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Hey there, it's Melissa 
Brunetti, and welcome to the 

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Mind Your Own Karma podcast. 
Hey there, Karma crew, Thanks 

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for joining me for this episode 
of Mind Your Own Karma, The 

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Adoption Chronicles. 
And it's funny if you're 

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watching the video on YouTube, I
feel like I'm about to do a 

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Karma Files episode like one of 
my spooky paranormal episodes 

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that I used to do back in the 
day because it's so dark in 

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here. 
I've been having major computer 

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issues and I am working on this 
late at night so it is dark and 

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I hope this comes out because 
this is about the 4th take of 

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this episode that I'm doing. 
And yeah, so anyway, thanks for 

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joining me. 
I am doing a solo episode today.

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I just wanted to bring up 
something. 

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I was on TikTok the other day 
just scrolling through and came 

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across a video from It looked 
like China and it was an 

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adoption video, very triggering 
even for me. 

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And it showed a worker at the 
orphanage bringing out a child, 

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maybe nine months, 10 months old
and handing it to a very nice 

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looking white woman with blonde 
hair. 

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And the worker handed the child 
over to the lady. 

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And as soon as the child got in 
her arms, the child started 

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crying and reaching towards the 
worker and was in flight and 

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fright mode, trying to get away 
from this woman who, you know, 

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poor lady, was trying to comfort
this child. 

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So she was holding him tightly, 
him or her tightly, and patting 

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him on the back and kissing him 
on the cheek and, you know, kind

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of bouncing him up and down 
trying to tell them it's going 

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to be OK, it's going to be OK. 
And the child was just 

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traumatized. 
You could see it in its face. 

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And the harder the child 
struggled, the more the lady 

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held tight to the child. 
And pretty soon the baby stopped

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crying and just had such a look 
on its face. 

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I can't even describe it. 
Sadness. 

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It wasn't sadness. 
It was defeat. 

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It was defeat and it was 
surrender. 

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And it was the saddest thing I 
think I've seen in a long time. 

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It really, really got to me. 
I kept watching it and watching 

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it and just thinking this isn't 
real, this isn't real, this 

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isn't happening to this poor 
child right now. 

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And so I decided to repost the 
video and I put a caption that 

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said something to the effect of 
tell me adoption trauma doesn't 

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exist or something like that. 
And not that I should be 

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surprised at some of the 
comments that I got, but I was 

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pretty shocked at some of the 
comments. 

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I got some pretty attacking 
comments. 

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And I was just like, did you 
just watch this poor child on 

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the screen? 
Did you just watch that video? 

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How could you be so cold and 
heartless after watching that 

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child? 
I just, I just couldn't 

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understand. 
Where's the humanity? 

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The only thing I can think of is
that people really want to stay 

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ignorant. 
They do not want to know the 

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truth about adoption, drama. 
And it just really hit home for 

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me the fact that I need to keep 
doing this podcast and you all 

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need to keep coming on podcasts 
and telling your stories. 

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Good, bad or otherwise. 
They're all stories about 

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adoption. 
Every single one of them, and 

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every single one is educating 
the world about the intricacies 

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of an adoptee or a birth mother 
or an adoptive parent. 

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And all three of us need to come
together and keep telling our 

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stories. 
That is the only way that we are

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going to make a difference. 
And I'm wanting to know what is 

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the difference that you are 
wanting to see in the adoption 

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industry and how do you think we
can continue to change that 

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industry for the better? 
You know, right now the adoption

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industry is a $75 billion a year
industry. 

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The selling of children for 
profit. 

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That should not be happening, 
Selling children for profit. 

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It should not be putting price 
tags on children's heads. 

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You know, I've been hearing 
things that ethnicity and the 

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way a child looks or where 
they're from or how old they are

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can can dictate what that price 
tag is on that child. 

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And I just remember as a kid 
growing up, the Cabbage Patch 

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dolls and if you ever had one or
even saw them in the store, if 

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you ever went shopping for one, 
that's kind of now I'm like 

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looking back going wow, that's 
kind of adoption. 

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Like you go there and you're 
like, I want a blonde haired, 

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blue eyed little girl with long 
hair and a little freckle on her

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face and you know, had the birth
certificate where you write your

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name in and the baby's name And 
you know, looking back, I'm just

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like, wow, we were normalizing 
that. 

