Hello and welcome to another episode of Old Faces.
We are your host, Mr. And missus Mocha.
OK, she stuck the landing. So on today's podcast, well,
first, first I want to say we are back.
We took the summer off as always and we did the the the family
thing and the fun thing, even though Mrs. Mocha had a lot of
fun without me this summer. It was one time.
But did you have a lot of fun? I feel like you.
Did other. Things by yourself.
I don't. I don't recall any of those
other things you're talking about.
I feel like you Dick down quite a few people this summer, so
probably more than more Dick than I got.
Listen, who's counting on it? I'm sure.
Yeah. No, that's absolutely that.
Doesn't even count that how? Does that not count?
It doesn't count. It was unplanned, so you don't
count that on the list. Getting real by a bunch of dudes
don't count. It was see see that's the
problem with women. You guys grade your Dick on the
curve Like how do you just. Gangbang really count?
Absolutely. Gangbang counts.
You know, as a matter of fact, I'm glad that we're having this
this argument because number one, number one, I am offended
that I've been working my ass off, OK.
And I woke up this morning and all I asked for was a little bit
of ass and you denied me. The dogs needed to go out.
OK. And with with the issues that
we're having, we we decided we're going to have to yes, with
the the marital issues that we're having, we decided we're
going to invite a couple of a couple that's that are therapist
on. So welcome a couple that are
therapist on. OK now the tequila made.
It may have made me slur a little bit so don't judge me.
How much did you have? I only had like a little bit, I
hadn't had that much yet. OK, you might need to get me a
refill so I can slur better. All.
Right. So let's welcome on our guest,
Tammy and Norman. Welcome.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
I'm glad to be here. Yeah, we're excited.
So, you know, we're, we're probably going to need your help
today because Missus Mocha has been been terrible to me this
summer. All right?
She's just been treating me terribly.
So before we, we, you, we, we utilize your skills before we
utilize your skills, we're going to give you guys an opportunity
to tell us a little bit about yourselves as a couple in the
lifestyle. So who's going to tell us how
you met? Well, you know, I'll let Tammy
start about how we met. Well, we actually met through
Bumble, so yes. So I was getting pretty savage
by the end of this. I had been dating maybe about a
year and I came across his profile and he had this fabulous
smile and. I still got it by the.
Way. All the teeth are still there.
Thank God that's good. Fabulous smile and he was
showing off his muscles in his, in his picture and I thought,
well, he's cute, but he doesn't have any words on his profile.
So he was really kind of an automatic no, that swipe left,
he was a swipe left person. But I saw that he lived in my
city, which is was unusual. I lived, I lived in a kind of
smaller town. So he was down the street.
He had this great smile. He had some muscles and he's got
some dark skin. I said, well, you know what, if
he can't make a conversation, then that's OK.
He can be swiped left later. Let's just see.
So I took a chance and reached out and said, hey, great smile.
Would like to know more about you.
Could you fill me in, you know, tell me more about yourself.
And he hit me with some things, You know, that this is the job I
have. This is where I work.
And also I have a degree in therapy.
And I was like, wait, what? I have a degree in therapy.
What? This is like the trifecta I just
came across. So I said I'm a therapist too,
and that we just kind of hit it off, met the next day and the
rest is kind of history. I really thought he was just
going to be part of the roster is what I thought so.
But when this man could communicate, he was he was a
winner. So here we are.
Well, you're leaving out, if you don't mind, you're leaving out
some things. I think that for me, when I
first saw your picture, I'm I'm here's the deal.
I'm a black guy and I'm a very attractive black guy.
So I did an opportunity to pick from what I want.
And when I saw your face, he kind of stood out.
You're fine. So I wanted it.
When? She walked into the Starbucks,
her ass and her face unbelievable to me, and I said,
this is one I have to have. Now here's the deal.
I lied about my age because she's a little bit younger than
me. I'm a little older, but in order
to capture her, I think I had to make a little modification to my
age on the on the website so I can pull in that young love and
and when you walked in in the ginger wore.
We've been together ever since. It's very nice.
I like that. Very nice.
So, so look also see now I'm already gonna gonna jump in
there 'cause I like how she said his profile had very few words.
So I I almost didn't swipe it. I'm gonna tell you something.
My profile has always had very few words and I realized that.
I only liked your profile and Plenty of Fish because you had
big ass hands and I was like, I want to see what those hands can
fucking do. That was literally the only
reason I was like, well, he's hot, but I want to see what his
hands can do. I don't use it like I I have to
say this from a profile standpoint.
I think that people look at a male, a single guy's profile and
go, he's not describing himself well enough.
But as a single dude on a website, if you describe
yourself too well, you're going to turn off someone.
So when you see a single dude, excuse me, most single dudes who
have this elaborate profile and all of these things, that dude
is usually not the one you want. But you can.
There's just some guys that need to simplify a little bit.
But some women like to read a long profile.
But that, but I'm saying like most of the guys who have those
super long profiles tend to be the dudes who are a little too
emotional for you. I didn't.
Think that was like. And for me, it's interesting
that like that's kind of the observation that I've made with
the guys who we know who have the Super long profiles and the
guys who we know who don't have a long profile are usually the
guys that she winds up liking the most.
They're usually the guy. Mean though, that's why it's the
intrigue for me. Like we'd see what that happens.
There's a Dick for her like a. Surprise.
I like a surprise. There's, there's something about
I guess the mystery if it's carried too far, though.
No, you're going to turn me off if I, if it's like pulling teeth
to get you to communicate and make me work too hard.
Nah, I do that every day in my life of, you know, trying to
pull information out of people. So I didn't want to work that
hard. And luckily he didn't make me
have to work that hard. I I made, I made you work hard.
I mean, I'm not free. You just can't.
You're. Pretty.
She used to like a piece. Of trying to make you sound
cheap. Goodness.
Come. On I I didn't think it was much
of a challenge. Not true.
Man, it's OK to be used sometimes.
Hey look, I'm a dude. My.
Job is to be simple. I see it, I want it.
My caveman kicks in. Yes.
I literally was still scared to. I was scared the first time I
met you that you had a small Dick.
I was like, there's too many things about him that are good.
He's going to have a small penis.
Like he didn't even let me see his penis before he fucked me.
He just bit me over and did it. And I was like, oh, it kind of
hurts. I came back.
I came. Back for round two, it's.
Funny you say that because yes, the first time we had sex too, I
went oh thank God. You think there's too many
factors when you've talked to too many, like so many men.
I don't want to sidetrack, but when you've talked to so many
men on different dating sites or whatever, you're like something
has to be fucking wrong at this point.
Like there has to be a flaw. He's freaking crazy, but I can
deal with like his crazy. It's not that crazy.
And he's very like OCD, but I can deal with that.
He's had everything else was good.
He makes up for it in the Dick, that's true.
She can deal with his OCD, why can't you deal with mine?
I don't. Know about all that.
I think that personally that men don't go.
They don't need to get in death. I like what you say, Mr. Mocha,
if she's attractive, if I'm going to go and see if the ass
is right the way I want to be, if the, if the titties look the
way they want them to be, that's kind of what I'm looking for.
And yeah, you can, you can talk. I got all that.
But I'm really interested, honestly, at least when I first
saw you with the physical characteristics you brought to
the table and you brought some. Yeah, and you insulted me when?
When you pretty much told me I should have ran, but I didn't.
I stuck around because what you said was when I said something
about, hey, sometimes men have found me attractive because I am
a business owner and an entrepreneur, an independent.
Smart right here, baby, right here.
And you said, yeah, those things don't mean anything to me, that
that means nothing. It was like a dagger in my
heart. That's a man like a.
Good thing, yeah. He was honest because we don't.
Here's the thing, a the difference between a man and a
woman. If I find a woman who's
attractive and she makes me feel a certain way, she could work at
McDonald's. Exactly.
I And here's the thing. Or.
Be a therapist. Or be or be a therapist.
I'm just. Saying and and here's the thing,
if it wasn't like that, if, if, if God didn't make us or
evolution didn't make us that simple.
Oh wow, not the. Religion.
Either one, our simple brains, you, we, it wouldn't work.
We wouldn't be able to populate the Earth like men are from
Mars, women are from Venus. And be careful with that
statement because she doesn't like that book.
Listen, we're so different. We're so different.
I used to tell my sisters, OK look, if you want to figure out
how to deal with your guy, think about how you would handle this
and do the direct opposite thing.
We won't go there today. Let's go back to the subject.
We this we wore over this all the time.
Yes. So since since misses, mocha is
getting all sensitive over here. I'm not getting sensitive.
You just don't have a period, so you don't know what that is
like. Did I say anything about a
period? I said.
You don't talk about a period, we can't talk about the period.
Oh, you can't either. I can't talk about the period.
You know we don't talk about biology here, right?
The point is, Miss Mocha, what do you mean by a period and as
it relates to? One of our arguments.
Yeah, that's one of our biggest, like, male, female arguments
because he tries to tell me he knows how I feel.
Like when I was having, I would call it mana crazy because when
I went through menopause, I was like, I couldn't even explain
myself. But he was trying to make some.
I didn't say I knew how she felt.
See, I would say I don't care. I'm not going to be a punching
bag. No, no, no, no, no.
You and Q were here and tried to have a whole debate with me
about how women use periods as an excuse and da da, da, da, da.
But I had to explain to you, and a doctor had to explain to him
that anything that makes sense to you doesn't make sense to
her. He understood it once she said
that because he's very logical. So even if it's an emotion, he
has to make logic out of it, even if there's no fucking
logic. And that's what I was trying to
explain to him one day. And he's like had five sisters,
blah blah blah blah blah. And I'm like, we have 5 fucking
girls. That doesn't mean I'm an expert.
That means I know what I do. Doesn't mean I know what our
next kid will do or whatever. So we're not going to.
We're going to be. Done.
This is our, this is our fight we we've had.
So this has been an ongoing fight for probably about 10
years, OK. So, so can we reframe that this
has been an ongoing discussion to discuss the differences in
our view and our perspective of women, periods and how men
relate and understand that process.
Just reframe a little bit because I don't think you're
fighting. I mean more or less trying to
communicate. You haven't been here during the
actual I was actually fighting. He was having a discussion
because he likes to debate. I don't to me it turns into a
fight because now I'm why am I mad about something you don't
understand? So now what is my response?
I literally say OK daddy and I walk away.
See she don't she don't like tack on that subject, but out my
my the whole reason we got into it.
It was I would always say this and when she was going through
her. Men are crazy.
Menopause. Menopause.
I like that one, yeah.
Here's the thing. Like my by nature I am not good.
With emotions. No, no, no, I'm not good at
taking abuse when I don't understand why I'm taking it.
It's only it's only a. So when I.
Didn't understand. Like if I come in and I'm happy
and I've done something good for you and then 10 minutes later
you're angry. I what did I do?
What can I do to fix how you feel right now?
So right now you're kneeing me in the nuts and I don't like it.
So your thing is I don't know why I'm kneeling you in the
nuts. Well, my nuts hurt.
I need to know why you're knee mean a nuts because I don't want
to reflexively karate chop you in the throat.
So that was always my thing. Like look, you have to give me
more than that. And so we came up the thing
where our process was she get to a point where she wasn't aware
that she was at that point. And I would say, hey, if you do
that again, I'm gonna hurt your feelings and I won't feel bad
about it. So we came up with the process.
