Hello and welcome to Big Gay Energy.
I'm Caitlin. And I'm Fiora.
Come along with us while we dive into the fun and nuances of
queer media. Representation matters, and
we're. Here to talk about it.
Cheers, queers. What's on the big agenda today,
Theora? Today we are starting what I'm
sure will be an epic long journey on our coverage of Blank
the series It's. Gonna be very long.
Oh, it's gonna be so long. Originally we're like, oh, you
know, we'll just like kind of briefly overview this.
We'll start by watching it together.
And then it just spiraled out of control from there 'cause
there's so much going on in the show and it's very entertaining.
So excuse me, just to prepare everyone.
So basically Blank the series is set in the same universe as Gap
the series. So if you're a fan of Gap the
series, this is the continuation kind of of that universe slash,
those sisters. In that vein, we will be
covering Blank the series in a very similar fashion to how we
covered Gap the series. So this is going to this, we're
going to be doing discussion episodes like this one today
where we go basically scene by scene through the entire show
and kind of breakdown, like what's going on, the acting
choices, that kind of fun stuff. In addition to that, we will be
do we reacted to the entire series.
The full reactions in their entirety will end up on our
Patreon, So have fun over there. And then highlights for select
episodes will end up on YouTube because just it's a lot of
editing to cut it down to put it on YouTube.
So the highlights will end up there.
So there's plenty of blank content that will be for free or
for $5.00 a month you can just get it all on Patreon.
Just as a heads up. That's what's going to be going.
On, there's a lot of content coming.
So much content. Originally we weren't supposed
to react to every episode of Blank either, and then that
happened. It was so much fun to watch it.
We just ended up watching the whole thing and you actually get
our like, we were at one point we were watching like in real
time and it was going week by week.
So you could like have our panic of like what's going to happen?
And so that's real fun to relive.
Or it got real dicey. I'm just glad I have my first
reactions to Episode 4 films. You're never ready for Episode
4. No, but it was so much fun.
But let's start at. The beginning, but yeah, yeah.
But I have to do stuff before that.
You do. Uh huh.
If you're watching this podcast on YouTube, please make sure
that you're subscribed to this channel, like this video and
leave a comment below. If you need help trying to
figure out what to say in that comment, stay to the very end
and I'll give you a word to. Use.
In a random comment without. Yeah, I'll explain it then.
Some of you have been doing it and like bless all of you.
Although like for the loyal pin, it was really funny 'cause you
gave them basically you're like spell this and then everyone
spelled it in English translated.
It Yeah, they translated it. First of all, someone actually
did fully translate it. And I was like, well, damn, good
job. But also that's not the
assignment. That's not the assignment, but
damn, going for bonus points. So yeah, that was fun.
So thank you. It's so.
Yeah, I always forget about those words.
It was hilarious. Thank you guys.
So yes, continue doing that. Also, share this podcast
wherever you are consuming it with three people because that's
going to help us spread queer content and allow us to keep
doing this podcast. And you want it, right?
A lot of you want it, a lot of you keep asking for more.
So I'm assuming yes. Anyway, if you're listening on
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a review and or rating whatever you're able to on that platform
to help people know that the podcast is actually worth
listening to. If like we mentioned earlier, if
you're interested in the full reaction videos, exclusive
content, go check out our Patreon.
We have all our videos go up early there, sometimes very
early depending on our release schedule.
There's so much stuff going out there, it's ridiculous and we
are always filming more. And then you can also check out
any merch. We really need to get loyal pin
blank. All this shows merge.
So if anybody's interested in that, let us know in the
comments and we'll see what we can do.
Lastly, stay connected with us on all social media platforms at
at big gay energy pod. It's super easy to connect with
us. You can also jump into our
discord. The links that link is in the
description as well. And.
Come shout about everything going on.
I know Theora keeps up with even like the current series airing,
so you can talk to her about everything.
She brings me in when I need to and then I'm like, why haven't
you brought me in sooner? So yeah, yeah, she.
Needs someone to shout. Out shout about everything with
so come join us help me all right but let's get into blank
yeah. Before we go any further, I just
want to do a quick disclaimer for anyone who's new here or may
just kind of be listening. So as with all of the media we
cover in Thailand, all hosts in attendance of the Big Energy
podcast today are not fluent in the Thai language.
We're not members of the culture, nor are we residents of
the part of the world where this TV show takes place.
Therefore, we are going to be limited in our perspective of
this piece of media and can only analyze it with our like,
Western American life experiences and biases.
We always try to do our very best to research the culture,
whatever media we're doing just to put everything into context.
But we are not experts on the topic and we want to be
transparent about that before going forward.
So if we mess things up, we're really sorry.
We're not doing it to be mean, we're just.
We're dumb. We're dumb bitches.
So please correct us in the comments.
A lot of our listeners have been really.
Loved oh you they have no issue correcting us in the.
Comments so like you just disclaimer, just so you're
aware, please keep doing that. We appreciate it like we're
we're we're on a journey of learning.
So we appreciate all of you. So with that, let's get into
like the series. I just want to say the only tie
I know at this point is my side prick.
So I now know Booa, which means bored because of the show
because they say it a lot. I think it's hilarious.
Booa. Like Booa?
Yeah, it means bored. So that's means the bored power,
no? It's it's no, no, no.
It's like. It's.
In a different tone, but like. Got it.
Got it, Got it. OK.
It means bored. That's important.
What is important is we're going to get into point the series.
So if you're not aware, you can watch the whole entirety of it
on YouTube. If you go to Nine Star Studios
channel, it is all there. Enjoy.
What is it about? It's a basically, it's part of
what we're gonna just gonna call the Gap universe.
Basically. There's one author whose name I
can't remember off the top of my head.
I don't want a butcher who's basically doing lesbian Jesus's
work and writing all these Sapphic novels.
And then everyone in Thailand is like apparently bidding over all
of these things. They're like, I want to make it
ATV show. So all of her stuff is becoming
ATV shows, which is just lovely. So it's kind of like Marvel, the
Marvel Universe, or like all these stories are interconnected
with all these characters who know each other.
And it's lovely. This one is a continuation of
more directly connected to Gap. So Gap, the series starred Sam.
This series stars her oldest sister, Nung.
And basically in season one, we're gonna start with season
one 'cause we're gonna start with first episode today.
Basically, she's at this point age, left the palace, she's a
struggling artist, and she falls in love for the very first time
in her late 30s with a woman that's 16 years her junior.
And that's so it really, they should have called this an even
bigger gap. No, but it's curious if that was
the title of the show, the biggest gap.
No, seriously, but it's called Blank the series.
And really that has to do with the fact that like because I've
read, I've read the novel at this point, we're mostly going
to be sticking to like the show. And like I will interject some
novel things, sprinkle it here and there.
But for us, in the context of our discussions, it's our Canon
is like what we see on screen more so than like the book
because we're focusing on the TV show.
But it it basically means that like, it's like, it's like a
loneliness thing, like a blank, like I had no feelings and then
you. Suddenly explain it in the book.
Yeah, I explain at the end, basically.
But yeah, it's like a completion metaphor that's really great.
But really, biggest gap would have made made would have made
such for those. I I like an even bigger gap
better, right? And then it just like sounds
like a sequel anyway. And then like the, the final one
is the biggest gap. The biggest gap, ultimate gap
gap, the end game or like whatever.
I don't know, it just would have been really funny if that just
kept going the title Anyway, so before we like jump into the
very first scene and we get through the episode, we're going
to start with our lesbian Jesus hydration scale, which if you're
new here, basically it's this very super gay scientific thing
we came up with to like rate a piece of queer media based on
our own personal preferences, how important we think it is,
etcetera. So Caitlin, how much would you
hydrate for lesbian Jesus from Blank the series episode one?
OK, first I just want to say that Theor and I had a short
discussion before this episode and like we've kind of agreed
that this entire every episode is A10 just because Big Numb.
Yeah. Yeah, Faye makes it A10 like
just her existing. So really we probably won't even
rate any more of these because honestly, like what's the point?
They're all 10s but. You just look at look at Faye I,
we're going to let you know right now we are very big fans.
We're big. Fans, I will just, I will say
that like a good solid 40% of the discussions are going to be
very swayed by our feelings from today.
We're just going to put that. I mean, it's really hard.
Like I was, I was doing my nose and I text theor.
I'm like theor. I can't.
Just it's very distracting. Also like whoever styled her and
dressed her as big nun like how do we send you a gift because.
That's the best thing. Ever after last night.
I think it's just her style. I think it's just her.
Which then we'll send her a gift.
That's fine. That's not weird.
OK, So yeah, this show is off the charts.
Like, I know some people have mixed feelings about it because
of the premise. Stick with us.
Hopefully we will kind of like at least give you, if not change
your mind. We're not trying to change
minds, but like give you a new perspective on kind of the show
because like, personally, when I first started watching it, it
like I was uncomfortable with the premise too.
And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
This is weird. Like, But then we started
watching it together and Caitlyn basically like pointed one thing
out and I was like, holy shit. That just changes everything
about this show. And like, yeah, there's more to
it that's on the surface. And truly, the actors do a
really good job of just like embodying their character.
There's a lot going on here that's really lovely.
So that's what we're here to talk about today.
So, but if you don't like the show, that's OK.
Like it's totally fine. We all don't have to like the
same things. But we are going to talk about
this ad nauseam, so get ready. We are.
We're about to talk about it a lot.
All right, but before we all right, so last thing before we
jump into it. I just knowing us.
OK, if you've seen our gap, the serious discussions, you'll
understand why I'm bringing this up now.
But I think we and the audience in the comments.
If you're watching this in real time, let's take bets on how
long before Caitlin and I organically bring up Jim from
Get Out the series. I'm gonna give us 10 minutes
before Jim mentioned. Well, we're technically
mentioning Jim right now, but. I'm aside from this question.
I was gonna say planned wise 3 or 4 pages no but give a time
frame. Before she organically comes up,
I'm saying 10 minutes before we bring up Jim.
I think you could go 20 all. Right, let's see who's right.
Like organically you can. Organically, you can't just be
like Jim, Hi, did it. No, like organically Jim comes
up. OK, let's get into this.
So very first scene. So the first scene opens with
Nung as the runaway bride basically.
And I thought this was interesting, like coming from
Gap, the TV show. So like in my mind, I've read
the Gap book too. But like in my mind, the TV show
is kind of like the Canon. We're sticking with the TV show.
This is Marvel, we're sticking with the TV show, right?
I thought this was interesting because the Nung we got a
glimpse of and Gap the series, to me, Red is a lot more like
immature. And so like she came off as like
younger to me. Like she ran away from home when
she was a lot younger and it was more because of the painting,
not because of this like marriage thing.
So she seemed a lot more hot headed and stuff.
So I thought it was really weird to like come into the show here
and I'm like, how did Nung even get to the wedding like that?
Nung from Gap I feel like never would have made it this far.
She would have piece the fuck out a lot earlier than this so
that that was already interesting.
Like just off the bat for me. And it was only four years ago
before. So like it was fairly close to
gaps timeline, which is very interesting.
Yeah, yeah, I, I, I'm sure people will write it in the
comments like the actual timeline, but like, you have to
imagine like the the gap meeting happened within this four year
time period. So like they were.
So it almost makes it seem that like Sam and Nung weren't apart
for that long. Like it was it's just, you know,
it was just weird coming out of gap and being like, this is a
different Nung like to me. So anyway, who is she marrying?
Her almost groom is a man named Chet, who we find out later is
her love interest's father. And like which in the most
spectacularly wild episode, which is episode 4, but we're
not there yet. What I want to point out that
was funny, like on a rewatch for doing these notes was that she
had in her thinking about this wedding.
There's a scene where like he's she's like, are you worthy of
me? And he's like, no one will be as
worthy of you as I am. And it's like this is where his
daughter gets her confidence from is right here.
This man, it's from him and what I love about this memory
recollection she's having of chat specifically is that she's
having second. She's like in the moment where
she's having the second thoughts about the wedding and she's
like, should we have been doing this?
