I want to invite your attention to just one passage found in the
Book of Proverbs the 18th chapter and verse 24, a man that
hath friends must show himself friendly.
And there's a friend that sticketh closer than a brother
for a little while. This afternoon, I want to talk
about the value of a good friend, the value of good
relationships, the kind of friends that we want and how to
maintain good relationships in our life.
As social creatures, living Hang on this Earth.
It's impossible to avoid associations with fellow human
beings. In fact, as Christians.
It's very important that our dealings with other people be
conducted with wisdom. Paul wrote to those in colossi
in Colossians, chapter 4 and beginning.
In verse 5, he said, walk in wisdom toward them that are
without Redeeming the time. Let your speech be always with
Grace seasoned with salt that you may know how you ought to
answer every man. Now, obviously, Paul, Is
speaking specifically of our conduct with those who are not
Christians but certainly it would apply to Christian friends
as well. And, you know, God and is
all-sufficient word. Has provided the wisdom
necessary whereby, we can develop good friendships.
Good relationships with those that are around us and in doing
so be able to avoid the pitfalls that too often.
Destroy good friendships. Let me just say as we begin.
In. That in our life.
There comes a point in time in our life when we were younger
that the greatest influences that we have are our parents
something happens though in time.
And sometimes the outer peripheral issues or the people
in our life, our friends. In our life, whatever it might
be become a greater influence, at least for a period of time.
We share with you something about my father, My father was
the smartest man in the world, that's a fact.
When I was a boy there was absolutely nothing that my
father could not do. He was the greatest man in the
world. He was the smartest man in the
world. He was the wisest man in the
world. He was the strongest man in the
world. My father was my hero.
But something happened to him very tragically.
He lost all his wisdom, he lost all of his knowledge, he lost
all of his strength. Who's very sad, very sad and
tragic thing that happened to him.
You know, what happened to him. Now, all of a sudden one day
that he lost all that, It's when I became a teenager.
And all of a sudden my father didn't know anything.
I'm very grateful though that it over the process of time.
My father made a tremendous comeback.
In fact, it was amazing by the time I got into my twenties.
All of a sudden, my father was coming back, he was me was
coming back around and pretty soon, maybe, 23 24.
He was the smartest man once again in my life.
Well, there are a difference between associations and
friends, in fact, my dad used to tell me all the time.
He used to say that in your life, you will have many
associations, but if you can say that in your life, you've had
five real friends. I'm talking about five best
friends. I'm talking about the kind of
person that you can call them in the middle of the night and the
circumstances, do not matter and they are there for you.
I'm talking about a best friend, he said that in your lifetime.
if you can say, you've had five Consider yourself very, very
fortunate. Big difference between
associations. You know, you're going to have a
lot of associations in your life.
I've had them in my life too. I left Cal Poly in 1990.
I was there from 85, to 90 and during that process of those
five years, I had friends and I went to school with I had
friends that I rodeoed with, we traveled together at all of
that. And I'm going to tell you, I
remember when we all were going to leave, I remember we stood
there, we were going to be Bosom Buddies.
He's forever. We said what we're going to do?
We're going to play golf once a year for the rest of our life,
no matter where we live. And by the way, we haven't done
it once. So 1990, haven't done it.
Once. We said that we are going to be
Bosom Buddies For Life. You know what happened?
I moved away and the thing that we had in common, we no longer
had any more. So all of a sudden there was
nothing really, there's no basis for the great friendship.
We thought we had, if you remove You had in common then all of a
sudden, we weren't buddies anymore.
Now, that's an association and we have them in our life.
We have those in our lifetime, but there's a difference between
a friend and an association. I want to talk about a friend.
Now, A friend is truly a source of comfort in our life.
In Proverbs chapter 17 and verse 17.
The Bible says a friend loveth at all.
Times. And a brother is born for
adversity. And, you know, this isn't good
times and bad. A good friend also is a source
of sincere support. You know, I reference this the
other night but I want to read the passage.
I want to talk about the difference between a true
legitimate friend. That is that is sincere and
somebody that is insincere, John chapter 11 really, really
quickly, Mary and Martha Lou's, Lazarus, he's dead and all of a
sudden Jesus shows up on the scene I just want to Read two
verses to you. First of all, John chapter 11
and verse 33, listen to this, when Jesus therefore saw her
weeping and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he
groaned in his spirit and he was troubled.
I made mention of this passage early on in the meeting.
And I told you that the word grown their means to be filled
with indignation, to be disgusted to be angry.
Why was that? Because Jesus look to the
instance. Sear professional mourners among
the Jews that had come there to whale and make all kinds of
noise because they believed in morning.
