1
00:00:03,560 --> 00:00:06,960
OK, let's talk about practically
what does it mean for wives? 

2
00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:13,160
OK, so we I'm going to speak to 
the husbands and just give you 

3
00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:20,680
handles what we as women want to
make us feel loved. 

4
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:24,560
So just to go back to that 
Scripture in Genesis 2 verse 24.

5
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:28,760
Therefore shall a man leave his 
father and his mother and shall 

6
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:32,040
cleave unto his wife and they 
shall become one flesh. 

7
00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:34,560
So this covers that first 
sentence. 

8
00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:39,440
She wants you to be close. 
So cleave in Hebrew means it's 

9
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:44,680
to cling, hold, keep close. 
We want you to be close. 

10
00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:49,920
You know, God is love and when 
we close to God, he overwhelms 

11
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:53,880
us with his love. 
And in the same way we want you 

12
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,160
to be close. 
Love can't grow in this 

13
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,480
distance. 
Me and Adrian can't waltz, do 

14
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:03,120
that dance if there's distance 
between us because then we can't

15
00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,600
with distance. 
Love can't grow. 

16
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:09,640
It can't challenge, it can't be 
intimate, it can't relate. 

17
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,720
So we want that closeness. 
And I'm not talking about 

18
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,160
physical closeness the whole 
time. 

19
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:19,280
That is impossible. 
I'm talking about emotional 

20
00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,720
closeness, a spiritual 
closeness. 

21
00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,960
I want to know that he likes me 
and he wants to be my friend and

22
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,800
his preference would be to be 
with me, you know? 

23
00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:34,400
And I want him to be inclusive, 
not be exclusive. 

24
00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:42,200
So we as women want face to face
down men most of all, one 

25
00:01:42,200 --> 00:01:44,240
shoulder to shoulder time. 
OK. 

26
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:45,960
So we need to, we need to know 
that. 

27
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:51,040
So Aiden knows that if he comes 
home after a day's work, he 

28
00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,720
usually makes coffee for us and 
we have just a bit of just 

29
00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:59,120
catching up time. 
But I know those 5 minutes is 

30
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:03,000
really authentic and he wants to
sit with me and yeah, my day and

31
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,840
we can discuss things. 
I don't need hours of closeness.

32
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,160
We just want that face to face. 
Look at me. 

33
00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:10,360
Look. 
Look at me in the eyes and let's

34
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:14,000
communicate, because 
communication is a big thing in 

35
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:18,520
marriages. 
The other thing, Yeah, don't 

36
00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:21,000
show us close closeness just 
before bedtime. 

37
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,760
It's not going to go well. 
Go down the ball. 

38
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,640
It's the atmosphere you create 
on a daily basis. 

39
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:30,480
It's the closeness. 
OK. 

40
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:35,800
The second one is she wants you 
to open up to her. 

41
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,400
We want you to be open to us. 
And I think this is a difficult 

42
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,160
one for guys because they don't 
talk that easily, especially 

43
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:46,320
about emotions and feelings. 
But it's our way of feeling 

44
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:49,680
connected to you and we want to 
feel connected to you. 

45
00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:53,880
So if I ask Aiden who just who, 
who just phoned you, it's not 

46
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,600
that I want to, I don't trust 
him or I want to interrogate 

47
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,560
him. 
I just want to feel connected. 

48
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,920
I want to be on the same page. 
We often read one another's 

49
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:05,040
WhatsApp messages, you know, 
because there's no time to talk.

50
00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,640
And then we catch up on things 
through that. 

51
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:13,800
But it's, it's just openness. 
There's no secrets between us. 

52
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:19,400
So communication is, is a very 
important thing as as soon as we

53
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:25,160
feel you have secrets or you're 
excluding us, for us as women, 

54
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:29,080
it affects, it affects our, our 
body, mind and soul and our 

55
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,600
spirits feel crushed. 
And when our spirits are 

56
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,440
crushed, our bodies are 
unavailable. 

