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Hey there, it's Melissa Brunetti
and welcome to the Mind Your Own

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Karma podcast. 
Hey there Karma crew. 

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Thanks for joining me on another
episode of Mind Your Own Karma, 

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The Adoption Chronicles. 
Today I have another adoptee 

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guest for you. 
Her name is Carissa St. 

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Laurent and she is an adoptee 
from Korea. 

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Let me tell you a little bit 
more about Carissa. 

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She was given up for adoption at
three years old and moved to the

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United States to be raised by a 
new family who didn't look, 

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sound, or act like anything she 
was accustomed to. 

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This created a deep sense of 
abandonment and uncertainty 

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about her identity. 
She adapted. 

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She had to, and in the process 
locked all of her needs, hurts, 

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and traumas away where they 
wouldn't interfere with the 

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success of her life. 
Another childhood traumas piled 

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up upon an already shaky 
foundation. 

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There were some dark times, but 
thankfully Carissa has been 

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asking herself some big 
questions, such as who am I and 

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why am I here? 
As she explored different 

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metaphysical, religious and 
spiritual philosophies, this 

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curiosity carried her spirit to 
study abroad at the University 

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of California, Irvine and on to 
an epic adventure with an 

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unintended spiritual awakening. 
On a mountainside in New 

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Zealand, she experienced the 
oneness of all that is the light

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of the universe enveloping her 
and emanating from her. 

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She was given the knowledge she 
was seeking, that she was 

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everything, and her purpose was 
to light up her world and her 

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life and help others do the 
same. 

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This is my interview with 
Carissa St. 

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Laurent. 
So we are welcoming Carissa to 

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the show today. 
Hi, Carissa. 

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Hi, Melissa. 
I love that our name's rhyme. 

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I know, I didn't notice that. 
That's great. 

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We were connected through Simon 
and his podcast Thriving 

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Adoptees, and he saw a common 
thread with us. 

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So I think this is going to be a
great conversation, but we are 

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going to cover your adoption 
first a little bit and we'll get

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into some other things. 
So I was looking at your website

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and the first sentence of your 
website says, who am I? 

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And it says I have been asking 
myself this question my entire 

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life. 
So who is Carissa? 

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Yeah, it's it is a big question 
to answer. 

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The very short and simple answer
I've come to is that I'm a star 

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in this body, I'm a soul here on
a mission, and that the 

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identities that I've lived 
through and constructed and 

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pretended to be are all roles. 
Identities, earthly constructs, 

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things that I've either been 
foisted into or have created out

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of protection or have just, you 
know, played because they're 

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fun. 
And all of those things, 

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although I feel like they make 
up my persona, personality, my 

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character of Carissa, they're 
not really who I am. 

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Yeah. 
So you were put up for adoption 

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at the age of three. 
What happened? 

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Why was it so late being put up 
for adoption? 

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My birth mother had the, and 
I'll start by saying that prior 

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to the age of 35, I didn't know 
anything about my birth history.

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My parents were told that I was 
abandoned naked at a police 

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station and so I was given a 
name and a birth date and that 

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was where my life began. 
And until I went to the 

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orphanage in Korea and learned 
of my actual history and got 

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information from them, I didn't 
know any of this stuff. 

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So what I was told there and 
then now have since 

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corroborated. 
I was with my birth mother until

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I was three years old. 
She had been divorced from her 

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first husband. 
And it was A single woman living

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in Seoul, South Korea, met a man
who was a Japanese businessman 

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who lived in Seoul, you know, 
for short periods while he was 

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on these jobs. 
And they met. 

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They fell in love. 
And I use air quotes because I 

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don't really know they actually 
loved each other or just lusted 

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after each other. 
But they had a moment, and in 

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that moment I was conceived and.
He helped her financially for 

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the first two years and then he 
had, through the story, had gone

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back to Japan and said, you 
know, I I can't support you and 

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her any longer. 
I've got a family back in Japan,

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nine other daughters. 
Oh my gosh. 

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Support. 
And he just couldn't do it 

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anymore. 
So she, living in 1970s Korea, 

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had very few options. 
And was then met with that 

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What's difficult for I think a 
lot of unwed mothers in South 

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Korea who are in the situation 
many of them do give up their 

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kids for adoption because they 
are trying to do its best like 

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what would be best for the child
to have this better life of what

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they consider a better life and.
In South Korea, you know when 

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you are fatherless, you're the 
lowest of the low. 

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As far as social strata goes, 
you are kind of a pariah. 

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So she was facing that for 
herself because unwed mothers 

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are also looked at that way 
often times, at least back then.

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I'm not sure how much it's 
evolved. 

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I know it's gotten better. 
Not. 

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Gotten to a perfect place, but I
know it's gotten better there. 

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But back then, unwed mothers 
would be fired from their jobs. 

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Often times their families would
denounce them and and kick them 

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out of the house if they happen 
to live there. 

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And you know, all of these 
things. 

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She was an older woman, you 
know, older. 

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Meaning she was in her mid 30s 
when she got pregnant with me. 

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So she already lived on her own.
But still, it was a social. 

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Situation in that country that 
did not make it comfortable or 

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there weren't also no social 
programs, they were no welfare 

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programs like we have here in 
this country for her to even tap

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into, so as soon as. 
He was unable to help support 

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her financially. 
She felt in this bind. 

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And then the kind of, I guess, 
the straw that broke the camel's

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back, if that's the right 
metaphor to use. 

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His woman befriended her and 
said she's going to be much 

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better off. 
If, you know, you adopt her out,

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if she's raised by another 
family, started to really 

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instill this idea in my birth 
mother that this was the best 

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thing to do. 
And she would come over and she 

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would bring these American 
snacks and be like she, she 

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likes them. 
She's going to be well taken 

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care of and she's going to be 
fine. 

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And she also told my birth 
mother that she would be 

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reunited with me when I was 16. 
And so all of these things we've

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now found out were not true. 
But that's what led up to her 

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relinquishing me. 
So you said that this story was 

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you were left at a police 
station. 

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Did they just make up a 
birthday? 

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Do you know when your real 
birthday is? 

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They just made-up a birthday. 
They said, you know, I'm a Jane 

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Doe, right, A Korean Jane Doe. 
So I was given the name and 

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birthday. 
My parents always knew that 

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those were assigned. 
So it wasn't like they were 

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trying to pass that off of oh, 
this is who she is and here's 

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her birthday. 
They told my adoptive parents, 

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these are assigned names, 
birthday and because of my 

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abandonment with nothing at this
police station. 

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And. 
We in both going to the 

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orphanage and then also meeting 
my birth mother. 

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I now know that that's untrue. 
And then, and I do to answer 

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your question, no my birth date 
to my real birth date. 

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So how long did it take for you 
to know when your birthday was? 

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How old were you? 
We went to Korea when I was 35 

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years old. 
My husband being the amazing man

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that he is, when we decided to 
go to Korea and also Japan for 

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our honeymoon, he said, well, if
we're going to Korea, we've got 

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to go to your orphanage. 
Then we've got to try to make 

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contact. 
At the time, I was still 

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reticent. 
I'd always had very far off 

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curiosity about searching, but I
believed the story that I was 

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abandoned. 
No information. 

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Emma Jane Doe. 
So I allowed that story to kind 

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of give me this false sense of 
security, like, oh, well, you're

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never gonna know anything 
anyway, so you might as well 

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just put it out of your head and
not go down that road. 

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And isn't life better without 
that for anybody who's gone down

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this road of actually searching 
for birth, family? 

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And obviously the results can 
be. 

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All sorts of different things, 
right? 

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All sorts of stories there which
you cover on your podcast, and 

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I've met many adoptees now and 
had those conversations and 

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there's so many different 
stories. 

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Mine is, I would say, mostly 
positive in what we were to 

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discover. 
But the crazy part about it if 

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when I contacted the orphanage 
before going over to see if we 

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can meet with them, if there was
any information that they could 

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tell me. 
They wrote me back, gave me a 

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date that, you know, we could 
come and visit, and then said we

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have information on your birth 
mother. 

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And I was like, wait, what? 
How you know what it Where did 

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this come from? 
And I ended up like rifling 

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back. 
All these questions because of 

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course, that was the first time 
any mention of my birth mother 

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had ever come up. 
That's almost like she didn't 

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exist. 
Because when you're told you're 

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abandoned, it's like, oh, she's 
dead or she's, you know, long 

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gone or she didn't want me, you 
know, That's all. 

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So she's out of my mind, this 
mystery. 

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But that line in that e-mail 
just completely rocked me. 

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So we went to Korea. 
I go to the orphanage, we meet 

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with a social worker and she 
opens up my file and starts to 

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tell me all about my life before
I was relinquished, All about my

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birth mother, about the story of
how she came to bring me there 

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and all these details and 
information. 

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And I'm like, wait a minute, at 
one point I stopped and I was 

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like, why was I given a 
different birth date? 

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Why was I given a different 
name? 

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And the woman says, well, this 
is where it gets a little. 

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Complicated. 
Or she may have used the word 

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confusing. 
She said your parents were going

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to adopt this person and she's 
like, I don't know what 

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happened, but something must 
have happened to where that girl

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could not be adopted out. 
So they sent you instead, and 

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this is your information. 
That just got filed away with 

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her information, the one that 
was going to be adopted. 

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So my parents were given false 
information about a person, or 

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they were given information that
ended up being false, meaning it

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wasn't the girl they ended up 
with, but they were never told 

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that. 
And they were even given a 

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picture of the person they were 
going to adopt and that. 

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I mean, they and me, when I 
finally saw it, we all were 

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like, that's a boy. 
It's just very clearly a little 

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boy. 
You know, It wasn't like an 

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infant where you can't tell 
sometimes like, oh, that's a 

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little boy and or a girl dressed
up like a boy and looking like a

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boy. 
So we have that picture. 

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I still have that photo and now 
I have the actual photo of me. 

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From that age, from the 
orphanage that they gave me when

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I was there. 
And that's very clearly me. 

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And when I showed it to my 
adoptive father, he was like, 

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oh, that, there you are. 
Like, that's you. 

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Because they didn't know, you 
know, they like, have the photo,

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like, photo of me. 
I come off the plane, they're 

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like, here's your daughter. 
And they're just like, OK, Like 

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they gave the paperwork. 
They were handed a child. 

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And they were like, all right, 
well, she don't look like that 

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picture, but OK, I guess that's 
her, I guess, question it. 

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And there was nothing else for 
them to know. 

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The orphanage and the agencies 
weren't giving them any other. 

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So that was it. 
Yeah. 

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Do you remember leaving your mom
in Korea? 

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Do you have any memory? 
I don't know. 

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And I thought maybe being there,
some memories would flood back 

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and I would have. 
Some recollection, both in Korea

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and at the orphanage. 
Yeah, maybe like some memory 

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will come flooding through or or
the language will start to be 

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able to speak the language 
again. 

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I studied some Korean language 
before we went because I wanted 

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to be able to. 
I do that anytime we travel to a

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00:13:17,420 --> 00:13:22,420
foreign country. 
Just basic phrases and nothing. 

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Clicked for me, nothing came 
flooding back and when I was 

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there nothing came flooding 
back. 

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So I have no memory or it's it's
very, very locked away. 

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How was that finally getting the
truth of some of that and having

226
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,600
a whole new script written of 
the life that you thought you 

227
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,000
were living and all the things 
that you were told? 

228
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,360
And then it was just kind of 
flipped. 

229
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,840
How did that feel? 
Yeah, I'm still unraveling all 

230
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,640
of that. 
You know, this is now 15 years 

231
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:54,820
ago I went there. 
And then I guess 13 years or 12 

232
00:13:54,820 --> 00:14:00,060
years since I've met my birth 
mother and still it's still 

233
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:06,620
unfolding of how it is, you 
know, at being there and finding

234
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:10,700
out that information. 
I was completely dissociated. 

235
00:14:11,180 --> 00:14:14,660
I remember even viewing myself 
from. 

236
00:14:15,070 --> 00:14:19,710
This above place, yeah. 
And experiencing it from this 

237
00:14:19,750 --> 00:14:22,390
removed, you know, I call it 
this protective bubble. 

