1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,360 Hello and welcome to the Cosmic Nomad. 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:09,040 I'm your host, Bailey Rushlow, and this is a space for the 3 00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:12,920 curious and the heart lead where we explore the human experience 4 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:16,400 through travel, nature, spirituality and real life 5 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,800 transformation through beautiful conversations. 6 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:24,320 As I discover my way of living what I call an inspired life, I 7 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,400 share the practices, stories and perspectives that have helped 8 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:31,880 guide me back to myself. In today's episode, we are 9 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:36,840 exploring what it means to move from renting your life to owning 10 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:38,840 it. It's not about hustle or 11 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:40,200 perfection. It's about presence. 12 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:44,920 And this is for anyone who has played small, who has been 13 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:49,880 waiting for permission. And I'm super stoked about this 14 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:56,680 because this concept of renting your life versus owning it, I 15 00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:01,520 just rediscovered in a journal entry from 2020. 16 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:05,040 I've been going back through my journals because I've journaled 17 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:10,640 my whole life and it's like they are time capsules and little 18 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:15,040 portals that I can visit those versions of myself through. 19 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:19,920 It's really cool, especially because I don't only write words 20 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:24,200 in my journals, I also post, paste, tape, whatever things 21 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:29,440 into the pages. So I have leaves and flowers and 22 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:34,040 random bookmarks and stickers and notes from strangers and 23 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:37,160 places I've been and photos of random stuff. 24 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,760 Polaroids. I mean, it's like it is a full 25 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:45,840 treasure trove of my life. And I have just recently been 26 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:51,920 uploading them to a document that I can have them all saved 27 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,840 in a digital format because right now they're all 28 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,800 handwritten, which I love. And a digital version will never 29 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:00,320 compete with the written version. 30 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,880 But if anything ever happened to the written version, I'd be so 31 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:07,800 sad that I didn't have a copy. So I've been taking the last six 32 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:13,400 months or so and going through slowly and I just came to my 33 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,800 2020 journal. I read through 2017, 1819. 34 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:20,320 Now I'm in 20 and Oh my God, what a year. 35 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:25,160 I've been going through all of the things that woke me up to my 36 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,880 life. Some of them were books, some of 37 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:32,000 them were were poetry, some of them were people, conversations, 38 00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:36,240 relationships, friends, heartbreak. 39 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:41,000 There's so many things that brought me to a deeper level 40 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,800 within myself in 2020. And I think I am not alone in 41 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:50,440 that because this era of the pandemic brought us closer to 42 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:56,320 ourselves because we weren't so busy, we weren't so focused on 43 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,120 rushing around. We actually couldn't rush 44 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,200 around. And we saw the effects of that, 45 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:07,360 both good and bad. And I think this this brought me 46 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:11,720 to an interesting place in my life because I was in therapy 47 00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:15,720 and I remember my my sweet therapist, Beth, she was like 48 00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:20,600 Bailey tell me the difference between renting a place and 49 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:25,280 owning a place. I was like, I've done neither 1 50 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,360 so I have no idea. I've only lived with family 51 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:32,920 until that point and she was like, OK, so when you rent a 52 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:37,000 place, typically, typically you don't really paint the walls, 53 00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:39,960 You don't hang things, you don't put holes in the walls. 54 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,960 You just live there temporarily. And then you take all your stuff 55 00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:47,240 out and you move somewhere else. And I was like, OK, interesting. 56 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,600 She was. When you own a place, you live 57 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:54,080 there fully. You paint the walls, you put 58 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,120 holes in the walls, and you hang all of your art and all of your 59 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:59,520 favorite stuff. You build the bookshelf, you 60 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,480 fill it with your favorite books. 61 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:03,120 You color coordinate them, right? 