1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,400 Hello and welcome to the Cosmic Nomad. 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:09,040 I'm your host, Bailey Rushlow, and this is a space for the 3 00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:12,920 curious and the heart lead where we explore the human experience 4 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:16,400 through travel, nature, spirituality, and real life 5 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,800 transformation through beautiful conversations. 6 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:24,320 As I discover my way of living what I call an inspired life, I 7 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,400 share the practices, stories and perspectives that have helped 8 00:00:27,400 --> 00:00:32,360 guide me back to myself. Hi everyone, Welcome to today's 9 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:37,680 episode of the Cosmic Nomad. I have quite the story for you 10 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:42,760 today. It's going to be it's going to 11 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,840 be whatever it is. I was going to say it's going to 12 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:48,360 be very interesting, but I guess that's up to you. 13 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:53,840 To me, it's very interesting and there's a lot of layers, which 14 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:59,560 is why I was never able to talk about this on just a post or a 15 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:08,720 92nd reel because of the layers. I need to be able to explain the 16 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:12,200 complexity of everything that happened and what I experienced 17 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:16,040 for several reasons. One, because it's my lived 18 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:21,800 experience, and I think that's very interesting and holds a 19 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:27,040 very specific frequency when it comes to sharing stories. 20 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:28,800 I'm not telling you about something that happened to 21 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,840 someone else some time long ago. Like I lived through something 22 00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:37,760 very intense, probably my most intense experience of this life, 23 00:01:37,760 --> 00:01:43,360 or one of them at least. And I also wanted to be kind of 24 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:49,440 a cautionary tale for others to not make the mistakes that I 25 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:54,200 did. And it's also a testament to the 26 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:57,520 lives that we live and the stories we create and the 27 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:02,120 narratives that we share, and how so often the places that we 28 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:08,400 hold shame are the places that most need to be set free. 29 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:13,120 And I don't particularly hold shame around this story at all, 30 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:18,160 but I have held secrecy, which sometimes can feel the same as 31 00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:22,440 shame in the body. It's time to let this story be 32 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:25,360 free. And I'm happy that you're here 33 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,200 to hear it. I wish you could imagine that we 34 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:33,520 were all just sitting around a fire, maybe making some s'mores. 35 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:39,720 And I'm like, hey guys, I have this crazy story to tell you 36 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,120 when you're like, can't wait to hear. 37 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,480 Your stories are always the best. 38 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:49,080 I'm like, I know, right? So just imagine that we are and 39 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:54,840 let's get into it. This is not a light feel good, 40 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,240 encourage you to be the best version of yourself type of 41 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,720 story. Just going to preface it with 42 00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:04,200 that so that if that's something you're looking for today, I 43 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,720 would love for you to check out one of my other podcast 44 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,120 episodes. If you've listened to them all 45 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,880 already, then maybe re listen to your favorite one or just go jam 46 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,840 out to an awesome playlist on Spotify. 47 00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:19,600 This might be very raw and vulnerable and a little bit 48 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,360 heavy at times, so if you are not in the right space to 49 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,880 listen, come back when you are. I just want to preface it that 50 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:30,200 it is a little bit of a heavier conversation, but it ends well 51 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,160 and I learned a lot through it and I'm sharing all of that 52 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,880 gold. So if you're in for a great 53 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:40,240 story again, sitting around the fire, then you're in the right 54 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:46,400 place. In September 2024, I was put in 55 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:52,720 jail in Indonesia because I flew into the country with a grinder 56 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:56,480 for cannabis and a little bit of weed. 57 00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:01,200 And by a little bit I mean like less than a teaspoon that was 58 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:05,280 left in my grinder. It was a very expensive mistake 59 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:14,280 for the hefty fine that I had to pay for the trauma of being 60 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:19,399 locked away for seven nights and eight days. 61 00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:24,560 For the experiences that I had, the memories that I made, the 62 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,920 people that I met, the conversations that changed me. 63 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:35,720 The love that I felt from my partner, from my family, from my 64 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:41,880 close personal friends through the process and for the 65 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:46,920 integration and the healing journey after that has been one 66 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,520 of the most intense experiences of my life. 67 00:04:54,000 --> 00:05:00,240 It's a very fascinating thing to speak about the prison system 68 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:07,440 and criminal justice and politics and inmates and all 69 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,880 these these words we throw around. 70 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:16,280 But if anyone listening has been in a similar position as me, or 71 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:21,400 maybe even had it much, much worse, you understand that it's 72 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,880 very different to be on the inside. 73 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:31,000 You understand the toll that it takes on a person's mind to be 74 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:36,520 in captivity, to be tucked away from the rest of humanity, to be 75 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:42,760 observed like you are in a zoo or a fish tank, which is what I 76 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:48,240 called our cell. I literally was like, oh, we're 77 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:52,480 in a fish tank because the walls were glass and everyone could 78 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:59,040 see in. There's nothing like being caged 79 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:04,560 for any amount of time. Mine was a very short amount of 80 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,120 time compared to many, many people. 81 00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:12,040 Many people who did the same thing as me, having a little 82 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:15,920 weed in their grinder in their pocket, being caught by the 83 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:19,640 wrong cop. Specifically people of color in 84 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:25,440 the states who are systemically and racially discriminated 85 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:28,880 against. Even in the process. 86 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,880 I remember thinking, this is teaching me so much. 87 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:39,760 This is opening my heart in ways that I hasn't been open before. 