1 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,840 Let's kick off by talking about covenant, talking about the 2 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,880 promise for marriage. We'll see. 3 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:15,280 Paul quotes a verse from Genesis where it says for this reason, 4 00:00:15,280 --> 00:00:18,880 verse 31, for this reason, a man will leave his father and mother 5 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:23,040 and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh. 6 00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,880 You see these three things that takes place. 7 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:30,840 There is a leading your parents, there's a cleaving the the King 8 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:33,560 James versions probably got the best word to describe it, a 9 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:37,160 gluing with another. And then there's a oneness that 10 00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:40,840 flows from that and it finds its way in intimacy and living your 11 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,760 life as this one flesh. But there's the order. 12 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:46,120 So if you ever talk to someone and they start to ask you 13 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:49,960 questions around six and six within marriage, outside of 14 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,880 marriage, like just understand there's an order. 15 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,920 Got to put an order in place. You leave your parents, then you 16 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:59,360 cleave covenantally and then the oneness starts, then the one 17 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:03,560 flesh, the intimacy. So just as a as a way of 18 00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,800 answering that question, you want to go against God's order. 19 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,640 Well, then the unexpected things are going to go well with that 20 00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:11,640 relationship. You want to stay to God's order. 21 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,560 He's got a way in which this unpacks. 22 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:21,000 And so this cleaving it finds its way in the day that we stand 23 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:26,800 with a pastor and we are LED in this exchanging of our vows. 24 00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:32,080 To be honest, I don't think I knew what I was doing when I 25 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:36,320 exchanged vows with Antonette. I mean, I was so taken by the 26 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:39,720 beauty of this incredible lady who had said yes to me. 27 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:43,800 And that's like, man, I'm actually like, I'm marrying her. 28 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,960 This is absolutely the post is kind of going through the vows. 29 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,200 I'm saying after him. I like, yo, whatever, man, Let's 30 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,080 just let's just get to the good stuff. 31 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,720 But you know that my understanding of the vows have 32 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:59,800 grown since then and what I actually said on that day and 33 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:02,040 how it's actually just penetrated my heart more and 34 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,160 more. And I've just seen how God has 35 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:07,880 actually put his covenant for reality in both of our hearts 36 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:13,360 over a period of time. But now when I sit with guys who 37 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,600 are about to get marriage, and certainly when I do the marriage 38 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:19,840 and or the the wedding itself, and we do like the pre marriage 39 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,560 discussions, this is the thing I go for the most. 40 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,800 Like the rest of the stuff and the rest of the sessions. 41 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,760 We, you know, you kind of cover that and you work that out once 42 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,160 you're married. But if you know what you are 43 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:37,560 getting into on the day and what that day is about, then you'll 44 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,840 take things way more seriously. And, and you know that when you 45 00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:45,000 get to that moment when the exchanging of the vows take 46 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,040 place, as much as that's the part that costs you the least, 47 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:53,600 doesn't cost you anything. You've played like top dollar 48 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:58,360 for photographers venue, like the money has just been invested 49 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:01,000 in everything else. But actually that's all there 50 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,240 for that moment when you exchange your vows. 51 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:07,000 That's what the day is about. And the vows has got 2 52 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,880 components. There's a vertical component and 53 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,640 then there's a horizontal component. 54 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:14,720 So the vertical is the first section there where the pastor 55 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,440 would ask, will you take to be your wife or to be your husband? 56 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,880 Do you promise that you will love, cherish, honor and 57 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,800 protect? That's the that's the moment 58 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:27,520 where the couple is standing shoulder to shoulder and facing 59 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,200 the pastor. So they're not looking at one 60 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:33,440 another yet. So who they're promising to God. 61 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,560 So that's your covenant with God in that moment. 62 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:39,640 There's a vertical covenant. You are saying to God, the 63 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,040 question is being asked by the pastor, but it's a delegated 64 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,760 authority. And you're saying to God, I 65 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,840 promise to love this person that you're giving me in the 66 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:50,200 following way. So your covenant with God in 67 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:53,080 that moment and there's a whole bunch of witnesses to see all 68 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,120 that happening. And then from there the pastor 69 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,520 will say, well, why don't you 2 of you just face one another, 70 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:01,640 take one another by the right hand and exchange the following 71 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:04,320 vows and say after me. That's the horizontal component. 72 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,600 And the thing that I want to highlight with this is the tone 73 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:12,480 of it is the future. You notice there's nothing about 74 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,840 like what you're committing to for the now. 75 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:20,600 It's I will, it's, it's a future promise. 76 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:25,760 So I'm, I'm making an appointment with you for every 77 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,960 day of our lives, for the rest of our lives. 78 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:30,560 This is a future thing. This is what I'm committing to. 79 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:35,000 Page 7. Let's talk about what is 80 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:41,880 covenant. Covenant is the very thing that 81 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:47,200 underpins our relationship with God and it underpins our 82 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,040 relationship with our marriage partner. 83 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,160 You don't know the the significance of this. 84 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:58,160 The basis of our redemption is that God enters into a covenant 85 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,160 with us. We see it in Genesis 15. 86 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:04,040 Rob actually spoke about it earlier. 87 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:08,920 So this entering of a covenant, I mean, in ancient times they 88 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,680 had it a lot worse than what we do today in terms of ceremony. 89 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,440 I mean, it all comes down to the heart. 