Hello and welcome to Big Gay Energy.
I'm Caitlin. And I'm Fiora.
Come along with us while we dive into the fun and nuances of
queer media. Representation matters, and
we're. Here to talk about it.
Cheers queers. Today we are talking to John
Solis who worked on the documentary Speaking Out.
He was the director of this wonderful documentary touching
on some really great subjects, but we'll get into that soon.
Welcome to the podcast, John. Thank you, Caitlin.
Thank you everyone. Thank you.
So annoying. It's it's it's, it's nice being
here. I'm excited it's finally out.
So we did our premiere June 1st. So obviously like it was like a
little bit of releasing it into the world and see what it does.
But I'm hoping it gets to, I mean, like I said, more than
anything creatively, I think I wanted to do its rounds for
cinematic purposes as well as, you know, more creative jobs.
But more than anything, that it gets into the right hands and
into the right viewers in order for them to kind of, I don't
know, I just feel like there's a lot of people out in the world
that need some healing, you know, and everyone goes through
a journey. So I'm hoping you know whoever
gets to see it, it kind of takes a little bit to to go that
healing path. Absolutely.
And you know, we all, we all could use some healing like
you're saying. For for those that are listening
at home who may not know or be familiar with the documentary,
can you let them know what speaking out is about?
Yeah, Speaking Out is a documentary on sexual assault,
rape and suicide, and it gathered 3 brave gentlemen who
is Jose Ramos, Rigg Rush and Charlie Harding.
And they talk about their stories and what, you know, for
each of them it's very different.
You know, with with Rig, it was a long period of time, you know,
abuse more mentally throughout his family and religion that it
kind of pushed him to try to even think or maybe, you know,
attempted suicide with Charlie, a drink was put on him 20 years
ago and he and he he was raped. And you know, it took him 20
years to kind of gather all the information where everything
flooded back and then realized that he needed to to do
something about it. And with Jose, it happened in a
more short term like scenario and it was like a one night
happened, which technically had happened in San Francisco.
And, and he says that basically like after that, it was just
kind of everything just happened so quick that it took him about,
he says that it took him about like a year to kind of realize
that he actually needed to get help and do something about it
'cause it was eating him up. So I mean, they're brave
stories. The, the, they're, they're
sometimes harsh in the sense that as a society we don't maybe
wanna hear details sometimes of it.
But I think when we created Speaking Out, I felt like we
needed those details to be told in order to bring uncomfortable
conversations up, you know? Yes, I definitely.
I love when films have like a bigger motivation than just the
film, like trying to make a difference basically.
And it was very beautifully done.
How did the idea for Speaking Out come about?
Actually it's, it's really funny and kind of extensive in the
sense that 2019 originally the project was gonna be a complete
different documentary. We were gonna do something on
the timeline of the LGBTQ, where they were, where they were then
and where they are now. And I, I gathered my team, we
were getting information and, and as we were trying to do the
timeline, we came with a common denominator that the LGBTQ
always has something in common. And that is we fight, we fight,
fight, fight for whatever the reason is.
We're always fighting for something, whether it's for gay
marriage, whether it's for equality, whether it's to and
AIDS, whether it's just like we're always constantly trying
to fight, you know, a small battle.
And even now I think, you know, we're, we're still fighting like
certain scenarios. But we did all the research and
I think it was like towards the end of 2019, we got axed by by
the producers who actually produced speaking out.
And it was for various of things.
It was for HBO bringing out equal I think it is, which is a
four part documentary, which is beautifully done as well.
And so I was a little bummed out, to be honest.
As a creator, I was like, what now, right?
I and, and time was happening and I think the beginning of
2020, we got shut down. We all got put in a box and
we're like, do not move. So everything was just so
uncertain, you know, life wise, creative wise, we just, we
didn't know where we were standing.
And I remember that we sat in a meeting and Michael Weinstein,
who is the AHF founder or, and president of, of AHF, he came
into the Zoom and we were all very much like in PJS and, you
know, like and, and T-shirts, which were just funny about it
'cause that's what the pandemic brought.
You know, we would take those Zooms and just whatever clothes
we had. So not that I didn't take it
seriously, it was just more the fact that I was kind of shocked
there was so many people talking about what was gonna be
happening with the documentary. And Michael came in and said we
should talk about trauma. And I think my body went into a
little bit of a shock and I, I started kind of shipping out.
