Hello and welcome to another episode of Old Faces.
I'm your host Mr. Mocha. And on today's podcast we're
going to be talking about rejection.
We're going to be joined by Mr. Minx D Dimitri, VC.
We're going to be joined by Socrates.
We're going to be joined by Mike C from Keys and Anklets and our
guest speaker is going to be Sir Walter Doyle, we just call him
Doyle. We are really looking forward to
hanging out with you guys today. This is a subject that we've had
different challenges with. We've talked about it, but we've
never really got any great answers or great responses to
it. And I have to say, I think we
got the very best response from my boy Doyle.
So everybody's going to join us here in a moment.
So stay tuned. But before we get started, just
remember, if you enjoy listening to old faces, please go and like
and subscribe. That is OFACEZ wherever you get
your podcast. Also, we ask that you follow
like and retweet us on Twitter and here we go.
What's going on? Everybody?
Welcome again the old faces. I see we got some people on
hanging out with us tonight already.
I see Socrates, I see Sir Walter Doyle, AKA Doyle.
I see Juicy and Mr. Minx has just jumped in to join us.
We'll have Demetrio on in a minute as well as Mike C, but
we're going to get it started out and I'm going to wait for
everybody to come in and get to the good stuff.
So let's just go down the list. Hey, Hey, Juicy, I see you on
there. How you doing?
I always appreciate you hopping in the chat with us.
And there's Dee. Just Dee just jumped in.
So Sir Walter Doyle, jump in and introduce yourself.
We're not going to get on top of yet, but I want you to introduce
yourself. Greetings and salutations
everyone. I'm Doyle and you guys have seen
me pop in and out of these podcasts for a while, and this
time I'm actually going to be on the mic and not just typing, so
I look forward to the conversation.
All right. Next up, Socrates, introduce
yourself and guys, make sure if you're not speaking, please mute
your microphones because we catch all of your background
noise. What's good?
Can you guys hear me? I'm on my car speaker.
You are loud and clear. What's good everybody?
Socrates, I'm excited about this subject because we know we've
been talking about it so. All right.
And everybody knows Mr., Minx and Dimitri, but you guys might
as well go ahead and say hi to the people.
Oh, there we go, My mic working now.
It's working. OK, hey everybody.
Chris Minx. I am the stag husband of Angel
Minx who a lot of you may know from her social media presence,
videographer, editor, cameraman, lifestyle husband for the last
almost 20 years now and most recently Co host podcast with
Mr. Mocha on the Old Face podcast.
Hey, what up everybody? It's Dimitri here.
Y'all got to excuse me because I'm still like, sick bear with
me, I'm fighting it. But we're getting together.
Shout out to Socrates to get this going for us too.
Thank you. All right, so now that now that
we're on here, Doyle, I need you to jump in and and lay down how
this conversation began. Because he he says something.
He broke this down to to me in a way that is was was very new for
me because I I've complained before.
Oh, you know, everybody talks shit when I say the the whole
rejection conversation. I think, like in a lot of
situations, I'm kind of hard on things and you know, he gave me
a slap in the face today. Doyle, you're up.
All right, so to pick up where we left off, I think we need to
to take a step back. A little while ago was at the
house and me and Mr. Moko were talking.
We were talking about our childhood, our upbringing and
stuff like that, and it got the conversation shifted towards
self-confidence and where that came from.
How intricate his father was to his life and my lack thereof and
all of that stuff. And one of the things we I
walked away from that conversation thinking is at his
most primal, at his lowest self, most vulnerable.
He loves him. He was instilled with a very
deep, strong love of himself and confidence in who he is, and I
envy that because I haven't always had that.
So to Fast forward to the conversation today we we got
into a conversation. He was talking about rejection
and why people don't take it a certain way.
And I said, well think about it. If in your heart of heart you
love yourself, when you put yourself out there and you talk
to somebody and they reject you, your thought process is well,
they don't know what they missing.
I know I love me. They just didn't see what was in
front of them. That's easy for you to walk
away. But if that's your basic at your
most primal, you do not love yourself.
You hate yourself. Your demons are constantly in
your ears saying you're worthless.
You're you're garbage. You you have no reason.
Nobody should ever love you. If you build up your confidence
to try to talk to somebody and they reject you, they just
confirmed everything your demons have been telling you all along.
So it's a little bit harder for that person to then bounce back
from rejection because that person has already been rejected
a billion times by themselves on a day-to-day basis.
So it's not as easy for that person to go, oh, she's missing
out on a good thing or oh, he doesn't.
He doesn't see what's in front of him.
He doesn't see this prize because that person is thinking,
Yup, see, that's just another example that I'm garbage.
I always was garbage. I was never worthy of love.
And it just starts that spiral. And so I don't think that that's
a gender, that part of it is a gendered thing.
Think that's male, female, regardless if you don't have
that strong self love and that strong.
I know the word but it's escaping me right now to fall
back on. It's easy to fall into this
downward spiral of self loathing, self hatred and
whoever you're talking to picks up on it and if they then reject
you, you just go further down the rabbit hole.
Now I think what it is gendered is males when they're rejected
May strike out more violently or may have more anger and all of
that where females may respond the way that they respond, I
think the response is more gendered.
But that initial feeling of rejection and that confirmation,
if you don't have a strong self love, then that's regardless.
And so that's that kind of set Mr. Moak off and he started.
He started falling in love with the concept.
Yeah, yeah. It was, you know, before I even
jump in to go along with what you said, because there's so
much, there's so much take away. There was so much take away when
when you broke that down to me. And there was another side of
it, Socrates and I had a conversation where it was where
he was breaking down. How people have challenges when
they haven't found the the place that the place that they want to
be. Socrates, you're on here, man.
You you talk. Don't.
Why am I talking? You talk.
Yeah, First off, I want to say Doyle.
Fire brother. Mr. Mocha explained it right,
man. The way you explained it was
eloquent fire. I want to add a few things and
then I'll. If you don't, if you don't mind,
I'll go talk about what you were talking about.
