Well hello ladies and gents, Robert Sykes, Keto, savage.com.
And today I've got special guest Dylan Abea on the line and we
dive deep into mindset and psychology around getting out of
hard times, making forward momentum and just finding your
purpose in life and working towards that purpose so that you
can find some sense of fulfillment.
He went through a tough breakup that kind of was the catalyst
for him to improve his health and nutrition.
He stopped his binge eating and just got his life together.
And these are all things that that we've all heard at some
point or another know to be true, but just kind of fleshing
it out from his perspective and kind of going back and forth as
to how we each as individuals, but then also recommend people
find their sense of purpose and stillness and clarity.
I think it's good to hear. So I'm excited for the
conversation. Without further delay, sit back,
relax, enjoy the podcast with Dylan
and we are live. Dylan, how are you Sir?
Very well, thank you. How are you?
I'm great. I'm great.
Where where are you calling in from right now?
I'm curious. Lee in Borneo in Malaysia,
Malaysia. Very nice, very nice.
So we got connected via e-mail. I believe one of your team
members reached out to me pitching you as a guest on the
podcast, and you have definitely figured out the Instagram
algorithm and drawn a ton of momentum there.
You're motivating people. You're inspiring people in the
health and fitness space. I'd love to kind of just dive a
little bit deeper into what got you in the space to begin with,
man. I mean, you're you're a fitness
model by trade, correct? So I got into into working out
and into growing sort of posts on Insta through initially my
life, my personal life blowing up.
And I had to find a way to re channel all the things that my
personal life blowing up a breakup triggered.
And there's a couple of ways you can go with things going wrong
in life and one is to go down the route of destruction,
drinking, drugs etcetera, etcetera.
Or you can choose take the energy from all those emotions
that are triggered by. Not great things happening in
your life into other things and I chose to re channel it into
working out and then channelling and talking about my emotions
and my cope mechanisms that I was using to deal with my
emotions, sort of writing about them.
And expressing them through photography, videography, and
writing. And then engaging with other
posts and other feeds that were of interest to me.
And I found that interesting. And I found that engaging for
myself. It helped me connecting with
different people, people who were aligned to the things that
I was interested in. And that gains again, as I say,
more exposure. People I would.
I would post their stuff. They would post my stuff then.
Again by accident, I had a couple of articles written about
me which then increase exposure further.
I love it. I feel like the we all go
through dips and valleys in life, but when you're able to
channel that into some form of positive, you know, outlet like
training and proper nutrition, all the good comes from it.
Would you mind kind of fleshing that dark time out a little bit
more, like when you were going through that break up when you
were at the the lowest point, did you like immediately know
that you needed to have a positive outlet there or was
there some lag time in in in finding then?
So that's really interesting that you cut to the chase and
you talk about dark points. And I think talking about dark
points, analysing dark points is really key and really important.
So I talk about that on my on my socials, the Dark Side or like
the Dark. Moments and the dark thoughts,
because they're really key to like, not be afraid of because
that's where the gold is found. That's what the treasure is.
That's where you'll really find out a lot about yourself.
And so to your so we're on the same wavelength, bandit, which
is awesome. So in that, in the moment of
breakup, I definitely had an epiphany in the moment of
separation that she wanted me to like.
Lose it. And I knew that that's what I
wasn't going to do. So she wanted she wanted you to
fall. She had some malicious intent
there. Without a doubt, and for
whatever reason, that that dawned on me in the moment,
literally in the moment, in the physical moment of leaving my
house, our house, to going to my parents.
I knew that that's that she would want me to act badly,
behave badly, and I wasn't going to do that.
So that was the first epiphany, as it were, because I realised
at that point that that was not going to be helpful to me and I
wasn't going to lose. I wasn't just going to give away
my life through being triggered or my buttons pushed by someone
else. That's key, man, I feel.
Like, I've been diving a lot into Stoicism and basically not
letting things outside your control dictate your destiny, so
to speak. And I feel like when you have
people, especially people that you're close to like your spouse
or significant other, if they I mean you obviously want them to
be in your corner on your team. But if that's not the case, I
would imagine stripping away the negativity from someone that
close to you has got to be hard, even if you are practised stoic
and things are outside your control.
Oh, it's it's gut wrenching. It's tough.
There's categorically no two ways about running from that,
those facts. It absolutely is.
But to your point about sterism, it's how you.
Responds to a situation. That's key.
And that's the only thing that we can really control, our
thoughts and our response. You would hope that the one that
you love, or the ones that love you or your best friends or your
bosses or whoever it might be, are on your side.
But if they are not, where we go wrong, I think, and where
society goes wrong, I think is. Is that we sort of put
expectations on those people who we think are meant to be in our
corner to do the right things by us.
But what I mean they don't. We lose it or we get upset or we
get angry, but really what we should be doing is learning how
to respond to situations. If the people who we think are
in our corner all of a sudden do things that.
Aren't good for us, or helpful to us or nice to us, because
invariably at some points somebody will do something that
upsets us. So the key is not to hang our
code on expecting everyone else to do right by us.
