1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,600 Well, hello ladies and gents, Robert Sykes, Keto, savage.com. 2 00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:05,280 And today I've got special guest Valerie Smith on the line. 3 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:09,400 And this episode we go into some pretty dark territory. 4 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:14,760 She has struggled with multiple physiological and psychological 5 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:18,120 conditions from a very early from very early on childhood, 6 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:23,320 including anorexia, OCD. She's heard voices, she's 7 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,360 struggled with so many things. She's had multiple surgeries, 8 00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:32,280 osteoporosis and she was able to reverse all of these symptoms 9 00:00:32,439 --> 00:00:35,680 via a well formulated ketogenic carnivore diet. 10 00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:40,600 But it wasn't without struggle. I mean multiple decades 11 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:45,440 struggling with anorexia got down below 80 lbs and just all 12 00:00:45,440 --> 00:00:47,040 the implications that that brought on. 13 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,920 And she was very transparent, very honest, very vulnerable 14 00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,480 with this conversation. So let that be known here at the 15 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:56,000 onset, but it is a very meaningful conversation. 16 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,720 It's incredibly inspiring to talk to people such as herself 17 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:03,120 who have overcome such odds and totally turned their life around 18 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,360 and has now made it their mission to help others do the 19 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,760 same. So I have utmost respect for 20 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,440 Valerie and what she's been able to accomplish. 21 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,840 I'm incredibly excited for what her future holds and I have no 22 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,200 doubt that you will take something from this 23 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,720 conversation. So without further delay, sit 24 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:19,720 back, relax, enjoy the conversation with Valerie Smith 25 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,800 and we are live. Valerie, how are you? 26 00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:34,440 I am great, Robert. How are you? 27 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,760 I am doing wonderfully, wonderfully well. 28 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,080 I'm excited to be chatting with you because you have overcome 29 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:43,120 quite the obstacles over the past several years and you've 30 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:47,120 done so with a properly formulated ketogenic carnivore 31 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:48,880 diet. Can you just kind of run through 32 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,560 that list of diagnosis that you had and just kind of get a 33 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,080 listeners a little glimpse as to what are we going to be diving 34 00:01:55,080 --> 00:02:01,040 into? Sure, Since the age of 12 or 13, 35 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:06,880 I had developed over the course of several years until the age 36 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:12,000 of 4866 or 7 diagnosed mental illnesses. 37 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:17,640 I had schizoaffective disorder, which meant that I had audible 38 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:21,840 hallucinations and voices screaming at me 24 hours of the 39 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,120 day. The only escape I had was sleep. 40 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,360 I had clinical severe depression. 41 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,800 I had anxiety and panic disorder. 42 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:37,760 I also was diagnosed with OCD and at the beginning as a young 43 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,840 teen, it was what you would expect it to be. 44 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:47,480 It was body checking and counting and muscle flexing 45 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:51,680 equal on both sides of the body and everything was just the 46 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:57,160 obsessive compulsive part. And that led into exercise 47 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:05,960 addiction and purging addiction that for me encompass exercise 48 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,400 and small and swallowing bottles of laxatives. 49 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:18,080 And then as I got older and I tried to not starve, an offshoot 50 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:22,840 of OCD rose its head and I was diagnosed with cutting and 51 00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:25,320 trichotillomania, which is hair pulling. 52 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:29,040 I would pull hair from my scalp and my eyebrows and my eyelashes 53 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:33,440 and so those would morph back and forth. 54 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:39,240 When I would try to be, quote UN quote better and eat what they 55 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:43,800 wanted me to try to eat, then I was not an act of starvation. 56 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:48,360 And then the cutting and the and the hair pulling would become 57 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,360 more severe. And then when I would relapse 58 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:55,760 and go back to starvation, then the cutting and the hair pulling 59 00:03:55,760 --> 00:04:01,240 would subside. So close to 40 years, all of 60 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:07,560 that went on. And of course the culmination of 61 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,280 of all of that overreaching was the anorexia. 62 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:16,600 And for most of those 40 years I I was weight restored for a 63 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:19,760 couple of times. But for most of those 40 years 64 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:25,680 I'm 59 and I was less than 80 lbs, which is abmi of about 65 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,680 11:00. So I I I shouldn't have 66 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,640 survived. I should not be here. 67 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:37,440 And I am so thankful that I am and I had a lot of physical 68 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:42,240 illnesses. Also that I did not expect to 69 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,160 heal through a ketogenic carnivore diet. 70 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:49,920 I was hoping for my mental state to be a little better. 71 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,480 Anything was better than where I was. 72 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:59,960 I was at the end of coping and I was ready to go to sleep and not 73 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,040 wake up anymore. I was. 74 00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:09,440 I know I 40 years of white knuckling through this and 75 00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:12,480 feeling myself go further and further. 76 00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:17,520 A descent into madness. You give up hope. 77 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:23,800 So I was hoping to be just a little bit better because there 78 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:29,320 was nothing left to try. I'd been inpatient in mental 79 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:35,120 wards in eating disorder units. I'd been to bed with the 80 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:39,400 concoction of canola oil and high fructose corn syrup and soy 81 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,120 that gets put through a feeding tube. 82 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:49,560 I had seen over the course of 40 years, 45 doctors, including 83 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:53,800 twelve psychiatrists, and you know, I did all the traditional 84 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,840 treatment that I was supposed to do in order to eat better. 85 00:05:58,520 --> 00:06:02,720 And that also included thirteen different psych meds, you know, 86 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,680 off and on over the course of those years. 87 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,920 So there was nothing left for me to try. 88 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,440 But I knew that there was something wrong in my brain. 89 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:17,120 I knew that there was something broken in my brain and my last 90 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:25,240 ditch effort in 2017 was to try to find someone or something or 91 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,880 some information that would help me to address it from the 92 00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:34,520 standpoint of the mental illness and brain and not just what was 93 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,960 being pushed on me. You know, if if you can eat the 94 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,080 pizza and the cake, you'll be better. 95 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:43,320 If you put weight on by eating the pizza and the cake, it will 96 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,880 be better and it will go away. And that never proved to be 97 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:51,360 true, so. You were how old when all this 98 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,960 started occurring? I was 12. 99 00:06:56,360 --> 00:07:00,400 I was a really, really anxious and sickly child. 100 00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:06,400 I was diagnosed with an ulcer at 12 and I was also home from 101 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:10,560 school for about 8 weeks with mononucleosis and a lot of 102 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:15,800 tonsil issues. So I I was I was really not 103 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:22,640 well, even before the mental illness symptoms became stronger 104 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,720 and the anorexia took over and the drive to starve took over 105 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:30,320 and I was officially diagnosed with anorexia at 14. 106 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,800 But no think things weren't great before that either. 107 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:41,640 Prior to that diagnosis and prior to you noticing the the 108 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:47,480 mental implications, did you have any adverse implications 109 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:51,080 any any type of psychological struggles in your early 110 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:55,400 childhood like when you were you know, growing up preteen, like 111 00:07:55,520 --> 00:08:00,240 any anything that was apparent as it could be an issue or was 112 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:01,600 it pretty normal for the most part? 113 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:08,120 It was anxiety and depression. There was a lot of anxiety 114 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:12,840 around my home life, around feeling like I was not good 115 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:16,240 enough, that I was not worthy, that I was not going to be good 116 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:18,960 enough in school, that I wasn't going to please my teachers 117 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:21,600 enough. And there was a lot of 118 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:26,320 depression. And I couldn't as a young child. 119 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:28,200 I couldn't put my finger on it of of why. 120 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:34,640 I mean, I I had family around me that loved me and cherished me. 121 00:08:37,919 --> 00:08:43,799 But I think the when you have, when you have something in your 122 00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:46,120 life that's that's not going well. 123 00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:51,480 Even if you have 9 or 10 people surrounding you with love, the 124 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:56,240 one person that rejects you that should give you unconditional 125 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,240 love, and in this case was my father. 