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Hey there. 
It's Melissa. 

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Brunetti and welcome to the mind
your own Karma podcast. 

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Either Karma crew. 
Welcome to another episode of 

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mind. 
Your own Karma. 

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The adoption Chronicles. 
Today, I have a return guest 

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season 2 episode 12 and 13. 
I had Rick feltner on the show 

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telling his adoption story. 
He was put in foster care at two

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years old. 
And the rumors he was hearing 

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was because he had been abused. 
He was later adopted out of 

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Foster. 
ER care. 

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But at the age of 16 he found 
his biological family with the 

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help of his adoptive mom and 
even though he had met his 

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biological maternal side of the 
family, he still had a lot of 

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unanswered questions. 
That was just eating at him. 

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And so he sent for his records 
from the foster care system and 

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over seven or eight months, was 
able to get his information. 

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So this is kind of an update 
episode of what he found. 

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Found out in the paperwork, from
the foster care system. 

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I would like to warn you. 
There is talk of child abuse in 

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this episode. 
Here is the update on Rick 

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feltner. 
So we're welcoming Rick 

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Faulkner. 
Back to the show today. 

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Welcome Back, Rick. 
Hi Melissa. 

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How are you? 
I'm great. 

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I hope you're good too. 
So last time you were on the 

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show, you were trying to get 
some more information from the 

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foster care system. 
And about why you were 

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relinquished because you won't 
relinquish till you were like 

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two years old. 
Right. 

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And you've heard some stories 
about maybe why, but you didn't 

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really know the truth. 
And so you were kind of seeking 

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that can you give us a brief 
reminder, how you ended up in 

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foster care and eventually 
adopted? 

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Yeah. 
So and that was so my mother is 

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mentally ill and so she had a 
hard time having that motherly 

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Instinct beating holding a child
All things of that nature. 

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And so, you know, that was kind 
of recognized at the hospital at

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Birth, but they discharged us 
because my grandmother was there

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the whole time and my mom was 
living with her mom. 

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My grandmother and so you know, 
as long as my mother was going 

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to be at my grandmother's here 
and I was going to be in my 

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grandmother's care and so I 
believe at some point, my mother

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submitted herself to some type 
of Mental Health. 

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Scylla T and I believe that's 
why the state got involved 

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again. 
Or got involved the first time 

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to, you know, kind of check on 
me, and how I was being taken 

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care of, and things like that. 
Seemed court documents, prior to

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getting the DCFS documents that 
I just got that had indicated, 

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DCFS, had assigned assign 
someone to kind of, teach my 

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mother parenting skills, things 
like that, and it had indicated 

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that my mother. 
What Reese Up to anything 

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either. 
She wasn't capable or not 

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willing, to take the advice of 
the caregiver instructor or 

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whatever. 
That title was, I still never 

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really knew since my grandmother
and my grandfather were there, 

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why I was actually at that home.
And so you know that was always 

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a big question mark for me if I 
had biological family that was 

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still taking care of me my 
grandmother. 

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Then, you know, why was it such 
an issue that my mom? 

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It's mental health, you know, 
had me removed from the home. 

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Yeah. 
And so I kind of got some of 

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those answers Can you briefly, 
share how you found your 

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biological family after you were
adopted? 

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Yeah. 
So I met my biological mother 

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and grandparents, and aunts, and
uncles, and all that. 

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On my maternal side, when I was 
16, and it was actually from a 

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huge help from my adopted mother
purse, and she had the doctor 

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that she worked for request. 
My birth information from the 

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hospital that I was born at. 
And they sent that it had my 

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mother's name on it and had my 
wow, there a name on it. 

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They had their address. 
Wow was still there address. 16 

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years later and so mother had my
adopted mother wrote to my 

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grandparents explain who she was
and that I was interested in 

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meeting them. 
I knew nothing about any of 

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this. 
It was all kind of stemmed from 

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problems. 
I was having at school and I met

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with the school, counselor, who 
at also adopted children And and

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was more open to finding birth 
parents and stuff. 

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And so we had a meeting with the
counselor and I think he kind of

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convince them that this would be
good for me to, you know, have 

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some answers. 
And so my mom took that upon 

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herself and basically about my 
biological mother, well, about 

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my biological grandparents. 
My mother was in a mental 

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facility at the time but so I 
had no idea. 

