1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,400 Hello and welcome to the Cosmic Nomad. 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:09,040 I'm your host, Bailey Rushlow, and this is a space for the 3 00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:12,920 curious and the heart lead where we explore the human experience 4 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:16,400 through travel, nature, spirituality and real life 5 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,840 transformation through beautiful conversations. 6 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:24,320 As I discover my way of living what I call an inspired life, I 7 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,040 share the practices, stories, and perspectives that have 8 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:32,920 helped guide me back to myself. Hello everyone, and welcome to 9 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:36,440 today's episode. I'm so glad you're here and I'm 10 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:42,040 so happy to announce that this is my first recorded episode in 11 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:47,760 my new Cassita, my new home. I'm so happy to be here. 12 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:52,880 It is exactly what I wanted, exactly what I was hoping for. 13 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,520 It is full of natural light and plants. 14 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:03,440 It's full of big beautiful windows, a perfect space for 15 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:09,360 recording, and it's in a part of town that I love so I don't know 16 00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:12,680 what more I could ask for. 0 and AU shaped kitchen. 17 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:18,400 That was very specific to me and it happened in my last house. 18 00:01:18,440 --> 00:01:23,200 I was very specific about something totally random, but I 19 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,200 wanted, I don't know what they're called actually, but the 20 00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:30,240 windows, Oh, skylights. I wanted skylights in my house, 21 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,120 like with the windows on the roof, that light could come in 22 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:36,200 and it had that and it was amazing. 23 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:40,600 But now I really wanted to have something a little bit more of 24 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,200 an open space. That one was pretty close and 25 00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:48,920 cozy and woomy, but this one is a lot more open and expansive, 26 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:53,640 which feels very aligned with the season that I'm in. 27 00:01:54,400 --> 00:02:02,680 And part of that is because my Saturn return has ended, and 28 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:06,840 everyone collectively lets out a large sigh in gratitude that I 29 00:02:06,840 --> 00:02:11,520 made it through. Through the wilderness, you 30 00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:16,160 know? And now, not that I consider 31 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:20,760 myself an expert by any means on the subject of the Saturn 32 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:24,640 return, but I think I do bring an interesting perspective to 33 00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:28,800 the table having just kind of wrapped mine up and I'm in the 34 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:35,880 integration phase of the intensity that was the last two 35 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,480 years. So I want to jump into what is 36 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:42,520 the Saturn return? How does it apply to literally 37 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:47,600 every person? You do not have to be a 29 year 38 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:53,360 old woman to relate to this, but we're going to talk about yeah, 39 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:56,120 Saturn and who is it? What is it? 40 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:57,760 Why does it happen? How do we feel it? 41 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,560 Why do we feel it? What do we expect? 42 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:05,920 And then how do we transform the lessons that we've learned into 43 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:11,520 deeper freedom and alignment? So welcome to today. 44 00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:16,240 Let's take a deep breath together before we jump in and 45 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,880 find somewhere cozy that you can listen to this podcast. 46 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:23,400 I was about to record and I looked at my desk and I thought, 47 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,440 this looks so uninspiring right now because I'm still kind of 48 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,720 unpacking. So I got a wine glass from the 49 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:32,160 kitchen and I poured myself some coconut water. 50 00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:36,000 I have candles lit, I have crocheted coasters. 51 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:40,080 I've got a little weed present. I've got this inhaler that I got 52 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,240 from Thailand. Basically it's like eucalyptus 53 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:46,920 and mint and you just breathe it in deeply and it smells so good. 54 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:50,840 I've got a plant draped around. I've got my notes in front of 55 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,080 me. So it's looking a little better 56 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,000 now. It's feeling more fun and 57 00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:00,080 creative for us to have this conversation today, so do what 58 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,520 you need to do to make your space cozy. 59 00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,800 If you've listened to episode 3, it is all about romanticizing 60 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:10,440 your life and why those little things matter and they're not 61 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:14,160 actually a waste of time, but they make a huge difference in 62 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,160 our world. So all right, deep breath with 63 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:21,120 me. Exhale out on a sound like a 64 00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,120 sigh. OK. 65 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,760 Let's do it again. We can do better. 