It's me, you're ho Zach Newey towers looking sexier than ever
if I do say so myself. I just wanted to let you know
real quick that I am going on tour and I'd love to see you at
a live show. So real quick I'll be in Houston
TX May 19th, Austin TX May 20th San Diego, CA May 22nd Chandler
AZ May 23rd Raleigh NC June 16th Charlotte NC June 17th Berea
California June 24th San Francisco.
I'll be at the Punchline all weekend June 25th, 26th and
27th. London is August 1st,
Philadelphia September 23rd, St. Louis September 24th, Portland,
OR October 15th. Also my special is fully out and
available to watch for free on YouTube on the Purse First
Studios channel. It's called Twink Death and I
think it's very good. I'd love for you to like,
comment, share if you can, and if you want tour updates, text
the tower bottom hotline. That's right, there's a tower
bottom hotline. It's a business line, but it
goes straight to my business phone.
And if you let me know your name and city, I will text you
directly when I book a headlining gig in your area.
So that number is 213-728-4647. Text me your name and city and
you'll get updates from me. Zach Noy Towers.
Anyway, enjoy the episode. JT Johnlinson, you're on.
We're on. You're hot.
You're. Spiked up, I'm wired.
Cheers. Cheers, I tried to get JD to
drink a Celsius but he declined. Well so between the coffee, the
711 coffee, cheap coffee OK and the Adderall, gonna put my phone
on do not disturb. Polite.
Wait, this isn't the first time I've heard that 711 coffee is
good. Well, I just got it.
It's cheap, it's cheap, it's not good.
And here's the part too about coffee is that it gets cold and
so eventually it's it's cold and bad.
I mean, at that point do you add ice or is that even an option?
No, I get to a point where I'm like, this is cold, but I
there's only a little bit left. So I'm just going to, I'm just
going to finish it. Yeah.
And then I throw it away. Do you identify as like a
caffeine addict of any sort? Like, do you drink it every day?
No, but but sometimes here's well, I have an addictive I'm so
you know, I'm sober. You're sober, so I usually
never, I don't know. It's never a privilege to ask.
Like, are you still sober? No, you can't.
That's true. When people when they say still,
yeah, they go fuck off. But but, and I know you would
mean it in a nice way, Yeah. What is a good way to say that?
No, I mean. You're sober, right?
You say that. Yeah.
You're sober, right? You're sober, Sober you.
Never want to make people feel uncomfortable so I just feel
like I wait for them to like you just.
Did OK, that's fine. I'm actually more uncomfortable
that I had to bring it up. Really.
How? Wait, how long have you been
sober? Like 5 years.
Wow, that's wild. Why is that wild?
It's just. Cool.
Oh thanks man, I remember I met you before.
That's true. I've known you a while now.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's I've been sober. I'm not.
It's it's easy to talk about. JT Tomlinson is a hysterical
comedian and you're a TikTok series of like serial killer.
What is it called? Something.
It's not really called anything. But how do you succinctly
describe it? Because.
I yeah, how do I succinctly describe it?
You're going to have to check it out, America.
It's I go around just blabbing my mouth, just giving cakes.
But then but during in the video portion of these videos, that's
the audio is me talking and giving opinions, but the video
portion is just me committing heinous crime.
Yes, so. He's kidnapping, kidnapping,
plotting murder, plotting murders.
But the contrast is you're so chilly.
Kind of not doing bits maybe, but like philosophizing.
Totally. Just blabbing, very funny and
you're getting a lot of positive attention I.
Certainly AM. And some negative attention.
Yeah, good. Don't forget about that.
You can't avoid it now. You can't avoid it.
We do have a thing when people are mean.
When people are mean to me online, I block really fast.
Do you do anything or do you just let it fly cuz?
It is exactly, you know, unless it's some like really vile
comment, Yeah, that's like aggressive and violent.
I'm kind of like, you know, whatever, let it happen.
I'm not in the way of like, let's farm engagement.
It's good for the algorithm, but like negative feedback is
welcome. You know what I mean?
Because if sometimes they'll be like, hey, you did this idea in
the last video. I'm not going to block them
because they're probably. Right.
No, no, no, no. Yeah, but if they're like
fucking, I'm going to do it. Then I'm like, yeah, OK, get.
Get out of here skedaddle trash. I've seen this before.
I won't report it, but I'll boring.
Yeah, see. Even that though, I'm fine with.
Ohio, Yeah, I don't report. I just block.
No, I won't. I wouldn't block that, really.
Listen, I'm not the kind of person that would ever comment
trash on someone's video. I would.
I think it constantly, but I'm not the kind of person that
needs to have that outlet. But for the people that do, I'm
like, you know, whatever they can blow off steam in the you
know what I mean? Because, and not that I'm
accusing you of feeling this way, but I don't look at that
one thing and let that stick with me.
I did when I first was starting and I'd have, you know, if I had
like, you know, a couple 100 comments and 199 of them were
like, this is funny. And then one was like, this
fucking sucks. I'd like that one guy thinks
this sucks. And so it does.
I got past it took a long time but I go.
Mine is more from a vindictive place where I'm like fuck you
too, you have no access to me anymore.
This is a one strike system. You know what I think?
In weeds. There's almost the On the
contrary to that almost devil's advocate a little bit if they
think you're trash. This straight white guy.
Playing well should you want them?
Shouldn't you want them to see more of you if they think it's
trash? Yeah, OK.
Enjoy some more of my trash. You should.
You should follow them back and then DM them your new stuff.
And once you start them back would be great.
Once you start DM ING them too, your story's gonna come up first
whenever you post one and then they'll be tapped in.
That's. A little bit more insidious than
what I was doing. A lot more.
Contrived, damn and conniving but you're right the and deep
and at the end of the day they are a deeply sad person if they
truly need to say that to another human being.
OK, so sex podcast let's go back to the beginning talk sex.
Do you remember the first thing that made you aware of sex or
like, horny? That's a great question.
I don't think I do. OK, I don't.
I have some early memories, but none of them are sexual.
It's just like random child childhood stuff.
So then when? But when, when did sex enter?
Like for me, it was like Disney Princess.
Yeah, OK. The underwear guys in the
underwear department, what straight boy version of that?
Is that like mannequin boobs or? Yeah, probably mannequin boobs,
like lingerie catalogs. I remember at one point I was
younger and I was at my, let's just say the the House of a
family friend. And in the bathroom they had the
Playboy magazine. Whoa.
And I was just, you know, I don't know, I guess I was just
sitting on the toilet and I was like, well, I think I know what
that is. And I opened up and I went,
whoa, look at that right there. You know what I mean?
Like your 10 year old brain is just so overloaded.
Yeah, I was probably 10 or 9 or something like that.
No idea what to do. I'm trying to think of like age
wise, when did the Internet? Was the Internet always around
and did you do Internet porn stuff?
Almost, Yeah, I got an iPod Touch.
Yeah, I got one of those when I was probably. 13 OK.
And yeah, you had Internet. Are you early 30s?
I'm 28. Oh my gosh.
I'm 28. OK, OK.
Yeah. Yeah, no, I know I look bad.
No, no, I was trying to put forehead wrinkle.
I started to put where I how old I was when I had an iPod Touch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK.
Go on was born in 1998 if that helps.
What? Is that true 1990?
Eight, I'm told. I look weathered.
No, it just seems like that seems so.
Yeah, I guess that's right. Yeah.
Wow, I know. No, I know.
I agree. This is not at you, This is at
me. No, I.
Understand, okay, it's fine. And if it is at me, is it for
being young, younger. Yeah, the concept of being born
in 199828 for whatever reason blow my mind.
Followed quickly by, oh, that was 28 years ago.
That is insane. Yeah, I also agree with that.
OK, I'm bummed that I'm 28. I feel like 21 in here.
Oh, that. I'm like, I have so much more
to. Doesn't.
I'm 40 and it does not. 40 I know.
Fucking hell, you're 40. I know.
Jesus. Isn't that scary?
No, Yeah, I would have said you're like early 30s because I
know you're a little bit older than me, but I didn't think that
much. Yeah, you don't look 40 in case.
