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What's going on? 
Ladies and gents Roberts? 

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Thanks. 
Kiddo Savage.com. 

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And today, I've got special 
guest to Kelsey boulter on the 

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line, and she has an 
inspirational story that you're 

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going to want to listen to. 
She has struggled with anorexia 

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for a good portion of her life. 
She has gone through Clinic. 

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She has gone through all kinds 
of work deep work in internal 

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work to figure out what this, 
what caused this, how to resolve

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this and how to make progress 
going for them. 

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And this, this particular 
interview it Did a lot with me 

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because I've had several clients
that have struggled with this as

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of late and having the 
opportunity to talk with her and

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just dive deeper and learn more 
and understand what's going on 

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for her personally. 
But then also, what could be 

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going on for others that are 
that are dealing with these 

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disordered eating Tendencies is 
something that I want to learn 

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more about something that I've 
struggled with in some form of 

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fashion, my own life. 
It's something that I know many 

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people do. 
So, really hearing her story 

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hearing her story. 
Her be open, and authentic, and 

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vulnerable was incredibly 
insightful and Incredibly 

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inspirational. 
So I have no doubt. 

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You will take something from 
this conversation. 

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So that further Ado, sit back, 
relax and enjoy the podcast with

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Kelsey. 
We are live. 

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Kelsey. 
How are you? 

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I'm good. 
How are you? 

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I'm doing wonderfully well, as 
well. 

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You are from South Africa. 
Is that correct? 

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I am from Cape Town. 
South Africa, Cape Town, South 

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Africa. 
I've got a few friends that have

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that live in South Africa. 
They're from South Africa. 

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One of my buddies is a, he does,
like a safari his family's been 

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in the Safari business. 
Like they do, the guided hunts 

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there, and they're in South 
Africa by don't know 

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whereabouts, but South Africa is
beautiful from everything. 

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I've heard it is. 
Have you ever been I've never 

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been however, My folks are they 
just got a big sailboat? 

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They're going to sail around the
world and they're going to say 

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oh quite a bit around South 
Africa. 

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So I'm going to meet up with 
them at various ports along the 

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way. 
So I'm going to spend some time 

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inside of my gosh. 
So your Aunt Crystal and the new

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baby, you should try and come to
Cape Town. 

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It's so beautiful and it's like 
super nice for your, for the 

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exchange rate for the dollar. 
Yeah. 

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Yeah. 
No, I definitely want to and 

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everybody there. 
I mean, English is the primary 

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language that, right? 
Yeah. 

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I mean, we do. 
Also, there's also easy, causa, 

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and Zulu and Afrikaans as well, 
but predominantly everyone, 

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everyone speaks English. 
Well, if I can nice nice, so I 

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shouldn't be able to kind of 
find my way around in an IV 

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total. 
Total, you know, Darkness for me

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there which be good. 100% And I 
am the greatest tour guide. 

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So, you know, just reach out. 
Yeah. 

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Yeah. 
Well, I'll take you up on that 

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for sure. 
So I want to dive into your, 

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your past, your upbringing a 
little bit with regard to what 

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got you into the health and 
nutrition space. 

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Because you're super passionate 
about it. 

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You've got a very inspirational 
story and I feel like anybody 

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that's gone through hell for 
lack of a better word and really

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figured out what it is that they
do. 

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Don't want to do, they become so
much more passionate about what 

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it is. 
They do want to do because it's 

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had such a profound impact on 
their lives and I feel like that

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is pretty much what's happened 
to you. 

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Yeah, I mean, I couldn't have 
said it better myself. 

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So I suppose I'll begin. 
I suppose, I was a kid as a kid.

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I was always just an extremely, 
anxious and shy and insecure 

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girl. 
And, you know, I was diagnosed 

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with generalized, anxiety 
disorder and I had major 

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separation anxiety from my 
parents. 

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And in that regard, school was 
quite difficult, just 

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emotionally for me. 
Not that I didn't have friends 

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and I didn't do well in school, 
but just I Is was I was just 

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personally, just very insecure. 
And my perception of the world 

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was one of like fear and lack. 
And yeah, anyway, fast forward 

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to when I finished school, I 
matriculated in 2014 and by that

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time, I mean understandably. 
I had already developed very 

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much. 
Yeah. 

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I was just the perfect breeding 
down. 

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Breeding ground for an eating 
disorder to manifest. 

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Just given my Insecurity and 
anxiety as a kid by grade 10, 

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actually, I had already 
developed bulimia and it was 

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very much in the in the dark. 
I didn't really speak out much 

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about it. 
I mean my whole life also as a 

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girl growing up, very 
susceptible to comparing myself 

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to others and I always just had 
glorified being thin thinking 

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that then, you know, would be 
the answer and if I was just 

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thinner, then I'd be happier. 
So yeah. 

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Anyway, so I Finished school in 
2014, and that's when for 

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learner else to say, but like 
that's when shit, hit the fan 

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because I suppose everything was
sort of contained kind of in 

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school, just because there was 
like a set structure in place 

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and everyone is doing the same 
thing. 

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And anyway, the minute I left 
school things just sort of fell 

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apart I suppose. 
So in hindsight actually was 

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planning on taking a gap year 
because during school. 

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I was always singing and writing
music and playing the piano. 

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A non-performing whenever I 
could. 

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So I really was hoping to like 
take a gap year and just pursue 

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my music but I didn't. 
I found myself just succumbing 

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to the stigma that you need to 
get a degree. 

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So I forced myself to go study 
at University and I couldn't 

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even really last a semester by 
the end of the first semester. 

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I had dug myself into a pretty 
deep hole emotionally. 

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And at the time, I was taking 
antidepressants and the 

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psychiatrist that I was seeing 
at the time. 

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I wanted to change over my 
medication. 

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So she put me into the clinic 
and I mean, we can speak about 

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medication, but I had horrific 
side effects and I straight off 

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the bat admission actually into 
the clinic. 

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I wean myself off, completely 
cold, turkey with 

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antidepressants. 
And that's not a fun experience.

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But anyway, I left the clinic 
and I still was very unsure of 

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what I wanted to do. 
Very last, very broken. 

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And so, I took the rest of that 
year. 

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My first year out of school. 
I took that rest of the year as 

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a leave of absence from 
University and I found a 

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photography course just to get 
me by and just to somehow find 

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something creative because I 
suppose I've always just been a 

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creative salt and then 2016 came
and I was definitely not ready 

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to go back to University. 
So I decided to take that as my 

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quote, unquote Gap here. 
However, I wasn't able to pursue

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my music just because 
emotionally I was in such a bad 

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space and I didn't even really 
Want to sing or play music and 

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that was like, kind of a big red
flag for me. 

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Just given that music has always
played such a huge part of my 

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life. 
So, anyway, I found a yoga 

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instructors course, and I did 
that, and it was phenomenal, 

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very, very synchronistic. 
It started like the journey and 

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planting the seed of, you know, 
sort of Consciousness and 

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self-awareness and everything 
which was would play a huge role

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in my future life. 
So, I did that. 

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And then, Then the end of 2016 
was approaching and I was like, 

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okay, well for 2017. 
I have to study something. 

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I have to get a degree. 
So I thought to kill, what am I 

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going to do? 
And then I thought psychology 

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would be a lot more congruent to
who I was as a person also, 

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because as a kid, I had gone to 
every specialist Under the Sun 

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like psychiatrist after 
psychiatrist after psychologists

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often urologist. 
Because also as a kid, I also 

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had major headaches which in 
hindsight, we're just tension 

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headaches from Stress and 
Anxiety, so I thought given I 

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was always just in therapy. 
I thought maybe study psychology

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and I started studying that in 
2017. 

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However, I just feel more and 
more sick with anorexia to the 

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point where it was, like, 
severely critical and I had to 

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be hospitalized and I went into 
my first at a specialized clinic

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for eating disorders in 2017. 
Very soon after I'd started 

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studying psychology and that Is 
a very very traumatic experience

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it. 
I like left their even more 

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traumatized than when I went in 
and sure enough. 

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I relapsed very soon after that 
and I found myself. 

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In fact, my parents didn't 
really know what to do with me. 

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So they set up a psychiatric 
like we thought we were gonna 

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just go to the hospital for a 
psychiatric assessment. 

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So we went there and they 
actually admitted me then and 

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there on the day. 
Already. 

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And that was also quite hurt 
like traumatizing because I 

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literally, I had nothing on me. 
They literally took me away from

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my parents and I was pretty much
owned by the government fast 

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forward. 
I was there for seven months and

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I week after week. 
I never knew if I was going to 

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be discharged or not. 
I had absolutely no idea. 

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I was literally just stuck on, 
like one of the top floors of 

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the hospital building for seven 
months and yeah, where you at? 

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Sorry, how old were you at? 
This point? 

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I was at Sea. 
I was 21 22. 

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Mmm. 
Yeah, I think, by that time, I 

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was 22. 
So then after seven months, they

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did discharge me, but they just 
charge me because it was nearing

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the end of the year and they 
needed a bed. 

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And they also said that I was at
a quote-unquote stable enough 

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BMI to be able to If the 
hospital but they did for my 

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parents that I was going to 
relapse very soon and they 

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definitely were right. 
Because literally not even, 

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three months later. 
I was in my last and final 

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hospitalization for anorexia. 
I had relapsed quite bad. 

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And yeah, I, that was 2018 that 
the beginning of 2018 and then 

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eventually in 2018, like middle,
end of 2018. 

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I was at a weight that way I was
able to All to start exercising 

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again. 
And I thought that I would try 

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and find an adult dance class 
because, you know, as a creative

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soul. 
I just thought you know as a kid

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dancing, always used to make me 
happy. 

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So I was just Honestly by this 
point trying to grasp onto any 

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but of life and hope and 
something that could just hold 

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me through the next day. 
So yeah, very, very long story 

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short. 
I reach out to a friend who had 

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studied musical theater, and I 
asked him if he knew of anyone 

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in Cape Town, and he gave me the
number. 

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That would then be my director 
of my college that I just 

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graduated from. 
Anyway, I asked him if he knew 

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of anyone who could teach adults
dance classes in Cape Town and 

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he gave me a number. 
And then he said to me or by the

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way, we're opening up a new 
musical theater Academy. 

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The following year. 
So he was referring to 2019. 

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And he said, would you be 
interested in auditioning? 

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Now? 
I had been out of it for many 

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years, just emotionally and 
physically. 

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Just given my stage, but I 
somehow found myself saying, 

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yes, sir. 
So, I remember it. 

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So vividly he that was a Tuesday
that I messaged him. 

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And then he said, cool. 
Give me your email address 

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auditions. 
Are this Saturday this weekend? 

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And yeah, he says, we'll see you
then. 

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So, I was like, oh my goodness. 
What am I going to do? 

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But if I can say that like 
waking up Wednesday, Thursday, 

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Friday, and in those days, she 
wasn't Saturday every morning of

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waking up was just like, I woke 
up with the sense of purpose and

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it was like, I felt a Like it 
was just incredible and it was, 

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yeah, it was clearly. 
Yeah, it was. 

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It was incredible. 
And I did the audition and I was

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so proud of myself and I was 
just so grateful, that my monkey

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mind was just distracted for a 
few days because, you know, up 

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until then, I don't even know 
everything was just. 

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So I was just so lost and just 
broken pretty much. 