57
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:37,480
So it affects a lot for us when 
we feel we excluded and you 

58
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:42,080
keeping things secret. 
So even be open, communicate, be

59
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:45,080
vulnerable. 
Even when you mess up, be 

60
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:50,960
vulnerable when we mess up, tell
us so that you don't sit with 

61
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:54,400
bitterness towards us. 
And it can grow and it can turn 

62
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:57,600
into harshness and. 
I'll just add something. 

63
00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:02,000
The way in which a husband is 
wired is that it's kind of like,

64
00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,680
if something is wrong, I'll let 
you know. 

65
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,760
So if I'm not saying anything, 
we're all good. 

66
00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:11,680
But the way the wife is wired is
she just wants the relationship 

67
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:15,520
to be kept up to date. 
So tell me that everything's OK,

68
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,279
Like, let's keep talking because
I just want to hear it. 

69
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,120
But we've got to know that 
there's these two different 

70
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,800
ways. 
And her husband is inclined to 

71
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:28,840
say, well, I'll speak, I'll let 
you know if something is out of 

72
00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:30,600
place. 
But if you hear nothing from me,

73
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:35,320
just take it as a thumbs up. 
And the wife is like, eh, no, I 

74
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:38,040
just want to. 
We just want to talk about 

75
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,520
things like we're going to keep 
our relationship up to date, 

76
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:45,080
stay close. 
The next one is she wants you to

77
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:47,360
listen now. 
I don't have you guys have seen 

78
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:51,600
this funny video clip of this 
couple talking and she's got a 

79
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:55,000
nail in her head, a big nail, 
but it's it's not obviously 

80
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,720
fake. 
And they sitting on the couch 

81
00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:01,360
having a conversation and she's 
trying to tell her husband that 

82
00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,280
she's got this terrible 
headache. 

83
00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:07,760
It's all over and and he's 
trying to tell her babes, can I 

84
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:12,960
just, you know, pull the nail 
ass and so he will go to it's 

85
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,520
like, can I just you know, it's 
like stop fixing me. 

86
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,440
You always want to fix me. 
Just listen, I've got this 

87
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:23,000
headache and all my sweaters are
nicked and I it's the funniest 

88
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,720
video clip but what she is 
trying it at the end he just 

89
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,720
hugs and so I understand, I 
understand and the nails still 

90
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:32,720
in my head, but what is. 
So when that hug the nail goes 

91
00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:36,360
into his eyes like. 
It's really funny when you 

92
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,520
Cliff, all she wanted was just 
just hear me. 

93
00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,520
Just listen. 
Don't try and fix me all the 

94
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,080
time. 
Just listen. 

95
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:48,040
You must understand that that 
the husband reflects Christ and 

96
00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:51,880
we as well. 
We, we the church, and just as 

97
00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:56,280
the church put all his burdens 
on to Jesus, we want to do the 

98
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:59,120
same with our husbands. 
We want to just put our burden 

99
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:02,520
on to you and we just want you 
to understand and to listen to 

100
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:04,320
us. 
We don't always need all the 

101
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,440
fixing. 
Don't tell us. 

102
00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:10,560
Stop crying. 
Just why are you crying so much?

103
00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,280
You're always crying. 
Just listen. 

104
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:14,600
Just here. 
Just give us an ear and show us 

105
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,400
empathy. 
Then we feel loved. 

106
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:21,280
She wants you to say I'm sorry. 
Now I think, yeah. 

107
00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:24,600
The blue in the pink language 
comes in because when we say 

108
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:28,640
we're sorry, we feel like we 
want to connect with you again. 

109
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:32,720
We want to bring peace in the 
house, but when men say they're 

110
00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:35,200
sorry, they're scared to say 
that because they feel like 

111
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:39,640
they're admitting to guilt first
of all, and that they might lose

112
00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:43,800
respect or give you you more 
ammunition not to respect them. 

