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Well hello ladies and gents. 
Robert Sykes, Keto savage.com 

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And today I've got special guest
Hannah on the line. 

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Hannah and I have worked 
together in the past. 

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She has gone through a reverse 
diet with me. 

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She has experienced a pretty, 
pretty significant 

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transformation journey herself. 
She was struggling with 

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anorexia. 
She got down to 87 lbs. 

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So she was walking 23 miles a 
day from an exercise standpoint 

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to keep her caloric expenditure 
up to maintain that incredibly 

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low weight. 
So we dive into that. 

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We talk about the psychology of 
food and activity and how she 

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was able to overcome that. 
We talk about her son, whom she 

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shares many parallels with 
because he's also struggled with

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obsessive tendencies and he's 
going through some changes at 

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the moment. 
So how she's taking an approach 

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towards parenting him, some 
lifestyle factors and what she's

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found to work well for her to 
implement with him. 

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One of which being getting out 
in nature and simply being more 

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present with your surroundings, 
disconnecting from the 

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distractions and getting back to
our roots. 

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So we talk about a lot of things
in this podcast. 

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This is a pretty emotional 
podcast and it was incredibly 

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transparent with things. 
We actually talked for quite 

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some time after the recording 
stopped and she opened up even 

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more so. 
I hate that we didn't get that 

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on on audio, but I have no doubt
that it will take something from

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this. 
I'm incredibly proud of the 

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journey that she's on the gun, 
and I'm incredibly excited for 

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her son to get through these 
hardships and be stronger on the

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other side as a result of it. 
So without further delay, sit 

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back, relax, enjoy the 
conversation with my good friend

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Hannah and we are live. 
Hannah, how are you? 

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I'm good. 
I'm excited to be chatting with 

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you today. 
So we've worked together. 

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We've corresponded via e-mail 
for quite some time. 

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What where did we originally 
meet? 

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Was it through a conference? 
It was social media, Yeah. 

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No, no. 
It was about two years ago. 

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I had needed a health coach to 
help me reverse diet out of some

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anorexic behaviors that I've 
had. 

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And you helped me gain the 
confidence and reverse dieting 

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and building actually muscle and
reducing cardio activity to to 

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better my life and have a better
like longevity and and and 

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actually be a better mom 
overall. 

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Because we know that the better 
I felt and the healthier I was, 

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the better my my mental capacity
was to to take care of my family

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as well. 
So we met when I reached up to 

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you to be a coach. 
And that was two years ago now. 

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About two years ago, yeah. 
Previously, actually. 

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Crystal and I were in the same 
Facebook group, and so I knew 

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Crystal before I knew you. 
Yeah, I feel like we 

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corresponded on social media for
a little while before we'd ever 

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started working together as a 
coaching client relationship. 

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Yeah, yeah, we were. 
We were chit chatting a little 

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bit on social medias as well. 
And just to like I've had a few 

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people on the podcast that have 
struggled with anorexia that 

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have had various forms of 
disorder eating tendencies. 

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I've been open about how I've 
struggled with that. 

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Can you kind of get the listener
just some back story on what 

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that has looked like for you so 
they can kind of so we can kind 

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of set the stage there? 
Yeah, so I am. 

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I am 39 as of a week ago, but I 
started my family at a very 

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yeah, thanks. 
I feel it. 

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They say 40s, not good and life 
changes at 40, but I still feel 

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pretty young and and 
adventurous. 

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But yeah, so I had my family at 
a very young age. 

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I met my husband in college and 
we had kiddos, right, right 

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through our junior and senior 
year of college life. 

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And so we hit the ball running 
pretty fast. 

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So my anorexic wasn't even then.
It was prior to prior to that, 

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it was high school when you 
wanted to compare yourself to 

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other other girls and you wanted
to be a showcase, you know, 

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stuff like that. 
So in high school I did a lot of

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binge and purging and I wasn't, 
I wasn't anorexic, but I I did 

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that kind of modality to stay 
thin. 

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When I became a mom, I I took my
pregnancy as a priority. 

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And I ate and I ate and I ate 
and and I and I nursed and I got

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some of the weight off. 
But I was never that image that 

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I had as a homecoming queen back
in high school. 

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And so I desperately wanted 
that. 

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And I knew that there was one 
way to do it, and that was 

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cardio. 
And so I started to do cardio to

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kind of get away from being a 
mom at sometimes, you know, it 

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can be overwhelming at times 
since that was just my little my

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peace and quiet time. 
And it it kind of became more of

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an obsession than anything. 
And I think that's the slippery 

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slope was that five didn't 
become enough. 

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It became 10 and 10 didn't 
become enough, it became 20. 

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And I was walking literally 23 
miles just at first. 

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It was to compensate for what I 
was eating, but also just to 

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find relief and stress as a 
stress reliever. 

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So how could you give up 
something that made you feel 

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good and you came back and could
be a better mom, You know, 

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because you could clear your 
head off versus strength 

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training and stuff like that. 
So I became really a cardio 

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Bunny for a good five or six 
years, and I whittled down from 

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135 lbs to 87 lbs. 
And I stuck at 87 lbs for about 

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two years as well. 
And then my health went real, 

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real bad. 
And so that's kind of the and 

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the the. 
This kind of expanded now over 

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about 10 years. 
To be honest with where I I 

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struggled with gaining 
confidence in myself and doing 

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it the right way. 
So kind of from the top here. 

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When you were in like high 
school and you were trying to, 

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you know, look a certain way, 
did you, did you have any 

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negative relationship with food 
at that point or was that kind 

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of, like not really on the floor
nobody? 

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Yeah, nobody taught me about 
macros in in high. 

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In high school it was about fat 
free and so as long as you ate 

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fat free food or you stayed away
from like certain object of like

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you know pizza and stuff like 
it, you would blot your pizza 

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from fat. 
So that was more of like the 

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technique I did versus 
understanding the principle of 

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how your body and the mechanisms
work for hormones and for an 

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optimal life, you know. 
So it was just misinformation 

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back in like the early 90s, You 
know that that I I engraved in 

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my head and that narrative 
lasted a long time even when I 

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started working with you and you
had me on a very high fat diet 

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that that was a struggle. 
And I could think it for a lot 

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of people who want to lose 
weight and to say that you have 

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to eat, you know, a higher fat 
diet to feel your hormones kick 

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back in, that's hard. 
And that with that rewiring for 

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someone who's anorexic is 
extremely difficult. 

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Yeah. 
And then when you were in 

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college and going through your 
pregnancy, what was what was 

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your weight prior to the 
pregnancy? 

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Do you recall? 
I was about 1:15. 115 and how 

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tall? 
Are you? 

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Yeah. 
And then and then about 55. 55 

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And then as you were going 
through your pregnancy, did you 

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gain like a healthy amount of 
weight as far as pregnancies go,

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or do you feel like you were 
above and beyond that? 

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I was maybe 5 or 10 lbs over and
it it was just hard to lose it 

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afterwards because like you had 
kids and people say that you'll 

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lose weight nursing and stuff 
like that. 

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But I lived in the UP of 
Michigan and it was cold and it 

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was hard to to raise kids and 
lose weight and I never strength

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trained and you didn't want to 
go out and run and walk up like 

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you know in the snow. 
So it was that period of time 

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was I I held on weight for a 
long, too long of a time after 

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my pregnancy that I started 
losing the love for myself. 

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Like I just was looking back at 
the my old self and wishing I 

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was that I wish I was that I 
wish I was that, you know. 

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So I struggled with with being 
self confident in myself. 

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I've obviously never been 
pregnant, so I don't want to 

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speak out of turn here. 
But I've talked to him with 

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Crystal about this quite a bit 
and I can totally see how 

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there's so many parallels 
between being pregnant and going

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through a a competition prep 
like you see or by transform 

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you. 
You learn to like how you look 

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and feel at a certain 
composition and then you do 

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something that is counter to 
that. 

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And it's it's just really hard 
bridge to cross when you don't 

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look the way you know you could 
look. 

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But you know that in looking the
way you are currently, it's for 

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your betterment in some sense. 
And obviously, if you're 

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pregnant, you know, you're you 
want to fuel the fetus, you want

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to make sure your nutrition, 
your micronutrients, your macro 

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nutrients are dialed in. 
You're taking in total enough 

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calories to begin with. 
So you don't want to hinder that

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process by any means. 
But then after that pregnancy is

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over, returning back to a weight
that you feel good about is a 

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whole another psychological 
process. 

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But society doesn't really do us
any favors. 

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And this is kind of what I've 
talked to Crystal about. 