I don't even like you. What is this?
And my favorite part is like he's explaining I'm very worthy
of you. And he starts listing off his
like on paper qualifications and like mentally she cuts him off
before he finishes what he's saying where he's like, Naga's
so over this man. Like even in her like memory,
she's like, I can't even recall the rest of what the hell you
were saying, which I thought was so funny.
What a good editing choice. They're like, don't even flood
it. But I thought she moved on.
She's like, I don't even care. She doesn't give a fuck.
She was. Never that into it, I love it.
I understand that kind of that they're expected to marry at a
certain level in Thailand or at this point.
But Chet saying that no one will be as suitable for her as he is,
I find very gross like the ego that he has.
I mean, we, we deal with it with the men over here as well, so.
Yeah, yeah, he. Yeah.
It's just like. And she clearly doesn't even
like you. We find out later that they
didn't even, like, date or not even romantically entangled with
each other. So like, this was a weird
sentence to find out that like they were basically just like
kind of friends. Like they didn't even know each
other. He continues this ego as well,
like a very confusing scene later, like why?
But. I have issues with Chet, I just
don't like him, which is fine, but yeah.
You know my issues with Chet and it's just his name because it
distracts. Me.
OK, it one but anyway, ultimately big nun runs.
We're going to go OK, let's just let's back up too.
OK. Just going forward, Kunung,
we're going to refer to as big nung because big Nung big.
Nung. And then Anung, we're going to
call her Little Nung. And it's mostly so that we don't
fuck up their names on the fly. And just like for people
listening audio who are English speakers, probably easier to
distinguish them. Just so you know, we're we're
going to defer. It was going to be like
gentlemen Jack who we call like big and little and we're going
to call big nut and little nun. That's just how we're going to
do it. Just letting you know.
They are did figure out the names but she start I don't know
how we actually started with the big Nung and little Nung, but
that's how I like started this whole.
Thing so. I would have more trouble.
Yeah, we're just going to keep our stupid brains online.
That's just we're going to call them.
So just a heads up. OK, so ultimately big young runs
away from from this whole ordeal and goes and lives her authentic
life. Good for you girl.
And when she's running away from this wedding, well, first of
all, I don't blame you. But we get this beautifully
dramatic shot of her looking back as she's running away.
And this is definitely just for a dramatic effect because girl,
just get in that car and go. And like, I don't even know what
these men would do if they caught up to her.
Like what were they planning? On doing, I don't know, like
'cause I kind of just feel like they would.
Tackle her and like put her in handcuffs and kidnap her.
That's what it feels like as well.
And she also does this again, right as she's about to get in
the car, but has a smirk on her face and like, she definitely
knows what this is one. But like, girl, just get in the
car and go. I mean, they didn't really try
too hard to get her anyway because like, again, jump on the
car. That's what Fast and the Furious
tells you to do. Dad's.
Never seen that movie so like where is that taxi going like it
literally pulled up because other people were getting out
and then she hops it like she doesn't have money like how is
she going to pay the taxi I've. Had so many questions.
About this like what are you doing like you also.
You have to tell them where you're going first.
She we don't even. Get her saying like go.
Now it just starts going I'm like OK anyway what detail I do
love from this whole running away from I see.
We just need to take a minute to stare it big nong because she
looks really good in that shot looking back and like I feel
like that's why they did it because that hair flip just look
at. Her I feel like product
placement could have been really great right there.
Anyway, one thing I do love about this sequence, the realism
of her when she's about to leave, she takes off her heels
so that she can run faster. And I was like, that is great
because then a lot of these shows they have them running at
heels and I'm like, you're not he would definitely catch her if
she was in the heels. So like I like that detail where
she's like, I can get away a lot faster if not wearing these
horrible shoes. So let me, let me just, I love
it. They are more grounded, I feel
like, in the show and the fact that it's more realistic.
I agree. I agree.
I like a lot of elements of the show.
It's it's just, yeah, it's it's really good.
I just, I love it. It's less, I have less issues
with the show really than a lot of the other shows we've seen
just in general. But I love that detail.
Like, good for you. OK.
Anyway, the big take away of all this is that basically then we
cut to a scene of like the Grand Man being there with Sam and
she's like, I knew it was going to be a trouble little bitch.
Like, OK, anyway, we'll get into their trauma later.
But basically like she's rejecting, knowing in this
moment is rejecting the life the grand Man wants for her, which
is like tradition, societal gilded cages, all that bullshit.
But the ones, the one piece of this, of this life of her like
royal upbringing or whatever that stuck with her was this
mentality that no one is worthy of her.
Like, again, you're so high up the social ladder, no one can
touch you. And that's like the one thing
that like really sticks with her, like, regardless of being
in that environment. And it's just one of her
childhood traumas that stuck with her.
One of them. Just one.
There's a lot, but that one is important because it will keep
coming up, especially this episode.
So after she runs away, we timed her up for four years later and
Big Nung is living her best life as a starving artist.
She's not loving anyone. She's just doing her until Lil
Nung crashes into her life. So Lil Nung shows up at the at
the shop she's working at. So Big Nung is working basically
at this like market and she has like a stall where she does
caricatures, paintings, whatever.
And Lil Nung apparently keeps showing up at the shop and she's
speaking all kinds of informality, like they're super
close and like given the impression they've known each
other for a while. And the first time I watched
this, I was like, how, when why, Like why are they so close?
Like this is really weird coming from off of like Big Nung being
like, no one will ever get close to me.
And they're like, here's, here's Lil Nung like calling her auntie
and all this shit and she's getting up in her personal space
and I'm like. Doesn't she call her sister
first? Or Oh no, that was in a.
Flashback later in the in the very last episode, we get like
their first meeting and how that actually goes.
Yeah. So big little Nung has no idea
how old because it. OK, here's the deal.
Big Nung is an ageless millennial where no one knows
how old she is. They're like, what are you in
your 20s? Like, I don't know.
And she's like, yeah, OK, so I. Thought she was 26 or 27.
Like she aged well. Exactly right.
You can't blame Little Nung for any of the way she behaves
because it's all relatable, right?
But anyway, the the key take away here is like, OK, they act.
Little Nung acts like she's real close to Big Nung.
And the key here is that Little Nung has no idea that Big Nung
is nobility. OK?
She doesn't know who she is. She's just some woman she found
at this market. And Big Nung is just a super
hot, emotionally unavailable, very single artist.
So naturally Little Nung falls in love with her because that's
how lesbian doesn't works. What I find funny is that it
seems like Little Nung immediately had her eyes set on
Big Nung and didn't bother to check if she was even a lesbian
in the fairest place. But I, I guess, to be fair, look
at her. Yeah, look at her.
There are vibes. So I have a note for anybody
watching or listening on Patreon.
We have an exclusive episode for a certain level called keeping
up with big, a energy after dark working title that'll probably
never get changed. And Theor and I just queer out
about how good big Dung looks and you get just like good 15
minutes of us be like big. We were trying to film a
reaction video but then got off track and spent 30 minutes
talking about other things and had too much extra footage.
So it's a good time. Go check it out, yeah.
OK. So like then?
Lil Nung and Big Nung start having all this kind of like
playful banter. By playful I mean like Lil
Nung's being playful and Big Nung's like go away.
So like what? What?
What's going on with these two, truly?
So when Big Nung is like telling her to go away, basically little
nuns asks why aren't you gentle with me?
And I thought this was interesting because from seeing
the way that people treat her later in the show, cuz they're
always treating her like she's five years old.
That's why. Like I didn't know until the
next episode. Theor did not spoil me while we
were watching the show whatsoever.
So she's like, you're going on the journey.
Yeah, it's a journey watching. So again, I think she's like 13
here right now and that's how people and that's how people
treat her as well. But like people are thinking
that they have to protect her, but really they're just being
selfish. Like we'll get into that there.
There's the adults in her life are terrible, but with Big Nung,
she doesn't fully treat her like that because she's just trying
to get her to go away. And I think little Nung just
likes this challenge. She's like, oh, this person
isn't trying to baby me. This person I, I could get close
to. I need to work on this.
Yeah, Big Nung treats her like a human, but like bottom line.
And I think that like how Like why are they still because like,
but big things trying to get her to go away.
It's like half hearted, right? Like she easily could like feel
like security get this harassing person away from me, but she
doesn't. She like half heartedly tries to
get her to go away. And I think So what?
So I was trying to figure out like what the hell is their
dynamic? Because they seem really close.
What is going on here? So for me, I think that Little
Nung enjoys pushing Big Nung's buttons, OK?
Cuz she somehow can get under Big Nung's skin, which is not
something many people could do, right?
Cuz she can see Big Nung getting flustered every time.
She's like you love me and all this stuff.
And she's like, Oh my God, I don't even like you but she
does. So I think that like it's this
mutual mutual fascination with each other, like you said, cuz
it's a challenge for both of them because Little Nung is
like, oh, I can, I can spark emotions out of this otherwise
emotional as human. And then big Nung is like, why
can she spark emotions in me? I don't understand.
And so it's like this kind of like musical fascination they
have with each other. Then to also harken back on your
point, I think the reason little Nung keeps showing up here.
So in the book they give the background of kind of like why
she ends up at this market because it seems really random.
I'm like, why is this high school senior showing up at this
market? And in the book they explain it
and I thought this was good context for the show.
So basically we find out in this episode that like she's not the
strongest student, right? And her grandmother's hella
controlling. So one thing the grandmother
does is she's like, OK, after school you're going to enroll in
this cram school, which is like basically it's like extra
tutoring after school basically. So she's supposed to go to
school all day, then do spend all of her free time studying
basically in this tutoring school and let alone's like that
is my only free time. I'm not doing that.
So she lies, doesn't go to the cram school and ends up going to
this market because it's it's walking distance from her actual
school. So she just wanders around the
market as a way to like have her own autonomy and like free time,
which is something nobody allows her to do.
And that's why she ends up seeing big Dong.
She's just wandering around this market and then like sees her
one day and then it's like mine basically.
I don't blame her. Right.
She's relatable. That's fine.
But the other thing is from Little Nung's point of view,
that like Big Nung is like a safe space, right?
Because she's Someone Like You mentioned, who treats her like a
human being, like Big Nung listens to her.
I'll be it begrudgingly at times, but she lets her be.
She lets Little Nung be her authentic self.
Like she's not trying to control her, impose anything on her.
She just kind of lets her be. She lets her express herself
however she wants. And what I like about this first
scene here is that Little Nung mentions that like, oh, I came
here to see you so I can get over my bad feelings.
Like specifically, she came to see Nung because she was having
a bad day and she wanted to run away from her home, which we
find out by later. But basically she came to her
safe space to escape like the bad day she was having.
So like, that's the other thing that little Nung kind of gets
out of big Nung. Not that she's like quote,
protecting her, like you said, Caitlin in some weird
paternalistic, maternalistic way or whatever.
She just like lets her exist, which I think is huge, you know,
So again, little nun relatable. She's a little bit easier to
read about, like why she's here. But big nun was the harder one
to be like, why is why is she letting this happen?
And I think part of the appeal is that like in Little Nung, she
has this adoring fan, right? She comes by and she's always
like, I love your artwork. And she keeps paying her to like
draw paintings basically and stuff as a way to like just be
around her. But like big nun's like, OK, she
likes my artwork. So that that's flattering, you
know, as to somebody who's like strung the struggle bus when it
comes to her art. So it's validating for a big
Nung. But I think the bigger appeal is
that little Nung acts very authentically around her.
Like she doesn't hide her emotions.
Like she takes her mask comes off the minute she's around big
Nung, she feels safe. And I think that that is like
it's, it's a form of bravery really, because big nun came
from that very repressive childhood shit.
And so they have somebody who's so comfortable in their own
skin. I think that's something she
also wants. And so she kind of like admires
that about little Nung basically because she's always wanted to
just live her own authentic life, but wasn't able to because
of her like repressive household kind of stuff.