90 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,440 So it's OK. But how they would enter into a 91 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:20,200 covenant And and that's not even just limited to weddings. 92 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,680 When David and Jonathan entered into a covenant with one 93 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,160 another, there was like serious stuff that went down. 94 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,320 You know, they would start by taking their robe off and giving 95 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,320 it to one another. And this this was their way of 96 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,400 saying all of who I am, I give to you. 97 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,160 So I'm taking of who I am and I'm giving it to you. 98 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:40,080 And and that's mutual. So I'm getting a robe back, and 99 00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,960 then they would take their belts off and they would give the 100 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,560 belts to one another, not because that went with the robe, 101 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:47,840 but because that's what carried the weaponry. 102 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,480 So it's like I'm giving you my protection. 103 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:56,440 I'm giving you my ability to protect you, to keep you. 104 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:02,000 They would do a cutting of a covenant, taking an animal, 105 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,760 cutting it down the middle with the one side on an incline and 106 00:06:06,760 --> 00:06:09,800 the other side on another incline and the and with like 107 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:12,320 the open side facing up. And the blood would kind of just 108 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,280 from either side. I mean, it's in graphic. 109 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:16,840 We just got to love for the ancient times and where they did 110 00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:18,520 things. And the blood would kind of flow 111 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:21,160 from either side down into the middle of a little valley where 112 00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:23,200 the two of them would stand back-to-back. 113 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:29,320 And they would walk around the animal piece and then meet one 114 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:32,320 another over here. And. 115 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,320 And if that person did the same, what, what figure would they be 116 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,600 doing? Figure 8, which stands for. 117 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:41,880 Yeah, That's a symbol for Infinity. 118 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:45,920 So they say for the race to like, this is not going to stop. 119 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:49,080 This is This Is Us now. Like we are covenantal partners. 120 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,840 But as I'm walking past this animal, what I'm saying is if I 121 00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:55,520 break my promise of today, May, what happened to this animal 122 00:06:55,520 --> 00:07:01,280 happened to me, The gravity of it, Yeah, that's where I'm like 123 00:07:01,280 --> 00:07:03,720 kind of saying the way in which we do weddings nowadays, 124 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:06,080 certainly in a Westernized way. It's like you, you get so 125 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:09,400 swooped up with the fanfare, there's almost like a wish we 126 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,880 could go back to the reality of what happened then that you 127 00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:14,800 could kind of see that gravity or what's taking place. 128 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,600 It is weighty, but it's glorious. 129 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:21,520 It's not like weighty in a feel. It's like a waiting man. 130 00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:27,240 I'm actually exchanging this promise to this person and then 131 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,960 they would exchange names. The middle name would go to the 132 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:34,160 the other partner and become their last name and their middle 133 00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:37,200 name would come to this partner. And so this exchanging of names 134 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,440 and the would just be ratified with so many different things. 135 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,880 They would plant a tree and take the blood and sprinkle it on the 136 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:44,920 tree. I mean, the imagery of all of it 137 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,440 as the rest of scripture plays out. 138 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,760 You can just see it, the shedding of the blood and just 139 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,920 absolutely beautiful, beautiful pictures. 140 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:56,320 And then they would end with this taking bread and wine and 141 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:00,800 just kind of this is who we are, Covenantalina, covenantal 142 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,400 partners. And they would also cut their 143 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:06,280 hands, right hands where they would take one another by the 144 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,720 right hand, which is incidentally where shaking of 145 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,960 hands come from. And they would let the blood 146 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,760 intermingle. But I love the Bible. 147 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,520 There's covenant. And then they would take wood 148 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:19,720 ash and they would put wood ash in the scar, not because they 149 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,440 had medicinal properties, but because it would it would leave 150 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,800 this very bad scar. And it was their way of a 151 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:31,120 reminder for covenant. It's a reminder. 152 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,080 It's a reminder for me. But if anyone came anywhere near 153 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,039 them and was encroaching in terms of like that here comes 154 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:39,480 problems that would lift their hand up to say, if you take me 155 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,159 on, you're not just taking on me. 156 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:43,480 They'll be able to see all this scar. 157 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:48,840 It's a covenant called partner. It's beautiful covenant and and 158 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,040 then God enters into a covenant with Abraham. 159 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:53,320 We were reading in Genesis 50. And what does he start with? 160 00:08:53,320 --> 00:09:00,560 Say he says Abraham or actually Abraham, I'm your shield, your 161 00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:03,640 very great reward. God was taking his robe off and 162 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:08,880 he was taking his belt off, and then they cut the animals out 163 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,920 and in the moment where they meant to now walk the Figure 8, 164 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:16,200 he puts Abraham to sleep because Abraham didn't have anything to 165 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:20,640 do with that covenant cutting. Scripture talks about a smoking 166 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,680 pot and a firing torch that just moved between the animal pieces. 167 00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:27,880 I believe there was Jesus. Jesus is God and Jesus is man 168 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:31,000 cutting the covenant on behalf of God and on behalf of man. 169 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:39,200 And then God says to Abraham, Abraham, I want to change your 170 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,960 name to Abraham. He takes the H out of his name, 171 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,480 Yahweh, the original vernaculars, YHWH, and he puts H 172 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,720 into Abraham's name. You'll now be Abraham and your 173 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,840 wife won't be Sarah anymore, she'll be Sarah. 174 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:57,960 And it's just in this covenant. And then the demonstration of 175 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,000 that covenant for the rest of Scripture, we see it unfold 176 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:08,000 where Jesus is the sacrifice. His blood is shed to make this 177 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:12,240 promise a reality and we've got to know that God has obligated 178 00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:18,040 Himself to us in covenant. So I put my faith in that 179 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:21,880 obligation and that He is faithful to His promise. 