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She flutters have been written 
to the hospital to my 

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grandparents. 
I was out running errands with 

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my adopted dad. 
We're hanging out in town, got 

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home, and my mom's on the phone,
and she says, oh, hold on a 

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minute. 
Here he is. 

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And hands me the phone and says,
it's your grandma and assuming 

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it was her mother. 
Yeah, you know, I'm like a 

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grandma. 
The other end is like, oh my 

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gosh, Ricky. 
We thought we'd never talk to 

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you again and let it have died. 
Hey, you know, in tears, you 

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know, that she's talking to me 
and I'm like, wait a minute, 

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this isn't? 
Yeah, this isn't the Emma, I 

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know, right? 
So yeah. 

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So that was, that's how I met my
biological family. 

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At least on the maternal side. 
On my father's side was several 

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years later, so you had a lot of
questions surrounding how you 

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ended up in foster care because 
you were saying, you know, I had

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relatives that could take care 
of me. 

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So what happened? 
So like most adoptees, you want 

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to know what happened in the 
first place that I, you know, 

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was relinquished. 
So when you were on the show a 

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few months back you had sent for
the records. 

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So, can you update us on the 
status, if anything, that you 

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are able to find out? 
Yeah, maybe six or seven months 

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which seemed like an eternity. 
Yeah. 

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In Ewa annoyed there's a law 
that was passed. 

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I don't remember how long ago 
but fairly recently the L 

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annoyed Freedom of Information 
Act which allows adoptees to 

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have access to their case File 
information or DCFS and state. 

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Involvement, there's a process 
you have to go through. 

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Who fill out some paperwork and 
it notarized. 

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Send it to there's a go-between 
agency called the Midwest 

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adoption center. 
That's kind of the go-between 

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between DCFS and adoptees. 
And so, they're the ones that 

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handle it. 
They have to sign your 

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caseworker. 
Apparently, they have a very 

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heavy load DCFS. 
Actually find your paperwork, 

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you know, if it still exists and
it will not end. 

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So, got through all that and I 
got what's called a closed file 

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information. 
And search service report I 

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obviously didn't need a search 
service because I had already 

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found. 
Yeah biological mother 30 years 

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ago but in the report a lot of 
its really generic. 

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You know there's a there's a 
letter from the agency saying 

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here's what you might find the 
file and then it just kind of 

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goes through some generic 
things. 

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So the first thing is says, on 
the record is why did you come 

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and take care of DCFS? 
Says, according to the file 

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material, on August 23rd, 1978. 
DCFS, was contacted, and Richard

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was removed from the home, due 
to abuse and neglect. 

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Please see instances of abuse 
neglect section for more 

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information. 
So, I mean, how is that? 

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Just reading that line? 
Yeah, I mean you kind of 

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suspected but actually seeing 
that. 

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Yeah it was it was Jimmy, I 
didn't I wanted the details. 

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I read that and I'm Like, okay, 
where's the abuse neglect 

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section? 
Really, I'd be scared to read 

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it. 
Like, oh my gosh, I'd be so 

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scared. 
Anyway, go ahead and then the 

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rest of it, you know, besides 
the abuse neglect second. 

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Well, there's actually a couple 
interesting Parts but it's just 

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what, was the relationship 
between the birth parents care 

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said, not noted file, contain 
information pertaining to 

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Identity the birth. 
Father know how were the birth 

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mothers parental rights 
terminated voluntary surrender. 

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How were the birth father's 
parental rights terminated for 

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order? 
And there's a whole blank 

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section here for newborns. 
I was a newborn and said, that's

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yeah, yeah, that's sections on 
newborn. 

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And then there's some placement 
information. 

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So, August 23rd 1978 to July 
19th 1979. 

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I was foster care at one home 
and then July 1919 sexualized. 

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Second 1980 I was in a different
foster home and July 2nd 1982, 

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March 2nd 1982, I was in foster 
care in My adoptive home so 

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late. 
It was about two years before I 

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was adopted. 
So I lived with My adoptive 

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family for about two years 
before hours ago. 

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Did they say why you got removed
from certain homes? 

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No, but I have to detail before.
So, the first foster home, the 

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lady I believe was diagnosed 
with cancer, and they had very 

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little bit from that home. 
I got that information from my 

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biological family because they 
had visitation rights with me. 

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While I was in foster care. 
So they stopped me once a week. 