Really what we should be doing is learning how to respond to
situations if they're not the way that we want them to be.
And the start of that is understanding that we actually
have in our power the control to manage our thoughts and to
choose what we think and to choose how we respond.
Totally agree. Is there any particular, like
people hear these things, they know them to be true.
Like, you can say that and we all know it to be the right
response, but it's often times it's always easier said than
done. So when you were going through
this, personally, you left her, she left you, you moved back to
your folks house. Like what did that journey look
like? Like, were you diving into
specific podcasts or you know books or resources?
Like what was the catalyst for you to be able to kind of have a
road map as far as how to get through that dark point?
Didn't have a road map. I just took every day as it
came. I knew that I wasn't going to go
down destructive route. That was a choice in that
epiphany, in that moment that I had leaving the place, that I
wasn't going to go down to a destructive route because I knew
that's what she wanted and I knew that wasn't going to be
good for me. It gets me nowhere and it gets
you nowhere. Being upset gets you nowhere
being frustrated, sad, etcetera. You're going to have these
feelings. But to act on them doesn't get
you anywhere. So I had that epiphany and that
moment where I was like, I'm not going to go down to the
destructive route. I understand those feelings are
going to come to me. Instead I'm going to re channel
them into just working out. That was my initial first thing.
Just be active, be not distracted to the point whereby
you're. Ignoring your feelings, I
because I didn't do that. In fact, I did the opposite of
that. I delved into my feelings.
But I when I was upset, or when I was sad, or when I was
frustrated, or when I was anxious or when I was upset, I'd
go to the gym. I go work out.
And really that was me making an active, conscious decision to do
something. And I think being active is
really, really key and when it comes to thoughts.
Like you say, everyone has read about what I've just said and we
all know these things and it's really I use the analogy of
eating a chocolate Now I I have a sweet tooth.
I was 27 kilos or nearly 60 lbs heavier than I am today.
And I used to binge and chocolate, and it used to be a
case of just I was addicted. To well wasn't it so as addicted
it was just I used to go without eating thinking I'm on a diet
and then I get to 3:00 in the afternoon and be really really
tired and need an energy boost and I go and binge on chocolate.
And so now when it comes to those thoughts of a chocolate or
having a cake or having something sweet where it's full
of sugar, I literally the thought comes to my head right I
want a chocolate. I'm craving chocolate.
I want something sweet. I'm hungry.
I want to crank energy boost and.
I can allow that thought to take me over.
Or I can tell that thought to go to hell.
And the more you tell that thought to go away, literally,
you have to be actively. No, you silence that thought and
you have to actively tell that thought actively in your mind,
tell that thought to go away. I'm not going to listen to you.
And then you don't listen to
that thought and you. You make that thought quieter
and quieter, Quieter and then you put the chocolate down and
you don't eat the chocolate. And you do that once and then
you do it a second time, 1/3 time it becomes empowering. 4th,
5th, 6th time, 10th time. All of a sudden that that voice
that says have that chocolate is very, very far away and the
confidence you gain from repeatedly, consistently.
Being persistent with ignoring or quieting or telling that
thought to go away. The more confident you gained
that, oh, I can control myself from not eating the chocolate.
And you build your confidence in that realm as you go along.
And then all of a sudden you're not eating chocolates, you're
eating an apple or you're eating.
Better food or you've started to eat the nutrition plan or the OR
that you decided to invest in as opposed to the high calorie fat
saturated food that you were eating before you've actively
you act. I actively made a decision to
write I'm going to be enough a meal prep plan for a bit.
I'm going to invest money in that for a bit.
You you're actually doing those things and you're then you're
actively working out more and the combination of the two is
then showing results. Were you and then any type of
training or nutrition protocol prior to the breakup or was all
this like a totally new new sensation to your life?
I was all I always used to work out but never had proper
results. Because I was eating really,
really badly, I always thought that working out and being fit
meant just going to the gym. I never really understood
nutrition. In fact, my relationship with
food over the years has been diabolical.
Yeah, I. Feel like really bad.
I feel like whenever you introduce something new in the
same time frame as something that you're trying to get over,
like the break up for for instance, that newness can
create some form of excitement that acts as a beneficial
distraction in the short term. But then as you're saying, once
you continue to do it for a length of time, it just becomes
habitual and then you get the compounding effect of the
benefit. But I think definitely
introducing something new, like for you bringing in this new
dietary plan the moment the breakup occurred or shortly
thereafter, like giving you so giving yourself something out of
the normal context that you can truly get excited about to
distract you from the negatives is key.
Absolutely, Absolutely. I changed Also, the gym that I
went to, I was really bored with my gym.
I was working out a lot to deal with all these emotions, right?
But I was then getting bored of the workouts that I was doing.
So I joined a new gym that gave me a whole new environment, a
whole new group of people who I was around who were very on
point in there. Training like athletes were
going to this gym and people who were again, so you back to the
question of like Instagram growth.
