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Hey there. 
It's Melissa. 

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Brunetti and welcome to the mind
your own Karma podcast. 

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Hey there, Karma crew. 
I hope you are doing. 

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Well this week I am bringing 
you. 

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Another adoptee story today. 
Jim Serrano is on the show. 

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You may have heard of him. 
He's been making the rounds on 

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the adoptee podcast for a while.
Now, it is his passion and he 

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feels that if he shares his 
story, it gives others 

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permission to share, theirs as 
well, and also gives others a 

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sense that they are not alone in
the adoption. 

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Ernie. 
Let me tell you a little bit 

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about Jim. 
Jim is a domestic adoptee who 

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was born in 1962 in San Jose, 
California. 

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He was adopted at six months of 
age. 

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He's had trauma his whole life 
from abandonment issues, sexual 

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abuse and even in the search, 
for his biological family at the

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age of 37. 
Jim is passionate about being 

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open and honest with all of the 
traumas that he has been through

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in the hopes of helping others. 
Here's my interview. 

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With Jim Serrano. 
Hey Jim, welcome to the show. 

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Hello. 
Thank you. 

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Yeah. 
Hey, I know you know, you've 

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been on a bunch of podcast your 
Seasons, you know, podcast 

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guests. 
So I'm gonna just let you tell 

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your story. 
Okay? 

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And I mean you already know all 
the questions I'm going to ask 

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because you fired him from 
everybody else so holder. 

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The answers are probably in 
there. 

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So sure what you think you want 
to share, and then at the end 

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we'll talk a little bit about 
healing and maybe dig a little 

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bit deeper, but take it away. 
Jim Okay, so I'm 61 years of age

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right now. 61 I was born January
22nd of 1962. 

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I was born in San Jose, 
California. 

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I was adopted at six months of 
age from San Jose and I was 

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raised in Gilroy, California. 
I have no idea where I was born 

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at. 
I have no idea the first six 

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months of my life. 
I don't have no idea where I 

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was, who took care of me. 
Anything, all I remember is my 

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parents when I asked for my 
paperwork when I was going to do

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my search and 37 years of age, 
they just told me I was in San 

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Jose somewhere, do the Santa 
Clara County. 

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Welfare Department. 
Wherever that was. 

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So who knows where I was. 
For six months of my life. 

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I know I have my paperwork from 
wherever I was at this is Santa 

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Clara County, welfare 
department. 

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And what is said in the, 
paperwork was kind of, like, 

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they had me under Caucasian. 
And somebody in there named me, 

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Freddie, I have no clue because 
it on the paperwork is as from. 

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So I'll never know who named me 
Freddy. 

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Who burnt me, who pick me up, 
none of that stuff. 

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I don't know because my it's 
didn't know, they never talked 

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about it, they never talked 
about my adoption. 

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So they adopted me at six months
of age and the adopted a my 

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sister. 
She was a year older than me and

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her name is Barbara so they 
adopted both of us at the same 

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time so they adopted Us in all 
through my childhood. 

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I could honestly say I was a 
replacement child for my dad 

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because my dad wasn't a very. 
He didn't know how to show love.

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I don't know because maybe it 
wasn't raised that way. 

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But I never heard, I love you 
from him. 

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I never got a hug from man, none
of that. 

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But one time, I asked my sister,
my older sister, which was 

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there, because they had three 
kids already. 

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Then they adopted me and my 
sister Barbara, okay? 

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So when I had a conversation 
with my sister, probably about 

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three years ago, I asked her 
they Susie. 

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Why do you think Dad? 
And Mom never sat me down and 

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tell me, I was adopted because I
never knew I just figured. 

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I'll Because the big joke when I
was growing up was always they 

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got me at the supermarket. 
That's when my sister's always 

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used to tell me. 
Well I thought it was a joke all

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this time to I kind of figure it
out. 

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Shoot maybe I am adopted right. 
So so I asked my sister. 

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Why do you think, why is it that
he never showed me any love and 

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goes? 
You think is because see, they 

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had a child named Georgie and he
was two year, I think was two 

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years old and he passed away. 
So my sister told me see. 

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I didn't know. 
It's like three years ago. 

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My sister told me that my mom 
was kind of having a nervous 

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breakdown because of the death. 
Yeah, so I think to heal my 

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mom's heart or to try to comfort
her, my Dad decided to adopt. 

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So I was more of a, I think I 
replacement child because I 

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asked my sister, you think I was
like, more, my dad resented me 

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because I was replacing Georgie.
And she didn't say, no, when I 

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was asked and I ask all this, 
over the phone with her because 

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I wanted because I started doing
it more Of these podcasts. 

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And I wanted to get the story 
straight because I know a lot of

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my family and friends and 
whatever would hear the story. 

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So I wanted the facts straight 
or not. 

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Someone come back at me since 
all that wasn't true. 

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Jim that wasn't true. 
Yeah. 

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So I want to get the facts from 
her so she didn't disagree with 

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me. 
So I figured. 

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Ok. 
So that's why I didn't really 

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get so much love and something 
and we both me, my dad worked at

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the same company for 30 years. 
We both retired from the same 

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company. 
We used to drive. 

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Ready. 
Mix trucks in San Jose. 

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Mmm. 
We did that for 30 years, both 

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of us have a Teamster pension. 
We had retired. 

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I retired in 2012 and that's the
reason I'm telling you because 

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that's part of the story. 
So he never congratulated me was

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proud of me that. 
You know, I was the number one 

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driver there for like 10 years. 
And we had 100 drivers and but 

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never got a pat on the back. 
So he how is he with the other 

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kids? 
Um, you know what? 

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He had a relationship with my 
older brother truth. 

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Hello, Joe, but he passed away 
about three years ago, but their

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relationship wasn't very well 
either. 

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Okay, I think I dug the whole 
story was that he moving to 

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Houston to get away from issues 
that they had, I don't know 

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their story, so, I didn't really
want to get involved. 

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Yeah, so but he loved my sister.
My sister's could do no wrong. 

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Even the adopted says yes. 
Yes, she was. 

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Like, I always figured. 
She was the number one. 

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She was number one. 
So that was, that was the number

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one child. 
At least. 

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That's what it seemed to me. 
In me, I see when I was a kid, I

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used to get beat a lot and and 
it just one thing that I always 

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remember hearing, my mom always 
hearing her in the background. 

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That's enough whole sad. 
That's because the name was Joe.

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So he was, she was a whole said 
that's enough. 

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He's had enough when I was 
getting beat. 

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Right? 
So one my sister. 

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So there was really no love 
going, growing up Through the 

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Ages, you know, of me, living 
there and stuff. 

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And so what am I Sister told me 
one thing when I was tossing 

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these questions, I go she goes, 
you change you. 

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You became more of a rebel 
between the ages of like in the 

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early teens and stuff like that.
Well see she didn't know why 

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that was happening because see 
nobody. 

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I didn't tell anybody about what
happened to me as a child to I 

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start doing the podcast. 
And so what happened from the 

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ages from 10:51, I was being 
molested by a older male cousin.

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He was in his 20s and I was 
nine. 

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So I was being molested from the
ages of nine eleven but see I 

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held that. 
I held that secret all my life 

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till I was 52 years old when I 
told my wife and my daughter my 

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wife have been married for 39 
years. 

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Almost 39 years and my 
daughter's they're going to be 

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36. 
So one day was 52, we're going 

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to go get some ice cream and 
there was thing on this on the 

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radio and was talking about 
child, abuse, child, sexual 

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abuse. 
So something right there just 

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triggered me a good cage. 
And this is the time to say it. 

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So I told Tina and Elizabeth 
that, you know, I was molested 

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as a kid and they were shocked 
to go. 