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So I was just so grateful for 
the opportunity to be distracted

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and to be doing something, and 
it was clearly, you know, very 

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much connected. 
To my fantasy and who I was as a

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person, so I was really happy 
for the first time in, I don't 

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know. 
Probably pretty much my whole 

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life. 
So anyway, I didn't expect to 

227
00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:30,200
get accepted because they were 
amazingly talented people all 

228
00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:33,400
around me, but there was also 
quite an extensive interview for

229
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:37,500
the audition and yeah, just 
first, you know, then getting to

230
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:41,500
know who I who I am and my story
and I landed up getting 

231
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:44,200
accepted. 
And I started studying there in 

232
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:48,000
2019 and I was part of their 
first intake and literally, 

233
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:52,200
Every day since then has been a 
significant day in my recovery, 

234
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,500
which brings me to health and 
wellness. 

235
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:58,300
Because concurrently with that, 
you know, the sense of purpose 

236
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:00,900
and, you know, purposes of 
pillar of Health, which I'm sure

237
00:13:00,900 --> 00:13:04,700
we will get into concurrently 
with that in the midst of my 

238
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:10,000
time like anorexia after the in 
2018 after the last Clinic 

239
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,000
admission. 
I went to a life coach and he 

240
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:18,700
I'm sorry, a nutritionist. 
Hmm, and she, she like She said,

241
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:22,100
Kelsey for the next 10 days. 
You're only to eat red meat and 

242
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:24,400
olive oil. 
So pretty much she was 

243
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:28,000
describing carnivore. 
So, I was very familiar, you 

244
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,100
know, just being very health 
conscious in my, like, in high 

245
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:32,800
school and stuff. 
I was very familiar of Tim 

246
00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,500
noakes is Banting diet. 
So I was very familiar with keto

247
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:39,200
and low carb. 
And for some weird reason, when 

248
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:42,100
she was describing carnivore to 
me or like zero carb or just 

249
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:45,200
speaking about meat and fat, I 
was there was something my body 

250
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,000
that was like well, of course, 
this makes so much sense. 

251
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:51,600
And like if I think back as a 
kid like meat and fat, where the

252
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,400
foods that I craved as a kid, 
like I would be going to 

253
00:13:54,408 --> 00:13:56,400
everyone's plate. 
And in fact, they would call my 

254
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,700
plate, the graveyard plate, 
because I used to just eat 

255
00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:01,100
everyone's chicken bones and 
skins and everything that they 

256
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:04,300
left on the side. 
And anyway, I started the 

257
00:14:04,308 --> 00:14:06,900
carnivore diet. 
I mean, I had pretty much been 

258
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:12,400
whenever I was able to be in 
control of my food choices. 

259
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:17,400
IE, when I was not in a clinic. 
I was very much a proponent of 

260
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,700
low-carb. 
Ugh, however, I at the time, 

261
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:24,100
also, given my the anorexia. 
I was very fearful of fat 

262
00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:26,300
calories. 
So I was pretty much just eating

263
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:30,200
very much lean protein, and some
green veg, but obviously feeling

264
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:34,700
very miserable because we need 
fat anyway, so I swear when my, 

265
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:37,600
when that nutritionists 
described Carnival and she told 

266
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,000
me what I was going to do, there
was this huge light bulb that 

267
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,400
just lit up in my head and I was
just like, oh my gosh, it was 

268
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:47,500
almost like the floodgates came 
came down and I was just like 

269
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,300
excited. 
Cited for the first time to go 

270
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:52,800
and eat and I was like actually 
wanted to eat and so that was 

271
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:57,300
also like impetus concurrently 
with you know, starting studying

272
00:14:57,300 --> 00:15:00,700
musical theater, you know, those
two pillars of Health, you know,

273
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,100
having the purpose and then 
also, you know getting your 

274
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:08,400
nutrition dialed in was just 
like such a perfect recipe for 

275
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,000
my true recovery and my true 
healing. 

276
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:14,600
And yeah, we can go into many 
more. 

277
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,300
We can go for a deep dive into 
all of that, but that's pretty 

278
00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:19,400
much. 
Yeah, quite. 

279
00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:21,200
Yeah. 
Yeah, isn't this a lot of one 

280
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:26,000
dive deeper into for sure? 
As far as the very beginning is 

281
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,000
concerned. 
Like do you feel like your your 

282
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:34,600
inner exia was basically how 
your insecurities were manifest?

283
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,500
That was probably just like the 
vehicle for how those 

284
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:40,000
insecurities manifested, right? 
Yes, 100% for me. 

285
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:45,600
It was it manifested in the 
inner ex-cia and in your food 

286
00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:48,000
and body anything related to how
my body was? 

287
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:52,500
In the world. 
Why do you think you were so 

288
00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:53,600
nice? 
Why do you think you were 

289
00:15:53,608 --> 00:15:55,100
struggling with the insecurities
in the first place? 

290
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:57,900
Like before before? 
Anorexia even was the 

291
00:15:57,900 --> 00:16:01,200
manifestation of that? 
What do you think led to you 

292
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:04,000
having these insecurities? 
Because that some time with your

293
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:07,200
upbringing or just like 
something environmentally, like 

294
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:10,000
how, what was the Catalyst for 
that to be honest? 

295
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:13,100
I don't even know myself because
I my parents are the most 

296
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:17,200
magnanimously loving parents 
ever and there was no like 

297
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,700
necessarily. 
Like traumatic event that 

298
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:22,200
happened. 
However, just diving into my 

299
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,000
research of trying to figure out
where this all stemmed from 

300
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,000
besides me just being an 
anxious, highly susceptible kids

301
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,400
to like the narrative for 
anorexia on a purely 

302
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:35,900
physiological. 
Level II was also I was like 

303
00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:40,700
really like researching Weston 
Price and forgot the lady's 

304
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:43,000
name, but she was she was 
basically speaking about the 

305
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:47,200
fact that when you're an infant 
and especially when your 

306
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:51,100
breastfed It is so important 
that when you start eating solid

307
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:53,500
food, solid foods as an infant 
obviously, but you don't really 

308
00:16:53,500 --> 00:16:55,900
have control over that. 
But when you start introducing 

309
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:59,300
solid foods to your child after 
breastfeeding, it's so important

310
00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:03,600
to have iron rich foods. 
Now, you know, the majority of 

311
00:17:03,608 --> 00:17:06,400
people in this world are 
unfortunately misinformed about 

312
00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:08,500
nutrition and stuff, and my 
parents just didn't know. 

313
00:17:08,500 --> 00:17:12,700
So like my first solid foods was
like, straight to the purified, 

314
00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:16,000
like cereals, and all the 
horrible things. 

315
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:19,599
And in fact, when I look back 
now, And I do know that low 

316
00:17:19,599 --> 00:17:22,200
iron. 
I think I think it's Sally. 

317
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,300
I forgot the surname from Weston
Price, but she was saying, like,

318
00:17:25,300 --> 00:17:28,099
something with the gut and iron,
there's like a length of like 

319
00:17:28,099 --> 00:17:31,100
low iron, and I know that when I
was a young girl, I was actually

320
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:36,300
diagnosed with low iron and the 
gynecologist was he even put me 

321
00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:39,500
on iron supplementation, but 
that was, I didn't respond well 

322
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:42,400
to that either. 
So I think maybe like on a 

323
00:17:42,408 --> 00:17:44,500
purely physiological. 
Think like, right in the 

324
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:46,900
beginning. 
I think the fact that my first 

325
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:50,000
solid foods weren't Iron, and in
no way, I'm not blaming my 

326
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,800
parents and at all. 
It's just it is what it is. 

327
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:57,200
I think that was that also made 
my gut more susceptible to 

328
00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:01,900
being, I suppose but more 
sensitive and vulnerable. 

329
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:04,700
And then I think, you know, 
every most things do stem from a

330
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:07,500
dysbiotic that. 
So I don't know. 

331
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:10,700
I don't know if you, I can't see
like there was no traumatic 

332
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:15,000
event, but also on that book. 
As a kid, like I did go to, 

333
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:17,200
like, specialist doctors as I 
mentioned, and they were a few 

334
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,700
times where doctors Did speak 
about weight and did way me and 

335
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:24,000
make like made some sly comments
that I think also just were 

336
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,800
ingrained in my head, you know, 
and there were you know in like 

337
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,800
between the ages of 9 and 11. 
I was quite a bit, you know, 

338
00:18:30,808 --> 00:18:37,400
chubby and I think I definitely 
as a kid also had a bit of a 

339
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:41,100
distorted relationship with food
and probably also utilized food 

340
00:18:41,100 --> 00:18:43,200
to comfort me. 
So I don't know. 

341
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,500
I think there's, there's always 
a, there's always a lot at play 

342
00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,800
and they hasn't been like one 
solid. 

343
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,900
Thing that I can say, cause the 
anorexia that makes sense. 

344
00:18:51,900 --> 00:18:53,400
I think there's always a lot at 
play. 

345
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:58,700
When did you, when did you first
realize that there was an issue 

346
00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:00,800
with relationship with food? 
Like, at what point did you 

347
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,400
recognize that? 
This was not normal or healthy? 

348
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:11,200
So I think it's I think I only 
got to the acknowledgement that 

349
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:16,800
this is not normal and healthy. 
Actually in 2020, which is was a

350
00:19:16,808 --> 00:19:20,800
very significant year for. 
For me in my recovery, but I had

351
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:26,200
always felt just growing up. 
Very I was always highly 

352
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:30,000
conscious of how I looked and 
then only like just before the 

353
00:19:30,008 --> 00:19:33,000
bulimia started, did I begin to 
like Research into like 

354
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:36,500
gluten-free and started 
exercising with the trainer? 

355
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,600
And I became more, you know, abs
like I suppose obsessed with 

356
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:45,200
exercise and what I would eat 
but it only really reached a 

357
00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:48,400
point where because I was always
just glorifying being a Then as 

358
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,700
I possibly could. 
So only when I like, I suppose 

359
00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:55,300
reached my Rock, Bottom in 2020,
and started, changing, and 

360
00:19:55,300 --> 00:20:00,500
turning things around in terms 
of like wanting true recovery. 

361
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:04,900
Did I think that was like for me
the impetus of like, okay, this 

362
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:06,800
is I can't carry on like this 
anymore. 

363
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,100
This is not healthy, and I 
actually wanted to be healthy. 

364
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:12,700
Were you binging and purging 
prior to that point? 

365
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:14,500
That just seems absolutely 
normal to you? 

366
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:20,200
So, I suppose the binging and 
purging was only, like, when I 

367
00:20:20,208 --> 00:20:22,800
was still in high school when I 
was like, oh, so that at that 

368
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:26,700
time, I was also on 
antidepressants and like, that 

369
00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:29,900
was also one of the side effects
just made me want to eat so 

370
00:20:29,900 --> 00:20:35,000
much. 
And I, yeah, I yeah, so I was on

371
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:40,000
quite a few medications between 
the years of 2012 and 2015. 

372
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:45,000
So I think the medication 
definitely contributed to me. 

