Hello and welcome to the Cosmic Nomad.
I'm your host, Bailey Rushlow, and this is a space for the
curious and the heart lead where we explore the human experience
through travel, nature, spirituality and real life
transformation through beautiful conversations.
As I discover my way of living what I call an inspired life, I
share the practices, stories and perspectives that have helped
guide me back to myself. In today's episode, we are
exploring what it means to move from renting your life to owning
it. It's not about hustle or
perfection. It's about presence.
And this is for anyone who has played small, who has been
waiting for permission. And I'm super stoked about this
because this concept of renting your life versus owning it, I
just rediscovered in a journal entry from 2020.
I've been going back through my journals because I've journaled
my whole life and it's like they are time capsules and little
portals that I can visit those versions of myself through.
It's really cool, especially because I don't only write words
in my journals, I also post, paste, tape, whatever things
into the pages. So I have leaves and flowers and
random bookmarks and stickers and notes from strangers and
places I've been and photos of random stuff.
Polaroids. I mean, it's like it is a full
treasure trove of my life. And I have just recently been
uploading them to a document that I can have them all saved
in a digital format because right now they're all
handwritten, which I love. And a digital version will never
compete with the written version.
But if anything ever happened to the written version, I'd be so
sad that I didn't have a copy. So I've been taking the last six
months or so and going through slowly and I just came to my
2020 journal. I read through 2017, 1819.
Now I'm in 20 and Oh my God, what a year.
I've been going through all of the things that woke me up to my
life. Some of them were books, some of
them were were poetry, some of them were people, conversations,
relationships, friends, heartbreak.
There's so many things that brought me to a deeper level
within myself in 2020. And I think I am not alone in
that because this era of the pandemic brought us closer to
ourselves because we weren't so busy, we weren't so focused on
rushing around. We actually couldn't rush
around. And we saw the effects of that,
both good and bad. And I think this this brought me
to an interesting place in my life because I was in therapy
and I remember my my sweet therapist, Beth, she was like
Bailey tell me the difference between renting a place and
owning a place. I was like, I've done neither 1
so I have no idea. I've only lived with family
until that point and she was like, OK, so when you rent a
place, typically, typically you don't really paint the walls,
You don't hang things, you don't put holes in the walls.
You just live there temporarily. And then you take all your stuff
out and you move somewhere else. And I was like, OK, interesting.
She was. When you own a place, you live
there fully. You paint the walls, you put
holes in the walls, and you hang all of your art and all of your
favorite stuff. You build the bookshelf, you
fill it with your favorite books.
You color coordinate them, right?
It's like so many things that you do.
When you own a place, you really invest in it.
I will say that I have only ever rented places and I have always
made them my own, so there's nothing against that.
However, for the metaphor, for the sake of the metaphor, she
has a point. And it's interesting because so
many of us treat our lives like a rental.
We don't get too attached. We don't fully invest versus if
we treated life like something that we owned, like a home that
we were, you know, fully embodying, we would invest in
it. We would personalize it.
We would take pride in it. So what would change if you
treated your life like something that you own?
This really got me thinking this week and I'm glad we're having a
conversation about it because there are definite signs that
you might be renting your life. Now, these could be different
for you, and maybe you don't resonate with all of them, but
maybe you resonate with a few because these are the ones that
I really connected with. Waiting for permission to take
up space. I mean, I think all of us could
raise our hands with that one because we've been conditioned
by a society to play small, to stay in our lane, to be in our
box. And when we get out of that, we
piss people off. We're going to talk about that
in a little bit. But OK, back to the science.
Keeping things neutral or safe or inoffensive.
It's like a beige wall in a rental.
It's just, it's rented. You know what I mean?
When you put your joy off until it feels allowed or justified.
When we're not investing in long term dreams because they might
not work out or on the flip side, we are living for someday,
ah, someday I'll make that happen, right?
That's not investing in our lives as a living, breathing
Organism of embodiment. And you, you know, you might
think like, OK, what's the big deal if I just want to coast
through like, what's wrong with that?
There is nothing wrong with that.
That's your choice, completely your choice.
You have free will, however, you have the opportunity to be here
in this body, on this earth, in this, in this incredible journey
that is so hard and so beautiful all at once.
The dichotomy of that, the opportunity for evolution, the
opportunity for education that you are here now.
