Surely in your life. You've heard the adage that
behind every great man. Is a great woman that very old
familiar. Phrase has as much truth today
and it though as it did when it was one time spoken in the long
ago, I said last Lord's day and I really mean this that the
decisions that we make in our life, determine the direction of
our life, the two greatest decisions we will ever make in
our life that determine our direction from a spiritual
perspective is when we decide to obey the gospel and be baptized
into Christ to become a Christian.
And the second is who were going to marry.
We talked about how important it is to have someone that is the
right fit that God had have has intended for him or her to have
in the home. But a bad woman though can be
the very undoing of the very best man want to give you a
couple of couple examples. I'll not go into great detail
about these. But I thought about these this
week I thought about a man that was one of the mightiest men in
all the Bible. I thought about Samson, I
thought about Delilah and I thought about her influence that
she had overhead. I don't know how many times that
she went back to him and asked him where in does thy strength
lie, or we can almost Picture in Our Minds Eye and almost hear
the tone that she's begging him. Tell me, why are you so strong?
And finally, she weakened him and she wore him down and he
said no, razor has ever come to my head?
He said, if I shall shave the 7 lakhs of my head, I shall be as
all other men are we know the story, he sleeps on her lap.
His head is shaved and then all of a sudden, she cries out
before like, she had done and she says the spillage Sting's be
upon thee Sampson. What did Simpson say?
He arose. He said it shall be as it always
has been before. He said, I shall shake myself
and he believed that God would be with him.
But then the very sad words in the Bible which says, but he
knew not that the Lord was departed from him.
That's an example of a man. That's probably the mightiest of
all and he was brought down by the influence of the wrong
woman. How about another one?
But another example of this, I think about the wisest man that
ever lived. Save Jesus Christ.
You know right now who I'm talking about?
And you know, save Jesus Christ is the wisest man that ever
lived. You would think that he would
have made better decisions. We're talking about the wise men
of old Solomon. The Bible says he had 700 wives
and 300 concubines, and do you remember where they came from?
They came from all the nations that God said, don't go out
there and don't intermarry with them.
You see if I can remember them all, the ammonites the moabites,
the edomites, the hid types, and the sidonians, all of these ER
places where God said, do not go out and intermarry with them.
He chose all of his women from people that were not the people
of God. And what did the Bible say?
They turned his heart. If you don't think that the
right woman makes a difference in your life, you're sadly
mistaken. You are sadly mistaken.
You know, there's a story told one time I gave this story to
you 10 years ago, if you remember it, it's then it's a
great story and if you don't remember it you need to hear it.
But there's a story told that really fits this about the
importance of having the right wife.
Story told about a CEO of rather large corporation and he got in
the car. One day with his lovely wife,
and they're driving the very expensive car down the freeway.
He looks down, and he realizes that he needs gas.
So he pulls off the exit, there pulls up to the pump there to
gas station, jumps out, he barks out a couple orders to the gas
station to tend it. And then he goes inside to the
little mini Mark there. And while he's in there, he
looks out and he can't help, but notice that his wife Is having a
rather animated conversation with the gas station attendant
and he's looking out perplexed by that and he said he's
thinking in his mind. Well, how odd is that?
But after a while, the gas was finished, the tank was full.
He paid his bill, he goes out to the car, he jumps into the car,
he shuts the door and there they went.
And as they're driving along, he says to his wife, he said,
honey, I just couldn't help, but notice that you were having a
rather animated conversation with that gas station attendant.
Did you know him? And she said, yeah, we went to
the same high school and he said, oh, I get it a classmate,
perhaps an acquaintance. And she said, no, actually
really we dated rather extensively in fact at one point
we were very serious and this is what he said.
He said, oh honey, I am so thankful I'm so happy for you
and she said well why is that? I'm so happy that I came along
or you might have been the wife of a gas station attendant
instead of the wife of a CEO like me to which she replied
make no mistake about it honey. If I married him, he'd have been
the CEO and you'd have been the gas station attendant.
I'm going to tell you, it's the truth.
