1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,520
Hey there, it's Melissa Brunetti
and welcome to the Mind Your Own

2
00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:08,590
Karma podcast. 
Hey. 

3
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,480
There Karma crew. 
I am so glad that you are 

4
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:20,640
joining me on another episode of
Mind Your Own Karma. 

5
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:25,000
Today I have a special guest, 
Valerie Naman. 

6
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:29,600
She is an adoptee and an author 
and just an overall. 

7
00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:34,910
Interesting person with a very 
interesting lived life. 

8
00:00:35,030 --> 00:00:38,190
And from what I know about 
Valerie in the short time that I

9
00:00:38,190 --> 00:00:42,270
have met her is that those life 
adventures are just going to 

10
00:00:42,270 --> 00:00:45,270
keep coming for her. 
Let me tell you a little more 

11
00:00:45,270 --> 00:00:48,350
about Valerie. 
Valerie is an author, 

12
00:00:48,350 --> 00:00:53,350
singer-songwriter, ontologist, 
environmentalist, eco village 

13
00:00:53,350 --> 00:00:57,350
founder, travel and spiritual 
guide, beekeeper and a Mama of 

14
00:00:57,350 --> 00:01:00,740
her dwarf goats. 
She's probably a Gemini, 

15
00:01:00,740 --> 00:01:03,060
although her birthdate is 
unknown. 

16
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:07,500
Valerie holds a Master of Arts 
from the University of Miami and

17
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:11,700
is the president of the Spirit 
Foundation and NPO that supports

18
00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:15,460
disenfranchised children. 
Valerie's new book, Mystic 

19
00:01:15,460 --> 00:01:19,300
Masquerade and Adoptee Search 
for the Truth, was compiled from

20
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:23,260
decades of Diaries and journals 
she wrote during her biological 

21
00:01:23,260 --> 00:01:26,410
and spiritual search. 
Valerie now lives in Asheville, 

22
00:01:26,410 --> 00:01:29,970
NC with her honey bees and her 
dwarf goats. 

23
00:01:30,810 --> 00:01:33,970
Here is Valerie Naman's adoption
story. 

24
00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:37,610
So we are welcoming Valerie 
Naman to the show today. 

25
00:01:37,610 --> 00:01:40,490
Hi, Valerie. 
Hi, I'm happy to be here. 

26
00:01:40,530 --> 00:01:44,850
Yay, Let me just say there is so
much packed into this book, 

27
00:01:45,290 --> 00:01:47,410
there's no way we can cover it 
all in this interview. 

28
00:01:47,410 --> 00:01:52,830
But we're going to try. 
So let's just start out with 

29
00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:56,110
some of your adoption story, and
then I'd love to dig into some 

30
00:01:56,110 --> 00:01:57,950
of the spiritual stuff too, if 
you don't mind. 

31
00:01:58,270 --> 00:01:59,830
Sure. 
Anything great. 

32
00:02:00,150 --> 00:02:03,630
So I mean, I feel connected to 
you for so many reasons after 

33
00:02:03,630 --> 00:02:06,630
reading this book. 
Your book Mystic Masquerade. 

34
00:02:06,990 --> 00:02:10,430
So start off by telling us in a 
nutshell what the book is about,

35
00:02:10,669 --> 00:02:14,280
if you can. 
Well, the book is about my 

36
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:20,000
search for my identity and I 
ended up not knowing I was 

37
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:24,440
really adopted until decades 
later for sure when my parents 

38
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:30,240
passed away and my brother when 
I was seven came in when I was 

39
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,600
feeding the birds. 
I had a little birdhouse right 

40
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:36,760
and the just started screaming 
through his baseball cap on the 

41
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:40,880
ground, kicked up dust and which
I said what's the matter? 

42
00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,470
And he goes. 
We don't belong here. 

43
00:02:43,470 --> 00:02:47,430
They're not our parents in front
of my parents. 

44
00:02:47,470 --> 00:02:51,390
And this wasn't going to discuss
it, you know? 

45
00:02:51,390 --> 00:02:56,150
After all, you know, why would 
you question anything like that?

46
00:02:56,390 --> 00:02:58,910
You know, of course I was told 
that came from the monkey 

47
00:02:58,910 --> 00:03:01,110
jungle. 
I know we're going to get into 

48
00:03:01,110 --> 00:03:03,710
that, so I just want to read 
part of the first paragraph of 

49
00:03:03,710 --> 00:03:06,830
your book, OK? 
It says I was taken from my 

50
00:03:06,830 --> 00:03:09,270
mother's womb at birth, never to
see her again. 

51
00:03:09,820 --> 00:03:13,100
Unheld, I entered A frigid black
hole with no compass. 

52
00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:16,780
As an infant, there was no way 
to grasp what had happened. 

53
00:03:16,820 --> 00:03:21,420
Life catapulted me into an abyss
of mystery that took decades to 

54
00:03:21,420 --> 00:03:23,980
unravel. 
And just from the beginning, 

55
00:03:23,980 --> 00:03:25,820
that first paragraph, when I 
read it, just gave me the 

56
00:03:25,820 --> 00:03:28,500
chills. 
But your adoption story is kind 

57
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:32,340
of unique in my opinion, in many
ways, starting with what you 

58
00:03:32,340 --> 00:03:35,300
were told about your birth. 
So tell us what your adoptive 

59
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:38,540
parents told you about what you 
call your mystery birth. 

60
00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:46,970
Oh, I I didn't have a stork. 
You know, I was told I came from

61
00:03:46,970 --> 00:03:49,650
the Monkey Jungle. 
There's a big monkey jungle in 

62
00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:51,450
Miami. 
And they used to take me there 

63
00:03:51,450 --> 00:03:56,330
all the time to see my all my 
friends and family that I was 

64
00:03:56,330 --> 00:03:58,170
taken from. 
And I loved it. 

65
00:03:58,170 --> 00:04:03,130
We had a fun time going there. 
And I started mimicking monkeys 

66
00:04:03,130 --> 00:04:05,450
and I was, you know, I became 
like. 

67
00:04:06,170 --> 00:04:08,810
An acrobatic. 
And you know, the way they can 

68
00:04:08,810 --> 00:04:13,130
sing, swing through the trees 
and, you know, and I had sock 

69
00:04:13,130 --> 00:04:16,610
monkeys, no dolls. 
All my friends had dolls, but 

70
00:04:16,610 --> 00:04:18,170
not me. 
I had sock monkeys. 

71
00:04:18,610 --> 00:04:21,649
And so, you know, they told me, 
I said, well, what happened to 

72
00:04:21,649 --> 00:04:24,930
my tail? 
And he said, well, you know, you

73
00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:28,130
were swinging from the 
chandelier And we thought we 

74
00:04:28,170 --> 00:04:30,210
were, you know, you'd hurt 
yourself. 

75
00:04:30,290 --> 00:04:36,180
And so we cut your tail off. 
Oh my God, you got my tail off. 

76
00:04:36,740 --> 00:04:41,460
So you know, after that it was 
like, huh, there's so much older

77
00:04:41,460 --> 00:04:46,220
than my my friend's parents and 
I'm the only blondhaired 

78
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:50,780
blueeyed person in the entire 
family and there's got to be 

79
00:04:50,780 --> 00:04:53,420
something to this. 
I was freaked out. 

80
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:58,700
I was really freaked out and so 
but what am I going to do? 

81
00:04:59,260 --> 00:05:03,380
I was only 7 at that time. 
So what did you think about this

82
00:05:03,380 --> 00:05:05,720
monkey? 
Jungle thing, Like, did you 

83
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:06,960
think you were a monkey? 
Like who? 

84
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,240
Yeah. 
I did, my mom said. 

85
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:13,160
My first thing she ever noticed 
about me is I had super long 

86
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:18,480
fingers, which is true, and that
an appointed chin. 

87
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:24,240
So I kind of thought I was a 
witch monkey or something. 

88
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:30,520
But I I, you know, learn to be 
uncontrollable. 

89
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,640
I was a monkey, right? 
I could do what I wanted to. 

90
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,920
So, you know, it took a long 
time to realize that's not true,

91
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,960
but I never found out for sure 
that I was adopted until my 

92
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:45,560
parents passed away and I found 
papers. 

93
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:51,000
So how was that like? 
I mean, you had a feeling that 

94
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:54,360
you were adopted, but they 
wouldn't confirm that for you. 

95
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,960
So did that affect the 
relationship with your parents? 

96
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:02,020
Well, not really. 
My mother was a stage mother, 

97
00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:04,580
and so she had me on display all
the time. 

98
00:06:04,620 --> 00:06:06,780
I had every kind of lesson you 
can imagine. 

99
00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:11,860
I played the piano because I had
nice long fingers and I took 

100
00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:15,620
ballet, tap, acrobatics, and 
they would take me on the 

101
00:06:15,620 --> 00:06:19,540
weekend and put me on a table at
at the restaurant and the deli 

102
00:06:19,540 --> 00:06:23,340
restaurant on Miami Beach. 
And I tap dance and you know, I 

103
00:06:23,340 --> 00:06:26,400
had fun. 
And I was entered in all kinds 

104
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:31,560
of contests, and so I probably 
forgot about it as a kid for a 

105
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,000
while. 
It's like I'm having a good 

106
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:38,040
life, you know, My parents were 
really good to me, and we were 

107
00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:41,040
so different. 
My father, you know, as a 

108
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:44,280
publisher always wanted me to be
a writer, taught me how to type 

109
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:47,680
like 110 words a minute when I 
was like 7 or 8. 

110
00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:53,000
And my mother and and his part 
of the family. 

111
00:06:53,370 --> 00:06:56,370
His great great grandfather was 
one of the first rabbis of New 

112
00:06:56,370 --> 00:06:59,130
York City. 
So he came from that lineage. 

113
00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:02,290
And my mother, their family, 
opened the first health food 

114
00:07:02,290 --> 00:07:05,930
store in Miami. 
And so there's all these things 

115
00:07:05,930 --> 00:07:08,530
going on. 
And then my father was the first

116
00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:13,210
town commissioner of Coconut 
Grove, which before it was 

117
00:07:13,450 --> 00:07:17,250
Miami. 
And so I had a lot from both of 

118
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:20,410
them that I learned, and it was 
great because. 

119
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,640
I didn't hang out with kids very
much because my parents were so 

120
00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,560
old. 
I kept being taken to all these 

121
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:30,360
events that are adults. 
But I did learn a lot from 

122
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,440
adults. 
So yeah, I I let it go. 

123
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:39,400
And then when I was in college, 
I needed a passport because I 

124
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,480
got a independent study program 
to go to England. 

125
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,320
And to do that I had to have a 
passport. 

126
00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:47,680
To get a passport, you got to 
have a birth certificate. 

127
00:07:48,460 --> 00:07:50,660
And they wouldn't provide one 
for me. 

128
00:07:50,660 --> 00:07:53,620
They didn't want me going out of
the country, this kind of thing.

129
00:07:53,620 --> 00:07:57,740
And so I finally was able to 
finagle a birth certificate, 

130
00:07:57,980 --> 00:07:59,660
which is the first time I ever 
saw it. 

131
00:07:59,660 --> 00:08:02,540
I wasn't even in the system. 
I didn't have Social Security 

132
00:08:02,540 --> 00:08:08,220
number not. 
So I was able to finagle getting

133
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:10,380
copies of their birth 
certificates. 

134
00:08:10,380 --> 00:08:13,900
I told him I was building a 
family tree forest type of thing

135
00:08:14,220 --> 00:08:18,340
and they were very cooperative 
with that, that and I got my 

136
00:08:18,340 --> 00:08:21,820
papers from Florida State 
University inviting me to come 

137
00:08:21,820 --> 00:08:26,820
to England and I took it down to
the Miami-Dade courthouse and 

138
00:08:27,020 --> 00:08:29,060
you know, she goes, well, you 
need a birth certificate to get 

139
00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:33,450
a pass price. 
I don't have one, but I have all

140
00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:36,929
these papers and here's my 
parents first anyway. 

141
00:08:36,929 --> 00:08:40,010
I was able to get a copy and 
that's the first time I ever saw

142
00:08:40,010 --> 00:08:44,490
my birth certificate and. 
You know, I discovered that the 

143
00:08:44,810 --> 00:08:48,130
hospital code didn't match up 
with the hospital. 

144
00:08:48,410 --> 00:08:50,930
There was a lot of things about 
it that were weird. 

145
00:08:51,010 --> 00:08:54,330
And of course, the informants 
were my adopted parents, so 

146
00:08:54,330 --> 00:08:57,290
there was a lot on there. 
My adopted mother's name was 

147
00:08:57,290 --> 00:09:00,130
spelled wrong. 
And I'm thinking, how can they 

148
00:09:00,130 --> 00:09:03,850
mess up such an important 
document? 

149
00:09:04,330 --> 00:09:09,690
It freaked me out, you know, And
I started doing searching after 

150
00:09:09,690 --> 00:09:10,930
that. 
And. 

