Hey there. It's Melissa.
Brunetti and welcome to the mind your own Karma podcast.
Either Karma Cruise so glad you're with me today.
I know it is between Christmas and New Year's, but I had this
Revelation that kind of came up for me.
Watching my friend, do an Instagram Live this week and it
just gave me some ideas of some things that I wanted to bring to
you. My friend is a fellow podcaster,
her name is Nisha McKittrick and her podcast is mindset.
Check and she was talking about the movie, It's a Wonderful Life
and she was talking about George, the main character, how
he was super depressed and he was having money problems.
And just things were not right in his life and George had a
guardian angel and the angel was told that George needed some
help. The angel was very concerned and
the angel asked if George was sick.
And He was told, no, he's not sick, it's worse than being
sick. He's discouraged.
And it just made me think of so many adoptees during these
holiday times. How discouraged they are.
Because maybe they don't have family to go to maybe the
holidays are not a happy time for them.
And I just hate to think that there's so many adoptees out
there alone and feeling. So, I isolated during the
holidays, I even heard one. Adopt the kind of relate us as I
think it was in Rudolph where they had the land of Misfit Toys
and how this adoptee felt like, one of the misfit toys that
didn't fit in that wasn't good enough to be given as a gift to
the children. And even Rudolph himself, he was
a loner. He was a loner because he had
this big red glowing nose and all the other reindeer made fun
of them. He didn't feel like he fit in
anywhere. But in the end this loners
bright red nose. What made him different from
everyone else? That was his superpower.
I mean, Christmas would have totally been canceled if it was
not for his red nose that made him, stand out.
So, I'm just wondering, what is your adoptees superpower?
We all have superpowers? All of us.
You were made for something. Great, something fulfilling.
Something that you can give the world because the world needs.
You just like George in a wonderful life.
He had it, he was done. He was done with life.
He wanted to end it all and he jumps in the water and the angel
comes out and drags him out and then shows him this wonderful
movie which I wish we all could see for ourselves.
This wonderful movie of what life would have been like if you
were not in it, It. What would it be like for
everyone around you? Sometimes we feel so
insignificant that we don't matter to anybody, but you do
and you don't even realize probably How you fit into
people's lives? What you do for other people in
your life, you have no clue half the time, how you impact the
world and there's just there's so many gray Christmas stories
that come out at Christmas time that I have to always reflect on
my favorite. One is the Grinch, the cartoon.
The Grinch, I love that character and I just love the
message in the Whole story. It's so great.
I mean, I was pondering why? The Grinch was so Grinchy, you
know? And so I went on and I forgot
that the who's in Whoville said that his heart was two sizes,
too small. Like maybe he was born that way,
I don't know or life circumstances, shrunk, his heart
to two sizes, too small, and maybe sometimes isn't it Do you
feel like your heart is two sizes, too small and in the Jim
Carrey version of the movie, they kind of told the story that
the he was ridiculed as a child because he was different.
And so he isolate him to himself on that hill.
And he lived up there where he could live in solitude and look
down at Who-ville and see everyone living happily down
there and while he was just boiling inside, watching them be
so happy. And he was just so bitter about
his life and how he was treated that he became this miserable
curmudgeon up there, just wishing all bad things on
Who-ville and, you know, at the end Having learned that stealing
the presents from Whoville and all their trees and ornaments
and everything. It didn't destroy the who's
fellowship and joy. He began to see the deeper
meaning of the holiday and he had a change of heart when he
returned. Our gifts, his heart grew, three
sizes, if only it was that easy, right?
And a half an hour, he, you know, changed his tune and
everything was great. That would be so easy.
But are you one of those adoptees that are the Grinch?
And you've isolated yourself because you've been hurt so much
and that you really don't have anybody that you want to be
around, maybe you. You've been hurt by people even
family members and you just rather be isolated and alone
upon that mountain top like the Grinch and just kind of look
down and seeing life happen, but you don't feel like you can join
the party but like the Grinch sitting up on his Hill, looking
down at Whoville, would ruining Christmas really make the Grinch
happy in the long run. No, it wouldn't have Since when
does hurting people feel good to us just doesn't.
And even if he did ruin Christmas and felt like he got
Justice for whatever happened to him, Justice doesn't heal
wounds. The wound is still there.
So yes, maybe in the moment feeling like you ruined, their
whole Christmas Day, gives you a little satisfaction, but in the
end, it's not going to heal. What is actually going on with
you. Have you heard that saying, it's
like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies, that's
what you're doing. You're really poisoning yourself
and hoping that the other person suffers and it just doesn't turn
out. That way and it makes you feel
worse in the long run. And in the end, what I have
found personally that heals my wounds is change.
Change heals wounds and that change has to take place inside
of us. I mean until the Grinch realized
that he needed to have a different Outlook and a
different feeling in his heart that he needed to change, he
needed to change, nothing was going to be different for him.
I'm sure you've heard that saying if you want a different
result than do something different if you don't like
something, then change it. If you can change it and if you
can't change it, then change your attitude.
Attitude and mindset is how we change our lives.
The Grinch was going to remain miserable and Grinchy until he
decided to change his heart and when he did it grew three sizes.
You know why? Because the Grinch was finally
tired of his own shit and until you're tired of your own shit.