Who you marry is everything. When I think about great women
in the Bible, I think about Hannah, the mother of Samuel, I
think about the kind of support the loving support that she gave
to her husband elkanah. Mix all the different difference
in the world. Well, especially true is the
wife of an elder and a deacon. And I will tell you this,
there's times in the life of an elder and a deacon regarding his
work, when things get very, very lonely.
Sometimes people that are in positions of Authority or not
really Authority. But leadership, let me just say
it that way positions of leadership often times
Standalone when they have to do things and when they have to
help do things that are For call sometimes that's very hard and
sometimes it's very, very lonely.
Now, I can't even imagine going through some of those kind of
things without a supportive wife.
If a wife is not supportive of her husband in the work, he will
not be successful in that work. Now, how many times do we preach
about the elders? And the deacons regarding their
qualifications? I will tell you this, I've been
a Christian for 40 years. Now, I'm not saying it never
happened. I'm just saying, I cannot
remember one time, I've been a Christian for 40 years and I
have never to my recollection, heard a sermon that was specific
to the qualifications of the wife of an elder or a deacon, we
focus on the Elder in the Deacon.
And sometimes we neglect to talk about the wife, the Elder, and
the deacons wife. Well, first of all, by way of
qualifications, how important are they?
You can't be an elder or a deacon without having a wife.
In fact, it's part of their qualifications.
It's part of the requirements. You have to be the husband of
one wife. Remember, we talked about this,
the husband of one wife, that means that you have to be a
one-woman man. Now, if being the husband of one
wife means that you can't have more than one.
Then does it also mean that you can't have less than 1?
Why certainly you have to be married to have the office of an
elder or a deacon. I think sometimes maybe we have
neglected encourage our young ladies to grow up and be the
kind of people that they need to be in the home sometimes we talk
about their motherly requirements, but think about
the things that they can do to help support their husband, be
the greatest positions in the E of Christ to that is an elder or
a deacon. Now, first of all, let me say.
As important as her role is, as important as her role is, the
Bible does not authorize her to have a position of leadership in
the body of Christ. In other words, one man said
that being the wife of an elder or a deacon carries with it.
Get this no significance. Other than the fact that she
will be held to a higher standard than other women.
Right? Wrong or indifferent.
That's just the way that it is. It's kind of like a preacher's
wife. You're in a fishbowl.
In other words, your life is out there to be exposed and to be
viewed by other people. But she doesn't have a
leadership role with somebody might say, well, what about the
word Deaconess? What about that?
What's the word? Deaconess?
Me. Well, first of all, remember
this, that sometimes words have various meanings of multiple
meanings. Let's talk about that for just a
minute. Some people say that when you
talk about a Deaconess, she has a position of leadership because
the first Timothy chapter 3 and verse 11.
But this is talking about the wives of Elders, and deacons,
and not the position that the wife or the woman would hold.
Furthermore, sometimes in Romans chapter 16 and verse one.
That's misunderstood where the Bible says, I commend unto you.
Phoebe, our sister, which is a servant of the church, which is
in sin Crea. All right, now, the word servant
in that passage is the Greek word diet Conan.
And that word is translated in some translations as Deaconess.
So sometimes people say, well you see, we have deaconesses to
and they're just like a deacon, the footnotes often times
translate that as Deacon ifs but there's no office in the church
that is given to the woman in the New Testament.
That's an assumption that needs to be proved.
Now, let's talk about the Greek word for Servant.
Do you ever in Colossians chapter, 1, Paul deals with the
man? Epaphras in fact, he is
associated with the church in colossae, and he's called a
servant. That word servant is the same
word. That's translated Deaconess in.
Romans in the Book of Romans, it's the word diaconate Conan.
And it just simply means servant, but nowhere is epaphras
called a deacon. Sometimes die Conan is Slated as
minister, in fact, in two places, it's used in 1st Timothy
chapter 4 and verse 6. Paul calls.
Timothy a minister, it's the word diet Conan.
Now Timothy, was associated with the church in Ephesus, but he
was not a deacon. One more passage in John,
chapter 12 and verse 26. A faithful Christian is called a
servant die a Kona. What's my point?
My point is sometimes words have dual or multiple meanings Daya
Conan is translated as a servant.