Obviously didn't want to like tell them anything, but I was
very against it, to be honest. I was like, yeah, let's pick
another subject, you know, or trauma could live over there
and, and I could live over here and we'll all be good.
And eventually they were like, no, you know, this is the
subject we want to touch about. And then everyone in the Zoom,
or at least a very big percentage decided to say, yeah,
I think this is a great topic. And originally it was going to
be a docu series because they wanted 5 gay men to speak and we
wanted to do a docu series on on what it was.
But we started talking about it and I, I had a lot of issues
trying to grasp onto the subject and I didn't know why, but it
wasn't, I think it was sooner than later.
I have my own therapist and I, I talked to her and I said, hey,
they changed my subject. And I was very mad as a
creative. I was like, no, you know, I
already had the research like we should, we should stick to that.
And she stopped and said, could you maybe be a little bit afraid
of what it's gonna bring up in you?
And, and I paused, you know, and I said, oh shit, you're right.
You know, I'm scared to talk about it because I myself went
through a very huge trauma scenario that I dealt for for 20
years. And so I was against it because
I didn't want to face myself. You know, I, I was still very
early in my age to actually confront it.
I mean, in my healing, my healing journey to confront it.
And I talked about it with friends.
I had, you know, the emotional part of it.
And then I had the work aspect of it where we had to keep going
with the project. And so I was having like an like
an internal battle of like, should I just give it up to
someone else? Should I, should I keep on
working on it? And once I grasped onto the
subject, and once I understood that it had a lot to do with me
as well, I ended up getting a little bit more enamored by what
this project was. And creatively, I think that's
when my creative juices started to flow and started saying, OK,
how can I hear stories that could be off the wall?
And how can I put these interviewees in a set that is,
that brings peace and comfort and that they're able to speak
out to the camera without being judged, without being, you know,
feeling anxious. And I remember that I told
somebody I was like, I think we should create a set with some
lamps. And the reason behind with the
lamps is that on top of that, each lamp we got at a thrift
store, mainly we, we went out looking for the lamps.
And so I think one or two were the only ones that we bought
somewhat, somewhat new. But the the thing behind it is
each lamp had lived in a different house at some point.
And the, the shift that they might have seen or that they
have gone through, like brought like this metaphor of like, we
don't know what the story behind each lamp is.
And I think that that's what we were trying to do.
But when we turn on the light on each lamp, like there's a little
bit of hope and that's what the light represents.
You know, there's like a light at the end of the tunnel.
So I wanted to create that for the interviewees.
I wanted them to sit down. And I think with that started
coming up more on how we were going to do the re enactments
and how we were actually going to put it together.
I ended up hearing, you know, about 150 stories, you know,
these, these, these three gentlemen 'cause originally
there were five, Like I said, we, we still have two stories
that we have on the back burner, but these three gentlemen were
not the first ones. You know, we listened to a lot
of stuff tapes. And that's when I was like, oh,
I guess I'm not alone, you know, 'cause during my trauma, I think
that's what I thought I was like, I'm the only one that's
going through this. Nobody else is going through
shit. Like nobody went through what I
went through. So my mind to see all these
people come out and try to talk about what they had gone
through, whether it was at a during childhood or, you know,
during their teenage years. And then it also surprises that
a lot of people and their adult lives had gone through trauma.
And, you know, that's when you're supposed to have more
control of your life. You know, as an adult, you know,
you're supposed to do that. So I think that's when it how it
all came together. You know, at that moment, we
knew that we just had to push through.
But like you said, Kaitlyn, I didn't want to go the typical
documentary routes. We wanted to beautifully tell
it, you know, visually. And I have ADP who like I'm
infatuated to work with. I've worked, I worked with him
in about three small projects before we jumped into the
documentary. And I mean, as you guys have
seen his, his photography and his vision, you know, is also
I'm that type of person where I'm like Keelan and he's like, I
got you, but I haven't said he's I know what you're thinking.
And then I get to to it and then I see it and I'm like, you get
my vision and you know, you're enhancing whatever creative
juices you are. So bringing it, bringing that,
that type of team into the whole thing was also very important
for me. And obviously it was reflected
in the documentary, you know, and now that it's done, but
that's how that's how speaking. I was pretty much born.
