1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:05,360 Hello and welcome to the Cosmic Nomad. 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:09,040 I'm your host, Bailey Rushlow, and this is a space for the 3 00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:12,920 curious and the heart lead where we explore the human experience 4 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:16,400 through travel, nature, spirituality, and real life 5 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,800 transformation through beautiful conversations. 6 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:24,320 As I discover my way of living what I call an inspired life, I 7 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:27,040 share the practices, stories, and perspectives that have 8 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:32,159 helped guide me back to myself. Please do whatever it feels good 9 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:37,440 to you to relax, to pull the chair, to go on a walk, get a 10 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:40,680 cozy drink, make something refreshing like a snack. 11 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:47,760 Have a joy never feeling and welcome to this space. 12 00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:52,400 You're most likely hearing this a few weeks after this moment 13 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:57,520 has happened in my life, but I am preparing to embark on a 14 00:00:57,520 --> 00:01:04,480 journey and I'm feeling a lot of things about it, as always. 15 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,440 I mean, it is me so incapable of feeling only one thing at a 16 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:13,200 time. It's, it's been a really, really 17 00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:18,000 nice time being here, being grounded for the last nine 18 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,680 months. I got back to Mexico after 19 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:24,440 traveling Asia for six months. In October. 20 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:29,680 I returned and have spent the last nine months healing, 21 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:35,000 integrating my jail experience. If you want to hear about that, 22 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:40,000 you can listen to episode 7 where I talk about my experience 23 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,760 being incarcerated in a foreign country and how scary that was 24 00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:46,080 and just the different things that I had to move through in 25 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:49,320 that space. While I'm incredibly grateful 26 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:52,600 that I got to travel for six months, I also realized that 27 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,080 that's the last time I think I'm going to do a trip that's that 28 00:01:56,080 --> 00:02:01,960 long because I've been doing 5-6 month long trips for the last 29 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:07,080 since 2021. And this is 2025 S for a long 30 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:10,039 time. And this is the last time that I 31 00:02:10,039 --> 00:02:13,640 said, I don't think I'm going to do long trips like that again. 32 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:18,920 Like 2 months, three months, absolute tops is enough for 33 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:21,360 doing like a long, you know, extended travel. 34 00:02:22,160 --> 00:02:26,080 And so this year, my partner Philip decided to go back to 35 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:31,040 Asia and he does customized diving trips and is an 36 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:35,120 incredible resource for the diving and underwater world if 37 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:38,800 you are interested in diving. I was never interested in 38 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,040 diving. I didn't even know that was a 39 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:44,200 thing civilians could do. I thought that was like, you're 40 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,440 in the, in the Marines or in the Navy or something and you, you, 41 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:51,480 you dive like, or archaeologically for like wrecks 42 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,080 and stuff. I never knew it could be 43 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:57,080 recreational and that it's like a sport around the world. 44 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:03,720 So when I met Philip, I actually got certified in scuba diving. 45 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,080 So I, I love it. It's an amazing, amazing thing 46 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:10,280 to do. Besides the point Philip decided 47 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,760 to go back to Asia and do his diving trips there, which is 48 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:18,400 amazing, and live on boats and be just all across many 49 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:22,000 beautiful islands with wonderful people exploring the ocean. 50 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:26,000 And while I love that for him, it also meant that we would 51 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,720 probably have to be separated for a couple of months because I 52 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:32,840 was not ready to go back. So I made the decision to stay 53 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:39,480 home in our home in Mexico and just allow my nervous system to 54 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:43,720 integrate the experiences that I've had and be slow and be 55 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:48,160 still and focus on my health, my art, my creativity. 56 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:54,760 Birthing a podcast and finishing up a course that I've been in 57 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:58,960 for the last year that is like a womb immersion course that I 58 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,640 graduate from in in September. To be able to help women work 59 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:06,680 with their cycles and learn how to speak and understand the 60 00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:10,800 language that their body speaks. So we have been apart for three 61 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:14,800 months and to some people who just live long distance, that 62 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,079 doesn't sound like much. But when you do everything 63 00:04:18,079 --> 00:04:23,040 together and you're such a integral and dynamic part of 64 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:27,480 each other's lives, it's really, really strange to be apart for 65 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:30,400 that long. And we're getting to see each 66 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,280 other next week, so I'm very excited about that. 67 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:38,400 It's been really interesting living by myself for what felt 68 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:42,600 like the first time in my life. I have travelled and lived by 69 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,120 myself in places that I've travelled, but I've never been 70 00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:49,040 in my own home completely alone for an extended period of time. 71 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:53,920 So this was such an incredible gift to myself. 