That means that saying but no, no, no you.
Know that I probably look older than you.
Fuck. No, you're taller.
I'm taller. And for that's what it maybe to
get the listeners to run to the YouTube.
How tall are you? That's 62.
He's 62 and he's man spreading right now.
Not to they're I. Was told this was sex positive.
Extremely. Do you want to zoom out for
this? This is as far as I can go by
the way. Straight man flexibility.
You almost have a center. Split.
If we were more flexible straight guys, we could man
spread even more and that's the number one thing holding us back
is that we don't stretch. Wow, we spread.
We don't. That is so that would be so
demented if a trend among straight guy culture was to get
more, get more, yeah and hit flexor so they could like.
And here's the thing though, is that the more you go horizontal,
you lose some of that vertical output.
You gently. Become more vulnerable.
That's that is true. You're putting your junk.
That's part of it. But maybe that's part of it.
Maybe it's sort of a power statement.
You know, like Trump is always steepling.
It's sort of a crush steeple. And you're also, in some
regards, hanging down. That is true.
So if I were sitting on the edge of the yeah, I was just gonna
let it hang over there. I'll be so mannequin boobs
catalog. Oh yeah, iPod touch.
Yeah, walking past the like Victoria's Secret with the with
the posters outside. Very intimidating as a kid.
Yeah, cuz you're like, what is going on?
Previously Abercrombie stores too.
Sometimes they have hot people stationed out front and you're
just like, I remember that like. Sex Oh yeah no hot guys too
definitely jaw lines and all that shit and you're like what
they're are they about to fuck in front of the store Mom can we
stay and make. Yeah, now I.
Remember the first time I watched porn?
It blew my mind. I was like, holy shit, they're
doing that. Yeah, they're just doing that.
This is just on my phone or my iPod Touch.
I thought very young and I thought it was fake.
I was like, really? This is because I don't think
I'd gotten a boner at the time I'd seen this.
And I was like, what is going on?
Like that's not real. It was real.
Oh yeah, it. Was real.
It's crazy how accessible it is. Oh my God, it's insane.
I I got off Twitter anyway, but Twitter was just like a
minefield that do you? Did you use it for porn?
Not really. I did go on what's it like,
Tumblr or I used to go on there for porn, but then didn't they
take it all off? We got rid of all the porn.
They made it, like, very PG, Yeah.
And then everyone's like, that's not why we're here.
Yeah. I'm going to see a GIF of
someone like getting spit into their mouth and.
Things that could not have said it better.
Yeah, it's fucking with my boners.
Do you remember your first orgasm?
Yes, OK, No. Oh.
God, yeah, this. Is terrible.
You start crying. I'm going to talk about it.
You don't have to. If you think you're going to
make me cut it out later, you don't have to.
I don't think I'm going to, but do I reserve the right to just
in case? Oh well, yeah, and.
But I'm not going into this in the 100%.
You're going to have to get this.
Get rid of this. OK.
Well, I would say yes, no, of course you reserve that, right?
Keep in mind I'm so lazy and ideally.
Just get out there. Everything will stay in, but of
course you can trust me as a human being.
All right, How about I'm going to play it safe because these
are these are two different, these are two different.
Things great, give us the. I have the I have the first one.
Well, no, it's two totally different occurrences.
OK, Because there's the first orgasm, my head and then there's
the first one. I don't know how to say this
without there being such a huge cliffhanger.
The first time that I've masturbated.
Let's just say I I remember that too.
Let's we'll do that one. We don't have to cut that out.
The first time I masturbated when I was in 6th grade, I was
homeschooled just for one year and because my mom just didn't
like my teacher and so she pulled me and like a bunch of
other kids like got pulled out. Really OK wasn't just my mom
that is like that is so crazy to be like.
Don't get me wrong, my mom is kind of like that.
Love her to death. She is kind of like that.
But I was far. The class went down by like
half. It was me.
It was like a bunch of. Other and they stood by the
teacher. I mean, the teacher, she, it's
not like she did anything. There's no scandal.
She just fucking sucked. Dang, yeah.
And she had tenure. It's like you can't just get rid
of her 'cause she sucks. There it is.
If she didn't, you know, I mean touch somebody.
The end of her career I. Think so?
I would hope so. I don't remember anyway.
My mom 6th grade and I kind of have a joke about this, but 6th
grade in my school district was when they taught sex Ed.
So my mom taught me sex Ed basically.
Yeah. And I remember she just got a
book. Like she could have just told
me. I remember when I was like, 8,
she drew me like a very scientific chart of, of sex of
like a penis and a vagina and like, sperm.
And I was like, even at 8 years old, I was like, this is a lot
for me. But what had happened was I was
like going to 3rd or 4th grade and I was on the playground.
And when you're like, at my age, we were just talking about sex,
even though we had no idea what it was.
Yeah. We would just go out and just
say Dick. Yeah, we would just say the word
Dick to each other. So I'd come home talking about
blowjob and prostitute and hooker and penis erection.
And my mom was an insurrection. I was like, I should probably
help him with just a little bit of the education.
So she had told me that. But then, yeah, she got this
like sex Ed book to read to me. And one of the things was
masturbation. And so she read about it.
And then later that night, I remember I was trying to
masturbate and I Oh my God. I'm so excited again.
Run to the YouTube. I've been smiling for the past
like 2 1/2 minutes. OK, I'm sitting there.
I'm laying there in my bed and first of all, look, everybody's
got a different way that they, yeah, that they jerk off, of
course, but most people's thing is probably somewhere around
this. Yeah, up and down.
Right, I was. I was doing this.
Just like grabbing around sides of it.
Like just barely fucking going off.
Just know, like if I was with a girl and and she did that, I'd
be like, what the fuck are you doing?
Milking? Have you?
Yeah, yeah. Is this your first?
Like 'cause that's the only acceptable explanation.
Yeah, because. My little 12 year old you.
Had read and or been read to the man stimulates his penis by
moving it up and down and you were just like OK like all
right, grab it and. No reason it shouldn't be two
hands, you know. It's a two hand.
Job to it, a double hand job. JT is giving himself quite a lot
of girth as he's doing this act. Out.
I was right about here. Yeah, this is probably to scale,
but the butt small chodi. Thick but not long short like.
This and this is tip to base just right about here.
Sometimes I press it up to my nipples.
But did it work? Eventually.
But that's not the the funny part.
Or the shocking. For homework, did you say mom?
I masturbated. A little bit, OK, There was a
part where, well, you know, and I'm doing it.
First of all, I was trying to like make it happen and I'm
barely stimulating it, right? So at some point I just kind of
started pushing and I almost peed.
At one point I almost peed. And then at one point I think a
little bit of like pre cum came out and I was like some of that
came out. I don't know what it was.
And she was like, huh. She was so scared.
I could hear it in her voice, but I didn't know what the fuck
I was doing and I wasn't even like I wasn't even thinking
horny thoughts. I was just trying to come.
Yeah. I didn't know she was.
Probably like, is it blood? Yeah.
No, you're fine. Yeah, she I.
Was like, I don't know. She was like, I remember.
She goes. I think you'll know.
Where's your dad in all this? No, no, no talk from him.
Well, my dad, well I had, I had a step dad, but he wasn't very
involved. At what point did you meet your
stepdad? He's about 5 or 6.
Oh, OK, so he's he'd had been around.
He'd been around by that point, but he was not.
He'd already raised a couple of kids and he was like 12 years
older than my mom. So I think he was kind of my mom
and my mom was very involved. Are you?
The younger. I'm the older of two of younger
brother. OK, yeah, in theory you maybe at
some point gave knowledge to the younger brother.
No, a lot of people have this too.
They're on their solo journey. They do not talk to their
siblings about. Yeah, I would have told him.
Yeah, I would have shown him. Sure.
Made a video for him, just you know what I mean?
Hey, just in case you need it. Can I air drop this?
Well, I guess we didn't have an air drop.
But yeah. Just Bryce.
What's my brother's name? Bryce.
Pinch and pull. Pinch and pull.
Pinch at the sides, up, down, up, down, just a little bit.
