Wonderful to see you tonight. I'm thankful to have everybody
here so we can study the Bible together once again, and I've
been really encouraged by the singing tonight.
It has been very healthy for me to lift up the name of the Lord
in these songs. To thank the Lord.
For all he's done. We serve an awesome God, and
it's just a privilege to be his child, right?
There's so many times. Just little things and the fact
that God commanded us to sing what a pleasure, it is to obey
that command whether you like singing or not, it's not what
I'm about. But the fact that we get to do
it something together, we're all teaching each other.
How great God is? What a blessing.
It made me think about as we were singing and how we get to
do this together. A scripture that I hope can help
introduce this idea and why I think this is so important and
that is First John chapter 4 verse let's do 19 through 21 so
if you have a few Bible it's on page 1868.
And first, John chapter 4, verse 19 through 21.
And this is what that scripture says.
We love him. Because he first loved us.
If someone says I love God and hates his brother, he's a liar.
For he who does not love his brother, whom he has seen.
How can he love God when he's not sing?
And this commandment we have from him that he who loves God
must love his brother. Also You know, that scripture
there is a kind of a catalyst for several the sermons I've
presented throughout this series of studies we've had and that is
asking you all to be introspective about your
relationships among this congregation.
And to think about one another and how you can help each other
with Doctrine, right? That's what we talked about them
on Wednesday, right? And how we can help each other
to overcome doubt, like what we talked about last night and I
think a follow up to last night about overcoming doubt is to
build a culture where we feel comfortable and safe to confess.
And if the church is not a place where that happens, Brothers and
sisters, our members will find somewhere where they can.
Whether that be for younger, Folks, at school, for those who
work with their workmates neighbors family, that maybe
aren't Believers. What I'm saying, is we naturally
will find people that we get along with that.
We feel comfortable with and we'll start to Bear our soul to
them. How strange that God's people
would feel uncomfortable to Bear their heart with other
Christians and feel more comfortable to do it with people
in the world. Now, here is the, the study
outline and many of you have already had the chance to snap
this QR code. If you don't know how to snap a
qr-code, I'm I'm sorry. But you'll probably have to wait
till after services to figure it out, but it's up there and all
this will be Is the PowerPoint on your phone so you can follow
along. If I go too quickly, you can
have it for additional study later on every time I presented
this topic, I've had people come up and say oh that was just too
much too much content. So I've broken it into multiple
sermons, it didn't work. I put it back into one.
So I'm just going to let you study on your pace.
If I go too quickly tonight we're going to briefly look at
an exposition or an overview of James chapter 5 verse 13 through
16. This is The scripture that I
think is essential to understand about why we need to build a
culture and our local Congregation of safe confession.
Then we'll talk about the that idea of safety and ask this
question, why do we need it, you know, safety that sounds like
something that those snowflakes need, right?
They want their safe space and they just can't handle the real
world. And yet, I think what we'll find
is the Bible does talk about there is value in this concept
of safety. We need to figure out how to
Build it internally so that we are comfortable with who we are.
We feel a sense of peace with what God has given us and when
we had trauma in our life, so whether you have experienced
some sort of physical, emotional sexual abuse, and there is just
a lack of safety because of those events.
I want you to know that you can overcome for the power of God,
and you can find that safety. Again, also, as a congregation
we should talk about how How to build it relationally.
And then finally, we'll do a case study on what safety looks
like in a project and one of The Parables of Jesus Christ.
So let's begin. James chapter 5 13 through 16.
I will present this as a section on how to not grow weary.
Now the premise that we often hear about is prayer They are
connected but how I'm going to present this is, this is a
how-to guide of not to grow weary and lose heart.
So for me, I outlining is a very helpful way to study.
I'd like to show you this scripture as an outline and then
read it. So, instead of reading it as a
block paragraph, consider, this outline that I now have on the
board. Then it says, is anyone among
you suffering? Let him pray.
Is anyone among you? A cheerful.
Let him sing praise. Is anyone among you sick?
Let him call for the Elders of the church and let them before I
read it. I just want to emphasize with
you as we've read. Hopefully, you have visually
seen. There's three questions, right?
Three questions that he then answers and this third question,
takes a little bit more time to answer is anyone among you sick,
let him call the Elders of the church and let them do two
things. Pray for him and anointing him.
Oil in the name of the Lord, and then it describes what that
process does, the prayer of faith will save.