72 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:58,200 It was really hard the very first week or two for me to get 73 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:02,480 accustomed to living by myself. Not because I don't enjoy my own 74 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,360 company, but because I missed his so much. 75 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,920 And I love that about my relationship. 76 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:09,960 I think that's a beautiful thing. 77 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:15,960 But as time went on, I remembered my intention for 78 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,400 being alone and for choosing to stay here because I could have 79 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,680 gone to Asia, but I knew that what I needed was to be here. 80 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:29,320 And so I was able to have the space to do a lot of this inner 81 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:32,880 work around the situation in Asia and what had happened 82 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,720 there. And moving through the layers of 83 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:37,880 that. Sometimes I'm still even moving 84 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,120 through the layers of that. And I'd spend nine months. 85 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:45,800 But healing isn't linear, right? It comes and goes in waves. 86 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:51,840 And I would be the first to tell you that I struggle just like 87 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:53,160 you, right? Like we are. 88 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,240 We are no different. You never know what someone has 89 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:58,640 walked through. And I'd be the first to tell you 90 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:04,320 that even though I have a podcast now and create beautiful 91 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:09,560 art and have, you know, figured out some things earlier in life 92 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:13,760 than other people I've had the opportunity to do so, that does 93 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:19,000 not mean that I don't struggle or suffer or have shitty things 94 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,200 happen in my life just like everyone else. 95 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,960 Just because I'm using my voice to share the things I've learned 96 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,120 does not mean that I am not a student. 97 00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:33,320 I am always, like I said before, I think a student and a teacher 98 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:38,840 at once evolving simultaneously. There's been quite a few really 99 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:43,120 beautiful gifts I think that I'm taking away from this time and 100 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:47,240 carrying with me. One of those is remembering how 101 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:54,320 much time I really do need alone for my optimal creative 102 00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:59,760 expression during this period of healing. 103 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:07,040 And also just settling into my home and having this space by 104 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:12,480 myself has been really beautiful because I've launched a podcast, 105 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:16,760 I've launched my online Patreon with guided meditations monthly. 106 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:24,920 I have started making clay different things out of clay 107 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:30,840 like trinket trays and mushrooms and gnomes and just they're 108 00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:32,920 painted, they're adorable. They're so cute. 109 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,960 They bring a lot of whimsy and childlike play to the table. 110 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:40,640 And they I actually thought I wonder if I could put these in 111 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:44,640 an art shop locally, like if would anywhere be interested in 112 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,240 selling my art. So I went to this little shop 113 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,560 and I was so nervous. Oh my gosh. 114 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:54,360 I was literally sweating and I walked in and I said, hi, I know 115 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:59,440 you have like handmade artisans work in your shop from like all 116 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,440 local, you know, artists. Would you be open to putting 117 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,400 mine in the store? I would love to show you a 118 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,080 sample. And she was like, for sure. 119 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,960 So I showed her my stuff. She's like, it's amazing. 120 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,920 Bring it by, we'll put you in the shop. 121 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:15,920 So I was literally so excited and I have been making things 122 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,560 the last couple of months, like every night after I eat dinner, 123 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,000 maybe I watch a show and I'm working with my hands and 124 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,760 creating clay stuff and it brings me so much joy. 125 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:30,160 So I am now in a local art shop. I mean, that's so cool. 126 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,000 I never could have told you that I would be doing that. 127 00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:39,120 But I got brave and followed my confidence and said, you know 128 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,640 what, 20 seconds of courage is all it takes to change your 129 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:44,560 life. I've told myself that many times 130 00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,840 through my journey where I've wanted to do something but I'm 131 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:51,120 scared and fear holds us back so much. 132 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:54,960 Like I don't know there there's this quote I used to say as a 133 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:58,160 kid. It was fear means FEAR, face 134 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:02,080 everything and run or face everything and rise. 135 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:06,720 And I, it makes me smile thinking about now because I 136 