1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,360 Well, hello ladies and gents. Robert Sykes, Keto savage.com. 2 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:04,480 Today I've got special guest Phineas on the line. 3 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:07,760 He messaged me via e-mail couple months back with just a super 4 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:12,680 inspiring story about how he'd overcome addictions, drug and 5 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:16,160 alcohol addictions, turned his life around, switched over to a 6 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:19,640 ketogenic carnivore diet to help mitigate against some of the 7 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:21,960 issues he's now having with with diabetes. 8 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:25,960 Just a really inspiring story and I just wanted to bring on 9 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,440 the podcast. I want to bring on the podcast, 10 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:31,280 dive deeper, figure out his journey, how that looks for him 11 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:33,600 and just what he's been able to do to overcome all of it. 12 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,680 And I was just blown away. So I wanted to get him on the 13 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:39,400 podcast, let him share that story, that journey with Young 14 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,600 so that for the delay, sit back, relax and draw the recording 15 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:55,720 with Phineas. And we are live Phineas. 16 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,360 How are you, brother? I'm good. 17 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,240 Robert, how are you doing? I'm good, man, I'm good. 18 00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:01,080 I'm excited to chat with you. Sent me an e-mail. 19 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:03,680 I don't know, man. It's probably what, December. 20 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:05,880 I think you sent that or was it back even before? 21 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,160 That something like that last year. 22 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,600 At some point and you had just this, you weren't trying to like 23 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:12,200 pitch yourself as a podcast guest or anything. 24 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,920 You're just talking about your story. 25 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,640 And I'm like, shoot, man, I got to get you on the podcast and 26 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,600 dive deeper into this. And you'd been struggling with 27 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,600 addiction, diabetes, all that stuff. 28 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,240 And you've overcome it all with a low carb approach. 29 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:25,880 So let's build the curtain back, man. 30 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:28,640 What? What got you what what was the 31 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:31,960 the trajectory of your life before you switch gears? 32 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:37,040 Yeah, the reason that I reached out to you is just for some 33 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:40,880 reason, it just felt on my heart to to do that. 34 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,680 And I said, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm like thinking, I'm going to 35 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,480 figure this diabetes thing out. And then I'm going to go on 36 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,760 Robert's podcast and tell everybody how I did it. 37 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:56,720 Because what had happened is it was September, September 16th 38 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,040 was when I finally ended up in the hospital. 39 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:02,320 But for months before that, I had been feeling I've been off. 40 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:08,560 I was making mistakes both in my personal life and at my jobs, 41 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:10,919 you know, and I work on vehicles. 42 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,240 And some of the mistakes were dangerous, could have been 43 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:16,280 dangerous if, if my partner didn't catch me. 44 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:21,880 I was very forgetful. I was forgetting events, times, 45 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,520 stuff that was going on, stuff for my children. 46 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,720 I was losing weight. I'd lost. 47 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:36,200 I'd gone from around 2:25 to just over to just under 200 with 48 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,800 for no apparent reason, there was no change in my calories. 49 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,720 There was no change in my diet. And then the what really got me 50 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,880 wondering what the heck was going on was this. 51 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,360 I got this insatiable thirst. I'm 43 by the way, 43 years old 52 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:52,600 never had any any issues with diabetes before but I got this 53 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:58,320 insatiable thirst that I that I couldn't get to go away and I 54 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:04,560 was urinating all night long and my wife says babe maybe you have 55 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,720 pre diabetes because she did the quick Google lookup thing and I 56 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:09,560 just kind of laughed because I had been. 57 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:15,560 I got sober off drugs and alcohol in 2016 and about a year 58 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:21,040 later is when I found keto. I found Tim Ferriss's book, 59 00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:25,840 which he laid out the, the plan for the, the slow carb diet. 60 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:28,200 And from then I just naturally morphed over to keto. 61 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,200 And so I knew all about, you know, I well, I thought I knew 62 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:33,600 everything, you know, and all, there's no way, you know, I eat 63 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:38,680 really well and I had gone into this program of eating cereal at 64 00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:43,760 night, though, so I said maybe. So I got out my glucose tester 65 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:48,800 in. My fasting glucose was 300. 66 00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,720 Pretty high. And I'm going what? 67 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:54,000 And I've never seen numbers like that in my life. 68 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,640 Of course, of course I had the tester from all the years of 69 00:03:56,640 --> 00:03:59,000 doing keto and self experimentation and whatnot. 70 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:03,200 So I said I immediately went into a 12 hour fast and I got it 71 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:08,520 down to like 110, which still to me is high for after fasting for 72 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:11,560 that long. So I was trying to figure out 73 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,520 what to do. I at that point I knew something 74 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,959 was wrong with my metabolism, but I, I wasn't thinking 75 00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:19,680 diabetes. And then on the at the very next 76 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:23,920 day at work I had a panic attack and that led me to the hospital 77 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:30,080 where they took blood and they found ketones and they found 78 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:35,400 1.3mm ketones and high glucose in my blood were. 79 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:38,960 They worried about like ketoacidosis or anything and 80 00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,120 that's. Not super ketones. 81 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:41,520 But they probably were worried about then. 82 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,000 Yeah, they were. So they put me on. 83 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,480 I forget exactly what they did in there. 84 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:51,600 It was all my brain was just like glazed over, man. 85 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,480 I remember. I remember at work, I was, I was 86 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,920 working on something with a drill and I just caught myself. 87 00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,200 All of a sudden I was just standing there in this, in this 88 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,000 daze, and I didn't know what to do. 89 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,800 And I knew that I should probably go home because working 90 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,240 with power tools probably wasn't a good idea. 91 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,200 Then that's when the panic set in. 92 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:14,560 So the hospital told me that I had type 2 diabetes. 93 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:18,280 They looked at me at A1C, it was 10.1 and they said you have type 94 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,480 2 diabetes. Here's some metformin, you know, 95 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,520 make a appointment with your primary. 96 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:31,280 Well, my sister, she's two years younger than me in 2007 she was 97 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:33,640 diagnosed with type 1 diabetes out of nowhere. 98 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,800 No one in our family has it on either side of our family has 99 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:39,440 ever had a problem with diabetes. 100 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,840 And we've asked these questions since then. 101 00:05:41,840 --> 00:05:45,800 You know, so she talked to her endocrinologist at one of her 102 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,960 appointments and the, and the doctor said, you know what, tell 103 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,960 him to call me, tell him to make an appointment. 104 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,240 I, I feel like, I feel like they're wrong. 105 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,400 I feel like he has misdiagnosed so that she was thinking that I 106 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:01,960 might have the Latta, the latent adult diabetes or I don't 107 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,520 remember exactly what the acronym stands for, but latent 108 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:09,000 autoimmune diabetes for adults. I think it is, but when so she 109 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:13,760 took she did a very extensive labs and she got all the labs on 110 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:16,240 my pancreas. And when I finally went to the 111 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:20,240 appointment, she said you're a type 1 diabetic, you you're not 112 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,000 making any insulin. And how? 113 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,400 How much did you weigh at that point? 