Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of Old Faces
where your host Mr. Misses Mocha.
You didn't say and you just said.
I said like the letter N miss mocha and.
Misses Mocha. We always mess the first part
up. Usually I mess it up, so anytime
she even almost kind of messes it up, I point that out to the
audience. It makes me nervous when we have
like live audience. It makes me nervous.
He's at your, he's at your Mario accident.
It makes me nervous, Daddy. It's been a long weekend
already. Why has it been long?
Long and hard. Big ones.
Big, long and. Hard, I got this list.
She's always taking things for a ride, yes.
So yes, we're going to do a couple different things today.
We're going to do a little Q&A, so we already have one lined up.
We'll also do a continuation of what we were talking about
yesterday do. You remember what we were
talking about yesterday? Because I've tried all day to
remember what we ended on, yes. Fortunately as.
Long as you got it. We have younger people here who
can remember well, I'm. Older than you.
Hey, just roll with it. Roll with it.
So what we'll do is we'll start off with the first question from
our friend Ginger, the first question and comment from our
Jet friend. You're contagious.
Ginger fire roll, baby.
What you got? OK, so she says I have a God
fuck. We need to start over I guess.
And I'm the dyslexic one. OK, I'm the one that can't read.
I have a topic that I'm curious about, maybe you've had a
podcast about it already, but who chooses a play partner for
the wife? I always choose my own play
partners, but I've been told that that's the exception and
the vast majority of couples have the husband choose.
Is that accurate? That's question one.
I mean, I can, I know that was question one.
I mean, I, I don't feel like it. I feel like it's just based on
your dynamic, whatever you choose that you want.
Like when we first started, it was easier for Mr. Mocha to like
at least vet the guys versus me having to talk to them and chat
a bunch and say like, take a shower before you come, you
know, because clearly that wasn't like a thing when we
first started lifestyling. But for us personally, our
dynamic, I got, I choose who I want to play with.
I mean, I and I talked to them usually, but in the beginning he
was more involved in that. And now we've kind of evolved to
he what he wasn't choosing what I liked anymore.
He thought he was. And then they would show up and
I'd be like, I don't think that's going to be what Mr.
Mocha's super friendly though. So he would get on the phone
with people and just like be talking.
He's like, Oh yeah, the dude's super cool, da da, da.
But I'd like kind of been messaging him.
And it was a little dry. And everyone knows that I'm
super sarcastic. If you can make me laugh and
you're you speak my language of sarcasm, then you're getting
some pussy. Like you could be on my 600
problem life. I'm giving you some pussy.
Like I don't have any qualms on anything, but I do choose my own
people. But in the beginning he had a
bigger part in that, but for other just for other reasons,
for like safety reasons. And it was just, he's so direct.
It was easier for us just him to just say like, hey, no, this is
what we do. This is how we do it.
Like you can come over and meet her, but he was always there for
the initial meetings. We've kind of even like shield
away from that a little more. I.
Mean we're so far and we're so far into the head, into the game
now. In the beginning, Mrs. Mocha was
very passive when it came to that.
Even though she seemed like a savage on a regular basis, you
know, she was always like, OK, I this is the type that this is
the guy looks like that I want and I don't want to have to
figure it out. So in the beginning it was
easier for her when I picked the guy up.
Now when you say pick, when I say pick the guy out, I will
look and I say, do you like this guy?
And she look and go, yes, then I contact the guy.
But I so really, I didn't choose the guy.
She chose him because like I've said before, like I've, I've met
husbands, like, you know, you know, my wife wants to fuck this
guy, but I don't like him. You're not fucking him.
Why do you not like him? She likes him.
Like I never understood that, you know, and I've seen women do
the same thing. Well, I don't want you to fuck
that Lady because I don't like her.
You're not fucking her. So for me, it was always like,
do you like this guy? Early on, she just wanted the
physical attraction and that was it.
Now, later on, she started having conversations.
Like, in the beginning it was like I said, you know, you
should try to talk to the guys a little bit.
I don't want to talk to them. I just want to fuck them, OK.
And then, like, all of a sudden, this happened for years.
And then one day I picked the guy out.
OK Muscles. I mean, his profile was kind of
witty and the guy comes by and she's like, yeah, I didn't like
that guy. You know, some I want to, OK.
Then the second time another guy comes over and usually like when
the guys getting too chatty, I just come in and be like, hey,
you guys want to go downstairs. So they're on the sofa, they're
chatting because she usually would give me to look like.
Tell them to go downstairs. Like, like, like I like.
It's my job to do this. So I did my job that I've been
doing for 7-8 years and it was like, hey, why don't you guys go
downstairs? She's like, Oh no, I want to
talk for a while. And I'm like, and then later on
after she plays with the guy, she's like, well, daddy, you
know, I like to talk to guys a little bit.
I want to get to know him a little bit.
I'm like, what? Like it wasn't like any warning.
It was just this, this, this, and then a hard turn.
I'm like, what the OK. And then we switched it up.
And so once we got to that place, picking guys out for her
for me was very difficult because the physical piece and
she's always been, the one thing I can say about her is like any
guy can take their shot. A lot of guys would go, oh,
well, she has this type. No, if you talk shit to her and
you're sarcastic and you're charming, she's going to be
aroused by you. You know, she is very sexually,
she's very cerebral when it comes to sex.
You know, even back in the day, she would wind up playing with a
guy that I'd be like that guy, you fucking homo FUD.
And and it was just because he was funny.
And we don't. Judge.
Oh, I judge like a motherfucker. It was just out of my norm so he
was confused. We all.
Judge what was? Going on, but if you can, if you
can stimulate, I like my brain like sexually that I'm good
because I do like to like talk shit once I like before I don't
want to sex you all day like I I want I'm I'm never predictable,
let's put it that way. I'm not predictable.
I'm very unpredictable. Somebody asked me like, oh, like
how are how do you play or how do you do this?
And I literally was like, you know what, I think I'm kind of a
woman of mystery because I don't know what I want from
day-to-day. Like if you say something, I'll
be like, Oh yeah, that made my pussy like real wet.
But somebody else could say the same thing and I may not like it
because I didn't like the way their tone or something.
I'm weird. No, you're not weird, you're not
weird. You are a woman.