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:10,720 think I said that in a 4H speech to a bunch of people because I 137 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:12,280 heard it somewhere and I thought it was really cool. 138 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,880 Oh man, 4H, that's funny. I wonder if anyone listening to 139 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:23,760 this has been a part of 4H, You know, because if you don't try 140 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:29,320 then you will never know. And I feel like people think 141 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:33,560 about the things they didn't do on their deathbed way more than 142 00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:35,240 they think about the things they did do. 143 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:38,160 So I think you should just go for it. 144 00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:44,600 Whatever The thing is that makes your heart feel alive and feel 145 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,640 connected to yourself, that's, that's it. 146 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:52,080 That's what's lighting your path, you know, and I feel like 147 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,280 we don't listen to that voice enough because of what it would 148 00:09:55,280 --> 00:10:00,200 mean, because of what, what it would cost us, the change that 149 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:04,880 would it would require of us, the uncomfortability, the way we 150 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:09,160 would make other people feel. Who that one? 151 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,800 That's the one that haunts me the most. 152 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:15,040 And there have definitely been times in my life when I have let 153 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:21,520 that keep me from being free and liberated and showing up in my 154 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,680 creative expression and creative expansion. 155 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:30,560 And when I look back at the times when I was scared but I 156 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:36,520 did something anyway and I showed up, those are the times 157 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,800 when I think I felt the most alive. 158 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,760 And sometimes in my experiences, this can look like booking the 159 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:47,120 flight or wearing that outfit you really want to, or doing 160 00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,080 that weird thing with your hair that you actually love on 161 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:54,000 yourself. Sometimes it's been going up to 162 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:57,120 a total stranger and having a conversation that's changed my 163 00:10:57,120 --> 00:11:00,520 life. Sometimes it's going into an art 164 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:04,720 shop as an adult and saying hi. Do you like the things that I 165 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:08,880 make out of Clay? Sometimes it's starting a 166 00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:12,440 podcast and being vulnerable and sharing things without a script, 167 00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:17,360 like I am doing today and just letting my mind speak freely 168 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:22,280 with what I want to share. Because I am flying out tomorrow 169 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:26,960 and my house is clean and ready for the woman who's going to be 170 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:30,320 living here while I'm away and taking care of my cat and my 171 00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:34,160 plants. My clothes are packed, bags are 172 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:41,800 ready, and I'm feeling that mix of excitement and trepidation 173 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:47,880 because I have been in such a beautiful container of my own 174 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:53,200 energy and my own creative flow. And tomorrow I'm going to get on 175 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,640 a plane and then get on a train and a bus and make it to an 176 00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,720 Airbnb. And then do, you know, it's like 177 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:05,800 I, as much as I love travel and I am a cosmic nomad at heart, it 178 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,880 still requires a lot of focus and a lot of preparation and a 179 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:14,920 lot of steps to take to get there, you know, but also, I'm 180 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:17,800 so grateful for the opportunity to travel. 181 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:21,360 And I actually just got a small microphone that I'm going to 182 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:26,480 bring with me on the trip that I can still record while I'm on 183 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:29,960 the go, which is something I didn't plan on doing. 184 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,600 I planned on stopping the season and just having a break. 185 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:37,120 And I might still do that at some point just to give myself a 186 00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:41,480 chance to not be creating and, and just get to be and exist, 187 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,760 you know? But I also think it's important 188 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:48,760 to showcase this idea of the cosmic nomad on the road. 189 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:53,720 How fun, how fitting. So back to what I was saying, 190 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,840 you just, you never know when something could change your 191 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,000 life. And you never know when saying 192 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,360 yes to something and choosing yourself and choosing your 193 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:04,240 intuition over what someone else is telling you or over what the 194 00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,720 circumstances have been before or over the way that things have 195 00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:10,400 just have always been for you or your family. 196 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:16,000 Like it can always change. You're never too far gone to 197 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:19,240 change your life truly. I really believe that. 198 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:22,800 I think there's always hope. And sometimes it's it just 199 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,920 starts with one small step of bravery. 200 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:30,880 I remember it was 2018 and I had just recorded a cover of You're 201 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:35,120 Still the One by Shania Twain. And if you don't know, I'm a 202 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:38,160 musician. I make acoustic covers online. 