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What do you mean? 
But I didn't tell him who it 

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was. 
So they didn't know who it was 

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because the only one who ever is
going to know who it was is 

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going to be Tina because I only 
told Tina about a year and a 

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half ago, we were was wow. 
And the reason why I told her 

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was because one of my favorite 
movies is Antwone Fisher, 

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Antwone Fisher the scene that he
he's in the, in the foster care 

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system, but he was being 
molested. 

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So there's a scene in the movie.
Where is foster parent was 

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leaving with the other kids, but
he was being left behind with 

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the person that was molesting. 
Mm-hmm. 

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So I was looking at that movie 
one day and I just broke. 

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Yeah, I said Jim is time tell 
somebody so I told Tina who it 

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was and the person who was was 
he lived right across the street

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from Tina. 
No, because we dated for like 

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two years but she didn't realize
that the person that molest me 

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those years lived right across 
the street, from her rights to 

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go pick her up every day. 
So I have to help that because 

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it's right across the street 
it's like I could I could I 

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could tell you right now, what 
the room looks like in my brain 

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right now. 
I can tell you exactly what the 

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room looked like that smells 
what happened and everything, 

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I'll never go into details, what
happened? 

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Because it's something that is a
man. 

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You you you feel shame on your 
life and which I I did, that's 

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why it took me so long to to 
start talking about it but the 

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more I talk about it, the more 
men come to me, tell me their 

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experiences and they look at Jim
Serrano's, the tough guy that 

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always was into fighting all the
time and I'm still fighting now.

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I mean kickboxing and more time 
but it's not it's cut part of my

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therapy but I think it sometimes
I know when I need to be there 

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just to hit the bag and not do 
nothing else. 

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Not even be in that class. 
Just to go hit the bag because 

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some days. 
I'll have something to trigger 

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00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:10,600
me, right? 
Yeah, so the beginning of the 

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search started when I was 36 and
a half 37, 37. 

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And we we lived in a little town
called Los Banos. 45 miles from 

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where I live now in Gilroy, so 
we lived there for 20 years and 

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so I was watching a program on 
TV with the talk show or 

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00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,000
something like that. 
It's talking about people 

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looking for their lost family 
members. 

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So the person when there was 
talking about, you could get 

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non-identity information. 
So I seen that in look, the Tina

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actually, babe. 
I think it's time goes. 

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You think is a time? 
I think it's time for me to go 

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and look because my daughter was
getting older too, and I didn't 

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want her growing up like me, not
knowing anything about your 

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00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:54,900
medical background who you are. 
It just I don't want her going 

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up like that and that's our only
child. 

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So, Very special to me to us. 
So I said okay so the hardest 

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00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:07,200
part was going to my parents and
say hey I'm going to start 

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00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:11,500
searching, you know? 
And I was remember my dad 

200
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:14,300
telling me. 
Are you ready to find out what's

201
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:15,900
out there for you? 
Jim and go. 

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00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:19,300
Yeah but she he kind of like 
kind of try to discourage me 

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00:11:19,300 --> 00:11:22,300
because he used to say, but Jim 
you're so on 0 because Dad, I'm 

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not as Toronto, I'm not putting 
down the Serrano name. 

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It's just that, that's not mean,
that's not my blood, I need to 

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00:11:28,808 --> 00:11:30,900
find out who I was. 
Yeah, so they give me the 

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paperwork. 
That's that paperwork that I 

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00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,400
have about Freddy says, Freddy 
on the. 

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00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:37,200
Okay, so I had that. 
That's all I had, that's all 

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00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:41,000
they had. 
So I got that paperwork in went 

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00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:45,200
to the county records in San 
Jose, at the heading Street in 

212
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,400
my company, where I worked at is
only two blocks from there. 

213
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:51,200
I work for Central Concrete 
driving the concrete, mixer 

214
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,300
truck delivering concrete, I did
that for 31 years all over the 

215
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:56,900
Bay Area. 
So, I went down there, went to 

216
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:59,400
the fourth floor and asked the 
lady there. 

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00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,700
Hey, I'm here for my 
non-identity information. 

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00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,400
So okay, and so I told her, I 
was adopted. 

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00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,700
Another told her, who I was 
wrote, all the paperwork and 

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00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:09,400
she's okay. 
It's probably gonna take six 

221
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:12,900
months for all that to come to 
you because I'm at six months so

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00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:17,300
I gotta like depressed, right. 
So the team says, don't, you 

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00:12:17,308 --> 00:12:20,000
know babe just let it come. 
Yeah. 

224
00:12:20,100 --> 00:12:21,900
So about seed maybe a month and 
a half. 

225
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:24,100
Two months later. 
I was walking to her mailbox to 

226
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,100
go get their mail because the 
mailbox Down the street, a 

227
00:12:26,108 --> 00:12:28,500
middle of the street. 
So I went down there and see 

228
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:30,800
this piece of papers is County 
of Santa Clara. 

229
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,800
This whole shoot to get a ticket
or something. 

230
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,100
You know, where's the Poise of 
jury duty or something? 

231
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:36,700
You know, they still got me in 
Santa Clara County. 

232
00:12:37,700 --> 00:12:39,500
That's first thing that came to 
my head, right? 

233
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:43,800
So open it up and it was not an 
identity information and it's oh

234
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,400
shoot. 
So it says your biological 

235
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:52,200
mother was five feet 89 pounds. 
She had two kids at the time of 

236
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,800
your birth, she was living with 
your grandparents. 

237
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,900
She worked out a doctor's office
at the time and her in your 

238
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:04,000
biological. 
Father had a brief affair, the 

239
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,400
biological father's informations
had. 

240
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:11,300
He was 57 dark hair dark eyes, 
medium built. 

241
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:14,100
Oh, he went to high school till 
10th grade. 

242
00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:17,400
Quit, High School in tenth grade
to go work full time and also 

243
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:21,000
they had about him, okay? 
So I had that immense me time, 

244
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,700
all that my parents never asked 
me anything about my search 

245
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:24,900
weeks. 
They didn't want to know 

246
00:13:24,900 --> 00:13:27,200
anything about Did you want me 
to go search? 

247
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:31,300
They never talked to me about it
so I was, you know, I'm on my 

248
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:34,800
own, you know, no encouragement.
Nobody to help me out. 

249
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,800
I just mean, Tina, me and my 
wife. 

250
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:41,800
Yeah, don't even help me out. 
So one day I work, I was on a 

251
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,100
job site and I was delivering 
concrete, right? 

252
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,400
So, there was a gentleman there.
His name is Carlos. 

253
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:49,400
Brian, he worked for this 
company, that deliver concrete 

254
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,300
to his company for, like 20 
years. 

255
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:55,100
And we knew each other for 20 
year, he knew my dad, and he's a

256
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:56,100
gym, huh? 
How's it going to go? 

257
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:58,100
So that's pretty good. 
Because squeal you been up to 

258
00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,600
cause he's talked about life all
the time. 

259
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:02,600
That's how close we were. 
There's well he let me tell you 

260
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,200
the truth, Carlos. 
And yeah, well, I'm looking for 

261
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,000
my biological family and he 
looks at me this. 

262
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,700
What does? 
Yeah, ghost mean Jones not your 

263
00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:13,300
dad he goes no that's out of my 
dad. 

264
00:14:13,300 --> 00:14:19,300
That's that's he adopted me. 
Oh shoot you got any information

265
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:22,800
about your biological parents? 
Because yeah, I do. 

266
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,000
So I describe my biological 
mother. 

267
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,000
And he's shaking his head, he 
goes Jim. 

268
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:32,800
When were you born? 
That goes a in 1962 in January, 

269
00:14:33,900 --> 00:14:37,900
so shoe and goes why? 
Because his to be honest with 

270
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:39,100
you, he looked kind of look like
me. 