Nothing is going to change and there's some of you, you're not
ready to change and that's okay. You don't have to be in that
spot, but if you are in the spot where you're sick of where
you're at, and you're ready to do something, you're ready to
move. This is where change takes
place. Yes, your story might have been
horrific and maybe there are people that need to apologize to
you. But what if that never happens.
What if it never happens. Are you going to stay locked in
misery and hate and discouragement?
Because how is that working for you right now?
You have to let it go. And I'm not saying that lightly
at all, but you have to do it for yourself.
You have to put everybody else out of your mind, they don't
matter. You can't control them.
The only one you can control is you and that's all you need.
Control over to change your life.
I believe in karma and things will always come around good or
bad. You might not see it, but it
will happen. I believe that.
And even if you don't believe that, it doesn't matter, it's
time to live a life that you love and the life.
If that you were put on this Earth to live, are you living
life right now? Or are you up on that mountain?
Like the Grinch looking down at life happening.
Are you miserable and stuck? You have that
get-out-of-jail-free card, you have the key to open the cell
door and free yourself and only you can do it.
Just like the Grinch did. I know, sometimes it feels like
you are letting people off the hook if you move on.
If you stop being angry with them.
But you have to get to the point where that is just not your
focus. You are your focus.
Make that your resolution to come home to yourself.
This is my challenge to you my fellow adoptees.
Come home. If you're tired of being
miserable, you're tired of not living life authentically,
you're tired of being the Grinch.
You're tired of your own shit. Then it's time to come home.
It's time to make a move. It's time to change directions,
do something different to get a different outcome.
Make it your New Year's resolution to come home to
yourself. So, by now you're asking
yourself, that's great. I am tired of my own shit and
now, what do I do? So I have a tiny little hack
that I use. So what I have started to do
that helps me get out of a bad mood when I'm triggered, is
this? This is my secret weapon that
I'm going to share with you. When you feel like you are
triggered by something or someone, I want you to stop and
recognize it. But then instead of staying
triggered, I want you to get curious.
And what does that mean to get curious?
It means I want you to examine why you reacted the way you did.
So instead of acting out I want you to reflect in Word.
And instead of pointing a finger at someone or something, I want
you to look in the mirror and point the finger at yourself.
And then ask yourself. Why did that bother you?
What bothered me about that person or thing or whatever they
said. And it may not be answered with
just one why you might have to ask five wise before you get to
the root of why. Keep asking why?
Because every time the answer goes a little deeper and
finally, you will have that aha moment that you probably never
even realized before because you haven't gone that deep and ask
the question. So, keep asking yourself and I
can almost guarantee the real answer isn't what your first
reaction was. When you were triggered.
It's something totally different.
I bet the first reaction was that it was something outside of
you but it's really something inside of you, not someone else.
And until we are willing to look inside of ourselves, which is
scary as hell, for some of us, but that's where we need to go.
You can do this. I am here for you.
I have done it. It's hard as hell.
I'm not going to lie, but damn, it's worth it.
Don't stay stuck on the hill alone.
Looking down at the world going by, you're missing out on life.
Decide to come down the hill and join the party.
The world is waiting for you to show up.
It's time to make a move to do something different, so you can
experience a life that you love. If you are truly stuck and you
feel like you cannot move, ask why?
And keep asking until you get to that deep answer.
The root of it, because if you don't Don't, it's like that weed
that you didn't dig all the way down and get to the tip of the
root where it's just going to grow back, bigger and stronger.
Every time until you do, dig all the way down and get all of the
route. That's what you need to do, dig
all the way down. It's not pretty your hands are
going to get muddy and dirts going to get in your
fingernails. And that's what you need to do.
Are you ready to fight for yourself?
Are you ready to get your life back?
Stop giving your pen to everyone else to write your story.
It is your autobiography. Why are you allowing others to
write the chapters? You can't go back and rewrite
what's already written but you can take your pen back.
And be the hero in your own story.
No one is going to save you in this search for yourself.
You have to fight this battle. There is support out there for
you and if you need help with that reach out to me and I will
do my best to help you as someone that's gone through it.
There are tons of support groups out there and there's always
professional help. Do not feel like you can't reach
out to the resources that are out there for you.
I'm going to end this podcast with a little song, But first, I
just want to thank everyone for listening one.
Again, this past year has been amazing, and I have so much for
you this coming year, so much. So stay tuned because I have
tons of interviews for you. That you are just going to love.
If you are ready to tell your adoption experience on the
podcast, get a hold of me at mind.
Your own Karma at gmail.com. Let's get your story on the
podcast. Let's educate the world with
Your journey, that is how we do it.
If you would like to give me a belated, Christmas present, you
can like, share and review and even subscribe to the podcast in
hopes that adoptees and other people that need to hear this
podcast, will be able to find it.
I'm going to end this podcast with this classic Christmas song
that everybody knows it's called.
I'll Be Home for Christmas. But when you hear it this time,
When you listen, I want you to make it personal.
I want you to sing it to yourself. and when it says, I'm
Dreaming tonight of a place, I love That place is you.
And when it says, I promise you, I will be home for Christmas.
You are making that promise to yourself.
You owe it to yourself to come home.
Has always take what you need and leave what you don't and
always remember to mind your own Karma.
I'll see you next time. Oh my gosh, Tomlin.
Are you serious? This is what I put up with guys.