Hello and welcome to the Cosmic Nomad.
I'm your host, Bailey Rushlow, and this is a space for the
curious and the heart lead where we explore the human experience
through travel, nature, spirituality, and real life
transformation through beautiful conversations.
As I discover my way of living what I call an inspired life, I
share the practices, stories and perspectives that have helped
guide me back to myself. Hi everyone, Welcome to today's
episode of the Cosmic Nomad. I have quite the story for you
today. It's going to be it's going to
be whatever it is. I was going to say it's going to
be very interesting, but I guess that's up to you.
To me, it's very interesting and there's a lot of layers, which
is why I was never able to talk about this on just a post or a
92nd reel because of the layers. I need to be able to explain the
complexity of everything that happened and what I experienced
for several reasons. One, because it's my lived
experience, and I think that's very interesting and holds a
very specific frequency when it comes to sharing stories.
I'm not telling you about something that happened to
someone else some time long ago. Like I lived through something
very intense, probably my most intense experience of this life,
or one of them at least. And I also wanted to be kind of
a cautionary tale for others to not make the mistakes that I
did. And it's also a testament to the
lives that we live and the stories we create and the
narratives that we share, and how so often the places that we
hold shame are the places that most need to be set free.
And I don't particularly hold shame around this story at all,
but I have held secrecy, which sometimes can feel the same as
shame in the body. It's time to let this story be
free. And I'm happy that you're here
to hear it. I wish you could imagine that we
were all just sitting around a fire, maybe making some s'mores.
And I'm like, hey guys, I have this crazy story to tell you
when you're like, can't wait to hear.
Your stories are always the best.
I'm like, I know, right? So just imagine that we are and
let's get into it. This is not a light feel good,
encourage you to be the best version of yourself type of
story. Just going to preface it with
that so that if that's something you're looking for today, I
would love for you to check out one of my other podcast
episodes. If you've listened to them all
already, then maybe re listen to your favorite one or just go jam
out to an awesome playlist on Spotify.
This might be very raw and vulnerable and a little bit
heavy at times, so if you are not in the right space to
listen, come back when you are. I just want to preface it that
it is a little bit of a heavier conversation, but it ends well
and I learned a lot through it and I'm sharing all of that
gold. So if you're in for a great
story again, sitting around the fire, then you're in the right
place. In September 2024, I was put in
jail in Indonesia because I flew into the country with a grinder
for cannabis and a little bit of weed.
And by a little bit I mean like less than a teaspoon that was
left in my grinder. It was a very expensive mistake
for the hefty fine that I had to pay for the trauma of being
locked away for seven nights and eight days.
For the experiences that I had, the memories that I made, the
people that I met, the conversations that changed me.
The love that I felt from my partner, from my family, from my
close personal friends through the process and for the
integration and the healing journey after that has been one
of the most intense experiences of my life.
It's a very fascinating thing to speak about the prison system
and criminal justice and politics and inmates and all
these these words we throw around.
But if anyone listening has been in a similar position as me, or
maybe even had it much, much worse, you understand that it's
very different to be on the inside.
You understand the toll that it takes on a person's mind to be
in captivity, to be tucked away from the rest of humanity, to be
observed like you are in a zoo or a fish tank, which is what I
called our cell. I literally was like, oh, we're
in a fish tank because the walls were glass and everyone could
see in. There's nothing like being caged
for any amount of time. Mine was a very short amount of
time compared to many, many people.
Many people who did the same thing as me, having a little
weed in their grinder in their pocket, being caught by the
wrong cop. Specifically people of color in
the states who are systemically and racially discriminated
against. Even in the process.
I remember thinking, this is teaching me so much.
This is opening my heart in ways that I hasn't been open before.
This is opening my eyes in ways that they haven't been open
before. I flew into Bali, Indonesia and
my bag was flagged because of my grinder and they went through
everything, triple checked all the things.
All of the stuff in our bags had to be gone through.
It was very stressful. Although the people were very
kind. Everyone in Bali is, is very
kind, truly at heart. And even after my experiences,
I, I could still say that I was treated with a lot of respect.
And I'm grateful for that because I know that things could
have been very different for me after everything was gone
through, were taken to the customs station outside of the
airport, driven there and fill out paperwork and my pictures
taken. And my, the whole time I'm
thinking, this is a dream. I'm going to wake up from this.