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Like it's viewed as this badge 
of honor so to speak when you 

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you know, have have a baby give 
birth and you like immediately 

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return to your pre pregnancy 
weight like like society pushes 

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that on a lot of people. 
But if you actually stop and 

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think about what your body just 
accomplished and the the 

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internal changes in trauma to 
some extent that happened there,

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like it doesn't really make 
sense to rush that process 

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unnecessarily. 
I agree 100% and I and I wish I 

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knew that and I was just so 
young. 

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I was a mom at 20 and people are
at 20. 

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They're they're they're probably
one of their prime, you know 

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stages of life. 
And I just had a baby and I was 

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overweight and I didn't think 
that I I deserve to look the way

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I did at that age. 
Yeah, I could definitely see how

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that would be hard as well. 
Like if you're having a child 

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that early on when all of your 
peers or you know fit, trim and 

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looking their best so to speak 
and then you just had a baby and

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you're trying to return back to 
that, you have even additional 

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societal pressure based off of 
your age demographic. 

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So yeah, that would be. 
That would be tricky for sure. 

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That's exactly so my 20s is when
I just I put my body through 

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hell. 
You know, I I I did not cope 

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with it well. 
And so I lost. 

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And I'll I'll, I'll probably 
share too much information but 

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I've I've lost my my my 
menstruation my my period and 

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never got it back ever since. 
Because I I was in exchange I 

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dropped the weight I got down to
87 lbs. 

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But I trashed my hormones so bad
when I did the Dutch test. 

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I mean like it burned all the 
way up to my adrenals. 

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Not only did it burn out all my 
sex hormones, I browned out my 

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adrenals and my cortisol and I 
sat at that for two years 

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thinking that was my badge of 
honor. 

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Would I know why? 
Because I fit in a size 0. 

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And. 
But when the lower my my weight 

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went, my mental health dropped. 
Oh my gosh, I had such I had 

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low, low patience. 
I was irritable all the time. 

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I was. 
I was so focused on myself. 

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And then I and I and I started 
to like becoming obsessive about

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everything. 
It was just, can I, can I can I 

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maintain this? 
My body was telling me to like, 

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really desiring to eat again. 
But it was like I felt it was a 

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badge that I could go longer. 
I could I It was the endurance I

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could. 
I could be a mom and size 0 at 

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20, you know. 
Well, this is my kids are 

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getting older. 
When I was, you know, had burned

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out all my hormones and adrenals
at this point. 

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But yeah, like what you were 
saying, like, society paints it 

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as a badge of honor. 
And I wore that badge. 

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I wore that badge with like, 
dignity. 

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And and so reverse dieting out 
to get me to like five more 

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pounds, It was like you're 
stripping. 

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You're stripping me away from my
honor, you know? 

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And so. 
So somebody who is anorexic, 

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they struggle with like the fear
of of looking a certain way. 

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And I needed a coach, I needed 
somebody like you. 

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Who? 
Who? 

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You. 
You, you. 

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You related with me because you 
said trust me. 

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And it's like I've heard that 
before. 

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But when somebody who's gone 
through it themselves say, trust

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00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,120
me, you can put a little bit 
more faith into them. 

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00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:08,480
Yeah, reverse dining is no, it's
no easy task. 

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00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:12,200
I mean, I'm reverse dining right
now and I'm not coming out of 

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00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:16,040
near the deficit that you were 
in, but it's it's it's not easy 

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00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,480
and I definitely want to dive 
deep into the whole concept of 

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00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:20,880
reverse dieting. 
So you went through your 

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00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:25,440
pregnancy, you said you were 115
or so when you got pregnant. 

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00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:30,040
What did you get up to? 
You know my when I was pregnant,

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00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:34,000
it was like 155 and then I 
dropped down to 135 and I hung 

235
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:39,440
out at 1:35 for a long time. 
But 135, it looks different and 

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00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,600
depend on your your, your 
composition. 

237
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,800
You know if you're 135 and 
muscular versus 135 and have a 

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00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:47,720
lot of like body fat percentage,
you're going to look different. 

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00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,520
And I'll tell you at 1:35 it was
there was no muscle. 

240
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:56,400
I never strength trained in my 
entire life until I met you and 

241
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,640
and my husband is always, you 
know, tinkering around with, 

242
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,760
like getting me to strength 
train, 'cause that's what he 

243
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,760
does. 
He's like, you know, you could 

244
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,320
be a higher weight and look 
better if you strength train, 

245
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:12,600
but I was still stuck on the 
cardio narrative that that's the

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00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,320
way you do it. 
Can you define? 

247
00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,560
Well. 
Actually before I said when when

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00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:21,120
you went from the 1:35 to the 
87, how much time elapsed 

249
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:25,440
between that transition? 
That was probably in 18 months. 

250
00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,640
It went fast. 
It went fast because when you 

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00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:31,640
walk in that much every day. 
And it wasn't just that I was 

252
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:35,400
cutting calories too. 
So you're not only burning more 

253
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,160
energy doing that, I was eating 
a lot less. 

254
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:40,640
And I I wasn't. 
I was eating salads. 

255
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,720
I was retracting your. 
Intake at all at that point or 

256
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:48,560
just eating intuitively? 
I was eating in Tubuli, but then

257
00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,000
my husband wanted me to start 
reducing my steps because I 

258
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,920
literally did get up to like 23 
miles a day, every day, and he 

259
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,880
was trying to get one mile off 
one mile. 

260
00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:01,400
So he bought me a fitness 
tracker, which actually did me 

261
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,760
someone who's anorexic. 
It you become so obsessive about

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00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,680
that that if I didn't get my 
number in, I would wake up in 

263
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:14,760
the middle of night to do 2 more
steps, you know, even even 

264
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,000
though I know I was trying to 
reduce it, it felt like I needed

265
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:22,480
to finish it, you know? 
And so when I, when I found out 

266
00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,440
how many cows I was brewing, 
walking, that's when I started 

267
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,560
tracking my food. 
And so I was just like, OK, I 

268
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:33,040
will only eat the food that I 
walk, not realizing that you 

269
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:40,320
have a, you know, your basal 
exactly, you know, you have. 

270
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,040
There's other factors that 
nobody taught me that, you know,

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00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:47,120
you're just taking all these 
informations from, you know, you

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00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:52,160
know, the people that say, oh 
you know, just walk 10/10/10 

273
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,640
thousand steps. 
And so I would do that. 

274
00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:56,360
And you're just taking pieces 
from, you know, everybody, but 

275
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,560
not understanding the, the 
reason behind it or like how the

276
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,800
body works. 
So back to your question, is 

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00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:05,040
that, like, yeah, I I was 
tracking myself, but then I 

278
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,680
thought I could hack it and I 
was like, OK, if I, if I burn, 

279
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:12,480
you know, 1700 calories, then 
that's all I'm going to eat for 

280
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,000
that day. 
And so I didn't know that I was 

281
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:18,160
actually in a deficit. 
And so weight, weight did drop 

282
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,760
off really, really fast. 
But you know, it wasn't, it 

283
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:24,160
wasn't body fat. 
I had really bad muscle atrophy 

284
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,680
through the whole process too. 
When I was going through the 

285
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:32,400
recovery stage, I didn't know 
how how bad it was. 

286
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:36,400
When I was losing, I was, was 
it, was it catabolic when you 

287
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,120
start to lose muscle? 
Yeah, yeah, I was. 

288
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:41,720
My my muscles just went to 
nothing. 

289
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,400
You saw bones. 
I think I was teasing you a 

290
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:48,000
little bit and asking the ask me
anything things. 

291
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:52,320
I was just like, so when a 
female is like really vascular, 

292
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:55,280
are they like underweight or are
they just like, you know, maybe 

293
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,320
dehydrated? 
You know I was just trying to 

294
00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:02,080
justify everything and you got 
on and asked me anything and you

295
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,680
just like tore me a new one. 
You didn't know it was me, but 

296
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:08,440
like I you did. 
But you answered the question 

297
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,960
and it kind of put me in place 
because I was wait, I was, I was

298
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,680
looking for somebody to justify 
that it was okay, you know and 

299
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,440
and clearly it wasn't. 
Well, I mean, I look at like 

300
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,800
the, this is a little bit of a 
tangent, but like vascularity, I

301
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,520
mean there's a lot of different 
factors that impact vascularity.

302
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:27,480
Some of it's genetics, some of 
it is definitely fluid 

303
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:31,200
retention, some of it is age, 
like the your skin gets thinner 

304
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,760
as you age, which showcases more
vascularity. 

305
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:38,280
But I definitely have 
significantly more vascularity 

306
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:42,680
walking around when I'm sub 5% 
body fat and that that point is 

307
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,440
going to be different for males 
and females obviously. 

308
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,480
But there's a point. 
You sent me some pictures and 

309
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,840
you had more vascularity than I 
do when I'm at 5% body fat and 

310
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:55,880
I'm like, this is not the ideal 
picture of health for you. 