The one who's sick and the Lord will raise him up.
And if he's committed sins, he will be forgiven therefore based
on these questions and their answers.
Therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one
another that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man
has great power as it is working.
Let's take a few minutes to break this outline down and
consider. James has questions the first
section that we'll look at is how we strive personally
internally how we strive to not grow weary and he asks each of
us. These two questions are any of
you suffering and are any of you cheerful.
And I want to visualize this on a spectrum because James uses
Greek words that represent the farthest of far.
The are you in the lowest of lows?
Or are you in the highest of highs?
And this emotional experience that you're going through as you
go through life? As tribulation comes as trial
comes as good times, come as Joy comes, you're going to find
yourself in the lowest of lows and in the highest of highs.
What do we do in the lowest of lows and the highest of highs we
could look back and we should pray when we're suffering and
were cheerful, we should be singing praises, right?
That's this is how we're to not grow weary now, I want to
emphasize for just a moment because it's just in the back of
my mind in our culture and especially our church culture,
that a lot of times the emotional experience.
Gets relegated to the bottom because it's not truth, right?
And so we say things, like when it comes to interpreting the
Bible, your emotions don't matter, the truth matters.
And I agree with how there is objective truth that all of us
are intended to follow. But I would also like to share
with you that God's way includes the emotional experience and
that we need to make room for the emotional experience.
Because emotions are Valid Psalm 147 verse 3 talking about God,
he heals the Brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
God cares. When we are in distress, God
cares. When we are on the top of the
world he wants us to mourn when others are morning as the book
of Romans says he wants us to rejoice when others are
rejoicing. And I don't have time to go into
all of this. That this is an emotional wheel.
We use this in therapy a lot, especially with men, no offense
men, but culturally were not really trained on how to do
anything other than to be mad sad, and glad right?
Kind of grunt our way through those emotions.
And what I went through therapy training, I was sad mad and glad
and they're asking me, but, but you've got to be able to help
your clients experience deeper richer emotions.
And I was going, he said me, man.
So this emotional experience that people have often times put
on these beautiful colored spectrums.
It's important for us to see that Jesus experienced a wide
range of emotions and it's healthy and appropriate that we
can too. Now, I'm not interested in you
manufacturing, fake emotions or fake experiences are forcing
things because you feel like that's what others want you to
do. I'm just trying to make space
for the emotional experience. Now let's look at this.
This middle section right here. We have a couple of answers to
questions about how we personally strive, not to grow
weary. We're going to be praying.
We're going to be singing. That's not the only answers but
it's ones that are good enough that James put it in the Bible.
The here's the second section and that's about what to do when
we're still weary. So let's say, for a time, you've
been in the lowest of lows and so you've been praying and
you've been praying You've been praying and it's just not
working. You're just so low that you
can't get out of it. Well, thankfully, this section
is put here to help us appreciate that.
You're supposed to interact with others.
You interact with others. So he says, is any of you sick,
let him call on the Elders of the church and let them do two
things, pray over him anointing with oil in the name of the
Lord. Now it's not the intention of
this sermon to go deep down into the weeds of what it means to be
anointed in the name of the Lord, I will have a slide to
show you the weeds, but I'm going to ask you to look on that
on your phone or on your smart device later on on your own in
great detail. Here's the the point that I'll
be making the words sick in this area of scripture.
Contextually are talking about being weary and a better
translation would be is anyone among you weary let him call for
the Elders of the church and let them pray over him.
Anointing him with oil, in the name of the Lord, and the prayer
of faith will save. The one who's weary the Lord
will raise him up and if he's committed sins, he will be
forgiven. And why this makes more sense
with weary is because sickness is not directly tied to sin as
far as did you get cancer? Well, that's because you lied 12
years ago and the Lord remembered it and he threw that
cancer into you because that's the price you get to pay.
That's not the kind of God we serve if however, as I'm
presenting it is weariness, there is weariness.
That's associated with an emotional experience, but
there's also weariness associated with Sim and there
are times when I may be sad, glad or mad, just because life
has me down. And they're signed, there's
times when I'm mad or I'm sad because I brought this on
myself, sin has consequences, you get a DUI, there's
consequences to getting a DUI. Right, that we understand that
legally, we should understand it, spiritually as well.
Now here is the briefest of brief talking about the views.
There are people who think that we literally should anoint with
oil and their explanation is this.
Here are my objections to that claim.