203 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,160 I've been doing that for 10 years. 204 00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:45,320 And it's such a fun space for me to bloom as a singer, a 205 00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,720 musician, a multi instrumentalist, A producer. 206 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,920 It's a place where I feel very alive and connected to my inner 207 00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,640 child. So I remember recording this 208 00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:02,320 song and I told my my boyfriend at the time I just recorded this 209 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:03,600 song. I think it's so good. 210 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,240 And this was before anyone else had done it. 211 00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,400 Now it, I mean, not that I was the first one at all, but there 212 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,080 have been many covers of that song since 2018. 213 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:15,320 And in 2018 I think there was like one or two. 214 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,320 Like it just it wasn't really a covered song. 215 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:23,720 And so I showed him my song and he was like, I don't know if 216 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,120 that's a good idea to cover that. 217 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,800 Like it's old country, like who's going to be listening to 218 00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,280 that? And he was quite successful in 219 00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:32,840 music and with acoustic covers as well. 220 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,120 So I, I thought, man, I really should listen to him. 221 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,880 Like I shouldn't put this out. And I listened to the song again 222 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,440 and thought, no, that is a, that's a hit. 223 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:44,360 That's a gorgeous cover. Oh my God, I love it. 224 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,920 I'm definitely putting it out. I did put it out. 225 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:53,400 And to this day, it is my most streamed cover of over 100 plus 226 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,640 songs that I've released in my life. 227 00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:01,200 This one is, I don't know, 25,000,000 something streams on 228 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,480 this one song. And if I hadn't listened to 229 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:10,760 myself and said no, I'm going to do that anyway, who knows what 230 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,080 the story would be. It definitely would be what it 231 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,760 is today. And what it is today is pretty 232 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,720 awesome. So I'm grateful that I listened 233 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:19,520 to myself. I'm also glad that relationship 234 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,600 ended. You know, it's so often we stay 235 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:28,600 in places that are too small for us in relationships, in jobs, in 236 00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:35,720 opportunities, in identities, in places that we've outgrown in, 237 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:41,840 in workplaces that drain us in family dynamics that are not 238 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:44,920 healthy or not serving the the people involved. 239 00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:50,840 It's that quiet knowing within you that says, I don't think 240 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,320 this is it anymore. And I just think it is so 241 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:58,720 important to remember that your life is allowed to change. 242 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:05,400 We've been sold this idea of going through school, going to 243 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:10,920 college, dating, getting married, having kids, retiring 244 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,400 at some point. We've been sold this dream and 245 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:18,800 for some people that dream has been incredibly fulfilling and 246 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,280 fantastic. And for a lot of the rest of us 247 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:27,640 that is not exactly the path that we've taken. 248 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:33,880 And I don't know, I think I think some people could be very 249 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:37,240 happy in that life and for other people it wouldn't absolutely 250 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,280 not be the right fit. And I don't think there's a 251 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:42,880 one-size-fits-all mold for people going through life. 252 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:50,160 I think we're a lot like plants in that way that, you know, a 253 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:58,360 plant will grow to the size of its container, and sometimes it 254 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:02,960 will grow even bigger than that. And if you don't move the plant 255 00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:09,720 to a larger pot, it will die because its roots and branches 256 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:14,119 have nowhere else to extend to to continue growing. 257 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:18,160 And the roots ended up tangled and matted and knotted and prone 258 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,480 to root rot. And you know it's not good for 259 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,599 the plants. The plant needs fresh soil and 260 00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:28,960 also a big enough space that it can stretch its roots out. 261 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,640 And I think we are the exact same way. 262 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:36,320 You can only expand as big as your environment will let you. 263 00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:43,080 So if you don't feel expensive and you would like to, or maybe 264 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,560 you even feel jealous of people that you see that are expansive 265 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:51,680 or they are just themselves, or they are choosing something that 266 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:57,720 is different than what you chose, let that jealousy inspire 267 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,880 you. Let it be a tool and a teacher 268 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:04,400 to showing you what it is that you're so attracted to about 269 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:08,280 this other person's life. And sometimes it's good to just 270 00:18:08,280 --> 00:18:10,160 unfollow people that are triggering us. 271 