180 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,360 That's why I can say I will never leave you. 181 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:32,360 I will never forsake you. I will be your God, you will be 182 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:35,840 my people. I will never leave here. 183 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:39,880 I will never forsake you because he's entered into a covenant 184 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,800 with us and He's given of himself to us. 185 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:46,240 He's demonstrated to this and he gives it to Abraham. 186 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:50,160 And Abraham, in that moment it says in Scripture, Abraham 187 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:53,520 believed God and it was credited to him as righteousness. 188 00:10:53,840 --> 00:10:55,840 It's the foundation of how we come to faith. 189 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,280 We just believe so we don't have to get up and be do any of the 190 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,440 covenant cutting. We don't have to be a part of it 191 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,680 because the covenant has been established while we asleep 192 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,240 while we have absolutely nothing to do. 193 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:11,720 And then he says to Abraham and it will be for all of yours. 194 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:14,880 I mean, growing up, I used to read I used to sing this song. 195 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,760 I don't know how many of you in Sunday school were growing up in 196 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:22,800 church would know the song. Father Abraham had many sons. 197 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:26,280 Who knows that? I was saying with many sons that 198 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:31,520 Father Abraham, I have one of them, and so are you. 199 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,320 So let's just praise the Lord. Yeah. 200 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,320 Yeah. I got them going now. 201 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,000 I mean, when I used to sing it, I was like, I thought my dad's 202 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,240 name is Gerald. What the heck? 203 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,440 I had no idea what I was singing. 204 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,120 It was like we sang the song, but no one explained it to me. 205 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:55,280 But now I can't answer a son of Abraham. 206 00:11:56,200 --> 00:12:00,000 He's the father of that faith. And it applies to me now because 207 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,440 I have believed and it has been credited to me as righteousness. 208 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:10,680 God's righteousness is mine. And this covenant takes place 209 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:15,440 and then God says when you marry, I want you in to enter 210 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,440 into a covenant with one another. 211 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,360 Your hearts must do the exact same. 212 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:25,880 Take off your robe, take off your belt, give your name to one 213 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:32,160 another, have the same name. Just this beautiful, beautiful 214 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:36,880 demonstration of love that God would obligate himself. 215 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,600 He would commit himself with his character of absolute 216 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,920 faithfulness that he would never change his mind. 217 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,920 He would never go back on what he's promised. 218 00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:49,040 I will never leave you. I will never forsake you, but he 219 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:55,040 demonstrates it to us in Jesus. And then this Genesis 2 220 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,840 Scripture. I like the King James version 221 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,440 because of that word cleave. You know that cleave means 222 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:06,080 gluing. It's a, it's a glue, a gluing 223 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:10,520 and it takes place, which is why God hates divorce. 224 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:15,440 I hate it when people talk about the God hating divorce in a way 225 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:21,960 that he is a judging cross, angry, whatever God that's I 226 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,720 hate divorce. You're not allowed to divorce. 227 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,440 You don't understand what he knows what covenant's about. 228 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,760 He knows that cleaving is gluing and if you've ever glued 2 229 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,240 things together and then you pull it apart, you know what it 230 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:37,040 looks like. It's his heart for us. 231 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:40,480 It's I hate the force, but I realize that when you come to to 232 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,480 a place of covenant, you are gluing yourself to another. 233 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:45,520 There's a oneness that's taking place. 234 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:49,680 So when you pull that thing apart, people get hurt. 235 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:52,840 The ripple effect is there's a ripping, there's a tearing. 236 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:57,000 Things just go crazy after this. And then the restoration is 237 00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,400 there, and God will restore and He'll help us. 238 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:03,080 But we've wrapped the gluing aspect on it. 239 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,200 So for us, we're going to know that the essence of marriage, 240 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:10,680 what it actually is about, is a sacrificial commitment to the 241 00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:14,320 good of the other. All of who I am, I give to you 242 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:20,000 my ability to protect you, my ability to to to look after you, 243 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:24,840 to love you in a certain way, to honor and to cherish you see its 244 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:28,720 focus to the other. That means that love is more 245 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:33,120 fundamentally action than emotion, That the good of the 246 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,160 relationship takes precedence over the immediate needs of the 247 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:39,560 individual. It's amazing how our immediate 248 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:45,040 needs, our own needs is the thing that we typically go to 249 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,960 That's we, we're most geared. I mean, naturally, that's just 250 00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:53,040 what comes the most naturally to us is to look after ourselves. 251 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:58,280 Covenant is to look after the other and to do it in a way that 252 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,560 demonstrates it, not just a promise on the day, but you 253 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,600 demonstrate it just like God demonstrated with Jesus. 254 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,440 So it's established in a promise. 255 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:16,240 I mean, if we do summarize the vows, that would basically be I 256 00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:20,000 promise to love you no matter what for the rest of our lives. 257 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:24,560 That's what your hearts say. This covenant gets established 258 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:28,160 in that promise. And we need to be able to say, I 259 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,560 mean, when I listen to covenantal language in the Bible 260 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:34,720 and then I think of my covenant with Antonette that I can adopt 261 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,360 that same language and I can say, well, I will be your 262 00:15:37,360 --> 00:15:40,640 husband and you will be my wife. I will never leave here. 263 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:44,640 I will never forsake you and my language to her. 264 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:47,840 I might not use that exact language, but my language to her 265 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:51,160 needs to be of that and she needs to feel safe in that. 266 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:53,920 And she can respond with that same language to me and I can 267 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:57,440 feel safe in it. So I feel safe in God's covenant 268 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:01,160 because of his promise to me. And He's obligated himself to 269 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,600 me, and He's already demonstrated that love to me in 270 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,960 a way that I can rest in that. That's the beauty of the gospel. 