No offense, ladies, I've seen I've seen I I've done something
and someone's done the exact same thing and the a free a
female friend like Oh my God, that guy was creepy and I'm like
I do that all the time. So either a I'm creepy, which I
could be like, let's be honest, I could be creepy.
You know, right, I'm creepy. Oh, that hurt, that hurt.
I think it's the. Delivery like sometimes,
sometimes the delivery is just wrong or it's like the wrong
timing of the delivery. Like yesterday I played with
this guy and I've wanted to like we played a little bit at New
Year's, but it was like a whole orgy thing.
So it was just a lot. And so we got into the room
yesterday and I wasn't expecting it because he's like so nice and
like just so like chill. But like, he started saying some
real dirty shit off the rib. I was like, oh, this is about to
be great. Not that I was expecting it to
be bad, but it was his delivery and he was.
I like the mystery. I like a little bit of mystery,
like you don't have to tell me all your dirty thoughts, but if
you give me just enough of that dirty thought, I'm going to base
that on how we're going to play, you know?
Because I'll only give you what you give me.
Like as far as that goes. If we're just fucking, and
that's OK too. But if you throw in a little
nastiness, I'll just give you a little sample, you guys, a
little sample of what he said. He was like, Oh, has your pussy
been used all day? And I was like, Oh, yes, it
fucking has. I like legs up in the air and
his Dick was like missile hard and I was like OK, so like I'm
also like submissive, but I to the the right energy.
I guess she's. She's sexually submissive to a
guy who is strong enough to make her want to submit.
Like that's kind of that's the thing.
Yes, just. Go back, what was that for again
so I can use? That I'll send notes.
I can send notes. Of my friends, you know what
did? He say again.
He asked me has not. He immediately stuck his Dick in
and said, oh, so your pussy's been used all day.
And I was like, Oh yes, it fucking has.
I don't even know if it actually had at that point.
We're going with what it is. I don't even know if anybody had
used it at that point, but you sure can use it, Sir.
So I was curious. When you tell him how guys
mentally stimulated, I call it mine.
Fucking basically. Yeah.
So let's say a guy, and this is for all of them because I just
want to make sure I'm on the right track.
The guy in mine is good enough but you go to the bedroom and he
may not be exactly what you thought he would be.
Does that make you sex bro better or when you play them
again or how do you? What is that other everybody
gets like a second and third chance because we all I feel I
say it and I've said it to him and I have 5 brothers.
I'll throw that out there and they've talked.
They told me a lot of things about men and their Dicks or
their younger and women aren't mechanical.
Men have to be mechanical at these events.
You got to get your Dick hard. You got to keep your Dick hard.
So and so wants this. So especially if we're here, if
you don't work great the first time, it could have been
something in the room you could have got.
You could have just got done fucking even down to like guys
coming to my house, like I don't expect I'm not going to give you
my 100 game the first time because we just met.
I don't know what, what you like, what you don't like.
I don't know what unless we've kind of talked a lot.
Like, I don't know, I, I feel like the more you have sex with
somebody, the better you know what you're doing.
I mean, a little bit of talk is good, but I always give
everybody a second and third chance to answer the question.
Second and third chance, because I don't feel like it's fair to
just say I may have been off that day or I may have been
tired by like the time the night came, night time came around.
So I don't ever want to just say just because you didn't say
exactly what I wanted you to say that one time because I made
like you as a person and just be like, yeah, you know what?
I want to do that. I want to try that again because
I feel like maybe he was just off or whatever.
So shit, Mr. Mocha is not a machine.
I wish he fucking was. If you would sleep long enough,
I'd give him a shot of Trimex every night, just sleep on his
penis. But he won't let me.
I no go ahead. Go ahead, dude.
The, the, the crazy thing and the beauty of my relationship
with my wife is we talk to each other like dudes.
So over the years when I've had sexual malfunctions, we, we talk
to her together like we've been at parties and she's like, well,
why wouldn't you do working? I thought you liked her.
I'm like, I thought I liked her too, you know, like we're
talking about it and, you know, we're going back and forth and
and she has a lot of I don't really get embarrassed around my
life. I don't I don't have that thing
where I'm afraid to show weakness or vulnerability with
her. It's my partner.
This is well, my Dick don't work.
Like we've been like, fuck, I don't know what's wrong with it.
She's like, I told you what I did.
We're somewhere whispering at a party in the corner.
She's like, are you OK? I don't.
Know we'll get in the car and I'll be like daddy, what the
fuck? That chick was hot as shit, like
what were you doing? And he's like, I don't know, it
just wouldn't get up and. I'm like, or imagine us in a
corner at a party and I just came out of room trying to play
with somebody and I'm like, it's not working.
She's like, let me try. She gets, she gets down her
knees start sucking. She's like it's working fine.
I know it's working fine for you.
You don't count. It's yours stop using yourself
as the bar. You're not helping right now.
Stop She's like well, let me get it hard, then go back in.
Well, it's going to it's going to fall when I get back in
there. This is the problem is not you.
I I don't need your help, and so she come in like no, no, you
know, so now I'm going to give her lame Dick.
I got to keep looking at you for it to get like some.
People here I'll do that for. Well, I mean, but I say that to
say this. This is why I think she's more
understanding, you know, and me and B&B had the conversation
about for me personally, just because of how my upbringing and
my my sexual history, I have had years of having access to
access. And now I realize that it's
really it's sex is now completely psychological for me.
We had a time, I think when I was like might have been like
4142 where we were talking about erectile dysfunction, but it was
working for her. So you know, and which I'm like,
I don't give a shit if this is work.
If you don't want to work for other people, you know, she's
like, so she's like, long as it works for me, we're good.
But so we knew it wasn't erectile dysfunction, but it was
me still trying to play with somebody who I found attractive,
but I didn't they weren't stimulating my body.
So the good thing about her is her going through all of that
shit with me has made her more understanding because there's I
have ADI have ADD like a motherfucker.
Like if the music is too loud when I'm playing, like I am the
whole time thinking while I'm trying to fuck that music is too
loud. Like it never stops.
If the TV's on and like something comes across that's
interesting, I'm like, really? That's the thing.