151
00:09:11,930 --> 00:09:16,850
Not knowing at that time there 
was not the Internet or, you 

152
00:09:16,850 --> 00:09:19,410
know, the thought of getting a 
DNA test. 

153
00:09:19,410 --> 00:09:24,890
So I registered with Soundex and
so many adopted groups where if 

154
00:09:24,890 --> 00:09:28,690
you sent the information and if 
your birth parents checked in 

155
00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:32,250
there, then you'd get a match or
maybe a message. 

156
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:37,290
I did that for years. 
Never got anything, Yeah. 

157
00:09:38,050 --> 00:09:40,490
So how was your relationship 
with your brother? 

158
00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:43,690
He was also adopted, right? 
Oh, he was also adopted. 

159
00:09:43,690 --> 00:09:47,930
He left home early in life and 
then I ran away from home in 

160
00:09:48,010 --> 00:09:51,410
11th grade. 
He was my antagonist as a kid, 

161
00:09:51,530 --> 00:09:55,660
you know. 
So he would like put Limburger 

162
00:09:55,660 --> 00:10:02,380
cheese on my doorknobs and 
marbles on my floor or acorn so 

163
00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:06,300
I'd slip and fall and this kind 
of thing, you know, put my put 

164
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:10,340
my sock monkey up in a tree so 
that if I tried to get it, a 

165
00:10:10,340 --> 00:10:14,140
bucket of water would fall on. 
So he was, he was kind of a 

166
00:10:14,140 --> 00:10:15,860
jokester. 
Against her. 

167
00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:19,340
He was three years older and 
when I was finally allowed to 

168
00:10:19,340 --> 00:10:22,850
date, it had to be a. 
Double date with my brother and 

169
00:10:22,850 --> 00:10:23,810
of course. 
Oh gosh. 

170
00:10:24,130 --> 00:10:31,250
So anyway, we're good friends. 
And yeah, he's he's still 

171
00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:33,050
kicking. 
Oh, good. 

172
00:10:33,210 --> 00:10:37,010
So how did being adopted affect 
how you navigated through life? 

173
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,330
How do you think it affected 
you? 

174
00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:41,090
Well, a lot. 
Of it has to do with retrospect.

175
00:10:41,570 --> 00:10:46,610
Because I didn't realize. 
I mean, when I was 40 years old 

176
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:49,290
and I was trying to think 
through all of this, it's like, 

177
00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:52,290
well, I have what I call my 
inner community. 

178
00:10:52,770 --> 00:10:55,570
And so it's the different voices
in my head. 

179
00:10:56,010 --> 00:11:00,410
And I I attempt to get them into
consensus, which seems 

180
00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:05,290
impossible a lot of times, but 
at that time, it's like nothing 

181
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,210
was working. 
I tried everything. 

182
00:11:07,210 --> 00:11:10,280
I didn't know. 
Who I was, I've been wearing 

183
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,480
different masks, playing 
different theatrical characters 

184
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:15,920
because that's how what I was 
thrown into. 

185
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,560
So I was an actress. 
I ended up being an actress on 

186
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:23,760
Broadway later and a costume 
designer, and I was always into 

187
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,280
theatrics. 
That's what made sense to me. 

188
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:32,000
And so when I finally got to, I 
was 40 the first time I cried 

189
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:35,360
about it. 
I want to know. 

190
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:41,160
Where I came from, you know. 
And so my inner voices were 

191
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,240
screaming at me. 
You don't need to know that. 

192
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,920
Yeah, you do. 
You know, what do you need 

193
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:48,280
Professional help? 
And I'm like, yeah, I do. 

194
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:53,560
So I started searching and I was
looking for an therapist 

195
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:58,720
specifically for adoptees, and I
wasn't able to find any in all 

196
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,000
of America. 
I was willing to go anywhere. 

197
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:06,200
And so then I came across kind 
of a counselor Joe Soul. 

198
00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:11,390
And he was doing a treat for 
adoptees only in the Virgin 

199
00:12:11,470 --> 00:12:13,710
Islands, like within a week or 
so. 

200
00:12:13,710 --> 00:12:15,590
And I thought, I'm going, so I 
did. 

201
00:12:16,190 --> 00:12:19,510
And that's the first time I've 
been around other adoptees. 

202
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:23,830
And it just opened up so many 
things. 

203
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:26,790
It's like it was the first time 
I ever heard of the Primal 

204
00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:31,430
Wound. 
Yeah, just amazing. 

205
00:12:31,430 --> 00:12:33,750
We just showed it this past week
here. 

206
00:12:34,310 --> 00:12:38,630
And I'm going to Nashville or I 
don't know when this is hearing,

207
00:12:38,630 --> 00:12:42,790
but I'll be going to Nashville 
in two weeks to present my book 

208
00:12:42,790 --> 00:12:47,430
and also be part of that 
documentary showing there with a

209
00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:49,510
filmmaker and a bunch of people,
so. 

210
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:54,510
Yeah, that's great. 
And so yeah, how it affected my 

211
00:12:54,510 --> 00:12:56,750
life. 
I didn't know it had affected my

212
00:12:56,750 --> 00:13:00,830
life until much later after I 
realized what the primer womb 

213
00:13:00,830 --> 00:13:05,070
was and started getting into my 
own stuff and said, Oh my God, 

214
00:13:05,630 --> 00:13:10,830
this is the reason I've never 
bonded with people, never been 

215
00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:15,950
able to stay in a relationship. 
This is the reason that. 

216
00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:18,910
You know, if somebody lies to 
me, they don't even get three 

217
00:13:18,910 --> 00:13:22,310
shots. 
And when I had felt that 

218
00:13:22,310 --> 00:13:28,190
somebody might leave me, I'd 
jump shift right away, abandoned

219
00:13:28,190 --> 00:13:32,190
before you can be abandoned. 
And so all of a sudden, all this

220
00:13:32,190 --> 00:13:37,910
stuff started making sense. 
It's like, of course, of course.

221
00:13:39,030 --> 00:13:43,150
And so, yeah, it affected me in 
a big way. 

222
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:45,940
And you know, they they don't 
talk about that. 

223
00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:49,660
Who knows about that? 
The infant is clueless. 

224
00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:54,980
But inside the infant isn't 
clueless. 

225
00:13:56,260 --> 00:14:03,460
You know, the earliest memory I 
have is like, and it's just so 

226
00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:05,580
embedded in me. 
And I I have no idea. 

227
00:14:05,580 --> 00:14:10,180
I was lying on the floor. 
I was an infant, and I screamed 

228
00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:15,660
that I couldn't scream anymore. 
And that's the only memory I 

229
00:14:15,660 --> 00:14:20,580
have at that time. 
I always had a babysitter till I

230
00:14:20,580 --> 00:14:22,380
was in high school, which was 
dorky. 

231
00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:28,700
I'm sure it affects us all, 
whether we're aware of it or 

232
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:32,220
not. 
And a lot of adoptees, you know,

233
00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:37,100
they take it on like they're not
worthy and you know, they're not

234
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:41,260
lovable and this kind of thing 
that is. 

235
00:14:41,650 --> 00:14:46,090
Mostly even before they realized
that they have this trauma. 

236
00:14:46,690 --> 00:14:50,410
And so there's some adoptees, 
which I fall into. 

237
00:14:50,410 --> 00:14:54,090
That category is like, hey, you 
know what? 

238
00:14:54,210 --> 00:14:56,730
I got this. 
I don't need anybody's help. 

239
00:14:56,970 --> 00:15:03,090
I can do everything by myself. 
And so that served me a lot. 

240
00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:06,820
It served me because. 
I started my own businesses. 

241
00:15:06,820 --> 00:15:08,700
I never wanted to work for 
anybody. 

242
00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:11,660
I, you know, wanted to retire by
the age of 30 and then do 

243
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:14,820
whatever I wanted to do, you 
know, go sell shoes, do 

244
00:15:14,820 --> 00:15:18,380
anything, make money 1st and 
then do what you want to do. 

245
00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:22,300
So I was determined. 
I was driven and and I did all 

246
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:26,020
that and you know open a couple 
of my own businesses and. 

247
00:15:27,270 --> 00:15:31,430
When I realized I had to hire 
help too, and like I opened the 

248
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:34,790
first costume shop in Asheville.
I did film and television for 

249
00:15:34,790 --> 00:15:38,670
years and then moved to 
Asheville, NC and gave it all up

250
00:15:38,670 --> 00:15:41,870
thinking what am I doing with my
life? 

251
00:15:42,190 --> 00:15:47,270
You know, I I was a stylist for 
a lot of famous companies that I

252
00:15:47,270 --> 00:15:50,670
felt were not beneficial to the 
world. 

253
00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:53,270
And I I don't want to be doing 
this. 

254
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:55,430
I want to be doing something 
worthwhile. 

255
00:15:56,430 --> 00:16:00,790
I gave up the whole industry and
moved to Asheville, NC and I 

256
00:16:00,790 --> 00:16:03,870
love it. 
I haven't left and I opened the 

257
00:16:03,870 --> 00:16:07,470
first costume shop here and the 
first balloon delivery service 

258
00:16:07,470 --> 00:16:11,590
here and made-up different acts 
because I I was so full of 

259
00:16:11,750 --> 00:16:15,590
characters that I myself could 
play any character. 

260
00:16:15,950 --> 00:16:21,070
A lot of times I would get lost 
in the character and attempt to 

261
00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:24,030
find my way home. 
Like who who am I? 

262
00:16:24,270 --> 00:16:27,440
Yeah. 
So that that went on for quite a

263
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:30,160
while. 
And then until I busted through 

264
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:35,480
that and I did go deep from 
costuming, I got into making 

265
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:39,240
sacred garments from different 
traditional elders, bringing 

266
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:43,360
different traditional elders to 
Asheville to share their wisdom 

267
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:49,280
and this kind of thing. 
And the visions took over me and

268
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,480
my life changed. 
And then I finally sold my 

269
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:55,150
businesses and kept going. 
Yeah, I think for a lot of 

270
00:16:55,150 --> 00:16:58,310
adoptees, the first step is 
realizing that you've been that 

271
00:16:58,310 --> 00:17:02,150
actor in your life and then 
trying to journey back to your 

272
00:17:02,150 --> 00:17:04,310
essence. 
And then comes those 

273
00:17:04,310 --> 00:17:08,750
realizations of This is why I do
this and and all of that. 

274
00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:13,750
But until that journey starts, 
until that journey starts, it's 

275
00:17:14,270 --> 00:17:19,220
you're still on the fog. 
You had quite a time trying to 

276
00:17:19,220 --> 00:17:21,420
find your birth parents and 
there was like a lot of dead 

277
00:17:21,420 --> 00:17:24,020
ends and even sought out 
psychics. 

278
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:27,339
So tell us about the search. 
What were the biggest challenges

279
00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:32,820
that you encountered? 
The challenges were like, so a 

280
00:17:32,820 --> 00:17:37,100
friend said you've got to test 
your DNA, get on National 

281
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:40,300
Geographic had a genome project 
and he had just done it. 

282
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:43,900
And so I said, OK, I'll support 
National Geographic and I did 

283
00:17:43,900 --> 00:17:46,160
it. 
And it came back and they didn't

284
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:50,840
give you any results, but they 
did tell me I have one of the 

285
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:57,720
highest percentages of Denisovan
DNA, and I'm like Denisovan DNA.

286
00:17:57,720 --> 00:17:59,560
What's that? 
What is that? 

287
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:04,640
Well, I googled for it and the 
first thing that popped up was 

288
00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,560
meet the strangest hybrid in 
human history. 

289
00:18:09,280 --> 00:18:11,440
Wow. 
And I thought, well, that 

290
00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:13,110
explains it. 
Yeah. 

291
00:18:13,270 --> 00:18:16,510
And then I found out further 
that they had long fingers. 

292
00:18:16,910 --> 00:18:21,550
And yeah, it that led me down a 
rabbit hole for way over a year.

293
00:18:22,190 --> 00:18:24,710
Wow, I bet. 
And I never got anywhere with 

294
00:18:24,710 --> 00:18:26,550
that. 
But by that time I thought I was

295
00:18:26,550 --> 00:18:29,110
an alien black market baby, You 
know, right. 

296
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,670
Because that's what's happening.
And it led me down the O 

297
00:18:32,670 --> 00:18:34,870
negative blood hole because I'm 
O negative. 

298
00:18:35,380 --> 00:18:40,740
And I found that out too. 
And I just was down so many 

299
00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:45,860
rabbit holes that I got lost. 
And when I finally came out of 

300
00:18:45,860 --> 00:18:49,260
all of that, took a breather. 
I don't know what I did after 

301
00:18:49,260 --> 00:18:51,860
that for a little while. 
And then I took another test. 

302
00:18:51,860 --> 00:18:56,100
I took an ancestry test. 
And you know, I'd heard if you 

303
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:58,300
get a first cousin, you really 
got it right. 

304
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:03,460
You can do something. 
Nothing printed out everything I

305
00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:04,660
could. 
Third cousins. 

