1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,000 Hey guys, it's Chris here. And I wanted to take a moment 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:06,560 once again and thank our newest Patreon member. 3 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:10,440 Huge thank you to Rebecca Shoemaker for your donation. 4 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:14,040 I really appreciate it. Your support means the world and 5 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:17,080 it helps me keep doing this and helps push me. 6 00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:19,440 So really appreciate you doing that. 7 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,360 And all that to say, if you guys are a fan of the podcast, 8 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:27,280 Patreon is not only a great place to support the show, but 9 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:32,000 also gain access to all our episodes completely ad free for 10 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:35,760 just $1.00 a month. Check out our higher tiers for 11 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:39,080 more exclusive content made special for the Unnerved 12 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,520 community. Try it out and you can cancel at 13 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:47,760 any time. Visit patreon.com/unnerved 14 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:50,720 Podcast or click the link in the show notes. 15 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,680 Your support goes a long way. Thank you guys so much. 16 00:00:54,120 --> 00:01:05,110 Enjoy the episode. Was he thinking about me that 17 00:01:05,110 --> 00:01:09,190 whole time? Unbeknownst to me at the time, 18 00:01:09,190 --> 00:01:14,630 Dave had followed me back there and as I was opening the door I 19 00:01:14,630 --> 00:01:20,430 felt a solid shove from behind from HV Studio. 20 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:45,060 This is unnerved. Welcome back to the Unnerved 21 00:01:45,060 --> 00:01:48,260 podcast. It's where normal people share 22 00:01:48,260 --> 00:01:52,140 their abnormal stories. And if you enjoy true stories of 23 00:01:52,140 --> 00:01:56,840 the strange and terrifying, and you're in the right place, I'm 24 00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:05,450 your host, Chris Fricke. If you've ever worked at a 25 00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:10,729 restaurant as a server, you know that kindness can go a long way. 26 00:02:11,810 --> 00:02:16,210 After all, you are there to serve the customer and make them 27 00:02:16,210 --> 00:02:18,570 feel comfortable in that environment. 28 00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:24,650 You may even have regulars from time to time, but what if 29 00:02:24,650 --> 00:02:27,170 they're not there for the food or drinks? 30 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:31,480 What if you're the only reason they keep returning? 31 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:40,400 In today's story, Joe shares a series of encounters she had 32 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:44,560 with a man that showed an abnormal amount of interest in 33 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:48,560 her. At first, she brushed off the 34 00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:53,000 lingering stairs, chalking them up to the hazards of the job. 35 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:58,840 But as time moved on, he began acting on his obsession. 36 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:06,120 This is her story. My name is Joe. 37 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:11,000 This story happened to me in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho during my 38 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,840 first and second year of college, and it happened at a 39 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:17,120 bar called The Beacon. It was where I was working and I 40 00:03:17,120 --> 00:03:20,240 was like cocktail waitress at the time, and occasionally a 41 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:22,040 bartender, but mostly cocktail waitress. 42 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,880 I tended to pick up a lot of the daytime shifts in the summer 43 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:28,720 when I wasn't in school, and that's also happens to be when 44 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,520 Coeur d'Alene gets to be the busiest. 45 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,840 We have a huge tourist season that comes in and out of Coeur 46 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,720 d'Alene, so very busy with the lake life in the summer and lots 47 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:43,440 of visitors. I that day had picked up the 48 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,240 daytime shift covering the outside tables at the Beacon, 49 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,920 which is about 10 tables. And if anybody has ever 50 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,680 waitressed before, you know that's a lot of tables to cover. 51 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:57,600 But it happened to be one of the slower days, and I had a man 52 00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:01,560 come in and sit down at a table. A lot of times when somebody 53 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:05,640 came in on their own, I would give them a little bit more of 54 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,840 my time, a little bit more conversation, a little bit more 55 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:12,160 attention, just so that they felt involved and, you know, 56 00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:15,120 paid attention to. He had a book and a newspaper 57 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,839 with him. He was very much ready to sit on 58 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,120 his own. He didn't seem to need a lot of 59 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,800 my time. So we have some of the basic 60 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,360 conversations, like what's your name? 61 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:27,720 So I told him my name and he told me his name was Dave and he 62 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:30,840 talked about what we did. Well, he talked about what he 63 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:33,960 did and I told him I was a student, But being smart, I 64 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,440 didn't tell him where or what I was studying on purpose. 65 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:43,560 He worked for BNSF, which is a railroad company, and he was an 66 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:46,440 engineer on one of the trains. The one thing that stuck in my 67 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:49,280 head from the first meeting was that he told me his work 68 00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:52,760 schedule, which was kind of odd. He worked two weeks on and two 69 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:55,640 weeks off. That was my first encounter with 70 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,200 him. Another two weeks went by and 71 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:02,240 Dave came back to the Beacon. He asked to sit in my section, 72 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,440 and that's not particularly unusual. 