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I am Ursella, and I'm also known
as Silver Disobedience. 

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And today I want to talk about 
the blame game. 

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Do you ever find yourself caught
in that cycle of blaming others?

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It's a struggle, you know? 
Many of us face it, even if 

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we're hesitant to admit it. 
See, in the past, you know, 

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things like blaming. 
We used to refer to this 

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overcoming this habit as growing
up and taking responsibility for

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our own actions and choices. 
These days, some might call it 

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resistance to adulting. 
But here's the thing. 

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Constantly blaming others 
doesn't feel good. 

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It can leave us feeling isolated
and disconnected. 

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Ultimately, we really need to 
let go of the habit of blaming 

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others for our mistakes and the 
choices we make. 

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We need to stop blaming others 
when we neglect to take care of 

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ourselves, when we're tired, 
hungry, scared, lonely. 

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We need to stop blaming others 
we need when we expect them to 

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have all the answers, even when 
we don't. 

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You see, blaming others is 
really a way of avoiding taking 

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responsibility. 
And all the while, we're trying 

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to convince ourselves that 
someone else is to blame for our

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problems. 
Sometimes we even find ourselves

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blaming others when we're simply
having a bad day and feel like 

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we need to hold someone 
accountable. 

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But here's the deeper truth. 
When we blame others, we're not 

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just blaming them. 
When we blame others, we're not 

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just blaming them. 
We're also in a state of 

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constantly shaming, blaming and 
judging ourselves. 

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So we're engaging in self 
criticism. 

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We're bombarding ourselves with 
negative messages and trying to 

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convince ourselves on some level
that we're nothing but 

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disappointments. 
We're reinforcing that negative 

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energy and those thoughts. 
When anger and frustration build

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up and we direct our aggression 
towards others, we're really 

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failing to recognize that what 
we're actually trapped in is the

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cycle of self judgement. 
So instead of acknowledging 

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this, we tend to unload our 
anger on people, especially 

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those people we care about. 
Or we vent it on strangers, like

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when we're driving on the 
freeway and people lose it. 

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The only way to break free from 
the cycle of blame, Cycle of 

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blame is to recognize that it 
stems from a deep internal place

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of shame or guilt where we're 
continuously blaming and judging

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ourselves, and we reflected on 
to other people. 

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Addiction to blaming others is, 
at the core, a result of some 

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form of self abuse. 
So how do we break free from 

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this cycle of blame and learn to
love ourselves well? 

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Breaking any addiction is always
a challenge and changing our 

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thought patterns can be 
especially difficult. 

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However, this process can be 
successful if you truly desire 

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to change. 
Shifting from self abuse to self

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love, you got to make it a 
priority. 

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And if you make it a priority, 
it will surpass the need to 

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control ourselves and others 
through these critical outbursts

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of self judgement. 
Start by paying close attention 

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to your emotions. 
OK, so let me just say I'm going

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to go through a few things you 
can do. 

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So this is #1. 
So start by playing paying close

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attention to your emotions. 
We all need to learn to be aware

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of when we're starting to feel 
angry, anxious, hurt, scared, 

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guilty, ashamed, or depressed. 
Everything changes in our body 

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When we start to feel that way. 
We can feel a tenseness develop.

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Maybe we start to sweat. 
Maybe we start to feel a 

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headache. 
We want to start to identify 

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when those kind of emotions 
start to rise #2 when we notice 

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those emotions are rising. 
I got a hair in my face. 

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We need to make a conscious 
decision to explore the thoughts

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that are causing the pain. 
The emotions don't come out of 

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anywhere, just nowhere. 
They come from a thought. 

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We have a thought that says, you
know, I'm angry at so and so. 

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And that then sends us to a 
state of we're getting 

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frustrated, we're feeling angry,
we're pissed off, we're furious,

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whatever. 
We're bringing this whole story 

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of emotions into that thought. 
So #2 is we have to make a 

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conscious decision to explore 
the thoughts that are causing 

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our pain instead of ignoring 
them and or or worse, maybe 

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turning to substances or other 
addictive behaviors or 

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continuing our continuing 
continuing to harm ourselves and

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others because we're lashing 
out. 