Fucking Animal Planet. And he's like, oh, a cheater
runs 60 mph. OK, Daddy, focus. 60 I'm glad
you got closer. Yeah.
You want me to tell them about the cheetah?
We talked about it before. Let's talk, say, our subject.
I won't do it to you, Brian is trying to say.
Something I was just going to say, Mocha, you have evolved.
That's the conversation that we had when we were in our 20s.
We were porn stars. In other words, when you come to
an event like Splash Mocha, you actually have to train for this.
Basically, you have to train for this because it is it's scene
after scene after scene after scene, you know, So when you get
to where we are now, 4647, you know, I'm no spring chicken
anymore at, at, at No 58. I'm like, shit, I can't be
running in and out of damn rooms and coming back downstairs and
going right back up. You know what I mean?
I asked. So it's the evolution.
It's the evolution. If you know, the thing with the
EDA, lot of times it's not something's wrong with me.
But here again, it's I need more, I need more stimulation.
I need something different to get me going than just and yeah,
you're gorgeous, body's great, etcetera, etcetera.
But maybe it's that's, that's, I've seen that look before, you
know, So that's just not that's not going to get it.
What else are you bringing to the table now so you know we've
all gone through it? That's a good point because my
partner and I, we actually start travelling into different
cities. You're having you basically,
you're practicing conversations, you're practicing approaches,
you're practicing how to go from conversation to play.
Because as I had a conversation last night, some people are
getting so involved in a conversation that they don't
know how to transition from general nice conversation to,
OK, let's go to the room. And so you have to practice
that. It is just you have a whole year
to get ready for this event, whichever way that you're coming
to. But yeah, it's definitely true.
I want to say though, too, that I think it's easier.
I'm not speaking for all women, but I think it's easier for
women to transition into that because if I say like a do you
want to go to your room? Well, it depends on the
submissive nature of the woman. Some women expect the man to
take the lead and some people are just, it's just awkward to
just go from one to the next. Yeah, yeah, unless you're in an
elevator and someone tells you that you kidnap them.
I'm like. It's something about the splash
elevators that actually just. Get you?
I'm telling it's like after one or two AM like I'm just trying
to go to bed and here we are. How did we end up like this?
I ended up with a chick on my back getting fucked while the
guy was eating her pussy. She was I was donkey style.
She was on top of my back and he was eating her pussy and fucking
me and I was like OK. Yeah, she.
Walks out of the room, man, baby, she walked out of the
room. She walks out her her friend
walks out of my room. She's like, oh, she's in there.
She's in there fucking and she's like, the guy just picked me up
and he was fucking her and he ate my I was like, who the fuck
is in there? Let me go see.
I want to see what kind of this old was it?
Circus Old Lane. What is it?
The fuck is going on here? Open the door and go look.
Oh, yeah, I know that guy. It was Dirty Jerry.
Yeah, yeah, it was Dirty Jerry. And it's showing off.
But. Yeah, of course.
Yeah, Yeah, exactly. We already know So.
So for me, I think, I think for me, like sexually, I've evolved
to a place where I know that I have to feel a certain way.
And I, I don't believe that chemistry takes some chemistry
takes a second. Like the, there's a couple
ladies in here who I've played with the first time I saw him.
Boom, there's, there's two minds here.
There's this head where it's like, I see you and I find you
physically attractive. And in my imagination, my brain
is like, oh, I'd love to play with her.
But then the other head, he's like, yeah, so you know, and and
I've learned to you, you have. I have to put them both
together. Like I see a woman who turns me
on. I get a tingle.
I had a conversation with a lady last night, You know, she asked
me why haven't we played? And it wasn't it wasn't that
she. Now here's the thing.
I'm going to be honest with you guys.
OK, Maybe. Don't.
And, and no, no. And I would say and and this is
what this, this is exactly what I'm better left unsaid based
upon her reaction to the things that come out of my mouth.
That's what I'm like if my wife was right here because she's
going to find out. I have to be careful what I say
or I'm going to have a three day lecture.
Your delivery is just bad. Since.
Your delivery is bad. So we'll go ahead.
So, so when she said that to me and I, I, it was, I've had, I've
heard it three times so far, this splash.
But there's one lady in particular who's a very nice
lady, but she's very aggressive, very aggressive.
And I don't want to hurt her feelings.
And a lot of guys like to play with her.
And I've heard great things about her.
But I explained to her, I don't want to be in a situation where
I'm having sex with you and I'm not performing for you because
that's going to make it worse for you.
Because it's not my job to make my Dick hard.
Just like it's not your job to be aroused by a guy.
So if I go in a room and I know that you can't get me hard, I'm
going to be nice and go, you know, it's not, it's not you,
it's me. I'm fucking lying.
It's you. Because you're going to talk to
three other people I've played with and they're going to know
that like, Oh yeah, he had me upside down fucking me and like,
hurry, it didn't work. So why would I do that to you?
Why would I put you in that situation where for you as a
woman, you can fake it, he can spit on it, and you could throw
more Lube on it, and you can pretend like you're having a
great time. And I know because I've heard
ladies go, Yeah, you know, I kind of feel bad about saying
no, so I figured I'll let him do it.
She used to be that person. She used to be the person who
would let it, who would fuck a guy just because she felt bad
about saying no. And I'm like, wait, you didn't
really want to fuck him? Yeah, I didn't want to be mean.
What? Fuck that guy.
Why are you fucking somebody you want to fuck?
So I had the conversation and I was thinking, what would Misses
Mocha want me to say because it's going to get back to her.
So I was as politically correct as I could possibly be.
And I was very polite. And I just said, I don't want to
give you a bad experience. And she's like, yeah, but I
would like to play with you, but I don't want to give you a poor
experience. And I'm old enough to know I've
had the same Dick for 46 years. I know how he's going to
respond. You know you want me to push
rope for 30 minutes? Do you want to suck a limp
noodle for 25 minutes? Pushing string.
Pushing string baby, you know, so so after having that
conversation, I had that conversation because I know me
now and I know it turns me on what doesn't and it's not any
more about she's not physically attracted to me because there
are a lot of women who are physically attracted to me who I
don't feel that chemistry with so.