73 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,760 And he ordered a gin and tonic and he sat there and he was 74 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,280 asking a little bit more personal question, like 75 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:20,680 relationship scatter. Then I started to get busy with 76 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,960 the dinner rush. And so he kind of picked up on 77 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,440 that and the fact that I was getting busy. 78 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:29,600 And he closed out and he left for that day, and then he was 79 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:34,160 back the next day, did the same thing, ordered his drink, had 80 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:38,280 some conversation, did it again the day after that, day After 81 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:42,120 that it went on for the two weeks straight that he was in 82 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,720 town. So he came back in every day 83 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:48,280 that he was in town off of his shift, ordered one drink and 84 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,280 stretched it out. You know, just kind of nurse the 85 00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:54,640 drink for hour, hour and a half, two hours, and basically tried 86 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:56,560 to make me have conversation with him the whole time. 87 00:05:56,560 --> 00:06:04,160 I didn't get to see what did you do. 88 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:08,640 Still not raising a ton of red flags at this point for me as a 89 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:12,440 cocktail waitress at kind of a popular bar in a touristy town. 90 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:15,120 And you're young, and there's always going to be older male 91 00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:19,640 patrons that take a liking to you, and it's just kind of part 92 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:23,360 of the territory. He did kind of start to figure 93 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,800 out the bar rhythms. We got slow somewhere between 94 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:29,400 1:00 and 2:00 PM, and then we got busy again between 4:00 and 95 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:30,760 5:00. That was when everybody started 96 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,800 to come in off the lake. And he figured that out pretty 97 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,720 quick. And so he would make sure that 98 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:39,080 his timing was somewhere between that two and four window so that 99 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,880 he had as much of my attention as possible. 100 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:47,920 He left for two more weeks, went back on a shift, and then he 101 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:52,360 came back and he started the same cycle, but he stopped 102 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,640 ordering anything. He would just order water and he 103 00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:58,880 would sit there and wait for me to come have conversation with 104 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,800 him. And it was getting really weird 105 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:03,280 at that point. He did that every day, 106 00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,000 continuing to ask for my section. 107 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:08,560 The other waitresses began to kind of pick up on my discomfort 108 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:12,920 and his weird tendency. It was probably honestly only 109 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:16,840 the last two days of that two week cycle, so like day 13 and 110 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:21,360 14. And they took his tables and 111 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:25,120 said, oh she's busy or oh, she's about to get off, even though it 112 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:27,840 wasn't true. And he picked up on that 113 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,720 immediately, really quickly at this point, towards the end of 114 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:36,080 that last two week cycle is when I truly started to ignore him. 115 00:07:36,320 --> 00:07:38,840 Like, I just wouldn't make eye contact, you know? 116 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:42,000 I wasn't going to talk to him, trying to give him the message, 117 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,840 if you will. He left on another shift for two 118 00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:47,360 weeks at that point. And I think the hardest part 119 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:50,600 about this whole thing for me emotionally was that I'd be 120 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,600 stressed out for a couple of weeks and then he would be gone 121 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,840 for two weeks and life just kind of went back to normal. 122 00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,040 And I willfully forgot about him. 123 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:03,880 I was young and I I didn't want to think about bad things and I 124 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:07,000 just willfully forgot about his existence until he came back. 125 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,080 The next time he came back, he'd pick it out the game of course, 126 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,520 and he did not sit at the tables. 127 00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:25,040 The bar was a rectangular race track and it basically went all 128 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:28,800 the way around and we had three sides that were operational as 129 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,760 the bar. And then the short fourth side 130 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,320 with the opening into the bar was where there was like the bar 131 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:37,400 back and kind of the dish area, but there were still some stools 132 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,840 over there and that was where he would sit. 133 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,039 There was a computer right at the end of the long arm of the 134 00:08:43,039 --> 00:08:46,480 bar, and that's where the waitresses all had to enter 135 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,080 their food to send to the kitchen. 