373
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:48,200
Starting to binge and then 
because I felt so guilty, then I

374
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:53,900
started to purge, but the minute
I stopped the antidepressants in

375
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:57,100
2015. 
My bulimia sort of went into 

376
00:20:57,100 --> 00:21:00,400
remission I suppose. 
And then I didn't really also 

377
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:03,400
because I was a singer. 
I don't really want to mess up 

378
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:09,500
my vocal cords too much as well.
So, like, when I was anorexic, 

379
00:21:09,700 --> 00:21:13,100
you know, like severely 
underweight actively anorexic 

380
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:17,700
was actually Wasn't bulimic. 
It was only like, you know, I 

381
00:21:17,708 --> 00:21:20,500
think and it's quite common in 
anorexia recovery in the 

382
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:22,500
beginning stages. 
This is even before I went on 

383
00:21:22,508 --> 00:21:26,500
Carnivore. 
I did find myself feeling like, 

384
00:21:26,500 --> 00:21:29,300
you know, just in terms of like 
starting to eat again, like 

385
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:31,600
absolutely starving. 
So then I would land that 

386
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,100
binging. 
And then sometimes there were a 

387
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:36,100
few flare-ups where I just 
couldn't handle that, and I was 

388
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:39,200
quite triggered and then I would
Purge as well, which obviously 

389
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:41,300
wasn't healthy. 
And also the fact that I was 

390
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:44,400
binging on all the cereals and 
all the horrible things, my 

391
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,800
blood sugar. 
I was just up and down up and 

392
00:21:46,808 --> 00:21:50,200
down up and down, which didn't 
help that. 

393
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,000
See, all that, all stabilized, 
the minute. 

394
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:56,200
I, I went Carnival. 
I feel like the antidepressants 

395
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:59,500
are an interesting topic because
I know I know, I've never used 

396
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:02,800
them myself, but I know several 
people very closely that have. 

397
00:22:03,100 --> 00:22:06,400
And I'm obviously not a 
nocturnal one, pretend to be one

398
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,700
of the internet, but it seems, 
as though, when my experience 

399
00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:13,500
with those individuals, the, the
antidepressants wind up doing 

400
00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:16,000
more damage. 
Image than good and I'm sure 

401
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,800
that's not the case. 
And many people are still 

402
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,900
wouldn't be them. 
But I feel like I've never seen 

403
00:22:19,900 --> 00:22:22,500
anything good come from 
antidepressants and my few 

404
00:22:22,500 --> 00:22:25,500
relationships. 
Yeah, I mean, for the right 

405
00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:29,300
person, they can be amazing. 
But in fact, there's a brilliant

406
00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:33,800
podcast episode with Chris. 
Dr. Chris Palmer on porcelain 

407
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,500
Dino's podcast, and he explained
it. 

408
00:22:36,500 --> 00:22:40,700
So, well, there's like I also 
I'm not a doctor but I am not 

409
00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:44,000
going to butchering this, but 
there is a huge link between 

410
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,900
antidepressants. 
And then, One's metabolic 

411
00:22:45,900 --> 00:22:51,500
health. 
So it makes, yeah, I also like, 

412
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:55,000
especially weaning off of 
antidepressants like, you need 

413
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,200
to do that properly and under 
medical supervision because I 

414
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,500
swear, I've never felt so ill in
my life, like even when I was 

415
00:23:01,500 --> 00:23:04,100
still taking the 
antidepressants, if I forgot to 

416
00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:08,800
take them one day, I almost like
I couldn't had like no motor 

417
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,300
skills. 
Like I literally like would just

418
00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:13,200
like I couldn't almost like I 
forgot how to walk and like I 

419
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,000
would drop things like in fact I
Was in Israel, one year and I, 

420
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,100
we were going for a hike up, one
of the mountains and that day, I

421
00:23:20,100 --> 00:23:22,700
forgotten to take my medication 
and I swear nearly fell off the 

422
00:23:22,708 --> 00:23:24,700
mountain. 
It was quite scary. 

423
00:23:24,900 --> 00:23:27,600
So antidepressants are not. 
I'm not a joke. 

424
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,300
Well, that's all I'm not against
them for the right person. 

425
00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:31,900
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

426
00:23:31,900 --> 00:23:33,500
Yeah, I think that's a fair 
statement for sure. 

427
00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:36,600
But, I mean all these like, 
ssris, you know, they're 

428
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:41,100
they're, they're causing a flux 
and your body's own circulating,

429
00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:42,800
you know, serotonin, dopamine 
levels. 

430
00:23:43,100 --> 00:23:44,900
And if you look, I think it's 
serotonin. 

431
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:46,500
Correct me if I'm wrong, but 
didn't serotonin. 

432
00:23:46,500 --> 00:23:49,500
The one that's like 98% of its 
produced in your gut. 

433
00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:52,900
Yeah, I don't know if it I 
think, I don't know if it's 98. 

434
00:23:52,900 --> 00:23:56,200
But yeah, it's it's fact, most 
of the most of the 

435
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,300
neurotransmitters are, there's a
large proportion, that is 

436
00:23:59,300 --> 00:24:01,300
produced in the gut. 
Well, I mean, the gut is, like, 

437
00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:02,800
the second brain or the first 
brain. 

438
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:04,800
Depends how you look at it. 
Yeah. 

439
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:09,600
So for the people that are on 
these antidepressants, but yet 

440
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,800
they have a horrendous diet. 
I mean, I would imagine that 

441
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:14,900
that is not doing themselves any
favors at all. 

442
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,300
All. 
Yeah, I think this takes me to 

443
00:24:17,300 --> 00:24:20,900
like one of like my biggest 
Revelations is that? 

444
00:24:21,500 --> 00:24:24,800
I mean even like I don't know if
you know, dr. 

445
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:28,800
Daniel Amon, he's a psychiatrist
and he for example, he's Justin 

446
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:32,600
Bieber and Miley Cyrus's 
psychiatrist, but he's also very

447
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:36,000
well versed in the importance 
and the significance of what you

448
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,300
feed your body. 
And he's the first one to say 

449
00:24:38,300 --> 00:24:40,700
like in order for you to work on
your software. 

450
00:24:40,700 --> 00:24:44,500
You have to work on your 
Hardware first, so get like 

451
00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:47,500
darling. 
In your things like nutrition is

452
00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:50,200
like so important. 
And in fact, it was only when I 

453
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,200
dialed in my nutrition was I 
actually able to apply 

454
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:57,000
everything that I had been 
talking about to psychiatrist 

455
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,900
and psychologist for years. 
Like, it was literally only when

456
00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:03,900
I was able to, you know, 
decrease that newer information 

457
00:25:03,900 --> 00:25:07,100
that my brain was clearly under 
that I was then able to start 

458
00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:10,800
actually implementing all the 
strategies, all the mindfulness 

459
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:14,400
techniques, all the breathing 
and be able to like move forward

460
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:15,900
in my life. 
That makes sense. 

461
00:25:16,100 --> 00:25:17,900
Yeah, totally. 
And I don't know, like I don't 

462
00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:22,000
know if we'll ever know if he 
actual, you know, mechanistic 

463
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,900
property of Y and that happens. 
I'm sure it's gonna be different

464
00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:27,200
for every individual. 
But like for me when I was going

465
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,800
through all my disordered eating
Tendencies, the moment I 

466
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:34,000
switched over to Kido like it 
just all made sense like all the

467
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:36,700
everything started clicking. 
Like I was able to have a much 

468
00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:37,800
healthier relationship with 
food. 

469
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:40,300
I didn't have any more binging 
like when I switched over to 

470
00:25:40,300 --> 00:25:42,600
Quito, I don't remember what day
that was, like, some people have

471
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,900
this keto anniversary and I had 
no idea what Date with I know 

472
00:25:45,900 --> 00:25:48,900
roughly the time frame. 
But when I switched over like 

473
00:25:48,900 --> 00:25:52,000
there is no yearning for me to 
binge anymore. 

474
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:56,300
Like, it was just gone like it 
just resolved and I think 

475
00:25:56,300 --> 00:25:58,800
there's a, there's some 
physiological implications 

476
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,300
there, but I think there's also 
many psychological implications 

477
00:26:01,300 --> 00:26:04,100
because I was excited about what
I was doing. 

478
00:26:04,100 --> 00:26:07,100
It was new, it was novel. 
There's no nobody else out there

479
00:26:07,100 --> 00:26:09,900
that I knew that was doing it. 
And then people started to take 

480
00:26:09,900 --> 00:26:11,700
interest in it. 
So it kind of became part of my 

481
00:26:11,700 --> 00:26:14,500
identity as well. 
And then I kind of, you know, 

482
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:18,300
use That as a way to maintain 
that momentum and not everybody 

483
00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:22,500
has that, you know benefit, but 
I think there's so much of that 

484
00:26:22,500 --> 00:26:25,100
is intertwined between like your
mindset and psyche your 

485
00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:28,300
psychology towards why you're 
eating and why, it's beneficial.

486
00:26:28,500 --> 00:26:30,500
But then also obviously it's 
going to have a physiological 

487
00:26:30,500 --> 00:26:33,100
impact on your hormone levels, 
your glucose level. 

488
00:26:33,100 --> 00:26:35,500
I just don't know, you know. 
No, I don't think we'll ever 

489
00:26:35,500 --> 00:26:38,200
know the exact interworking of 
how all that's tied in together.

490
00:26:38,300 --> 00:26:39,400
Mmm. 
Yeah. 

491
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,300
I think, I think everyone is 
obviously, on my own journey 

492
00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:44,800
and, you know, I've been 
carnivore. 

493
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:50,100
Or four years, but it wasn't an 
easy easy sailing Journey at 

494
00:26:50,100 --> 00:26:51,700
all. 
In fact, in the beginning. 

495
00:26:51,700 --> 00:26:55,800
I had, you know, I was doing 
very, very well emotionally and 

496
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:59,700
I, I did definitely experience 
that whole kito's in that 

497
00:26:59,700 --> 00:27:02,900
everyone speaks about. 
But then had quite a triggering 

498
00:27:02,900 --> 00:27:07,800
moments where I went to my 
endocrinologist and she, I was 

499
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,700
so excited to tell her about, 
like, what I was eating and what

500
00:27:10,700 --> 00:27:14,100
dieters on and I told her that 
I'm eating all this meat and fat

501
00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:19,100
and she goes But we feed fat and
olive oil to the starving kids 

502
00:27:19,100 --> 00:27:21,700
in the hospital to try and 
fatten them up. 

503
00:27:21,900 --> 00:27:25,600
And now as like a newly 
recovering, anorexic that was 

504
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:28,900
like the worst thing you could 
have told me because it just 

505
00:27:28,900 --> 00:27:31,900
triggered enough still so 
vulnerable. 

506
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:35,600
And also add an educated myself 
yet exactly about, like, what I 

507
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,300
was doing. 
So, I was so skeptical and so 

508
00:27:38,300 --> 00:27:42,100
easily influenced and that 
triggered, you know, a relapse. 

509
00:27:42,100 --> 00:27:44,800
But still a relapse, just under 
the carnival Realm. 

510
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,700
I was still eating but boy did I
cut back? 

511
00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:51,800
I literally just went back to 
eating lean chicken and for like

512
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:55,400
about a year or so, not even a 
year. 

513
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,500
I don't even know how many 
months and then it was only when

514
00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:02,400
lockdown hit in 2020. 
My ex-boyfriend. 

515
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,000
I had just broken up. 
So it wasn't it wasn't a happy 

516
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,900
time. 
But and I was also forced to be 

517
00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:15,300
at home alone with myself and I 
suppose that was like, You know,

518
00:28:15,300 --> 00:28:17,700
I actually, I thought I'd hit 
rock-bottom many many, many 

519
00:28:17,700 --> 00:28:21,000
times before that. 
But clearly, I hadn't and it was

520
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:25,000
I somehow stumbled Upon Us. 
Stumbled across podcasts when I 

521
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,700
was in the midst of this 
lockdown. 