62 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:07,000 It's like so many things that you do. 63 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,400 When you own a place, you really invest in it. 64 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:15,400 I will say that I have only ever rented places and I have always 65 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:19,399 made them my own, so there's nothing against that. 66 00:04:19,399 --> 00:04:26,080 However, for the metaphor, for the sake of the metaphor, she 67 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,400 has a point. And it's interesting because so 68 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:32,000 many of us treat our lives like a rental. 69 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:38,120 We don't get too attached. We don't fully invest versus if 70 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:41,560 we treated life like something that we owned, like a home that 71 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:45,200 we were, you know, fully embodying, we would invest in 72 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:46,520 it. We would personalize it. 73 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:50,360 We would take pride in it. So what would change if you 74 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,920 treated your life like something that you own? 75 00:04:55,480 --> 00:05:00,080 This really got me thinking this week and I'm glad we're having a 76 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:05,000 conversation about it because there are definite signs that 77 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:09,360 you might be renting your life. Now, these could be different 78 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:12,040 for you, and maybe you don't resonate with all of them, but 79 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:16,040 maybe you resonate with a few because these are the ones that 80 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:21,720 I really connected with. Waiting for permission to take 81 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,520 up space. I mean, I think all of us could 82 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:27,520 raise our hands with that one because we've been conditioned 83 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:32,440 by a society to play small, to stay in our lane, to be in our 84 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,120 box. And when we get out of that, we 85 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:38,000 piss people off. We're going to talk about that 86 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,720 in a little bit. But OK, back to the science. 87 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:45,880 Keeping things neutral or safe or inoffensive. 88 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,280 It's like a beige wall in a rental. 89 00:05:48,280 --> 00:05:52,360 It's just, it's rented. You know what I mean? 90 00:05:54,480 --> 00:06:02,480 When you put your joy off until it feels allowed or justified. 91 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:08,200 When we're not investing in long term dreams because they might 92 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:13,800 not work out or on the flip side, we are living for someday, 93 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,680 ah, someday I'll make that happen, right? 94 00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:23,800 That's not investing in our lives as a living, breathing 95 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:27,640 Organism of embodiment. And you, you know, you might 96 00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:31,000 think like, OK, what's the big deal if I just want to coast 97 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,520 through like, what's wrong with that? 98 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,040 There is nothing wrong with that. 99 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:37,800 That's your choice, completely your choice. 100 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:43,880 You have free will, however, you have the opportunity to be here 101 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:49,960 in this body, on this earth, in this, in this incredible journey 102 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,200 that is so hard and so beautiful all at once. 103 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,000 The dichotomy of that, the opportunity for evolution, the 104 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,200 opportunity for education that you are here now. 105 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,320 I don't know. I just don't believe that that's 106 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:09,440 a mistake or a coincidence. So if this is true then why not 107 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:15,600 go all out? You know, because there is a 108 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:23,320 cost to living a rented life and it looks like being in survival 109 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:29,440 and not in expression, being disconnected from yourself, a 110 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,880 lack of meaning, feeling like you're just passing through, 111 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,960 like you're living on autopilot, like the script has already been 112 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:39,040 written and you're just following through the motions. 113 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:45,480 That cost, that's way too expensive for me. 114 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,960 And it's also important to look at the ancestral and cultural 115 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:56,280 programming that goes along with this conversation because I 116 00:07:56,280 --> 00:08:02,000 mean, how many of us come from lineages of survival where 117 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:06,680 renting your life metaphorically was much safer than actually 118 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:10,200 living it? Many of our ancestors were not 119 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:14,960 allowed to fully own their life. It wasn't an option for them 120 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:17,200 because they were stuck in survival mode. 121 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,200 They were stuck in systems of oppression. 122 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:23,040 They were stuck in systems of racial inequality. 123 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,320 They were stuck in systems of religious bigotry. 124 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:29,600 They were stuck in systems of gender inequality. 