136 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:52,640 He figured out that I had to stand there, and so he sat in 137 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:56,560 the closest chair that was about 5 feet to the right of the 138 00:08:56,560 --> 00:09:00,760 computer and he would turn his body 90° and face me in the 139 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:08,200 stool and just stare at me. I wouldn't turn my head and I 140 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,000 wouldn't look at him and I wouldn't respond to him. 141 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:14,400 When he figured that out, he then moved to the stool that was 142 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,120 straight down the bar from the computer. 143 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:20,000 The computer was at about 5 feet high. 144 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,280 I'm 510. So as I'm standing there I'm 145 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:27,080 slightly looking down and when I glance up I'm making eye contact 146 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,240 with whoever straight down the bar in that stool. 147 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:34,480 And he somehow, in the creepiest fashion possible, figured that 148 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:39,280 out and sat in that chair. And then at some point in this 149 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:43,800 Phase I had a table that was assigned to me that was directly 150 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,720 behind that stool that he was sitting in. 151 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:50,000 And I went to go walk past him, go to that table. 152 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:54,240 And as I got past him, he reached out his hand and grabbed 153 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:58,600 the back of my apron and pulled me back towards him like like he 154 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,040 was trying to pull me onto his lap. 155 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,320 And I whacked him on the arm and I said don't touch me. 156 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:12,840 And then I turned back to my table and ignored him and I was 157 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,720 facing my table and I was like extremely embarrassed and I know 158 00:10:15,720 --> 00:10:18,840 that I had no reason to be. And they saw everything happen 159 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,040 and they assured me that I had done nothing wrong. 160 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:25,080 So I took, I took the table's order and by the time I had 161 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:29,160 turned around, my manager watched him do the apron string 162 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,360 thing. And that was kind of the final 163 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:34,040 straw for my manager, and he had a conversation with him while I 164 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,720 was taking that order. By the time I turned around, 165 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,640 Dave was gone and he had been exed out of the bar. 166 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,920 My manager, you know, organized to make sure that somebody would 167 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:45,480 lock me to my car at night, especially if I was working 168 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:48,400 late. I often ended up getting the 169 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,840 parking spaces that were right in front of the Beacon, so it 170 00:10:50,840 --> 00:11:02,480 made it really easy fast forwarding to the following 171 00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:07,920 Friday, sometime around like 9:00 or 10:00 on Friday and 172 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:12,760 Saturday we went from being a a slightly kid friendly family bar 173 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,120 to being kind of a meat market trashy bar. 174 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:19,400 So that was the point in time when we had, I don't know if we 175 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,840 ever really called them bouncers, but we had door guides 176 00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:25,160 that were handling the doors. There was a front door and a 177 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,680 back door, and the back door was kind of towards this area where 178 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:31,520 there was a pool table. And the man who worked the back 179 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:35,280 door, he kind of had become a friend of mine while I was 180 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,000 working. We chatted all the time when he 181 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:41,800 was working and he was actually a cop during his normal life and 182 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:44,360 was just doing this on the side for some extra cash. 183 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:49,600 But I think he watched me pretty closely when I was working and 184 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:53,160 stuff and kept an eye on me. My bar manager and I, we did not 185 00:11:53,160 --> 00:11:56,480 have a photo of Dave or anything to reference. 186 00:11:56,760 --> 00:12:05,360 The door guys didn't know any better and Dave got in, my 187 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,680 manager and I. Neither one had noticed. 188 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:11,360 When we got busy, you could hardly walk through the bar. 189 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,080 There's a lot of bodies in there, so keeping an eye on 190 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:17,320 every single one that comes in the door is not possible. 191 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:20,520 That busy and loud. And he made it in. 192 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,240 I don't know how long he was in, probably not very long, but I 193 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:24,880 think I probably would have picked up on him. 194 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:29,440 The bar back have let me know that we needed more tequila. 195 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:33,400 There's a little side area where there's a pool table, and off of 196 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,400 that pool table is a short hallway. 