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We were buying these Cabbage 
Patch dolls and adopting them 

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and not even realizing, you 
know, what we were doing. 

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But I mean, it's true of the 
industry, right? 

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You can go into an agency, sit 
down, have a baby brought to you

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and you literally can say I'll 
wait for the next one. 

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This one isn't really quite what
I was expecting. 

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You know, I wanted a brown 
haired, brown eyed daughter that

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might look like me and this 
one's got red hair and green 

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eyes. 
So I'll wait for the next one. 

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That's not the Cabbage Patch 
doll I wanted. 

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And since I'm paying for it, I 
want to get what I want, right? 

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I don't know. 
The whole thing is just so 

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disheartening and just really 
disgusts me. 

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And so hearing these comments 
that people were saying, I'm, 

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I'm just it, it was literally 
the craziest thing. 

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So this one lady says by the end
of the video, the baby calmed 

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and was resting in her mother's 
arms, weighing the option this 

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child has. 
I'm thinking this is better. 

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I'm just like, did you see the 
child's face that wasn't calmed 

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and resting? 
That was defeat and sadness and 

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grief. 
Like, I don't know what you were

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watching and you know this one. 
So everyone should stop adopting

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children and let them stay in 
orphanage being abused and not 

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loved or cared for. 
And I just said there are other 

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alternatives to explore first, 
and then this one says yes it 

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is, but that amount is OK 
because they'll provide a steady

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home and love that the mother 
couldn't and she chose it to 

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happen so her baby could be 
happy and healthy. 

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And I just said that doesn't 
negate the fact that the child's

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been traumatized. 
They may not cognitively 

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remember, but it's stored in 
their nervous system and their 

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subconscious. 
This one. 

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She will adapt well with all the
love and care she'll receive. 

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Children flourish in an 
environment of love and feeling 

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safe. 
And this one? 

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Traumatic but necessary at 
times. 

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Unfortunately, she'll not 
remember anything in a short 

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time. 
Luckily, being so young, I'm 

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sure it's better than the 
orphanage. 

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And this one's my favorite. 
This person and her name is Yes,

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my name is Karen. 
Yes my name is Karen said what 

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an ignorant post. 
Really. 

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Who is the ignorant 1 here? 
And I did have one person. 

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I mean there was like secret 
people liking my replies and 

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things, but you know, not many 
that were brave enough to like 

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get in this arena with me and 
like really talk about it. 

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But there was one lady and she 
did give it to some people in 

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here. 
So Antonia, I want to thank you 

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so much. 
She was there right there with 

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me and and telling and and 
educating people, educating 

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people. 
I had one person that said 

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agenda much because she must 
have gone on my profile and saw 

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that, you know, I have an 
Adoptee podcast. 

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And I thought, yeah, if you 
wanna call me advocating to make

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adoption better, if you wanna 
call that an agenda that I'm 

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educating the world about 
adoption, if you wanna call that

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agenda, then yes, yes, I do have
an agenda. 

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My agenda is to help the 
adoptees coming up, you know, 

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have a better experience than a 
lot of us have had. 

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That is my agenda, and it's just
crazy. 

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Some of the things I've been 
hearing lately coming out about,

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you know, back in the Baby Scoop
era, it was pretty common for 

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birth mothers to put an alias 
name on the birth certificate. 

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But this is a legal document. 
Whether you are giving someone 

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up for adoption and you know 
this isn't going to be their 

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real birth certificate in the 
long run. 

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That the moms were encouraged to
give an alias on this official 

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document and it was totally 
legal to do just blows my mind. 

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And I've heard this so many 
times. 

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And it's like they were told to 
put an alias on there to save, 

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you know, their face, basically.
And so it would never get out 

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that they did this, you know, 
that would never be on any 

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official documents or anything. 
And the other thing is that the 

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father, a lot of times they, you
didn't even have to put a 

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father's name on the birth 
certificate. 

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You didn't even have to. 
It's totally fine, just leave it

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blank, you know, And the father 
didn't even have to sign any 

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paperwork relinquishing this 
baby. 

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And this is part of what we're 
all advocating for is, you know,

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right. 
Is like having that kinship, 

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adoption where the baby can stay
in the family. 