But thirdly, what, I'll ask you to consider on your own as
spiritually. It's talking about weariness.
Here's the reasons why. And here's what someone might
have an objection about Now briefly.
We have things we can do on our own, we have things that others
can do for us. So here's the conclusion
therefore you are asked to confess your sins to one another
that's one form of weariness and you pray for one another, that's
another form of weariness to overcome that.
You may be healed, the prayer of a righteous person has great
power as it is working. So what I want you to do is to
remember that there are two types Soooo of weariness, we've
got one type that is sin based and we've got another type.
That is simply emotional based and we do not grow weary
according to James 5, when we talk about it, Right.
So there's going to be times when you talk about your sin
problems and you're confessing to someone that you trust.
I need help. Maybe I have an addiction issue.
Maybe I have a behavioral issue. Maybe I have an anger issue,
whatever it is, we're confessing sin.
There's other times, when instead of at the back door,
when you see each other at Services, you know, I don't know
what the number one question that a Christian as a Christian.
How you doing? And it's not a question.
It's really a statement and you know it's saying hello.
And if one were to say how you doing?
And the other says, well I'll tell you man, it's been a hard
hard week and I am just, I can't sometimes we're going.
I just ask you how you're doing. I want to know that I'm not
interested, right? The English language is bizarre
sometimes. And what I would challenge us
with is that when we're asking how you doing, you really should
ask, how are you doing? So that someone feels safe
enough to say it's been Been a hard week and I've been down
here and I can't figure out how to get out of it.
Okay. So when those people get to that
last little row and they're down there at the doldrums then how
do we help them get out of that we re experience.
So that's the first part of our study.
Hopefully now we feel better about James 5 and we know that
there's some valuable teaching there that says that we're
supposed to confess our sins to one another, we're going to pray
for one another. The prayers of a righteous
person availeth much, but let's talk about safety and why that
word is very important in this conversation.
Did you know that the word safety or safe in the Bible that
we see in English? Actually comes from several
Greek and Hebrew words in the Old and New Testament and they
paint a beautiful picture of what it means to be safe.
Now, we use that word sometimes casually, right?
Like Somebody's running to first base and they're safe, they made
it right as we with our kids, when we play hide-and-seek and
they are running to get to the couch before dad's chasing them
down, they're diving through the air in there, safe, right in the
Bible, you can look these up and Hebrew and in Greek many times,
they'll translate into English as safe.
But other synonyms are that that we're secure, right?
That we're at peace. That we've escaped from some
great problem that there was Deliverance and someone has
broke free, that there's Refuge, we've run into the Lord, he's a
strong tower. As the Bible says in Proverbs
18:10, the righteous run into him and they are safe.
In Luke 15. 27 is we're going to talk about later the scriptures
will call and safe and sound whenever they come home.
And that safe and sound is talking about about a wellness.
And I love how it's used in first John or rather, second
John chapter 1, where it talks about, how we are to be of sound
mind. So mental health, emotional
well-being. These things are biblically
based, we are to be of sound mind safe in the mind.
Safe, that we've been rescued safe, like an anchor.
That is sure in the middle of a storm.
The boat can drop its anchor, and it's safe, even though the
winds are crashing all over it. It so it's easy, maybe to listen
to the news and listen, sometimes I can be guilty of it
as well and we hear people use a word say well, this is my safe
space so we just go poof. What a Nancy for thinking that
they need to be safe. We don't need to be safe.
We do, we really do. We need to feel comfortable
enough to talk to someone that we feel safe with who in the
Bible would be a good example of someone who felt safe Apostle
Paul. And I'm going to show you a
scripture here where he talks about himself and I'm going to
ask this question at the bottom. How was Paul able to confess
this? Now I've emphasized some words.
Hopefully, we can read it. It says As and I thank Christ
Jesus. Our lord who has enabled me
because he counted me faithful putting me into the ministry.
Although I was formerly a blasphemer.
A persecutor and insolent man. But I obtained Mercy because I
did it, ignorantly in unbelief and the grace of our Lord was
exceedingly abundant with faith and love which are in Christ
Jesus. This is a faithful saying and
worthy of all acceptance that Christ Jesus came into the sent
into the world, to save Sinners of whom.
I am chief. How is he able to talk so freely
about that. And here's a guy that is a
blasphemer, a persecutor an insolent, man.
Some might call him a murderer, putting Christians, in jail.