As far as I think as far as was splashing pretty much anyone, I
think there's this expectation that because I mean from both
men and women, because you played before is you want to
play at a future event. Like there's an automatic
expectation that people just assume it could have been a
great time, it could have been a bad time.
But I think what a lot of people need to realize is that when I
come to splash, I don't expect to play with anybody.
I'm not expecting any kind of agency from you.
You know, I'm not expecting to play with anybody in this room,
right? Like I'm I'm not going to go
with anybody, you know, my my girlfriend or Sarah in the
corner. You know, I don't expect to play
with her. You know, she could I will you
know, you know, she's my girlfriend.
That something can be going on. You know, I'm not going to just
put myself on a like that because she don't want to play.
You know, I'm not going to. There's nothing I can say
because, you know, it's your body, your choice.
So I think at the end of the day, I think for everybody, we
should all go in to this event without any expectations to
play. If anybody and just because to
me, it's, it's for for somebody to approach me.
You want to play with me for me to approach somebody.
I think it's, it's a like I, I, I feel gracious in that aspect.
You'll give me an opportunity to play with you.
It's not an expectation. Oh, you know, just got to play
with you. We need to play next time,
right. I think that sets a bad
precedence when people start behaving in that man.
You told me we were going to play this time.
I feel like you're full of shit. Oh wow, I'm just kidding.
See. See what I mean?
See. What I mean bad precedent?
She's expecting Dick, you know, right now.
I agree though that you're I wouldn't say no expectation
because I feel like at some point in time there will be
somebody you will play with. I just tell people even when
they like DM me like hey I want to play with you at the party
blah blah blah. I tell them like I don't
schedule anything because I I fucked myself like the second
mocha. No, sorry the second Mocha
because I would I overbooked and under delivered and that bothers
me like I like to give you. She's a pleaser.
Yeah, so I just tell people like now, like I will if I have time,
but like I'll, you know, I'll message you if you're free.
And it just happens at the right time.
Like sometimes I, there's some people I've waited like four or
five years to play with, which I'm completely OK with.
Like it because to me, if it for me, if it happens organically,
it's always better. So at versus like at 2:01 PM be
in my room unless that's like we talked about it 5 minutes ago
because also my superpower is overthinking.
So I'll sit there for yeah. Yeah. 5 minutes and get
impatient. I can't even sit down.
You think of all the reasons why she can't, why this is not going
to work out. Where?
Where's my pussy don't get wet enough?
What if his Dick don't get hard? And I'm sitting there listening
to her like. I stopped talking aloud like
I'm. Standing there and like.
What the I'll talk to myself out of an experience, which is
insane. So I organically for me, that
works. I'm not saying that should be
like that with everyone because if you like if you're a
scheduled person and that works, good for you, then do that.
It's just for me. I like for also too.
Like Telegram is not a telegram any like apps that are for any
of that stuff. You can't get like the real
person like you may be boring as fuck online, no.
I'm a terrible. Text messenger.
But like so many women have told me, like, oh, he's he has.
Like he's egotistical. He's this.
He's that. I'll text like yes.
But I have to, yeah, but I have to tell them like, oh, you just
got to catch him in person. I promise.
Like it's it's better in person or like he said yesterday on the
phone. So but yeah, expectations for
me. I don't I'm also the same.
Like I don't have any coming in. Do I want to?
Absolutely. But I don't, you know, have to.
I don't. If I don't, I might be a little
sad. I'm going to be pouty and he's
going to have to lay down some thick, but I'll be OK.
You you expect. Oh yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I was about to tell you. Hey, man, don't be messing up my
years of training when you talk about you.
You might not have sex with your girlfriend.
Her body, her choice. This is my wife.
I see this. Her body, my choice.
I'm joking. I'm joking.
Calm down everybody, I'm joking. There's some accuracy to it,
just a little. No, no.
But you know, I think like I don't mind, like I don't mind
the expectation. There's certain people I've
known for a long time who we've talked, we have chemistry, we
enjoy each other and we know that we are sexually interested.
I'm OK with those people because they know we, we know that we
like having sex and we want to have sex with each other.
But it's also nice to know that it's not an expectation because
I mentally, I can't show up the right way sexually because
everyone has a different energy, you know, And if my head's not
in the right place for a person, especially if I play with you,
if I play with somebody, I know what energy I have to have for
that person, you know, And I'm not going to take them bad
energy. We'll have good, we'll have
decent sex, but I'm not here for decent sex.
Anybody I play with, I want. And I know it's going to sound
pervy, but it has to be good enough for me to be in the
shower randomly thinking about it and want to give it a little
tug because it was so good. I feel so offended.
You should. You should or I want to get hard
thinking about what we did and then go and take it out of my
wife. I will.
Not allow that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She'll tell me every dirty thing she did as soon as I stick my
Dick in a row Monday. But, but that.
But that to me is I want a sexual experience that's going
to go past that moment. Otherwise at this point my life
was what's the point, you know? So I'm good with that.
Like people who I play with expecting the opportunity, not
we got to do it, you know, because that happens too.
Or last night I met a well to Thursday I met a random guy he's
talked to me like 3 times and last night he was like dude when
are you going to fuck my wife? Like bro like now I'm thinking
if I say what I want to say, somehow she's going to pop up
right here and hear what I'm saying.
But like #1 like, why would you assume I'm going to fuck your
wife? And if I was going to fuck her 5
minutes ago when you come to me like that, I'm definitely not
fucking her now. Yeah.
And then I saw him this morning like upstairs and he walked past
me like I had, you know, kicked his dog or something.
I don't even know this guy. I.
Think a lot of us what y'all was saying is that as men we have to
grow. So initially the guys that have
been doing this for a while that come to the event, initially
it's like a kidney cancer. You want to be with everybody,
but as you grow and develop, you realize that transactional sex
just doesn't do it for you. For me, I needed some type of
connection. And like you were saying,
there's certain women that come to certain events when I see
them. And I know that whenever I see
them, they see me as an individual who talk, You know,
some great time when you communicate and when we go to
the bedroom, it's going to be great.
But as far as like other women, when you just see them and talk
in 5 minutes, I'm in my mind, I'm thinking here we go have
sex. And it may be great to you, but
for me it's like, OK, I did it. I'm not, let's not into it.