114 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:29,440 At that point I was probably down to still around the same 115 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,080 way like 195. But not, I mean, how tall are 116 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,040 you? I mean, you're not, you don't 117 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,160 look overweight. 6 foot. Yeah. 118 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,120 So I mean, you probably were scratching your head when they 119 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:39,240 were initially saying you were type 2 because you're like, it 120 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,280 just doesn't make sense. No. 121 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:43,720 And everyone I everyone I told that to said they said that 122 00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:45,600 doesn't make sense too. Yeah. 123 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,360 You know, it's been a weird thing with the doctors, Robert, 124 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:56,000 like some of the doctors will, will, will just no, you don't, 125 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,880 they're wrong or this person's wrong or that person's wrong and 126 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:01,160 they'll totally cross you. Even my dentist had something to 127 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,080 say about it. You know, this is how you're 128 00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,480 supposed to do diabetes. You're supposed to eat carbs for 129 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:07,560 breakfast, then you take your medication. 130 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:13,200 Just it's been crazy. But so she put me on a a long 131 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,200 acting insulin and a short acting insulin. 132 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:21,640 I should also mention that that since that the hospital I had 133 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:28,680 not had a carbs and my blood sugar it's it was still higher 134 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:31,560 than I'd like it to be, but I felt, but I felt like I was able 135 00:07:31,560 --> 00:07:34,440 to. It was about averaged at like 136 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:39,560 1513150. And the few times that I did try 137 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,400 to have carbs, I remember getting a call we were trick or 138 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:48,440 treating and the lab that had done my my my lab work said had 139 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,240 called me. The doctor from the lab called 140 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,400 me on my cell phone and said, yeah, is this Phineas? 141 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,360 I'm calling from so and so regional lab. 142 00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:01,640 And, and your glucose was 52 when we tested your blood, which 143 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:04,440 that's extremely low. And I'm like required by law to 144 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:07,280 call you to let you know that they need to figure that out. 145 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:12,200 So, and I was feeling, I was feeling the effects of, of low 146 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,440 blood sugar at that time too. It was just all over the place, 147 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:17,520 man. So I tried to eat a few kids 148 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,760 pieces of my kids candy to bring it up. 149 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:23,400 I think I tested it and it was like 65 that led into this 150 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:27,920 insane high where I where I had to use the, the insulin for the 151 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,760 first time. It was, it's just been, it's 152 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:36,679 just been a very tricky thing to navigate and it's and at the 153 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,799 same time I'm going, I know about this. 154 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:42,159 I know about keto, I know about all this stuff. 155 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:46,320 You know why me? Yeah, and you had been, I mean, 156 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:49,200 if you were doing like I've read Tim Ferriss book and if you were 157 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,600 doing all that before you ever even found keto, I mean, you're 158 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,120 someone that's you're taking initiative and like trying to 159 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,520 get things dialed in. You're not overweight. 160 00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:00,720 You're reading his book. It's like you're not a stranger 161 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:04,680 to health and Wellness. No, and I take it upon myself to 162 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:07,960 learn as much as I could. I was listening to your podcast. 163 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:13,200 I was listening to, I think back then it was the Goody Beats was 164 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:16,320 doing the podcast. Thomas de Lauer. 165 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,040 I never really, I always felt there was a certain element to 166 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:23,400 him that wasn't too genuine, but I I listened to some of his 167 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:27,240 stuff. The Keto Gans guy, Lewis the the 168 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,160 prime alleged health guy that used to live out in the middle 169 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,320 of the rainforest. Remember him? 170 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,840 The bald guy? Yeah, Tristan thinks his name. 171 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,200 Yeah. Yeah, Tristan and then the keto 172 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:40,520 for normies, the couple I was, I was ingesting and consuming so 173 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,320 much of that stuff. I was trying new things and I, 174 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:48,760 and I was strict keto for like 3 or 4 years and I loved it and I 175 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,440 felt great and I tried to tell, tell everyone about it, but no 176 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,800 one wanted to hear me. Everyone thought I was crazy and 177 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,480 I was, I was going to like clog my arteries and all this stuff. 178 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:04,000 But there was a point where I kind of fell off and I started 179 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:08,560 doing like cereal after a workout and then that turned 180 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:12,960 into, you know, more cereal. It was Fruity Pebbles, man, the 181 00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:16,160 bane of my existence. That's the worst. 182 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:21,520 And next thing I know, so for like months on end, I was eating 183 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,160 Fruity Pebbles uncontrollably at night. 184 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,000 I would wake up holding a bowl of Fruity Pebbles. 185 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,240 It's a lot of Fruity Pebbles. And so I don't know if that was 186 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,560 part of the diabetes was like at that point, because I feel so 187 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:36,920 much sharper now. And I've never woken up since, 188 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,480 since I got it all straightened out eating, never woke up in the 189 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,840 kitchen holding some food or, or woke up in the morning and 190 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:46,960 seeing cereal on the ground. It was almost like I was a a 191 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,080 Fruity Pebbles junkie. What? 192 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,360 What do you think? So, So what are you doing now? 193 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,280 So you've got your blood sugar under control now? 194 00:10:55,320 --> 00:11:00,760 Yes, now I'm doing like a 90% animal based diet with a a few 195 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:07,960 very few vegetables thrown in. Once in a while I'll do keto. 196 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:12,960 Bricks have been amazing because I still have a wicked sweet 197 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:19,160 tooth that I can't seem to kill. And you're still diabetic type 1 198 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,880 as per. Are you still diabetic? 199 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:24,320 So you're taking insulin, but you're doing the slow acting and 200 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,160 the fast acting. Well I just saw her. 201 00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:31,040 I had I, the only time I've had to take insulin so far is if I 202 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,600 try and mess around and have like a sweet potato or some 203 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:37,080 white rice or I think on Thanksgiving, it was stuffing 204 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:41,520 and it just shoots up. So I don't have too much 205 00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:44,960 experience with insulin because as soon as I found out about 206 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:48,800 this, I stopped ingesting carbs for the most part. 207 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,200 But and then I would, I would inject the insulin, it would go 208 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:55,440 dangerously low. I would have to eat something 209 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:59,400 else to bring it back up. And it was just like this awful 210 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,760 roller coaster that I wanted no part of, you know? 211 00:12:02,560 --> 00:12:06,680 So at my last visit, my endocrinologist, it was last 212 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:11,840 week, she said that I'm still in a honeymoon phase of, of type 1 213 00:12:11,840 --> 00:12:19,000 diabetes, which is basically you, your pancreas is is she 214 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,160 says it'll happen. It can happen for up to six 215 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:25,680 months to up to five years. But eventually I will need the 216 00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,080 insulin. On a regular. 217 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,280 Basis. Just on a regular basis for the 218 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:32,040 rest of my life. Well, I feel like, you know, 219 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,080 when you're type one, you're not producing insulin naturally. 220 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,040 You're like you're going to have to always supplement with it 221 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:38,480 exogenously. But like I've had several 222 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,640 clients that are type 1 diabetic. 223 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:41,600 I've got several clients now they're type 1 diabetic and 224 00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:45,120 their insulin requirements are significantly diminished once 225 00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:48,640 they go keto carnivore. You'll just need much less of 226 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:49,880 it. It's not bad to have some 227 00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:51,520 insulin. If you're type 1 diabetic, 228 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,080 you're going to have to have exogenous. 