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Once a month, I don't know the 
details of that. 

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Don't you wonder like how that 
affected you seeing them and 

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then them being on again. 
Yeah, because that happened to 

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me with my A logical mother. 
When I was in foster care, she 

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would come see me, and then 
Leonidas so, a thought, how did 

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that affect me as a baby or even
as a toddler, right? 

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Yeah. 
How ya? 

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Just the exchange. 
Yeah. 

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Being able to see them and not 
see them had to be, had to be 

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tough. 
Yeah. 

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It's almost like the 
relinquishment over and over, 

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and over again. 
Exactly. 

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And then the, I left the second 
foster home, basically, because 

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I was placed into My adoptive 
home, and then we get to the 

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instances of abuse or neglect. 
And it says, according to an 

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undated referral summary, the 
department received a police 

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report stating that the birth 
mother had been seen matured 

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into a ditch and dragging him 
down the street. 

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There was also a neglect report 
from a local hospital. 

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Psychological evaluation dated 
November 14th 1978 recorded that

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birth mother had held Richard. 
Over the side of a bridge and 

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also State. 
When Richard cries, she hits him

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in the head. 
When she hits him in the head, 

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he cries. 
So now those are in quotes. 

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So that's from my mother's 
words, my biological mother's 

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words from her psychological 
evaluation and November. 

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So how was she able to take you 
out of the home if your 

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grandparents were there kind of 
overseeing? 

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00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,100
Yeah. 
So in the court paperwork that I

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00:11:46,108 --> 00:11:50,900
have, which is an included in 
this, it had indicated that my 

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00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:55,900
mother wanted to move out on her
own and she wanted to take me 

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with. 
So I really believe that that's 

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why he CF kid involved and had 
to remove become the home once 

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that happen by biological. 
Grandparents did try to adopt 

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me, forget guardianship, I don't
know the details there, but 

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there was some weird dealings 
with their attorney, he 

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basically left town with there. 
Money and they couldn't afford 

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00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:24,200
another one who so so yeah. 
So that was very, very, very 

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hard to read. 
Yeah. 

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How are you processing that? 
Just seeing it writing because I

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know you kind of, you had heard 
stories. 

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00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,500
Yeah. 
And you didn't know what was 

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true and what wasn't true? 
Yeah. 

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So how just seeing that in 
writing and it being confirmed? 

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00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,500
I was a little bit prepared for 
it. 

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00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:47,000
Like you said, I'd heard heard 
stories, but I mentioned it in 

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the last time I was in the 
podcast, but At my wedding 

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00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:54,200
rehearsal dinner, I had my 
biological grandparents there 

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00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:58,100
and I had my adoptive parents 
there, my grandma grandpa, we're

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00:12:58,100 --> 00:13:00,800
going to sit with my left and my
parents were over on the right 

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side and out of know people, 
grandma looked at me and she 

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said, Ricky, I need you to know.
Your mom, didn't throw you in a 

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ditch. 
If you to know that, and I never

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00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:17,900
heard anything about that before
in my life here, I am probably 

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around 30 years old at your 
wedding, my wedding rehearsal 

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00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:25,600
dinner. 
Like, okay, Grandma, you know. 

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00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,900
So I didn't, I've always had 
that in the back of my head like

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a, why would she say that? 
Say that. 

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00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:35,100
So there's so I had talked to my
aunt about it. 

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00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:40,000
She said she wasn't living in 
Danville at the time where I 

228
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:43,300
was, Was she had moved away for 
a while but she did hear about 

229
00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:45,500
that. 
She thought maybe it was a false

230
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,900
report but she didn't really 
know for sure. 

231
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,400
Like I said it was always there.
So I was kind of prepared to 

232
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:56,100
hear reading it. 
Even if the throwing me in a 

233
00:13:56,108 --> 00:14:00,300
ditch, part isn't true. 
My mother's words that she hits 

234
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:03,600
me in the head when I cry and I 
cry when she hits me in the head

235
00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:07,400
and the whole part of holding me
off of a bridge, I had never 

236
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:12,000
heard before either. 
So I wasn't prepared for that 

237
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,100
necessarily. 
I was kind of prepared for the 

238
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:17,200
ditch incident because I had 
heard about it. 