125 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:35,039 I mean, so they didn't always have not only the privilege, but 126 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:40,840 the opportunity or the chance to live in a life that they could 127 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:47,920 own and embody. And we carry so much of that 128 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:52,560 epigenetically within us. So choosing to live a life that 129 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:57,680 we own, that we are unapologetic for can feel really unsettling 130 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,600 sometimes. We've talked about epigenetics 131 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:04,040 previously, so hopefully you have a deeper understanding that 132 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:08,680 that can be changed. Our DNA can be changed. 133 00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:12,680 It's incredible. So there can actually be a lot 134 00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:18,080 of healing that comes when we can name the emotional 135 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:22,840 inheritance that we are breaking when we choose ourselves. 136 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:31,400 So for example, maybe you didn't talk about feelings as a family 137 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:34,360 or in your lineage. Maybe they just swallowed them 138 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:37,680 up, right? Maybe there was silence around 139 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:43,840 things like sexuality. Maybe joy was seen as a luxury 140 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:47,480 and survival was the goal. Because that's that's the truth 141 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,640 for so many of our ancestors, right? 142 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:53,560 Also that anger was, was a dangerous thing. 143 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:58,720 So we did not talk about anger. We did not connect with anger. 144 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,360 Or you, maybe you learned that love had to be earned, that you 145 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:09,800 had to prove your worth, or that rest was considered laziness. 146 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:15,920 Or maybe you watched women in your family constantly pour from 147 00:10:15,920 --> 00:10:20,520 an empty cup. These are all pretty generic, 148 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:24,440 but I think also very specific in the sense that we can all 149 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:29,200 relate and this, this pattern lives within us. 150 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:33,200 We we all collectively have to break out of because it's not 151 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,480 just an ancestral thing, it's a collective mindset. 152 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:43,520 And when you see someone outside of this like matrix of all these 153 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:46,280 things that I just said that normally keep us feeling pretty 154 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,800 small or pretty contained, whether that's ancestrally or 155 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,800 culturally or collectively, whatever. 156 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:57,040 You see someone outside of it and they're shining, they are 157 00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:01,360 glowing, they're sharing their life, their expression, their 158 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:05,920 fullness, their art. And typically that creates this 159 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:14,880 little jealous monster inside that manifests as either hatred 160 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:17,720 toward them, disdain toward them. 161 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,440 How dare this person show up in their fullness. 162 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:28,440 And so often it is a reflection of us wanting to be able to do 163 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:31,560 the same. Not always, not always. 164 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:38,000 There are always exceptions to the rule, but typically when 165 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:42,680 something makes us feel that way, it's it's a mix of of 166 00:11:42,680 --> 00:11:44,560 things. Sometimes for me, it feels a 167 00:11:44,560 --> 00:11:48,720 little bit like jealousy, but it's also like massive 168 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:53,120 admiration and a little bit of shame because I wish I could do 169 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:58,520 that too and I'm not. And maybe it comes easier for 170 00:11:58,520 --> 00:12:03,000 them, or maybe I'm just not talented enough or, you know, in 171 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,760 your mind kind of starts to wonder with that. 172 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,040 And then you just end up right back where you were in your 173 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:12,240 renting situation. And I just want to tell you that 174 00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:19,520 there is so much power in saying I get to own this life now. 175 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:28,080 I get to paint the walls. You can make them any color you 176 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,640 want to. I support you. 177 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:37,680 So OK, how do we then shift into ownership? 178 00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:41,440 There's a few questions we can ask ourselves with this. 179 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:46,720 One is what part of me still thinks that this is temporary 180 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:52,320 and I just continue going through the motions and choosing 181 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:57,160 people and relationships and dynamics and environments that 182 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:02,440 might not be the most beneficial for me or suitable for me or to 183 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,280 make me feel like I'm living an inspired life. 184 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:09,040 An inspired life. I, I know I explained this. 185 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:10,800 Maybe the first episode, I don't know. 186 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:17,800 It means to live a life connected in spirit. 