I was born through pandemic and through a matter of
conversations that are more like at a very uneasy time.
I absolutely love the insight about the lamps.
Like that story? Yeah, that's what.
A podcast in general loves. Yeah, we, we, or when I say we,
but like there was times where I was with a brush painting the
sets, you know, but I enjoyed that, you know, like I, I, we
picked up lamps. We also picked up branches for
the where the therapists at, you know, for the big tree behind
it. So there was a lot of like,
heart and thought put into every little piece, you know that you
guys see throughout the the documentary.
Yeah, it definitely seems like this project not only is
meaningful for others, but was very meaningful to you.
How How was the process of creating and sharing the
documentary? How did that affect you, like
personally and professionally? You you mean sharing it now that
it's out? Yeah, well, just like going
through the creative process and then now sharing it with the
world. Oh, well, going through the
creative process, like I said, it was, it was a lot of fun
creatively like that. You're, you're talking my
language, you know, like anything creative.
I'm that type of person. I'm like colors and I'm kind of
like Dory in a way. I'm like colors.
Oh, here there, you know, like I'm grabbing all kinds of stuff.
But at that time, like I said, I did have a little bit of a
battle because it was, you know, I was going through my own
journey and then dealing with like working creatively and
because of my trauma, did not know if I was actually gonna do
a good job with it, even though I knew that creatively I could.
But I think, like I said, I think it was halfway.
I wouldn't say halfway through it.
I think, you know, I, I, I needed to merge, you know, those
two things, my trauma and the creative side.
I think once I did I, you know, this is a, there's this analogy
that I, that I, that I use the thing with also speaking out is
that it was such an ugly project And, and I'll, I'll elaborate on
that. So I always say this, I felt for
a moment that I had a piece of turret on my hand and I know
that's, that, that's makes sense.
And because it smelled bad, it was something very raw.
It was, you know, just I, I didn't know how to grasp onto it
for a little bit, right. And as we started creatively
working on it, I would see like the little flowers blossom, you
know, through that piece of turd.
And it grew, grew, grew in front of my eyes.
You know, there was a point where we had to, you know, ask
for a little bit more money for the budget just because of how
it was growing. But we weren't hesitant to do
that just because we knew from the beginning of how powerful
like it was. It was just growing in front of
our eyes. And I think at that moment I
realized that it was and it has been my baby.
Like it's been I've, I've, I've gone to take care of it, love
it. I've learned a lot from it.
I also do say that speaking up had a lot to do with my healing,
you know, in, in general, like it, it helped me heal and I
think that's so powerful. You know, I think that's why I'm
so focused at whoever sees it is going through some stuff that it
does help 'cause it ended up helping me, you know, like I'll
get into this probably later, you know, with some questions.
But I don't have anxiety like as much as I did, you know, when I
was going through my trauma. So, you know, for me, that's
like better than $1,000,000 just So what it represents now that
it's out, I'm just hoping that it does, you know, that people
get to see how I think giving myself credit, how beautifully,
you know, I created something with my team.
But I also hope that they appreciate that there's this
message underneath all this that people you need, need to start
paying attention to, you know, their inner emotions and
whatever they're going through, you know, But I really, really
have a special, special, special spot for speaking out.
I love that you can definitely tell how passionate you are
about this project and how meaningful it is to all of you.
What were some of the biggest challenges you faced while
making this documentary? I mean, if we're talking
production wise, money was, was one like it always is in a lot
of productions. Our budget was super low at the
beginning. Like I said, our, our budget was
30,000 to start off with. And that went out the door
really quick. And so, you know, we started
talking to, to people regarding how we could get more money.
And then we were a little bit afraid to bring it up to the
producers. And then once we did, you know,
they got on board that was, that was one of the, the big ones.
The second one, I think creatively is how, where we as
a, as a director, I think my, my biggest challenge was how could
we tell these stories as raw as possible, but still beautiful
enough for people not to walk up and leave the like leave the,
the audience or the movie theater, you know, or just just
that. And for the longest times, we
just didn't know how we were gonna create that, you know,
especially a lot of the rape scenes, you know, or, or, or the
sexual assaults. And I spent a lot of time
looking at documentaries and I, I, I did a lot of research and
how, how it was told in some other ones.