271 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:11,320 Just rest in it. We can rest in the covenant that 272 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:15,160 we have made with one another and demonstrate it through 273 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,880 action, not just something that we said a long time ago. 274 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,080 You know, there's a wife that complained to her husband saying 275 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,640 you never, you never say that you love me. 276 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:31,680 And he said, well, I said it on our wedding day. 277 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,560 If anything changes, I'll let you know. 278 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:37,880 You know, that's our main thing. Anything changes, I'll let you 279 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:41,280 know. Now we need to ongoingly. 280 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,840 So here's here's what it is as far as vows. 281 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,880 It's not a declaration of present love. 282 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:54,960 It's a promise of future love. I love interacting with the 283 00:16:54,960 --> 00:17:00,400 groom just before they get married because what will come 284 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,040 out of that? Because obviously that's how 285 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,880 you're feeling. It's like you're not nervous and 286 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:09,640 like we waiting for the whole procession to start and but the 287 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:14,480 thing they're most nervous for is the speech at the ceremony 288 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,480 and the first dance. It's like we've been practicing 289 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:19,960 and I don't know, I'm going to mess it up. 290 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:23,599 It's like I put you've forgotten what we spoke about in our 291 00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:25,640 premarys courses. You should be nervous about the 292 00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,200 vows that you're getting into you. 293 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:32,160 That's what it sits where the gold lies because the the speech 294 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:35,320 at A at a ceremony, that's the declaration of present love. 295 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:40,200 You know, it's like, oh, you're so amazing and yadda yadda, 296 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,920 whatever. Fish based, but but we ought to 297 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,760 realize that the promise of future love is actually the key 298 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:53,320 moment in that day. I mean, it's for the day that 299 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:59,240 you both well into your 80s sitting on your veranda or 300 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:07,960 whatever, dunking biscuits in tea or or coffee long enough so 301 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:12,360 that it doesn't hurt your teeth when you bite into it, but not 302 00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:15,760 that long that it falls into your couple. 303 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:22,400 That's a that's an art that over the span of 4050 years of 304 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:26,760 marriage, you get it right. But it's in that moment, As for 305 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:32,120 that moment that on your wedding day saying I promise to love you 306 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:38,280 till that day, every day till that day and beyond. 307 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,280 That's why the vows is worded the way it's worded until death 308 00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:46,760 do us part. It's that day. 309 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:53,320 So I'm promising for that future and I'm going to play it out. 310 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:57,440 I'm going to live it out every day for the rest of our lives. 311 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:02,160 What a glorious reality. Let's talk about what it's not. 312 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:05,760 What is covenant not? Well, it's not contractual. 313 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:09,400 Got to know this is, it's not a contractual thing. 314 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,080 There is a marriage contract at play. 315 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:15,200 So you, you draw up a contract because that's kind of the, the 316 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:18,960 legal requirements and, and we submit to that as well. 317 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:23,720 But when you, when you read through a contract and you're a 318 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:26,600 party in that contract, how do you read the contract? 319 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:32,600 Through what lens, from your point of view, what does this 320 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:36,400 mean for me? And as I read it, it's like, no, 321 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,280 I don't like that clause because that clause means that if this 322 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:43,200 happens, then bad for me. And actually I want this changed 323 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,840 because good for me. So it's not contractual. 324 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:51,280 Covenant is all about you. What's in it for you? 325 00:19:52,120 --> 00:19:56,680 How does this affect you? I'm in this relationship for you 326 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:02,280 and we think contractually. So we go into this relationship, 327 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:06,280 we do our vows, not 100% sure what we said on the day, but as 328 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,200 it starts playing out, we start asking questions like whoa, but 329 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,840 how does this affect me? Actually, it's not about you 330 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,560 because that's not the relationship that you entered 331 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,960 into. This is a opposite of 332 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,560 contractual relationship. This is a covenant or 333 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,120 relationship. We've got to remind ourselves of 334 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:26,640 this. That's sacrificial. 335 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:31,600 Your needs. Contractual is selfish, single 336 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,920 one is not consumeristic, it's not a consumeristic 337 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:39,360 relationship. So, so consumeristic 338 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:42,800 relationship is based on a principle, covenant is based on 339 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,400 a promise. So the principle of of a 340 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:52,040 consumer mindset is a bargaining principle and you get like a a 341 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:55,160 vendor acceptable cost relationship. 342 00:20:55,400 --> 00:21:00,080 So if I have a, a contract with the cell phone provider, it 343 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,880 costs me, but I'm getting a service for it. 344 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:08,080 And, and if the service that I get for it is of such a nature 345 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,600 that I start comparing to others and I look at, I say, oh, 346 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,480 actually for the same cost, I can get a better service. 347 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:16,800 Then I just jump ship. I mean, there's no loyalty 348 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:20,280 there, all right. Or if I can get the same service 349 00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,840 elsewhere, but it'll cost me less, I jump ship. 350 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:29,120 Let's consumer minded thinking, but covenant is promise. 351 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,840 So like, what is this costing me? 352 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:34,520 What am I getting out of it? Sorry for you. 353 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:39,400 You promised go back to your promise because you promised. 354 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,360 So you did you promised God and you promised your marriage 355 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:47,520 partner and you did it in front of 100 people and it cost you 356 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,640 200,000 grand to do it or whatever. 