187 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,680 Inspired is in spirit when you break it down. 188 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:24,920 So to live an inspired life means to live a life connected 189 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:29,960 to your essence, to your soul. I have this tattoo on my arm 190 00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:35,200 that says meraki, and it's a Greek word that means two 191 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:37,960 things. One is to live your life with 192 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:42,360 soul, passion and love. And the second meaning is to 193 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:46,840 leave a piece of yourself in everything that you do. 194 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:53,000 This is like a life motto for me, and I can't tell you how 195 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:57,440 much it has helped me remember that I'm not here to live a 196 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:02,400 rented life. Several years ago, I was given 197 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:06,440 the opportunity and the privilege to sit with the 198 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,000 grandmother of plant medicine, Ayahuasca. 199 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:15,600 I was in the jungle on a full moon on the spring equinox and 200 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:24,200 it was 2022 the first time that I sat and well, what a what a 201 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,920 powerful experience. Maybe I'll do another episode 202 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:29,480 just about psychedelic experiences because I've had 203 00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:31,880 some wild ones. But this was one of my 204 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:33,720 favorites. And I'll just tell a small 205 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:35,920 portion of it because it relates to the story. 206 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:40,360 But in my journey, my grandmother appeared to me. 207 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:45,520 I'm pretty cool that my grandma showed up while sitting with the 208 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:53,360 grandmother and she offered me the most beautiful, heartfelt 209 00:14:53,360 --> 00:15:01,800 apology that I've ever received, saying I'm sorry that I couldn't 210 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:05,840 have done things different. I did the best that I could with 211 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:14,880 what I had, but I implore you to go and to live fully, to say the 212 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:18,320 things that I didn't get to say, to do the things that I didn't 213 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:22,560 get to do and to make a splash with your life. 214 00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:30,560 I'll never forget those words. And I felt like that was the the 215 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:35,800 consent from my lineage being like, dude, you have to go. 216 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:39,840 You have to do the things you have to see all the places, you 217 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:45,080 have to love all the people. You have to fully embody this 218 00:15:45,080 --> 00:15:49,360 experience because this is all there is in this moment right 219 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,080 now. This is all there is. 220 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,720 I believe there are so many dimensions and so many, so many 221 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,240 things. I'm not even going to get into 222 00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:59,760 that. But I don't think that this is 223 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,960 all there is. But I think right now this is 224 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,160 all there is. And in this moment, it's all 225 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:10,120 that matters, you know, And we have 100 years or so on this 226 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,960 planet. I mean, maybe more with, you 227 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,040 know, the way things are going with technology, wouldn't be 228 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:17,160 surprised if we all could live long lives again, because we 229 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:21,000 once did on this planet. Sometimes we forget that. 230 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,400 But people actually lived for thousands of years, like 231 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:30,720 documented, like it's been written down South. 232 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:36,440 I extend this loving and inspiring message from my 233 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:43,960 grandmother to you. And I ask you, how can you 234 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:47,240 personalize your your space, where you live, your 235 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,800 environment, even just one small thing? 236 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,360 What's something that you could do? 237 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:55,400 How can you start that dream project you've been wanting? 238 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:56,800 Have you been wanting to write a poetry book? 239 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,360 Maybe you wanted to do a screenplay? 240 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,840 Maybe there's an incredible art project you've always wanted to 241 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,440 start, but you're nervous to do it. 242 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:09,079 My grandma said go make a splash with your life, so I think you 243 00:17:09,079 --> 00:17:13,839 need to go do that too. We have to stop waiting for a 244 00:17:13,839 --> 00:17:18,560 sign that it's safe to care. It's safe to do the things we 245 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,200 want. Don't be ashamed of them. 246 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:24,240 They're beautiful. They're desires in your heart 247 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,520 for a reason. They are not accidental. 248 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,840 Maybe you could write a mission statement for your life, even if 249 00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:33,520 it changes later. Write it down. 250 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,040 Who are you? Tell the universe who you are. 251 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:40,000 Tell the universe what you want to do, what you're going to do, 252 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,920 what you are doing. See what happens. 253 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:49,280 I have some really great examples prepared for ways that 254 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,440 we continue to rent that we don't need to do anymore. 