So when I come to it now, I mean, I could play with two
women, I could be happy, I could be.
Or when I'm be happy, but I don't have to be like some of
these, the newer guys that come here, I want to put their Dick
in every woman they see because they think, oh, I'm black,
they're here, I'm here. They want.
And so online, 'cause they get their heads like, oh, now you
got an ego thinking of, you know, Big Dick Willy.
And then he gets shot down. They're like, oh, what the
Hell's wrong with her? It's like, dude, you're just,
you're not for everybody. But they haven't grown enough to
understand that it takes time to develop what you need to be able
to attract that one that you want.
But I think in the beginning too, like you were saying, we're
talking about like the evolution of lifestyle.
In the beginning, it's just the excitement of doing something
you're not this is this that you're not supposed to do.
So I think a lot of people come into it and either say I'm going
to fuck a million people and I don't care if I have a
connection because I'm with this person.
And then or they come into it where they they need a
connection because I have seen like both ends of the spectrum,
like you need that. And in the beginning you are not
getting a connection out of me ever.
I'm just like bring the Dick or don't do anything.
And it was only because I was scared of the word like
chemistry and connection because I wanted that with him.
So it's get the word just scared me.
I almost was like when he says boyfriend, I hate when he says
boyfriend. It was just the word for me.
So for me I'm like, Oh well, I'm not emotionally connected to
him. Like I love this dude.
So in order to cut that off and control myself, I would just
fuck outside of a connection. Like come on, bring some Dick.
If it gets hard, that's cool. So that was actually me like
beginning of lifestyle and now if it happens organically, I'm
good and I am better about talking to people that I'm
actually sleeping with now. Like before I was not doing that
at all. Like I would be like, hey Daddy,
can you text like so and so to come over today so.
You fucked the guy 13 times, why do I have to text him?
OK, but OK. Sure.
I mean, we bet we've evolved from that.
And it's because like I think eventually you, we call it level
up. You want to level up from where
you are, you get bored like, oh, I just keep fucking this person
and doing that and doing this like you level up like before we
used to do like a lot of hotel events with just couples.
We it was hard for us to find like a four way connection and
not just because I like, I just like black men.
I like all men. So it was just couples are a lot
harder at regular swinger events because you have to talk to them
for like 3 or 4 hours and then you get to like an awkward point
where you're like, are we going to go play?
Are we not going to go play? Like, should we ask because the
lady's acting weird or the husband's acting weird, like
whatever the case may be. So, you know, we went from that
to then we found Mocha. No, we actually started, yeah,
we started having select house parties that were just
interracial house parties. But we, you know, we had couples
that came too and that turned into like, this is so much
easier because it wasn't the actual swinger hotel parties.
It was the people we were inviting.
We're all down to fuck. We all knew that we were going
to talk. We were going to have a good
time. But they were all we knew.
Everybody was coming to have sex.
And that's what we wanted. It wasn't an obligation, but it
made things easier. That took less of the awkward,
you know, like conversation out. And then we came to here and,
you know, like I said, the first few events, like you said, like
I just was fucking everybody. I'm like, fuck yeah.
How many guys am I in fact, 30 this time?
Like, yeah, I probably did that. And now I just kind of like, do
I want to play? Yes, but I like quality over
quantity now. Also, my pussy's not the same
anymore either. She's she's.
So going back to something you said, one of the things about me
is I'm a right for you, wrong for you kind of a person.
You can be wrong, but at that moment for you, you're right
because that's where your vibe is.
Sometimes you can like in your first events, it's super easy to
catch a vibe because you just as happy.
You're excited to be there, you're happy to be in the room,
you're happy to be in the environment.
You have to be chosen. You have to be selective.
I come from a point where like single men were like hand
picked, but over time when you learn your vibe, not her vibe or
the couple's vibe, but like what you need and you center yourself
around what you need first, then it becomes more difficult to
match up with people. But it also becomes easier to
select people when you match up. So don't get like in your head
about sports fucking versus chemistry because it's actually
all chemistry. So even if you have a 5 minute
conversation, it's chemistry. You have a five day
conversation, it's chemistry. It's all chemistry.
But you have to put your chemistry at the forefront or
you're going to run yourself out of lifestyle.
See that different little clap? He's back there.
Fucking Oh well, we did it at the same time.
We did it at the same time. If you're going to make obscene
gestures, I'm going to call you out.
Now I got I got this back good. So on OK, so we got through all
of that. So the we got to go back to the
original question though, who chooses the play partner for the
wife? Like I think the answer to that
more or less is whatever you choose is whatever your dynamic
is, you know, like, I don't think there's one way to do
lifestyle. I don't think there's one way
you have to do it. It's whatever works for you in
general, if you know, because in the beginning it worked better
because he made me feel safe. I didn't have to worry about
safety at any point in time. And now I don't worry about
safety, but we're still doing the same thing.
I just do it myself. But going back to her actual
question, because she says she choose her own play partner and
within the lifestyle community, that's something that's people
say is strange. Fact of the matter is it is
strange. It is different because you're
here. So we are in a group that's a
little more progressive within the lifestyle community.
But the fact is, usually if you look at the lifestyle as a
whole, you have more people who are new and inexperienced, or
you have the people who say they've been the lifestyle for
15 years, they've had three experiences, 5 experiences.
They really have experiences. And usually there's a lot more
insecurities and jealousies involved.
So, you know, just like it's the husband, he's looking at the guy
and he's trying to select for her.
So you have the husband who is either jealous, he wants to make
sure she's fucking beneath him, or you have the husband who's
more excited about it than she is and he's picking out the guy
who he thinks he's hot for her because that's the guy he wants
to see. So oftentimes, oftentimes in the
lifestyle as a whole, the the spouse usually chooses now guys
in here or anywhere else, we know it takes a long time before
most of us can actually choose who we want to play with.
Because every dude who played within lifestyle has had that
moment where he, he sees some woman that's super hot and he
knows he better not look at her because his wife's going to have
a fucking moment. So he may not tell her he wants
to fuck her because he's smart. And so he's going to go fuck who
he knows she's going to be OK with.
So once you start leveling up, you become a small majority or
small percentage of the lifestyle community where the
male or the female can choose who they find attractive and
choose who they want to play with.