66 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:45,880 Ready. Just drop your shoulders, loosen 67 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:51,800 your jaw, relax your hands, shake them out. 68 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:59,280 Put your feet on the ground. Just observe what is around you. 69 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,480 What do you smell? What do you sense? 70 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,200 What do you hear in the background? 71 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:12,480 The atmosphere of your home just brings us a little deeper into 72 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:15,640 the present moment when we recognize our senses and when we 73 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:22,200 sigh on the exhale like that, it's actually a way of 74 00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,880 regulating our nervous system and activating our vagus nerve 75 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:30,560 and allowing ourselves to come into a deeper state of presence. 76 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:35,840 OK, so now that we are here, let's jump into the Saturn 77 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:42,560 return. Saturn is the Crone medicine 78 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:51,120 woman of our solar system. Her energy is like a shamanic 79 00:05:51,600 --> 00:06:01,720 initiator into deeper growth. I experience her as someone that 80 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:10,680 realigns you to your truth, dismantles your ego and points 81 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,000 you back to yourself and your true soul. 82 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:20,000 And she has so much work, I think, to align us and realign 83 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:25,480 us to our true north. Because we don't live in, you 84 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:29,400 know, aligned places in community and relationships, 85 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,520 typically some of us have elements of that. 86 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:38,520 But as a society, we are so far removed from being in right 87 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:41,600 relationship with the earth around us, people around us, 88 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:47,320 community around us, usually that, you know, you typically we 89 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:52,200 would have elders in our society that we learn from that we spend 90 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,520 time with and maybe you do in your life. 91 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,400 And if you do, that is incredible. 92 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:58,000 I hope that you're learning from them. 93 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,400 I hope you're asking deeper questions. 94 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:05,920 But for a lot of us, we don't have either family members that 95 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:09,200 live close that are older than us, grandparents, that kind of 96 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:13,600 thing, or elders in our community that are taking us 97 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:17,160 under their wing and teaching us lessons and sharing their 98 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:21,440 wisdom. And so Saturn has a lot of work 99 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:30,440 to do in our lives, and she takes 28 years to make a full 100 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:37,360 orbit into the place that she was in when you were born. 101 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:41,320 Does that make sense? So when you were born, Saturn 102 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:45,600 was in a specific place in the sky, and it takes 29 years for 103 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:47,320 her to get back to that same place. 104 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,760 And that's what we consider the quote Saturn return. 105 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:57,120 And because she comes around every 2829 years, typically she 106 00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:02,040 would come around 1-2 or even three times in your lifetime. 107 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:04,880 So you don't even just go through 1 Saturn return. 108 00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:12,920 You actually go through three when you are 2829, when you are 109 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:22,840 5859 and when you are 88 and 89. So it's, it's every 30 years. 110 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:26,200 So when you are 2020720829, right. 111 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,440 These ages that I've just just come through. 112 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:32,240 If you're, if you are younger than that, please take some 113 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:36,440 notes in this episode and prepare yourself for an 114 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:40,240 incredible experience because it, it truly is, it's a life 115 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:46,120 changing time in your life. And if you want to to validate 116 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:50,840 that, I encourage you to go ask some people who are older than 117 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:55,720 you, 20-30 years older, and ask how it was for them during the 118 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:58,760 years. With that they turned 27/28/20, 119 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:03,120 9:30. What did those years hold? 120 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:09,240 And typically you will hear really profound answers like oh, 121 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,640 that was the time that I got married or that I got divorced, 122 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:18,280 that I had a miscarriage, That I will got out of my abusive 123 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,600 relationship, that I started my dream job, that I lost all of my 124 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:27,240 money, that I maybe lost family members, that I was in a car 125 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,200 accident, that I was fill in the blank. 