255 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:57,560 No longer outsourcing your decisions to friends or parents 256 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:02,120 or mentors, but trusting yourself to know what to do 257 00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:06,040 next. I'm all for asking for advice, 258 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:13,560 but there does come a time when outsourcing to everyone else can 259 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,920 actually inhibit your ability to listen to your intuition. 260 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:22,800 Maybe you want to finally take that course, or start that side 261 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:26,080 project, or record that music, or apply for that visa. 262 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:31,080 Right steps that are creating freedom in our lives. 263 00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:35,720 Creating routine that honors your rhythms and not someone 264 00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:42,560 else's. 9 to 5 calendar or productivity rules saying I 265 00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:46,080 don't actually like that and letting that be enough reason 266 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,040 not to keep doing it. You don't have to explain 267 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,720 yourself for 20 minutes. You really don't. 268 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:55,040 You don't owe it to anyone letting go of the relationship 269 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:58,360 that only fits when you shrink to make it work. 270 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:01,640 Let that shit go. That's a rental. 271 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,720 That's a rental. Book that solo trip. 272 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:11,760 Plant the garden. Move to that random country that 273 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:15,960 calls to you without needing to explain it to anyone. 274 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:21,840 Invest in your own comfort and pleasure, not just your 275 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:26,160 survival. Put your art on the walls and 276 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:28,520 not just what you think will match the aesthetic. 277 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,080 Put it all up there. Anything that makes you happy. 278 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,880 Refusal to walk on egg shells, even in your own mind. 279 00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:41,480 Which means no more people pleasing or perfectionism or 280 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,880 internal censorship. Oh that's a hard one. 281 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:50,000 Such a hard 10. Defining success and happiness 282 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:54,320 for yourself and not how you were taught to measure them. 283 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,520 Wow. Allowing your sexuality to be 284 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:06,760 real even if no one else sees it or it doesn't look like how they 285 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,320 expect. I want to talk about people 286 00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:12,320 pleasing for a second, especially inside the dynamics 287 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,280 that have been dysfunctional for a long time. 288 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:19,960 You know the ones. Maybe it's with a friend that 289 00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,000 you've known since, you know, high school. 290 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:26,680 Maybe it's a sibling, a parent, a partner. 291 00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:30,360 Maybe where your roles are so deeply ingrained that your 292 00:20:30,360 --> 00:20:33,920 nervous system just goes on autopilot the second that they 293 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,520 need something and suddenly you're back in that old version 294 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:38,840 of yourself. You're agreeable. 295 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,160 You're accommodating and self abandoning. 296 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:45,400 Because deep down there is a story playing out that says if I 297 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:50,560 don't stay, if I don't fix it, if I don't show up, then 298 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:55,720 everything will fall apart. And maybe you were the one who 299 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,560 had to hold it all together. You know, Maybe no one else did. 300 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:05,040 Maybe they still don't. Please hear me when I say that 301 00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:11,800 it's not your job to keep the dysfunction functioning. 302 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:20,840 Your silence is not saving anyone, your exhaustion is not a 303 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:26,080 requirement, and your peace is not the collateral. 304 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:33,640 Because walking on egg shells to maintain the illusion of peace. 305 00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:39,560 It's not really peace, it's just self erasure. 306 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,600 And I get it. I I the thought of stepping 307 00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:48,240 back, stepping away, ending the cycle. 308 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:52,920 It can feel like betrayal. But what if it's not? 309 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:56,800 What if it's actually the most honest thing that you could do? 310 00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:01,880 Because every time you choose to center yourself and tend to your 311 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,800 own needs and to stop shape shifting for someone else's 312 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,760 comfort, you are breaking the cycle. 313 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:13,440 You are rewriting the code. And that is what owning your 314 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:19,360 life really looks like. Because the idea of quote people 315 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:24,920 pleasing sounds, I don't know, kind of kind of fun, kind of 316 00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,880 flirty, kind of, oh, I'm a people pleaser. 317 00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:34,000 Like, you know, but when we reframe it to actually, this is 318 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:38,240 self abandonment, it doesn't sound so sexy. 319 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:47,800 It doesn't sound so aesthetic. It sounds like a rental, right? 