271
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:42,900
Kind of looks. 
You look like each other and the

272
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:46,800
description in the piece of 
paper is 57 medium build dark 

273
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:53,000
hair, dark eyes that's Carlos, 
and but he kind of looked at the

274
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,300
description of my biological 
mother and he right away, he 

275
00:14:55,500 --> 00:15:01,000
That's all like marine iguana 
Murray who this girl that I was 

276
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:05,000
dating and I heard that she got 
pregnant, but then she moved 

277
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,800
away and she want anything to do
with me and she gave the baby up

278
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:10,300
for adoption. 
I go. 

279
00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,100
Whoa. 
So I kind of told him the 

280
00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:15,600
information about her a ghost, 
that's Marie because she worked 

281
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:20,100
at a doctor's office, she was 
living with her parents and she 

282
00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:25,100
had two kids already. 
So, and he heard that she moved 

283
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,600
away. 
She gave up a baby for adoption.

284
00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:31,500
He told me that. 
Wow, so you looked at me goes 

285
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:36,700
show, so I'm looking at them. 
Damn it goes, this is the 

286
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:38,600
information. 
I got a lot on my biological 

287
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,800
father. 
He just looks at me groans. 

288
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,400
Whoa. 
Because I think we might be 

289
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:47,200
father and son because he says 
doesn't make no sense. 

290
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,100
Yeah. 
So back then, I didn't have a 

291
00:15:49,108 --> 00:15:51,500
cell phone, right? 
So this is like 23 years ago. 

292
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,900
So everyone to get off the job 
site and go to the phone booth 

293
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:58,600
right away, go Tina and what 
else does it say on the 

294
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:02,900
biological information about my 
father as well, everything that 

295
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:06,100
you just, you just told me is on
there. 

296
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,400
Did you tell them about the high
school and goes? 

297
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:11,700
No. 
So I went back to the job site 

298
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:15,300
and, and Carlos goes, hey, what 
are you doing back here it goes.

299
00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:18,000
Well, I could ask you a question
Carlos and he goes. 

300
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,600
Yeah, what's up? 
Here it goes. 

301
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:21,800
Did you go to high school 
Carlos? 

302
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,100
And Goes. 
Yeah, I did. 

303
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:27,000
Because, okay, so you graduated 
in all that he goes, no because 

304
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,500
I quit in tenth grade to go 
work, full-time and goes, oh 

305
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:32,900
shit. 
This exact piece of paper. 

306
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:36,700
Says, the, what I told him that 
he looked at me was, oh, wow, 

307
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:41,200
because I think you are my son, 
it's crazy, it's so weird. 

308
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:45,200
And I've known him for 20 years.
So, about a week later after 

309
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:48,600
that, another driver that I 
worked with his name is Johnny. 

310
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,100
We go in the drivers room were 
getting ready to warm up, our 

311
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:54,700
trucks or whatever and And start
the day and he tells me, hey 

312
00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:58,400
Jim, I heard about you and 
Carlos I go. 

313
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,900
I looked at him ago. 
How do you know it was? 

314
00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:06,700
Dude? 
I used to live with Carlos's 

315
00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:09,500
daughter, which would be your 
sister for five years. 

316
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,000
Carlos told her about art your 
conversation. 

317
00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:18,500
Mmm, she wants to meet you. 
Oh okay, she had a son, you 

318
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:21,700
know, so I said alright, so when
we used to live in Los Banos 

319
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:25,599
they used to One whole week 
American made a fair, like your 

320
00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:27,700
fairs in town the whole week, 
right? 

321
00:17:28,099 --> 00:17:32,500
So I met her for lunch or in her
son with Johnny and then I said,

322
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:36,800
hey, you want to come for the 
weekend to stay with us kosher. 

323
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,400
So they came down spend the 
weekend with us and got to know 

324
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,100
her. 
And then me and Carlos decided 

325
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:44,900
to go do our blood test because 
I went and met his wife. 

326
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:48,400
He was living in Hollister. 
At the time, I met his wife and 

327
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,100
she we're really planning 
holidays together and 

328
00:17:51,100 --> 00:17:53,300
everything. 
And we're To start searching for

329
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:58,200
my biological mother, right? 
So, seven weeks later. 

330
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:01,700
The, the blood test comes it was
- it wasn't. 

331
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:04,800
He wasn't my father, oh, wow, 
everything in that piece of 

332
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,400
paper matched but the blood test
was negative. 

333
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,000
He wasn't my father so that was 
probably one of the worst times 

334
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,100
of my life was. 
I had to make that phone call to

335
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:16,500
him and tell him Carlos because 
we're not father and son. 

336
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:19,700
When I was emotional he was 
emotional. 

337
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:22,700
Yes, I still remember my guy 
that I used to commute From Las 

338
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:27,500
Vegas uses, man. 
The next day I drove you into 

339
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:30,500
work and you were on sambi. 
Yeah, it's like you were just 

340
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:34,800
crossed into the, my cab of my 
truck and as all Jim, you need 

341
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:38,300
to go home and and I know I 
don't even remember that day. 

342
00:18:38,500 --> 00:18:41,400
And so, it seems like the 
Blessed blood test was just a 

343
00:18:41,408 --> 00:18:43,300
formality, like everything I 
have. 

344
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,400
Yeah, exactly. 
So. 

345
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,300
So Tina goes, don't give up, 
baby. 

346
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:49,700
Don't give up. 
We'll keep on trying. 

347
00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:54,000
It's all right in the meantime. 
My mom, that raised me and 

348
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,700
developed breast cancer that 
built brought some more guilt on

349
00:18:57,700 --> 00:19:00,300
me. 
How can you do this to your mom 

350
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,100
while she's suffering with 
breast cancer? 

351
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,800
So, that's another thing that 
yeah, bugging me. 

352
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:10,200
So six months later, my wife, 
Renee, our neighbor from across 

353
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,800
the street Connie, they were 
talking and also they start 

354
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,100
talking about their husbands, 
right? 

355
00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:17,100
You know why he's talking about 
their husbands life. 

356
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:24,700
It's so Connie goes there. 
About her husband Dominic, which

357
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:26,400
I knew Dominic is. 
We used to plays baseball 

358
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:27,900
together. 
When I moved there, I was on his

359
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:31,400
softball team. 
So we were friends, so I didn't 

360
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:36,100
know he was adopted then, Tina 
told Tina told Connie, Jim's 

361
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:41,800
adopted, because he is because 
wow, because yeah, Dominic found

362
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:45,800
his, his parents, but they both 
of them were deceased by time. 

363
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,200
He found them. 
She, she could have him. 

364
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,900
Go talk to Dominic, it's okay. 
So I went across the gate. 

365
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,500
Topic. 
I didn't know you were adopted 

366
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,500
because yeah, you too. 
Huh. 

367
00:19:55,500 --> 00:19:58,600
Yeah. 
So we started talking and he was

368
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:03,400
in a program called adopt these 
identity Discovery Network. 

369
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:06,000
Yeah. 
And he's chapter was in Merced 

370
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,600
because he was a Merced County, 
right? 

371
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:11,300
Well, I was born in Santa Clara 
County, but they had a meetings 

372
00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:14,300
there too and a Kaiser. 
Building Santa Clara County. 

373
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,900
Wow. 
So, I went to the one on 

374
00:20:15,900 --> 00:20:18,800
Homestead and I went to a 
meeting with a gentleman called 

375
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,600
my angel. 
He was probably late, 70s, 

376
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,800
middle, My niece's name was Neil
Kylie. 

377
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:28,400
It was me Tina and Polly about 
five other adoptees went in 

378
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,500
there. 
What he does is just helps you 

379
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,600
search for your family. 
Hmm. 