126 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,840 I'm not saying all these things are are good or bad or or 127 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,040 anything else. They're just life experiences, 128 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:39,160 right? But they are all transformative 129 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:44,600 and ones that will shape the next 30 years of your life until 130 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,960 your next Saturn return. So if you are younger than this 131 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:52,360 age, please again take notes. If you are older than this age, 132 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:54,840 take notes for your next one because it's coming. 133 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,600 And I don't mean that with any kind of fear or panic. 134 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,760 I mean, oh, it's coming. It's it's exciting, you know, 135 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:08,520 and I'm speaking from experience because mine was a profound 136 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:14,840 initiation into deeper truth and responsibility and self 137 00:10:14,840 --> 00:10:20,080 liberation. And Saturn doesn't come around 138 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:26,160 to destroy US, it it comes around to restructure. 139 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:31,240 So a lot of times if we have been ignoring what is 140 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:36,360 unsustainable in our life, whether that is relationships, 141 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:44,480 boundaries, habits, avoidance, Saturn will shine through right 142 00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:47,800 there. She just shines a light right on 143 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:52,440 it. And so when you are able to lean 144 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:57,480 in earlier rather than later into that work that we all have 145 00:10:57,480 --> 00:11:02,640 to do on ourselves and learn and to choose the responsibility and 146 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:07,800 self honesty, I think Saturn doesn't maybe have to hit quite 147 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:11,240 as hard. It's still going to be intense, 148 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:17,200 but I think it is less intense than if you have been avoiding 149 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:22,960 the work and not being honest with yourself and staying in 150 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:28,160 unsustainable relationships and situations and environments that 151 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:31,400 are not good for you and you know that they're not good for 152 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,960 you. Saturn's going to come around 153 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,960 and be like, baby, let me help you restructure. 154 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,440 It might be a little bit painful, but we're going to 155 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:46,240 remodel this whole energy. And again, I don't think that 156 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:49,160 Saturn is out to punish us. The idea of the Saturn return 157 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:53,680 gets a lot of really bad press because a lot of people said, 158 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,080 yeah, my whole life changed during my Saturn return. 159 00:11:56,080 --> 00:12:00,200 And, and we associate change with being something bad, but 160 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:03,680 it's not bad. It is just a mirror. 161 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:08,080 And when we are already looking at our, at the parts of 162 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:13,400 ourselves that we have been avoiding potentially, you know, 163 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,640 Saturn doesn't have to bring the whole thing down. 164 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,920 But again, if you've been running from it, you have to 165 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:27,160 make a choice, you know, And I think for me, like I had already 166 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:31,480 been doing a lot of inner work before my Saturn return hit. 167 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:36,600 And I think that made it more of an, like an, an awakening, an 168 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:42,160 intense level of awakening to myself and to the world rather 169 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:49,200 than a collapse of everything. And so I have a series of 170 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:52,760 stories to tell you from my Saturn return as we, we're just 171 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:59,320 going to dive right into that. And I, I, I heard this idea once 172 00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:03,560 of Saturn being like the teacher who grades you on the 173 00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:08,480 participation of you showing up, you know, doing your homework, 174 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:12,920 asking the questions, and it's still going to test you, but 175 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:17,280 it's also going to respect your effort, you know, and if you are 176 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,800 skipping class, it will catch up with you. 177 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:27,120 So just do yourself, your future self a huge favour and stop 178 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:33,440 running from things that are that are you're aware of and 179 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,280 your subconscious that need to change. 