I also one of the biggest documentaries that.
That had a kind of like an impact creatively in, in in this
in a sense was before I started filming the documentary that
I'll be gone. I'll be gone in the dark, right?
I'll be gone. I think I'll be gone in the dark
or I'll be gone in the night. It's on HBO.
It's about the Golden State Killer, but it's it's told by
Michelle McNamara, who is also a writer and she did an awesome
book and she's married to Pat Oswald, the comedian, which I
was not aware of. But when I saw the documentary,
it's such a harsh topic too, you know, and it's very eerie.
And it talks about back in the day when a killer used to hunt
its prey and there was no cameras and they, you know, they
would lick through windows and you know how they basically were
able to create that. But on top of that, I, I'm
assuming HB OS producers as well, but they, there was this
poetic essence to that whole documentary.
And it's a 6th part or seven part documentary, but it also
like showed the survivors and it, you know, and it interviewed
them and they conversed about what they went through the
emotions, you know, they relived the moment.
And so that was kind of impactful when I saw it.
And I was like, if I could apply just a little bit of all that to
speaking out, I think I think we could.
We got something, you know, but challenging.
I think that's what was more challenging to me, you know,
besides the money, how to tell people stories and not make them
vulgar or grotesque or, you know, nails on a chalkboard
where you're like. But but yeah, I think that was
the most challenging part of it. Yeah, I, I can definitely see
that because like you mentioned at the beginning, just hearing
like we're going to focus on trauma.
Like the initial response is, oh, do I even want to like dip
my toe into that? But the, the film came out so
beautifully because of the angle and the, and the, that you chose
to tell it from. And like many of the choices
that were made. So when when you were creating
the documentary, what were some of the artistic or technical
choices you made to ensure like this remained authentic and
powerful, like with your vision? Creatively, the first thing I
think I came up with was a color palette.
I wanted kind of like a vintagey feel to it, you know?
I don't know if you guys got that aspect.
Oh yeah, the. TV is for sure the TV like hold
that in and the sound like yeah. And I wanted just, and I, I
don't know if this is relevant, but like for instance, in the
way that I kind of perceived it in a sense and why I chose a
little bit of the vintage besides me being fascinated with
a lot of vintage stuff. But I, my trauma happened in
2021. So like I said, it took 20 years
to like kind of cleared and I felt that I have grown or so
much stuff has happened since, you know, so when they would or
with my therapist and, and, and throughout my healing, they
would say like, look back at what happened.
I would find it like so very far away, you know, like like long,
long time ago. And I was like, that's like back
in like the 60s and the 80s, you know, and just in my head, it
would bring like that. So I started seeing a lot of
vintagey like aspects of it. You know, that's why hence the
lamps. You know, I, I, I wanted it with
fringe or with a, a certain kind of contrast.
And I wanted every single one to be kind of different.
The color palette. I wanted to incorporate it with,
you know, a lot of like the, the sets, the oranges and like the
auburns. And so, you know, creatively,
that's, that's how it kind of came, came about.
But I also, like I said, I sat down with Keelin and I talked
about, hey, you know, what about, you know, using
underwater cameras. You know, that was that was also
creatively like something that I wanted to show because of how
Rick spoke about water. You know, I didn't know how else
we could talk about potentially drowning, you know, and I was
very lucky that I did feel like a kid at one point where I was
like, I want this camera and this toy.
And, you know, there's sometimes they're like, no, you can't have
it. And I was like, but I want it.
And luckily they're like, OK, OK, we'll get to the camera.
Just stop, you know. But it was, I think creatively,
you know, that's how it all came about.
It had it's, it's very personal, you know, I think it's very
personal to me. I I I think that's that's why
the attachment with all this. I'm so glad you got the camera,
I would love to see what you could do in general with like an
unlimited budget. Oh my God, I would, I would die.
I mean, I, it crosses my mind all the time because, you know,
I, I, I've seen speaking out many, many, many, many, many
times throughout the editing process from cut one to how it
is now. And I would turn around to my
editor and I would be like, Jason, if we have this, I guess
I'll stop. I'll just stop.