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And if you know the adopted 
chameleon, you know her father 

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and her story where her dad 
didn't even know that that she 

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was a she was born. 
He wanted her. 

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Like he would have had her, his 
family and him. 

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They would have raised her. 
They had no idea she even 

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existed and what would have 
happened, You know, she claims 

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that she had a great adoption 
experience for the most part. 

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But what would have happened if 
she would have been given the 

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chance to have her biology, her 
heritage, her family around her 

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to raise her? 
How would things be different 

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for her? 
She'll never know, you know. 

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And so she's got to make up for 
lost time. 

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And I don't know a lot of times,
and I don't know if this is how 

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it is for her, but a lot of 
times those relationships, 

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they're just not the same. 
And if you were raised and grew 

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up with that family, those 
connections, the blood is there,

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but the connection, there's 
something missing. 

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I'm not saying 100% of the time,
but a lot of the time there is 

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just something missing there. 
And you know, I don't know. 

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I'm just, I'm so disappointed in
society. 

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I just can't believe how scarred
we've become and how callous. 

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You know, being kind and 
compassionate doesn't cost 

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anything, except maybe a little 
bit of your time doesn't cost 

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any money. 
It just means you care and that 

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you're listening and that you're
validating and that what is 

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wrong with validating someone, 
You know? 

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I had one lady saying everybody 
wants to be validated and you 

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know, like basically put your 
big girl panties on and get over

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it, you know? 
And that's like saying stop 

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crying, you know, or just stop 
being angry that that really, 

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that always works. 
Somebody tells you to stop being

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angry. 
I can snap right out of it. 

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I am. 
I'm good. 

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No, it doesn't work that way. 
We all know that. 

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So how is that helping? 
How is that helping at all? 

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It makes no sense. 
And you know we can. 

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You're OK with selling a baby 
for $70,000 when that $70,000 

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could have helped a family stay 
together for a long time? 

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You know, I had Jenny Becknell 
on the show and she is a birth 

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mom and an adoptive mom. 
And you know, she was saying 

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that her adoptive son, that his 
grandfather wanted to raise. 

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I think they had five kids in 
the family, I believe. 

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And the grandfather wanted to 
raise them, but he couldn't 

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raise five kids without getting 
some kind of assistance to help.

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But they'll give assistance to a
foster parent to help raise that

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child. 
But they won't give money to the

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grandfather to help raise that 
child. 

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Even Jenny was like, I don't 
want this money that you're 

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giving me for this foster child.
We're going to adopt him. 

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And I don't need that money. 
I'll take care of him. 

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And they were like, no, no, this
is your money. 

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The system is so, so, so broken.
I don't even know where to 

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begin. 
I just really, really don't. 

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But I think where we can begin 
is what I was just saying about 

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being kind and compassionate. 
Needs to start with each other. 

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And it needs to not only start 
with each other because I see a 

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lot of rocks thrown back and 
forth and adopting land on 

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social media. 
And I talk about this a lot 

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where you know, just because you
validate someone else's story, 

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it doesn't mean that you agree 
with their opinions. 

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Everyone has their own opinion 
based on what they went through 

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and what their story is. 
And we don't have to agree. 

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We really don't. 
I can still validate your story 

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and you and what you went 
through, even though that wasn't

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my story or what I went through.
And I could say I am so sorry 

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that that was your experience 
and I understand how it has 

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shaped your opinion about 
adoption. 

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I get it. 
That might not be my story, but 

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I understand that that is your 
story and I respect that. 

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There's nothing wrong with that.
Secondly, I feel like we need to

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open up our compassion 
floodgates for the entire Triad.

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And I know this isn't a very 
popular belief for a lot of 

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adoptees. 
And if you're not there yet, 

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it's totally fine. 
I get it, I get it. 

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But I just feel like your story 
as an adoptee didn't start the 

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day you were born. 
It didn't start the day that 

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your mother signed those 
adoption papers. 

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It started way before that, and 
it could even be generations 

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where this started. 
It was how your birth mother was

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raised. 
It could be how your grandmother

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was raised. 
It could be how your 

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grandmother's grandmother was 
raised. 

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And there's so many factors in 
it, but it starts with the birth

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mother at the very least, and 
whatever she was going through. 