320 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,160 You know, statistically speaking, they say that people 321 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:56,480 who are approaching the transition of death, that they 322 00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:00,880 are often more concerned with the things they didn't do, the 323 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:05,200 risks they didn't take, than the things they did do. 324 00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:09,560 No matter how they worked out, it's usually the things they 325 00:23:09,560 --> 00:23:12,240 didn't do that stand out the most. 326 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:16,600 And of course, there are many reasons for these things, and I 327 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:21,840 don't blame anyone. No shame here, just conscious 328 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:27,840 awareness that you do have the opportunity to be here now. 329 00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:33,640 To stop playing small, to stop waiting for permission. 330 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,600 Because you're not just passing through like this. 331 00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:42,800 Life is yours. You don't need at least to start 332 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:50,400 living like you belong here, You belong here, you belong in this 333 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:54,520 life, you belong to this life. This life belongs to you. 334 00:23:55,360 --> 00:24:00,920 Create a lovership with it that makes you feel inspired. 335 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:05,880 And one of the greatest perks to that, to living an inspired 336 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:11,640 life, is that everyone who watches you gets handed a 337 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:15,680 permission slip to be more themselves, too. 338 00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:20,840 My best friend gave me the most beautiful compliment the other 339 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:24,280 day that I think I've ever gotten, she said. 340 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:31,000 Bailey, your life is like a giant permission slip to anyone 341 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:34,960 watching that makes me want to cry. 342 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:40,880 It's so beautiful because that is my intention. 343 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:49,160 I want you to see me living fully, joyfully, messing up 344 00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:53,320 terribly, having wonderful mistakes and happy accidents, in 345 00:24:53,320 --> 00:25:00,200 the words of Bob Ross. And I don't want anyone to be 346 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,360 able to say she didn't really live. 347 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:05,960 Not that it matters what anyone would say. 348 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,320 That's not why I'm doing anything in my life. 349 00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:11,640 However, I do think about that. I think about my eulogy. 350 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,760 Although I won't be having a traditional funeral, I do think 351 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,320 about that. Like what would what would 352 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:22,200 people say about me? Not in a what will they think 353 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,680 and will they like me kind of way? 354 00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:30,000 But how will I be remembered? Would I be remembered as the 355 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:34,640 person that had to earn joy? Would it be remembered as a 356 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,840 person that's suppressed her feelings? 357 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:43,040 Would I be remembered as a person that was unreliable or 358 00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:48,440 constantly available to everyone and everyone's needs? 359 00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:53,880 Putting my own aside, being seen as so selfless, You know, I 360 00:25:53,880 --> 00:26:01,240 really hope not. I hope that people Remember Me 361 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:08,280 someday as a colorful person that was vibrant, that was fully 362 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:14,120 alive with this unquenchable thirst for life, travelling and 363 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:18,120 nurturing her dreams and passions. 364 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:23,240 Who always stopped to notice the magic in the mundane. 365 00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:28,360 Who painted the walls of her life so many beautiful colors. 366 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:34,520 Who had the opportunity to love beautiful women and wonderful 367 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:40,120 men and always gave people permission to be more 368 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:43,040 themselves. Because at the end of the day, 369 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,000 people don't remember what you did. 370 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:49,360 They remember how you made them feel. 371 00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,440 And just a quick pause to share something really special. 372 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:58,200 I am reopening my Patreon this month, which feels like a full 373 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,040 circle moment because Patreon was actually the first platform 374 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:04,080 I ever used as a creator, back when I was just starting to 375 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,280 share my music and build something on my own. 376 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:09,200 And now I'm returning to it with a whole new energy. 