380
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,000
So I go in there and all I had 
was that pace piece of paper 

381
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:40,000
that my parents had. 
They gave me gave him that we 

382
00:20:40,008 --> 00:20:43,100
were in the meeting for maybe 
three hours maybe at the most. 

383
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:47,000
Because all right well go home 
and then I'll probably have some

384
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,500
information for you by the end 
of the week or something. 

385
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:51,900
I don't know what. 
Yeah, it's crazy. 

386
00:20:52,500 --> 00:20:54,400
Are you going to get information
for me? 

387
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,700
Just give me a piece of paper 
from 1962, right? 

388
00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:03,600
And so whatever. 
So I think it was probably I can

389
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:07,700
remember was 23 weeks later. 
Maybe a month later, he calls 

390
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:08,300
me. 
Go say to him. 

391
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:10,100
I got three names for you as 
well. 

392
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:13,600
Yeah, I got three names for you 
of these three ladies that might

393
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:18,900
be your biological mother. 
One was in an l.a. one was a, I 

394
00:21:18,900 --> 00:21:21,500
think Long Beach and what it was
in San Jose. 

395
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,600
So I had all the three 
addresses, okay? 

396
00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:30,300
And their names and I kept it in
my wallet, right? 

397
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:36,400
So one day I was driving my 
concrete truck after I was 

398
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,800
already finished with the job 
site, right? 

399
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,300
I was coming on the way back and
one of the address that was on 

400
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:46,400
White Road in San Jose and I had
to address in my pocket and I 

401
00:21:46,408 --> 00:21:50,600
turned, and I go shoot, there's 
that address of the house that I

402
00:21:50,608 --> 00:21:54,100
have in my pocket. 
I said, oh, hell with it. 

403
00:21:54,100 --> 00:21:57,100
So, I pulled over, I went and 
knocked on the door. 

404
00:21:57,100 --> 00:21:58,800
What can I say? 
What can I say? 

405
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,200
So, I went and knocked on the 
door and this guy answered them 

406
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,600
the door and he kind of look 
like me, right? 

407
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:08,100
And I asked him, hey, did you 
order any concrete because my 

408
00:22:08,100 --> 00:22:11,900
truck was outside right in front
yard because, no, because I'll 

409
00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:14,100
shoot. 
Okay, well, I think I'm lost, 

410
00:22:14,100 --> 00:22:16,900
but I'm trying to find this 
house, you know? 

411
00:22:16,900 --> 00:22:18,800
It's just oh no. 
We don't want to know concrete. 

412
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,200
All right, well, thanks a lot. 
So I get back in my truck, 

413
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:25,200
right? 
So I go home and tell Tina and 

414
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:32,000
she's like, are you crazy man? 
When you have to not know who 

415
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,500
you are all these years in go 
through all this trauma of No 

416
00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:38,800
Love and the sexual abuse. 
You going to do anything just to

417
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:40,500
find out who you are? 
Yeah. 

418
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,200
Have someone to love you. 
Right. 

419
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:46,100
I just wanted someone to say I 
love you, Jim, those three 

420
00:22:46,100 --> 00:22:48,500
words. 
And people always ask me what 

421
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:50,100
was the first time you heard? 
I love you. 

422
00:22:50,100 --> 00:22:53,300
Jim or I felt like that. 
Like somebody actually loved me 

423
00:22:53,700 --> 00:22:54,800
and I always bring up this 
story. 

424
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,100
Was mean to, you know, we're 
going on and we were dating and 

425
00:22:57,100 --> 00:22:59,200
I fell in love with her. 
I took her to a Chinese 

426
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,400
restaurant and I hadn't told her
I was adopted yet and we're 

427
00:23:02,408 --> 00:23:04,300
already going out for maybe a 
year. 

428
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,900
Find out that restaurant after 
we in dinner. 

429
00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:08,200
I told her. 
Hey babe, I have something to 

430
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,800
tell you. 
She goes, yeah, what because I'm

431
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:15,200
adopted? 
It still gets to me when I say 

432
00:23:15,700 --> 00:23:17,200
this happened, 40 years ago, 
right? 

433
00:23:17,700 --> 00:23:21,100
And she just said, well, okay 
what? 

434
00:23:21,100 --> 00:23:24,200
She didn't care, but as an 
adoptee, you feel like an 

435
00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:26,300
outcast, you feel like people 
are going to think of you. 

436
00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:28,300
What's wrong with you? 
Why didn't he no one wanted to 

437
00:23:28,300 --> 00:23:31,400
keep you? 
You know, you act job. 

438
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:34,300
Yeah, I thought for sure she was
going to leave me because of the

439
00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:37,600
Benjamin issue that adoptees go 
with all their lives, you know 

440
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:38,600
I'm thinking. 
Okay. 

441
00:23:38,600 --> 00:23:40,500
Finally I know what loves about 
now. 

442
00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:42,600
She's going to leave me. 
I know she's Gonna Leave me. 

443
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:47,500
But I had to tell her. 
Well, she didn't beat me is, so,

444
00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:48,800
that's the first time I felt 
love. 

445
00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,000
So, where was I? 
My story. 

446
00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:55,500
Okay. 
So you went to the house and 

447
00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:57,300
knocked on the door and knocked 
on the door. 

448
00:23:57,300 --> 00:24:00,400
And then a week, later new Kylie
calls me up. 

449
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,600
And he goes, Jim, I found your 
mother. 

450
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,300
You did it goes. 
I was in Gilroy at my cousin's 

451
00:24:07,300 --> 00:24:09,400
house. 
I was just there hanging out 

452
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,900
with them, and he called me, it 
was about 8:00 at night and he 

453
00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:15,600
goes, it's the house in San 
Jose. 

454
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,600
Oh shit. 
I go Neal. 

455
00:24:19,300 --> 00:24:24,000
I stopped there about two, three
weeks ago but I go here I go 

456
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,300
see. 
That's what to do that. 

457
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:29,800
I go, but I did it anyway. 
Hey goes okay, jump. 

458
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,400
Well, here's here's the here's 
the number. 

459
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:33,700
Well, I really have the number 
right. 

460
00:24:33,900 --> 00:24:39,800
And the Her name was no, Berta 
Montoya domingus matura. 

461
00:24:39,800 --> 00:24:41,100
Was her maiden name of 
Dominguez? 

462
00:24:41,100 --> 00:24:43,800
Was the husband. 
They were she married to then, 

463
00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:46,500
right? 
Let me guess that night. 

464
00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:48,000
I still remember. 
It was probably about nine, 

465
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:52,400
thirteen, 914 I still remember 
it and I called her up and I 

466
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,500
asked her and she answered the 
phone. 

467
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,500
I asked for my brother Bobby, 
the one that answered the door 

468
00:24:59,800 --> 00:25:02,500
because I knew their names too. 
I don't know how you got the 

469
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:06,200
names, and we got the names. 
So I asked his Bobby there and 

470
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:10,300
she goes no it was how about 
Paul, Paul was my younger 

471
00:25:10,300 --> 00:25:12,000
brother. 
He's like five years or younger 

472
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,400
than me. 
He was the husband that she has 

473
00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,300
now or was married to now their 
son. 

474
00:25:18,500 --> 00:25:22,800
Okay, so just know it goes, 
who's this? 

475
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,800
Well, this is Jim, Cerrado. 
She goes, I don't recognize your

476
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,900
name. 
I know all my son's friends 

477
00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:32,400
because they all were wrestlers 
and they're all were being 

478
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:34,200
getting ready, wrong, okay? 
Not together. 

479
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:41,600
Time and goes know, somebody 
that needs to ask you a 

480
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:45,700
question. 
Because okay, goes does January 

481
00:25:45,700 --> 00:25:48,400
22nd 1962. 
Mean anything to you. 