Let me know that I agree. He made it.
He makes it sound a lot meaner than.
Oh, no, no, no. One day he was like, you have
one more time to snip at me and I'm going to lose it.
That's what he said. And I was like, am I being mean?
I didn't even know that I was being like, because I guess
normally I'm very chill. I'm sarcastic.
I'm just chill. So I guess I'd snapped at him
more times than he liked and I didn't even know and he said
that and I was like, OK, for well, from now on, just say that
because I'm not I really was not aware.
I know that sounds like it sounds crazy, but we again, we
won't have to go there. We.
Have that, except it's kind of in reverse.
I'm the one that will warn you, you're getting, you're getting
to the line, you're getting. We need to do something
different. We need to walk away.
I'll say some shit. I mean, I just, I just, I say
some shit and she'll have to check me and give me that
warning, which we encouraged couples to do that.
If you get to a place and, and, and Miss Mogalaikai, you said
that if you get to a place and you're, you've come up against
that border, like you just do tell the person that they're
having. Hey, you about to, you say that
you're about to, hey, you're about to make me upset.
You're about to piss me off. Communication is the key.
And you always tell me I don't listen to you, but you always
tell me I'm coming up to that place and watch yourself.
And I figure you get what you deserve after that.
I don't feel bad after that. And.
You say some shit too, by the way.
Talk about my penis size. That's the problem.
I have always come. I like that I'm stealing that
one. The penis.
So. I don't you just saying that
we're in here with that friend. I'm saying that.
Look, that's how that's why we know we get away with that
bullshit with the Dick out, what do?
You want it got worshipped? Come on now.
Yeah, it was good. Don't bring up that subject like
the milk is so salty about not fucking him this morning.
Yeah, it was an hour rolled over and then the damn dog, she's
like, I got to take the dog. I'll fuck them dogs.
I'm sorry for all you people who love animals.
I love animals. So, you know, it's it's cool
that, you know, we, it took us, it was very difficult for us to
get through that phase. I mean, it was challenging
because I am not good with. I'm one of those people.
Like if I offend you, I did it on purpose.
So I know I offended you. I want you to know I offended
you so there's no confusion. So if I walk in the house and
you were acting offended, I'm like, what's?
What do I ask you when you're upset?
Did I do something to offend you?
That's when I will come home. And the kids pissed her off the
first thing. Fuck them kids.
Hey, was it me? OK, cool.
If it wasn't me. Who do you want me to attack?
Who do you want me? So we can't.
We got to that place where I was.
Our disagreement was more of because I know myself.
For your mental health, you need to figure out a way to deal with
your situation. I understand that you don't
understand, and I understand that I don't understand, but if
I come into an attack when it's all said and done, if I
retaliate verbally? Let's pause.
You're going to. Let's be for real cause an
attack on Mr. Mocha is for me, OK Is anything out of the norm
of what I normally am, which is 99.9% chill yeah.
So if he can tell that I'm irritated, that is what he means
on attack. I I don't want you guys to think
that like I beat the shit out of.
It no, no, she listen like we so we we're not, we're not yellers,
we're not like even even when she would she we get into it and
I'll be talking and she's like, daddy, you're yelling at me and
I'm like, I'm not yelling. So his.
Like this is me saying I'm not yelling.
She's like, but it's your tone. But but you said I was yelling.
I'm not yelling. But your tone says you're
yelling but I'm I'm not yelling. Like and then I start laughing
because I'm not raising my voice.
This is why I watched true crime shows.
This is why she watched How to Kill Your Husband shows.
Yeah, no, I haven't watched those in a while.
I've refrained from those 'cause I was mad at you a few days ago.
There are different ways and I hope I don't.
Different ways to kill your. Husband.
I'm Norman Johnson. It's a different way.
Let. Me get my notepad ready there.
Are different ways to show disappointment, aggression,
discomfort. You don't have to necessarily be
yelling for the particular feeling to get to her that she's
uncomfortable. What you're saying she's
uncomfortable about what you're doing and then she can say that
to you. Even though you're saying I'm
not yelling, it's still coming to her in a form that she
doesn't, she can't digest, emotionally digest, and I'm
talking too much. Beautiful.
Tell me. So I understand what you're
saying about and you're saying you're not yelling, but she's
still getting triggered by what you're saying.
And that's the important part of that disagreement.
Oh yeah, definitely. Because in my mind I'm yelling.
Because in my mind I'm definitely yelling.
Can I just? Say something really quick.
There's been several nights I've creepily stared at you to see if
I could like chop you on the foot and then pretend like I
could go back to sleep and like just be completely fine.
Like wonder what he would do if I just like, did it super fast
and then turned over. How fast could I get back on my
side of the bed? And what do I tell you whenever
you say what would happen if I did that?
You said try it. As I always said, give it a
shot. Who will find out?
We'll learn together now, won't we?
We're getting like dark humor. We should probably.
Go. Down on it, everybody's going to
be like, should we check on Mr. Mocha?
Yeah. Yeah, like I need everybody
check on Mr. Mocha. All right, so I've got
obviously, as always, we digress.
So question, who brought up the lifestyle first not.
The nervous laugh. Do you remember?
Yes, I do remember and I think it was you.
Matter of fact it was you because I wasn't in the
lifestyle prior to meeting her. I had just come off a
challenging divorce with a young lady and I was looking for some
sexual, emotional, physical release and a new path.
And when I ran into you, you introduced me to your friends,
which were in the lifestyle go. So yes, that first, that first
Starbucks meeting, that faithful day, it was day one.
I said, hey, you know the friends I told you about,
they're actually down the street.
You want to go hang out with them?
Wait day one day. 1. Day one.
So I said, you ready to go meet
him? And he said, sure, I know,
right? He said let me go change my
shirt though. So he was wearing like a nice
little polo style type shirt. So he went to go and I thought,
this dude's not going to show up.
He's he just used that as an excuse.
He's he's. Gone to escape.
Yep, Yep. So.
But he did. He showed up.
He jumped right in, jumped in the deep end and held his own.
So he did great. What does that mean?
Jumped in the deep end. Well, because prior to that, I
mean, I, I never heard the word lifestyle, literally never heard
the word lifestyle. I, I think I had some
understanding and as to this day about people having multiple
partners and, and having different sexual experiences,
but lifestyle wasn't part of my lexicon at that particular time.
I'm, I'm a soldier. I'm, I'm, with all due respect,
I'm a conservative. I'm doing what the government
tells me to do. And in the army, the lifestyle
is blatantly illegal. You can be court martial to, to
have sex outside your relationship.
So it wasn't and I've been in for 20 years, so I wouldn't
necessarily know about that. In meeting you, I was excited
the opportunity to see a different type of, of of
interaction between people and I was, I was just excited to go
and see what you had to offer. Yeah, and that first meeting was
public. You know, it was at a bar.
It was at a local bar, so it wasn't, you know, anything
scandalous or risque at that time, at that moment.
So, but he was able to mix and mingle with everybody.
He was welcomed in. He didn't run away.
Wow. I was hoping maybe get a chant
that can I be with another white woman?
That's been my preference forever and you were going to
introduce me to that lifestyle. So I thought it's an
opportunity. Wait, wait, was she your first
white woman? No, she wasn't.
But. Wait, I'm sorry, did we tell
everybody that they are an interracial couple?
That we we tell them that we did not?
So like Missus Missus Mocha and I, he is a dark skinned guy like
myself, and she's a sexy redhead like Missus Mocha.
So yeah. It it had been prior to meeting
you, it had been 2530 years since I've been with a white
woman. You ever had that preference for
something you just haven't had a chance to have it?
Oh, yeah. And then when I met you, man, it
was it was full on. I'm ready to go all in.
Yeah, so, so, so let's let's be clear everybody.
So Tammy is Tammy has this look about her where she's good, but
she's bad. Like she's got that look where
it's like she looks like a good person, but you're like, man, I
bet that's good. Like that's the thought that you
have. I, I, I know you had it when you
first saw. I have it right now.
I know. Me too.
I have right now. I'm having the same thought.
So, so wow. That's so you hadn't had so you
hadn't been with a white woman and baby, you can't put that
there. It's gonna make noise.
So you hadn't been with a white woman in 20 years?
Oh yeah. 20 plus years. He's forgetting someone.
I feel bad about that. I keep forgetting that girl I
slept with. Not that good.
Yeah. Well listen, if you forgot it
then hey, you have a. Film Bill someone you forgot
about it. More times than I can tell you.
OK, I did have AI, had a tryst with a white girl, but honestly,
in the relationship you were my within, I mean, 20 years.
So yeah, I had AI, had a little hook up here and there in a
hotel in Dallas. OK, didn't work out well the way
I wanted to. Yeah.
We've once again, we've all been
there too. So so you, so she.
She introduced you to the lifestyle the first day.
Day one. Day one.
So you hadn't had sex with her yet when she talked about I
hadn't. Had sex with her, yet I met her
the first day I had not had sex with her.
That is that is that's ballsy. Like see look, I told her about
it after I had given her some Dick right after.
But I mean like I gave her the Dick first to make sure she was
like she was all in. Wow that.
Stigmatized. Her Yeah, yeah.
Listen, I. Wouldn't have been a friend
though had he told me beforehand.
I was literally probably a swinger.
I just didn't know there was I was an actual change.
She was, she was out there, right I'd.
Fuck seven guys in three days because I hadn't had my kids in
a while. I was like newly divorced so I
hadn't had my kids in a while. So, seven guys.
You hadn't lost time to make up. There I literally got to his
house and I was like, I'm not even shaving my fucking pussy
out because I'm not fucking him. Like feeling bad for myself.
For whatever reason, I was the only one knowing that I slept
with seven nudes. She came to my house and she
thought she wouldn't give me something.
You're right. Yeah, he held out though.
He held out a whole week for me. He did.
I did. And I mean remember now I'm in
the military. So the military has a way of
brainwashing. It's not a bad word in this, in
this regard. But the notion that, you know,
multiple partners, that's something I felt, but it wasn't
something I was able to exercise because I was a high-ranking
military person. I'll leave it at that.
And I had a lot of restrictions on my behaviour.
So when I met her, she opened the door to an environment that
I wanted to go through, and I took advantage of it.
You've introduced me to the lifestyle and I've been in there
ever since. Nice.
I'm retired now so I can fuck. Yeah, yeah, you do what you want
now. Me as I want, as much as I want.
Very nice. But back then I had to be very
cautious about what I did and who I did it with.
So your first time. OK, so your your first.
So I want to Fast forward to the first time you played.
Together. I want to know about the
together. Oh, so the first wait, wait, the
first time they played together in lifestyle?
The first time they fucked each other.
No. We.
They're still together, they're fucked together.
Was clearly fine yeah, they're still together.
So the first time they. Said your first lifestyle
experience together. Where was your head at the first
time? Let's clarify something.
When you say play together, what do you mean by that?
Like with another couple or with.
Or with another woman. Or you played or yeah, like what
was your first? Any any lifestyle interaction
where you got that sensation that someone was either touching
the person you're with or you were dealing with the person
you're with watching you interact with someone else
sexually. Just pause like did you guys
have like a threesome with the chick first?
Did you not? I think, and that's a very good
clarifying question. I think that our experience, we
don't normally experience sexuality in a format that has
multiple partners simultaneously.