I don't know. I just don't believe that that's
a mistake or a coincidence. So if this is true then why not
go all out? You know, because there is a
cost to living a rented life and it looks like being in survival
and not in expression, being disconnected from yourself, a
lack of meaning, feeling like you're just passing through,
like you're living on autopilot, like the script has already been
written and you're just following through the motions.
That cost, that's way too expensive for me.
And it's also important to look at the ancestral and cultural
programming that goes along with this conversation because I
mean, how many of us come from lineages of survival where
renting your life metaphorically was much safer than actually
living it? Many of our ancestors were not
allowed to fully own their life. It wasn't an option for them
because they were stuck in survival mode.
They were stuck in systems of oppression.
They were stuck in systems of racial inequality.
They were stuck in systems of religious bigotry.
They were stuck in systems of gender inequality.
I mean, so they didn't always have not only the privilege, but
the opportunity or the chance to live in a life that they could
own and embody. And we carry so much of that
epigenetically within us. So choosing to live a life that
we own, that we are unapologetic for can feel really unsettling
sometimes. We've talked about epigenetics
previously, so hopefully you have a deeper understanding that
that can be changed. Our DNA can be changed.
It's incredible. So there can actually be a lot
of healing that comes when we can name the emotional
inheritance that we are breaking when we choose ourselves.
So for example, maybe you didn't talk about feelings as a family
or in your lineage. Maybe they just swallowed them
up, right? Maybe there was silence around
things like sexuality. Maybe joy was seen as a luxury
and survival was the goal. Because that's that's the truth
for so many of our ancestors, right?
Also that anger was, was a dangerous thing.
So we did not talk about anger. We did not connect with anger.
Or you, maybe you learned that love had to be earned, that you
had to prove your worth, or that rest was considered laziness.
Or maybe you watched women in your family constantly pour from
an empty cup. These are all pretty generic,
but I think also very specific in the sense that we can all
relate and this, this pattern lives within us.
We we all collectively have to break out of because it's not
just an ancestral thing, it's a collective mindset.
And when you see someone outside of this like matrix of all these
things that I just said that normally keep us feeling pretty
small or pretty contained, whether that's ancestrally or
culturally or collectively, whatever.
You see someone outside of it and they're shining, they are
glowing, they're sharing their life, their expression, their
fullness, their art. And typically that creates this
little jealous monster inside that manifests as either hatred
toward them, disdain toward them.
How dare this person show up in their fullness.
And so often it is a reflection of us wanting to be able to do
the same. Not always, not always.
There are always exceptions to the rule, but typically when
something makes us feel that way, it's it's a mix of of
things. Sometimes for me, it feels a
little bit like jealousy, but it's also like massive
admiration and a little bit of shame because I wish I could do
that too and I'm not. And maybe it comes easier for
them, or maybe I'm just not talented enough or, you know, in
your mind kind of starts to wonder with that.
And then you just end up right back where you were in your
renting situation. And I just want to tell you that
there is so much power in saying I get to own this life now.
I get to paint the walls. You can make them any color you
want to. I support you.
So OK, how do we then shift into ownership?
There's a few questions we can ask ourselves with this.
One is what part of me still thinks that this is temporary
and I just continue going through the motions and choosing
people and relationships and dynamics and environments that
might not be the most beneficial for me or suitable for me or to
make me feel like I'm living an inspired life.
An inspired life. I, I know I explained this.
Maybe the first episode, I don't know.
It means to live a life connected in spirit.
Inspired is in spirit when you break it down.
So to live an inspired life means to live a life connected
to your essence, to your soul. I have this tattoo on my arm
that says meraki, and it's a Greek word that means two
things. One is to live your life with
soul, passion and love. And the second meaning is to
leave a piece of yourself in everything that you do.
This is like a life motto for me, and I can't tell you how
much it has helped me remember that I'm not here to live a
rented life. Several years ago, I was given
the opportunity and the privilege to sit with the
grandmother of plant medicine, Ayahuasca.
I was in the jungle on a full moon on the spring equinox and
it was 2022 the first time that I sat and well, what a what a
powerful experience. Maybe I'll do another episode
just about psychedelic experiences because I've had
some wild ones. But this was one of my
favorites. And I'll just tell a small
portion of it because it relates to the story.