239
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:24,400
Yes so I don't know that I 
really have processed all of it 

240
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:29,900
to be perfectly honest. 
It's almost a relief just to 

241
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:36,500
have the information I'm during 
is done and I feel like I'd 

242
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:39,600
always questioned whether I 
actually should have been placed

243
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,400
in the states. 
Care or not. 

244
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,500
If I should have been left with 
my grandparents, you know? 

245
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:50,200
Just ate made a mistake and kind
of reading that, I kind of feel 

246
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:53,500
like those questions have been 
put to rest. 

247
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,500
I think the state did have my 
best interest in mind. 

248
00:14:56,900 --> 00:15:00,100
There were bad foster care. 
So, I still think there's a lot 

249
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:04,100
of improvements that need to be 
made in the process because I 

250
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:07,100
much rather be abused by my mom,
then a total stranger. 

251
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,300
Hmm, yeah. 
But I do understand why this. 

252
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,700
They did intervene. 
So there is a little bit of 

253
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:19,500
ease, their rigs also, still 
adage mama, not not added trauma

254
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,300
because it's the trauma already 
occurred. 

255
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:25,300
And really, that's what I was 
looking for with this is if I'm 

256
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:30,200
actually going to heal and get 
over, whatever happened to me in

257
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,900
the past, I have to, to me in 
the past. 

258
00:15:33,100 --> 00:15:39,200
And just be like, well, yeah, my
mom did bad things and I was 

259
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,600
taken from her and I need to 
heal for her eye. 

260
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,900
Now having actual incidents, I 
can be like, okay, you know 

261
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:49,300
that's in there somewhere. 
That's in my psyche somewhere. 

262
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:54,500
That's, you know, and we can 
carry pain and different parts 

263
00:15:54,500 --> 00:15:56,200
of our body and things like 
that. 

264
00:15:56,400 --> 00:16:00,700
But came from than we can't 
release it in my right. 

265
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:05,500
All it, a concept of oh, I was 
possibly abused or neglected. 

266
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,800
That's hard to heal from if you 
don't know the detail. 

267
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:13,500
So so to me, As terrible as it 
was to read, there was still a 

268
00:16:13,508 --> 00:16:17,300
sense of relief that came with 
it, that now I know what 

269
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:20,600
happened can move on from. 
I know what I can feel from, I 

270
00:16:20,608 --> 00:16:25,400
know what I'm overcoming, and so
I've talked to other adoptees or

271
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:30,000
like, man, I don't know if I 
want to see my DCFS file or, you

272
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:34,900
know, and to each their own. 
But I really feel like at least 

273
00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:39,100
for me and I think for most 
people, you can't heal from 

274
00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:41,300
something that you do. 
Don't understand. 

275
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,500
Yeah, the more were empowered to
better ourselves. 

276
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:48,000
Yeah. 
So you have guardianship over. 

277
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:52,400
Your mom has learning any of 
this affected, your relationship

278
00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:54,400
with her. 
Not really. 

279
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:59,200
It was unsettling at first and I
like, next time I go see her, I 

280
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:06,300
don't know. 
Yeah, yeah, but I've accepted my

281
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:11,500
mom even back in 1978. 
She In their right mind. 

282
00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:13,800
If she wasn't a right by that, I
don't think she would have ever 

283
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:17,900
done those things to me. 
So there's already been 

284
00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:21,900
forgiveness there towards her or
I wouldn't have had to ship over

285
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:26,200
her 10 or so years ago this was 
something kind of knew. 

286
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:30,300
I had to forgive her for but 
that forgiveness was already 

287
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,300
started. 
So it was just like, okay, I got

288
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:37,600
to put this on that, forgiveness
plate to and some no, it hasn't 

289
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:40,100
really affected my relationship 
with her. 

290
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:44,000
Because I'm able to you know, 
realize that these were things 

291
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,400
done. 
Nah mate of mine. 

292
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:50,400
It's unfortunate that she has 
the mental illness that she has 

293
00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:55,300
and schizophrenia is a very ugly
thing and I honestly just have 

294
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,700
still have nothing but 
compassion for her. 

295
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:04,300
It sounds like you're happy then
would do it again to find out 

296
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:08,000
the truth about what happened to
you, what would you say to other

297
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,300
adoptees? 
How to prepare if they are 

298
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:14,400
looking for their identification
and get it? 

299
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,400
How can they prepare if at all 
for what? 