Sometimes your demons aren't telling you, oh, you're a piece
of shit. You're not worthy.
You're not. I identify with your story,
Doyle, because my demons are saying I'm all right.
It was never saying you're terrible.
You're this. My demons were like, I'm all
right. So whenever I look to approach
them, a woman, especially in the lifestyle and I didn't feel
like, I felt like she was, you know, you know, out of my
league. That's one of the first
conversations me and Mr. Mocha had is being out of your league.
That's when my demon kicked in. Like bro who you think you are,
like you need to stay in your own lane.
So I just wanted to add that. And then the second thing on
what you were saying as far as the difference between men being
rejected and women being rejected, those are all fire
points. I just wanted to add two men get
rejected way more than women. So it's one of those things
where you have to face those demons more often, but women
also have a hard time with it because they're not as used to
it, right? They do get rejected, but not as
often. Yeah, they don't have the
equipment for it. Exactly.
I've seen that. I've seen some women flip out
because they didn't know what to do with it.
But yeah, as far as, like what you were saying, Mr. Mocha, it's
like I come from it. From a point of like, if you
don't have those skills to do all of it, to get from zero to
play or zero if you're in a vanilla relationship or zero to
be in a relationship with her or zero and just trying to hit it,
I was like, I felt inadequate. You feel inadequate.
You're like, what? What can I do in these scenarios
where I might not measure up or I might not be as tall enough?
Like, I remember a situation where Mike Z was approached by
this really tall woman, hot wife.
And I love tall women and I'm 6 foot, but I might see.
So she approached him and she was like, oh, she gave him a
hug. She's like, oh, I just love tall
men. And just walked away and
shivered and everything. I told myself I ain't got it, so
I left it alone. And it wasn't till the end of
the weekend that they approached me.
And they were like, hey, we used to really, you know, want to get
to know you this and that. And I was like, oh, I thought I
wasn't qualified because I'm not 6-7, you know, And that's what
my demons do. That's what I look at all the
time. It is that something that that
make, how can I ask you, is that something that makes you not
approach because your fear of the rejection that your fear?
Yeah. Yeah.
OK. Like Doyle said, like for me,
it's not, I don't have those kind of demons, but it's like,
it's like, yeah, the first thing I made-up in my head is I'm too
short. You know, first thing I made in
my head is whatever my lack of skill or lack thereof, that's
the first thing that goes to my head.
It's like oh OK, I'm not, you know, any of these dark skinned
brothers. Now, you know, I used to.
I'm from the elder barge. I'm from the Elder Barge.
For. A long time.
I'm not light skinned, but I'm not like dark, right?
So it's like, oh man, she liked them dark brothers, you know, It
is anything, anything. I'm not.
That's where my demons give me. And it tells me now you can't go
there. And you know what it does?
It lies to you. Because it's all what we're
learning. It's all about being your true
self. It's all about having
confidence. It's all about owning who you
are, right. I mean, we got brothers in here.
I don't know who it is, but I know we got a brother in there.
You might see him. And I think he's got make
cuckolds great again. And he might have a spandex on
and I don't know a clown knows or something, but he in there
like the most confident brother there is, right?
But our demons lie to us, Sam. Man, you too short for that.
Man, you ain't dark skinned enough or like man, you you a
mutt. Man, you ain't black, you black
Puerto Rican and this and that. You you don't know to speak
Spanish or English. Your your demons just go off on
you. Whatever it is, If you think
you're ugly or if you just think you need to stay in your own
lane. That's what my demons keep
telling me, brother. Stay in your own lane.
Socrates, who can I ask, where do you think those demons
originated from? Were they were they from back as
far as your childhood? Where that your your friends in
the neighborhood, you know, said these things to you or commented
about them? Or are these just self words
that if you've kind of formulated it and and created
into your own demons as you've grown up?
Well, welcome to Alice in Wonderland.
You just opened a can of worms. I'm going to take you down the
hole right here brother. So I know exactly where it comes
from because of this seminar going to called Landmark
Education and they hit on this. So I'll tell you exact story.
My dad was a drug dealer and him, between him and my my step,
his best friend, they ran all of the drugs from the Valley of LA
to Fresno. This is known.
They're both dead. This is all known and I'll tell
you that for a reason. So I was in the hood one time.
I was in this place called the Pierce Apartments in Pacoima and
that was in the hood and I was maybe like 12 or 13 and I was
and I was new to the hood. I was new.
I'm, I'm the new light kind of light skinned brother who speak
that Mexican on the block. That's what they said.
And so I had a bunch of women surrounding me and these girls,
I mean, from, I would say probably the age of 19 to 10.
We're like, oh, he cute. Oh, he's this, he's that.
Oh, we. And I was feeling myself.
I was like, oop, I'm about to get something tonight.
I'm only 12, but I'm about to get some pussy.
I'm about to be. I'm about to be on.
I kid you not. About 10 minutes later, one of
my dad's soldiers came through the neighborhood.
Now, my dad was a drug dealer, but he, he never allowed me to
do anything. I couldn't steal drugs.
I got $5 a month for my allowance.
So this dude came in on a Monday and back then, and you in the
hood, you got a you got a hoopty with rims.
So he had like a Monte Carlo with some datings, and he had
The Pioneers and he had the juice surrounding it.
And I'm telling you, the women sprinted away from me to him.
And at that moment I told myself in my head, you cute, but you
ain't good enough. And that was it.
That was the day. Wow.
Right there. And I did.
And it was 'cause of Doyle's conversation with Mr. Mocha that
I remembered that. And my whole life I'll be like,
stay on your lane, brother. You cute, But you ain't good
enough. My whole life.
And I just realized it today. Thank you, Mr. Doyle.
Mr. Doyle do. You have a similar upbringing
where the the self loathing or the the demons.
Grew their roots and then it developed over time.
Oh yeah, mine goes back way further than that.