That's insincere. Look at verse 35.
Jesus wept. That's a whole different word
that word wept is not the same word.
When it said, the Jews were weeping.
The Jews were wailing outside as an outward show of morning and
all of that. But when Jesus wept that word,
wept means, silent tears. He was sincere.
The greatest friend we will ever have and the Raising thing is
Jesus knew all along, he was going to raise Lazarus from the
dead and yet he was so sincere in his support and comfort to
them that he wept anyway. You know, there's a big
difference between being sincere and insincere, I have a little
story to tell you. My Sister, Louise.
I probably shouldn't bring her up in sermons as much as I do.
But my sister Louise married the bread hickey.
I love her to death. She's the most sincere person
I've ever met in my life. She's tender-hearted.
That's just Louise and it growing up mean.
Well not so much one day, I was about eleven.
She was 12 and the congregation we had services that night and
after Services the men had a little business meeting and as
they were doing that, we decided to leave and my mother.
There was four of us kids. We got in a car and we went over
to his sister's house. And we were just sitting there
and Louise and I started laughing and then we started
really cutting up. We start playing games and my
mom kept getting mad at us. My mother kept telling us to
knock it off, but you know how it is?
Well, maybe you don't, but I'll tell you how it is with me.
When you start laughing I couldn't stop and we were being
extremely immature, I still am. But here we go and my mother
completely overreacted She absolutely overreacted.
She was so mad. We got in the car.
You know what, my mom did? We got in the car and I knew
this to, I knew if we're going to get in trouble that I need to
be in the back seat. All the way over on the opposite
side against the door. That's where I needed to be.
Because, my father had really long arms knew all about that,
we get in the car and all of a sudden, my mother says, oh, Bob,
Bob, we've got real problems. Bob, we've got real problems
with these two Bob. They were Abel.
And I just kind of picked up and saw my dad in the corner there
in that mirror and he's getting madder by the minute.
And all of a sudden I turned and I looked and there was Louise,
just tears streaming down her face.
Oh, she was so repentant and sorry, and sad and all that.
And she went in and gave the longest longest heartfelt
apology. She said, I'm so ashamed.
I'm I'm so sorry. Daddy and went on and on and on
I got to tell you the more she talked the matter.
I got You know, why? I wasn't sorry.
And I still think my mother overreacted she's bawling, and I
looked up and my dad's starting to melt and I'm thinking really,
really What about that time? She was done.
And then, all of a sudden, my dad's face changed again because
he starts thinking about me, and just about that time.
I knew I had to do something. So I said, yeah, me too.
We got home. Louise got a hug.
I had a weapon. Big difference between being
sincere and insincere. My mother did overreact though.
Proverbs 18:24 a man that hath friends must show himself
friendly. And there's a friend that stick
is close to a brother. Now, what else do we know about
friends? We know that friends can be a
source of Good Counsel, that's advice.
I'm talking about Council, that Candlelight the heart, Proverbs
twenty seven and nine says Altman and perfume Rejoice.
The heart sewed up, the sweetness of a man's Friend by
Hardy, Counsel how many times have you behaved improperly or
you made a bad choice because you listen to bad advice.
Now, when somebody gives you bad advice, it's not their fault.
If you take it, it's your fault. If you take it, it's about
accountability. If I make bad choices because
somebody gave me bad advice, it's still my fault and I still
have to stand there. Put my big boy pants on and take
it, like a man, it's the way it is.
But I got to tell you every Single time I ever made a bad
choice in my life. Every time there was always
somebody nearby that was dumber than I was telling me what a
great idea I had. Good advice is priceless.
Bad advice is dangerous. It's very important as we value
Good Counsel. Let me say further, to all of
you that are young here, all of you that are young, when you
have older people in your life and they've got silver hair and
wrinkles on their face, you listen to them.
Those wrinkles are life swarm apps.
That's a fact. I'm going to tell you something.
In life. You need wisdom.
I need wisdom. We all need wisdom in our life.
We all need that. There are various ways that we
actually get wisdom. By the way, we get wisdom by
asking God in the Bible says, when we ask God, God gives it
liberally. That's number one.
Number two, there's another way that we get wisdom.
You know what that is? When you mess up, you make a bad
mistake, then you recover from the bad mistake and then you
learn over the process of what you did.
You learn from the mistake and then you gain wisdom because
now, you know, But you shouldn't have done and what you should
have done, right? I like what somebody said one
time though. He said it's not possible for a
person to mess up enough and survive to have all the wisdom
that you're going to need for your life.