And and if they were then executed later that he could
have all sorts of things and yet, here he is just kind of
broadcasting it freely. By the way, this is what I was,
and I'm the chief of Sinners. I'm the worst of Sinners and I
would suggest that Paul was safe.
Take all those words that we used and biblically the way that
they are used, we could say he was safe and his relationship
with his Lord. Meaning he felt comfortable to
bring this to the master, but he also felt comfortable and
talking about it with his Brethren.
Notice what he says? Jesus enabled me.
Jesus counted me. Faithful, Jesus.
Put me into a Ministry. And therefore I obtained mercy
and Jesus, Grace was exceedingly, abundant and Jesus
saves Sinners. I'm the chief And so, I obtained
Mercy. He felt comfortable in this and
he wants us to feel comfortable in it too.
Because he says, however, for this reason, I obtained Mercy
that in me first, Jesus Christ might show all long suffering as
a pattern to those who are going to believe on him for
everlasting life. Paul is intended to be a pattern
where you and me. Should be like him.
And we can talk about what we used to be.
We can talk about what we are presently struggling with.
Now we're not going to, you know, celebrate the sin.
That's not what it's about. But it is about talking about
how we used to be one way and then the Lord has done some
wonderful work in our life and now we're different or the Lord
is trying to work through us. But man were just having a
really hard time and we need help to get through it.
Now at this point in the sermon, as we go on to the next Point,
I've had several people naturally fall into one of two
groups, you're either really ready to help.
You're like let sit on the safe person and I'm ready to go.
Find those people that don't feel safe.
I'm going to make them or you're the person is about ready to get
out of here and say, this is way beyond my comfort zone.
Nobody here knows what I've done.
Nobody knows what my life is like and I do Don't know if I
want to talk about it and so the best illustration I've ever
found is this. Eva.
It's ostrich, chasing a zebra giraffe, screaming.
Let me help you. And so happens in the church.
We get so zealous to want to help others.
Sometimes we forget that, maybe they're not where we are in this
emotional process. I remember one time I had a dear
friend that I gave a sermon very similar to this and I encourage
the church to, you know, get to know each.
Each other and get to know each other about the parts of their
life that maybe they're not ready to share.
And he said, he had come someone come up to him after that,
sermon who had never spent time with him other than a, hey, how
are you? And the very first question that
they asked was tell me about your sister who has it been
faithful for the past 10 years and he was just not ready to
have that conversation. It wasn't he wasn't safe.
Now that other person felt very safe.
I am. This person was probably
thinking I'm totally safe and I'm a safe person and so I'll be
able to ask him this question. So this is why I'm going to have
a few of these thoughts just to remind you.
It's okay if you're not quite there yet or maybe if you're
overzealous, that's okay too. Now I want you two to know at
this moment in the sermon. It's okay.
If you don't feel safe and it's okay to not understand others in
the moment. So maybe you're just totally
their butts. What else in the congregation
isn't it's okay to not want to open up to everyone.
Right. It's okay.
If someone doesn't want to open up to you, that's important.
Especially if you're a helper type of person and you're
insulted or offended. If somebody doesn't want to talk
to you about their problem, this is kind of a tricky sentence.
It's okay, if you're not someone elses safe person.
Even though you feel safe with them.
So, I've seen this happen among friends where one friend thinks
the other is their best friend, and they're just going to pour
out their heart to them, whereas the other person wasn't ready
for that. It's okay to want this safety
that you see in others, and it's okay, if it takes more time than
you expected. So, let's just take a breath.
As we jump into this third part of the study, and that is
talking about what's going on in your heart, how to build
internal safety. Now, this is from a training
seminar that I went to and I know this is very small but it
says, how can I Come more secure a grounded theory of earning
secure attachment Biola. Why?
I don't even know how to say that, oh, aloof for w a and Fife
schleiden and winning. And so this was at the Texans
annual marriage, and family therapy conference.
And as they were giving this presentation about research,
they've done on how to build safety within a person I thought
You stole that from the Bible? I know you stole from me.
You're going to say that that's this therapy thing but I know
you did. So I took the pleasure of
capturing it back for the Bible even though they might not claim
it comes from there. So we're going to look at an
illustration in the form of a house.
I have had some experience with home renovation but please do
not base this house and the way it's constructed off of sound
practices that we have in the real world but we're going to
start with this concept. What happens when you're here
and sin and weariness is beating down on you and you've got to
build this internal safety so that you can talk to someone.