180 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,800 Start changing them. Take one thing today and just 181 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:44,520 start it, you know, and and be like Bailey said, Bailey said 182 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:46,960 that I'm graded on my participation in this life. 183 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,880 So I need to be a part of it and not out of fear out of because 184 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:56,040 you get to and because I know that we don't like change very 185 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:59,840 much. Well, most of us don't, but we 186 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:02,920 really have to come to terms with remembering that it is the 187 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,520 only consistent thing in this life. 188 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:13,760 So not leaning into that is causing resistance in your life, 189 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:18,280 in your body. Lean in, baby, lean in. 190 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:28,000 And now let's jump into it. OK, this is a great place to 191 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,200 pause and go get a snack if you want. 192 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:36,680 If not, we will continue. So my sudden return began in the 193 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:42,280 spring of 2023. You can find out when yours 194 00:14:42,280 --> 00:14:46,040 begins by putting in your birth chart information online and 195 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,240 find figuring it out. You can do it with ChatGPT. 196 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,520 You can do it just with different astrological websites 197 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,040 and it will tell you kind of what to look out for. 198 00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:59,440 There's also highly recommend booking an actual session with 199 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,560 someone. The guest that I had on a few 200 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:05,920 weeks ago, my best friend Fatima, she is an astrologer and 201 00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,360 actually does really beautiful readings for people. 202 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:13,200 If you are looking for a bit of support, another good friend of 203 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:17,560 mine is KJ Atlas. She has incredible, incredible 204 00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:22,280 astrological tools and just a, just a beautiful way of 205 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:24,680 teaching. She actually did a session with 206 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:30,960 me before my Sodom return. So spring 2023, Philip and I 207 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,320 left Mexico. We went to Germany. 208 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:40,480 We picked up a camper van from Philip's parents and we hit the 209 00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:45,280 open Rd. We literally we just van lifed 210 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:50,040 through Europe for three months. We went from Germany all the way 211 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:55,840 through Switzerland, France, Spain, Portugal and all the way 212 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,160 back up. The first route we did the 213 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:02,720 southern way and on the way up we did up through the north of 214 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:08,760 Spain and over back to Germany and it was a life changing 215 00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:12,880 experience because I felt like for the first time I had a new 216 00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:17,680 set of wings. It woke me up to how possible 217 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:22,280 freedom could be for me and what it could feel like being able to 218 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:27,520 wake up, walk into the kitchen space, prepare a cup of tea, 219 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:33,640 step outside my door and be on the grass on some beautiful land 220 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:39,120 underneath a castle on top of a hill in the South of Spain. 221 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:46,520 Right, like this all of a sudden was my reality and the emotional 222 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:51,480 and spiritual freedom that I felt in those months opened my 223 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:55,800 eyes to a new way of travel, a new way of being, a new 224 00:16:55,800 --> 00:17:00,080 lifestyle that to this day is one of my favorite ways to 225 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,600 travel and actually how I spent a good part of my summer. 226 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:06,839 If you've listened to that episode, it is available with 227 00:17:06,839 --> 00:17:11,640 all the travel stories. We also made several important 228 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:16,640 pilgrimages in the South of France, following in the 229 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:22,040 footsteps of the Rose lineage and Mary Magdalene, which was 230 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:26,520 the start of a spiritual initiation, remembering ancient 231 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:31,800 paths, reclaiming feminine wisdom and going together. 232 00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:35,000 Philip and I both are in our Saturn Return at the same time. 233 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:39,040 At this point we were feeling into where we were being called 234 00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:47,480 next collectively together. And yeah, getting to travel the 235 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:52,160 The Way of the Rose with him through France was a life 236 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:56,240 changing. We also went to spend a few 237 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:58,760 months in house sitting in England and house. 238 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,880 This is the first time that we've been house sitting and pet 239 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,920 sitting all summer and traveling without paying for 240 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,920 accommodation. That changed my life. 241 00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,560 It's something I still do to this day. 242 00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:13,200 We also went to Stonehenge for sunrise on the summer solstice. 243 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:19,280 The theme of a lot of this trip is not only freedom, but 244 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:23,280 expansion, communication, honesty. 245 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:28,040 We had some incredibly deep and powerful conversations during 246 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,720 this period about our relationship, about what we 247 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,920 wanted, about how we wanted to experience life together. 