Like, there's no way this is happening.
You know, I had flown with my grinder to many countries and
never been stopped or never had any issues.
And having just spent time in Thailand, where cannabis is not
only legalized but also widely available, it was a shock to the
system to land in a place that was so strict, where all drugs
are considered narcotics. I might as well have been
bringing in a kilo of heroin. And so after a full day of
questioning and getting my photos taken and all the things
we had to do, they told my partner to leave and that they
were taking me. And I stood up to five grown ass
men and said absolutely not. And they were like, what do you
mean? I'm like, you're not separating
us. And I stood my ground for
several minutes until they finally agreed to bring Philip
in the car with us and drive to the police station.
This is after 12 hours of being questioned because they are
typically under the impression that anyone coming into the
country, even with a tiny bit of weed, is a drug mule bringing
cannabis to the dealers there, to the cartels there.
And so my passport was taken, my phone was taken, everything was
gone through to make sure that I'm not, you know, bringing weed
to somebody that's going to sample it and send me back for
more. It was a very interesting
experience to go from one minute being a human in an airport to
being a criminal with no rights and no voice because once we got
to the police station where we were going to be kept, well, I
was going to be kept. Philip was clean, he was fine
and I'm so grateful that he was because he was my lifeline on
the other side. If I had not had him on the
other side for me, I genuinely don't know what would have
happened. I would probably still be lost
in this system somewhere, to be honest.
I I'm still like, wow, I'm really telling this story.
I'm just, yeah, I'm sharing it. It's crazy.
It feels good to talk about it. There's been times when I've
talked about it and it's been just a little too much for me.
My nervous system starts to feel tired and dysregulated.
But I feel really calm right now.
So I'm grateful for you sharing this space with me.
And so we drive to the station and I'm, I don't know what's
going to happen. They're not telling me anything.
I don't know if I'm just staying overnight.
I don't know if I get to go home now.
I don't know if I have to pay somebody off.
Like, I'm thinking through all of the options, you know?
And we get to the police station.
I'm assigned a lawyer. I'm assigned a translator who is
such a kind woman. She grounded me so much in a
time when I was feeling incredibly dysregulated and
unsafe. I'm told what my options are and
regardless of what I choose to do, there's a $50,000 fine
that's in U.S. dollars that has to be paid within 5 days because
I have to be held for six days. That's the law.
Because that gives them enough time to make sure that I'm not a
drug mule. And I can hardly believe what
I'm hearing. I've never had $50,000 in a bank
account. There's no time to start a
GoFundMe, you know what I mean? Like they need it in their
account in several days time. And so I start freaking out.
This was the first point in time when I really started feeling
the gravity of what was happening because I just kept
thinking, this is a dream. I'm going to wake up from this.
I was, it was so disorienting. And when he said that number, I
looked at him and I started crying.
And I said, you have to get that price down.
And he's like, well, I'll, I'll do my best.
You know, I don't know if it's possible.
And I said I'm counting on you to get the price down because
that's impossible. Literally that's I.
I can't pay that. They call it a night.
I say goodbye to my partner. I hold his face in my hands and
I cry, not knowing when I'll see him again, if I'll see him
again, what's going to happen. I could be in here for years, I
don't know. No one is telling me anything.
I have a very beautiful and long standing relationship with
cannabis as a as a plant, as a tool, as a medicine, as a
consciousness. Santa Maria, she's been a a
constant support in my life for many years, for my mental
health, my creativity, for my sleep.
There have been months where I haven't touched it and periods
of time where I've smoked everyday.
It depends on the season you're in, why you're connecting, what
you need to connect for. Especially for people that are
neurodivergent, it can be an incredibly grounding tool.
I'm not recommending it for everyone who's neurodivergent or
even for every person, but for me, I've found a very beautiful
relationship with with cannabis. And so now to be in this
situation, it's like we're having all of this fuss over a
plant, OK, I'll be a wonderful and powerful plant, but a plant
that the worst thing that happens if you smoke is you fall
asleep. The difference between something
like weed versus alcohol or cocaine and things that are more
normalized in society that have devastating and lifelong effects
on the brain, on the body, on the memory versus something like
cannabis. And if you, if you haven't
smoked and you don't really understand cannabis, that's OK.