Like if you remember one of the lines she says mentally when
she's running away from the wedding is she brings up her
like ML title. She says ML her her title is one
that's so high. I want to run away from it
because having that title made her untouchable to so many
people. And that in turn isolated Nung
and just made her a very lonely person.
So here she is with this like bubbly, bright human being that
just like crashed into her life. And it's like kind of
intoxicating to have that energy around you, you know, when
you've just been like so closed off for so long.
So that's that is the other thing that's going on here.
This is probably the most authentic person that's ever
been around her. Absolutely, yeah.
I agree because even when you watch like Nung interact with
Sam like they still have the formalities with each other too
like here like when I was like none of that just there I am
you. Can't have fun with anyone else
in life. It's hard when you're constantly
like playing a game or like pretending to be somebody else
and they have conversations about that later, which is
another thing I really like about these two and how they
kind of communicate with each other.
But anyway, bottom line, Big Nung is, I mean, little Nung is
at the shop because she wants, she generally wants to see Big
Nung. Like, like she's just here to
see her. There's no, like, ulterior
motive. She's not like trying to gain
status or like, you know, get anything from her.
She's like, no, she's here because she genuinely likes Big
Nung for like, just who she is. And she's always like, I get,
you know, the couple hours I stopped by here still aren't
enough. Like, I just want to be around
you all the time. It's like really cool.
Yeah, I get this. Sure.
I would also. Have a better day if I got to
stare at Faye. We get a girl.
So all right, so basically like the big nun's like girl, you,
you got to go home. Like what is going on here?
So she just chases her out of the market and escorts her to
the bus stop, which is the thing that keeps happening.
So again, like Nung will do big Nung will do things where she's
like, I don't care about you. But then she will like make sure
she gets home safely. So like she's a whole last lot.
And then we we get our first call to title, which is like the
blank thing behind them when they're standing at the bus
stop. Yeah, for some reason there is a
repeat behind them instead of, you know, ads, which would have
been a great ad placement for them instead of their own show
that people are already watching.
But serious, you gotta remember. You just gotta remember where we
are anyway. So at this point, little nuns
like I just want to run away from she tells her I want to run
away from home because I'm not happy.
Can I move in with you? And big nuns?
Like absolutely fucking not. You can't move in with me.
So she she sends her home on the bus.
But then as the bus is leaving, she does this like glance at the
end that like shows that like, OK, she's trying to she's got
walls put up. She's really into Sam.
We know the story, but like around this girl, she seems to
like care about her. And I think that like in this
moment, she can kind of empathize with Little Nung
wanting to run away from her family because like, Big Nung
did this like as well. But at this point, like Little
Nung is like so much younger than Big Nung was when she ran
away, when she made that decision, right?
And I think this moment is supposed to hint that big young
has some regrets about her own life that she's that she's
processing based on the choices that she made, like to run away
from home and kind of how she handled that whole situation.
And I think part of her doesn't want wouldn't repeat it if she
necessary wouldn't necessarily handle it the same way if she
had the could redo it basically. And so in like Lil Nung, she's
like, Oh, well, maybe I can prevent you from, like, making
some mistakes that I did. Because I think one of the
biggest themes of the show is trying to learn from past
regrets to change the future. And I think that's like being
hinted at here with this little exchange at the bus stop.
Yeah, we definitely see Big Nung's thoughts about, like, how
she's hung up on the past when she finds out that little Nung
lives with her grandmother. And then she keeps asking her
all these questions pertaining to situations that she was in.
And I wonder if she's like trying to figure out if she did
the right thing. Oh no, definitely.
There's a scene later with Sam where she hints at the stuff,
dude. Like I think this has been
weighing on her the whole time. And this is something like we
were if you go back to her gap reaction or not reactions or gap
discussions when we were talking about like things episode 11
where they have the big family blow up and none like confronts
the grandmother. Like if you like just just I was
so mad at Nung just from the gap stuff because I was like, you
don't seem to like realize the consequent, the consequences of
your actions. But like, I'm very thankful for
this show because like it makes a very clear point that like
Nung has not processed and she's very aware of the the role she
played in like Song's death and like the fallout with the
grandmother and that kind of she wasn't the sole owner of those
things, but like her, her choices did impact other people.
And so like she's very aware of that.
And so like in this show, a lot of the drama, I guess it's not
even it's just a lot of the conflict.
It's a better word comes from Nung second guessing herself
because she's like, if she this was pre running away from her
wedding, she would easily just make choices that are like, no,
I think this is the right thing to do.
Go after your own happiness. Don't fuck other people.
That's what she was like in Gap and then here she is always
being like, but the other people, there's other people.
We can't just we can't just run away and just feel like expect
everything to be good. We have to live in this world
with other people. So this is this lesson that she
learned the hard way. And it like does influence her
thinking in this show. And I find that really
fascinating. And I'm really glad that's in
here, because that's a it fleshes out Nung as like a human
being, you know? It definitely does, but to go
back to a little Nung, the confidence that she has and the
audacity of her just to ask immediately to move in with big
Nung. I know she doesn't know who she
is but damn. Just she's still technically a
stranger cuz I don't think they know each other that well.
Right. It's.
Amazing. Because like, Big Nung's also
actively rejecting her at this moment and she's just like, can
I move in with you? Not can I stay a few nights or
anything. There's definitely an element of
delusion to this, this young lady.
But I I forgot what what happens when I was rewatching and I
really thought there was going to be like another side of the
bus that opens and like she was just going to walk out the
other. And then we get to Part 2, where
Little Nung arrives back home after a long afternoon of
getting rejected by the Super hot goddess Big Nung, which is
such a rough afternoon, I mean. She looks so sad.
Well, I mean, she does not want to go home.
She you can tell she is dreading entering this house.
And I, I know that this feeling is the absolutely worst.
I had nothing near bad as her like Oh my gosh.
But a place that is supposed to be safe and a refuge for you and
it's just hell for her. And that's why she spends more
time at Nung shop. Big nung shop.
So like the poor girl is trying to sneak in but is stopped by
her grandmother asking her for the results of her test.
So not asking how are you doing? How was your day?
No, you got the results of your test today, right?
Yikes. Yeah, Meanwhile Big Nung also
arrives home without a care in the world though, and get
stopped by the only person who has some sort of power over her,
her landlord. And her landlord is rightly
annoyed and asks for their rent. OK, wait a minute, wait a minute
though. She's annoyed because the bitch
comes home with a like bags of food, so she just went out
shopping. And then this woman's like, you
owe me money, what the hell are you doing?
That's that's also true. That's kind of like I'm just not
paying you. Yeah.
You're like, I got to pay. I got to eat, what do you want?
Nung says that it's like fully unfazed by this landlord and
it's like I'll give it to you tomorrow.
And the landlord gets more pissed off and says it's only
8000 baht and you still postpone until tomorrow.
So this is about $221.48 USD and I would just kill to have that
rent. Like I pay more rent living with
my mother than granted. It is a different country, a
different cost of living in general.
And then due to a later scene I her first meeting with Little
Nung, I believe she charges 100 baht for a portrait.
Which this means she would have to draw 80 people just to make
her rent, which doesn't include taxes, the store rent, living
expenses. I don't think that this business
model is working. For her that's definitely not
working. That's why she her bro.
I think she should just go to college with Little Nung and
learn business because something's got to give here
girl. Well, yeah, you can't go talk to
Sam either, because she don't know a damn thing about business
either. No, not at all.
We'll get into that in a little bit as well.
Actually, we'll get into it next.
I do love that the landlord is just so over Doug's broke ass
and she's like you better not fucking swindle me this time
bitch. It's so funny.
Because we have we find out that Nung has borrowed rent money
from Sam for the past six months.
So basically I'm assuming that big Nung is just paying rent at
the end of the month instead of the beginning of the month at
this point and just always asking Sam for money.
I don't know why she just doesn't do it in the beginning
of the month so she doesn't piss off the landlord but also like.
It implies that like, for 3 1/2 years she was making rent.
So like, what happened? Oh yeah, you know, she's gone
for four years. So like what happened in the
last six months though? She.
Left the Isle of Lesbos, that's what happened.
She met Little Nung and all of her portraits became Little Nung
and. So other people actually what
happened And she's I think she charged her so little because
she looks like a young, she looks young and she's like, I'm
not going to charge you. There's like 10 bucks or
whatever the hell. She's like, she's cute.
I can look at her for a little while.
That's literally what happens. But.
All I can say is that Santa's a very kind sister.
She is. Sam isn't worried about Nung
paying her back, she is worried that if something happened to
her, Sam Nung wouldn't be able to.
Survive and like that isn't and. Then like it seems like a.
Legit concern but Nung says if something happens to Sam all her
stuff would become hers anyway so she will be fine.
And like was I was like how is that a thing Because it
definitely is not the case in like a typical family.
I don't know if this is like a royalty thing, I don't know but
I'm pretty sure everything is going to Mon, no?
Like, I think Mon would fight you for that, No?
Anyway, I think realistically if Sam were to drop dead right now,
everything goes with the grandmother.
She's the oldest in the family, but I don't know.
Yeah, mine. Mine puts up with so much shit
from Sam. She deserves at least half the
money. No, I'm like, you wouldn't get
it all. Let's just give give Mon her
dues. OK?
Good. Lord Mon's worked hard for.
Mon has been through it. She deserves a reward.
But I love that exchange though. It's just it's really funny and
it was very nice to see again coming off of gap like that
these two their relationship at this point and the show is very
sweet. Like I love that they have
gotten into like the habit of like talking to each other and
they can even talk about things like money, whereas like in gap
it was like none harassing her for money.
But like here it's the other way around.
Sam's trying to like take care of her, which is a bit of a
switch. And in the scene you were
talking about, instead of saying Sam, Nung calls her Tulik which
means Little One, which is such a cute nickname for her sister.
It's fucking adorable. It is.
Sorry, I was trying to remember the right parenunciation.
I think you got it right. It's cute and I just love the
way that the show goes through, really goes through great
lengths. The show that Sam and Nung both
look out for each other despite the fact that like at this point
they just recently reconnected after like years of not talking,
you know? Yeah, but I like how Sam is
trying to recruit her to the company and it's like many of my
friends want Ku Nung to work at the company.
And here's my theory and where we were 10 minutes off.
Jim is freelancing at Sam's company.
Oh God, can't imagine. And we'll only go into the
office if Sam can get Nung there.
And I could see Jim crushing very hard on Nung since Sam is
taken and he's like, I mean, look at her.
And Jimmy, like, if I can't have Sam, I can get the older sister.
Absolutely. That was one of my gripes.
I'm like, how how have Nung and Jim not cross paths?
That seems unlikely. And they do cross paths in the
book. So like they do they're they are
on speaking terms. So validation.
Jim's in the book. Very.
Briefly, but she's in the book. She's in the book, actually.
Should be. It's Jim.
Where was Jim? I forget what the scenario was,
but it was like they, she, she was there.
I don't know, Sam and her friends were at something.
It might have been the school reunion thing because they all
went to that school. Remember when they have the
Centennial? Are you in the episode?
Yeah, the episode where all the shit went down.
Yeah, so in the book, Jim Cade T are all there and like Nung
makes a comment about Sam's friends who like literally say
whatever the fuck is on their mind and like Jim has a
conversation with Nung and I was like, see, this makes sense.
That, that's cute. I'll make that scene up in my
head. Anyway, so Noam says that she
isn't suitable to be a salaried employee who works hard every
day. You're a Sam.
But I'm like, same, no. If only that was actually
possible. Literally.
But then Sam says she's also a salaried employee and.
Sam, don't you? Own this company that doesn't
actually do anything. Like you, you don't do anything.
You literally admit that you only come to work to stare at
your wife. So like, OK Sam.
OK, Sam. I was kind of confused by this
conversation. Well, remember the grandmothers
in the room? So like, Sam's trying to be
like, I am a good employee. And they're like, yeah, OK, Sam.
We. We've all seen the writing on
the wall. I'm convinced at this stage Mon
owns diversity and the whole company and Mon just runs it and
Sam just kind of funds it when they're in money troubles.
Like she just, she's Mon's assistant at this point.