248 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:40,520 And those set us up for having been together now for five 249 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:44,280 years. And they were very pivotal and 250 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,600 important moments in our relationship that I look back on 251 00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:52,720 fondly and with a lot of compassion and and love in my 252 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:56,640 heart for the versions of us laying awake late at night in 253 00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,120 the van and having long talks about things. 254 00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:06,280 And that led us into going to Barcelona and actually having 255 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:10,120 our van broken into while we were in the city and coming back 256 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:14,600 to everything being ransacked and gone through and our clothes 257 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:17,600 everywhere and our, our, it was awful. 258 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,800 It was awful. And it would felt so violating. 259 00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,000 We just both were completely shook. 260 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,040 Our nervous systems were destroyed from that for a period 261 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:32,160 of time for sure. And we really had to come back 262 00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:37,600 to each other and remember that we weren't alone in this 263 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:43,480 experience and pulled together. And luckily nothing really, 264 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:45,920 really valuable like our passports or anything were taken 265 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:50,160 because intuitively we knew to bring our stuff into the city 266 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,480 with us and just watch each other constantly. 267 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,400 And if we hadn't done that and left our things in the van, they 268 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:57,640 definitely would have been stolen. 269 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:01,840 So this is a classic Saturn return moment. 270 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:09,760 This is a test of attachment to things, to identity, to just 271 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,640 you're you're the the things that you feel are safe. 272 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:17,160 You know, you lock your door at night and you think we're going 273 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:19,480 to be safe, but it's just a door, right? 274 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:23,200 Like and and it really, I don't know, it shows you the. 275 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:28,920 How volatile everything really is in life, like safety and 276 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,280 security is sometimes just an illusion. 277 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:37,760 And that really was a huge test for me of loss and and 278 00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:40,680 resilience and nervous system regulation. 279 00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,200 Nervous. The nervous system has been a 280 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:46,400 huge theme through my Saturn return, and that was a huge test 281 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:48,680 of it right there. It's one reason why I love 282 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:52,920 talking about the nervous system now, because literally my Saturn 283 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:59,680 return put such a deep emphasis on how important my nervous 284 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:06,880 system is in my life. And through these stories that I 285 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:11,640 just told, like Saturn is showing me that freedom isn't 286 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:15,480 about escaping something or running away from something. 287 00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:21,040 It's about presents and that it can look and feel different than 288 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:26,360 I ever imagined. So moving into Part 2, which is 289 00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:33,120 the autumn and winter of 2023, I actually returned home for the 290 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:37,000 first time in several years back to Nashville. 291 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:42,240 And the lessons there are so, like, ancestral and familial, 292 00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:46,280 you know, emotions and feelings resurfacing. 293 00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:52,920 A place, a location, a home, a space that you were born in that 294 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:56,280 held you for many years of your life. 295 00:21:56,360 --> 00:22:00,640 And now it doesn't really feel like home in the same way 296 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:04,760 anymore. And that's a very weird thing to 297 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:08,080 experience if you've ever experienced that, you know? 298 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,800 And going back was interesting because I was staying with my 299 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,120 dad, who lived in a totally new house. 300 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:21,120 Like the place that I had been to before was packed up. 301 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:26,200 All my stuff was out of sight. All my things were tucked away 302 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:31,920 in storage rooms. And when I had left previously, 303 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,440 I had left a room fully furnished in my dad's house with 304 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:37,880 all my stuff. And when they moved, they needed 305 00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:41,800 to, you know, pack it up and change location, which is great. 306 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:45,520 I'm so glad that they did. The experience is so weird going 307 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:50,000 back into a house that it's not really yours, but your family 308 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,240 lives there. It's it's really weird. 