You don't have to just understand that you can have
very different relationships with it.
Not just being a couch potato and then watching TV all day
with a stereotypical Stoner vibe, right?
That is not true for everyone. It can be, but it definitely
doesn't have to be. And through conscious
cultivation of your relationship with a plant, you can form
something very powerful that helps you to understand yourself
and the world in a way that is so unique and so profound.
And that's what my relationship has been for many years.
And so after my meeting with the lawyer, I was put into a room
with two other women who I had no idea by the end of the week
would be fast friends. They were both 21 years old, one
of them who also flew in from Thailand with cannabis and one
from Seattle, both places in which cannabis is legalized.
These were my new roommates and this was our new room, sleeping
on the floor on a mat that smelled like 1000 footballers
had slept on it. I was allowed my toothbrush,
toothpaste, my journal, which I was very lucky to get.
That and Philip's watch he gave me right before I went in so
that I would be able to tell the time.
I slept with that watch in my hand every single night while I
laid on the floor in the freezing room trying to sleep.
The two women that I was with were so sweet, so kind.
One of them is English speaking, one of them is French speaking
and was learning English while we were in in jail, who also
taught me all of the colors to say in French.
So my time there was definitely not a waste.
It was very educational and the time just got more and more
weird from there. There was a lot of hurry up and
wait. There were a lot of assignments
and appointments and investigators and interrogations
and appearing before the chief of police and psychiatry
appointments. I mean, it was a whole journey
which led me to the end of the week, being able to be released
on the 8th day on a full moon. So all that I knew at that time
was that I had to stay for six days.
But after that I would either get released or I would be sent
to jail and be there for like a while months till January
potentially. This was September, so I was not
about to let that happen. But I still had no idea what to
do about the money. I knew it was impossible to try
to scrape it together from the inside of the jail.
Philip was outside and he could do some things, but there wasn't
enough time. And so my lawyer negotiated the
fee from 50,000 down to 30,000. Better, but still insane.
And so a very, very kind and wonderful couple that will
remain nameless offered to pay my fine for me and told me that
I could take the time I needed to pay them back.
And I hit the floor. I cried my eyes out.
And I will be forever grateful for that and the way that that
love gave me my freedom. It gave me the chance to go out
and continue living my life. Like without them being there, I
don't know what would have happened.
And I was so keenly aware of everyone else in my situation
that does not have someone like that in their corner.
Someone that could step up and say I've got it.
And that the combined joy and grief that came with this gift
was so deeply profound. I will never forget that.
I have been paying them back since the day I got out of jail,
and I will continue to be paying them for some time.
The things that I missed the most while I was inside, while I
was in the clink. I can say that now.
Fresh air. The people in charge of this
place in Bali, they, they smoke cigarettes constantly, they
chain smoke and they smoke vapes like on a necklace around their
neck. So it's never ending.
And the room that we were staying in, the guard who was
always in there with us was also chain smoking.
So the whole week we were breathing in secondhand smoke
and vape smoke from everyone. So fresh air, sunlight on my
skin. Oh, that was a huge one.
That was so hard for me. I'm such a little like lizard
when it comes to wanting to be in the sun.
I love it. I love it.
I love it on my skin. It feels so good.
The right time of day, you know, you got to watch out for the UV.
But being without sunshine and fresh air and being disconnected
from the grass, the ground not getting to touch like flowers
and trees. There was 1 stray cat that would
wander and sometimes that was white and sometimes we try to
like get her to come to us so we get better.
Sometimes she would but most of the time she's just looking for
food. I really miss that physical
touch of things, of animals, of people of nature.
Hugs from my partner, being able to have like a brush and being
able to take a shower. I only had one shower in a week
and it was with a bucket over the toilet, so it was really not
not the same as a hot shower. And you better believe that when
I got out of this experience, I took a shower for an hour.
I'm sorry if that seems like a waste of water, I know that it
it is, but it was so necessary. It was so necessary and it was a
it was like another worldly experience for me.
I've never had a shower like that in my life.
I will never not be grateful for every shower that I take after
being deprived of 1. I didn't miss my phone, which
was an interesting realization to me.