197 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,560 And in that hallway is a door to the left that goes to the men's 198 00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:43,000 restroom and a door to the right that takes you to the storage 199 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:45,920 room of the Beacon. But it's actually a door that 200 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,760 opens onto a stair landing, and then the stair takes you down 201 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,920 into the basement, and that was where extra liquor and such a 202 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,360 store. That door opened with a key and 203 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,640 it locked upon closing. So I had gotten the key from the 204 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:03,360 manager and I went to that back hallway to go into the storage 205 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:07,800 room. Unbeknownst to me at the time, 206 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:13,240 Dave had followed me back there, and as I was opening the door, I 207 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:19,680 felt a solid shove from behind and I sort of stumbled into that 208 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,680 stair landing. Stumbled in there, and I 209 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:24,160 stumbled down a stair or two and kind of caught myself. 210 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:27,840 And by the time I turned back around and got that door open 211 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,760 and the lights on, the door guy that I had mentioned to was my 212 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,680 friend. For whatever reason, his radar 213 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:37,280 pinged when he saw this man follow me back into that hallway 214 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:42,080 and he had grabbed him by the back of his shirt, like the 215 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:45,400 collar of his shirt, right as he shoved me through that door and 216 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,720 hold him back. And then of course, not so 217 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,480 gently escorted him outside and topped him out the door. 218 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,680 But by the time I had scrambled around and gotten myself back 219 00:13:53,680 --> 00:13:59,520 out of that doorway and told the doorman that that was him, he 220 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,960 was long gone. I'm assuming that he probably 221 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,840 had nefarious reasons. Maybe he just wanted to talk. 222 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:09,720 I highly doubt that he wanted to talk to me in a 200 year old 223 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:14,080 unfinished basement of the bar, but not really shook me up. 224 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,920 I don't know if I was just hopeful or what, but I assumed 225 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:32,440 that that was the end and I got more hopeful as time went by and 226 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:36,040 I hadn't seen him for or heard from him for a month probably at 227 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,400 this point. I was getting geared up for like 228 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,880 fall semester of school and some stuff like that we were getting 229 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,680 towards the end of the summer. I was standing in my mom's 230 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:47,880 kitchen and I got a text message notification on my phone. 231 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:52,720 I went to open it and look at it and it it was an unknown number 232 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:56,000 of course, and it was Dave, he said. 233 00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:00,720 Hi, Joe, it's Dave. Long time no see. 234 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:06,840 Flapped my hands over my mouth and had a small panic attack. 235 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,280 I checked that phone as hard as I could against the fireplace in 236 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:15,800 my mom's breakfast nook, cracked it in half and broke it. 237 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,920 I don't even know if this was the point in time where I could 238 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,520 have blocked someone, but my solution at the time was that I 239 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:26,960 needed to change my phone number. 240 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:32,280 I shut down my e-mail. I had a Myspace at this point 241 00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:34,680 that I shut down, and I deleted that. 242 00:15:35,360 --> 00:15:39,000 This whole situation, and particularly the text, is 243 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:44,240 actually what finally spurred me to pick my undergrads study 244 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,680 course and get transferred into a big university. 245 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,840 Fast forward a few years, I haven't heard from him at all. 246 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,320 No text, no in person contact, nothing. 247 00:15:55,840 --> 00:16:00,040 And I finally towards towards the end of my degree so probably 248 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:03,400 two or three years after all this happened I finally did open 249 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:07,520 a Facebook. I kept it pretty anonymous and I 250 00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:09,200 I had nothing to do with Coeur d'Alene on there. 251 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:12,320 I had nothing to do with the Beacon wasn't friends with any 252 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,280 of my girls that I worked with at the Beacon. 253 00:16:14,280 --> 00:16:18,880 None of that and I had just moved to Portland after 254 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,480 graduating. So this is probably 2012 and I 255 00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:26,240 have moved in with my now husband into our first 256 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:29,000 apartment. And I was sitting on the couch 257 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:35,280 and I got a Facebook friend notification and he had tried to 258 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:39,440 add me as a friend on Facebook and found me five years later. 259 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:43,400 And again I squeaked and I tossed the laptop. 260 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,720 I didn't toss it on a fireplace, it tossed it on a pillow into 261 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,720 the couch, but I threw it away from me. 262 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,800 Was he thinking about me that whole time? 263 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:56,200 Did it. I just randomly pop into his 264 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,480 head that day And he said I think I'll search for her on 265 00:16:58,480 --> 00:17:02,160 Facebook. How obsessive was this person? 