229 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:56,400 But if you can mitigate how much you're using, what blows my mind 230 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,880 is when you've got like a type one or type 2 diabetic that's 231 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,880 taking insulin and there's not any conversation around the 232 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:06,160 nutrition and they're just like taking insulin so that they can 233 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:10,440 eat standard American diet foods, fast foods, sugary junk 234 00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,920 foods. And they're just constantly 235 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,800 inundating themselves with like, that's what you don't want. 236 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,960 That blows my mind too and it angers me is and it's because my 237 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,360 sister is in that exact situation. 238 00:13:21,680 --> 00:13:23,800 So she's not doing low carb keto or anything like that? 239 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:26,560 No, I cannot. I cannot get her to do it. 240 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:28,040 And she's type. Two as well. 241 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:30,080 She's type 1. Yeah. 242 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,960 She ended up in a coma because she had all the symptoms I had 243 00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:38,400 but she ignored them and finally I guess her her legs hurt her so 244 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:43,960 bad that her boyfriend was the one that had to like drag her 245 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,600 into the hospital where she ended up in intensive care for 246 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:51,080 like 7 days. She's very stubborn. 247 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,560 Yeah, I hate that man. And she was Type 1 before you 248 00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:57,080 were diagnosed, right? So she's seeing you kind of 249 00:13:57,080 --> 00:14:00,320 mediate this symptom, these symptoms with your diet. 250 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:02,920 Yes. But she's still not. 251 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,520 But she's still, she's still believe in the hype man, she's 252 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:10,280 still buying into it and I want it so bad for her, but she's 253 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,520 very hard to convince. I'm not going to give up. 254 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,760 Yeah. You know, I might take a back 255 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,840 channel through her husband. I thought about doing that too. 256 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:20,040 Like, hey, all these ups and downs that she's she's going 257 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:23,800 through compounded over years and years and decades is not 258 00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:26,360 going to be good later on. Is she overweight or no? 259 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,200 I think she would say she's a little overweight, yeah. 260 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,760 She train. No. 261 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:34,880 Yeah, I feel like that's going to be key too. 262 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,160 You, you train. I mean you're you look pretty 263 00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,960 freaking lean based off of this video. 264 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:43,240 Yeah, I do. I train on average like every 265 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,080 two days. What do you do for? 266 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:49,600 It so I work at a sprinter van conversion shop where we turn 267 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:52,720 sprinters into RV's. I work there part time and then 268 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:57,120 I own an off road A4 by 4 shop in Grover Beach, CA where we 269 00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:01,720 specialize in lifting Toyotas and doing Toyota stuff. 270 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:05,200 And the conversion shop is also in California I'm assuming? 271 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:07,520 Yeah. I need to talk to you, man. 272 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:11,600 I got this massive rig that I call it the rig that's like a 273 00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:14,480 1999 Freightliner ambulance that's been converted to a 274 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,840 camper, but it's like not done yet. 275 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,560 I'm trying to find a place to take it, to hook it up. 276 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,680 I need to go out to California and see you, man. 277 00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,800 How long you been doing that? They're never done, Robert. 278 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,160 They're never done. They're never done. 279 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:30,320 I mean, I got it from a guy that had like kind of like he put 280 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,760 solar panels on top, but there's no battery bank in it. 281 00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,280 Like nothing's hooked up right now. 282 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,000 There's like a little sink, but I need to get like it. 283 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,920 I need to get it done done so I can use it. 284 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,480 Yeah, yeah, that's that sounds awesome. 285 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,720 I love those, those conversions. They can. 286 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,480 So I watch some of them on YouTube. 287 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:49,680 They're just far out. Yeah, yeah, we, I got into it. 288 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:53,200 I just saw the ad. I, I was running a nonprofit. 289 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:59,400 It was a sober living facility that housed nine people, 9 290 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:03,160 recovering addicts. And it was also a meeting place 291 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,560 for a, A and NA meetings. And I did that. 292 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,080 I was the executive director of that for five years. 293 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:14,400 So when I got out of that, I was on paternity leave for two 294 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:17,000 months. We had just had a baby and then 295 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,920 I just started looking, looking for jobs and it just it spoke to 296 00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,480 me. It said van builder slash 12 297 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,000 Volt electrician. And I'm like, well, I know how 298 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,680 to build and I I know something about 12 volts and I just went 299 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:31,880 to the place and they hired me and it's been great. 300 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:34,120 I've learned a ton. That's awesome man, That's 301 00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,000 awesome. You got a website and 302 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:38,360 everything. We have a website for our shop, 303 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,240 yeah, our shops called Tree House Off Road. 304 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:41,800 Nice, nice. I'll check. 305 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,000 Definitely check that out. I want to hear about the. 306 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,200 YouTube channel going. Yeah, I'll check all that out, 307 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,040 man. Yeah, I won't hear about the 308 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,680 back story. So you mentioned that you were 309 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,000 in that program as a director. You mentioned that you'd been 310 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,040 recovering from alcohol and and drugs. 311 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,320 I mean, talk to me about that if you're open to it. 312 00:16:58,320 --> 00:16:59,680 Like, what was that like for you? 313 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:00,880 What was? Yeah, I'm open to it. 314 00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:04,800 I'm open to it. Let's see. 315 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,839 High school was mainly drinking beers. 316 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:13,599 Grew up in Massachusetts, Cape Cod, found the town was called 317 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,400 Falmouth. So it was a nice place to grow 318 00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:20,560 up, a touristy place, but in the winter that it was dead, it was 319 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:21,880 dead nine months out of the year. 320 00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:25,040 So kids there do what kids, kids everywhere do. 321 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:29,000 And you know, we find beer and pot and party and stuff. 322 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:35,640 And I think it was 1999. I graduated in 1999. 323 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:39,280 So yeah, right around the same year I graduated high school, I 324 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:44,120 was involved in a a car accident where I was, I had a Jeep and I 325 00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:46,680 got T-bone and, and it flipped over. 326 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:53,360 I ended up breaking, shattering my right scapula shoulder blade, 327 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:59,400 breaking my left elbow and fracturing a a knee. 328 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:03,080 And I was in the hospital for I think about a week and a half 329 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:07,400 and then they sent me home with Percocet. 330 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:13,600 And I know I real quick I'd I noticed that the Percocet just 331 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:20,760 made me feel amazing, gave me the warm fuzzy feeling kind of 332 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,440 like something was hugging me. And you were just doing a dose. 333 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:32,240 Yeah, first I was Yep, Yep. And I don't think aside from 334 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:35,360 changing the dressing on my arm, which which was painful, it was 335 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:38,680 a, it was a akin to a third degree burn on this part of my 336 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:42,040 arm where my sister or my mother or somebody would have to change 337 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:46,080 the dressing twice a day. I wasn't in as much pain to 338 00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,640 where I looking back that I think I needed those things. 