Let's be, let's be real. One thing I do love about their
exchange too when it comes to the money is that Nung Big Nung
insists that she's quote, borrowing the money from Sam and
that she fully intends to pay her back.
And it's point she's like, hey, I'm really close to selling one
of my paintings at a gallery. So like that'll be big money.
It's more than like what she was getting commissioned at the
market. The thing with the market, the
market is supposed to, it's like, it's not cheating on
markets, but it's like a lower scale place than the mall.
The malls like where big money people spend big money markets
like less money. So, like, she can't charge that
much, but to a gallery, she can charge a lot more for her
paintings. Senator, She's like, I'm about
to make a big sale, like, and I'll pay you back.
And she keeps this Ledger of how much money she owes Sam.
So it's demonstrating that, like, she is determined to keep
her promise. She's not just, like, mooching
off her younger sister. And she really is set out to
make this life of her own, like, work.
Like, even though she's on the struggle bus now, she's like,
I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to be like, you're
just temporarily supporting me. I'm going to pay you back kind
of thing. So I do love that about their
relationship too. Something we don't see in gap.
Like it was just fully nung me, like give me money.
Oh my God, my favorite moment in Gap and it's in the book, I
think more so than the show is when Nung Nung has a when Mon
and Sam are fighting because when are they not?
And Nung calls Mon and she's basically asked Mon for money
because she's like, you're dating my sister, which you're
my sister's wife, which means you have the money now and Mon
is not talking to Sam at this point.
And Mon's like whatever. And then just gives Nung her own
money and like, never tells Sam or like, it's very cute.
But like, Nung is just like out here being like, give me money
to everybody. It's so funny.
That's how she made rent for three years.
She's just begging. Probably, I think remember GAP.
Nung was on the Isle of Lesbos. I think Nung was very popular in
the Isle of Lesbos and so her art was like flying off the
shelves, you know? I.
Wonder why? I wonder why.
Yeah, I'm sure she had French girls out there, let's be real.
OK so then Sam and Nung talk about how much she needs and
Sam's like is 20,000 enough and big Nung's like 8000 is fine.
However, then Sam asks when she is returning to the palace,
which makes Big Nung immediately hang up.
I'm like, didn't you need that money, Nung?
Well, it's like she's drawing the line in the sand.
She's like, I will not be controlled by the grand ma'am,
if that's what this is about. I don't want your money, Sam.
Which she still does. But like she does.
She's just, she's not coming over.
She's not doing. It stubborn.
She's super stubborn. That's what they're trying to
do. Yeah, and then we see that the
grandmother was with Sam during this conversation, listening at
everything and smugly ass got hung up on again.
Such a bitch. Some things ever change.
Nope, she doesn't tell Sam that she doesn't have to transfer the
money and it was Nung's choice to leave to paint, so let her
figure it out her own. And I know the grandmother is
hoping that she will fail hard enough that she will want to
come home. But.
Sam knows that Big Nung is more likely to willingly die before
coming home. Yes, and Sam's like, but it's
been four years, right? You got to get over a grandma
doesn't say. This.
But she should, I agreed. So Sam sends nung 20,000 baht
which is around $550 USD and I was like oh cool thanks.
Thanks, Sam. Yeah, that.
OK, so now we head back to Little Nung being terrified in
her home. But she's not terrified right
now. She's she's staring at the
drawing that Nung made her. She should really ask Big Nung
to do. A.
Self-portrait so she can stare at that and not herself.
Girl was nothing she's in no thoughts and she's in front of
big nine she'll you draw whatever you want no cuz like
the thing that she likes about it is when big nine is drawing
her she's like intently staring at her and I think that's what
she likes for some of the photo or the.
Painting so she's like looking at the photo but remembering the
time that it was drawn exactly. OK, that makes sense, but she
needs at least one self-portrait at this point to like, have both
of them. What she could, what she could
do is like, OK, set up a mirror and then be like, I'll pay you
double, but you need to draw yourself with this mirror and
I'm going to be over your shoulder.
That way she gets both double. No one would be like, whatever,
whatever you want. I got rent to pay.
Oh my gosh. OK, so we see that there are
marks on little Nung's leg which it does not look good, no.
And. Gross.
Then her grandmother enters her room to ask why she isn't
sleeping yet. I'm curious to know what time it
is. I'm like what time she's
supposed to be going to bed, but little known says that she is
studying. But of course her grandmother
doesn't believe her and like too rightly slow because she's
staring at a drawing and she has figured out that she can hide
things. That's what happens when you are
not allowed any freedom. But I'm impressed that the
grandmother actually knocked on the door before entering.
Yeah, no, that is very true because it is.
It is framed like this girl has no like little to no privacy.
Night Girl she's a young woman has like little to no privacy in
this home. Well, I think for this right now
until like we establish the ages, it's OK to because like as
a as a viewer, you're thinking that she is a child.
So I think it's OK to. Because everyone treats her like
a child, which is ridiculous, but.
Whatever, but once you find out her actual age you're like
bullshit. This is absurd anyway, So what I
think it's important to know from the scene too, is not just
that she lies to her grandmother, but how easily she
lies to her grandmother. So it implies that little little
Nung has been lying to her grandmother for quite some time.
Like it's like second nature. This like instinct to like
protect herself. And what's really heartbreaking
in the scene is when when the you're going to talk about when
the grandmother comes close to her and you just see her panic
because she's holding basically like she stuffed the portraits
under her notes and be like, look, I'm studying for real.
And then when the grandmother comes near her, you just see her
like get ready to get hit. And it's just horrible like
this. Poor, poor little.
It is terrible, terrible. Like she doesn't have anyone.
In her life to actually show her love.
No, the the fact that the grandmother was coming over to
actually just be kind of loving, but I feel like it was still
like put. Putting her authority over her.
No, she's as well. Yeah.
I mean, the grandmother's also traumatized.
We'll get into her shit later. But yeah, she's very.
They're establishing. She's overbearing.
And Lil Nong has all of these learned behaviors to protect
herself, like lying, flinching, covering things up because,
like, look at the household she's being raised in.
Like she's trapped, you know? Yeah, And then she puts on a
fake smile to get the grandmother out of the room.
Right. And then it looks like she's
fine. And then as immediately when the
grandmother closes the door, she give like, you could just see
the weight come off or she's like, I made it, I didn't get
hurt. I can go back to looking at my
drawing. That big nun made me.
And who does this behavior remind you of?
Like put on a smile when you're sad or scared or whatever.
This is what Big Nung taught Sam and her sisters to do.
So it's just, this is like the consequence of like being in
this controlling environment. It's like whatever I need to do
to get you to leave me alone, I will play the game with you to
get you to leave me the fuck alone.
And then the minute I'm alone, I'm going to be me.
Because like, all this behavior doesn't stop little Nung from
being who she is. It's just she has to do it
behind closed doors. So the minute she's behind
closed doors, she like can look at the look at the painting
again. And then like she goes on her
bed and like sighs like she's free, you know?
And I think one thing she gets out of her relationship with
Nung at this stage, because nobody knows about Big Nung,
only she knows. So it's like she has this secret
in a way that's like something that just belongs to her, like
her grandmother has no idea. She goes and sees Big Nung after
school and so her grandmother can't control that aspect of her
life. So I think that is also
liberating for a little Mung at this point to have just
something that she can call hers.
And I think maybe that leads to like the obsessed kind of quote,
the obsession she kind of has with Mung at this point or the
attachment because it's like it's safe.
You were safe for my grandmother too.
You're not only a safe person for me to be around, but like my
grandmother can't control any of our interactions either.
Like I don't know that she's ever had that before.
I think that's new, which is really sad.
I feel like she was trapped in the house.
And she's not even trapped in the house too, because later
they talk about like, bigness, like, why don't you have
friends? And basically she's like, well,
because my grandmother terrorizes all of them.
So like, she's not allowed to have anybody in her life.
So like, this is probably one of the few relationships, platonic
or whatever, where her grandmother's not interfering.
You know, it was just terrible. It's really sad, yeah.
Just like a light heart brace for her.
She's just what a like, the fact that she's such a strong person
is just wild and just very admirable, you know?
The confidence man. She's resilient as fuck.
It's I don't know where she learned the confidence.
It's genetic. We saw a chat.
It's genetic. Her.
Confidence is. Genetic.
Wait till you see her mom. Their shit was.
This shit was. Genetic.
Anyway. Somehow.
How is confidence genetic, anyway?
So then we get another scene and Sam's taking Big Nung out to
lunch because that's the only way you can get Big Nung to do
anything is if you buy her food. In the book, she's so broke that
she's always like, I can't afford not to eat so like,
please Take Me Out. That's also fair, that is.
It's it enforced a lot. She's like, well, ramen or
whatever the hell Sam's going to buy me.
Sam, let's go out. But before Sam can do anything,
Nung reiterates that she will not see the grandmother.
Like she's holding these boundaries very clear and like
she knows that Sam just wants everyone to get along, but she's
not willing to put herself in that situation again as of right
now because she's finally protecting herself after years
of doing stuff for other people. I think this was she's still at
the point where she needs to protect herself.
I think this is also for like final stand the hill.
She's willing to die in kind of thing.
So like Sam we know from Gap, like really Sam is Sam is like
the people pleaser, She's the peacemaker.
And she's at this point playing middleman between Big Nung and
the Grand man. And she's it's just and her
motivation is to get her family back together because like
finally, like knowing her sister appeared after a few years and
she's like, no, let's get the family all back together.
We're all we have left, which is very on brand for Sam.
But in this conversation, when I thought was really interesting,
is where I think there's more to Nung's refusal to see the grand
man than just like, I'm doing this for me because in this
conversation with Sam, Nung brings up Song, which I thought
was really interesting. Like, why is she bringing up
Song now? And so to me, it hints that
there's she has some unresolved feelings when it comes to her
sister's song because she asks Sam between me and the grand
man, who do you blame more for Song's death?
And I think that's something that's been weighing on her for
quite some time. And Sam doesn't answer this.
And when Nung tries to push the topic further, she trails off
and like, Nung looks really guilty, like, so I think that
this question she poses to Sam, like, who do you blame more, me
or the grand man is her projecting?
I think that she Nung blames her grandmother for her, you know,
unhappiness and also songs. But I think she also blames
herself for Song's death. So I think part of her
motivation for avoiding the Grand man is that the grand man
never changed her behavior after Nung fled.
Like instead she kept doing the exact same thing.
She just started focusing on Song, then Sam and like
ultimately it like led the Song's death.
And then watch gap you'll see how unhappy Sam was when the
focus ended up on her. But like none is out here like
trying to like none learned from this, you know, big choice she
made to basically cut out toxic family members.
That's kind of what she was doing.
And Nung learns from that and grows and you see her evolution
of that throughout the show. But the grand Mam and never
learns from that. And that kills Nung that she's
just like, why don't you acknowledge the role you played
in this? And I think that's partially why
she won't go back because she's like, until the grand Mam admits
that I was unhappy because of the role she played and like,
gives me an apology and apologizes to my sister song.
Like, I'm not going back there because then I'm just going back
into the toxic environment and like, for what, Sam, to make you
happy. I love you, but no.
So I think that's part of it too.
It's just like, why? Why repeat history, you know?
Yeah. Yeah, it's just their
relationship with their grandmother is so complicated
and fascinating. But like, I like that Nung is
still on the journey of processing all of that and like
the consequences from that, like breaking off point, you know?
That that family just has too much trauma to process and it
never does get fully processed together.
And it doesn't get fully resolved either.
And that's OK. That's real life.
Sometimes it just doesn't. And like, you live with the
consequences of these actions, which is like a lesson Nung
learns the hard way. And that changes her behavior in
this whole show. Next, Sam drops off Nung in
front of the hotel she's staying at, where little Nung is waiting
because she quote, ran away from home.
She tells Big Nung that she dressed up beautifully today and
all I could think of was today, an everyday little nung.
I know you don't need to say that, it's just implied in Big
Nung so. Big nung.