357 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:53,880 But you see, that's that that's when you when you think 358 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:56,440 consumeristic, there's no obligation for you to stay. 359 00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:01,880 When you think of an ently, the obligation is for you to stay. 360 00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:07,560 You're obligated to stay because you promised you entered into a 361 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:10,240 covenant. So when Jesus was on the cross, 362 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:19,960 he could have at any point in time just called on the angels. 363 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,880 So listen, I'm jumping ship here. 364 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:28,680 This is not quite working for me right now, and as I look upon 365 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:32,080 everyone, but with all the beatings and the spitting and 366 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:37,480 the cursing and the ridiculing, I just don't feel like this. 367 00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:47,320 Did he say that he stayed? He obligated himself, He stayed. 368 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:54,160 Marriage is about staying based on a promise, a covenantal bond. 369 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:59,960 It's all about why it works. Why works is because it starts 370 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:02,880 off with this incredible expression of love. 371 00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,360 It's the greatest expression of love. 372 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:09,640 So you meet your your marriage partner and you start going out 373 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,080 and you get to a point where you're getting engaged, but 374 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,240 that's the stage. You've got to know the other 375 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:17,080 person. It's like the gods start to go 376 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,080 down a little. It's like at first, it's best 377 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:22,920 foot forward, but it's just a matter of time. 378 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,560 I mean, it's like you, you can't, you can't keep up that 379 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,520 facade. So like the real you is going to 380 00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:30,280 come out and then you get to know there's a couple of flaws 381 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:32,960 in this other person. I mean, Antonette got to know 382 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:37,600 there's a couple of flaws in me. I only found one in her prior to 383 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,960 our marriage. But it's kind of like a hint 384 00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:44,920 there's more, but and like as the tough times come, it's going 385 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:48,960 to get even Wilder. But for you to know that and the 386 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:53,480 reality of that and still then say, I'm binding myself to you. 387 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:58,800 I'm obligating myself to you. I'm committing to you in such a 388 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:02,360 way that that doesn't matter what frauds come out. 389 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,840 It doesn't matter what gets exposed over a period of time. 390 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:10,400 I'm loving you that much that this is my expression of love to 391 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,200 you. I'm covenanting with you. 392 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:17,560 You see, the the Hollywood thing that we always hear is I don't 393 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:19,480 need the piece of paper to show how much I love you. 394 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,160 You heard that one. We don't need the piece of 395 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,240 paper. Everything just gets complicated 396 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,080 with a piece of paper. I don't need the piece of paper 397 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,880 to show how much I love you. You know what they actually say? 398 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:34,120 I don't love you enough to bring the piece of paper in because 399 00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:35,920 I'm actually keeping my options open. 400 00:24:36,680 --> 00:24:39,240 Because without the piece of paper, you, you get into an 401 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,520 argument with me on a Friday night, Saturday morning, I'm 402 00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:46,200 moving my stuff out. So bringing in the piece of 403 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,640 paper is this greatest expression of love. 404 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:52,800 It's saying from this day, for the rest of our lives, I'm going 405 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:55,560 to love you in this way. You don't get a better and a 406 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:59,600 greater expression of love with a horizontal relationship than 407 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,200 that. That's what makes marriage so 408 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:06,440 glorious. So secondly, it protects us from 409 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:09,080 running out. I think that's something of 410 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,480 God's Providence. You know, when you when you get 411 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:16,040 married and on that day, it's amazing how we people get, we 412 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:20,080 get people joining our church and then they like a couple of 413 00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,760 weeks in and they come to the front and they chatting to one 414 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,400 of the elders and like, OK, so hi, so This Is Us. 415 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:31,360 And so we're getting married. And then I'm like, oh boy, here 416 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:37,000 we go. Rent a poster because I've never 417 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,360 seen them before. Like how long have you been 418 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:39,000 through? So I don't know. 419 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:40,760 No, we've been coming for the last six weeks. 420 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:49,680 Do you know why they want God's blessing like everyone wants a 421 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:51,880 pastor to marry them. They don't understand it. 422 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,320 They don't really know. They can't explain what, but 423 00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:57,760 they know they need a pastor. They don't want to just go to 424 00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,160 the courts. I mean, you have the 425 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,320 conversation with this. Lucky you go to the courts far 426 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,880 the marriage officers there they can just no, no, no, no, no, no, 427 00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,200 but we need a pastor. They don't even know why they're 428 00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,720 saying it, but there's a desire for God's blessing over their 429 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:15,000 marriage. And when you come under that 430 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:20,600 kind of blessing, it keeps you because you know, I'm under the 431 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,880 Providence of God. The other thing is that it's 432 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:26,920 public. So if we're going to end this, 433 00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:29,360 guess what? It's going to go public. 434 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,160 That's why we have a whole bunch of witnesses. 435 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:37,080 The second last wedding I did, I love the speech of the of the 436 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,160 bridegroom. He gets up and he says, I just 437 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:43,360 want to thank all of you for being here and I'm inviting all 438 00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:47,640 of you to speak into my life because I've just covenanted 439 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:52,000 with my wife. And if any of you ever see me 440 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:55,160 not living up to that promise, I want you to tell me. 441 00:26:57,040 --> 00:26:59,120 I said something like this. I'm premier is counseling that 442 00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:04,320 we got right because he got it. He got it. 443 00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:08,200 But it's public like witnesses. So it's God's design. 444 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,920 It's his genius. I mean the covenants of old 445 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,920 David and Jonathan were always witness. 