And before I go into a little bit of mine, I want to start
with I am a firm believer in the thought process of when you've
been out of a situation longer than you were in that situation,
you can't use that as an excuse any longer.
But mine started literally with my mother and my father.
I was one of those classic. My mom was a teenage mother, my
biological and like left once he found out that she was pregnant.
But that was her first love. So my mother never loved.
Like, I won't say she never loved me, but my mother never
liked me because she blamed me for her losing her first love
boyfriend she got with my stepdad when I was selling
diapers. And this dude just, you know, he
was my mom was 18, he was 19. So this dude is like, yo, you
keeping me from my chick. I gotta, I gotta help deal with
with you. I'm a I'm a living, breathing
example that he wasn't her first and so my whole life my mother
was telling me I was ugly, that I was a garbage, that she should
have never had me. I was a load she should have
swallowed. Yes, I was a direct quote.
And he's following up with when he wasn't verbally abusive, he
was physically abusive. So my demons were all.
I've never had a chance like those were my demons.
Other people are hugged and kissed and told how worthy they
are by their parents. My first lullabies were.
I'm not that everybody's life would have been better if I had
never been born. Now I'm in my 40s.
My mom left him when I was 16. I've been out of that situation
way longer than I was in it, so I'm not using it as an excuse,
just. No, but not it's, you know,
that's a hand, you're a dealt. But they are critical
foundational pieces to how you have developed to where you are
today, right? Because that journey has, that
journey has been extensive obviously.
And it's taken a lot of self work on your own part to
recognize those foundational pieces where they started and
then deal with them so that you can live now, as you said, more
beyond it than you were in it. I think that's.
Incredible. Yeah.
And so a lot of times when I'm involved in conversation, a
corrupt person doesn't understand the concept of
somebody not being meaning a person who has always had that
self love. They don't understand the
concept of anybody not having, you know, a person who has never
thought of hurting themselves or taking their own lives.
They can't put themselves in the mind of somebody who has had
those thoughts. It is.
It's not a criticism, it's just a fact.
If you can, then you're just a special type of person.
And so and The funny thing is, even though those demons have
been in my ear since day one, I have dated some amazing people.
I have dated a couple of models and things like that.
So I have dated things that would tell us a regular person.
Like, dude, obviously your brain is wrong, because look at who
you're with. But my brain, my brain would
just think through it. Like, no, no, no, no, no,
They're not really here for me. They're they're here for.
And then you would you insert. Damn here.
Yeah. You know, you insert whatever.
Oh, they're just here because you got money.
Oh, they're just here because you got a car.
Oh, they're just here to make make their ex jealous, like.
OK, bro, Y'all been together for three years.
Like, let it go. She's here for you.
No, no, no, no, no. She's not here for me.
And it it took a lot of work to get beyond that.
How did you how did you get through that work, or who helped
you with that work, if you don't mind me asking?
Friends. Friends.
Loved ones, Co workers. Just a lot of different people
at a lot of different places and a lot of different times.
But sometimes it wasn't even you know a big huge let's get
grabbed 50 people and put him in a room and hold him down until
he sometimes it's the little things sometimes it's you know
it's the all right There was this one shit that I looked at
her knew beyond a shadow of a doubt she was outside of my
league, right. So me and my brother outside of
a club in Atlanta and we've just seen her.
She used to be a dancer, but we've seen her out and she saw
us as she's walking into a different club.
And so she leans in the window and hugs my brother and she's
walking around the car, and as she's around the back of the
car, so she obviously can't hear us, he goes, you should just
grab her and kiss her. And I went, yeah, right, bro,
stop playing. Then she didn't open the door,
lean in and lay one on me. Little things like that.
It was like, all right, well, apparently I'm not, as I'm not
as much of A demon or a gargoyle as I thought I was.
And it's easy to slide out of those demons when times when
things like that happen. But the demons are the loudest
when you're alone. Well, Socrates and Doyle, I want
to say thank you. You know, thank you for this
very in dealt conversation. OK.
I hear music. That's all you are.
You you're you're echoing your feet.
You're you're sending feedback. Me.
OK, you clear now. Go ahead.
No, I want to thank Socrates and Dor for this in depth
conversation. And you know, I want to say Mr.
Mocha brought this conversation to me this afternoon and he was
talking to me about it and to be blood, I was like, what the fuck
are you talking about? I I I couldn't relate to it.
And but it was just so foreign and so different to me.
I was like, OK, let's be critical.
And I wanted to know more And I said, dude, we got to get these
guys on a podcast. I want to know more about this.
And so I I thank you guys for stepping up.
You know, I appreciate you greatly and also thank Chris
because he stole my questions. But as you said before, you had
friends that helped you guys, you know, rebuild that
confidence once they get you past the trauma.
What other tools that you're trying to use to stay out of the
rabbit hole when you start seeing those red flags?
This can either go for either Dora or Socrates.
Well, Dimitri, I just want to say thank you for the
acknowledgement. And I wanted to add one other
thing. It's like the way Mr. Mocha grew
up, he the way his father taught him and raised him.
I used to tell my son I'm jealous of you because I didn't
have the dad that I am. So it's like, you know, both of
my parents, my dad, my biological father came from
Vietnam. That fucked him up.
And then my stepdad was just, you know, drug dealer trying to
make it. He was a good guy besides
dealing drugs. And so I was always insecure.
Because they were both. In and out of my life because of
jail. So I never had a dad just sit
there and constantly raise me that way and then these
incidents come along and you let it allows your demons to to take
precedence and be like, well, your your demons say stay in
your lane, brother, stay in your lane and you don't have a father
to, you know, get that out of there.
But what I had to do is I read a lot of books, man.
I probably read and I'm not joking on the subject of women
and approaching women alone, 150 books on the subject.
And so I just had I I'm a nerd, so I read my way out of
everything, you know, our seminars or whatever.
But honestly, the biggest catalyst was my fiance and Mr.