306
00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:06,620
There was a few. 
Seconds and I tried to. 

307
00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:10,540
I used a ream of paper and 
printed out people's trees and 

308
00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:15,220
and I had it taped up all over 
my sunroom, where I'm sitting 

309
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:19,300
now that billowed out from this 
table onto the floor and then 

310
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:22,230
into the living room. 
And it was like a patchwork 

311
00:19:22,230 --> 00:19:24,910
quilt. 
It was just mind boggling. 

312
00:19:24,950 --> 00:19:28,950
And my friend came over and said
you have to go to a movie with 

313
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:30,990
me. 
And she took me to see the lion.

314
00:19:30,990 --> 00:19:33,630
And we're sitting there and it 
gets to the point where he's got

315
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:37,070
stuff taped off and maps on the 
wall and she's like elbowing me 

316
00:19:37,110 --> 00:19:42,150
because that's you. 
And I still didn't get anywhere.

317
00:19:42,950 --> 00:19:45,990
You know, with my sister, you 
have one month where you can do 

318
00:19:45,990 --> 00:19:49,430
all kinds of stuff every day. 
I was doing that. 

319
00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:53,790
Until midnight that night. 
And you know, And then I kept 

320
00:19:53,910 --> 00:19:55,230
subscribing. 
They get you. 

321
00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:59,110
Oh yeah, What was the big break?
Did you use DNA to find? 

322
00:19:59,910 --> 00:20:02,590
Well then I did another DNA 
test. 

323
00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:07,750
So then I did 23 Andme and I 
also didn't get anywhere. 

324
00:20:07,870 --> 00:20:11,630
There were a few that weren't on
there and Oh my God, it was just

325
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:14,110
a mess. 
So this went on for years. 

326
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:20,840
I had no matches and when my 
parents passed away, I found my 

327
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:25,640
adoption record and it listed me
as infant Hanson. 

328
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,160
I'm like, oh God, I got a name. 
Surely I can find her now. 

329
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,520
Nothing. 
A third cousin. 

330
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:34,800
There was one third cousin that 
could have been a Hanson. 

331
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:41,040
I was emailing everybody to 
whatever, you know, 23andMe and 

332
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,160
Ancestry trying to get 
something. 

333
00:20:43,730 --> 00:20:46,650
Never got anywhere. 
So this went on for years and 

334
00:20:46,650 --> 00:20:48,850
years. 
And finally about was it like 

335
00:20:48,850 --> 00:20:53,050
five years ago, There was some 
guy who had put up a tree, an 

336
00:20:53,090 --> 00:20:55,530
ancestry. 
Little did we know he didn't 

337
00:20:55,530 --> 00:21:01,050
know who he was either. 
His tree led me to find my 

338
00:21:01,050 --> 00:21:04,870
mother. 
And by this time, I had a 

339
00:21:04,870 --> 00:21:06,110
search. 
Angel, too. 

340
00:21:06,110 --> 00:21:08,870
Mary from Texas. 
I'd met her at an adoption 

341
00:21:08,870 --> 00:21:11,950
conference in Atlanta, and she 
was trying to help me. 

342
00:21:11,950 --> 00:21:14,190
And so was Lana from DNA 
detectives. 

343
00:21:14,190 --> 00:21:18,430
They're like, we don't know 
what's going on, but we're not 

344
00:21:18,430 --> 00:21:20,630
getting anywhere. 
And your father's even harder to

345
00:21:20,630 --> 00:21:22,150
find it. 
I thought, great, this is 

346
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:25,710
really, I had no yes on my 
father's side after three DNA 

347
00:21:25,790 --> 00:21:26,790
tests. 
Oh my gosh. 

348
00:21:27,470 --> 00:21:30,270
I know I was just my inner 
communities. 

349
00:21:30,270 --> 00:21:32,630
Like, do you want to spend the 
rest of your life doing this? 

350
00:21:33,060 --> 00:21:36,020
Does it really matter who your 
parents are? 

351
00:21:36,340 --> 00:21:36,900
Yeah. 
And. 

352
00:21:36,940 --> 00:21:40,100
And just all of that, you know, 
And I'd lay it down and I'd pick

353
00:21:40,100 --> 00:21:43,220
it up and I'd lay it down. 
Kept journals and all kinds of 

354
00:21:43,220 --> 00:21:45,820
notes. 
I had to have all these notes. 

355
00:21:46,620 --> 00:21:49,540
Even got a detective. 
I went to three detectives. 

356
00:21:50,020 --> 00:21:54,380
No one was able to give me the 
information. 

357
00:21:55,830 --> 00:22:00,390
And one detective did and I 
drove to Miami at the address 

358
00:22:00,390 --> 00:22:04,350
that he said she was at when I 
was born and there never been 

359
00:22:04,350 --> 00:22:07,270
anything there, no matches with 
the name. 

360
00:22:07,750 --> 00:22:10,950
You know, I filed for non 
identifying information, which 

361
00:22:10,950 --> 00:22:14,110
anybody can do. 
I filed twice for that and found

362
00:22:14,110 --> 00:22:17,270
out that she was from the 
largest western coastal state, 

363
00:22:17,270 --> 00:22:19,070
so I knew she was from 
California. 

364
00:22:19,070 --> 00:22:23,070
That came twice. 
But there was no Hansons that 

365
00:22:23,070 --> 00:22:26,030
matched me at all, and so I'm 
calling. 

366
00:22:26,350 --> 00:22:29,990
I spent a week looking through 
papers and having my friends do 

367
00:22:29,990 --> 00:22:33,270
research and calling the 
graveyards and finding out if 

368
00:22:33,270 --> 00:22:37,470
there's anybody. 
God, it was terrible and still 

369
00:22:37,470 --> 00:22:40,870
didn't get anywhere. 
But this one guy put up a tree. 

370
00:22:41,340 --> 00:22:45,020
Thinking he knew who he was, 
that linked me to somebody else 

371
00:22:45,180 --> 00:22:50,980
and so that went to his sister. 
I'm trying to remember the whole

372
00:22:50,980 --> 00:22:56,220
chain of events, but anyway, my 
Angel Mary, I I sent her that 

373
00:22:56,220 --> 00:22:59,260
and she goes, oh wow. 
So my Angel Mary with me not 

374
00:22:59,260 --> 00:23:03,980
knowing, even contacted this 
sister who happens to be a 

375
00:23:03,980 --> 00:23:08,140
granddaughter of my aunt. 
Something like that. 

376
00:23:08,460 --> 00:23:10,900
Anyway, the whole thing flipped 
through. 

377
00:23:11,310 --> 00:23:13,830
And then I ended up talking to 
this person. 

378
00:23:14,110 --> 00:23:17,910
My Angel made contact and said, 
would you try and get a hold of 

379
00:23:17,910 --> 00:23:19,630
Valerie? 
She's been trying to get a hold 

380
00:23:19,630 --> 00:23:22,030
of you. 
And then Angel Mary called me 

381
00:23:22,030 --> 00:23:24,990
and said get on right now. 
You're going to get a message on

382
00:23:24,990 --> 00:23:27,270
Facebook. 
Meanwhile, I'd been on Facebook 

383
00:23:27,270 --> 00:23:30,110
and connecting all the dots of 
who this guy was related to. 

384
00:23:30,110 --> 00:23:33,470
That's how we got there, sister.
And that she was online at the 

385
00:23:33,470 --> 00:23:35,590
time. 
My Angel got online and made a 

386
00:23:35,590 --> 00:23:38,070
connection. 
And then from there, that person

387
00:23:38,070 --> 00:23:41,830
called my supposingly aunt. 
No first cousin. 

388
00:23:41,870 --> 00:23:42,670
Sorry. 
That's OK. 

389
00:23:43,930 --> 00:23:46,170
I know. 
So then I ended up being able to

390
00:23:46,170 --> 00:23:49,650
talk to her. 
I said hi as, As it turns out 

391
00:23:49,650 --> 00:23:52,650
too, it looks like my siblings 
went to the same high school I 

392
00:23:52,650 --> 00:23:54,610
did in Miami. 
Unbelievable. 

393
00:23:54,650 --> 00:23:57,890
Oh, wow. 
What about genetic attraction? 

394
00:23:58,050 --> 00:24:00,330
Yeah. 
Anyway, my first cousin called 

395
00:24:00,330 --> 00:24:04,050
my mother and told her I was 
looking for her and I just 

396
00:24:04,050 --> 00:24:06,130
really wanted to talk to her and
blah blah blah. 

397
00:24:06,210 --> 00:24:08,930
My mother did not fess up. 
Oh wow. 

398
00:24:09,090 --> 00:24:11,650
And so I got that message back 
and I'm like, shit. 

399
00:24:12,290 --> 00:24:15,090
And then she said, well let's 
give it a few days, right? 

400
00:24:15,650 --> 00:24:21,090
And then later she said, okay, 
your mother is going to, I mean 

401
00:24:21,290 --> 00:24:24,570
she didn't say my mother, but 
she said she's going to call me 

402
00:24:24,570 --> 00:24:27,570
back within a few days. 
And then it was like, okay, 

403
00:24:27,570 --> 00:24:31,570
she's going to call you in a few
days and I'm like, oh God. 

404
00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:34,650
And then my first cousin signed 
it off, it said. 

405
00:24:35,230 --> 00:24:39,550
Good luck cuz. 
And so I knew that I was in and 

406
00:24:39,550 --> 00:24:42,550
I had sent her all kinds of 
information of how I knew and my

407
00:24:42,550 --> 00:24:46,150
DNA test and all of that. 
And in the meantime she took a 

408
00:24:46,150 --> 00:24:49,230
DNA test and found out she 
wasn't related to the family at 

409
00:24:49,230 --> 00:24:52,980
all. 
Oh my God. 

410
00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:56,900
And she ended lying to me a lot 
throughout the whole ordeal, 

411
00:24:56,900 --> 00:24:58,980
which I didn't know my mother 
died. 

412
00:24:59,540 --> 00:25:04,500
But anyway, Long story short, my
mother calls me a few days. 

413
00:25:04,500 --> 00:25:07,820
So two days went by and few 
means too, doesn't it? 

414
00:25:08,060 --> 00:25:10,540
Well, if you look it up in the 
dictionary, it doesn't mean to. 

415
00:25:11,020 --> 00:25:15,220
It has no real meaning. 
And so, my God, this is so 

416
00:25:15,220 --> 00:25:17,260
awful. 
You know, I was walking around, 

417
00:25:17,260 --> 00:25:19,940
I had, I had my computer set up 
to report. 

418
00:25:20,100 --> 00:25:22,460
I had my phone in my pocket the 
whole time. 

419
00:25:22,460 --> 00:25:26,620
I had somebody call me to see 
how far I could walk away from 

420
00:25:26,620 --> 00:25:29,140
my computer and get back at the 
same time. 

421
00:25:29,140 --> 00:25:31,060
This went on for days. 
Oh my. 

422
00:25:31,140 --> 00:25:33,300
Gosh. 
And finally I was singing with a

423
00:25:33,300 --> 00:25:35,700
band and I told my band I wasn't
able to come. 

424
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,920
I was waiting on this call and 
they convinced me and they said 

425
00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,760
it's all right, let her call, 
you can call her back. 

426
00:25:41,760 --> 00:25:44,680
I said no, no, no, no. 
Anyway, they convinced me and so

427
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:48,680
I got my car, I was backing up 
and all of a sudden the phone 

428
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,520
rings and it's from Florida and 
I knew she was in Florida at 

429
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,340
this point. 
Oh my God. 

430
00:25:53,420 --> 00:25:55,780
Oh, no. 
There's a code on the laundry 

431
00:25:55,780 --> 00:25:56,820
door. 
I had to get in. 

432
00:25:56,820 --> 00:25:59,700
I punched the code and I'm 
running in and I get as far as 

433
00:25:59,700 --> 00:26:02,580
my counter in my kitchen. 
I'm like, I'm not going to make 

434
00:26:02,580 --> 00:26:04,020
it. 
I'm not going to make it in 

435
00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:06,740
time. 
And then I I answered the phone.

436
00:26:06,740 --> 00:26:09,380
I said as demure as I could. 
Hello. 

437
00:26:10,660 --> 00:26:14,460
And there was no response. 
And I'm like, hello, anybody 

438
00:26:14,460 --> 00:26:16,540
there? 
And there was no response. 

439
00:26:16,540 --> 00:26:19,380
And I thought, oh God, I'd had 
so many robo calls because I was

440
00:26:19,380 --> 00:26:21,740
taking calls from any number, 
right. 

441
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:25,120
I didn't know where she'd call 
from. 

442
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,840
And then I finally said hello, 
You're not about to hang up. 

443
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:34,320
Look down, and my phone sound is
off. 