522
00:28:26,700 --> 00:28:30,100
And I was like, okay, I'm going 
to educate myself about what I'm

523
00:28:30,100 --> 00:28:33,900
doing with carnivore and Quito 
and I started listening to all 

524
00:28:33,908 --> 00:28:37,700
the podcasts including yours and
I just started listening to 

525
00:28:37,700 --> 00:28:41,400
doctor speak and hearing stories
and I was like, well, when am I 

526
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,800
going to be one of the people 
who experience this completely? 

527
00:28:45,500 --> 00:28:49,600
transformation and then yeah, it
just I almost like trick my 

528
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:52,600
monkey Mind by continuously 
surrounding myself with these 

529
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:56,600
amazing podcast episodes with 
dialogues of doctors and and 

530
00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:59,200
people who had gone through 
these things that I was like 

531
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:04,900
able to realize because the word
healthy for me had always been a

532
00:29:04,900 --> 00:29:09,200
very very triggering word in 
recovery because all that 

533
00:29:09,200 --> 00:29:14,500
healthy meant was just getting 
fatter but by like trained by 

534
00:29:14,500 --> 00:29:16,900
like sir, Finding myself with 
these dialogues and these 

535
00:29:16,900 --> 00:29:20,800
conversations with doctors and 
teacher Specialists and all 

536
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:25,500
these amazing people. 
I almost like switch to flicking

537
00:29:25,500 --> 00:29:28,900
like switch to click in my brain
and I was like for the first 

538
00:29:28,900 --> 00:29:31,900
time the word healthy was cool 
and I was like, it's actually 

539
00:29:31,900 --> 00:29:34,500
called to be healthy and it was 
from I can't give you a date. 

540
00:29:34,500 --> 00:29:36,200
I don't know when it was I just 
wrote was in the middle of 

541
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:39,100
lockdown and I was walking in my
God and listening to a podcast. 

542
00:29:39,100 --> 00:29:43,600
I think it was with Amber Hearn.
And I was just like I want to be

543
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:48,200
healthy and, you know, we know 
like you you can do anything 

544
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:52,200
that you set your mind to and 
from then I was like, yeah, you 

545
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,400
have to want something so I 
suppose that's why I said like 

546
00:29:55,500 --> 00:29:58,100
2020 was we're truly all began 
for me. 

547
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:00,700
Well has to have been. 
I mean it must have been so 

548
00:30:00,700 --> 00:30:03,700
confusing for you to that point 
because I mean you're probably 

549
00:30:03,700 --> 00:30:06,900
getting so much conflicting 
information from everybody 

550
00:30:06,900 --> 00:30:10,200
online, from all the people that
you're talking with in the 

551
00:30:10,208 --> 00:30:14,600
dialogue in these eating. 
A clinics because what exactly 

552
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:18,400
goes on in those clinics, I'm 
assuming they're not really in 

553
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:22,500
favor of a carnivore diet or a 
keto diet in which case you're 

554
00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:25,400
restricting, one macronutrient. 
I would imagine they would push 

555
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,200
back against that. 
Yeah, 100% nights ago. 

556
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,700
In fact, like my parents, when I
started Connie ball. 

557
00:30:31,300 --> 00:30:33,500
They were like, this is just 
another eating disorder. 

558
00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:37,500
Like, what are you doing? 
So essentially. 

559
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:44,200
You have to eat everything that 
they give you, you're not 

560
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:48,700
allowed to not eat them. 
Otherwise, you'll be not like 

561
00:30:48,700 --> 00:30:53,100
punished but like privileges 
will be taken away from you and 

562
00:30:53,500 --> 00:30:56,000
that food entails because they 
all believe that there's no, 

563
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,100
there should be no fear foods, 
and I don't disagree with that. 

564
00:30:59,100 --> 00:31:02,900
I really don't disagree with 
that, but I'll dive a bit deeper

565
00:31:02,900 --> 00:31:09,100
into that after but yeah, it's 
just it's essentially a sugar. 

566
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,700
Look I said, because your eye at
one stage. 

567
00:31:11,700 --> 00:31:13,300
I had to eat a whole. 
I don't know. 

568
00:31:13,300 --> 00:31:17,300
You have Lindt chocolate, right?
Like this lens chocolate bars. 

569
00:31:17,300 --> 00:31:20,500
I had to eat a whole one of 
those just in one sitting with 

570
00:31:20,500 --> 00:31:25,300
like, a whole glass of soya milk
and a few handfuls of nuts like 

571
00:31:25,300 --> 00:31:27,600
right before bed. 
And that's just like one 

572
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:29,400
example. 
And like, there was cupcakes and

573
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,300
all these things and like just 
on a purely physiological level.

574
00:31:32,300 --> 00:31:35,200
Can you imagine my blood sugar 
levels and like a ready when 

575
00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:39,500
you're in that acute stage of 
like extreme anxiety because So 

576
00:31:40,100 --> 00:31:43,200
when you're so underweight, 
everything is heightened, like 

577
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:47,500
you're you are just by default 
naturally anxious because your 

578
00:31:47,500 --> 00:31:53,700
body is like so starved. 
So yeah, I you know, there's 

579
00:31:53,700 --> 00:31:58,600
also like you can't, there's no 
not allowed to speak about food 

580
00:31:58,700 --> 00:32:02,000
or body or anything, which I 
also agree with it because you 

581
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,400
know, I suppose they're good and
bad things to these clinics and 

582
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:11,100
that it is really outdated and I
think there's not enough. 

583
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,600
You know, it's the honest 
actually, haven't really dealt 

584
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:17,300
with what I experienced in the 
clinics like myself and there's 

585
00:32:17,300 --> 00:32:20,100
a lot of trauma involved. 
And as also these eating 

586
00:32:20,100 --> 00:32:22,200
disorder clinics. 
So this is like something I'm 

587
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:26,300
quite critical of because my 
first and last Clinic admission 

588
00:32:26,300 --> 00:32:29,700
for an eating disorder who are 
very they were private like 

589
00:32:30,100 --> 00:32:34,600
clinics and they were only 
specifically for eating disorder

590
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:38,500
like patients. 
So as opposed to my middle one, 

591
00:32:38,500 --> 00:32:41,000
which was in the hospital. 
Like the government hospital. 

592
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,400
That was just a general 
psychiatric ward. 

593
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:48,400
And I, when I was there, I was 
actually the only eating 

594
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,900
disorder patient and that was 
amazing for me. 

595
00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:54,700
I found a lot of Serenity in 
that environment because I 

596
00:32:54,700 --> 00:32:57,900
wasn't surrounded by eating 
disordered people and it was 

597
00:32:57,900 --> 00:33:00,400
almost like I was surrounded by 
quote-unquote normal people. 

598
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:02,300
So a lot of things were 
normalized for me. 

599
00:33:02,300 --> 00:33:05,700
I ate at the same table as all 
these other people and it almost

600
00:33:05,700 --> 00:33:08,900
took me out of my myopic eating 
disorder world. 

601
00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:12,700
So I would actually say that my 
second when I was in the 

602
00:33:12,700 --> 00:33:15,800
hospital was probably the place 
where I was my most calm, but 

603
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:20,500
going back to the other private 
clinics when you put a group of 

604
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:24,300
anorexic girls together. 
It's almost like high school on 

605
00:33:24,300 --> 00:33:26,900
steroids. 
It's just, it's like, it was 

606
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,500
it's quite traumatic because, 
you know what, the other ones 

607
00:33:29,500 --> 00:33:31,500
doing and then the people who 
had been there longer had 

608
00:33:31,500 --> 00:33:33,500
different Privileges, and they 
could disrupt their own food, 

609
00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:36,700
and you could clearly see that 
they didn't do it properly. 

610
00:33:36,700 --> 00:33:41,300
And it was just a bit of a The 
bit of a nightmare environment 

611
00:33:41,300 --> 00:33:43,700
and everyone's triggering each 
other and everyone's telling on 

612
00:33:43,700 --> 00:33:46,500
each other and it's like it's 
awful. 

613
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:51,200
So, yeah, it does not very 
conducive to the progress and I 

614
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,900
feel like a Rena T know. 
Yeah, and I feel like with with 

615
00:33:53,900 --> 00:33:56,800
them. 
I'm an imagine that with the, 

616
00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,900
you know, the directors. 
They're like, they're pretty 

617
00:33:59,900 --> 00:34:03,000
much falling under the belief 
that, you know, it's calories in

618
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,100
calories out to have a Mixed 
Plate. 

619
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,500
It a little bit of everything. 
Don't feel guilty for eating 

620
00:34:07,500 --> 00:34:09,199
anything. 
There's no such thing as a bad. 

621
00:34:09,300 --> 00:34:10,800
Food. 
That's kind of what their 

622
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,300
underlying premises, right? 
Yeah. 

623
00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:18,300
So for a moderator that's really
cool, but for an abstainer that 

624
00:34:18,300 --> 00:34:23,699
is a nightmare and it just 
doesn't work, in practice the 

625
00:34:23,699 --> 00:34:25,699
jaw, going back to you like 
about Mafia Foods. 

626
00:34:25,699 --> 00:34:27,900
I do, I agree. 
I do agree with that, and I 

627
00:34:27,900 --> 00:34:30,300
think that's where 
self-awareness comes in because,

628
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:33,300
you know, in the beginning, even
in the beginning of my Carnival 

629
00:34:33,300 --> 00:34:37,100
Journey, when I was still very 
much, very new in the world of 

630
00:34:37,100 --> 00:34:39,199
coming out of, you know, extreme
energy. 

631
00:34:39,400 --> 00:34:44,900
Yeah, I I was fearful of food, 
but now after having educated 

632
00:34:44,900 --> 00:34:47,900
myself about food and about how 
different macro nutrients 

633
00:34:47,900 --> 00:34:50,699
respond in your body and you 
know processed foods are just 

634
00:34:50,699 --> 00:34:54,600
not the way to go necessarily. 
In fact, to be honest ever. 

635
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,700
We know that alcohol and 
cigarettes are bad, you know, so

636
00:34:57,700 --> 00:34:59,500
too is something like vegetable 
oil. 

637
00:34:59,500 --> 00:35:01,400
This is good. 
I'm not going to get into that 

638
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:04,700
because I'm sure your audience 
know the dangers of vegetable 

639
00:35:04,700 --> 00:35:07,800
oils and refined processed 
grains and stuff. 

640
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:11,700
Anyway. 
Now that I've got the knowledge 

641
00:35:11,700 --> 00:35:15,200
and now that I've done so much 
healing, I can see that. 

642
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:19,000
I'm not like I'm not restricting
these Foods out of fear. 

643
00:35:19,500 --> 00:35:23,300
I'm restricting them because I'm
educated and what the outcome 

644
00:35:23,300 --> 00:35:28,400
would be in my body and it's 
like just as I'm going to say no

645
00:35:28,500 --> 00:35:31,300
to drugs. 
I'm going to say no to something

646
00:35:31,300 --> 00:35:34,500
like that, but it's not coming 
out of the place of fear. 

647
00:35:34,500 --> 00:35:37,100
So I think that that's the 
reason why self-awareness comes 

648
00:35:37,100 --> 00:35:39,100
into play is that you need to be
aware. 

649
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,000
Of your intentions in that 
moment. 

650
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:45,300
Like you need to be able to like
be stoic and realize is that 

651
00:35:45,700 --> 00:35:50,300
this an eating disorder? 
Sort of reason why I'm saying no

652
00:35:50,300 --> 00:35:54,500
or is this a actual fact like, 
you know genuine? 