311
00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:59,120
So we got to embrace not having 
as much vascularity. 

312
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,880
So yeah, what what does 23 miles
a day look like in a step count?

313
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,520
Because you you said 23 miles a 
day, twice now. 

314
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,240
I don't even think people, 
that's like a a freaking 

315
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,320
marathon almost every single 
day. 

316
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,360
So. 
Yeah. 

317
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:18,400
I mean, like, I, I, I, I wake up
around 3:00 in the morning every

318
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:22,000
day and I'll get food and things
around for the house. 

319
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:26,440
And then I'm, I'm out the door 
walking, you know having a cup 

320
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,880
of coffee in me. 
And so I'm caffeinated and I and

321
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,760
I, this is, this is me. 
You know, two years ago I would 

322
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,520
walk about 8 to 9 miles every 
morning. 

323
00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,000
First I'd come back, I'd take my
kids to school. 

324
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:43,520
You know, this is when they were
past the baby stage and stuff 

325
00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:45,960
like that. 
And I was then I then I went 

326
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,840
back and walked another 5 miles.
Then I would come back and like 

327
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,760
take another break and and so I 
would walk in like anywhere 

328
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:55,680
between like 5 to you know, like
pretty much five to Six Mile 

329
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:59,040
segments at a time. 
But you don't have a life. 

330
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:02,520
Your whole life is walking. 
And that's what it became an 

331
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,160
obsessiveness for me. 
It was just like I just walked 

332
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:07,600
and walked and walked and people
would say, hey, you want to go 

333
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,160
have coffee. 
It would only be between like I 

334
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,840
was like I have 30 minutes 
before I have to walk again, you

335
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,520
know? 
Or I would set up like play 

336
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,240
dates or like, you know, mom 
says OK, but let's let's bring 

337
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,200
strollers or let's let's walk 
while we do it. 

338
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:23,840
I was secretly adding my steps 
and like around my my social 

339
00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:27,400
activities. 
So you get 23 miles in when you 

340
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:32,120
when you strategize it. 
It was I was like I said it was.

341
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:36,840
It was an an unhealthy mental 
state doing that. 

342
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,000
Were you having any like 
physical implications like joint

343
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:43,640
pains, knee pains? 
Absolutely, absolutely. 

344
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,480
Yeah. 
My ankles would give out a lot. 

345
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:49,440
My knees would be would be 
chronically if I if it would get

346
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,920
like too hot. 
I live in Arizona so I would 

347
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,200
walk on the treadmill and 
sometimes when you hold on to 

348
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,200
like the bars and stuff like 
that it's not a natural stride. 

349
00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,320
So I would get lower back 
problems and I have a very high 

350
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:03,840
pain tolerance and so my my 
dopamine would kick in. 

351
00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:09,280
It would be more rewarding that 
if I walk the steps than to feel

352
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:12,080
the pain. 
Like the trade off was was 

353
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:15,240
greater. 
Like I felt more rewarded that I

354
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,720
walked. 
What? 

355
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:22,320
Yeah, you're saying all these 
things and I can totally relate 

356
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,960
with you, like when you become 
obsessive towards a thing and I 

357
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,400
just experienced this with my 
prep. 

358
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:30,760
But like the things you do 
habitually throughout the day, 

359
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,640
nobody else would make any sense
of. 

360
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,440
Like, nobody understands that. 
They don't understand why your 

361
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:39,520
brain thinks that way. 
But like, if you don't do it, 

362
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,080
you it's totally an obsessive 
compulsive disorder. 

363
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,120
And I have OCD really bad 
anyways. 

364
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:49,200
So like, I can kind of leverage 
that to my advantage in a prep, 

365
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:54,080
but it can also rear its ugly 
head in unhealthy ways if I am 

366
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,680
not conscious of it. 
So you saying these things like,

367
00:20:56,680 --> 00:20:59,320
I 100% understand where you're 
coming from, but a lot of people

368
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,480
probably don't like if they're 
not living in that way, it's 

369
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,640
hard to imagine having these 
compulsions. 

370
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,480
I would like to, I would like to
touch on about that a little bit

371
00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:12,640
because that did affect our 
marriage at one point where my 

372
00:21:12,640 --> 00:21:15,960
husband wanted like to go like 
go out to the movies and I had 

373
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,400
to finish walking. 
You know, I was so obsessive 

374
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,240
about getting the steps in that 
I was sacrificing relationships 

375
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:25,000
over it, you know, and and same 
with my kids. 

376
00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,080
You know, like they they want to
sit down and watch a movie and 

377
00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,480
I'm like, no, I'm going to go 
walk. 

378
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:32,960
And they're like, I don't get 
it. 

379
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,400
You're you're picking, walking 
or hanging out with us. 

380
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,280
But yeah, that that's where that
that was a state. 

381
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,040
I had my family had asked and 
this is, this is an 

382
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,960
uninteresting thing. 
They were they were desperate to

383
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:48,120
get their mom back at 80, at 80,
you know, like low like upper 

384
00:21:48,120 --> 00:21:53,760
80s, you know, being my weight. 
They saw that I was I need help.

385
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:55,800
And so my husband gave a 
challenge. 

386
00:21:55,800 --> 00:22:00,040
He's like, yeah, he's like Hun 
if you get to 100 lbs, no, 

387
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,640
sorry, it was 110 lbs. 
He's if you get to 110 lbs. 

388
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:07,080
I will shave my head. 
My husband worked for like a big

389
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,200
a big company I won't say what 
it is but and he's on video 

390
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,760
conferences all the time you 
know and so he would be seen 

391
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:17,560
with a shaved head and he knows 
that I'm I'm a game player like 

392
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:20,920
I'm very competitive and I said 
game on and for. 

393
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:26,000
So my anorexic brain changed off
and said I will gain I'll gain 

394
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:29,800
110 lbs to see your head shaved.
So I did it, but I did it the 

395
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:33,200
wrong way. 
You know, I I ate and and I was 

396
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:35,560
on a carnivore diet. 
I didn't binge eat on pizza and 

397
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:39,000
things like that. 
But I was very, very high fat. 

398
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:42,120
I gained the. 
I didn't gain any muscle, it was

399
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:44,360
all fat. 
And then as soon as he shaved 

400
00:22:44,360 --> 00:22:48,320
his head, I dropped it right 
back off because I knew how to I

401
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,640
I I did a lot of biohacking, you
know, I did a lot of cold 

402
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,760
plunges. 
I knew how to drop my calories. 

403
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,920
I knew how to work with my 
ratios and stuff like that. 

404
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:03,880
So yeah, so my my family, they 
tried for a long time to help 

405
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:10,200
heal me and so that the healing 
didn't come about until actually

406
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:13,080
about maybe a year ago. 
So I've been living this kind of

407
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,720
cycle, this this knowing, 
knowing I need to be healthy, 

408
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:19,880
knowing that people want me 
healthier. 

409
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,160
But I didn't know how to do it. 
And I mean, I I had you as a 

410
00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:26,120
coach for a little bit of time. 
You gave me the pieces and the 

411
00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:29,400
information, but it really, when
it comes to somebody, it's the 

412
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,120
person that has to do it. 
I mean you you could give me all

413
00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,840
the the perfect setup and you 
gave me actually a weight 

414
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,800
training schedule and I started 
that too. 

415
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,680
But you have to have the 
internal drive to do it. 

416
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:42,840
You know, the person has to make
the change. 

417
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:46,440
So that's kind of where the 
story changes actually. 

418
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:50,720
And it was my son, not my 
husband, that changed my whole 

419
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:56,480
perspective on health. 
So I don't want to take over the

420
00:23:56,480 --> 00:24:02,320
conversation, but yeah, So what 
happened was about a year, a 

421
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,960
year ago I I was tinking around 
in the gym. 

422
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,160
You know, I was learning how to 
strength train, but I wasn't 

423
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:11,440
taking it serious. 
I still prioritized walking over

424
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:19,320
strength training, but my son 
had a an onset with last year of

425
00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:23,360
of of a mental health condition 
and this is becoming a new thing

426
00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:24,800
that is becoming a little more 
public. 

427
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:26,440
It's not a new sorry, it's not a
new thing. 

428
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:31,280
It's becoming new to the public.
It's pans or pandas, and 

429
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:36,080
oftentimes people think that is 
related to having strep. 

430
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:40,680
If you have get sick and you get
strep, your autoimmune system 

431
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,280
will attack the brain, you know,
as an inflammation. 

432
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,440
And so people would if you 
tested positive for strep, then 

433
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,920
you had pandas. 
But your autoimmune system can 

434
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:54,560
get triggered by myotoxins, 
biotoxins, you know, the world 

435
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,880
that we're living in is so 
there's so much stress on the 

436
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:03,760
body, so you can trigger it to 
to to to get inflamed. 