444
00:26:35,120 --> 00:26:40,720
You're on mute, I was. 
So prepared for this, I was so 

445
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:43,720
prepared. 
And I, you know, turn it on 

446
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:47,200
again. 
And the first thing I heard is 

447
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:52,420
this is your mommy. 
That's a spoiler alert, But 

448
00:26:52,700 --> 00:26:58,860
yeah, that just blew me away. 
We had a long conversation. 

449
00:26:59,860 --> 00:27:05,780
I learned so much and it was 
like listening to myself talk. 

450
00:27:06,780 --> 00:27:12,460
It was like my voice, my laugh. 
I'd never had mirroring before 

451
00:27:12,460 --> 00:27:16,660
in my life. 
Yeah, that was just outrageous. 

452
00:27:16,660 --> 00:27:21,660
It was so exciting to be able to
feel that connection. 

453
00:27:22,060 --> 00:27:26,860
Yeah, and the only way she 
talked to me to begin with is to

454
00:27:26,860 --> 00:27:29,900
my first cousin, who didn't turn
out to be my first cousin. 

455
00:27:30,660 --> 00:27:32,980
I'd agreed to be a secret to the
family. 

456
00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:38,220
How did that land for you so? 
I told her I really owned hard, 

457
00:27:38,220 --> 00:27:41,820
but I'd do anything. 
I mean, by this time I had her 

458
00:27:41,820 --> 00:27:46,260
address and she if she wasn't 
going to, I mean I was packed. 

459
00:27:46,860 --> 00:27:50,300
I was going to go down there. 
I would just like pull up in 

460
00:27:50,300 --> 00:27:54,700
front of the house and say, oh, 
my card died, I need to call 

461
00:27:54,940 --> 00:27:56,060
AAA. 
Can you help me? 

462
00:27:56,100 --> 00:27:59,380
You know, anything? 
I had all these scenarios in my 

463
00:27:59,380 --> 00:28:03,100
mind of all the different things
I could do, but there was no way

464
00:28:03,100 --> 00:28:05,100
I was not going to see this 
person. 

465
00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:09,130
She was 94. 
Well. 

466
00:28:09,450 --> 00:28:12,010
To my friends and said, why are 
you doing this? 

467
00:28:12,050 --> 00:28:17,690
You know, she's probably dead. 
I'm like, don't ever, ever tell 

468
00:28:17,690 --> 00:28:21,290
her to talk to you anything. 
I act, It's devastating. 

469
00:28:22,490 --> 00:28:29,250
Yeah, I was determined and I 
knew where she lived and I knew 

470
00:28:29,250 --> 00:28:32,330
she was still alive and I was 
going. 

471
00:28:32,650 --> 00:28:35,610
So you talk about, you know, 
what you were going to call her.

472
00:28:35,870 --> 00:28:37,510
What did you end up calling her 
and why? 

473
00:28:37,510 --> 00:28:38,910
How did you figure out what to 
call her? 

474
00:28:38,910 --> 00:28:42,590
Cuz I know that's such a 
difficult thing, and I don't 

475
00:28:42,590 --> 00:28:44,390
think a lot of adoptees think 
about that when they're 

476
00:28:44,390 --> 00:28:45,870
searching. 
And then all of a sudden you 

477
00:28:45,870 --> 00:28:48,750
find this person, then you're 
like, what am I gonna even call 

478
00:28:48,750 --> 00:28:49,790
you? 
Right. 

479
00:28:49,790 --> 00:28:53,110
And even talking to my quote 
first cousin, it's like, do I 

480
00:28:53,110 --> 00:28:57,390
say my mother? 
Do I say your What do I say? 

481
00:28:57,550 --> 00:29:02,190
Until I went to a slew of names 
and I just nothing seemed right.

482
00:29:02,190 --> 00:29:04,510
I wrote songs about a few of 
them too. 

483
00:29:04,510 --> 00:29:08,030
You know, songs of my mother I 
still didn't know. 

484
00:29:08,070 --> 00:29:12,830
And and so when I made that 
first conversation with her when

485
00:29:12,830 --> 00:29:18,790
that happened and sacred call I 
asked her, I said, well, I I 

486
00:29:18,790 --> 00:29:20,470
don't even know what to call 
you. 

487
00:29:21,350 --> 00:29:24,800
What can I call you? 
And I threw out a whole bunch. 

488
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,080
He said you can call me whatever
you want. 

489
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:31,960
And I said, well, I did look up 
the word mother, and it said, 

490
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,400
let me see if I can remember the
person that raised you. 

491
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:39,800
Well, she didn't raise me, 
really, a person that gave birth

492
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:41,560
to you, But she did give birth 
to me. 

493
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:45,520
And the other was something 
about slimy goop of some kind. 

494
00:29:45,760 --> 00:29:49,600
I think it's like the mother of 
fermentation. 

495
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,480
Yes. 
Something I thought. 

496
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:55,880
She's not that I hope so. 
Anyway, I thought mother was OK 

497
00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:00,650
to use. 
And not to disrespect the mother

498
00:30:00,650 --> 00:30:06,250
that raised me, I'm like, OK and
and her first name started with 

499
00:30:06,250 --> 00:30:10,450
an M I'm still not saying who 
she really is because I vowed 

500
00:30:10,450 --> 00:30:13,490
secrecy. 
But so I will tell you her first

501
00:30:13,490 --> 00:30:18,330
name, and I have not said this 
anywhere in the book. 

502
00:30:18,370 --> 00:30:22,090
I call her Marilyn. 
Her real name was Mary. 

503
00:30:23,090 --> 00:30:25,730
So many Mary's had an Angel Mary
and a mother Mary. 

504
00:30:26,350 --> 00:30:28,350
And there was Mother Mary 
looking for me. 

505
00:30:28,990 --> 00:30:33,270
It's like, oh, boy. 
So it was Mother Mary. 

506
00:30:33,670 --> 00:30:37,950
And I thought, well, not to 
espouse that because I'm 

507
00:30:37,950 --> 00:30:41,670
supposed to be a secret. 
Then I said, well, how about 

508
00:30:41,910 --> 00:30:45,510
Eminem, her Mother Mary? 
Isn't that a sweet one? 

509
00:30:45,590 --> 00:30:50,550
And she loved it, so she became 
Eminem, or just MM. 

510
00:30:51,030 --> 00:30:54,040
And so yeah. 
She was by Eminem. 

511
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:56,880
Every time we talked on the 
phone or I'd call her, it was 

512
00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:01,160
like, hey, Eminem and she would 
laugh like I do hysterically. 

513
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:06,120
We were amazingly alike. 
Yeah, isn't that crazy? 

514
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,880
It is crazy. 
What was it like for you? 

515
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:11,200
And you finally did see her for 
the first time. 

516
00:31:12,720 --> 00:31:22,000
I I had to be a secret, and so 
she finally let me come and see 

517
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:25,090
her. 
And she wanted me to stay at her

518
00:31:25,090 --> 00:31:28,530
house and she, she's very clean.
Like, demeanor. 

519
00:31:28,530 --> 00:31:30,930
I said, well, I'm supposed to be
a secret, but if somebody comes 

520
00:31:31,050 --> 00:31:32,890
and she goes, don't worry, 
nobody's going to know. 

521
00:31:32,890 --> 00:31:36,050
I'll take care of that. 
She's in control, right. 

522
00:31:36,290 --> 00:31:40,610
So I went a lot happened on the 
way to get there. 

523
00:31:40,610 --> 00:31:46,250
That was just, I was just an 
emotional basket case attempting

524
00:31:46,250 --> 00:31:49,970
to get there. 
And when I got there, I picked 

525
00:31:49,970 --> 00:31:55,160
up red roses and. 
I pulled up to her house and and

526
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:59,480
texted her that I was I was 
there and the garage doors 

527
00:31:59,560 --> 00:32:04,550
opened and there she is. 
She's got a red baseball cap 

528
00:32:04,550 --> 00:32:09,790
caught to the side of her head 
and and she's like motioning me 

529
00:32:09,790 --> 00:32:13,830
to park by her new car. 
And I had my 2000 old CRV that's

530
00:32:13,830 --> 00:32:16,390
full of stickers and real hippie
looking. 

531
00:32:16,390 --> 00:32:21,550
And I I pulled her in next to 
that and and got out and brought

532
00:32:21,550 --> 00:32:23,950
her the roses. 
And she said how did you know 

533
00:32:24,390 --> 00:32:28,110
red roses were my favorite? 
And I said, well, we have. 

534
00:32:28,630 --> 00:32:30,350
Ways of making these things 
work. 

535
00:32:30,830 --> 00:32:39,110
And I've come a long way and I 
want a big hug and so we hugged.

536
00:32:39,110 --> 00:32:44,710
I did not want that hug to end. 
She pulled away pretty, pretty 

537
00:32:44,710 --> 00:32:49,550
quick and she just spun around 
going into the house and there's

538
00:32:49,590 --> 00:32:53,590
a sign on the top of the door 
that said if you forgot to bring

539
00:32:53,590 --> 00:32:57,800
the wine, go home. 
All these pictures I've seen in 

540
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,200
her on Facebook, she had a 
cocktail on her hand. 

541
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,840
And so I brought red wine, white
wine, whatever. 

542
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:07,000
I said I got the wine no 
problem. 

543
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:10,040
So we were fighting within 10 
minutes. 

544
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,280
We're going to have coffee 
first, right? 

545
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:16,960
And so I got up to try and make 
coffee and she goes just sit 

546
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:20,080
down, you know, she was really 
bossy. 

547
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:26,570
And she goes, just get a cup. 
And so I I picked out a cup that

548
00:33:26,570 --> 00:33:28,970
was like a queen castle. 
And I said I'm going to take the

549
00:33:28,970 --> 00:33:31,650
queen castle. 
And she goes, well, you know, 

550
00:33:31,650 --> 00:33:33,210
I'm queen. 
Wow, I. 

551
00:33:34,850 --> 00:33:35,730
Said. 
Oh, really? 

552
00:33:35,730 --> 00:33:37,170
What so AM? 
I. 

553
00:33:37,770 --> 00:33:43,810
Oh no, we're going to fight. 
So I finally conceded to be the 

554
00:33:43,810 --> 00:33:47,170
Princess. 
She's very feisty. 

555
00:33:47,600 --> 00:33:49,560
Very. 
I jump up and bring her picture 

556
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,840
over here, what she looked like 
when I met her. 

557
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:55,320
She's young. 
Nobody could believe she was the

558
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,080
age she was. 
She lived alone, independent, 

559
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:00,280
like me. 
Just amazing. 

560
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:03,880
So it was a wonderful time. 
I stayed with her a week. 

561
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:08,719
She made sure it came and I 
found out she was a liar at the 

562
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:09,960
same time. 
Oh, wow. 

563
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:15,880
My my brother would call every 
evening, you know, And then 

564
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,370
after. 
I actually got to meet them. 

565
00:34:19,010 --> 00:34:22,810
Yours siblings have siblings. 
Yeah, after we'd had a 

566
00:34:22,810 --> 00:34:26,650
relationship for a while, It's 
like I said, I just so much 

567
00:34:26,650 --> 00:34:29,969
would like to meet my siblings. 
But you still couldn't tell him 

568
00:34:29,969 --> 00:34:34,489
that you guys were related, no? 
Had to be a secret and so it's 

569
00:34:34,489 --> 00:34:40,250
good about keeping the secret. 
And she threw a party so all 

570
00:34:40,250 --> 00:34:44,650
these people came to the party, 
including my siblings and I. 

571
00:34:45,330 --> 00:34:48,449
Supposingly was a friend from a 
long time ago that used to live 

572
00:34:48,449 --> 00:34:49,969
there. 
That wasn't the story we'd come 

573
00:34:49,969 --> 00:34:53,409
up with, but that's what she 
threw out, which blew me away at

574
00:34:53,409 --> 00:34:56,010
the party because all of a 
sudden she's changing our story.

575
00:34:56,130 --> 00:35:00,730
Yeah, yeah. 
But I posed as a photographer. 

576
00:35:02,290 --> 00:35:04,930
Wow. 
That was my idea, because then I

577
00:35:04,930 --> 00:35:08,330
could get photos of everybody 
did. 

578
00:35:08,370 --> 00:35:12,970
I got all these photos and it 
was just the most bizarre day of

579
00:35:13,010 --> 00:35:15,970
my life, I guess. 
Good thing I had an acting 

580
00:35:15,970 --> 00:35:17,010
career. 
Right. 

581
00:35:18,090 --> 00:35:22,250
Because to play play that role 
in that kind of situation. 

582
00:35:22,730 --> 00:35:25,850
I mean, I did break down at one 
point and I had to run out the 

583
00:35:25,850 --> 00:35:28,130
back door and lay on the grass 
and just weep. 

584
00:35:29,490 --> 00:35:32,410
It happened when my my brother 
came late and left early. 

585
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:37,120
And his wife had invited us to 
go to some party, had invited me

586
00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,360
and of course I didn't want to 
leave my mother and any of that.

587
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:42,600
And so I declined. 
But then they left early and 

588
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,040
that's when it happened. 
They were leaving. 