It is translated as Deaconess it is translated as Minister.
It is translated in all of those English words but we understand
that we understand that words can have a dual meaning.
In fact let's look at the word Elder the word Elder in general
just simply Means one that is older, and that could be, that
could be a man or a woman. Have you ever said, respect your
elders? What are you talking about?
You talking about the people that are older than you and are
in a position perhaps of Honor or position of authority.
We respect our elders in a general sent an elder.
Simply is somebody that is older whether it's a man or a woman,
all right? But in an official sense, it's a
ruler. It's an overseer and it is Only
given to the man. The same is true with servant in
a general, meaning it applies to any service without special
office included. But as one commentator said, in
the official sense or limited sense, it means an office or a
work of a special nature in the church that carries certain
qualifications. All right.
Women. May do many tasks in the church.
And women within their role can be very useful in the work.
The Apostle. Paul wrote about that in
Philippians. Chapter 4 and verse 3.
He said and I urge you also True Companion, help these women
notice what he says who labored with me in the gospel.
In other words, they were part of the work.
So again, the women do many tasks even under the direction
of Elders. But it doesn't necessarily
constitute a position in the church.
All right. Now, let's talk about some
qualifications qualifications of the wives of Elders and deacons.
There are four things that we're going to notice.
Now first, I want to notice some erroneous attitudes, When we
talk about erroneous attitudes, we are talking about something
that is false and believe it or not I'm going to notice three of
them with you right now and all three are actually positions
that people actually take these are actually views or actually
things people believe here's the first erroneous opinion or
attitude about a woman and her qualifications to be the wife of
an elder or a deacon. Here's number one.
That all of the Bible qualifications are for the group
of wives, rather than just for one woman makes plain.
That that's the belief that some actually believe that what that
means is, as long as the collective group of wives, fit
all the qualifications that Paul was talking about 2 Timothy.
Then that's okay. That's an erroneous position.
It's an erroneous attitude, that's not true.
Here's the second one. All the qualifications are
flexible and not absolute. You know, that's kind of like
calling the Ten Commandments, the ten suggestions it really
is. If these things are not absolute
than nothing, in the Bible is absolute.
Do you remember when we talked about the qualifications of an
elder? It's an elder must be these
things. The same is true with the wife
of an elder. Second erroneous attitude is all
the qualifications are flexible and not absolute.
Here's the third one. It's okay to appoint the man.
Regardless of the wife's requirements, or whether she has
met the qualifications or not folks, these are things once
again that are erroneous, they disagree guard, the authority of
the Bible and disregards, the authority of the Lord.
Because all these things have been given to us specifically
regarding regarding their qualifications.
And if a man is disqualified because of his wife, God will
not lower the standard just to accommodate her.
All right, let's talk about something positive.
Let's talk about some proper attitudes toward these
qualifications. Here's some proper attitudes.
Number one. The qualifications.
I hope you get this. The qualification is do not
demand a perfect sinless woman. You know what you're going to
find? I hope.
I hope what we're all going to find when we're done here today.
Is there's not one thing that is unreasonable about the
qualifications. And do you know that every one
of these applies to every single Christian?
There's only four qualifications here by the way and they fit
every Christian. So one of the qualifications for
an elder, a deacons wife, here's a great attitude about it, it
doesn't demand a perfect sinless wife because there is no such
thing. Here's another one, here's
another proper attitude. All of the qualifications are
essential every one of them, you can't eliminate that.
Here's number three. Re the qualifications must be
developed before the appointment.
In other words, a wife of an elder or a deacon that's about
to be installed. She has to have all the
qualities, all the qualifications before he's
installed, just like the man has to have all the qualifications
before he can be recognized in that position of an elder.
All right, there are four important qualities that we want
to notice today, for important qualities.
And I want to call it qualities because really, that's what they
are their characteristics or qualities.
We want to notice what they are at this time.
First one is in the new King James, it just simply says
reverent and the King James it just says grave, and it means
this. It means to be prudent
appropriate dignified, quiet and of sound judgment.
One commentator said this. This is a woman that is not
giddy nor foolish, this is a woman, whereas some translations
render this worthy of respect. I want to make a point about
that. It doesn't mean sad.