482
00:25:49,300 --> 00:25:50,700
It was dead silence on the 
phone. 

483
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:54,700
Dead silence. 
Okay, I'm not trying to disrupt 

484
00:25:54,700 --> 00:25:56,100
your life, I'm going to ask you 
that question. 

485
00:25:56,100 --> 00:25:59,700
One more time does January 22nd 
1962, meaning to you. 

486
00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:03,500
She goes who is this, and why 
are you doing this to me? 

487
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,800
And I told her I'm not going to 
disrupt your life, I'm not doing

488
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,700
anything to you, but I have a 
daughter that we don't know. 

489
00:26:10,700 --> 00:26:14,800
Her medical background, can you?
At least give me that and she 

490
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,800
just says, no, I can't talk 
right now. 

491
00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:19,700
So, okay, she goes. 
Can I call you tomorrow? 

492
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,800
I think Laura, in my mind, I'm 
thinking, okay, you're not going

493
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,700
to call me. 
I'm all right, they just want to

494
00:26:24,708 --> 00:26:27,300
get get off the phone so it's 
okay. 

495
00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:29,800
So I hung up on the phone. 
Of course, I hung with photos. 

496
00:26:30,300 --> 00:26:31,600
I was A wreck. 
You might want. 

497
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:34,600
My in-laws had a pick me up and 
take me home to Los Banos 

498
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,200
because I couldn't drive. 
I was a mess. 

499
00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:40,900
So mean, Tina. 
We're talking that night in bed 

500
00:26:40,900 --> 00:26:42,800
and also under the phone rang 
was heard in. 

501
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:46,600
Alberta she goes Jim, can you 
meet me in Valley Medical in San

502
00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,100
Jose tomorrow at 10:00 in the 
morning goes? 

503
00:26:49,900 --> 00:26:51,400
Okay, kind of strange place to 
meet. 

504
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:56,100
But okay, so I met her there and
kind of she kind of describe 

505
00:26:56,100 --> 00:26:58,300
what she looked like and the car
should be driving. 

506
00:26:58,300 --> 00:27:01,500
And so I met her in the parking 
lot at Only medical because she 

507
00:27:01,500 --> 00:27:04,500
had appointments with your kids,
she said her kids. 

508
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:08,800
Hmm, okay, so met her in the 
parking lot. 

509
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,600
She came she ran to me. 
Hug me and cried in my arms. 

510
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:16,000
Me I had a very still a black 
heart. 

511
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:20,800
I had no love for her. 
Hmm, I just want her to pay for 

512
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:24,100
what she did to me because of me
not having any love and mean 

513
00:27:24,100 --> 00:27:27,000
been molested. 
I was just trying to blame 

514
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:30,300
somebody. 
Yeah, I wanted her to feel my 

515
00:27:30,300 --> 00:27:30,800
pain. 
Pain. 

516
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,000
But just like a stranger hugging
me. 

517
00:27:33,300 --> 00:27:35,600
Yeah. 
So she goes, can you go with me 

518
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,700
to my kids appointments and 
stuff like that? 

519
00:27:37,700 --> 00:27:40,100
Because sure. 
So we talked for a little bit 

520
00:27:40,100 --> 00:27:43,700
just not really deep 
conversation, just whatever, 

521
00:27:43,700 --> 00:27:46,400
right? 
Then she tells me goes, Jim, I 

522
00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:48,300
have to tell you something, we 
went out to the parking lot 

523
00:27:48,300 --> 00:27:53,300
again because yeah, because 
nobody knows about you because I

524
00:27:53,300 --> 00:27:55,700
have to go home and tell your 
siblings that you exist. 

525
00:27:57,000 --> 00:27:59,700
I have to go home and tell my 
husband that you exist. 

526
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:05,300
Nobody knows about you. 
I kept your secret for 37 years.

527
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:10,300
Wow. 
So that made me feel even shoot 

528
00:28:10,300 --> 00:28:13,600
here, right? 
So so she says I'm going to go 

529
00:28:13,600 --> 00:28:20,000
home and go tell It's all right,
I said, well, good luck. 

530
00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:24,200
Hey, I just she gave me a hug 
and said, goodbye in my mind 

531
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,100
almost thinking. 
Okay, that's diameter. 

532
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,000
It's probably the last time. 
I'll meet see her again, so, 

533
00:28:29,300 --> 00:28:34,600
because I'm thinking, you know. 
Yeah, so she calls me up. 

534
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:38,100
Probably about the next day. 
Yeah, the next day you still has

535
00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:41,500
me. 
Hey, my husband Paul Dominguez 

536
00:28:42,500 --> 00:28:44,400
says all this stuff that 
happened to you wasn't your 

537
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:50,500
fault. 
So why would we take who you are

538
00:28:50,500 --> 00:28:53,900
away from you? 
So come over to the house and 

539
00:28:53,900 --> 00:28:56,700
meet your brothers. 
And I want to meet you, too. 

540
00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:01,800
Because my sister, I had a 
sister but she was She's leaving

541
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,300
to Montana at this at the time. 
Her name was Juan de. 

542
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:09,000
So, I went to the house and met 
my brother Paul and Bobby in 

543
00:29:09,100 --> 00:29:11,800
spent the time with them for 
about a few hours and going 

544
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:13,900
home, right? 
And still does a bunch of kids 

545
00:29:13,900 --> 00:29:17,000
around the house, right? 
So so I got home that night and 

546
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,300
we're talking mean Tina were 
talking, then she called me up 

547
00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:22,300
again to see, you know, how I 
was doing. 

548
00:29:22,300 --> 00:29:25,700
You know, and so I'm doing okay.
It's going to take a while for 

549
00:29:25,700 --> 00:29:29,500
me to focus and try to sync all 
this in, you know, of course, I 

550
00:29:29,508 --> 00:29:33,800
didn't tell my parents yet 
because dinner, So then I asked 

551
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,300
her a question. 
All those kids that are on the 

552
00:29:36,308 --> 00:29:37,800
house and all that? 
It was all your. 

553
00:29:37,800 --> 00:29:40,600
Those are all your grandkids 
because none of those are my 

554
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:44,700
foster kids. 
So her and her husband had 

555
00:29:44,700 --> 00:29:48,300
fight, she just retired. 
Maybe she passed away 11 months 

556
00:29:48,300 --> 00:29:52,500
ago, but her and her husband 
were foster parents for 25 years

557
00:29:52,500 --> 00:29:56,700
in San Jose and had 500 kids 
come through their home. 

558
00:29:57,900 --> 00:30:00,100
Oh my gosh so that you made me 
feel? 

559
00:30:00,100 --> 00:30:03,300
Yeah, I guess so. 
You took a over 500 kids. 

560
00:30:03,300 --> 00:30:05,400
Then you can take care of me. 
Yeah. 

561
00:30:05,900 --> 00:30:09,600
Well plus you had siblings older
than you and younger than you? 

562
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,600
Yes, the only one she gave up, 
yes. 

563
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:14,400
And then foster kids up for 
that. 

564
00:30:16,100 --> 00:30:19,800
So, after that happened, then I 
asked her. 

565
00:30:19,900 --> 00:30:22,100
Who's my father is Carlos, 
Brian? 

566
00:30:22,100 --> 00:30:23,800
My father, I maybe the blood 
test was wrong. 

567
00:30:24,300 --> 00:30:26,100
Yeah, no. 
No, that's not your father. 

568
00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:31,400
Your father is Thrall, coca his 
raw, cocoa, we're busy at, I 

569
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,400
don't know. 
I haven't seen him in 38 years, 

570
00:30:33,700 --> 00:30:38,000
you know, 39 years and they'll 
come when I stand wherever it 

571
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:42,700
was because but I know your 
uncle's uncle is he has a 

572
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:45,000
furniture store downtown San 
Jose. 