653
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:58,000
No, I do not want this and 
because I think in the early 

654
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,500
stages of recovery, that can be 
quite blurry, or maybe you'd 

655
00:36:01,500 --> 00:36:04,800
it's not blurry, but you just 
don't have the confidence to 

656
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:08,500
like own up to the fact that 
it's been, you know, a fear, the

657
00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:11,100
fearful. 
Irrationally fearful thought 

658
00:36:11,100 --> 00:36:13,400
because obviously eating a piece
of cake is not actually going to

659
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:18,900
kill you, you know, one piece of
cake, but it might actually if 

660
00:36:18,900 --> 00:36:22,300
you yeah if it triggers a whole 
binge, maybe it won't 

661
00:36:22,300 --> 00:36:23,800
necessarily kill you then and 
there. 

662
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,500
But yeah, yeah. 
Yeah. 

663
00:36:26,500 --> 00:36:29,500
No, I totally agree. 
I feel like there's I think it's

664
00:36:29,500 --> 00:36:31,700
probably a little bit different 
for me based off of their 

665
00:36:31,700 --> 00:36:34,900
Outlook and they're they're 
just, you know, Persona of food,

666
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,400
but for me, you know, I'm 
definitely more so of an 

667
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:41,100
Eliminator than Moderator. 
And I think most of the people 

668
00:36:41,100 --> 00:36:44,000
in the keto carnivore space 
probably are as well. 

669
00:36:44,900 --> 00:36:50,400
But I feel like a lot of people 
struggle with this desire to 

670
00:36:50,400 --> 00:36:54,000
test themselves to see if 
they've truly recovered by 

671
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,500
allowing themselves. 
Something some foods. 

672
00:36:56,500 --> 00:37:01,300
Like I had one client and good 
friend and he struggle with 

673
00:37:01,300 --> 00:37:04,700
disordered eating and his his 
hang up. 

674
00:37:04,700 --> 00:37:07,800
So to speak was that he would do
so well for so long and then he 

675
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:11,700
would feel that. 
He needed to test himself to see

676
00:37:11,700 --> 00:37:16,300
if that, you know, Act of 
testing himself would result in 

677
00:37:16,300 --> 00:37:20,400
this order Tendencies, or if he 
was able to moderate and almost 

678
00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,200
without fail, every single time.
He did it, it led to him, you 

679
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:26,300
know, going off on another 
tangent of eating in Surplus. 

680
00:37:26,300 --> 00:37:31,900
And I think, you know, for so 
many people, the idea of being 

681
00:37:31,900 --> 00:37:35,000
able to moderate things, the 
idea of being able to embrace 

682
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:38,700
eating, you know, something on 
birthday or on our anniversary. 

683
00:37:39,300 --> 00:37:41,700
On a wedding or something of 
that is just incredibly 

684
00:37:41,700 --> 00:37:43,900
appealing. 
Lot of people try and use the 

685
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,700
relationship with their kids and
their kids friends. 

686
00:37:46,700 --> 00:37:48,900
Like if your kids having a 
birthday party, you should be 

687
00:37:48,900 --> 00:37:52,700
able to have piece of cake and 
not ruin your life and I would 

688
00:37:52,700 --> 00:37:54,800
agree that it shouldn't ruin 
your life. 

689
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:58,700
But my whole philosophy towards 
it is that cake shouldn't have 

690
00:37:58,700 --> 00:38:00,300
that power over you to begin 
with. 

691
00:38:00,300 --> 00:38:04,000
If it's not good, if it's not 
yielding any positive in your 

692
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,200
life. 
If it's not creating and you 

693
00:38:06,207 --> 00:38:09,100
know, a performance Improvement 
positive. 

694
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,200
Outcome. 
Then then why have it in the 

695
00:38:12,200 --> 00:38:13,600
first place? 
Like that's, that's been my 

696
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:16,200
whole premise. 
Like if it's not benefiting me 

697
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:19,100
then I don't want it to because 
the temporary high that you get 

698
00:38:19,100 --> 00:38:23,400
from that sweet taste is not 
worth it. 

699
00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:25,800
It's just not worth it in my 
personal opinion and there's so 

700
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,200
many ways, especially with the 
popularity of Quito and low 

701
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:28,600
carb. 
Now. 

702
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,800
I mean, there's so many ways to 
make a ketogenic version or a 

703
00:38:31,808 --> 00:38:35,200
low carb version of those Foods.
So to try and justify eating 

704
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:36,500
those Foods. 
If you're somebody that 

705
00:38:36,500 --> 00:38:39,000
struggles with that, it just 
doesn't make sense to me. 

706
00:38:40,300 --> 00:38:43,600
Yeah, I think that one would 
have to check themselves, you 

707
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,600
know, if is this like some sort 
of unconscious self sabotage, 

708
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:52,400
but, you know, I suppose it goes
back to what type of person you 

709
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:57,000
are. 
Because like, yeah, I agree with

710
00:38:57,000 --> 00:38:59,800
you, but I also agree with the 
other side of the coin as well. 

711
00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:05,900
So I suppose it's really it. 
Yeah, it's a Yeah, I don't have 

712
00:39:05,900 --> 00:39:12,300
a side that I could pick on but 
I in my personal life, how I I 

713
00:39:12,300 --> 00:39:13,400
love my life. 
I'm exactly. 

714
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:19,300
I I know that like the brief 
high of having some sugar is not

715
00:39:19,300 --> 00:39:22,100
going to be worth, you know, us 
especially because I've been 

716
00:39:22,100 --> 00:39:25,600
eating clean for like so long 
and I want to say, I don't want 

717
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:29,100
to put clean and dirty as good 
or bad food, but the fact that 

718
00:39:29,100 --> 00:39:32,100
I've been eating a species 
appropriate diet for so long. 

719
00:39:32,100 --> 00:39:34,900
I'm so used to running on such 
clean. 

720
00:39:35,100 --> 00:39:40,200
Clarity and such good energy. 
And when I have tried those 

721
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,800
Foods because I mean I have had 
like even even if it's a source 

722
00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:48,200
on meet, you know, if I'm eating
out I just don't you know, 

723
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:52,200
obviously that does I don't run 
on like for like about a day in 

724
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:53,900
a bit. 
Sometimes it even can trigger 

725
00:39:54,200 --> 00:39:56,600
like anxiety. 
I mean, not not from like an 

726
00:39:56,600 --> 00:40:00,100
anxiety where I feel guilty for 
eating it but like actual 

727
00:40:00,300 --> 00:40:04,800
anxiety in my body like the next
couple of several days, so I am.

728
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:08,100
With you in my personal life, 
but I don't want to, I suppose I

729
00:40:08,107 --> 00:40:09,800
can tone. 
I can't speak for anyone else 

730
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:11,000
that myself. 
Yeah. 

731
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,800
Yeah, totally. 
I mean in Echo that 100% like 

732
00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:17,200
I'm not saying that my way is 
the only way by any means, do 

733
00:40:17,200 --> 00:40:18,700
you think? 
And this is probably going to be

734
00:40:18,900 --> 00:40:20,500
quite dependent upon the 
individual to. 

735
00:40:20,500 --> 00:40:26,900
But do you think it is good or 
bad to associate Foods as being 

736
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,000
good or bad? 
Because I've heard both 

737
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:34,800
arguments on this and I feel 
like, like I understand the idea

738
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,100
of Hey, look, there's no such 
thing as bad food, you know, you

739
00:40:38,100 --> 00:40:40,000
should be able to consume 
everything and it's kind of like

740
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:41,800
the dose makes the poison so to 
speak. 

741
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,400
But at the end the day, like if 
it's something that's, you know,

742
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,700
heavily processed has a bunch of
crap filler ingredients in there

743
00:40:48,200 --> 00:40:50,900
isn't really is totally devoid 
of nutrition. 

744
00:40:51,300 --> 00:40:54,600
I don't feel like it's totally 
outside of the realm of, you 

745
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,100
know, reality to say. 
Hey look, that's a bad food. 

746
00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,300
Yeah. 
No, I completely agree. 

747
00:41:00,300 --> 00:41:03,700
And this is why I'm so grateful 
for actually educating myself 

748
00:41:03,700 --> 00:41:06,700
because now I don't even attach 
a motion to it. 

749
00:41:06,700 --> 00:41:10,900
It's like it's a scientific fact
that that is not even food and 

750
00:41:10,900 --> 00:41:14,000
that like my body doesn't even 
know how to digest that. 

751
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:18,600
So I I've reached a point G. 
I've educated myself and I've 

752
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:21,700
even done. 
I'm also a qualified nutrition 

753
00:41:21,700 --> 00:41:25,600
advisor. 
I don't even have emotion 

754
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:28,300
attached to the fact that I 
don't want to eat something 

755
00:41:28,300 --> 00:41:30,400
process because it's like it's 
not even food. 

756
00:41:31,900 --> 00:41:37,700
So in terms of good and bad eye.
Going to be like quite blunt in 

757
00:41:37,700 --> 00:41:41,900
saying I suppose I don't know if
it's good or bad but it's it's 

758
00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:46,500
either food or it's not food. 
And I like to mimic as I like to

759
00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:49,900
simulate as much as I can of 
like how our ancestors used to 

760
00:41:49,908 --> 00:41:55,500
live and they would not have 
come across white sugar and like

761
00:41:55,500 --> 00:42:00,000
how we know it and takes and I 
don't know bread. 

762
00:42:00,100 --> 00:42:02,600
They wouldn't have come across 
that in a natural environment. 

763
00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:05,600
And that's all I'm going to say 
on that one because I think the 

764
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:07,500
rest just falls into place from 
there. 

765
00:42:07,700 --> 00:42:09,200
No, it makes them make sense 
that favorites. 

766
00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:13,400
Very eloquently put for sure. 
What about the? 

767
00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:16,700
This is something I've only I 
guess I've known about it, but I

768
00:42:16,707 --> 00:42:19,300
haven't really dealt with it 
personally. 

769
00:42:19,300 --> 00:42:23,800
I guess it may have indirectly 
but I know of a type of anorexia

770
00:42:23,900 --> 00:42:29,100
or disorder eating in which case
the the manifestation isn't so 

771
00:42:29,100 --> 00:42:33,500
much the manipulation of your 
intake and you know binging and 

772
00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:38,500
purging necessarily But more, so
it manifests itself and 

773
00:42:38,500 --> 00:42:42,100
heightened sense of activity, 
much more activity. 

774
00:42:42,100 --> 00:42:47,100
Like, I know of people who just 
train, you know, manik trainers.

775
00:42:47,100 --> 00:42:49,100
Like, they drain an intense 
amount. 

776
00:42:49,100 --> 00:42:52,600
Like they literally walk for 
miles and miles, run for miles, 

777
00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:56,800
and miles trained incredibly 
intensely to basically 

778
00:42:57,100 --> 00:42:58,400
increased. 
Expenditure the point where 

779
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:02,200
they're able to maintain that 
incredible thin composition, but

780
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:05,300
they're not doing that VM 
purging the Food. 

781
00:43:06,300 --> 00:43:07,700
Do you have experience with 
them? 

782
00:43:08,500 --> 00:43:10,000
Yeah, you speaking to one of 
them? 

783
00:43:10,500 --> 00:43:14,500
Well, I'm Ricardo. 
You're not so over exercise and 

784
00:43:14,500 --> 00:43:16,400
I suppose it is a type of 
purging. 

785
00:43:16,500 --> 00:43:19,800
If you do think about it. 
It's a very common overlapping 

786
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:23,900
trait that a lot of people with 
any disordered eating disorder 

787
00:43:24,300 --> 00:43:27,800
will have it's not necessarily A
type. 