I was around people again by accident that were in the
reality TV show type environment or in the sort of media space or
in the modelling space, whatever.
And so I was around these types of people who then motivated me
further beyond just the aesthetics of looking.
Better from being in shape, but because it was an occupational
hazard and also actually genuinely were interested in
being fit, being healthy. And So what also came from that
was the motivations to eat better.
They taught me more about food, they taught me more about what
was good for your your diet, what wasn't good for your diet
and so I learnt from them. You know, experts in these, in
in, in these, in this field. And so then again, also another
change the people I was around and that's another big factor
who you, who you surround yourself with.
The conversation is just different.
Yeah. I think one's environmental
factors is absolutely key. If you're surrounded by the
negativity, it's just going to be more likely to seep into your
life and your thoughts. So just simply change the gym
atmosphere, change the people in your inner circle.
All that is very much so key when it comes to, you know,
changing the environment. A lot of people kind of relapse
so to speak and they go back to old habits.
How did you hedge against that so that you, I mean you
inherently know the direction you need to be taking, the
trajectory you need to follow. Did you have any tendency to
relapse and go back into this negative thought pattern?
Or were you able just to see the results so profoundly, so
quickly that that kind of led to the momentum to keep staying the
course? For sure.
I had lapses, without a doubt. And we all have lapses.
Even the most strong, even the strongest minds would have
lapses, lapses. Even the strongest athletes,
even the most, you know, Polish athletes that I was surrounded
by have lapses and we all have them.
And to think that we won't is is not realistic the key.
Is to be aware of that. When you get into those moments
when you are in those lows, to know that you're in that low,
you become aware of it. And because you've created
through consistency, through persistence, through discipline
habits, you become aware of difference between that low
point and that low moment and. Not being in that moment and you
know the difference, and actually lapsing back into those
moments should be almost used to your benefit, because it allows
you to differentiate between a low and a high such that when
you're in the low, you know it, you become aware of it, you
embrace it. Then you tell it to go away.
Yeah. I was listening to interesting
podcast the other day about dopamine and when you're
experiencing a high, and I'm assuming the same is probably
true in reverse when you're experiencing a low.
But when people are at the apex of the pinnacle of something
they've accomplished and they have this massive rush of
dopamine, they feel like they're on top of the world and
unstoppable. They spend so much time, energy
and focus on celebrating that high that once it's over they
have a a physiological dopamine crash.
But then that often times results in a psychological
depressive low because they don't have that thing that's
driving them anymore. And one of the recommendations
through this podcast was to celebrate that win.
Be conscious of it, but don't put it on such a pinnacle in
such a zenith that it becomes a catalyst for you to experience a
deeper low. So basically just congratulate
yourself, but do so in a very, you know, mindful manner.
And I would assume the same is true in reverse with those lows,
not to put them on the same pinnacle.
Absolutely correct. Absolutely correct.
I think the key is to elevate the low.
And I guess in some ways, bring down the unrealistic high so
that you get to a more consistent median that you can
sustain more consistently. Yeah, I think, you know, energy,
excitement, feeling down, like all these things are cyclical in
nature and we all experience them to some degree.
So not, I think, just simply being aware of that fact.
I mean, one can't realistically expect to always be on a high or
hopefully always be on a low. People certainly don't get
depressed and they seem to be stuck in a a through they can't
break free of. But I think if you were
objective in one's own life and recognize that these things are
cyclical in nature, that you are going to have highs and lows.
And just to embrace those and try to lean on habits first and
foremost. Like if you have good habits,
like I always tell people, if I feel like the entire world
around me is falling down, but I've at least got consistency
with my nutrition and my training, that can be the
foothold that I use to climb out of whatever hell I find myself
in. But if I didn't have those two
things, then I would likely fall apart.
So I think regardless of what those strongholds are, everybody
needs to have something that they're having control over,
that they can use to pull themselves out of whatever
depths they find themselves in. Absolutely agree with that.
I absolutely agree. When I find myself either
anxious or not in a great place so I don't feel good about
stuff, I go straight to the gym. I hit the gym, that's my way to
my thing whereby whereby I can go and ALM myself, ALM my mind
and I fully agree with that and everyone needs to work out what
their thing is and. I couldn't agree more with that.
But also I think it's important. And one one thing that I found
or a big thing that I found helpful to me is, is
understanding. And there's lots of lots of
things online and in socials about this as well.
And it's about energy, and it's about the fact that everything
is energy. Whether it's anger, frustration,
sadness, happiness, joy, it's all energy, right?
And our emotions trigger energies one way or the other,
and it's our decision as to how to use that energy.
So I can I can for example. Be really angry about something
that someone has done to me and I can shout back at them and use
my energy that way, or I can choose something different and
and understanding. Be aware where the fact that
it's our choice on how to respond is key.
There's this really amazing story in Buddhism that my mother
taught me or told me like when I was a kid and I just sort of.
Brushed it off but it's this and I think the Lord Buddha.