88 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,760 This is opening my eyes in ways that they haven't been open 89 00:06:43,760 --> 00:06:50,160 before. I flew into Bali, Indonesia and 90 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:56,080 my bag was flagged because of my grinder and they went through 91 00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:58,480 everything, triple checked all the things. 92 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:00,960 All of the stuff in our bags had to be gone through. 93 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,120 It was very stressful. Although the people were very 94 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,960 kind. Everyone in Bali is, is very 95 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:11,600 kind, truly at heart. And even after my experiences, 96 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:15,960 I, I could still say that I was treated with a lot of respect. 97 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,480 And I'm grateful for that because I know that things could 98 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:24,680 have been very different for me after everything was gone 99 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:30,200 through, were taken to the customs station outside of the 100 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:34,440 airport, driven there and fill out paperwork and my pictures 101 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:38,080 taken. And my, the whole time I'm 102 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,160 thinking, this is a dream. I'm going to wake up from this. 103 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,920 Like, there's no way this is happening. 104 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:49,040 You know, I had flown with my grinder to many countries and 105 00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:52,080 never been stopped or never had any issues. 106 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:57,240 And having just spent time in Thailand, where cannabis is not 107 00:07:57,240 --> 00:08:03,800 only legalized but also widely available, it was a shock to the 108 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:10,400 system to land in a place that was so strict, where all drugs 109 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:13,360 are considered narcotics. I might as well have been 110 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:20,080 bringing in a kilo of heroin. And so after a full day of 111 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:24,520 questioning and getting my photos taken and all the things 112 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:29,160 we had to do, they told my partner to leave and that they 113 00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:34,760 were taking me. And I stood up to five grown ass 114 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:40,679 men and said absolutely not. And they were like, what do you 115 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:42,960 mean? I'm like, you're not separating 116 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:47,520 us. And I stood my ground for 117 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,800 several minutes until they finally agreed to bring Philip 118 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:54,240 in the car with us and drive to the police station. 119 00:08:55,520 --> 00:09:02,560 This is after 12 hours of being questioned because they are 120 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:05,440 typically under the impression that anyone coming into the 121 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:10,840 country, even with a tiny bit of weed, is a drug mule bringing 122 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:14,400 cannabis to the dealers there, to the cartels there. 123 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:20,200 And so my passport was taken, my phone was taken, everything was 124 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,400 gone through to make sure that I'm not, you know, bringing weed 125 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:28,880 to somebody that's going to sample it and send me back for 126 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,160 more. It was a very interesting 127 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:37,840 experience to go from one minute being a human in an airport to 128 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:46,360 being a criminal with no rights and no voice because once we got 129 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:52,080 to the police station where we were going to be kept, well, I 130 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,240 was going to be kept. Philip was clean, he was fine 131 00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:01,000 and I'm so grateful that he was because he was my lifeline on 132 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,200 the other side. If I had not had him on the 133 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:06,720 other side for me, I genuinely don't know what would have 134 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,240 happened. I would probably still be lost 135 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,000 in this system somewhere, to be honest. 136 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,680 I I'm still like, wow, I'm really telling this story. 137 00:10:15,680 --> 00:10:19,000 I'm just, yeah, I'm sharing it. It's crazy. 138 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,360 It feels good to talk about it. There's been times when I've 139 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:27,120 talked about it and it's been just a little too much for me. 140 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:31,040 My nervous system starts to feel tired and dysregulated. 141 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:33,600 But I feel really calm right now. 142 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,320 So I'm grateful for you sharing this space with me. 143 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:41,600 And so we drive to the station and I'm, I don't know what's 144 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,080 going to happen. They're not telling me anything. 145 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,120 I don't know if I'm just staying overnight. 146 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,000 I don't know if I get to go home now. 147 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,040 I don't know if I have to pay somebody off. 148 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,720 Like, I'm thinking through all of the options, you know? 149 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,800 And we get to the police station. 150 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,760 I'm assigned a lawyer. I'm assigned a translator who is 151 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:07,640 such a kind woman. She grounded me so much in a 152 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,680 time when I was feeling incredibly dysregulated and 153 00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:14,720 unsafe. I'm told what my options are and 154 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:20,440 regardless of what I choose to do, there's a $50,000 fine 155 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:30,120 that's in U.S. dollars that has to be paid within 5 days because 156 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:34,040 I have to be held for six days. That's the law. 157 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,240 Because that gives them enough time to make sure that I'm not a 158 00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:42,640 drug mule. And I can hardly believe what 159 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:46,840 I'm hearing. I've never had $50,000 in a bank 160 00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,480 account. There's no time to start a 161 00:11:48,480 --> 00:11:51,760 GoFundMe, you know what I mean? Like they need it in their 162 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:59,000 account in several days time. And so I start freaking out. 163 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,400 This was the first point in time when I really started feeling 164 00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:05,600 the gravity of what was happening because I just kept 165 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,200 thinking, this is a dream. I'm going to wake up from this. 166 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:15,280 I was, it was so disorienting. And when he said that number, I 167 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,240 looked at him and I started crying. 168 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:21,120 And I said, you have to get that price down. 169 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,920 And he's like, well, I'll, I'll do my best. 170 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,400 You know, I don't know if it's possible. 171 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:30,560 And I said I'm counting on you to get the price down because 172 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:32,520 that's impossible. Literally that's I. 173 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:35,920 I can't pay that. They call it a night. 