But in my journey, my grandmother appeared to me.
I'm pretty cool that my grandma showed up while sitting with the
grandmother and she offered me the most beautiful, heartfelt
apology that I've ever received, saying I'm sorry that I couldn't
have done things different. I did the best that I could with
what I had, but I implore you to go and to live fully, to say the
things that I didn't get to say, to do the things that I didn't
get to do and to make a splash with your life.
I'll never forget those words. And I felt like that was the the
consent from my lineage being like, dude, you have to go.
You have to do the things you have to see all the places, you
have to love all the people. You have to fully embody this
experience because this is all there is in this moment right
now. This is all there is.
I believe there are so many dimensions and so many, so many
things. I'm not even going to get into
that. But I don't think that this is
all there is. But I think right now this is
all there is. And in this moment, it's all
that matters, you know, And we have 100 years or so on this
planet. I mean, maybe more with, you
know, the way things are going with technology, wouldn't be
surprised if we all could live long lives again, because we
once did on this planet. Sometimes we forget that.
But people actually lived for thousands of years, like
documented, like it's been written down South.
I extend this loving and inspiring message from my
grandmother to you. And I ask you, how can you
personalize your your space, where you live, your
environment, even just one small thing?
What's something that you could do?
How can you start that dream project you've been wanting?
Have you been wanting to write a poetry book?
Maybe you wanted to do a screenplay?
Maybe there's an incredible art project you've always wanted to
start, but you're nervous to do it.
My grandma said go make a splash with your life, so I think you
need to go do that too. We have to stop waiting for a
sign that it's safe to care. It's safe to do the things we
want. Don't be ashamed of them.
They're beautiful. They're desires in your heart
for a reason. They are not accidental.
Maybe you could write a mission statement for your life, even if
it changes later. Write it down.
Who are you? Tell the universe who you are.
Tell the universe what you want to do, what you're going to do,
what you are doing. See what happens.
I have some really great examples prepared for ways that
we continue to rent that we don't need to do anymore.
No longer outsourcing your decisions to friends or parents
or mentors, but trusting yourself to know what to do
next. I'm all for asking for advice,
but there does come a time when outsourcing to everyone else can
actually inhibit your ability to listen to your intuition.
Maybe you want to finally take that course, or start that side
project, or record that music, or apply for that visa.
Right steps that are creating freedom in our lives.
Creating routine that honors your rhythms and not someone
else's. 9 to 5 calendar or productivity rules saying I
don't actually like that and letting that be enough reason
not to keep doing it. You don't have to explain
yourself for 20 minutes. You really don't.
You don't owe it to anyone letting go of the relationship
that only fits when you shrink to make it work.
Let that shit go. That's a rental.
Book that solo trip.
Plant the garden. Move to that random country that
calls to you without needing to explain it to anyone.
Invest in your own comfort and pleasure, not just your
survival. Put your art on the walls and
not just what you think will match the aesthetic.
Put it all up there. Anything that makes you happy.
Refusal to walk on egg shells, even in your own mind.
Which means no more people pleasing or perfectionism or
internal censorship. Oh that's a hard one.
Such a hard 10. Defining success and happiness
for yourself and not how you were taught to measure them.
Wow. Allowing your sexuality to be
real even if no one else sees it or it doesn't look like how they
expect. I want to talk about people
pleasing for a second, especially inside the dynamics
that have been dysfunctional for a long time.
You know the ones. Maybe it's with a friend that
you've known since, you know, high school.
Maybe it's a sibling, a parent, a partner.
Maybe where your roles are so deeply ingrained that your
nervous system just goes on autopilot the second that they
need something and suddenly you're back in that old version
of yourself. You're agreeable.
You're accommodating and self abandoning.
Because deep down there is a story playing out that says if I
don't stay, if I don't fix it, if I don't show up, then
everything will fall apart. And maybe you were the one who
had to hold it all together. You know, Maybe no one else did.
Maybe they still don't. Please hear me when I say that
it's not your job to keep the dysfunction functioning.
Your silence is not saving anyone, your exhaustion is not a
requirement, and your peace is not the collateral.
Because walking on egg shells to maintain the illusion of peace.
It's not really peace, it's just self erasure.
And I get it. I I the thought of stepping
back, stepping away, ending the cycle.