Doesn't have to be the whole way, just up, down that for
about 4045 minutes. Just do that.
If you need help, just call for mom and you've got this buddy.
I'm proud of you and you looking out for you, man.
You're my legacy. I always treat him like he's my
son. He's like 2 years young.
Hey kiddo. Like hey bud, just so you know,
Papa's proud of you. Do you really or is that?
In the no, I really do that. OK, that's I mean I do it as a
bit, but I. Love, are you taller than him?
Yeah, that's all that matters. Yeah.
He's my child. But yeah, so then eventually,
obviously, you know, it worked. You figured it out.
Figured it out. You fine-tuned the method as.
A whole as a whole thing, it's a mess.
It is 12 years of worth it comes.
Can you imagine? I mean, I don't.
Think, I don't think you're producing it that whole time.
I think there's a point where you where you.
First, back into your body. No, but I are you.
I don't think you're producing it from from one from zero, the
first. Time I came.
Well, no, you're shooting blanks, I think.
Are you? Shooting blank oh, people are
people are coming. Nothing I think.
So God, I have a sex podcast. There's no real way to to find
out. Don't Google that well.
You can't really. Think too, there's a huge chunk
of like sexual psychology missing because you can't, yeah,
talk to kids about it, Which I, that blew my mind when I heard
it, but I was like, yeah, of course.
That's ethics, Yeah, you gotta. But I remember the first few
times I came, it was very like clear and like.
Then at some point it got cloudy.
Not to make you jealous. It's supposed to get cloudy.
It's are you kidding? Mine's pink.
Mine's pink and lumpy like tapioca.
Mine has a color setting like those four color pens, or you
can do blue, red, green. And black.
I mean literally the height of technology before technology.
Seriously, as if buying 4 pens is that crazy of an idea.
They come in a four pack. You know, they got crazier than
that. They used to like 10.
Oh no, I don't really. Girls had them a lot click.
Different words, different colors.
Kind of like. Girly Do you remember your first
sexual experience with another person?
Yes, that was awesome. Yeah, that was awesome.
Paint us a picture of no first and last names unless you change
them. OK, I know first and last names
for sure. It was a girl that I had met.
I was in the jazz band when I was in junior high and high
school. But a horny space?
Played drums. Yeah.
I didn't even know. Oh.
Drums. Part of yeah, yeah.
Part of my history with a lot of this is that I was so naive for
so long because I just, I think I was kind of sheltered because
I was very like just upper middle class, not exposed to
that mom always around and like, I think probably trying to keep
me from finding out about that shit.
So like, I just didn't know that, you know what I mean?
But oh gosh, how old was that when I held?
Up So you were like in extracurriculars but not
necessarily sports. A.
Little bit of sports like I I play like Little League and
stuff like that, but not. Not like high school.
No. And then this was high school
jazz. In high school, yeah, I was
doing jazz band, and I'd met this girl a few years ago or a
few years before then. And yeah, we started dating.
We started making out and oh, my gosh, where were we?
I think we're just, yeah, we were in my my bedroom and I had
a closet. We had this ridiculous house
that I just had ended up having like 2 master bedrooms.
And so by virtue, one of them, by virtue of being the older of
two brothers, I had the second one.
And so I had like this walk in closet, just ridiculous for like
a 14 year old boy. Just like not going to need half
the space and just like Nirvana and Johnny Cash posters on the
wall and shit like that, you know, raising them straight, you
know, let's raise them straight, honey.
There aren't enough posters in the Beetles.
Yeah, no. It's just so many even.
I mean my apartment today is pretty.
My girlfriend thinks I'm well adjusted for a straight guy and
like furnished as far as that kind of stuff go things.
Like you have furniture? Like I have like floating
shelves and like hanging plants and they all my stuff has frames
great. All my stuff is I have I have
shelves of different of combinations of stuff. 28 I'm
I'm over the I'm 28 year old comedian.
And I just turned 28. Oh, that's right.
When was your birthday? The 4th of March.
Oh my God, happy birthday. Thanks.
I'm going to have a thing about get together eventually.
OK, I just haven't done it, but I'll let you know.
Yeah, don't feel pressure because we're just in the social
situation, but OK, never mind. I will definitely like if you
need a chaperone. No, never mind.
Or if you need some, you're going to be.
I could be like I could make sure everyone's are having fun.
Just tell me what days you're busy and I'll put it on one of
those. Just reach out to me with your
unavailable I'll make. Cookies.
Yeah. OK, I'll bring you.
Cookies. Oh.
So anyway, all right, so I'm with this girl and, you know,
we're standing in my room and we're we're kissing and she just
got down. Yeah, we're standing up and she
just goes right down. Did you know about oral sex?
I knew what it was. She and I had talked about it a
little bit. Like she's like, I want to play
your saxophone. In so many words, yes to coin a
jazz band expression. Did she play saxophone?
I think she played like Clarion. Oh, wait, she was in jazz band
with Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Same same year.
She was a band kid too. She's a great above me.
And wait, I'm so curious. The talking that led up to it,
did she express that she had done it before and she wants to
do it again or did OK, and but you hadn't?
And did she know that? Oh, yeah.
Wow. You're like an open, honest
relationship. It was pretty.
Oh, it gets a lot worse, but yes.
I think I mean, are you? Oh, sure, yeah.
Oh, sure. I think it's part of the part of
the part of the stick anyway. So yeah, she just goes right
down. And you know, it wasn't, it
wasn't down there for very long. You came.
Yeah, in her mouth. Did you swallow it?
Yeah, because we're standing there in my closet and who are
we here coming up the stairs with my fucking mom?
And listen, it is one of my proudest high pressure
achievement. Saves.
The amount that we like the the rapidity with which we fucking
were up. Belt buckled her shit back on.
Certainly some swallowing happening in that process.
And just presentable, you know, ready for church.
Did you have to flip it up into the waistband?
I think so. OK.
I don't remember that it, I don't remember that part, but
probably, yeah, probably. There's something.
OK, so wait. And this was like your first
sexual experience with another person?
Yeah, have you ever had a fear based orgasm where the shock of
like hearing a door open makes you cum?
I don't think so. OK, so this wasn't that like you
were you were finishing. No, it was just perfect timing.
It was like right when I was done, we heard her, my mom
coming up the stairs. They were like, oh fuck, oh
fuck. But like, thank God that we got
that. Done nut in.
You know, as they say, hashtag get that nut in.
Hashtag get that nut in. So.
And now here we are, 12 years later.
Oh my God, 12 years. I was your age 12 years ago.
Fuck dude, so you were 28 when that was happening?
Yeah, what were you? Doing What were you doing?
I felt it. You're like, something's right.
In there, someone nutted. Somewhere a 16 year old.
Your friend nutted 20 eight. I was towards the end of my
drinking and using here in Los Angeles, CA and I was still just
like a demon twink. I was running all about, not
really serious about comedy. OK, Yeah.
No. I got sober at 30 and then
everything fell into place after that.
OK, so wait, did you you stayed with Jazz Girl?
Oh God, no. It's.
Did you break your heart? No, no, no, no, no, no.
Here's what happened. This is it's, it's not as hard
to talk about, it just sucks. OK, well.
But I don't feel pressured to talk about it.
OK. No, no, Don't worry about that.
I wouldn't if I didn't want to. And I think it's interesting to
kind of revisit now. Yeah, they might not pay my mom
in the best light, but let me just say this.
She did the best she could. She's not watching this.
I love my mom. I do in my own way.
She's a good. She's a great.
Was she overbearing? Yes, yeah.
Here's what happened. At some point my mom got
convinced that I was going to get this girl pregnant.
Pregnant. Yeah.
And here's the thing you got to know about me.
I'm an extremely addictive personality.
I think that maybe is a given. But saying you're sober and and
highlighting that are two different things, especially for
people who aren't like that or don't know, you know what I
mean? I think that you probably know
that. No, I'm sober and you probably
can can commute one to the other.
But yeah, I was obsessed with this girl.
Yeah, it was. I mean, you know, I already like
my whole life I had just was obsessed with different things
and it, you know, video games or whatever it was, would be.