Where do we get it? Then we learn from them is from
the experiences of others, that's called advice and those
that are older than we are our precious for us in Proverbs
11:14 where no counsel is the people fall, but in the
multitude of counselors there is safety now.
Having a good friend that can be trusted to be as good source of
counsel is a great blessing, but having friends that are
Dependable is not always Easy now.
Have you ever had a friend that lets you down?
Sometimes friends do let us down.
I want to notice about choosing friends here for just a minute.
These are people that we don't want number one, we don't want
those that are guilty of Gossip in Proverbs, Chapter 20 and
verse 19. It says he that goeth about as a
talebearer revealeth Secrets, therefore metal not with him
that Flat Earth with his lips. All right.
Somebody might say, but I'm not gossiping.
I'm just repeating facts that are in evidence.
Is there a difference? Yes, just because somebody
repeats something does not mean that it's gossip.
If you want to know if it's gossip or not then just put the
following questions to it. Number one, am I a peacemaker or
a piece breaker? Number two, am I just as quick
to tell something good about somebody as I am something bad
about somebody number three and I got this from a little sister,
I preached This sermon years ago somewhere and she told me this,
she said my mama taught me this, I wrote it down, ask yourself
the following three things. Is this going to help me if I
repeat it? Will it help me?
Will it help the person I'm telling or will it help the
person that I'm telling about? If the answer to any one of
those? Three is?
No, then don't tell it. Don't repeat it.
We don't want to be those that are with those that gossip
progress, 2019. He that goeth about his a
talebearer revealeth Secrets. Therefore metal not with him,
that flatter it with his lips. Here's another one,
short-tempered hotheads. I guess, you might say we don't
want that guy around. Either Proverbs 22 beginning in
verse 25, 24, make no friends with an angry man and with a
furious man. Thou shalt not go less towel.
Learn his ways and get a snare to thy Soul.
Here's another one. Those that are guilty of
drinking and gluttony how many Christians have been influenced
by these. Even though they thought that
they would be strong, listen to this Proverbs 23 beginning in
verse 20, be not among wine-bibber.
Zmung riotous Eaters of Flesh for the drunkard and the Glutton
shall come to poverty and drowsiness, shall clove a man
with Rags. I got to tell you I can't tell
you the number of people in my life that I have known.
That thought a young person for example, I don't drink but I'm a
strong Christian and if I go and kind of hang out with them, it's
okay because I'm really really strong.
I'm going to tell you something. The one of the times that we
think that we are the strongest be very careful, be very very
careful we stay away from that we don't want friends like that.
How many people thought that they could be strong but they
fell. No wonder the word, the Bible
says this listen to this Proverbs Chapter 1.
This is the perfect formula of what to do when you have friends
that are doing, the things that friend should not do.
Here we go. Proverbs Chapter 1.
This is what we do. My son.
If Sinners entice, the he consent thou not.
If they say come and with us, let us lay, wait for blood, let
us lurk privily for the innocent without, cause let us swallow
them up, alive to the grass, the grave.
And whole, as those that go down into the pit, we shall find all
precious substance. We shall fill our houses with
spoil cast in nylon Among Us. Let us all have one purse.
My son walked not thou in the way of with them.
Refrain your foot from their path.
In other words, when they're going in, In Direction, you go
in the opposite direction. Here's another one.
Those that are liars and those that are not trustworthy,
Proverbs 25 and 18. It says a man that bear false
witness against his neighbor is a mall and a sword and a sharp
arrow confidence. In an Unfaithful man in time of
trouble is like a broken tooth and a foot out of joint.
All right, let's talk about some kind of friends that we do want
though. Here's some We do want as
friends number one, those that display wisdom themselves.
Proverbs 13. And 20 says, he that walketh
with wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be
destroyed now, why is that? Because they're good teaching,
and they're good advice. They're good counsel.
Now Proverbs 13 and 14 says the law of the wise is a Fountain of
Life to depart from the snares of death.
So we want to have the kind of friends that display wisdom.
Those that are good counsel and good teaching, and good advice
the flipside, the contrast, the wrong friends.
We don't want First Corinthians 15:33, be not deceived evil,
Communications corrupt, good morals.
The ones that we want to hang onto.
We want to hang onto. Good wise, friends.
Now, I'm going to tell you sometimes, we're going to have
Friendships and we're going to have problems.
Here's some things to avoid that disrupt.
Good friendship, things to avoid.
Number one, don't repeat everything that you hear. you
know, if somebody actually wrote a book of the ten easy ways to
lose a friend overnight, this would be on it.