437
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:09,080
And so that happened to him. 
Unfortunately, last Christmas we

438
00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:11,840
came back from a Colorado trip 
and we started noticing changes 

439
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:18,280
in him and he had his autoimmune
system attacked, his attacks his

440
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:21,400
brain now, and so he's been 
diagnosed now with Pans. 

441
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:26,560
But it was through his story and
his struggles that I knew that I

442
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:31,560
need to get to be a better mom. 
And so, like, his story is a 

443
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:35,120
whole another interesting thing.
If did, if you wanted to go down

444
00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:38,520
that rabbit hole, we can or if 
you wanted to wrap up my story. 

445
00:25:38,520 --> 00:25:42,240
But I got, I got healthier 
knowing that I needed to be a 

446
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,600
stronger and capable mom to take
care of him. 

447
00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:50,160
And so I started gaining weight 
and it wasn't fat, it was 

448
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,640
actually muscle. 
I have gained from like the 8089

449
00:25:53,640 --> 00:26:00,760
lbs to like currently at 109 lbs
and and I would say I I put on a

450
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:03,600
lot of muscle I sent. 
Have I sent you the pictures yet

451
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,840
recently of of of my new like 
body composition? 

452
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:08,160
I haven't seen any of the recent
ones. 

453
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:10,080
You'll definitely have to sit. 
I'll put them in the show notes.

454
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,320
Yeah, yeah. 
So people can see my before and 

455
00:26:13,320 --> 00:26:16,480
after pictures. 
And I have to say, for somebody 

456
00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:21,040
who who didn't believe that you 
could gain weight and look good,

457
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,800
that was my selling point when I
switched to walking. 

458
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,640
So I dropped from 23 miles. 
Now I still have some to drop 

459
00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:32,480
since I've talked to you last, 
but I'm down to 7 miles. 

460
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:36,960
And that took me. 
That took me about 3 years to 

461
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,680
drop. 
It was a slower process, but I 

462
00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:44,360
switched to like strength 
training and most people say 

463
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:48,240
that this could be over 
overtraining too, but it gave me

464
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,520
an outlet. 
I was able to drop my my walking

465
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,080
if I could justify it with 
something else. 

466
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:56,600
And that something else was 
getting out in the garage and 

467
00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:02,080
lifting weights and I cried. 
I cried every day going out 

468
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:03,280
there. 
I was like, I wanted to 

469
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:07,280
desperately walk and to say that
I was done lifting weights in 

470
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:10,320
like 45 minutes and saying that 
was enough when you're used to 

471
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:13,680
walking your entire day, let me 
tell you, you did not want to 

472
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,720
eat. 
You felt like you didn't deserve

473
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:16,560
to. 
Eat. 

474
00:27:17,040 --> 00:27:20,360
And so I had to retrain my brain
saying that like, if I want to 

475
00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:23,280
build muscle, if I want to be 
healthier, if I want to change 

476
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:29,600
my composition, I know I have to
actually feel strong, be ready 

477
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:33,480
to lift in the gym, be ready to 
take care of my son, you know, 

478
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,680
being fuelled. 
So that was the, like I said, 

479
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:41,440
that was a big transition. 
Is is reducing my steps and 

480
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:45,600
believing that strength training
will make me happier. 

481
00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:49,200
I have become more optimistic 
over the time since I've been 

482
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:52,360
strength training. 
I'm I'm literally like, I I have

483
00:27:52,360 --> 00:27:54,800
more time in my day. 
I picked up different 

484
00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,600
activities. 
I'm outside, you know, still I 

485
00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,600
don't have to give up my 
walking, but I'm outside just, 

486
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:03,000
you know, playing around, you 
know, and it's it's definitely 

487
00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:06,120
more enjoyable life. 
It gives me more freedom. 

488
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:07,440
I love that. 
I love it. 

489
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:10,680
Yeah, Strength training. 
Plus it makes like once you 

490
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:14,120
accept the fact that you know 
like when you're trying to cut 

491
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:17,000
weight, cut body fat, just cut 
weight in general fit into 

492
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,840
smaller clothes. 
Like the whole fixation becomes 

493
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:23,160
becomes a scale like like seeing
a lower number on the scale 

494
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,880
becomes the end all be all. 
But when you recognize that 

495
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,000
building muscle if you're 
starting from a healthy 

496
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,560
composition or a you know if 
you're if you're starting in a 

497
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:36,640
place that is not consisting of 
a ton of over body fat weight 

498
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,640
then any increase in the scale 
can be viewed as a positive 

499
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:43,960
because that is hopefully coming
from additional lean tissue. 

500
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:47,920
So it it is definitely a shift 
in mentality when you view the 

501
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:51,080
scale going up as a positive, 
but once you recognize that and 

502
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:53,840
can see the correlation between 
that and improved performance in

503
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,320
the gym, it makes seeing that 
increasing scale weights so much

504
00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:02,800
more acceptable in the mind. 
Yeah, one of the things I had to

505
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:07,880
because I am fixated on numbers,
I had to switch to a like 

506
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:11,520
something that showed body fat 
percentage because when I saw 

507
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:15,160
the weight going up I wanted to 
sabotage myself. 

508
00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:17,960
I was a quick like, I can fix 
this by dropping the weight. 

509
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:22,640
When I was like when I broke 
£100 was a huge hurdle for me, 

510
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:27,200
like I psychologically could not
get over to 101 and I would drop

511
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:31,720
back to 97 lbs and I felt 97 was
like my plateau because it was 

512
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:34,720
just under 100. 
You know, I was almost there but

513
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:38,360
I wasn't like I didn't think I 
was fat, you know I wasn't 87 or

514
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:40,640
89 lbs you know, so I wasn't as 
skinny. 

515
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:45,400
So I sat there for a long time 
and that would that would was 

516
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:49,120
really, really hard. 
That 100 LB mark was it was the 

517
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:52,240
hurdle to get over for me. 
Before you started seeing the 

518
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,720
benefits of the weight training 
and you were at the lighter 

519
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:59,280
weight of 87 lbs, how did you 
feel about the way you looked at

520
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:01,200
that weight? 
Like did you feel that you 

521
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,840
looked good? 
Did you feel like there was a 

522
00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:07,320
certain look that? 
You hadn't seen I felt. 

523
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:12,360
I felt like I looked good, but I
deleted every photo on my phone 

524
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,000
or any, and I would not let 
anybody take pictures of me at 

525
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:20,560
that weight. 
But I felt like I here's the 

526
00:30:20,560 --> 00:30:24,080
thing, I don't think everybody 
could handle that weight. 

527
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:29,120
So I felt like I was tough or I 
had a lot of like grit or I had 

528
00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:33,000
a lot of like, you know, I felt 
like a warrior. 

529
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:36,080
Almost like I felt like even 
though I looked sick and like 

530
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:40,960
gangly and gone, heck, I could 
do something that half the world

531
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:44,040
can't do, you know, Like I felt 
like it was, it was, it was a 

532
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:47,240
badge. 
It was, it was, it was an honor 

533
00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:52,920
to be that, that that light. 
I didn't feel good doing it, but

534
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:57,000
mentally I felt like I've 
accomplished something. 

535
00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,240
Does that? 
Does that sound weird? 

536
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,200
No, because I get the same way 
when I when I do a prep. 

537
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,440
So I totally get it. 
How do you feel now that you 

538
00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:09,200
have started the weight training
and you are over 100 lbs and 

539
00:31:09,200 --> 00:31:11,480
you're looking at pictures of 
you now versus then? 

540
00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:14,360
How do you feel like if you're 
trying to be objective and 

541
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,640
unbiased and take the emotion 
and the feelings of grit out of 

542
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:20,240
it when you're just simply 
looking at the pictures, how do 

543
00:31:20,240 --> 00:31:21,560
you feel about how the two 
compare? 

544
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:24,440
I actually think I look younger 
now. 

545
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:29,040
I think I think I look stronger.
I think I look healthier. 

546
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:33,440
My daughter like idolizes me 
more now. 

547
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:38,120
You know she thinks it's it's 
it's she she she high fives me. 

548
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:42,360
You know that you know when I 
step on a scale and I tell her a

549
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,400
higher number you know and it's 
because she knows that it's not.

550
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:48,680
She looks at me and and I mean I
still have very low body fat 

551
00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:51,120
percentage and you still see ABS
in me and stuff like that. 

552
00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:54,440
But like she high fives me when 
the number goes up because that 

553
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,760
means more muscle. 
That means more like my hormones

554
00:31:57,760 --> 00:32:00,480
are restoring and stuff like 
that because I do have a higher 

555
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:02,480
a little bit higher body fat 
percentage. 