174 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:40,480 I say goodbye to my partner. I hold his face in my hands and 175 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:45,520 I cry, not knowing when I'll see him again, if I'll see him 176 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:49,400 again, what's going to happen. I could be in here for years, I 177 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,360 don't know. No one is telling me anything. 178 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:56,640 I have a very beautiful and long standing relationship with 179 00:12:56,640 --> 00:13:00,480 cannabis as a as a plant, as a tool, as a medicine, as a 180 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:05,920 consciousness. Santa Maria, she's been a a 181 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:11,240 constant support in my life for many years, for my mental 182 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,440 health, my creativity, for my sleep. 183 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,400 There have been months where I haven't touched it and periods 184 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,080 of time where I've smoked everyday. 185 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:24,040 It depends on the season you're in, why you're connecting, what 186 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:27,640 you need to connect for. Especially for people that are 187 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:31,200 neurodivergent, it can be an incredibly grounding tool. 188 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,040 I'm not recommending it for everyone who's neurodivergent or 189 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:40,360 even for every person, but for me, I've found a very beautiful 190 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:45,480 relationship with with cannabis. And so now to be in this 191 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:53,080 situation, it's like we're having all of this fuss over a 192 00:13:53,080 --> 00:14:00,920 plant, OK, I'll be a wonderful and powerful plant, but a plant 193 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,920 that the worst thing that happens if you smoke is you fall 194 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:10,160 asleep. The difference between something 195 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:14,200 like weed versus alcohol or cocaine and things that are more 196 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:20,680 normalized in society that have devastating and lifelong effects 197 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:25,320 on the brain, on the body, on the memory versus something like 198 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,400 cannabis. And if you, if you haven't 199 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,160 smoked and you don't really understand cannabis, that's OK. 200 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,720 You don't have to just understand that you can have 201 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:36,760 very different relationships with it. 202 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:40,960 Not just being a couch potato and then watching TV all day 203 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,400 with a stereotypical Stoner vibe, right? 204 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:48,120 That is not true for everyone. It can be, but it definitely 205 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:50,960 doesn't have to be. And through conscious 206 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:55,240 cultivation of your relationship with a plant, you can form 207 00:14:55,240 --> 00:15:01,800 something very powerful that helps you to understand yourself 208 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:07,520 and the world in a way that is so unique and so profound. 209 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,160 And that's what my relationship has been for many years. 210 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:16,920 And so after my meeting with the lawyer, I was put into a room 211 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:22,680 with two other women who I had no idea by the end of the week 212 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:29,480 would be fast friends. They were both 21 years old, one 213 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:33,240 of them who also flew in from Thailand with cannabis and one 214 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,960 from Seattle, both places in which cannabis is legalized. 215 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:43,640 These were my new roommates and this was our new room, sleeping 216 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:48,360 on the floor on a mat that smelled like 1000 footballers 217 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:52,400 had slept on it. I was allowed my toothbrush, 218 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:57,360 toothpaste, my journal, which I was very lucky to get. 219 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:01,720 That and Philip's watch he gave me right before I went in so 220 00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,520 that I would be able to tell the time. 221 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:08,600 I slept with that watch in my hand every single night while I 222 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:14,840 laid on the floor in the freezing room trying to sleep. 223 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:20,040 The two women that I was with were so sweet, so kind. 224 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:23,600 One of them is English speaking, one of them is French speaking 225 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:29,160 and was learning English while we were in in jail, who also 226 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:32,120 taught me all of the colors to say in French. 227 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:34,800 So my time there was definitely not a waste. 228 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:41,160 It was very educational and the time just got more and more 229 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:44,400 weird from there. There was a lot of hurry up and 230 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,680 wait. There were a lot of assignments 231 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:50,920 and appointments and investigators and interrogations 232 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:55,320 and appearing before the chief of police and psychiatry 233 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:59,840 appointments. I mean, it was a whole journey 234 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:04,520 which led me to the end of the week, being able to be released 235 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:12,720 on the 8th day on a full moon. So all that I knew at that time 236 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,800 was that I had to stay for six days. 237 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,240 But after that I would either get released or I would be sent 238 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:24,200 to jail and be there for like a while months till January 239 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:28,319 potentially. This was September, so I was not 240 00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:30,600 about to let that happen. But I still had no idea what to 241 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:35,040 do about the money. I knew it was impossible to try 242 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,440 to scrape it together from the inside of the jail. 243 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:41,800 Philip was outside and he could do some things, but there wasn't 244 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:46,880 enough time. And so my lawyer negotiated the 245 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:55,800 fee from 50,000 down to 30,000. Better, but still insane. 246 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:03,000 And so a very, very kind and wonderful couple that will 247 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:09,560 remain nameless offered to pay my fine for me and told me that 248 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:12,280 I could take the time I needed to pay them back. 249 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:16,760 And I hit the floor. I cried my eyes out. 250 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:21,520 And I will be forever grateful for that and the way that that 251 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:27,720 love gave me my freedom. It gave me the chance to go out 252 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:32,280 and continue living my life. Like without them being there, I 253 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:33,520 don't know what would have happened. 254 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:40,760 And I was so keenly aware of everyone else in my situation 255 00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:43,680 that does not have someone like that in their corner. 