Better yet, for some threesome, we don't necessarily do that, I
think. So no group.
Stuff no got it. So what what we Yeah, I like
that. What to go back to the original
question the first time that she not me and and that's and that's
OK. And I not not not like that.
The first time was we went to a house party and one of her
previous partners has showed up to the house party and that
person was the person that she played with.
I didn't play with anyone that night, but I went home.
She played with him and I I don't want to speak for you.
If you want to speak for you, you can.
I don't want to speak your story.
But she played it that evening and that was my first experience
in having her come home. Having had experienced that,
that, that, that, that activity. It was, it was new to me.
I wasn't expecting it. We had talked about it, but it
was something that I had to learn very quickly.
She played and I think we played, which something is what
it is. We played after that and the
next day we discussed that experience about our her first
experience in our relationship playing.
That wasn't my first. I was hers, but I was a part of
that process. So did so did you?
Did you, did you feel the burn? Like, did you feel that?
That moment where like you, that weird uncomfortable sensation
where it's like you have to talk to yourself about sharing what
was yours? Did you, did you get that
sensation where it's like, how do I feel about this?
You want to you want to talk that piece?
No, no, that's you. I did when she came home that
day and and we love to speak graphically.
Right. I officially like you for
telling the truth. Oh, yeah, Yeah.
So listen, I officially like you because that's always my test
with guys. Where where it's like, are they
going to be honest about that? That emotional like, like finish
this. I'm sorry.
Go ahead. No, no, you're fine, I think.
So be graphic. Not when she came home and I
made love to her. We had sex, we fucked.
Whatever word you want to use, it felt different and I don't
know why it felt different, but it felt different to me.
We hadn't talked about it, but I was aroused by her coming home
and we were. We fucked for what I thought was
a good time. We had a good time, but I felt
something different. I didn't know until the next
morning we woke up that she had previously been with someone
else the previous night. So that was my introduction to
the official position of being in the lifestyle.
My wife, not my wife at the time, going out, being intimate
in that setting, coming home, me being intimate with her because
I'm still aroused by her presence and the fact that the
possibility she's with somebody else didn't know it.
And that was arousing. And we made love and we talked
about the next day and it came out that she had been with
someone and I knew the person. I have a lot of respect to the
good guy. And we had a really good
discussion about that experience.
It wasn't anger, it wasn't frustration.
It was more like, okay, there's some other things we had to work
through, but we worked through with that evening and we moved
on. I think we did a good job.
So wait, I'll need some clarification.
And you don't have to. That is.
So I'm gonna do this to you the whole episode.
You do it to a. Man, thank you.
Thank you. Two different things.
I'm playing Mrs. Mocha Nibble and she said she's gonna play
with mine. No, it's not the same.
Same. OK, OK, So clarification, you
said it felt different, like emotionally or her pussy felt
different. OK, OK.
Yeah, yeah. No, Yeah.
Yeah, you did. We talked about it.
Yeah, we talked about it. Yeah, it felt different.
So what we're saying here is, is there is there a physical change
to a woman's pussy when she's with one guy and then 30 minutes
to our relationship with another guy?
Yes, absolutely. Yes.
But did you feel like did the jealousy or well, well, we don't
have to say jealousy, but insecure.
I don't know how to what the word could be.
Because I all of it. That's that's I.
Felt. Hold on, you're not let.
Me finish the question Tequila now we'll call it insecurity
because I had that for the first time.
I saw him fuck somebody else and it but it was for a split
second. But do you feel like, I know you
said you didn't know, but did you?
Did you kind of like reclaim her after that?
Like with that year Reclaim like this is mine and it made sex
better, even though you were still kind of in your head about
stuff. First of all, to answer that
question, I'm going to be not necessarily honest, but I'm
going to be vulnerable. Yeah.
OK.
She doesn't know that. And I have never shared this
with you. And this is an opportunity for
me to just be speak my mind. It was a reclaiming process.
Yeah. It was a it was a sensation that
I was going to have sex with her.
And here's the thing. You may not be aware of it,
beautiful, but I kind of had an idea you were with somebody.
I just didn't articulate it, but you didn't tell me.
But I felt aroused by the notion that she was with somebody else.
And that arousal made me feel I had to be with her, and I was.
It felt different, but make no mistake about it, it felt
pleasurable, it felt erotic and it felt empowering.
And I never shared that with you.
But that's how I felt when that first day when you came back
from that experience. But it's also like too, I feel
like I've had that with like Mr. Moko, like why is my pussy wet?
But I'm mad about who he just fucked.
But I did it made things better. And I think this is just me
talking and I'm sorry if I cut you off, but me talking, my
brain was fighting my vagina like because somebody told me
along the way like that's not OK.
You're not supposed to be letting your husband have sex
with somebody else and be turned on by that.
So it was a constant battle between my brain and my pussy
was like, well, you still have sex with them and why, you know?
And that, that is the discussion that I think we had.
You know, that there is this conflict, but there's something
about that conflict that creates that friction, right?
That excitement and made it honestly more passionate.
So I did know some of what he's talking about because of my
intuition and my feeling and I know him, right?
And so that night, the sex was awesome.
With me or the other person, yeah.
Yes, yes, yes. I didn't know that.
Partly, I'm just the first. Time here It was fun.
It was fun with him. It was passionate with you.
I. Put you on the spot.
I apologize for that. Oh no, you're good.
I'm good. We're here for it.
That's right, that's right. But no, that night is, is very
distinctly like embedded in my brain, right?
Because of how passionate it was in that you had this, Did she?
Didn't she? I don't know.
But I got the sense that now I can feel her body is different.
So now I know, but I don't concretely know yet.
And that created some kind of extra chemistry there, whatever
that was. I love, I love the sensation of
reclaiming like there's no, I tell her all time I'm going to
rinse your pussy out with my cum.
Like that's like, you go ahead, you go ahead and do what you
want to do. And I like that.
I like to work myself up and put myself in different emotional
places when she comes home. So it could be a day where, and
I mean, this may be controversial, but fuck it.
Like I think that emotions motivate what I'm doing.
So there's sometimes where I want to be excited that she
played with somebody. There's sometimes where I want
to be angry that she played with somebody.
So she comes home and I'm like, you gave my shit away.
Didn't you like? And now and now now I'm I have
an attitude and until I come, this is who I am and I and I one
day it may be my my, my excitement one day, I may be my
anger one day. And, and I enjoy that.
Like there's, I think the problem is a lot of people fight
that feeling and we do this thing where it's like, I don't
want you to know that I'm upset, but I'm turned on at the same
time because they conflict. Fuck that.
Like I am who I am. And I've always told her like
this is how I feel like you went and gave you went and and and
then we we play this game where like even when she goes to
mocha, she at mocha, don't tell me everything you did tell me
randomly when we're having sex or when you're getting me
excited. And now I'm like, you did what
or you play with who come here. I don't have a problem with the
fact that I can be this emotional person inside of my
wife. That's why she's my wife.
Like that's why she's hurt. I'm not going to do this with a
rando. I'm not sharing all of these
emotions and sensations with a random woman.
Now my wife, you get all of me you, and I've told her before
you got it. If you want all of me, you sure
you want all of me because it's a lot of me.
Like I'm this person on this day.
And now she's she's comfortable with all of the personality, the
personalities that I am, But that's because I'm, I'm wide
open with it. Like, you know, we have this
thing where if I feel a certain way about something you did,
that'll mean we won't do it again.
But I'm going to tell you and it's going to end with me having
my way with you. He's going to end with that.
So, you know, that's why I appreciate it that you said that
because so many guys will sit there and be like, Oh no, I was
good. I was OK.
I didn't feel anything. No, you.
But we've seen so many I've. Been there.
But that's what I think too, why we were talking upstairs earlier
that we a lot of people thought like, oh, we didn't have any of
that him not necessarily because he was already in lifestyle
before me, But for me, I was a little bat shit crazy like
plenty of times because there were a few times it was not good
and I'm glad no one ever saw. But there were a few times that
I definitely I was more like the insecure one, but I was also the
way less experienced so. That's what the question then
becomes, how do you get to a point in your relationship, and
not just for you, but for couples out there, how do you
get to a point in your relationship where you're able
to accept the fact that you're partners with another person?
That from whether you Mr. Mocha, your perspective or her being
with other people, how are you able to accept that?
And Mr. Mocha, how are you able to accept him being with other
people? Let's be 1000% honest here, for
a long time it was not OK. But I just like you have this is
a terrible example, but just like you go to a new job, you're
uncomfortable the first day. You don't really want to talk to
people no matter what you have to do.
You don't want to go present some PowerPoint to billionaires
at your job. Like I had to push my own
boundaries. So but I was willing to push my
own boundaries because I had to sit back and ask myself, well,
why does this even bother me? He comes home to me every day.
We have a gazillion kids together, we have a whole life.
So what? Why am I even worried about
Sally Sue from wherever that he fucked one time?
So I had to really look back and say why.
Why was I having a problem? Because there was no reason that
I should, because there was. He has always been my security
blanket, so it was very easy for me to do things that there.
And he has never given me a reason.
Even though his directness drives me crazy sometimes, I
can't say that there's a time that he lied to me.
Even like in the very beginning of our relationship, I did not
want to talk to him anymore several times.
Sorry, he knows I broke up with him a few times.
I'm holding quotation fingers up, but I because I fought with
myself about well, why would why do I even want to do this?
But it was an unfair situation because I was out doing whatever
I wanted to do as a single person and he was doing the same
thing. So what was the difference in US
doing it together? But I couldn't justify it, my
mind. So Long story short, I just
pushed a lot of boundaries. I made myself push boundaries
because I care for him and I wanted it to work.
I liked lifestyle too. Let's just put that out there.
I fucking love less lifestyle, but how am I going to go get
gang banged and then get mad because he fucked one chick that
has a better body than me? That's crazy, you know what I
mean? Like but I just had five dudes
that were muscled up with big Dicks fuck me in a room and he
was cheering me on again like how is that?
There was no balance. So I, I did eventually get to
the point where I just had to tell myself I just don't care.
And that doesn't mean I don't care about him.
I can't care about what he's out doing because I would constantly
like sit at home and think like, Oh well, what if he's falling in
love with her or he likes her like too much.
And I was like, what in the fuck is wrong with me?
Why would I even think that? He comes.
He's there was never a time he didn't show me that he didn't
care. When he came home, we would talk
about it. We'd be excited.
He would make sure that I was taken care of in every other
aspect of life, including sex. So why was I stressing out?
I like that. That was a long answer, sorry,
no. No, no, no.
Yeah. And I need to hear that because
you're making a comment the other day about your body's,
your body. What you decide to do with it is
not my, it's not necessarily my business, but it is more not
something I can control. And I have to get to the point
where what you just had to do with what you had there is what
you just had to do. Yeah.
And I think the point was more about my sexuality and how I
express it is mine, right? And that means I do choose to
share it with you and I should be able to choose to do it in
other ways. But it's something that is
negotiated. I don't, you know, when you're
in a relationship, we have to negotiate where those boundaries
are and how we push those boundaries.
And, and I do believe that sometimes we have to pull back
and kind of go at the slower pace of whoever is a little more
resistant. Right I.
Think you push too fast and you if you want your partner to be
happy about something, you have to meet them where they are.