126 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,120 That kind of clouds over everything else. 127 00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:06,960 I had a very strained and estranged and tumultuous 128 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:13,000 relationship with my dad, who left our family when I was 3. 129 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:31,280 And I think that life event made me feel less than and it it it 130 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:38,400 caused depression, it caused sadness and a feeling of 131 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,760 unworthiness, even though there were other people in my life 132 00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:45,600 that were present and and loving do. 133 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,400 You have any siblings by chance? No, I don't. 134 00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:55,840 I am an only child. My mother planned on having more 135 00:09:55,840 --> 00:10:02,800 children, but the the relationship that she had with 136 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:09,400 my dad was very emotionally and verbally toxic and that really 137 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:16,240 scarred her and and she just never went back to feeling like 138 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:21,120 having more children. Do you think at that young age 139 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:26,960 you were able to connect the dots between that event of your 140 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:31,360 dad leaving and the development of the the psychological 141 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,760 implications? Or was it disconnected your 142 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,720 mind? I didn't understand it then. 143 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:43,000 Definitely not I I understand it now, being on the on the 144 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,840 complete opposite side of that dark tunnel. 145 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:51,320 I can look back on it now and and connect the dots, you know, 146 00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:55,760 My family thought they were doing a good thing by consoling 147 00:10:55,760 --> 00:11:00,640 me when my father would not show up to see me when he promised 148 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,960 that he would. They thought they were doing me 149 00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:06,800 a service by telling me that he did love me and that I was 150 00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:12,720 important to him. But in a child's mind, that gets 151 00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:15,520 twisted. They said that to me, but what I 152 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:19,000 heard was he's perfect and you're not good enough and 153 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,320 that's why he had didn't come to see. 154 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:27,600 So I think if they would have been honest with me and just 155 00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:31,240 just said, your dad's not acting right right now. 156 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:34,840 Your dad is not being mature. He's not being a responsible 157 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,880 parent or a responsible adult. This is not on you. 158 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:43,320 This is on him. I think that messaging would 159 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:50,040 have been received better and I would not have internalized the 160 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,120 way that I felt as being worthless. 161 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,760 But like I said, that's all things that I look back on now 162 00:11:56,760 --> 00:12:01,280 that I can process as a healed person. 163 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:04,080 It was not anything that I understood back then. 164 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:08,680 Do you feel like the starvation and the anorexia was your 165 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:13,040 attempt of symptom being able to control something in your life? 166 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:21,640 Yes, I couldn't control my my, my life did feel very out of 167 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:25,400 control. My home life, my school life, my 168 00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:33,040 social life, my brain at that point was already not well. 169 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:39,040 And so I began to think, well, there's one thing I can control 170 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:42,040 is what I eat. The one thing I can control is 171 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:46,400 what I put in my mouth. And there was also a small part 172 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:47,880 of me. Even though I was not 173 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:50,400 overweight, there was a small part of me that thought that if 174 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:56,520 I lost weight, that at 1213, fourteen years old when puberty 175 00:12:56,520 --> 00:13:01,760 is starting and my dad is not in the picture and and he refuses 176 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:05,160 to be. Maybe if I lost some weight that 177 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:09,800 boys would pay attention. So you know, that was the the 178 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,800 innocent part of where it started. 179 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:17,920 And what when you started minimizing your intake, like how 180 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:20,480 did that unfold in the beginning? 181 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,640 Like did you, did you notice any adverse physical implications 182 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,560 from that early on or was it much more gradual? 183 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,760 Like how did you go about reducing your intake? 184 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,440 What were you eating on average in the beginning? 185 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,640 And then what did that wind up tapering down to all? 186 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:40,920 Right. Well, in the beginning it it I 187 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:44,720 ended up being very secretive and manipulative in order to 188 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:49,520 accomplish this because I was a child and I was living at home 189 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:51,960 with with a single mother who cooked. 190 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:56,040 And so the easiest ones to try to get away with was breakfast. 191 00:13:57,560 --> 00:14:00,720 You know, I'm late for school or I have, I have got to have time 192 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,000 to do my hair and I'm not going to have time to do that. 193 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:04,560 You know, I'll be fine until lunch. 194 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:08,400 That was the first one to go and that was the easiest 1 to get 195 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:13,640 out of and then the next one to go was at lunch. 196 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,760 You know, my family wasn't with me. 197 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:19,880 I could basically try to get away with what I could at school 198 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:27,720 and it got to the point where I would either go sit in an empty 199 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:32,000 classroom where no one knew where I was, or I literally 200 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:38,560 would go into the the school restroom and sit fully clothed 201 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,240 on the toilet with my feet up on the toilet and lock the door. 202 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,440 And no one knew that I was in there for the lunch period. 203 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:51,640 So that's how I would get out of not doing lunch at the 204 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,160 beginning. You know, I would just sit in a 205 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,640 cafeteria with everybody else and tell everybody that I wasn't 206 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:59,080 hungry or that I didn't like what was being served or I 207 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:02,560 forgot my lunch at home because I had packed and and forgot it. 208 00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,760 And that only worked for, you know, a little while. 209 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:09,640 People started to question because I was dropping weight. 210 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:14,960 So those were the first two meals that went and and you 211 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,080 know, then I would try to be quote UN quote, normal at home 212 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:22,120 at supper, whether it was with my mom or my grandparents who 213 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,160 lived right across the street. We spent just as much time there 214 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,840 as I did at home. And for a while you know that 215 00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,640 that's a couple of months it went like that. 216 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:36,880 I I eliminated the first two meals and still had supper with 217 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:41,560 my family. But it began to be impactful. 218 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:47,880 Then also because I was addicted to starving, I was incessantly 219 00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:56,440 counting calories and I had already cut out all protein, 220 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:03,800 animal protein and meat and fat and was down to just vegetables 221 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,560 and telling my family that I was going to be a vegetarian. 222 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,160 And so at at supper, the first thing to go was the portions of 223 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:12,120 meat. And I would still eat the 224 00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:17,840 vegetables. But then that quickly morphed 225 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:25,000 into just a resistance to eat much of anything, you know, push 226 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:29,480 things around on my plate, take a bite or two, say I didn't feel 227 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,120 well, you know, I'm just not hungry. 228 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:35,840 I had a big lunch. And of course, those lies 229 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:41,400 started to come to surface because they they knew by what I 230 00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:45,200 was looking like that that couldn't be true, that I wasn't 231 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,880 eating because I wasn't hungry. There was no way that that could 232 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:54,560 be be true, You know, between the ages of 14 and 16, I had 233 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,760 dropped from 140 lbs down to about 110. 234 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:07,079 And it was at that point that my mom said, we have we have to do 235 00:17:07,079 --> 00:17:09,960 something. We, you know, you have to do 236 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:13,119 something and and I would beg and plead and say, oh, I'm going 237 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:18,079 to do better, you know. But at also at the same time I 238 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:25,800 spent a lot of time crying, a lot of time in distress at 1615 239 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:29,360 and 16 was when the schizoaffective voices started. 