So, you know, my mind could go very, very like, I think, I
don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but you
know, they say that dreamers are the best and I'm always like,
but we could do this. And you know, like I, I know
sometimes I was, I'll say this. I think I was lucky enough for
my team to let me play with a lot of the toys that we got, you
know, like the underwater camera we shot with, for the
interviews. We shot with two Aries, with two
mini Alexas, which never in my wildlife as a creative thought
that I would, I would have like too many Alexas.
I thought I was just gonna have like A1 Sony kind of camera that
was gonna be on set. But when they came in, it was
just I was so fascinated. And then for the reenactments we
shot with RED cameras and one of them was like helium 'cause we
did some slow MO. So, you know, I had these
powerful toys, obviously very costly, but that implemented for
me to jump off the charts and do more creative stuff as I went,
you know, as I actually went through the whole creative
process and I was lucky, you know, with the matches.
We had a micro lens, you know, it was like a very thin lens
that could capture, you know, very, very, very, very like
close-ups of things that you would you would be doing.
And, you know, I was on the ground striking the matches, you
know, like for an hour trying to get, you know, perfect shots.
And, you know, I got to play with, I mean, I don't know if I
there's no production people around the road.
You know, we did something illegal with with the fire.
We we got Bacardi 151 and we put it on the table and we lit it on
fire. And you know, that was like our
kind of rebellious time in that aspect.
But you know, sometimes for a fire, you need to have a fire
department there and you know, stuff like that, you know that
that supervised. So like I said, I was lucky to
have a very controlled environment creatively, but
everybody helped me out, you know, the whether it was
bringing a lens or, you know, finding a lens or bringing a
camera or how about we do this, you know, like everyone was very
hands on involved and I can be more, more happier.
You're making me jealous. I really want to play with these
toys as well. I always wanted to use that.
The micro lens. Yeah, Oh my gosh.
It's a lot of fun that we we tested it.
I mean, I think at one point we tested it like your typical
putting it in the mouth and see how like and then pulling out
just to see like where they grabbed from, you know, and
there was it was it's interesting.
You know, like I said, I two other people, it might not be.
They're like, well, it's just a Lance and like, but once you
start seeing what what things could do or what you could do,
you know, by by playing with these choice, I I'm fascinated.
I like I said, I couldn't be more of a happy camp around that
aspect. So like you mentioned earlier,
this documentary has reenactments of the stories
being told. And with the nature of this
material that you're covering, how did you make sure everyone
on set felt safe physically and mentally?
Well, for the the interviewees, like I said, one was creating
the set with the laughs. And then the other aspect was I,
I had a closed set. And I think, you know, that also
had a lot to do with with my trauma, because I knew that if I
was sitting in a chair in front of our camera, I wanted to be as
comfortable, safe. I 0 judgement, you know, from
from others. So I first I had a conversation
with my team, You know, which this actually comes to play.
I'll tell you guys a very like which I think it's a beautiful
like short story, but most of my crew was straight.
There were complete straight men, My DP straight, my gaffer
was straight and I had AI had a talk with them and I said, hey,
like we're gonna start this project, but it's gonna talk
about a lot of gay subjects. There's gonna be gay sex in it
and not the gay sex that maybe you're used to hearing.
There's rape. There's, you know, we, I, I went
down a list and I said, are you guys OK with that?
You know, I, I want people who are comfortable with that
because I don't want straight people who are just grabbing
onto a job just for a paycheck. You know, this, I think this is
more, there's more meaning to the whole thing.
So everyone was on board and I think, I mean, I forgot, not
sure if it was Jose's story or if it was one of the other
stories that we asked. But at one point I was in front
of the monitors and I turned to my right and my whole team was
crying. There was tears falling.
And it's just so powerful, 'cause I, I didn't think that at
least in my head that I know this is gonna sound maybe weird,
but I just didn't think that sometimes straight people had
it, you know, in their mind to see or hear a story and get
emotional about someone that went through it.
And I just remember tears falling.
And I went up to, to Keelan, who is my DP, and I asked him, I
said, hey, he goes. This has nothing to do with any
kind of being gay or lesbian. It just has to do with humanity.
He goes this this could have happened to anyone, you know.
So when I saw that, like I, I knew for a fact that the fact of
having a close up and just having the the appropriate team
on set and that they were going to be respectful.
And then I also made sure that not necessarily were isolated
before, but I kind of kept everyone separate.