Yep, agreed. And he and Mr. Barker did that
every step. It is it's interesting to to
talk to you guys because you guys are almost the opposite of
us and. That's why she put us across
from each other. Misses Mocha had to be
restricted for a long time, and when you live under restrictions
it takes you a long time to remove that wiring.
However, once that wiring come apart, you meaning the person
who's open has to make an adjustment because you have
years, she had years of conditioning and when you know,
I'm a boundary pusher, I'm very much a boundary pusher.
So I pushed her boundaries, I pushed her boundaries, I pushed
her boundaries, yes. But then also for me, it's my
battle is always internal. My fear is always when I brought
her into the lifestyle because of my experience with other with
couples before her and I were together, I didn't want to be
that guy who restricted her. Now on the other side of that, I
would always put her like, I'm going to make you feel what I
feel. So one of the, the first things
that I exposed her to was, you know, the first female we played
with was one of my exes and she got very uncomfortable watching
me and her. And I did that intentionally
because at the end of the day, I wanted her to know she's the
past. You're the present in the
future. Nothing can interrupt that and
my mentality is because I I spent years of my life having
access to excess. When I chose her, I told her up
front, I have to you. You have to experience the
things I've experienced because you won't understand me
otherwise. I've had years of excess and so
I spent a long time putting her out there.
OK, tell me what your fantasies are.
Tell me what your desires are. I want you to experience these
things. And for her, you know, I, I say
this thing and you know, ladies may disagree with me, but a
woman can always have more sex than a man.
Always. But in most situations, that
shit don't count because usually if I've had sex with 20 women
and you've had sex with 100 men, 98 of those men's, you did it
for validation. You didn't do it for the
pleasure of it as a man, I did it for the pleasure of it.
When I met her, a lot of her sex was validation based.
I stripped all of that shit down.
When you play, you play because that's what you want, because
that's when you experience power.
You can't understand me until you can have sex with a person
for the simple fact that you want to fuck that person.
So I don't care how many Dicks you had, they don't count.
I, I, I'm still out. I'm still out out doing a lot.
Of them didn't count because they were no good.
Yeah, and and and here's the thing, most of them were
validation based once we reset her mindset on you can go and
have sex for pleasure and come home to a person that loves you.
I'm not judging you. And while we're breaking down
all of those boundaries, we're breaking down those boundaries
and I'm like, look, let go, let go, let go.
We get a couple years into our relationship.
She'd never let go, let go, let go.
So the day she finally let go, I'm watching her let go.
And I was like who, who, who? I kind of felt who.
I don't know if I like the way that feels.
And I remember I, I came home her and her friend was playing
with the guy who she to this day she enjoys playing with.
And I know she enjoyed playing with that guy.
And she was just drunk enough that day.
And I actually got home early and I snuck in, came upstairs.
And I've seen her play 1000 times.
Never had any feet, never, never felt weird.
I cracked the door open and I'm watching her and.
I told him I missed this Dick. That's the first time I never
said that to him. She's talking to this guy dirty.
I miss you. I miss your fucking Dick.
It's so good. And I remember and his thing.
They call this dude Tripod. This Listen, I'm happy they call
him baby. Like I have a respectable Dick.
This son bitch is about 100 lbs and the other 40 lbs is Dick.
Like this dude. His Dick is massive.
And I'm watching through the door and I remember for the
first time in my life feeling a little insecurity, feeling a
little jealousy. And I quietly closed door.
I walked down the stairs and sat down and I had that conversation
with myself. This is the person that you
made. You've told her that you want
her to be free. You told her one of you want her
to experience this. So don't be a fucking bitch, all
right? If this is who you are, you
going to be that guy. So get your shit together.
And I remember having that internal battle with myself.
And here's the thing, I will. I don't like to lose.
And for me, it's all internal, it's all emotional.
And I am stronger. My job as the, in my opinion, my
job as a head of my household is to be the strongest emotionally.
I put her into this position, I brought her into the lifestyle.
I told her I was OK with this. And now I've been telling her
for the last few years, let go, let go, enjoy yourself.
She finally does it and I'm sitting at the bottom of the
stairs feeling some kind of way. I got my shit together, went
back upstairs, breathe. And then I told her because I
don't want to lie to her. You.
Told me the next. Day, I told her.
The next day I want to go fuck up her good time.
I felt because I watched her deal with her insecurity
struggle battle and she's looking at me like you never
feel bad about what I do. I owe it to her to tell her
look, I felt some kind of way. I felt jealous.
I felt insecure, but I don't want you not to do that.
I owe this to you to tell you. And she's like, oh, I'm so
sorry. No, no, no, no, no, no, don't
apologize. That's what I want you to do.
But I had to tell you that I experienced this.
I'm not telling you this for you not to do it.
I'm not telling you this to be a for a guilt trip.
I have to let you know that this feel and This is why I went
Captain Caveman on your pussy last night, because I got to
reclaim myself. You know what I'm saying?
And that made our like that was a huge turning point in our
relationship when I finally experienced that feeling that
she had been feeling for at that point.
What? They've been a few years at that
point. We just got married.
But we have been together for how long?
But. We did.
Yeah, yeah, we had just got married, but we've been together
from yeah like for like 5455 years.
At that point, so Mr. Moga, what you're saying and thanks for
sharing your story because we see you may come across that
quite line in your business as a sex therapist.
You can be open, You can be completely open.
Be understanding and still sometime during the process feel
jealousy and insecurity. They are normal responses.
I like what you said. You went downstairs, you had a
conversation with yourself and you were able to process and
then you've processed it more with her the next day.
You're not trying to change her, You're not trying to make her
feel bad about it. But the reality is, even in
these situations where we understand what we're doing, we
still can find ourselves falling prey to the that that just
jealousy, insecurity. And that's, that's great that
you're able to recognize that and have a conversation about it
and move forward because it for people out there that are
listening, thinking that you're never going to have these
feelings. If not going to work, you're
going to be shocked, you're going to be confused.
You're going to we don't we're not going to do this anymore.
We're out of the lifestyle as opposed to recognizing it can
happen. Backing up, having a
conversation with yourself, not getting violent, not getting
destructive, not getting demeaning, not stopping the fun
if that's what you're saying. Kicking the door in.
He did get too big come off of it, but dealing with it
internally and then the next day processing with your house, I
think that was wonderful. Wonderful.
I think some go ahead. Well, and I was going to say, I
think we can relate to that as well.
Again, kind of the flip side of that, he often asks me, he says
you just don't get jealous, do you?
I'm like, no, no, I feel jealousy like, I feel jealousy
just like anybody else does. But he's like, no, nothing seems
to make you jealous. I'm like, you haven't, I haven't
been challenged yet, right, with the right circumstances or
whatever it is, I haven't been challenged.
But there has been a couple occasions.
One of them didn't even have to do with sex.
It had to do with really kind of an ex that he has, you know,
kind of in between relationships go back to as well.
This woman was like, Hey, let's let's go on vacation, right?
I want to take you on vacation, but tell your wife because she
doesn't really understand open concept.
So she's like she said, well, tell your wife that you're
taking a business trip or whatever, you know.
And I was like, yeah, no, no, that's that's where I don't like
that. And the travel is my love
language. And so I'm like, no, you aren't
traveling with me until I get my need met.
So with travel, it's a no. Like I couldn't, I couldn't get
there. And then I felt so bad for
standing in his way of some adventure.
But I thought, I'm so uncomfortable.
I need some help. I need some help.
So that made me jealous. And it's weird.
It didn't have to do with sex. It had to do with time or
something I wasn't getting right, I wasn't getting enough
of. So we had to talk through that.
And then there was one other time that I was like, yes, go do
it. And I'm like, whoa, what did I
just do? What did I just do?
I think what you're not telling the audience is I didn't go, so
you actually stopped me from doing something I want to do
now. You didn't really want to do it
to be. Honest, I did want to fuck her.
I did. I did you.
Said she was too old. He said that for you.
We we say stuff.
Let me tell you something as a dude.
Oh, sorry. Now what I was going to say was
that I didn't go fuck her because of how it made you feel.
There are times when that's. Not what I was worried about
though. But that's what I was worried
about. Pussy, if I can use that word.
Yeah, go ahead, use any word. It is not as important as our
relationship. So I can always get more pussy,
but I can't replace the relationship that you've given
me. So I didn't go the direction you
wanted me to go. She made you feel insecure.
She wanted me to go on vacation in Europe with her and it'd be a
lot of fucking. That's what she wants me for.
And I got it. But you weren't good with it and
I I backed off of it. And that's, and I say that
because sometimes the relationships, you have to do
what's important to the relationship, unless you don't
throw that card up too much, if you don't throw in, hey, this is
my card. I don't want you to go there.
That's something you have to deal with your lifestyle.
When, when the other person says this particular person you're
with is making me feel insecure, making I'm not sad.
I don't like the scenario you're about to get involved in.
Do you really have the power to say no?
We've said yes because the relationship is the most
important component here, not the sex with other people.
Now, I didn't go because it made you feel bad, but I wanted to go
have sex with her just for you to know that I think you know
her already. But you're more important than
pussy. Your pussy is more important
than any pussy. You're more important than
pussy. I think sometimes too though
people go through like insecurities and jealousy or
whatever you want to call it because of something else
underlying. I don't think it's actual it for
for me specifically. I know that there were times
where we would just lifestyle and go and go and go and go or
we were just lifestyling and working and kids and life.
And I realized it wasn't me actually being jealous of him
fucking someone. It was me being jealous because
I wanted some quality time with him.
We could sit home for a whole weekend and not have sex and
watch Netflix and a whole I need that stuff.
But for a long time I didn't realize I need that stuff and my
few freak outs, we'll say 1 handful of freak outs where I
realized that I had to come back and look at what what did I
actually need because I didn't need sex from him.
He gives me that all the time. But it was because we were just
robots. We were, I was getting out,
going to work, he was going to work, I was doing kids stuff and
taking the kids here. He was coming home, we were
having sex and going to bed. But there was no real like
quality time. So I think a lot of times people
need to step back and say, was there another issue before this
even happened? Because.
It can be the. Sex, it can be the sex for sure,
but it could be you're just lacking something and you're at
home that you didn't know that you have.
Because there are a few people we know too, that they get a
different sensation from Joe Blow and they think, oh, I'm in
love with this person. But no, you're really just
trying to replace what you're not getting at home instead of
talking about what? You're not.
That's a whole other problem to talk about.
Being a lifestyle is about sex. It's about fun.
It's about connecting. It should never.
I mean, I shouldn't say that word.
It's not about replacing your spouse.
Yeah. It's never about that.
So if you're missing something in your relationship, it's
important that you take the time to find out what that is because
you're not going to get out there in the lifestyle, You're
not going to get into the lifestyle.
You're going to get Dick, you're going to get pushy, you're going
to get that connection. But what you have with your
spouse, if there's a problem, got to focus on that before that
lifetime. Not going to make it better in
some cases in a lot of. Cases, it's gonna make it worse,
always gonna make it worse. And tear a hole in that
relationship. Well, it's gonna magnify the
issues that you already had. Yeah, you.
Already had communication issues, you already had quality
time issues, you already had the difference of values of a
relationship. You've already have that.
It's just that lifestyle openness Poly will magnify it
so. By, I mean by leaps and bounds.