446 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,480 There was always a witness. It's hopeful. 447 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,720 So you're not going to get married in a corner where no one 448 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,800 knows about it. And that if if, if it doesn't 449 00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:23,680 work out, no one's going to know if it doesn't work out like it 450 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:27,800 brings it into a public space, keeps you keeps you there. 451 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:30,520 And also it's a personal promise. 452 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:34,360 So if I, I go back on this, what does it mean? 453 00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,200 It's like my integrity has been tapped into. 454 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:42,120 This is God's genius #3 it brings security that allows for 455 00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,640 a level of vulnerability and honesty. 456 00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:48,240 So it says in Genesis about Adam and Eve and they were both naked 457 00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,760 and they felt no shame. That was God's original intent. 458 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:56,440 It's always been his intention. We can have vulnerability, we 459 00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:00,080 can have honesty. It's it's not a prison. 460 00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,960 I mean, that's like the standing joke in terms of marriage. 461 00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,480 You know, it's kind of like this ball and Jane in prison. 462 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:12,360 I mean, I always laugh at it because I'm finding the irony in 463 00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:15,960 it because it's the complete opposite to not be in it is 464 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,440 prison. Think about when you first 465 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:20,240 dated. That was prison. 466 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:24,040 I mean, it's like you've got to be on your best behavior the 467 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:28,360 whole time. And that's not the license for 468 00:28:28,360 --> 00:28:30,440 you to go all wild after you are married. 469 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:34,600 But but you know, it's like trying to always put your best 470 00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,320 foot forward and you can't be vulnerable and you can't let 471 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,760 your guard down. And it brings security. 472 00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:46,280 It offers stability. I love the the wording of the 473 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:47,960 vows. You know, it's like doesn't 474 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:52,640 matter the circumstance, for better or for worse, richer or 475 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:56,440 poorer, it's not based on circumstance. 476 00:28:56,440 --> 00:29:00,320 It's not based on seasons that we're going through because we 477 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,880 all go through seasons. I had a quote once of a guy that 478 00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:07,600 said my wife's been married to five different men and they were 479 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,680 all me. Because you change. 480 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,840 I mean, the person that I am today is not the guy that my 481 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,240 wife married. It's like I'm a different man. 482 00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:21,960 Like we, we go through seasons and to know that through those 483 00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:25,800 seasons, it's like the covenant is what's holding it together 484 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:30,360 that gives stability to us. It's like it's, it's grounded in 485 00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:39,480 something that is God-given and it's God's design and he knows 486 00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:43,080 best. So when he says the best way for 487 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:47,440 you to be in a marriage is for it to be based on covenant, then 488 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:51,200 we got to know that we can trust them because he's the one that's 489 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:55,600 designed us. I love this quote by Tom Keller. 490 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,480 He says when over the years someone has seen you at your 491 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:02,120 worst and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet 492 00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:06,440 commits him or herself to you holy, it's a consummate 493 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,680 experience. To be loved but not known is 494 00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,000 comfort, comforting but superficial. 495 00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:16,000 To be known and not loved is our greatest fear, but to be fully 496 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:21,640 known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. 497 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:23,920 It is what we need more than anything. 498 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:27,880 It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self 499 00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:31,480 righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can 500 00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:34,640 throw at us. What an incredible description 501 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,960 of covenant. So how does it work? 502 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:47,800 The covenant bond is unchanging. I watched a video clip of three 503 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:54,560 3 theologians, kind of like modern day, like top of their 504 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:58,720 game, DA Carson, John Piper, Tom Killer, The three of them 505 00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:02,280 sitting around the table talking about what sustains a marriage 506 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:06,600 and all three of them agree with 116 years of experience at that 507 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:10,400 moment of the conversation, accumulated experience, 116 508 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:14,040 years worth of marriage. They all agree covenant. 509 00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,120 That's what keeps a marriage together. 510 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:22,360 That's what sustains the marriage because it's the only 511 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:25,880 thing that does not change. Everything else changes. 512 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:30,360 Feelings change, affections change, our state of living 513 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,160 changes. The economy crashes and and we 514 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,080 get retrenched. I mean, it's like all those 515 00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:40,160 things, but we made a promise. The promise doesn't change. 516 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:43,000 It's the thing that we keep going back to. 517 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:51,880 So the covenant is, is a as a reality that we got to know is 518 00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:54,760 the thing that we we keep going back to you because it's the 519 00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:58,400 only thing that is guaranteed not to change. 520 00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,160 And the covenant is decision. The covenant is action. 521 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:07,120 The covenant is I've promised you my decision and, and my my 522 00:32:07,120 --> 00:32:12,000 commitment to you is what fuels me is what it work is what sets 523 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:16,120 the course for how I live. And I'm constantly acting out 524 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:19,840 that love to you. So irrespective of the season, 525 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:23,120 irrespective of circumstance, it doesn't really matter. 526 00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:27,480 I'm loving you in this way through all of those seasons, 527 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,960 through all of those circumstance. 528 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:33,840 So it's a decision to love. Decisions of love are expressed 529 00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,760 in actions of love. And actions of love lead to 530 00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,600 feelings of love. Now that's a very key thing for 531 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,000 us to get because you might be saying, oh, hold on a second, 532 00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:45,520 this is sounding very mechanical. 533 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,400 So just because I promised, I'm going to stick to their promise 534 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:49,880 even when I don't feel like an argument. 