256 00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,000 Someone that could step up and say I've got it. 257 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:51,280 And that the combined joy and grief that came with this gift 258 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:55,680 was so deeply profound. I will never forget that. 259 00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:00,400 I have been paying them back since the day I got out of jail, 260 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,120 and I will continue to be paying them for some time. 261 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:09,920 The things that I missed the most while I was inside, while I 262 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,400 was in the clink. I can say that now. 263 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:20,240 Fresh air. The people in charge of this 264 00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:24,920 place in Bali, they, they smoke cigarettes constantly, they 265 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:28,640 chain smoke and they smoke vapes like on a necklace around their 266 00:19:28,640 --> 00:19:31,400 neck. So it's never ending. 267 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,520 And the room that we were staying in, the guard who was 268 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,560 always in there with us was also chain smoking. 269 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,400 So the whole week we were breathing in secondhand smoke 270 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:48,160 and vape smoke from everyone. So fresh air, sunlight on my 271 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:51,280 skin. Oh, that was a huge one. 272 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,160 That was so hard for me. I'm such a little like lizard 273 00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,160 when it comes to wanting to be in the sun. 274 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,480 I love it. I love it. 275 00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,000 I love it on my skin. It feels so good. 276 00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:03,440 The right time of day, you know, you got to watch out for the UV. 277 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:09,040 But being without sunshine and fresh air and being disconnected 278 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:13,320 from the grass, the ground not getting to touch like flowers 279 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:18,280 and trees. There was 1 stray cat that would 280 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:22,840 wander and sometimes that was white and sometimes we try to 281 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:26,200 like get her to come to us so we get better. 282 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,960 Sometimes she would but most of the time she's just looking for 283 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,840 food. I really miss that physical 284 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:37,440 touch of things, of animals, of people of nature. 285 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:45,120 Hugs from my partner, being able to have like a brush and being 286 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:49,320 able to take a shower. I only had one shower in a week 287 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:57,280 and it was with a bucket over the toilet, so it was really not 288 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:03,080 not the same as a hot shower. And you better believe that when 289 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:10,160 I got out of this experience, I took a shower for an hour. 290 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:14,480 I'm sorry if that seems like a waste of water, I know that it 291 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:21,560 it is, but it was so necessary. It was so necessary and it was a 292 00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:24,000 it was like another worldly experience for me. 293 00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:25,680 I've never had a shower like that in my life. 294 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:31,880 I will never not be grateful for every shower that I take after 295 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:38,760 being deprived of 1. I didn't miss my phone, which 296 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:40,640 was an interesting realization to me. 297 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:45,840 I did miss being able to hear my friends voices though on voice 298 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:49,440 memos or see my best friend text me and my face lights up because 299 00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:54,000 it's her name, you know? All of that was was gone and 300 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:59,240 very strange to have a full week of no social media, no texting, 301 00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:03,840 no notifications, nothing. It makes you very aware, very 302 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:09,200 alert and really shows you what matters, which are things like 303 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:12,480 your freedom, your happiness, your state of mind. 304 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:21,640 If I had not done the work on myself that I have done, this 305 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,200 would have been a very different experience for me. 306 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,960 There were moments when I was very close to breaking because 307 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:32,200 of the way that we were, you know, being treated and which we 308 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:36,280 were always treated fine in the grand scheme of things. 309 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:40,080 But like, we were always fed, we always had water, we could 310 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,880 always, you know, be taken to the bathroom, That kind of thing 311 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:47,280 was, was fine. But the energetics of your 312 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:51,360 environment are you are a criminal. 313 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,840 You have no rights. You are in a cage. 314 00:22:56,480 --> 00:23:01,120 And so that experience alone changes something in you, you 315 00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:06,360 know, and it shifts something in your perception of the world and 316 00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:09,120 your perception of even the way you experience life. 317 00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:12,480 Your ego, like all of it is, is different. 318 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,880 And even though I had moments where I felt like I couldn't 319 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:21,480 stop crying, I feel like I was able to keep my head above water 320 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:27,800 and know that this was all for something bigger than me. 321 00:23:28,680 --> 00:23:32,640 Even while I was in the middle of the process, I knew. 322 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:37,360 I don't believe in coincidences. I do believe in synchronicities. 323 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,840 I don't believe things happen on accident. 324 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,600 I do believe that everything happens for a reason. 325 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:52,520 And so putting all of that together and knowing that I am 326 00:23:52,520 --> 00:23:55,880 here with intention, whatever that is, maybe don't doesn't 327 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:59,000 make sense yet. But there is a reason for this. 328 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:03,040 There's a bigger picture for this and even in the middle of 329 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:06,680 the storm, looking back, I'm so proud of myself that I could 330 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:10,080 hold that mentality for myself and for the other women that I 331 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:12,880 was with. Keeping our heads held high, 332 00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:15,160 staying firm with our boundaries. 333 00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:18,080 There was 1 moment where they wanted to move the female 334 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:22,200 prisoners into the smaller room where the male prisoners were 335 00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,760 and we because because we were separated. 336 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:29,640 And I looked at the guard and I said absolutely not. 337 00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:32,640 And he looked at me like, excuse me? 338 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:36,200 And there were several reasons for me not wanting us to be 339 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:40,080 moved, but the primary one was there is no reason for us to 340 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,200 move. There was this new guard that we 341 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,440 had never seen before who came in and just started calling 342 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,760 shots. And we were able to stand up 343 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,240 even to him and say we're not doing that. 344 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:55,240 He actually listened to us and was like, OK, and left us there. 