And it's interesting, like I will circle back to something
that that he was saying before, which is one of the things that
we went through where we had a long period because I do firmly
believe that. And I did believe that it was my
job first. It was my job first to make sure
that I allowed her to experience all of the things, all the
things that I want her to experience, right.
So that was kind of my thing where I want her to experience
at first. I've already been the lifestyle.
So I want you tell me all your fantasies, you know, I want to
make sure, you know, she had all of these wild crazy fantasies
and I made sure she had them all.
So we spent a couple years where a lot of our relationship was
focused on her enjoying herself now.
We got to the point where I had got so accustomed to making sure
that I was hyper vigilant of how she felt.
So I'm going to make sure she's playing and having a good time.
And I was like, you know something?
The second she's upset about something or she feels
uncomfortable, I'm not going to do it.
And you know, we went a long time where I wouldn't.
I just like, you know, something, I don't want to do
it. There's a joke amongst lifestyle
men where it's like we all know this thing where you go into a
club and the woman that you really want to play with, don't
look at her. Don't look at her.
Completely ignore her. Do not look at her.
Look at everybody but her because if you want to play with
her, if your wife decides it's OK.
And that's kind of a thing that we have.
So it's it's, it's really and it's universal.
We men within lifestyle know that.
Excuse me, the guys in the lifestyle who want to make sure
their wife is good know that. But there's this transition
that's necessary in my opinion. Where you go from allowing your
wife to experience that? Because the problem is, I mean,
no matter what, you know, even even when you introduced a guy
to the lifestyle, you're still a woman in this world.
And you still have to when you decide that you're going to take
this man as your mate, even if you were in a lifestyle, you
still have to to ask yourself, is he going to love me if I go
and play? Is he going to be able to handle
me going out and playing with someone else and enjoying
myself? Because most men have a hard
time still loving them. And once that guy proves it,
because no matter what, you know, that's one thing like I
you, you pass my dude test where you came in and said, look, I
felt a certain kind of way. The next step in it and the step
that I took with her is I'm going to make her uncomfortable
because he will understand this and I might have put him in an
awkward position. Oh God.
This is what I do. I'm going to put him in awkward
position. He has been in that position
where as a husband, he's pretended he didn't like
somebody or he's pretended he didn't want to do something.
Because at the end of the day, I've lived enough life to know
that I finally met the woman that I plan on dying with.
Like, and that's the part where most women don't understand.
I finally met the woman that I'm going to die with.
And even if I want to fuck all of those women out there, I'll
keep my fucking mouth shut. If I'm afraid, I am going to
put. If I'm afraid that I'm going to
create a 1% chance that I'm going to lose you, am I lying?
No, no, I like what you're saying.
I appreciate that. I think it goes both.
Ways it's it does, but it does 100%.
That if I even when he has said go, go have fun, I'm really
good. Trust me what I'm saying, I'm
really good. And but there's something about
it that I know my intuition says, I don't think so.
And it's just not worth it to me, right?
You know, it's just not because like you said, it comes around,
it comes and goes. I'm not worried about it be
another opportunity. This isn't the thing that I'm
going to, you know, kill our relationship or even struggle
over. It's just not worth it.
We've we've been there. And so once you get to that
place where you create this agreement, and this is what she
taught me, you come into an agreement where you say we're
willing to make each other uncomfortable because I got to
this place where I'm like, you know something?
Here's the as a dude, the second I bust a nut, all of my
faculties reset and you know who I want to be next to.
I don't care how good that pussy was, how hot she was.
This the instant I ejaculate, all of a sudden the only person
I want to be next to is my wife. Like there is a different with
most women, most women after they've had sex, they're closer
to that guy as a dude. This the instant sex is over,
all of the stuff that I had created about this woman, this
fantasy woman is now gone. Like I want to be back with her.
So it's it's a weird sensation for us as dudes.
And then we we get that fear like wait like we're supposed to
be tough, we're supposed to be masculine.
But the only person I'm afraid of in this world is her.
The only person I don't want to upset is her.
My kids. I love my kids but I don't give
a shit if they mad at me. I love my parents, I love my
family. The only person that literally
gives me anxiety when I don't know if she's mad at me is her.
SO I will get frustrated. We have argued like she don't
even know that I started an argument because I was mad
because I really wanted to go fuck this chick that you didn't
really want me to fuck. But I turned that pussy down
because I didn't want to make you mad.
And now I'm yelling at you over a pack of a pack of potato
chips. I've been that guy.
Yeah, I've been that guy, I'm not going to lie.
And we finally got to the place where I could just like, like,
look. She made me agree.
Like Daddy? But let's just Fast forward a
lot. It's me, like almost, I'll be
honest, 11 years to get come. Like I've always been good.
I don't show any like, emotion in public.
I don't try to be dramatic. I don't.
This is not my style. If I'm upset, I have the
patience to wait until we're done with a whole event if I
have to. But we're going to talk about it
later. But I'm not going to like, he
said. I don't want to ruin his good
time ever. I.
Want you to scenes I don't like doing.
Scenes, same, same. So I want to make sure, of
course, he has a good time and I'll wait three or four days
until an event is over before I say something because I used to
have really emotional responses and I realized as I got older, I
can't take those words back. And he will hold on to every
fucking word that I say and dissect it and then over
evaluate it and then make some logic out of at what I had to go
back and say was I was emotional.
I I wasn't meaning all that stuff.
So I will hold off on life before I have a response.
But we it took me getting extremely sick for a few years
for me just to say, daddy, please go do whatever you want
to do. I don't care what you do.
I don't just don't fall in love with somebody else.
I don't care. Just don't tell me about it
right now. I'm trying to get through what
everything that we got going on here.
I know you love me. You take care of me after every
surgery like regardless of that you are you are emotionally
supporting me and I can't have sex right now.
A bunch of sex. Please go do he says to me.
I can't. That's not really what you want.
And I'm like, who are you telling?
I'm telling you that I'm pushing a boundary for myself.
If you need a girlfriend, and I've never said that said that
in our relationship. I know emotionally you need
someone else other than me right now because I'm an emotional
like shutdown because you know, you know, you're when you're
sick to for years, it's it gets taxing on you and I'm feeling
like I'm making him sad. You know, negativity is a virus
and I hated that. So I was just like, and I
promise you I'm OK. And he kept saying, oh, no, oh,
no, you're, you're I don't want to do anything.
And I'm looking at him like, I know you fucking want to do
something. Oh, no, I'll be OK.
Finally. I was like, Daddy, please give
me this, OK? Give me this.
I want you to have a good time. I want you to do what is fun for
you. I just don't want to know The
Dirty details right now. Go to parties by yourself, go to
hotel events without me. I don't care.
I legit don't care. And finally, I don't know, like
2021 he finally started like doing stuff.
Did he go girl get a girlfriend? No, but he had more frequent
regulars. He had one that he spoke to on
the phone daily or whatever. And I feel like that was a huge
transition. And it did take me like just not
caring. Like I said, I'm holding
quotation fingers up like people can see them, but it took me
completely just not caring because I couldn't care.
And again, I care about him. I just didn't care about what he
was doing. Yeah, like I and I, again, I
didn't want to know the details because I just want you to have
a good time. Because he was, he was one of us
has to be happy and it had to be him.
At that time. I was sad for other things, not
because he wasn't doing something right.
So. Exactly.
Yeah, exactly. And I think sometimes we do take
turns like that. And I think it's such AI mean, I
think it I can even enhance the relationship, especially it does
to see that I can't show up for you right now in this way.
And I know how important it is. So, and we do this with
everything else in life pretty much, or we do this with a lot
of other aspects of our relationship, but for whatever
reason we're scared to do that about sex.
Yeah. You know, so it's like, hey, I
can't really go out with you because I'm feeling sick, but go
out with your friends. Go out with your buddies.
That's OK, right? Or go do these activities that I
normally wouldn't get to go do with you.
But sex is something that we hold at a different standard.
So I think that that's really amazing when we can get there.
I couldn't have sex and I am literally a devil with all I
need. I tell people all I really need
to live is like water, some Celsius and some penis.
Like I don't even really need food.
And he's sort of like, I'm just like, oh, you know, I'm fine.
I'm fine. But I knew that I was grumpy.
I knew that he was dealing with all of my emotions, plus taking
me to surgeries every three weeks or whatever it was.
So I knew he needed other emotional support other than me.
And before she got sick, like it's weird, like before she got
sick, she, she always played a lot more than I did.
She's this as a woman, you can always get more Dick.
Like if we both say, look, we're going to play as much as we can,
a woman's always going to get more than a guy.
Like you're always going to get more.
So she went from playing like having a consistent stable,
consistent stable of guys, which she had a consistent stable of
guys. And, you know, for me, for my
own sanity often, like, my thing was that I spoke to the guys.
I talked to him. And, you know, I'm like, we were
comfortable with one another. Yeah, I'm comfortable with you
playing my wife. These are these are her rules,
her boundaries. I mean, I'm her husband.
And so she went from playing, you know, three times a week to
nothing. And not even have the worst.
And then we couldn't even play. Not that we.
Couldn't even have sex because she just physically couldn't.
So, you know, she was playing with three different guys a
week, plus her and I would fuck after every time she played with
somebody else. Plus, we were having sex, you
know? Yeah.
We were having date sex 5-6 days a week, then her having nothing
and there's I don't give a wish. She tried to tell y'all.
I don't care where she tried to tell y'all.
She turned to an angry person when she went from having a
whole lot of sex to none. Now don't get me wrong, like I
was having sex. I was playing, but I'm a dude.
I I'm never going to get as much as her.
And then also, and this is something that is, you know, she
always complained about. I go from having a woman who
looks the way I like, fucks the way I like, has the energy I
like. So all of a sudden the pool of
women that I want to play with has been reduced.
So for me to even be interested playing with another woman,
there's a whole lot of boxes. She's got a click and and you
know, she get insulted when I said it, but in this situation
you're, you don't have to check as many boxes like with the guys
as I do with the females. Because for a guy to be
satisfied with his woman, it's it's you can't even comprehend
it when I find a woman that checks all my boxes.
So she got to this place where she was getting grumpy, she was
getting uncomfortable. And it's like, I'm already
having a hard time finding somebody that I want to want to
have sex with because I'm having sex with you.
You're fucking it up for me. But you, you're already fucking
up. And then when I want to have sex
with somebody, you're complaining, you're
uncomfortable with the person because you're getting insecure
in your head. And the second I come, I don't
even want to be with her anyways, you know, so we start
having this weird shit where I'm like, and finally I'm like,
look, hey, look at you. You had X amount of years of
getting as much Dick as you want.
And you're you're getting upset because I want to play.
And since I've been with you, my desire, there's not a lot of
guys like guys. There's a lot of guys who talk
that shit about. I don't want to really want to
play with many women because of my wife.
No, but like I I know what a dude look like when he has a
wife that like she checked so many of my boxes that it's
harder for me to be interested like the the standard is raised.
That's what that's kind of what you say.
I think as well that you're you're pretty particular.
Yeah, I mean, here's the deal. Finding somebody to fuck isn't
difficult. That's never been a difficult
experience. It is finding the right person
that I want to be with. I'm, I'm a little bit older.
I'm, I'm, I'm not going to say my age over here, but I, I'm not
25 anymore. Listen man, you good looking
dude? Say your age.
Say listen. I'm 60.
You. I'm 60.
Let's see that look on your face.