300
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:21,400
They might find out. 
Yeah, I definitely think, you 

301
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:27,100
know, you kind of have to expect
the worst and hope for the best 

302
00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:32,500
if you're not in a good mental. 
A where you think you could be 

303
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:36,000
open to hearing about abuse, 
that occurred to you things like

304
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,800
that, it might not be the best 
time to find that information, 

305
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:42,200
you know, I've been preparing 
myself for this, for a long 

306
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,900
time. 
Like I said, it was probably 

307
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:48,800
well, since I had heard of the 
whole, then, you know, I believe

308
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:56,000
that was 14 15 years ago and so,
during that time, I've asked my 

309
00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:01,000
aunt questions, I've, I've tried
to find Or articles or anything 

310
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:02,700
like that. 
That might support it. 

311
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:06,300
Never did police blotter or 
anything like that at the local 

312
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:08,300
paper at that time. 
Never did. 

313
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:11,400
But you know, I've done things 
to kind of mentally prepare 

314
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:16,700
myself might've actually happen.
Yeah, initially I went with my, 

315
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:20,400
my grandmother's responsive your
mother never threw you in a did 

316
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,500
should like, okay, well, you 
know, nothing bad ever happened 

317
00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:27,600
to me, you know, and that was my
initial reaction over the years.

318
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,900
I've opened up to it like 
something happen. 

319
00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:34,800
I don't believe the state just 
ripping me away from my mom at 

320
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,500
two years old for no reason. 
Yeah. 

321
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,200
I thought maybe they had made 
some mistakes or maybe 

322
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:45,900
overstepped or things like that 
and then you know and especially

323
00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:51,500
waiting seven months to even hit
the document and get some time 

324
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:56,700
to prepare even though I really 
wanted it instantly and I was 

325
00:19:56,700 --> 00:20:02,700
very adamant and following up 
with them as often As I could to

326
00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:09,000
any adoptee that is looking into
possible, instance, of abuse or 

327
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:14,300
neglect, make sure you're ready,
but just prepare yourself to 

328
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:17,900
know that, you know, there could
be things in there that are 

329
00:20:17,900 --> 00:20:21,100
disturbing. 
And just make sure you're ready 

330
00:20:21,100 --> 00:20:24,100
to hear that, you need 
counseling, make sure you've got

331
00:20:24,108 --> 00:20:26,600
that set up. 
If you need a support group, 

332
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,400
make sure you've got that set 
up. 

333
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:33,300
I had a Select people, I'd kind 
of shared this with and so my 

334
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:36,600
oldest daughter being one, my 
girlfriend being one. 

335
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,700
So I had people when I received 
it that I could kind of talk to 

336
00:20:39,700 --> 00:20:45,500
and process it with and and some
adopting on Facebook, shared it 

337
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:48,100
with. 
And honestly that the adoptive 

338
00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:52,700
support groups are amazing. 
When I shared this on there, 

339
00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:56,400
there was just an outpouring of 
love from everybody. 

340
00:20:57,500 --> 00:21:01,000
I'm getting the chills you know,
getting those Kind of comments 

341
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,600
from people supporting me and, 
you know, there's a lot of 

342
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,400
adoptees and some of the groups 
I'm involved with that, I 

343
00:21:06,408 --> 00:21:09,600
definitely feel close to you. 
And I've talked to over several 

344
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:13,100
years and developed 
relationships with, but most of 

345
00:21:13,108 --> 00:21:14,700
the people in there, I don't 
know. 

346
00:21:14,700 --> 00:21:17,100
From Adam, they're reaching out 
to me. 

347
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:22,400
Showing me support and that 
honestly helped a lot because 

348
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,300
even sharing it. 
Yeah, with my oldest daughter 

349
00:21:25,300 --> 00:21:28,700
who's she knows a lot of what 
I've been doing and the research

350
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:32,700
I've been doing. 
We were very close and my 

351
00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:35,700
girlfriend, they still don't 
understand it. 

352
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:39,100
You know, my daughter kind of 
does because her mother hasn't 

353
00:21:39,100 --> 00:21:42,800
I've had custody of my daughter 
since she was little and her 

354
00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,400
mother hasn't really been 
involved in our life. 

355
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,400
There's never been adopted by 
somebody but she does know what 

356
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:49,500
it's like to be young by a 
parent, you know? 

