Hi, welcome. I'm Diane Groussell and I'm the
host of the Silver Dispedians Podcast.
Today I want to talk about the expression misfortune makes us
wise. I relate to this expression a
lot because having been alive for over 60 years, 63 in fact,
and in business for over 45 years, when I reflect back on my
life, I'd have to say that I learned the most lessons when
things were not going quite the way I wanted.
I can also say that I might not have been too happy with the
state of the situation at that moment.
In fact, that would probably be an understatement.
But upon reflection, I still now realize that I learned more when
the going got tough, whether in my personal or work lives, than
I ever learned when everything was hunky Dory.
Which, if you don't know the expression, hunky Dory, let me
just tell you before you look it up on line to find out what it
means. Start by tuning into David
Bowie's great album of the same name.
But enough about Hunky Dory. Let's dig into the statement
Misfortune makes us wise. Well, certainly there's times
that misfortune does nothing but absolutely stink.
It's just brutal. There's some things that do
happen that I, I they're unfathomable and they stink, OK,
but let's put those aside. Let's talk about the everyday
kind of misfortunes. Or maybe they're not everyday,
but they're the ones that are surmountable.
So the expression misfortune makes us wise suggests that
experiencing a difficult or an unfortunate circumstance or
circumstances can lead to personal growth and increased
wisdom. And there are a few reasons why
this is valid and why this idea is so often expressed.
So #1 Learning from our mistakes.
Certainly education is expensive and a good education is really
expensive. And I have had a very expensive
education, not just from traditional school, but more so
from mistakes I've made. See, misfortune often arises
from mistakes, poor decisions, unforeseen circumstances, and
whether we encounter difficulties whenever we do.
We have an opportunity if we choose to, to reflect on what
went wrong and to really learn from our mistakes.
And this reflection can lead to incredible personal growth and
the acquisition of wisdom and maybe even some wealth along the
way. Because one of the big things
I've learned from my mistakes is to really try my hardest to
never make the same one twice. But the only way you could avoid
making the same mistake over and over again is by investing some
serious time in self reflection, or maybe team reflection if it's
with a group as to what went wrong and why.
And why don't you want to do it again?
#2? Resilience and Problem Solving
can really elevate the you know problems can really elevate the
skills of your resilience and your ability to solve problems.
Misfortune certainly tests our resilience and our problem
solving skills. And when we're faced with
adversity, we're often forced to find really new creative
solutions and develop new strategies to deal with what we
need to deal with. Overcoming challenges enhances
our ability to navigate difficult situations and to make
wiser choices in the future. It also, I'm a big believer,
builds our self-confidence and our self-confidence when it's
really built. By knowing that we can overcome
difficulties, builds our self esteem and self respect and that
in turn impacts every relationship we enter going
forward. Perspective and empathy.
Let me tell you, going through a misfortune, as I'm sure you have
experienced, can deepen our understanding of other
struggles. You know, I had to have a
migraine headache once before I really understood what people
were talking about when they had a migraine headache.
Now I wish I didn't have to experience to be more
empathetic, but sometimes that's just how life works.
So difficult situations, adversity, misfortune.
Well, it can build our empathy and compassion towards others
because we can recognize the universe.
Universality. Universality.
Have to think about how you say that word of human suffering.
We're all a part of this universe and we all suffer in
one way or another. This increased perspective of
community, common understanding that we're all in this together
one way or another, can contribute to our personal
wisdom by broadening our world view and challenging our
preconceived notions that we might have about others #4
misfortune certainly makes us appreciate our blessings.
Misfortune can lead to an enhanced appreciation for the
positive aspects of our lives. You know, how many times have
you gotten a cold and said, Oh my gosh, if I just can get
through this, I will never do XYZ again.
We all negotiate with God or ourselves and say, oh, if I can
only feel better, I'll go to the gym every day.
I won't drink too much, I'll eat better.