238
00:14:22,390 --> 00:14:26,590
I was in that projective bubble.
I was, thank God my husband was 

239
00:14:26,590 --> 00:14:30,350
there because the way that it 
went down in the room with the 

240
00:14:30,350 --> 00:14:33,870
social worker, she would give me
a little bit of information and 

241
00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:37,870
then she would stop and say, 
what else would you like to 

242
00:14:37,870 --> 00:14:40,210
know? 
And I would say okay, and I 

243
00:14:40,210 --> 00:14:42,130
would come up with some more 
questions. 

244
00:14:42,370 --> 00:14:44,490
She'd answer those questions. 
Stop. 

245
00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:46,170
What else would you like to 
know? 

246
00:14:46,650 --> 00:14:50,650
And I was just like, it was a 
pressure cooker because I wasn't

247
00:14:50,650 --> 00:14:52,690
sure of what else I wanted to 
know. 

248
00:14:52,690 --> 00:14:54,490
I didn't know all the questions 
I want. 

249
00:14:54,490 --> 00:14:58,170
And I was so afraid that I would
not remember to ask. 

250
00:14:58,660 --> 00:15:01,860
These very pertinent questions 
and I just wanted to scream and 

251
00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:05,980
be like just fucking tell me 
like just read. 

252
00:15:06,180 --> 00:15:09,860
It I want to know everything. 
Yeah, and but it's just not the 

253
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:13,980
way it's done or not the way 
that she was conducting it. 

254
00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:17,180
I really honestly believe that 
she ended up telling us a lot 

255
00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:19,700
more than what probably what she
was supposed to. 

256
00:15:19,700 --> 00:15:23,180
And it got done that way that it
was just. 

257
00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:25,910
No, because she asked me. 
I had to tell her so she was 

258
00:15:25,910 --> 00:15:27,710
what else would she like to 
know? 

259
00:15:29,630 --> 00:15:32,230
So my husband was there and I 
would just look at him and it 

260
00:15:32,230 --> 00:15:35,070
was like a deer and headlight, 
you know, just frozen, just 

261
00:15:35,070 --> 00:15:38,550
like. 
And he would say, well, and he 

262
00:15:38,550 --> 00:15:41,430
would come up with a question 
and OK, OK And then I we I'd ask

263
00:15:41,430 --> 00:15:44,230
that question and then it would 
trigger more questions for me. 

264
00:15:44,430 --> 00:15:47,710
Having him as an advocate for me
was incredible. 

265
00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:51,800
And. 
So the process of being there, I

266
00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:54,320
was really removed. 
Emotionally. 

267
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,720
I was, it was, I was really more
in that heightened, like this is

268
00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:01,400
an adventure and I'm finding out
all of this stuff and it's so 

269
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,360
interesting and I'm so curious 
and I'm delighted in the 

270
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,520
adventure of it all. 
But I wasn't at all sitting with

271
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:08,960
the gravity. 
Right. 

272
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:16,840
And really feeling it then or 
even in the the years between. 

273
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,640
Being there and meeting my birth
mother, and even after meeting 

274
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,280
my birth mother, it's just it's 
like I said. 

275
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:26,600
It's just been this unraveling 
of my experience and just 

276
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:30,840
feeling, feeling deeper and 
deeper into myself as the years 

277
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:34,840
go on and as I do more processes
and more healing and more 

278
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:41,440
uncovering of what is deep, dark
and in below all of the. 

279
00:16:42,220 --> 00:16:44,460
Below all of those constructs, 
you know, kind of like what I 

280
00:16:44,460 --> 00:16:45,900
was talking about with the 
identity. 

281
00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:48,860
It's like all of those being 
constructs, so are the 

282
00:16:49,220 --> 00:16:53,620
constructs of I am happy, I feel
good, oh I'm depressed or 

283
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:56,060
whatever. 
These those are labels too. 

284
00:16:56,460 --> 00:17:01,420
And states of being that I've 
needed to get underneath all of 

285
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:05,300
that as well to really be with 
it and really sit with it. 

286
00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:09,220
And then of course in the doing 
of that, you know, you meet or 

287
00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:13,579
I've met my 3 year old self. 
I've met my infant self. 

288
00:17:13,579 --> 00:17:17,780
I've met these parts of me that 
had been rationalized away. 

289
00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:22,500
Yeah, that oh, she had to do it 
because it did this, this and 

290
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,460
this and all the conditions in 
Korea. 

291
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:28,020
And ah, you know, it's like we 
intellectualized the meaning 

292
00:17:28,020 --> 00:17:34,060
behind and even can say words 
like I was traumatized, words 

293
00:17:34,060 --> 00:17:39,220
like it was hard for me, but not
feeling into the actual. 

294
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:45,420
Depth of how hard it was for me 
until I did that, I had not 

295
00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:50,300
really faced what that seminal 
moment set in motion. 

296
00:17:50,860 --> 00:17:54,020
So what was it like growing up 
in your family and not looking 

297
00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:56,580
like them because you came to 
the United States? 

298
00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,180
I'm assuming they were white 
parents. 

299
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,340
Yes. 
And how was that? 

300
00:18:02,260 --> 00:18:04,710
It was. 
Very difficult. 

301
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:07,990
And, you know, and that's when 
the dissociation started, 

302
00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:11,630
really. 
You know, I was coming to them. 

303
00:18:11,830 --> 00:18:14,230
This part I don't remember. 
So this is, you know, what's 

304
00:18:14,350 --> 00:18:19,190
told to me. 
I came off the plane and I'm 

305
00:18:19,190 --> 00:18:22,310
with, you know, like 30 other 
Korean adoptees that are all 

306
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:25,560
being brought over. 
You know, we landed at JFK. 

307
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:28,640
My parents and I have a brother 
so similar to your story at My 

308
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:32,760
parents had a child and he was 
four when I was adopted. 

309
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:34,560
So they were there to pick me 
up. 

310
00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:40,720
And I came off the plane with 
all these other kids and they 

311
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:45,120
said that all the other kids 
were screaming and crying and 

312
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:47,520
some of them were just like 
rolling around on the ground and

313
00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,000
like hitting their head on the 
ground and like, just awful 

314
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:55,780
seeing, right? 
And I was just stone cold, just 

315
00:18:55,780 --> 00:19:02,020
stoic and calm, and I just 
walked calmly where I needed to 

316
00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:04,740
be. 
My parents would tell this as a 

317
00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:10,190
a source of pride that I was. 
Calm and and good-natured and 

318
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:12,830
you know, you show she was so 
skied, everybody else was 

319
00:19:12,830 --> 00:19:16,510
freaking out and she was just 
like I was frozen to death, you 

320
00:19:16,510 --> 00:19:20,630
know, I was completely scared to
death and that was my way of 

321
00:19:20,630 --> 00:19:23,670
coping there. 
Those kids were letting it out 

322
00:19:23,670 --> 00:19:26,390
and screaming and crying and. 
I couldn't. 

323
00:19:26,470 --> 00:19:30,230
I was completely frozen. 
So that's what I don't remember.

324
00:19:30,230 --> 00:19:35,630
I also don't remember when I got
into my family home, my parents 

325
00:19:35,630 --> 00:19:39,270
said that I would just at night 
be in night terrors. 

326
00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:43,110
I would be screaming, crying and
they couldn't wake me up, so 

327
00:19:43,110 --> 00:19:46,790
they would just hold me until I 
like fell out of the fit. 

328
00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:49,690
But they couldn't wake me up to 
be like, hey, you're safe, 

329
00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,890
you're safe or whatever. 
I mean, they would be saying 

330
00:19:51,890 --> 00:19:54,690
that in English and I can't even
understand them because I speak 

331
00:19:54,690 --> 00:19:57,330
Korean. 
So all of it is just a 

332
00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,130
nightmare, right? 
Even if I had woken up, what the

333
00:20:00,130 --> 00:20:02,210
hell would have that done? 
You know, I probably would have 

334
00:20:02,210 --> 00:20:05,210
screamed more because I'm like, 
who are these strangers, you 

335
00:20:05,210 --> 00:20:06,930
know, holding me? 
Right. 

336
00:20:07,490 --> 00:20:09,810
Those are the things I don't 
remember, that I know, of 

337
00:20:09,810 --> 00:20:15,610
course, shaped deeply who I am, 
and I locked all of that away. 

338
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:19,280
And then? 
The things I do remember are 

339
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,400
growing up in, you know, guess 
the white family in a very white

340
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,680
community. 
I grew up in a suburb of a city 

341
00:20:26,680 --> 00:20:30,760
in New Hampshire, so very white 
and homogeneous and you know, 

342
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:34,000
it's safe and lovely town. 
But there was just nobody else 

343
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,440
that looked like me, and 
certainly nobody else that 

344
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,840
culturally was like me. 
So I was erased. 

345
00:20:41,350 --> 00:20:44,950
I mean, I was just completely 
erased and in order for me to 

346
00:20:45,230 --> 00:20:55,310
survive that I had to adapt and 
just make myself into a perfect 

347
00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:59,510
citizen, a white citizen, which 
I still see myself as what I 

348
00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:04,190
mean, I now see myself. 
Yes, I see myself as Korean and 

349
00:21:04,190 --> 00:21:07,540
Asian and from. 
It looks perspective, but I 

350
00:21:07,540 --> 00:21:09,980
don't have the customs, I don't 
have the culture. 

351
00:21:09,980 --> 00:21:13,980
I'm very white and so that's 
what I grew up in. 

352
00:21:13,980 --> 00:21:17,340
And similar to you, I know 
culturally you feel Italian, 

353
00:21:17,340 --> 00:21:18,500
right? 
Because that's what you grew up 

354
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,580
in. 
It's it is so powerful. 

355
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:23,740
This, even though I had three 
years, I spoke the language, ate

356
00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:27,420
the foods, I lived there in the 
country, all of it was just 

357
00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:31,300
erased and I just became white 
kind of overnight. 

358
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:33,460
I mean, it took a month for me 
to learn English. 

359
00:21:34,250 --> 00:21:38,290
And you know, I'm eating all the
foods and loving my chocolate 

360
00:21:38,290 --> 00:21:43,050
milk and Donuts and all these 
things that I was given and I 

361
00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:45,690
seemed on the surface of happy 
child. 

362
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:48,650
My parents would describe me as 
happy. 

363
00:21:48,810 --> 00:21:54,730
I didn't have any outward signs 
of trauma to where they were. 

364
00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:57,330
Like we need to get her into 
therapy or something. 

365
00:21:57,330 --> 00:22:01,250
Like some adoptees I know have 
been sent back to their 

366
00:22:01,410 --> 00:22:03,250
countries of origin because of 
how. 

367
00:22:04,290 --> 00:22:10,010
How traumatized they were. 
And it was not stuffed away like

368
00:22:10,010 --> 00:22:11,970
mine was, you know, they acted 
out. 

369
00:22:12,570 --> 00:22:16,410
Yeah, so I didn't knock out. 
I was perfect little child, you 

370
00:22:16,410 --> 00:22:18,650
know, I and then become a 
straight, A student and 

371
00:22:18,650 --> 00:22:21,250
cheerleader and blah, blah, 
blah, you know, all these things

372
00:22:21,250 --> 00:22:25,730
that masked really the truth of 
what was going on beneath the 

373
00:22:25,730 --> 00:22:28,130
surface. 
And so it was difficult for me. 

374
00:22:28,290 --> 00:22:32,850
Once I realized it was difficult
right now, I didn't know that I 

375
00:22:32,850 --> 00:22:35,490
was. 
So fractured. 

376
00:22:36,210 --> 00:22:41,930
I didn't know how dissociated I 
was until I knew it. 

377
00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:48,370
I remember a happy childhood, 
but that's only what And I and I

378
00:22:48,370 --> 00:22:52,090
have very few memories of my 
childhood, so that's another 

379
00:22:52,090 --> 00:22:54,210
thing. 
I know that is sign or symptom 

380
00:22:54,210 --> 00:22:57,850
of the fact that things were not
right because I don't remember a

381
00:22:57,850 --> 00:23:00,450
lot of it, but what I do 
remember was. 