556
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:06,120
So they're cheering me on, which
so when I look at the pictures, 

557
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:09,480
I see her happier. 
Me, not just physically, but you

558
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:14,200
see it in the smile too. 
That like I am more confident, 

559
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:17,280
you know, and and what I am. 
That's awesome. 

560
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,320
I definitely get into your son's
store, but before we do, the 

561
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:25,960
fact that you have kids that saw
you at your lightest weight and 

562
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:30,280
unhealthiest place before you 
made this transition, like what 

563
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:33,120
were their thoughts towards it? 
Like, did they? 

564
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:36,000
I know they would get frustrated
when they, you know, you would 

565
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,400
go for a walk instead of sitting
down and watch the movie with 

566
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,680
them. 
But what was that relationship 

567
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:43,560
like when you were at your 
unhealthiest? 

568
00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:47,320
This is this is the hard part. 
This is the part that like I try

569
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:52,040
not to have a lot of remorse. 
You know, you make decisions in 

570
00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:54,920
life and you kind of learn from,
you learn from your mistakes. 

571
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:59,720
I think about this a lot because
I was gone walking or planning 

572
00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:03,240
on so much cardio stuff. 
My two kids played with 

573
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:06,120
themselves a lot, you know, like
you know they became best 

574
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:09,440
friends. 
And I I was, I was an absent 

575
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:11,160
mom. 
I mean, yes, I was a stay at 

576
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:15,080
home mom but I was on a 
treadmill, you know while 

577
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:18,160
instead of playing a board game 
with them or you know you know 

578
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:22,680
being at an event you know, a 
sporting event, I had to walk 

579
00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:26,000
instead. 
So I think they missed their 

580
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,160
mom. 
I feel guilty looking back that 

581
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:36,360
I I chose that over being a part
of their life And now now my 

582
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:40,560
daughter's graduating this year 
and I I mean any opportunity I 

583
00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:44,120
can like I I want to make up for
it now but you can't you can't 

584
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:47,040
reverse time. 
You know it it it passed. 

585
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:49,840
But I can move forward and 
there's so much more to look 

586
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:53,520
forward to. 
So helping my son and like like 

587
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:57,960
I said that that's my 
inspiration now is because he's 

588
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:01,600
still he's still in high school 
he's he's in 10th grade and he 

589
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:08,920
and I still have that time with 
him in the home and so yeah, 

590
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:12,400
that I'll leave it at that. 
Yeah, I mean you definitely, you

591
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:14,679
can't go back and change, change
what happened. 

592
00:34:14,679 --> 00:34:18,199
But I feel like knowing what you
know now, you'll appreciate 

593
00:34:18,199 --> 00:34:21,440
every moment you have with them 
all the more and not take it for

594
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:23,440
granted, which is powerful in 
and of itself. 

595
00:34:25,280 --> 00:34:27,440
Yeah. 
So talk to me about your son. 

596
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:34,159
So we we've got his situation, 
which has empowered you to 

597
00:34:34,159 --> 00:34:37,440
improve your situation. 
And what have you found out 

598
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:40,040
exactly about his situation? 
Like what is what is the nuts 

599
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:42,480
and bolts behind this this 
diagnosis? 

600
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:48,719
Yeah, so like I I I mentioned 
before I plateaued about 100 lbs

601
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:53,159
and it was still not enough to 
like make my hormones kick in 

602
00:34:53,159 --> 00:34:56,480
and things like that and and be 
the optimal person that I needed

603
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,520
to be. 
Realistically, I still needed to

604
00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,360
gain some more weight. 
I mean, anybody would argue 

605
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,240
anybody 55 shouldn't be 100 lbs,
right? 

606
00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:08,640
And I got stuck. 
And so something that tragically

607
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:14,320
happened was was my son he, I, 
I, I keep beating around the 

608
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:17,160
Bush because it's an emotional 
it's a very emotional story for 

609
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:18,840
me. 
He was a normal kid. 

610
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,680
I want everybody to understand 
like I had the perfect set up 

611
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,280
family. 
Like nobody that could love me 

612
00:35:24,280 --> 00:35:28,200
or or as much as my family does.
We travelled the world. 

613
00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:32,480
We you know, we we have a stable
life you know and we live in 

614
00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:35,800
beautiful Arizona. 
I I mean the only problem was my

615
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,920
obsessiveness. 
Other than that, our family had 

616
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:44,800
been blessed until this happened
and we don't really have an 

617
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:51,080
explanation how it happened. 
But after Christmas we just saw 

618
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:54,680
a regression in my son and his, 
his mentality and his like. 

619
00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:59,120
He started withdrawal from 
himself, from social events and 

620
00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,080
from school and from all his 
activities. 

621
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:04,200
And so we know, we know that, 
you know, through puberty, boys 

622
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:06,560
and girls can act differently. 
So we kind of brushed it on the 

623
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:11,720
table and then we started 
noticing OCD and anxiety kicking

624
00:36:11,720 --> 00:36:14,200
in. 
And I noticed it because I have 

625
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,560
it, you know, a little bit of 
that obsessiveness, you know, 

626
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:20,440
walking and things like that. 
And so we kept an eye on him, 

627
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,600
but then things just kept 
escalating and getting worse and

628
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,680
worse and worse. 
He, you know, he started having 

629
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:28,880
food inversions, you know, and 
stuff like that. 

630
00:36:29,240 --> 00:36:32,200
I mean, like for somebody like 
me who's anorexic, you pick up 

631
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,160
on those signs real fast. 
You know, when he's not eating 

632
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:39,640
this much and he's a little guy,
you know, and which caused 

633
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:43,240
insomnia, you know, when he had 
a lot of, like, anxiety at 

634
00:36:43,240 --> 00:36:46,200
school, anxiety with, you know, 
whatever he's not, he's not 

635
00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:50,680
talking to us as much anymore. 
We were trying to figure him out

636
00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:55,880
and we got misdiagnosed with his
condition for 11 months. 

637
00:36:56,440 --> 00:37:01,800
And so his anxiety got him into 
an inpatient facility for 18 

638
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:06,040
days and that was very 
traumatizing for him and me as a

639
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:13,520
mom losing my my son to he, he 
couldn't control his obsessive 

640
00:37:13,520 --> 00:37:20,040
behaviors that caused harm to 
himself mostly not to anybody 

641
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:26,280
else. 
And during that time I I was at 

642
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,320
a low, I was at a real low 
myself. 

643
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:32,440
So my husband agreed that it 
would be OK if I took a quick 

644
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:38,600
break to regain my my composure 
and and to be a better mom. 

645
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,960
When he when he got out that I 
went on, I think I mentioned to 

646
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:45,200
you this and in an e-mail I went
on a hunting trip, a solo 

647
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:47,400
hunting trip. 
It was I was the only female 

648
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:52,160
among like 8 or 9 guys and was 
on the the border of Canada and 

649
00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:56,040
they taught us how to like you 
know like scope and we haunted 

650
00:37:56,040 --> 00:38:02,800
and we did a kill and this kill 
was was the turning point in my 

651
00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:07,600
my life and got me over my house
the £100 and to pursue and to 

652
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:11,320
really fight for my son. 
You're a hunter, right? 

653
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:15,240
I mean you've told us stories in
your podcast and and and how how

654
00:38:15,240 --> 00:38:18,560
there's like there's that slow, 
there's the stalking, there's 

655
00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,680
the waiting and I'm not one to 
wait around. 

656
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:26,160
You know and I know that in in a
health and healing journey you 

657
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,720
have to sometimes go slow to go 
fast. 

658
00:38:29,720 --> 00:38:31,400
It was is that the saying? 
I don't know. 

659
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:37,800
But like there's the that like 
you have to be mindful. 

660
00:38:37,840 --> 00:38:41,960
You have to watch. 
You have to be intentional. 

661
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:46,960
And everything I was going to do
from then on had to have a 

662
00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:51,200
purpose, had to have some sort 
of like guidance, you know, and 

663
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:54,080
and you don't always, just just 
because it's in line and 

664
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:55,720
insight. 
Do you take the kill? 

665
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,360
Maybe not. 
Maybe you wait for the next 

666
00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:01,600
opportunity. 
And so that whole hunting 

667
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:04,560
experience opened up my eyes. 
But when we actually did our 

668
00:39:04,560 --> 00:39:08,920
first kill and we were gutting 
it, it felt like I was putting 

669
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:16,080
to death the old me. 
I was ready to finally say I 

670
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:19,840
need a rebirth. 
I need, I need the old Hannah to

671
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:26,440
go down and I need to to to 
accept that even though this 

672
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:30,240
animal is like dead, it can 
nourish me and it can re 

673
00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:34,400
repurpose its energy through me 
and I can become bigger and 

674
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:37,280
stronger through this. 
So I came back from that hunting

675
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:41,600
experience and my son came out 
of impatient and with the wrong 

676
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:47,560
diagnosis by the way. 
And we were able to to get him a

677
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:51,800
little bit more help because I 
felt like I finally clicked in 

678
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:59,080
my head that I need to be 
something bigger and better. 