Mocha. I don't, I don't mind saying I
was insecure when it came to going at a certain level or what
I thought women were above my, you know, I've had the same
thing to Doyle. I've dated, I've dated models,
I've dated beautiful women of all sorts.
But like I said, I always had that while they're with me
because I'm the nice guy and they're just taking a break with
me. You know I'm a passionate dude
and this and this and that or you know, yeah, I'm around all
these gangsters, but I'm I'm the guy that does the computer work
stuff. I don't, I'm, you know, I'm the
nerd. So they're just taking a break.
I had all these conversations. So all of the seminars and all
the books I've read kind of give you the tools to to self talk
your way out of it or understand certain things or.
A really good book is. Called The Game and it's just a
book on how to approach women and how to see them.
And you know, from anything from the Red Tail?
To. Pick up artists.
I read all of it because I was like, I don't want to be like
this. And I didn't have any role
models for me. All the dudes that were doing it
right were either lying and I just don't like lying to women,
or they were simply or do it. They weren't doing it in a way
that I appreciated, so I had to read it my way.
I don't. Right.
But you were seeking, you were seeking the role model.
Oh yeah, I think. That's pretty cool.
Juicy points out here. There's the Mr. Mocha.
There's Juicy's comment. It kind of goes along with what
Socrates is saying there. That part of gaining confidence
is by taking risks and chances. Mirror work, she calls it.
Speaking positively to yourself daily in the mirror.
That's the you see a lot on Instagram.
I'm a good person, I'm positive I'm successful, you know those
those types of things. But that mirror work is a a
technique that I know counselors utilize quite frequently with
people to defeat these demons that these two guys have spent a
lifetime working through and and getting ahead of them.
Juicy, I'm going to send you a picture of my mirror.
I have me and my fiance have quotes on there that we read
every day, so that's good. Shit.
I I agree on that. For me, working through it, it
was quite a few different avenues.
Mr. Mocha definitely is part of that because we've been, we've
been, we've been pimping since pimping since pimping like we've
been down like 4 flats for a long.
Time. Yeah, that this is.
That's why. That's why he was happy to slap
me around when I made that comment earlier about rejection,
you know, he said. Before the eloquence came in,
there was some choice words to make me shut the fuck up.
So please continue. I'm sorry.
But it's friends. And I also tried to do a quid
pro quo with this. For that something negative
starts to creep into my brain. I try to remember something
positive that would shut that negative up.
Like, oh, nobody wants you. Wait a minute, wait a minute,
wait a minute. You have an ex that still calls
you once a week even though she's engaged to try to get you
back. Oh, you're ugly.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You used to date blah blah blah
blah blah. Oh, nobody cares.
Up, bruh, you. Your phone is constantly ringing
from friends and family members that just want to talk to you
because they enjoy your conversation.
And so a lot of that has helped negate it because it's OK You
want to know what? You're a liar.
You have to be a liar because I have XY and Z to prove that
you're a lion because I'm a very logical type person.
Or at least I try to at my best. So you both both you guys said
that you have dated models and beautiful women.
And of course, no, we all have been on that road.
And also I can this is not really like knocking anybody,
but I found some of the most prettiest and beautiful women to
be ugly once they open their mouths and say some dumb shit.
I agree. So with that being said, I'm
pretty sure you have these experiences with these beautiful
women. There had to be some women that
you have also rejected for whatever reason it may be.
So did you go into that reflection of, well, I'm going
to reject her, but I'm going to put it to a point where it's not
demeaning her or making her feel bad.
Or did you just gave the energy of, well, fuck it, I'm dating
beautiful women now. So it is what it is like were
you, are you still humble of your success and the person that
the stronger person that you are now because again, you know it's
a thin line. So you could be humble or you
could you could come on to be a monster.
So where do you stand there? Personally, I hate hypocrites.
And humility is at the top, at the top of my priority list,
because to me, nothing is uglier than somebody who went through
some type of struggle and then immediately forgot everybody
that was down at the bottom with them when they got up top or
similar people. So one of my magic powers has
always been the ability to put myself in somebody else's shoes.
So if you ask, if you were to ask some of the people that are
rejected, they may take, they may not say you know he was the
most eloquent, kind person, but I can guarantee you not a single
one of them can say that I was crass, rude or dismissive.
You know, I would at least make the attempt to make the
rejection as soft as possible. But that doesn't always that
doesn't always go the way that you want it to go because, oh,
I'm. I'm a straight person.
I've had to reject gay men. And even on that aspect, I try
to make the rejection as kind as possible, because being kind
costs nothing. So going going on with that, my
question is how do you handle, how do you see rejection now and
how do you handle it now? Yeah, that's a big thing for me
now. Well, So what me and my fiance
have been talking about is something called Aquacords, and
it's a Hawaiian concept about everybody having a connection
with somebody. It might be a small weak
connection just passing by or it might be your soul mate
connection, right? And we were talking about that
and I told her once I talked to you and you were telling me what
Doyle said. It happened for me immediately,
where it's like oh myself, Worth is not at all connected to her
decision making and I don't know why, but I feel like my
personality blinded me to see anything else then what it is.
She's just making a quick decision whether or not she
wants to, you know, do anything with you or approach you or give
you any signals or accept your advances.
So now I just look at it like like like we've always been
talking recently, like just be yourself.
There's nobody can be you better than you can.
And so now I'm just like, OK, I'm going to approach and if she
says no or is not interested in me, it used to be up.
Like Doyle said, confirms I I should stay in my lane.
What was I doing talking to her? She's got all these dudes
hollering at her. She's got the best top notch
guys in here after her or with her.
You stay in your lane. That's what he used to say.
Now. Now it just says, oh, she made a
she made a decision. And maybe it's probably the last
decision. Maybe it wasn't.
Who knows? Who cares?
I know what I bring to the table and I'm not for everybody, but
for those I am, I try to give it 100%.
I'm gonna lay it down. You gonna get all I got.