345 00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:58,320 And if we hadn't said something, we would have been moved into a 346 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,960 very uncomfortable situation. Another one of my favorite 347 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:07,240 experiences and reasons that confirmed the fact that I knew I 348 00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:11,400 was supposed to be there in that moment were the guards that I 349 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:16,440 met who had questions about cannabis, about mushrooms, about 350 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,000 the plants, about the mind, about the brain, about the body, 351 00:25:19,360 --> 00:25:23,080 things that I actually knew the answer to because of my personal 352 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:29,080 and lived experiences. This country does not celebrate 353 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:34,040 the plants and their support for our mental health in the same 354 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,440 way that we who have found support in our mental health 355 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:41,160 through plants do. And it's very misunderstood. 356 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:46,560 It's very taboo. No one talks about it, and they 357 00:25:46,560 --> 00:25:52,040 are not given any education around the benefits of having a 358 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,240 relationship with a plant like cannabis. 359 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,920 And so they came to me with questions like, what does it 360 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,040 feel like when you smoke? I'm like, have you never smoked 361 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:03,600 before? Of course not. 362 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,480 No. But but I'm curious what it's 363 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:12,560 like for you. Well, I feel grounded. 364 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:17,200 I feel centered. My brain feels calm. 365 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:20,600 Sometimes I feel motivated. I'm like jumping up, cleaning 366 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:24,280 the dishes, washing the floors. Like sometimes I'm more settled 367 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,440 in my body and I'm creating with my hands. 368 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:30,920 I'm painting, I'm sculpting, I'm creating music and I'm flowing 369 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,960 with my day. I'm smiling at every stranger. 370 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:35,880 I'm being guided from synchronicity and to 371 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,480 synchronicity and to synchronicity. 372 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:41,360 I'm in my flow state. Can I get there sober 100%? 373 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:44,720 Do I get there sober regularly? Yeah. 374 00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:46,920 Can I also get there with cannabis? 375 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:50,120 Yes. How beautiful, right? 376 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:55,120 And they're looking at me like seriously, like their whole 377 00:26:55,120 --> 00:26:57,160 world is shattering behind their eyes. 378 00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:02,320 This propaganda that they've believed about these substances, 379 00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,680 that they've been taught by their superiors, that they've 380 00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:07,520 been taught by officials, by their own government, by the 381 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:10,040 World News, by all the things, right? 382 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,560 This has been going on a long time. 383 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:18,520 They can't believe the words I'm saying, but they see the spark 384 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,360 in the way that I'm speaking about this. 385 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:28,200 And they asked me what I do with my time, and I tell them about 386 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:32,320 my life, and then I make music, and before I know it, my music 387 00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:35,720 is playing through the entire police station. 388 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:42,720 I never thought that I'd be able to say that phrase, but there I 389 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:46,320 was, sitting on the ground with my greasy hair. 390 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:51,320 Haven't showered in a week. I'm cold. 391 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:58,800 They kept the AC on 16°C freezing and we spent a lot of 392 00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:02,960 nights shivering because we were so cold, or unable to sleep 393 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,160 because we were genuinely so cold. 394 00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:10,600 Another one of my favorite moments was a random act of 395 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,600 kindness showed to me by a guard. 396 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:17,520 A woman stopped by the prison with a basket of fruit on her 397 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:20,520 head. And one of the guards looked at 398 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:22,680 me and motioned for me to come out of the cell. 399 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:27,640 And I stepped out of the cell into the foyer and was like, Oh 400 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,720 my God, I'm out of the cell. I couldn't believe it. 401 00:28:30,120 --> 00:28:32,760 And he told me to pick a piece of fruit and then he would pay 402 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:36,000 for it for me. And I picked a piece of 403 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:40,160 watermelon from her head basket and said thank you and went back 404 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:45,040 inside my little cell and sat down and ate that watermelon. 405 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:48,160 And it was the best thing I've ever had. 406 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:53,480 So Philip is on the other side of the jail. 407 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:57,840 He's able to come every day and check on me, but we are not 408 00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,400 really allowed to talk. So for a couple of minutes, 409 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,280 we're allowed to say a few words. 410 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,960 And that usually consisted of, did you get a chance to tell my 411 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:07,440 parents? How are they? 412 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:10,640 Is everyone OK? You know kind of thing and him 413 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:14,040 informing me that someone was going to be able to pay my fine 414 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:19,480 and him bringing me fresh papaya, which I shared with the 415 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:24,440 other girls and also the other inmates that the in the men's 416 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:28,440 cell that we're really grateful to receive random pieces of 417 00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:33,080 fruit from me. They were very kind, the men, a 418 00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:37,680 lot of them had smuggled cocaine and heroin. 419 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:45,040 And I found myself not judging them for it, but simply 420 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:50,200 wondering why they had to. Because this country is very 421 00:29:50,200 --> 00:29:54,880 poor and it's very wealthy in this sense of, you know, tourism 422 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:58,440 and foreign people who have moved there, who own properties 423 00:29:58,440 --> 00:30:01,400 and investments there, who are making lots of money. 424 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:05,280 But a lot of that money does not go back to the local economy at 425 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:09,040 all. And these people are facing 426 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:14,440 rising prices, housing crisis, unable to live in the cities 427 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:19,200 they were born in, that were once villages, that are now 428 00:30:19,640 --> 00:30:27,480 bustling towns so chaotic and so stressful with tourists that 429 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:32,120 they can't even live regularly. And this is happening all over 430 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:34,080 the world. It's happening here in Mexico as 431 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:37,080 well. It's happening in a lot of 432 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:40,440 developing countries and it's hard to escape it. 433 00:30:41,320 --> 00:30:46,520 Understanding it gives you such a deeper appreciation for what 434 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:53,800 you have, but also insight into how difficult it is to live in 435 00:30:54,160 --> 00:30:59,320 situations like this when you are a local native person to the 436 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:05,080 land, indigenous to the land, and you are being forced out of 437 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:09,520 your home, which is the story of colonization all over the world. 