It can feel like betrayal. But what if it's not?
What if it's actually the most honest thing that you could do?
Because every time you choose to center yourself and tend to your
own needs and to stop shape shifting for someone else's
comfort, you are breaking the cycle.
You are rewriting the code. And that is what owning your
life really looks like. Because the idea of quote people
pleasing sounds, I don't know, kind of kind of fun, kind of
flirty, kind of, oh, I'm a people pleaser.
Like, you know, but when we reframe it to actually, this is
self abandonment, it doesn't sound so sexy.
It doesn't sound so aesthetic. It sounds like a rental, right?
You know, statistically speaking, they say that people
who are approaching the transition of death, that they
are often more concerned with the things they didn't do, the
risks they didn't take, than the things they did do.
No matter how they worked out, it's usually the things they
didn't do that stand out the most.
And of course, there are many reasons for these things, and I
don't blame anyone. No shame here, just conscious
awareness that you do have the opportunity to be here now.
To stop playing small, to stop waiting for permission.
Because you're not just passing through like this.
Life is yours. You don't need at least to start
living like you belong here, You belong here, you belong in this
life, you belong to this life. This life belongs to you.
Create a lovership with it that makes you feel inspired.
And one of the greatest perks to that, to living an inspired
life, is that everyone who watches you gets handed a
permission slip to be more themselves, too.
My best friend gave me the most beautiful compliment the other
day that I think I've ever gotten, she said.
Bailey, your life is like a giant permission slip to anyone
watching that makes me want to cry.
It's so beautiful because that is my intention.
I want you to see me living fully, joyfully, messing up
terribly, having wonderful mistakes and happy accidents, in
the words of Bob Ross. And I don't want anyone to be
able to say she didn't really live.
Not that it matters what anyone would say.
That's not why I'm doing anything in my life.
However, I do think about that. I think about my eulogy.
Although I won't be having a traditional funeral, I do think
about that. Like what would what would
people say about me? Not in a what will they think
and will they like me kind of way?
But how will I be remembered? Would I be remembered as the
person that had to earn joy? Would it be remembered as a
person that's suppressed her feelings?
Would I be remembered as a person that was unreliable or
constantly available to everyone and everyone's needs?
Putting my own aside, being seen as so selfless, You know, I
really hope not. I hope that people Remember Me
someday as a colorful person that was vibrant, that was fully
alive with this unquenchable thirst for life, travelling and
nurturing her dreams and passions.
Who always stopped to notice the magic in the mundane.
Who painted the walls of her life so many beautiful colors.
Who had the opportunity to love beautiful women and wonderful
men and always gave people permission to be more
themselves. Because at the end of the day,
people don't remember what you did.
They remember how you made them feel.
And just a quick pause to share something really special.
I am reopening my Patreon this month, which feels like a full
circle moment because Patreon was actually the first platform
I ever used as a creator, back when I was just starting to
share my music and build something on my own.
And now I'm returning to it with a whole new energy.
More intentional, more me. And if you've never heard of it,
Patreon is a membership based space where you can support the
creators that you love and receive exclusive content in
return. So on my Patreon, I'll be
sharing monthly guided meditations, private podcast
style voice notes, and behind the scenes glimpses into my
creative world that I'm not sharing anywhere else.
So there are different tiers depending on what feels right
for you. And it's honestly such a fun way
to stay connected and help support this podcast and my work
as an independent artist. So if that feels like something
you would like to be a part of, please check it out at
patreon.com/bailey and Rush Lowe.
You can also find the link down below.
I really love to see you there. OK, there's a really cool story
that I want to tell you. It involves monkeys.
OK, so it's so random, but I promise it ties in.
There were researchers studying monkeys on the remote island,
and they were, they were noticing this one young monkey
that started washing her sweet potatoes before eating them.
And this had not been seen to be to be done typically by this
species. This was a totally new thing.
OK? A few others started picking it
up. And over time, more and more
monkeys in her community started doing the same thing.
And here's where it gets interesting.