And so, you know, when I discovered this, it, this thing
made me feel great physically, emotionally, I, I just was
anyway. Getting blow jobs or at this
point had you had sex? We hadn't had sex.
I didn't. We never ended up having sex.
Oh wow. But Mom really got in there.
Oh. OK, go on.
Sorry. So at a certain point, gosh, I
don't remember exactly what happened.
I know at one point my mom did walk in on us pucking up like I
think she was blowing. Give me a blowjob and.
Did you ever eat this girl's? Yeah.
Oh. Yeah, yeah.
Even at 16, I was gobble. Gob was a giver.
Yeah, that's beautiful. Yeah.
I mean, you got to, you got to reciprocate.
I never understood guys that don't guys.
Oh, no way. You're you.
You want it. You might be.
Oh. You know what's so funny is if I
were to mimic being a straight guy and not be found out, I
would only want to eat her out. You would think don't go near
my, don't go near my. But you're coming at it with the
intention of being a gay guy. Yeah.
And not wanting to find out you're gay.
Totally. I think a lot of these guys that
don't eat puss. They're like.
They're. Right.
They be on the they don't know they're gay.
They be on the flip side. Yeah, OK, sorry.
OK, go on. Which they may or may not be
gay, they could just be bi. Thank you.
Or maybe they really do just have a sore jaw that day.
All days, Yes. And all times, Yeah.
So my mom walks in on a little bit of oral sex going on.
Yeah. A little bit of consensual oral
sex. And I don't know why I said it.
Like, you know what? Honestly.
I love, I love the check in. You can't really.
I'm sure you can, but I think that oral sex, of all types of
sex, is probably the one that's the the most inherently
consensual. On which side?
I think on either side. I think it would be hard to.
I don't want to. Put your piece in your teeth
that don't want your. That's what I mean, yeah, Is
that you wouldn't. You couldn't.
Yes, I wouldn't. Not that I wouldn't.
Well, now we're in a bit of a hole and.
So to speak. Yes, if I were to hard word of
mouth God. But I just you see the movie
Teeth. Have you seen that movie?
Where it's in her. Vagina.
Yeah, she's got teeth in her vagina.
I didn't. And the guy.
The guy. Puts his fingers in.
No, he puts. His thing and it gets bitten
off. And it gets bitten off because
she said no, no, no, no. No piranha 3D and a guy She has
a piranha in her couch a. Piranha, yeah, that's a whole
like, but that's. Like an external face.
I know, I know it's. Well, no, no, but I just mean
it's just an interesting construct of like as far as
having a a chomping mechanism built into a vagina.
Totally. I think, I don't know.
I think it makes more sense efficiency wise to just have
teeth down there for sure. But then is that more managed?
You have to brush his own teeth? Do you have to flaws?
Is that an? Awkward Invisalign.
Well, yeah, because it's not, it's not that big.
Like how many teeth are really down?
Is it a full mouth? Is it just like 3 and 5 trap?
Yeah, kind of like they. I like that.
Yeah, they shred. So you pull out it, it shreds.
Put a piece of paper in there and it comes out.
It comes out her ass with just the.
OK, so you're having oral with your mom, I mean with your mom
my. Mom walks in on a little bit of,
yeah, a little bit of that. And God, I don't remember
exactly what happened, but shortly thereafter my mom
basically says you're not allowed to see this girl
anymore. And that was not the start of a
good. Because you were.
Well, I was still seeing her. I still wanted to say I was
obsessed. With this girl.
And. And your mom's whole platform
was you're going to have sex and you're going to you're getting.
Pregnant. You're going to ruin your life.
That she was religious and I wasn't raised.
The girl was. Yeah, she was decently
religious, did you not? Religious enough to not be.
Soccer. No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did part of you not fear her getting pregnant?
And you're like, I want to be with her forever, I'll raise a
kid with her. I don't care.
I mean, it definitely got to the point where it was such an
intense, not even just the word sensation, it was an intense
experience for me overall. I would say probably emotionally
more than anything. I mean, the sexual part of it
obviously is so profound at that age.
But for me, and this has always been true, like with sex,
there's like an emotional connection, even if I I felt in
pretty deep emotional connection with this girl anyway,
especially at that age and with that level of experience.
But that's, those are things that have always translated for
me. I'm sure it's probably true for
everybody. Some people are just more
accepting of it anyway. Whatever, Fuck, what was I
talking about? Here's what the coffee does to
me. No, I love it.
You probably need more. That's not I know.
Cherry coal is good anyway, so the.
Best you're going to go home with you and if you want.
OK, fine. All right.
A party was I supposed to talk about?
If you're going to remember what you were talking about, you can
have a cherry coal as well. You.
Were saying 45 minutes. You were saying how?
Oh, yes, it was such an intense experience, right?
That I'm just, I'm obsessed with this girl and I, I OK.
Oh, yes. Your question was, was I afraid
that I was going to get her pregnant?
Or were you like not afraid? Right.
Well, we definitely were saying to each other things along the
lines of you're my soul mate, I'm going to spend the rest of
my life with you. We're going to have kids within
like a few months of any of this stuff just because that, you
know, that was kind of, at least for me, that was how deep it
felt. And because, you know, I'm 16 or
whatever. So it's not that I wasn't afraid
of it. I think I just didn't have the
experience to know that that was a danger, which I would, which I
see it as a danger now retrospectively.
And I get it. I get why my mom is afraid of
that because that's not look, there's some people that are
with their person from that from that that age and that's great.
But it's one thing to do that and let you know what I mean and
then start a family later on. It's another thing to get
someone and be. I probably would have felt
pretty stuck. Yeah, You know what?
I. Mean.
And that girl was Caroline Leavitt.
It was Christy Gnome actually. Wow.
Older than I left my balloons. OK, so you're torn apart at the
seams, do you? How long before you get back in
the game? Well, this is not the end of
this story. OK, OK.
I insist on continuing to see this girl and my mom says fuck
no you're not doing that. And it got so bad that my mom
like wouldn't let me go to school because that's she knew I
was just going to go see this girl.
Had did she ever contact the girl's parents?
Yeah, but but the sources that I ended up getting from that,
we're pretty shaky. Like I what happened was my mom
sent me down to live with my dad.
My dad lived in Orange County at the time, and I grew up in Santa
Barbara. OK, so my dad, my mom basically
sent me to exile. Because of this girl.
Yeah, and no phone or anything. But in a in a sluttier city and
without her supervision. Well, but I wasn't.
I mean, I was 16. I was obsessed with this one
person. Like it was all I was thinking
about was like, my dad would go to work and I was just alone at
his house. Watch it.
ESPNI had no phone. I had nothing.
No, it was right. It was during school.
My friends were like, is he dead?
Yeah, it was bad, man. It was bad.
Wait, so you were not in school at this time?
No, it was my junior year of high school.
It winter break had ended and I was just waiting for that to go
to be over so I could go back to school and see this girl.
And it was over. And my mom was like, you're not
going to school? Yeah, it was awful.
It was fucking. Awful.
Whoa. That is so much more intense
than I thought. It was extremely intense.
So. But in a way, you were
unhealthily obsessed with this girl.
Yes. OK.
I mean, no offense in another way.
No, no, none taken in another way.
I was appropriately, I think, excited.
Yeah, about I mean this girl and feeling the whatever a 16 year
old thinks, his love for the. First time.
It's the most pure form. You'll never have that again.
Is it highly possible, if not likely, that I could have gotten
her pregnant? Yes.
Do I have any control after that point?
No. So do I get it?
Do I get why my mom was like fuck sure my little.
Horny. Son, because this girl was 3. 62
already. Yeah, just about.
Wow. Yeah, Yeah.
So. How did it resolve itself?
Did you start to go to school in Orange County?
No. No, no, I got back after a
couple weeks. My friends were like, we thought
you were dead. I started, I got like one of
those fake texting apps where you can make a different phone
number. And I started texting her from
that because my mom would check my phone.
It turned out that she had gone out on a date with another guy
while I was. I was like oh fuck you, how dare
you. Is that what did it?