382
00:23:01,030 --> 00:23:05,870
Mostly happy and mostly good. 
However, my adoptive family is a

383
00:23:06,470 --> 00:23:09,430
fairly dysfunctional family and 
you know, they got divorced, my 

384
00:23:09,430 --> 00:23:14,550
parents when they were when I 
was 14 or you know, 13 going on 

385
00:23:14,550 --> 00:23:16,990
14. 
So, you know, it wasn't like 

386
00:23:16,990 --> 00:23:19,710
that was all, you know, 
wonderful and right. 

387
00:23:20,270 --> 00:23:25,190
And your mother ended up moving 
away and so you didn't get to 

388
00:23:25,190 --> 00:23:27,670
see her. 
And that is a crucial age to 

389
00:23:27,670 --> 00:23:31,070
have lost another mother. 
Yeah, being a teenager. 

390
00:23:31,870 --> 00:23:34,990
It was. 
It was a really, you know, 

391
00:23:34,990 --> 00:23:37,030
second abandonment. 
Even though, again, I didn't 

392
00:23:37,030 --> 00:23:41,590
realize that it was then. 
Everything, just it just piled 

393
00:23:41,590 --> 00:23:46,150
on the trauma. 
I was fortunate enough to have 

394
00:23:46,150 --> 00:23:53,110
had a massive head injury when I
was 16 and through this accident

395
00:23:53,310 --> 00:23:56,780
I was connected to my soul. 
And I didn't know that's what it

396
00:23:56,780 --> 00:23:59,620
was. 
But in the hospital, I'm 16 

397
00:23:59,620 --> 00:24:03,460
years old in intensive care, my 
parents aren't there. 

398
00:24:03,460 --> 00:24:05,340
I mean, they would come to 
visit, of course, the time, you 

399
00:24:05,340 --> 00:24:06,860
know, during the day when they 
could. 

400
00:24:06,860 --> 00:24:09,380
And. 
But my mom was living in Los 

401
00:24:09,380 --> 00:24:11,340
Angeles at the time, so she had 
to fly back. 

402
00:24:11,620 --> 00:24:14,220
And I don't even remember, 
honestly, the weeks that I was 

403
00:24:14,220 --> 00:24:17,700
in intensive care, if she was 
there the whole time in New 

404
00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:19,260
Hampshire, if she had gone back 
to. 

405
00:24:19,340 --> 00:24:22,940
I can't remember that. 
But the times that I was alone 

406
00:24:23,060 --> 00:24:24,660
in the hospital, which was a 
lot. 

407
00:24:25,300 --> 00:24:28,620
This voice came through me and 
started speaking for me and 

408
00:24:28,620 --> 00:24:32,380
advocating for me and was 
telling the doctors what I 

409
00:24:32,380 --> 00:24:34,100
wanted done, what I didn't want 
done. 

410
00:24:34,100 --> 00:24:36,660
Questioning them about these 
procedures, these pills. 

411
00:24:36,660 --> 00:24:39,100
What was I getting done? 
Why was that necessary? 

412
00:24:39,100 --> 00:24:42,820
Is it necessary for my healing 
and I'm just kind of again 

413
00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:46,300
dissociated or just out of body 
in that protective bubble 

414
00:24:46,540 --> 00:24:49,420
watching this all happen and 
going, what's going on? 

415
00:24:49,900 --> 00:24:51,860
Like, wow, who what is this 
voice? 

416
00:24:52,380 --> 00:24:54,630
And. 
I completely trusted it, but 

417
00:24:54,630 --> 00:24:58,070
also didn't know what it was, 
where it was coming from, and 

418
00:24:58,070 --> 00:25:03,350
the voice followed me back home 
to my recovery because I had to 

419
00:25:03,350 --> 00:25:07,510
be at home gosh for months and 
months before even I could go 

420
00:25:07,510 --> 00:25:09,910
back to school for part time for
a little bit. 

421
00:25:09,910 --> 00:25:12,790
But I was at home for months 
and. 

422
00:25:13,180 --> 00:25:16,420
My dad had to construct this 
makeshift hospital bed. 

423
00:25:16,420 --> 00:25:20,820
Basically it had to be at a 45 
degree angle because I had a 

424
00:25:20,820 --> 00:25:23,460
skull fracture and a traumatic 
brain injury and and the 

425
00:25:24,020 --> 00:25:27,660
cerebral spinal fluid couldn't 
flow out of the fracture. 

426
00:25:28,180 --> 00:25:30,580
So I had to be upright in this 
bed. 

427
00:25:31,540 --> 00:25:35,260
So I would lay there and. 
The voice would be there. 

428
00:25:35,260 --> 00:25:39,980
And I eventually figured it out 
that it was my voice. 

429
00:25:39,980 --> 00:25:44,820
It was my inner wise self. 
It was my soul that was speaking

430
00:25:44,820 --> 00:25:46,780
for me, that was advocating for 
me. 

431
00:25:46,780 --> 00:25:52,260
That was then telling me that I 
was going to be okay and assured

432
00:25:52,260 --> 00:25:55,060
me that I was going to be 
completely healed and completely

433
00:25:55,060 --> 00:25:58,100
fine. 
And then as I trusted it and and

434
00:25:58,100 --> 00:26:00,140
realized wow, this is what it 
is. 

435
00:26:00,910 --> 00:26:05,350
I would lay there for hours 
because I had nothing to do 

436
00:26:05,350 --> 00:26:09,270
right. 
And it taught me myself, taught 

437
00:26:09,270 --> 00:26:12,990
me. 
I taught me how to visually heal

438
00:26:12,990 --> 00:26:14,510
myself. 
I would. 

439
00:26:14,870 --> 00:26:19,350
Vision myself as a fully healed 
person, doing all my normal 

440
00:26:19,350 --> 00:26:21,710
things. 
Running, dancing, cheerleading. 

441
00:26:21,710 --> 00:26:24,510
Again, all because it was a 
cheerleading accident. 

442
00:26:24,510 --> 00:26:29,070
I don't know if I mentioned and,
so I would just visualize my 

443
00:26:29,070 --> 00:26:31,790
healing. 
Visualize laughing and running 

444
00:26:31,790 --> 00:26:35,550
around and playing with my 
friends and cheerleading and and

445
00:26:35,590 --> 00:26:40,430
driving and, you know, being 
independent, normal teenager, 

446
00:26:40,550 --> 00:26:44,310
yeah. 
And it wasn't until years later 

447
00:26:44,310 --> 00:26:49,190
that I realized that I was 
actually self healing and had 

448
00:26:49,190 --> 00:26:53,190
learned how to do that. 
Then I just thought, oh, this is

449
00:26:53,190 --> 00:26:55,400
me. 
Thinking positively or this is 

450
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,680
me, you know, hoping for the 
best. 

451
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,680
But I would tell my dad that I'm
fine. 

452
00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,800
I'm actually better than fine. 
I know that. 

453
00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,640
I'm 100% healed. 
Nothing's going to be wrong with

454
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,360
me. 
He was so scared to like, let me

455
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:10,680
out of the house, which of 
course I would be too. 

456
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:15,200
But I knew, knew that I was 
fine. 

457
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:21,640
And that was my first opening to
both my soul. 

458
00:27:21,980 --> 00:27:24,740
And beneath the surface of all 
my trauma. 

459
00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:27,420
So that's why I call that 
accident a gift. 

460
00:27:27,420 --> 00:27:31,860
Because everything that had been
locked away, it was finally, now

461
00:27:32,420 --> 00:27:34,940
ready to be examined. 
It's not like I just was like, 

462
00:27:35,700 --> 00:27:39,060
let's look at it all, let's, you
know, heal everything, Let's go 

463
00:27:39,060 --> 00:27:43,420
down this path 100%. 
But the box was open. 

464
00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:46,860
I couldn't, couldn't deny it 
anymore. 

465
00:27:47,420 --> 00:27:52,550
And that was an incredible. 
Shift for me, yeah. 

466
00:27:52,670 --> 00:27:55,030
It's either we have to give 
ourselves permission. 

467
00:27:55,030 --> 00:27:58,430
I think a lot of adoptees don't 
think that we can open that 

468
00:27:58,430 --> 00:28:01,950
Pandora's box that we're not 
allowed to until we either 

469
00:28:01,950 --> 00:28:04,990
realize that we can or we see 
other people doing it. 

470
00:28:04,990 --> 00:28:07,630
And it's like, I can do that. 
I can have feelings about being 

471
00:28:07,630 --> 00:28:08,830
adopted. 
What do you mean? 

472
00:28:08,870 --> 00:28:09,910
You know, I've been told. 
To be. 

473
00:28:10,310 --> 00:28:13,790
That I can't, Yeah, by giving 
yourself that permission is 

474
00:28:13,790 --> 00:28:16,510
huge. 
But you said a little bit 

475
00:28:16,510 --> 00:28:19,630
earlier about adapting and you 
said that you had to. 

476
00:28:19,950 --> 00:28:21,750
Can you expand on that a little 
bit? 

477
00:28:22,230 --> 00:28:27,670
Yeah, I think in order to 
survive the trauma that I had 

478
00:28:27,670 --> 00:28:31,030
been through, I feel like I had 
to adapt. 

479
00:28:31,070 --> 00:28:34,430
I couldn't at all explore. 
I didn't feel safe to. 

480
00:28:34,430 --> 00:28:37,030
And maybe this is again my soul 
knowing that. 

481
00:28:37,790 --> 00:28:41,470
You're not in a family and in a 
situation that would be safe for

482
00:28:41,470 --> 00:28:45,710
you to explore this. 
They're not open to and or 

483
00:28:45,710 --> 00:28:52,630
capable of handling your trauma.
They are capable of providing a 

484
00:28:52,990 --> 00:28:56,870
roof over your head and 
wonderful food and, you know, 

485
00:28:57,070 --> 00:29:01,830
nice clothes and they're capable
of showing love, but they were 

486
00:29:01,830 --> 00:29:06,170
not capable. 
And and who knows maybe had they

487
00:29:06,170 --> 00:29:10,490
been served that up they would 
have stepped up and been able to

488
00:29:10,850 --> 00:29:13,250
you never know because I think 
the life is infinite 

489
00:29:13,250 --> 00:29:16,250
possibilities And and then had 
that they were presented to them

490
00:29:16,650 --> 00:29:19,410
that could have triggered 
something to where they were 

491
00:29:19,410 --> 00:29:22,530
like who didn't know I was going
to face this in this lifetime. 

492
00:29:22,530 --> 00:29:25,490
But here I am and I'm I'm 
stepping into it that that could

493
00:29:25,490 --> 00:29:30,360
have happened, however knowing. 
Both of them, you know, for the 

494
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:38,240
last, you know, 47 years now, it
is my strong feeling that they 

495
00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:40,560
would not have been able to deal
with that. 

496
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:44,560
And my mother, even more so than
my father. 

497
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:49,920
My father's maybe less 
emotional, but that's where my 

498
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:51,900
mother's. 
Falls apart. 

499
00:29:51,900 --> 00:29:55,700
She's she's much too emotional. 
She's a mess. 

500
00:29:56,340 --> 00:30:03,140
My dad has a lot more strength 
than my mom, but my mom maybe 

501
00:30:03,140 --> 00:30:06,020
showed more love than my dad, 
you know? 

502
00:30:06,020 --> 00:30:10,460
But the the, the irony is that 
my dad is the one who has been 

503
00:30:10,460 --> 00:30:14,700
able to continue to be in my 
life because he's able he with 

504
00:30:14,700 --> 00:30:18,280
that strength. 
Mix with the love that he of 

505
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:21,360
course has. 
For me, he's been able to stick 

506
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,640
it through really some rough 
times because as I did start to 

507
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:28,040
heal and uncover and discover 
and and go down the deeper, 

508
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:32,520
darker paths of my healing, I of
course brought some things to 

509
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:36,800
him and faced, you know, 
darkness with him and he was 

510
00:30:36,800 --> 00:30:41,040
able to handle it and was able 
to also. 

511
00:30:41,430 --> 00:30:45,390
Apologize and live up to things 
that had happened within our 

512
00:30:45,390 --> 00:30:49,350
life that he felt he was 
responsible for or had a part 

513
00:30:49,350 --> 00:30:51,470
in. 
And he could, he could stand 

514
00:30:51,470 --> 00:30:55,110
with me and say I'm sorry, I'm 
sorry that that happened. 