438 00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:16,160 Who would most likely go away for many, many years in 439 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:20,720 overcrowded Indonesian prisons, which all of them are across the 440 00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:24,560 country, very, very overpopulated and horrible 441 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,320 conditions. Of course, I can't speak for all 442 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:30,560 of them and all of the men's intentions, but for the majority 443 00:31:30,560 --> 00:31:32,960 of them, they were just dads, just people. 444 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:38,880 Just brothers that were making drug deals with certain people 445 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:42,200 who were going to pay them a lot of money, you know, And you 446 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:46,320 wonder if you would do the same thing in the same situation. 447 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:48,720 Would you do something different? 448 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:56,960 Or are they just a reflection of us, of humanity at our greatest 449 00:31:56,960 --> 00:32:00,920 time of need, when you make irrational decisions to feed 450 00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:06,000 your family, to keep yourself afloat, to be able to stay in 451 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:10,160 your homeland and afford it. One of my favorite and most 452 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:15,320 intimate memories was when one of the women that I was with in 453 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:17,960 the in the jail, she was raised Muslim. 454 00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:23,960 And one of the men on the other side of the glass was also 455 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:29,000 Muslim and was praying on his prayer mat every couple of hours 456 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,840 and singing from the pages of the Quran. 457 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:38,000 And she asked him in Arabic to pray for us. 458 00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:45,880 He sang prayers from the Quran and asked for God's protection 459 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:49,960 and guidance around us. He asked our names and 460 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:54,000 incorporated them into the prayer, which was so beautiful 461 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:58,920 and so touching. And it's one of the only parts 462 00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:01,560 of the story, I think that's actually made me feel emotional 463 00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:08,760 because I think about him and I wonder where he went, what 464 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:12,640 happened next. The next day, he was escorted 465 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:16,200 out of jail and we didn't even get to say goodbye. 466 00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:21,880 So I just send him love wherever he is. 467 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:28,560 I hope he remembers us. And is blessed for how much he 468 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:32,880 blessed us. On a lighter note, another of my 469 00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:37,200 favorite memories was talking with the woman who is from 470 00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:43,960 France and helping her prepare for an interview as a cook in 471 00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:48,360 English. So I was the interviewer, the 472 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:52,240 restaurant owner hiring her potentially to be my head chef, 473 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:56,840 and she practiced her responses in English and did a beautiful 474 00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:59,600 job. I've never been more grateful 475 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:04,200 for my partner than I was in that week and ever since. 476 00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:10,040 I think it took our relationship to a whole new level of having 477 00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:14,520 to be there for each other, even when it was terrifying, 478 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,800 especially when it was terrifying. 479 00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:20,639 And being able to feel his presence and feel his support 480 00:34:20,639 --> 00:34:25,000 from a distance was something I'll never forget. 481 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:30,080 Another one about Philip that I loved was every day, even though 482 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:33,920 we weren't allowed to talk hardly or much less touch or 483 00:34:33,920 --> 00:34:38,159 spend time together, was that he would bring me flowers from the 484 00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:41,480 tree outside. Even though I couldn't be out in 485 00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:46,679 nature, he brought a little bit of nature to me, and I would 486 00:34:46,679 --> 00:34:50,800 hold on to that flower all day, smell it until it didn't smell 487 00:34:51,159 --> 00:34:57,160 anymore like a flower. And the next day, after this one 488 00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:00,000 was crumpled, you know I would, I would get another one. 489 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:06,640 So on the 8th and final day, when I had fingers crossed that 490 00:35:06,640 --> 00:35:11,800 I would be released and not have to go to actual prison for many 491 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:16,200 months, the motion passed that I would be released, that I was 492 00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,520 not a drug mule and that I could have my passport and my phone 493 00:35:19,720 --> 00:35:24,360 and my backpack and all my stuff that had been kept and I could 494 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:30,120 leave. So from one minute to the next, 495 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:34,680 I'm a criminal in a cage. And the next minute I'm being 496 00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,560 handed my passport, my phone, and the door is being opened for 497 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:38,880 me. Here you go, Miss Russell. 498 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:47,080 And I'm walking outside. The cognitive dissonance that 499 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:52,240 comes from an experience like this is insane. 500 00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:56,600 I don't even have words for it. I have words for everything. 501 00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,720 I can't even describe to you what that felt like. 502 00:36:00,720 --> 00:36:05,320 I felt like I walked out a different person. 503 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:10,080 It felt like I was breathing the air for the first time. 504 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,120 And I remember turning around and looking at the building and 505 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:20,400 I could see through the tinted glass all of the men that had 506 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,400 been imprisoned with me on the other side. 507 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:27,000 And I waved to them and they waved to me. 508 00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:34,840 And at first I felt guilty because I was going and they 509 00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:39,600 were staying. And then I realized that they 510 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:44,680 were so happy for me to be walking free, to be walking out. 511 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:48,000 That makes me emotional to think about them. 512 00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:53,840 At first I felt guilty for my freedom, looking back at them, 513 00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:56,640 not knowing what their fate would be. 514 00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:01,200 But I could feel their excitement for me. 515 00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:06,240 They were waving enthusiastically, so happy that 516 00:37:06,240 --> 00:37:10,760 I had made it. As I drove away, I got to see 517 00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:15,200 the sunset and the full moon coming in the sky at the same 518 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:20,120 time. The moon was bigger than I think 519 00:37:20,120 --> 00:37:23,720 I've ever seen it, and the sunset was incredible. 