You know, maybe you're afraid to talk to somebody in this place
because you're afraid they won't know what I've been through.
They will judge me. They will look down on me.
Now, I can say all day long. No, they won't.
But until you feel safe, it's going to be hard for you to
overcome that. So, here is a research backed
method. You build internal safety that I
think is biblically based and here's the roof and notice, I
started with the roof. You never start with the roof
when you build a house. However, there are internal
changes and there are relational changes that will shelter you
from the storm. So the question is, how do we
build these internal changes? And how do we build relational
changes? So, now, we'll start down at the
bottom with the foundation and this is the foundation to build
safety coming from Romans chapter 12.
L've verse 1 and 2 which says we are to be transformed by the
renewing of our minds. So that's a command.
Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
And the same way that communion is a command that our worship,
the items in it are commanded. Transformation is a command
mental renewal. Well, how do we do that?
How do we transform our minds? I'm going to show you four
research-based ways that people have come to feel safe.
Number one, people state by being intentional today.
I'm going to do x y z to try to build a little safety.
And I like, what Colossians 3:1 says, set your mind on things
above. Not on things of this world, so
am I? Set is healthy and necessary to
build safety and overcome trauma in your heart.
Number to overcome setbacks, meaning you will take a risk and
somebody might let you down, Bible says in John, 16:33 in
this world, you will have troubles, but be of good cheer.
I have overcome the world and friends.
If you have a mindset where you're going to say, I'm going
to take a risk but kind of like I said, last night this Person
that I'm going to take a risk with this.
Isn't my Lord and Savior. Jesus Christ is, and this person
may let me down. So I got to remember that they
might let me down, Jesus doesn't let me down, but this person
might having that in your heart is helpful.
Number three, having surrogate attachment.
So we might call this an adopted or chosen family and the Bible's
full of surrogate attachments. You could write down if you're
taking notes in Ruth 1:15. This Young foreign woman, her
husband dies. The family is pretty much wiped
out, except for her mother-in-law, right?
But her husband's gone. So she could just go back to her
people. But she tells this woman that
she's not really related to anymore, but she decides she's
going to go with her. She says your people.
They're going to be my people, your God is going to be my God.
And so this young woman Ruth has a surrogate attachment to Naomi
in Romans, chapter 16. Verse 15.
The Apostle Paul says greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord and
greet, his mother and mine and it's one little thought and I
wish I could expand it so much more than this.
But Paul look to this woman like a mother.
So, my question for you all is, do you have people in the church
whom you look to and they're like a brother to you, like a
sister to you, like a mom, like a dad, a spiritual family, like
this is what we're supposed to be.
Galatians chapter 3 talks about how when we are baptized into
Christ. What we all put on him through
baptism, and there's no longer Jew nor Greek slave nor free nor
male or female but we're all one in Christ.
We are a surrogate family and that's research base.
So this is why I'm saying, I think they stole it from the
Bible number for therapy and education.
Proverbs chapter 20 verse 5 says that a the heart of a man is
like a deep. Well, But a man of understanding
can draw it out and so I do think it is healthy and helpful
to reach out to others who have training to help you overcome
traumatic experiences. So now that we've got the
foundation, let's build the walls of internal changes and
relational changes so we can look at this research based
method of an internal change and that is to relinquish the victim
mentality. Now I don't say that in like an
insulting way like oh you're Just a victim and get over it
because sometimes you've been through the ringer but the Bible
suggests and research suggests that if we put on the mindset,
this, I'm more than this. I'm not going to have a name tag
for about the rest of my life. That says, this is how I'm
identified as by this trauma, I will put that down and put on
something else that you were able to overcome that trauma
quicker. Philippians 4:13 says, I can do
all things through Christ. Who strengthens me a second,
step is to redefine, one's identity and work.
So by taking off a victim mentality and putting on, in
this context, putting on Christ Putting on his identity, I love
what John 8:36 says. So who the sun sets free is free
indeed, and one of my favorite songs, I don't know if it's in
this folder or not, but it's, that's the how the chorus goes,
who the sun sets free is free, indeed.
And then we all sing together. I'm a Child of God.
Yes, I am. I love that phrase.
I love saying it, with my brothers and sisters, what we're
all calling out together. This new identity.
This new worth, where it doesn't matter, what I used to be, and
what I used to do. I'm not I'm not measured by that
anymore, I measured by Jesus and he says, I'm a child of God and
so what else can I declare bait? Yes, I am.
