Hey, it's Graham. Our past in depth guests have
shared so many inspirational stories about overcoming
adversity and tackling the darkest and most challenging
times in their lives. We're sharing one of those
moments in today's Thursday podcast in the hope that it
provides A blueprint for any difficulties you might be facing
this week. Kevin Love, November 2017, your
panic attack. It's third quarter timeouts
called. Take me to that moment and what
happened from there. Yeah, I mean, it was scary.
I was, you know, just trying to catch my breath in a in a
huddle. You know, I kind of gotten up
and, you know, Ty Lou asked me if I was OK and I just could not
catch my breath and my my heart just continue to to race and to
race. And you know, it's like I could
look down and see my chest like almost having convulsions.
And no, I had to because I'm in front of these almost 24,000
people. I'm like, I'm not about to have
this moment here. And every time I, I felt
something like that in the past, I always had somewhere to go or
manifested in anger or rage in such a big way.
But I just went to the locker room.
I'm like, all right, where do I need to go?
I'm searching for something that's not there.
I can't catch my breath. My mind is racing.
So I ended up on the the floor of my head.
Athletic trainers, Steve Sparrow, his, his office.
I feel like something stuck in my throat and I thought I was, I
thought I was, you know, really having, you know, cardiac
episode and having a heart attack and from, from people
that I've, I've, you know, talked to and spoken with about
it. They share a lot of similarities
and, and you know how they experience.
And on top of that, I'm just leaking sweat.
So that was a really scary moment where I ended up with
oxygen, went to the Cleveland Clinic afterwards and everything
checked out. They ran all the tests and you
know, I thought to myself, like, what the hell just happened
then? Like what, what is what's going
on? I think that was the first time
where I said, OK, I, I, I've put off getting help for, for so
long. I've told very few people, you
know, what's been going on with me all these years.
So OK, now it's time to really consider the dude in the mirror
and and get some help. When you were actually in that,
were you concerned for your life?
Yes, it's funny. It's it's, I shouldn't say
funny, but it's, it's at that moment, like I started getting
excited and pitting my stomach thinking about it now, but it
was just scary. I mean, I think the fact that it
was such a public setting and I didn't want anybody to see,
that's what really made it like something where it was almost
like, I feel like I'm going to die and maybe if everybody's
going to find out, maybe it's not the worst thing.
So it was like a slippery, slippery slope for me.
Why were you so concerned about other people finding out?
Because you know, these are just things that you don't share,
especially, you know, in terms of gender lines too.
Like as a man, these are things like I was, I was taught or grew
up even outside of my family. You just did not expose like you
don't you don't share this stuff.
So, you know, for these guys that are supposed to trust me
day in and day out, if they know that I'm dealing with stuff in
my, my brain and in my mind, every way, they're not going to
be able to trust me. And it's going to affect my
livelihood and on a national scale.
So worried that people would look at me different and, and
think that, you know, I was weak or that, you know, I was
somebody that that either couldn't be trusted or, you
know, it would make me not fit in or, you know, just there was
so many things that were going through my brain at the time
that I think even made it even worse.
When was the last time you had a really bad episode?
The anxiety component is just something that I live with every
day. It's something that I've tried
to change my relationship with. And I think, you know, there's
different philosophies and people that look at medication a
different way, but I think medication has helped save my
life in a big way, not only from the anxiety component, but
depression component as well. I think CBT, cognitive
behavioral therapy has really helped me and my therapist has,
has really helped me to where now it's almost like, you know,
growth sessions. Why have?
You said one of the best days of your life happened after you
started going through therapy. Because I'm just.
And now I get to be unapologetically myself.
Like I, I'm just, I just am who I am.
And I have these real flaws and these, you know, things about
myself that I'm not necessarily proud of, but I deal with on a
daily basis. And, you know, I'm playing all
my cards. That was the scariest thing that
I likely did in my life. I think that's just allowed me
to be so comfortable in my own skin.
And I got to be myself truly for the first time probably in my
entire life. And you get to change the
narrative in in your brain about, you know, things that
you've you've suffered from and thought about and suffered about
for, for so long. And I think that can be
extremely rewarding and extremely profound as as you
move forward. I never thought I'd be sitting
here talking about this if you would have told me this 5-10
years ago, but it's, it's, you know, something that I'm
extremely passionate about. Tell about the Grandma Carol
conversation. You know, I was in Mexico City.
We were supposed to play, you know, Gregg Popovich and the
Spurs down there. And she, you know, I, I got
sick, had plaque go up to her brain and, you know, was in a
coma and died a few days later. And I never got to see her
before she passed. So for me, I never really went
through the grieving process and grab a photo of her, you know,
right next to my desk in my office in my apartment.
And it says, you know, I can't wait to see you again.
I have so much to tell you. And I think that was a tough
part for me because she was a very special woman who lived
next to us for, you know, my entire, you know, formative
years of my life. But to what was it about that
conversation with the therapist that impacted you?
I think just having a better understanding of myself and
allowing myself not only to grieve, but to to be vulnerable
in some in front of somebody and just open my mind up to somebody
who was me being so closed off to to therapy for so long.
So I thought you know this and it doesn't always work the the
first time around or or you know selecting or finding a a
therapist, it works. But thankfully for me it did and
I was able to get a lot out of it.
Explain the importance of keeping your mind occupied in a
healthy way and what you do. I think keeping your mind
occupied and on a steady path and continuing to grow can
really put depression from that aspect at at Bay and finding
balance. I think those being present and
finding balance are probably 2 of the hardest things in life.
And that's something that I, I think we all struggle with.
But I think it's a, a major component when it, when it comes
to mental health, because you can, you can only take care of,
of right now. Like yes, it can set you up for
the future. It can heal things from the
past. You can learn things from the
past. But you know, all we have is
right now and the decisions we make.
Thanks for listening. We'll be back next week and
every week, sharing long form interviews on Mondays and
shorter uplifting stories on Thursdays and then trending
clips on Fridays.