I did miss being able to hear my friends voices though on voice
memos or see my best friend text me and my face lights up because
it's her name, you know? All of that was was gone and
very strange to have a full week of no social media, no texting,
no notifications, nothing. It makes you very aware, very
alert and really shows you what matters, which are things like
your freedom, your happiness, your state of mind.
If I had not done the work on myself that I have done, this
would have been a very different experience for me.
There were moments when I was very close to breaking because
of the way that we were, you know, being treated and which we
were always treated fine in the grand scheme of things.
But like, we were always fed, we always had water, we could
always, you know, be taken to the bathroom, That kind of thing
was, was fine. But the energetics of your
environment are you are a criminal.
You have no rights. You are in a cage.
And so that experience alone changes something in you, you
know, and it shifts something in your perception of the world and
your perception of even the way you experience life.
Your ego, like all of it is, is different.
And even though I had moments where I felt like I couldn't
stop crying, I feel like I was able to keep my head above water
and know that this was all for something bigger than me.
Even while I was in the middle of the process, I knew.
I don't believe in coincidences. I do believe in synchronicities.
I don't believe things happen on accident.
I do believe that everything happens for a reason.
And so putting all of that together and knowing that I am
here with intention, whatever that is, maybe don't doesn't
make sense yet. But there is a reason for this.
There's a bigger picture for this and even in the middle of
the storm, looking back, I'm so proud of myself that I could
hold that mentality for myself and for the other women that I
was with. Keeping our heads held high,
staying firm with our boundaries.
There was 1 moment where they wanted to move the female
prisoners into the smaller room where the male prisoners were
and we because because we were separated.
And I looked at the guard and I said absolutely not.
And he looked at me like, excuse me?
And there were several reasons for me not wanting us to be
moved, but the primary one was there is no reason for us to
move. There was this new guard that we
had never seen before who came in and just started calling
shots. And we were able to stand up
even to him and say we're not doing that.
He actually listened to us and was like, OK, and left us there.
And if we hadn't said something, we would have been moved into a
very uncomfortable situation. Another one of my favorite
experiences and reasons that confirmed the fact that I knew I
was supposed to be there in that moment were the guards that I
met who had questions about cannabis, about mushrooms, about
the plants, about the mind, about the brain, about the body,
things that I actually knew the answer to because of my personal
and lived experiences. This country does not celebrate
the plants and their support for our mental health in the same
way that we who have found support in our mental health
through plants do. And it's very misunderstood.
It's very taboo. No one talks about it, and they
are not given any education around the benefits of having a
relationship with a plant like cannabis.
And so they came to me with questions like, what does it
feel like when you smoke? I'm like, have you never smoked
before? Of course not.
No. But but I'm curious what it's
like for you. Well, I feel grounded.
I feel centered. My brain feels calm.
Sometimes I feel motivated. I'm like jumping up, cleaning
the dishes, washing the floors. Like sometimes I'm more settled
in my body and I'm creating with my hands.
I'm painting, I'm sculpting, I'm creating music and I'm flowing
with my day. I'm smiling at every stranger.
I'm being guided from synchronicity and to
synchronicity.
I'm in my flow state. Can I get there sober 100%?
Do I get there sober regularly? Yeah.
Can I also get there with cannabis?
Yes. How beautiful, right?
And they're looking at me like seriously, like their whole
world is shattering behind their eyes.
This propaganda that they've believed about these substances,
that they've been taught by their superiors, that they've
been taught by officials, by their own government, by the
World News, by all the things, right?
This has been going on a long time.
They can't believe the words I'm saying, but they see the spark
in the way that I'm speaking about this.
And they asked me what I do with my time, and I tell them about
my life, and then I make music, and before I know it, my music
is playing through the entire police station.
I never thought that I'd be able to say that phrase, but there I
was, sitting on the ground with my greasy hair.
Haven't showered in a week. I'm cold.
They kept the AC on 16°C freezing and we spent a lot of
nights shivering because we were so cold, or unable to sleep
because we were genuinely so cold.
Another one of my favorite moments was a random act of
kindness showed to me by a guard.
A woman stopped by the prison with a basket of fruit on her
head. And one of the guards looked at
me and motioned for me to come out of the cell.
And I stepped out of the cell into the foyer and was like, Oh
my God, I'm out of the cell. I couldn't believe it.