And this isn't a religious thing, this is just a story.
Back in the day when the Lord Buddha was practicing Buddhism
and teaching his teachings, he was gaining more and more people
following him. I I call him the the original
Instagram or the manual Instagrammer?
He was, he was as he was teaching his following at
teaching his, his what he had learned from reaching Nirvana,
he was gaining more and more people from the incumbent
religion to come and join and practice what he was teaching.
So becoming Buddhist versus the incumbent religion.
And back in the day, in that time there were the people in
the incumbent religion were getting, some of them were
really angry about the fact that this Lord Buddha was taking all
these people. He's not taking these people.
He wasn't taking anyone. These people were just following
him because they were liking what he was teaching.
And some people in the incumbent religion not really angry about
this. And so one day, Lord Woodard was
under the Bow Tree, meditating as he always did.
And this young man comes rushing up to him and screaming, angry,
furious at at Lord Buddha. Like screaming at him saying
he's a fraud, he's a, he's a, he's a criminal, he's a liar,
He's all these negative back screaming at Lord Buddha.
Lord Buddha is obviously there, meditating.
He opens his eyes and he asks the young man if you were to
give me a present. And I don't accept it.
Who does the president belong to?
And the young man like confused at this most ridiculous question
because like he's screaming a little bit the saying you're a
fraud, you're criminal, you're this, you're that completely,
well, I guess, I guess the president's mine and Nordic says
the same with your anger. Yeah, I like that.
And so and so it's our decision on how we respond.
Lord Buddha could have angrily responded back and if he had,
the young man would be triggering and controlling how
Lord Buddha acted. Instead, he re channelled.
What the young man was trying to trigger in him and controlled
how he responded the way he wanted to.
And back to your point about lots of different emotions, it's
important to embrace sadness, anger, depression.
We all had these low points. That's.
That's part of human life, but I think what's important for us to
understand is to be aware that we can decide through our
thoughts and through our minds how we allow those thoughts and
emotions to manifest. And that's to understanding that
all of those thoughts and emotions are energy, and it's up
to us to decide how we want to use that energy.
Yeah, I completely agree. I mean, there's so many things
that come at us, especially since the Internet and social
media, like we're just inundated with different triggers,
different inputs. And it's very, very easy to kind
of let those initial emotions take hold and overrule objective
thought and reason. And one thing that I've been
really trying to incorporate is having like a dedicated time
every single day where I journal gratefully and then pray.
But then also just after I finish training for the day
before, I allow myself to do anything else, really.
I just breathe. Let myself return to a
parasympathetic state and focus on the here and now.
And what that has allowed me to do, as simple as that sounds,
has been absolutely transformative.
Like, I don't feel like a reactionary state towards
anything that comes my way in a negative way.
Like I I'm able to just take things in and then be objective
with how I respond to them and respond with reason and
rationale. And you're absolutely right.
We don't have control over every input that comes into our lives,
but we have 100% control over our response to those inputs.
And you could respond negatively, positively.
You can respond with a cool head or a hot head, and how you
respond often times dictates the final outcome.
So you you owe it to yourself and others to respond in a cool,
calm and collected state with reason or otherwise.
You're just barking up the wrong tree. 100% I I fully agree with
everything you said there, there, and and critically what
you said about living in this moment and drawing yourself back
to this very moment, the very moment that we're in, because
that is a really powerful way to bring your thoughts back from.
Distant shores, Bad shores, Choppy waters, bad thoughts and
letting and and and if your mind is running away, it's a really
powerful way to move away from from those dark moments and
thoughts living and. Being grateful for this moment
here and now is a really, really powerful tool And again to your
point, it's a really simple way to re centre yourself and that's
another big big big point is that to keep things simple and
that is another. Another thing that I think a lot
of people misunderstand about how to help themselves is that
actually the very simple, straightforward things can be
the most powerful. And to your point about bringing
yourself back to this moment, to the very present moment is a
really powerful, simple way to calm, calm oneself if they're
off. In a bad place?
Yeah, totally, completely agree. I feel like that it's
interesting that we're recording this podcast.
I I just finished a 33 week competition prep for five
different bodybuilding shows in which I drop my body fat down to
3% and was very little calories. And it's interesting because
towards the end of that, I mean, I just simply did not have the
physical ability to, you know, be functioning at an incredibly
high rate. So like, taking these moments of
stillness and tranquility kind of became a necessity to go
throughout the day. Now that that is over and that
mental weight has lifted, it would be very easy for me to
just kind of go back to normal and allow myself to feel rushed
and hurried throughout the day. But I've tried to lean on the
same habits that were paving my way to success throughout the
prep and taking those, you know, planned moments of silence and
solitude and do that now that the show is over so that I don't
lose that, you know, just that that transformational, I guess
perspective that has come from that.
And I feel like that that is key.
Like when things are going bad, it is easier to fixate on what
you know has to be done and take those moments and just like pray
and meditate and whatnot. But like a lot of people, when
things are going good, they pay that no mind, no attention.