113
00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:47,400
And it's not like that, 
husbands, if you say you're 

114
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,080
sorry, we feel like you're 
building that bridge again. 

115
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:54,440
You, you building towards us to 
connect again, to have peace 

116
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,080
again in the house. 
Please, are you sorry? 

117
00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:02,040
You know in the Proverbs 15 
verse one, it says a gentle 

118
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:06,400
answer turns away rough, but a 
harsh word stirs up anger. 

119
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:10,920
And in Colossians 3 verse 19 it 
says husbands love your wives 

120
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:14,200
and do not be harsh with him. 
There's a reason why I can't put

121
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:18,120
this in the Bible. 
He knows that As's wives cannot 

122
00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:21,200
handle harshness. 
We can still handle it from 

123
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:25,920
other people, but from our 
husbands harsh words, you're it 

124
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:30,240
devastates our spirits. 
And I think it's in the Bible as

125
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:33,360
well, because God knows that men
struggles with this, you know, 

126
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:37,720
so we, I think there's another 
translation that they use 

127
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:41,000
instead of harshness. 
They say bitterness, and 

128
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:46,760
bitterness comes from unmet 
expectations, disappointments, 

129
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:51,240
you know, and if it doesn't get 
dealt with, it's this reservoir 

130
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:55,160
that just builds up with hurt 
feelings and bitterness. 

131
00:07:55,160 --> 00:08:00,640
And then you start to snap and 
you, you say silly things to one

132
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:03,280
another that actually the 
underlying thing is this 

133
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,520
reservoir of hurt feelings 
because it hasn't been dealt 

134
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,040
with. 
So speak easily, keep the peace.

135
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,840
And when something bothers you, 
speak, speak about it 

136
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,440
immediately so it can be dealt 
with. 

137
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:18,280
And it's not something that 
builds up and it builds up in 

138
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:23,200
your loss. 
So be kind, be gentle, keep the 

139
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:27,920
peace. 
And the next one is we want, she

140
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,280
wants to know that you are 
committed. 

141
00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,840
You know that when Aiden spoke 
about when we ate in redunking 

142
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,400
risks, that is commitment. 
It's loyalty. 

143
00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:42,559
So like Adrian now just said, 
when we ask you, do you love me,

144
00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,440
It's not that we're asking for 
information. 

145
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,720
We're asking for reassurance. 
That's what we want. 

146
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:53,240
We know or we think sometimes 
you love us that reassure us, 

147
00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,520
reassure us that we are the only
one. 

148
00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:58,120
The grass is not always green on
the other side. 

149
00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:02,320
We settled so many couples that 
when his infidelity and the 

150
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:07,400
husband of love moves away just 
a year later, not even a year 

151
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,760
later, that spouse wants to come
back and then it's sometimes too

152
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,880
late. 
It's not it's it's really not 

153
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:17,800
green on the other side. 
Stay committed, stay loyal, stay

154
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,080
true in your covenant in action 
and speech. 

155
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,840
The last one is she wants you to
cherish her. 

156
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:29,320
We want you to honor and cherish
US1 Peter 3 verse 7. 

157
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:33,440
It says live in an understanding
way with your wives and then it 

158
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:39,080
carries on saying and so and 
show her honor or respect as a 

159
00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:42,920
fellow heir of the grace of life
so that your prayers will not be

160
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:46,600
hindered. 
So just maybe, maybe for some of

161
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,440
you, if you feel like your 
praise have been hindered, maybe

162
00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,600
you are not honoring your wife 
the way God intended you to 

163
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,720
honour her. 
And simple ways of honouring 

164
00:09:55,720 --> 00:10:00,200
your wife, be proud of her so 
that you're proud of her. 

165
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:04,520
Speak well of her. 
Never embarrass her in public or

166
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,360
at home. 
Teach your children to respect 

167
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,680
her. 
Always stand by her side and 

168
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:13,960
back her in front of your kids. 
Never go go against her in front

169
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,160
of your kids. 
Remember anniversaries, 

170
00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,600
birthdays, all those things. 
It's just part of showing honor 

171
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:23,840
and and to cherish her. 
Know her love language. 