Everybody does it. That is how adversity really
helps us appreciate what we've got and take a gratitude
checklist for the many positive aspects of our lives that we
often overlook because they're just there.
When we experience hardships, it helps us gain a renewed sense of
gratitude for the things we take for granted.
And we all take things for granted.
Including this appreciation can contribute to a greater sense of
wisdom and also a big benefit contentment.
When you realize what you've got, you tend to be a lot more
content in your life. That doesn't mean lazy.
Let's not confuse the two, just means you're appreciative and
glad for what you have. It's important to note, like I
said at the beginning, that not while misfortune can potentially
lead to wisdom, it's not a guarantee.
The way we as individuals respond to adversity varies, and
some of us may not extract the valuable lessons or the insight
from the experience that adversity teaches us.
Wisdom is complex and it's multifaceted, and it's a trait
that is really cultivated by choice and through various
means. We cultivate wisdom by self
reflection, taking the time to really listen to what others are
saying and through exposing ourselves to a diverse set of
life experiences. So like I said, no, misfortune
does not always lead to personal growth and wisdom, but it can.
So while difficult experiences can certainly provide
opportunities for growth, the outcome depends on how we as
individuals choose to respond to and process whatever the
experience is. Some people just become bitter.
Some become resentful. Some get stuck.
They get stuck in a cycle of negativity.
When faced with misfortune, they take the attitude that woe is
me. My life sucks.
This is always happening to me. This is always happening to me.
Instead of actually seeing it as an isolated incident and taking
the time to notice all those blessings, all those great
things that are also happening in your life on a constant
basis. Others may also struggle to find
meaning or lessons in their hardships, and sometimes it can
be really hard to find the lesson.
I'd be lying and totally disingenuous if I told you I
always found the lesson instantly.
Sometimes it took me years to figure out what the heck was the
lesson that I Why did I need to learn that one?
Personal growth and wisdom often require a proactive and
reflective approach to the adversity we face, so this
involves actively seeking the understanding, learning from
those mistakes, and adopting our perspectives and behaviors
accordingly after we've learned the lesson.
You can't just learn a lesson and keep doing the same dance.
You have to learn the lesson and decide how do I need to adjust
my moves to go forward so I don't make the same mistake
twice. So it's important to note that
personal growth is complex like I said and multifaceted.
Various in factors influence, and this can be other factors,
can be just plain your individual resilience, your
support systems that you have and your mindset.
So additionally the impact of misfortune on your personal
growth will vary depending on the severity and the nature of
the experience. I said this early as I at the
start some misfortunes. You know, I it's really hard to
find that silver lining and I'm not going to give a blanket
statement that there's always a good lesson.
Sometimes it just life is what it is and we have to like look
at it that way because it just is.
It just is. Something's just can suck the
wind out of us, but it's not the most part.
Most part we're dealing with little stuff on a day-to-day
basis that feels overwhelming sometimes can feel
unsurmountable. But if we're still standing, you
know we can usually get through it.
Or even if we're not standing, we can often still get through
it. So some misfortunes certainly
can be very traumatic and require time and support to
recover and heal. And I encourage anyone to always
have a support system. Seek mental or medical health
whenever you need to help you get through the difficult times
that are not necessarily the misfortune we're talking about
now. But even some things that seem
insurmountable, you can get through 'cause life is for the
living. So while misfortune can
potentially lead to personal growth and wisdom, it's not
automatically guaranteed. It's not a guaranteed outcome.
It really depends on how we choose to respond and engage
with our experiences, as well as the factors that influence our
personal development. So what can we do to grow and
learn from the crappy experiences that we wish we
didn't have to deal with? We do.
So there are a lot of ways we can make, as they say, lemonade
out of a lemon's life throws at US.
Number one is you really need to reflect and self examine.
It helps to take the time when you faced a challenge to explore
how it's shaping you as a person.