535 00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:53,440 So I keep doing that thing that I promised that I would do. 536 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:57,000 It's not mechanical. It's God's design. 537 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,480 And I'm going to ask them today just to share a testimony of her 538 00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:06,160 parents, of how that comes out in actions of love and feelings 539 00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:11,960 of love. But I'm going to tell you a 540 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,280 story about my parents. I love telling this story 541 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:16,760 because it really explains the point that we want to bring 542 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:21,360 across. Well, so my my mum and dad were 543 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,280 married for about 30-6 years before she passed away. 544 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:26,760 And at that time the marriage was really in a good place. 545 00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:31,280 But that wasn't always the case. When I was in high school, they 546 00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:35,000 really struggled their marriage and it wasn't something 547 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,520 specific. I think they just grew apart 548 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:40,200 over the years. My mom had four kids in five 549 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:43,760 years and my dad really worked hard. 550 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,160 He travelled a lot. He was building up a business. 551 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:51,040 And then something happened that I believe God allowed in his 552 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:55,320 absolute perfect wisdom. She broke her ankle, but it was 553 00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,200 really, really a bad break. She wasn't allowed to stand on 554 00:33:58,200 --> 00:34:04,000 it or walk on her on her legs with do any movement for about 3 555 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:06,400 months. So by default my dad became her 556 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:10,440 legs and he served her. He will carry her to the bath 557 00:34:10,880 --> 00:34:16,080 and back and he will run all the errands and he will take her to 558 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:21,120 the shops and and he literally became her legs for three months 559 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:25,199 that he just served her and did everything for her. 560 00:34:25,199 --> 00:34:27,840 He had to cancel meetings. He did everything for us as 561 00:34:27,840 --> 00:34:30,120 kids. And you know what, slowly but 562 00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:31,960 surely something started to happen. 563 00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:33,719 They started falling in love again. 564 00:34:34,199 --> 00:34:37,880 And for us, for kids, it was the most beautiful thing to see. 565 00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,560 And the point that I'm going to make with this is that actions 566 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:46,639 of love leads to feelings of love, actions of love leads to 567 00:34:46,639 --> 00:34:52,400 feelings of love. So my dad's emotions and 568 00:34:52,400 --> 00:34:57,640 feelings caught up with these actions and in return, my mom's 569 00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:00,240 heart softened. And she said to me, yeah, I I 570 00:35:00,240 --> 00:35:02,200 cannot believe what's what's happening to me. 571 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:05,960 It's like I'm seeing him again, this beautiful man that I 572 00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:09,600 married many years ago and and it was real. 573 00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:14,640 In Ephesians, we see that Paul command husbands to love their 574 00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:17,680 wives. Now you can't command a feeling. 575 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:20,120 So he's talking about an action here. 576 00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:25,160 He commands an action of love. You know, in today, in today's 577 00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:30,560 world, we fall in love and we we love, we marry our lover. 578 00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,120 But in Paul's days, most marriages were arranged by the 579 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:38,960 parents. And So what Paul is saying here 580 00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:43,960 that marriage is the basis for love, not the way we do it, not 581 00:35:43,960 --> 00:35:47,920 love is the basis for marriage. So yes, we have that initial 582 00:35:47,920 --> 00:35:53,320 attraction and we fall in love and but that is not sustainable 583 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:58,520 that those feelings of romance and and affection is just not as 584 00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:01,400 sustainable. But the good news is that your 585 00:36:01,400 --> 00:36:05,480 actions of love is you can sustain that you can make that 586 00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:07,520 promise and every day serve one another. 587 00:36:07,720 --> 00:36:08,920 And you know what's the beautiful thing? 588 00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:12,840 Then what's happening is your feelings doesn't just catch up. 589 00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:16,040 It goes way beyond your initial feeling. 590 00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:19,360 That is God's design. So I mean, if I look at Adrian 591 00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:24,600 now, I'm what I feel for him now is way, way more, it's on a just 592 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:27,120 on a different level than when I walk down the aisle. 593 00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:30,600 I cannot explain it. I mean, when I when I married 594 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:32,000 him on that day, I really thought so. 595 00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:35,280 I can't love anyone else more than I love this man. 596 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:40,320 But now it is, it is completely on a different level. 597 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:44,360 And I believe it'll still grow until we dunk our risks 598 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:49,360 together. So that excuse of that we've 599 00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,080 heard many times is I just don't love her anymore. 600 00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,840 I just don't love him anymore is not valid. 601 00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:59,320 So the good news is it's this hope. 602 00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:03,600 There's hope for even the most hopeless situations, you know? 603 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:05,680 And that's exactly what happened to my mom and dad. 604 00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:10,440 I mean, that last year before she passed away, my dad just 605 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,080 served her once again. He had to inject her every day. 606 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:17,360 She died of leukemia, so she was really sick and he was just by 607 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:20,400 her bedside looking after caring for her. 608 00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,640 You know what? I've never ever seen a bond 609 00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:27,560 between two people like I saw in that year. 610 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:30,040 I cannot even describe it in words. 611 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:33,000 She whenever she wanted to watch TV, she will go and sit on his 612 00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:37,120 lap and watch TV and, and it's just, and you could just see 613 00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,880 there's something else that's happening there. 614 00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:44,360 So I want to encourage you guys go back to that day where you 615 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:49,240 you made your promise to one another and rather they let that 616 00:37:49,240 --> 00:37:52,960 influence your actions then relying on your feelings. 617 00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:03,720 So if you think of when, when a baby is born and your, your 618 00:38:03,720 --> 00:38:07,080 feelings of love towards a baby, I mean, despite the fact that it 619 00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:13,400 comes out incredibly angry that this is what is wrong with 620 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:20,240 babies, but but it's, it's A1 directional relationship that I 621 00:38:20,240 --> 00:38:23,240 mean, for the first 2-3 years, you get nothing. 622 00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:27,880 For those of you who's babies are still on the way you have 623 00:38:27,880 --> 00:38:31,000 you get nothing. They give you nothing. 624 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:35,640 It's dirty nappies. Take, take, take. 625 00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:40,240 I'm hungry, feet wake up through the night. 626 00:38:41,240 --> 00:38:45,840 It's like crazy. 