788
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:31,500
I think a lot of as I say like a
lot of they're like, you know 

789
00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:36,200
subheadings of different. 
Very seasoned different symptoms

790
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:39,800
that all fall under the same, 
you know, either anorexia 

791
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:45,400
bulimia. 
So, yeah, it's, it's not an easy

792
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:48,200
one as well. 
It's again, it is, as I said, it

793
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:52,100
is a type of purging and that's 
also been quite a journey in and

794
00:43:52,100 --> 00:43:56,200
of itself to find to like, press
pause. 

795
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:58,200
And be like, okay, am I going 
for a walk now? 

796
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:02,800
Because I genuinely want to and 
I want to enjoy it or am I going

797
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:04,600
now? 
Because I feel guilty about what

798
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:05,600
I've done. 
Just eaten. 

799
00:44:05,800 --> 00:44:11,600
It is a hard hard. 
I must say, like, I managed to 

800
00:44:11,900 --> 00:44:16,300
get over the eating, much 
quicker and much more, like, 

801
00:44:16,300 --> 00:44:19,700
sustainably than I have with the
my relationship with exercise 

802
00:44:19,700 --> 00:44:24,200
and movement, you know, also 
given how much I know about the 

803
00:44:24,207 --> 00:44:27,900
importance of moving the body 
in, how we were born to move 

804
00:44:27,900 --> 00:44:33,200
just as a human species. 
It's it is quite challenging, 

805
00:44:34,100 --> 00:44:37,500
but all I can Says The more I've
educated myself, the more I'm 

806
00:44:37,500 --> 00:44:42,500
able to rationalize it to myself
and to you know work on those 

807
00:44:42,500 --> 00:44:45,700
little moments of like 
questioning like really being 

808
00:44:45,700 --> 00:44:47,800
critical. 
Like are you doing this out of 

809
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:49,000
fear? 
Or are you doing this? 

810
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:52,400
Because you really want to. 
It is very difficult. 

811
00:44:53,500 --> 00:44:56,000
Yeah. 
It is interesting because I look

812
00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,800
at other addictions, for 
instance, like addictions to 

813
00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,600
drugs, addictions to alcohol, 
addictions to pornography, and 

814
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,200
things that nature. 
And it's easy for people to To 

815
00:45:05,700 --> 00:45:08,800
recognize that. 
Hey, this is probably not a good

816
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:11,300
healthy Behavior. 
This is this is something I'm 

817
00:45:11,308 --> 00:45:14,400
dealing with but it's not a good
thing. 

818
00:45:14,500 --> 00:45:18,300
Whereas with you know addictions
to food or addictions to 

819
00:45:18,300 --> 00:45:21,500
exercise. 
It's like those are good things 

820
00:45:21,500 --> 00:45:24,200
like food is a good thing. 
Exercise is a good thing. 

821
00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:28,300
So knowing how to you know, 
moderate that in your life or 

822
00:45:28,300 --> 00:45:31,800
implement it in a sustainable 
healthy fashion becomes such a 

823
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:37,500
point of confusion because like 
No definitive Playbook of like 

824
00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:40,300
you as individual need to do 
this amount of cardio. 

825
00:45:40,300 --> 00:45:42,600
This is a matter of right weight
training, this amount of, you 

826
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:45,300
know, macros and calories to be 
the best for you. 

827
00:45:45,300 --> 00:45:47,300
And there's so many question 
marks out there and you have so 

828
00:45:47,300 --> 00:45:50,900
many conflicting points of 
information. 

829
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:55,200
So with regard to training, I'd 
love to get your take on how 

830
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:59,400
you're, you know, improving that
relationship for me like when I 

831
00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:01,900
would finish a competition prep,
and I'd be at my leanest. 

832
00:46:02,300 --> 00:46:04,700
I became addicted to that look 
and it was very hard for me. 

833
00:46:04,900 --> 00:46:09,100
To embrace putting on Bonnie fat
eating more, and not just kind 

834
00:46:09,100 --> 00:46:13,600
of going into this incredibly, 
you know, using exercise as an 

835
00:46:13,600 --> 00:46:16,300
outlet to keep that, you know, 
that lean physique. 

836
00:46:16,300 --> 00:46:20,100
However, once I educated myself 
and recognize that there's so 

837
00:46:20,100 --> 00:46:23,800
many benefits that come with a 
period of a caloric Surplus, 

838
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:27,300
putting on some healthy body 
fats, letting my metabolism up 

839
00:46:27,300 --> 00:46:31,100
regulating my hormones, balanced
letting my body be primed for 

840
00:46:31,100 --> 00:46:33,100
building, more lean muscle 
tissue. 

841
00:46:33,300 --> 00:46:36,900
All of that comes in the Text of
having little more body fat 

842
00:46:36,900 --> 00:46:39,200
eating, at a surplus. 
So, like, once I recognized 

843
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:43,100
that, it made it much easier for
me to embrace the little bit of 

844
00:46:43,100 --> 00:46:46,600
body fat that came with that, 
but I'm assuming that's going to

845
00:46:46,600 --> 00:46:49,000
be different for everybody. 
Especially if they're not doing 

846
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:51,100
a sport like body building in 
which you have kind of more 

847
00:46:51,100 --> 00:46:53,300
defined goals. 
Yeah. 

848
00:46:54,300 --> 00:46:58,100
Look, I mean even even like I 
remember in the beginning stages

849
00:46:58,100 --> 00:47:00,600
of my recovery, and I was I 
think it was even the podcast 

850
00:47:00,600 --> 00:47:03,700
that I was listening to with you
and you were speaking about 

851
00:47:03,700 --> 00:47:06,100
different weights and things and
I remember then being quite 

852
00:47:06,100 --> 00:47:07,700
triggered. 
Like even the fact of thinking 

853
00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:12,300
about weights and stuff. 
I it I could feel okay. 

854
00:47:12,300 --> 00:47:14,500
Maybe I need to just press pause
right now because I'm not ready 

855
00:47:14,500 --> 00:47:17,400
to listen to the rest of us, but
now looking back. 

856
00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:20,000
It's like I suppose it has, it 
has been a process is just what 

857
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,100
I want to say and you can't 
necessarily put a time frame on 

858
00:47:22,100 --> 00:47:25,400
it, but I'm going back to 
educating yourself because now 

859
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:29,000
it's like the more it's almost 
like taken emotion out of it 

860
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:30,900
completely the more of educated 
myself. 

861
00:47:30,900 --> 00:47:34,800
So I wanted to say that in 
terms. 

862
00:47:35,300 --> 00:47:38,300
Training. 
Sorry, what was your specific 

863
00:47:38,300 --> 00:47:39,100
question? 
Because it? 

864
00:47:39,700 --> 00:47:41,800
Yes, I thought of so many 
different things. 

865
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:44,500
Now. 
How are you personally kind of 

866
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:48,200
doing this for you? 
Like how are you working through

867
00:47:48,500 --> 00:47:51,100
the exercise training portion of
their relationship? 

868
00:47:52,300 --> 00:48:02,100
So at the end of the day, I I've
come to realize that I really I 

869
00:48:02,100 --> 00:48:06,300
made myself extremely. 
Well, I was very, very sick 

870
00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:09,900
emotionally and also physically.
So everything has been about 

871
00:48:09,900 --> 00:48:14,300
building, all of that up again, 
which has been in and of itself.

872
00:48:14,300 --> 00:48:15,700
It's own battle and the standard
be. 

873
00:48:15,700 --> 00:48:22,900
So I haven't. 
I haven't also. 

874
00:48:22,900 --> 00:48:24,800
I think my body was just 
completely exhausted. 

875
00:48:24,800 --> 00:48:26,600
I was just so depleted. 
So I didn't really have the 

876
00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:29,300
energy to like, go into hardcore
training and things. 

877
00:48:29,300 --> 00:48:33,100
And in fact, whenever I tried to
go for a run, I actually land up

878
00:48:33,100 --> 00:48:36,200
once fracturing my pelvis. 
And I mean, even at the music 

879
00:48:36,200 --> 00:48:38,100
started, when I was studying 
musical theater, I was still 

880
00:48:38,100 --> 00:48:42,400
like, you know, I started off 
very underweight as well, and I 

881
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:43,900
was always injured and 
everything. 

882
00:48:43,900 --> 00:48:46,900
So I actually physically 
couldn't even begin to like, 

883
00:48:47,300 --> 00:48:51,300
train hardcore, but what I could
do, It was walking and to help 

884
00:48:51,300 --> 00:48:54,400
facilitate, like, not being 
bored on these long walks. 

885
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:58,600
I turned to podcasting as well. 
So that's, it's almost like I've

886
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:05,100
put my like education time and 
like, where I learn along with 

887
00:49:05,100 --> 00:49:08,100
my movement. 
I suppose it is easy to listen 

888
00:49:08,100 --> 00:49:10,400
to a podcast and taking 
information when you're doing 

889
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:12,600
like a locomotive action, like 
walking. 

890
00:49:12,700 --> 00:49:15,500
I mean, I don't think I would be
able to do a podcast if I'm ever

891
00:49:15,900 --> 00:49:17,900
going to train and things. 
But to be honest, I haven't 

892
00:49:17,900 --> 00:49:21,500
really been that. 
That type of person to like go 

893
00:49:21,500 --> 00:49:24,100
and train. 
Just because for the last few 

894
00:49:24,100 --> 00:49:26,000
years, I just haven't actually 
had the energy. 

895
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:30,200
The only other sort of exercise.
I did besides walking and yoga 

896
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:31,600
and then for a brief period 
running. 

897
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:36,800
Before I fractured my pelvis was
dancing at college and that was 

898
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:42,200
in a class and I was distracted.
So I'm not like a I am wanting 

899
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:45,400
to start implementing more 
resistance training. 

900
00:49:46,100 --> 00:49:49,900
I do sometimes walk with weights
and things, but it Now I just 

901
00:49:49,900 --> 00:49:52,700
have to go back to am I doing 
this now? 

902
00:49:52,700 --> 00:49:56,800
Out of fear and I have had, you 
know, the exercise piece. 

903
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:59,600
I'm still working on. 
If I am honest I haven't fully. 

904
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:03,900
You know reached a point where I
don't ever feel anxious and I 

905
00:50:03,908 --> 00:50:07,900
feel like I might like have to 
go for a walk or something but I

906
00:50:07,900 --> 00:50:11,100
don't I can't just because I 
physically can't do those 

907
00:50:11,300 --> 00:50:13,700
hardcore things because whenever
I've tried even if it's a 

908
00:50:13,707 --> 00:50:17,500
hitting I just get injured the 
next day and I just literally 

909
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:21,100
can't do that, but it is still 
Will a battle of mine I suppose 

910
00:50:21,100 --> 00:50:24,400
and haven't although it's a lot 
better, but I haven't fully like

911
00:50:24,900 --> 00:50:27,800
a supposed to relinquish that. 
And I'm just trying to like 

912
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:33,100
almost Be like, yeah. 
I just, I always manage it in a 

913
00:50:33,107 --> 00:50:34,300
way. 
Yeah. 

914
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:39,000
Now that's that's good. 
You mentioned something earlier 

915
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:42,200
than was incredibly impactful 
for anybody. 

916
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:44,900
That caught it and I caught it 
and I feel like a lot of people 

917
00:50:44,900 --> 00:50:46,800
need, we need to backtrack a 
little bit. 

918
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:50,700
You mentioned that when you went
for that audition that that was 

919
00:50:50,700 --> 00:50:53,000
for that was for dancing, or 
that was for singing. 

920
00:50:54,300 --> 00:50:55,900
So for singing, acting and 
dancing. 