And I'm an experienced person. I'm not gonna.
There's there's every kind of fucking is great and every kind
of interaction is great. But I'm gonna give you an
experience. That's what I like.
If you want, you know, third, third leg, ##, dude, I'm not the
guy, you know? So now I'm just like, the way I
look at it now is I'm just here to connect with those who value
what I value. You value an experience.
I'm your man. You value black men.
I'm your man with a little bit of cinnamon.
Puerto Rican spice. I'm your God.
If you don't value that, then it's cool.
It's not connected to myself worth anymore.
Thanks to Doyle. Have you ever thought about the
rejection you get? It may be rejection for that
moment, like the clarity of let's say if she says not right
now and she really mean not right now, so she reject you,
but maybe she want to go get a break or maybe see you tomorrow.
I and she she do bring that post back to you to continue where
you left off from the rejection. Have you ever had that
experience or you just once you got rejected, you just
disappeared? Yeah, that's why I have had that
experience. And that experience also shapes,
shapes how I currently deal with rejection because a lot of
people have full on conversations between them and
groups of people in their heads and they in their mind, OK,
she's going to say this and then I'm going to say that and then
she's going to say this. But the issue is you never truly
know what a person is doing. And for all you know that that
person may be interested and they may be going through the
whole demon in their head saying girl you're not good enough for
him, you might you're not this, you're not that, you're not
this, you're not that. And it just takes them to build
up their confidence just a little bit to circle back around
and try to re engage with you. And so yeah, yeah, Once again,
it brings it back to that humility and that don't don't
talk yourself out of a a possible situation because you
jump in the gun based off of the conversation you had in your own
head. We.
Keep talking about. I.
Got a question? We we we keep talking about
rejection by women. I'm I'm wondering if you guys
feel a similar level of rejection by males and I'm not
talking in a sexual way but say you show up, forget I think
Socrates you were saying growing up with the drug dealers, right.
I think the the the the OG, the soldiers would show up and they
had all the respect, right. And you're, you go up and try to
hang with those guys and they would dismiss you usually
probably with some sort of derogatory like get out of here
Shorty, you know, or something. It's just the the feeling.
Of rejection from a male to be a part of the group, or whatever
it might be. Does that hit the same way as
rejection from a female? Does it sting more?
Does it sting less? I feel like it's for me, it's
things less because I don't know, maybe just because in a
woman, when a woman says I approve, right?
When they I accept your advances, that I feel like that
says a lot more about you as a whole as a person.
And then when the OG's would or any dude would I, I don't know,
maybe because I didn't have the trauma that I did with the woman
in that situation, I'm just like, OK, well, you know maybe
we're not the good time. You know, that was my first
lesson in getting out the hood, because I was like, man, I've
had it all. I was like, I'm too, you know,
I'm coming. I used to live in.
I lived in New York with my grandmother, and she's Puerto
Rican. She spoke Spanish.
Now, I was so young, I didn't even know what that was.
And I moved back to LA I'm I'm I'm just you know I'm going to
say this word. I don't know how I know.
I don't know how we feel about this word.
This is what they say you you just a that speak that Mexican.
And it was like I was like what what is that?
I don't even know what you're talking about.
So I got. I got beat up.
OK cool. I got beat up several times
because the black gang especially Crips nothing against
craps. But I was in a blood
neighborhood they would beat me up because I'm I'm.
I'm they think I'm translating for the for the essays and the
essays would beat me up because I'm black you ain't supposed to
be. And they think I'm translating
for them you know so I I got all kind of rejection And then the
black women in my hood this is not all black women in my
neighborhood. They was like well you ain't got
no wad you ain't rolling no no dating you ain't driving the you
know this kind of car you ain't dressing and I couldn't because
my dad wouldn't let me. So then it was like they're
rejecting me. My only fail safe is I spoke
Spanish. So I was like Oh yeah Mommy I
can holler at the Mexican girls you know.
So that was about it. You people not want.
To go to LA, Yeah, get harder. And all these women, all these
women are lining up for for their for their future, right?
They're looking for, they're looking for who's going to be
their best provider and best protector.
They're not looking at any inequality about looks or
anything else. They're just like, who's going
to give them the best life? Exactly.
And I don't know if you're talking about the difference
between the cultures, but that's what it really is.
In the Hispanic culture. You're looking for a husband.
And it's not that black men are not and black women are not
looking for what husbands either.
I'm just saying it's embedded in them.
It's part of the culture. It's part of our culture.
And so they just like that they can, you know, they might like a
black man. But yeah, I get to have a black
man to bring to Iwilla and he can and they can have a
conversation. He understands our culture and,
you know, he doesn't feel, you know, uncomfortable.
Down and have them. You serve Cafe Cornlet and you
know, all of these little things.
And I was like, OK, I'll just go over here, you know?
But a dude is like, all right, that's cool.
I'll find another friend, you know?
That's cool. I'll find another dude.
It doesn't say anything about me if you don't like me, because I
can fight, you know, I'm pretty smart.
I'm all right. I I got your back.
I'm a loyal friend. It didn't really hit any of
those insecurities, but that one incident I told, I repeated it
to myself over and over That night.
I literally said, oh, you ain't cute enough.
I remember that night and then every time a woman rejected me.
You keep saying you keep saying you you're not cute enough.
Have you ever thought about character?
Well I mean I I forced me to develop character.
But what my point is, like it's just a lie you like he said.
I like what Dora says, a demon. It's a lie in your ear just
telling you lies all the time. And so it's like of course I
developed character and of course I like I started
realizing that I just. I really wanted women of
character that's not worried about my money or my status or
anything but you still have that little demon like you said
telling those lies like Nah man, you ain't.
You still need to be you need to get the muscles like like Mr.
and then you you really you probably should start tanning
brother. You know this says that stuff
instead of maybe she she rejected me like you said.
Maybe it wasn't the time. Maybe she's.
Maybe she's into something else, but.