520 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:31,240 I got to the place I was staying and put all my bags down, still 521 00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:34,200 in shock, disbelief, dysregulation, not even fully 522 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:38,200 present in my body remotely. And I went outside barefoot and 523 00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:45,880 I put my feet in the grass and I touched the trees and I took a 524 00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:50,120 shower for a very long time, started to feel a little bit 525 00:37:50,120 --> 00:37:56,000 like a human again. And then I ordered Greek food, a 526 00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:59,560 comfort meal. For me, part of my ancestry is 527 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,480 Greek, from the Aegean island of Rhodes. 528 00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:06,440 So Greek food, Mediterranean food has a very special place in 529 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:09,920 my heart and my DNA. It's very grounding. 530 00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:16,000 I turned on the TV and and I sat there with my food on the bed, 531 00:38:16,320 --> 00:38:19,400 unable to even eat, unable to to do anything. 532 00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:22,880 I hadn't even cried at this point in many days. 533 00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:28,640 And with the most perfect timing, I heard it started to 534 00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:37,000 rain outside and I got up with a reckless abandoned and ran 535 00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:41,000 outside to the grass. And I planted my feet in the 536 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:44,720 dirt and I looked up at the sky and I laughed. 537 00:38:45,720 --> 00:38:54,280 And then I cried. And I cried so well, I cried so 538 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:59,280 hard but also so good because it was a release that my body was 539 00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:04,840 craving so much from being so pent up all week and not feeling 540 00:39:04,840 --> 00:39:09,360 safe to release the emotions that were stored in my body. 541 00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:18,120 It was like a volcano erupted. I did not sleep well that night. 542 00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:24,800 I was having dreams of being in jail and guards coming in and 543 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:30,760 people needing things from me and I was having constant lucid 544 00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:37,440 dreams of guards coming into my room and arresting me again and 545 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:43,360 Needless to say, my subconscious was not feeling very safe. 546 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:50,120 The next day I was reunited with my partner and two days after 547 00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:56,080 that I had previously passed. Bailey had booked future Bailey 548 00:39:56,080 --> 00:40:01,440 Eye hair appointment on that day to dye my hair back to my 549 00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,200 natural color, my brunette color. 550 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:08,160 I've been blonde for three years and it was on the fall Equinox, 551 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:13,760 September 21st. Which felt very timely and very, 552 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:19,680 it was a very beautiful experience that I had already 553 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:23,440 had this planned for myself. Like almost like a part of me 554 00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:27,120 knew that I would need it and oh did I need it. 555 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:32,280 Having someone touch my hair, touch my head, color my hair, 556 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:37,960 show me so much care and attention and love and return me 557 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:41,880 to my roots, to my natural hair color for the first time in many 558 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,320 years was a spiritual experience. 559 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:51,880 To this day, I still look twice when I see the lights flashing 560 00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,920 from a cop car. Certain smells or certain things 561 00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:59,880 I'll see remind me what it felt like to be in a cage. 562 00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:06,400 I can say wholeheartedly that I appreciate my life and my 563 00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:14,400 freedom more than I ever have. The rain never goes unnoticed. 564 00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,640 The sunshine on my skin is felt fully. 565 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:23,400 A deep breath of fresh air is like heaven. 566 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:27,520 When I hear someone speak Arabic, it makes me think of the 567 00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:30,920 man who prayed for me, whose name I will never know. 568 00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:36,080 It makes me think of the guards who questioned me, who 569 00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,320 investigated me, who interrogated me. 570 00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:41,480 I wonder if they will ever find freedom. 571 00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:45,560 Because one thing that this experience taught me for sure 572 00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:52,040 was that if we were in a fish tank, not by choice, everyone 573 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:56,160 else in this system by choice, who was working in these jobs 574 00:41:56,160 --> 00:42:02,880 and working in these buildings 9 to 5, smoking indoors, never 575 00:42:03,240 --> 00:42:07,800 being in nature, just trying to work up the corporate ladder of 576 00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:13,120 recognition and honor and praise and authority and superiority 577 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:16,240 and putting people through the criminal justice system, they 578 00:42:16,240 --> 00:42:19,520 are in a fish tank too. But they chose to be there. 579 00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:26,600 And every month that I send money to the wonderful people 580 00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:32,760 who bought my freedom, literally, I send it to them 581 00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:37,160 with love and with intention and with hopes that this money will 582 00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:40,680 overflow in their lives. That they will be blessed with 583 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:44,680 so much abundance for their generosity and their care. 584 00:42:45,240 --> 00:42:48,840 For helping me have the opportunity to continue living 585 00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:53,480 my life freely. Sitting here in my home at 8:00 586 00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:58,400 on a Thursday night, recording this episode for you to listen 587 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,600 to while we sit around the fire and swap stories. 588 00:43:03,680 --> 00:43:07,600 That is something that I will never take for granted. 589 00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:13,280 I hope that you have a few takeaways from this story and 590 00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:18,680 that it's not just Bailey went to jail, but truly, don't gloss 591 00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:21,480 over the things that I shared here. 592 00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:28,520 Take them with you, remember them, share them, and please do 593 00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:32,760 not travel with cannabis internationally. 594 00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:36,600 Don't think you can get away with it. 595 00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:40,360 It's not worth it even if you can, because maybe you have 596 00:43:40,360 --> 00:43:42,640 before. Why risk it? 597 00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:47,560 If you have the chance of experiencing anything that I 598 00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:51,000 just did much less worse. I'll tell you another cautionary 599 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:55,760 tale quickly of a guy that I met at the end of my journey who had 600 00:43:55,760 --> 00:44:00,800 been in the the prison system for several months. 