1
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:10,640
So the purpose of marriage, why 
do we have marriages? 

2
00:00:11,120 --> 00:00:14,480
The purpose of marriage is 
friendship and holiness. 

3
00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:19,880
The Bible is clear that our 
journey towards greater holiness

4
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:24,480
cannot be achieved alone. 
It's achieved through Christian 

5
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,280
relationships, the most 
effective and significant of 

6
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:32,280
which is the deepest and most 
intimate friendship discovered 

7
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:37,720
in our marriage relationship. 
The Bible is clear that our 

8
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:42,400
journey towards greater holiness
cannot be achieved alone. 

9
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,600
That's why God puts us in 
families. 

10
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:48,760
That's why we have community. 
We gather together because we 

11
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:54,560
sharpen one another. 
OK, So what that is saying is 

12
00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:59,920
God uses relationships. 
He uses the horizontal realities

13
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,520
of being in community, being in 
family to shape us and to mold 

14
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:06,400
us and to make us into his 
likeness. 

15
00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:10,000
But the standout relationship is
our marriage partner because 

16
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,600
that relationship gets a lot 
closer than any other 

17
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:15,800
relationship. 
Does that make sense? 

18
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:21,040
I mean, how do we, how do we 
partner with one another and how

19
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:23,600
do we grow in our Christ 
likeness? 

20
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:28,600
It's like we get vulnerable, we 
get honest, we bring in 

21
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:31,360
accountabilities at home. 
I'm really struggling in this 

22
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,840
area. 
But you know that that's, that's

23
00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:35,960
like a hurdle. 
We got to get to that place to 

24
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:39,000
be able to have the honesty of 
those kind of relationships. 

25
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:42,200
And God does do that in this 
family of church. 

26
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,600
But with your marriage partners,
like you don't have the option 

27
00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,720
to decide to get over that 
hurdle. 

28
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:54,120
It's like it just comes gushing 
in because you got to face those

29
00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:57,080
realities. 
You got to face who you are and 

30
00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,960
the things that trigger you and 
the things that make you upset 

31
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:04,320
and why you lose your cool. 
And it's like, oh heck, this 

32
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:06,600
marriage thing is just exposing 
me. 

33
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:10,479
That's the beauty of it. 
It's the beauty of it. 

34
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,640
So let's look at friendship 
first. 

35
00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,880
I love it in in the account of 
creation, when God creates, 

36
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:24,160
every time he does something, he
ends with a benediction and he 

37
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:29,080
says it is good and he made 
this, it is good and he made 

38
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:31,920
this and it is good. 
It is good, it is good, it is 

39
00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:33,200
good. 
Benediction, benediction, 

40
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:37,360
benediction, benediction. 
And then Genesis 218, the Lord 

41
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:44,400
God said it is not good. 
Oops, malediction, first time, 

42
00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:48,000
it's not good. 
What something that God created 

43
00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,520
is not good. 
God himself saying it. 

44
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,720
So what God is saying is I have 
put something in man. 

45
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:02,520
There's a, there's a horizontal 
reality there that only another 

46
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:07,680
of a similar kind can fall. 
And while he is alone, it's not 

47
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,320
good. 
I've got to make this good. 

48
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:14,440
And so he makes a helper 
suitable for him. 

49
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,160
He also says, let us make man in
our image. 

50
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:22,920
So there's a, there's a 
plurality in the Trinity for 

51
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:28,320
these three persons. 
So in our image, it's like 

52
00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,160
there's not just one person on 
their own. 

53
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:34,200
It's like I need to make another
that goes on a horizontal level.

54
00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,960
So yes, I want this vertical 
relationship, but but there's a 

55
00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:42,240
there's a gap that only that 
horizontal relationship can 

56
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:45,440
fall. 
So if we look at friendship, 

57
00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:51,120
different levels of friendship, 
the first level is natural. 

58
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:55,400
So with that, you need a common 
interest. 

59
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:58,160
How do you become friends? 
I like fishing. 

60
00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:03,600
Hey, I love fishing. 
Boom, friendship because we've 

61
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:06,360
got a common interest. 
There's something that we love 

62
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,120
to do together. 
This, this, this is something 

63
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,720
that we appreciate together. 
There's a common interest that 

64
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,880
pulls us together. 
Second level is supernatural. 

65
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,040
When I was chatting with Dave in
the break, he said, and I don't 

66
00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,120
really know. 
You haven't like got to know you

67
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:29,480
over years, but here I know you 
because there's a common fail. 