At a Third Point, you got to pick the struggle because you
can't be overweight, broke and an asshole.
You got to choose one. You know what I mean?
You got to pick. One, so I can't.
If. I don't got nothing else.
I got to have character but to to circle back around to the
original original question. For me, rejection was rejection,
regardless of whether it was a romantic thing or whether it was
inclusion into the group. But I will say this being
rejected by other men and, you know, being rejected out of
their groups. Did.
Cause me to become more of a Jack of all true.
And I kind of because of that I kind of noticed people like that
and sometimes it's definitely not a chosen thing.
Like I was a city boy you know grew up in Philly.
So when I moved down to Georgia some of the guys that I started
hanging out with down here they grew up in the South.
They haunted. They fished.
They they were in the guns. They were into all of that
stuff. So I was kind of at first
rejected out of that group because it's like all right we
talking about being out in the woods and seeing an 8 pointer
walk around the corner and I got and and getting that buck fever
and I'm looking at you like you crazy but that caused me to look
into it and to to in order to. Find assimilated.
Assimilated. Assimilated order to find a
common ground. And because of that I became a
Jack of all trades where you know, there's a few things and I
can have that. I never had that conversation.
Go ahead. There are very few things you
can talk to Doyle about that he he doesn't know.
He says. Jack of all trades.
Like there's very few topics you can bring up that he doesn't
know a whole lot about. And I'm nerdy as fuck.
And there's sometimes like I'll be talking like what the?
Like I'm mad that he knows a bunch of shit that I don't know.
OK. Like I I'm like I thought I knew
this subject you know so legitimately like he is and and
it's it's interesting. He just said something that I
didn't know because he's one of the few people you know how
there are certain people who you're afraid to bring around
just anybody. He's the person I can bring
around anybody like he is. Doesn't matter what situation I
bring him into I know he's going to be good.
So that's actually I'm surprised to hear the part about the I
would never even thought that he'd had a hard time
assimilating, assimilating to the group of guys.
Because anytime he's, I mean it doesn't matter if we were around
strippers or around he's always been Doyle just cool and smooth.
So that's something I'm learning, something I developed.
It's something I developed. I mean, a lot of that male
rejection definitely was in my early 20s teenage years, but
that helped develop me to the point where I can talk sports.
I can talk hunting, I can talk fishing, I can talk anime, I can
talk manga, I can talk game, I can talk science.
Because I found myself in all of these different groups at
different points. So I forced myself to engage,
and if I don't know, I shut up and I learn and I listen and I.
Think it sounds like a survival technique actually well that you
actually utilized what was the challenge and and became the the
knowledge seeker that then you could utilize that to to turn
the turn the tables and make it work for you as an adaptation.
I mean it's it's incredible. Not everybody, not everybody
can, right. Not everybody can do that.
So here's my follow up to the question that I just asked and
how much of the growth and development comes along with
age, time and just miles under your feet on the earth.
Now I know the panel here, you know with Dimitri and Mr. Mocha
and myself, we've been around the block a few a few years,
right. And I'm guessing looking at this
audience tonight, all of us are, have been, have been be in life
for a little bit a while. The stories that of the major
rejection the the hurt all these different things all happened in
in your earlier years. How much of just time and
experience in life you come to realize because I mean at at my
age now, I kind of like look at people and go, I don't care if
you fucking like me or not, right.
I'm here. You're going to either deal with
me or you're not, but I'm here and that's just comes from the
years of experience of being in a lot of different places.
Does that hold true for? Everybody else, you ever heard
the thing? The youth is wasted on the
young. Love that saying.
Absolutely love that saying. Yeah, 100 percent, 100.
Percent I want respect. I want the.
Everything. And I want the knowledges.
You don't get it until you get it.
It takes time. I want the knowledge I have now
with my 20 year old body. Yeah, so.
So do the. Regiments There's my yeah,
there's my Genie. Magic, you know.
I I get that. Blank, Right.
I'm gonna rub that blank. Yeah.
Oh, that was gonna happen.
I the number one I. Would be a whole problem.
So not now that we're we're looking at this another.
And the cool thing is, I I know, Doyle.
I know Socrates and I know this isn't your your style.
We've we've, we've talked about rejection.
Dimitri and I, we've had lots of conversations about rejection
because you know just in the environment that we tend to be
in throwing parties things like that.
We've seen a lot of guys, men and women both handle rejection
poorly and I think that after talking to Doyle earlier it, it
opened up a lot of things. The reason a possible
explanation as to why you know a a guy gets rejected and he he
says something rude. I know I think it was a couple
years back Demetria and I, there was a a couple who we we know
and they're very nice. They're very open couple were
getting ready to go play. Guys see him, he goes and tries
to talk to him and basically they say no thank you, not right
now. The guy's a total Dick to him,
to the couple, and they would have played with him later.
They were just busy at the moment.
And I think listening to this creates you know, possible
explanations as to why people take rejection so poorly.
I. Don't know this.
Excuses any of that, but it does put in perspective the possible
motive behind it. Because, you know, hurt people,
hurt other people. And if this is a person who was
on my end of the spectrum and it took a lot for them to build up
their courage to approach somebody, this isn't routine,
this isn't normal for them. And then they're, you know, they
already felt the rejection coming, but they, they tried to
put their best foot forward and then they subsequently got
rejected. I could see somebody striking
out. And then I can also see some of
those people feeling like a complete piece of garbage later
on when they decompress. And they're thinking about that
all by themselves when they're alone.
Like, why did I, why did I call her out her name?
Why did I like I I am not that person.
I can't believe because sometimes hurt people hurt
people. Yeah.
And it was really when I was growing up, there was a place
called the Fox Hills Mall in LA and it was known like, you can
go down there and a dude would approach a woman.
And back then the women were not nice on their rejection.
And a lot of it is because they're dealing with gangsters,
you know, and they, the dude would be like, hey, you know,
let me holler at you this and that.