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:14,960 I totally feel you on that. But other times, I think it's 272 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:19,200 also important to see the way someone lives or speaks that 273 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,240 makes you feel like, man, I kind of want that. 274 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,200 It's not that you want to be them. 275 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,840 It's not that you want their life, but there's something 276 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:30,960 about what they have. The freedom, maybe money or a 277 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:34,960 nice job or the good clothes, or they're very bold or expressive 278 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,360 or good with their words or good at storytelling or good at. 279 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:43,960 It's not that you want those things, it's what those things 280 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,720 provide. So someone that's really 281 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,600 charismatic and magnetic and they walk into a room and 282 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:55,560 everyone loves them. It's not because they are just 283 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:58,760 magnetic, It's because of how they make people feel. 284 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:03,280 You know, that's what we want to experience. 285 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,280 When you see someone that you know, has a lot of money and 286 00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,800 they're they're able to always pay for nice things. 287 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,040 It's not that you always want nice things. 288 00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:16,120 It's that having that flexibility and the 289 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:21,000 opportunities it would provide would feel really safe to your 290 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,760 nervous system, right? If you see someone's 291 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:30,080 relationship and maybe they don't fight and they just have a 292 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:34,560 really loving dynamic, that seems almost abnormal because 293 00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,040 we're so used to having tumultuous relationships. 294 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:43,240 It's not that you want their relationship, it's that the idea 295 00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:48,320 of your safety within the relationship and with a person 296 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:55,240 that you love, being a place you can rest and expand and be full 297 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:58,800 of yourself is something that you would love to cultivate in 298 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:04,080 your own world. So we have to allow our longings 299 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:07,960 to come to the surface and stop shutting them down. 300 00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:12,400 Our desires are our teachers. They are pointing us in the 301 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:18,040 direction of what will evolve our soul, and I think that's a 302 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:20,560 big part of why we're here on this planet. 303 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:22,960 Is the evolution, it's the journey. 304 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:26,160 It's not well, you have to be better, you have to be good, you 305 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,960 have to be perfect. You have to get to heaven. 306 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:32,440 Like none of that type of stuff. I'm talking like evolving us 307 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:36,400 through the lessons that we learn, the people that we meet, 308 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:39,280 the relationships we have, the versions of ourselves that we 309 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:44,880 get to experience. And then also the sunsets and 310 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:50,880 rainbows and 1st kisses and rooftop sunsets and chance 311 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:54,000 encounters and miracles and mysteries. 312 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:56,920 We're alive for all of those two. 313 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:02,160 I think sometimes the hardest thing is just admitting I'm not 314 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,840 happy with this fill in the blank. 315 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,760 But I think that's also the most powerful moment because you're 316 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:17,280 faced with the choice of either staying where you've been or 317 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:23,880 choosing to replant or report yourself in a new environment or 318 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:28,640 a new relationship or a new job, taking that risk and believing 319 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:32,560 that you will be supported. I had a moment the other day 320 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:36,440 where I was experiencing a lot of anxiety and I went to my 321 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:40,880 rooftop, laid out like a starfish on the roof, and the 322 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:42,400 stars were just starting to come out. 323 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:46,000 It was beautiful, and I just started speaking out loud. 324 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:50,520 All my anxieties to the sky and all the things I was feeling 325 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,640 about getting ready to travel again, things I've been through, 326 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,120 things I'm experiencing, things I'm feeling what I'm thinking 327 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:59,400 about. And by the time I had finished 328 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:03,360 my speech, I was fresh out of words. 329 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:04,840 I'd said everything I needed to say. 330 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:06,880 But it's also a really great tool. 331 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,760 If you need to just say how you're feeling, just say it out 332 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:13,000 loud, even to the sky, even to a mirror, because your body 333 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,640 doesn't know the difference between you speaking it to 334 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:19,160 someone or just speaking it out loud in general. 335 00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:23,200 And it can really help to release the emotion around the 336 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:25,280 words when you get them out of your body. 337 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:27,440 So speak them out loud, it helps. 338 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:32,560 It really does might feel crazy, but the best people are Anyway. 