So this is how we construct internal changes towards safety.
It takes time. And while we're doing that,
research also suggests that you must make relational changes.
You can't be an Island by yourself.
And so we are to do our best to make peace with the past, what
some call the family of origin. And so, if there's abuse in the
family that you grew up with, if there's poor relationships with
friends in your past part of your life, then we are to try
our best to make peace with it. And I want to read Romans 12
verse 17. It says if it is possible as far
as it depends on you live at peace with everyone, it's
important. Remember this you might want
Want to make peace with someone else but they might not want to
make peace with you and it's not your job to make them make peace
with you. Remember, if you're the ostrich
you let me help you, right? We can't force someone into a
relationship but I love how the scripture says as much as it's
possible with you. Meaning you have a job to do and
that's to try To do your best to make peace.
And finally, we take small risks of trust and as James 5:16 says,
which is a command confess your sins, to one another.
This is when you take a risk with somebody at church and you
find someone whom you may be are close to or you feel like
they're a safe person and you're able to say, hey, can we get a
cup of coffee? So, I want to talk about and
that cup of coffee at whatever place here in town or if you
don't like coffee get Whatever, I don't care.
The point is, you're going to spend some time and it's going
to take time. This isn't something you talk
about 30 seconds and you say, great talk and walk away.
You might need to take an hour or two or three and that's
small. Risk built on making peace with
your past leads to relational changes.
And these are research-based methods that we can grow
stronger inside. One of my favorite verses that
I'm going to close with on this section is First John chapter 3,
verse 19 and 20, and it says by this We know that we are of the
truth and shall assure our hearts before him.
For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart
and he knows all things. As I have learned when it comes
to people who've been through trauma or of had past
experiences, a lot of guilt there.
The whole lot of self-doubt and inability to let go of that
past. And one of the things about this
scripture is to remind these people as they're building this
house. God.
Greater than your heart. And so, when you're having
trouble building it remember, God is greater, he knows all
things and he is able to help you overcome.
Now, there's a book called safe. People wouldn't, you know it and
these psychologists list the characteristics of someone who
is safe and someone who's not safe.
And I'm just going to we're going to plow through it in 30
seconds, okay? They believe a safe person is
somebody who's honest and gentle and Wrecked humble and
self-aware able to listen and receive the truth.
They act on the needs and they don't just hear they grow and
work towards personal Improvement and then unsafe
people are dishonest and defensive they withdraw or
Stonewall they manipulate they flatter.
But they do not confront with truth, they may apologize.
They don't change their behavior and they lack personal insight
and awareness. But you know, what's better than
a book is the Bible Bible the Bible, I think summarizes it
this way love suffers long and is kind love does not.
Envy does not parade itself. It is not puffed up.
Does not behave rudely, this not seek its own is not provoked
thinks. No evil does not rejoice in
iniquity, love rejoices in the truth Bears.
All things believes all things, hopes, all things endures, all
things, love, never fails. Al's.
So as we're building safety, here, we are at this last slide
as we're building safety. We got to remember that a safe
person is able to take on a lot of these character traits, and
then be aware. That sometimes there's some
false character traits that we try to put on.
For example, this one flattery but does not confront with
truth. We think we're safe.
When we just kind of let someone do whatever, that's not a safe
person. Safe person is going to
challenge somebody to Truth. Okay, here we are very quickly
how to build congregational safety.
So, now, let's start talking about this group of people here.
How do you work together towards making this a safe space?
It's important to remember that a church is made up of various
types of relationships and a question that you might be
asking. And if not, I want you to ask
it, with me is, am I supposed to be this to have this deeply
personal and vulnerable relationship with everyone?
Here. Well, I think that's an ideal
that we want to strive for, but I want you to just take a deep
breath and think to yourself, I don't have to be that close with
every single member, why not? You might be a little bit upset,
why not? I thought I was supposed to be
close with everyone. Well, I'm going to use Jesus as
the example, okay? And I want you to consider that
Jesus had various types of interactions and relationships
with his followers. Jesus had a multitude.
That would be like his public interactions.
Jesus had the 12, which is an Outer Circle.