172
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,080
You know you can come home and 
wash the dishes every day but 

173
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:29,400
all she wants is that 5 minutes 
of coffee with you. 

174
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,560
So know what makes her tick. 
And then the last thing I want 

175
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:36,560
to mention, never ever forget to
laugh. 

176
00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:40,600
We love a lot. 
We love at one another, we love 

177
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:43,240
together. 
We don't take love seriously. 

178
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,720
We take God and the things of 
God seriously. 

179
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:49,520
But you we need to love more 
honestly. 

180
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:53,560
We need to see the fun in life 
and fun in marriage and just to 

181
00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:56,280
have fun together. 
And here's is what I actually 

182
00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:00,000
picked up about laughters. 
Laughter decreases stress 

183
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:03,560
hormones and increases immune 
cells and effect in and 

184
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:07,560
infection fighting antibodies, 
thus improving your resistance 

185
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,720
to disease. 
It even lowers blood pressure. 

186
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:13,240
How's that love? 
Love that triggers the release 

187
00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,280
of endorphins, the body's 
natural feel good chemicals. 

188
00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:20,360
Endorphins promotes an overall 
sense of well-being and can even

189
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:24,760
temporarily relieve pain. 
How good is God that he created 

190
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:28,040
us like that? 
So you don't take it too serious

191
00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:33,160
life, you know, Have fun 
together, discover one another 

192
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:36,680
again, discover your dreams 
again, and love. 

193
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:42,000
It's brilliant. 
I mean, just that thing of 

194
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:46,800
cherishing your wife and, and 
and expressing their like just 

195
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,440
the simplicity of it. 
As a husband, if you could take 

196
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:53,080
whatever time during the course 
of the day, early afternoon, if 

197
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:57,800
I send an SMS to Internet, just 
send her a message saying yes, 

198
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,360
I'm looking forward to seeing it
tonight. 

199
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:03,160
What that does for her. 
And I'm not doing it as like 

200
00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:06,360
formula. 
It's just like I think about it.

201
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:12,120
I mean, tensional with my words 
that she knows that I want to be

202
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:15,120
with her and that we are 
together and that we'll always 

203
00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,080
be together. 
And it's almost like you develop

204
00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:20,760
a covenant, a language where 
you're expressing these things 

205
00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:24,200
in a way that it's just clear to
her that's what what our wives 

206
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:27,800
need. 
Let me speak to the wives in 

207
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:32,640
terms of husbands and what 
husbands want and look for. 

208
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,440
He wants you to admire his 
efforts. 

209
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:44,080
If I had to, from my 
perspective, say what has helped

210
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:49,240
our marriage immensely is that 
Antonette is my biggest fan. 

211
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:54,640
She's my cheerleader. 
She just says she's great with 

212
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:58,560
pom poms. 
Brilliant, but I just know 

213
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,800
she's, you know, like when 
you've got someone on the side 

214
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,880
of the field that's just always 
reaching for you. 

215
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,440
That's how I feel she is with 
me. 

216
00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:10,720
So whatever the efforts of the 
husband is as a wife, be the 

217
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:15,880
cheerleader and and let your 
husband know he wants to desire 

218
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,760
to work and to achieve. 
But at the same time, you got to

219
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:22,360
show interest in that. 
You got to show appreciation for

220
00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:23,800
it. 
Show it. 

221
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,320
The second thing is he wants you
to appreciate his protection and

222
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,320
provision. 
You know, sometimes you need to 

223
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:37,080
just appreciate a husband's 
desire to provide and to protect

224
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,360
because then we so quick to say,
well, I mean, we're struggling. 

225
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:43,480
Yeah. 
And things aren't what they 

226
00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:44,400
should be. 
And. 