266 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:07,200 And that has been the last time finally that I have heard and or 267 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:16,900 seen Dave. When Dave's obsession turned 268 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:20,980 into actions with no set boundaries, Joe was able to 269 00:17:20,980 --> 00:17:23,540 escape without being physically harmed. 270 00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:29,300 But unfortunately, she couldn't escape the haunting fact that 271 00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:32,220 her stalker would someday find her again. 272 00:17:33,180 --> 00:17:38,960 And she is not alone. An obsessive stalker is a dark 273 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:44,520 reality that haunts many others just trying to live their daily 274 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:48,000 lives. Continuing our coverage, around 275 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:52,640 7.5 million people in the US are stalking victims every year. 276 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,120 That number could actually be larger, as stalking incidents 277 00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:57,440 tend to go unreported. When it comes to protecting 278 00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,160 ourselves, safety experts say that we need to really listen to 279 00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,920 our own intuition. What's happening with that other 280 00:18:02,920 --> 00:18:05,240 person's behavior that's making you feel this way? 281 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:09,160 Why is it inappropriate? Most of the time we have fear 282 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,840 when somebody has violated a social norm. 283 00:18:12,080 --> 00:18:14,920 These are the questions Cheryl Michaels wants you to ask 284 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,720 yourself if you think you're dealing with a stalker. 285 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,320 She's the director of safety and security at Seattle Pacific 286 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,400 University. Michaels says. 287 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,720 If you find yourself trying to talk yourself out of believing 288 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:30,560 in your gut feeling, consider that a red flag on its own. 289 00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:34,440 The trauma, the fear of what could happen, really is a strong 290 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:38,400 motivator to how we respond to it, and often it's to try to 291 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,560 ignore it and make it go away. Ignore our feelings, our 292 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,600 intuition. That is telling us something's 293 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,600 wrong here and we need to act. That act should be reaching out 294 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:50,440 to friends and family, or, if it escalates, calling law 295 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,320 enforcement. Stalking, by definition, is 296 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:57,920 repeated, unwanted attempts at communication, contact or even 297 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:00,760 harassment. The worst thing we can do is 298 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:05,000 ignore our gut feeling that says don't answer that call and after 299 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:09,280 30 attempts we're like, OK, if I if I just answer this phone call 300 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:14,160 after 30 times, then maybe they'll stop and all that's done 301 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:15,760 is taught the person who's obsessed. 302 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,080 Then all they have to do is be persistent for 30 times and then 303 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:21,080 eventually they'll get to make that connection. 304 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,840 Michael says once you make a decision not to engage, you need 305 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,800 to stick with it. Consistency is crucial with 306 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,240 people who display obsessive behavior. 307 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:34,040 If they continue to pursue contact, keep a record of what 308 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,480 they're saying, because that often is what makes the contact 309 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,200 a crime. With stalking and the the law 310 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,880 that's written for stalking, it has to be something that has 311 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:46,040 more criminal intent involved, like threats to damage your 312 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:48,760 property, threats to harm you or a friend. 313 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:54,520 It can't just be the mere phone call or text message, because 314 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,560 then we just have harassment. According to the National 315 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,840 Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, one in every 316 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:04,800 three women and one in every six men have been stalked at some 317 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:09,560 point in their lives. Even if you don't have an in 318 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:13,080 person stalker, you could have one online. 319 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:18,720 The Internet has made it easier than ever to stalk people and 320 00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:22,640 being careful with what you share on social media and help 321 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:27,640 protect you from unwanted admirers because you never know 322 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:31,040 who might form an obsession with you. 323 00:20:39,550 --> 00:20:42,190 Thanks again for listening to Unnerved. 324 00:20:42,590 --> 00:20:45,310 If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with your 325 00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:49,200 friends and leave a review wherever you get your podcast. 326 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,240 If you guys want to see photos related to each episode, 327 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:57,880 including this one, be sure to follow our Instagram at Unnerved 328 00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:01,000 Podcast. And for AD free episodes and 329 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:06,680 bonus content, visit patreon.com/unnerved Podcast. 330 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,120 Until next time, take care.