But I think she's trying to say is that like, hey, you look more
dressed up than normal. It's because she went out to
dinner with Sam versus like her normal like starving artist get
up that is wildly attractive. But anyway, then these two have
this hilarious banter that ultimately ends with Big Nung
saying curl. We are not as close as you think
we are, but Little Nung confidently counters with.
We will be embarked by words like basically.
Yeah, the girl will wear you down, but this is really
strange. Is hilariously ridiculous
though, because Big Nung asks why she can't stay with her
friends and Little Nung is like be considerate of their parents
and Big Nung is like what? Why?
What the hell? Why not be considerate of me?
Lil Nung's like, well, you took responsibility because you know
that I ran away and plus, we're friends.
What the fuck, man? You're my girlfriend.
You're exactly. But again, like, Lulu has all
the confidence in the world and I think this is a major reason
Big Nong sticks around. It's because confidence is an
attractive quality. Otherwise this girl is low key
harassing her and Big Nong would have to call whatever the
reverse of Child Protective Services is, like protect adults
from children's services. Like, I don't know.
And she's being harassed, you know?
I can't, Deora. I can't.
Did I tell a lie? Protect adults from children
services like helping Nug? That's what I'm saying.
So like, again, like she could handle the situation.
She really wanted to, but she's like doesn't really want to.
Also, OK, the other thing I wanted to note because like I
feel like Lil Nug gets a bad rap, but I want to like take a
moment to highlight Yoko's acting in the scene because.
Wow. Go back and watch the scene in
front of the hotel beginning of part three, because just damn.
OK, first of all, her body language choices I'm playing
little Nung are so spot on, OK? Because she's trying to portray
that she's young, right? And so she's always like
bouncing around or like making these pouting faces and does
like whatever it takes to make a little numb seem younger than
she actually is. OK, which we'll get into why
she's doing that later, But like, she's trying to make her
look a lot younger than the character actually is.
So like, kudos to all the body language choices, like in the
facial expressions, like spot on.
But for me, the cherry on top with her acting really comes
down to the voice. OK, so if you really, it's
really became apparent to me in the scene.
So what Yoko does is she throws Little Nung's voice up like an
octave and she adopts this like nasally tone that makes Little
Nung sound like a whiny child. And she does it in a lot of the
dialogue they have in the beginning of the show,
particularly here. And just like, like seriously,
like do yourself a favor, go listen to this scene, this this
argument that they're having in this scene.
And then go listen to Yoko in season 2.
And it's it's very different. The way she like chooses to
speak as little known to like make her seem older, more
mature, learn like good job. Like her voice acting.
It was very spot on. And I just wanted to give her
credit for that because just well done, ma'am.
OK. But back to this argument that
they're having so little nung. Basically big nung is like, go
away. And little nung is like,
absolutely not. And she's not taking no for an
answer because she doesn't know what that word means.
Like father, like mother, like daughter.
Because neither do her parents, apparently, like it has.
To be hereditary because they sure as hell did not raise her.
That's what I mean. This confident thing is genetic.
And then like later she actually says I haven't met my mom but
she calls every once in a while and I'm like, that makes sense
more even more confusing, but like.
It sure does. Also I don't understand these
parents are. We'll get there later.
They're a hot mess.
But for now, just like they gifted their daughter all the
confidence in the world and the inability to understand what the
word no means, for better or worse.
OK, so instead of leaving like Big Nung wants her to, she then
demands that Big Nung teaches her how to draw her school
reasons. And Lil Nung is like super whiny
and just like an unbridled ball of energy.
And at first I read this off. It's just like, again, a
character choice by Yoko, rightfully so, to reinforce how
young this girl is. But I guess Caitlin will point
out in a minute, like this is all trauma behavior from her
repressive home life. And once you pointed that out,
that's when my whole perspective on little unchanged and like
this is all trauma influenced. But before Caitlin goes on her
amazing tangent about this, I have to note that, like, Big
Numb just caves because she's in her 30s and she doesn't have the
energy for this shit. But it's so relatable as
somebody in their 30s. I'm like, I don't got the energy
to fight you. I'm just tired.
I feel like a lot of their relationship is just like, quote
Big Nung spoiling Little Nug because she's tired.
She's like, I don't have energy to fight you, so you're just
going to get whatever you want. This is just like fine tag
along, I guess. And like little Nung is pretty
self-sufficient in the fact that she can have a conversation by
herself and like Nung just has to be in the room.
So she was like, all right, I know you'll just talk.
So. No, literally.
And it's why she gets away with like clinging physically to Big
Nung who hates that it's because she she gets tired swatting her
off. She's like, whatever.
I'm just tired. And then?
You're like in the beginning of episodes or scenes like start
and then it's just like. She gets tired, which is that's
what happens when you're in your 30s.
So if you're not there, just letting you know it's going to
happen. We're saying I'm too tired for
this shit. It's when you, your fucks run
out. Like that's where big Nung's at.
She's like, I don't have any fucks for this anymore.
They're exhausted so. Which is, I think, really.
Funny in their dynamic. I think it's hilarious.
OK, so let's get into some mental health stuff.
Now, just a little overview if you will, and we can point out
specific things as we go throughout the show.
But first I want to make a disclaimer because I am not a
psychologist. I am a person who has been in
therapy off and on in a variety of settings for half my life,
including group therapy where I also get to witness other
people's trauma and recognize how different people respond to
it, which I think helps me recognize what things are going
on. I also think it's super
important to talk about mental health and change the stigma
around it. And I have seen a lot of talk
around Little Nung and how childish she is, which makes the
age gap worse to people. And so people are like really
not happy with it. But I think there is more to it,
so I just want to take. A few moments to dive.
Into some things. So let's talk about childhood
trauma because they both definitely have it.
Absolutely. So if you have not heard of
ACES, this is something that's very relevant to both big NUM
and little NUM. ACES stands for Adverse
Childhood Experiences and it refers to traumatic events that
occur in a child's life, such as abuse, neglect, household
dysfunction, or parental mental illness.
How? Many do they have they so many
points are checked off on that list.
And research shows that these experiences can have profound
and lasting effects on a person's physical and mental
health, impacting their developmental development into
adulthood. And there's actually a ten
question questionnaire for you to determine how many Aces you
have. And if you have four or more,
you're more likely to have adverse or like outcomes that
are worse. You're worse off basically.
That's not the right way to say that, but This is why I need
everything written down anyway. So the categories for Aces is
emotional abuse, which is verbal or emotional mistreatment.
OK, I'm going to give that to both of them.
Physical abuse, physical harm or violence.
Both of them, they both have the same mistreatment of physical
abuse. Emotionally, they were just
yeah, we we know what the emotional is, sexual abuse.
I don't believe we have that. We don't know anything about
that. So we OK now neglect, emotional
neglect, lack of emotional support or affection.
I mean, yeah. I would say though Little Nung
has that more so than Big Nung because Big Nung had her sisters
and Little Nung is by herself with her grandmother so she's
more isolated and is not allowed to happen.
That's fair, but I feel like. They both have degrees.
They figure absolutely from the they figure.
Definitely neglected physical neglect, failure to provide
basic physical needs, food, shelter, medical care.
I they were both pretty well off because they come off come from
well off families. However, the medical care
strikes me and I feel like it's kind of like the opposite of
neglect with the medical care 'cause I personally feel like
they overplayed some things when little Nung was younger to kind
of stunt her growth in a way. So I think they're just trying.
I I don't think that it was actually all caused by her being
born early. I'll rant about that later, but
yes. OK, All right, so now household
dysfunction, substance abuse, living with someone who has a
substance use order disorder. I don't think that's relevant
for the two of them. Mental illness, having a
household member with untreated mental health issues.
Now I feel like there's something going on with these
grandmothers, so I'm going to give this to both of them as
well. Domestic violence, witnessing
violence in the home. And this is typically a a
parents. However, for Big Numg she did
see, I mean I guess it was focused on her when she was
actually living there I feel like.
Song and Sam have this because they watched.
The. Grandma.
And Sam have it. Sam definitely has.
Sam for sure suffers from this. The next one is parental
separation or divorce experience.
Separation or divorce of parents.
So I believe Nung did know her parents at one point.
I forget when that all happened. Yes, Nung did know her parents,
but they're orphaned now. Yeah, and little Nung got
separated at birth, basically. Yeah.
That still causes trauma. I did a deeper dive into that as
well. Is there trauma for when they
randomly come back he also suffers from?
That OK, yes, no, I mean, one of my points later is that they
both still have a lot of ongoing trauma.
Oh my God, that is new. That could also be.
The title of the show. Trauma bonded, no, because
they're trauma. I mean now they're trauma
shared, but they're definitely trauma bonding.
The last one's incarceration, having a household member who is
incarcerated that I mean Chet, if we get there, who knows who
knows what's going to happen this political landscape.
So but this is before they're 18.
So we have passed. They do not have that as of what
we know. So they have a good amount of of
trauma that they're dealing with.
So the effects of these Aces on children emotional development.
Children with high ACE scores often struggle with emotional
regulation, leading to issues like anxiety and depression.
So I I find the emotional regulation thing to be something
to note. Yeah, especially with like, I
mean that scene with little Nung is a great example of just like
her hyperactivity in the way she's whiny, pouty, always being
like please, please, please. Like I think that's your
emotional regulation piece. Because if she if you think
about it, she grows up in a household with the grand man or
her not the grand man with the grandmother.
She's like a carbon copy, but still where she's not allowed
just like children are seeing not heard kind of thing.
So she can never express herself.
So like when she's around big Nung in a safe space, she over
expresses everything because she's finally able to let it all
out, you know? So it like comes off as like
childish behavior, but just like her letting loose really like
all the things she has to repress, which is also just sad
as fuck, you know? Yeah, you brought up a phrase
that triggers me. In general, children should be
seen and not heard. That is an absolute disgusting
phrase. I'm pretty sure it was like
drawn in my school in like middle school at some point.
That's ridiculous. It was either that or it might
have been. Children should be seen and
heard. I mean, that's.
Because. But I think.
Yeah, my dad says that all the time.
That's how he was raised. He was raised in a year scene
not heard because they would get beaten if they like.
But I was like young, like little being like that is
terrible. And I was so against it.
I I was allowed to have an. Opinion.
I want to say one more thing about the emotional development
because like, OK, again, with like little Nung, it's very
obvious that she's just like much big Nung does this too, OK?
Because when we get the scenes where like she gets triggered,
she immediately jumps into anger and will lash out at like little
Nung a lot, which is why we get to these ridiculous arguments
where she's like, you're not worthy of me and all this
bullshit. And like it's because she also
cannot emotionally regulate herself.
She's in her 30s and can't do it.
And it all comes back to this fucking trauma that they have.
Like so like they both do this. It's just it manifests
differently because of Nung. Big Nung clings to her mask of
I'm a cool collected person. So then it just comes out as
anger. Whereas like little Nung, the
minute she takes the mask off, she's like fuck it.
And she just like expresses every emotion she's having.
So they both do this. It's just, it's just different.
Yeah, another effect that it has on children is cognitive
development. Trauma can impair brain
development, affecting learning, memory, and problem solving
skills. So I feel like this is a lot of
little nuns issues right now is because the trauma is impacting
her ability to do well in school, Yeah.
And I I think she's. She's associated with pain as
well because. Mm hmm.
If I keep going and I fail, then I get beaten.
So like, I want to just. She says a lot in the book.
I just want to be free of all of school.
And yeah, I think you're right. It's because she associates it
negatively. That's a really good point and
also that would make more sense why she does poorly in school
versus them being like she was born prematurely which is why
she's a 20 year old in high school because she was held.
Back. No, that made no sense.
I was like, what? No.
I'm like, there's a lot. Of premature kids.
Right Who? Like it doesn't make sense.
This makes more sense that the girls held back a bunch of times
because like, she's fucking traumatized personally, just
that makes more sense. I still think that they held her
back on purpose. Yeah, probably.
Even though the grandma was pressuring her to be her best, I
still think they wanted to have the control over her.
I agree and. I say they, but technically it
was the grandmother the entire time because.