227
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:49,280
But man, if the husband's waking
up in the morning early, getting

228
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,840
in his car, going to work, 
there's a desire for him to 

229
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:53,680
provide. 
So he might not be providing, 

230
00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:57,840
but then focus on his desire to 
provide and appreciate that word

231
00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:01,600
that like just I love the fact 
that you're so committed to 

232
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:06,200
making things work. 
Let him know that the third one,

233
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:09,760
he wants you to align, to lead, 
to give him the space to 

234
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:14,960
exercise authority. 
Don't undermine a husband's 

235
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:19,280
authority with what can only be 
described as self righteousness.

236
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,520
I know better. 
Allow the husband to lead, 

237
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:27,080
especially if he uses Jesus as 
the example, because then he's 

238
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:30,040
going to lead in a way that is 
just never going to be something

239
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:34,160
you're going to want to contest.
He wants you to acknowledge his 

240
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:38,160
insight. 
Now here's an area of conflict 

241
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:42,480
that I think comes up very often
because men have insight, women 

242
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:46,840
have intuition and they're both 
incredible gifts that God has 

243
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:51,000
given us, but don't ever allow 
your intuition as a wife to over

244
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:55,680
shadow your husband's insight. 
So like the the flip side for a 

245
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,920
wife is I want to just sit down 
with my husband and I just want 

246
00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:01,360
to talk and I want to kind of 
just express the fact that I'm 

247
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,840
struggling with something or and
don't fix me. 

248
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:06,400
Please don't fix me. 
Just listen. 

249
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:11,640
The husband on the other side is
wired in a way where he wants to

250
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:15,120
apply himself. 
He's got insight, so let me 

251
00:15:15,120 --> 00:15:18,400
apply it. 
And as opposed to giving him the

252
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:22,200
space to that, there's kind of 
this sense of, well, I've got 

253
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:26,400
this gut feel, this intuition 
and you're contesting him in 

254
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,560
that. 
There was a time where early in 

255
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:33,960
our marriage we went through 
probably about six months felt 

256
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:37,640
like 6 years, but six months of 
Anthony could come to me 

257
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,760
regularly and ask so such and 
such. 

258
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:48,920
What do you think? 
And I'll be, I would say XYZ and

259
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,560
then later on I'll find out 
she's done something else. 

260
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:58,240
She's like taken her own 
intuitive leaning. 

261
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:03,200
I'm like, OK. 
And then the next time she would

262
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:06,600
come and ask me a different 
scenario and I would give my 

263
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,320
insight and she would go with 
her own tuition. 

264
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:12,000
I mean, she said it is this 
strong, very independent. 

265
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:15,640
When we got married, she'd like 
for really 32 years old when 

266
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:18,480
when we met. 
So she had her own. 

267
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,000
She's strong and a little bit of
stubbornness there. 

268
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,000
But she would ask my opinion. 
I would give it. 

269
00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,080
I'm giving my insight. 
And then she would go with 

270
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,240
something else. 
And I just went quieter and 

271
00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:32,120
quieter and the levels of 
frustration were growing in me 

272
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,400
and she didn't even know it, but
I was dying on the inside. 

273
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:37,160
I was like, man, I'm giving you 
my insight, but you're not 

274
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,400
taking it and we need to just 
sit down and I need to explain 

275
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,920
to the babe, I don't know why 
you keep coming me to with 

276
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,640
coming to me with these things 
because like, I think you're 

277
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,960
asking for my advice. 
I give it and then you don't 

278
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,360
take it. 
So if you're not going to take 

279
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:54,320
it, then rather than ask me 
because this is really hard for 

280
00:16:54,320 --> 00:17:00,040
me, but sometimes the intuition 
of a woman can be of such a 

281
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:03,720
nature that you, you just it 
overshadows the inside of your 

282
00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:05,760
husband. 
Your husband's been gifted with 

283
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,400
insight and analytical, 
rational. 

284
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,640
Let's work things out because 
I'm a fixer and, and, and the 

285
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,119
wife is more well, I got a gut 
failure. 