601 00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:07,480 He flew in to Bali from Argentina months before me and 602 00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:12,200 had been stuck there this whole time because he flew in with 2G 603 00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,400 of weed, which is like 2 tablespoons of weed basically 604 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:21,320 from Argentina where it's legal. And he even had a medical 605 00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:23,320 marijuana card. He had a prescription from a 606 00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:27,840 doctor to be able to illegally use cannabis in a therapeutic 607 00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:32,240 and in a therapeutic way. He was detained for months 608 00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:35,360 behind bars. And I think it's very different 609 00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:37,880 for guys in the system versus women as well. 610 00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:41,720 I noticed that the guys were treated much worse and much 611 00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:45,600 different than we were. And on one hand, I'm grateful 612 00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:49,680 for how we were treated, and on the other hand, it made me very 613 00:44:49,680 --> 00:44:53,960 sad and very sick to see the difference based on our gender 614 00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:58,760 and the degradation toward the men in this scary and vulnerable 615 00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:02,560 situation. This guy also flew in with a bag 616 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:04,360 of gummies. In case you're thinking, well, 617 00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:09,240 we'll just bring edibles. They don't have the system to 618 00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:13,640 weigh what is THC versus what is the rest of the gummy because 619 00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:16,880 most gummies are just sugar and gelatin, right? 620 00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,920 So rather than being able to separate that and say, oh, they 621 00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:25,680 only brought on this much THC, they weigh the whole bag and 622 00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:30,280 say, oh, you brought in 500 grams or a kilo of cannabis, 623 00:45:30,280 --> 00:45:32,640 right? That's a very different thing. 624 00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:39,160 So please do not risk it. I'm just asking you now if 625 00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:42,040 you're ever in this situation, remember my words. 626 00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:44,880 May they haunt you? Not really. 627 00:45:44,880 --> 00:45:49,760 But in this situation, yes. And if you can't travel without 628 00:45:49,760 --> 00:45:53,360 having weed with you, then that's probably an indication 629 00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:58,360 that you should look at your consumption and figure out ways 630 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,880 that you can go without it for periods of time. 631 00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,360 Because nothing is meant to be consumed every day, all day, all 632 00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:08,840 the time. Maybe this is a indication to 633 00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,680 you of where you're at in your cannabis journey, whether that's 634 00:46:12,680 --> 00:46:16,720 destigmatizing it further, opening your awareness to it and 635 00:46:16,720 --> 00:46:21,840 the beauty of it, or maybe working on enhancing the 636 00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:25,560 authenticity and the intention of your relationship to it. 637 00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:32,360 I'm so grateful that I had this experience, that it all worked 638 00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:38,800 out the way that it did, that it was so scary and so jarring that 639 00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:45,400 it woke me up to even deeper empathy, deeper resilience, and 640 00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:50,560 an awareness about myself and my mind and my nervous system and 641 00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:56,400 how strong they are in a way that I have, in a way that I 642 00:46:56,400 --> 00:47:00,280 might never have been aware of before, to this depth. 643 00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:04,760 I'll never forget my time there, the people that I met, the 644 00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,320 things I did. Sounds like I'm telling you 645 00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:08,640 about going to camp or something. 646 00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:14,560 I'll never forget my time there, but it really was one of the 647 00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:20,840 most intense initiations of my life. 648 00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:24,960 I'm grateful to be able to share it with you in this capacity. 649 00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:28,600 Thank you for your attention. Thank you for your presence. 650 00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:32,840 Thank you for listening to this wild, wild story. 651 00:47:32,960 --> 00:47:36,120 I appreciate it. I felt like you were really here 652 00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:41,120 with me, and if this story touched you, I would love to 653 00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:44,800 hear from you about it. You can send me an e-mail at the 654 00:47:44,800 --> 00:47:49,520 Cosmic nomadpodcast@gmail.com. You can also send me a message 655 00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:53,040 on Instagram. You know, I'm not telling this 656 00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:58,800 story because I want pity or drama or to be seen as anything 657 00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:03,080 other than the human. I'm telling the story because it 658 00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:08,280 changed me, and because stories like this, the messy ones, the 659 00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:12,240 complicated ones, the multi layered ones, the ones where we 660 00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:18,200 don't look so good, so pretty, so shiny, the ones where maybe 661 00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:23,040 we don't look like the hero they deserve to be held to. 662 00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:30,240 I walked out of that jail a different person and every step 663 00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:36,320 since then has been a way of returning to myself and to a 664 00:48:36,440 --> 00:48:39,040 balanced and a regulated nervous system. 665 00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:44,520 This experience brought me face to face with so many things and 666 00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:49,920 and so many aspects of myself. I'm reminded of the words from 667 00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:55,120 the Quran that say surely with hardship comes ease. 668 00:48:56,080 --> 00:49:02,520 And maybe this story is part of my ease, because I survived and 669 00:49:02,520 --> 00:49:05,160 now I get to share it in my own words. 670 00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:12,880 I feel like I'm looking around the fire at each one of you and 671 00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:15,720 you're like, nodding and understanding. 672 00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:20,840 And the fire is kind of dim now, and the stars and the Crescent 673 00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:24,480 moon are looking really nice, really shiny. 674 00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:30,920 And we're all ready to pull out the guitar and sing something 675 00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,560 fun. Lift the mood again. 676 00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:40,160 That's a great campfire vibe. Sing a little John Denver. 677 00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:45,200 You know, I hope that the reflection of this story leads 678 00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:50,880 you closer to yourself in some way, that maybe you appreciate 679 00:49:50,880 --> 00:49:55,720 the rain a little bit more or the sunlight when it touches 680 00:49:55,720 --> 00:49:59,160 your skin and you think of the people who don't get to 681 00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:03,840 experience that. That you live your life big and 682 00:50:03,840 --> 00:50:08,600 bold in the name of every person that doesn't get the chance to. 683 00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:15,840 No more playing small. Live big, live bright, live 684 00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:20,120 victoriously in your freedom. You have so much freedom. 685 00:50:20,720 --> 00:50:26,520 Do something with it that is profound and deeply authentic 686 00:50:26,920 --> 00:50:31,560 and super fun. Thank you so much for taking the 687 00:50:31,560 --> 00:50:35,160 time to be here with me today. And if today's episode spoke to 688 00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:38,280 something in you, please feel free to share it with a friend 689 00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:40,960 who you think would also resonate or leave a review. 690 00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:44,080 It helps more than you know. And if you want to support the 691 00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:47,240 podcast and go deeper into the work that I'm sharing, you can 692 00:50:47,240 --> 00:50:50,400 now join me on Patreon. Each month, Ioffer guided 693 00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:54,160 meditations, private voice notes, and little glimpses 694 00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:56,640 behind the scenes of my creative world. 695 00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:58,880 It's a really beautiful way to stay connected. 696 00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,680 So I'll be back next Tuesday with another episode, and until 697 00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:07,200 then, open heart, open mind, stay curious.