That's what I'm going to call an Outer Circle of Friends of
safety. Then he had the three Peter
James, and John and these three. They got to spend time with him
in ways that no one else did. They got to see special Miracles
that no one else saw. And even when they went to pray,
he went a little farther with Peter James and John before he
went off to Pray by himself. But you know, Jesus also had a
long time. And I Define that as a healthy
personal form of safety, where we have a boundary to say, you
know what, I need to kind of recharge right now before we
have this conversation, my question is in which of these
was Jesus, not his authentic self.
And I would say, Jesus was authentic and every single
scenario. He may have acted differently
with the multitude than he did with his and her 3, and the same
way that we might interact with each other differently at a
church lunch, or after services. And there's a lot of people, a
lot of conversations, kind of loud, and maybe it's a little
overwhelming, that's probably not the best time to be
vulnerable. And so it's okay to not have
that deep connection with everyone.
But here's my question. Who's your three?
Do you have a theory? And I do think it's a flexible
number. You could have one or two or
three or four. Like you don't have to have
three. God got to.
I'm one short. No no I want you to think about
who are the three that you consider in that group.
It might be your husband or your wife. might be a brother or
sister might be a best friend, it might be a neighbor there
naturally our relationships here that have that already but there
also may be people who don't have those relationships, who
were there three and how can we help them grow research,
suggests that healthy relationships are built through
connection as this study shows at the bottom and a lot of times
I understand the research you hear that title and you go duh
everyone knows that and that's how research works a lot of
times as they They research the things that maybe the rest of us
had already figured out, but social scientists really got to
look at the details. A lot of times healthy
relationships are built through connection and I want to read
this scripture and then explain this pyramid of connection that
Caudill and Drake and and some counseling services put together
in 2020. First, John 1:7 says, but if we
walk in the light as he is the light we have Fellowship.
With one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ, his son
cleanses us from all sins. If we say, we have no sin, we
deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
If we confess our sins, he's faithful and just to forgive our
sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
So this scripture is emphasis on fellowship and fellowship takes
three things. It takes you, it takes another
believer. And as we'll see in a little
bit, I'll have the word god up here.
It takes three for Fellowship to work properly.
Early, but it's important to remember that manufactured
connection where you're trying to force something.
It's lonely, and it's discouraging.
Let me give you an example. Research shows that, if you want
to have an intimate relationship, and I'm not
talking about sex which we usually use with the synonym of
intimacy. But what the way I'm presenting
it tonight is just a deeply personal and very close
connection that can be platonic as friends.
It Between Marriage Partners as well, but we're really
interested. We want to be vulnerable.
We want to have this intimate relationship but you can't just
jump into those. It's not possible.
Now, it can happen very quickly, but we start with truth and that
means that two people have to have something in common, a
shared sense of meaning. And with that shared sense of
meaning, then they move up that relationship pyramid into safety
that they feel comfortable to talk to one another Other about
that shared sense of Truth and as they feel comfortable talking
about it suddenly now they trust each other that they can move
Beyond. Maybe that one thing that
brought them together, maybe it was, you know a work friend and
all the things you talk about is work but then you feel safe to
talking about work. So then you can bring up some
other issue that's on your mind and that's how we get to
vulnerability and intimacy. But when you try to manufacture
it and this person is desperate to have a vulnerable intimate
connection with Our friend right or with your marriage partner
and a lot of times, this is what happens.
And marriage want persons reading a book, the other person
watching TV or something, right? They're not interested in this
book. And this book has got some great
stuff. I mean, it's going to save our
marriage and it's going to take us to the next level.
And so we start trying to implement the things of this
book and our partner wasn't really there for any of that.
And so what happens and this isn't a marriage.
This is just a friendship example up here but this person
is ready to move into safety, but the other is not This person
is ready to move into trust and the others not and as this
person starts to divulge things and they're moving into this
place where I lie trust you and I'm talking about this stuff.
Why aren't you talking back? Why aren't you opening up to me?
Because it's manufactured. And it will only end up in
loneliness and discouragement and very quickly that friendship
is become superficial all over again.
So what are we supposed to do well with God at the top.
And this is why the I have this scripture here when we have
fellowship with one another I think fellowship and
relationship or two very close words.
But with that inner three or the person that you're trying to get
closer with, you want to be vulnerable with you start with
the sense of Truth together and you move into safety together
and you start trusting each other.
And then we're Are able to open up about a problem.
And someone divulge is, man, I've had a porn addiction for
the past 20 years and I don't know how to stop.