589
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:46,320
I just. 
Yeah. 

590
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:51,760
The eruption. 
So I had to leave really quick 

591
00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:54,720
because I knew there was no way 
to contain my emotions. 

592
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:57,320
Yeah. 
He asked me when I finally came 

593
00:35:57,320 --> 00:35:58,840
back in. 
He said. 

594
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:00,400
Are you alright? 
So yeah. 

595
00:36:01,090 --> 00:36:06,090
I just had a phone call I had to
take, You know, I was just, you 

596
00:36:06,130 --> 00:36:12,130
know, anything, just to protect 
my mother, if she'd been great 

597
00:36:12,130 --> 00:36:16,690
in letting me meet everybody. 
And but that was like extreme. 

598
00:36:16,890 --> 00:36:18,810
Yeah. 
I don't know how I got through 

599
00:36:18,810 --> 00:36:20,490
it. 
If I had an acting career. 

600
00:36:20,610 --> 00:36:22,650
Yeah, I don't. 
Yeah, yeah. 

601
00:36:23,370 --> 00:36:29,990
It was beyond emotional. 
So your birth mother didn't have

602
00:36:29,990 --> 00:36:34,390
any details about your birth. 
And do you even know, like your 

603
00:36:34,390 --> 00:36:37,070
birthday, your real birthday? 
No. 

604
00:36:37,590 --> 00:36:41,270
My adoption papers were listed 
as four years later. 

605
00:36:41,950 --> 00:36:46,750
Four years. 
Yeah, I I found a receipt, you 

606
00:36:46,750 --> 00:36:50,150
know, to an attorney for my 
purchase, so to speak. 

607
00:36:51,070 --> 00:36:54,990
And that was four years later 
and it's like, wait a minute. 

608
00:36:55,630 --> 00:37:00,030
But my birth certificate that I 
finally got, that was made-up by

609
00:37:00,030 --> 00:37:03,310
my parents, said four years 
earlier. 

610
00:37:03,990 --> 00:37:07,710
So that was a twist and a turn. 
Yeah, we're not talking days. 

611
00:37:07,710 --> 00:37:11,110
We're talking years. 
I know that's crazy. 

612
00:37:11,710 --> 00:37:13,310
So you don't even know how old 
you are. 

613
00:37:13,310 --> 00:37:17,430
Really. 
My brother swears I'm four years

614
00:37:17,430 --> 00:37:21,790
older than I'm not four years 
younger than, but and. 

615
00:37:21,790 --> 00:37:25,150
And he's probably right. 
But damned if I know. 

616
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:30,600
The records are all screwed up. 
Yeah, but even on your original 

617
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:34,520
birth certificate, things you 
know like the names were messed.

618
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,640
I just I don't understand how a 
birth certificate can be 

619
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:40,800
falsified when this is a 
document that you used to tell 

620
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,720
legally certified document to 
tell who you are. 

621
00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:47,000
To. 
Prove who you are and they could

622
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:51,240
put anything they want on there.
There's four birth certificates 

623
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:55,460
in my search that are lies. 
Two or mine. 

624
00:37:56,260 --> 00:37:59,340
One is my father's that I 
finally found. 

625
00:38:00,100 --> 00:38:02,420
And then one was my first 
cousin. 

626
00:38:03,420 --> 00:38:06,340
She tested because I don't know 
if she really believed me and 

627
00:38:06,340 --> 00:38:07,700
found out. 
You know, she calls me and she 

628
00:38:07,700 --> 00:38:11,380
goes, you know, I did a DNA test
and you don't come up at all. 

629
00:38:11,780 --> 00:38:14,220
I'm like, you might be writing a
book too. 

630
00:38:16,580 --> 00:38:18,740
She made me promise not to tell 
anybody. 

631
00:38:19,060 --> 00:38:22,000
There was like. 
You know, I was under a pile of 

632
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:28,400
secrets to be able to navigate. 
How deep does this go? 

633
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:34,320
It's a lineage deepness, too. 
Once I found my mother, I threw 

634
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,080
a big party. 
It was my first birthday party, 

635
00:38:37,080 --> 00:38:40,920
and I had all my friends dressed
as their own kid, and it was 

636
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:42,320
hysterical. 
We had so much. 

637
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:46,320
My mother wouldn't come, of 
course, but she. 

638
00:38:47,020 --> 00:38:48,340
She said, what do you want for 
your birthday? 

639
00:38:48,340 --> 00:38:50,060
I said I want my birth 
certificate. 

640
00:38:50,660 --> 00:38:52,580
I said, will you fill out these 
forms? 

641
00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:55,140
I already had them. 
So she filled out the forms. 

642
00:38:55,140 --> 00:38:57,780
We went down, she had it 
notarized and sent it off to 

643
00:38:57,780 --> 00:39:01,700
Florida Vital Statistics. 
A few weeks later, I get the 

644
00:39:01,700 --> 00:39:04,860
message back, says Oh yeah, you 
filled out all the forms right? 

645
00:39:04,860 --> 00:39:09,660
But that's not your mother's 
name on your birth certificate. 

646
00:39:09,700 --> 00:39:13,460
She. 
Probably didn't remember what 

647
00:39:13,460 --> 00:39:16,720
she put. 
So she lied on the birth 

648
00:39:16,720 --> 00:39:20,800
certificate. 
But then I had a big aha, it's 

649
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:26,000
like, wait a minute, my adoption
papers referred to me as infant 

650
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:29,160
Hanson, right? 
And I asked my mother, I said, 

651
00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:31,880
well, my birth father. 
And she didn't tell me who he 

652
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:35,800
was for months. 
Oh, I I forgot. 

653
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:38,440
I'll tell you later, blah blah, 
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 

654
00:39:39,320 --> 00:39:44,320
So I asked her, I said, well, is
my father A Hanson? 

655
00:39:45,430 --> 00:39:48,910
Is that his name? 
And then I told her the story of

656
00:39:48,910 --> 00:39:52,630
finding my papers and that I was
as infant Hanson. 

657
00:39:53,110 --> 00:39:57,750
And I said was my father Hanson.
And she goes, oh, he was so 

658
00:39:57,750 --> 00:39:59,910
handsome. 
You wouldn't believe that. 

659
00:39:59,910 --> 00:40:02,430
No, no. 
Yeah. 

660
00:40:02,670 --> 00:40:06,150
So told me she didn't know any 
Hansons had no idea. 

661
00:40:06,590 --> 00:40:10,750
After a while it dawned on me 
after I had a rejection from 

662
00:40:10,750 --> 00:40:16,260
Florida vital statistics that. 
Maybe the name of my adoption 

663
00:40:16,260 --> 00:40:19,620
paper, Hanson is it? 
And I said, OK, I want you to 

664
00:40:19,620 --> 00:40:24,540
sign this again and sign this 
name and we'll go notarize it. 

665
00:40:24,540 --> 00:40:26,140
So you're going to be lying 
under bridge? 

666
00:40:26,420 --> 00:40:28,900
Yeah, sure. 
She'll do it. 

667
00:40:29,460 --> 00:40:31,300
We go down. 
They didn't even look at it 

668
00:40:31,300 --> 00:40:35,220
because they knew her. 
And so I sent it off and I told 

669
00:40:35,220 --> 00:40:38,380
her I said she loved to gamble. 
We would always get lottery 

670
00:40:38,380 --> 00:40:41,420
tickets on this. 
She went to Vegas every year and

671
00:40:41,420 --> 00:40:45,260
I found out why later. 
So I bet her 100 bucks. 

672
00:40:45,700 --> 00:40:46,820
That. 
That's that. 

673
00:40:46,820 --> 00:40:50,420
She had lied and used that name,
so she made the bet with me. 

674
00:40:51,340 --> 00:40:56,410
Sure enough, bingo. 
I got my second birth 

675
00:40:56,410 --> 00:40:59,490
certificate, which is my 
original birth certificate, 

676
00:40:59,490 --> 00:41:01,650
which of course is written 
around here, not for 

677
00:41:01,650 --> 00:41:03,410
identification, that kind of 
stuff. 

678
00:41:04,010 --> 00:41:09,490
They write that on that and and 
she had no idea. 

679
00:41:09,490 --> 00:41:11,170
She goes, I'm sure I didn't do 
that. 

680
00:41:11,730 --> 00:41:14,810
Well. 
Yeah, there was a lot on that. 

681
00:41:14,810 --> 00:41:17,090
Birth and I did. 
That was a lie. 

682
00:41:17,610 --> 00:41:22,050
Right. 
So did you ever get to come out 

683
00:41:22,090 --> 00:41:26,600
of you didn't? 
Did you ever get to not be a 

684
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:32,920
secret with your siblings? 
Yes, when she passed, right 

685
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:37,280
before she passed, well, she she
had a a stroke when in the 

686
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:39,920
hospital. 
I've been going down to see her 

687
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:45,720
a lot and then COVID hit and 
then when COVID hit, you know, 

688
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:49,600
it's like she's old, I'm, I 
haven't had a shot. 

689
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:52,240
I don't know. 
And so anyway. 

690
00:41:52,820 --> 00:41:55,700
She went into the hospital, she 
had a car wreck. 

691
00:41:55,740 --> 00:41:58,900
Then she went to hospital and I 
was on my way to go see her. 

692
00:41:59,260 --> 00:42:02,860
I wanted to take care of her and
my first cousin, who is not 

693
00:42:02,860 --> 00:42:06,500
really my first cousin, said, Oh
no, don't go because she has a 

694
00:42:06,500 --> 00:42:11,780
caregiver coming and now the the
caregiver the following day 

695
00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:16,420
after she went, got COVID. 
Everybody was in quarantine, 

696
00:42:16,460 --> 00:42:18,500
right? 
So I wasn't able to go. 

697
00:42:19,090 --> 00:42:20,970
And so I was calling all the 
time. 

698
00:42:20,970 --> 00:42:25,210
And and then I called one day 
and, you know, the caregiver 

699
00:42:25,210 --> 00:42:27,170
answers and gave my mom the 
phone. 

700
00:42:27,170 --> 00:42:29,650
And my mom said, oh, it's my 
daughter. 

701
00:42:31,290 --> 00:42:33,570
I said, hey, I thought it was a 
secret. 

702
00:42:33,570 --> 00:42:36,090
And she goes, oh, there's no 
secrets anymore. 

703
00:42:36,530 --> 00:42:39,690
I was so excited. 
I called my first cousin. 

704
00:42:40,290 --> 00:42:41,650
Yeah. 
And older. 

705
00:42:41,650 --> 00:42:43,970
And she's like, oh, no, she's 
out of her mind. 

706
00:42:43,970 --> 00:42:45,450
She won't remember that the next
minute. 

707
00:42:45,450 --> 00:42:47,090
Don't you dare do that. 
Blah, blah, blah. 

708
00:42:47,090 --> 00:42:50,280
And she was mean. 
And I thought, that's weird. 

709
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:56,200
I later found out that my first 
cousin had lied to me for four 

710
00:42:56,200 --> 00:43:00,400
years and had told my sister. 
I think it's all about. 

711
00:43:00,720 --> 00:43:04,120
So your sister knew. 
Yeah, And I never knew she knew.

712
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,680
Yeah, I never knew she knew my. 
Gosh, wow. 

713
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:12,280
And then my brother was told. 
The day after my mother passed, 

714
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:17,770
my sister flippantly said. 
And I talk to him every week 

715
00:43:17,770 --> 00:43:20,890
now. 
So it's funny, I'm I'm friends 

716
00:43:20,890 --> 00:43:23,410
with my brothers and both my 
sisters. 

717
00:43:23,410 --> 00:43:26,090
There's no communication. 
And I totally thought it'd be 

718
00:43:26,090 --> 00:43:28,730
the other way around. 
I'm passionate. 

719
00:43:28,730 --> 00:43:30,850
Well, maybe not these days. 
I don't know. 

720
00:43:32,130 --> 00:43:35,650
Many decades of searching, 
wondering, looking. 

721
00:43:36,930 --> 00:43:39,610
Know where it came from. 
Yeah, that's all you wanted. 

722
00:43:40,490 --> 00:43:43,370
It's just crazy. 
But The thing is, is that that 

723
00:43:43,370 --> 00:43:49,850
search led me into numerous 
avenues with the Denisovan DNA 

724
00:43:49,890 --> 00:43:54,250
and all of the traveling I did 
and working with these psychics.

725
00:43:54,570 --> 00:43:58,530
Oh, and by the way, I don't know
if I even put that in my book. 

726
00:43:58,530 --> 00:44:02,610
One of the detectives that was 
hired early on, he actually told

727
00:44:02,610 --> 00:44:04,410
me the right name. 
Really. 

728
00:44:04,770 --> 00:44:06,490
Of your mom. 
Yep, Yep. 

729
00:44:06,890 --> 00:44:09,930
The name that was on my birth 
certificate, That was a lot. 