377 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,880 More intentional, more me. And if you've never heard of it, 378 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,040 Patreon is a membership based space where you can support the 379 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:20,000 creators that you love and receive exclusive content in 380 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:22,280 return. So on my Patreon, I'll be 381 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:26,120 sharing monthly guided meditations, private podcast 382 00:27:26,120 --> 00:27:30,240 style voice notes, and behind the scenes glimpses into my 383 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:33,240 creative world that I'm not sharing anywhere else. 384 00:27:33,720 --> 00:27:37,320 So there are different tiers depending on what feels right 385 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,640 for you. And it's honestly such a fun way 386 00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:43,400 to stay connected and help support this podcast and my work 387 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,400 as an independent artist. So if that feels like something 388 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:49,200 you would like to be a part of, please check it out at 389 00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,760 patreon.com/bailey and Rush Lowe. 390 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:53,960 You can also find the link down below. 391 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:58,360 I really love to see you there. OK, there's a really cool story 392 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,200 that I want to tell you. It involves monkeys. 393 00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:05,640 OK, so it's so random, but I promise it ties in. 394 00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,840 There were researchers studying monkeys on the remote island, 395 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:15,040 and they were, they were noticing this one young monkey 396 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:19,400 that started washing her sweet potatoes before eating them. 397 00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,680 And this had not been seen to be to be done typically by this 398 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:25,520 species. This was a totally new thing. 399 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,920 OK? A few others started picking it 400 00:28:27,920 --> 00:28:30,400 up. And over time, more and more 401 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,320 monkeys in her community started doing the same thing. 402 00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:35,800 And here's where it gets interesting. 403 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:42,360 OK, So once a certain number of monkeys, say 100 monkeys, adopts 404 00:28:42,360 --> 00:28:48,680 the habit, something shifts. Monkeys on completely different 405 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:53,440 islands who had never met or interacted with this original 406 00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:59,120 group also began washing their fruit without any direct 407 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,840 contact. Like no one told them to, You 408 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:07,160 know, they just, they knew. And this is the ripple of what 409 00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:10,160 we call the field, right? It's the collective 410 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:15,720 consciousness in action. When enough of us shift a 411 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:23,560 pattern, we change the whole. So if you're healing and you're 412 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:29,560 choosing rest instead of hustle, you're saying no instead of 413 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:34,120 abandoning yourself for others. Maybe you're finally listening 414 00:29:34,120 --> 00:29:38,400 to that truth inside of you. You might not see the ripple 415 00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:44,360 yet, but it's there. And you doing life differently 416 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:48,480 is not just for you. You are like the monkey with the 417 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:55,320 sweet potato, and someone that you'll never meet is already 418 00:29:55,320 --> 00:29:59,200 feeling the shift from your conscious choices. 419 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:05,720 That is incredible. Because not only are you giving 420 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:09,880 a permission slip to the people watching, you're giving a 421 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:12,400 permission slip to people who will never get to watch you, 422 00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:14,640 will never see you, who might not even be alive at the same 423 00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:18,200 time as you. You are changing consciousness 424 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:24,600 permanently, and that's pretty incredible that we have the 425 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:28,160 opportunity to do that. You know, maybe the life that 426 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:31,360 you're building doesn't look like the one you came from. 427 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,640 And maybe that's the point. Maybe you're here to break the 428 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:39,680 patterns that were passed down, not out of malice or disdain, 429 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:45,080 but survival. And now you get to choose 430 00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:47,280 something new. You get to choose something 431 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:49,440 different. I just want to walk you through 432 00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:53,760 a little visualization before we move on to the rest of our day. 433 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,680 And just you can do whatever you're doing. 434 00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,400 You know, you don't have to sit and close your eyes. 435 00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:00,720 You can. You're welcome to close your 436 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,200 eyes. But if you're driving, you know, 437 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:06,760 please, please don't. Yeah. 438 00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,480 This can just be like a, like a little meditation in your mind. 439 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,040 OK. Take a deep breath in with me 440 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:23,840 and gently let it go. Notice the parts of your body 441 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:28,880 that are touching the ground or the chair, the seat, your feet, 442 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:33,160 whatever it is, you're supported here. 443 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,800 And I want you to just picture a house. 