I should have told you. You should put that shit on your
shirt. Hey, listen, I, I'm, hey,
everybody know Mr. Mocha speak is mine.
Wear that on your shirt because I'm 47 and I can tell you this
when I'm 60, if I'm looking like you looking with your energy,
I'm wearing that shit on my shirt.
Maybe I should take that advice. Yeah, Yeah, I have to worry.
But I'm, I'm very picky about who I'm with and and I don't
have to be with anybody. So when I get the right person,
I'll know it and I'm cool with it and you're cool with it.
It is what it is. Fucking isn't.
The problem is finding the right person to fuck.
Yeah, that right, chemistry and all.
And, and I, I think both of us are like that.
You know, it's not about one thing or another.
It's a combination of things like you said, the check boxes,
right, That there has to be this chemistry and the, and it goes
with all these check boxes. You know, I'm, I'm, you know
what they say sapiosexual, if we can say that term.
It's probably getting overused now, but it's an intellectual
meeting of the minds, you know, that stimulates, and then the
other things can catch up too, and.
I thought you told me you want man with muscle.
That's what I've been told. I.
Said it's a check box. Hey, listen, hey, look, man, let
me tell you something. I I told these guys all the time
with my wife. I'm always trying to find a guy.
Look, don't bring what I bring. You need to be either younger.
You need to be bigger. You need to have more energy.
You need to make her laugh better than I can.
I'm at, I'm on the second-half. I'm on the second-half of my,
my, my journey on this planet. I need somebody who I can look
back and be like when we're fucking 85 years old and we're
talking about all the crazy shit that we did.
I'm no longer, I no longer get insecure about the guy she
played with. Like, you know, her favorite
playmate is 6/5 and literally me, my dimensions and he's
younger than me. I don't give a fuck.
Like, yeah, there's no, there's don't call now fucking tall guy.
You know who I'm talking about. But it's not even like we're
we're at that place where intimacy is different now, like
intimate, like we, we always have our thing.
So but I don't want her playing with some dude that's not you.
You better give her some. I don't give her.
I've been fucking her for all of these years.
She knows all my moves, so like. You said before that sex was
validation for me early on. So now it's I can, I can
actually have fun having sex and not stress.
And I have sex because I want to have sex, not because but our
intimacy is different. But he had to teach me that
intimacy is not just sex, because that that's what it was
for me for so many years. So the question then becomes,
can you have intimacy within the lifestyle or is intimacy just
something that you have with your spouse?
If I may, I I like having a sexual relationship with someone
that I have a connection with. Once again, I can fuck a lot of
people. That isn't the challenge
anymore. I want another connection and
we've talked about this today about when the right person
comes along and we can I can connect with I'm not going to
fall in love leave you. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not
chemistry chemistry. Chemistry isn't just about Dick
and pussy, whatever. There's other parts of chemistry
that make your connection fulfilling and that's OK.
It won't take from our it shouldn't take from your
relationship. If, if you, if you know how much
as I, as I know you, I love you and I care about you and I want
to be with you. But I can walk.
I'm not, I'm not trying to be arrogant, but I can go somewhere
and find someone to fuck me and I'll just be a fuck.
But I I really want something more than that.
Yeah. That's something we've kind of
really talked about recently too, is I, and it may be because
of our age, it could be because of.
Not your age, Not my age. You're right.
Explain to me. You're pretty good.
You're fine anyway. But that, that maybe well and it
also honestly, to be real honest is our busy lifestyle, right
with having a couple of businesses and growing those and
branching off of that as well. We're very busy.
And so we're, we have to be, what's the word, like
intentional to even go out to do anything right now, right?
Like it's just a season in our life where we're super busy.
And I think honestly, y'all, I'm just going to be real honest and
I'm lazy. I'm really kind of lazy when it
comes to like finding Dick. You know, I'm not going to go
out there and search. I don't really have to search
too much, you know, on that because I'm a female and it's a
little easier, but I kind of. Like and you're sexy.
Oh. Thank you.
I told her that today after we finished it.
She's sexy. I'm lucky.
I'm lucky to have you. Any who thank you is I I kind of
like knowing that there's almost like a Polly situation.
I don't, we haven't really discussed that entirely, but I
think that we're both kind of leaning in this little more
Polly situation where we have people that we know and it's and
it's consistent and we get a lot out of that, honestly.
Yeah, but we don't have anybody currently right now or anything.
But but that's just another discussion of how you ebb and
flow and grow right on what's important, what's of value to
you at any given phase of relationship.
Well, baby, we have two kids at home.
One that just left. Should probably be back home,
yeah. He shouldn't be home.
Our plate runneth over with our domestic requirements and our
businesses. I mean, but I mean, I, that's
just, that's our journey in the lifestyle.
It isn't so much the number. And that is a good thing because
sex is fun. Sex is enjoyable and you should
do it as much as you want to do it.
But for us, we are, we have a lot of holding up a lot of
balls. We're jugging a lot of balls.
I'm not talking about the good balls.
We're talking about the good balls with.
Kids and I got a 17 year old who's going through school and I
got I don't go through. I got a 22 year old that
probably needs to go somewhere like a nine show that we need to
get back in the house to take care of.
We understand. So there's a lot of challenges
and in that we try to operate our sexuality right now, just
the two of us. But trust me.
And then we talked about this and her and I have discussed it.
If she meets someone that she wants to be with, it's a
discussion. And then we we have an
understanding and we she moves on it.
Same thing with me. And I'm comfortable with that.
So for us, you know the concept of hold.
On real quick you are talking to why am I?
I can't hear myself. Oh, OK.
I was like, sorry about. That it's OK.
You talked about chemistry and like connection for years.
I could just fuck and fuck and fuck and I would even tell him I
don't want to talk to the guy. Find a guy, bring him over, you
can talk to him. I'll have sex with him.
And that was me for years. And as we've gotten further into
this, the guys that I do have like chemistry in connection
with, I realized that the sex is more fun.
But it's because for me, I need you to not be a threat because
for years there were guys that were.
I can't, I don't want to call people out, but don't tell me
you fucking miss me. Like, no, I can't do that.
I can't do emotions. So when I say men, when?
She say emotions. It's that that level of?
I don't I'm not threatened by you trying to like you're trying
to take replace him because that's I can't say that I have
never wanted to replace him with anyone, but there are some men
that try to impose their rules on you.
Take ownership. Yeah, no, you're not doing that.
I'm good to get home. I'm OK so.
That wife or husband poaching, right?
They're trying to poach it feels like sometimes, and that's a
very uncomfortable feeling. Right.
So all of my regulars, I would say now are they're cool with
him, which makes it even easier for me because they can hang out
with him. They can talk, we can all talk.
I can come downstairs and fuck them and there's no threat.
One guy comes over weekly and sometimes he's just here to hang
out because he's friends with him and he's in the area.
He's just here to hang out and sometimes he bends me over the
sink and fucks me in the kitchen accidentally accidentally.
But as soon as we're done it's back to the same thing.
Like, he's my friend, He talks to me, he talks to him like.
And this is this is intimacy to to me, intimacy is very simple.
If you have something with another person and your
significant other is left out of the loop, you're intimate with
that person. I don't give you can have a
connection with that person you because you're going to think
it's going to be look, it's she has guys who she talks to about
shit that I don't want to talk about.
I guess y'all have a conversation.
I don't like. Thank you for talking because I
don't want to talk about that shit.
That's not what interests me. Intimacy is I'm always in the
loop. The second I'm cut out of the
loop, then you're being intimate with him.
That's my problem. You could.
I want you to have a connection. I want you to have a connection.
I love the look on my wife's face when she's like when I walk
in the house and she's sitting over in the corner texting some
dude and she's having a good conversation and she's all
excited. Maybe I'm a weirdo, but I have
no qualms with fucking my wife when someone smiles.
Got her wet. And even better when she tells
me that Oh my God, so and so got me all excited because the
average person, the average woman is only going to talk to
her girlfriend about that. The average dude is only going
to talk to his boy about that or keep that shit to himself.
You're giving me, you're telling me I was talking to so and so.
So and so got me excited. And now I, as your husband, have
the opportunity to be brought into this loop.
And then now you're sharing that this is a different level of
sharing. This is a level of sharing that
most people can never have. People who can tell.
I can't tell my like, I can tell my wife and I was talking to so
and so, man, she got my Dick hard as a missile.
I'm on the way home. And you don't have to deal with
that. Most women would be so offended
by what? What do you mean?
Some other one that got you hard and you about to come get me
some. Yeah, that's true intimacy.
So we're, we're, we're adults. We're, we're, we're grown.
We're grown men. I'm 47 years old and I've
literally had sex with well over 1000 women.
What? What gets me aroused when a
woman can arouse me, especially emotionally or intellectually,
and then I can share with my wife.
That's intimacy. But that used to bother me
before. That used to bother because.
I didn't like that he had that connection because I wouldn't
make that connection with anyone else.
So I felt like, like you said with the traveling thing, like
that was my love language. Like, no, this is we're
vulnerable with each other. I don't want you to do that with
someone else. It wasn't the sex part.
Go over there, fuck them, have a good time.
It was the why are you on the phone with them for three hours
with something? It doesn't make sense now, but.
The problem is the second I stifle your desire, the second I
say something to make you stop engaging in a thing that you
wanted to. I can't stop your fantasies,
right? So I can either stop your
fantasies or I can share in them and I can either with her.
Once we got to that that point, believe you me, I'm going to
make you uncomfortable. If you never make him
uncomfortable and she never makes you uncomfortable, you're
not growing. I'm going to tell you this in a
lifestyle. There are so many couples who
have been at the same place for 10 years.
You know what that means? Somebody in this relationship
ain't telling the other person what they really want because
they trying to make sure they stay comfortable.
Fuck that. No, as long as I'm honest about
it and then that means as a man it's her job to reassure me
because I'm vulnerable to her. I don't give a fuck with nobody
else in this world feel about me.
She's the first person who I expect you to reassure me.
If you going to go somewhere by yourself and ride 12 Dicks, yes,
it's your job to come home and fucking reassure me and let me
know that you're still mine, you still love me.
That don't make me an emotional dude.
That means that's your job. Because it's my job if I go play
with someone to come home and make you feel like you're the
queen of my universe. The problem is most people get
in their head and go, I don't want to.
I don't want you to think that I'm insecure.
Well I'm not insecure if you fucking do your job like.
What you're saying, Mr. Mocha, about communication?
It's OK to go out and fuck different people, but come home
and don't. Don't be weird about it.
No. Don't be afraid to communicate
to the other person. Some people like to hear what
you did. Some people do, not everybody,
some of you just need to be reassured that we have a a bond
that has not been broken from an hour or two you just spent with
someone else. So I like what you said about
staying connected, especially when you come home having done
something that doesn't alter the relationship, but you with
somebody else to be real, you with somebody.
Else and the details if that's what I need, that's my right
with her. In the beginning my thing was
get a video and I'm going to tell you something.
If she came home and some dude who she played with got a shitty
video, I got a problem with that.
You have one job, you can go ride all Dick you want, but your
job is to make sure he gets me a good video because that means
that I was there with you when you're concerned.
Hey, I need you to make sure my husband get a good video.
I'm only asking for 5 minutes. I'm not asking for two hours.
If you're there for two hours, I don't care.
I'm asking for 5 minutes of clear video and I and.