And he told me to pick a piece of fruit and then he would pay
for it for me. And I picked a piece of
watermelon from her head basket and said thank you and went back
inside my little cell and sat down and ate that watermelon.
And it was the best thing I've ever had.
So Philip is on the other side of the jail.
He's able to come every day and check on me, but we are not
really allowed to talk. So for a couple of minutes,
we're allowed to say a few words.
And that usually consisted of, did you get a chance to tell my
parents? How are they?
Is everyone OK? You know kind of thing and him
informing me that someone was going to be able to pay my fine
and him bringing me fresh papaya, which I shared with the
other girls and also the other inmates that the in the men's
cell that we're really grateful to receive random pieces of
fruit from me. They were very kind, the men, a
lot of them had smuggled cocaine and heroin.
And I found myself not judging them for it, but simply
wondering why they had to. Because this country is very
poor and it's very wealthy in this sense of, you know, tourism
and foreign people who have moved there, who own properties
and investments there, who are making lots of money.
But a lot of that money does not go back to the local economy at
all. And these people are facing
rising prices, housing crisis, unable to live in the cities
they were born in, that were once villages, that are now
bustling towns so chaotic and so stressful with tourists that
they can't even live regularly. And this is happening all over
the world. It's happening here in Mexico as
well. It's happening in a lot of
developing countries and it's hard to escape it.
Understanding it gives you such a deeper appreciation for what
you have, but also insight into how difficult it is to live in
situations like this when you are a local native person to the
land, indigenous to the land, and you are being forced out of
your home, which is the story of colonization all over the world.
Who would most likely go away for many, many years in
overcrowded Indonesian prisons, which all of them are across the
country, very, very overpopulated and horrible
conditions. Of course, I can't speak for all
of them and all of the men's intentions, but for the majority
of them, they were just dads, just people.
Just brothers that were making drug deals with certain people
who were going to pay them a lot of money, you know, And you
wonder if you would do the same thing in the same situation.
Would you do something different?
Or are they just a reflection of us, of humanity at our greatest
time of need, when you make irrational decisions to feed
your family, to keep yourself afloat, to be able to stay in
your homeland and afford it. One of my favorite and most
intimate memories was when one of the women that I was with in
the in the jail, she was raised Muslim.
And one of the men on the other side of the glass was also
Muslim and was praying on his prayer mat every couple of hours
and singing from the pages of the Quran.
And she asked him in Arabic to pray for us.
He sang prayers from the Quran and asked for God's protection
and guidance around us. He asked our names and
incorporated them into the prayer, which was so beautiful
and so touching. And it's one of the only parts
of the story, I think that's actually made me feel emotional
because I think about him and I wonder where he went, what
happened next. The next day, he was escorted
out of jail and we didn't even get to say goodbye.
So I just send him love wherever he is.
I hope he remembers us. And is blessed for how much he
blessed us. On a lighter note, another of my
favorite memories was talking with the woman who is from
France and helping her prepare for an interview as a cook in
English. So I was the interviewer, the
restaurant owner hiring her potentially to be my head chef,
and she practiced her responses in English and did a beautiful
job. I've never been more grateful
for my partner than I was in that week and ever since.
I think it took our relationship to a whole new level of having
to be there for each other, even when it was terrifying,
especially when it was terrifying.
And being able to feel his presence and feel his support
from a distance was something I'll never forget.
Another one about Philip that I loved was every day, even though
we weren't allowed to talk hardly or much less touch or
spend time together, was that he would bring me flowers from the
tree outside. Even though I couldn't be out in
nature, he brought a little bit of nature to me, and I would
hold on to that flower all day, smell it until it didn't smell
anymore like a flower. And the next day, after this one
was crumpled, you know I would, I would get another one.
So on the 8th and final day, when I had fingers crossed that
I would be released and not have to go to actual prison for many
months, the motion passed that I would be released, that I was
not a drug mule and that I could have my passport and my phone
and my backpack and all my stuff that had been kept and I could
leave. So from one minute to the next,
I'm a criminal in a cage. And the next minute I'm being
handed my passport, my phone, and the door is being opened for
me. Here you go, Miss Russell.
And I'm walking outside. The cognitive dissonance that
comes from an experience like this is insane.
I don't even have words for it. I have words for everything.
I can't even describe to you what that felt like.
I felt like I walked out a different person.
