, no, you're special on.
Special on a little website calledyoutube.com It's called
Live from my Driveway. I'm 8 months pregnant in it,
filmed it in my driveway and my husband and son are watching it
from my son's. Bedroom so good it's and you
have so you have a backlog of things for people to ingest.
Too much and this might be it for me.
I might be done, don't you? Don't you ever want to hang it
up? Every day hanging up my my head
from my neck, from the rafters. No, I I did.
It took me a while to just realize like, oh, it's it's a
lifestyle. Yeah, it's probably forever.
Yeah. So let's just have.
Fun. Oh, I'm always like, I'm going
to do it till the day I die. And then I hope tomorrow's the
last day out of me living. But no.
Yeah. Oh.
And then I have a podcast called Sports Bitches, OK, that I host
with two other hilarious gals, Sarah Tiana, Rachel Boneta.
We are we all love sports, but we also like love gossip, love
celebrity culture. I think you do not have to be a
sports I. Shouldn't say maybe this is a
good entry entry. Point.
It's a wonderful entry point. We did an episode yesterday.
I don't think we talked about anything.
That's amazing. You know, like we are best
friends and so we talk a lot about our lives.
We all work in sports, all of our partners work in sports.
But yeah, I know it's crazy. That's a lot of sports.
It's a lot of sports. And then between Sarah and I
have three sons between the two of us.
So it's a lot. But like, I'm not selling it
well. But you will like it.
No, I believe it. You'll like it and it's.
Her allies, I mean Megan. Megan is one of the funniest
people I know and Sarah Tian is, I don't know the 3rd girl.
Rachel Panetta is so funny. She used to be on air talent at
Fox Sports and at the NFL and then and has been doing comedy
in that way, like on television sketches, super, super funny.
And then started stand up like like 4 years ago.
And Sarah and I, I mean, they're like, you know, my sister Sarah
and I have the same birthday. We are aligned.
Oh my God. I wouldn't be more different.
I seem like sort of astrology maybe?
Yay. Thank you for being here.
Thank you. And until next time, keep
sucking and fucking. Hello, Tower Bottoms.
It's me, your host, Zach Newry. Towers, thank you so much for
listening to Good Side Pod. If you haven't already, give it
a five star rating. Leave a review, share it with a
friend, get the word out. I love you so much.
And until next time, keep sucking and bucking.