921
00:50:55,900 --> 00:50:58,400
So that that is what encompasses
musical theater. 

922
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,600
So there was a In component and 
acting phone and and the dancing

923
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:05,700
component, and then an interview
and that you're basically given 

924
00:51:05,700 --> 00:51:08,100
the heads-up on that. 
Was it three days prior to the 

925
00:51:08,100 --> 00:51:10,300
audition. 
Yeah, pretty much three, four 

926
00:51:10,300 --> 00:51:12,700
days. 
And in those three days, that's 

927
00:51:12,700 --> 00:51:14,700
when you were on a high, you 
felt amazing. 

928
00:51:14,700 --> 00:51:18,300
And you were able to kind of 
have some forward momentum away 

929
00:51:18,300 --> 00:51:21,400
from your your - Tendencies, 
correct? 

930
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:24,700
Yeah. 
Now that is interesting to me. 

931
00:51:24,700 --> 00:51:29,200
I feel like I feel like so many 
of our ailments. 

932
00:51:29,300 --> 00:51:34,400
So many of our, you know, so 
many of our addictive Tendencies

933
00:51:34,700 --> 00:51:39,100
Brew up in the in the context of
an idle mind or an idle 

934
00:51:39,300 --> 00:51:41,000
environment. 
And I don't remember the quote 

935
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:44,400
exactly but it's like, oh shoot.
I'm going to butcher it but it's

936
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:48,000
the devil's playgrounds and idle
mind or something like that. 

937
00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:52,200
But I feel like any time that 
I've seen, you know, profound 

938
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:57,100
progress in my life personally 
is when I'm going a million 

939
00:51:57,100 --> 00:52:00,700
miles an hour towards things. 
I'm passionate about and the 

940
00:52:00,700 --> 00:52:02,000
business has been a vehicle of 
that. 

941
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,300
For me. 
The bodybuilding has been a 

942
00:52:03,308 --> 00:52:06,000
vehicle of that for me, having a
very defined goal. 

943
00:52:06,300 --> 00:52:10,400
In which case there is a defined
time limit, but you, you 

944
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:13,700
understand the, what's at stake.
You understand, what needs to be

945
00:52:13,700 --> 00:52:15,100
done. 
You understand? 

946
00:52:15,100 --> 00:52:18,400
All that that has to be done in 
order for you to be proud of the

947
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:20,800
outcome. 
And I feel like when that 

948
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:27,100
happens, when that is looming, 
your ability to bypass these - 

949
00:52:27,100 --> 00:52:29,100
addictive Tendencies is 
incredibly heightened. 

950
00:52:29,200 --> 00:52:32,900
And so I feel like everybody 
owes them self to find those 

951
00:52:32,900 --> 00:52:35,700
things that make them tick, that
they are passionate about that. 

952
00:52:35,700 --> 00:52:39,000
They want to excel at and 
they'll be much more likely be 

953
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:42,600
able to mitigate any of the 
adverse tendencies that they may

954
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:45,400
suffer from. 
It is so important. 

955
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:49,000
It is so important and if you 
are struggling, you know, to 

956
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:54,000
find things that are you know, 
that makeup you holistically 

957
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:58,900
besides, you know, food and diet
and exercise regimes like go 

958
00:52:58,900 --> 00:53:00,400
back. 
When you're a kid, like, what 

959
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:02,800
have you used to enjoy doing a 
kit doing as a cat? 

960
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,800
Like what made you happy? 
You know, that's why I, as I 

961
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:09,700
mentioned, that's why I wanted 
to seek an adult dance class. 

962
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:12,500
You know, when I was able to 
start exercising again, right in

963
00:53:12,500 --> 00:53:15,200
the beginning, because I knew 
that as a kid that made me 

964
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:18,300
happy. 
It's really, really important 

965
00:53:18,300 --> 00:53:23,100
because I've often described, 
you know, the anorexia as like, 

966
00:53:23,500 --> 00:53:27,300
you know, you can feel when 
you're when you're, you know, 

967
00:53:27,300 --> 00:53:29,100
thinking and behaving out of the
air. 

968
00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:31,900
Anorexic mind and you can also 
think when you're like that, 

969
00:53:31,900 --> 00:53:34,300
suppose, I supposed to go 
rational versus your irrational 

970
00:53:34,300 --> 00:53:35,200
mind. 
Also. 

971
00:53:35,200 --> 00:53:39,200
I'm not a fan of labels and just
because I believe that we are 

972
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:41,800
just all human, and none of us 
were born broken. 

973
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:43,800
We're all just living the human 
experience. 

974
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:46,300
And I feel like when someone's 
labeled with something, they 

975
00:53:46,300 --> 00:53:50,100
often just take that on. 
Like it's actually, so crazy. 

976
00:53:50,100 --> 00:53:53,800
How I know I'm going on off on a
tangent, but like so many people

977
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:57,000
who are so many people who like,
are diagnosed with bipolar. 

978
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,100
It's actually just blood sugar 
dysregulation. 

979
00:53:59,500 --> 00:54:02,700
It's quite crazy. 
So, yeah, I'm quite outspoken 

980
00:54:02,700 --> 00:54:04,700
about labels. 
But anyway, just for the purpose

981
00:54:04,700 --> 00:54:07,000
of this, just makes it easier, I
suppose. 

982
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:10,800
So when you're flipping in and 
out of, like, you're irrational 

983
00:54:10,800 --> 00:54:14,100
versus your rational mind, like 
I've often described how I 

984
00:54:14,100 --> 00:54:16,000
described it. 
For example, to my mom who she's

985
00:54:16,000 --> 00:54:19,200
never had a disordered 
relationship with food ever or 

986
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:24,200
body less her. 
I'm quite jealous, but I have 

987
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:27,300
explained it to her. 
Is that like I know it's like 

988
00:54:27,300 --> 00:54:29,700
when the anorexia is I'm 
triggered. 

989
00:54:29,700 --> 00:54:33,400
I call it my monkey mind. 
It's almost like, I'm someone's 

990
00:54:33,500 --> 00:54:35,400
holding me back. 
Someone's like, pulling my arms 

991
00:54:35,400 --> 00:54:36,700
and, like, trying to hold me 
back. 

992
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:40,000
That's like everything that 
makes me fulfilled and makes me 

993
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:41,400
happy. 
For example, the singing, the 

994
00:54:41,408 --> 00:54:44,600
acting the dancing, and speaking
about mental, health and 

995
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:47,400
wellness, and the significance 
of nutrition, and being on those

996
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:49,300
podcast. 
Like, those are things that 

997
00:54:49,500 --> 00:54:53,100
like, fulfill me emotionally. 
And that, like, almost keeps my 

998
00:54:53,100 --> 00:54:56,000
head straight and keeps my body.
Moving forward, as opposed to, 

999
00:54:56,100 --> 00:54:58,300
there are some moments. 
Obviously, they are always going

1000
00:54:58,300 --> 00:55:00,300
to be triggers. 
Always ups and downs. 

1001
00:55:00,300 --> 00:55:03,400
That's inevitable. 
Just as much as being happy as a

1002
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:05,100
reality. 
So too is being sad. 

1003
00:55:05,100 --> 00:55:07,100
We need the darkness in order to
see the light. 

1004
00:55:07,500 --> 00:55:11,700
So I do have some obviously a 
lot stronger to deal with them 

1005
00:55:12,300 --> 00:55:15,000
that like I've often just 
described, you know, with like 

1006
00:55:15,700 --> 00:55:17,600
the anorexic mind like pulling 
me back. 

1007
00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:20,700
But then all the other things 
that are purposeful to me are 

1008
00:55:20,700 --> 00:55:24,100
like so important in keeping my 
head straight and keeping me 

1009
00:55:24,100 --> 00:55:26,900
moving forward and keeping me as
I say, like distracted, I 

1010
00:55:26,900 --> 00:55:29,900
suppose because it's so easy. 
It can Can be so easily 

1011
00:55:29,900 --> 00:55:32,200
especially in the beginning of 
recovery when you're so 

1012
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:35,700
vulnerable. 
And so sensitive to like flip 

1013
00:55:35,700 --> 00:55:38,400
back into the myopic eating 
disorder world. 

1014
00:55:38,500 --> 00:55:42,000
And that's why I think, you 
know, at in those private eating

1015
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:45,200
disorder clinics. 
That's why it was most unhelpful

1016
00:55:45,200 --> 00:55:49,800
for me because I was like, 
continuously stuck in the myopic

1017
00:55:49,900 --> 00:55:54,600
small little world that the 
eating disorder, ultimately made

1018
00:55:54,600 --> 00:55:58,900
me feel as opposed to when I was
like out of that, I was focusing

1019
00:55:58,900 --> 00:56:01,600
on. 
Is externally and them almost 

1020
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:05,100
the macrocosm of my world, you 
know, it's huge. 

1021
00:56:05,100 --> 00:56:11,400
It's huge as a zen-like, a to 
give sustainable recovery and 

1022
00:56:11,600 --> 00:56:15,300
actual proper full recovery. 
I've actually, you know, when I 

1023
00:56:15,308 --> 00:56:19,100
was in clinics, I did meet 
obviously a lot of girls and so 

1024
00:56:19,100 --> 00:56:21,700
many of them had almost like 
they've been to. 

1025
00:56:21,700 --> 00:56:27,100
So like they've almost I hadn't 
met like as opposed to 10 

1026
00:56:27,100 --> 00:56:29,500
admission some of them even and 
it's like they've become I'm so 

1027
00:56:29,500 --> 00:56:32,300
used to being in an eating 
disorder clinic that it's like 

1028
00:56:32,600 --> 00:56:35,700
they've become almost like so 
institutionalized and it just 

1029
00:56:35,700 --> 00:56:39,900
like breaks my heart because 
it's like if they could if you 

1030
00:56:39,900 --> 00:56:43,400
know if their counselors all 
dieticians and whatnot over, if 

1031
00:56:43,400 --> 00:56:46,300
there was like a life coach, 
that could help them find those 

1032
00:56:46,300 --> 00:56:49,600
things that fulfill them and 
like, is their purpose. 

1033
00:56:49,700 --> 00:56:51,700
I swear. 
It's like, oh I'm getting quite 

1034
00:56:51,700 --> 00:56:53,900
emotional. 
It's almost like it's because 

1035
00:56:53,900 --> 00:56:56,200
I'm sure, you know, but like 
anorexia has got the highest 

1036
00:56:56,200 --> 00:57:01,800
mortality rate and it's just It 
breaks my heart because I feel 

1037
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:04,900
like I'm one of the very, very 
lucky blessed ones. 

1038
00:57:04,900 --> 00:57:08,100
I don't know how, but I just 
somehow feel like I've really 

1039
00:57:08,900 --> 00:57:11,600
found the recipe for like true 
recovery. 

1040
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:13,400
And I know everyone's story is 
obviously different. 

1041
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:17,200
But while I think having a 
purpose is just going back to 

1042
00:57:17,207 --> 00:57:21,100
your first point, Sorry for the 
tangents, but it's significantly

1043
00:57:21,100 --> 00:57:23,800
profound know. 
And it's like, it should be. 

1044
00:57:23,900 --> 00:57:28,800
We're born like, if as a kid. 
Like, you know, I feel like kids

1045
00:57:28,800 --> 00:57:30,900
are the most Like authentic 
beings, like they know what they

1046
00:57:30,900 --> 00:57:32,100
want. 
They know what makes them happy 

1047
00:57:32,100 --> 00:57:33,900
to know when they're hungry. 
They know when they're tired. 