515
00:30:55,390 --> 00:30:59,790
Whereas my adoptive mom, you 
know, she just had no capacity 

516
00:30:59,870 --> 00:31:02,910
for that at all. 
Well, those types of people that

517
00:31:02,910 --> 00:31:05,910
have those emotional roller 
coasters, those emotional roller

518
00:31:05,910 --> 00:31:09,740
coasters can be make other 
people in their lives limited. 

519
00:31:09,740 --> 00:31:12,620
It's very controlling and we be 
having that emotional roller 

520
00:31:12,620 --> 00:31:15,980
coaster because you react to 
their emotion and then you maybe

521
00:31:15,980 --> 00:31:18,940
act a different way because you 
don't want to be on that roller 

522
00:31:18,940 --> 00:31:21,180
coaster with them. 
Exactly. 

523
00:31:21,180 --> 00:31:25,100
And in therapy, specifically 
regarding my mom, you know, I 

524
00:31:25,100 --> 00:31:30,500
know that I had to pack away my 
problems because her trauma was 

525
00:31:30,500 --> 00:31:32,940
so big. 
It was the only thing that 

526
00:31:33,020 --> 00:31:36,900
energetically took up space. 
Like it was the only thing that 

527
00:31:37,140 --> 00:31:39,640
mattered. 
Even though she wasn't dealing 

528
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:41,840
with her trauma, it was just it 
was very present. 

529
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:45,360
That was all we could make room 
for. 

530
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,720
Wasn't she adopted as well? 
Yeah, she was. 

531
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:54,640
She had an extremely traumatic 
upbringing, early childhood, so 

532
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,880
you wonder how much of A role 
that played in the mothering you

533
00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:59,160
know? 
Yeah. 

534
00:31:59,200 --> 00:32:02,160
I mean, she had no good model 
for mothering. 

535
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:08,960
She also had so much trauma from
her experience and my heart just

536
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,080
deeply goes out to her and 
always did. 

537
00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:16,640
But it got to a point where I 
couldn't carry her burdens. 

538
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:21,400
And yeah, yeah, so you admitted 
to having some dark times. 

539
00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,640
Where were those related to 
adoption in any way or what was 

540
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,700
going on? 
Yeah, definitely related to 

541
00:32:27,780 --> 00:32:30,180
adoption. 
Again, not knowing that it was, 

542
00:32:30,180 --> 00:32:34,180
not knowing that I was so deeply
traumatized by that. 

543
00:32:35,060 --> 00:32:37,980
And I would say started in high 
school. 

544
00:32:38,780 --> 00:32:45,620
It started before the accident 
that I talked about where I was 

545
00:32:46,180 --> 00:32:52,460
drinking and had a bad boy 
boyfriend who was not good for 

546
00:32:52,460 --> 00:32:56,220
me and good for my. 
Really. 

547
00:32:56,220 --> 00:32:59,020
Broken heart. 
The thing about it is that he 

548
00:32:59,020 --> 00:33:04,860
was so broken that it allowed me
to remove the lens that I could 

549
00:33:05,100 --> 00:33:07,580
put on myself and focus it on 
him. 

550
00:33:07,780 --> 00:33:13,060
Yeah, just complete denial of 
myself by being in relationship 

551
00:33:13,500 --> 00:33:16,420
with him. 
And so there were a lot of signs

552
00:33:16,420 --> 00:33:20,330
and and bad turns. 
While in high school, although I

553
00:33:20,330 --> 00:33:25,130
still was outwardly performing, 
you know, and doing the the 

554
00:33:25,130 --> 00:33:27,930
dance, so I was, you know, 
captain of the cheerleading 

555
00:33:27,930 --> 00:33:29,610
squad. 
You know, the next year after 

556
00:33:29,610 --> 00:33:32,410
that accident, I, you know, it 
was, you know, National Honor 

557
00:33:32,410 --> 00:33:37,610
Society, all this stuff, right? 
I was a good girl in in many 

558
00:33:37,610 --> 00:33:40,770
respects and played that role 
really well. 

559
00:33:40,770 --> 00:33:46,250
But I also was in deep rebellion
and also deep pain. 

560
00:33:46,730 --> 00:33:49,130
You don't think anyone rebels 
because they really want to. 

561
00:33:49,130 --> 00:33:54,090
I think they rebel because they 
are calling out to their 

562
00:33:54,090 --> 00:33:59,170
caretakers or to the world at 
large being like, help me, help 

563
00:33:59,170 --> 00:34:01,170
me. 
I can't handle this on my own 

564
00:34:01,170 --> 00:34:04,170
and get to this place of where 
it's like, well, F you if you're

565
00:34:04,170 --> 00:34:06,410
not going to help me. 
Because I didn't. 

566
00:34:06,410 --> 00:34:07,930
I never outwardly asked for the 
help. 

567
00:34:07,930 --> 00:34:10,650
I didn't know how. 
I didn't know that I needed it. 

568
00:34:10,650 --> 00:34:13,969
But my soul was screaming out 
right help. 

569
00:34:13,969 --> 00:34:16,760
I need this help and so. 
That's where it all started. 

570
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:21,840
Then I got to college and life 
just kind of started to get more

571
00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:25,360
dark there. 
And you know, drinking the drugs

572
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:30,760
got heavier and for the very 
first time had thoughts of 

573
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:34,480
suicide. 
Never to the point of where it 

574
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,560
was serious, like when I'm 
planning something or. 

575
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,120
But thoughts of suicide and if 
you looked at my behavior, it's 

576
00:34:41,120 --> 00:34:45,320
like that was. 
Also self-destructive enough 

577
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:48,080
that it is almost like suicide. 
Like I could have died in so 

578
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:50,239
many situations that I put 
myself in. 

579
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:56,480
And yeah, spirit wants me here. 
Yeah, it didn't, but I could 

580
00:34:56,480 --> 00:35:01,800
have, yeah. 
So those dark times were lifted.

581
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:07,440
The veil of that time was lifted
when I was 20 years old and I 

582
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,160
well, actually I was probably a 
year earlier. 

583
00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:14,720
I was probably 19 and things got
so, so bad where I knew I needed

584
00:35:14,720 --> 00:35:16,400
to do something. 
I didn't know what. 

585
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:22,360
I was lost last completely and I
hated myself so much even 

586
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:26,180
though. 
I had always not liked myself in

587
00:35:26,700 --> 00:35:32,140
my appearance and the very kind 
of fabric of who I am. 

588
00:35:32,660 --> 00:35:36,260
I didn't know myself as soul. 
I knew myself as this Korean 

589
00:35:36,260 --> 00:35:40,780
girl, you know, trapped or this 
what I felt like created girl 

590
00:35:40,780 --> 00:35:43,260
trapped in a Korean body. 
Like I didn't. 

591
00:35:43,420 --> 00:35:48,140
I My identity was so fractured 
that I didn't like myself before

592
00:35:48,140 --> 00:35:52,220
all of the bad behavior. 
But then pile on all this. 

593
00:35:52,690 --> 00:35:56,770
Awful self-destructive behavior 
and I had gained tons of weight 

594
00:35:56,770 --> 00:36:01,810
and I was just like gross. 
I just felt and was gross and 

595
00:36:01,810 --> 00:36:07,490
not caring for myself at all. 
Something some things. 

596
00:36:07,490 --> 00:36:13,090
My soul spirit called me to this
study abroad office and I went 

597
00:36:13,130 --> 00:36:16,890
to the office and I don't know, 
I can't remember the actual 

598
00:36:16,890 --> 00:36:18,690
circumstance around, but I ended
up in there. 

599
00:36:19,240 --> 00:36:20,680
And I was having to study 
abroad. 

600
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,040
I'm going to go out of the 
country. 

601
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:25,120
I'm going to on the surface, I'm
going to leave my problems 

602
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:27,840
behind. 
But deep down, I knew it was 

603
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:30,080
going to be transformative for 
me. 

604
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:33,600
I just didn't know exactly how. 
So at 20 years old, I'm in New 

605
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:39,960
Zealand and I have my first 
very, I mean to some first. 

606
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:44,390
But it was a. 
Conscious and also unaided 

607
00:36:45,030 --> 00:36:48,470
spiritual awakening. 
And I say unaided because I had 

608
00:36:48,830 --> 00:36:51,990
been experimenting with 
psychedelics for years prior to 

609
00:36:51,990 --> 00:36:55,870
this moment. 
But this was a sober moment on a

610
00:36:55,870 --> 00:37:00,390
mountain. 
I'm hiking and I came out out of

611
00:37:00,390 --> 00:37:03,750
the trees and took off my 
backpack and I had been 

612
00:37:03,830 --> 00:37:08,810
grumbling for hours because. 
I was so tired and I was so out 

613
00:37:08,810 --> 00:37:10,650
of shape and I just felt like 
shit. 

614
00:37:10,730 --> 00:37:14,770
And I didn't like my body. 
I didn't like being in my body. 

615
00:37:14,770 --> 00:37:18,370
I felt like a complete impostor.
Like who am I to be having this 

616
00:37:18,370 --> 00:37:20,610
experience? 
Like, I I don't deserve this 

617
00:37:20,610 --> 00:37:22,530
experience. 
I don't deserve to be here. 

618
00:37:22,930 --> 00:37:26,770
And I'm just like grumbling. 
And I literally put my hand on a

619
00:37:26,770 --> 00:37:29,650
tree to like, help myself up. 
I got stung by a bee. 

620
00:37:29,850 --> 00:37:33,450
I had never been stung or I 
guess once in childhood I'd been

621
00:37:33,450 --> 00:37:35,170
stung. 
But you know, I get stung by a 

622
00:37:35,170 --> 00:37:35,810
bee. 
I'm just. 

623
00:37:36,380 --> 00:37:42,820
All pity party and I got out of 
the the woods part of this hike 

624
00:37:42,820 --> 00:37:47,700
and I'm on this Vista and all of
a sudden I see where I am just 

625
00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:51,020
like oh I'm on this part of this
mountain and there's this valley

626
00:37:51,020 --> 00:37:54,180
below and it's just gorgeous and
everything's open and the sun's 

627
00:37:54,180 --> 00:37:58,460
finally hitting me. 
And so I take my backpack off 

628
00:37:58,460 --> 00:38:02,900
and I I pull out my journal to 
write some and journal about, 

629
00:38:02,900 --> 00:38:07,290
you know my my experience and. 
This card falls out of it. 

630
00:38:07,290 --> 00:38:13,090
It's my memorial card for my 
grandmother's death, as she had 

631
00:38:13,090 --> 00:38:19,530
died two or three years earlier 
and I had been, you know, 

632
00:38:19,530 --> 00:38:21,490
carrying this card around with 
me. 

633
00:38:21,490 --> 00:38:24,130
It was in my journal and it fell
out as I opened it up. 

634
00:38:24,410 --> 00:38:27,210
So I went and picked it up off 
the ground and when I came up 

635
00:38:27,210 --> 00:38:33,810
the entire space around me 
exploded in light and knowing 

636
00:38:33,890 --> 00:38:38,340
and complete oneness. 
And I was just floating in. 

637
00:38:38,340 --> 00:38:46,580
It just couldn't I? 
I felt so at peace, so in love 

638
00:38:46,700 --> 00:38:51,780
with everything myself, the 
universe, the trees, the the 

639
00:38:51,860 --> 00:38:56,980
air, and in complete knowing 
that I was a part of this, that 

640
00:38:56,980 --> 00:39:01,020
this was me. 
And I was experiencing the vast 

641
00:39:01,020 --> 00:39:05,020
and expanded part of me as part 
of this whole. 

642
00:39:05,450 --> 00:39:09,330
Wide, expansive universe. 
But that I was only this this 

643
00:39:09,690 --> 00:39:14,250
this piece of it. 
And then I heard the voice that 

644
00:39:14,250 --> 00:39:19,850
said and shared this mission of 
that I needed to heal my heart. 

645
00:39:20,610 --> 00:39:23,050
Find my gifts and then share 
them with the world. 

646
00:39:25,130 --> 00:39:27,330
And I was just that that was the
okay. 

647
00:39:27,330 --> 00:39:29,530
Yes you are this expanded 
oneness. 