Because usually you are managing your partner's insecurities or
you're managing your partner's desires.
Choosing the partners not as important to us as who can veto
partners. So we all both have veto rights.
Like she can choose but I can say no.
I can choose and she says no. To me it's more important that
you're gay with people saying your spouse saying no as it is
in picking. For you come down here because I
I want you to talk to the mic because that's a huge point like
that is major. He was saying that I got
baseball. Hey man, how's it?
No, hey. You not on the team, you not in
the league, nobody gives a shit about your baseball game.
Don't mess me up here. I hope you're betting and you
lose. Right there.
Yeah, I'll be on blast. Paul a leg.
So, so, so say that because that right there to me is a, a huge
conversation that we well, that I've debated people about.
So for us, I choose she has a freedom to choose play with
whoever she wants to. But we both also have the
freedom to say Nope, not him, or Nope, not her.
It doesn't matter. So to us who chooses who's who
plays with who isn't as important as who's can say no, I
don't feel comfortable. You play with them or you know,
and there's no questions asked is when it's no, it's no, it's
not. There's no questions.
Now see, I'm very different on that because I'm not fucking
like she's a big girl because I've seen people veto based upon
insecurities. But that's not that's there's no
insecurities. It might be it might be a vibe.
I get it might be something that you know about that person and
maybe she doesn't know about that person that you know, I'm
not. There's stuff that we probably
know about people because we've communicated with them that
maybe your wife doesn't know. And I'm not getting into that
with every person I run across be like, Oh no, not him because
of the no, it's just not him. I'm not insecure.
I don't I mean whatever. I mean, you're not you don't you
wouldn't be as secure if if since I'm bigger than you like
I'm stronger. And so I mean that wouldn't
bother you. I mean, it's not that, you know,
So it's not about. Insecurities, you know.
Because I'm, because I'm more ripped than you.
I mean that don't let it bother you.
I mean, don't let it bother you. But you know, it's just more
about who can say no, because that's what's really important.
Well, I think in regards to that, I mean, I think what
every, if people choose to come into a lifestyle, especially as
a couple, whether you're married, boyfriend or
girlfriend, I think it's very important to have that
conversation upfront about what it is that you want to get out
of the lifestyle. Because the earlier you have the
conversation, the easier it is to navigate those issues when
they arise, right. And like I said, the, the light,
you're always going to evolve as a person, as a couple,
throughout the lifestyle. There can be things that are OK
now, they're not OK later, but as long as yeah, and vice versa.
So as long as you establish communication upfront, OK,
where's everyone got the lifestyle?
What are our boundaries? Do we have veto power?
OK, what are the just if you lay everything down, the more your
stuff you lay down now at beginning, the easier is to
navigate. And when stuff feels icky or
wrong or doesn't feel right, all parties involved should be able
to sit down and have a conversation and see, OK, is
this something that we can? Is this something that will that
we can get past or just something that we just have to
just deny and just dismiss and then go go another Ave.
But I think the the most important thing to to get out is
is the more communication you have upfront, the better it is.
Oh yeah. It's all about communication,
but it's all about. Yeah, but communication is still
one of the hardest things to do, right.
I mean, with of course, everything involves
communication, but I mean a lot, you know, you myself, we all
struggle with communication there.
I think that's it's the most important, but it's also one of
the most difficult things to have I.
Mean we, our communication and our whole marriage was bad until
we got in the lifestyle. And it's really, it changed our
communication for the better. I mean, we communicate about
everything in life better now because of the lifestyle because
it's forced us to communicate. Because if you don't
communicate, you're not going to be successful.
And the next part you come to, there's going to be 1 of you
here and one of you not. I could say like, I agree with
what you're saying, but Mr. Mocha doesn't really like to
hear no, he hasn't really heard that a lot in his life.
So in order to avoid argument, I don't want to say avoid an
argument. We don't really argue.
It was just more to he had someone he wanted to play with.
I had an issue with it. I told him how I felt about it.
He knew how I felt about it. But then he kind of stopped
playing with that person for a little bit.
And then it like came back up in conversation later.
And I, it had been long enough that I was just like, you know
what? I trust that you're going to
make the right decision. I trust that you're going to go
over there and have a good time. But it was that I didn't trust
the person, which is rare for me.
I didn't trust the person. But I realized like I got to
trust him that he's a big ass dude who's going to fucking rape
him. No one.
You know, it's not about safety at that point.
It's more, it's just more, it was me not trusting her.
But then I felt bad because I'm like, well, I trust him enough
not to do. But just because he's big, I
mean, he's tough, but. Correct.
But it's a, it's a yes. It's a yes 99.9% of the time.
And it the, the point 1% of the time that it's a no, it's
because I'm protecting her from something she doesn't even know
about. So it's for no other reason.
It's no other reason than that. It's because I know something
about the person that you don't know.
And there's no use us talking. I mean, it's just a no when she
knows that almost every time it's a yes.
So the very small chance that it's a no, that there's a good
reason that it's a no. Go find another Dick.
So so for me, I am very much, I'm a huge communicator and I'm
and throughout our relationship she used to get mad because she
said I would over communicate. For your emotional state and
comfort. My job is for you to be
predictable to you. My wife, my kids, my friends,
everybody can usually predict what I'm going to do in any
given situation. A man should never be
unpredictable to those who are around them.
A man who's unpredictable to those who are right who's around
him is has female tendencies. Our job is to be consistent,
period. I always say a simple man is
what a man is supposed to be. The beauty of a woman is the
complication. It's my job to learn you, to
interact with you, to engage with you and find what makes you
different and special from everything else.
My wife and my kids should never be trying to figure out what the
fuck is dad thinking because that is the big strong thing in
the house, and the big strong thing in the house that controls
the energy of the house should be predictable.
That being said, for me, I always told her what I was
doing, why I thought this way within the lifestyle, telling me
I can't do a thing or play with a person.
I'm cool with it if you can tell me why.
If any of that why has to do with insecurity or the lack of
trust. For me, now I have a problem
because I've never vetoed anyone she wanted to play with.
If it was somebody who I thought there was a safety issue, OK,
you can't go there, but he can come here and now safety issue
solved. What is he going to do when I'm
here? So you're good.