444 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:45,520 This is the House of your life. It's not a house you rent, it's 445 00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:49,160 a house you own. The house is yours, fully, 446 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:55,360 wildly, entirely. As you approach it, what does it 447 00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:59,040 look like? The windows, the door, the light 448 00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:03,160 coming through? Do you feel welcome here? 449 00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:08,600 Has anyone been living in this house, or has it been waiting 450 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:12,720 for you? As you step inside, you look 451 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:16,520 around and notice what's on the walls. 452 00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,320 Are there memories here? Joy. 453 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,640 Sadness. Is it empty? 454 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,440 Maybe like someone never quite moved in? 455 00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:31,960 You walk from room to room, noticing, witnessing. 456 00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:38,640 How much of you is here? Where are you still holding 457 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:43,960 back? Now imagine you pick up a brush 458 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:49,480 and you choose a color that you love and you paint one of the 459 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:54,200 walls. What color is it you're claiming 460 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,400 This space, You are letting it know. 461 00:32:56,400 --> 00:33:02,640 I am not renting this life. I live here, I belong here. 462 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:05,880 What would you bring into the house? 463 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:09,880 Think about the flowers and music, art, people that you 464 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:16,760 love, family, lovers, partners, pets, little animal familiars, a 465 00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:20,440 place to rest. You don't have to fill the whole 466 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:24,400 house up today. I'm just planting the seeds and 467 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:28,760 you just have to say yes to actually move in, to actually 468 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:33,560 take up space. So inhale like I'm with me. 469 00:33:41,420 --> 00:33:44,300 This is your life. You don't need permission to 470 00:33:44,300 --> 00:33:53,280 live like you belong here. Your home, this home is you, and 471 00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:57,400 you can carry that feeling with you as long as you need, as long 472 00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:01,920 as you want, as long as you can. I hope that something in this 473 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:06,840 conversation reminded you that life is yours. 474 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:09,480 It's not borrowed. It's not just on loan. 475 00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,320 You don't have to earn your place in it. 476 00:34:12,320 --> 00:34:17,040 You can start claiming it, one small act of courage at a time. 477 00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:23,080 So if you're still here, still listening, still feeling that 478 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:26,520 quiet truth echoing somewhere inside of you, I just want you 479 00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:30,239 to remember this. You don't have to keep 480 00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:34,040 performing for love. You don't have to keep shrinking 481 00:34:34,040 --> 00:34:37,120 to fit a story that was written by somebody else. 482 00:34:37,560 --> 00:34:40,400 You don't have to keep holding the weight of what was never 483 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:44,639 yours to carry. You are allowed to take your 484 00:34:44,639 --> 00:34:49,120 hands off the wheel of someone else's chaos. 485 00:34:50,639 --> 00:34:56,199 I wish someone had told me that you are allowed to walk away 486 00:34:56,960 --> 00:35:01,800 from dysfunction without offering a presentation slide of 487 00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:05,520 your reasons. You're allowed to be the first 488 00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:08,920 one in your lineage that says this ends with me. 489 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:15,280 And maybe the world will not applaud when you start choosing 490 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:20,160 yourself. Maybe the people who benefited 491 00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:23,280 from yourself abandonment will not cheer for you. 492 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,920 But that's OK. You're not doing it to be liked, 493 00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:31,120 you're doing it to be free and freedom. 494 00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:39,600 It starts with a small no, with a pause, with a, with a breath, 495 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:45,320 with a boundary, with truth spoken, maybe quietly at 1st and 496 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,920 then louder over time. Because this is what it means to 497 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:53,760 live in a house that you own, to paint the walls, to hang up your 498 00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:56,800 joy, to plant the things that last. 499 00:35:57,240 --> 00:36:00,040 Because you deserve to feel at home in your life. 500 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:05,520 And you can begin right now. Take another deep breath with me 501 00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:18,220 as we close this out. So if you actually believed that 502 00:36:18,220 --> 00:36:23,400 this life was yours to shape, what would you change? 503 00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:30,240 I'm curious, and I will leave you with that question. 504 00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:34,320 Thank you so much for listening today, for being a part of this 505 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,880 journey. And if today's episode spoke to 506 00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:40,120 something in you, please feel free to share with a friend who 507 00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:42,680 you think would also resonate or leave a review. 508 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:45,800 It helps more than you know. And if you want to support the 509 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,960 podcast and go deeper into the work that I'm sharing, you can 510 00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:51,400 now join me on Patreon. It's a really beautiful way to 511 00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:54,080 stay connected. So I'll be back next Tuesday 512 00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:58,240 with another episode. And until then, open heart, open 513 00:36:58,240 --> 00:37:00,400 mind. Stay curious.