648
00:39:29,530 --> 00:39:33,290
But you're here on a mission, 
and you are this individual who 

649
00:39:33,290 --> 00:39:36,020
needs to go and. 
Heal your heart. 

650
00:39:36,020 --> 00:39:37,980
Find your gifts, share them with
the world. 

651
00:39:38,100 --> 00:39:41,620
Go. 
And then everything came back to

652
00:39:41,620 --> 00:39:43,180
being. 
I like landed on the ground. 

653
00:39:43,180 --> 00:39:50,300
I was back in that moment and 
fell to my knees, just like in a

654
00:39:50,300 --> 00:39:54,220
spiritual epiphany, like fell to
my knees bawling and just 

655
00:39:54,780 --> 00:40:02,180
couldn't believe it and knew in 
every inch of my being that. 

656
00:40:02,610 --> 00:40:05,010
This is who I am, and this is 
what I need to do. 

657
00:40:05,090 --> 00:40:08,290
But then, like, as immediately 
as I knew that, all the fear 

658
00:40:08,290 --> 00:40:11,810
started flooding in. 
Like, how am I going to do 

659
00:40:11,810 --> 00:40:12,810
where'd you go? 
Voice? 

660
00:40:12,810 --> 00:40:15,930
Like, I know I need help. 
I don't know what to do. 

661
00:40:17,010 --> 00:40:18,570
So I was 20 years old when that 
happened. 

662
00:40:18,570 --> 00:40:23,730
And then it's taken 30 years, 
honestly, to really fully come 

663
00:40:23,730 --> 00:40:28,410
into this full reunion with my 
soul. 

664
00:40:28,650 --> 00:40:32,790
It's always been there. 
I've had lots of dalliances with

665
00:40:32,790 --> 00:40:37,910
my soul over the last 30 years. 
Moments of miracle, moments of 

666
00:40:37,910 --> 00:40:43,070
healing, lots of moments. 
But those moments have also been

667
00:40:43,270 --> 00:40:46,310
cut in by still like the demons 
of my trauma. 

668
00:40:47,030 --> 00:40:52,230
So it's just taken this many 
years to deal with that and 

669
00:40:52,230 --> 00:40:55,630
understand the trauma and the 
demons and everything that has 

670
00:40:55,630 --> 00:41:00,490
been constructed over just the 
dealing with that, to then come 

671
00:41:00,530 --> 00:41:04,730
out on the other side of feeling
like the whole person that I am.

672
00:41:05,850 --> 00:41:09,130
So I know my healing journey's 
been kind of like feeling my way

673
00:41:09,130 --> 00:41:12,130
through what feels good, what 
feels right. 

674
00:41:12,570 --> 00:41:15,730
And then if that door shuts, 
then you just make a U-turn and 

675
00:41:15,730 --> 00:41:18,930
take the next fork in the road. 
What did your path to healing 

676
00:41:18,930 --> 00:41:24,580
look like? 
It was like a roller coaster, so

677
00:41:24,580 --> 00:41:28,780
many stops and starts, so many 
highs and lows, just like what 

678
00:41:28,780 --> 00:41:32,860
on the surface looks very messy,
but it's all perfect. 

679
00:41:32,980 --> 00:41:35,820
And I know that, you know, I 
know that it is just been the 

680
00:41:35,820 --> 00:41:38,100
most perfect unfolding of it 
all. 

681
00:41:38,460 --> 00:41:42,380
From that moment in New Zealand 
when I was 20, I came back, I 

682
00:41:42,380 --> 00:41:45,780
graduated from college and then 
I moved to San Francisco. 

683
00:41:45,780 --> 00:41:50,540
And that's really when I started
to dig deep, go to see different

684
00:41:50,540 --> 00:41:52,300
healers. 
I was exploring a lot of 

685
00:41:52,300 --> 00:41:56,980
different religious philosophy 
doing my own self help. 

686
00:41:56,980 --> 00:42:01,820
I was very selfled. 
I did not become part of any 

687
00:42:01,820 --> 00:42:06,580
type of indoctrinated system, 
although I looked at many 

688
00:42:06,580 --> 00:42:11,340
different systems and gleaned a 
lot of information and knowledge

689
00:42:11,340 --> 00:42:16,340
and wisdom and truth from so 
many different teachers and 

690
00:42:16,340 --> 00:42:19,220
systems. 
However, never went in and and 

691
00:42:19,220 --> 00:42:24,300
then became a devoutee to 
anything specific and went deep 

692
00:42:24,980 --> 00:42:28,980
and started to uncover and 
unmask some things which in the 

693
00:42:28,980 --> 00:42:34,540
process of that led me to a very
pinnacle moment with my adoptive

694
00:42:34,540 --> 00:42:39,140
mom of finally getting to a 
point of where I could face her.

695
00:42:40,060 --> 00:42:42,740
It was like facing the dragon 
honestly. 

696
00:42:42,740 --> 00:42:48,620
Like this scary fire breathing 
mythical beast. 

697
00:42:48,980 --> 00:42:56,410
And I finally faced her and came
out with my strength, with my 

698
00:42:56,690 --> 00:43:01,770
what had been healed up until 
that point self and said no 

699
00:43:01,770 --> 00:43:05,250
more, no I no more of that. 
I'm not going to be treated this

700
00:43:05,250 --> 00:43:06,330
way. 
I'm not going to be deal with 

701
00:43:06,330 --> 00:43:08,770
you. 
I'm not going to be under your 

702
00:43:08,770 --> 00:43:09,730
thumb. 
I'm not. 

703
00:43:09,730 --> 00:43:16,140
I'm no longer going to take your
bullshit or abuse and then our 

704
00:43:16,140 --> 00:43:20,900
Rd. you know, has and then 
roller coaster, Ryan continued. 

705
00:43:20,900 --> 00:43:24,860
With her and and certainly with 
my healing and all of the, you 

706
00:43:24,860 --> 00:43:26,580
know, things unrelated to her as
well. 

707
00:43:26,940 --> 00:43:31,140
But it was that first facing of 
her that was very of a pinnacle 

708
00:43:31,140 --> 00:43:34,180
moment. 
But then you know, the healing 

709
00:43:34,300 --> 00:43:39,430
was mired by my own refusal or 
denial of the healing. 

710
00:43:39,430 --> 00:43:43,230
Still that self denial, Self 
destruction, Still the drugs, 

711
00:43:43,230 --> 00:43:47,190
just different drugs. 
Still the bad boyfriend, but not

712
00:43:47,310 --> 00:43:53,190
as bad as the other one. 
Still lots of me dabbling in 

713
00:43:53,190 --> 00:43:57,950
yeah my healing and dabbling in 
this space of spirit and selfish

714
00:43:57,950 --> 00:44:01,970
soul and. 
But it took well, I don't know. 

715
00:44:01,970 --> 00:44:05,730
There's not anyone thing. 
It's all of it combined, really.

716
00:44:05,850 --> 00:44:09,970
Meeting my husband was preceded 
by two years of intensive 

717
00:44:09,970 --> 00:44:12,490
healing. 
And I had done, like I said, 

718
00:44:12,930 --> 00:44:14,690
different healing, different 
exploration. 

719
00:44:14,690 --> 00:44:19,050
But I had spent prior to meeting
him, two years of this very 

720
00:44:19,050 --> 00:44:22,290
intensive healing, both in 
experiencing it for myself as 

721
00:44:22,290 --> 00:44:26,530
well as learning processes and 
therapeutics to teach and share 

722
00:44:26,530 --> 00:44:30,530
with other people. 
And when I came out of that, I 

723
00:44:30,530 --> 00:44:34,730
ended up in lo and behold 
meeting my soul mate, meeting, 

724
00:44:34,810 --> 00:44:37,090
you know, the man that I was 
meant to be with in this 

725
00:44:37,090 --> 00:44:40,770
lifetime. 
And in the process of our 

726
00:44:40,770 --> 00:44:45,130
relationship unfolding, so much 
of myself more deeply has 

727
00:44:45,130 --> 00:44:49,210
unfolded and he's been amazing 
mirror for me, someone who's 

728
00:44:49,210 --> 00:44:56,330
challenged my petulance and also
has seen me as the best version 

729
00:44:56,330 --> 00:44:59,050
of me and forced me to live up 
to that. 

730
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:00,400
Yeah. 
And. 

731
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,320
And I did the same for him, you 
know. 

732
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,800
And that's why we're very 
suited. 

733
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:08,720
Yeah, in this lifetime, because 
we've been able to do that for 

734
00:45:08,720 --> 00:45:11,480
each other. 
Yeah, I think through the 

735
00:45:11,480 --> 00:45:16,000
process of healing, especially 
for adoptees, the big deal that 

736
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:19,880
I found for myself is having 
compassion for yourself through 

737
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:24,720
the process of learning, because
there are a lot of decisions 

738
00:45:24,720 --> 00:45:26,000
that you're going to make that 
aren't. 

739
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:28,960
Going to serve you well, but 
you'll figure that out and then 

740
00:45:28,960 --> 00:45:32,520
just grab for something else and
eventually you'll find that 

741
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:34,800
healing combination and 
everybody's combinations 

742
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:37,920
different. 
So just keep trying, but have 

743
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:40,360
that compassion for yourself 
through that process because 

744
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,280
you're not perfect and you've 
been through a lot and, you 

745
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:47,000
know, look at those parts of you
and just honor them because they

746
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:50,200
helped you survive, you know? 
Zach Yeah. 

747
00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:53,840
So we were talking before we 
started talking here on the 

748
00:45:53,840 --> 00:45:57,640
podcast about what we are doing 
with the hypnotherapy. 

749
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,960
And I'm doing the somatic 
mindful guided imagery and 

750
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:02,720
you're kind of doing something 
similar. 

751
00:46:02,720 --> 00:46:04,000
You call yourself the soul 
guide. 

752
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:06,880
What do you mean by that? 
What does a session look like? 

753
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:10,700
What are you doing with that? 
I've practiced and learned and 

754
00:46:10,700 --> 00:46:14,740
been in part of different 
traditions and trainings and 

755
00:46:15,220 --> 00:46:18,380
everything that I've ever 
experienced for myself. 

756
00:46:18,380 --> 00:46:22,980
I've also been very hungry to 
learn it, to share with others, 

757
00:46:22,980 --> 00:46:25,020
and I know that it's part of the
mission, right? 

758
00:46:25,260 --> 00:46:27,660
Find your gifts, share them with
the world like okay. 

759
00:46:27,980 --> 00:46:32,460
I am not in this for myself. 
I'm in it to share this with 

760
00:46:32,500 --> 00:46:39,750
others and and I hope continue 
to help awaken other people that

761
00:46:39,750 --> 00:46:42,870
they are their own healer, 
they're their own guide in this 

762
00:46:42,870 --> 00:46:45,990
life. 
So the Soul guide work is about 

763
00:46:45,990 --> 00:46:50,110
connecting people back to that 
inner knowing that they are 

764
00:46:50,110 --> 00:46:55,430
their own mentor, healer, 
creator, guide for themselves. 

765
00:46:55,870 --> 00:46:58,630
And that all the different 
practices, all the different 

766
00:46:58,630 --> 00:47:05,530
teachers, the lineages, the 
medicines are helpful tools. 

767
00:47:05,530 --> 00:47:09,770
You know, they're there to 
support you like a crutch does 

768
00:47:09,770 --> 00:47:12,170
when you need it. 
But then as soon as you can walk

769
00:47:12,170 --> 00:47:15,530
on that foot, that's bad. 
Don't use a crutch anymore 

770
00:47:15,930 --> 00:47:18,650
because you're actually not 
going to fully heal if you 

771
00:47:18,650 --> 00:47:20,850
continue to just use that, 
right. 

772
00:47:20,850 --> 00:47:25,690
So it's similar in that all 
teachers and teachings and 

773
00:47:25,690 --> 00:47:30,450
medicines I found to be not just
helpful but vital at certain 

774
00:47:30,450 --> 00:47:33,050
moments. 
But then I needed to learn how 

775
00:47:33,050 --> 00:47:35,450
to walk on my own 2 feet from 
that moment forward. 

776
00:47:35,730 --> 00:47:41,130
I needed to trust in my soul 
that I could move through this 

777
00:47:41,170 --> 00:47:43,170
and handle this. 
And then yeah, that might lead 

778
00:47:43,170 --> 00:47:45,730
me to another teacher, might 
lead me to another medicine. 