730
00:44:10,010 --> 00:44:13,250
Oh wow. 
And when he told me that, and 

731
00:44:13,250 --> 00:44:16,010
it's like later, I'm trying to 
do all this searching and match 

732
00:44:16,010 --> 00:44:19,490
it up and nothing matched up. 
So I assumed it was a lie. 

733
00:44:19,770 --> 00:44:22,570
And he had said, well, I'm able 
to get into some files that 

734
00:44:22,570 --> 00:44:26,690
nobody else can. 
And I thought, well, I figured 

735
00:44:26,690 --> 00:44:31,810
I'd been taken again. 
Yeah, and jeez, he was telling 

736
00:44:31,810 --> 00:44:34,840
the truth. 
But the truth of what was on my 

737
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:38,800
birth certificate didn't match 
up with any kind of DNA, so 

738
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:44,360
there was nowhere to go. 
And that was like, Oh my God, I 

739
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:48,200
knew that decades ago, but what 
do you do with it? 

740
00:44:48,200 --> 00:44:50,160
Yeah. 
So nothing's adding up. 

741
00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:53,640
What are you going to do? 
So what helped you the most in 

742
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:59,240
understanding your adoption? 
I think what helped me the most 

743
00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:04,180
of understanding my adoption. 
Is going way out on a limb. 

744
00:45:04,540 --> 00:45:09,380
I ended up in working with 
indigenous elders and shamans 

745
00:45:09,420 --> 00:45:13,660
and this type of thing and I'm 
just wanting people to know the 

746
00:45:13,660 --> 00:45:19,380
wisdom of our other cultures and
to work with some of these 

747
00:45:19,660 --> 00:45:23,340
incredible people. 
And during that time I would 

748
00:45:23,340 --> 00:45:27,540
have visions and I did 2 
ayahuasca ceremonies and suicide

749
00:45:27,540 --> 00:45:32,220
mushrooms and. 
Just altering natural 

750
00:45:32,380 --> 00:45:36,020
experiments, working with real 
shamans. 

751
00:45:37,100 --> 00:45:40,380
Those were the things that 
opened me up. 

752
00:45:40,700 --> 00:45:44,420
And then I ended up going to 
India for two weeks, throwing my

753
00:45:44,420 --> 00:45:49,460
return ticket away and staying 
11 years and all that I learned 

754
00:45:49,820 --> 00:45:53,380
about karma. 
I mean, the karma is incredible.

755
00:45:53,820 --> 00:45:59,100
And I realized that this was my 
karma. 

756
00:46:00,580 --> 00:46:06,460
Hard to believe, but I believe 
that we all choose when we're 

757
00:46:06,460 --> 00:46:09,340
coming into this lifetime. 
I totally believe in 

758
00:46:09,340 --> 00:46:13,050
reincarnation. 
And I totally believe that, you 

759
00:46:13,050 --> 00:46:15,890
know, once we pass, we go 
through this whole thing where 

760
00:46:15,890 --> 00:46:19,130
we see our whole lives and know 
where we want to change things, 

761
00:46:19,130 --> 00:46:23,330
where we want to grow, what 
needs to happen, how our over 

762
00:46:23,330 --> 00:46:26,810
soul is working together. 
Because I do believe that we 

763
00:46:26,810 --> 00:46:31,130
come back into some of the same 
families and I was told that by 

764
00:46:31,130 --> 00:46:33,610
a St. in India that didn't know 
anything about me. 

765
00:46:34,250 --> 00:46:37,170
They told me I was picked up by 
the same parents that I had in 

766
00:46:37,170 --> 00:46:42,140
this life in Varanasi. 
They picked me up on the streets

767
00:46:42,660 --> 00:46:46,260
and there it was, that I would 
have the same parents to raise 

768
00:46:46,260 --> 00:46:49,220
me in both of these lives. 
And so who knows? 

769
00:46:49,220 --> 00:46:52,380
I don't know. 
I I just know that I totally 

770
00:46:52,380 --> 00:46:56,180
believe that I take 
responsibility for coming in to 

771
00:46:56,180 --> 00:47:01,300
this world and how I did it. 
And I totally believe I chose my

772
00:47:01,300 --> 00:47:05,180
genes and my adopted parents 
from what was available. 

773
00:47:05,740 --> 00:47:08,980
And that's pretty far out to say
because. 

774
00:47:09,450 --> 00:47:13,170
You know, there's so much trauma
and adoption and there's so much

775
00:47:13,170 --> 00:47:15,330
trauma. 
I mean, all the books I've read 

776
00:47:15,450 --> 00:47:20,330
on from adoptees and then 
there's pretty much all about 

777
00:47:20,450 --> 00:47:23,890
the trauma and how horrible it 
is and, you know, things you can

778
00:47:23,890 --> 00:47:27,290
do to get out of the trauma. 
And it's like, yes, there's all 

779
00:47:27,290 --> 00:47:30,690
of that, but there's also a 
different perspective that I'm 

780
00:47:30,690 --> 00:47:35,130
presenting in my book, and I'm 
hoping that that will help some 

781
00:47:35,130 --> 00:47:40,900
adoptees be able to. 
Kind of get a new perspective, 

782
00:47:41,740 --> 00:47:46,780
or at least give it a chance. 
Yeah, yeah, I know there's a lot

783
00:47:46,780 --> 00:47:50,220
of adoptees that get angry 
saying I would never choose to 

784
00:47:50,540 --> 00:47:52,540
have this trauma. 
Why would I choose that? 

785
00:47:52,540 --> 00:47:54,540
You know? 
So I think they're just not 

786
00:47:54,540 --> 00:47:57,620
open. 
And ready to hear that message, 

787
00:47:57,620 --> 00:48:01,540
but I totally agree with you 
100% on everything you just 

788
00:48:01,540 --> 00:48:01,900
said. 
It's. 

789
00:48:01,900 --> 00:48:05,300
Hard to say to somebody who's a 
pelagic or anything like that, 

790
00:48:05,580 --> 00:48:08,340
but we don't know what 
somebody's Karmit is from a 

791
00:48:08,340 --> 00:48:12,140
previous life. 
There's no way that we can 

792
00:48:12,140 --> 00:48:14,620
judge. 
All we can do is take 

793
00:48:14,620 --> 00:48:17,500
responsibility for our own 
lives. 

794
00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:21,960
And for me, I mean, I started 
the first permaculturally 

795
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:24,200
designed echo village of North 
America. 

796
00:48:24,200 --> 00:48:29,640
I've done numerous things and it
had I been attached and had a 

797
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:34,440
lot of attachments or family or 
had children, I never have been 

798
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:38,280
able to do the things that I've 
been called to do. 

799
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:43,080
So in many ways, it served me 
well of a time. 

800
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:45,880
I realized what was going on and
kind of. 

801
00:48:46,410 --> 00:48:49,650
Got out of that bug. 
Well, that kind of gives me a 

802
00:48:49,650 --> 00:48:53,170
segue into my next question. 
At one point in your book, you 

803
00:48:53,170 --> 00:48:55,650
were with the Shaman where you 
drank some medicine and a 

804
00:48:55,650 --> 00:49:00,690
ceremony, and you said, overcome
with gratefulness, a thought 

805
00:49:00,690 --> 00:49:04,090
arose that I had chosen my path 
and that my mother allowed me to

806
00:49:04,090 --> 00:49:09,290
be free from attachments. 
So what did you mean by that? 

807
00:49:09,370 --> 00:49:11,810
Your mother allowed you to be 
free from attachments? 

808
00:49:12,910 --> 00:49:18,030
If I had stayed with my birth 
mother, if she hadn't given me 

809
00:49:18,070 --> 00:49:20,190
up, it would have been a 
different life. 

810
00:49:20,750 --> 00:49:22,110
It would have been a different 
life. 

811
00:49:22,110 --> 00:49:24,470
I would have been super attached
to the family. 

812
00:49:24,470 --> 00:49:28,560
I'm pretty assuming that. 
And that she actually told me 

813
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:30,600
that, too. 
She goes, you wouldn't have this

814
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:33,160
kind of life if you've been 
raised with me. 

815
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:35,280
I would have never let you go 
out of the. 

816
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:37,040
I would have never let you do 
any of that. 

817
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:43,600
And so being able to be free, my
mother and father who adopted me

818
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:46,800
were very old. 
They died when I was very young.

819
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:51,840
So and I never really bonded 
there either, without the 

820
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:54,680
bonding and without the 
attachments. 

821
00:49:55,550 --> 00:50:00,310
I was able to go Full Monty on 
visions or whatever I wanted to 

822
00:50:00,310 --> 00:50:05,510
do in my life and had I had 
attachments to family, I'd never

823
00:50:05,510 --> 00:50:09,430
be able to do that. 
And when I was in India, you 

824
00:50:09,430 --> 00:50:13,270
know that's one of the teachings
they have and my teacher in 

825
00:50:13,310 --> 00:50:17,230
India actually said it's easier 
for. 

826
00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:22,360
Indians and people like that to 
be able to go into a state of 

827
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:24,560
enlightenment, it's not even a 
state, right? 

828
00:50:24,760 --> 00:50:29,160
It's harder for Indians to do 
actually, because they are so 

829
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:34,120
attached to family. 
Family in India is big thing, 

830
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:37,200
you know, in America. 
And he goes, yeah, in America 

831
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:39,360
you don't like your husband, 
just go off and find another 

832
00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:44,400
one, right. 
So there's not that deep of a 

833
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:49,560
bond in family in America. 
Typically as there is in India. 

834
00:50:50,240 --> 00:50:57,640
And so one of the key things on 
a step of awareness is to let go

835
00:50:57,640 --> 00:51:00,920
of your attachments. 
And so when I was there, I'm 

836
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:04,480
like, oh, you mean I've been 
trying to bond with people, I've

837
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:08,440
been to classes on how to bond, 
I've tried to hang out with 

838
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:10,320
people. 
I've done all these things and 

839
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:12,960
I've never been successful in 
relationships. 

840
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:15,160
Do you mean I was right all 
along? 

841
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:19,760
I don't have to do that. 
Wow, that's that was such an 

842
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:25,240
awakening to me that it might 
not be as as serious as an issue

843
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:27,440
as I thought I was. 
Going to say, you published a 

844
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:30,800
book called 108 Insights which 
seemed to kind of be a 

845
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:34,600
compilation of teachings from 
this Indian guru that you spent 

846
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:38,120
a lot of time with and had a 
quite a profound influence on 

847
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:39,760
your life. 
And. 

848
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:44,120
And you were reading that book 
and you said in your book it was

849
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,520
as if he were speaking to me for
the first time. 

850
00:51:46,970 --> 00:51:49,650
Perform the scenes of your life 
like an actress who never 

851
00:51:49,650 --> 00:51:52,770
forgets or true identity. 
Although the costumes and scenes

852
00:51:52,770 --> 00:51:56,410
of your life will change your 
you yourself are changeless. 

853
00:51:56,850 --> 00:51:59,970
And I love that because I always
say too that I was a Academy 

854
00:51:59,970 --> 00:52:02,650
Awardwinning actress in my own 
life for years. 

855
00:52:02,970 --> 00:52:06,530
So that's saying, although the 
costumes and scenes of your life

856
00:52:06,530 --> 00:52:08,570
will change, you yourself are 
changeless. 

857
00:52:08,970 --> 00:52:11,970
What do you believe about us 
being changeless? 

858
00:52:15,730 --> 00:52:20,930
It's like our basics that we're 
born into the world with don't 

859
00:52:20,930 --> 00:52:26,330
change. 
We have total freedom to choose 

860
00:52:26,330 --> 00:52:29,850
what we do in this life. 
I believe we also have an innate

861
00:52:30,010 --> 00:52:35,090
core that guides us according to
why we came back into this 

862
00:52:35,090 --> 00:52:38,050
planet and the life that we're 
choosing. 

863
00:52:38,410 --> 00:52:42,450
So as far as you know, when 
we're born into the world, we 

864
00:52:42,450 --> 00:52:46,930
have no idea. 
That's all gone, except for some

865
00:52:47,450 --> 00:52:50,290
enlightened masters. 
I've seen them in India. 

866
00:52:50,290 --> 00:52:53,610
A child like 3 years old 
remembers this piece that's in 

867
00:52:53,610 --> 00:52:59,610
the house and we'll talk about 
it and wow, so I've seen it in 

868
00:52:59,690 --> 00:53:02,970
action. 
And so there are a few people 

869
00:53:02,970 --> 00:53:07,570
that come in understanding that 
they're reincarnated or they 

870
00:53:07,610 --> 00:53:09,930
remember their best slice, but 
most of us don't. 

871
00:53:10,890 --> 00:53:14,840
Got the question. 
About being changeless. 

872
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,480
Yeah, that our core is 
changeless. 

873
00:53:17,480 --> 00:53:23,120
We are soul, that is us. 
We are not this physical being 

874
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:26,440
and we're all vibration. 
I mean, science has proven it 

875
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:31,160
and we have the ability to 
create. 

876
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:37,120
Our basic nature is changeless. 
We don't change that's there. 