286
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,760
But don't, don't let your 
intuition override your 

287
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:22,680
husband's insight. 
Allow his insight to set order 

288
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,319
and give a direction for your 
home. 

289
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:30,040
Your husband wants you to be 
around until it said it like a 

290
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:32,800
wife wants face to FaceTime. 
So look at me in the eye face to

291
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:34,480
face. 
A husband wants shoulder to 

292
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,000
shoulder time. 
It's like he wants you to be 

293
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,480
close. 
He just doesn't want you to talk

294
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:43,400
just so why are the talking? 
Just sit. 

295
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:46,320
So sit. 
Can we just watch TV? 

296
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:52,560
Can we just, can we just sit? 
It's like, I want you to be 

297
00:17:52,560 --> 00:18:02,160
around, but that's all. 
There's been times where like, 

298
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,960
I'll, I'll be like multitasking 
just because of the business of 

299
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,440
life. 
So I'll have earphones and I'm 

300
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,200
listening to something, but I'm 
also doing it. 

301
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,680
And so I'm like, hey, baby, like
just got to be around. 

302
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:15,720
Yeah. 
And then she's sitting and I'm 

303
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,960
like, well, now we've got time 
earphones in. 

304
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:22,440
Like, dude, seriously, Because 
it's like, it's that moment. 

305
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:27,080
Now we we have time, kids are in
bed, it's great. 

306
00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,880
And now we can't talk. 
It's like we let's use this 

307
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:33,000
time. 
We want to. 

308
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,760
But sometimes you just got to 
like there's a bit of give and 

309
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,480
take. 
So there are just times where 

310
00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:39,840
you know, we got to talk and 
we're going to have the face to 

311
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,560
face. 
But allow your husband also just

312
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,200
shoulder time. 
It's OK. 

313
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:47,480
Let's just be so why about 
talking later and tune to 1. 

314
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,200
If you allow that atmosphere, 
talking will happen. 

315
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:52,360
You'll get your face to 
FaceTime. 

316
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,840
He wants you to aspire to 
intimacy. 

317
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,800
Now we've got to know that 
physically when a wife is not up

318
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:07,440
to things and there's a big no. 
But for a husband, that's 

319
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:12,400
physical disrespect. 
So there's there's got to be a 

320
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,160
sense of wives also initiating 
sometimes. 

321
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,920
I think it is a space where men 
need to initiate most of the 

322
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,520
time. 
But for a, for a man to know, 

323
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:27,720
like my wife, she wants me like 
she digs me, She wants to spend 

324
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:29,480
time with me in that intimate 
way. 

325
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,240
It's healthy. 
It's just good for your 

326
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,760
marriage, good for a husband's 
respect tank. 

327
00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:40,000
Because then it's not just about
this is just my needs and I want

328
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,240
to spend time with you in this 
intimate way. 

329
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:47,320
And whether you want it or not, 
actually he wants you to want 

330
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:49,840
it. 
He wants you to be in a space 

331
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,200
where you aspire to that 
physical connection. 

332
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:56,920
You know, wife was kind of like,
we need to be close. 

333
00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,600
We need to have that closeness, 
like kind of the atmosphere 

334
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:05,360
through the day, the boiling of 
the water and the kettle so that

335
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:10,080
we can be intimate. 
A husband finds closeness in the

336
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:13,280
intimacy. 
Because it's like the switch and

337
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,120
I said that we don't need to 
have the closeness to be 

338
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:20,040
intimate, but in being intimate,
we found the closeness and know 

339
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:24,880
that about your husband. 
So don't let intimacy be an area

340
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:29,000
where disrespect starts to flow.
And if you ever feel like I'm, 

341
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:35,800
I'm just saying yes out of duty 
or obligation, then let that 

342
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,000
obligation be limited to the 
decision, not the deed. 