68
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,680
So first level common interests,
second level common fail. 

69
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,120
We believe in the same Savior 
brings us together. 

70
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,160
So we can have different 
cultures, different backgrounds,

71
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,440
and we can come in an 
environment like this and just 

72
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:47,600
start talking about God in our 
lives, the reality of Jesus. 

73
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,880
And this common faith brings us 
together in a supernatural way. 

74
00:04:51,720 --> 00:04:54,880
You can meet a Christian on the 
other side of the world and 

75
00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:59,720
within 2-3 minutes, oh, common 
faith, supernatural friendship. 

76
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:06,000
We don't need to enjoy fishing. 
We say something completely 

77
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:10,360
different. 
There's a supernatural reality 

78
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,520
to this friendship. 
The third is natural and 

79
00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,400
supernatural. 
That's when we love Jesus and we

80
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:23,360
love fishing. 
So even within this environment,

81
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,200
we got different levels of 
friendship because we all have 

82
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,840
the supernatural friendship. 
But then there are also some 

83
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:35,520
natural friendships because we 
like playing golf or we are. 

84
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:42,480
You see, I hit a button there. 
So common interest and common 

85
00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:46,120
faith means your friendship is 
at a level which is natural and 

86
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:52,840
supernatural. 4th level natural,
supernatural and intimate. 

87
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,760
There's only one person that 
fits that description. 

88
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,400
That's your marriage partner. 
So now you've got common 

89
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,560
interest because, you know, you 
kind of get together and you, 

90
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:07,560
you, you, you establish that you
share a common horizon is like a

91
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:09,960
compatibility. 
We like the same things and it's

92
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,720
great common interest, but we 
saved, we're born again, which 

93
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:17,440
is why it's so important for two
people that come together in a 

94
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:20,240
marriage relationship as warning
and believers. 

95
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,320
And if that's not the case, this
is like an equally yoked vibe 

96
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,080
that's happening and it's just 
not helpful. 

97
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,280
But the supernatural reality of 
our common faith. 

98
00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:33,600
Plus we have a common passion, 
common goal, common dreams. 

99
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:38,120
We we we've had kids together, 
been intimate with one another, 

100
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,080
which they have things at a 
level that no one else does. 

101
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:45,080
So if I get asked the question 
should your spouse be your best 

102
00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:48,320
friend, the answer is absolutely
yes. 

103
00:06:49,840 --> 00:06:53,200
If you're best friends with 
someone else, there is a problem

104
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:57,200
with your marriage and it might 
not be an obvious thing to you 

105
00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:01,080
now, but give it time. 
Your marriage partner should be 

106
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:05,240
your best friend because you've 
got a common interest, a common 

107
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:10,080
faith and a common passion, a 
common intimacy. 

108
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,800
Your level of friendship is at 
the highest level outside of 

109
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,320
your relationship with God. 
This is the highest level of 

110
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:20,920
relationship that you can have. 
It's your best friend. 

111
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:26,640
We are going to do life together
to allow dying the hand. 

112
00:07:31,790 --> 00:07:41,400
The second thing is holiness. 
So on page 25, I love this verse

113
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:48,920
26 and 28 of Ephesians 5 where 
it says husbands love your 

114
00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:50,720
wives. 
There's mutuality in that. 

115
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,840
Obviously wives must love their 
husbands as well, just as Christ

116
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:58,280
loved the church and gave 
himself up for her too. 

117
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:04,080
Is the purpose make her holy, 
cleansing her by the washing 

118
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:08,200
with water through the Word, and
to present it to himself as a 

119
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:12,160
radiant church without stain or 
wrinkle or any other blemish, 

120
00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:18,000
but holy and blameless. 
So Jesus loves us in that way 

121
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,880
with that intention. 
And he's saying husbands and 

122
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:23,760
wives, love your partner in the 
same way. 

123
00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:31,200
Get that as some form of purpose
of why you are married and lay 

124
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:35,480
hold of that because you have an
incredible role to play in your 

125
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:39,280
marriage partner growing in 
their cross likeness growing in 

126
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:45,280
their blamelessness and they 
watched state that God's put you

127
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:49,400
together for that reason. 
Jesus loves the church like 

128
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:51,200
that. 
Husbands love your wives in the 

129
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,840
same way. 
It's with that in mind. 

130
00:08:55,280 --> 00:09:01,080
So holiness is the common 
horizon for all Christians. 