679
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:02,320
And so that hunting trip changed
my life. 

680
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:08,120
My son went to Michigan for the 
summer to to his grandma's house

681
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:12,480
to help with his OCD and anxiety
and he he found nature as well 

682
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:16,280
to be very healing. 
So the both of us we we. 

683
00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,520
We don't think that the medical 
facility, the the medical system

684
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:31,560
for our OCD and our anxiety is 
cured by drugs per SE and people

685
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:34,680
have their own own opinion on 
this and you might get some 

686
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:38,560
e-mail and I was saying to this 
you before we were recording but

687
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:43,520
nature heals. 
It's being grounded again, it's 

688
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:50,680
it's relating to where is our 
primal and intuition supposed to

689
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:52,520
come from. 
You know, you really start to 

690
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:57,080
connect to yourself. 
I really found Hannah again when

691
00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:00,800
I was back in nature. 
And I see that my son can come 

692
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,560
out of some of his problem as 
his, like, obsessiveness and his

693
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:09,520
anxiety and his flare ups when 
we take him out on hikes and 

694
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,240
when. 
Yeah. 

695
00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:14,680
And when he comes back and he's 
back in in in in our home and in

696
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,960
our world where there's a lot of
video gaming and there's a lot 

697
00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:20,360
of pressure with school, like, 
you know, going to school and 

698
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:26,520
and making like test scores and 
being this and that, it really 

699
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,760
triggers him. 
And anybody who has pans knows 

700
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,600
that like it's an autoimmune 
disease and it's a cause. 

701
00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:36,240
There's an inflammation in the 
basal ganglia and that's your 

702
00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:39,800
fight or flight stage, you know,
and and you can get really 

703
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:42,880
aggressive or you can run away 
from it and stuff like that. 

704
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:46,520
But we just know that like the 
more that we pause, the more 

705
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:49,120
that we slow down, the more that
we go in nature, the more that 

706
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:53,440
that is the healing part. 
So that hunting trip helped me 

707
00:41:53,440 --> 00:41:56,800
understand that That's what my 
son needs a little bit more too.

708
00:41:57,240 --> 00:42:00,960
So we did. 
We tried to put him in it you 

709
00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:05,400
know the the medical mainstream 
healing for him. 

710
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:09,960
But we we are now switching over
to he's going to actually finish

711
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:15,960
off probably the school year up 
in Montana on a 500 acre ranch 

712
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:23,560
where he can really regain his 
adolescence again And and and 

713
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:31,560
heal Pans is an yeah pans is is 
it's an it's an evil thing. 

714
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:34,040
It's a very evil thing. 
Anybody who has like an 

715
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,560
autoimmune disease, whether it's
Hashimoto's or Crohn's knows 

716
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:41,240
that like there isn't a cure. 
You can only go on remission and

717
00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:44,800
there's often times that you 
have flare ups and we know that 

718
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:51,440
like he can flare up really easy
but we know that we we can we 

719
00:42:51,440 --> 00:42:57,880
can work with him to reduce that
inflammation by really slowing 

720
00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:59,480
down. 
And like I said it goes back to 

721
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:04,320
that hunting thing that pausing 
and that like earthing again and

722
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:09,760
to re reevaluate how fast this 
world is moving. 

723
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:11,520
But we don't have to keep up 
with it. 

724
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:16,400
How was his OCD manifesting 
itself, if you don't mind me 

725
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:20,960
asking? 
Yeah, that's changed over over 

726
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,520
the last year. 
You know, it started off with, 

727
00:43:23,520 --> 00:43:27,080
you know, the some of the people
who have OCD might be like your 

728
00:43:27,080 --> 00:43:31,440
like repeated like hand washing 
or like opening closing doors, 

729
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,560
you know, And for somebody who 
was a normal kid, that was 

730
00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,720
definitely like different for 
him. 

731
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:39,520
Then it became an OCD about 
video gaming. 

732
00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:43,200
He got really obsessive about 
video gaming. 

733
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:47,200
And if you turn off this 
computer or the Internet, there 

734
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:51,760
was an aggression, like a very 
strong Rage Against us that we 

735
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:56,040
turned it off and he couldn't. 
He you're so obsessive about it 

736
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:59,800
that like, no matter what 
gratification you you get, it's 

737
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:01,360
never enough. 
And that's why it's called 

738
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:04,080
obsessive. 
You can never reach that high. 

739
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:08,040
You can never reach that that 
that's a felt, like, remember, 

740
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:10,520
like you said that you you would
pray, right? 

741
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:13,240
You never felt like you could 
pray enough. 

742
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:16,760
And so, like we realized that 
and he's the teenager. 

743
00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:22,480
He could never game enough you 
know to feel that that it was it

744
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:25,680
was satisfying to him. 
So for him we we're we're 

745
00:44:25,680 --> 00:44:28,080
learning that he actually 
probably has to go cold Turkey 

746
00:44:28,080 --> 00:44:31,280
and that's why we're sending 
them up to Montana and and 

747
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:38,200
hopefully in a little bit and 
and where he can relearn coping 

748
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:42,920
mechanisms when he feels 
triggered that he doesn't have 

749
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:50,400
to like game or do obsessive 
habits to to to get back on 

750
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,160
track. 
Well, it's so cool. 

751
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:58,200
Both y'all like, both his and 
your stories kind of paralleled 

752
00:44:58,320 --> 00:45:01,160
by being in nature. 
More you with your hunting 

753
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:04,880
experience, him with his time 
with his, you said grandmother, 

754
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:09,160
aunt out in nature. 
But like for me, you know, when 

755
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:12,240
I like, I went for a hunting 
trip for a week after my 

756
00:45:12,240 --> 00:45:16,640
competition and it took me like 
3 days of being there to 

757
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,640
actually disconnect 'cause I had
all this business stuff to catch

758
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:24,040
up on and keep track of. 
But when you're out there and 

759
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:27,520
you allow yourself to fully 
disconnect, which is hard. 

760
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:31,320
I mean, like we're so tethered 
to our devices, we get constant 

761
00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:34,400
notifications via e-mail, social
messaging, DMS. 

762
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:39,360
It's like we live in this 
non-stop noise environment and 

763
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:42,520
most people never have the 
opportunity to disconnect from 

764
00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:44,640
them. 
Most people aren't blessed 

765
00:45:44,640 --> 00:45:48,560
enough to have the land that 
that I'm, that I'm blessed for 

766
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:51,000
or blessed with and be able to 
have that escape. 

767
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,560
But if you, I mean there's so 
many national parks, anybody can

768
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:58,000
go out there, It's public land. 
But at the same time when you do

769
00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:00,280
go out there, when you do truly 
disconnect and you remove 

770
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:05,080
yourself from Wi-Fi networks and
social media and pings and DMS, 

771
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:10,720
like you really can grasp what 
is and is not important. 

772
00:46:10,720 --> 00:46:14,320
And from the hunting perspective
for you, you have that on an 

773
00:46:14,320 --> 00:46:19,200
even deeper level because you 
can see the circle of life 

774
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:22,760
through to its completion. 
When you take a life and when 

775
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:27,240
you see that harvested animal at
your feet take its last breath 

776
00:46:27,240 --> 00:46:33,840
of air and the the light fade 
from its eyes like you recognize

777
00:46:33,840 --> 00:46:36,600
the finality of life on a whole 
nother level. 

778
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:39,600
Obviously you want to be doing 
that in a respectful manner. 

779
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,280
You don't want to just be 
killing things for the sake of 

780
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:42,760
killing things. 
You want to use that meat, let 

781
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:44,760
it nourish your body and 
complete that circle of life. 

782
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:49,920
But when you do that, you able, 
you're able to embrace the the 

783
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:54,200
simple fact that you are not too
dissimilar from that animal. 

784
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:57,880
You are on this planet for a 
finite period of time, You will 

785
00:46:57,880 --> 00:47:00,040
die. 
The best thing that you can do 

786
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,240
with your time here is to add 
more value than you take. 

787
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:06,960
Help others, and then, when your
time has come, hopefully be able

788
00:47:06,960 --> 00:47:08,920
to pay it forward in some form 
or fashion. 

789
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:12,880
Just as that animal nourished 
your body with its meat, the 

790
00:47:12,880 --> 00:47:16,400
remembrance of you and what you 
contributed with your time here 

791
00:47:16,400 --> 00:47:18,000
on earth hopefully benefited 
others. 