779
00:47:45,730 --> 00:47:50,130
But it was listening into that 
inner guidance that really was 

780
00:47:50,130 --> 00:47:53,930
the turning point for me of 
remembering myself. 

781
00:47:54,290 --> 00:47:58,630
The turning point that, oh, I'm 
not broken, actually don't need 

782
00:47:58,630 --> 00:48:01,390
to be healed. 
I am fully healed. 

783
00:48:01,390 --> 00:48:05,710
I just need to remember that, 
oh, I'm not traumatized. 

784
00:48:05,710 --> 00:48:09,670
I'm just continuing to tell the 
story of my trauma. 

785
00:48:10,070 --> 00:48:14,910
I'm retraumatizing myself. 
Oh shit, I'm going responsible 

786
00:48:15,070 --> 00:48:16,870
for that. 
Like okay. 

787
00:48:17,030 --> 00:48:20,990
So it's a lot of self 
responsibility, a lot of looking

788
00:48:20,990 --> 00:48:27,780
in the mirror, a lot of just 
taking full responsibility for 

789
00:48:28,620 --> 00:48:33,140
myself in this life and being 
led by soul. 

790
00:48:33,860 --> 00:48:36,580
And so that's what I've 
discovered through everything 

791
00:48:36,580 --> 00:48:39,900
that I've experienced and then 
learned and and learned to 

792
00:48:39,900 --> 00:48:43,860
teach. 
So the sessions are essentially 

793
00:48:44,260 --> 00:48:51,620
combination of the practices in 
a way that help people get into 

794
00:48:51,620 --> 00:48:54,820
a place where they can connect 
into that inner knowing. 

795
00:48:56,060 --> 00:49:00,300
Each session might look 
different from the one before or

796
00:49:00,300 --> 00:49:03,980
the one after. 
It's really about me reading the

797
00:49:03,980 --> 00:49:08,420
room and reading the person or 
people that I'm working with 

798
00:49:08,980 --> 00:49:11,940
energetically connecting to 
them. 

799
00:49:12,180 --> 00:49:16,340
So there's what we say and then 
it's who we are, right? 

800
00:49:16,340 --> 00:49:20,700
It's what we appear and come 
forward as, and then it's what's

801
00:49:20,700 --> 00:49:23,660
behind all of that, right? 
So it is. 

802
00:49:24,350 --> 00:49:27,830
I use my intuitive gifts to be 
able to actually see what's 

803
00:49:27,830 --> 00:49:30,390
really there. 
Yeah, see what's most present. 

804
00:49:30,390 --> 00:49:33,150
There's a lot of things there. 
All of it is the wholeness of 

805
00:49:33,150 --> 00:49:34,990
that person or people is all 
there. 

806
00:49:35,230 --> 00:49:38,790
But as you know what is most 
present for them, what wants to 

807
00:49:38,790 --> 00:49:42,830
come out, what actually wants to
be exposed? 

808
00:49:43,070 --> 00:49:46,110
Because the things that don't 
want to be exposed, it's no good

809
00:49:46,110 --> 00:49:49,630
for that individual or that 
group of people to expose that. 

810
00:49:50,600 --> 00:49:53,360
What does want to be exposed and
what are they ready for? 

811
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:57,000
So it's a lot of reading into 
the person or the people. 

812
00:49:57,320 --> 00:50:00,800
And then what it might look like
on the surface is guided 

813
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:04,760
meditation, visualization and 
walking. 

814
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:10,880
Talking people through and into 
a place where they are 

815
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:15,240
reconnected to their inner self,
their inner being, their soul. 

816
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:20,050
To then go and find and bring 
back the gift, bring back the 

817
00:50:20,530 --> 00:50:25,690
answer, bring back the healing, 
bring back whatever it is that 

818
00:50:25,690 --> 00:50:32,130
they need in that moment. 
So on the surface, calling them 

819
00:50:32,810 --> 00:50:35,210
guided meditation 
visualizations. 

820
00:50:35,210 --> 00:50:37,770
I also have been toying with the
idea of calling them 

821
00:50:37,770 --> 00:50:41,490
motivational meditations because
people have a very specific idea

822
00:50:41,490 --> 00:50:44,210
of what a meditation is and 
unless you meditate. 

823
00:50:44,330 --> 00:50:48,660
Because once you meditate, you 
know how vast meditation is. 

824
00:50:48,860 --> 00:50:50,820
But if you don't meditate, you 
kind of think it's just one 

825
00:50:50,820 --> 00:50:53,460
thing. 
Yeah, And you feel like you need

826
00:50:53,460 --> 00:50:57,020
to relax and you need to don't 
think of anything, you know, 

827
00:50:57,740 --> 00:51:00,660
don't let the left brain talk. 
You got to be quiet and all 

828
00:51:00,660 --> 00:51:03,260
that. 
And that's not not what you and 

829
00:51:03,260 --> 00:51:06,900
I are doing with our 
hypnotherapy and meditation. 

830
00:51:06,900 --> 00:51:10,100
It's not like that. 
You can relax, but you might. 

831
00:51:10,340 --> 00:51:13,760
That might not be what. 
It's going to happen a lot of 

832
00:51:13,760 --> 00:51:17,720
times. 
You want people to get relaxed 

833
00:51:17,720 --> 00:51:21,240
so that they're slowing down 
their brain waves, right? 

834
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:26,720
And getting into that hypnotic 
state, that data state hopefully

835
00:51:27,440 --> 00:51:32,090
and that's that's great to get 
them relaxed to be in that 

836
00:51:32,090 --> 00:51:34,490
place. 
But then it's very active, it's 

837
00:51:34,490 --> 00:51:40,770
a very lot of visualization, a 
lot of use of imagery, a lot of 

838
00:51:41,010 --> 00:51:47,050
actively talking to yourself, 
going in, creating scenes for 

839
00:51:47,050 --> 00:51:50,410
yourself that you are stepping 
into and allowing things to 

840
00:51:50,410 --> 00:51:53,730
unfold. 
So it is a very active process 

841
00:51:53,730 --> 00:51:58,370
versus a Lotus position. 
Remove all thought. 

842
00:51:58,570 --> 00:52:04,210
Yes, I always tell people the 
great part is all the answers 

843
00:52:04,210 --> 00:52:08,250
are already inside of you. 
The bad part is all the answers 

844
00:52:08,250 --> 00:52:12,410
are already inside of you. 
You just have to want to access 

845
00:52:12,410 --> 00:52:14,530
them. 
And that's the big hurdle right 

846
00:52:14,530 --> 00:52:16,290
there is. 
Do you really want it? 

847
00:52:16,580 --> 00:52:18,580
Are you really ready for it? 
Because there's a lot of people 

848
00:52:18,580 --> 00:52:22,020
that don't want to. 
I mean, for me and you, if we 

849
00:52:22,020 --> 00:52:23,980
want to heal, we want what's 
next. 

850
00:52:24,140 --> 00:52:26,740
Show me what's next. 
How do I get to the next level 

851
00:52:26,740 --> 00:52:28,500
or how do I get to the next 
healing, you know? 

852
00:52:28,980 --> 00:52:31,580
And I think once you start 
eating that dish, it's like, I 

853
00:52:31,580 --> 00:52:34,220
want more. 
But if you don't even take that 

854
00:52:34,220 --> 00:52:36,980
first bite because you're scared
what it's going to taste like, 

855
00:52:37,300 --> 00:52:41,450
then you're stuck. 
So I think that's kind of what 

856
00:52:41,450 --> 00:52:45,050
we're trying to do through these
hypnosis and guided imagery and 

857
00:52:45,050 --> 00:52:46,650
things is to kind of get past 
that. 

858
00:52:47,130 --> 00:52:49,370
And a lot of adoptees don't 
trust themselves. 

859
00:52:49,370 --> 00:52:50,570
They don't even know who they 
are. 

860
00:52:50,570 --> 00:52:52,410
So if you don't know who you 
are, how are you going to trust 

861
00:52:52,410 --> 00:52:55,130
yourself? 
And the answer is that you are 

862
00:52:55,130 --> 00:52:57,960
giving yourself. 
So those are the huge hurdles 

863
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:02,240
that I see that adoptees have in
the healing process. 

864
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:05,960
I was listening to Simon's 
podcast and you said you believe

865
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:09,560
your soul or your essence is 
unwoundable, just like he does, 

866
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,960
And I do too. 
Why do you think adoptees lose 

867
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:15,280
their essence or lose their 
authentic selves? 

868
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:20,420
How does that happen? 
The trauma of adoption, which a 

869
00:53:20,420 --> 00:53:22,460
lot of people don't like to talk
about, right? 

870
00:53:22,460 --> 00:53:28,420
I think it is a very taboo 
subject societally, not just 

871
00:53:28,420 --> 00:53:32,740
within the adoption ecosystem. 
I think it's just a taboo such 

872
00:53:32,740 --> 00:53:36,500
as like, Oh yeah, you you were 
in a bad situation and now 

873
00:53:36,500 --> 00:53:38,740
you're in a better situation. 
Period. 

874
00:53:38,740 --> 00:53:40,780
End of story. 
Be grateful. 

875
00:53:41,900 --> 00:53:46,460
So there is the initial trauma 
of being not with your birth 

876
00:53:46,460 --> 00:53:49,900
family anymore or with your 
birth mother specifically. 

877
00:53:50,180 --> 00:53:53,460
And then there's the re 
traumatizing of the Oh well you 

878
00:53:53,460 --> 00:53:57,220
are not able to talk about that.
Be grateful you you're better 

879
00:53:57,340 --> 00:53:59,140
you're told. 
It's like you're in this. 

880
00:53:59,420 --> 00:54:01,740
Psyop like you're told this is 
better. 

881
00:54:02,080 --> 00:54:05,920
You were saved then saved and 
you're like this feels not 

882
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:08,360
better. 
Like this doesn't feel right and

883
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:11,680
you know, and everyone has their
own layers of that or I guess 

884
00:54:11,680 --> 00:54:14,800
different intensities of that. 
You know, some people it's like 

885
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:18,200
it's it's way, way worse in 
their adoptive family than than 

886
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:20,280
what maybe they had left from. 
And other people it's like, 

887
00:54:20,400 --> 00:54:23,520
well, it could be better and in 
all of these ways. 

888
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:28,200
But we cannot deny the fact that
we have been torn from the very 

889
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:34,200
essence of our birth mother, the
exchange of DNA, the exchange of

890
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:37,600
hormones that goes on during 
that process. 

891
00:54:37,760 --> 00:54:42,120
That something very, very 
fundamental has been taken away 

892
00:54:42,320 --> 00:54:45,960
with no explanation. 
I mean, one kids at those ages 

893
00:54:45,960 --> 00:54:49,320
couldn't understand it. 
So then it's just confusing. 

894
00:54:49,320 --> 00:54:52,650
You're so confused. 
So there's a fracturing that 

895
00:54:52,650 --> 00:54:54,810
happens, right? 
Which happens in really all 

896
00:54:54,810 --> 00:54:56,730
psyops, right? 
You just you, you become this 

897
00:54:56,730 --> 00:55:01,010
other person here I I am this 
me, this adopted person. 

898
00:55:01,370 --> 00:55:06,930
I'm no longer me, this original 
birth from my original family 

899
00:55:06,930 --> 00:55:09,050
person. 
I can't be that. 

900
00:55:09,090 --> 00:55:12,810
It's too painful. 
And then I can't go even deeper 

901
00:55:12,810 --> 00:55:17,980
back to my true essence. 
So people like us, we come with 

902
00:55:17,980 --> 00:55:23,340
some added difficulties, 
baggage, barriers to returning 

903
00:55:23,340 --> 00:55:26,580
to our soul, self and our true 
essence. 

904
00:55:27,220 --> 00:55:31,660
Everybody in our culture has 
those barriers because we're not

905
00:55:31,820 --> 00:55:35,780
raised to believe that we are 
souls in a body having this 

906
00:55:35,780 --> 00:55:39,140
experience or that we have any 
sort of power, that we are the 

907
00:55:39,140 --> 00:55:40,940
Divine. 
No one tells you that. 