339 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,600 I was looking up at the sky and I said this phrase. 340 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,760 I said I will be taken care of every step of the way. 341 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:45,480 And as soon as I finished saying that, a huge shooting star went 342 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,800 across the sky. I had full body chills and I was 343 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:53,200 like, Oh my God. Right after I said it's all 344 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:54,560 good. Like I'm going to be taken care 345 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:58,040 of every step of the way. Boom, shooting star. 346 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,440 It felt like a cosmic exclamation point to my 347 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:03,160 experience. And I'm really believing that 348 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,320 like my the summer of where I'm traveling and what I'm doing is 349 00:23:06,320 --> 00:23:10,800 not completely filled out yet. Like there is a loose plan, but 350 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:13,040 things are just unfolding as I go. 351 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,840 And I'm very curious how this is going to flow and how this is 352 00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,920 going to be. But I'm fully believing that the 353 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:24,760 universe is going to provide whatever I'm supposed to be 354 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,400 doing. It's going to happen. 355 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,280 It's going to be so aligned with my soul and with what I want and 356 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,240 with what my intentions are for this trip and this journey. 357 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:36,600 And I'm excited to share that as I go on and, and just continue 358 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:42,120 to allow myself being witnessed as the human that I am. 359 00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:43,920 I don't have everything figured out. 360 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:47,680 I don't have all the answers, but I am very much enjoying the 361 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:51,960 journey of discovering them for myself and finding out what that 362 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:56,000 means to me in my own voice, in my own words, and in my own 363 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,640 timing. Because like I said, this stuff 364 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,440 is never linear. You know, it's, it's a spiral. 365 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,240 And we go deeper and deeper. We we follow the White Rabbit 366 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:10,480 down the rabbit hole like Alice and we are on a crazy 367 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:14,000 psychedelic type of adventure through this life. 368 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:20,120 Trying to uncover the mysteries and uncover the magic and 369 00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:28,440 remember that we are here not just to do things, but to be 370 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:31,400 somebody. To live a life. 371 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:37,720 That one day we fall into bed worn out and grinning from the 372 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,880 adventures we've had and the bravery and the courage that 373 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:45,440 it's taken to go after the things that made us feel alive. 374 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,120 Something else that I have really loved about this time, 375 00:24:50,120 --> 00:24:56,880 being alone has been hosting more events, having people over 376 00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:02,360 to my home, creating a sanctuary for everyone to come and be 377 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:07,680 themselves, to eat nice fruits, to talk to swap stories, to play 378 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,160 cards. I've had movie nights and 379 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:14,080 women's gatherings and one really fun night where my 380 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:19,120 friends and I did mushrooms and we painted through the night. 381 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:24,480 Another friend of mine started what we're calling Dream Club on 382 00:25:24,480 --> 00:25:27,800 my rooftop, where we get together with a core group of 383 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,840 people and we discuss our dreams, the archetypes within 384 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:36,760 them, the stories, the patterns, the parallels, lucid dreaming, 385 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:39,440 astral projection, all of this stuff. 386 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,680 We're having incredible conversations about this, and 387 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:45,680 I'm really loving hearing everyone's perspective and 388 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,360 learning more and all those cool things that I just said. 389 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:54,440 They just started as little ideas and then they were acted 390 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:58,240 upon with courage, and then they became something really 391 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:02,720 beautiful that impacted everyone who participated, you know, and 392 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:07,600 changed something in the trajectory of their lives and my 393 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,200 life, too. This is a gift all the way 394 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:13,880 around, you know? And I think that when we choose 395 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:21,840 to follow that tug on our hearts into a new version of ourselves 396 00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:29,680 or a new rhythm or new city, a new relationship, life answers 397 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:34,600 us with opening doors that we never knew were there. 398 00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:40,760 And I like to ask myself, what's the alternative? 399 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:43,600 I come back to that question a lot. 400 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,600 If nothing changes about this blank. 401 00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:53,120 If everything stays the same. If the calendar just keeps 402 00:26:53,120 --> 00:26:56,400 repeating. If the walls just stay beige, 403 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:00,200 shout out to our last episode. If you get caught that 404 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:03,320 reference, what's the alternative? 