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Number three is we have to ask 
ourselves again. 

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Since I said emotions are 
preceded by a thought, we need 

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to ask ourselves, what am I 
telling myself, excuse me, 

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that's making me feel this way? 
Once you determine the thoughts 

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that contribute to the suffering
you're feeling, then you can 

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question whether you're 
absolutely certain that these 

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thoughts are really true or if 
their stories were just 

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fabricating in the moment. 
And then we could inquire 

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within, like, what am I trying 
to control by telling myself 

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these things? 
Number four, once you've become 

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aware that you're feel feeding 
yourself lies, which is what we 

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all do often, you know to some 
degree or another. 

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Once we become aware that we're 
feeding ourselves lies that lead

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to negative emotions, and you 
understand why you're doing it, 

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you can start to seek guidance 
from your highest, wisest self, 

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that inner teacher, your 
spiritual source, your inner 

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God, your connection to God. 
And you can ask what is the 

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truth here? 
And if you want to genuinely 

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seek the truth, it will reveal 
itself to you. 

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So I encourage praying or 
reaching out and asking for 

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divine guidance when you really 
feel like you're ready to 

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explode on the world number. 
Step #5 would be to really try 

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to change your patterns, your 
thinking patterns, By embracing 

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the truth you've come to, you 
know. 

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This can involve really doing a 
major reframing of your 

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perspectives. 
It can be a pause when you have 

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to ask yourself, is being right 
more important than being 

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loving? 
And that answer will help you 

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direct your thoughts and 
hopefully you choose It's better

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to be loving. 
Sometimes being right just 

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doesn't count. 
It's kind of like in driver Ed. 

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I I'll never forget the driver 
Ed teacher saying, you know, 

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yes, you can be dead right. 
You're right. 

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That person was not supposed to 
run the red light. 

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But if you didn't stop and look 
both ways as well before you 

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entered a busy intersection, you
can be dead, right? 

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Well, you don't want to be dead,
right. 

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And you don't want to destroy a 
relationship because you were 

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more focused on wanting to be 
right and loving. 

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Number six. 
You want to pay attention to how

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you feel. 
Because although you know 

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feelings come after thoughts, it
pays. 

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Feelings are a good indicator. 
They're a pulse check. 

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Lies will always make you feel 
bad. 

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Truth will give you inner peace.
So whenever you're not at peace,

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or I'm not at peace, I go 
through this process and I say, 

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what do I need to uncover? 
Am I telling myself lies? 

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Am I getting myself worked up 
about things I can't control? 

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There's a process you can go 
through so you can uncover the 

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lies that we tell ourselves. 
And we all do this. 

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It's it's not just you. 
I do it too. 

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We all do it. 
We all make up stories to make 

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ourselves more comfortable, to 
make us ourselves feel like 

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maybe we control something when 
there's very little we control 

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except our own and maybe 
physical being and even that can

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be impacted by things beyond our
control. 

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So once you uncover maybe the 
lies you're telling yourself or 

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the rationales you're giving 
yourself, you can. 

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With practice, you'll find you 
can start residing in the truth 

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and finding a little more loving
and peaceful place for you. 

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If you take that beat and think 
about it, breaking the cycle of 

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blame requires a lot of patience
and self compassion. 

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You have to treat yourself with 
kindness because it's a journey 

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of self acceptance that you are 
embarking on. 

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But I want to tell you today, if
you walk away with one thing 

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from this podcast, know that you
deserve love and understanding. 

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And that love and understanding 
has to start with from the love 

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and understanding you give 
yourself. 

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So you deserve to give yourself 
love and understanding. 

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Just like you want to give it to
someone else. 

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You have to start with giving it
to you. 

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And when you do, it's amazing 
how it opens up from other 

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people around you. 
I'm Diane Grusow, this Silver 

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Disobedience podcast. 
And you can find me on every 

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social media channel under 
Silver Disobedience. 

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And I hope you subscribe. 
And I hope you come back and 

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visit me regularly. 
Thanks a lot. 

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Have a great night, day, night, 
whatever it is.