908
00:55:40,940 --> 00:55:45,900
No one teaches you how to access
that or work with it or live 

909
00:55:45,900 --> 00:55:50,140
from that place unless you grew 
up in a very unique situation. 

910
00:55:50,260 --> 00:55:54,380
It's not the normal thing. 
So I think it's fairly typical 

911
00:55:54,380 --> 00:55:58,420
for people to be removed or 
distracted away from this 

912
00:55:58,420 --> 00:56:01,940
miracle of self and our 
experience here. 

913
00:56:01,940 --> 00:56:05,740
And then for adoptees, just that
added layer that is in the way 

914
00:56:05,740 --> 00:56:07,940
that needs to be dealt with 
first. 

915
00:56:08,390 --> 00:56:10,670
And so there's a lot to dig 
through. 

916
00:56:10,670 --> 00:56:14,070
And then like you were saying 
earlier, not everybody has the 

917
00:56:14,070 --> 00:56:16,670
strength of resolve to go there 
and deal with it. 

918
00:56:16,670 --> 00:56:19,150
And maybe that's just their 
soul's path, this lifetime that 

919
00:56:19,150 --> 00:56:21,350
it's just not the time for them 
to. 

920
00:56:21,710 --> 00:56:24,190
They came here to experience it,
but you know, maybe it's next 

921
00:56:24,190 --> 00:56:26,630
lifetime that they're going to 
actually deal with it. 

922
00:56:26,990 --> 00:56:30,390
Do you believe that our trauma 
or our triggers can be 

923
00:56:30,390 --> 00:56:33,670
treasures? 
Absolutely, 100%. 

924
00:56:34,350 --> 00:56:39,900
If we go through life 
experiencing everything as an 

925
00:56:39,900 --> 00:56:45,140
opportunity to grow and learn 
and love more deeply, life is 

926
00:56:45,140 --> 00:56:49,700
beautiful and amazing. 
And so I have chosen to believe 

927
00:56:49,700 --> 00:56:55,620
that it's not only the successes
and the wonderful things that 

928
00:56:55,620 --> 00:56:58,310
happen in life that are the 
gifts. 

929
00:56:58,350 --> 00:57:04,230
It's also the tragic, traumatic,
awful moments that happen that 

930
00:57:04,230 --> 00:57:06,670
are also gift. 
And not even just because, oh, I

931
00:57:06,670 --> 00:57:11,630
learned this amazing thing about
myself after processing it, but 

932
00:57:11,990 --> 00:57:16,990
in that full experience of life 
to go, wow, this is what full 

933
00:57:16,990 --> 00:57:19,990
feeling is. 
This is the full spectrum of 

934
00:57:19,990 --> 00:57:23,750
this human experience. 
I get to experience that. 

935
00:57:23,750 --> 00:57:28,960
I get to have all of that and 
trusting that it's not going to 

936
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,560
break you and you or that if it 
does, you're still going to be 

937
00:57:32,560 --> 00:57:36,120
okay is the place to get to if 
you want to live from that 

938
00:57:36,120 --> 00:57:37,360
place. 
And I'm not suggesting people 

939
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:40,760
need to live from that place. 
I have just chosen to live from 

940
00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:46,400
that place. 
And what I've experienced is a 

941
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:52,080
depth of joy and of love and of 
understanding and compassion and

942
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:54,400
meaning. 
That is so. 

943
00:57:54,940 --> 00:57:57,140
I call it magic because it's 
magic. 

944
00:57:57,180 --> 00:58:02,020
Also, it's a loaded word for 
many people, but I call it magic

945
00:58:02,020 --> 00:58:05,380
because it feels that way. 
It feels like there's just this 

946
00:58:05,380 --> 00:58:11,660
magical energy around life when 
lived in its full expression. 

947
00:58:12,300 --> 00:58:16,050
Yeah, I think if we can. 
Turn our thinking around. 

948
00:58:16,050 --> 00:58:18,770
When we get triggered, we're 
already pointing a finger at the

949
00:58:18,770 --> 00:58:21,970
other person or somebody else or
our circumstances or whatever it

950
00:58:21,970 --> 00:58:25,090
is that triggered us. 
But really for me, I feel like 

951
00:58:25,090 --> 00:58:27,090
it's almost like a warning light
on a car. 

952
00:58:27,490 --> 00:58:31,730
Where why is that triggering me?
It's kind of like the little 

953
00:58:31,730 --> 00:58:34,450
beacon that's saying there's 
something that you need to deal 

954
00:58:34,450 --> 00:58:36,210
with. 
Look in the mirror. 

955
00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:38,640
You know, so if you look in the 
mirror and you're pointing your 

956
00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:40,800
finger, you're pointing the 
finger at your back at yourself.

957
00:58:41,440 --> 00:58:44,280
And that's totally, I think, 
what needs to happen instead of 

958
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:47,000
projecting out. 
And you see it all the time on 

959
00:58:47,000 --> 00:58:49,600
Facebook and social media where 
people get triggered and they 

960
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:54,080
just start spewing all kinds of 
hate and everything else. 

961
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:57,360
And it's like that's just a part
of you that needs your attention

962
00:58:57,360 --> 00:58:59,800
that you're not. 
Focusing on and it's really 

963
00:58:59,800 --> 00:59:02,120
screaming, you know? 
Yeah. 

964
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:05,680
And the ones closest to us can 
trigger us did most deeply 

965
00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:07,400
right. 
And it's just like who pay 

966
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:09,770
attention to that. 
Look at that. 

967
00:59:09,770 --> 00:59:15,690
That's your, you know, just 
invitation to explore what that 

968
00:59:15,690 --> 00:59:18,570
brings up for you, why that 
scares you, why that pisses you 

969
00:59:18,570 --> 00:59:21,330
off, why that is so deep for 
you. 

970
00:59:21,690 --> 00:59:25,570
So we have all these incredible 
opportunities to enrich our 

971
00:59:25,570 --> 00:59:29,850
experience here by not only 
understanding the depth of 

972
00:59:29,850 --> 00:59:32,970
emotion and the depth of feeling
and the depth of experience, but

973
00:59:32,970 --> 00:59:38,170
then actually becoming more 
enlightened through it. 

974
00:59:38,290 --> 00:59:40,170
Yeah, not only for ourselves, 
but you. 

975
00:59:40,170 --> 00:59:44,650
Then you start to reflect back 
out into the world and you see 

976
00:59:44,850 --> 00:59:48,850
that, oh, this person is going 
through this because I've 

977
00:59:48,850 --> 00:59:52,770
experienced that. 
And then you just gain a ton of 

978
00:59:52,770 --> 00:59:57,250
experience that. 
You then have a much more 

979
00:59:57,290 --> 01:00:00,850
compassionate view of the world 
because you've been there, done 

980
01:00:00,850 --> 01:00:02,610
that, like oh, I've been there. 
I've lived it. 

981
01:00:02,610 --> 01:00:06,610
I know it, I experienced that. 
And so every one of those shitty

982
01:00:06,610 --> 01:00:08,810
experiences just going to, I 
think. 

983
01:00:08,890 --> 01:00:14,410
It makes us more in tune. 
Yeah, and even from being a 

984
01:00:14,410 --> 01:00:17,730
child, when you're angry that 
emotions labeled as bad. 

985
01:00:17,970 --> 01:00:20,450
There's emotions that are 
labeled bad and good. 

986
01:00:20,490 --> 01:00:23,730
And really, they're all just 
trying to tell you something, 

987
01:00:23,850 --> 01:00:25,370
right? 
They're not bad or good. 

988
01:00:26,230 --> 01:00:28,550
It's just another warning light 
that's trying to get you to look

989
01:00:28,550 --> 01:00:30,190
at something. 
And the great thing is, the 

990
01:00:30,190 --> 01:00:33,350
universe loves you so much that 
it's going to keep sending you 

991
01:00:33,350 --> 01:00:35,430
that same signal until you 
finally get it. 

992
01:00:36,190 --> 01:00:38,350
Because it wants you to feel 
whole. 

993
01:00:38,350 --> 01:00:42,030
It wants you to fulfill your 
purpose, it wants you to give 

994
01:00:42,030 --> 01:00:44,790
your gifts to the world, and 
it's not going to let up on you 

995
01:00:44,790 --> 01:00:47,150
until you do. 
So you can put the brakes on all

996
01:00:47,150 --> 01:00:49,910
you want. 
And that warning lights still 

997
01:00:49,910 --> 01:00:52,550
going to stay on. 
It's not going anywhere until 

998
01:00:52,910 --> 01:00:56,250
you look at it. 
You're going to repeat what you 

999
01:00:56,250 --> 01:00:58,530
don't release, what you don't 
heal. 

1000
01:00:58,530 --> 01:01:01,010
So that's what's great though, 
about the universe. 

1001
01:01:01,010 --> 01:01:04,810
It loves you that much. 
Your essence loves you that much

1002
01:01:04,810 --> 01:01:09,250
that it's not going to stop 
trying to make you whole, right?

1003
01:01:09,250 --> 01:01:13,090
I always kind of end on a 
question of what do you want 

1004
01:01:13,090 --> 01:01:20,730
struggling adoptees to know that
they are whole, but they're not 

1005
01:01:20,810 --> 01:01:25,600
missing or lacking anything that
is real truth. 

1006
01:01:26,040 --> 01:01:31,520
The things that they're most 
likely seeking are right there 

1007
01:01:31,520 --> 01:01:35,720
within, waiting for them to 
welcome them back. 

1008
01:01:35,720 --> 01:01:40,040
Like love as an entity as they 
So it's there waiting for you to

1009
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:44,240
say yes to it. 
Yes, please come back, flood 

1010
01:01:44,240 --> 01:01:46,800
back into my life. 
It doesn't need to come from a 

1011
01:01:46,840 --> 01:01:52,720
parent or a family or a partner.
It's coming right from within, 

1012
01:01:53,870 --> 01:01:59,390
and we get to experience that in
a depth that's beyond what we 

1013
01:01:59,390 --> 01:02:03,430
can experience from another 
person once we really fully 

1014
01:02:03,430 --> 01:02:06,750
welcome it back. 
All of those things are there. 

1015
01:02:06,750 --> 01:02:10,070
All the things that that someone
who's struggling might be 

1016
01:02:10,550 --> 01:02:17,710
seeking out here, whether it's 
safety or belonging or love or 

1017
01:02:18,030 --> 01:02:22,430
anything, all of it is just 
waiting for you. 

1018
01:02:23,330 --> 01:02:26,530
Yeah. 
And the getting back to the 

1019
01:02:26,530 --> 01:02:33,530
welcoming back of those things 
in your life require some work. 

1020
01:02:33,570 --> 01:02:35,610
I mean, the struggle is very 
real. 

1021
01:02:35,770 --> 01:02:39,130
And so I'm not here saying, oh, 
you just have to remember that 

1022
01:02:39,130 --> 01:02:41,570
those things are in you and then
boop, you're you're back. 

1023
01:02:41,610 --> 01:02:47,250
I mean, there's work to be done.
If you value life itself, not 

1024
01:02:47,250 --> 01:02:50,940
just your own life, but life 
itself and or you're on the 

1025
01:02:50,940 --> 01:02:52,700
other side of the spectrum, 
you're like, I just want to have

1026
01:02:52,700 --> 01:02:55,340
amazing, amazing life. 
I just want to live the best 

1027
01:02:55,340 --> 01:02:58,180
life I can. 
Then you're on that precipice, 

1028
01:02:58,180 --> 01:03:03,260
you're right there at that place
of taking that first step into 

1029
01:03:03,460 --> 01:03:07,340
welcoming that back. 
But then there's a lot of doors 

1030
01:03:07,900 --> 01:03:11,260
and they need to go through and 
some of those doors are being 

1031
01:03:11,260 --> 01:03:15,500
held closed by protectors in 
your life. 

1032
01:03:15,580 --> 01:03:18,940
You know these guards that 
you've put up, that your life 

1033
01:03:19,340 --> 01:03:22,580
and your experiences have 
constructed for you to keep you 

1034
01:03:22,580 --> 01:03:26,460
safe, to keep you sane and well 
and all of those things in the 

1035
01:03:26,540 --> 01:03:29,740
at the time. 
And it's about having some 

1036
01:03:29,740 --> 01:03:33,140
courage to go in and face those 
things. 