I can approach. I had no problem when I looked
at this video and it looked like shit.
Most people are like, Oh well, I don't want to be that guy.
Fuck that. I'm that guy.
Because if you, whatever stipulation she gave me, I made
sure you got it. You're going to get that
stipulation. So that's where everybody,
everybody messes up because they're afraid to set
expectation of their spouse. Because only thing I need to
know is that when you're playing for three hours or two hours,
that I was there, I was a part of it.
And if all I asked for was 5-10 minutes, a good video, I need
that. And with her, she used to tell
the shittiest stories. So tell me about the play date.
Well, I went over and he gave me Dick and then he came.
The fuck? You're going for three hours?
Like that's it. And so she learned to tell me a
story. So now during sex, she can
literally tell me a full story and in detail because now we're
being intimate. Now, I don't care if you go on a
vacation with somebody. I don't care if you talk to some
guy all day long because in my mind and in my heart, I am aware
that you're being intimate with me when I go, hey, what's going
on with so and so? Oh my God, Daddy, he told me
this. He did this, we did this.
Cool. I may not ask another question
for five months because I know I'm always a part of that loop.
But I also know as a woman, you want a connection.
You don't, you know, you ain't you.
You don't want to just lay on your back and let some dude
pound you and then. Well, sometimes you do.
Sometimes, sometimes you do, yes, yes, sometimes you do, but
that's the power that you have Where her, she, she now she's
multifaceted because in the beginning she wasn't
multifaceted. In the beginning it was OK, I
don't even want to see the guy, just bring him in, make sure he
I want to be blindfolded. Then it was OK, I want to see
what the guy looks like. If he's attractive, I don't want
to talk to him. And then it came to a point
where she's like, I'm like, she's like, daddy, don't rush.
I want to talk to him. Well, you didn't fucking tell
me. You.
Didn't tell me that you changed the policy, you know, so like
that's that's what I mean by there is my emotional state.
You are mine. I'm not.
I'm giving you everything. I'm not saying we ain't going to
play, but I'm well because they're yours.
If I hold back any of my emotions from you, like I'm
vulnerable to her. She knows how I feel.
She knows when I'm upset, there ain't no question.
Like I don't have that sensation.
We're like, oh, I shouldn't feel jealous about.
Fuck that. Hey, baby, I feel some kind of
way about this is like I'm that person.
So now, after all of these years, we don't even do that
anymore. Now she's like, Daddy, I, I know
you want to play with so. And so we had a point where
she's like, OK, you, you, you, you got this girl who's 97 lbs
on the video and you're fucking her and you got her and you're
standing up bouncing her. You don't fuck me like that.
I'm not saying don't fuck her again, but this is how I felt.
But she learned that she has to tell me how she feels otherwise
she walking around acting crazy and I'm fucking confused.
You guys from in my experience, and I'm sure you've talked more
than I have, you guys have come a long way and for people to
listen to you where you guys are in your state and your
relationship is advanced. I like to you communicate you
have an understanding. You weren't always that way.
No, you had to get to that point.
So being the lifestyle, having these types of relationships is
a journey, a journey the two people that care about each
other take together. It has ups and downs, corners
and twists and turns. But based on what you've
described, I'm impressed. I, I like what I'm hearing.
I like the togetherness and the, and the way you can be out there
doing the things you want to do and still come back and have a
complete, I mean, passionate sexual relationship.
And I think that's fantastic. It's fantastic.
It used to be like I had to, he had to fuck me after he fucked
anybody else. And now I'm just like, I'll text
him and be like I'm going to bed.
I hope you're having fun. Stressed out the old day boy and
why is he like you better save something real.
I'm like, you know, I'm on the way home.
Like please buddy, like we should.
We gotta get the job done. If we don't give it to her,
what's going to be a problem, you know?
I would cry. I would like, yeah, I would
legit like be upset. Like you don't want me anymore?
I. Enjoy you guys.
And maybe based on what you describe now versus what you
were, that's a journey. That's a journey with people
listening to so they can understand there's a starting
point and then it's where you guys are.
You can and it's not smooth, no. It's not, it's not as bumpy and
as challenging and, and there are tears involved like you just
indicated. But look where you are now,
coming home, taking video, telling a story.
I like it. It's it's wonderful to hear the
freedom that people can have through this journey.
And it's, I think out of all of the things that I've told people
is like, you're going to be mad at them, you're going to be
upset. But just think about, like I
said earlier, think about what you're going to say to them.
Don't quick react because that's the worst reaction you could
have. Because you're, again, when I
used to say things out of emotion, they were ugly things.
You don't want to say that I don't.
And and I never have been like, fuck this.
I'm leaving this relation ever I and I have been pissed, but
there was never a point in time where I was like, I just can't
do this anymore. And we, I think it's healthy to
take like what we call organic breaks because we'll go on
breaks and not even know like like lifestyle breaks that we're
even on a break. I love that you said it that way
because that that makes a lot of sense.
I think for us to this organic breaks, we just kind of look up
one day and go we haven't really been in the lifestyle, right.
We haven't really done anything but and and we feel OK about
that. It's you know, it's fine.
You didn't say fuck this, you're not having any pussy and you're
not having any Dick and we're just going to sit here and stare
at each other till we figure this out.
You don't. You don't want to push or force
anything on anybody because that causes resentment.
I mean, you don't want to resent your spouse, but you also want
to be able to talk about it. But there has to be.
I can't say that everybody has open space to say everything
though, right? What do you mean by that?
I feel like there's a lot of relationships that they don't.
He is very easy to say things to.
I can take his information in much easier than I used to be
able to do. But some relationships we have
seen and they're not able to be fully vulnerable with their
spouse, they have to like walk on egg.
I don't want to say walk on egg shells, but filter, yeah, filter
what they say, which is OK. I feel like sometimes that's a
compromise. There's always one person in the
relationship that's more sensitive than the other, so you
need to be able to deliver it safely.
There's usually that person in the relationship who has the
emotional high ground, and then there's usually that person in
the relationship who is silently emotionally stronger.
So you have the person who's wild and vocal and having all
the fun. You have the person who's kind
of like, man, I really want to do this, but I know my mate
can't handle it. So they wind up always being on
the, they always wind, they always get the shit into the
deal. And then oftentimes that leads
to a situation where they start to get resentful.
And it's interesting. Sorry about that.
It's interesting. Like we wind up having these
conversations with that resentful person and the other
person don't even know. That any person is.
Resentful. And that's why I always
encourage people like look. You have to have the
conversations. Have the conversation like if
you love each other like. But you said to me in the
beginning of our relationship too, he was like the we have to
have the hard conversations. And I avoided those in my last
relationship completely because they weren't sanctioned.
It's like we weren't, they weren't allowed to have those at
all. So with him, I I brought over
the same thing. Like I would not.
I lied about asinine things. I can admit it now.
He knew I was fucking lying. And he would just stare at me
and smile about stuff because he knew I was fucking lying.
But it was like I was like, fighter.
What do you what do you call fighter Flight.
Yeah, Fighter. Flight, but I was aware that she
you you, you as guys, we unfortunately, if we're we wind
up in a situation, especially if you're a promiscuous guy, you
see so many different versions of women where it's like, man,
she's a real good girl. But the last dude broker, like I
can see that she's just trying to make sure she's lying because
she don't want to hurt my feelings.
And I'm like, look, you don't got life from my feelings.
But I didn't trust that he said what he was meaning, what he
said. So you have to trust, you know,
you need, you would have to, you have to trust that what he's
saying is what he means. But and vice versa.
And I didn't trust anything that anyone said.
It wasn't just him. So I used to make the truth very
painful for her and in the first couple years, like look, I used
to elbow drop her with the truth just to show her like look.
Like the time around house saw your shit.
Yeah, yeah, you know, she got mad, but like, I would really
hit her with heart truths to let her know.
Like, look, this, this should be a lie.
The average guy would lie here. We, we just, we, we, we say the
truth. It's not going to be
comfortable, it's not going to feel good.
But. Even the first threesome I had
with your friend, yeah, I was lit.
He left the room and that fucked me up.
I was good while he was in the room because I was like, OK,
this is happening. He's fine.
He's he's enjoying it. And he left the room and I
didn't even want to finish. I did because I'm super
stubborn. So it was, it was AII brought a
guy into it, one of my buddies to play with her.
And you know how it is as a guy like #1 I wanted her to know
that. I told you I was OK with this.
I'm going to step out of the room, let him have his time with
you, have a good time. And she was super worried that
Oh my God, that he leaked because he was upset.
The guy had no idea but I was like so far in my head like I
can tell you this now but I felt like sick.
I still sucked his Dick and did whatever I need to do but as
soon as the guy left I asked him like are you OK?
Are you upset at me? Because I immediately was like,
oh, he's upset. I.
Mean, do you still like me? And it's like, but, and here's
the thing, like my style of doing things, things may not be
the best, but I like to, I, I like putting her in, putting her
in uncomfortable situations. Because we'll go back to this.
When I I played with, there were times when I would play with
someone. The first time, I think the
first time she saw me play with somebody, we were at the
swingers club and I've been to chick over the pool table and
start fucking her. And that was really just because
I told her I was going to do it. I want you to see it.
I knew you'd feel some kind of way about it.
And now that's going to give me the opportunity to come back and
say, I told you this is what we're going to do.
You said you're OK with it. I'm going to put you in an
uncomfortable situation. But then I do understand that
now I need to prove to you that I still care for you.
You know, I, I, I, our relationship is still solid, but
I think a big mistake that a lot of couples within the lifestyle
or new to lifestyle make is one of the people in the couple are
afraid to do the thing because they're so afraid of what their
partners going to say. They're afraid to do the thing.
And so they go for so long without making their partner
feel that burn that they have fell over and over that when
they find, when they're finally ready to do it, there's a sense
of resentment there. And now your partner is like,
well, you've gone seven years and you didn't fucking do it.
Why are you mad at me for being mad at you for doing it?
If it took you 7 years to fuck somebody, you must really be
into this person in an arm. And then that person in mind,
they're like, Oh no, I've just been waiting to make sure you're
comfortable. No, all of a sudden, after seven
years, you're finally fucked a chick or you finally fucked a
dude and now you want me to believe that you're not
emotionally connected to this dude on another level.
And that was what my fear with her in the beginning.
So like I kind of put her through the gauntlet in the
beginning. Like I ran her through the
gauntlet in a lot of areas and so.
Didn't know that I was as stubborn as he was.
That is sometimes. Oh, I didn't know she was as
stubborn as I was. That's why I liked her because
she was very, she was strong willed and she had the she was
that sexual monster that I wanted.
Like I didn't want to yoke myself to a woman who wasn't,
who didn't have my same sexual energy because before I met her,
like I, I was just when we met, when we met, I was actively, I
was actively dating four other women and I told her about them.
So she was the 5th so. And again, when he told me all
these things and he was having sex with all these women and
whatever, and he made it very clear.
He was the first dude that I met on any dating site that was
like, I'm still going to do my thing.
You still do your thing. And I did believe that because I
was like, no one else has ever said that to me.
And again, he never lied to me. He would say, hey, I'm going to
so and so's house today, or I'm at so and so's house.
I was intrigued. I said don't ask me something,
you don't really want the answer.
To but I still would. Ask you say that to me.