The whole this whole clusterfuck is the grandmother.
This is the grandmother. Like little Nung is paying for
the crimes of her mother. That's what's happening.
That's why she's in this situation.
It's very upsetting. The next effect it can have on
children is social relationships.
Children may have difficulty forming healthy relationships
due to trust issues or attachment disorders.
And I know this is for children, but like if you have this as a
child, you're more likely to grow up into an adult with these
issues. So I feel like Big Nung has the
trust issues Little Nung has. They both have an attachment
disorder and the fact that Big Nung is detached from everyone
and everything and Little Nung attaches herself to anything
that could resemble the opposite of how she was raised.
That well said, no notes. Thank you.
All right. Last effect it can have is
behavioral issues, and there's an increased risk of behavioral
problems, including aggression or withdrawal.
Big Nung. Big Nung is struggling, so
transitioning to adulthood with adverse childhood experiences.
It can increase chronic health issues.
Higher rates of chronic illnesses such as heart disease,
diabetes, and substance abuse. Noticing heart disease.
Big non needs to keep being evaluated.
No, literally, that's what takes out the grand man.
Like you would say, I'm need to go to primary care physicians
please. Yeah, and you guys need to stick
together so you don't have the substance abuse problems.
OK, so the next one is mental health challenges.
There's an increased vulnerability to mental health
disorders such as PTSD, depression or anxiety disorders.
I feel like that PTSD is strong in both of them.
Absolutely, Absolutely. Another one is social
functioning. Challenges in maintaining stable
relationships or employment can arise due to past trauma.
Big Numb. Yeah, I don't.
I think she doesn't want to be a salaried employee because she's
like, I don't want people telling me what to do because
she's traumatized from the grandmother, the grandmam
telling her what to do constantly so.
Yeah. Yeah.
Adults with a history of high Aces may display behaviors that
seem childish or immature for several reasons, and this is
something we really needed to bring up because of the childish
behavior of little known. So emotional regulation is
difficult for people with a high a score.
It can be maybe it's not saying that everybody who has a high a
score has all these things. Everybody's different.
It can take many forms, but emotional regulation, difficulty
managing emotions can lead to outbursts or regression to
childlike coping mechanisms. And there is, there's a couple
different things with the age regression and I'll, I'll say it
after we get through all these. So trauma responses, some may
revert to behaviors from childhood as a way to cope with
stress, seeking comfort in familiar patterns.
And then the last one is interpersonal relationships.
Inability to navigate adult relationships may result in
dependency or avoidance mirroring childlike behavior.
I feel like avoidance is big nung.
Yes. Dependency is little nung
because she just wants somebody to care for her.
But yeah, everyone else is babying her, but no one actually
cares about her. They're not.
So much babying her more so they're just like, controlling
her and putting what they want onto her and, like, taking away
all of her autonomy. So I guess in a sense, like
babying because, like, babies have no rights, That's kind of
what's happening, which is ridiculous because she's an
adult at this stage. It's fuck it up.
Yeah. So like.
Just in general, little Nung becomes more attached to people,
she's more socially regressed, and she copes with her trauma
through this age regression. So because she was emotionally
abused as a child through neglect, not even to mention the
physical abuse that she faced, she struggles with aggression
when she's put in stressful situations.
And so you may be wondering, thinking like, oh, but she is
acting the child when she's around big Nung, that's not
stressful. She loves her, but at it doesn't
seem stressful. But if you notice, she's more
like a child in the beginning when big Nung is being
standoffish. And as big Nung comes to accept
and even like little Nung she became, she begins to become
more mature and because she has more assurance in herself and
the relationship so she doesn't feel like she needs to fight as
much I guess. And the the comfortability
creates a situation where she doesn't need to have this coping
mechanism. I think part of it too, I agree
with all that. Part of it too is like she's
putting on a show. I think part of it too is she's
trying to act child like because it makes her quote cuter and
people will people will want to take care of her and she's
trying to get big nun to like engage with her.
So she's trying to act cute. And like you said, eventually it
they become more on each other's level in terms of like
communicating with each other. And if you notice, if you go
back to Yoga's acting, her voice starts changing too, to
demonstrate that like, the character is maturing and is not
putting on this performance to be childlike and cute.
And like, she becomes more emotionally regulated as big
nuns start treating her like a person you know and like
engaging with her in good faith. Yeah, but also another way to
look at this is that at home she is forced into a box.
She has to act a certain way and is at risk of abuse if she
doesn't do something right. So when she goes out, she is
more free to be a child. And she's also making up for
being repressed at home because now that she has like this
little bit of freedom, she needs to take advantage of it because
I guarantee she was basically like locked in a room when she
was growing up, being forced to study or something.
I mean, you think her grandmother's going to let her
bounce around the house and whine and like, being genuinely
excited and, like, Yippy about stuff?
Absolutely not. She'd be like, shit, sit down,
study, or I'm going to, like, abuse you, basically.
So yeah, exactly. She's got to get it all out, you
know? Yeah, because, you know,
children are children and they're going to be children at
some point. And everyone, she's just a lot
going on and she's not allowed to feel at home.
No. And then the other thing that
compounds us and why is she acting like a child is because
everybody treats her like one. They treat her like a child.
So then she acts like a child. The only person who doesn't
treat her really like a child is Big nun.
He just treats her like a person like and then so you watch her
behavior start changing once big Nung starts doing that more
consistently. And then Little Nung starts
acting like the adult she actually is when she's no longer
being treated like a child, like somebody without any autonomy
basically. She doesn't try to put her in a
box, things like that, which is, I love that about.
Them she doesn't feel like that she needs to be a child around
her either. She's like I can be myself and
be grown up. Right.
I can just be me around you. This is so.
Yeah. And so eventually, like, so it's
like she's wearing this mask of childishness also as like a
defense mechanism too, because if I'm cute, like people will
like me and things like that. And then after a while, big no.
It's like, no, I just, I kind of like you from who you are when
you're not doing any of that. And that is a form of
comfortability, like you're saying, Caitlyn.
And they show that through the glasses, apparently.
Oh my God. I hate that, but yes they do.
I've said all of big young stuff already, basically, unless you
have something else to add. No, but basically the bottom
line is that these two are very traumatized people.
They have very similar traumas, which is very evident in the
show. But the bottom line is it
explains their behavior, especially in this episode when
you first meet them. And I'm with you.
When I first watched this, I was like little non is acting very
childish, just super makes me uncomfortable.
How the hell do you want me to root for this romance that's
about to start happening? Once you realize that the root
of it is this all this trauma that they both share and that
they just express it differently.
Like it makes so much more sense.
Like why she why little non behaves this way?
And then like it makes her character arc so much richer
when you see her transformation through her relationship with
with Nung. Like I'm big Nung on many levels
and it's just kudos to Yoko and her acting and the way she
transforms this character. It's really masterful.
Like I really enjoy it. I think it's really interesting
that they decided to give them like, almost the same exact
trauma to show the different paths that people who even gone
through the same stuff can take. Yeah, exactly.
Everybody processes trauma in a different way, and there's no
one way to process and handle what is going on.
Like somebody coping. Like you can't judge somebody
for how they're coping because you don't understand what's
going on in their head. Everyone.
Everyone is different. Yeah, and I'm.
Glad like one approach to helping somebody go through
something. There's no universal approach.
Yeah, we do. We just do the best we can.
But I'm really glad you said that.
Don't judge somebody because you don't know what's going on with
them because that really sets up the rest of this episode.
And like, Big Nun comes to that realization when she finds out
what's actually going on with Little Nung.
So let's get into that. OK, so before our big mental
health spiel, hope that was educational.
Bottom line is that Little Nung coaxed Big Nung into teaching
her to draw. So they head to the park to do
just that. So little Nung's on her own
little towel blanket thingy looking out at the ocean or a
lake or whatever, and she's like drawing a landscape.
And then Big Nung is sitting on a park bench keeping herself
distance and she's drawing a little Nung though.
And I was like, hold on, I can't.
Believe that little Nung actually let that happen.
I know. Or she was not sitting next to
her. She respects big Nung, you know,
she's like, all right, fine, I'll do it.
You're Alicia right there. I'll do what you want.
But yeah, you're right. That is weird.
She's not sitting on the bench with her because like in like 3
episodes that's she would never sit on that towel.
She'd be like, now I'm sitting, I see you all.
Right. OK, so big Nung is drawing a
portrait of little Nung and was and I was wondering at this
point I'm like, was this a conscious or subconscious choice
of her to draw this? Because like, you know, you get
inspired and you just try drawing, right as like an
artist. And personally, I'm leaning more
towards this was a subconscious choice to do this because in the
prior scene when that part of their argument was big nuns,
like I can't do something with you.
I have to make money and make art today.
And so like, if that was true, I feel like she'd be drawing a
landscape or something she could sell because she obviously can't
sell photos like drawings with little Nung unless they're too
little nung and she's not making money off that as we've
established. So I think she this is showing
that she's kind of like she's fixating on Lil Numg a little
bit and I don't think she realizes that.
I feel like she was probably sitting there not knowing what
to draw or just being so distracted.
And then she's like, I'll just put like a few lines on the
paper and see what happens. And then this is what happened.
Right. I think it was subconscious.
You're just like, yeah, yeah, I'll just draw.
Oh shit. And also this annoying child
keeps following her around so like what else is she thinking
about? OK, but OK, I love when Little
Nun calls her out on this and she's like, why are you drawing
me? And Big Nun's like, listen, I
I've been drawing landscapes all day and there's no animals
around. There's no dogs or cats for me
to draw. And Little Nun pouts and she's
like, what the hell, You just compared me to a cat or a dog.
And it's like, girl, take the compliment.
Like I thought. She was happy about it though
'cause if someone put me on the same, same level as a dog, I
would feel so loved. Right, right.
That's a compliment. Don't pout anyway, so let's
let's talk about the the art lesson that actually happens
here because I think this is really interesting and I put
this on our Tumblr. So for those that engage with
us, thank you. So basically little nuns like
I'm done drawing. Take a look because she's her
teacher to draw right? And big nuns like.
OK, like it looks. Good and all, but I don't
understand why we're doing this, because you're not here to be an
artist professionally. Like, I don't know why you're
putting so much time and effort into drawing.
And it's like, OK, first of all, Lunung is there to hang out with
you. Like, that's just painfully
obvious. That's why this is happening.
Second of all, though, hobbies exist, OK?
And I feel like Big Nung for her in the beginning, drawing was a
hobby, right? But she ended up turning that
into a career that she now, like, depends on financially.
And you could argue that, like, cooking is another hobby of hers
that we see her doing in the show, but like, that's something
that's functional. Like when she's done cooking,
she can eat what she needs to survive.
So like, I don't know if that could it's really a hobby.
But I found this like an interesting line because to me,
it almost reads like Big Nung doesn't have hobbies.
Like she doesn't have fun outside of her passion for art,
which like is a career. And the minute you start making
something, a career, like, it takes some of the joy out of it
because like, she has to make art then to make money.
And like that can, you know, be sticky.
So it almost seems to me like even though that Nung fled the
palace to be free and do whatever she wants, she's still
not fully free in a sense because we get to know her here
and she still doesn't really have a lot of friends.
And it seems like she's still isolating herself and therefore
is like emotionally trapped. And like, we see her like still
have regrets about the past that she's not fully processed and
things like that. And so I think one of the things
I love about her relationship with little Nung is I think that
what little Nung gives her like is that she frees big Nung from
the self-imposed prison that she's in.
Like she brings her out of isolation.
And the moment where that really clicked for, and that's so huge
for Nung because she's isolating herself and not only she
realizes it and it's making her something's missing.
There's a blank space, right? That's what the title means.
And so I think the moment that best encapsulates this, that
Little Nun gives her like life, is when they end up at the beach
later and Little Nun basically pulls her out to the shore,
being like, I'm not doing it. She's like, yeah, you are.
And she, like, pulls her out to the shore.
And they're just like, playing in the ocean.