1037
01:03:33,220 --> 01:03:39,180
To face down and say my life, 
life itself is worth it enough, 

1038
01:03:39,180 --> 01:03:43,180
My best life is worth it. 
Enough to go in and actually 

1039
01:03:43,180 --> 01:03:47,420
start to walk this path open or 
pry. 

1040
01:03:48,140 --> 01:03:52,980
These doors open and take 
responsibility for ending the 

1041
01:03:52,980 --> 01:03:54,980
struggle. 
Right. 

1042
01:03:55,860 --> 01:03:58,380
Starting that journey can be 
uncomfortable. 

1043
01:03:58,380 --> 01:04:00,340
It could even be painful at 
times. 

1044
01:04:00,340 --> 01:04:04,020
But if you think about it, 
you're helping to alleviate or 

1045
01:04:04,060 --> 01:04:08,380
altogether end the long, 
enduring suffering that you're 

1046
01:04:08,380 --> 01:04:13,300
already in, so you can stay in 
that suffering forever. 

1047
01:04:13,550 --> 01:04:17,110
Or you can start the journey and
maybe start feeling better, even

1048
01:04:17,110 --> 01:04:20,470
though it's part of the journey.
Might be painful, but you know, 

1049
01:04:20,470 --> 01:04:23,110
you might be able to alleviate 
it in the end. 

1050
01:04:24,110 --> 01:04:29,150
The other thing that I'll say is
that we are in this position 

1051
01:04:29,150 --> 01:04:33,400
where we have ultimate power but
also ultimate responsibility, 

1052
01:04:33,400 --> 01:04:35,680
right. 
I mean that cheesy line from 

1053
01:04:35,880 --> 01:04:38,960
Spiderman, that is so true. 
It's like with great power comes

1054
01:04:38,960 --> 01:04:42,320
great responsibility. 
We have that and that's the 

1055
01:04:42,320 --> 01:04:44,040
precipice that I was talking 
about. 

1056
01:04:44,040 --> 01:04:48,880
Just take that First step is to 
own that, to own that full 

1057
01:04:48,880 --> 01:04:51,520
power. 
But also with it comes full 

1058
01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:55,120
responsibility to actually 
continue to take the steps and 

1059
01:04:55,120 --> 01:04:57,950
pry the doors open. 
It's a beautiful thing. 

1060
01:04:57,950 --> 01:05:02,630
We have the power to actually 
change and end the struggle, and

1061
01:05:02,830 --> 01:05:05,510
we are the only one that has the
power to do that. 

1062
01:05:05,750 --> 01:05:09,150
So that's the other point of 
acceptance, is that no one else 

1063
01:05:09,150 --> 01:05:12,870
is going to do this or could do 
this for you. 

1064
01:05:13,660 --> 01:05:15,940
No one. 
Not the best therapist in the 

1065
01:05:15,940 --> 01:05:19,060
world, not the best partner in 
the world, not the best parent 

1066
01:05:19,060 --> 01:05:22,820
in the world, not the best 
promotion or whatever other 

1067
01:05:22,820 --> 01:05:26,500
thing that you're looking 
towards to be a validation of 

1068
01:05:26,500 --> 01:05:28,700
yourself. 
None of that is going to do 

1069
01:05:28,900 --> 01:05:31,260
anything or can. 
It just can't. 

1070
01:05:31,420 --> 01:05:36,020
You have to. 
And while you get to do this and

1071
01:05:36,020 --> 01:05:38,180
you get to have this 
responsibility and you get to 

1072
01:05:38,180 --> 01:05:44,650
have this power, and it is so 
beautiful and fun and also 

1073
01:05:45,170 --> 01:05:48,570
incredibly just. 
It's such a gift. 

1074
01:05:48,770 --> 01:05:53,970
It's such a gift to get there. 
Again, not an easy Rd. for it 

1075
01:05:53,970 --> 01:05:55,930
wasn't for me. 
I mean, I shared a lot of, you 

1076
01:05:55,930 --> 01:06:00,090
know, the struggles along the 
way and it's certainly not an 

1077
01:06:00,090 --> 01:06:03,090
overnight thing, but it all 
starts somewhere. 

1078
01:06:03,530 --> 01:06:08,490
Yeah, it's totally worth it. 
I always say that. 

1079
01:06:08,860 --> 01:06:11,380
Is a gift that you have to give 
the world if you're not giving 

1080
01:06:11,380 --> 01:06:12,540
it. 
We're all missing out. 

1081
01:06:13,340 --> 01:06:15,700
We're all missing out. 
You're missing out, but we're 

1082
01:06:15,700 --> 01:06:18,700
all missing out on it too. 
And you're the only one that can

1083
01:06:18,700 --> 01:06:20,420
fulfill whatever that purpose 
is. 

1084
01:06:20,420 --> 01:06:25,380
And so get your ass about it. 
Get out there and do it. 

1085
01:06:25,460 --> 01:06:30,620
Because I need what you have. 
So get working. 

1086
01:06:31,540 --> 01:06:34,660
Tell us where we can find you. 
You have a website, any social 

1087
01:06:34,660 --> 01:06:36,300
media. 
Tell us about that and we'll 

1088
01:06:36,300 --> 01:06:38,270
have the links and show up. 
Great. 

1089
01:06:38,310 --> 01:06:41,630
You can go to my websites, 
carissastlaurent.com and that 

1090
01:06:41,630 --> 01:06:45,390
talks about me a little bit 
more, but also just my services 

1091
01:06:45,390 --> 01:06:48,390
and offerings and and what I do 
in the world. 

1092
01:06:49,230 --> 01:06:53,430
My Instagram is at the Everyday 
Mystic and that's the name of my

1093
01:06:53,430 --> 01:06:55,350
podcast. 
It's called the Everyday Mystic.

1094
01:06:55,350 --> 01:06:58,270
So you can check out the pod, 
you can go to Instagram and 

1095
01:06:58,270 --> 01:07:00,870
check out. 
I share a lot of mystical woo 

1096
01:07:00,870 --> 01:07:04,380
woo things on that Instagram 
profile. 

1097
01:07:04,820 --> 01:07:09,100
From Instagram I have a link 
tree which links to all the 

1098
01:07:09,100 --> 01:07:11,980
other things, but I can also 
share that with you to put into.

1099
01:07:12,220 --> 01:07:13,580
Perfect. 
Awesome. 

1100
01:07:14,340 --> 01:07:16,260
Well, I've enjoyed this 
conversation today. 

1101
01:07:16,260 --> 01:07:17,980
Carissa, thank you so much for 
coming on. 

1102
01:07:18,580 --> 01:07:20,620
It's my pleasure. 
Thank you, Melissa. 

1103
01:07:22,100 --> 01:07:24,900
And I just love these stories 
where I can. 

1104
01:07:25,490 --> 01:07:29,410
Interview the person about their
adoption story, but also talk 

1105
01:07:29,410 --> 01:07:34,530
about spiritual things and 
healing and what is helped. 

1106
01:07:34,850 --> 01:07:39,130
You know when we take 
responsibility for how our life 

1107
01:07:39,130 --> 01:07:42,490
is going. 
That's the first step in making 

1108
01:07:42,570 --> 01:07:48,410
a huge change, and you've heard 
me say on this podcast before 

1109
01:07:48,410 --> 01:07:53,770
that you are one decision away 
from a different life. 

1110
01:07:54,450 --> 01:08:01,410
One decision and realizing how 
much power you have in you to 

1111
01:08:01,410 --> 01:08:06,130
heal yourself. 
It's truly amazing and I've 

1112
01:08:06,130 --> 01:08:09,810
experienced it myself. 
And if you have any questions, 

1113
01:08:10,130 --> 01:08:16,290
contact me, Contact Carissa. 
We can help you if you are sick 

1114
01:08:16,290 --> 01:08:19,290
and tired of being sick and 
tired. 

1115
01:08:19,890 --> 01:08:23,370
Over the traumas that you have 
been through in your life and 

1116
01:08:23,370 --> 01:08:28,450
the ways that those things have 
affected you, please reach out. 

1117
01:08:29,609 --> 01:08:31,729
Carissa's links are in the show 
notes. 

1118
01:08:32,170 --> 01:08:35,890
Find her website, check her out,
check out her podcast. 

1119
01:08:36,210 --> 01:08:40,090
She offers a lot more than what 
we could cover in this episode, 

1120
01:08:40,090 --> 01:08:44,340
so go check it out. 
I had a wonderful e-mail from a 

1121
01:08:44,340 --> 01:08:47,700
listener this week through the 
website which is mind your own 

1122
01:08:47,700 --> 01:08:51,420
karma.com. 
And just when I was kind of 

1123
01:08:51,420 --> 01:08:55,260
feeling like, why am I doing 
this and just kind of feeling 

1124
01:08:55,260 --> 01:09:01,260
tired and down about things, I 
get this wonderful e-mail from 

1125
01:09:01,260 --> 01:09:05,340
this person and this person is 
going to be coming on the show 

1126
01:09:05,340 --> 01:09:08,510
in the coming weeks. 
But I just want to let you know 

1127
01:09:08,510 --> 01:09:11,950
how much those little notes 
uplift me. 

1128
01:09:12,470 --> 01:09:16,229
The other thing I want to say is
when I offered for this person 

1129
01:09:16,229 --> 01:09:20,029
to come on the show, their first
response was me. 

1130
01:09:20,470 --> 01:09:24,630
You want me to come on your show
and tell my story? 

1131
01:09:24,910 --> 01:09:30,029
And I was just like, yes, you. 
Yes, come on, let's go. 

1132
01:09:30,229 --> 01:09:34,630
And so she was brave and 
scheduled the interview. 

1133
01:09:35,240 --> 01:09:39,520
And I just want you to know that
if you are not sure on how you 

1134
01:09:39,520 --> 01:09:43,560
want to tell your story, the 
great way to tell your story is 

1135
01:09:43,560 --> 01:09:47,000
coming on a podcast. 
Because I ask you questions and 

1136
01:09:47,000 --> 01:09:51,200
all you have to do is answer. 
All you have to decide is what 

1137
01:09:51,200 --> 01:09:54,840
you want to reveal and what you 
may not want to reveal. 

1138
01:09:54,840 --> 01:09:56,880
Because those are some things 
that you need to think of ahead 

1139
01:09:56,880 --> 01:09:59,680
of time. 
But other than that, come on the

1140
01:09:59,680 --> 01:10:04,000
show and tell your story. 
I heard my new favorite quote 

1141
01:10:04,000 --> 01:10:09,760
this week and it says the scars 
you share become lighthouses for

1142
01:10:09,760 --> 01:10:13,680
those that are headed for the 
same rocks you hit. 

1143
01:10:14,440 --> 01:10:16,880
And that's the purpose of this 
podcast. 

1144
01:10:17,320 --> 01:10:20,080
Come on the podcast. 
Tell your story. 

1145
01:10:20,660 --> 01:10:23,860
There are people out there 
needing and wanting to hear your

1146
01:10:23,860 --> 01:10:25,820
story. 
It's our responsibility. 

1147
01:10:25,820 --> 01:10:30,180
If we feel like we're in a place
that we can tell our story and 

1148
01:10:30,180 --> 01:10:33,660
want to tell our story, it 
really is our responsibility to 

1149
01:10:33,660 --> 01:10:36,220
do so. 
So reach out to me, I'm easy to 

1150
01:10:36,220 --> 01:10:40,260
find 
email.mindyourownkarma@gmail.com.

1151
01:10:40,680 --> 01:10:45,720
Website mindyourownkarma.com, 
Facebook, Instagram, YouTube 

1152
01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:49,760
pretty much everywhere. 
So get in touch with me and 

1153
01:10:49,760 --> 01:10:51,480
let's get your story on the 
podcast. 

1154
01:10:51,760 --> 01:10:53,760
I hope you enjoyed listening 
today. 

1155
01:10:53,760 --> 01:10:57,160
And as always, take what you 
need and leave what you don't. 

1156
01:10:57,920 --> 01:11:00,840
And always remember to mind your
own karma. 

1157
01:11:01,520 --> 01:11:02,560
I'll see you next time.