240 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:34,880 And I I literally could not cope even though I did not want to go 241 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:41,080 inpatient. I I did not know how to make 242 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:45,040 this stop. When you were when you were 243 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,880 minimizing your intake, I mean, I'm assuming you were pretty 244 00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,520 hungry at times, right? Like would you allow yourself to 245 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:54,000 eat at libitum and then that's when you started purging or how 246 00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:58,400 did that unfold? Now the purging with the 247 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:04,960 exercise and the laxatives, that was a mindset where I just, I 248 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,320 have to get whatever I ate out of me. 249 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:20,720 I I I I wanted to feel empty. I wanted to fade away and not 250 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:29,240 feel anything in my stomach. I wanted to look in the mirror 251 00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:37,680 and be skeletal and I it's it's awful to verbalize that now, but 252 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,400 that that was that was how I felt. 253 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:49,320 I my life surrounded self punishment, not self-care. 254 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:54,360 I I hated myself, I hated my body, I hated my mind. 255 00:18:54,800 --> 00:19:04,560 I I hated everything about myself and I just just kept 256 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:13,080 eliminating more food. And at that point, when I was 257 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:20,240 put in patient, that's all I was eating was spinach and celery, 258 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,280 maybe a rice cake. That was when they started to, 259 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,880 you know, those crazy things came out. 260 00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:33,600 And when my stomach would growl, of course, at the beginning, I 261 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:37,320 just, I would either ignore it or I would drink a bunch of 262 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:44,040 water or coffee or tea or diet pop to fill my stomach, to stop 263 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:49,000 it from growling. I did that early on, and then 264 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:54,560 after you have so many years of starving, your body doesn't send 265 00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,800 that, that Grayling signal anymore. 266 00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,800 That signal, it knows that it's not going to get anything. 267 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,240 It finally gives up. So I got to a point where my 268 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:15,360 stomach didn't growl and I felt powerful when I was fasting. 269 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:25,400 I felt powerful when this energy would would kick in, kind of 270 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,240 mimicking what we do now with intermittent fasting. 271 00:20:28,240 --> 00:20:31,280 But there was never a ton where I would break my fast and and 272 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:39,040 feast, you know, I just kept feeding on that high, of being 273 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:44,200 hungry, being empty. You know how many days I could 274 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:48,720 go without eating. I kept a food diary. 275 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:52,560 I, you know, I still have them. I look at them every once in a 276 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,120 while. They're in a box under my bed 277 00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:58,560 year after year and and just it just shows you know I would 278 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:03,840 count calories down to the absolute bite and you can see in 279 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:09,600 these journals of you know going from 1200 to 800 to 500 to the 280 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:14,120 goal of and I bet I can get down to less than 300 and you know it 281 00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:18,440 just kept going until I would get down to less than 100 282 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:22,080 calories you know cup of spinach and a few stalks of celery. 283 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,800 And I know I still felt guilty for eating that. 284 00:21:26,280 --> 00:21:30,400 And you didn't like the way you looked when you were that gaunt, 285 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,000 necessarily, right? Like, like people that have 286 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:38,240 struggled understanding those that suffer from anorexia, A lot 287 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,960 of people think that they prefer that look, but that's not 288 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,400 necessarily the case. From what I've gleaned and 289 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:46,880 talked with people, it's more so you just want to have that as a 290 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,880 badge of honor for for having that degree of control, right? 291 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:55,960 Yeah, part of it for me. I also had body dysmorphia and 292 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:59,280 so when I would look in the mirror I saw someone that was 293 00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:05,920 very obese and so it was hard for me to trust anyone telling 294 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:11,240 me that I was too thin. I sometimes would take pictures 295 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,720 and try to see if having a picture in front of me instead 296 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,280 of me looking in the mirror, if that would make a difference. 297 00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:22,640 And it did sometimes, but at the same time that the body 298 00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:32,040 dysmorphia was going on. I because of the self hate, I I 299 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:41,080 was addicted to seeing how much skeletal I could reach. 300 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:46,520 How how you know, how many bones could could show up. 301 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:50,320 It was it. And you're right, it was a it 302 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:55,440 was a badge of honor. I knew it wasn't attractive. 303 00:22:55,880 --> 00:23:05,040 I knew it wasn't a beauty, but it was a badge of honor when 304 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:11,960 when I would, when I was able to look in the mirror and see what 305 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:18,360 I truly looked like sometimes. Most of the time I couldn't. 306 00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:23,560 But when I could or look at a picture I was shocked of of, you 307 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,680 know, different bones that were sticking out that definitely 308 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:30,760 should not be. And what were some of the the 309 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,840 physical implications that were resulting from this? 310 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,320 I mean, I'm assuming you lost your cycle pretty early on into 311 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:40,320 this and you're probably suffering from all types of that 312 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:44,400 ones. Yes, yes. 313 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:54,120 I lost my menstrual period at 14 and it did not come back until 314 00:23:54,120 --> 00:24:00,400 my first weight restoration at the age of 27. 315 00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:04,800 So there was, you know, I completely stunted puberty 316 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:16,720 completely for 13 years. And the initial energy that I 317 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:25,360 felt years into it of course turned to extreme tiredness and 318 00:24:25,360 --> 00:24:35,920 fatigue and gut issues, IBS and and thyroid issues and stomach 319 00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:43,720 pain and bloating from being so sarcopenic and and the muscle 320 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:47,200 wasting and the and being so skeletal. 321 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,840 And then I began to have hormonal issues. 322 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:59,800 Because of the low weight for so many decades, all of my hormones 323 00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:08,440 were deficient and I was diagnosed with several physical 324 00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:13,360 ailments that had to do with with the connective tissue. 325 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:20,440 I was diagnosed with Ehlers Danlos syndrome, which which was 326 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:28,240 painful and I had osteoporosis, full blown osteoporosis. 327 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:34,240 And as the decades went on that was that was difficult. 328 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:39,960 I had five fractures within five years and I spent those five 329 00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:45,720 years, a lot of it in bed. It embraces in casts and the 330 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,680 bone pain that goes along with that is just excruciating. 331 00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:56,080 And and then I had female issues Because of the hormonal 332 00:25:56,080 --> 00:26:01,520 deficiency, I was diagnosed with severe vaginal atrophy and a 333 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,720 painful condition called bulbodynia. 334 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:10,080 That was just pain all the time. I had bladder issues and I was 335 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,200 diagnosed with interstitial cystitis. 336 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:19,440 Very, very painful in in every part of my body. 337 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:30,760 And because of that many decades of being skeletal, I I not only 338 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:35,520 lost all of the muscle externally, you know, to look at 339 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:39,920 me, I also lost all the musculature internally. 340 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:46,760 And I had a devastating one of several, not the only surgery 341 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,920 that I had from medical complications from malnutrition, 342 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:54,280 I had about four. But one of the most devastating 343 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:59,480 was when I couldn't hold organs in place. 344 00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:06,160 You know, anorexia holds the highest mortality rate of all 345 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:12,080 mental illness, 20%. One in five die and even if you 346 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:15,720 survive, the medical complications, the older you get 347 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:20,720 are just devastating. And So what happened to me, 348 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:28,360 actually, exactly 14 years ago today, I would have been 349 00:27:28,360 --> 00:27:31,400 discharged from the hospital after this surgery that I had to 350 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:38,160 have my organs since they could not be held in place. 351 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,280 There was no muscle, no musculature. 352 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:48,440 I had multiple organ prolapse and it took three surgeons 353 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:52,400 coordinating their time in the operating room at the same time. 354 00:27:52,760 --> 00:28:00,400 Three different specialists 2 patch me back up my uterus and 355 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,880 my cervix and my bladder and my colon. 356 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:08,840 They all prolapsed internally and when I would stand up they 357 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:16,440 prolapsed externally and it was a very painful, devastating time 358 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:24,480 for me and for my family. Waiting for the surgery was 359 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:28,480 difficult because it took time for them to coordinate the 360 00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:32,560 surgery and I was still an act of starvation. 361 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,480 I was still very, very ill. This was 2010. 362 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:43,120 I did not, did not embark on on the healing that I have now 363 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,080 until 2017. So I was. 364 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:52,760 It was, it was devastating and so I had to have this surgery. 365 00:28:53,800 --> 00:29:00,600 It was a 12 hour surgery and it was it was very difficult. 366 00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,760 I had to have my uterus and cervix removed. 367 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:09,240 They had to figure out a way to put my bladder back in place the 368 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:14,520 best that they could. And I had to have 18 inches of 369 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:19,800 my colon removed and then have it be reattached and 370 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:25,720 resectioned. And they they there was nothing 371 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:30,080 to kiss, really awful. But there was nothing that they 372 00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:34,880 could attach it to internally. So they sutured it to my 373 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:38,800 tailbone internally to keep it from prolapsing again. 