1 directional love, but it's a love that's 627 00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:48,840 expressed in action because there's no one else. 628 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:54,040 Just like 24/7. There's no one else to serve the 629 00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,400 baby. There's no one else to look 630 00:38:56,400 --> 00:39:00,480 after the baby. It's you as parents, it's you. 631 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:06,280 And when you love in that way, I mean think about it, three years 632 00:39:06,280 --> 00:39:08,400 later, how do you love that baby? 633 00:39:10,280 --> 00:39:11,960 One directional. They've done nothing for you. 634 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:16,480 Absolutely nothing. A few goo goo gagas and smiley 635 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,120 faces and looking silly with one tooth. 636 00:39:20,280 --> 00:39:22,120 But apart from that, they've done nothing. 637 00:39:23,240 --> 00:39:27,920 But yet you love them in a way that you cannot describe. 638 00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:34,320 It's God's design. The more you serve, the more you 639 00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:38,400 act in love. Your feelings just goes way 640 00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,360 beyond your actions. It's the way God designed it. 641 00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,200 Or you must say, well, it's it's your own child. 642 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:47,000 I mean, when the when my babies were born, I love there was the 643 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:51,040 fruit of my loins. But actually it was true for my 644 00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:54,800 first two boys. And then we adopted a little 645 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:59,480 girl and it was exactly the same with Rosie. 646 00:40:00,720 --> 00:40:04,040 Didn't come from me, didn't come from Internet. 647 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:09,800 There's a stranger in our house, but you know what? 648 00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:13,720 We covenanted with her. We obligated his ourselves to 649 00:40:13,720 --> 00:40:17,600 her. We gave her our name and we 650 00:40:17,720 --> 00:40:21,280 served her. And our actions of love have got 651 00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:25,400 us to a point now where we love this little girl as though the 652 00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:27,800 adoption never took place. She's my daughter. 653 00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:32,480 I love her. It's God's design. 654 00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:36,360 Act out your covenant. Don't worry about the feelings. 655 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:39,440 Act it out because your feelings will just come with. 656 00:40:41,280 --> 00:40:44,760 So the lines there is the covenant exists irrespective of 657 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:49,880 feelings and the covenant exists for the sake of feelings. 658 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:56,160 And while I'm talking about kids, here's my caution to you 659 00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:01,600 because over a period of 20 years, SO doesn't just stop at 660 00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:05,440 three, you continue to serve your kids and love on them and 661 00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:07,920 do things for them. You're picking them up at school 662 00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,640 and taking them to soccer practice. 663 00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:13,320 And that's just an ongoing serving. 664 00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,960 And 20 years later, this incredible love has just gone 665 00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:22,480 through the roof. But over the same 20 years span, 666 00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:26,760 you've kind of forgotten your promise to your marriage 667 00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:30,000 partner. And over the same time period 668 00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:34,920 that love has grown cold because you just look past one another. 669 00:41:34,920 --> 00:41:38,520 And we just I go to work and honor the kids, but we love our 670 00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:42,200 kids in in action and indeed, and the love goes through the 671 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:45,200 roof, but our marriage partner gets the drakes. 672 00:41:47,320 --> 00:41:51,400 But I know that the marriage is more important than the child 673 00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:55,480 parent relationship. Well, that's what God says you 674 00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,920 leave your parents. So know the child that you are 675 00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:03,640 rearing at the moment. They're going to leave you then 676 00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:06,920 what? Emptiness syndrome. 677 00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:10,560 Now it's all awkward because it's just you and me, baby. 678 00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:19,040 And like I've got nothing. Don't let your kids take that 679 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:21,880 priority. Yes, love your kids, serve them, 680 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:26,360 act in covenantal ways to them, but don't forget your covenantal 681 00:42:26,360 --> 00:42:30,240 partner. Serve them, love them in action. 682 00:42:30,240 --> 00:42:34,520 And indeed, did you bon offer when he married a couple? 683 00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:36,280 He said this. The covenant from this day 684 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:40,040 forward sustains the love. Not the love, the covenant. 685 00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:43,440 We get that completely upside down. 686 00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:46,720 We think it's the love that's going to keep us together. 687 00:42:46,720 --> 00:42:49,520 No, it's not. It's the covenant that keeps you 688 00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:52,960 together and it's the covenant that keeps the love between the 689 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:56,520 two of you. Let's see Ephesians 5 texts. 690 00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:59,760 I love the way it's written in that Paul speaks about husbands 691 00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:04,200 love your wives in verse 25. There's a mutuality and how he's 692 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,440 phrasing it so it applies to wives as well. 693 00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:11,760 But he's talks about how we are to love in this sacrificial in 694 00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:13,640 this for your benefit kind of way. 695 00:43:13,880 --> 00:43:15,760 And then I don't know if you've ever seen this before, but he 696 00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:20,720 quotes the Genesis to leave your parents scripture or verse. 697 00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:24,880 But he says this, which is not in Genesis to he says for this 698 00:43:24,880 --> 00:43:30,360 reason, for this reason, underline it, a man will leave 699 00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:34,120 his father and his mother. So what he's saying is there's a 700 00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:39,040 certain love that is expected of you as marriage partners. 701 00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:44,840 And in order for you to reach to that kind of love, to fulfil 702 00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:49,760 that kind of love, it requires A covenantal bond. 703 00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,480 So this is how you 2 love one another. 704 00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:56,080 For this reason, a man will leave his father and his mother 705 00:43:56,080 --> 00:44:01,000 and cleave to his wife because covenant is necessary. 706 00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:06,280 God's telling us the very thing that requires or that that that 707 00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:10,720 institutes this sacrificial love, this loving one another in 708 00:44:10,720 --> 00:44:13,560 a way where it's for the benefit of the other, is this thing 709 00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:16,080 called covenant. And God is saying the promise 710 00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:19,720 that you've made is the thing that will keep you to your dying 711 00:44:19,720 --> 00:44:22,760 die. Don't let your feelings rule. 712 00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:26,200 Don't let your situation or your circumstances rule. 713 00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:30,600 Don't don't let the the, the, the lost affection or the the 714 00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:35,280 reality of things running dry. Be the thing that you go to. 715 00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:39,000 You go back to your covenant. You go back to the promise that 716 00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:41,080 you made. And when you acted out, 717 00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,880 everything comes back into play, just like it happened with 718 00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:51,200 Antonette's mom and dad Action, covenantal action based on the 719 00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:54,520 decision, based on a promise. That's what keeps it together.