And there's like, there's no functional necessity to any of
this. It's like they're just having
fun. And in that moment, you see, we
see big Nung smile for the very first, like an actual real big
full teeth smile, like the first time she ever does that.
And so it's like this encapsulation of like what
little Nung gives her, which is just like freedom and happiness.
And she shows Big Nung how to live because like she wasn't
really living. She was just like isolating
herself trying to survive, like being stubborn about not going
back home. But like she didn't have joy
really or true happiness until like this person comes into her
life and like fully breaks her out of her shell.
It's really beautiful. I love that.
All right, after the the appraising of the art, they like
the the drawing lesson ends and Nung basically big Nung mice
drops and leaves little nung to hastily collect her things,
which is hilarious. She like runs after big nun
who's just like leaving. She's like, fuck this.
Bye. The lesson's over.
I that's all you paid me for. Goodbye.
And then they end up on this bridge, OK?
Because of course they don't. And they have the talk, OK.
So big nose. Like, look, I don't know why
you're chasing me. I never asked you to chase after
me. But you keep chasing me.
And by chasing me, I mean, you seem to be, like, doing that in
a romantically motivated way. So I don't know if you really
don't understand this. You're pretending not to.
But let me lay down why this is not going to happen.
She's like #1 I'm an adult #2 you're just a girl.
She isn't, but we'll get there. And then #3 we're both women and
it's like I was following you until #3 But like, isn't Sam
your sister? Why?
I don't understand why. Everyone forgets about them.
I maybe Sam and Maude forget about them too.
I don't know. Like your sister is proof that
it's fine but whatever. So anyway, regardless, little
nun keeps fighting and she's basically like, I don't I don't
understand where you're you're saying all this shit.
I wonder if it's a thing of like it's OK if they do it right?
Not for me though. Honestly, I've read multiple
books by this author and that does seem to be the theme, which
is weird. Not weird, but it's like every
main character is kind of like, well, I never thought about
it's, it's always the characters.
Like I don't like anybody. I just like you.
That's usually the character. And they're always like, I never
liked anybody. And then I met you and I was
like, oh, feelings. So yeah, I like, I don't know.
And it seems to be a theme where they're like, women.
I like, I like a woman. What?
The character's always going through this.
So it's just like a theme in these novels, which, sure,
that's people's journeys, which is fine.
But like, little Nog is like, it's 2024.
What do you mean? Like, none of these things make
any sense. She's like, love doesn't have
rules. What the hell are you talking
about? I like that question that she
poses to Nung where she's like does love have rules?
Because I feel this statement like rules would be triggering
to big Nung given her upbringing because after all like societal
rules were what she was rebelling from in the 1st place.
Like she literally ran away from an arranged marriage to someone
that fit the quote rules of marrying her.
So I felt like that would have triggered her and made her
defensive right? It doesn't, but I feel I feel
like it would have, but I think why it doesn't is because that
ML cardinal rule that no one is truly worthy of her is so
ingrained into her that like that Trump's everything else.
I also think that big Nung is also dealing with self hatred
where on some level she she doesn't feel worthy of true
love. Also, I think that's also in her
as well or like no one's worthy of her, but I think that she
also doesn't feel worthy. And it has to do with the fact
that like she's at a point where she's kind of reflecting on her
past choices. Like she brought up song and all
that stuff where I think she feels like she keeps making
mistakes when she keeps choosing stuff and like the consequences
is she's hurting people. So I think that like on some
level she's like, I just keep hurting people.
Like, I don't, I don't deserve anybody either, you know?
Because she wasn't able to do what was expected of her.
So I wonder if we like that makes her feel like she's not
like she's a failure in a way, kind of.
Yeah, I think she's afraid of her.
She's afraid that her her actions will hurt people.
And I, I will bring that up multiple times when we get
deeper into their relationship, when they start having
arguments. And it's like, that's what's
motivating a lot of nuns behavior, big nuns behavior.
It's because she's afraid of, of hurting little nun if she gives
it to what she wants. Kind of that's that's the crux
of a lot of their arguments later.
But we're not there yet. We're still at the are you even
worthy of me in the 1st place? We're still stuck.
We're still stuck here. I got to get through that trauma
first. So she asks Little Nung, like,
are you even worthy of me? And when Little Nung doesn't
answer, she gets her like 3 seconds.
Big Nung's like fuck this. And then she walks away.
She's like that. That's what I thought.
But Little Nung again is you can never expect.
You can't expect her to do anything the way you think she's
going to do it. She won't.
So she proclaims very loudly and very publicly that she loves Big
Nung, which stops. Very publicly not.
A prick, OK. It's in public.
She would that. Stops Big Nung in her tracks.
And if you look at Big Nog's face when she kind of turns
around, like, it's like, it's almost like she's like shocked
and then like hopeful in a way. Because I personally don't think
anyone has ever said that to her.
I love you never, like, sure, Sam would be like, I love you as
a sister. But I don't think anybody has
ever proclaimed romantic love to her ever.
Because if you cut back to the wedding with Chet, he was trying
to sell the marriage to her. When she's like, why are you
worthy of me? His argument was like, I look
good on paper. It wasn't I love you.
It was like, I have money, I have status.
It was never about like, I care about you.
It was like, this is a partnership that benefits us in
society, right? But then here comes little numb
with a whole different like, and it was a very confident thing,
he said. But like here's little numb with
a whole different kind of confidence where she says I'm
not worthy of you today, but I will be one day.
I promise. Translation of that is I'm
willing to fight for you until you, Big Nung, see me as worthy.
And like that's the major difference.
And that I think is what makes this unique to Big Nung because
Little Nung is out here trying to personally please her and not
fulfill some like social contract.
She's not being like, well, here's my stats.
Like I come from wealthy family, blah, blah, blah.
No, she's like, I'm going to fight until you see me as, as
somebody worthy of you, which no one has ever given her that
choice. I don't think so and I don't
know that Nung has ever truly experienced that or witnessed
that kind of like genuine affection except with the
exception of like Mon and Sam who she keep forgot existed in
this conversation. I.
Forget this new existed. That's my Taylor Swift song for
this episode. So that's a good one.
That's a good one. No, Little Nung is everything
that Big Nung's never had. Mm hmm.
Exactly Like literally like I she'd never, I don't think again
the self loving, I don't think she ever expected anybody to
ever say that to her. And so like, this was just
shocking and like, wow, OK. I think she also wants the
confidence of little known like to and then also knowing that
she went through basically the same trauma as well.
I wonder if that makes her closer.
Like maybe I can act like her if and be more confident if I'm
around her because I mean she went through this stuff I should
be able to as well. She doesn't know that here.
But yes, I agree that, yeah, that's definitely part of it.
But here she's just like responding to this confidence of
somebody being like, I will, I will fight for you until you see
see me as worthy of you, which is so different.
And so I think that this was touching and and it did get to
her because Big Noon doesn't say anything about this, which which
is the cardinal, which is the cardinal hint that it it hit hit
deep because she doesn't acknowledge it.
That means it's making her emotional inside.
So instead of saying acknowledging this, she's like,
let's go get food. She's and then they cut over to
them at like the mall and they're eating together and
she's like, she says to little non buy anything you want.
I'll pay for it, which aren't you broke?
What do you mean? She's not though, because she
has extra now. Sam sent her 20,000 baht instead
of 8000, so she's just two months of rent plus a little
extra. OK, that's, that's fair.
But I think it's more so that like this is Nung showing her
hand in a way, because this become this whole food thing
becomes an ongoing theme with big Nung.
I think I am a firm believer that food is her love language.
And so by buying Little Nung food, it's her way of.
Highlands love language, I'm sorry.
It's a love like, but it's it's very much hers in this show
also, because I think that by buying little nung food, it's
her way of saying I care about you slash I'm into this.
That's the admittance here. Otherwise she would just walk
her home. But she's like, let's go get
food, let's have a meal together, and that's kind of
like her way of showing she cares without saying it.
So she kind of shares Sam's trait a little bit.
Sam could not communicate to save her life.
None can communicate a lot better.
But like she does do things to she very much shows her love
through actions. And then food is a big one that
will keep coming up with her over and over again.
Now, while this is cute and sweet and beautiful, of course
it's interrupted because we can't have nice things.
And Chet shows up, we just happens to be at the mall,
right? And he approaches, a big nun
tries to run away. She's like oh fuck.
And she tries to run away, but she's not successful.
So this interaction happens in front of Little Lung.
And Little Lung's like who's this?
Why do you know him? And Big nun's like, I don't know
this man, I've never seen him before in my life.
And Chet, for once, for once and only once, takes the hint and
plays along with what Big Nung is saying.
But this seems so out of character for him.
Like I don't understand why this is our basically an introduction
to him now. I think it's, I think part of
what he's doing in the scene. And he's like, oh, she's still
mad at me. Let me just play this cool.
So instead of like engaging with her, he's like, listen, I'm here
be I wasn't stalking you. I'm here because I'm campaigning
to be in parliament and I'm just meeting my constituents.
And he gives her a business card.
So I think this is important to note because it, for me, sets up
his character because he's entering the political sphere
right now, OK? He's campaigning, which means
he's trying to look good for people, right?
So I think this motivates his behavior going forward into why
he tries to get back into Big Nun's orbit, because she is an
influential person based on her title.
And if he can get close to her, it will help him politically.
So he's not trying to burn bridges here.
He's like, OK, this is where you live.
Great. Here's my card, keep in touch
kind of thing because you can help me politically.
And I think that's that's kind of what they're setting up.
He's never cared about her. No, he cares about himself.
Yeah. All right, so then we pick up
and Little Nung is not blind, and she notices that there's
something odd going on between Big Nung and Chet.
Because you don't have history of, you know, your fiance
running out on you on your wedding day and be able to hide
it fully. That's just not possible,
especially with them. So Little Nung tries to figure
out if Big Nung is into him because of course she is
jealous. And because no one is even
allowed to look at Big Nung, never.
Which little Nung. That's all people are going to
do because Big Nung well, the thing that's weird.
Oh. Yes.
The thing that's weird from her point of view is that big nun's
like, I don't know this man. And then she takes his business
card. So I think that she's trying to
call her out and be like, well, if you weren't interested, why
would you take business card? And then big nun's like, why are
you pushing this? And little nun's like, 'cause I
like you. And then big nun gets
embarrassed, which like happens over and over again because, OK,
first of all, she's like, what are you doing, child, basically.
But really it's mostly because I think big young again, grew up
in that repressive household. She wears that mask of
indifference constantly as a form of protection.
And Little Nong is constantly professing how she feels like in
public, they're on a busy St. She's just being like, I love
you in the middle of a crowd, you know, because she has no
shame. And Big Nook's like, what the
fuck you're supposed to do? If you mean, if you mean this,
you're supposed to do it in private.
And like, say, only for me to hear that makes it special.
That's part of her like whole her deal.
But like, fuck it, now I want the world to know.
And in this conversation, it's interesting because we get into
the crux of like, why Little Nong's like that?
Because Big Nong's like, why do you keep doing this?
Aren't you embarrassed? And Little Nung's like you were
the only person I don't feel embarrassed to be around like
yours, which is confirmation. Again, like we said, that Little
Nung sees Big Nung as her safe space and it's somebody she
feels comfortable with enough to be her true self around.
And again, I think that's something that Big Nung wants as
well. And that's part of the appeal of
Little Nung for her. And after Little Nung just again
proclaims her love very publicly, big Nung also says
like it's so easy for you to say.
Like it's just like the the fact that these emotions just come
off your out of your mouth so easily is just wild to her
because again, this is the childhood trauma bullshit where
she is emotionally stunted. I think that, and this is
something I wanted to bring up and really hark on because the
difference between the two of them is that like little Nung,
you see her behave like a child, like physically and like how she
talks and that kind of stuff. But like, let us not forget that
Big Nong is like emotionally a child because I think she's so
stunted by like the repression, all the things Caitlin went
over. So I think that and somebody of
her age, she's actually less in tune with her emotions than she
should be. So perhaps I think she struggles
with expressing her feelings and and part of her and because of
that she struggles with that, it makes her envious of little
nun's ability to just be very blunt with her emotions.