374 00:29:39,960 --> 00:29:46,400 And recovery was long, was supposed to take six or eight 375 00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:50,280 weeks and it took me a year because I wasn't feeding myself. 376 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:55,000 I was not putting anything in my body that was going to rebuild 377 00:29:55,240 --> 00:30:00,600 or nourish me. I was eating celery and drinking 378 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:03,440 hot cups of chicken broth trying to stay warm. 379 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:12,720 So recovery was was very long and very difficult and I'm 380 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:19,080 thankful every day that everything that I've gone 381 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:31,360 through today I'm in fantastic shape that I was able to embrace 382 00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:38,280 this journey. It took some time, but I was 383 00:30:38,280 --> 00:30:42,840 able to embrace it and and jump all in in order to attain 384 00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:47,480 absolute complete healing of every ailment that we just 385 00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,440 talked about. All that whole list. 386 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:55,840 When you had had that surgery, did you feel like what you were 387 00:30:55,840 --> 00:31:00,080 doing up to that point obviously was not conducive to your health 388 00:31:00,080 --> 00:31:02,680 'cause you said you were still, the recovery process took so 389 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,080 long because you were still pretty much following the same 390 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,200 dietary protocol and the starvation. 391 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:12,480 Like was that not enough of a wake up call for how deep you 392 00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:15,800 had allowed yourself to go to flip that switch? 393 00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:17,920 Or where was your head at post surgery? 394 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:21,480 Yeah, That's a great question and I talk about that a lot. 395 00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:24,400 I mean, you would think, you know, where's rock bottom, you 396 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:28,440 know, you know, for 40 years. You would think along the way, 397 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,760 oh, this has to be rock bottom this, you know, this has to be 398 00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:35,520 as far and as low as you could possibly go before you turn this 399 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:40,080 around. The issue is, is the mental 400 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,080 illness. You literally cannot turn this 401 00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:48,200 around. I had been weight restored on 402 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:52,720 what no one had ever brought up food before. 403 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,480 Of all the doctors that I had, all the psychiatrists, all the 404 00:31:55,480 --> 00:32:00,440 hospitals, they all pushed a plant based diet. 405 00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:07,240 They all said that it it doesn't matter what you eat or what you 406 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:11,600 don't eat, but the healthy way is to do it through carbs. 407 00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:20,200 And so they pushed pancakes and muffins and bread and oatmeal 408 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:23,760 and pasta and you know, all of those things. 409 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,880 And the mental illness is so strong. 410 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:31,080 And the couple of times that I was weight restored on those 411 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:34,400 foods, my mental illnesses got worse. 412 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:43,080 So I I was very averse to attempting to put weight on 413 00:32:43,080 --> 00:32:47,840 again as a sole reason to just put weight on because I knew 414 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,920 that I would be in more agony in my brain. 415 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:57,480 I I was worse when when those times were that I was weight 416 00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:02,720 restored. And I understand it now because 417 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:04,560 my brain wasn't getting what it needed. 418 00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:09,720 The mental illnesses cannot be healed unless you're giving it 419 00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:14,520 the nutrient dense foods to make the over 100 neurotransmitters 420 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:18,400 in your brain so that you have cognitive function that there's 421 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:23,920 nothing for your body to make those neurotransmitters with. 422 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:28,280 If you're not consuming amino acids from animal products, 423 00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:31,440 those are the building blocks for the brain. 424 00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:36,120 And if that's all you're eating are vegetables and and a cup of 425 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:42,480 pasta just to keep your weight at a certain level, there's 426 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:44,440 nothing in that that's going to heal your brain. 427 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:53,120 And so I I felt hopeless. I'd already been there, done 428 00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:56,680 that. And I knew that that was not the 429 00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:59,000 answer. I knew that that was not going 430 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:00,800 to make me better. That was not going to make my 431 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:05,280 brain work better. And at those times, were you 432 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:10,239 noticing the the voices that you were hearing kind of amplify 433 00:34:10,239 --> 00:34:15,080 even more? Yes, yes, that was. 434 00:34:15,199 --> 00:34:20,560 That was when I would literally pray to not wake up anymore 435 00:34:21,679 --> 00:34:24,199 because my only escape was sleep. 436 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:33,040 If I was awake, those voices were screaming at me and it does 437 00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:37,520 not turn off. This is a level of screaming and 438 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:44,080 hate, akin to a action movie, where someone is torturing 439 00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:48,639 someone else and they're blaring lights and music and and 440 00:34:48,639 --> 00:34:51,880 violence to try to get someone to confess something. 441 00:34:51,880 --> 00:34:56,239 That's what this felt like in my head all the time, 24 hours a 442 00:34:56,239 --> 00:35:00,520 day. It would not lessen, it would 443 00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:07,080 not stop. And it's it's a horrifying 444 00:35:08,240 --> 00:35:12,560 existence. And were those voices, were they 445 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:14,960 audible, like you were able to understand what was being said? 446 00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:16,960 Could you understand who was saying them? 447 00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,320 Like how did that manifest itself? 448 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:24,240 Yes, they they, they were messages. 449 00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:29,000 And for me, I mean, I can't speak for anyone else that's 450 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:30,720 been diagnosed with schizoaffective. 451 00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:40,440 For me, it was a male voice and sometimes it was messaging when 452 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:46,120 I was driving and it it would tell me to drive off the road or 453 00:35:46,120 --> 00:35:52,760 over the overpass. Sometimes it was messaging that 454 00:35:54,840 --> 00:36:04,360 paranoia that people were after me and that I needed to hide 455 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:10,200 that I needed to lie and manipulate and tell stories. 456 00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:16,800 It was it was insane. I mean that's that's the that's 457 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:23,560 just the definition of of insane and the the messaging was very 458 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:29,200 audible was it was just like you and I talking right now and it 459 00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:42,600 was violent and hateful and very mixed up at times, but 460 00:36:42,600 --> 00:36:48,240 completely audible complete you know as if someone else was in 461 00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:52,080 my head talking to me. What was your OCD doing 462 00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:58,120 throughout this chapter? It would ebb and flow. 463 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:07,160 The the cutting and the trichotelomania was the offshoot 464 00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:12,040 of OCD That was the strongest at that point when those reared its 465 00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:16,840 ugly head, the the, I don't want to call them minor symptoms 466 00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:19,680 because when someone's suffering from OCD, even incessant 467 00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:22,320 counting and body checking and checking of locks, that's not 468 00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,720 minor. I don't mean it in that sense 469 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:30,560 because that's it's very life disruptive no matter what, no 470 00:37:30,560 --> 00:37:35,400 matter how it manifests itself. But those initial types of OCD 471 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:42,680 that I had as a young teenager, those subsided when the cutting 472 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:46,960 and the hair pulling those years took over. 473 00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:54,280 So you know, I had OCD from the age of 12 all the way up to 48, 474 00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:57,680 but it manifested itself. It showed itself in different 475 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,760 ways. And the cutting and the hair 476 00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:06,280 pulling, Was that just a desire to feel something, anything, 477 00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:13,120 even if it was the pain? The yes, the cutting. 478 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:18,840 That was one of the schizoaffective voices that 479 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:24,120 would make me addicted to the cutting. 480 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:31,000 One of the voices would tell me that that I needed to cut my 481 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:38,720 arms and my legs and watch, watch the blood run out and and 482 00:38:38,720 --> 00:38:43,000 and it told me that I would feel better that that release, that I 483 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:47,640 would feel better. And for a moment in time when I 484 00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,560 was doing that activity, it actually was true. 485 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:57,480 There was a a release that I would feel probably the same 486 00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:03,960 kind of instant relief that's short lived when someone who is 487 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:09,200 bulimic and they they purge and they vomit that you know the 488 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:16,320 five second or five minute relief of getting all of that 489 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:19,800 out of your system. And of course it doesn't stay 490 00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:23,440 that that that high feeling doesn't stay. 491 00:39:23,960 --> 00:39:27,160 But that was what I got out of it and and it was the same thing 492 00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:33,560 with the hair pulling. I was very ashamed of both of 493 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:37,920 them and and I went. When I went out I had to cover 494 00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:40,680 the best I could in order to try to pass. 495 00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:45,800 So that meant putting liquid face foundation that women 496 00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,000 normally use on their face. That that meant putting that on 497 00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:53,440 my arms and legs and letting it dry in order to try to cover it. 498 00:39:53,880 --> 00:40:00,120 And the same thing with my hair. I had to use products to make it 499 00:40:00,960 --> 00:40:06,280 appear that I that I didn't have bald patches and fake eyelashes 500 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:11,640 and fake eyebrows with makeup to try to mimic that I had 501 00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:17,080 eyebrows, and the same with the eyelashes, and that that 502 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:20,240 activity was another one that I could not stop. 503 00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:23,120 I would get up every day saying, OK, I'm better than this. 504 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:27,560 But this is crazy. I, I, I, I commit to not doing 505 00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:34,120 this anymore and it never worked. 