131
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:07,800
We get saved, we've put our 
faith in Jesus, and then for the

132
00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:11,640
rest of our lives, while we walk
on this earth as it currently is

133
00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:16,760
in this temporal state until our
dying day, we are growing in 

134
00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:18,960
holiness. 
That's the common horizon, and 

135
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,440
we all share that. 
Much of the Bible affirms that 

136
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,000
the journey to that horizon 
cannot be accomplished alone. 

137
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,480
That's why God puts us into 
communities where relationships 

138
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,920
serve that purpose. 
There's the iron sharpens iron 

139
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:36,200
text and then in the the next 
paragraph that says what we draw

140
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:39,800
from Ephesians 5 is that the 
most significant player to that 

141
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:44,400
end is your lover, friend, who 
is your marriage partner. 

142
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:53,480
So I've had people ask me and, 
and I've heard it elsewhere, it 

143
00:09:54,520 --> 00:10:01,400
was that I thought the purpose 
of marriage is happiness to 

144
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:05,680
which as I know the purpose of 
marriage is holiness which leads

145
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:08,880
to happiness. 
But happiness is on the far side

146
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,120
of holiness. 
You come in with the notion that

147
00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:14,840
the purpose of this marriage is 
to make me happy and to bring 

148
00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:17,480
happiness. 
You're missing what God has in 

149
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:22,440
mind for our marriages because 
these are beautiful forming that

150
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:27,880
takes place as we journey 
together is marriage partners. 

151
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:32,200
God is shaping and He's molding 
us and He's just making us more 

152
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:36,760
like Him within The beauty of 
this marriage is making us hotly

153
00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,840
and surely with that happiness 
is going to be a reality. 

154
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:44,480
But that's real joy when the 
purpose of marriage is just 

155
00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:46,680
happiness. 
That's fleeting because it just 

156
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:49,400
takes a bad situation or a 
change of circumstance and all 

157
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:53,640
of that is out the window. 
So the purpose of marriage is 

158
00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:54,840
holiness. 
How does it work? 

159
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,560
Page 37 Marriage exposes our 
flaws. 

160
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:04,800
So if you think of a bridge, a 
newly built bridge because it is

161
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:11,120
made by imperfect people and 
even all the professionals, the 

162
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:16,000
engineers, as good as they are, 
they can't make a flawless 

163
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:19,920
bridge. 
There'll always be like little 

164
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:27,920
aspects to it, but it only takes
the 1st truck or car to drive 

165
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:32,760
over the bridge for it to show 
you some cracks on the side, you

166
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,640
know, where it was perfectly 
painted or plastered or whatever

167
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:38,840
it is and everything was perfect
when it was just made. 

168
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:41,800
And then the first bit of weight
that goes across. 

169
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,040
So the intention of the bridge 
is like, let's just keep the 

170
00:11:44,040 --> 00:11:45,680
thing up. 
That's fine so that people can 

171
00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:48,400
get across. 
But those cracks start to form 

172
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:52,320
and and it's because of the load
that's driven over it. 

173
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:56,600
Now, you've got to understand 
that when the car drives over 

174
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,960
the bridge, those floors were 
always there. 

175
00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:05,520
The car didn't cause the flaws. 
The way in which it was made. 

176
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:09,240
It was under the surface. 
The floors were there. 

177
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,840
The car just exposed us. 
It was just through the car 

178
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,160
driving over just the waiters 
like, oh, that's come to the 

179
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,600
surface. 
Now, when we come into our 

180
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:23,680
marriage, we come in as flawed 
individuals and when we 

181
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:27,360
experience the load, excuse me 
for phrasing it like that 

182
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,520
because it sounds like a 
negative, but there's there's 

183
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,880
there's pressure times there's 
like I'm oh heck, there's this 

184
00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:37,840
stuff happening here, but when 
there takes place, it exposes 

185
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,720
the flaws that have always been 
there. 

186
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:45,080
So you manage partner doesn't 
create new flaws in you just 

187
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:46,960
brings those floors to the 
surface. 

188
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:55,960
Tom Keller said this. 
I would never have seen the 

189
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:59,120
depths of my son if I wasn't 
married. 

190
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,840
I would never have been in a 
position to see it. 