Like all the interviews, like I didn't have them all meet at
once, you know, like I would have times, for instance, like
this interview at 9:00, I had Jose, you know, and at 12 I had
someone else, but I didn't have them come in till later because
I didn't want them to start mingling and then get, you know,
very caught up in the dynamic of what the other person's story
was gonna be. So I made sure that they were
calm, they were tranquil. They, they came into set.
They were, you know, treated properly, that they ate
something before they talk. And we also had 1-2, we had
three therapists on set. We have one for that just in
case, like, things would go wrong.
There was another person who was conducting the interview.
There was a therapist. And also just to be able to
facilitate, you know, any conversations are diverted from
whatever needed. But yeah.
So, you know, we, me and my and my team made sure that, you
know, they were comfortably on the chair, that they had a
beautiful set to sit on and that there was therapist monitoring,
you know, anything that went on. So it was a very, very safe set,
you know, for, for, for that sense.
On the other aspect for the actors, I talked about it.
You know, we went into very like extensive details of how we
wanted to shoot it. We had to show them some
reference on how some of the rape scenes, you know, were
gonna be kind of re enacted. I also made sure that they felt
comfortable, you know, from day one that there was gonna be
nudity that we were not gonna have, you know, like a full
blown orgy on set. And, you know, they were gonna
like not feel comfortable. And so we made sure that
professionally everyone was taken care of.
You know, we, we had extensive talks with the actors and, you
know, going back to one of your guys's questions, that one,
another thing that was very challenging, not the biggest
one, but for me was working with a kid and his name's Elijah.
And I thought it was going to be insane because I thought I was
going to have a 5 year old or six year old running around the
set and not being able to control him, you know, and I was
kind of worried about that as well.
But this kid is so talented. So, so talented.
I felt like I was having conversations with an 80 year
old person when I was not parent because he was so focused and he
was like, I got you. I don't know if you guys ever
seen where Rogue says but I'm gay and they do kind of like a
movement, you know, and the transition is over.
So I talked to teenager and I said, can you sit down with
Elijah and and and ask him if he could mimic you?
And once you guys have it, then you guys let me know and I would
film you guys. And I think it was like 5
minutes. A teenager came and he's like,
I'm ready. And I was like, hey, did you
have a chance? He's like, yeah, he says he's
he's good. And in my head I was like, oh
God, we're gonna be here for like 3 hours trying to get the
movement correct. And teenager sat in front of the
camera and literally Elijah sat on an Apple box and was staring
at him and and like right next to the camera.
And we're like cut. And so then we're like, hey,
Elijah, you need some time to, you know, kind of do the
movement. And he said no, hit the record
button. I'm ready.
I was like, OK, he nailed it on the 1st on the first try.
But like his dedication, you know, just not just him.
All the actors were very, very dedicated.
You know, I was lucky enough to find some of them last minute.
You know, even though we did castings, like Rick's mom came
in and we had seen some of her real.
And when we put her in certain outfits, you know, and
transformed her into the church lady that she was, we were like,
we're like, OK, like. And she's just so powerful and.
And she's a a beautiful soul, you know?
And for Jose's story, we had Andres and Juan Carlos and we
told them since day one, you know, this is gonna be maybe, if
not one of the harshest scenes of, of speaking out.
And they were, they were fine with it.
I think they're very professional with, you know,
with what they did and how they did it.
Even though we found a very creepy warehouse in Los Angeles
that kind of mimicked San Francisco a little bit.
And just being on set, you know, you would kind of get the chills
with that. But everyone was very
professional. Everyone was very, we made sure
that everyone felt comfortable Also, just because we knew, you
know, Jose went to some of the scenes, you know, just to see
how it was gonna be filmed. And, you know, a lot of people
who are not in cinema, when you film, you're filming a lot, you
know, obviously a lot of material.
And that's not gonna always be the case that it's gonna end up
on screen. But there was moments, you know,
that Jose was weary just because also from a person that lived,
it was kind of concerned how his story was gonna be told.
And we also try to, you know, not just Jose, but everyone like
believe, trust a little bit in us.
We are gonna try to get as close as possible, but as beautiful
that we could try to re recreate and, and we just, we're not
gonna show a dirty aspect of what your trauma is, but instead
we're gonna try to reflect something beautiful that came
out. And I think once again, those
were conversations we had to have with each individual in
order for them to build a bit, a bit of trust, you know.