506 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:38,400 It's it's not a decision of the will. 507 00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:44,200 It is not a activity that you are choosing to do that you can 508 00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:47,800 walk away from. This is a it's embedded in a 509 00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:52,080 neurological physiological condition in your brain that 510 00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:57,800 drives you to do this, and you can't walk away until that root 511 00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:02,280 cause healing happens in your brain, your nutrition. 512 00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:12,440 I battled it for years and years and years and felt shameful that 513 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:19,320 I could not control my hands. That you know, I have control. 514 00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,720 You know why? Why am I doing this? 515 00:41:21,720 --> 00:41:25,400 But by the time I would go to bed at night, I would have, you 516 00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:27,840 know, I would have, at some point during the day had some 517 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:30,080 sort of cutting or hair pulling session. 518 00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,040 And I would go to bed feeling defeated and wake up the next 519 00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:35,280 day and start again and promised that I wouldn't do it again. 520 00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:40,720 And it just did this day after day, year after year, six months 521 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:47,800 into my healing when I was finally getting enough nutrition 522 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:52,320 from animal foods with the elimination of everything else 523 00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,760 that had anti nutrients in it blocking me from absorbing 524 00:41:55,760 --> 00:42:02,040 those, I was able to look at those activities. 525 00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:06,200 And it wasn't an act of the will anymore. 526 00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:12,880 It was me looking at cutting and hair pulling and being able to 527 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:17,360 say to myself, this doesn't serve me anymore, this is awful 528 00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:22,200 and I don't want to do this anymore and I've not done it 529 00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:24,800 since and that was six years ago. 530 00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:29,880 So it has nothing to do with your will, It has to everything 531 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,800 to do with the neurotransmitters in your brain. 532 00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:37,480 What was the catalyst for you discovering the animal based 533 00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:40,480 diet and and wanting to give that a shot? 534 00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:44,440 Like, how did you become aware of that as a potential outlet 535 00:42:44,440 --> 00:42:47,480 for you in the first place? Great question. 536 00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:55,440 Yes, In 2017, I found a couple books at my local library. 537 00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,400 That was when I just at the very, very beginning, the very 538 00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:02,280 little peek of thinking maybe there's something that I can, 539 00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:04,080 maybe there's some supplement I can take. 540 00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,760 Because I wasn't open to eating any food. 541 00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:08,440 I thought, well, maybe there's supplements I can take to help 542 00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:11,320 my brain. So I came across these two books 543 00:43:11,600 --> 00:43:15,640 by an author named Julia Ross, and her two books were called 544 00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:20,880 The Mood Cure and The Diet Cure. And in those books she described 545 00:43:22,320 --> 00:43:26,400 some of the very beginning research that I found about the 546 00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:31,160 brain, about serotonin, dopamine, GABA, acetylcholine. 547 00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:34,200 You know, all of these different neurotransmitters that if they 548 00:43:34,200 --> 00:43:39,800 are deficient will cause you to have cognitive issues, mental 549 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:42,680 health issues, anxiety, depression. 550 00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:46,640 So that was the the very, very beginning point. 551 00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:56,040 And because a little bit of a light bulb went off, because her 552 00:43:56,040 --> 00:44:01,760 approach to replenishing those amino acids and 553 00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:05,520 neurotransmitters was to animal foods. 554 00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:13,440 And that's when I had to take a look at myself and say, OK, I've 555 00:44:13,440 --> 00:44:17,240 tried everything else could this, this sounds kind of crazy, 556 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,920 but I don't have anything left to try and I'm not going to make 557 00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:26,520 it another year at 78 lbs. At 5 foot nine, my family's at 558 00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:29,400 their wits end. I I cannot do this any longer. 559 00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:34,400 I was so cold all the time, full and filled with these fractures 560 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:37,880 and, you know, facing what was, you know, what was the next 561 00:44:37,880 --> 00:44:39,440 operation I was going to have to have? 562 00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:45,440 That was a little bit of a light bulb moment because that was the 563 00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:50,360 very food that I had not consumed in 35 years. 564 00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:58,560 I had not had a bite of meat and egg, certainly no fat for 35 565 00:44:58,560 --> 00:45:02,240 years. And I began to ponder on that 566 00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:07,200 could this actually, could this be something, could this 567 00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:13,920 actually be something to this? And so I I kind of set out to 568 00:45:13,920 --> 00:45:16,720 explore, but I also kind of set out to prove it wrong. 569 00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,760 But this couldn't actually be something. 570 00:45:22,240 --> 00:45:28,200 And so at that time, about the latter half of 2017, we, we live 571 00:45:28,200 --> 00:45:30,280 out in the country, in rural Ohio. 572 00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:34,800 And we had just gotten our very first smart TV and very first 573 00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:38,080 link of the Internet. And I was introduced to YouTube 574 00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:44,680 and that was when I found the two foundational doctors that I 575 00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:49,040 will forever be grateful for. Doctor Georgia Eid and Doctor 576 00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:54,600 Chris Palmer, who are both board certified psychiatrists who are 577 00:45:54,600 --> 00:46:00,240 using ketogenic and carnivore diets to heal mental illness as 578 00:46:00,240 --> 00:46:04,920 a root cause healing back then there, you know, now they have 579 00:46:04,920 --> 00:46:07,400 books out that they've both written books on, you know, all 580 00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:09,680 of this research that they've done for 10 years. 581 00:46:10,240 --> 00:46:13,280 Back then there were some writings that I found online 582 00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:17,680 from both of them hinting to the fact that they were curious and 583 00:46:17,680 --> 00:46:20,560 wondering if these were the building blocks to having good 584 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:25,640 cognitive function and could be an answer to, you know, anxiety 585 00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:29,320 and depression and and much, much worse than that, 586 00:46:30,080 --> 00:46:32,600 schizophrenia, schizoaffective, bipolar. 587 00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:39,880 And there were a few Ted talks and a few interviews with both 588 00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:43,240 of them where they were talking about this. 589 00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:48,400 And of course, it tied into what I had already read by Julia 590 00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:56,560 Ross. And by the by January 1 of 2018, 591 00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:02,800 I had decided that this kind of made sense and I need to try one 592 00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:07,000 last time. So I did. 593 00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:12,320 And it's very different for someone coming from anorexia to 594 00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:15,480 do this. I was not trading plates full of 595 00:47:15,760 --> 00:47:20,720 the standard American diet or even home cooked food plates 596 00:47:20,720 --> 00:47:25,600 full of, you know, potatoes and vegetables and pasta for a 597 00:47:25,760 --> 00:47:32,920 ketogenic carnivorous diet. I was back down to 78 lbs at 48 598 00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:36,320 years old and that's all I was eating was spinach and celery. 599 00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:41,000 So this was this was a difficult Rd. 600 00:47:42,720 --> 00:47:46,480 I will never forget those beginning days of me sitting at 601 00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:52,280 the kitchen table with one ounce of fat free chicken breast, one 602 00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:58,280 ounce 2 tablespoons and literally crying, weeping, tears 603 00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:01,680 streaming down my face while I'm trying to chew this up and 604 00:48:01,680 --> 00:48:06,680 swallow it while the voices are screaming at me to not eat this. 605 00:48:10,760 --> 00:48:16,080 It was hard. It was the hardest thing that I 606 00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:20,960 have ever encountered. But I put myself on a plan. 607 00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:25,400 I I'm an organized, researched person. 608 00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:34,400 And so I I I put myself on a trajectory and a plan that I 609 00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:37,480 told myself that I was going to do this every day. 610 00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:41,920 I was going to eat this one ounce of chicken every day, and 611 00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:46,040 I was hoping that in a week or two I would get used to it and I 612 00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:49,120 would double it. So this was this was my plan. 613 00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,400 This was my form of reverse dieting. 614 00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:59,480 And that's what I did. Some weeks it was a week and I 615 00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:01,280 thought, I think I can increase it. 616 00:49:01,400 --> 00:49:05,880 Some weeks it was 2 weeks, but somewhere in between that one 617 00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:09,280 week and two week mark, I was able to double it. 618 00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:12,120 So I would go to 2 ounces of chicken and then 3 ounces of 619 00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:16,360 chicken. And I just kept going and I had 620 00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:22,280 gotten up to 7 or 8 ounces of chicken and I looked forward to 621 00:49:22,320 --> 00:49:25,720 it. Now it it tasted good. 622 00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:31,040 I wasn't noticing anything mentally or physically yet, 623 00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:32,800 because that's still a very small amount. 