It doesn't mean you can't have any fun.
It doesn't mean you can't laugh. It doesn't mean you can't have
joy. And by the way, let me just make
a little side point here. Sometimes, people think that
Christians are to be so serious. All the time, it's can't have
any fun. You can't laugh.
You know that that doesn't even fit at all, anything that that
the New Testament teaches. And it certainly doesn't fit
what Paul talked about. Paul talked about having Joy
Paul talking about rejoicing and I'm going to tell you if anybody
could give such advice, it was Paul terrible.
Things were happening to him in his life but if for example in
the book of Philippians, the entire theme is Rejoice.
Rejoice rejoice. So when we say that a person is
quiet and have sound judgment and dignified, it doesn't mean
that she's not having any fun. Didn't mean that at all.
I like this though. I like as one translation
renders it she is a Woman by the way that she lives, by the way
that she behaves by her example, she is one that is worthy of
respect. Have you ever heard the term?
Respect is earned We can demand. That somebody respects us.
But that's rather shallow. Respect is earned and we command
that by our actions. This is the example of a woman
that by her actions, she's worthy of respect.
Now, there's one way that she can do that too.
And First Timothy Chapter 2 beginning in verse 9, In like
manner. Also, this is the way she
dresses. The woman Adorn themselves in
modest apparel with propriety and moderation.
Not with broided hair or gold, or pearls or costly clothing but
which is proper for women, professing godliness, and good
works. Now, Several of you were not
here last Lord's day. I'm going to make a really quick
point about this. This does not mean that a woman
cannot braid her hair, it's not what that means at all.
What it's referring to is referring to a time or a custom.
When women to attract the opposite sex, what they would do
to stand out, they would take gold and silver and pearls and
they would weave it into their hair.
They would roast their hair to the moon in the front, to
attract others. What else?
Also about what they wear and fine apparel.
This does not mean that you can't wear a beautiful dress,
that's expensive that mean that at all.
In fact there's two words for clothing one.
You remember is the clothing that we wear to cover and
protect our bodies. And all of us are wearing that
right now, Peter was not condemning a nice suit or a nice
dress on a lady, he wasn't condemning that they cost a lot
of money. What he was talking about is the
Other word for clothing or apparel.
And it's the one that was used as an ornament.
They would take these costly ornaments that were some sort of
material and wrapped himself up in it to stand out.
And Peter says, don't let it be that.
Let it be the hidden person of the heart that attracts other
people. So what are we talking about
here? We're talking about not
necessarily what a person wears in 1st Timothy 2:9 and 10 we are
talking about something that is from the inside.
We're talking about something that is by her example and a
grave in a reverent person votes.
Please get. This is not one that is severe
Stern. Unhappy.
She did have cheese admired by all and she's not one that looks
like she just ate a great big bowl of prunes.
I got to say it. Priest on this and Walnut Grove
Kentucky. I'm going to tell you right now.
The Christian Life, please hear me.
Is the best life in the world. And it's the happiest life, too.
Don't walk around like you're miserable because you're a
Christian. It is the best life.
Even if this came up in a private bible, study this last
week, even if there was nothing after this life.
And even though Paul said, if there's nothing after this life,
we are of all men, most miserable.
I get that, I understand that. If there is no hope, let's just
talk about the life. If you live the life, like a
Christian lives, his or her life.
It's the best life in the world. You know what?
You'd be, you'd be a better person.
You'd be a better employee. You'd be a better employer.
You would be a better husband. Father, you'd be a better.
Everything. It's the best life.
So enjoy it and live it with joy and rejoice.
That we have everlasting life. Now here's a second one, though.
She's to be reverent or grave, that's true.
But she's also not to be a slanderer.
Now there's all kinds of definitions of being a
slanderer. Sometimes when we talk about
somebody being a slanderer, we talk about somebody that is
running somebody down in a falsehood in a falsity or a
falsehood or using false words about somebody else, slandering
their good name. But you know what's interesting
about this and if you want to know why it is a sin, it is a
sin. It is a sin, not just for the
wife of an elder and Deacon but every Christian watch this.
It actually means the audible form of malice.