And so I think that's, that's the aspect of of of making
everyone like feel safe on set. Yeah, no, definitely.
Thank you for sharing all of that.
You also mentioned that the film included therapists who are on
set. I didn't know they were doing
the interviews, but that's really fascinating.
So not only to do that aspect, but they were also interviewed
themselves, which provided a good insight into like, the
mental health from different perspectives, the person going
through the trauma and then, you know, the third party that,
like, observes trauma and help people deal with it.
How did the contribution of the therapist shape the narrative of
the documentary? Well, it, there is more material
that we had from the therapist that didn't make it to the final
cut. Like I like, also, like I
mentioned, I think during the creative process when I was, you
know, doing everything and, and thinking about, about all that,
I, it was like when I say going through my healing or the
beginning of my healing path, I had several conversations with
my therapist and I, I love my therapist.
I've been with her for about 6 years now.
I just had had a meeting with her yesterday and I'm always
fascinated sometimes with everything that she has to tell
me and offer. But I think at that time I was
like a sponge to learning about a lot of mental health
scenarios. You know, I, I wanted to really,
really heal per SE. So I think, you know, for me as
a trauma survivor, I wanted to actually listen to what a lot of
therapists would say. And I stumbled upon Matthias
James Barker, who is one of the therapists in the film.
And Matthias has a following on Tiktok.
He has a, a web page for his, for his stuff and he also has
his Instagram. But the way he explains a lot of
the trauma aspects and the components to it and what
someone might need to do, the steps to, to, to kind of start
healing caught my attention. And like I said, I think I had
dabbled up on like a lot of how to heal yourself or how to begin
your healing process. So when I stumbled upon
Matthias, I had brought it up to the team and we talked about it.
But I just knew that if we had the aspect of therapist, at one
point, I was gonna ask my own therapist to see if she wanted
to partake in it. But we ended up with Michael
Pasulo, who's also part of Impulse group.
And when I was talking to them, they were giving me so much
information about how the mind works and how trauma kinda, you
know, is brought into it. And I said if we could
incorporate this into, at first, I wanted more, you know, like I
said, we have more footage of them and we asked them all these
questions. And there was a lot of great
questions that that were asked for them.
They, they, they gave us such great answers.
But once we actually did the, we kind of restructured speaking
out from a docu series to what it is now.
We knew that these three stories were kind of the best ones that
were tangled up and that would do best for this kind of
project. We then narrow it down to just
one or two things of how it impacted more than what you
needed to do to kind of go through a healing journey.
But nonetheless, I think, you know, therapists, you know,
especially like good, good therapists, they have so much
knowledge that sometimes as humans kind of, you know, 'cause
I've talked to one or two people who are so stubborn on therapy,
you know, like where, hey, they're like, oh, therapy's not
for me. You know, therapy's not going to
help me. Like I'd rather do it on my own
or I'll figure out how I'm going to do it.
And not that I'm trying to push therapy in onto people, but I
thought that it would also help from finding or from hearing
from any professional what they needed to say about trauma and
maybe have that debate with themselves whether down the road
they could use a therapist or not, you know, But nonetheless,
I think it brought a little bit of kind of a lot of input on
where trauma and, you know, mental health and these kind of
scenarios help. And we just kind of peppered it
in, you know, we, we didn't also wanted to oversaturate it.
I think it was great. I love that the ending was just
like motivating people to process their trauma and talk
about it. How important do you think it is
for men or people, especially within the LGBTQ plus community,
to speak out about their experiences with trauma and
abuse? Big question.
It's a big question and I think it just got me a little
emotional because of my own trauma, but I think that it's
very important. A lot of people think that
coming out is a big aspect of the gay community, but I think
that's kind of just a little bit of a mask, to be honest, 'cause
it is an important life, I mean, an important piece of their
life, you know, coming out. But what might have happened
before, there's a lot of I personally, from what I've
gathered, there's a lot of sexual abuse that people don't
talk about, whether it's at an early stage of life or whether
it's them finding out what sexually they want.