339 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:52,280 Yeah. But I kept getting them and they 340 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,720 kept prescribing them and that was my first kind of dive into 341 00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:01,480 the world of opiates. After that we started looking 342 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,840 for them at parties and started taking painting narcotics at 343 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:09,360 parties. Then the Oxycontin wave swept 344 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:14,000 through my town viciously. People were crushing those up, 345 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:21,960 snorting them, injecting them. Then almost overnight the 346 00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:26,080 Oxycontin disappeared and heroin was in my town for the first 347 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,160 time, almost like it was pre planned. 348 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,400 You know, one disappeared. Although I don't have that, but 349 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,160 I have this and it's 10 times cheaper. 350 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,840 And so people that you would never think, ever think were 351 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,560 even associated with the word heroin, which is just a dirty 352 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:48,640 word in general. We're taking this stuff and I 353 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:51,720 got addicted. I I needed it every day. 354 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:54,840 I was doing that. I was drinking. 355 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,840 I had a, a problem with cocaine too. 356 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:02,160 I it was just AI was just a Poly drug abuser. 357 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:05,840 And heroin, I don't me if I'm wrong, but heroin is a downer, 358 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,600 right? Like you, you take that and then 359 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,680 you just like you're like super chill or how's, what's that 360 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:13,920 effect? Heroin can can do that in higher 361 00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:18,600 doses and lower doses it can actually get you going, like get 362 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,480 you energy. And I don't know if there's 363 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:23,160 different types or, or what different types or anything like 364 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,120 that do. But yeah, basically what you, 365 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:28,240 what you hear about heroin is somebody injects it and then 366 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:32,920 they go like this and then they wake up an hour later or two 367 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:37,080 hours later and want to do more. But it, it's the, it's when you 368 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:41,280 stop taking it that the evil sets in and you realize, man, I 369 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,960 I actually really need this stuff. 370 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:51,040 You, you start sweating, your bones hurt your, the anxiety 371 00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:54,400 goes through the roof. It's, it's awful. 372 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:59,440 And it's, and it's much easier to just find some more than to 373 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:02,720 just go through that for five days or a week or whatever it 374 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:05,480 is. So you just, you just delay the 375 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:10,360 inevitable by finding more. But skip ahead a few years. 376 00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:16,320 I got myself into a treatment program with medication called 377 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:23,560 methadone, which is a, a liquid that you have to go to a clinic 378 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,640 to take. And basically it takes the place 379 00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:30,200 of the heroin. You go there every day in the 380 00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:32,640 morning and you drink it and then you're good for that day 381 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,160 there. There are methadone clinics all 382 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,800 around the country. It's been around forever, I 383 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:44,120 think since the 40s. But it develops a stronger hold 384 00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:47,920 on you than the heroin does. So it it, it takes longer to get 385 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:52,000 out of your system than the normal heroin would. 386 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:54,640 And I found that out the hard way too. 387 00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,320 But everything, I believe everything happens for a reason. 388 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:03,080 The reason I came to California was my sister was out here and 389 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:07,000 she said she saw that nothing was good for me, was back home, 390 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:09,800 none of the friends, none of the people, none of the places. 391 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,960 And she said come out here and I'll let, I'll give you 6 months 392 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,760 on my couch and you can, you can get clean here. 393 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:18,880 And I thought that was a wonderful opportunity and I took 394 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,320 her up on it. She flew me out. 395 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:24,560 She lives in San Luis Obispo, CA Still grateful. 396 00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,480 I went from the methadone clinic in Massachusetts and I 397 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,560 transferred to the one here, but I was still drinking. 398 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,640 So now drinking had become my big thing. 399 00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,040 I would go in the morning to get the methadone and then I would 400 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:42,000 go immediately to the store and buy vodka and just start 401 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:47,480 drinking vodka during the day. Were you like working or like 402 00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:49,960 were you like functional as an alcoholic or what were you 403 00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:53,400 doing? I was not working when I came 404 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,200 out here. My, the plan was to get a job. 405 00:22:55,400 --> 00:23:01,160 You know, I but that, that took a long time. 406 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:05,000 I was, I was coming home, drinking, telling my sister I 407 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:10,400 looked for a job, acting out in front of her friends, you know, 408 00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,040 getting drunk and acting foolish. 409 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:17,600 And finally she had enough, which I completely understand. 410 00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:21,520 So I had to end up having to move out of her house. 411 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:25,320 I ended up on the street. I ended up homeless. 412 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:29,000 My first night at homeless, I remember being extremely scared. 413 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:35,320 Not only did I not know the area very well, but I didn't know the 414 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:37,960 people at all. And I ended up going to the 415 00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:43,320 homeless shelter, staying there for a little while, and then got 416 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:44,720 kicked out of there for drinking. 417 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,360 Then I really ended up on the street, living out of my 418 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:53,840 backpack, sleeping in tents, incredibly unhealthy, very 419 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:57,920 bloated, waking up in the middle of the night needing a shot of 420 00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,200 vodka. That's all that my life revolved 421 00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:04,720 around. Drinking vodka and whatever 422 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:08,200 other drugs were around. You know, there was meth was out 423 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:10,200 here. Meth was never anything in 424 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,600 Massachusetts. I dabbled in that. 425 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:20,440 My life got so dark, man, 'cause you just, you find the people 426 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:21,880 that are at your level, you know? 427 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:25,200 So I found, I found my people and they were all doing the same 428 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,680 thing I was. And we were sleeping outside, 429 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:35,320 stealing alcohol. That lasted five years. 430 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,640 Five years of that man. What, What is your like when 431 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,680 you're on the streets living in tents, getting drugs and 432 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:47,040 alcohol? Like when you wake up, what do 433 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,640 you, what is your thought like? Are you beating yourself up on a 434 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,480 daily basis or do you just is that just become the new norm 435 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:54,680 and that's just the plan for the? 436 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:55,840 Personally, how does that look like? 437 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,360 I was beating myself up. Yeah. 438 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:02,160 And the reason I was is because I knew that that that wasn't my 439 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,680 destiny. I was I I was destined for 440 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:07,520 greater things. And, and I'm thankful when I was 441 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:09,720 talking about my wife about this last night. 442 00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:14,120 She's taking a drug and alcohol course right now for school and 443 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,800 I'm really thankful that I had that like that pinhole or that 444 00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:20,360 little teeny Angel on my shoulder that just kept saying 445 00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:22,240 this isn't how it's supposed to go for you. 446 00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,800 This isn't how how you're supposed to die because people 447 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:30,960 around me were dying pretty frequently or they disappear and 448 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:37,000 get go to jail or whatever. I tried a few, you know, 449 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,120 inpatient program or outpatient programs, which is something 450 00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:42,680 that you go to during the day and you sit in the group and 451 00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:47,040 talk and but that wasn't enough for me. 452 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,320 Finally, I remember just I was riding my bike one day. 453 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,280 I had my backpack on. I don't remember where I was 454 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:57,200 going. I just started crying out loud, 455 00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:01,160 just absolutely bawling like this has to change. 