573
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:49,400
It's been there for 50 years but
there's Santa Clara Third Street

574
00:30:49,400 --> 00:30:51,900
so it's called tank coca's 
downtown Furniture. 

575
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,900
Hmm. 
So I knew where that was because

576
00:30:55,200 --> 00:31:00,500
it's been there forever, right? 
And So one day I was at a job 

577
00:31:00,500 --> 00:31:02,100
site right across the street 
from the store. 

578
00:31:03,100 --> 00:31:05,100
So I said, okay, this is what 
week later is. 

579
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,100
Just go in gym. 
Yeah, walked in there and goes, 

580
00:31:08,100 --> 00:31:11,300
hey, can I see Hank? 
Okay, and the guy looked at me 

581
00:31:11,300 --> 00:31:14,600
and goes who are you and goes, 
well, I'm just looking for Hank 

582
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:18,600
coca was warm Hankook a junior 
using the meta system manager of

583
00:31:18,608 --> 00:31:21,700
the store and goes, okay, so 
what do you need them for? 

584
00:31:21,700 --> 00:31:24,200
That's my father, he goes, well,
actually, I'm looking for were 

585
00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:27,300
all Coca-Cola. 
Rockers my uncle? 

586
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,300
So it goes. 
Well, I'm gonna come on. 

587
00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:35,300
Just tell you, I might be his 
son, he does. 

588
00:31:35,300 --> 00:31:39,300
He looks at me as what. 
Yeah, here's here's my number 

589
00:31:40,500 --> 00:31:43,600
NE, Berta Montoya, Dominguez is 
on the piece of paper. 

590
00:31:44,300 --> 00:31:46,400
Can you give this to Raw up for 
me, please? 

591
00:31:47,700 --> 00:31:51,800
And goes, wow, kind of like a 
movie, it because I will do. 

592
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:59,100
So he get so he gave it to my 
teacher all coca and maybe about

593
00:31:59,300 --> 00:32:02,200
three weeks after that, no, 
Berta she threw me. 

594
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,700
A party at her house to 
introduce me to the family. 

595
00:32:04,900 --> 00:32:07,900
Hmm, so I went over there and it
was nice. 

596
00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:09,500
You know, got to meet the family
and all that. 

597
00:32:09,500 --> 00:32:12,400
But you know how that is. 
I mean you sit there and you see

598
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:14,400
everybody's eyes are just 
looking at you, you know? 

599
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,400
Yeah feel like oh man, this is 
uncomfortable. 

600
00:32:17,700 --> 00:32:19,700
But you're supposed to be happy 
but it's you're uncomfortable. 

601
00:32:19,700 --> 00:32:22,500
Yeah, it is. 
Yeah, so I get I saw on the way 

602
00:32:22,500 --> 00:32:24,200
home. 
You mean Tina we're talking and 

603
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:28,300
as well I guess we're all if 
he's my father. 

604
00:32:28,300 --> 00:32:31,300
Knock, my father doesn't want 
anything to do with me because 

605
00:32:31,300 --> 00:32:33,200
he hasn't called in three weeks.
Hmm. 

606
00:32:33,300 --> 00:32:37,100
So we get home and teen opens up
the garage doors because Jim 

607
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:41,500
beginning here now okay. 
Why listen to The Voice machine?

608
00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:44,000
Where the voicemail? 
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 

609
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:47,100
The voice machine. 
So I pushed push the button says

610
00:32:47,100 --> 00:32:49,000
hi. 
Hi, this is raw coca. 

611
00:32:49,700 --> 00:32:52,100
Might be your father. 
You want to meet me at our 

612
00:32:52,108 --> 00:32:56,900
original Jose and San Jose. 
I said oh sure so I met him 

613
00:32:56,900 --> 00:32:59,400
there. 
The next day here comes walking 

614
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:05,300
looks just like me but he's like
thinner, you know, body type to 

615
00:33:05,300 --> 00:33:08,300
I found out that he had a twin. 
He was a twin and his twin looks

616
00:33:08,300 --> 00:33:11,300
exactly like me same body type 
and everything, but he was. 

617
00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,300
Yeah, see. 
So we talked about it and you 

618
00:33:14,308 --> 00:33:17,300
remembered, no. 
Berta he remembered her and then

619
00:33:17,500 --> 00:33:20,100
We did the blood test and it 
came up positive. 

620
00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:24,500
He was my dad, how? 
So, so that happened. 

621
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:27,200
Of course, I still didn't tell 
anything about to my adopted 

622
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,300
parents because they didn't want
to know anything about it until 

623
00:33:29,300 --> 00:33:33,600
maybe about, I don't know, six 
months after, maybe I finally 

624
00:33:33,600 --> 00:33:36,000
told them and of course, my mom 
was still going through breast 

625
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:40,600
cancer and stuff like that. 
So my 38th birthday my Bollinger

626
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:43,300
mother decided she wanted to 
throw me a surprise birthday 

627
00:33:43,300 --> 00:33:44,900
party. 
Oh good. 

628
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,600
Oh wonderful. 
And I found out about when my 

629
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,800
buddies, blew it and told me 
three weeks before. 

630
00:33:51,500 --> 00:33:55,200
So, I wanted to find out about 
it, I'm just like, oh my God as 

631
00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,300
Tina, guess who told you as 
well. 

632
00:33:57,300 --> 00:34:01,200
If somebody told me, it's my 
family coming, she goes, yeah. 

633
00:34:01,200 --> 00:34:02,400
They said they're all going to 
come. 

634
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:06,900
You might even my parents 
because yeah, I guess I'll shit 

635
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:10,600
so. 
Well, is that all tell me about 

636
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,800
it. 
And this year, there's another 

637
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,400
thing that I forgot to mention 
that, see through the 

638
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:18,500
molestation in the Human issues 
and stuff like that. 

639
00:34:18,699 --> 00:34:21,199
I started drinking. 
When I was 10 years old, 10 

640
00:34:21,199 --> 00:34:24,500
years old, I started drinking. 
And when I got walked into that 

641
00:34:24,500 --> 00:34:29,300
party and I seen, I walked in 
the first table I seen, was my 

642
00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:34,000
mom, my dad my biological mother
and her husband sitting at the 

643
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,300
same table. 
Oh my God, I looked at that and 

644
00:34:36,300 --> 00:34:39,699
go, oh my God. 
And I seen the pain in my my 

645
00:34:39,699 --> 00:34:42,800
mom's face. 
And I seen the anger, my dad's a

646
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:46,300
Huna, hell will be stupid enough
to put them at the same table. 

647
00:34:46,300 --> 00:34:49,100
Yeah. 
So I got there that day and all 

648
00:34:49,100 --> 00:34:50,900
my buddies were there. 
There's a lot of people is about

649
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:55,600
200 people showed up. 
So I got drunker than drum took,

650
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:58,100
every shot from every guy that 
wanted to give me one, right? 

651
00:34:58,500 --> 00:35:01,900
But one thing I always remember 
that night is, is my 38th 

652
00:35:01,900 --> 00:35:04,900
birthday. 
So my dad at the end, he went 

653
00:35:04,900 --> 00:35:08,000
home, he was going home. 
He's walking out of the party 

654
00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:10,600
with my mom. 
And he looked at me, was Jim, he

655
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,400
pointed at me, because tomorrow,
we're going to talk about this 

656
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:19,300
and I knew he was pissed. 
Yeah, so the next day, we went 

657
00:35:19,300 --> 00:35:21,100
home, the last files, and we're 
home. 

658
00:35:21,100 --> 00:35:25,000
And I was watching TV, and all 
sudden, I felt my heart was 

659
00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:30,300
coming out of my chest, and I 
collapsed in a young 40 - babe 

660
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,000
call it call homeless, and think
I'm having a heart attack. 