357
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:53,100
And so we share a lot of that 
with each other, we're kind of 

358
00:21:53,100 --> 00:22:00,100
our own support that again, the 
adoptee community really gets 

359
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:06,100
And just to have hundreds of 
responses, people showing their 

360
00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:08,000
support, really helped me get 
through that. 

361
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,200
So if you're gonna do it, make 
sure you have that support 

362
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:13,100
system in place. 
Make sure you're ready for it, 

363
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,000
Courage. 
Anybody from finding out their 

364
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,800
truth, I think it's an important
step in healing. 

365
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:22,400
I think it's important 74. 
Yeah, it's great. 

366
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,000
Great advice is to have people 
in place ahead of time. 

367
00:22:26,100 --> 00:22:30,600
Don't wait till the letter comes
in the mail and then I Or when 

368
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,700
you were filling out the 
paperwork for that and you were 

369
00:22:33,700 --> 00:22:36,700
not even sure that you were 
going to even get anything on 

370
00:22:36,700 --> 00:22:40,300
your get anywhere, you know? 
And then when you got the letter

371
00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:42,900
saying that they were going to 
pursue it and then just that 

372
00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:46,300
waiting game and just and then 
actually getting it in the mail,

373
00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:48,700
I can't imagine opening the 
mailbox like having it in your 

374
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,100
hand. 
Finally, right. 

375
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,300
Yeah. 
Like here it is. 

376
00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:54,000
I guess I would open I'd be so 
scared. 

377
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,300
I was checking the mail daily. 
I was ready like to me. 

378
00:22:57,300 --> 00:22:58,800
It was. 
Yeah. 

379
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:03,000
You were ready. 
The A whole onion scenario is in

380
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:04,500
your you know, you're feeling it
back. 

381
00:23:04,900 --> 00:23:07,500
This was kind of that final 
piece for me. 

382
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,900
I've met my biological father 
and my biological mother. 

383
00:23:12,300 --> 00:23:17,600
I've got court documents, I've 
got my adoption records, all 

384
00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:21,200
these pieces are there and all 
these dates are there but I 

385
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:25,100
never did have the why, why was 
I take it? 

386
00:23:25,100 --> 00:23:29,800
Why that was a piece that I 
really needed and obviously my 

387
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:33,300
biological Family didn't want to
admit that my mother had ever 

388
00:23:33,300 --> 00:23:37,400
done anything wrong to me? 
Yeah, My adoptive family doesn't

389
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,700
know, you know. 
So, getting this piece of 

390
00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:45,900
information, number one is great
validation from the state and I 

391
00:23:45,908 --> 00:23:48,100
even responded back to them. 
I said, thank you. 

392
00:23:48,100 --> 00:23:50,800
I did receive the information. 
No, I don't need search 

393
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:56,500
services, but thank you for 
having this type of service 

394
00:23:56,500 --> 00:24:00,900
available for adoptees. 
I wish every It did. 

395
00:24:00,900 --> 00:24:03,800
Yeah, there were flaws in the 
system. 

396
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:06,400
I believe that I've tried to 
request some actual 

397
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,100
documentation. 
Instead of just a summary 

398
00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:12,500
report, they basically came back
and said, no, you don't need any

399
00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:15,700
Services, you know? 
So I definitely think there can 

400
00:24:15,700 --> 00:24:18,600
be some improvements made, like 
they're like, no we're done with

401
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:22,400
you goodbye, you know, but the 
fact that I did get this 

402
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,900
information and they did take 
the time to find it. 

403
00:24:25,900 --> 00:24:29,700
And honestly, when I send that 
paperwork, I honestly thought 

404
00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:32,300
oh. 
But vinyl record, you know, was 

405
00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:35,200
a great possibility of a 
response. 

406
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:39,400
Yeah, did reply fairly quickly. 
Yes, we found the record. 

407
00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:42,500
We just have to wait to assign 
you to a case worker. 

408
00:24:42,500 --> 00:24:45,400
Before we can get you that 
information and that process 

409
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:49,500
took a lot to me. 
I was checking the mailbox every

410
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:54,200
day I opened it. 
As soon as I got it back, I was 

411
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:59,500
at my girlfriend's house that 
morning and she had gone to and 

412
00:24:59,900 --> 00:25:04,500
my My house is a couple blocks 
from hers and so I took our son,

413
00:25:05,300 --> 00:25:08,000
put him in the stroller, locked 
out of the mailbox. 