624 00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:38,760 But I was enjoying it. And at that time, about 3 months 625 00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:42,560 in, that's when I found Doctor Shawn Baker and Doctor Ken Berry 626 00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:48,560 and Doctor Anthony Chafee. And so I built upon what I 627 00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:52,600 already knew about the brain. And then I started binge 628 00:49:52,600 --> 00:50:00,280 watching their videos and that's when I decided to switch from 629 00:50:00,280 --> 00:50:05,440 chicken to beef. Doctor Ken Berry would talk 630 00:50:05,440 --> 00:50:09,080 about that. All meat is great, but there's a 631 00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,880 superiority in nutrition in beef. 632 00:50:12,600 --> 00:50:14,560 And so of course I did it the only way I could. 633 00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:18,160 I switched from fat free chicken to 96% fat free ground beef. 634 00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:22,920 But I did it. I I, you know, I I traded equal 635 00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,120 amounts. I was able to go straight into 8 636 00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:32,360 ounces of ground beef, and at the six month mark I had gotten 637 00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:39,800 up to 12 or 14 ounces of ground beef, and I was noticing some 638 00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:43,720 changes. I was noticing that I was less 639 00:50:43,720 --> 00:50:49,680 anxious, less depressed. The brain fog was starting to 640 00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:55,800 clear a little bit. The screaming voices were still 641 00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:59,920 there, but they were like they were in another room with the 642 00:50:59,920 --> 00:51:04,680 door closed. They were softer, and that is 643 00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:09,560 the first time in my entire life since they started that they had 644 00:51:09,840 --> 00:51:13,800 ever rung true. There was no treatment, no 645 00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:18,360 medicine. Nothing had ever made those 646 00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:25,320 schizoaffective voices diminish until protein and fat. 647 00:51:26,840 --> 00:51:31,720 And so at that point I was able to switch from the ground beef 648 00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:36,480 to whole cuts of meat that I would cook in the crock pot, 649 00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:40,960 like Chuck roast that has the connective tissue that has the 650 00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:45,040 fat profile. At that point I knew I wasn't 651 00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:49,200 going to be able to eat tallow. I wasn't going to be able to eat 652 00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:55,040 little fat bombs or or butter or anything like that. 653 00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:59,560 It needed to be in the meat if I was going to be successful 654 00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:04,560 because I was still too fearful of straight fat. 655 00:52:05,640 --> 00:52:09,040 So I was able to do that. So I switched to Chuck roast. 656 00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:15,920 I ate pounds and pounds and pounds of it and when I got to 657 00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:24,080 the to the £1.00 a day mark at about nine months in, more 658 00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:32,160 things were healing. The depression and the anxiety 659 00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:37,080 were completely gone. At that point I had already been 660 00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:39,640 able to walk away from the cutting and hair pulling. 661 00:52:41,880 --> 00:52:44,920 I was also noticing some physical issues that were 662 00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:49,880 changing. I I had not had any new 663 00:52:49,880 --> 00:52:57,560 fractures, I had not had any new joint or overextension pain from 664 00:52:57,560 --> 00:53:03,720 the Ehlers Danlos syndrome and at at that point I would 665 00:53:03,720 --> 00:53:05,840 consider what I was doing, the Lion diet. 666 00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:09,160 I had eliminated the vegetables 'cause I was starting to learn 667 00:53:09,160 --> 00:53:15,080 about oxalate toxins and I knew from the overabundance of 668 00:53:15,080 --> 00:53:18,040 spinach and celery that I had eaten over the years that I 669 00:53:18,040 --> 00:53:22,840 probably had issues with that I I didn't know what would get 670 00:53:22,840 --> 00:53:27,200 better or what would heal. But I'm so thankful that I I did 671 00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:31,000 that elimination type of diet because that's when I discovered 672 00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:37,520 all of these physical issues heal completely from going off 673 00:53:37,520 --> 00:53:43,240 of the high oxalate vegetables and at the 12 month mark 674 00:53:44,800 --> 00:53:48,600 everything was gone. Sorry, I still lose it 675 00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:55,440 sometimes. At that one year mark, I had not 676 00:53:55,440 --> 00:54:00,680 gained a pound yet. I was still 80 lbs. 677 00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:06,480 So that's my big pill I will die on is that weight restoration 678 00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:12,640 does not equal mental illness Healing metabolic health equals 679 00:54:12,920 --> 00:54:15,240 mental health. Not what weight you are. 680 00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:20,800 So at that one year mark, everything that I listed was 681 00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:24,320 gone. The schizoaffective voices were 682 00:54:24,320 --> 00:54:28,600 completely gone. My brain is calm. 683 00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:32,600 It is sane. The only thoughts that are there 684 00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:37,320 are my own and and the thoughts that are there are filled with 685 00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:40,360 overflowing joy every single day. 686 00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:43,560 There's no anxiety, there's no depression. 687 00:54:45,920 --> 00:54:52,240 Everything is gone. And I've I've worked hard the 688 00:54:52,240 --> 00:54:57,480 years since, putting myself on different protocols to heal the 689 00:54:57,480 --> 00:55:02,360 osteoporosis, which I have done. I do not have osteoporosis 690 00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:05,720 anymore and I've suffered with it for 30 years. 691 00:55:08,520 --> 00:55:13,880 All of those other female issues and hormonal issues are also 692 00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:16,120 gone. I do not have vulvodynia. 693 00:55:16,120 --> 00:55:18,280 I do not have interstitial cystitis. 694 00:55:18,720 --> 00:55:22,880 I don't have bladder pain and severe vaginal atrophy. 695 00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:29,040 That was all fat, nutrient, fat related, That was all saturated 696 00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:33,000 fat, The building blocks of cholesterol that not only feed 697 00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:36,920 your brain but also regulate your hormones and allow you to 698 00:55:36,920 --> 00:55:39,920 have the levels of hormones that you need. 699 00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:43,400 The testosterone, you know, even in women we need it not as much 700 00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:46,760 as men, but we need it in order for everything to work right. 701 00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:54,840 So at that one year mark, everything, everything was was 702 00:55:54,840 --> 00:56:02,560 completely gone. And I stayed silent about it for 703 00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:08,280 quite a while. I prayed that the time to get 704 00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:12,440 involved, the time to speak out, would be shown to me clearly. 705 00:56:13,360 --> 00:56:16,960 At that point, I was following the doctors that helped me on 706 00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:23,840 Twitter, but I had never been on social media before except for 707 00:56:23,840 --> 00:56:25,920 that, and I just used it to read. 708 00:56:26,240 --> 00:56:32,720 I had never posted anything. And Doctor Sean Baker put a 709 00:56:32,720 --> 00:56:37,800 tweet out at one point years ago and said, do you think this type 710 00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:45,600 of diet, this way of eating, this ketosis, this high animal 711 00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:48,440 product diet could help mental health? 712 00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:54,480 And the overreaching comments were that's crazy. 713 00:56:54,640 --> 00:57:00,160 There is no way that your mental health is impacted by whether or 714 00:57:00,160 --> 00:57:05,360 not you eat meat. And that was my answer to 715 00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:07,880 prayer. That was when I knew I needed to 716 00:57:07,880 --> 00:57:13,040 get involved. At that point, I was two years 717 00:57:13,040 --> 00:57:17,840 healed and I had gone through a little bit of, I wouldn't say 718 00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:22,000 anxiety, but just worry that all of this would come crashing 719 00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:24,840 down, that the rug would be pulled out from under me and I 720 00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:27,960 and I would get symptoms back again. 721 00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:35,200 But month after month, I finally was able to release that and 722 00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:38,440 acknowledge that this is permanent, that nothing's going 723 00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:43,240 to be taken away from me, that this is my permanent healing, 724 00:57:44,320 --> 00:57:53,000 and I can live in freedom. I can reclaim and redeem the 725 00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:59,240 years of isolation and the years of illness with my husband, who 726 00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:04,640 has stood by me for 32 years and has only had the wife he has now 727 00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:12,120 for six years. So it's been absolutely amazing. 728 00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:20,440 And so I got involved online and started posting tweets about 729 00:58:20,440 --> 00:58:24,920 this. And that was when doctor Nick 730 00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:29,440 Norwitz contacted me to ask me if I would be willing to do the 731 00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:32,840 documentation it took to be involved in a case series, an 732 00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:36,800 anorexia case series using an animal based diet to heal the 733 00:58:36,800 --> 00:58:39,400 mental illness. And I was all in. 734 00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:42,440 So I did, you know, did the work and the documentation, working 735 00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:45,600 with him, going through interviews, providing him with 736 00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:49,760 what he needed to feature me in this case series. 737 00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:56,080 And then when that came out in June, I had to remain anonymous 738 00:58:56,080 --> 00:58:59,600 until it came out. And when it dropped into the 739 00:58:59,600 --> 00:59:03,960 Journal of Metabolic Health. I always knew that when it was 740 00:59:03,960 --> 00:59:07,480 published that I would reveal myself and hope in hopes that I 741 00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:11,560 could help someone else. And having it documented in a 742 00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:18,680 medical journal is is helpful in the sense for skeptics 743 00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:24,800 sometimes. But I've, you know, I've just 744 00:59:24,800 --> 00:59:30,720 been very active on Twitter and Instagram and through gracious 745 00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:34,120 podcast hosts like yourself to be able to share my story. 746 00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:42,440 That's all I want to do is be a voice and and be a a line of 747 00:59:42,440 --> 00:59:46,240 hope. If if I had had someone all 748 00:59:46,240 --> 00:59:51,160 these years, tell me that if you just take the chance that 749 00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:54,800 there's there's no one beyond hope, there's no one beyond 750 00:59:54,800 --> 00:59:56,880 healing, that you're not too far gone. 751 00:59:57,040 --> 00:59:59,120 No matter how many decades you've suffered. 752 00:59:59,840 --> 01:00:05,080 That with some time and effort you can truly heal your brain 753 01:00:06,000 --> 01:00:10,480 and truly be free, not just manage the symptoms, not just 754 01:00:10,760 --> 01:00:14,760 survive and live the rest of your life still being 755 01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:17,440 disordered. Because that's what the doctors 756 01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:20,720 finally got to with me. They finally said this is 757 01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:22,640 permanent. You know, there's nothing more 758 01:00:22,680 --> 01:00:26,240 we can do for you. And that's not that's not true. 759 01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:32,480 And so I tried to tell everyone that I can every single day 760 01:00:32,960 --> 01:00:35,680 through phone counseling from those who reach out to me. 761 01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:38,560 I I counsel about 8 or 10 people a week. 762 01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:42,960 I get so many direct messages of people who have been failed by 763 01:00:42,960 --> 01:00:48,400 traditional treatment, just like me who who are desperate to try 764 01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:53,920 anything to be better. And I post about it every day 765 01:00:56,320 --> 01:01:03,320 that there is real hope there is real 100% permanent healing if 766 01:01:03,320 --> 01:01:06,360 you'll take that first step and and go on this journey. 