661
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,600
Hmm. 
So I'm less came and got me 

662
00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:39,600
right away. 
They thought he was a 

663
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:42,900
full-blown, heart attack, took 
me to the hospital. 

664
00:35:43,100 --> 00:35:50,100
I ended up in ICU for two days. 
And during the second day of me,

665
00:35:50,100 --> 00:35:55,200
being a nice you here because my
biological mother walks into the

666
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,100
room. 
Just looking at me, it didn't 

667
00:35:58,300 --> 00:36:00,700
five minutes later. 
He comes my parents, that raised

668
00:36:00,700 --> 00:36:05,100
me right behind her in the same 
room. 

669
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:09,100
Just looking at me. 
They weren't saying a word to 

670
00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:11,900
each other. 
Yeah, I'm thinking man. 

671
00:36:12,100 --> 00:36:15,800
If I had a gun right now, I 
would just blow Myself Away. 

672
00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:18,200
And let them suffer what they're
doing. 

673
00:36:18,300 --> 00:36:22,500
Yeah, they don't understand. 
They don't, because C and that's

674
00:36:22,500 --> 00:36:27,900
suicide thing in my brain. 
I had that planned out. 

675
00:36:27,900 --> 00:36:30,200
Even when I was a teenager 
because I already had planned 

676
00:36:30,200 --> 00:36:32,200
out. 
How is going to kill the person 

677
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,000
that molest me and how I was 
going to blow myself away? 

678
00:36:35,300 --> 00:36:38,700
I already had it planned out. 
Mmm, the ages of 16 and 17. 

679
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:42,500
I had that planned out. 
So it was easy for me to think 

680
00:36:42,500 --> 00:36:46,800
that it all flashed back to me. 
How easy, and how angry over 

681
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:50,500
person that I would have had 
that in my head to actually kill

682
00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:53,600
somebody, but bro, myself away 
at the same time, just to get 

683
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:57,800
away from all that pain of being
molested in improving, my 

684
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,800
manhood because it would be in 
the mail mail. 

685
00:37:01,500 --> 00:37:06,900
You know, and it's not, it's 
something you want to remember. 

686
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:10,300
But I always tell people what's 
the hardest cry I've ever had 

687
00:37:10,500 --> 00:37:15,300
Pollyanna. my mom's grave site, 
and the day that I admitted to 

688
00:37:15,300 --> 00:37:19,500
Tina who were was because I 
always remember my mom 

689
00:37:19,500 --> 00:37:22,700
protecting me at when I was 
taking off my corsage and put it

690
00:37:22,700 --> 00:37:24,700
on the, on the casket. 
I broke. 

691
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:28,300
Mmm, but also broke because the 
one person that molested me was 

692
00:37:28,300 --> 00:37:33,000
at the gravesite at the same 
time, But people don't know 

693
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:33,900
that. 
Yes. 

694
00:37:33,900 --> 00:37:35,700
Well, I had to leave that all my
life. 

695
00:37:35,700 --> 00:37:40,500
So so I ended up in ICU. 
Came out in the doctor says, 

696
00:37:40,500 --> 00:37:43,900
okay, we're going to release 
you, you don't understand it but

697
00:37:43,900 --> 00:37:46,300
we heard about your story and 
your struggles and stuff like 

698
00:37:46,300 --> 00:37:48,100
that. 
So I think you really need to go

699
00:37:48,100 --> 00:37:49,700
see a therapist. 
Mmm. 

700
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,200
So I went to go see a therapist 
and of course good old 

701
00:37:52,200 --> 00:37:54,000
therapist. 
He didn't know nothing about 

702
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:55,100
adoptees. 
Nothing. 

703
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:57,600
Prescribed me Paxil any 
depressants? 

704
00:37:57,600 --> 00:38:00,800
So I was on antidepressants for 
three months, couldn't do life. 

705
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:04,200
Nothing. 
Finally went back to went, back 

706
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:07,500
to work after three months and 
metal gentleman there. 

707
00:38:08,300 --> 00:38:11,000
I using the Mig has and he 
invited me to church. 

708
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:15,600
I went to church with him and 
got a little bit of better going

709
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:18,900
to church in releasing all that 
anxiety. 

710
00:38:18,900 --> 00:38:21,700
I had. 
And one day I was at church and 

711
00:38:22,700 --> 00:38:25,100
took some anxiety pills got home
and threw them all down. 

712
00:38:25,100 --> 00:38:28,700
The dream went to my therapist 
the next day and he asked me how

713
00:38:28,700 --> 00:38:29,500
you doing? 
Jim goes. 

714
00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:32,300
Well, I threw all my medication 
down the drain and I don't need 

715
00:38:32,300 --> 00:38:32,900
you. 
No more. 

716
00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,500
Because what? 
You can't even try to explain 

717
00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:36,300
them. 
You can't do that. 

718
00:38:36,300 --> 00:38:40,200
Jim, I don't need you. 
I never went back to him and 

719
00:38:40,200 --> 00:38:45,100
that Friday night the program 
2020, they had a special on 

720
00:38:45,100 --> 00:38:48,300
Paxil for a whole hour how 
people were getting out that 

721
00:38:48,300 --> 00:38:50,300
anger, depression and committing
suicide. 

722
00:38:50,700 --> 00:38:55,400
Oh my gosh, yes he's so of 
course it after that, you know, 

723
00:38:55,400 --> 00:39:00,400
my parents were never interested
in the relationship and ever. 

724
00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,400
Ask me about it. 
I could honestly tell you that 

725
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:07,500
for 20 years, my relationship 
with my biological mother was 

726
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,000
always up and down. 
Down struggle. 

727
00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:14,500
It was a roller coaster most of 
the time was because she's 

728
00:39:14,500 --> 00:39:17,900
trying to tell me how I should 
fall because she took care of 

729
00:39:17,900 --> 00:39:22,100
500 kids. 
Yeah, but she, you're not an 

730
00:39:22,100 --> 00:39:26,700
adoptee and Tina used to not 
defend her, but she would just 

731
00:39:26,700 --> 00:39:29,500
say Jim. 
She doesn't understand, you're 

732
00:39:29,500 --> 00:39:32,100
never going to understand her 
and she's never going to 

733
00:39:32,100 --> 00:39:35,400
understand you and that's the 
way it's going to be. 

734
00:39:35,500 --> 00:39:37,800
And that's I think that's why we
always butted heads, right? 

735
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:42,200
But it had for 20 years, she 
died 11 months ago and it's sad 

736
00:39:42,200 --> 00:39:45,000
that I didn't have no emotions. 
You never did. 

737
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:48,800
Some, they were, did I never had
no emotions? 

738
00:39:48,800 --> 00:39:53,300
I never told her I There, as an 
adoptee, you put that facade on 

739
00:39:53,300 --> 00:39:55,100
all your life and you're that 
actor right. 

740
00:39:55,700 --> 00:39:58,000
Now this last few years, I told 
myself Jim. 

741
00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:01,100
That's it, I'm not an act no 
more, that's why. 

742
00:40:01,100 --> 00:40:04,600
When I tell my story, I tell and
I'm very transparent with it and

743
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:10,200
I've lost family members. 
Sure, I tell him my story family

744
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:12,100
members. 
Tell me that I'm not a man 

745
00:40:12,100 --> 00:40:14,900
because I was complaining about 
being adopted. 

746
00:40:14,900 --> 00:40:16,500
Oh, you were raised in a good 
home. 

747
00:40:16,700 --> 00:40:19,500
You have no clue. 
Yeah, no clue what I went 

748
00:40:19,500 --> 00:40:21,600
through. 
You have you heard my story? 

749
00:40:21,700 --> 00:40:23,000
No. 
Hmm. 