309 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,680 A few months after that, I was helping my mom through surgery 310 00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:03,960 that went unexpectedly bad, and she needed a lot of care. 311 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:08,720 And there was a lot of lessons in, you know, compassion and 312 00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,040 emotional regulation for both of us. 313 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:15,320 And my mom was actually going through her Sodom return at the 314 00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:19,520 same time that I was going through mine because we are 30 315 00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:22,320 years apart. So that's very interesting. 316 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:28,600 So this whole period was about the responsibility aspect of, of 317 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,120 Saturn, less about the freedom and the travel and the expansion 318 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:37,320 and more about can you hold space, being an adult in hard 319 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:43,920 moments and a lot of internal growth, a lot of emotional 320 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:49,560 exhaustion and really just feeling like, OK, can I stay 321 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:53,520 open even when it's not beautiful and even when I'm 322 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,880 tired? Like, can I hold the same 323 00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:02,440 reference for this? The, the, the mundane and the 324 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,120 stuff that's kind of uncomfortable and not as pretty 325 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:09,400 as much as I can for the mystical and the experiences 326 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:14,680 that I crave. And that leads us to Part 3, 327 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:21,200 early 2024. So 2024 began with A2 week trip 328 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,400 to LA where I went to visit my best friend Fatima who was a 329 00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,480 guest on the podcast 2-3 episodes ago. 330 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:32,000 And this, this trip was just a reconnection for us, full of 331 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:37,760 joy, full circle moment. I actually met three friends of 332 00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:42,640 mine who've been long term online friends for many years 333 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,480 and we actually met in person during this trip, which was very 334 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:48,360 profound. And I hadn't been there since 335 00:24:48,360 --> 00:24:52,240 2020 to LA. So being there kind of a full 336 00:24:52,240 --> 00:24:56,560 circle moment of being there, this version of myself, looking 337 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,880 back to the 2020 version of myself that was there before and 338 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:05,120 just making a lot of a lot of connection to that version of 339 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:06,920 this version. And just all the versions, you 340 00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:12,200 know, and the community felt like it was really medicine for 341 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:18,040 me in this moment. My queer friend group that I 342 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:23,200 started here two years ago. So in 2023, and we actually 343 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:26,080 still meet up, we're still friends and they're some of my 344 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:27,840 closest friends here in the area. 345 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:32,280 And that started then I also got to sing at my first wedding, 346 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,960 which happened to be a queer wedding as well, which was so 347 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:41,480 special. The next Deep dive Part 4 is the 348 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,760 freedom again, freedom and expansion of learning how to 349 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:48,720 travel, this time with only a backpack. 350 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:53,640 My first ever backpack only trip, and we went for six months 351 00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,800 to Southeast Asia. We spent a few months in 352 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,720 Thailand, a few months in Indonesia, time in the Maldives, 353 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:04,000 time in the Philippines. And right as this wonderful 354 00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:10,840 season was coming to a close, I was arrested in Bali and spent a 355 00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,320 week in jail. And this was probably the 356 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:21,160 deepest confrontation that I had with Saturn's return, which was 357 00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:24,480 the it's the shadow, It's the the rules, the boundary, the 358 00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:29,440 authority, the control. This was my like underworld 359 00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:36,360 initiation through Saturn as the great archetype of the teacher 360 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:43,000 through consequence, and that came alive for me here. 361 00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,280 And that was something that I've been integrating for the last 362 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,000 year. I just had my one year jail 363 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,440 adversary. It was it was profound. 364 00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,400 It was very interesting to think, wow, one one year ago, it 365 00:26:56,480 --> 00:27:01,920 was emotional and and beautiful. I also dyed my hair back to 366 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,840 brunette during this time because I've been blonde through 367 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:09,120 my whole Saturn return. Dyed my hair blonde in 2022, so 368 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:14,120 end of 2024. I am now returning back to my 369 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:18,200 brunette roots, which just symbolizes such a inner 370 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:24,160 reclamation of my journey. And the reflection here for me 371 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:31,040 was that Saturn stripped away everything that wasn't truth. 