So for me, it was very I'm I'm a very tell me why.
Now, if you tell me she did this thing in particular that upset
me on the level outside of jealousy, insecurity or lack of
trust. Cool.
But that was also her growth, and when she finally stepped
past that level where it's like, well, I'm hers, the thought that
a woman can take me from her to me was an insult.
But what was what was what like even made me get to that was
like nothing that you said to me.
It was because I was talking to someone else and I was talking
to her about it and she was like, well, why wouldn't you?
You guys do everything else was her exact response.
And I was like, damn, I think I pulled my shoulder out of place.
Hold on. I did it last night.
I told you that old age sneeze. And I had someone ask me that.
And I had to like sit back and think about it.
Like, damn, why don't, why don't I?
Why don't I just trust him to go over there?
Because it's not. He's never, he doesn't lie to
me. He doesn't do anything crazy and
he's never give me a reason to say no.
And he's again, never said, he doesn't really ever say no to
me. So what?
Why am I giving him stipulations on things that I would he's not
doing for me? So I just tell him like I told
him I was like, I trust that you're going to do what you say
you're going to do and I'm just not going to worry about it.
Was it a struggle when he went over there the first time?
Abso fucking lutely. I had to do some stuff.
I didn't put arsenic in his dream, but I definitely had to
like do some things like while he was not there because I was
still in my head. But I also like to push my own
boundaries too and and go outside of my comfort zone
because I feel like that's the only way for me to be successful
in the lifestyle is because you're not always going to be
comfortable. That's like Adrian was saying,
like this is not a comfort zone. Like communication is not
comfortable all the time. The hard conversations are just,
you need to have those more than the easy conversations because
the hard conversations put things into perspective.
So I had to sit back and evaluate myself and say, well,
why the fuck don't I trust them? You know?
And it wasn't that I didn't trust him, I just didn't like
her and wanted to make us think about it.
So. And I had absolute trust in my
wife. So it was always, I've always
felt like I, I don't, I trust her, period.
I, I've never, I don't say no because I trust her.
So for me, it was very difficult for me to, to, to not really
that concept didn't work for me. Like, wait, I trust you with
everything. If you want to play with a guy,
you can play with him. Like there's nothing that he's
going to do to change our love, to change how I feel about you,
nothing. So when she would have those
things with me, I'm like, what have I done?
Yeah, I'm, I'm majorly offended. Like what the fuck have I done?
Not to get the trust, You know, I brought you into this.
I you know, so for me, it was very difficult for me.
And even to this day, that's so So the concept of me not liking
no, no, I don't like no, but I have to know why you say no.
I have to understand why. If it's if it's not jealous he
does not like a trust thing, then we can cool because I don't
care. But if it's because you don't
trust me, what woman's going to come in here and take me from
you? Like hell, I'd like to meet a
woman who can do that. That's some divine pussy.
She'll have to be extra crazy. Yeah, it's.
A. Lot of but oh.
Go ahead. Yeah, I wanted to ask you a
question, Missus Mocha. So, you know, we go through that
same thing right now in my dynamic, she's there's a lot of
women that she's feels uncomfortable with it 90% of the
time. It's yes, is the nose that get
me because there's the one I was like, oh, I can't wait to get
that one, you know, But can you let Pierre like let us get into
that head of yours? What are the things that are
going on that you're saying to yourself?
That's like, I don't, I don't want him to fuck with that dude.
In the beginning, it's just. It's sorry, that girl.
My bad. Sorry, Mr. Mocha.
I thought. I thought you let everybody else
know bad about that part of your life.
My bad. We, we, we bring out secrets and
splash, that's what. I would say in the beginning
it's just more or like that's your Terry territory we call it.
I told you earlier, pissing on your leg that is yours.
And there's no logic behind it. Like women are logical, but
we're also super. I'm super emotional and I know
that and there are things that I can't explain that I've done or
why I was even upset. He's one time I walk in the
kitchen and yelled at him about absolutely nothing, then started
crying. And he's like, next time can you
just come in the kitchen and cry?
Like I'll just hug you and we'll have some ice cream, but can you
just cry? But I didn't, so nothing, I
can't say anything is there's no logical answer for that.
There it was. It's an emotion.
You don't know what to do the with that emotion.
And you if you've never had that feeling before, you don't know
how to fix it. But what's the emotion?
Is it threatening or what is it like Mark is like you are in my
space now. Like what?
There was somebody in here yesterday that said, oh, he's
here. I don't remember his name.
I'm pointing you at you. He was in it.
Yes. You.
Yeah. He said that he was like
jealous, but his Dick was so hard.
Not jealous, but he said that he what?
He didn't understand that emotion.
Like he was excited about her playing, but his Dick was so
hard. So that's not logical.
Why? You're upset.
Kind of. But your Dicks hard or my
pussy's wet. Like you don't understand.
It's not something you understand.
It's just something you decide. Like, OK, I'm going to work
through this. In the beginning, I absolutely
didn't want him to fuck anybody else, but it still made my pussy
wet. But I didn't like the emotion
that it gave me in the beginning.
So you can't, there's not something that it can explain it
because your wife, she still wants to fuck you because she
wants to reclaim her Dick. I still want to fuck him.
I just don't want to reclaim his Dick usually.
So I was joking, but I mean, if you that that's the only way I
can explain it. There's no logical, like
philosophical answer behind that because I can't even, I don't
even know about my own emotions sometimes.
So I can't say This is why it happens.
It's just something like that you can talk through and work
through. And I guarantee you five years
from now we'll be having this conversation and it'll be, Oh
yeah, we just did that. And I did this and I went and
did that because again, I didn't want to tell him no.
I did not want to tell him no. I'm also very submissive.
So it was, it was more like I like to make sure he was pleased
even if the emotion wasn't great.
But again, I like my boundaries being pushed in several
different ways, so I'm good with it.
You know, if that is even a good answer.
We are we are in a monogamous marriage before like we always
lifestyle we. We've always been lifestyle
together. Yeah, always.
We are monogamous before you all got married.
No. How can you spell that word?
I mean I in my last marriage, yes.