456 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:06,200 Something has to change. It had become like 95% darkness 457 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:12,200 and like five 5% light, 5% fun. I had. 458 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:18,000 I had been hospitalized 6 times with acute pancreatitis, which 459 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:22,440 is when you drink so much that your pancreas swells up and 460 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:30,560 produces this, this vomiting, continuous vomiting of bile and 461 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,240 absolutely like excruciating abdominal pain. 462 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:38,240 And the only thing they can do for you in the hospital is keep 463 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:43,160 you there for a week, give you painkillers and not let you eat 464 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,400 or drink anything and, and just give you fluids. 465 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:50,800 And it got to the point where I was so tired of being outside 466 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,560 that if I started to feel the symptoms of pancreatitis 467 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:57,400 approach in a sick, weird way, I would get a little bit excited 468 00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,000 because I knew for the next week I'd be inside. 469 00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,480 I'd have ATV to watch, I'd be safe. 470 00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:05,960 It was almost like a miniature vacation. 471 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:10,200 And my, my whole thought process was very, very twisted and toxic 472 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:13,200 at that point, you know? Do you have a relationship with 473 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,040 your parents at all? Like were you in contact with 474 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:16,560 them? Like what that look like? 475 00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:25,880 Not really. My mom and I at that point, we 476 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,400 hadn't been getting along. I, I found out later, though, 477 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:33,520 that my mom had came out to California and went to every, 478 00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:38,160 every sober living, every hospital, every homeless shelter 479 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:41,600 looking for me. And she would see a group of 480 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:44,120 homeless people on the street and she'd ask if they knew me, 481 00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:48,720 if they'd seen me. So that was, that was very 482 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,840 touching when I heard that. But I at the time, I didn't know 483 00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,080 that. No, at the time it when I'm, 484 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:56,040 when I was in that state, I was too ashamed to reach out to 485 00:27:56,040 --> 00:27:59,120 anybody. Robert, what am I going to tell 486 00:27:59,120 --> 00:28:01,560 him? Yeah, I'm still, I'm still 487 00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:05,360 living outside. I'm still drinking and and 488 00:28:05,480 --> 00:28:10,480 numbing myself and what I didn't really like to call without good 489 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,160 news. I'm I mean, and they were 490 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:17,640 worried sick about me. Yeah, what, what is the, what 491 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:19,840 are other people like when you're out there with them and 492 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,720 you are, you know, intense and stuff Like what? 493 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,240 What is the dialogue between you and others that are out there? 494 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:29,120 Like are they also feeling that this isn't the way it's supposed 495 00:28:29,120 --> 00:28:32,880 to be for them or have they succumbed to those situations? 496 00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:34,720 Like what's, what's the overall vibe out there? 497 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:37,520 The overall vibe is pretty bleak. 498 00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:42,080 I did not really have any conversations like that about, 499 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,120 hey, we shouldn't be doing this. You know, those were more of my 500 00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,680 inner thoughts. A lot of the people are, they're 501 00:28:48,680 --> 00:28:52,280 just lifers and they're going to die out there, or they already 502 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:54,160 have. I still see people when I walk 503 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,760 downtown that I, I still see someone every now and then and I 504 00:28:57,760 --> 00:29:00,880 just go home. Like God, you are still doing 505 00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:01,920 this. How? 506 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:06,840 But no, there's not really any deep connections. 507 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,320 In fact, it, it can be quite the opposite. 508 00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,520 You know, somebody who you thought was cool could RIP you 509 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:14,120 off and then you never see him again. 510 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:19,240 It's pretty cutthroat. Living in a nice town, it's a 511 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:22,200 pretty cutthroat. What what are people that are 512 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:23,520 not living on the streets? Like what? 513 00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:25,360 It's probably going to be dependent upon location, but 514 00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:28,640 like there's a few homeless people here in Northwest 515 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:30,560 Arkansas, but not that man, I like California. 516 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:35,120 What what should people that see the homeless people do? 517 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:36,240 Because I'm always conflicted, man. 518 00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:40,280 Like I see some people that I feel compelled to help and I 519 00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,720 will and I see other people that I don't get that, you know, 520 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:45,720 compelling nature towards. So I don't. 521 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:49,120 But like I see people that seemingly are very able bodied. 522 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:53,400 I saw one guy a day that had a sign that said no handouts need 523 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,520 work or something like that. So like that, that like I can 524 00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:57,800 get behind that. But like what? 525 00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,960 What are people seeing people like that? 526 00:29:59,960 --> 00:30:02,520 Like what's the best thing we can do for them there? 527 00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:04,680 Is there anything? I, I don't even know the answer 528 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,760 to that for myself because I'm the same way. 529 00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:12,120 I sometimes, sometimes it's just, it just comes on my heart 530 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:15,240 to give to that person, you know, no matter what, they're 531 00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:17,760 going to use it for it. It's just like, well, I'm doing 532 00:30:18,840 --> 00:30:20,960 1000 times better than them right now. 533 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,840 I can give them 20 bucks and, and they'll be happy even if 534 00:30:24,840 --> 00:30:27,040 it's just for the night, even if it's for the wrong reason. 535 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:33,280 But sometimes I don't, even though I was involved in that 536 00:30:33,280 --> 00:30:38,040 whole situation for so long, I, I don't have any ideas how to 537 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:39,520 solve it. I really don't. 538 00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:41,800 Because a lot of the people that are out there, they want to be 539 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:47,400 out there for whatever reason, and it's always turning over, 540 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,640 like it's always a new group of people. 541 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:54,280 Yeah, so when? I mean the when when you broke. 542 00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:56,640 Down and you were there and you were like crying. 543 00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:57,920 I mean, what that was the catalyst. 544 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:00,720 That was like the the low that you hit that you had to come 545 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:04,200 from. I think it, when I think back, I 546 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:09,320 think that was the lowest, yeah, I was on probation at the time. 547 00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:10,720 I was constantly in and out of jail. 548 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:16,880 One good thing about the in and out of jail thing was that I was 549 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:20,120 able to get off that methadone in jail because they they don't 550 00:31:20,120 --> 00:31:25,920 give it to you there. So it was 40 days, 454045 days I 551 00:31:25,920 --> 00:31:29,400 was in there and I don't think I slept till the last night. 552 00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:34,720 And I know people can we'll hear that and say bull BS but this 553 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:36,720 stuff has get such a hold of you. 554 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:40,240 I remember just being up all night while everyone else slept, 555 00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:46,600 tossing and turning and hurting and just, it was intense. 556 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:51,240 But I was in there long enough to not want to go back to the to 557 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:52,600 the methadone clinic when I got out. 558 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:54,040 So that was an absolute blessing. 559 00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,760 So yes, I was on probation. I had a probation officer and 560 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:04,880 one day it struck me to just call him and say, hey, you 561 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,280 can't. Your only job can't just be too, 562 00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:11,840 you know, tracked me down, drug test me, locked me up. 563 00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:14,720 You got to have some connections too, like I need help. 564 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:18,680 I am going to die out here. And so he said, let me see what 565 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,200 I can do. And he ended up getting in touch 566 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:25,480 with someone at the county Drug and alcohol Center. 567 00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:32,120 And he got me into a program. And the program was they put you 568 00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:35,080 into a house, a sober living facility, which do you know what 569 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:37,000 that is? Vaguely, yeah. 570 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,760 Yeah, it's basically exactly how it sounds. 