Yes, it's the audible form of what the Lord says.
We're not to be we're not to be guilty of, we're not to be
guilty of malice, we're not to allow those things to burn in
our hearts. A slanderer is an audible form
of malice. So what are we learning from
Paul? We're learning that this woman
to be an elder or deacons wife cannot be guilty of being a
slanderer. Now I got to tell you Can you
just imagine? can you just imagine I can't
even fathom and really we hold certain people to higher
standards and we shouldn't we shouldn't but if you think about
an elder and deacons wife, that would be guilty of Gossip or
backbiting, Or being a busybody. Can't you see how that would
destroy the work? Can't you see how it would
destroy her husband's reputation?
Can't you see how a bring a terrible name on to her family?
All those things. But again, I'm not just talking
to elders and deacons wives. The Bible talks about these
things for every single, Christian, James three, and five
says this even. So, the tongue is a little
member and boasts great things. See how great a force, a little
fire Kindles first Peter 3 and 10.
Listen to this for he who would love life and see good days.
Let him refrain his tongue from from Evil and his lips from
speaking guile. Here's another thing too, by the
way, Elder, and Deacon elders. And deacons have sensitive
information about people in the congregation That's the truth.
And there's a lot of times when an elder or and a deacon sits
down with someone and know some very sensitive information about
another member. Okay, she can't be such that.
She gets that information and tells other people about it.
I want to tell you a little story.
I want to tell you a story. I know a brother who was working
with a congregation to ordain Elders in the future of this
particular congregation. And there were some sensitive
information that was told to the preacher.
In fact, it was actually given an email.
I appreciate his wife. So very much, you know, she
said, I didn't want to hear it. I don't want to know, I don't
even want to know what the sensitive information is.
That's the proper heart that's the proper attitude.
That a wife should have not one that is guilty of being a
slanderer backbiters tail Bears. They're dangerous both to
themselves and to the church Proverbs 18 and 8.
The words of a talebearer are like tasty rifles and they go
down into the inmost body. Proverbs twenty six and twenty
where there is no wood. The fire goes out and where
there is no talebearer The Strife ceases now, Obviously,
nobody should be involved in having, or being guilty of this
sin, but then there's a third one, and that's to be temperate.
And to be sober. Now, interesting about the word
sober, it actually means being of sound, mind, self-controlled
and sober-minded, it's the same idea that we talked about when
we talked about elders and deacons actually just with
elves. I believe we made the the point
about What this means is it's the idea of being in control in
both your premeditated actions and your non premeditated
reactions. Now, it's one thing, it's one
thing to think about what you're going to say and to think about
what you're going to do in advance because of an action.
That's one thing. What's really hard though is not
becoming reactionary and reacting in a sinful way or a
hot-headed way. Sometimes that's hard to do,
sometimes we say things. And then we regret that we said
them as soon as they flew out of their mouth.
I don't know about you, but that's happened to me.
That's what the Bible is talking.
About being slow to speak. In my life.
I've always been one of those faster speakers and what happens
is when you do that without sitting down and sifting through
it all sometimes you say and do things that you wish you had not
done and you regret them later. A temperate or sober person is
somebody that is of sound mind and they're in control.
Can't you see all this deals with what's on the inside?
And then therefore, it is manifested on the outside.
This is a person. That is under control.
One commentator said, this is a person that is not only
self-controlled, but she is also Spirit control.
She's calm on the outside because she's calm on the
inside. in that the life of every Christian, though, If
people are struggling today, as Christians with a particular
sin, the people are struggling with sin on the outside, you
know, realized the problem is not the outside, the problem is
what's on the inside. So in our Christian lives, we
have to fix what's on the inside.
And then we will fix it on the outside if we keep losing
control, for example, on the outside, it's because we are not
under control on the inside. We haven't put ourself in
subjection yet. We haven't done that on the
inside. If we do that on the inside, it
will manifest itself in the proper ways.
And that's when Jesus talked about, when he talked about,
it's not just the action, it's the heart.
Fix the heart. Fix it on the inside.
You know, I think that these wives are that we're talking
about today are those that I would fit that would fit some
great examples of First Peter 1:13.