She'd be like whatever. She'd say no, you you ain't, you
too short or whatever. They would just be rude.
And then the second he's, she said that she would be, he would
be like fuck you damn bitch, I never want your ugly ass anyway.
Just walk off and you know and get all gangsters and stuff.
That was typical. Every time you went to the mall
you saw that. And I do think that's connected
because it's like, you know when you're growing up in these
environments, we didn't have the best fathers or father wasn't
there situation all the time. You're dealing with all kind of
rejection everywhere you go and so you start having connections
between yourself, esteem and the way that person's treating you.
And then it cuts. It burns more when you when
you're connected with oh, I'm not good enough in the 1st place
and now she's just confirming it.
Well, I will say you guys are again, I would praise you.
You're fucking amazing. You bring so much balance to
life medium. It's like you are nature's
referee. You know, it's crazy that I used
to tell Xavier this My life was was so black and white that I
never saw the Gray and and that Gray area was always the Gray
area of reasoning. And I always, I never thought
because I never care to try to get into it or listen to it or
whatever. But I see clearly that it's guys
like you that's put in this in this universe or just within the
circle for that type, for that, for that reason or that being
whatever the case may be. Yes, you had the trauma, but you
do your trauma and your experiences, you kind of got to
pass yourself in the back that you you made it.
You you grew. Can't you now see that?
Yeah, you guys have. The success story.
Well, I'm.
I'm not going to lie, it's hard for me because it's hard.
Yeah. This is just yesterday, my man.
This morning? No, I I dealt with that man.
Man, you know how many hours Mr. Mocha put in trying to get me
like, hey man, you looking brother?
What's wrong with you? Hey Mr. Come on here.
Here you go. Let him know like he it was two
days ago. He was just like, hey, what are
you talking about? You you you're a decent looking
dude. What do you mean?
Yeah, it's that demon has been in my head from 12 years old to
this morning. I'm not lying.
No, I get that. I understand.
The trouble behind it is like, and I do understand that you
would be your own worst critic, but at some point, if you like,
you're praising Mr. Mocha right now, and he's shouting with the
confidence and the confidence. Why can't you not trust that?
Yeah, I mean, I don't know what you're saying.
I have worked hard, right? I didn't read 150 books on the
subject for nothing. But, you know, it was a
struggle. And you're right, I did make it
because now I'm surrounded by people like yourself.
When I was telling Mr. Mocha I can't wait to hang out with
Dimitri because he's tells me about how sharp you are.
He tells me about how sharp this entire team is.
And I've been listening to all you guys now.
So I've been doing the pranks. Yeah, Chris is said stuff.
I called. I called.
Mr. Mocha said. Man what Chris said right there.
Fire Mr. Minx Hazard. You know, and I've I've, I I do
fashion myself as someone. Guys, we feeding back, everybody
mute your mics for a second except for Socrates.
So I I I consider myself someone who does commit to canine.
We were talking about the earlier constant and nevering,
an improvement, and it did lead me here.
But man, I wish. Like you said, I wish.
You too, politically correct. I leave out that you so
politically correct, you left out that last part, huh?
I'm not going to put you on the. Spot.
That's OK. I'll jump on that grenade in a
minute. Go ahead all.
Right. I want to jump in on that and
and add my two. My two cents or one?
And I owe you one. But, and part of it is you.
Sometimes you don't realize how far you've come while you're
still in the journey. Like if you grew up poor, you
start making twenty $30,000 a year.
You still got the mentality of a poor person.
You don't realize that you're not making ten no more.
You jump up to 50 to 70 to 90. You break 6 figures.
Certain people are making $120,000 a year.
They are in the the 5%, but they don't realize that they have
made it. They don't realize that that is
above the average and so. Like Mike Tyson, I'm just trying
to see my kid. Yeah, and so I say that to say
like I I appreciate the acknowledgement, but I don't
look at myself as having made it out and being a success story.
I look at myself as this is an everyday thing.
I know how bad it can be if I let my mind wander.
Don't let my mind wander. I got to keep moving forward.
And there's a buddy of mine he he's instilled in my in my head,
motion is life. The only fish that goes with the
flow is a dead fish always move forward 1 foot in front of the
other. Well, once it's trying to stop
ticking, stop saying butt and just take butt out of your
vocabulary, out of your mindset and actually look at what all
you have achieved. Like I got to get both you guys.
We have to exchange phone numbers because I I don't want
to use the word man fan. But yeah, it's this is a great
conversation. I want to learn more because
again, it's like you guys are teaching us.
So you have this, the penalty, you have the platform.
So I'm supposed. To be hollering at you anyway,
because. Me and Mr. Booker were just
talking this week. But I was.
Supposed to reach out to you for Splash in Atlanta?
Yeah. And then Mr. Mocha in trouble.
I got you in trouble I got you. Good hook up there.
Too you can you can use my affiliate code.
I'll get you in the splash. You don't need and Mr. Mocha in
trouble if he didn't tell you already.
Dimitri, I was like that guy's sharp.
I can't wait to hang out with him and talk to him.
Hey, hey. This is not about me.
This is about you guys right now.
Yeah. No, make it.
About you, they both throwing. Rocks at me, though.
Make it about him. I didn't.
Throw any rock at you? No, not yet.
Nah. Oh, you're right.
You're right. You're right.
No, you know, you know what? I'm talking shit.
I have to say this. This is something I have to
throw out there. This is a conversation that me
and Doyle had some months back, and I can tell you why I value
this conversation so much. Number one, we've talked about
men and their emotions, and rejection is a very emotional
subject, obviously for men and women both.
But you know, I'm not a woman, so I can't speak from that
place. And then also learning that
there's different levels to this shit, there's different levels
to rejection and there's different levels to the way we
feel. Doyle it was probably, I think
it might have been Doyle who really helped me understand.
Because I I remember saying I've said this before, I never
understood the concept of depression.
I never understood the concept of anxiety.