571 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,560 So it could be a men's house or a women's house. 572 00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,480 And it's people, they're either coming directly from prison or 573 00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:51,760 jail or any really walk of life. And you go there for 574 00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,160 accountability. You you share a room with other 575 00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:59,800 men, you live together, you cook together, you watch TV together. 576 00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:04,440 And then you get drug tested there and you have to pass your 577 00:33:04,440 --> 00:33:06,040 drug tests in order to stay there. 578 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:09,560 So it's a place just to get better. 579 00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,400 It's like a stepping stone. Just to get sober. 580 00:33:12,400 --> 00:33:14,920 Based. Yeah yeah. 581 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:18,440 Sober living. They ended up putting me in 582 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:21,080 sober living. What would in that context like, 583 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:22,920 most of those people aren't working or anything, right? 584 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,400 So how are they getting food? Or are they working? 585 00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,840 Most of them. Some of them are and some of 586 00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:30,720 them, some of the sober livings will let you stay for like a 587 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,920 week until you get a job. Some of the, a lot of the 588 00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:35,480 people, their family was supporting them. 589 00:33:39,080 --> 00:33:42,400 You know, in my case, the county was supporting me and the deal 590 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:47,160 was they would pay my first month's rent, My second month's 591 00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:52,280 rent they would pay 3/4 of third month they would pay 1/2 and it 592 00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:54,560 would go on like that until I was paying my own rent. 593 00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:56,240 Gotcha. Gotcha. 594 00:33:56,240 --> 00:34:00,080 And at the same time, I'm going to these classes every day from 595 00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:06,760 9:00 AM till 12:00 every weekday, just intense counseling 596 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:11,040 group sessions. And it worked. 597 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:12,920 You know, I was able to get a job. 598 00:34:12,920 --> 00:34:18,920 I was, I, my first job was a fast food, which, you know, at 599 00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:22,920 that time I thought I was a rocket scientist and it, and it 600 00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:26,560 was way below my pay grade. But when I look back, it was the 601 00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,000 best thing that could have happened because it, it humbled 602 00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:33,719 me. You know, I consider myself 603 00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:37,600 pretty intelligent, so having to sit behind a fast food counter 604 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:41,840 with the hat and the shirt and the name tag and deal with the 605 00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:46,920 customers, I was very humbling and it and it didn't pay a lot, 606 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:51,120 but it gave me purpose which I hadn't had in a long, long time. 607 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:54,320 Was that the first moment you felt like hope? 608 00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:56,480 Like you can crawl out of this hell that you've created. 609 00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:04,400 Yeah, right around then, yeah. When when I'd say like, I'd say 610 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:09,600 like about a month after my last drink when it went all the they 611 00:35:09,600 --> 00:35:12,240 call it wet brain, it just soaks into your brain. 612 00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:15,080 So I didn't really make a good decision. 613 00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:18,120 And that's why they kind of just make the decisions for you at 614 00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,320 first. You know, I wanted to go to work 615 00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,840 right away. They're like, no, you know, do 616 00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:26,040 the program keep showing up, keep staying clean. 617 00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,240 But I'd say about a month, yeah, I started feeling clear head and 618 00:35:30,240 --> 00:35:34,320 I started feeling like that I could do this, I just needed to 619 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:36,440 get inside. There was just no way I was 620 00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,600 going to be able to do it sleeping outside. 621 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,040 Yeah. How'd you meet your wife? 622 00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:47,840 I met my wife match.com. What were you doing then? 623 00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:49,320 Right. Around, yeah, right around 624 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:51,560 COVID. Nice. 625 00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:53,200 Everybody was using those dating apps. 626 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,480 Yeah. So are you at the fast food 627 00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:56,880 joint at that point? Were you doing something else 628 00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:00,520 when you met her? No, that I that I did that for 629 00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:05,040 about a year and then I went to a warehouse, like a sports 630 00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:11,040 warehouse, worked in the warehouse and then I took over 631 00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:15,760 that the nonprofit. So when I met her, I was working 632 00:36:15,760 --> 00:36:18,280 at the nonprofit. Nice. 633 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,320 That'd be pretty cool working with the nonprofit because I'm 634 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,600 assuming in that position you were helping other troubled 635 00:36:24,720 --> 00:36:26,760 individuals and you'd come from all that let. 636 00:36:27,920 --> 00:36:35,080 Me turn my window up real quick. It. 637 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,640 Was super cool. It was cool. 638 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:41,560 It was fulfilling. Yeah. 639 00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:43,920 I loved it because I, I originally moved in there. 640 00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,680 I, I was renting a room there and then I became close to the 641 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,520 director and then I became the assistant manager. 642 00:36:50,240 --> 00:36:53,720 And then he told me one day that he was thinking about leaving 643 00:36:53,720 --> 00:36:56,440 the position and was I interested and I'm, I'm, I went. 644 00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,480 Absolutely. That's awesome man. 645 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:03,720 Did your did your wife have a similar story at all or was that 646 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,560 totally foreign to her To her? Totally foreign. 647 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:12,400 Nope. She grew up in a very, very 648 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:17,600 close, I think 1010 siblings. Half of them were adopted and 649 00:37:17,600 --> 00:37:20,080 half of them weren't very, very Christian family. 650 00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:27,360 I'm really lucky to be hooked up with with my my family in law. 651 00:37:27,360 --> 00:37:30,320 They're just amazing people. That's awesome man. 652 00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:34,200 You said you got a kid too. Yeah, so I had when I was 653 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:40,840 homeless, I met a woman who had a one year old son and I think 654 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:46,800 at the time a four year old son. We got together and we ended up 655 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:52,080 having a daughter. She's now 10 and the one year 656 00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:58,680 old named Anthony just started calling me dad pretty early on, 657 00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:01,960 I'd say around 2. His father was not in the 658 00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:06,520 picture at all. So even though he's not 659 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:10,680 biologically mine he he is still 100% my son and I see him. 660 00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:15,600 I have and always have seen him just as much as his sister. 661 00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:20,520 So I had two going into this relationship and my wife had two 662 00:38:20,960 --> 00:38:22,640 and then we had one. So we got. 663 00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:27,080 Five nice, nice and do your son and daughter live with with you 664 00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:30,480 then? They live half, half between our 665 00:38:30,480 --> 00:38:32,640 house and their mom's house. And she's stable. 666 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:35,760 Yeah. That's awesome, man. 667 00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:37,320 Yeah, there's stuff like this, man. 668 00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:40,640 It's like it moves me, you know? You see people on the streets, 669 00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,240 you don't really know what's going to become of them. 670 00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:44,560 But then I hear stories like this and it like, gives me faith 671 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:48,480 and hope and humanity, 'cause I mean, I mean, how long were you 672 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:51,960 on the streets in total? Five years, 5 Christmases. 673 00:38:52,320 --> 00:38:54,040 It's a long time, man. It's a long time. 674 00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:57,200 And to be able to come out of that, come out the other side, 675 00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:01,800 not just improve your own life, but be able to raise kids and be 676 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:05,400 the director of that, help other people have like an awesome 677 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:07,960 relationship. I meant that that says a lot, 678 00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:10,360 brother. It's crazy. 679 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:15,240 Out of the the 25 people that were in that class that I took, 680 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:18,880 I'm the only one that's still still going. 681 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:25,480 So it, it's definitely gives me hope too, but it's, it's such a, 682 00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:31,080 it's such a bleak scenario with addiction. 