Yeah, yeah. Like I was still, I was
intrigued and I it felt different, but I can't say that
I was super, that I was jealous. It was more like, well, this
seems OK because I can do what I want to do.
Also, I'm not sure it was. And I want to hear about it.
Like I made her comfortable. Tell me what you're doing.
Tell me about it. OK.
Get me a video and then I want you to know that not only do I
appreciate you getting me this video that I'm turned on by this
video and he. Would even mad fuck me.
Like no matter if I lied he would mad fuck me.
If I was regular he would mad fuck me.
I'm just kidding. I mean, here's the thing, like
she, the, the, the things that she wanted, like we reward our
we, we learn what rewards her what, what is the thing that she
wants. And so I would reward her
honesty because she was so used to trying to lie to make sure I
was OK. So when she was honest, I knew
what things she enjoyed and I would reward that honesty.
Now, of course, at the time I was always, I didn't like the
fact that she would lie so much, but I understood why she was
lying. And once she realized, well, I
really don't have to lie it, it change the nature of our
relationship, you know, and that's why I said, you know,
with, with I wish, I wish every couple that from all the couples
who we talked, we've talked to, the one thing that I will say
the most important thing is to understand that you're going to
frustrate each other, you're going to make each other
uncomfortable. But if you love each other, it's
OK. And if you are strong enough to
tell your your your significant other.
I was jealous. I had an insecure moment.
She was. She was so attractive.
It made me afraid that you might like her more than me.
This guy, when you're fucking this dude, the way you're
looking at him, that's the way you look at me.
And I didn't. I didn't like it.
But you also said early on what which helped me was new Dick or
new pussy is is exciting. And then it it flipped a switch
like because I was like, you know what, he's right.
Like it's when we were our sex is always exciting, but I know
that when you do something new, you're excited to do that.
So you're the way you react, the way you fuck, that person is
going to be different. You want it.
You're still it's like you're first dating again, but you're
just having sex with somebody. So you want to impress them.
It doesn't mean. She said to me, oh I love your
Dick more than anybody else, like, and I was like, hey,
knocking the fuck. Off but I do.
I said look the best, Dick. Somebody else is more exciting.
Listen, I said. The best Dick you're going to
ever get is new Dick. OK?
And and and and I'm gonna tell you why I say that.
Maybe, but. I, I will tell you why I say
that the best Dick is new Dick. We're not talking about from an
emotional standpoint. There's no competition
emotionally, physically, you know, all of my moves.
Physically, there's an anticipation with this new
person. Physically, you want to impress
this new person. You've already impressed me.
You've impressed me so much. I fucking married you.
All right, So now from the standpoint of this is completely
new, We don't have kids together.
We don't have bills together. We don't have stress together.
That Dick only has one job. You only have one thing in
common, Pleasure. When we've had a rough week in
our bedroom, in our sex, all of those things are still on our
back. That dude only got 1 fucking
job. You only have one thing in
common. His Dick better be better than
mine. It better be.
If it's not better, why am I? Why are you biting this
motherfucker over better emotionally?
It's not better. It's different.
And we are wired for novelty. We are definitely wired for
novelty. But saying all of that, I will
also say, and I've told everybody is I still prefer his
Dick over anybody else's, right? We're not talking about
preference. So once again, so she said this
is where me and her had. I had to clear that with her.
We're not talking about what you prefer the most.
You like your house more than anything else, but you enjoy
going on vacation. Sure.
You don't compare vacation to your home.
That. That's a good point.
OK, so new Dick or new pussy, it's not in the same category
and it's never supposed to be in the same category.
The level of excitement of experience in the first time you
go overseas to some place that you've only seen on TV.
The level of anticipation, the type of endorphins that you get.
Because really, when you think about endorphins and pleasure,
most pleasure is not about the ACT, it's about the
anticipation. Agreed with.
That so the anticipation of a new partner, that's what I want
him to bring. I want the anticipation.
You trying to impress him, you trying to show him how good you
are. You don't want somebody to have
sex with you be like, that shit was trash.
No, there's a lot of shit going on in your head that makes that
exciting, whether it's for me with a new woman or you with a
new guy. So I told her, honey, I know you
love me. I know you preferred me, but the
best Dick you're going to get is going to be new Dick because you
don't know what you're getting. And it's bad.
Dick Now here's the thing. Now if you get it and it's
trashed, hey, that's on him. But if you get it and it's good
now after that, I'm always like the the physical sensation is
going to be second best. Now the emotional sensation, the
desire, the the things that we have together, we can't.
It's not fair to compare that with that guy.
It's not. It's not fair to put that that
guy or that woman in that same category.
No one is ever going to be in the same category in any way,
shape or form. With my wife.
There's 50 categories that my wife is the best at, and the one
category she don't get is this the first time I've ever fucked
this woman? I don't know what I got coming.
I know that I'm anticipating it. I know that I'm exciting.
I know that I don't want some woman to have sex with me and
then look at my wife and be like, why are you fucking that
dude? That was garbage.
These things are going through my head.
So that's what I told her. Like honey, it's OK for you to
understand that after we've been together all of this time, I
want you to anticipate that new guy a certain way.
I'm not worried about this dude taking filling any of my boxes
because I can make you come in 5 minutes because I've been
practicing for a long time. This dude, he got to do a whole
lot of work to learn the shit that I've been learning over the
last X amount of years, you know?
But that's also the excitement of him figuring it out.
So that's why I say if you're afraid, if you're so concerned
with going, Oh no, honey, you're best.
Oh, I don't need to be the best because, you know, hell, she's
got four or five guys who got Dicks that are significantly
bigger than mine. I'm not going to lose sleep
because when you come home and you're like, oh, Daddy, I'm
sore. Like, oh, too bad for you
because I'm still about to rent. I'm still getting in there.
You know what I'm saying? It ain't got nothing to do with
me. You should have told them to get
you half of it because I'm still getting mine, you know what I'm
saying? You know what?
You're saying is for men not to be afraid of women, not to be
afraid of this concept that you can have better sex or have a
stronger orgasm with somebody else.
Now, having said that, to go back to what you just said, that
you think my Dick is the best. I think, Mr. Mocha, what you're
saying is preference as it relates to the different
components that make your relationship, your sexual
relationship with her good. It's not just a sex, it's a
connection, it's the emotion. It's it's all those factors.
When you're with new Dick, those factors don't play in you focus
on the pleasure component and that can be way up here and
that's OK. That's OK that that Dick is good
or that pussy's good. 'Cause you only got one job.
But when you have when I'm having sex with you, it isn't
just which. Is really good.
Right, it isn't just about the orgasm, is our connection and
our relationship. They make that part good.
That's not necessarily a component of the one night stand
or that, that, that the new Dick you just found.
So I hear what you're saying, Mr. Mocha.
So I, I, I appreciate your clarity and your directness.
It's refreshing. It really is.
It's pretty refreshing. Well, I mean, yeah, absolutely.
And that that's one thing like going with that because that was
what with my wife was the thing that she was always afraid that
she was going to damage my fragile, quote UN quote ego.
Yeah. And I'm like, honey, like, no,
you're not going to damage my ego.
Like I like. And and I know this is going to
sound crazy, but I told her like, honey, listen, if I tell
you to go find me a playmate and you bring me back something that
I find undesirable, I'm going to be very offended.
So I'm never going to go out and find you a playmate that is not
me or better. And she can tell you this.
I don't, I don't bring my wife back anything that I think is
beneath me because now I'm insulting myself to me is like
it's an insult to me. So but that, that's to me,
that's also it's, it's a mental thing with me.
It's like, and it's also with me.
I feel like this if it's really mine because she has tattooed on
her the word mine. That's kind of an inside joke.
I write mine on everything. If it's mine, I write mine on
it. Yeah, anything that's mine, I
write the word MINE on. If it's really mine, I'm not
worried about nothing taking it. And me as a person, I've always
tested that I'm going to make sure that any dude she plays
with, if I have a choice, he's going to be younger, stronger,
you know, he's going to have attributes or qualities that I
don't possess. I.
Have daddy issues. I like older.
Guys, yeah, she, she, she, she, she is.
And so whatever turns her on when she goes there and enjoys
that and she thoroughly enjoys herself, and then she comes back
to me. To me, it's a boomerang thing is
really mine. So that's one of the things that
makes the lifestyle exciting to me as a person because every day
is a test. I remember she told me years
ago, Daddy, I feel like you're always testing me.
You're fucking right. I'm always testing you.
That's. OK, I'll test them now too.
And I'm OK with that because I'm always going to come back to it.
So all the bullshit that's in between, I'm not afraid to be
vulnerable. I'm not afraid to ask questions,
I'm not afraid to challenge anything.
The second I'm uncomfortable about something, I'm not.
A lot of my male friends and lifestyle are always, well, you
know, my manhood. Fuck your manhood.
That's your wife. That's who you're supposed to be
vulnerable in front of. And I don't care.
Like if I tell you I feel some kind of way about it.
Yeah, I know I told you it was OK.
But the way I feel right now, emotions are logical and I'm a
super logical person. So the second my I have an
illogical moment, oh, I'm sharing that shit.
I might not share it with my viewers, but I'm sharing it with
her. Yeah.
That's her job. It is, and I like that.
I think that's wonderful. Listen, I know we've had you
guys here. We've been here for like 2
hours. I know you guys are in town for
a convention and I think this is only Part 1.
We've got like 5 more episodes to do with you.
I'm Jesus. You know, we're going to be
coming and I think I've talked about that.
We want to come back to Atlanta. We love it here.
Every time we drive down the road, I find AI mean I was here
back in the day at Fort Benning, back in the military days.
I like Georgia and I find myself coming back here a lot.
My second or third time here is that to be my last.
And I hope you have us back on or have us over for drinks more
than tequila. I'll have the good stuff next
time you get here. I will have it ready for you.
But yeah, we have something in the morning that we're going to
put out to our convention and I hope you're able to get on.
So before we got before we let you guys go, let let the
listeners know where they can find you for your services.
OK, I am at the pleasure principles.coconot.com and where
I do therapy, coaching, workshops, all kinds of good
things and then you can tell our new branded business.
Well, I tell you what, I'm gonna give that back to you and I'll
tell you why this lady to mind that you did so much to put
together the business structure, the website, the name.
She put all the work into that process, working to 2:00 in the
morning, getting our website off the ground.
So it's yours. So go ahead, Floor.
Our website together is Visionaries.
I'm sorry, that's our business name and that visionaries of
living in color, but the actual website islivingincolor.com.
And so we went with Visionaries because we kind of are
out-of-the-box thinkers and intellectuals and creators and
living in color because we're interracial.
But we also think that there's so many different shades of
everything to live in, right? It's not black and white.
Not black and white. And that includes lifestyle.
That includes Straight, that includes Sisman.
We're trans. We try to open ourselves up to
everyone as they experience life.
We'll help them in that experience and maybe next time
we come on we can talk more about couples and cut holding
and things like that. Absolutely.
So we are going to do that. This will not be the first time
that the last time that you hear from this amazing couple.
And I will say this, and I've said it before, there are a lot
of people out there who are seeking counseling.
From people who have not experienced the lifestyle
themselves, these are counselors who are actually active in the
lifestyle and they've gone through therapist counselors.
They've gone through what you're going through and they're on
their journey. So until the next time, thank
you for joining Old Faces. I am your host, Mr. Mocha.
Goodbye from the mochas.