Yeah. Oh yeah, I was done with her
ass. And then how long did you
suffer? Or was it like, was I sad about
it? Yeah.
Till now, yeah, probably. Yeah, probably about 10 more
years. Probably by the time I'm your
age I'll be over it, but no promises.
But by the time you're my age, you'll forget that's.
True. And that is so true.
Your mind will start to kind of let things go.
No, I mean, I, I think like what, a year later, maybe nine
months later, I, I met someone else and I was the first girl I
ended up having sex with. And so that, but certainly by
that time. Also at your school I.
Think it was terribly long? No, Decker went to a different
school. The hottest people go to a.
Different school, that girl, she lives in a full different city.
I can't, I won't say where, but it was like a six hour drive
from my school. How did you meet her?
There was this organization that I was involved with.
No, there's nobody's on Myspace. Fuck off.
Nobody was on in 2016 when I graduated from my school.
Oh, my God. Ten.
Yeah, I know, I know. 2004 maybe?
Dude, Yeah, yeah, Makes sense now.
Nobody was on Myspace. We were on Instagram.
We were on Snapchat. Yeah, Snapchat came out when I
was in like 7th or 8th grade. Snapchat I did briefly, yeah,
when I was like 21 or 22, but I was like.
No, yeah. And that's fair.
I mean, I was on my username on Snapchat was JT one?
That's how early I was on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You beat Justin Timberlake. Well, I think he probably just
had JT. Oh, wow.
Maybe he did. I don't know.
I don't know why he would be on there.
He's already way too old for that shit anyway.
You're right. But who knows what he's doing on
there. Yeah, those, those guys, those
fellas. Anyway, I met there was this
thing I was involved with in school and there and her school
where she lived was also doing it.
And it was just like a it was an organization.
Trip. OK, No.
No, it was, it was this thing we did.
It was just to. Think future farmers of America.
Sort of, but not no. Bottle UN.
Yeah, it's closer to that, OK. Would I not understand it as a
concept? It was just trying to not it
was, it was like a nonprofit. Let's just say that it was like
a nonprofit. It's just like part of young
Republicans. No, no, no, no.
It was that. There was no political thing.
I don't know why I'm being cagey about it.
It's not and I'm not. I'm not gonna dox anyone.
OK, No, not that at. All so this girl.
No, I guess I'm trying to protect her.
On the young CIA program. Yes, young CIA six hours away.
OK, so I met her at this like conference sort of retreat
thing. Yeah, that we did.
And we, we started texting and then and we and we slept
together. We, the first time I had sex was
in the bed of my pickup truck. That was my first car.
Did you drive 6 hours to her place?
She had driven 6 hours to see me.
Her dad drove her to where I lived under the guise of like
college tours, which she, to be fair, was checking out.
But I think the main impetus probably was to hang out with me
just. To get Dick down.
And so we hung out. JT one.
We had sex. Yeah.
JT one on Snapchat. Wow.
Not anymore. I think I lost.
I don't know. I'm not on Snapchat.
Are you? No.
OK. I'm not on Snapchat.
I know they are. OK.
That's fine for them. Yeah.
As long as everything they're doing on there is.
Wait, this is crazy. So her dad dropped her off at
your home. No.
At a third. Level fuck no.
I picked her up at the Lemon Tree Hotel.
That's what it's called. Wow, where I guess where she was
staying with her dad and we went and hung out and we went to this
place that is a common place, not for people to go have sex in
the bed of a truck, but just a common place that people will
go. That's exactly what it's called.
And and we just had sex. And, and here's The thing is
that we weren't the only people there.
And it's a bed. It was an open bed.
It wasn't there was no shell on it.
We were just back there, crazy, crazy and cold, too.
Like my Dick was smaller than it is.
Condom. Using a condom for the first
time, like, And she was riding me like I wasn't on top of her.
She was like sticking up. People were driving by honking.
It was fucking hilarious thinking about it, thinking
about it now. It was awesome.
So it was awesome, Yeah. Wow.
Dead clean, Sober, yeah. Was she topless?
No. Did she have a full parka on?
She might have had one of those little bralette kind of lace
things on. In the like winter air.
Yeah, when would this have been? January.
Oh wait, but this is California still.
Well, yeah, but 50s? 50s.
Not ideal. Not that not ideal.
I mean, it's not like a snowstorm, but it's not like,
hey, let's set the mood. Let's turn it down to 50.
And were you was the plan to have sex at this in this truck
bed or was it just a cooler? Around.
No, I think it was to have sex. OK.
I'm pretty sure that was the plan.
And then OK, so you you finish. Yep.
Everyone. 'S yeah.
I mean, it's not like the whole town was driving.
No, there were no truckers. Maybe.
No, there were no truckers. You wish there were truckers.
Yeah, of course. But you, you guys.
The guy wearing a flannel cut off, Yeah.
You finished with Thunder supplies from the townies and
then what? That's right, you drop her back
off at the lemon tree. Her dad smells your stink.
On her, probably. No, I never met her.
Well, I met her dad later on because we dated for a long
time. Oh, that's beautiful.
We dated long distance and I, we would drive up and I couldn't
tell my mom because obviously. So I would make up, dude.
I would invent these fucking lies that I would tell my mom
about where I was going because I was driving to a city six
hours away from me. Yeah, the speedometer doesn't
lie. It was not well, my mom, she she
didn't check that what she would think because she was pretty
detective Y like I remember one time I walked out of my room and
there was there was like I think it must have been flower just on
the like landing outside of my room to see if I was leaving.
She didn't put it far enough because I fucking jumped over
that shit, dumb ass mom. Love you.
Love you, mom. What?
But I got you. I won that one in that battle.
Got. To know did you do with any of
your behavior warranting your mom being such, I'm going to use
the word psycho. Yeah, here's The thing is that
my dad was a meth addict, like fucking hardcore and like kind
of abandoned all of us. And, and I'm very similar to my
dad. I'm named after him.
And I think that she saw a lot of that stuff in me and didn't
know what the fuck to do. And I was her older son.
So in the in an effort to fully empathize with my mom, who I who
I really think did I, I really think she did her best.
Yeah. And I think she probably was
like, what the fuck? And I think she probably saw
some of that happening. It was like, I'm just trying to
have raise some kids. What the fuck is this?
Which I can't blame her for if she felt that way, you know what
I mean? It's taking me a long time to
get there, don't get me wrong, but but yeah, at the time I was
like, why is this happening? I didn't get it, you know, I
mean, because I didn't, I wasn't my God, I wasn't 16 going.
Oh, it's probably because my dad was exhibiting similar.
I was like, I just laughed. Were you a good student?
Yes. OK.
By by by demand. I was a very my mom forced me
to. She would pick me up from high
school and then drive me to City College.
We had a Community College where I would take extra classes so I
could get some college credits done.
Yeah. And you had ADD.
Fucking big time undiagnosed. No, Yeah, I didn't get started
getting on meds until I was 18. Through it.
I would stay up till probably 4:00 in the morning just taking
notes, like the most detailed notes you've ever seen because
I'm also I also have pretty bad OCD.
OK, yeah, I mean not it's probably not that bad, but it's
not as bad as the idiots. Being bad.
Yeah. It's it does shock me though
that she did like flower but didn't do speedometer.
Speedometer was like a very. That's a classic.
Yeah, like, oh, OK, you're going to Brad's.
Yeah, that's about what, No miles away?
You know what it is because I told her what I told her what I
was doing and it was long distance stuff.
I was like, hey, I'm going to go at one point.
My friend move or something? Yeah, my friends got into disc
golf, Frisbee golf. I'm not into it anymore.
Not there's anything wrong with that.
Do whatever you want to do. Listen, people talk about
sports. I glazed over.
You could have said field hockey.
You could have said mountain biking.
And they're like, OK. Like any of my interests.
And there was a point where I was pretty into it.
And so I told my mom I was like, tournament, I'm going to wake up
and I'm going to go to these different parks throughout
California. Northern California.
I'm just. Going to go play disc golf.
So then, you know, I was just going to see this girl, but I
ended up, you know, then I would have to go out of my way to
actually go to these places so I could take photos.