It felt like I was breathing the air for the first time.
And I remember turning around and looking at the building and
I could see through the tinted glass all of the men that had
been imprisoned with me on the other side.
And I waved to them and they waved to me.
And at first I felt guilty because I was going and they
were staying. And then I realized that they
were so happy for me to be walking free, to be walking out.
That makes me emotional to think about them.
At first I felt guilty for my freedom, looking back at them,
not knowing what their fate would be.
But I could feel their excitement for me.
They were waving enthusiastically, so happy that
I had made it. As I drove away, I got to see
the sunset and the full moon coming in the sky at the same
time. The moon was bigger than I think
I've ever seen it, and the sunset was incredible.
I got to the place I was staying and put all my bags down, still
in shock, disbelief, dysregulation, not even fully
present in my body remotely. And I went outside barefoot and
I put my feet in the grass and I touched the trees and I took a
shower for a very long time, started to feel a little bit
like a human again. And then I ordered Greek food, a
comfort meal. For me, part of my ancestry is
Greek, from the Aegean island of Rhodes.
So Greek food, Mediterranean food has a very special place in
my heart and my DNA. It's very grounding.
I turned on the TV and and I sat there with my food on the bed,
unable to even eat, unable to to do anything.
I hadn't even cried at this point in many days.
And with the most perfect timing, I heard it started to
rain outside and I got up with a reckless abandoned and ran
outside to the grass. And I planted my feet in the
dirt and I looked up at the sky and I laughed.
And then I cried. And I cried so well, I cried so
hard but also so good because it was a release that my body was
craving so much from being so pent up all week and not feeling
safe to release the emotions that were stored in my body.
It was like a volcano erupted. I did not sleep well that night.
I was having dreams of being in jail and guards coming in and
people needing things from me and I was having constant lucid
dreams of guards coming into my room and arresting me again and
Needless to say, my subconscious was not feeling very safe.
The next day I was reunited with my partner and two days after
that I had previously passed. Bailey had booked future Bailey
Eye hair appointment on that day to dye my hair back to my
natural color, my brunette color.
I've been blonde for three years and it was on the fall Equinox,
September 21st. Which felt very timely and very,
it was a very beautiful experience that I had already
had this planned for myself. Like almost like a part of me
knew that I would need it and oh did I need it.
Having someone touch my hair, touch my head, color my hair,
show me so much care and attention and love and return me
to my roots, to my natural hair color for the first time in many
years was a spiritual experience.
To this day, I still look twice when I see the lights flashing
from a cop car. Certain smells or certain things
I'll see remind me what it felt like to be in a cage.
I can say wholeheartedly that I appreciate my life and my
freedom more than I ever have. The rain never goes unnoticed.
The sunshine on my skin is felt fully.
A deep breath of fresh air is like heaven.
When I hear someone speak Arabic, it makes me think of the
man who prayed for me, whose name I will never know.
It makes me think of the guards who questioned me, who
investigated me, who interrogated me.
I wonder if they will ever find freedom.
Because one thing that this experience taught me for sure
was that if we were in a fish tank, not by choice, everyone
else in this system by choice, who was working in these jobs
and working in these buildings 9 to 5, smoking indoors, never
being in nature, just trying to work up the corporate ladder of
recognition and honor and praise and authority and superiority
and putting people through the criminal justice system, they
are in a fish tank too. But they chose to be there.
And every month that I send money to the wonderful people
who bought my freedom, literally, I send it to them
with love and with intention and with hopes that this money will
overflow in their lives. That they will be blessed with
so much abundance for their generosity and their care.
For helping me have the opportunity to continue living
my life freely. Sitting here in my home at 8:00
on a Thursday night, recording this episode for you to listen
to while we sit around the fire and swap stories.
That is something that I will never take for granted.
I hope that you have a few takeaways from this story and
that it's not just Bailey went to jail, but truly, don't gloss
over the things that I shared here.
Take them with you, remember them, share them, and please do
not travel with cannabis internationally.
Don't think you can get away with it.
It's not worth it even if you can, because maybe you have
before. Why risk it?
If you have the chance of experiencing anything that I
just did much less worse. I'll tell you another cautionary
tale quickly of a guy that I met at the end of my journey who had
been in the the prison system for several months.