It's not on the forefront of their thoughts.
But I think making it a a really intentional effort about keeping
that as a constant in your life, whether you are in a high or a
low, is paramount because that's going to keep those waters
smoothed out regardless of what's going on in your life.
Yep, absolutely. Absolutely critical.
There's no two ways about that. I couldn't agree more.
So on that note, do you have, like you know now that that
breakup is is history, You no longer have the disordered
binging on chocolates? Like, do you have like a daily
practice or routine that you've incorporated in your life and
maintain that you just don't deviate from in order to stay on
the straight and narrow? Well, I think that it's it's, I
allow myself to be flexible one way or the other.
I will work out one way or the other.
I will make sure that I eat the right food.
And I think that another thing that I think is something that
scares, I think a lot of people is like, you know, the thought
that you have to be military like.
Position on point as if you're in some sort of boot camp type
effort where you cannot deviate from the line in one second and
I think that that for one minute I think that type of thought,
process or vision of what it is to eat well, work out.
Have consistency. Be disciplined.
Always. It almost like scares people
into thinking, Oh my God, this is going to be a horrendous
ordeal to have to like, go through, to get, to get, to get
in shape. So I allow myself to be
flexible, you know, it's not like I have to be in the gym.
At 6:00 in the morning, every single morning or six in the
evening, if I have to be in in a little bit later or if I have to
go in during the day or I'll be flexible with things, you know,
But I'll just make sure that one way or the other I will.
I will go. And that comes through through
having created good habits, because there are days I do not
want to go to the gym. There are days I have no
interest. In fact, a few weeks ago there
was like a period of like 3 weeks where I was like, I just
don't want to go, but I just went because it was a habit that
I created as part of my routine that that's where I go almost
like. A creature and a nocturnal
creature in the jungle or something, they just naturally
go to their cave, or they naturally go to get food, or
they naturally go to, I don't know, make their nest.
It's just something that if you overtime create good habits,
working out or eating well just becomes part of your routine and
that. It becomes something that you
just do, like brushing your teeth when you wake up in the
morning, like getting in your car or getting on the bus or
getting on the train and go to work or having your lunch.
Those aren't things that you think about doing, they're just
automatically things that you do.
And so in terms of routine and in terms of plan, it's more a
case of creating good habits. For my daily, weekly, monthly
routines that I do as par for the course, that is more
important than saying, right, I'm going to schedule 5:00 in
the morning, I'm going to wake up, I'm going to go for a run.
Because life doesn't always work like that, right?
Life ebbs and comes in, ebbs and flows, and sometimes this
happens, or that happens and so. I think being a little bit
flexible with that approach is important.
So long as you've created good habits in your routine over a
period of time, and you make working out, you make eating
well part of your routine, you will just naturally deviate to
them. Yeah, I totally agree.
I don't know the exact quote, but one of my favorite words to
live by, so to speak, is, you know, we all have these
ambitions, these lofty ambitions.
We all would like to look better, look leaner, be
healthier. But we don't rise to the level
of our ambitions, We fall to the level of our systems.
And having those habits in place is crucial.
And I think it's important that the habits that we have are ones
that we truly enjoy. You may not enjoy them
initially, if you were coming from a place of not having a
healthy relationship with food or a background in training, the
idea of being active or eating cleaner may seem daunting and as
a negative. But once you get to the point
where you truly enjoy the outcomes of those healthy
habits, more so than you enjoy the temporary high that comes
from deviating from them, it becomes much easier to maintain.
And if you have these systems in place that you can always fall
back on, the likelihood that you will continue to trend in the
right direction over time is significantly amplified.
So like I try to dissect my day on a regular basis to figure out
what day-to-day tasks I'm doing that are contributing to my
overall betterment or demise. And anything that is not serving
me well, I try and intentionally remove.
And I think you know like we again we all know that to be
true, but we have a hard time putting it into action.
I mean so many people and I'm guilty of this.
Like one of the things that I've I just recognized yesterday that
I do as a habit that is not good is check my e-mail on my phone
if I'm out of the office. Like if I'm at my computer in
the office, I'll I'll typically just look at my e-mail at
structured times. But if I'm out and about, I'm
looking at my e-mail on my phone.
And that just constantly acts as a distraction for the present
moment. And social media is is, you
know, very guilty of that. Like people, if they took an
analysis of their day, they would be blown away at where
they spend their time. And where they spend their time
is what makes up their habits. Yep, 100 percent, 100% agree.
I I I think your point about having systems in place and they
were the things that were my coping mechanisms.
To Get Me Out of low points and dark places for you to be able
to things, systems to be able to lean on that are part of your
routine, part of your habits are really, really key and figuring
out what they are for you is is different for each person and
that's what's key and once an individual.
Learns what's right for them, works out what's right for them,
and it's a process to be able to do that.
Then putting those in place becomes far more natural, as
opposed to doing something that somebody else wants.
And that's another big, big point, right?
It's it's figuring out what's right for you, what aligns with
you, what you really want. Because again, to your point.