OK, So once a certain number of monkeys, say 100 monkeys, adopts
the habit, something shifts. Monkeys on completely different
islands who had never met or interacted with this original
group also began washing their fruit without any direct
contact. Like no one told them to, You
know, they just, they knew. And this is the ripple of what
we call the field, right? It's the collective
consciousness in action. When enough of us shift a
pattern, we change the whole. So if you're healing and you're
choosing rest instead of hustle, you're saying no instead of
abandoning yourself for others. Maybe you're finally listening
to that truth inside of you. You might not see the ripple
yet, but it's there. And you doing life differently
is not just for you. You are like the monkey with the
sweet potato, and someone that you'll never meet is already
feeling the shift from your conscious choices.
That is incredible. Because not only are you giving
a permission slip to the people watching, you're giving a
permission slip to people who will never get to watch you,
will never see you, who might not even be alive at the same
time as you. You are changing consciousness
permanently, and that's pretty incredible that we have the
opportunity to do that. You know, maybe the life that
you're building doesn't look like the one you came from.
And maybe that's the point. Maybe you're here to break the
patterns that were passed down, not out of malice or disdain,
but survival. And now you get to choose
something new. You get to choose something
different. I just want to walk you through
a little visualization before we move on to the rest of our day.
And just you can do whatever you're doing.
You know, you don't have to sit and close your eyes.
You can. You're welcome to close your
eyes. But if you're driving, you know,
please, please don't. Yeah.
This can just be like a, like a little meditation in your mind.
OK. Take a deep breath in with me
and gently let it go. Notice the parts of your body
that are touching the ground or the chair, the seat, your feet,
whatever it is, you're supported here.
And I want you to just picture a house.
This is the House of your life. It's not a house you rent, it's
a house you own. The house is yours, fully,
wildly, entirely. As you approach it, what does it
look like? The windows, the door, the light
coming through? Do you feel welcome here?
Has anyone been living in this house, or has it been waiting
for you? As you step inside, you look
around and notice what's on the walls.
Are there memories here? Joy.
Sadness. Is it empty?
Maybe like someone never quite moved in?
You walk from room to room, noticing, witnessing.
How much of you is here? Where are you still holding
back? Now imagine you pick up a brush
and you choose a color that you love and you paint one of the
walls. What color is it you're claiming
This space, You are letting it know.
I am not renting this life. I live here, I belong here.
What would you bring into the house?
Think about the flowers and music, art, people that you
love, family, lovers, partners, pets, little animal familiars, a
place to rest. You don't have to fill the whole
house up today. I'm just planting the seeds and
you just have to say yes to actually move in, to actually
take up space. So inhale like I'm with me.
This is your life. You don't need permission to
live like you belong here. Your home, this home is you, and
you can carry that feeling with you as long as you need, as long
as you want, as long as you can. I hope that something in this
conversation reminded you that life is yours.
It's not borrowed. It's not just on loan.
You don't have to earn your place in it.
You can start claiming it, one small act of courage at a time.
So if you're still here, still listening, still feeling that
quiet truth echoing somewhere inside of you, I just want you
to remember this. You don't have to keep
performing for love. You don't have to keep shrinking
to fit a story that was written by somebody else.
You don't have to keep holding the weight of what was never
yours to carry. You are allowed to take your
hands off the wheel of someone else's chaos.
I wish someone had told me that you are allowed to walk away
from dysfunction without offering a presentation slide of
your reasons. You're allowed to be the first
one in your lineage that says this ends with me.
And maybe the world will not applaud when you start choosing
yourself. Maybe the people who benefited
from yourself abandonment will not cheer for you.
But that's OK. You're not doing it to be liked,
you're doing it to be free and freedom.
It starts with a small no, with a pause, with a, with a breath,
with a boundary, with truth spoken, maybe quietly at 1st and
then louder over time. Because this is what it means to
live in a house that you own, to paint the walls, to hang up your
joy, to plant the things that last.
Because you deserve to feel at home in your life.
And you can begin right now. Take another deep breath with me
as we close this out. So if you actually believed that
this life was yours to shape, what would you change?
I'm curious, and I will leave you with that question.
Thank you so much for listening today, for being a part of this
journey. And if today's episode spoke to
something in you, please feel free to share with a friend who
you think would also resonate or leave a review.
It helps more than you know. And if you want to support the
podcast and go deeper into the work that I'm sharing, you can
now join me on Patreon. It's a really beautiful way to
stay connected. So I'll be back next Tuesday
with another episode. And until then, open heart, open
mind. Stay curious.