683 00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:34,920 I don't know what the percentage is, man, but I feel so blessed 684 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:38,320 and, and lucky to have made it. Even though I worked my ass off, 685 00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:42,160 there was definitely some God shots thrown in there, you know? 686 00:39:42,400 --> 00:39:46,640 Yeah, You feel like, I mean, a lot of this kind of came on to 687 00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:49,360 you because that initial injury, we were taking the pain meds. 688 00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:53,960 But I feel like a lot of people that are in that setting, I 689 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:57,720 mean, like when you're on the streets, are most of them coming 690 00:39:57,720 --> 00:40:00,600 into that because of mistakes made in their adolescence before 691 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:02,880 they'd really solidify themselves and their identity? 692 00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,120 Or like a lot of these people getting into that position later 693 00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:08,800 in life, I feel like a lot of them, they just, they take the 694 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:11,400 wrong turn when they're young and then correcting from that 695 00:40:11,400 --> 00:40:13,240 trajectory is just that much harder. 696 00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:18,080 I, I think I saw a little bit of both, but yeah, a lot of it, a 697 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:22,600 lot of the people I think problems originated with trauma 698 00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:24,040 when they were young of some sort. 699 00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:26,560 Yeah. Trauma that they never dealt 700 00:40:26,560 --> 00:40:30,040 with. Yeah, it's crazy, man. 701 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:35,080 Like people, they turn to some form of coping mechanism and I 702 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:39,880 feel like if it's a substance that they don't know how they 703 00:40:39,880 --> 00:40:43,560 can control or can't control physically, mentally, emotion, 704 00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:46,640 psychologically, it just grabs hold of their life and breaking 705 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,680 free of that. It's just challenging, man. 706 00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:51,280 Like, I don't know what the statistics, I don't know what 707 00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:54,880 the percentages are, but I would imagine once you take that path, 708 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:57,400 there's probably more that don't recover from it than not. 709 00:40:57,400 --> 00:41:00,840 So you being one of the ones that did speaks volumes brother. 710 00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:06,440 Yeah, I've heard, I've heard the number like 10% make it thrown 711 00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:08,920 around in in the Alcoholics Anonymous circles. 712 00:41:09,280 --> 00:41:12,800 Yeah. But being that, being at that 713 00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:18,680 job for five years, I just saw so many people would come in and 714 00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:21,480 they'd be, they'd be doing OK. They'd start attending meetings 715 00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:23,760 and then you wouldn't see them for six months. 716 00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:27,760 And then they'd come back looking like they went through 717 00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:33,320 the cheese grater, just dilapidated man, skinny and 718 00:41:33,320 --> 00:41:36,120 dirty. And then they'd get better 719 00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:38,480 again. And then they'd disappear again. 720 00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:45,080 And they just this cycle of how bad can I beat myself up until 721 00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,000 one day I just don't recover from it, you know? 722 00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,680 Yeah, and you've been it's. Hard to watch. 723 00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:52,120 Yeah, I can't imagine, man. And you've been sober now? 724 00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:55,520 How long in total? It'll be nine years in May. 725 00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:58,880 Nine years from alcohol and drugs of all kinds. 726 00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:01,160 Yeah. It's crazy, man. 727 00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:02,560 What do you, what do you live for now? 728 00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:09,920 Like what gets you up now? I live for my family and as far 729 00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:14,960 as hobbies I live for the the Toyota community. 730 00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:19,200 I'm totally into it. We're trying to make our shop. 731 00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:22,280 We're trying to right now we're at, we, we work at our shop part 732 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,720 time, but hopefully by the end of this year we can be there 733 00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:27,480 full time. Yeah. 734 00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,080 I, I wanted to talk about one other thing real quick is, is 735 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:35,680 like a theory of why the, the diabetes came and where it came 736 00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:37,040 from. Because when I asked the doctor, 737 00:42:37,040 --> 00:42:42,360 the best thing she could tell me was some sort of that she said 738 00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:47,480 it was dormant inside me, but some sort of really traumatic 739 00:42:47,480 --> 00:42:52,000 thing if I go back 6 to 9 months, like triggered it. 740 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:54,520 And I've never heard that before. 741 00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:58,440 Like some an event, a life event can trigger type 1 diabetes. 742 00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:04,000 But it does line up with we moved, our family moved and we 743 00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:05,880 almost didn't find a house until the last second. 744 00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:10,440 And we have that many kids. It was extremely stressful but 745 00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:13,440 we were, we were getting new owners bought our apartment and 746 00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:16,360 they wanted to redo it. So they gave us a 30 day notice 747 00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:20,240 like around Christmas. And then we were also moving 748 00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:24,200 shops too at the same time. So I don't, I don't know, part 749 00:43:24,200 --> 00:43:27,160 of me thinks that all those trips to the hospital with the 750 00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:31,000 pancreatitis damaged my pancreas in some way. 751 00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,480 I would imagine, I mean, I would, I would, that makes sense 752 00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:36,240 to me. And I feel like, you know, with 753 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:40,640 with diabetics, with anything gene related, I mean, if you've 754 00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:43,800 got enough gene mutation taking place due to hardship or just 755 00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:45,880 the taxation you place on and over the years, and then 756 00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,960 something is just a straw that breaks the camel's back, so to 757 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:51,080 speak. And then it makes that gene 758 00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:54,480 active or inactive, it's going to have that lasting effect. 759 00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:56,880 So I don't know, I don't know the science behind that, but it 760 00:43:56,880 --> 00:44:00,160 definitely sounds like you were taxing your pancreas in more 761 00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:01,960 ways than one. Yeah. 762 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,520 And everything really. I mean, I'm sure your adrenals, 763 00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:08,600 I mean, just simply staying awake for 40 days, 40 nights in 764 00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:12,520 the prison, I mean, you're, you're beating your body up 765 00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:17,040 pretty good there, man. Yeah, I still, I saved the labs 766 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:20,600 that I got the the the last set of labs that I got before I got 767 00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:24,160 sober because every once in awhile I'll just look at them 768 00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,760 and just an astonishment. I mean, just read you a couple 769 00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:29,560 of the numbers. Yeah, I'm curious. 770 00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:36,920 My my testosterone was 25. And that's total testosterone, 771 00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:39,640 right? Yep, that's crazy man. 772 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:41,920 I was down to 89 when I was super lean. 773 00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:44,560 I remember seeing that video. Yeah. 774 00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:47,160 So I mean it was down temporarily, but I mean, I 775 00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:48,680 imagine yours was down for a while. 776 00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:51,560 I couldn't get it to start back up. 777 00:44:52,240 --> 00:44:53,840 I tried. Are you an? 778 00:44:53,840 --> 00:45:00,080 HRT yeah, I had to do it, man. Yeah, I, I did it at first not 779 00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:04,360 knowing much about it, the what the doctor suggested it, I was 780 00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:06,880 doing the cream. And then once I figured out a 781 00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:11,840 little bit more about it, we, we wanted to have a baby. 782 00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,200 And I know that you can't get pregnant on TRT. 783 00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:18,160 So I stopped and I said this is a good time to just stop and see 784 00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:20,080 if I can regain it, you know, on my own. 785 00:45:21,480 --> 00:45:24,320 I was told that I probably wouldn't, we probably wouldn't 786 00:45:24,320 --> 00:45:32,560 conceive, but I took a combination of HCG and HMG and 787 00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,960 within like a almost a month we were pregnant. 788 00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:38,840 Yeah, that's awesome, man. And when was that? 789 00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:40,520 Then I waited. What? 790 00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:42,200 When When was it that you all had the baby? 791 00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:48,320 That was February, she just turned 2, so February 2023. 792 00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,840 Nice man. Yeah, our our son's 2 1/2 is the 793 00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:52,760 best thing in the world, brother. 794 00:45:53,680 --> 00:45:55,560 Yeah, it's great, man. I love it. 795 00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:59,320 Little personality start coming out and you never know what 796 00:45:59,560 --> 00:46:00,920 she's saying. New words every day. 797 00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:03,080 It's yeah, it's it's amazing. What's her name? 798 00:46:04,240 --> 00:46:07,360 Her name is Malia Skye. Malia Skye, I like it. 799 00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:10,280 Yeah, yeah, no, it's, it's, it's Wildman. 800 00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:14,520 Like when do you have any views on like people that go through 801 00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:17,720 stuff like that? They, they get spiritual, they 802 00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:20,400 whatever it takes, they get through and whether they become 803 00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:24,880 like meditative or spiritual religious or whatever. 