Yeah. And send them to my mother and
be like I'm in Paso Robles. Aren't you so thankful they
didn't have share my location yet dude?
Or the thing. Or the thing where you can see
the location of a photo. You know, because you know.
Oh my God, Gio, when someone texts you a.
Picture, you can download it. You can see where it was taken.
You can see when Yeah, man, yeah, they share my location
would have fucking screwed me. We had Snap map, we had this.
We had the snap map from Snapchat.
You saw where your snapper?
Was all your little, your little friends see where they are.
Oh, this guy's in England. Yeah.
Oh yeah, you can turn it off. And my mom obviously was not
like didn't know about that so. Well I bet your bet your dad was
with meth, no offense. I don't know.
Seems like a a meth user like favorite app Snapchat I don't
know. Sending pictures of meth I.
Don't know, just like. Check out this rock.
Kind of like constantly just like updating.
Put it in a bag, smash it. Yeah.
I don't know. I don't.
I don't want to do meth but I do want to like.
Feel the effects. No, no, no.
I just want to like play with it, like as a fidget.
I want to feel the texture of it, like play dough or like a
slinky or like one of those. And then meth like a bop it.
Yeah, I want to crush him into a powder.
Okay. Inside of I don't want to do.
Meth I don't want to do. That time, he spiked the.
Camera thing fuck me up but but I want to fidget around with
meth. Meth.
That would be fun. For I like the concept of doing
it and then writing a screenplay in 2 days.
Yeah, I don't like that at all, 'cause it would all be dog shit.
Like I have that a little bit with coffee.
I drink a coffee and I try to write jokes and I'm like.
What the fuck is this idiot? It's all premises.
It's all. Premises and bad.
Ones. And I go, what if there was a
laser beam attack? And I'm like, what the what is
that? That's nothing.
They're worse than the premises I come up with at like 3.
AM OK so you ever. Have those and you're like, this
is something. I know this, none of them ever
are, but this one is. And you wake up and you're like,
that's dog shit dude. I will say I feel like I'm a
little beyond that because I'm so I always have my wits about
me and if I'm and I also stopped thinking creatively when like it
gets dark, I like don't I like I'm a morning person.
So like 3:00 AM, I'd be like thinking about like what's on TV
or something. Like stuff I think well, but
sometimes things just kind of come to you or like if you're,
if you're falling asleep, I don't know if you fall asleep
with external stimuli. I try not to, but I do.
Sometimes, it's usually when I'm not doing that that then
thoughts inhabit my brain, God forbid.
So we do it, and then I think of city.
Promises. Probably we use it as like.
Jordan Thulus has a joke about this.
You know Jordan, he. Just did it before you.
Not today but like 4 days ago. He's so funny.
Also my dad. I know that.
That's awesome. That's one of the ways we
connect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love Jordan, but he has a really good bit.
I'm, I'm like 99% sure it says about.
That's why we listen to podcasts to like, replace the voices in
our head. Oh yeah, it's a great premier.
Taylor Tomlinson, no relation. Right, no relation.
Crazy no relation, never heard that last name.
Before, I would be riding that all the way to the top, believe
me, yeah. She had a joke about like, she's
like, oh, I'm not trying to put music in.
I'm trying to keep thoughts. Ow, that's so funny.
Yeah, It's so real. It is so real.
OK, wait. So from what I'm gathering
though is like you are a relationship romantic girly.
Yeah. Oh yeah.
So not at well at a certain point that all kind of blew up,
but yes, for a long time. Was it after?
After how long did you date 6 hour girl?
Couple years we went off the college well, so we, we were six
hours apart and then we went to two colleges that were all those
six hours apart. And then, yeah, we still saw
each other. But I was, I was a heavier guy.
I was, I was a big, big fella. OK.
And. So at a certain point I lost a
bunch of weight. Probably 5-4 or five years ago I
lost it. Like it was kind of a continue.
I didn't like just go on a journey and lose all this
weight, but it all told I'd probably lost about 75 lbs.
OK. And from like my heaviest to my
lightest OK, which I've now gained about £20 back, but
that's fine. So anyway, yeah, what is?
And then at a certain point, and then at that point I was like,
all right, fuck relationships, let's just screw around.
Oh, you're saying you dropped weight and we're like, I'm going
to be a fuck boy now? Little bit, yeah.
That's beautiful. Not that exact wording, but just
kind of like, let's do that. I mean, I, I, I felt good about
my body for the first time. Yeah, you know.
And you want to just kind of get it out there.
Yeah, kind of take it for a spin, Yeah.
Is that we're are we up to current day?
Medi me. Like are you in fuck boy phase?
No, no, I'm in a relationship now.
For how long? About three months.
Oh, OK. It's pretty new, very new.
So you must be excited about it. Yeah, we won't ask questions
about it because obviously that's her story to tell as
well. Tell talk to us about being
getting out there and playing the field And like, I'm assuming
you mean like party hook up. Well, not really, because by
this time I was sober. Oh.
So it was mostly just like, you know, meeting people in life,
going on dates from apps sometimes.
And there were some things that lasted a little little bit
longer. Flings.
Flings did sobriety A tribute to the weight loss and then also.
But sorry, go on. Oh no.
The weight loss was a very direct effort.
You were like, I'm going to. Lose.
Well, it was COVID. So I was like, this is we're
going to do this. Damn.
Get this shit, you were in the minority of people who use that
as a time to get. Yeah, in.
Better shape? Well, I was.
Doing nothing all the time. So I was like, we're going to
eat right. We're going to go to the store,
we're going to worry about protein.
And you were sober. And I was sober and I was
working out everyday. Did you get sober in the
pandemic or before? I have different dates for
different stuff. Like I stopped doing coke when I
was in 2017 and I stopped smoking weed in 2019.
Yeah, it was 4/20/2019. And then, yeah, I stopped vaping
like a couple months before COVID, and then I stopped
drinking like right in the middle of Coke, like December
2020. Do you miss any of them and if
so, rank them? How what you missed?
Most I mean I coke was fun. Yeah.
But no, I don't miss any of that shit.
I grew up my whole life thinking I'm going to be sober.
Really. Yeah.
And then, you know, I, I smoked weed a little bit when I was
like 14 and then I didn't do any more of it till I got to
college. And that was the director's role
of seeing your dad. Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, this is my whole job
in life is to just not do drugs. What was your trajectory?
I know this sex podcast, but with drinking and using, when
did it start and when did it stop?
Yeah, you just said you had different dates.
No, you're good. I started really when I went to
college is when it like really ramped up.
I mean, I guess the summer after senior year of high school.
Did you go away for college? Like, did you stay?
I came to Lai went from Santa Barbara to.
LA But did you live at home or you lived?
No, I lived in college. OK, OK.
So I went, Yeah. And then I was done with
everything by the time I graduated.
Wow, Yeah, that's. Wild.
I mean, I'm, I have some serious regrets as far as college things
that I just didn't take part in, classes I fully didn't go to.
But I'm glad that I got it was probably going to happen at some
point, and I'm glad it was then. Yeah, I'd rather it be when I'm
19. It's stupid.
Oh, you're like Rump Springer. You're you're.
That's when Amish kids go and get to do all the sinful things.
Oh yeah, yeah, sure. And.
Then they like come back to the church or whatever.
That was mine. That was mine.
That's so wild. And I will say, so much of
college is really just socialization.
It's like being on your own, washing your clothes, washing
your body, meeting people and like having having fun, having
fun. There was a lot of that, though,
as an addict, that I was doing alone.
OK. Like especially with cocaine.
Yeah, that I was doing that by myself.
Wow, cocaine alone. Oh, just.
Yeah, that's not. Yeah, OK.
I mean. Having fun, don't get me wrong,
but like, yeah, not around. Like I wanted to keep it a
secret because I was deeply ashamed of it, I think.
And you didn't want to share it, probably.
Oh fuck, that shit's expensive. I know, yeah, I never paid for
cocaine, but I did a lot of. It you're a smart guy.
One time I went to I had a friend who sold me who's my
cocaine dealer and he was like, if you go to the Health Center
and get codeine, I'll give you, I'll trade you a gram of cocaine
for codeine. So I went and faked a cough.