But the other thing is like, again, I think she suffers from
some self loathing and she probably on some level doesn't
want to believe what Little Nung says is true when she's like
being like, oh, I honest, this is how I feel.
Big Mang's like, OK, sure, whatever.
I don't believe you. I mean, because she can't ever
believe anyone in her life so. Because people always have
ulterior motives around her. So like it's, it's not
surprising. And since the I love you thing
happened, Big Numb is now showing more affection to Little
Numb, and she holds her wrist across the street after telling
her to go home. Now, usually she'd just let her
follow her, but no, this time she was like, I'm taking you,
we're going together. Yeah.
And I remember the first time we watched this, we're like, why is
she doing this? It's very much like an adult
leading a child across the street, which it does look like
that on the surface. And maybe that's what's going
on. But I think what it's really
supposed to demonstrate also is that while Big Nung talks a big
game about being indifferent to Little Nung's feelings, she
cares enough about her to, like, grab her hand and make sure she
safely gets across the street. Because let us all recall the
big, the thing she discovered as a child, which is act the
opposite of the way you feel. So she's doing that right here.
But I think that the difference is that, like, little known
wears her down so much that eventually her true feelings
start emerging. It's like this idiom keeps
coming up in these novels, which is like the, you know, a drip of
water, dripping water eventually will wear down a stone.
That's literally what's happening with the two of them.
Like little none just wears down the walls until feelings come
out of big none. And it's just, yeah, it's
beautiful. Yeah, and instead of just
sending her home, she takes her there.
Like she's like, I'm going to make sure you're fully OK and
we're going to go to your home. And I'm glad she does it because
it's like dark by the time they get there.
Yeah, like what is time though? It's been going down.
It's just always day in the night.
How far away does Little Mug live from this bus stop is my
question? Because yeah, they always leave
and it's daylight and they get home and it's dark.
Like damn, that's a commute. Seriously.
Yeah.
So Little Nung has stated multiple Times Now that Big Nung
makes her feel safe and powerful, which is so important
for someone like Little Nung who doesn't have that in her life.
And Big Nung kicks the puppy and tells Little Nung that she
doesn't like her being clingy. And it's the first time Little
Nung seems to actually listen and looks hurt by Big Nung's
words. And Little Nun admits to her
that she doesn't know how to act like this is her emotionally and
socially stunted as well. Because yes, she doesn't have
these experiences. She was isolated not by her own
choice growing up, so she doesn't know like the proper
ways to be with somebody else. Yeah, all she knows is the
dynamic of I'm a child to my grandmother.
That's all she knows, which is really hard.
It's really heartbreaking. And I also want to bring up that
in this conversation when Big Nung is kind of getting trying
to get her to like, not cling to her.
She doesn't like people in her personal space, which is fine.
But in part of the argument she says, is there is there no one
at home for you to hug? Like that's what gets her.
That's what freezes little Nung. And I want to bring this up
because this this comes up later and I want to big Nung remembers
this moment. If she files this shit away and
it comes back up later and I'll bring it up when it comes up
again. But little knowing in this
conversation explains why she doesn't know how to behave
because again, she lives with her grandmother and she feels
because of their age gap, she doesn't have a lot in common
with her. She doesn't, I mean, she's not
treated like a human being with her grandmother.
It's very like, it's very much the grandmother views little
long as you're an extension of me, not you're an independent
human. So you're going to do what I
say. So she's like, I don't know how
to talk to people in a real like in a real way.
I just know how to view that as a child, right?
And also like there is 100% a no hug policy in that house.
Let's be honest. Like no, there's is nobody
telling. Her.
Right, so she's she's not getting she's she's touch
starved. Both of them are touch starved
human beings. Never forget that.
And like Caitlin, like you were saying, like little social
school, social skills are completely skewed.
But Despite that, she does manage to have real
conversations with Big Nung. So throughout the series and
once she explains to because Big Nung was like, why are you with
your grandmother? We're your parents.
She once she explains it like her parents aren't in the
picture. This is when it clicks for Nung.
Like this is what Nung gets real quiet because this strikes her
own trauma chord because she's an orphan.
She understands not having her parents around.
And one thing I do love from this conversation is that after
this, Lim Lung's like, well, I'm sad now that you brought this
up, but you're asking me questions, trying to genuinely
get to know me. Please keep asking me questions.
Like, it's very sweet because nobody asks this girl questions
like real ones. They just, again, if you watch
all the conversations that happened with Little Nung, it's
just people are trying to impose their will onto her.
Nobody except big Nung asks. How do you feel about this?
And so like, this was probably one of the first times somebody
took a genuine interest in her, was asking her questions.
And she's like, finally, you're trying to get to know me.
Like, please keep asking me questions even though I'm sad.
This topic is sad as fuck. Like, just keep asking me
things. Like it's heartbreaking and
sweet and sad and just it's a big moment, though.
This is a big moment. It's because no one wants her to
have a voice. Yeah, she is still very much in
the children should be seen and not heard thing because it'll
treat you like a problem. Yeah.
It's a hierarchy thing where it's like you don't get to have
the opinion I have dominion over you because you'll see language
later where they're like, I have the right to tell her where
she's living. She's being controlled
constantly. Like she doesn't get to have a
voice. But Big Nung is the only person
that gives her the space to like, say, her mind.
Peace of Mind. And this is when Big Nung is
realizing that they're more alike than she thought.
And so when she starts inquiring things that she has trauma from,
like how would you feel if your grandmother fainted and you had
run away and left her alone? Oh yes, projection, your Honor.
But here's one thing I want to note about this conversation
though, because I don't know that knowing ever thought about
that big Nung because sorry, I don't know that big Nung ever
thought about that because when she left, the grand Man had
salmon song. So like there were people living
in the house that could take care of the grand man.
So big Nung could leave knowing that even though we're fighting
my, you know, the grand man will be taken care of by my sisters.
Little Nung does not have that luxury.
She's alone with her grandmother, which makes her
situation kind of worse because she doesn't have her sisters.
She doesn't have sisters to confide in the way that Big Nung
did. She's she's truly alone in in
this whole clusterfuck of the situation.
Which is probably why she's the one that's socially stunted.
Agreed. Agreed.
And little Nung is like you
don't know the situation, so it's easier for you to say that
all these things. But Big Nung does, in a way.
And now Big Nung looks like the kicked puppy, and her attachment
to Little Nung has just grown tenfold.
Yeah. And then Big Nung stumbles onto
the marks on Little Nung's leg and when she asks about it,
Little Nung lies and says she fell and then quickly runs off
to get out of the situation so she doesn't have to.
And it's interesting that she doesn't want Big Nung to know
well. What's weird is that the
dialogue before she sees the bruises is big nuns.
Like, oh, is your grandmother really that strict?
Because she's because in her head she's like, she's like, I'm
thinking she just tells out loud.
She's like, I'm thinking about somebody who's in a similar
situation to you. And she's like, how strict could
your grandmother really be? I grew up with a fucking grand
man. There is nobody stricter than
that bitch. And Lil Long's like, no, she's
real strict. She, she hits me if I don't do
well in school. And she tells her like my
mother, my grandmother does corporal punishment regularly.
And then Big Nong's like, well, how, how strong could a frilled
woman be? Like, because we get a flashback
of Big Nong where she's it's happening to her basically.
And I think in her mind, because she's so far out from this
event, she's glossed over what that was actually like.
And she was like, well, I was tough and I took it like, why
can't you? I think that's her mentality
when she's having this conversation.
But then when she sees the bruises, she's like, oh, shit
like that. That woman is really hurting
you. Like those bruises are really
bad. And that's when little Nung's
like, no, I, I fell. I know what I was just saying,
but this, this was me falling. This wasn't my grandmother.
And and that's when Nung big Nung gets like immediately, once
she recognizes that this girl, like this girl she cares about
is being harmed, her mask dissolves and you just see her
looking just extremely worried about her.
Like there's no pretensive indifference.
She's like, oh shit. Like I really I'm worried about
her. But like worried about little
Nung or she like worried about herself because I think part of
her journey is like trying to heal her inner child that was
never actually healed. And like save quote her inner
child by saving quote Nung little Nung from her own fate.
So I think that's also part of the narrative.
Yeah, and then Big Nung ends up getting nightmares about all the
times that her grandmother hit her because trauma.
And it's trauma for the exact same reason, because in the
flashback, why is this happening?
Big Nung was a little Nung at the time didn't get like a like
100% on her test score. So the grand man was like, you
have to be perfect. You're the heir, all this
bullshit. And what's interesting about the
flashback is that when the corporal punishment is
happening, what does what does Nong do?
Nong stands there with her head held high.
She doesn't cry, she doesn't make a sound.
She just takes it and takes it like pridefully, you know?
So I think that that was what was like skewing her,
remembering that she's like, well, I got through it and with
my head held high, like, you know.
Yeah, but that's not everyone's coping mechanism.
Big nom. No, but I mean she was raised to
be perfect and blah blah blah and like all this shit.
And that was very much her attitude.
You could tell during the scene. Yeah, but then the next day,
Little Known shows up to Big Known's place, because now she
knows exactly where she lives. She finds that Big Nung is in
the elevator with Chet Dun Dun Dun.
And it does look like they're in the middle of like fighting or
having a lover's quarrel or some shit.
So it is concerning that Chet knows where she lives because
Chet is the worst. Let's just get that out there
now. He is.
But yes, Dun Dun Dun indeed. And that's where it ends.
So that wraps up this discussion before we sign off start a new
trend for this, which thanks Becky from Gap because she loves
Taylors love. We are a new trend at this.
Point they are. Putting at the end of the
episodes is new, so yeah, it is new.
We're not doing it more. Validation to me.
OK, so which Taylor Swift song related to this episode?
Slash. Yeah.
What was going on here? I think personally, we are
obligated to bring up blank space because of the I got a
blank space baby and I'll write your name.
That's basically the show. So there's that.
Well, some came up while we were doing this, so I forgot that you
existed. Was Sam and mom's relationship
literally This is why we can't have nice things Is whatever
comes on the screen whenever any of little nun's family comes on
the screen. It's This is why we can't have
nice things. Literally though.
Oh my. God, yeah, No, that's real good.
All right. And then last but not least, who
would you or what would you give the Big Gay Energy Award?
For those at home, let us know what what from this episode
encapsulated the concept of Big Gay Energy the most in this
episode. What do you think?
Big nung. Big nung.
Yeah, that's the answer, but it's gonna be hard.
That's. Gonna be my.
Answer in every episode though, so like I have to figure.
Out something you have to be more specific OK I all right not
just say big nung hey big nung specifically the big nung the
first time we see her with little nung where she's in that
brown button down and the half one that thing well like.
Basically. It's like which?
Big nung, Big nung. 'S outfit is the gayest.
That had big gay energy, that outfit.
That's why Little Nun was like, OK, I'm going to go with her.
Oh my gosh, no. She looks so good.
So good. Yeah, so good.
Also, we have to give it to little nuns.
Just. Confidence to be like.
Yeah. I'm not going to wipe you now,
but one day I am like that. Also, it's just playing gay
energy. I mean the big, big lesbian
energy. Can I move in with you?
Literally driving U-Haul, we're not even dating yet.
That was insane. Gotta love that confidence.
OK, so Caitlin, tell the listeners at home that made it
this far, what is their secret word?
Today's secret word that you're supposed to not look up how to
spell and use in a comment or review.
It's funnier if it's a review is in honor of little known and the
word is mischievous. That's a good one.
Also for the loyal pin that's probably airing right now.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's mischievous. Yeah.
I would love to see how you guys just if you can fit it into some
kind of a sentence also, that would be great.
But thank you guys for listening.
We will be back next time to continue our discussion of
Blank, the series going on with season one, episode 2.
And until next time, as the show gets Gayer gayer, keep hydrating
for lesbian Jesus. You're gonna need it and get it
up all over the place. Bye.
And with that, we've been big gay energy.
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