372 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:36,200 Like even my identity was rebuilt from the inside out, 373 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:39,920 even with my passport being taken, my phone being taken, 374 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,600 being under constant surveillance, having to pay back 375 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:48,760 a $30,000 fine, which I'm chipping away at as we go. 376 00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:55,040 And it shook me and it shook my nervous system. 377 00:27:55,360 --> 00:27:57,720 And there's a whole episode about this story if you want to 378 00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:03,280 listen to it. It is episode 7 and I'm grateful 379 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:06,720 for the experience, but God damn, she was intense, you know, 380 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:14,320 and then, you know, part 5 of this is late 2024 into 2025, The 381 00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:20,880 integration and this is the wisdom in the embodiment. 382 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:24,120 Am I going to embody this new freedom? 383 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:31,400 Am I going to do things the way that I used to that kind of 384 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:36,280 worked, or am I going to step into my power and into my voice? 385 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:43,960 Worked on several courses that were training me into to be a 386 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:49,880 facilitator of womb wisdom and teaching women and assisting 387 00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:53,680 women through the process of understanding their womb and 388 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:58,920 their cyclical nature better. And I had two incredible 389 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:03,360 teachers during my Saturn return in those courses and they 390 00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:06,640 changed my life and I'm so grateful for that. 391 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:13,120 So there for me there, there's definitely a gradual descent 392 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:17,680 into the shadow and into yourself and that is good. 393 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:20,200 It's good. It's good for you, I promise. 394 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:24,800 Even though it feels scary and intense, it is awakening 395 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:29,800 something in you that you have to have to go forward in life. 396 00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:33,160 And it doesn't mean that you need to be in fear about it, 397 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:38,640 that you need to be scared of it, but to be aware of it with 398 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:45,960 reverence and to press into it with authenticity, integrity, 399 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:50,840 authority, and realizing that in the surrender to the process, 400 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,880 you are making it so much easier on yourself. 401 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:59,640 It's going to be more challenging when you resist the 402 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:03,200 flow and you resist being pulled under that current a little bit 403 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,200 and you're fighting and you're trying to get to the air and 404 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:08,640 you're trying to and you can't breathe and just stop. 405 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:14,000 Take a deep breath and remember that the current is going to 406 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:18,640 spit you out the other side. It's not to be feared. 407 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:25,240 It is simply to be aware of that you can move into with again 408 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:29,880 presence and authority and come out the other side with an even 409 00:30:29,880 --> 00:30:33,000 greater autonomy and sense of self. 410 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:38,960 And you know when you'd air in your first Saturn return? 411 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:44,360 You're looking back over the last 30 years of life. 412 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:48,920 What have you learned? What what decisions have you 413 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,040 made? What choices got you here? 414 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,840 What relationships did you stay in too long? 415 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,520 What chances could you have taken? 416 00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,840 What chances did you take? What jobs have you had? 417 00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:03,360 How have you spent your time? How have you spent your energy? 418 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:06,520 Are you paying attention to your heart? 419 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:10,440 Are you listening to your body? These, these are these questions 420 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:13,840 that you have, right? These lessons that you are being 421 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:19,680 questioned on by Saturn. Then in your second Saturn 422 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:24,440 return, you're 575859 years old, different for everyone on when 423 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,480 it exactly hits in your chart. So that's why you have to look 424 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:30,440 it up yourself. But you're that age and now 425 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:34,240 you're looking back since your last Saturn return at around 30 426 00:31:34,240 --> 00:31:38,680 and you're thinking, OK, what relationships have I been in? 427 00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:40,880 Do I have kids? Did I choose to? 428 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:42,720 Did I not? Did I get married? 429 00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:52,120 What is my relationship like to grief and time and family and so 430 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,800 much more. But then you skip ahead to 431 00:31:55,960 --> 00:32:02,720 888990. How has life been for the last 432 00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:09,280 30 years since you were 60? You've loved a lot. 433 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:14,240 You may have lost a lot. You're an elder now. 434 00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:20,720 What have you learned to share with others? 