And again, this is not unreasonable.
This is a matter of holding oneself in, not being frivolous
and not being irresponsible First Peter 1 and 13.
Therefore gird their loins of your mind.
Be sober. I'm not going into this passage.
We've done that before. Want to make one point though.
We understand that girding, the loins of your mind is to prepare
your minds for Action. We know that then the word
sober, their means circumspect, and that word means to evaluate
every possible circumstance of your decisions before you make
the choice. This woman here.
This sister here. This wife here is someone that's
an example of one that does that.
As Peter said in First, Peter 1 and 13, a lack of soberness.
On the part of wise will be a bad influence on their husbands,
their children and the congregation that they are a
member of. But finally, here's another one.
She must be faithful in all things.
Now Do you remember when we studied about faithful children?
Faithful means by definition trustworthy.
Now, faithful children means faithful to the Lord.
That's what that means. It doesn't mean as some
commentators would say, means faithful to their father, know
what I mean at all. It means faithful to the Lord.
So, faithful children means faithful, Christians, and
regardless of how many children a man has, he must have all of
them as faithful Christians? But you know what's amazing
about this. When we talk about the
qualifications of an elder or deacons wife get this, now, she
is to be faithful in all things. Now, what's that?
Mean she's to be faithful in all things.
The wives of Elders, and deacons must be faithful to God, in all
their relationships in life as a Christian.
One commentator said that a great lesson here is that wives
of Elders and deacons can help their husbands and the church
beyond measure by always being discreet and being diligent.
So what does it really mean to be faithful?
In all things? Here it is.
Barnes says this, when he's talking about faithful in all
things, he means faithful to her husband.
Faithful to her family. Faithful to the church and
faithful to the savior. Okay, I got to ask you.
Got to ask you. Which one of those things.
Doesn't apply. To every Christian.
Accept the simple ones, being faithful to her husband.
Or family in terms of whether she's married or not.
Every Christian needs to be prudent.
Every Christian needs to be of sound judgment.
Every Christian needs to be someone that is worthy of
respect, because the life that they live every Christian, no
Christian should be guilty of being a slanderer backbiting
whispering. Nobody should do that.
What about this being of sound mind and evaluating all of your
circumstances before you make the choices?
That's every Christian first. Peter 1:13 says that and being
faithful or trustworthy in every relationship that we have in
life. What am I saying that for?
I'm saying that none of the qualifications that we've
noticed to be the wife of an elder, or a deacon, is
unreasonable at all or really something that is not attainable
it is. In closing this morning, it's
certainly true. That a virtuous woman's price is
far above rubies, proverbs 31 and 10.
And I realize also that an elder and a deacon who has a good
wife, has a great asset to the work.
Proverbs 18:22 says he who finds a wife, get this finds a good
thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
Let's do this, shall we? Do you remember when we started
this entire series? We talked about why don't we
have Elders today? And why was it so that they had
Elders in every city? And why did Paul say to Titus
ordain Elders in every city? Meaning every Church in every
city? Why why were they able to do
that simple? Not by divine revelation, not by
Divine help. These men were qualified they
were spiritually minded men. They had been reared in their
ancestry in the ways of the Old Law, they didn't have very far
to go when it met them being Godly, they were spiritually
minded men and that's the key. If we're going to have elders
and deacons in the future, in the Lord's Church, it has to be
that we set it up when we are young to prepare our minds to be
that in the future someday spiritually.
Did and have the desire. The desire to be an elder.
One day. But can you imagine if we have
young men that had the Asperger's aspirations of doing
that and they do that and plan for that and we've got young
women that are also wanting to be the wives of such men.
Don't you think they can encourage those young men to be
all that they could be. I'm going to tell you the right
wife will help you be more than you ever dreamed.
You ever could. Period.
And then the flip side. As we noticed, it could be the
undoing of even the greatest name.
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receive a free Bible correspondence, course by mail.
Please email us at info at True Church of Christ
Bakersfield.com. Our service times are on Sundays
at 10:30 a.m. and 5 p.m. and Wednesdays at 7:30 p.m.
Please make plans to join us. We would love for you to be our
honored guest.