191
00:13:08,770 --> 00:13:13,930
Our marriage partner is the 
vessel used by God to fashion us

192
00:13:13,930 --> 00:13:21,490
into His likeness. 
Now, we got to be very clear on 

193
00:13:21,490 --> 00:13:29,250
this because the fashioning us 
into His likeness is his task, 

194
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:34,680
not ours. 
OK, So that if you've heard the 

195
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:38,440
story about the the girl that 
was getting married, she was all

196
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:41,360
nervous and didn't quite know 
what she was doing and what she 

197
00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:44,640
needed to do. 
And someone kind of picked up on

198
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,400
the fact that she was all tense 
before the time said it's you 

199
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:48,120
know what? 
It's fine. 

200
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:50,760
It's just three things that you 
got to remember. 

201
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,760
You're going to walk down the 
aisle, you're going to get to 

202
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:58,560
the front where the Alta is, and
then they'll start with a him. 

203
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:04,720
And as a result, from that point
on, the priest or the past or 

204
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:07,200
whatever, you'll handle the rest
so that you just follow his cue.

205
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,120
So those are just the three 
things you need to remember. 

206
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,720
And she's like, oh, OK, that's 
cool, I can do that. 

207
00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:15,760
I'll alter him. 
And then for the rest of her 

208
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:19,840
life, she never forgot it. 
I'll alter him. 

209
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:24,160
I'll alter him. 
I'm going to change him. 

210
00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:27,920
I will make him into the man 
that I'm hoping he will be. 

211
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:36,800
I'll alter him. 
We are not the ones who does the

212
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:41,920
work. 
Think of it as a hose pipe where

213
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,240
the water comes, the water that 
washes. 

214
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:49,880
It's God doing his work. 
But that water needs a vessel 

215
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:56,880
for it to reach its intention. 
So if if I'm a hose pipe and the

216
00:14:56,880 --> 00:15:01,520
water of God is to wash over 
Antoinette, how do I best be a 

217
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:06,440
husband so that her growing his 
likeness becomes a priority of 

218
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,240
mine? 
How do I lead her as my wife in 

219
00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:13,960
a way where she, she comes into 
a greater fullness of who God is

220
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:18,840
and, and, and those flaws that 
God wants to smooth out and 

221
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:23,400
fashion it and, and, and change 
in her that I'm an instrument in

222
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:27,640
his hands for that purpose. 
It's not me like pointing a 

223
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,520
whole bunch of things out and 
then saying, well, this is what 

224
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,960
you're not going to do and I'm 
going to alter you. 

225
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:36,280
I'm going to allow God to do his
work, but I'm just going to be 

226
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:43,680
the vessel the first exposes it 
and then tenderly loves in a way

227
00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,280
where God can do what he needs 
to do. 

228
00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:54,350
Another quote by Tim Kelly. 
He's one of my favorite guys 

229
00:15:54,350 --> 00:15:59,040
when it comes to marriage, but I
love what he says here. 

230
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:03,240
Romance, 6, laughter, and plain 
fun are the byproducts of this 

231
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,640
process of sanctification and 
refinement. 

232
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:09,440
Those things are important, but 
they can't keep a marriage going

233
00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:11,680
through years and years of 
ordinary life. 

234
00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:14,840
What keeps the marriage going is
your commitment to your spouse's

235
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:18,920
holiness, your commitment to his
or her beauty, your commitment 

236
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:23,360
to his or her greatness and 
perfection, your commitments to 

237
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,760
his or her honesty and passion 
for the things of God. 

238
00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,440
That's your job as a spouse. 
Any lesser goal than that, any 

239
00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,760
smaller purpose, and you're just
playing at being married. 

240
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,400
How beautiful is that? 
How beautiful is that? 

241
00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:48,320
This journey is an incredible 
adventure that carries eternal 

242
00:16:48,720 --> 00:17:02,530
significance. 
You know, I've often thought 

243
00:17:03,250 --> 00:17:11,170
this thought. 
One day Antoinette will stand 

244
00:17:11,890 --> 00:17:22,000
before hurricane. 
She's my wife, but she's his 

245
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:33,640
daughter and when she stands 
before her king face to face, I 

246
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,040
want nothing to prove it. 
But I have a sneaky suspicion 

247
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:40,800
I'm not going to be that far 
away from that moment. 

248
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:44,280
I don't know what it will look 
like. 

249
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:49,240
I don't know how it's going to 
go down and this face to face 

250
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:55,160
reality of Jesus looking at 
Antonette and saying all that 

251
00:17:56,400 --> 00:18:12,050
good and faithful servant, but 
behind that, that I would have 

252
00:18:12,370 --> 00:18:15,930
the privilege of playing a part 
in that. 