792
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:21,960
Like, once you recognize that 
full circle, your motivation and

793
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:25,840
intentionality and purpose in 
life totally shifts, and you're 

794
00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:29,200
able to see things through a 
much clearer lens than you would

795
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:32,720
ever be able to do if you never 
allowed yourself that disconnect

796
00:47:32,720 --> 00:47:35,480
in the first place. 
I agree. 

797
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:38,520
I I think you just you just 
nailed it. 

798
00:47:38,720 --> 00:47:40,720
That was perfectly and well said
for sure. 

799
00:47:41,120 --> 00:47:44,440
I feel like I can. 
The The funny thing is my son 

800
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:49,400
doesn't like me the most, you 
know, as a parent, but I am the 

801
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:52,760
one that can actually relate 
with him the most as well with 

802
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:54,600
his OCD. 
And it's like you're saying it's

803
00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:59,120
that full circle. 
I went through hell in my 20s 

804
00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:03,280
and 30s and I'm coming out of it
and I have that for that 

805
00:48:03,720 --> 00:48:07,000
foreseen future that he could 
recover even though it's an 

806
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:10,480
autoimmune disease and he's 
going to have to learn how to to

807
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:14,680
to cope with it. 
But there is a future. 

808
00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:16,840
It's a full it's a full circle 
like you were saying. 

809
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:19,760
Like it's not a dead animal if 
you can reuse and repurpose. 

810
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:25,480
My story didn't end as a dead 
you know mom, now that I can I 

811
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:30,200
can grasp the concept of what 
health and strength and I'm 

812
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:33,200
saying strength not and physical
lifting weights, mental strength

813
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:36,400
that I can pass it on and really
encourage him. 

814
00:48:36,720 --> 00:48:39,120
And the hard thing I said 
earlier was that I felt like I 

815
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:44,960
missed a part of my child's 
upbringing because I was so 

816
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:50,320
focused on on walking that this 
decision sending him away, takes

817
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:52,440
away that time of me being a mom
again. 

818
00:48:52,840 --> 00:48:56,400
And I had to sit with that. 
And I had to really, really sit 

819
00:48:56,400 --> 00:49:01,240
with that and say do I want to 
try to help him out or do I want

820
00:49:01,240 --> 00:49:04,240
nature or do I want him to do it
on his own? 

821
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:06,760
And it goes back to the 
beginning of our conversation. 

822
00:49:07,240 --> 00:49:09,800
Nobody could have made me gain 
weight. 

823
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:13,440
I had to hit my low. 
I had to make my decision saying

824
00:49:13,880 --> 00:49:20,280
I need, I need to feel stronger 
and do better and be a better 

825
00:49:20,280 --> 00:49:22,600
mom. 
So yes, I'm gonna have to give. 

826
00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:24,880
And it's a short term residence.
It's not like I haven't seen him

827
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:26,320
with the next two years of his 
life. 

828
00:49:26,440 --> 00:49:28,920
You know, it's gonna be like a 
90 day kind of a reset program 

829
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:31,680
for him to finish off school and
just to like, you know, 

830
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:34,080
recenter. 
But like, I have to give that up

831
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:36,840
so that he can get his feet back
on the ground. 

832
00:49:37,360 --> 00:49:42,240
And so as a parent you have to 
make decisions that are going to

833
00:49:42,240 --> 00:49:45,600
be hard that what you want, 
greedy decisions. 

834
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,200
I want to be his mom now. 
Like I want to be his mom so 

835
00:49:48,200 --> 00:49:49,880
bad. 
He doesn't want anything to do 

836
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:52,800
with me right now because he's, 
you know, he's a teenager. 

837
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:55,080
He wants, he wants his 
independence, but he's not 

838
00:49:55,080 --> 00:49:57,160
capable with his OCD and 
anxiety. 

839
00:49:57,560 --> 00:50:01,440
And I don't trust the the the 
medical system right now either.

840
00:50:01,880 --> 00:50:06,600
So I have to trust the people 
who have opened up their 500 

841
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:10,560
acre ranch to to help and I 
think. 

842
00:50:10,640 --> 00:50:16,160
That ranch. 
He's he doesn't want to be here 

843
00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:18,040
anymore. 
I think he's at the point where 

844
00:50:18,040 --> 00:50:20,640
and that's what I was. 
You didn't let me tell you I 

845
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:22,240
didn't want to get in that 
garage and lift. 

846
00:50:22,560 --> 00:50:25,080
But you know that that's the 
thing you have to do. 

847
00:50:25,800 --> 00:50:28,040
So I like, I see there's so many
parallels. 

848
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:32,400
I see him facing his challenges 
and I'm like in my head. 

849
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:34,920
I'm like, I know, I I don't 
know. 

850
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:37,400
I saw you're dealing with 
something different than I'm 

851
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:39,920
dealing with. 
But like I feel like I can 

852
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:42,040
relate. 
Hun I was like I keep trying to 

853
00:50:42,040 --> 00:50:44,320
tell him that, but I know he 
doesn't want to hear from me. 

854
00:50:44,720 --> 00:50:48,640
But it's no he it is it going to
be easy for him? 

855
00:50:48,640 --> 00:50:50,840
No. 
But when he comes out of it is 

856
00:50:50,840 --> 00:50:53,720
he going to be better? 
God, I hope so, and I believe 

857
00:50:53,720 --> 00:50:55,560
so. 
You know, there's some really 

858
00:50:55,560 --> 00:50:58,680
good hunting in Montana. 
You ought to take him hunting. 

859
00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:02,320
So if you can experience that 
after after his stay there. 

860
00:51:03,640 --> 00:51:04,720
You should. 
I love it. 

861
00:51:04,720 --> 00:51:06,240
That'd be great. 
I would. 

862
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:09,240
I enjoyed that for sure. 
Well, I'm excited for him. 

863
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:12,920
Oh, go ahead. 
Does this say are you going to 

864
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:14,800
take your son hunting when he 
gets older? 

865
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:16,960
Oh, for sure, 100%, no questions
asked. 

866
00:51:16,960 --> 00:51:21,520
I mean, my, my, so much of my 
life has been built on 

867
00:51:22,480 --> 00:51:26,400
fundamentals that have 
transcended and bled into every 

868
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:29,960
aspect of my life. 
So, like, my success in business

869
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:32,800
is a direct result of the 
lessons I've learned from 

870
00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:37,000
bodybuilding. 
My success in just being 

871
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:41,360
grounded and having a solid 
relationship with my wife and 

872
00:51:41,360 --> 00:51:46,280
son and family is a direct 
result of life lessons I learned

873
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:49,280
by being out in nature, growing 
up on a farm. 

874
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:52,720
You know, having the work there 
and just wanting to be a good 

875
00:51:52,720 --> 00:51:57,400
steward of the land and its 
resources, like all of these 

876
00:51:57,680 --> 00:52:01,160
components of my life are built 
on, you know, what I've learned 

877
00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:04,960
in nature, what I've learned in 
the gym, And that's just bleed 

878
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:07,000
into everything. 
So like, yeah, 100%. 

879
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:10,240
I feel like I'll be able to be a
much better father for my son 

880
00:52:10,520 --> 00:52:14,880
and impart many more life 
lessons onto him by being able 

881
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:18,160
to afford him the opportunity to
go out in nature, hunt alongside

882
00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:23,600
me, get our hands dirty and just
do simple things that that 

883
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:26,640
everybody should do. 
You know, everybody should do 

884
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:30,680
those things. 
Yeah, I know you've had a couple

885
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:33,880
guests, you know, in the past 
that have told their anorexic 

886
00:52:33,880 --> 00:52:37,560
story or reverse diet in story. 
But the interesting twist about 

887
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:43,640
this one is is nature. 
It's how I felt healed and I 

888
00:52:43,640 --> 00:52:48,560
felt capable finally when I was 
able to ground back and slowing 

889
00:52:48,560 --> 00:52:52,880
down and understanding in and I 
do understand more about macros 

890
00:52:52,880 --> 00:52:54,760
now. 
Yes, I do understand about 

891
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:58,120
progressive overloads now. 
Yeah, that's all all all two 

892
00:52:58,120 --> 00:53:02,320
thumbs up and stuff like that. 
But what gave me the confidence 

893
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:07,240
to get over the 100 lbs is is 
the nature aspect of it. 

894
00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:12,640
It's realizing that I can be 
healed, I can be healthy, I can 

895
00:53:12,640 --> 00:53:20,920
be who I am and more confident 
if I just slow down. 

896
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:23,440
Yeah. 
And I don't need to hear myself.

897
00:53:24,000 --> 00:53:25,800
And that's how we're supposed to
live. 