804 00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:26,800 Like did you have any thoughts on that at all? 805 00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:28,480 Like do you feel like there was anything helping you? 806 00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:36,520 Yeah, I got, I got spiritual. I'm actually like lacking in 807 00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:41,600 that department at the moment. But I was I you have to cut, you 808 00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:45,360 have to find some sort of higher, some sort of higher 809 00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:48,920 power. You know, that's one of the big 810 00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:51,800 tenants of Alcoholics Anonymous is you need a higher power. 811 00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:55,080 It could really be anything, but a lot of people just use God. 812 00:46:55,760 --> 00:47:03,800 I use God, I believe in God. And the only thing about 813 00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:11,520 religion to me that I'm just way too analytical And I, I have so 814 00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:14,200 many questions about like, well, how did he, how did he do this? 815 00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:17,080 You know, how did he feed this many people with, with two fish 816 00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:20,000 in a in a loaf of bread, like, and I just really am very 817 00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:23,040 skeptical, too skeptical for my own good. 818 00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:27,520 I've tried to join Bible studies, you know, I believe 819 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:31,040 that steel sharp and steel. And I wanted to put myself in 820 00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:34,080 the middle of like a bunch of other good men, good Christian 821 00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:40,120 men and those guys, they just believe wholeheartedly 100%. 822 00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:45,840 And I want that for myself. But again, I'm just I have I 823 00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:48,440 question everything. You remind me of me in that 824 00:47:48,440 --> 00:47:51,160 regard, man, I'm super, I'm super skeptical of everything as 825 00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:55,320 well. I, I was raised like my dad's an 826 00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,720 evolutionary biologist. So he's an academia, he's a 827 00:47:57,720 --> 00:48:00,120 scientist. So like I have like I think in 828 00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:02,920 terms of black and white and data and evidence, you know, so 829 00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:05,720 like I'm very analytical as well. 830 00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,320 So I can relate with you on multiple fronts there. 831 00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:13,600 I've been diving into like apologetics and philosophy and 832 00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:15,600 stuff like that and that's helped because it's a lot more 833 00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:20,080 historical and evidence based and just how to think. 834 00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:22,960 So that appeals to me. But I have a hard time with just 835 00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,840 like blind faith as well. But I feel like when you're, 836 00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:31,680 when I've been in my darkest chapters, like when those are 837 00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:35,240 always the biggest moments of growth, like when I'm in some 838 00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:39,280 freaking hell that I've created for myself, overcoming that is 839 00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:41,120 when I grow the most as a person. 840 00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:47,520 And like this last prep I did, I just surrendered, as weird as 841 00:48:47,520 --> 00:48:50,480 that sounds. And I feel like 'cause I'm and 842 00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:53,400 you probably the same way, but like you hold on so freaking 843 00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:57,080 tight to everything. You're very just specific and 844 00:48:57,080 --> 00:49:00,920 how you go about how you think and you feel like you have to 845 00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:04,440 have control over everything. And I feel like that it just 846 00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:06,720 wears you down, bro. Burn your candle at all ends 847 00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:09,280 just is not sustainable. I guess your computer died. 848 00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:15,920 Everything surrenders. Yeah, I feel like for me, and 849 00:49:17,040 --> 00:49:19,440 you're probably the same way, but like you want to have 850 00:49:19,440 --> 00:49:23,320 control over everything and you hold on so tight to all the 851 00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:27,320 variables and all the levers that you've got a handle on, but 852 00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:31,480 then you'll just burn out. So it's like in order to level 853 00:49:31,480 --> 00:49:35,440 up in life, you have to almost just surrender that control. 854 00:49:35,960 --> 00:49:40,400 And I haven't figured this all out either, but I did that with 855 00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:44,720 my last prep and that was when I was able to actually find peace 856 00:49:44,720 --> 00:49:48,240 and succeed. And I don't know man. 857 00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:51,240 It's probably a plot applicable in multiple facets of life. 858 00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:56,640 Absolutely. I My trouble comes with knowing 859 00:49:56,640 --> 00:49:58,640 when to surrender. Yeah. 860 00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:02,480 It's hard. Like, yeah, Co parenting is a 861 00:50:02,480 --> 00:50:06,200 good example. You know, I can't control what 862 00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:08,880 goes on at the other house. But for years I tried to manage 863 00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:11,920 it, you know, have them do this, have to make sure they brush 864 00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:13,840 their teeth, make sure they're on time for school. 865 00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:16,000 They're they're asking today. Did you call the school? 866 00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:20,600 And it got to be so much. Finally, I just went done. 867 00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,760 I got it out of my control. I need to focus on what is in my 868 00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:27,960 control, which is when they're at my house, they will have a 869 00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:30,440 bedtime, they will brush their teeth, they will be on time for 870 00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,280 school. And that's the best I can do. 871 00:50:32,280 --> 00:50:34,320 Otherwise, yeah, Burnout City. Yeah. 872 00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:38,520 Yeah, and it's. It's, I mean your relationship 873 00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:42,560 with your kids probably improved once you surrender that though, 874 00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:44,400 I would imagine. Yeah. 875 00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:47,880 But yeah, it's, it's tough, man. I don't, I don't know, I haven't 876 00:50:47,880 --> 00:50:50,000 gotten life figured out either. I mean, I don't, I don't know. 877 00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:53,080 All we can do is the best we can with every day that's given to 878 00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:54,640 us. Every day is a blessing, but 879 00:50:55,240 --> 00:50:59,040 it's a it's awesome to see you go from where you were at the 880 00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:02,480 depth of your, you know, darkness to where you are now. 881 00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:05,080 Like, I feel like that's a message of hope for anybody, you 882 00:51:05,080 --> 00:51:07,200 know? Yeah, yeah. 883 00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:08,000 Thank you. I agree. 884 00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:10,680 And it's cool that you're doing it all now with like keto 885 00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:13,280 carnivore approach to mitigate the insulin requirements. 886 00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:16,560 I mean hopefully your your sister will start taking notes 887 00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:19,840 and follow suit. Yeah, it's amazing all the stuff 888 00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:24,120 that's gotten better with with the meat diet. 889 00:51:24,120 --> 00:51:28,880 I mean, earwax is gone, boogers are gone, feet odor is gone. 890 00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:30,720 Just stuff out of your odor. Never expected. 891 00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:33,920 Yeah. You know, it's just, it's just 892 00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:35,680 one thing. I keep noticing more stuff as 893 00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:37,840 the days go. By yeah, just keeps getting 894 00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:39,280 better man. It's a lifestyle for sure. 895 00:51:40,080 --> 00:51:42,600 Yeah. Well, Phineas, I know your, 896 00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:45,000 your, your computer crashed. You probably got to get back to 897 00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:46,960 work. My, my camera's all jacked up. 898 00:51:48,240 --> 00:51:50,400 But listen, man, I really appreciate you appreciate you 899 00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:51,680 coming on. I appreciate you sending me that 900 00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:55,520 e-mail back a few months ago and creating the catalyst for this 901 00:51:55,520 --> 00:51:59,080 conversation to take place. Man, I will 100% check out your 902 00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:02,760 website because on a totally personal note, I need to get my, 903 00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:06,000 my rig outfitted for the over landing and whatnot. 904 00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:08,680 So I might be knocking on your door with some some help and 905 00:52:08,680 --> 00:52:12,840 then and asking for questions. Yeah, dude, YouTube Treehouse 906 00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:15,640 off road A. 100% brother, where else can people go to find out 907 00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:20,080 more about you and dive deeper? We are Treehouse Off Road on 908 00:52:20,080 --> 00:52:24,000 YouTube, Treehouse under Score Off Road on Instagram, and then 909 00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:27,280 we have a pretty basic website, treehouseoff-road.com. 910 00:52:27,680 --> 00:52:30,960 Sweet man, well, I will link out these people to find you and 911 00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:33,840 just keep being a voice of light man, like keep being a game 912 00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:36,040 changer. I think keep keep doubling down 913 00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:39,200 on that positive hope that you've generated and you know, 914 00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:41,600 keep keep on the upper trajectory your own brother. 915 00:52:42,560 --> 00:52:44,640 Yeah, you too man. Thanks for all the inspiration. 916 00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:46,200 You bet brother. Keep in touch man. 917 00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:48,000 All right, Peace. Take care.