Don't repeat what you hear. Sometimes people get so Under
Pressure. If somebody tells them
something, they just got to share, they got to get rid of
it. They got to tell somebody else.
If you want to maintain a good friendship, a good relationship,
don't repeat the things that you hear Proverbs 17 and 9 says he,
that covereth, the transgression seeketh love but he that
repeated the matter separated very Francs.
Somebody confides in us to help, they're asking for our help,
don't tell any other people about it.
Keep that to yourself. What else avoid senseless
arguments? I got to tell you, I've been
married, 26 years. And right before I got married,
there was an old Jewish man. Oh, I love this guy, his name is
Sai Rhine and so I sat me down. He was married, I don't know 175
years and he sat me down. He had all this wisdom about
marriage and I really appreciate it because we're sitting there
and he said, you know what, Frankie, I got to tell you
something. I was Frankie to everybody.
Then Frankie I gotta tell you something.
If you want the secret to being married like me, 185 years, if
that's what you want. Tell you a little bit of advice.
Avoid senseless arguments. And then he put it like this.
He said, you and Tina you will shoulder the load together of
the big stuff. You will climb the mountains
that are the big stuff in your relationship.
You'll do that without a problem, you'll have hard times,
but you'll hand in hand, you'll handle that and that won't hurt
your relationship at all. It'll strengthen your
relationship. You know what he said though?
You better avoid the pebble in the shoe, he said the pebble in
the shoe is the problem. The senseless argument, how many
times have we have something grown into something that was
huge but it just started off as a little Pebble.
Here's another one, don't meddle in other people's Affairs, I got
to tell you years ago, I got some really good advice when I
was going to go out and preach, I was going to hold gospel
meetings and I got some really good advice, and the advice was
don't meddle in other people's affairs.
Go preach your sermons, be there to help but don't get involved.
When it's not yours to be involved with and it's not yours
to get involved with, don't do that.
Now, there's a difference between somebody asking a
preacher to help set in order, the things that are wanting, or
lacking, or help with the matter big difference than somebody
that just but sin and and gets involved in things that are not
his business, don't meddle in Affairs, not your own proverbs.
Six and 17 watch this. He that passeth by and medalist
with Strife belonging it's not to him is like one that takes a
dog by the ears picture that go up to a great big mean, dog and
just get you hoped just grab the mean, dog by the ears.
That's what it's like when you meddle in Affairs that are not
your own. Here's another one.
Don't be a talebearer in Proverbs chapter 26 and verse
20, where no, wood is there, the fire go without So where there
is no talebearer, The Strife ceaseth, you know, following
such advice one is less likely to offend his or her friends,
but sometimes we do and sometimes regaining their
confidence is not easy. In fact, in Proverbs 18 and 19.
It says a brother offended is harder to be one than a strong
City, and their contentions are like the bars of a castle, so
what can be done? What can be done, how can we
solve problems with relationships that have grown
cold? Well, first of all, we need to
make sure that we are at peace with the Lord.
We need to make sure that our life is as it ought to be
Proverbs 16. And 17 says, when a man's ways
please the Lord he make it even his enemies to be at peace with
him. Now, in Matthew chapter 7, for
example, in Matthew chapter 7, it's one of the most
misunderstood Understood and misapplied Concepts in all the
teachings of Jesus. You know what people say don't
judge People say that all the time Jesus said, don't judge.
Yeah, that's not what Jesus said.
That's not what he said. And he didn't say this either.
Everybody's got their own problems.
You keep your beams. I'll have my spec and we'll all
just have our own stuff then. Say that either, he said clean
up your backyard. First, he said, first remove the
plank or the beam that is in your eye so that you can do what
so that you can see clearly to help your neighbor your brother.
Get the speck out of his, I help each other but I have to
understand this. I have to make sure that my life
is as it ought to be if I'm going to go talk to somebody
else, you know, they're going to say hey what about your backyard
clean up your stuff? Frank, here's another one.
Be slow to anger, Proverbs 15 and 18.
Don't fly off the handle. A wrathful man stirreth up
Strife, but he, that is slow to anger apisa, 'The Strife also in
James 1, 19 and 20 wherefore my beloved Brethren.
Let every man be swift to hear slow to speak, slow to wrath for
the wrath of man. Worketh, not the righteousness
of God. I got to tell you.
I don't know how it is with you. But there are certain things
with me that are Shortcomings. And I know you have shortcomings
to and the shortcomings, you have may not be the same as I
have. The next one I'm going to talk
about. It was my short coming.
Here it is. I need to be a slow responder,
but that's not me. I'm better.
I'm a lot better now than I ever have been.
But I've always been one of those quick responders.