You know, ask yourself, what have I learned from this
experience? How is it influenced my values,
my beliefs, my priorities? Would I do something different?
Reflecting on your journey can really help you extract meaning
and identify personal growth opportunities for going forward
in the future. Two, you learn to seek support
and connect with others. We don't have to go it alone all
the time. Sometimes, adversity says, is
you're like, knock on the door, wait, or I should have gone like
this. Knock on the head to reach out
to trusted family and friends, Member you know, members of
support groups that you could get involved with, others in
your community, your church, your synagogue, wherever you go,
who can provide emotional support and understanding when
you need to speak and get it out.
Sharing your experiences and listening to other stories can
really help you gain perspective and find common ground.
Connecting with others who face similar adversity can be
particularly valuable because they can offer insights and also
give you the coping strategies they use to get through.
The challenge #3 is it really helps to reframe your
perspective. I do a lot of this with clients
when they come in for either my perception analysis work or
hypnotherapy to reframe the perspective you in life.
We need to sometimes reframe adversity we face by looking for
the Silver Linings or seeing the potential that the adversity
gave us for a growth opportunity.
So again, we want to ask ourselves what positive changes
or insights emerged from this experience.
Because for one thing, you could just If you can't find any, let
me just tell you one You got through it, so you're still here
listening to this, so that's a plus.
Another one you can ask is how has it helped me to develop
resilience or empathy? As I talked about earlier,
shifting your mindset from purely a negative view to a more
balanced perspective can really help you find meaning.
Number 4, you want to learn and grow.
Misfortune is an opportunity to learn and grow, so you can
approach adversity as a chance for personal growth and
learning. Consider what skills, knowledge,
and qualities that you've been developing as a result of your
adverse experiences. Engage in activities around it.
Try reading, attending workshops, seeking professional
guidance that can help you develop new skills around the
diversity to help you deepen understanding yourself and your
place in the world. Post the adverse situation #5.
Sometimes with adversity it really helps to give back and
help others. So this could include, well, let
me just say, because sometimes finding meaning in adversity
comes from taking your experience and using it to share
with others. Alcoholics Anonymous is an
example that has a organization that has done a phenomenal job
with this. You have someone present their
life story and others just listen.
They're quiet and they listen, and Al Anon does the same thing.
Grieving support groups in a lot of communities offer this, where
you're listening to others who've gone through comparable
situations and you could be the person who's sharing.
So consider how you can channel your energy and insights into
helping others face who are facing or might face similar
challenges. This could involve mentoring,
volunteering, or advocating for causes related to the adversity
you've overcome. 6 It's always good to practice self-care and
resilience. Building adversity can certainly
take a toll on our well-being, so it's crucial to prioritize
our self-care. You want to engage in activities
that promote physical, emotional, and mental
well-being. This includes exercise,
meditation. I like self hypnosis,
journaling, or therapy. Speaking with a therapist who
can help you understand what you've been challenged with,
what you, what you're learning, and where you can take it going
forward. Positively, all of this builds
resilience. Self-care practices build
resilience and can help you navigate future challenges with
greater strength and wisdom. So remember finding meaning in
adversity? Well, that's a personal and very
individual journey. What works for one person may
not work for another. So it's essential to be patient,
kind to yourself and allow for meaning and meaning making
processes to unfold naturally over time.
I want to thank you for tuning in, and if you liked this
podcast, please don't forget to subscribe.
Share it, Tell your friends. I'm Diane Gorsell, PhD.
I'm also known as Silver Disobedience.
I am a perception analyst and hypnotherapist, and I work with
private clients, both individuals and companies all
over the world. I work to help them achieve
greater understanding as to how perceptions impact everything we
do, whether personally or professionally.
You can text me to request a free 15 minute consult anytime,
212-825-3210. That's 212-825-3210.
That's text to request a free consultation.
And again, I hope you subscribe. I'm Diane Groussell, also known
as Silver Dispedience. Thanks.