What? What are you doing?
What you're doing is what you're doing getting you to where you
want do. And that comes down to whether
what you want is overridingly more important to you than doing
things that aren't getting you to that point.
And if you truly have set an ambition for yourself that you
actually do what that actually does align with you, does
actually does engage you, you will every single time choose
the thing that puts you in the direction of where you want to
go as opposed to not going to the gym as opposed to eating
that chocolate as opposed to going out and getting wasted.
You will always choose a thing that switch you further closer
to that thing that you want because that's actually what you
overridingly want. So what you want has to
overwhelm me, overwhelm what you the distractions.
And so people ask me like, well, how do you find that?
Like, yeah, I don't know what that is.
I'm like, you do know what it is, because we all know what we
like. We all know what we want.
We just have to ask ourselves quieter my mind, I tell people,
go go to a quiet room on your own, calm your mind, close your
eyes and ask yourself, what do I want?
And the things that come to mind are those things that you
actually want, that actually align with you.
Write them down, start to explore them, Start to do things
that you that that are to do with those subject matters.
And as you go along you'll do more and more things in that
vein and you get to the point whereby you you find what you
really want to do. That is your overall undying
ambition. I think people know what they
want, They just don't follow through with them.
And that's and that's really and it to your point where where you
have these overriding huge ambitions, they're too big.
When they're this, like, I want to lose 100 lbs.
It's like, Oh my God, that's like ridiculous.
You just have to break it all the way down to little bits.
And if it's really what you want, if you really ask yourself
what you want and you write that down and you then take steps to
small steps each day to get yourself to that big ambition,
that big goal. At the end, you will find
yourself doing more of what you want as opposed to more of what
is a distraction. I completely agree.
I feel like the distractions that we all face in life become
much more. Prominent when we don't have a
clear vision of what our purpose and intentionality for the day
is. And I feel like so many people
don't give them theirs, give themselves the time to fine tune
what that purpose is. Like so many people are going
through life right now without a driving factor that gives them a
sense of purpose. Like I like waking up and going
to work every day, 'cause I know what I'm working towards.
And that didn't come to me instantly.
I had to seek that out. But.
Like you said, when if you give yourself that stillness and
actually sit with yourself in your thoughts, you gain much
more clarity as to what that desire is.
And hopefully that desire is something bigger than oneself.
Because if it's just self-centered, you're not likely
going to have the staying power to stick with it.
But when you're actually contributing to something that's
working towards the betterment of humanity.
And the world around you, it becomes much easier to adhere to
it and if it is a lofty goal and you can finesse out and tease
out the the day-to-day actions that lead to finding success
towards them. It becomes very clear what is
and is not necessary in reaching that goal and it becomes much
easier to remove the distractions that aren't
contributing towards it. So few people allow themselves
to be present in their thoughts because.
I don't know if it's because they lack confidence in
themselves or they're seeking somebody else's input, but
simply having the confidence to be alone in your thoughts and
actually tease out what those thoughts are and what they mean
and how they impact your day-to-day is crucial,
Absolutely. I think one of the big reasons
why people don't find their purpose and are distracted from
their purpose is because they are overwhelmed by what society
says they should be doing. They are are over consumed of
what society and their friends and their family and their
bosses and their work people and what the TV says and what social
media says is is what one should be striving towards having and
being, which is different from what a person may want.
If society says the goal should be you need to go to school.
Get straight A's, go to Ivy League, go and walk on Wall
Street, Go and get married, go and have kids, have your kids in
private school. Go on big holidays, shop in the
most amazing shops, have all the big brands.
If if you're working towards that grocery list of criteria
that society says parts of society says are what you should
be achieving. When those things aren't
actually what you want, you become consumed with the wrong
things and you lose your way from what your purpose is.
And then people forget themselves because they're too
worried about trying to achieve things that the neighbours and
society tells them they should be doing because they want to
fit in, as opposed to doing what they actually want, what that
what actually aligns with them. And this is where all the
problems come from. Because of anxiety, of
depression, of anger, of sadness, of jealousy of all
these negatives come from them. The disalignment that a person
will feel from chasing the things that they are taught to
chase, as opposed to figuring out what they actually want and
what their likes and interests and engagement and purpose
actually is. How do you toe the line between
not being ignorant to the world around you, but then also not
allowing the world around you and societies to subject you to
its demands and interests? Like like the news for instance.
Do you spend much time watching the news?
Does that create a net negative or positive in your life?
So just to be clear, I was bully traded by what society told me I
should be. I talk about this on my socials
as well. Fully.
I have to go to school, get straight A's, go to university,
work on Wall Street, do this, do that etcetera, etcetera.
All these things fully brainwashed by that until this
break up occurred and I started to reflect, think about things
and understand well, I'm part of the reason why that broke up
occurred because I went into something with someone who I
knew there were red flags, but I ignored them because I was too
hell bent on being in that relationship.