405 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:11,080 And if you honor that nudge, even if you're scared, you give 406 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:12,840 the universe room to surprise you. 407 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:19,080 And no, we can't control every variable, but we can decide to 408 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:24,520 live like we belong here. I think these three months apart 409 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:29,960 have been a really potent mirror for me because it it proved to 410 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:35,720 me again how grateful I am that I am capable in my own orbit, 411 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:42,840 and also how wonderful it is to have a partnership that I would 412 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:44,920 miss. It's worth missing. 413 00:27:45,440 --> 00:27:50,920 I'm grateful for every morning sunrise journaling session, for 414 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,720 all the cacao that I made, the many batches of bone broth 415 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:58,960 things that I took to the shop this year, the podcast that I 416 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:03,960 launched, the Patreon, the Womb course, the friends that I've 417 00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:08,400 connected with, the incredible people in my community who are 418 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:13,440 keen to help put on events and and have really fun meaningful 419 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:17,240 gatherings. I've been painting a mural on my 420 00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,240 rooftop for the last couple months and I just finished it 421 00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,800 and it's perfect. And it was such a gift to 422 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:30,200 myself, to my city, to Playa, and also as like an altar to the 423 00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:35,040 sky, to the world. Can acupuncture points on the 424 00:28:35,040 --> 00:28:40,760 planet of love and art and pain being transmuted into joy and 425 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:46,000 color and it's full of sacred symbols and geometry and 426 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,280 perfectly, imperfectly wonderful. 427 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,520 I've never painted in such a big space before. 428 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:57,640 And just letting myself enjoy taking up space, taking up so 429 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,320 much room just for the sake of it. 430 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,240 For the sake of it. I love that. 431 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:04,560 My best friend and I said that the other day. 432 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:08,000 We said that needs to be a life motto for the sake of it. 433 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:19,160 And as I step into this next chapter of my travel, I may 434 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:23,560 press pause on weekly episodes while I settle into a new 435 00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:25,800 rhythm. And I will just be able to 436 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:32,640 record when I have space and proper, the proper setup. 437 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,320 Although I'm traveling with a little bit of equipment, I still 438 00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:39,040 need to find somewhere that's quiet and, and peaceful and that 439 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:42,720 I can, you know, flow in. So we will see how that goes. 440 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:45,520 I'll keep you posted on Instagram. 441 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,800 And if you were looking at deepening this experience within 442 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:51,880 yourself and your own practice, I would highly recommend 443 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,920 checking out that meditation because it was created with 444 00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:57,320 exactly that in mind by me, with love. 445 00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:59,920 And once you download it, it is yours forever. 446 00:29:59,960 --> 00:30:04,200 So you're really investing in your future of having 447 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:09,600 meditations for the whole year. Stocked up some of my pilgrimage 448 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,080 this year I will be talking about on the podcast. 449 00:30:12,080 --> 00:30:16,280 Some of it I will just keep to myself as usual with my travels. 450 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:20,000 If you have followed along with any of my journeys in the past, 451 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,600 you will see that sometimes I'm sharing a lot and sometimes I'm 452 00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:26,280 not sharing as much. And that usually is because I am 453 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:32,600 in a deep process with what I'm experiencing and it's not ready 454 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:35,640 to be shared yet or ever. And it's just for me. 455 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:40,280 And I love that I love, I love that there are some experiences 456 00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:44,400 that really are just for our own hearts and minds. 457 00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:46,080 And they don't have to be shared. 458 00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:47,520 They don't have to be posted about. 459 00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:51,000 No one has to know unless people need to know. 460 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:54,040 But I just mean like sacred moments, you know, that we have 461 00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,800 to ourself in these journeys. And I'm grateful. 462 00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:01,000 I'm curious where these new lands will will lead me. 463 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:04,000 I'm curious where the places I've been before that I'm going, 464 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:07,440 what they will, what medicine they will hold for me this time 465 00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,880 around. And just reconnecting with my 466 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:14,400 ancestry, with the magic of the lands that I'm going to, 467 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:18,640 approaching with so much appreciation and gratitude and 468 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:22,680 honor for the chance to walk upon them, for the chance to 469 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:26,160 visit them and drink from their springs and ask the land what 470 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:29,160 its stories are. Just want to say thank you so 471 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:33,120 much for sitting in this space with me, for continuing to 472 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:40,840 choose curiosity over comfort, and for letting my words be a 473 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:46,200 small part of the journey. Until next time, open heart, 474 00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:48,760 open mind. Stay curious.