877
00:53:37,120 --> 00:53:40,470
That is our soul. 
So it's our soul. 

878
00:53:40,630 --> 00:53:43,790
I also believe that we don't and
reincarnate with our full soul. 

879
00:53:44,230 --> 00:53:49,470
So we bring in what we need and 
part of our soul remains in this

880
00:53:49,470 --> 00:53:52,310
connection. 
And that's when people say, oh, 

881
00:53:52,310 --> 00:53:58,310
I'm speaking to my higher self 
or my this is typically what I 

882
00:53:58,310 --> 00:54:02,430
believe is their their soul. 
Yeah, their higher soul. 

883
00:54:02,710 --> 00:54:06,570
What is Sophology? 
Talk about sophology. 

884
00:54:06,570 --> 00:54:08,490
In your book, what is? 
That I made the word up. 

885
00:54:08,730 --> 00:54:14,250
I know chapter or yeah, it's a 
part of my book and I looked it 

886
00:54:14,250 --> 00:54:18,170
up after I started using it. 
It's not in a dictionary but 

887
00:54:18,170 --> 00:54:20,650
it's like ontology. 
I've always called myself an 

888
00:54:20,650 --> 00:54:23,810
ontologist and I put it on my 
passport. 

889
00:54:23,810 --> 00:54:25,610
Nobody asked me cuz I don't know
what it is. 

890
00:54:26,220 --> 00:54:32,060
Typically, but an ontologist is,
it's the study of bigness and to

891
00:54:32,060 --> 00:54:35,700
me that's it. 
And selfology to me is kind of 

892
00:54:35,700 --> 00:54:38,340
the same thing. 
It's like the study of the self.

893
00:54:39,500 --> 00:54:42,820
You're going to get into it. 
Like don't we all ask like who 

894
00:54:42,820 --> 00:54:48,300
am I, what am I doing here? 
And so that I I call selfology 

895
00:54:48,300 --> 00:54:52,880
the study of the self. 
And understanding not only for 

896
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:57,640
me, my search took me deeper 
than who am I? 

897
00:54:58,440 --> 00:55:04,600
It led me into just so many 
areas of life of wait a minute, 

898
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:06,520
we've been lied to our whole 
lives. 

899
00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:10,240
The mirror is real. 
Atlantis is real. 

900
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:13,080
The spaceships and all of the, 
you know there. 

901
00:55:13,080 --> 00:55:16,530
There's so many. 
Text of all these different 

902
00:55:16,530 --> 00:55:18,850
religions. 
I studied every kind of religion

903
00:55:18,850 --> 00:55:21,610
for a while, thinking, oh, well,
maybe that'll help me figure 

904
00:55:21,610 --> 00:55:24,250
things out. 
Then I was philosophy. 

905
00:55:24,490 --> 00:55:27,370
Then I came back to theater. 
It's like, yeah, yeah, it's all 

906
00:55:27,370 --> 00:55:30,490
in Lila, it's all the Maya, It's
all the illusion. 

907
00:55:31,490 --> 00:55:36,130
So, you know, we're only actors 
walking across a state. 

908
00:55:36,130 --> 00:55:38,770
That's it. 
It's a stage of our of our 

909
00:55:38,770 --> 00:55:43,970
existence or our souls path. 
I totally believe that. 

910
00:55:44,850 --> 00:55:48,690
So you are quite the manifester.
You want to tell us what your 

911
00:55:48,690 --> 00:55:53,450
secret is? 
My mother, actually that raised 

912
00:55:53,450 --> 00:55:57,730
me, was a great manifester. 
So she taught me how to manifest

913
00:55:57,730 --> 00:56:01,050
my dreams. 
And one of the things is I 

914
00:56:01,050 --> 00:56:04,890
learned early in life is never 
doubt yourself. 

915
00:56:05,730 --> 00:56:10,090
If you have doubt within 
yourself, then the manifestation

916
00:56:10,090 --> 00:56:13,010
is going to be stunted. 
You have to have. 

917
00:56:13,470 --> 00:56:19,470
A clear vision or a purpose, and
you go laser beam towards it in 

918
00:56:19,470 --> 00:56:23,310
the best way that you can, but 
you drop any doubts. 

919
00:56:23,470 --> 00:56:25,790
You know, I'm writing my book 
and I'm like, Oh no, I don't 

920
00:56:25,790 --> 00:56:26,950
like that part. 
That's not good. 

921
00:56:27,470 --> 00:56:28,670
It's good. 
It's all right. 

922
00:56:28,670 --> 00:56:33,150
You know, like I can do that. 
Everything you do, you need to 

923
00:56:33,150 --> 00:56:35,230
do because it's out of your 
passion. 

924
00:56:36,830 --> 00:56:41,350
Passion will guide you. 
It'll lead you to the truth and 

925
00:56:41,350 --> 00:56:45,230
the areas you want to go in, but
you can not doubt yourself. 

926
00:56:45,590 --> 00:56:50,550
And one of the things is one of 
my favorite quotes is from a 

927
00:56:50,550 --> 00:56:55,790
little book called Illusion and 
I read this decades ago and the 

928
00:56:55,790 --> 00:57:00,030
quote is argue for your 
limitations and sure enough 

929
00:57:00,190 --> 00:57:05,270
they're yours. 
So I do not use the word can't. 

930
00:57:06,310 --> 00:57:08,230
I don't like the words could put
should. 

931
00:57:08,390 --> 00:57:14,190
They're wishy washy and what we 
speak is even more powerful than

932
00:57:14,190 --> 00:57:17,430
what we think you're thinking 
can really mess you up. 

933
00:57:17,630 --> 00:57:22,830
And if you speak it too much 
less saying it, then if you give

934
00:57:22,830 --> 00:57:25,950
out negative energy, that's what
you're going to get. 

935
00:57:26,390 --> 00:57:30,710
And you know it's proven, it's 
it's proven that if you say I 

936
00:57:30,710 --> 00:57:34,790
love this water, I'm drying a 
heart on my water bottle. 

937
00:57:36,230 --> 00:57:38,390
Going to be so good for you to 
drink? 

938
00:57:38,990 --> 00:57:43,230
Yeah, like smash it on the 
ground and say yeah, I don't 

939
00:57:43,230 --> 00:57:45,310
want to drink water, I want a 
beer or something. 

940
00:57:45,310 --> 00:57:48,430
Yet you know that water is not 
going to be healthy for you 

941
00:57:49,150 --> 00:57:51,630
because you have put that energy
into it. 

942
00:57:51,910 --> 00:57:57,310
This is proven already, the 
Mystics and the ancients. 

943
00:57:57,730 --> 00:58:00,570
Have told us this. 
So the great thing about my 

944
00:58:00,570 --> 00:58:06,890
search is that it took me there.
It took me into putting weaving 

945
00:58:06,890 --> 00:58:11,610
together all these different 
religions and ancient texts and 

946
00:58:11,610 --> 00:58:16,610
weaving them back together and 
seeing what the truth really is.

947
00:58:17,330 --> 00:58:20,850
And it took me around the world 
too, and everywhere. 

948
00:58:21,230 --> 00:58:22,910
Yeah, and. 
That's so cool, Yeah. 

949
00:58:23,870 --> 00:58:26,270
Have a real understanding of 
that. 

950
00:58:26,270 --> 00:58:29,390
Now that really, I mean talk 
about coming out of the fog. 

951
00:58:29,790 --> 00:58:33,750
It was just the adoptee wanting 
to know who I am coming out of 

952
00:58:33,750 --> 00:58:36,510
the fog. 
But me as a human being 

953
00:58:36,510 --> 00:58:41,470
exploring Ancients, it's like 
even if I'm a Denisovan, so 

954
00:58:41,470 --> 00:58:43,470
right. 
Interesting. 

955
00:58:43,470 --> 00:58:46,550
So even if I did know who my 
parents were, I didn't know 

956
00:58:46,550 --> 00:58:49,750
MyHeritage. 
So I had to go deeper and deeper

957
00:58:49,750 --> 00:58:52,160
and deeper. 
Hard to believe anybody would 

958
00:58:52,160 --> 00:58:56,040
have gone to the extremes I did 
to find out the truth of who my 

959
00:58:56,040 --> 00:58:58,920
biological family is. 
Right. 

960
00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:02,920
And my father, he he was even 
harder to find. 

961
00:59:04,560 --> 00:59:07,160
She did made the name finally 
right. 

962
00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:10,760
He made the name, but nothing 
matched up on my DNA. 

963
00:59:11,200 --> 00:59:11,880
Right. 
Go. 

964
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:17,700
My God, this is terrible. 
That went on for years after I 

965
00:59:17,700 --> 00:59:20,420
met her. 
And then all of a sudden one day

966
00:59:20,460 --> 00:59:25,100
I got a first cousin mansion, 
ancestry and that to be my half 

967
00:59:25,100 --> 00:59:28,100
sister. 
I got in touch immediately. 

968
00:59:28,540 --> 00:59:31,220
Her husband put me through all 
kinds of stuff to be able to 

969
00:59:31,220 --> 00:59:36,380
talk to her anyway. 
But what I found out is that the

970
00:59:36,380 --> 00:59:39,500
reason nothing matched is that 
my father was also a taunt. 

971
00:59:39,660 --> 00:59:42,540
That made it, yeah. 
That's another whole, whole 

972
00:59:42,540 --> 00:59:45,390
story. 
About my father and what 

973
00:59:45,390 --> 00:59:49,550
happened with that family. 
Well, I could talk for hours 

974
00:59:49,550 --> 00:59:54,030
with you about so many things, 
white feathers and just all 

975
00:59:54,030 --> 00:59:57,950
kinds of things, but I would 
like to close by asking you to 

976
00:59:57,950 --> 01:00:01,110
tell us something you would like
struggling adoptees to know. 

977
01:00:02,190 --> 01:00:04,990
Yeah. 
What I would like them to know 

978
01:00:04,990 --> 01:00:10,310
is that there are avenues to 
explore that are beyond the 

979
01:00:10,310 --> 01:00:13,400
physical. 
There are avenues to explore 

980
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:19,920
that can open up the reality of 
who we are, who you are, who I 

981
01:00:19,920 --> 01:00:26,280
am, and that that is an Ave. to 
pursue, especially if you are in

982
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:29,160
trauma. 
The trauma is real. 

983
01:00:29,200 --> 01:00:31,560
There's no doubt about that 
trauma. 

984
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:36,040
Being able to recognize that you
have the trauma and where it's 

985
01:00:36,040 --> 01:00:40,200
from is big. 
That's half of the battle. 

986
01:00:40,660 --> 01:00:44,340
Once you recognize you have the 
trauma because of being taken 

987
01:00:44,340 --> 01:00:47,900
from your mother at birth or 
being put in an orphanage or 

988
01:00:47,900 --> 01:00:51,940
being put in a foster care, once
you recognize that the issues 

989
01:00:51,940 --> 01:00:56,700
that you're having today are 
related to that, then you have 

990
01:00:57,020 --> 01:01:02,300
emotional intelligence to be 
able to look in a different way 

991
01:01:02,300 --> 01:01:07,700
with a different perspective and
not be under the the weight of 

992
01:01:07,700 --> 01:01:10,240
the trauma. 
Because you have emotional 

993
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:13,640
intelligence and that's what 
needs to be used. 

994
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:18,600
And sometimes when you get to 
that place where you realize, Oh

995
01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:22,640
my God, I've fainted all my life
because of my birth, Oh my God, 

996
01:01:22,640 --> 01:01:26,040
I was an epileptic because of 
that of the hospital experience.

997
01:01:26,440 --> 01:01:29,960
Oh my God, All these things that
may happen, those are things 

998
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:34,240
that happened to me, but all 
those things that happened, now,

999
01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:37,570
you know the reason behind it. 
You may not know all the 

1000
01:01:37,570 --> 01:01:41,650
details, but you know the reason
these are happening in your life

1001
01:01:42,130 --> 01:01:45,330
and to be able to move beyond 
that, I mean, come on. 

1002
01:01:45,330 --> 01:01:49,730
Even today in in therapy, 
they're using psilocybin, 

1003
01:01:49,730 --> 01:01:52,770
they're using, you know, 
marijuana, they're using a lot 

1004
01:01:52,770 --> 01:01:56,490
of alternative means and they're
finding, hey, this works because

1005
01:01:56,490 --> 01:02:00,830
it cuts through your blockages. 
And opened you up to a new 

1006
01:02:00,830 --> 01:02:05,390
awareness and that was one of 
the best things I ever did and 

1007
01:02:05,390 --> 01:02:08,710
it really, really helped. 
And you know, I still do it from

1008
01:02:08,710 --> 01:02:11,630
time to time. 
As a refresher, if you know I'm 

1009
01:02:11,630 --> 01:02:16,110
not moving in a totally positive
direction, I will use that as my

1010
01:02:16,190 --> 01:02:21,190
ally to assist me and only 
something totally natural. 

1011
01:02:21,710 --> 01:02:23,350
Psychotherapist can give it to 
you now. 