And then I met him. I'm I'm curious and some more
people might, might agree that I guess because of the monogamist
conditioning a lot of people went through when they went into
this lifestyle, those monogamous, that monogamous
mindset. It's, it's kind of like a battle
between, OK, I was conditioned to be with one person for the
rest of my life, but now I have I'm seeing my wife and my
girlfriend getting fucked or I'm fucking somebody with full
swapping and your mom, one part of your mom's like, what the
fuck are you doing? Because this is not what you've
been doing for the last 1525, however many years been
monogamous. So I think it's just, I guess
what I'm trying to say at the end is that, you know, being in
a lifestyle, it causes you to not only what was I looking for,
you'll learn more, more about you as a couple, but also you
found a lot about yourself as well.
So I think in the end, to me, you know, the lifestyle helped
is as far as you know that 1 + 1 = 3 or what not, whatever they
say, right? Like you're not only
establishing a stronger connection with each other, but
yourself as well. And in the end it just causes
you to be even stronger and bonded.
More than one of my viewpoint. It's, I think it's because
everybody in this room, whether they're honest or not, the
people who raised us were either monogamous or lied about being
monogamous. And so when they went out,
explored their individual sexual desires, they didn't share it
openly with their partners. So when we get into the
lifestyle, it's almost like we have to like we're reborn.
We have to learn how to talk again, walk again, interact
again, learn that things that we say here is OK and give
ourselves permission to say those things.
Because if not, then we lie like everybody else in the world
because they'll say they're monogamous.
But then how many people cheat? How many people go to strip
clubs and don't tell their wives?
How many wives have work husbands and don't tell their
husbands? It's like we don't have that.
And so for people that's not like Mr. Mocha, Who had to learn
how to communicate and have to learn how to be honest, he came
in, he understood himself when he met his wife.
Myself, I'm in a relationship where every situation, she
communicates openly and I have to catch up with it.
So every situation I'm like, OK, I don't have to tell her after I
play. I can tell her on my way to
playing, oh, I can tell about the conversation while I'm
having it. I can tell her that I friended
somebody on SCC and all of those things.
Even though I've been in a lifestyle for 20 years.
I was in it 17 years single. Now the last three years, it's
like, OK, this is OK, this is. And so you relearn.
You have to give yourself permission to relearn or else
you become just like everybody else outside this hotel who got
a work husband, got a work wife, got a side piece that don't tell
anybody. And you have to understand when
people create veto powers, you have to understand what you
contribute to her need to veto because she may veto because of
an energy that you're giving to that person that you're not
giving to her or you're giving to that person that creates an
expectation that she's not comfortable with or you're not
comfortable with. But you just do it because the
people who raised us did it, and we're just emulating them
instead of breaking that chain. I mean also too, I think the,
the reason I transitioned into it so easily was because of him.
And the way he explained it was like, this is just fantasy.
This is you're fulfilling fantasies that used to be inside
your head. Now you're just able to do it
aloud. So you can still keep that
private, but now there's a whole community that supports you and
that stuff. So, and, and again with him, he
was like, he communicated very, very well.
And in the beginning, I'll just be honest, I was a fucking liar
because I was scared to tell him stuff like I stupid stuff like,
Oh, I can't tell him that I called this guy that or whatever
it was because he's going to be upset because it's a mindset.
I mean, and now, you know, we just say whatever, but I mean
it. That's also an evolution, is the
commute, the levels of communication you could have.
And I hate confrontation. So that was the hardest part for
me, because it's not confrontation, it's having to
say stuff aloud that used to be in your head that you can keep
in your head. That's why it's easier for
people to cheat, because they don't have to tell anybody it's
a secret they have. That's why it's easy to be
single too, because you don't have to have that conversation
with anybody if you don't want to.
Right. And I, I, I would coming in,
going into, in the beginning, like #1 with her, she was not a
very confrontational person. So I would force her to be
confrontational because I would oftentimes put her in
uncomfortable positions intentionally because I wanted
her to experience it. Now, I also think the huge
difference in the thing that when we're talking about
couples, if you're a couple and you're a married couple and you
love each other, there is this thing that's a very basic thing
that you see if you had kids, when they get about, you know, 2
1/2, three years old, the mind thing.
Mine, mine, mine. That's mine.
I don't want you to touch it as you get older.
There's 2 levels of mine. There is mine and I want
everybody to see that as mine. And then there's mine where I
wouldn't even pay attention to that shit until another kid
touched it and I want it back. That's something that starts
before we even understand that concept.
So I think often times that that is the thing when we go back to
a Socrates ask about, you know, someone feeling that that veto,
that the veto thing, let's be honest, the veto, we're vetoing
things for a reason. There's not many reasons why I
should be vetoing something. Why should I veto your play date
unless I'm having an insecure moment?
The problem is a lot of us aren't willing to say I'm having
an insecure moment, you know, and then also understanding that
if you are in a lifestyle with a partner.
Every single time you add something new, if you add
kissing to your dynamic, this is a new relationship.
This is brand new. It's not the same.
It's new. Now you have to relearn this
person because the emotions that you're dealing with now and as
dudes, a lot of times we'll hold that shit in and then like I've
said before, you snap over a bag of chips.
But I see we are actually out of time.
We're getting yelled at. As usual, we've.
We're getting the finger from Mike C We're getting the finger
from Mike C. Yeah.
You over there doing this shit, giving me the hard eyeball.
It's four O 1. Mother might get them So.
So we will. We will quickly exit my love.
Anything you say before we close it up.
Nope, gentlemen. Communication.
Open communication. Have the hard, have the hard
conversations. Don't shy away from stuff.
You're going to argue, you're going to.
This is going to be bickering. Just don't do it at Splash.
Yeah, I think. Are in your.
Room. Wait.
Wait till you get home. You gotta wait till you get
home. I think the most important thing
for you enter the lifestyle is to make sure that your
foundation is strong because the lifestyle is only going to make
things worse. So the shit problems that you
have better fix that shit because you get a lifestyle
trying to fix that shit. This is not a Band-Aid.
It's. A bonus.
Not a Band-Aid. It's a bonus.
All right, so. Until next time, thank you for
joining us at the O Faces Podcast.
And if you want to hear this, you can find us at OFACEZO Faces
wherever you get your podcast. Thanks for joining us.