767 01:01:08,240 --> 01:01:13,040 Well, I am so glad to hear that you did not give up and that you 768 01:01:13,040 --> 01:01:17,920 kept fighting and that you had the courage to try this animal 769 01:01:17,920 --> 01:01:20,360 based diet as a last ditch effort. 770 01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:22,880 And it worked and you stuck with it for the year, which 771 01:01:22,880 --> 01:01:26,520 compounded into two years, now six, I guess. 772 01:01:26,840 --> 01:01:28,800 Yeah. And now it's been 6 and so 773 01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:31,600 years, 336. Those, you know, the first two 774 01:01:31,600 --> 01:01:36,320 years were were healing and getting comfortable and eating 775 01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:40,800 in abundance. The last four years have all 776 01:01:40,800 --> 01:01:43,680 been about rebuilding my body composition. 777 01:01:44,440 --> 01:01:50,040 Being free in my mind has now allowed me to work on 778 01:01:50,160 --> 01:01:54,000 rebuilding. I've put on 45 lbs of muscle 779 01:01:55,800 --> 01:02:01,600 through weightlifting. I weight lift every day, seven 780 01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:03,840 days a week, upper lower body split. 781 01:02:04,400 --> 01:02:07,600 I have a 30 LB Weight vest that I know. 782 01:02:07,600 --> 01:02:11,560 I worked up from five years ago, had 5 lbs of sand in a backpack 783 01:02:11,560 --> 01:02:14,560 and I now you know every year when it got easy I would 784 01:02:14,560 --> 01:02:16,960 increase that. Now I've got a 30 LB weight vest 785 01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:20,040 that I that I do squats and lunges and stairs with and power 786 01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:23,360 walk and I'm not addicted to exercise anymore. 787 01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:28,600 This this exercise is about firing up brain chemistry 788 01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:32,080 feeling good as good brain chemicals with endorphins and 789 01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:34,160 it's about building muscle and shape. 790 01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:41,360 I I love being able to change my body composition and build 791 01:02:41,360 --> 01:02:45,120 muscle. You know, my arms and my legs 792 01:02:45,120 --> 01:02:50,640 and my butt. And now with the level of food 793 01:02:50,640 --> 01:02:53,760 that I'm eating, because I'm now eating 3 lbs of meat every day, 794 01:02:53,760 --> 01:02:56,200 which I have been for the past four years. 795 01:02:56,640 --> 01:02:59,080 Yeah, I want to pick your brain on that and I would love to know 796 01:02:59,080 --> 01:03:01,240 what your what your diet looks like now. 797 01:03:02,840 --> 01:03:06,880 OK, so it took a while to work up to that. 798 01:03:06,880 --> 01:03:08,800 It's still that reverse dieting technique. 799 01:03:08,800 --> 01:03:11,760 It's still, you know, you don't just go from one day eating an 8 800 01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:14,280 oz portion to the next day eating 3 lbs of meat. 801 01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:17,360 You would be so full that the next day you would sabotage your 802 01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:22,080 efforts and then not eat at all. So it has to be a targeted thing 803 01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:26,400 of building each meal, adding a few more oz, and then when your 804 01:03:26,400 --> 01:03:28,360 stomach gets used to it and you're not quite as full 805 01:03:28,360 --> 01:03:30,280 anymore, you do it again, you add some more. 806 01:03:30,720 --> 01:03:34,920 So you know, it took me a year to go from 1 LB to 3 lbs. 807 01:03:35,760 --> 01:03:39,920 The reason that I did that is my goal was to reverse 808 01:03:39,920 --> 01:03:42,960 osteoporosis. My goal was to reverse all of 809 01:03:42,960 --> 01:03:47,920 these hormonal issues. And your bone is 50% protein, 810 01:03:48,360 --> 01:03:54,600 Not many people know that. And so part of reversing 811 01:03:54,600 --> 01:04:00,840 osteoporosis is eating enough protein eating in abundance, not 812 01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:04,800 just enough for your basal metabolic rate to function your 813 01:04:04,800 --> 01:04:08,960 organs and and lay in bed that you're not going to build 814 01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:11,400 anything that way, you're not going to reverse anything that 815 01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:13,560 way. If that's all you're eating is 816 01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:17,680 enough to maintain life. You have to eat in abundance. 817 01:04:17,880 --> 01:04:23,960 And I find that a lot of women under eat and then they don't 818 01:04:23,960 --> 01:04:26,680 heal. Even those in the carnivore 819 01:04:26,680 --> 01:04:31,360 group that I counsel, they'll come to me and and I'll say 820 01:04:31,440 --> 01:04:34,160 let's talk about what you're eating on a daily basis. 821 01:04:34,320 --> 01:04:38,480 And they're not eating enough to get to a place of healing. 822 01:04:38,480 --> 01:04:40,720 They're only eating enough to sustain life. 823 01:04:41,680 --> 01:04:46,160 And so this, this was my reason. This was my targeted attack. 824 01:04:46,160 --> 01:04:50,960 I wanted to get to a place. I wanted to see what I could do. 825 01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:56,480 I I was excited for the first time in my life to lift weights 826 01:04:56,520 --> 01:05:01,680 and form, shape and see muscle on my body. 827 01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:09,520 So what I'm eating now I was I was strict the first few years 828 01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:11,800 and I would consider it the lion diet. 829 01:05:11,800 --> 01:05:15,560 It was you know beef, salt and water and and then I I played 830 01:05:15,560 --> 01:05:18,800 around with different things to see what helped and what 831 01:05:18,800 --> 01:05:24,240 hindered. So what I'm eating now is 2 lbs 832 01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:29,800 of it is always beef. It could be steak, it could be 833 01:05:29,800 --> 01:05:33,160 ground beef, it could be Chuck roast, it could, you know, be 834 01:05:33,600 --> 01:05:39,920 some sort of of beef. The third pound is whatever I'm 835 01:05:39,920 --> 01:05:43,800 hungry for. I I base it off of off of that. 836 01:05:43,800 --> 01:05:48,720 If I'm hungry for salmon or cod, then that's what I have. 837 01:05:48,720 --> 01:05:52,360 If I'm hungry for ham or chicken, that's what I have. 838 01:05:53,880 --> 01:05:58,440 I eat twice a day, so I've got a, you know, a pound and a half 839 01:05:58,920 --> 01:06:04,360 approximately at each meal and I feel like I've got the best of 840 01:06:04,360 --> 01:06:06,800 both worlds. I don't advise anyone starting 841 01:06:06,800 --> 01:06:10,760 out to, on purpose, intermittent fast. 842 01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:17,520 You need to eat when you're hungry and this has led me into 843 01:06:17,880 --> 01:06:21,120 what I currently do. I feel like I've got the the the 844 01:06:21,120 --> 01:06:24,520 best of both where the intermittent fasting. 845 01:06:24,520 --> 01:06:28,880 I like working out and lifting weights in a fasted state. 846 01:06:29,240 --> 01:06:36,160 I feel very high energy during the day in a fasted state, but 847 01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:38,520 it has nothing to do with starvation. 848 01:06:38,520 --> 01:06:40,440 It has nothing to do with restriction. 849 01:06:40,960 --> 01:06:50,640 When I get hungry, I feast and now I'm discovering what I did 850 01:06:50,680 --> 01:06:56,760 about vegetables I I finally gave them up. 851 01:06:57,880 --> 01:07:00,800 It's just not worth it to me to be in pain. 852 01:07:01,000 --> 01:07:04,080 It flares up my IBS and my digestive issues. 853 01:07:04,320 --> 01:07:08,320 You know, even with green beans, asparagus, you know things that 854 01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:13,320 that should be OK, but for me they're not and it's just not 855 01:07:13,320 --> 01:07:15,880 worth it to me to be in pain for two days afterwards. 856 01:07:15,880 --> 01:07:19,640 I want to feel great every day, but fruit doesn't bother me. 857 01:07:20,360 --> 01:07:26,280 And so along with my 3 lbs of meat, I'll usually enjoy a 858 01:07:26,560 --> 01:07:31,960 little bit of blueberries or melon in season that I can buy 859 01:07:31,960 --> 01:07:34,480 at the farmers market here locally during the summer. 860 01:07:34,480 --> 01:07:38,520 You know, whatever's in season and it it. 861 01:07:38,840 --> 01:07:42,200 I know a lot of people can't do that because it fires up 862 01:07:42,360 --> 01:07:45,640 cravings or because of their health conditions like diabetes. 863 01:07:45,640 --> 01:07:51,320 They can't do even fruit sugar. But for me personally, I have 864 01:07:51,320 --> 01:07:53,200 experimented and I know that it doesn't. 865 01:07:53,640 --> 01:07:57,360 It doesn't lead me anywhere. It doesn't lead to cravings. 866 01:07:57,360 --> 01:08:03,120 It doesn't lead to pushing out the meat and eating more fruit. 867 01:08:03,440 --> 01:08:06,120 It doesn't lead to any kind of disordered issues. 868 01:08:06,200 --> 01:08:11,480 It doesn't lead to going off playing and then eating 869 01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:15,280 something else. I I I live in freedom. 870 01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:21,080 And sometimes that involves a glass of Merlot wine. 871 01:08:21,080 --> 01:08:24,720 Sometimes that involves a a bite of somebody's homemade dessert 872 01:08:25,279 --> 01:08:32,600 at Thanksgiving. So I I just live my life in 873 01:08:32,600 --> 01:08:36,439 freedom. But the, you know, 99% of what 874 01:08:36,439 --> 01:08:42,120 I'm doing and consuming on a daily basis is is the 3 lbs of 875 01:08:42,120 --> 01:08:44,840 meat and a handful of blueberries. 876 01:08:45,560 --> 01:08:47,920 And that that the beef that you're consuming, is that like a 877 01:08:47,920 --> 01:08:52,200 fattier beef, like are you tracking that at all? 878 01:08:53,399 --> 01:09:01,880 I have tracked it in order to to know for myself what I'm eating. 879 01:09:01,880 --> 01:09:05,160 You know, I I have chronometer and I have I have tracked it. 880 01:09:05,399 --> 01:09:07,640 Of course I needed to do that for the case series. 881 01:09:07,640 --> 01:09:11,600 I needed to provide that to the co-authors on the case series to 882 01:09:11,760 --> 01:09:13,600 show what I was currently eating. 883 01:09:15,479 --> 01:09:24,319 And yes, the I'm I'm very high protein and moderate fat. 884 01:09:24,399 --> 01:09:28,359 That's what works for me. I've tried all the different 885 01:09:28,359 --> 01:09:35,319 ratios, I've tried high fat and it and I end up very nauseated. 886 01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:43,640 I end up with indigestion and heartburn and just a a queasy 887 01:09:43,640 --> 01:09:50,399 feeling in my stomach and I get very full, very fast on super 888 01:09:50,399 --> 01:09:54,480 high fat and then that keeps me from getting the protein in that 889 01:09:54,480 --> 01:09:57,880 I need. So for me personally, I know 890 01:09:57,960 --> 01:10:02,720 high fat has has been a tremendous healing for so many 891 01:10:02,720 --> 01:10:07,080 people and it is the right way to go if that's what works for 892 01:10:07,080 --> 01:10:10,840 you. I advocate for not telling 893 01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:14,040 someone what they should eat, but coming alongside them and 894 01:10:14,040 --> 01:10:17,760 helping them discover what way works best for them. 895 01:10:18,440 --> 01:10:21,360 So you know, this, this, this works the best for me. 896 01:10:21,360 --> 01:10:27,880 I eat over 200 grams of protein a day, probably between 150 and 897 01:10:27,880 --> 01:10:30,400 200 grams of fat. So it's, you know, kind of 1 to 898 01:10:30,400 --> 01:10:33,400 1. And that's where I feel my best. 899 01:10:33,440 --> 01:10:40,240 That's where I have vibrant energy every day, you know, and 900 01:10:40,240 --> 01:10:42,240 and able to continue building muscle. 901 01:10:44,280 --> 01:10:52,840 That's where I feel the best in terms of digestion, sleep, all, 902 01:10:52,880 --> 01:10:56,040 you know, all those different components that are affected by 903 01:10:56,040 --> 01:10:57,720 what we. Eat. 904 01:10:57,720 --> 01:10:58,720 I love it. I love it. 905 01:10:59,080 --> 01:11:03,440 I feel like this message needs to be broadcasted for sure, 906 01:11:03,440 --> 01:11:07,520 because there's so much that is left unsaid when it comes to 907 01:11:08,440 --> 01:11:11,160 nutrition's implication on mental health and well-being. 908 01:11:11,160 --> 01:11:13,960 And for me, like I used to struggle with OCD really bad. 909 01:11:14,400 --> 01:11:16,960 And I look back on it now and I think so much of that was tied 910 01:11:16,960 --> 01:11:18,440 to what I was consuming back then. 911 01:11:18,600 --> 01:11:23,080 And there's just there's just so much misinformation out there 912 01:11:23,080 --> 01:11:28,520 about what you have in control, how how what you eat dictates 913 01:11:29,120 --> 01:11:33,240 these neurological functions. So to be able to hear your story 914 01:11:33,240 --> 01:11:36,320 and see how far you've come at such a young age to where you 915 01:11:36,320 --> 01:11:39,560 are now, being able to put that weight on in a healthy manner, 916 01:11:40,200 --> 01:11:43,520 just simply doing, you know, the real things, eating the real 917 01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:47,120 foods and not following these traditional Western medicine 918 01:11:47,120 --> 01:11:50,880 protocols and all the farmer they push like it. 919 01:11:50,880 --> 01:11:52,720 It's empowering. It's it's incredibly empowering. 