414
00:25:08,900 --> 00:25:11,300
Yeah, I couldn't even wait for 
her to get off, work to go home 

415
00:25:11,300 --> 00:25:14,700
and check my pants. 
And I was just like, male should

416
00:25:14,700 --> 00:25:23,300
be here by now, honestly. 
Thought I'd have more of a 

417
00:25:23,308 --> 00:25:28,400
reaction to it, you know, I 
thought there'd be tears shed or

418
00:25:28,900 --> 00:25:31,900
anything like that. 
Really hasn't been that again. 

419
00:25:31,900 --> 00:25:34,700
I think because I kind of 
already knew what I was going to

420
00:25:34,700 --> 00:25:36,500
hear, there was some new things 
in there. 

421
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:41,300
I feel lighter since having that
information like I feel whole I 

422
00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:46,100
Feel Complete. 
Was there some validation like 

423
00:25:46,100 --> 00:25:48,700
looking back on your life when 
you used to do things and be 

424
00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:50,900
like why am I doing that? 
Why do I do that? 

425
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:55,600
You know, like hey hearing 
actually what transpired can you

426
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,300
like correlate? 
Oh that's probably why? 

427
00:25:58,300 --> 00:26:02,000
Yeah, it did the things I did. 
Or yeah reacted the way I did. 

428
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,200
Absolutely like I said, 
definitely knowing because I 

429
00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:10,100
knew I was abused and so I know 
why I had some issues that I had

430
00:26:10,100 --> 00:26:12,600
and some reactions that I had to
certain things. 

431
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,100
I honestly just thought the 
state game and said, oh, your 

432
00:26:16,100 --> 00:26:19,500
mom's mentally ill were taking 
and okay, well, I have 

433
00:26:19,500 --> 00:26:21,600
grandparents and I biological 
family. 

434
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:29,000
I felt like I was unfairly 
biological family and this kind 

435
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,800
of put it into perspective. 
Active for me with the final 

436
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:34,100
piece of information. 
Yes, she did want to move out on

437
00:26:34,100 --> 00:26:36,600
her own. 
Yes, she did want to take me 

438
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:42,400
with her and yes, there were 
incidents of abuse blacks and I 

439
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,200
think the state did the right 
thing. 

440
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,800
And so and so, now knowing yes, 
that there was abuse, that 

441
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,800
occurred at two years old or 
younger. 

442
00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:57,400
I still think I have some, I'm 
going to have some crazy heeling

443
00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:59,600
moment, with the whole being hit
in the head. 

444
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,100
Thing, you know, I don't think I
still fully process. 

445
00:27:04,100 --> 00:27:07,100
I think so that there's probably
something, you know, it's going 

446
00:27:07,100 --> 00:27:12,600
to be a moment of trying and 
what that so. 

447
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:17,600
Yeah, I think, you know, looking
back I was very timid as a 

448
00:27:17,608 --> 00:27:20,700
child. 
I've always avoided 

449
00:27:20,700 --> 00:27:26,000
confrontation, you know, I don't
think knowing. 

450
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:32,600
Okay, if you know, I was abusive
to years Old or young by the 

451
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:35,500
person that's supposed to be 
caring for me. 

452
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:40,600
So yes, it makes sense. 
I don't trust the people that 

453
00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:44,900
are supposed to care for me. 
The most adoptive parents foster

454
00:27:44,900 --> 00:27:49,300
parents. 
Girlfriend's spouses teachers, 

455
00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:51,200
authority figures. 
Yeah. 

456
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:55,700
And and so yeah, I can 
definitely see these issues that

457
00:27:55,700 --> 00:27:58,900
stem from that early on, trauma,
right? 

458
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:02,200
Well, I'm glad you got your 
paperwork. 

459
00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:06,500
I'm sad about what it revealed 
to you, sorry about that but I 

460
00:28:06,500 --> 00:28:10,400
know you like you said, you kind
of were expecting that I really 

461
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:15,800
do think that what you said is 
true that you need to know in 

462
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,000
order to heal. 
That's the most. 