Because that's what society and all my friends and everyone said
I should be doing. Because that meant that I would
then fit into what everyone else was doing as well and then then
I would be accepted and loved etcetera, etcetera.
Right. So I've been in the place
whereby I was fully throwing the line to what society tells me I
should do. I was fully throwing the line
into, you know, everything out on the news.
And, you know, I think that the pandemic, for example, really
brought to my mind how much nonsense there is out there that
we are fed from news channels. And that actually made me think.
I've got to know that it's out there, but then discern for
myself what I think is right and what is wrong.
I know myself, I'm not a bad person.
I'm here to do the right things for people.
My intentions are absolutely positive and to help others.
I might doesn't mean I always make the right decision, but I
know my intentions are absolutely pure in that regard.
And so I have to see all that information out there, all the
information that I am presented with.
And because I've realized the difference between buying into
what society tells me, because I realized and see what we were
fed through the pandemic. A lot of lot of it was nonsense.
Some of it was, was, was, you know, you know, COVID-19 exists.
It does kill people who had underlying issues.
But a lot of the stuff, that other stuff that we were told
was total garbage. I now I'm more discerning on how
much of the news I'm taking in as real.
I'm making my own opinion on those not just being blindly,
arrogantly dismissive of the news and news channels because I
do listen to them. Absolutely, Because you need to
know what's going on, but you need to just be discerning as to
what you're taking in so that you have more of a balanced view
as to what's going on. Yeah, I think the the more the
more time you spend alone in your thoughts and being
objective towards reality, the better you become at discerning
what is not reality. And I feel like, yeah, there is
a lot of people out there with ulterior motives that are there
to try and sway you one way or the other.
And it's so critical for us to not be swayed so easily.
I mean, you have to be able to think for yourself.
You have to be able to have common sense, critical thinking
skills. And so much of that comes for
just simply with just simply, you know, looking at the world
around you in a present state and being objective in that.
And I feel like if you're just constantly rushing from one
thing to the next, allowing distractions to take hold and
allowing anxiety to seep in, you can't possibly capitalize on
that objective present. You know, sensation.
So yeah, I could not agree with you more man being more
discerning with the the news and information that we're
innovative with this key and then having structured times to
intentionally remove yourself from it.
Like if you can't make an action that will reflect an outcome of
that information coming in, then how important is that
information to come in in that instant if that is not serving
you well or if you cannot? Impact it in any form or
fashion, for good or bad? Then it's probably not an
incredibly high priority for you to consume it in the 1st place.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And it takes, it's the skill to
be able to become, to be able to like become to be able to petite
information that comes in and information that comes in that
you don't understand, don't figure, go and research about
it. Go and figure it out.
Go and go and find out what's going on and go and understand
and understand the facts and you know you'll go and do that if
it's important enough for you. But I think that you're
absolutely correct in saying it's it's key to develop the
skill set to become critical, not critical in a in a in a
negative sense, but to be able to critique, to be able to
discern, to be able to make your own opinion.
And that's again something that we are taught not to necessarily
have, right. We're taught to just go along
with what the conveyor belt of of what we're fed to be the
case, as opposed to actually thinking for ourselves.
OK, well, what do I think about this?
What I think about how this should work?
What do I think about what's just happened?
What do I think about how things should be?
What do I think about? You know, what's my own thought
on this as opposed to just accepting what you're told?
Yeah, 100 percent, 100%. Well, let me put you in the hot
seat here, Dylan. What?
What is it that is driving you to get out of bed in the
mornings currently? What is your purpose at the
moment and what is a distraction that you have in your life that
you knowingly are allowing to, you know, remove some of that
for momentum that you know you need the correct course on?
I'm super interested in impacting other people's lives
for the positive. I'm super interested in helping
people become the best version of themselves, whatever that
version might be. It might not be anything like
me, but it's more about helping an individual be the best
version of what they are, whatever that might be their own
uniqueness. I'm super piper interested in
that the amount of feedback I I've had from my social over the
years and I and I said, as I said to you, my social media, my
my Instagram is a total accident.
I was never allowed on social media before my prior
relationship. She didn't want me on Instagram
or Facebook or you know, or any of these types of things.
It was a total accident and it became a channel for me to be
able to express myself, from which I got a lot of positive
feedback on more how did you do this or how did you do this?
Or, you know, I was at the gym just now actually and one of the
guys there was like, you know, you're, I want to do what you're
doing. I'm like, well you can, you just
have to decide and take steps to work towards that goal.
And so my drive every morning is to is to work towards that.
Now how does that actually physically look like?
Well, actually I'm, I'm actually super excited about the fact
that I'm I'm about to launch a new website that is going to
have an AI function on it that allows people to to ask any
questions to the talks I talk about.
And it will have quite a bespoke functionality, AI functionality
that that filters from all of my written work to give them a
response to help people wherever they may be, whatever time zone
to, I don't know from for inspo or motivation or whatever it
might be. And so that is a channel whereby
a first level channel as it were that I want to work towards
building to ultimately as I say, help people help themselves.
That is super interesting to me. That is super engaging.