It's like I need codeine. We get some cough syrup.
What's he going to do with codeine?
Is that what makes meth? I think.
That's what makes lean. What's lean?
I don't really know. I keep hearing this word lean,
lean, blunt, lean, you know? And it has like gangster.
Lean, you know, I heard a Snoop Dogg song I like to pronounce.
I know it's, I know you say Snoop Dogg and you emphasize
Snoop Dogg, but I like to say Snoop Dogg so that people know
that I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
That's. Charming, don't get me wrong.
So much respect for Snoop Dogg. Of course he's hilarious and
awesome. And I'm really.
Talented, but I'm not an. I'm not an expert in the I'm.
Going to look up lean. History of Snoop Dogg or Snoop
lion isn't he going by that now see this is how that touch I.
Fucking no, that's OK. Hey dude, 28, you're out of
touch. I don't know what's going on.
I'm shaking over here. Because of parking?
What parking? Talk on something that would
talk. Tower, but I just somehow I just
saw that. Yeah, if you're a fan of mine,
you're a Tower bottom. That's great because my last
name is Tower. I like that and it's a play on
power. That's right.
Well, no, I know what a power bottom well.
I don't know people, that was your last.
Name that I didn't make. The dumb people down.
A good sign you had that custom made.
Of course. And did they ask what's the, is
it like a vanity plate where they're like, what does it mean?
No, they don't make you any of the unsolved.
Yeah, if you were they, Yeah, just make some hate crime.
They probably were like, oh, it's like at the bottom of a
tower. Wow.
I've never gotten there. Well, these are two yeah, taking
taking on their own innocent words.
Tower bottom, I guess bottom is very like PG rated sexual.
Yeah, bottom. Yeah, bare bottom.
You know what I mean? Now you're cooking.
Whatever, now I'll stop. OK, wait.
So wait, wait, wait. But you when you were in your
party, boy, or you're like you're like hooking up.
You are actually you were about to say it wasn't like that.
What am I wrong? It wasn't really like that, OK,
I don't think it was like that. I mean, I was, I, I wasn't
really interested in being in a relationship with anyone, I
think. You enjoyed being alone or like
being I? Think I just had never
experienced like being single and dating without the intention
of of relationships. Got it.
I had never experienced that before and I think that I not
that I was like I want to experience that.
I think I was just curious because to me, dating had always
been a precursor to a relationship and looking for
love and marriage and all this intense because that was like my
first experience with it was this girl that I was like,
you're my soul mate. And then by the way, the the
girl who lives six hours away from me, I said, we said all
that same stuff too. So like, that was my
introduction to that. So that's what that always meant
for me. And you know, it has nothing to
do with anyone else. I just, that was, I guess, an
opportunity for me to see that it wasn't and that you can go on
a date with someone, You can go on multiple dates with someone.
They might not be looking for anything.
Yeah. And they might be seeing five
other people. Yeah.
Which is disappointing. If you want love, sure with
them, or you think you want to exploit that.
Monogamous love. Monogamous.
Exactly. Monogamous love.
Is this the first foray back into relationships in a minute
or have you been like bopping in and out?
No, I've, yeah, I guess a little bit bopping in and out, so OK,
yeah. OK, let's play a quick round of
Hot or not and that's I'm going to list things and you tell me
if you find them hot or not. So PDA.
Oh well, if you're part of it, hot.
But if you're watching. If you're watching it, not.
But then unless the two people are hot, yeah.
As long as it's cool to jerk off wherever you're at.
Turns into a real spectator sport at that point.
Yeah. And then maybe.
Someone else? Me too.
Yeah, yeah, someone else sees you jerking off and it's like
throw up. It's like people who are
sympathetic. Throw up, you throw up, you
throw. Up vomiters.
But this, it's it's with horniness.
That'd be a good scary movie. If you saw something and it it
made you horny and then someone else saw you and it made them
horny, then everyone's horny. What?
That's not scary, that's just fun.
If you see the people around you and you're like don't be horny
around. Me, that's true.
And then like, rather than being horny, well, because the people
that are going to, you know, want to see you doing that are
probably, you might not be as into them as they are into you
totally. Yeah, because we fantasize up.
Everyone fantasizes up. There's a joke.
I can't remember who it is, but he's like, people fuck up or
across. Nobody fucks down.
People fuck down if you convince them that it's up.
That's so. Funny, it's.
Probably a Louis CK joke. That's so funny.
I'm all about bringing back the, you know, the point system,
Like, oh, she's a 10, he's a 10. Oh, you're, you're about that.
We need to factor in more things.
OK. So we can weight it average.
Sure, 10 but finances 6 Sure. Body right Nine.
Yeah, OK, Personality one. And then do you are you?
Is that a mean average? You just add them all up and
divide by the number? Or is there a weight assigned to
anything or or something? That's a great question.
I. Worth more?
I think they should all be worth the same well.
Everybody's got their own, but everybody's got their own, you
know what I mean? Some people like, I don't care
about finances. Some people care more about
personality. Some people are like, I don't
give a shit, hot and that's it. You know what I mean of.
Course, that's on me. But everybody's different.
And my point is everybody's different.
So someone might consider someone a different number, a
different, you know, accumulation of a weighted
average. But why I think it's important
that they're all equal is that you still want as close to 10 as
possible. So it's like if you're
drastically say we're all being graded on five things, if you're
it's very low on two of them, it's going to read, it's going.
To read Oh yeah, that's fair, that's fair.
I don't hate that. I mean as a poor person I hate
it, but as as. You're in an up where you're pre
rich. That's still like a one on the
scale of that one thing. Are you a 1?
Poor I. Only have a 1 poor.
I know you grew up in a fat ass house, I bet there's not much
debt there. No, you, I, you find a way.
You find a way to make your own. Make your own debt.
Trust me. OK, what about?
Well, I think I know the answer to this one.
But like sex in a public space? Yeah.
Or a place you could get caught. Yeah, hot.
I mean, it depends on the stakes.
That there was a girl I've seen once and we went and toured the
home of Arthur John Steinbeck and she really wanted to hook up
in the bathroom. I wouldn't do it.
I was, I was younger and I I kind of pussy down a little bit.
The bathroom's at least safe because the worst is someone's
going to knock and like, hello. Well, and you totally could have
played it off as like. Oh, we're finding it.
Whatever. Yeah, but she.
Needed to do. It you know what it is I have, I
have too much respect for Cannery Row.
I was like, I don't want to defy all this space.
I once hooked up with a stripper in Saint Louis who lived in Maya
Angelou's childhood home. Wow, I thought, was it?
I mean, if I'm glad you told me after, that was mine with.
Child at home. Yeah, because I didn't want to
know before. Yeah.
I don't think she would. What would you have been
thinking if that had? I know why the cage Bird Sings
has this guy eating my booty hole.
You know, they're just looking very like picturing.
Tweety Bird just singing it. Just singing like Afternoon
Delight, yeah. It was very.
That and like a really high pitched, but it's the same tune.
But I wanted to be like, why hasn't the Historical Society
kicked you out? Claim this right?
Right. Or yeah, or at least said no
strippers living here. No gays, no strippers.
Need apply? Yeah, yeah.
Oh. Room open, No strippers.
Need apply? What?
Oh, I guess anal. Hot.
Next. I got to know.
What? Why'd you look at me for the?
Issue we're going to. Why'd you look at me for?
Something OK, watch the video. Well, I can't.
Here's the thing, I probably can't.
How much time do we have left? As much.
And that wasn't in and that wasn't in and I'm counting down.
I just was curious because I'm, I'm wondering if you know this
thing about me that I'm about to divulge.
Let me say the first part. Before I divulge something anal.
No, I'm not addicted to anal. The times that I've done anal, I
certainly the first time I did anal, I was like, it's too tight
in there. I can't even stay hard.
It was. It was.
Like a a a blood pressure test fucking.
Squeeze, you know what I mean? Yeah, so I've had that
experience once or twice, but don't get me wrong, you got.
Squeezed out, I got. Squeezed.