Or. I lost my job last week and I'm
going to lose everything, but I haven't been able to talk to my
wife about it. I'm just pretending to go to
work, right? So we get, how do we get to
these points? Because we build these other
things in common and then we get to intimacy the closest thing.
And what I'm suggesting to you is the way that we get there is
that we're both pursuing God. And by pursuing God with someone
in the congregation, trying to get closer together and trying
to create that sense of safety. This is how it is accomplished.
We can talk more about that afterwards.
In conclusion, I simply want to share with you, the prodigal,
The Prodigal father and brother and how they are an excellent
example of someone who's safe and someone who's not safe and
so I'm going to share some visual aids with you up here on
the board and we will briefly review the parable.
And that is that there was this prodigal or this son who told
his father that he wanted to go off into a far country.
And so, his father gave him his portion of the inheritance.
And he went off and squandered his life and his living in that
place. And after a series of very
embarrassing and Unfortunate Events, he decides to come home
and when he comes home to his father, he tells Him, I've
sinned against heaven and against you and I'm no longer
worthy to be called your son. And what I want to emphasize
here is that the father was safe in two ways in this relationship
first. He was safe and that he didn't
go with the son to the far country.
That's important to remember. And I think sometimes it's easy
for us to excuse sin and to make allowances for our friends and
our family. When they're trapped in sin with
the father, didn't do that. The father there is an Open Door
and he waited for the sun to return, but he wouldn't go with
him. That's a safe person.
But when the sun came back, that safety is made manifest and how
the father responds, he runs to meet and he picks him up.
And he hugs him, he kisses him. He calls for a robe to be put on
him a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet.
And even though the sun is completely broken, the father
calls out my son, My son was lost and is found.
He's alive again. Now, as the parable continues,
the older brother who had didn't leave and had not wasted money
in. Prodigal living finds out that
the younger son has returned and not only has he returned, but
the father is now celebrating him and he is frustrated and
angry with what has happened here and so he won't even go
into the party. The father has to walk out and
talk to him. And in angry he says, for the
first time in the Herbal the, your son wasted, his money on
prostitutes. It never said that up till that
point, it did say, prodigal living.
And it's likely that he had wasted the money on prostitutes.
This is the first time The older brother is not safe.
Because he's interested in Justice and revenge and Judgment
at all costs. Instead of what the father who
had a boundary that he wouldn't cross, but when that sun came
back repentant he was ready to forgive.
Now the moral of this story is that just like the older brother
and the younger brother both in a way were lost and needed to
repent and come back to the their father.
So, were the Jewish people that Jesus was working with, and the
Pharisees who judged and looked down on those who were tax
collectors and sinners. Has Jesus is trying to call both
sides to repentance and what I'm trying to advocate for with
safety. Is that if you want to be safe
for others than we do have a moral boundary that we don't
cross. But when others are willing to
come back and open up and and to be vulnerable with us, that
we're not going to demand a pound of Flesh.
We'll help them find the Lord, that's our Bible study tonight.
And I know that's a lot of. A lot of information that we've
gone through, we've covered for big concepts of how to not grow
weary, according to James 5, how being safe is a biblically
appropriate concept, how to build internal safety so that we
feel comfortable to reach out. And then how congregationally or
relationally, we understand that this is a journey.
We're going to go through together.
Sir with someone we're not going to expect them to be vulnerable.
We get to just be stonewalling towards them.
I hope some of this was helpful information for you and I'd like
to show you this animation and read the scripture as we offer
the gospel invitation. I love.
It's one of my favorite images on baptism and it says in Romans
6:3, and for do you not know that as many of us as were
baptized into Christ were baptized into his death?
Therefore We were buried with him, through baptism into death
that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of
the father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
And I think, what we've talked about tonight is a part of this
gospel process. We have to walk in newness of
Life who we are. After baptism is just as
important as getting baptized. Right?
And so friends, if anyone here has it been baptized there were
about to have a gospel invitation and I want to
challenge you to think about according to the scriptures how
Faith leads us to hear the word. And to believe the message to
repent of our sins and confess that Jesus Christ is the Son of
God and be baptized, and that baptism puts us in Christ and
without baptism, we're not in Christ.
But part of that ism is who we are afterwards and Who We Are.
It's should be people who are safe and a congregation is safe
and if you've had struggles without than this gospel,
invitation is also for you where you can come forward and start a
new page in a new life living for the master, there's want to
be the class, please comes. We Stand sing a song.
We thank you for listening to our podcast, put on by the
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