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And it took me a long time to 
get to a place where I could 

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step back from my own trauma and
what I was going through and 

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look through the lens of my 
birth mother and look at her 

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story and what I knew of her 
story and think, man, that must 

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have been really hard. 
That could have been so 

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different if her mother hadn't 
died when she was six months 

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pregnant with me. 
If her father hadn't remarried 

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and started a new life and and 
just disowned her, basically 

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saying that he wasn't going to 
help her raise me. 

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If my birth father hadn't left 
her and went to Vietnam and 

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basically didn't want anything 
to do with her or me at that 

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time, if none of that would have
happened, my story would have 

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been super different. 
Very different. 

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And I wonder, looking back how 
different that would have been 

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for my birth mother. 
Her life took some crazy turns 

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after giving me up for adoption,
and I just wonder what choices 

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she would have made that maybe 
would have been different and 

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how her life would have been 
different. 

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I know she struggles. 
She has told me that doing that 

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was the hardest thing that she's
ever had to do, and I can 

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totally understand that from 
being a mother and having two 

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children of my own. 
I don't know how you do it. 

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I've heard birth mother stories,
I've read books, the memoirs, 

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and I've had them on the show 
and every time I just sit here 

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and, you know, before the 
interview. 

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I'm always like, how am I going 
to get through this interview? 

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How am I going to get through? 
It's they're heartbreaking, 

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heartbreaking stories that just 
get to me. 

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They get to me even more than 
the adoptee stories. 

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But it's just given me a lot of 
compassion, being able to being 

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in a in a place where I've 
healed to a point where I can 

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step back and I can look 
objectively. 

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I think at her story and give 
her a little of kindness and 

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compassion and understanding and
forgiveness. 

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You know and it took me a long 
time to get to that point that I

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could release her and which in 
turn released me and gave me 

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freedom to keep healing myself. 
That was part of my healing 

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process, was forgiving her and 
releasing her from any any 

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feelings, any ill feelings that 
I had towards her because of her

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giving me up and any feelings 
that I had feel of feeling 

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abandoned and not wanted. 
You know, for a long time I was 

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like, how can a mother do that? 
How can a normal person give up 

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their child? 
It's got to be it most of the 

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time. 
I'm not saying 100% of the time,

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but most of the time it's got to
be something pretty 

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substantially traumatic for a 
birth mother to be able to do 

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that. 
And I feel like in order for 

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them to protect themselves, they
can sometimes put a shell around

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them and become very hardened 
even to us adoptees that want to

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00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:13,200
come back and have some reunion,
some kind of reunion experience 

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00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:17,280
with them. 
So it can be super hard for them

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to come around and crack open 
that shell. 

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And it's almost like a like a 
callus that you just keep 

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00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:28,000
rubbing and it gets thicker and 
thicker and thicker and you, you

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00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,120
know, that's the only way you 
can survive. 

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How else can you survive that? 
And adoptees do the same thing. 

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You know, we just keep building 
up that callus, thinking that 

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00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,840
it's going to protect us from 
the pain and the hurt that we're

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00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,680
feeling. 
But it really doesn't. 

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00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,400
It really doesn't. 
It doesn't. 

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00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,560
It doesn't help. 
It just kind of builds this 

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00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:58,840
cocoon around the pain. 
It's still there, it's still 

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00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,640
there. 
And I want you to know though, 

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that I've done a lot of things 
in my healing journey, and I 

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00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:12,840
believe that each step that I 
took at a certain time was what 

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00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:15,320
I was supposed to be doing at 
that time. 

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00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:22,640
And I just kept experimenting 
and trying different things and 

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00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,120
kind of found my healing 
combination. 

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00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,880
And I want to encourage you that
if you are still struggling to 

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00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:35,680
don't stop looking for your 
healing combination. 

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00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:40,000
It is out there. 
There's so many things and 

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00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:47,160
therapies and groups and just so
many resources out there for 

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00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,840
you. 
And yes, I am a somatic, 

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00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:53,120
mindful, guided imagery 
practitioner who would love to 

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00:23:53,120 --> 00:23:57,160
work with you because I know 
that it can heal adoption, 

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00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,520
trauma and the primal wound and 
so many other things. 

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00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:04,520
And if you think that's part of 
your healing combination, I am 

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00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:09,760
happy to talk with you. 
But I also have a list of other 

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00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:14,800
resources that if you think that
one of these other things is 

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00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:18,200
going to help you, try it. 
What have you got to lose? 