In other words, you just say it. And how many times do you
respond quickly? And then you regret what you
said? And if only, you'd kept your
mouth shut and thought about it for a minute, maybe you wouldn't
have said it Proverbs 18 and 13. He that answereth a matter
before he heareth it it is folly and shame to him.
Here's another one folks speak gently.
How you say it is? Everything Proverbs 15 and one
says, a soft answer turneth away wrath, but Grievous word.
Stir up anger. I got to share something with
you. How you say it is everything
years ago. I used to weigh 50 pounds more
than I do now. And I went to the doctor and I
went in there and I had a physical, and they took all the
blood and my numbers were all out of whack and all that, and
the doctor brought me in. And very kindly said, now, Frank
what we have to do is we you need to lose some weight because
your numbers aren't right and all this and that I took it what
he said. And I said, okay, and okay.
Doc and over the next couple of years, I lost the weight.
You know what happened? I'm so glad he said it like that
because you know what happened? When I went back, I walked in
there and I'm just so proud of myself.
I lost the 50 pounds. I'm I'm just ecstatic, right?
I'm going to get Pat's on the back.
He's going to really cheer me on.
What? Watch What Happens.
I went in there. I weighed.
I was so happy. Couldn't wait for him to walk in
the room. You only said.
I'm so glad you lost the weight because man, you were really
fat. I'm glad he said it differently
before. How you say it is everything.
For example, what would you rather here man?
Said, one time. Would you rather hear?
How would you rather hear this phrase?
Just would you rather have your spouse say to you?
Honey, when I look at you time, just stand still.
Would you rather hear it like that or man?
You gotta face second, stop a clock.
You're kind of saying the same thing but how you say it is
everything. Speak gently.
And I'll tell you something else to folks.
There's more than one way to remove a fly from somebody's
forehead. You don't need a hammer.
Speak gently.
Another one. Be quick to show love.
Proverbs 10 12 says hatred stirs up Stripes, but love covereth.
All since I'll tell you something, folks, when we're
working to re-establish, relationships, that have grown
cold and calloused over the years because of hard feelings,
These are principles just a short little sermon that God has
given us in his word if that's the case, let's be proactive and
tearing down walls and let's start building bridges into the
lives of others that would perhaps we had relationships
with that. Have grown cold Do you realize
that when you're talking about Christians?
We are talking about spending eternity together.
I don't understand sometimes when relationships grow cold,
and now there's hard feelings, I've seen places where people in
the very same congregation won't even look at them, won't even
look at the other person. We're trying to work to get to
heaven to be together in heaven and we can't get along for a
little while in this life. Let's be proactive with all of
those relationships and let's Tear Down the Walls and start
building bridges in the lives of others.
With the right heart. You know, one man said, you
don't have to depend on the trial and error method to Win
Friends and Influence People. He just don't The word of God is
very clear. If we have some relationship
issues. Let's make sure we're peace with
the Lord before we go and try to deal with that.
Let's be slow to anger slow to respond.
Always speak gently gently. And let's be quick to show,
love. But finally and enclosing
practical conclusion, I like practical stuff.
I love practical stuff. By the way, what I'm about to
tell you, I got from my dad, the guy that ended up becoming a
brilliant wise man after I grew up.
Okay. Watch this.
If somebody wrongs you, let it go.
Let it go. In First Corinthians chapter 6
we talked about that as going to the law against a brother and we
do and that's right but the theme there is just be
defrauded. What's the big deal?
If somebody wrongs you get over it, Let It Go.
If you wrong, somebody else make it right?
Fix it. When we do a good deed for
somebody else, don't keep score forget it.
And finally, if somebody does something good for you, remember
it always, I'll tell you something.
It might be hard here and there you plug that in you're going to
get along with people. You sure are.
And it's going to help you get over stuff too.
I've heard people say, well, we don't want to let so-and-so off
the hook, they've offended me and I'm not going to let him off
the hook. You know, Joseph was sold by his
brothers into slavery. He had a terrible period of time
in his life and all the circumstances negatively that
happened as a result of all that.
But the Bible says that he named his first son, Manasseh, which
means God has made me to forget. All the trouble of my father's
house. Joseph was letting himself off
the hook. It wasn't a matter.
I'm not gonna let my brother's off book.
He let himself off the hook, what he meant by that is, I'm
not going to be evilly influenced.
Anymore or negatively influenced anymore by what was done to me.
Just let it go. Get over it.
You're wrong others. Let's remember it and make it
right. Do something good for someone
don't keep score but if somebody does something good for you,
remember it always it will help practically in every
relationship you have in life.