1012
01:02:23,350 --> 01:02:26,350
I've never been to a 
psychotherapist, but I didn't go

1013
01:02:26,350 --> 01:02:28,950
to that one retreat in the 
Virgin Islands and that really 

1014
01:02:28,950 --> 01:02:32,990
helped. 
So that and also connect with 

1015
01:02:32,990 --> 01:02:38,110
other adoptees, read adoptee 
stories, read my book. 

1016
01:02:38,190 --> 01:02:41,470
You know, my book is here. 
I got my first proof back 

1017
01:02:41,470 --> 01:02:43,990
yesterday. 
I love the cover. 

1018
01:02:44,150 --> 01:02:47,590
Yeah, it's a masquerade because 
that was my thing, you know? 

1019
01:02:48,150 --> 01:02:52,090
So tell us how to. 
Find your book Find you. 

1020
01:02:52,450 --> 01:02:54,330
Are you on social media? 
We'll put all the links in the 

1021
01:02:54,330 --> 01:02:56,050
show notes. 
But how do we connect? 

1022
01:02:56,570 --> 01:03:04,170
Yeah, I'm on Instagram and I am 
on Facebook as an author, and 

1023
01:03:04,170 --> 01:03:06,730
then I'm also on Facebook as my 
personal site. 

1024
01:03:06,890 --> 01:03:09,570
Then I want people to go to my 
author site because that's kind 

1025
01:03:09,570 --> 01:03:11,970
of new. 
It's not been built up, but I 

1026
01:03:11,970 --> 01:03:15,370
post there all the time, at 
least a couple times a week, and

1027
01:03:15,370 --> 01:03:19,980
I have a website up. 
Valerienaman.com I've written 

1028
01:03:19,980 --> 01:03:23,980
story songs that go along with 
the book and then the audio 

1029
01:03:23,980 --> 01:03:25,580
book. 
I just have one more chapter to 

1030
01:03:25,580 --> 01:03:27,780
record and that'll be done 
because they used to be a 

1031
01:03:27,780 --> 01:03:32,100
voiceover artist, so I did that.
So the book, ebook and audio 

1032
01:03:32,100 --> 01:03:36,100
book is available on pre launch 
for at least the next week or 

1033
01:03:36,100 --> 01:03:41,780
two on my website and then the 
launch itself is August 30th. 

1034
01:03:42,380 --> 01:03:45,660
And that is the full blue moon 
in August. 

1035
01:03:45,660 --> 01:03:50,420
So brightest moon of the year. 
So if anybody's near Asheville, 

1036
01:03:50,420 --> 01:03:56,100
NC invites you to my party 
brought me a message in my 

1037
01:03:56,100 --> 01:04:00,900
emails on the website. 
You can do a Let's Connect thing

1038
01:04:01,340 --> 01:04:04,580
and get that. 
You can also download freebies 

1039
01:04:04,700 --> 01:04:09,440
of my audio book. 
And read a chapter of my book on

1040
01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:12,240
there. 
And then you can sign up. 

1041
01:04:12,240 --> 01:04:15,280
Give me your e-mail so I can let
you know what's going on and you

1042
01:04:15,280 --> 01:04:18,080
will get freebies. 
There's freebies you can choose 

1043
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:20,560
from. 
So that's the best way to 

1044
01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:22,720
connect with me. 
OK, awesome. 

1045
01:04:22,720 --> 01:04:24,200
I think you should start 
retreats. 

1046
01:04:24,360 --> 01:04:26,920
Healing retreats. 
I thought about that. 

1047
01:04:27,640 --> 01:04:31,720
Karma retreats or something. 
I'm working on two more books 

1048
01:04:31,720 --> 01:04:34,480
too so. 
Yeah, a lot going on. 

1049
01:04:35,640 --> 01:04:39,320
I have goats and chickens and 
honey bees and, you know, a lot 

1050
01:04:39,360 --> 01:04:40,920
going on. 
You sound like me. 

1051
01:04:40,920 --> 01:04:42,760
When you feel like you could do 
anything. 

1052
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:44,240
There's so much that you could 
do. 

1053
01:04:44,280 --> 01:04:48,000
And yeah, you know, it's just 
hard not to put your hand in a 

1054
01:04:48,040 --> 01:04:50,840
ton of different things, but oh.
Yeah, I'm spinning so many 

1055
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:52,840
plates. 
When I was going I had a big 

1056
01:04:52,840 --> 01:04:56,800
poster covering the entire part 
of my inside of my bedroom door 

1057
01:04:56,800 --> 01:04:59,440
that said. 
Always take home more than you 

1058
01:04:59,440 --> 01:05:01,840
can, or you'll never do all that
you can do. 

1059
01:05:03,480 --> 01:05:06,440
I'll remember when I'm feeling 
overwhelmed. 

1060
01:05:07,080 --> 01:05:08,920
Yeah, you and I are a lot of 
liking that one. 

1061
01:05:10,040 --> 01:05:13,840
Yeah, you know, and if the shoe 
fits, if you're stuck in a rat, 

1062
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:16,640
you're not growing. 
You got to turn that shoe off. 

1063
01:05:16,640 --> 01:05:18,600
It's true. 
Do something out of the 

1064
01:05:18,720 --> 01:05:21,320
ordinary. 
It's going to shift your 

1065
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:23,720
perspective. 
That's what they call it, and 

1066
01:05:23,720 --> 01:05:26,120
some of the shamanic works of 
Don Juan. 

1067
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:29,920
Carlos, Costanana stuff, it's 
called a shift in your 

1068
01:05:29,920 --> 01:05:33,760
assemblage point. 
So if you've been stuck like in 

1069
01:05:33,760 --> 01:05:38,080
trauma or something like that, 
really need a shift in the 

1070
01:05:38,080 --> 01:05:42,080
assemblage point that you're 
operating from and like that 

1071
01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:46,040
Fernandofty is really hard to 
dislodge and to move into 

1072
01:05:46,040 --> 01:05:50,040
different directions. 
So getting help and some of the 

1073
01:05:50,040 --> 01:05:54,280
ways that I've described I think
is a great way to move forward. 

1074
01:05:54,660 --> 01:05:57,580
Yeah, we get comfortable. 
Even though it's an 

1075
01:05:57,580 --> 01:05:59,820
uncomfortable feeling. 
It's what we always known. 

1076
01:05:59,820 --> 01:06:03,340
So it's our comfort zone. 
Thank you for coming on the show

1077
01:06:03,340 --> 01:06:05,540
today, Valerie. 
I really enjoyed it. 

1078
01:06:05,940 --> 01:06:07,500
Me too. 
Me too. 

1079
01:06:08,260 --> 01:06:10,860
Thanks. 
I wish all the adoptee success 

1080
01:06:10,860 --> 01:06:12,740
in moving through out of the 
fog. 

1081
01:06:13,020 --> 01:06:15,860
If you're out of the fog, share 
it with people. 

1082
01:06:15,860 --> 01:06:18,980
Write about it. 
Help our brothers and sisters. 

1083
01:06:18,980 --> 01:06:22,060
We are a tribe. 
We are a big tribe. 

1084
01:06:22,260 --> 01:06:24,680
Big love. 
Wow. 

1085
01:06:24,880 --> 01:06:28,040
Just wow. 
Have you ever heard an adoptee 

1086
01:06:28,040 --> 01:06:33,360
say that their parents told them
that they came from monkeys? 

1087
01:06:33,920 --> 01:06:37,400
Now, to most children, they 
would probably be petrified if 

1088
01:06:37,400 --> 01:06:41,080
their parents told them that. 
But Valerie, it didn't phase 

1089
01:06:41,080 --> 01:06:42,840
her. 
She thought it was pretty cool. 

1090
01:06:43,280 --> 01:06:46,600
And there is just so much more 
in this book that we did not 

1091
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:49,920
even cover about her life, just 
her life in general. 

1092
01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:53,560
Not even talking about adoption.
There's just so many things. 

1093
01:06:54,180 --> 01:06:58,020
Her life is a wild ride, her 
adoption story is a wild ride 

1094
01:06:58,020 --> 01:06:59,860
and she is just a kick in the 
pants. 

1095
01:06:59,860 --> 01:07:04,940
I love Valerie and ever since I 
knew that I was going to be 

1096
01:07:04,940 --> 01:07:09,340
talking to her for the podcast, 
I keep hearing that song come on

1097
01:07:09,340 --> 01:07:13,170
over Valerie. 
And seeing white feathers and 

1098
01:07:13,170 --> 01:07:15,690
just all kinds of 
synchronicities with her. 

1099
01:07:15,690 --> 01:07:18,450
So I really do hope that at some
point I get to meet her in 

1100
01:07:18,450 --> 01:07:21,050
person but find her on social 
media. 

1101
01:07:21,050 --> 01:07:22,970
I have all her links in the show
notes. 

1102
01:07:22,970 --> 01:07:25,610
Her website is also in the show 
notes. 

1103
01:07:25,930 --> 01:07:27,210
Get the book. 
Read the book. 

1104
01:07:27,210 --> 01:07:32,170
If you can find a book signing 
that Valerie is at, go to it and

1105
01:07:32,170 --> 01:07:35,370
meet her. 
She is such a fun person. 

1106
01:07:35,920 --> 01:07:39,400
So many things happening here at
Mind Your own Karma. 

1107
01:07:39,560 --> 01:07:43,400
It is almost time for our 100th 
episode. 

1108
01:07:43,400 --> 01:07:45,760
Can you believe it? 
None of this would have been 

1109
01:07:45,760 --> 01:07:48,360
possible without all of you 
listening out there. 

1110
01:07:48,360 --> 01:07:50,920
So thank you so much for 
listening. 

1111
01:07:51,240 --> 01:07:55,680
If you haven't rated and 
reviewed the podcast, please do 

1112
01:07:55,680 --> 01:07:59,220
so on your listening platform. 
If you are looking for ways to 

1113
01:07:59,220 --> 01:08:02,420
support this podcast, that is 1 
great way to do it. 

1114
01:08:02,740 --> 01:08:08,100
Other ways Share the podcast on 
your social platforms or share 

1115
01:08:08,100 --> 01:08:11,020
it with another adoptee or 
someone in the constellation. 

1116
01:08:11,380 --> 01:08:16,100
Another way is send me an e-mail
and let me know how this podcast

1117
01:08:16,100 --> 01:08:18,660
has changed your life or what 
you have learned. 

1118
01:08:18,899 --> 01:08:22,899
After almost a year and a half 
of podcasting, sometimes I want 

1119
01:08:22,899 --> 01:08:26,180
to tap the mic and say is 
anybody out there listening even

1120
01:08:26,180 --> 01:08:29,310
though I know they are. 
It's nice to hear from the 

1121
01:08:29,310 --> 01:08:31,510
listeners. 
It's great encouragement for me.

1122
01:08:31,510 --> 01:08:34,430
So that's another way that you 
can help support the podcast is 

1123
01:08:34,430 --> 01:08:37,510
support me and encourage me. 
Let me know you're out there and

1124
01:08:37,510 --> 01:08:41,750
let me know you're listening. 
Lastly, as always, you can Share

1125
01:08:41,750 --> 01:08:45,750
your story on the podcast. 
So drop me a line at my e-mail, 

1126
01:08:45,750 --> 01:08:49,229
mind your own karma.com, go to 
my website, become part of the 

1127
01:08:49,229 --> 01:08:52,910
Karma crew, send me a note 
there, and let's get your story 

1128
01:08:52,910 --> 01:08:55,609
on the podcast. 
The last thing I want to mention

1129
01:08:55,609 --> 01:08:59,569
is I am now taking clients for 
my somatic mindful guided 

1130
01:08:59,569 --> 01:09:02,810
imagery practice. 
I have about 8 more weeks of 

1131
01:09:02,810 --> 01:09:06,210
instruction before I am totally 
certified, so I am seeing 

1132
01:09:06,210 --> 01:09:10,930
clients for a discounted rate 
until September 1st. 

1133
01:09:11,450 --> 01:09:15,210
I'm also giving adoptees and 
anyone in the constellation a 

1134
01:09:15,210 --> 01:09:19,490
20% discount right now. 
Until the 1st, so book an 

1135
01:09:19,490 --> 01:09:22,529
appointment with me. 
I do 15 to 20 minute discovery 

1136
01:09:22,529 --> 01:09:25,410
calls that are free. 
If you're interested, please get

1137
01:09:25,410 --> 01:09:30,090
in touch with me and let's see 
if SMGI is part of your healing 

1138
01:09:30,090 --> 01:09:33,010
combination. 
I think I have mentioned all the

1139
01:09:33,010 --> 01:09:36,210
things I was supposed to mention
in this outro. 

1140
01:09:36,609 --> 01:09:40,290
So as always, take what you need
and leave what you don't. 

1141
01:09:40,930 --> 01:09:44,130
And always remember to mind your
own karma. 

1142
01:09:44,609 --> 01:09:45,569
I'll see you next time.