920 01:11:52,720 --> 01:11:56,440 It's inspiring because this, this is something that like I 921 01:11:56,440 --> 01:11:57,480 said, it's not really talked about. 922 01:11:57,480 --> 01:12:01,120 People don't talk about this that are suffering from it. 923 01:12:01,120 --> 01:12:05,040 They they become somewhat reclusive because there's 924 01:12:05,040 --> 01:12:07,760 embarrassment around it, there is shame around it, there's 925 01:12:07,760 --> 01:12:12,000 uncertainty around it, and they just feel trapped as you felt 926 01:12:12,000 --> 01:12:13,640 trapped. So to be able to live your life 927 01:12:13,640 --> 01:12:18,080 with freedom and empowerment like that is that is a message 928 01:12:18,080 --> 01:12:19,440 that anybody would benefit from hearing. 929 01:12:20,680 --> 01:12:22,200 Yeah. And that's that's why I speak 930 01:12:22,200 --> 01:12:26,040 out every day because I I'm an open book. 931 01:12:26,200 --> 01:12:29,920 I I can talk about any subject anybody wants to talk about. 932 01:12:30,600 --> 01:12:34,320 I have no shame. I have no embarrassment over my 933 01:12:34,320 --> 01:12:37,440 past anymore because it has made me who I am today. 934 01:12:37,440 --> 01:12:40,320 And I know that the things that I struggled with weren't things 935 01:12:40,320 --> 01:12:43,960 that I chose, they were things based on a neurological 936 01:12:43,960 --> 01:12:47,000 imbalance. So there's there's no reason to 937 01:12:47,000 --> 01:12:48,720 be ashamed. There's no reason to be 938 01:12:48,720 --> 01:12:53,720 embarrassed for any kind of mental health issue because it's 939 01:12:53,920 --> 01:12:57,320 it's got a physiological root cause and it can be fixed. 940 01:12:58,600 --> 01:13:00,920 Yeah. And I mean, I have to applaud, 941 01:13:00,920 --> 01:13:03,680 like you mentioned, Chris Palmer and Georgie Eade. 942 01:13:03,680 --> 01:13:05,840 I mean, they're doing incredible work in this field. 943 01:13:05,840 --> 01:13:07,600 They're changing countless lives. 944 01:13:08,160 --> 01:13:10,560 And so many people in the space are people that are just sharing 945 01:13:10,560 --> 01:13:12,520 their stories as you have is changing lives. 946 01:13:12,520 --> 01:13:16,920 I mean this, this is what needs to be said. 947 01:13:16,920 --> 01:13:20,520 I mean, people need to know that there is a healthy outlet out 948 01:13:20,520 --> 01:13:24,400 there for them to find that peace, find that freedom, and to 949 01:13:24,480 --> 01:13:27,680 truly heal and recover. Because, I mean feeling trapped 950 01:13:27,680 --> 01:13:31,560 to the point where you just would rather not wake up like 951 01:13:32,160 --> 01:13:35,360 like that is life is finite. Life is too short for that to be 952 01:13:35,360 --> 01:13:37,080 your norm, for that to be your existence. 953 01:13:37,080 --> 01:13:40,920 I'm so glad that you didn't let that become your final chapter 954 01:13:40,920 --> 01:13:43,040 or your reality. Like, you pushed through that 955 01:13:43,320 --> 01:13:45,680 and now you're taking what you learned from that experience and 956 01:13:45,680 --> 01:13:47,600 sharing it with others. And that's, I mean a lot of 957 01:13:47,600 --> 01:13:50,920 people are very, it's hard to be vulnerable. 958 01:13:50,920 --> 01:13:53,720 It's hard to open up and share. But once you have something 959 01:13:53,720 --> 01:13:57,000 that's so transformative, as you have, it's like you can't help 960 01:13:57,000 --> 01:13:59,240 but share. Because you know the depths of 961 01:13:59,240 --> 01:14:01,600 hell that you were in and experiencing on a daily basis. 962 01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:05,040 And to be able to save somebody from that by simply sharing your 963 01:14:05,040 --> 01:14:09,000 story is the single best thing you can do with your time. 964 01:14:10,400 --> 01:14:13,600 Yeah, that's what I vowed when I finally, when when I was 965 01:14:13,600 --> 01:14:16,760 completely healed and I decided to get involved, I vowed to 966 01:14:16,760 --> 01:14:20,960 myself that I'm going to spend the rest of my life sharing this 967 01:14:20,960 --> 01:14:24,000 because I don't want anyone else to go through what I went 968 01:14:24,000 --> 01:14:26,360 through. And if I can be of any help to 969 01:14:26,360 --> 01:14:29,600 anyone at any time, day or night, that's what I'm going to 970 01:14:29,600 --> 01:14:36,640 do because we are up against big food and Big Pharma and 971 01:14:36,640 --> 01:14:41,240 nutrition guidelines that are really harming people. 972 01:14:41,680 --> 01:14:46,880 And you know, I've tried changing things from the top 973 01:14:46,880 --> 01:14:49,640 down. I went to dietitians, I went to 974 01:14:49,640 --> 01:14:53,520 hospitals, I went to eating disorders units, trying to share 975 01:14:53,520 --> 01:14:58,640 my story, trying to share that the the three ingredient tube 976 01:14:58,640 --> 01:15:02,760 feeding ingredients cause more anxiety and more brain 977 01:15:02,760 --> 01:15:05,360 inflammation. And you know that can we change 978 01:15:05,360 --> 01:15:07,640 that to something, you know, something else for those who 979 01:15:07,640 --> 01:15:11,080 need tube feeding? And I was, I was just met with a 980 01:15:11,080 --> 01:15:13,800 brick wall. They would not speak to me. 981 01:15:14,160 --> 01:15:20,040 They would not acknowledge that anything like this was even 982 01:15:20,040 --> 01:15:24,120 possible. You know, I went back to some of 983 01:15:24,120 --> 01:15:28,680 my doctors and and was hoping that they would be open to 984 01:15:28,680 --> 01:15:33,760 seeing this as an adjunct treatment along with those who 985 01:15:33,760 --> 01:15:39,000 are helped by medication. And I was met with hate and 986 01:15:39,000 --> 01:15:42,880 bullying there also. And so I decided I I can't 987 01:15:42,880 --> 01:15:45,400 change it from the top down. I have to do it person to 988 01:15:45,400 --> 01:15:47,200 person. I have to do it from where I am 989 01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:52,160 and reach as many people as I can along the way. 990 01:15:54,160 --> 01:15:59,440 It's been amazing to put some posts out there or some 991 01:15:59,440 --> 01:16:03,320 interviews out there and actually hear back from Chris 992 01:16:03,320 --> 01:16:04,920 Palmer and Georgia Eid themselves. 993 01:16:04,920 --> 01:16:08,960 It makes my day when when they send me a message and and they 994 01:16:09,120 --> 01:16:14,680 they tell me that to keep sharing my story that that I'm 995 01:16:14,800 --> 01:16:18,280 I'm helping others and that's that's my whole mission for the 996 01:16:18,280 --> 01:16:20,080 rest of my life. I love it. 997 01:16:20,120 --> 01:16:22,720 Well, that is a that is a admirable mission, for sure. 998 01:16:22,720 --> 01:16:24,840 And I've got no doubt that you're changing people's lives 999 01:16:24,840 --> 01:16:26,960 in ways that you don't even realize and will never realize. 1000 01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:29,440 But you're doing it for the right reasons, and you're making 1001 01:16:29,440 --> 01:16:32,240 a difference, a meaningful difference, a meaningful impact. 1002 01:16:32,240 --> 01:16:36,280 And I can't thank you enough for just being as transparent as you 1003 01:16:36,280 --> 01:16:38,320 have today and sharing that story. 1004 01:16:39,800 --> 01:16:41,200 And you get so much to be excited for. 1005 01:16:41,200 --> 01:16:43,000 You get so much life ahead of you. 1006 01:16:43,000 --> 01:16:44,840 Now. I'm I'm, I'm excited for the 1007 01:16:44,840 --> 01:16:46,680 relationship between you and your husband, for him to be able 1008 01:16:46,680 --> 01:16:49,440 to experience this new side of you now going forward. 1009 01:16:49,440 --> 01:16:53,080 I mean, there's nothing but bright, bright things ahead for 1010 01:16:53,080 --> 01:16:55,960 the both of you. Yes, I agree. 1011 01:16:56,480 --> 01:17:00,600 It's been amazing for just simple things that people take 1012 01:17:00,600 --> 01:17:03,040 for granted, which I don't take for granted anymore. 1013 01:17:03,040 --> 01:17:04,880 I mean, I used to dread the holidays. 1014 01:17:05,200 --> 01:17:09,400 I I would sit and cry because Christmas and New Year's were 1015 01:17:09,400 --> 01:17:13,400 dark, because I I couldn't. I couldn't go to parties. 1016 01:17:13,400 --> 01:17:20,040 I couldn't go to normal places and feel at ease and so and so 1017 01:17:20,040 --> 01:17:22,800 the the the things that people take for granted, going out to 1018 01:17:22,800 --> 01:17:26,240 eat with your husband. We didn't we we gave up and 1019 01:17:26,240 --> 01:17:29,160 didn't do it for years because it was torture for me. 1020 01:17:29,400 --> 01:17:32,600 And so of course he didn't enjoy it because he's sitting across 1021 01:17:32,600 --> 01:17:36,880 from a woman who's you know who's making fists because I'm 1022 01:17:36,880 --> 01:17:40,640 so anxious and I can't even make myself eat the plain broccoli 1023 01:17:40,640 --> 01:17:43,480 that I ordered and that that's not a date night. 1024 01:17:43,480 --> 01:17:48,520 That's that's not anything enjoyable with your spouse And 1025 01:17:48,520 --> 01:17:52,400 so we're having a really really good time the last five years 1026 01:17:52,400 --> 01:17:56,840 just enjoying each other's company in freedom and and going 1027 01:17:56,840 --> 01:18:02,000 out on dates and and of course me making friends with the 1028 01:18:02,000 --> 01:18:05,880 servers so this they bring me bring me a big stake. 1029 01:18:06,160 --> 01:18:11,640 So yeah, it's it's been life transformative for sure, for 1030 01:18:11,640 --> 01:18:14,040 both of us. Well, I'm super excited for you, 1031 01:18:14,040 --> 01:18:14,560 Valerie. I'm. 1032 01:18:14,560 --> 01:18:16,440 I'm excited for you. I'm excited for what the future 1033 01:18:16,440 --> 01:18:19,200 holds. Again, I can't thank you enough 1034 01:18:19,280 --> 01:18:21,880 for being as as vulnerable and transparent as you have today. 1035 01:18:22,240 --> 01:18:24,160 I know that that takes courage for sure. 1036 01:18:24,720 --> 01:18:26,720 Where do people go to find out more about you and just follow 1037 01:18:26,720 --> 01:18:29,040 along on the journey and just dive deeper into your world? 1038 01:18:30,080 --> 01:18:33,520 Well, I'm most active on Twitter, but I'm also on 1039 01:18:33,560 --> 01:18:38,840 Instagram so people can reach out to me on both platforms and 1040 01:18:38,840 --> 01:18:44,800 my handle for both is the same. It's Valerie Ann 1970 and the 1041 01:18:45,040 --> 01:18:51,360 the Ann has an E on the end, so it's VALERIEANNE and the number 1042 01:18:51,360 --> 01:18:53,680 1970, which is the year I was born. 1043 01:18:54,440 --> 01:18:58,360 So you know that's where I am and reach out to both places and 1044 01:18:59,240 --> 01:19:03,200 I respond to every direct message, every reply on my posts 1045 01:19:04,720 --> 01:19:09,800 on both of those platforms. I have previous interviews that 1046 01:19:09,800 --> 01:19:17,120 I've done that people can watch and hear my story, but that's, 1047 01:19:17,120 --> 01:19:18,760 you know, that that's where I'm most active. 1048 01:19:19,280 --> 01:19:20,840 Awesome. Well, I will certainly link out 1049 01:19:20,840 --> 01:19:22,040 to those. Make it easier for people to 1050 01:19:22,040 --> 01:19:25,400 find you and follow along. Valerie, if there is ever, ever 1051 01:19:25,400 --> 01:19:28,000 anything I can do to help in any way, anything I can do to spread 1052 01:19:28,000 --> 01:19:31,080 this message, anything I can do to help you personally, by all 1053 01:19:31,080 --> 01:19:33,200 means, please don't hesitate to reach out and let me know. 1054 01:19:34,120 --> 01:19:36,160 I am so thankful for you, Robert May. 1055 01:19:36,160 --> 01:19:37,960 I've followed you for a long time. 1056 01:19:38,800 --> 01:19:43,600 I've, I've watched your podcast, I've, you know, used the 1057 01:19:43,600 --> 01:19:48,560 inspiration that you provide for my own weightlifting, for my own 1058 01:19:48,560 --> 01:19:52,240 body transformation, and it's just been a dream come true. 1059 01:19:52,240 --> 01:19:55,600 To be able to be on your platform and and to talk with 1060 01:19:55,600 --> 01:19:58,400 you, it's just surreal. Well, the honor is truly mine. 1061 01:19:58,520 --> 01:20:00,920 It really is. I mean, I, I, you and I both are 1062 01:20:00,920 --> 01:20:04,240 doing this for the same reason. We want to help people because 1063 01:20:04,240 --> 01:20:05,840 we have been helped, because we have. 1064 01:20:06,480 --> 01:20:08,800 Been in a dark place and seen the line on the other side. 1065 01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:12,480 And that's a compelling story that is making a difference. 1066 01:20:12,480 --> 01:20:16,040 And it's it's coming from that grassroots movement from the 1067 01:20:16,040 --> 01:20:19,480 bottom up, not the top down. So every interaction, every 1068 01:20:19,760 --> 01:20:23,400 communication, every podcast episode, every, every message 1069 01:20:23,400 --> 01:20:25,920 that we put out is an opportunity to to help somebody 1070 01:20:25,920 --> 01:20:28,960 for the better. So by all means, keep doing 1071 01:20:28,960 --> 01:20:30,120 exactly what you're doing, Valerie. 1072 01:20:31,600 --> 01:20:32,800 OK, I will. And you too. 1073 01:20:33,320 --> 01:20:35,280 I'll do. It I've got no intentions of 1074 01:20:35,280 --> 01:20:38,280 changing, so we'll we'll make a difference one person at a time. 1075 01:20:39,040 --> 01:20:41,680 Yes, one person at a time. Thank you so much and have a 1076 01:20:41,680 --> 01:20:43,600 wonderful day Valerie all. Right. 1077 01:20:43,600 --> 01:20:44,440 You too. Bye, bye.