435 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:27,680 What is the medicine that you have gleaned and gained from 436 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:32,840 your life story? And I hope that you have people 437 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:37,560 at this age to share your medicine with. 438 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,760 So Saturn comes around three times in life. 439 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:46,280 How will you interact with this energy? 440 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:50,200 Because it's going to happen kind of whether you expect it or 441 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,760 even whether you believe in it. You might even be hearing this 442 00:32:52,760 --> 00:32:55,480 be like Bailey, I don't buy astrology. 443 00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:56,760 I don't believe in any of this stuff. 444 00:32:57,080 --> 00:33:00,240 That's totally fine. I do just encourage you though 445 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:03,520 to go and ask the people in your life, like I said in the 446 00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:06,400 beginning, who are older than you, who have already been 447 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:10,240 through one if not 2 Saturn returns or even 3. 448 00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:15,120 To think back to those 30 year chapters and say what was 449 00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:19,640 shifting for you here? Because the people that I've 450 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:24,560 done that for all seem to go through massive transitions and 451 00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:27,640 changes and awakenings to themselves. 452 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:31,400 A deeper remembrance, maybe a little, some trials and some 453 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:33,520 testing, some stuff they've got to go through. 454 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:38,320 But like, it's, it's really beautiful at the end. 455 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,800 And, and even it through the whole thing, you know, it's not 456 00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:45,200 like it's just a couple years of intense terribleness. 457 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:50,400 It's interwoven with beauty, so much beauty. 458 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:54,000 Like I am coming out of this experience more grateful for my 459 00:33:54,000 --> 00:34:01,040 life than ever before, more focused on my health and what 460 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,600 that looks like to have a spiritual hygiene, emotional 461 00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,440 hygiene, environmental hygiene. What does it look like for me to 462 00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:15,960 feel like I'm at home somewhere? I have become way more flexible 463 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,520 through this journey emotionally. 464 00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:26,639 And I don't know, I think, I think Saturn invites you to take 465 00:34:26,639 --> 00:34:33,199 yourself seriously and choose what's real and to honor the 466 00:34:33,199 --> 00:34:36,880 work that it takes to become who you're meant to be. 467 00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:46,719 And the more that you face what is asking to be healed in you, I 468 00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:50,639 think the lessons will land a lot more gentle. 469 00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:57,920 So if every soul has to meet Saturn at the crossroads three 470 00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:06,680 times in a lifetime, then the question to ask is what do you 471 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:13,760 want to build that will last through this journey? 472 00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:18,640 I experienced freedom and loss and love and surrender. 473 00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:23,120 And now I'm on the other side and I see that this wasn't just 474 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:26,640 a big storm, you know, it really was. 475 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:34,000 It laid a clean foundation for me to start building the rest of 476 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:36,320 my life. And of course, I had already 477 00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:42,200 been prepping for that for all of my 20s, but this gave me like 478 00:35:42,240 --> 00:35:45,800 a whole new lease on life. And in a way. 479 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,360 And yeah, I'm I'm really grateful for it. 480 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:55,440 If you love the conversations that we are having in these 481 00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:59,480 episodes and you want to go deeper, I would love to invite 482 00:35:59,480 --> 00:36:04,280 you into the Cosmic Nomad Collective, which is my private 483 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:08,960 Patreon space where I share monthly guided meditations 484 00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:14,440 created and spoken by me, gratitude list practices and 485 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:17,800 behind the scenes pieces of my life and creative journey. 486 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,200 And it's a great way to stay connected between episodes and 487 00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:26,040 as well to support the art and energy that goes into creating 488 00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:28,680 this podcast. Thank you so much for taking the 489 00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:32,200 time to be here with me today, for listening, for sharing this 490 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,360 space. And if today's episode spoke to 491 00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:38,800 something in you, please feel free to share it with a friend 492 00:36:38,800 --> 00:36:42,720 who you think would also resonate and or leave a review. 493 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:46,240 It helps more than you know. I'll be back next Tuesday with 494 00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:49,880 another episode. And until then, open heart, open 495 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:51,600 mind. Stay curious.