463
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:20,200
I mean you could heal a little 
bit but I don't think you can 

464
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:24,800
totally heal unless you know 
exactly what happens and having 

465
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:29,100
that security in place ahead of 
time, you know, that help people

466
00:28:29,100 --> 00:28:32,600
to talk to and Groups, like you 
said, and just friends that know

467
00:28:33,300 --> 00:28:36,200
what you what you went through 
is being adopted in the first 

468
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:40,100
place, having that in place 
counseling or whatever works for

469
00:28:40,100 --> 00:28:44,900
you before you get the news. 
But I just want to thank you for

470
00:28:45,500 --> 00:28:48,900
showing up today and telling us 
what happened and kind of giving

471
00:28:48,900 --> 00:28:50,800
us an update. 
I appreciate it. 

472
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:56,100
Thank you, Melissa. 
To be honest, I have no idea how

473
00:28:56,108 --> 00:29:01,200
to feel about Rick story and the
new developments that he talked 

474
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:05,000
about today on the show. 
I'm happy for him in the fact 

475
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,700
that he has the answers that he 
had been searching for. 

476
00:29:09,300 --> 00:29:15,700
But also, heartbroken of seeing 
that in writing and he did post 

477
00:29:15,700 --> 00:29:20,400
that on Facebook, the actual 
document where it said that he 

478
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:25,600
had been abused and I just can't
imagine Seeing that on the paper

479
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:30,700
being confirmed but I guess the 
good news is now he can start 

480
00:29:30,700 --> 00:29:33,900
the healing process without 
knowing the truth. 

481
00:29:33,900 --> 00:29:37,500
That's really hard to do to 
totally process, something and 

482
00:29:37,500 --> 00:29:40,600
heal from it. 
The other thing that Ric and I 

483
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:44,300
both hope that him telling this 
part of his story will do for 

484
00:29:44,300 --> 00:29:47,900
you. 
Is if you went through the same 

485
00:29:47,900 --> 00:29:52,600
or similar circumstances in your
adoption, whether it be 

486
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,100
biological, Or adoptive parents 
that you were abused. 

487
00:29:55,100 --> 00:30:00,500
That you can see that you're not
alone and if I know Rick 

488
00:30:00,500 --> 00:30:04,700
feltner, he will use this to 
help other adoptees in the 

489
00:30:04,700 --> 00:30:07,700
future. 
It is his passion and his heart 

490
00:30:07,700 --> 00:30:12,500
to do so that these type of 
things stop happening, but there

491
00:30:12,500 --> 00:30:17,400
is more of a checks and balances
in place for some of these 

492
00:30:17,400 --> 00:30:21,800
adoption and foster care system.
Agencies that maybe there needs 

493
00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:26,600
to be some Tim's bad are not in 
place for adoptees. 

494
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:31,300
At this point, there are a lot 
of adoptees right now that are 

495
00:30:31,300 --> 00:30:35,000
trying to push through some 
legislations in their states or 

496
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,500
adoptees to get more rights to 
their records and to their 

497
00:30:38,500 --> 00:30:41,500
biology. 
So hopefully, that will be in 

498
00:30:41,500 --> 00:30:46,600
the near future for all of us. 
If you are an adoptee, a birth 

499
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:50,300
parent and adoptive parent and 
wonder how you can help the. 

500
00:30:50,300 --> 00:30:54,600
Cause the way you can help the 
cause is to Get your story out 

501
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:58,000
into the world. 
The way to do that is contact me

502
00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:00,600
at mind, your own Karma at 
gmail.com. 

503
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:05,500
Let's get your story on the 
podcast and educate the world. 

504
00:31:06,500 --> 00:31:10,800
Your story is important and 
someone out there needs to hear 

505
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,200
it. 
If you would like to know more 

506
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:17,600
about me and the podcast, just 
go to my website, mind your own 

507
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:21,400
Karma.com. 
You can also find me on social 

508
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:25,000
media, Facebook and Instagram. 
I am at mind, your own Karma. 

509
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,800
If you find this podcast, 
benefiting you in any way, I 

510
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:32,200
would really appreciate that. 
You rate and review on your 

511
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,400
listening platform. 
It helps get the word out about 

512
00:31:35,400 --> 00:31:38,500
this podcast. 
It helps educate the world on 

513
00:31:38,500 --> 00:31:42,600
adoption. 
As always take what you need and

514
00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:47,500
leave what you don't and always 
remember to mind your own Karma.

515
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:49,400
I'll see you next time.