343
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:44,360
What once you've decided and 
then be in and enjoy the moment 

344
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:47,560
together because that intimacy 
is important for the husband to 

345
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:51,440
feel like man. 
This is an area where as far as 

346
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:55,680
respect is concerned, my wife 
and I are on the same page and 

347
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:59,200
there's a satisfaction that I 
can see she's enjoying and I'm 

348
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:02,360
being satisfied through this. 
But that's an area of respect 

349
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:08,440
that sometimes can be completely
disempowering for a husband to 

350
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:12,040
the point where it just leads to
a whole bunch of unnecessary 

351
00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,760
issues. 
You know, when I've sat with 

352
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:20,560
people who have been unfaithful 
and specifically men, it's a 

353
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:24,040
game, a respect issue, not a 
last issue. 

354
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:28,000
I mean, it's like obvious. 
We think, oh, this guy is just 

355
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:31,880
he's, he's had a moment of 
weakness or multiple moments of 

356
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:35,520
weakness and to the point where 
he's just rebellious and he's 

357
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:39,360
he's neglected his wife and his 
run off with someone. 

358
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:42,960
But think about it. 
Think about what it's like to be

359
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:47,120
disrespected at home, but to be 
highly respected by your 

360
00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:51,680
secretary because your secretary
is like, man, you are the bee's 

361
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,440
niece. 
You are an amazing, you're such 

362
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:57,200
an incredible leader. 
I love the way you deal with 

363
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,360
people. 
You've got such incredible 

364
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,880
business acumen. 
Those kind of comments, the 

365
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:08,600
guy's like, hey, I'm respected 
here, completely disrespected at

366
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:11,640
home. 
But yeah, I'm respected very 

367
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,560
often. 
Infidelity is actually not a 

368
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:16,280
last issue. 
That's a respect issue when it's

369
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,480
by the husband. 
We got to know how important 

370
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,640
these things are because that's 
where his tank is being filled. 

371
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:27,040
So he goes in that direction. 
I'm not saying lust is not part 

372
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:31,000
of it at all, but the driving 
force is. 

373
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:36,120
I'm disrespected at home. 
My wife doesn't respect me, but 

374
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:40,920
this lady, she's my fat, she's a
great cheerleader of mine. 

375
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:44,320
And that's where the weakness 
because my tank is empty here, 

376
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:48,040
but it's been full year and 
infidelity ensues. 

377
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,440
So we've got to be really, 
really conscious of this and 

378
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:55,720
know just how important it is. 
So if we look at love and 

379
00:22:55,720 --> 00:23:00,160
respect in lots of eternity, 
we've got to know that we're not

380
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:01,800
just looking at an ordered 
pattern. 

381
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:05,280
We want a renewed pattern. 
God must renew this pattern for 

382
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,800
us and Jesus needs to be the 
center. 

383
00:23:09,160 --> 00:23:13,640
This quote of Amazon Igrich is 
the guy that writes their book 

384
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:15,800
on love and respect is 
Ultimately you practice love or 

385
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:20,200
respect because beyond your 
spouse, you see Jesus Christ and

386
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,680
you envision a moment when you 
will be standing before Him at 

387
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:27,040
the final judgment, realizing 
that your marriage was really a 

388
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:31,080
tool and a test to deepen and 
demonstrate your love and your 

389
00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:35,800
reverence for your Lord. 
So when we bring our marriages 

390
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,280
under our relationship with 
Jesus and we know that our 

391
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:43,200
relationship with Jesus is one 
of loving him and having 

392
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:47,160
absolute respect and reverence 
for Him, we stand in awe of who 

393
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:50,560
He is. 
Then we know that when we allow 

394
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:56,120
that reality to start to find 
its way into our marriages, that

395
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:59,080
it's representing more of our 
relationship with Jesus than 

396
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,160
anything else. 
And for that reason, and because

397
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:06,200
God's made it so plain, we 
submit ourselves to His leading 

398
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:10,200
and to His guiding, and that he 
has said husbands must love 

399
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:13,440
their wives, wives must respect 
their husbands. 

400
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:17,320
We can't afford not to do it. 
We got to give ourselves to it.