No, not not like pushed out. But I was like, and then I came
in there, OK. And you can feel it like pulsing
through the. It's a whole other.
Yeah, it was crazy. Is this what you?
Is this what I don't? Is this what I you thought I
might know about? You no.
OK, no, you're like, I don't know if you know this about.
Me. Well, when you ask me which?
It might be a famous bit you do. No, it's not a famous bit.
Well, I do have a bit about this other thing.
What's this up? You didn't research my bits?
You don't know all my bits before you invited me into how.
Dare you? I didn't like Google search.
How dare you? And it didn't say anything.
About I do squeal whenever I see when your tick your tick tocks
are fed to me organically. Oh thanks man.
And I'm like, fuck yes, they. Didn't feed you the one about?
Yes. Didn't feed you, the one about
pegging did. You get pegged.
Wow. And you like it?
Regularly, yeah. My best gal pal is dating a pro
soccer player. He gets railed.
By a well, soccer baller. Sorry.
Wait, are they famously known as being like a little?
Fruity No, I I only in the sense of you know what flopping is.
No flopping is in soccer. They do this thing where anytime
someone like makes. Like they go.
Oh my God, I think Clyde tried bloody murder.
It's most. I mean, they do it in basketball
too. It's also an issue.
And really in any sports, really in any sport, there's a little
bit. But.
But soccer is most famous, at least from what I know and, and
I'm a pretty big sports fan. Soccer is far and away the most
famous for just ridiculous running around on the rock.
And it's like someone grazed you and you just so, so that yeah,
that's it, I think. And also just because soccer is
a little more European, I don't. Know and like they're leaning
but somehow that just makes sense yeah yeah.
And they're not like covered in like a bunch of like.
They're not like pads. It's not.
I don't. I don't know that anybody's
playing soccer and grunting. Maybe they're.
Like, yeah, yes, you do. You hear a lot of that.
Actually. OK, wait, so when did you just
when did you discover you liked being pegged in?
Was it your idea or her idea? I don't.
Remember whose idea it was? I think I was curious about it,
but I was in college, OK. And it was a a girlfriend that I
had in college. And I mean, we did it and whoa.
Yeah. OK.
OK, So you know, like a orgasm when your prostate is being like
hit, it's like blackout. It's crazy.
It's like it's a convulsion sometimes.
Yeah, it's nuts. It feels like a different type
of it's a different type of orgasm.
It's a totally different thing. And you.
Yeah. Do you do your OK?
We need more guys like you. Like Mormons door to door.
Do you know, have you heard the good word?
Yeah. I've tried to tell some friends
of mine and especially the ones that are.
Open minded. Open minded, Yeah, it's a great.
Way to put it. They don't say he's gay or.
They're a little less toxic, yeah, not too much.
The regular a little bit. Exactly.
Everyone has an allotment. Everyone has you guys.
It comes on you settle it when you file your taxes.
Yeah. How many times I said it.
And then we have to take 3 back. You have to go to the Abbey and
let four guys grab your Dick. As penance.
Yeah, exactly. So anyway, no, I've talked to
him and they're all kind of like, OK, man, like they're not,
I don't think they're judging me for it.
But they're also like, I'm not going to do that.
Yeah, there's no way. All right.
I mean, that's what you know, you do whatever you're
comfortable with. I I think I'm glad that I was
open minded enough to, to try it.
Yeah, because good for me. But then there are also
sometimes where I'm like, no, I don't want to do that right now.
Totally right now at all. Yeah.
Because yeah, no, I know. Yeah, it's crazy.
I hate fucking Taco Bell. Or whatever.
Yeah. Or you're feeling a little bit
like, I don't know, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But no, man, yeah, a whole other thing.
That's so exciting to hear. That's great.
I'm really happy for you. I'm really happy to.
Thank you man, I'm happy for me too.
It's a good time. Yeah, OK, so the last thing on
the pod is what is a piece of advice you give to younger JT
before he began his sexual journey?
Oh my God, that's a great question.
You know, I don't know that I could, yeah, I don't know that
there's anything I could say. I would try to tell myself to
just chill out. But then a big part of of the
addictive personality for me and the the sort of journey like in
therapy, you know, is I think just kind of self acceptance.
And so I think if I were to like, if I appeared in the in
the presence of 16 year old me who was obsessed with that first
girl that I was doing sexual stuff with and I was like, dude,
you're going to just take it easy.
Everything's going to be work out.
I don't think I would take that advice and I don't think that it
would be smart. You know what I mean?
Because you're in such a like, no, but I have to have this.
And I think I'm in a place now where I'm like, I've built up
enough things that I can have healthy obsessions with that.
I I get it. So I don't know that there is
anything that's OK other than just be safe.
But I feel like I'm safe. And also The thing is like, you
got here, you're not like in turmoil.
It's really just kind of like a nod to your younger self.
And it's like, oh, I had so much stress around this thing.
What would have helped me not be so?
Stressed. And it's not even like
everything that I did that was bad helped me to get here, so
I'm proud of it. I I don't know that I'd buy into
that logic when I hear people say that stuff.
Not that there's not. Well, it's nice to buy any
abuse, it's true. Well, it's validated.
I I guess it's true. And it does validate that even
the hard times were part of when you got to, but still there are
hard times that you go, fuck, I wish I could change them.
And there are, there are pieces of that too, that I have with
other stuff like, you know, being in college and skipping
class and not really meeting a ton of people and stuff like
that. I don't know.
I guess my real advice would just be do take it easy.
Yeah, it'll, it'll come. And you're so young.
But then there, I don't know that there's a young person you
could tell that to that would go, you know what, you're right.
You know what? You're right.
I am young. Yeah.
Because any, everybody is the oldest they've ever been.
Profound. Wow.
Yeah, and that's 711 coffee.
OK then. That's the original, the
Colombian roast. Colombian.
Roast the bold Colombian roast 2 hazelnut creamers, 2 vanilla
creamers, the little a couple of the thing and a couple little of
the brown packet sugars. It's not sugar in the raw, it's
a knock off 711 version but it is.
But I'm doing. Sugar.
Well, it's dust that I pour into my coffee, I'll tell you that
much. It's saw.
It's one stir. Yeah.
And then I put it in the car and it spills a little bit and I go,
it's going to be a good day. And then I get some candy
bullshit. Like this morning I had a
Snickers ice cream bar at like 8:00 AM What?
Yeah. Yeah, OK.
You are Snickers ice cream bar addict.
Probably special. And A and a travel deodorant for
my car because the old one ran out.
And you ate all of that. I had the I had the ice cream
bar sitting in my car before I got out to go into my house.
You're very Red Bull and cigarette Jason.
No, I know who I am. Where it's like none of this is
good for my body or my mind even.
No, it's good for my mind, I think because I again, I think
it's like all of the, I think that all, not all restriction,
but I think a lot of restriction.
It leads to binge. Totally.
So I think that you got to let yourself have some shit.
And that for me is that. And eating a Snickers ice cream
bar at 8:00 AM is maybe is less than ideal.
Yeah, but it gets the job. It's better than a box of them
at 2:00 AM. And I've been there.
Fuck, have I been there. God size hole.
Fill it with Snickers. Thank you so much for doing
this. Where can the Tower Bottoms find
love and support you? Oh, you find me on Instagram at
JT Tomlinson. I'm on TikTok at JT Tomlinson.
And Snapchat at JT one, maybe you could talk something.
No, I'm pretty sure I lost access to that because I didn't
log into it. No, you don't need like don't
log into something for years and you lose it.
And then I had to be JT two, I'm pretty sure.
That's embarrassing. Well, 'cause you told your
younger self, log into. Snapchat, forget your password.
Biannually As for me, I am fully going on tour in like May, June,
August, September, London August 1st.
My special comes out April 24th on YouTube.
Twink death. Watch it like it, leave a little
nice note. And until next time, keep
sucking and fucking. Hello, Tower Bottoms.
It's me, your host, Zach Newey Towers.
Thank you so much for listening to Good Side Pod.
If you haven't already, give it a five star rating.
Leave a review, share it with a friend, get the word out.
I love you so much.