He flew in to Bali from Argentina months before me and
had been stuck there this whole time because he flew in with 2G
of weed, which is like 2 tablespoons of weed basically
from Argentina where it's legal. And he even had a medical
marijuana card. He had a prescription from a
doctor to be able to illegally use cannabis in a therapeutic
and in a therapeutic way. He was detained for months
behind bars. And I think it's very different
for guys in the system versus women as well.
I noticed that the guys were treated much worse and much
different than we were. And on one hand, I'm grateful
for how we were treated, and on the other hand, it made me very
sad and very sick to see the difference based on our gender
and the degradation toward the men in this scary and vulnerable
situation. This guy also flew in with a bag
of gummies. In case you're thinking, well,
we'll just bring edibles. They don't have the system to
weigh what is THC versus what is the rest of the gummy because
most gummies are just sugar and gelatin, right?
So rather than being able to separate that and say, oh, they
only brought on this much THC, they weigh the whole bag and
say, oh, you brought in 500 grams or a kilo of cannabis,
right? That's a very different thing.
So please do not risk it. I'm just asking you now if
you're ever in this situation, remember my words.
May they haunt you? Not really.
But in this situation, yes. And if you can't travel without
having weed with you, then that's probably an indication
that you should look at your consumption and figure out ways
that you can go without it for periods of time.
Because nothing is meant to be consumed every day, all day, all
the time. Maybe this is a indication to
you of where you're at in your cannabis journey, whether that's
destigmatizing it further, opening your awareness to it and
the beauty of it, or maybe working on enhancing the
authenticity and the intention of your relationship to it.
I'm so grateful that I had this experience, that it all worked
out the way that it did, that it was so scary and so jarring that
it woke me up to even deeper empathy, deeper resilience, and
an awareness about myself and my mind and my nervous system and
how strong they are in a way that I have, in a way that I
might never have been aware of before, to this depth.
I'll never forget my time there, the people that I met, the
things I did. Sounds like I'm telling you
about going to camp or something.
I'll never forget my time there, but it really was one of the
most intense initiations of my life.
I'm grateful to be able to share it with you in this capacity.
Thank you for your attention. Thank you for your presence.
Thank you for listening to this wild, wild story.
I appreciate it. I felt like you were really here
with me, and if this story touched you, I would love to
hear from you about it. You can send me an e-mail at the
Cosmic nomadpodcast@gmail.com. You can also send me a message
on Instagram. You know, I'm not telling this
story because I want pity or drama or to be seen as anything
other than the human. I'm telling the story because it
changed me, and because stories like this, the messy ones, the
complicated ones, the multi layered ones, the ones where we
don't look so good, so pretty, so shiny, the ones where maybe
we don't look like the hero they deserve to be held to.
I walked out of that jail a different person and every step
since then has been a way of returning to myself and to a
balanced and a regulated nervous system.
This experience brought me face to face with so many things and
and so many aspects of myself. I'm reminded of the words from
the Quran that say surely with hardship comes ease.
And maybe this story is part of my ease, because I survived and
now I get to share it in my own words.
I feel like I'm looking around the fire at each one of you and
you're like, nodding and understanding.
And the fire is kind of dim now, and the stars and the Crescent
moon are looking really nice, really shiny.
And we're all ready to pull out the guitar and sing something
fun. Lift the mood again.
That's a great campfire vibe. Sing a little John Denver.
You know, I hope that the reflection of this story leads
you closer to yourself in some way, that maybe you appreciate
the rain a little bit more or the sunlight when it touches
your skin and you think of the people who don't get to
experience that. That you live your life big and
bold in the name of every person that doesn't get the chance to.
No more playing small. Live big, live bright, live
victoriously in your freedom. You have so much freedom.
Do something with it that is profound and deeply authentic
and super fun. Thank you so much for taking the
time to be here with me today. And if today's episode spoke to
something in you, please feel free to share it with a friend
who you think would also resonate or leave a review.
It helps more than you know. And if you want to support the
podcast and go deeper into the work that I'm sharing, you can
now join me on Patreon. Each month, Ioffer guided
meditations, private voice notes, and little glimpses
behind the scenes of my creative world.
It's a really beautiful way to stay connected.
So I'll be back next Tuesday with another episode, and until
then, open heart, open mind, stay curious.