1048
00:57:34,500 --> 00:57:36,900
Like, it's almost like somehow 
along the way we get 

1049
00:57:36,900 --> 00:57:40,000
disconnected to that, and it's 
all about reconnecting and 

1050
00:57:40,000 --> 00:57:43,900
having the confidence to own who
you are suppose. 

1051
00:57:44,300 --> 00:57:45,000
Yeah. 
I totally agree. 

1052
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:49,800
And once you once you figure out
what that is, that excites you? 

1053
00:57:50,100 --> 00:57:53,000
I think people constantly look 
for, you know, everybody says I 

1054
00:57:53,008 --> 00:57:55,000
want to be happy, they look for 
what makes them happy. 

1055
00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:58,400
But I feel like that's almost 
synonymous with what? 

1056
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:00,300
Excites you? 
Like if you're excited about 

1057
00:58:00,300 --> 00:58:02,600
something you are you are likely
going to be happy. 

1058
00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:06,200
So figuring out what excites you
and then moving towards that. 

1059
00:58:06,500 --> 00:58:09,900
Getting that positive, momentum 
built up and then the beautiful 

1060
00:58:09,900 --> 00:58:13,500
thing about spinning, your time 
energy and efforts towards that.

1061
00:58:13,500 --> 00:58:16,900
Thing, that excites you is after
that's happened for long enough,

1062
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:20,600
and you've got time on your side
once enough time has elapsed 

1063
00:58:20,600 --> 00:58:25,300
where you haven't relapsed, then
it becomes so much more easier 

1064
00:58:25,300 --> 00:58:28,600
to keep avoiding that relapse 
because that no longer is what 

1065
00:58:28,600 --> 00:58:30,400
defines you. 
It's no longer your identity. 

1066
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:33,900
That's no longer something that 
holds you to that standard. 

1067
00:58:33,900 --> 00:58:36,100
So you gain more confidence in 
who you are? 

1068
00:58:36,100 --> 00:58:39,800
You gain more self-awareness and
you just have the choice. 

1069
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:42,300
You are empowered to make the 
choice of your decisions at that

1070
00:58:42,300 --> 00:58:44,600
point. 
And that's you had that freedom.

1071
00:58:44,600 --> 00:58:46,900
Yeah. 
Yeah, that's exactly what I 

1072
00:58:46,900 --> 00:58:50,700
experienced as well. 
Like the mall that I committed 

1073
00:58:51,100 --> 00:58:54,800
like to surround myself with 
people that I've left me and 

1074
00:58:54,900 --> 00:58:57,800
only surround myself with those 
people and only surround myself 

1075
00:58:58,000 --> 00:59:00,200
and put myself in situations. 
Patients that have left me. 

1076
00:59:00,300 --> 00:59:04,300
It like just has a whole 
cascading effect that ultimately

1077
00:59:05,400 --> 00:59:09,700
gave me the sense of confidence 
and it's it's revelatory. 

1078
00:59:09,700 --> 00:59:13,200
It's unbelievable and just going
back to like your authenticity 

1079
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:15,400
and things. 
I just want to put this quote in

1080
00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:19,700
there because it was so profound
in my journey and the midst of 

1081
00:59:19,700 --> 00:59:22,600
my anorexia. 
I did go to a life coach and he 

1082
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:24,700
worded it. 
So, well, he said to me, Kelsey,

1083
00:59:25,000 --> 00:59:29,500
if you are unable to nourish 
your authenticity, how do Expect

1084
00:59:29,500 --> 00:59:32,200
to nourish yourself on a purely 
physiological level. 

1085
00:59:32,900 --> 00:59:35,900
And that like, just hit so true 
because that was before, that 

1086
00:59:35,900 --> 00:59:42,700
was just after, I had come out 
of my first inpatient clinic for

1087
00:59:42,700 --> 00:59:44,500
each disorder and it was so 
true. 

1088
00:59:45,000 --> 00:59:47,900
It yard, really resonated 
profound me with me. 

1089
00:59:48,500 --> 00:59:51,400
Do you do like Journey 
journaling? 

1090
00:59:51,400 --> 00:59:54,300
Or do you do like video logs 
Vlogs or anything like that to 

1091
00:59:54,300 --> 00:59:58,300
document this journey? 
I wish I wish I did. 

1092
00:59:59,300 --> 01:00:01,900
I have had the thought in the 
back of my head and I do a lot 

1093
01:00:01,900 --> 01:00:04,100
of writing and I suppose in my 
music as well. 

1094
01:00:04,100 --> 01:00:07,500
That's where I that was always 
been my emotional Outlet. 

1095
01:00:07,500 --> 01:00:11,300
So with my music and with like 
my writing and I've also written

1096
01:00:11,300 --> 01:00:14,000
a lot of scripts and things, 
it's in there. 

1097
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:17,600
And in fact, when I was at 
musical theater, when I was at 

1098
01:00:17,607 --> 01:00:20,700
the college and one of the 
requirements was that we had to 

1099
01:00:20,700 --> 01:00:26,000
write a journal. 
So that was so powerful. 

1100
01:00:26,200 --> 01:00:29,300
And I've kept it with me 
actually, like, it's really, I 

1101
01:00:29,308 --> 01:00:33,500
know it's not sexy to say like 
journaling is cool and so 

1102
01:00:33,500 --> 01:00:36,600
powerful as an intervention, but
it's really really powerful as 

1103
01:00:36,600 --> 01:00:41,900
an intervention. 
Yeah, I encourage you to do 

1104
01:00:41,900 --> 01:00:45,600
something that's forward-facing 
to the community that you're 

1105
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:48,000
trying to build the audience 
that would resonate with what 

1106
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:49,400
you're saying. 
Because there's something 

1107
01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:52,300
powerful to be said, for when 
when you're going through 

1108
01:00:52,300 --> 01:00:56,200
something and you're simply 
documenting that journey and And

1109
01:00:56,200 --> 01:00:58,000
it resonates with people that 
are going through something 

1110
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:01,000
similar. 
And they find Hope in you, it 

1111
01:01:01,000 --> 01:01:04,800
strengthens your resolve that 
much more to not let them down 

1112
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:08,000
and then you get better for it. 
And then it just becomes a 

1113
01:01:08,000 --> 01:01:10,200
mutually beneficial relationship
at that point because you keep 

1114
01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:13,400
getting better personally. 
And then they keep finding 

1115
01:01:13,400 --> 01:01:15,800
inspiration and motivation to 
keep staying the course as well.

1116
01:01:15,800 --> 01:01:21,300
So if there's any, you know, 
medium or way to manifest that 

1117
01:01:21,300 --> 01:01:23,800
so that you're putting yourself 
out there and being vulnerable 

1118
01:01:23,800 --> 01:01:26,700
being transparent and then it is
getting in the A people that 

1119
01:01:26,700 --> 01:01:29,800
would resonate with it. 
I guarantee you that when added 

1120
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:31,500
a ton of value to them and to 
you. 

1121
01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:34,000
Yeah, I agree. 
In fact, I've had a dream of 

1122
01:01:34,000 --> 01:01:37,600
solving my own podcast. 
So I think I mean that's in the 

1123
01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:41,400
pipeline for me. 
Yeah, so I think that will also 

1124
01:01:41,400 --> 01:01:45,500
be a great medium for me to 
actually speak out. 

1125
01:01:45,700 --> 01:01:47,200
Good good. 
Good because I mean you've got 

1126
01:01:47,300 --> 01:01:50,700
an incredibly inspirational 
story and you've you've been 

1127
01:01:50,700 --> 01:01:54,700
able to speak it to speak your 
own truth in a way that I feel 

1128
01:01:54,700 --> 01:01:56,000
like would be incredibly 
impactful. 

1129
01:01:56,100 --> 01:01:58,300
Painful for others that are 
going through something similar 

1130
01:01:58,300 --> 01:02:00,600
because so many people go 
through this and it's not really

1131
01:02:01,200 --> 01:02:04,200
talked about like it's not 
really vocalizing. 

1132
01:02:04,200 --> 01:02:06,600
I remember when I first came out
and was public with the fact 

1133
01:02:06,600 --> 01:02:07,900
that I had struggled with 
disordered eating. 

1134
01:02:07,900 --> 01:02:11,800
Like people thought I was really
bold and brave for talking about

1135
01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:12,900
it. 
But for me, it was like, why 

1136
01:02:12,900 --> 01:02:15,300
would I not talk about? 
This is just my life's chapter 

1137
01:02:15,300 --> 01:02:18,800
in my life. 
So I feel like it's it needs to 

1138
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:21,500
be more widely spoken about in a
way. 

1139
01:02:21,500 --> 01:02:23,200
That's just honest and 
authentic. 

1140
01:02:23,200 --> 01:02:27,400
So I commend you for, you know, 
Ancient, doing your own podcast.

1141
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:29,100
That's what that's where it 
takes you. 

1142
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:31,100
I agree. 
And that. 

1143
01:02:31,100 --> 01:02:34,100
Yeah, thank you. 
Well Kelsey until that podcast 

1144
01:02:34,100 --> 01:02:36,500
is live and people can go there 
to listen to you. 

1145
01:02:36,500 --> 01:02:38,800
Where else can they go? 
Find you sure. 

1146
01:02:38,800 --> 01:02:41,900
So you can follow me on 
Instagram at Kelsey Beholder. 

1147
01:02:42,600 --> 01:02:45,000
I'll send you the link to put in
the Nerds. 

1148
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:49,600
And I have a YouTube channel 
with some of my music. 

1149
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:53,600
However, it is quite outdated 
just because I haven't put like 

1150
01:02:53,900 --> 01:02:55,900
some stuff up there in quite a 
few years. 

1151
01:02:55,900 --> 01:02:59,200
I suppose since the anorexia 
actually, but watch that space 

1152
01:02:59,200 --> 01:03:02,900
because I have written a whole 
lot of new music over the years.

1153
01:03:02,900 --> 01:03:06,800
And I'm busy trying to record it
to be able to share it with 

1154
01:03:06,800 --> 01:03:12,300
everyone. 
And then yeah, I'm also supposed

1155
01:03:12,300 --> 01:03:14,900
besides Instagram and YouTube. 
That's pretty much. 

1156
01:03:14,900 --> 01:03:19,000
It also watch the space for 
potential podcast soon. 

1157
01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:22,900
So yeah, awesome. 
Well, I will definitely link out

1158
01:03:22,900 --> 01:03:26,000
to the Instagram and YouTube 
channel in the podcast when it 

1159
01:03:26,008 --> 01:03:28,500
does, when it does come to be 
Kelsey. 

1160
01:03:28,500 --> 01:03:29,800
If there's ever anything I can 
do. 

1161
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:32,700
Do for you at all. 
Please don't hesitate to reach 

1162
01:03:32,700 --> 01:03:34,600
out and let me know and happy to
help in any way. 

1163
01:03:35,500 --> 01:03:37,300
Thank you. 
And likewise, and I look forward

1164
01:03:37,300 --> 01:03:39,400
to hopefully seeing you guys in 
Cape Town. 

1165
01:03:39,600 --> 01:03:41,500
Yes, we'll be selling around the
world at some point. 

1166
01:03:41,500 --> 01:03:45,700
So I will definitely let you 
know when that happens until 

1167
01:03:45,700 --> 01:03:47,700
then. 
Take care and keep in touch for 

1168
01:03:47,700 --> 01:03:48,300
sure. 
Kelsey. 

1169
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:50,400
Thank you. 
Bye bye.