Additionally, like being out in Asia, I was spent quite a bit of
time in Bali as well and and and learning and seeing a whole what
I call new economy of digital nomads and people earning money
online, whether it be online PTS or people on, you know Amazon or
running their own businesses or entrepreneurs.
It's a real sort of energy and vibe as they say in what I call
a new economy, an economy that is different from the
traditional economy of let's just say Wall Street or banking
or or accountancy or any of the traditional forms that we are,
are you know beyond end all to to to work in.
And so in in that sense, sort of reinvention into creating a
platform whereby it's not just an Instagram account, for
example, but goes way beyond that to give people the ability
to tailor asking questions that can help them in a more bespoke
manner. I think that I think leveraging
modern day technology, but then doing so in a way that brings
people back to these fundamental core truths like we've talked
about is definitely bridging the gap in a positive way.
So those are all super exciting things ahead for sure.
I really like the idea of having so that people can go onto your
new site. And then just pull back from any
of the the written word or content that you've put out
there because you are definitely reaching a massive audience.
I mean you've got a huge Instagram profile and it's seems
to be growing on a regular basis.
What what do you find as a distraction from this in your
current life? Like do you have any notable
distractions that is, you know, keeping you from moving forward
on this or no? There's there's nothing like
well I I think ultimately it's the day job you know at some at
some point I mean I I definitely want this to be something that
is again it's it's it's the platform isn't about me it
genuinely isn't and I know so many I've had so many people
come out you're not you're you're a narcissist you're like
a self-centered you're this but I'm like it's this isn't about
me. Yes fine I like nice pictures of
me on on my socials who doesn't right.
But that's not the goal. The goal actually people look
back in some of my posts, but I talk about my transformation is
to show the difference. We've seen what was and what is,
but more importantly how you continue that.
And so the biggest that's that's something that is the big goal,
right, to to have something that's bigger than just way
bigger than just me. I don't see my platforms is
about me. I see them really about about
helping others. So that's the goal that I want
it to become a full time thing and that's what I'm building
towards. I love it.
I love it and and on a day-to-day basis what's in my
way. The only thing that ever is in
my way actually is me. Yeah, that's powerful stuff,
man. I completely agree.
I think leveraging, leveraging your reach on social, getting
people to come to truth with this or come to grips with this
truth and reality. That's awesome, man.
I'm excited for what the future holds for sure.
And I think, you know, kind of going back to what you were
saying about intentionality, like you know what your
intentions are. People may come at you and say,
hey, look, you're a narcissist. All you got on your profile is
pictures of you without a shirt on and stuff.
But like, you know what's driving you, you know in your
inner in yourself, What's your intentionality behind?
It all is. And if you can be at peace with
that, then who cares what the haters are saying, right?
And that's exactly, absolutely on point.
I know what my intention is, and it's not about the shallowness
of aesthetics. Again, I I want to be in the I'm
trying to be the best version of me and I know my intentions are
about helping others see that it's possible to lose 60 lbs and
maintain it and continues to evolve and understand that it is
an ongoing day-to-day effort. You're absolutely right that
those are mine says like I have so many haters come to me.
I'm like, OK, I know where I'm coming from.
I know what it is like. It's like, it's like the analogy
really is like, if you lie about something, a liar for example,
when they're caught out, they will start to feel anxious, They
will start to feel bad. They will.
They know when they're caught out versus someone who's telling
the truth, they're at peace. Even if it's in a horrible
situation, they can still be at peace because they know that
they are telling the truth. Versus a liar will be absolutely
in a bad space inside themselves, and they know.
We know. We each know the truth.
We each know our truth. And to your point, if your
intention is right and pure and of your purpose, you can brush
anything off. You can continue forward
regardless. 100% ma'am. If you know yourself and where
you're coming from, you are most certainly empowered and you can
be confident in that approach. So.
Yeah, we're we're speaking the same language for sure.
Man, I'm loving everything you're saying.
Likewise, my friend. Likewise.
Yes, Sir. Well, Dylan, where do people go
to find out more about you, follow you on social and just
kind of dive deeper into your world?
So main main Protocol is on Instagram at Dylan Obeya and
very, very shortly I'm going to be launching my new website at
dylanobeya.com which as I say will.
And the second phase will have the AI functionality whereby
people can like ask questions and a bespoke Taylor Dancer will
come back to them from what was built in that space.
So Instagram and. Website Awesome.
I will link it to that. Make it easy for people to find
you. I really appreciate the time,
Dylan. I mean, everything we've said
today is stuff that people have likely heard before.
They all know it to be true. But just simply.
Kind of like we were in the very beginning, surrounding yourself
with the right people and consuming the right content that
keeps you in the right frame of mind is key.
So for people that have heard this before, simply hearing it
again, maybe from a different angle of perspective, I think is
super valuable. So thanks again man.
I really appreciate the time. Likewise, I really, really
enjoyed this. Well, thank you.
And we'll talk soon, man. Take care.
Thank you very much.