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00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,200
What have you got to lose? 
You can regain yourself. 

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00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:27,120
You can regain your authenticity
by healing this wound. 

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And the best part about healing 
is not only do you get to live 

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the life that you were made to 
live and live out the purpose 

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00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:43,760
that you were meant to to to you
were put here on this earth to 

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00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,840
live. 
But you can help others along 

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00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,600
the way. 
Now that you're healing and you 

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00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:53,040
can talk about it. 
You can talk about it without it

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00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:55,800
hurting. 
You can talk about it. 

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00:24:55,920 --> 00:25:04,440
And I I can't even explain the 
piece I have now talking about 

337
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:08,920
my story. 
There's really no heartache 

338
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:12,840
there. 
And I'm not saying that I am 

339
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:17,720
totally healed, because as soon 
as I say that, there's another 

340
00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:21,040
layer of fog that will come up 
around me. 

341
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:25,080
And I'll go, OK, now there's 
this coming up. 

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00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,360
I don't think you're ever 100% 
healed. 

343
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:31,920
I really do think it's like 
peeling an onion. 

344
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:38,560
But I do feel like it's a 
journey that I'm willing to take

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00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:43,080
on because I learned so much and
I gain so much from the journey.

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00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,960
So if you are struggling, I have
a list of resources for you. 

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00:25:48,480 --> 00:25:53,280
Please get in contact with me at
mindyourownkarma@gmail.com or my

348
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:57,680
website mindyourownkarma.com. 
If you are interested in somatic

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00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,640
mindful guided imagery, there is
some information on there. 

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00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:06,640
I also have a dedicated website 
somatichealingjourneys.com and 

351
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,560
you can get in touch with me all
over all over the place. 

352
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,040
Social media, I'm everywhere. 
Find me. 

353
00:26:12,640 --> 00:26:14,520
Mind your own karma, you will 
find it. 

354
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,320
But anyway, I just kind of 
wanted to hear from you guys 

355
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:26,360
because I really do want to know
what changes would you like to 

356
00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:31,240
see Now let's be realistic, 
adoptions not going anywhere 

357
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:37,600
anytime soon. 
So saying abolishing adoption is

358
00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:42,880
not going to happen right now. 
So what can we do right now? 

359
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:48,440
What other things can we do to 
get the word out, to educate the

360
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:55,600
world and do it in a way that is
received well? 

361
00:26:55,920 --> 00:27:02,080
Because probably putting that 
video on Tiktok and putting that

362
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:05,680
caption on there and then I did 
feel triggered. 

363
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,160
I did. 
The comments were ignorant and 

364
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:14,720
very triggering and I probably 
acted out in a triggering way, 

365
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:19,200
some of my comments back, which 
is not bringing about the change

366
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:22,280
that I want to see. 
So that probably wasn't the way 

367
00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,680
to go about it. 
So what can we do? 

368
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:33,520
What ways can we go about it in 
a way that is receptive, where 

369
00:27:33,520 --> 00:27:36,080
people want to hear what we have
to say? 

370
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:40,880
And if you have any ideas, 
please get in touch with me. 

371
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:44,560
Again, mind your own 
karma@gmail.com I'd really like 

372
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,720
to know. 
I feel like doing this podcast 

373
00:27:47,720 --> 00:27:52,200
I'm advocating quite a bit and 
I'm doing the best I can, but if

374
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:56,840
there's anything else that I am 
missing, please let me know. 

375
00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:04,480
I would love to hear it. 
So I think I am exhausted and 

376
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:11,640
I'm going to get off my soapbox.
And yeah, I I think I've said 

377
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:15,920
all I can say today. 
Thank you for being my listening

378
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,280
therapist. 
Every single one of you that is 

379
00:28:18,280 --> 00:28:22,560
listening today. 
I feel much better, but I am 

380
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,720
very tired from all this TikTok 
nonsense. 

381
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:28,000
So I think I've learned my 
lesson. 

382
00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:32,280
Maybe not, but I hope I have 
anyway. 

383
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:36,640
As always, take what you need 
and leave. 

384
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:40,840
But you don't. 
And always remember to mind your

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00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,640
own karma and I'll see you next 
time.