And I think we kind of cover ourselves with coming out is
gonna be liberated or liberating and our problems are gonna go
away. You know, that's kind of how I
view it in the sense we're like, yeah, now we could forget about
everything. I'm out and I'm I'm going
towards the world. But I think a lot of people in
the community have forgotten that they were hurt in the past.
And, and it sucks because also just kind of like Jose's story,
you know, they could put a blame on you because they're like, oh,
you're gay or you're a lesbian. You must be very hypersexual.
You know, you were, you were probably asking for this or
that's what happens because you are very a very sexual person.
And I think that there's the sexual part of it and then
there's emotional part of it. And I know a lot of friends, you
know, and I don't pinpoint, but they bottle their emotions and
they don't want to talk about it.
You know, they, they, they till this day, I know a lot of people
in the community that they don't.
So they'd rather recreationally wise use alcohol to cover up
their stuff. You know, and, and we see them
that there's the the people at the bars who drink a little bit
more than than everyone else. And it's not just to drink like
there's, there's more to that. Like, you know, they're, they're
drowning in their own sorrows per SE, or they're doing drugs
to find an escape or they're sleeping around with as many
people as possible because they that's a release of their pain.
And I'm no one to judge, but. I think that there is a big
problem, problem in the community because I think that
they need to heal. And if they want to go on with,
you know, drinking or doing drugs or, you know, sleeping
around, then they'll find a way of doing it in a more healthier
environment than just finding an escape.
And I, you know, I, I could say I was guilty of that.
And that's why I said that I guess it was trauma for me. 20
years took a lot, you know, it, it, it, it fucked with my
nervous system. It, it, it, it also fucked with
the way that, you know, sometimes I would view things.
I also victimized myself, you know, and that that took and,
and affected a lot of a lot of stuff, but I also did not want
to talk to anyone about it, you know, except for one or two of
my close friends. And I was still kind of in a
bubble where I was like, if I say something, maybe the person
I like, you know, or the guy that I like is not going to like
like me because I'm tarnished or I'm tainted.
Or if he knows that this happened to me sexually, like
our sex life is not going to be, you know, the greatest, you
know, those, those things cross not through just my mind.
I know for a fact a lot of people in the community that
hold back lots and lots of them. And, you know, I applaud the
people that have never gone through trauma because they
have, you know, a little bit of an advantage.
You know, they, they, they, they, they can, they live their
life a little bit freely. But there's a high percentage in
our community that have gone through some crazy shit and they
won't talk about it. Yeah, well, that's why we need
brave people who are willing to talk about it and share it and
then film it in a beautiful way that we can share with so many
people. So thank you so much for making
this documentary, for sharing your experiences and being
vulnerable with us and through the film as well.
Like we really appreciate it that, like you said, this is a,
this is a topic some people nail on the chalkboard kind of thing,
but it's more universal than I think people are willing to
admit. And so thank you for sharing
this. Yeah.
No, thank you. Thank you.
Well, we have come to the end of
our our questions for you, John. We just wanted to thank you
again for taking the time to talk to us, for sharing this
beautiful documentary with us. So we feel very privileged to be
able to watch it. How can our listeners at home
who want to support speaking out, support speaking out or
connect with you in the project? On the Internet, yeah.
So you could follow me on Instagram at John Solis, actor.
That's that's my main page. And now that you know that it's
out, I'll probably be publishing on about what it's going to be
doing and where it's going. Speaking Out also has a page of
Instagram. It's called at Speaking Out
documentary. You guys could follow the page.
So I'm pretty sure that they're going to update it with a lot of
stuff from the premiere and you know where it's going next and
what other what other film festivals it's going to be AT
and eventually, hopefully down the road, what platform it might
land on and all that stuff. So you guys could be updated on
that and then where could be watched at this moment, I don't
think it could be watched anywhere just because it's still
doing its rounds. But like I said, just by
following the pages, I think it's you guys could could do
that. And yeah, I'm, I'm glad you
guys, you know, got a chance to watch it and then be be one of
the the few, few people that have seen it yet.
So I'm, I'm excited about that. I'm.
Very honored. Yes, seriously.
All right. Thank you, John.
Everybody at home, follow those. Pages and.
Hopefully, hopefully it's coming to a streaming platform someday
near you. Yes, yes.
Thank you. All right, until next time
everybody at home hydrate for lesbian Jesus.
And gate up all over the place. Bye, bye, bye.
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