I I'm embarrassed to say, I used to think that that was just an
excuse that people made. And then once you have
conversation with so many people and you start realizing, OK, it
maybe really is a thing. But then you, you, you're
talking to somebody who you've known for over a decade and they
really go deep and break it down.
You start understanding these things.
And also, you know, Doyle being a person I trust, in fact, Doyle
was the one who called me an idiot the time that I I gave my
wife a very honest answer when I shouldn't have given her that
answer at that moment. I'm not sure if it was what the
fuck is wrong with you, with other bunch of other words.
So him being someone who who knows my family, who I trust,
who I deal with, explain these things to me and say, hey, you
don't understand why certain people feel the way they feel.
Because your journey has been different.
And I always felt like, you know, as a as a man or you know
a man, you should, you should feel this way, feel that way.
And then, you know, we started talking about the male emotion
and all of these different things.
And then you have guys who come on and say, hey, this is another
piece of the male emotional journey.
It's, it's it's powerful. It's a it's a big thing to me.
And I appreciate, I appreciate Socrates Doyle.
I mean, I mean Doyle is, you know, he'll probably be at the
house tomorrow, so, you know, I'll have to buy you a beer or
something like that. But I appreciate it fellas.
Well, you make a hell of an old fashioned so.
I'll pick up Can I geek out? I'll go pick up Mr. Mokar.
Are we Mr. Mokar? Are we getting?
Are we coming to an end on this episode?
Yes, Sir. All right, I want to throw out
one geeky moment here of some information.
Everything we've been talking tonight about was written by an
American psychologist in a paper called The Theory of Human
Motivation. That guy's name is Abraham
Maslow and Maslow's hierarchy of needs introduced to those,
right, So all all of us walk through this basic five steps.
The physiological needs is the first one that's, you know,
food, you know, shelter, clothes, all that kind of stuff,
right? Then you have your safety needs.
You're you're you're safe from the tigers and lions out there.
Then it goes to love and belonging.
Then it's esteem, and finally it's self actualization.
And basically Maslow's theory is that you go through your life
trying to achieve these five steps.
And that's what motivates each one of us, man, woman, whatever
is to reach through these these five steps.
Not all of us can actually reach that self actualization where
you can become the absolute best version of yourself.
Everybody gets caught up here. We're talking about is the love
and belonging. We want that love, we want that
attention. We get rejected as we seek that
and that becomes the challenge and it hurts our esteem, which
is the next level. Above so all the.
Conversations tonight we've had guys, I appreciate hearing the
different perspectives because each one of us comes from a
different place and each one of us has walked this path to get
where we are today. And we're talking about
successes and people who have figured it out and yet still
face those demons every morning when they wake up or every
Friday night when they get ready to go out.
And for those of us who are blessed enough to have that that
life partner who's chose to join them even though, like in my
case, I out kicked my punk coverage as well, they choose to
stay with me and not reject me for all this time.
So thank you everybody for all of that.
And thanks for letting me geek out there Mr. Mosby.
Can I join that geek out real quick?
Yes, Sir. The interesting thing about the
hierarchy of needs and the fact that it's stepped is that it's
not linear. You look for food.
Once you've secured food, you look for safety.
Once you secured food and safety, then you go to love.
But if something happens, you lose that safety.
Now you're back at the safety step.
So self actualization isn't necessarily an end goal because
you can reach that that pinnacle get divorced, now you're back at
you're, you're trying to secure safety.
Now we're working on love again. So it's a constantly moving and
evolving thing. So it I love that one.
I love it. Sorry.
And you and you did and you don't get hung.
Yeah. Don't, don't and and so the the
key, the key takeaways, don't get hung up at one of those
steps. You're always going to have to
adapt and move. Those who get stuck are the ones
that that end up having a difficult time.
Can I can I jump in? I just, I want to piggyback on
something, Mr. Mink said. I really appreciate you saying
that is. Yeah, like, I feel like today
I've discovered something new and I feel like I have the tools
to really quiet that demon. But it just started the battle
of saying, you know what, I'm going to beat this guy, but I
know I'm going to deal with it at the next splash.
I know I'm going to deal with it in the next situation, but at
least now I got some way better tools because the, you know,
team of friends that I'm building right now.
I was going with that trust. In the circle I mean circle of
trust in individuals. You got some great kings and
friends right here that waiting to stand beside you guys with
just a phone Callaway. And this is not just all talk.
This is something that we show with actions.
And I will say this from day one of me, Mr. Mocha, he was that
guy. Like I couldn't believe that
there was another guy that that was all action like myself also
with Mr. Meeks you know like like fucked.
Here's another guy. So and we're all brothers in you
know that we can always put another chair to the table and
you guys are more than welcome. So we need just that phone call
or that text and we on our way. Nowhere else in the numbers, all
day later. Be there, All right.
Just know that like I said, we here for you, but we also don't
hold you accountable to be there for us as well, because I do
believe in living that shoulder just as much as you need our
shoulder reciprocity. Indeed.
Fellas, ladies, gentlemen, the fellas on the the panel.
I think this has been a great episode.
I've taken away so much. I would love to continue this
episode but next time get some ladies you know kind of involved
in in the episode because I would love to see you know I'd
love to hear their perspective on it especially when you're
when you're talking to guys who aren't doing the usual macho
let's let me hide my feelings thing.
So I think that would be really cool.
And just for the record, if you enjoy listening to old faces,
you can find us wherever you listen to your podcast and make
sure you spell it right OFACEZ. Until next time, Mr. Minx,
Dimitri Doyle, Socrates, thank you guys very much.
Want to give a shout out to Juicy Blushing Vixen?
As always. Reserve stag, Reserve stag.
This is the last time you get to sit here and not join.
You messed up. You already joined and talked to
us. So now, from now on, I expect to
hear you in there and everybody else.
If we don't know you, we want to get to know you.
So come back and hang out with us again.
And until next time, Thanks for thanks for joining old faces.
Peaceful. Later y'all.