253
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:23,170
My commitment to her holiness, 
my commitment to her growing in 

254
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:27,880
Christ likeness. 
See, Jesus says you got to love 

255
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:30,320
your spouse as Christ loved the 
church. 

256
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,560
And as he lists all those 
things, the one says one thing 

257
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:39,760
he says presenting her. 
I almost feel like there's 

258
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:43,040
there's there's going to be 
something of that, like I'm it's

259
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:46,360
going to be a shadow in the 
background because that's all 

260
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,000
God's doing and he's the one 
that's fashioning her. 

261
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:55,320
But if I have a role to play, I 
want to have that phrase 

262
00:18:55,360 --> 00:19:02,080
presenting her in my mind when I
view her as my wife, but more 

263
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,640
than that, as a daughter of the 
Most High God. 

264
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,240
He is shaping her. 
He is growing her. 

265
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:16,000
He is molding her into His 
glorious beauty and perfection. 

266
00:19:18,160 --> 00:19:24,040
And I have a role in that. 
That is an incredible privilege 

267
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:28,400
for me, and she has the same 
role for me. 

268
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:34,120
We get to help one another in 
this, but I've got to realize 

269
00:19:34,120 --> 00:19:36,880
every time we have a 
disagreement, every time there's

270
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,080
something that it's kind of 
like, oh, itchy, scratchy. 

271
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,080
It's like I've got to just hold 
up a mirror. 

272
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,200
Why am I reacting the way I'm 
reacting? 

273
00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,600
Was are these things coming out 
in me? 

274
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,240
Why do I lose my temper when 
that gets said? 

275
00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:02,080
Why do I react the way I do when
she does that thing that she 

276
00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:05,320
does? 
Because she's not actually the 

277
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:09,680
one with the problem. 
I'm the one my my issues, my 

278
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:14,800
flaws are being exposed. 
But that we can then talk about 

279
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,640
those things say. 
But yes, what you said now 

280
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:22,000
really OK, just got me going and
I, I don't know why. 

281
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,360
And help me with this. 
I'm struggling. 

282
00:20:25,360 --> 00:20:28,160
Yeah. 
You see, now we now we're not 

283
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,600
playing at being married. 
Now we're coming into the 

284
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,520
fullness of what God has for us 
because there's a growing 

285
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,280
reality of us becoming more like
him. 

286
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:42,200
And our marriage should be 
facilitating that. 

287
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:46,360
It should be aimed at that. 
Because the purpose of marriage 

288
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:54,640
is not happiness, it's holiness 
that needs to be the thing that 

289
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:59,520
we're aiming for. 
Knowing that when that is what 

290
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:03,320
we're aiming for, happiness just
comes flooding in. 

291
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,200
Any other happiness, it's 
fleeting. 

292
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,680
So we come into this 
relationship with a promise. 

293
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,120
It's established in Covenant, 
and that's the thing that we 

294
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:20,240
keep going back to, the thing 
that we keep reminding ourselves

295
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:22,120
of. 
And we acted out, We 

296
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:26,560
demonstrated to one another in 
action, indecision by loving and

297
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,720
serving the other. 
Realizing that this marriage is 

298
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:34,280
not for my benefit, it's 
actually for her benefit, but 

299
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:36,880
knowing that in this 
relationship, that's her 

300
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,000
commitment as well. 
I don't have to worry about 

301
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,400
myself. 
She's worrying about me. 

302
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,400
And then to have this eternal 
perspective and realize this is 

303
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,160
a temporal reality, this is 
fleeting. 

304
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:52,880
This is like, I mean, there is 
no comparison that can explain 

305
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:56,240
it better, but there is a 
heavenly marriage that is 

306
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:59,680
waiting for us. 
And our marriage has got to find

307
00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:02,920
its place in that. 
We got to get the right 

308
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:04,760
perspective and eternal 
perspective. 

309
00:22:05,360 --> 00:22:08,760
And then knowing that we have 
the privilege of being best 

310
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,040
friends. 
But in this beautiful 

311
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:15,160
friendship, God is doing an 
ongoing work of molding us, 

312
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,040
shaping us, and making us more 
like Him. 

313
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,840
And there's no other 
relationship that will have more

314
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:25,520
to do with that purpose than my 
marriage relationship. 

315
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:31,800
Holiness is the purpose of why 
we are married.