898
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,960
I mean, like, I've had this, 
this, I've had a similar 

899
00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:30,440
conversation to this a lot here 
lately because I'm, I'm getting 

900
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:32,560
into the homesteading now I'm, 
I'm kind of plugging into 

901
00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:37,920
homesteading local groups about 
how to raise chickens and lamb 

902
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:41,200
and things like that. 
And one common denominator I've 

903
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:45,800
seen is like these people, they 
want to be self-sufficient. 

904
00:53:45,800 --> 00:53:50,120
They want to be able to help 
others locally and support their

905
00:53:50,120 --> 00:53:52,640
neighbor. 
They want to fuel themselves 

906
00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:56,640
with quality food that they 
raise, grow, procure themselves,

907
00:53:56,720 --> 00:53:59,680
hunt themselves. 
And it's like, you know, that 

908
00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:03,360
that's how we lived as a species
500 years ago. 

909
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:06,000
That was just the default. 
That's just how things work. 

910
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:10,640
We would, we would work from sun
up until sundown and then we 

911
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:15,000
would sit around a fire. 
We would connect with our family

912
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:16,600
and loved ones and those close 
to us. 

913
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:19,760
We would share great memories. 
We would pass those stories up 

914
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:22,960
through the the lineage. 
We would, we would help each 

915
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:24,520
other. 
Like these are all things, these

916
00:54:24,520 --> 00:54:27,760
are all core tenets of what it 
is to be human. 

917
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:32,880
And we've gotten so far removed 
from it by, you know, social 

918
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:36,760
media, the Internet, technology.
Not that those are bad things by

919
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:40,960
any means, but if they are 
brought into our life at the 

920
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:44,640
expense of those core tenants, 
they become a bad thing. 

921
00:54:44,640 --> 00:54:47,440
They become a distraction. 
I'm not saying that you should 

922
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:50,680
become a monk and and throw away
your cell phone, but if you 

923
00:54:50,680 --> 00:54:54,480
don't make time to incorporate 
these things that we have been 

924
00:54:54,480 --> 00:54:57,880
built on as a species, then 
you're not likely going to 

925
00:54:57,880 --> 00:55:01,160
benefit from it. 
I think you're right about that 

926
00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:03,600
too, yeah. 
How easy it is to pick up our 

927
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:10,280
phone and scroll versus walking 
outside and and and like taking 

928
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:11,960
the time to breathe the fresh 
air. 

929
00:55:12,280 --> 00:55:17,120
It's so easy to watch another 
episode on TV than to like go 

930
00:55:17,120 --> 00:55:20,560
climb a tree, right? 
Or like, you know, practice your

931
00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:22,880
shooting and your bow and arrow 
and things like that. 

932
00:55:23,560 --> 00:55:25,320
It's it's comfortable on the 
couch. 

933
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:30,560
You know when it's 32° out, when
you're walking, you know, no 

934
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:35,200
that's not comfortable. 
But but let me tell you, will 

935
00:55:35,200 --> 00:55:38,160
you feel better doing? 
Which one? 

936
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:39,720
Do you feel better sitting on 
the couch? 

937
00:55:40,320 --> 00:55:43,120
Do you feel better scrolling and
comparing yourself to social 

938
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:44,720
media? 
Because that's what I did. 

939
00:55:44,720 --> 00:55:47,600
I was looking at old photos of 
myself all the time and not not 

940
00:55:47,600 --> 00:55:50,560
feeling comfortable. 
But when I'm in nature, there's 

941
00:55:50,560 --> 00:55:54,680
not a mirror out there. 
What you're feeling is your 

942
00:55:54,680 --> 00:55:58,040
strengths, your power, what 
you're capable of. 

943
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:00,880
Yeah. 
And it's so easy to incorporate 

944
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:03,120
those things if you put forth a 
little bit of effort. 

945
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,520
I mean, one thing that I've been
doing with the family here 

946
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:09,440
lately, as simple as it sounds, 
but it's been like incredibly 

947
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:12,560
fulfilling, is I'll come home 
from work, we'll all have dinner

948
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:15,920
together as a family, which is a
rather uncommon thing these days

949
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:19,120
anyways, which is unfortunate. 
I'll have the fire going in the 

950
00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:22,920
fireplace with some Native 
American flute music playing on 

951
00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:25,840
the speaker like we have ATV. 
I've never had ATVI. 

952
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:29,360
Don't want ATV. 
Rigel will not be raised with 

953
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,320
the TV in the house, so there's 
just no TV's in the house. 

954
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:33,600
So we have that distraction 
removed, but simply eating 

955
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:37,720
together as a family, sitting in
front of the fire, listening to 

956
00:56:37,720 --> 00:56:41,560
Native American flute music like
that is is as simple as it gets.

957
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:44,720
But it's been incredibly 
powerful for me and for the 

958
00:56:44,720 --> 00:56:48,200
family, and it's like it it it's
not a massive time commitment. 

959
00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:53,880
It just simply takes effort. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

960
00:56:54,560 --> 00:56:58,280
So I hope somebody else can hear
that story too, who feels that 

961
00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:01,000
like when you come to a 
crossroad and you don't know how

962
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:08,520
to to to get over that next 
turtle, consider just consider 

963
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:13,920
the alternative And that might 
be disconnecting and you might 

964
00:57:13,920 --> 00:57:16,480
grow, you might grow yourself a 
little bit more. 

965
00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:19,000
Yeah. 
Well, Hannah, I can't thank you 

966
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:21,160
enough for taking the time to 
share the story and be as 

967
00:57:21,160 --> 00:57:22,880
transparent and vulnerable as 
you have. 

968
00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:26,880
I'm incredibly proud of you 
personally because I've seen and

969
00:57:26,880 --> 00:57:29,160
worked with you as you were 
going through the reverse diet. 

970
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:32,240
I saw you when you were at your 
unhealthiest. 

971
00:57:32,360 --> 00:57:36,720
I see you now and you just have 
this increased sense of zeal and

972
00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:39,880
vibrancy about you, which I'm 
incredibly grateful for. 

973
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:43,960
I'm excited for your son and 
what this 90 day stint in 

974
00:57:43,960 --> 00:57:48,840
Montana will do for him. 
And I've got no doubt that Y'all

975
00:57:48,840 --> 00:57:51,640
will both see it through this 
and be stronger for it. 

976
00:57:51,680 --> 00:57:55,560
And while it may be very 
difficult to connect now because

977
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:58,840
he he is struggling for his 
independence and he's finding it

978
00:57:58,840 --> 00:58:03,000
hard to relate with you, I 
guarantee that will mend because

979
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:06,560
you are coming at this with the 
right intentions and he'll see 

980
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:08,120
that. 
He's got a smart head on his 

981
00:58:08,120 --> 00:58:11,600
shoulders, I'm sure, and yeah, 
will be better than ever as a 

982
00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:13,720
result of all this hardship 
you're facing now. 

983
00:58:15,520 --> 00:58:17,720
Thanks Robert. 
And you've always been a always 

984
00:58:17,720 --> 00:58:21,440
been a supporter for me. 
Anybody who's ever worked with 

985
00:58:21,440 --> 00:58:24,400
Robert, even if you don't work 
with you, you've always said if 

986
00:58:24,400 --> 00:58:26,040
there's anything I can do, let 
me know. 

987
00:58:26,120 --> 00:58:29,880
That's like been your tagline 
and you are to your word on 

988
00:58:29,880 --> 00:58:32,000
that. 
I've always been able to reach 

989
00:58:32,000 --> 00:58:35,440
out to you and you respond. 
And so thank you for being my, 

990
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:40,200
my backbone and certain areas of
my life when I I doubted myself 

991
00:58:40,400 --> 00:58:43,280
and you, you've been there, 
you've done that, you knew the 

992
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:45,480
struggle and you pushed me 
through as well. 

993
00:58:45,480 --> 00:58:48,480
So I thank you for all your 
coaching that you've done in the

994
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:50,120
past for me. 
Well, my pleasure. 

995
00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:53,240
It's been an honor to work with 
you and to to continue that 

996
00:58:53,240 --> 00:58:54,880
tagline further. 
If there's everything I do to 

997
00:58:54,880 --> 00:58:59,320
help help, let me know. 
I happen to have a ranch in 

998
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:01,440
southwest Arkansas with great 
hunting as well. 

999
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:05,640
So if you and your son ever need
a place to go to have that 

1000
00:59:05,640 --> 00:59:08,200
outlet, you know, just just 
reach out. 

1001
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:11,880
That sounds amazing. 
Well done. 

1002
00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:13,320
I will do that. 
All right. 

1003
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:15,160
Take care. 
Thank you and take care. 

1004
00:59:15,160 --> 00:59:17,080
Have a good one. 
Yeah. 

1005
00:59:17,080 --> 00:59:17,480
Bye. 
Bye.