750
00:40:23,300 --> 00:40:25,800
See. 
So and then the funny part of me

751
00:40:25,808 --> 00:40:27,000
and Tina were talking about the 
other day. 

752
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:29,500
The funny part is my dad 
developed the win, the race. 

753
00:40:29,500 --> 00:40:32,300
Me it developed dementia. 
He had for 10 years before he 

754
00:40:32,300 --> 00:40:34,500
passed away. 
Guess who took care of him? 

755
00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:36,700
For the first six years? 
Me and my wife. 

756
00:40:37,100 --> 00:40:39,000
Wow. 
Yeah. 

757
00:40:39,200 --> 00:40:42,400
How was that? 
Oh, you know, me times. 

758
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,800
I because the dementia, I don't 
know, which is worse. 

759
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:48,400
I see my mom died from breast 
cancer and I see my dad died 

760
00:40:48,400 --> 00:40:49,800
from dementia. 
I don't know. 

761
00:40:49,900 --> 00:40:55,300
Which is worse, but dementia is 
just like hand just that's a 

762
00:40:55,300 --> 00:41:01,200
terrible time to go through and 
I had take care of them when he 

763
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:04,200
never even cared about me, 
right? 

764
00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:07,300
And then Tina says, babe because
that's how much of a good man 

765
00:41:07,300 --> 00:41:09,700
you are. 
I don't want to hear that and 

766
00:41:09,700 --> 00:41:12,400
that's one thing with adoptees. 
We hate compliments. 

767
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:16,400
Oh man, I hate it. 
I don't know how to accept them,

768
00:41:16,700 --> 00:41:18,300
ya know what I mean? 
Yeah. 

769
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:24,200
And So like I said, she passed 
away 11 months ago, my bowels of

770
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:27,600
father passed away eight years 
ago, my mom. 

771
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:30,800
That raised me about 22 years 
ago and my dad that with 

772
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,400
dementia, 10 years ago. 
So they're all gone now. 

773
00:41:34,500 --> 00:41:37,800
So that's a weird feeling now to
that, I don't have no nobody. 

774
00:41:38,300 --> 00:41:45,400
And funny part was my last 
birthday will 6161 in January 

775
00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:47,800
and that I didn't have no one to
text me. 

776
00:41:48,700 --> 00:41:49,700
No. 
One texted you. 

777
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:52,900
Many of your relatives. 
No text me. 

778
00:41:52,900 --> 00:41:54,100
Happy birthday. 
Wow! 

779
00:41:55,100 --> 00:41:58,300
Not even my siblings. 
Not one of my siblings. 

780
00:41:58,300 --> 00:41:59,900
Text me. 
Happy birthday. 

781
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,500
Wow. 
So how's that make you feel? 

782
00:42:03,700 --> 00:42:05,200
How does that make supposed to 
make me feel? 

783
00:42:06,100 --> 00:42:09,800
I mean, that the service my 
siblings said, oh yeah, we got 

784
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:12,800
to stick together. 
Why do I always have to reach 

785
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:13,800
out? 
Yeah. 

786
00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,400
It does feel that way. 
I haven't heard from them. 

787
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:20,700
Maybe one or two texts 11 
months. 

788
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:24,000
Wow. 
But you know what? 

789
00:42:24,100 --> 00:42:29,100
You get so used to it. 
It's just that you know what Jim

790
00:42:29,100 --> 00:42:32,800
don't care about the people that
don't show you love. 

791
00:42:33,600 --> 00:42:37,000
Love the people that love you. 
Yeah, that's right. 

792
00:42:37,000 --> 00:42:40,400
That's why I've been changing my
whole way of thinking in my life

793
00:42:40,700 --> 00:42:44,300
because life is too short. 
Actually I'm 61 years old and I 

794
00:42:44,308 --> 00:42:47,900
don't want to be this angry 
adoptee, this guy. 

795
00:42:47,900 --> 00:42:51,500
That's always angry about 
everything about his whole life.

796
00:42:51,500 --> 00:42:54,100
Yeah, I gotta get up, get over 
that. 

797
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,400
And people will say, well shit, 
you went through so much shit. 

798
00:42:57,400 --> 00:43:01,200
Yeah, yeah, big deal. 
But I'm not gonna let the trauma

799
00:43:01,300 --> 00:43:04,100
defeat me the way I meet they 
feeding. 

800
00:43:04,100 --> 00:43:06,800
The trauma is by being 
transparent, helping others. 

801
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:09,300
Now, let him know that you're 
not alone. 

802
00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:12,300
Yeah, I understand. 
I understand sexual abuse, 

803
00:43:12,300 --> 00:43:13,500
understand. 
No love. 

804
00:43:13,500 --> 00:43:16,300
I understand, abandonment, 
understand all that. 

805
00:43:16,900 --> 00:43:20,000
Now, you could just come to me, 
and I could be honest with you. 

806
00:43:20,700 --> 00:43:23,700
So that's where I'm at now. 
That's my life right now. 

807
00:43:23,700 --> 00:43:27,000
Yeah. 
Well, thanks for being so open 

808
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:32,100
with your story and I just want 
to say to your abuser or whoever

809
00:43:32,100 --> 00:43:33,600
you are. 
You're screwed, you're screwed, 

810
00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:36,700
dude, because your Karma's shit 
right now like yours though. 

811
00:43:36,700 --> 00:43:40,700
Screwed for doing that. 
That just I yeah, the funny part

812
00:43:40,700 --> 00:43:44,700
about that is that was I watched
Joe Rogan a lot and this podcast

813
00:43:44,900 --> 00:43:47,700
and he had a guest on there and 
this guy was a playwright and 

814
00:43:47,700 --> 00:43:53,100
you wrote a play about him being
sexually abused as a child and 

815
00:43:53,100 --> 00:43:57,200
they interviewed him. 
He said he went To the abuser 

816
00:43:57,300 --> 00:44:01,000
about four years ago, to 
confront them about his abuse. 

817
00:44:01,500 --> 00:44:05,000
And he had a gun in his backpack
when he was talking to him. 

818
00:44:05,300 --> 00:44:13,700
Wow. 
And when I seen that, My home, I

819
00:44:13,700 --> 00:44:16,600
went back that time and I call 
Tina right away. 

820
00:44:16,600 --> 00:44:20,100
I told her I've had a bad day 
today, man. 

821
00:44:20,700 --> 00:44:23,100
I showed her the interview, it's
only like a three-minute clip, 

822
00:44:23,100 --> 00:44:27,600
but so much in that clip, that 
just triggered me man and bring 

823
00:44:27,600 --> 00:44:29,500
back the anger. 
I don't want to be that. 

824
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:32,700
See everybody sees the gyms 
around the smile on my face but 

825
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:35,600
there's pain behind the smile. 
Yeah. 

826
00:44:36,500 --> 00:44:39,600
That I try not to be a burden to
others. 

827
00:44:39,600 --> 00:44:44,700
You know what I mean, right? 
So, So I mean you don't see a 

828
00:44:44,700 --> 00:44:49,100
lot of men sharing, anything 
really, but alone stories 

829
00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:51,000
publicly. 
Anyway. 

830
00:44:51,900 --> 00:44:55,100
So my question for you is why do
you think that is? 

831
00:44:55,100 --> 00:44:59,000
And what would you like to say 
to the men adoptees out there 

832
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:05,500
about why you share your story? 
for me, the reason I share it is

833
00:45:05,500 --> 00:45:11,500
like I said, people who say, 
don't you bring back the past in

834
00:45:11,500 --> 00:45:14,500
the hurt every time you tell 
your story Jim and yours doesn't

835
00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:17,900
How do you feel after you tell 
your story? 

836
00:45:17,900 --> 00:45:20,300
I tell her. 
Well, sir, it feels like I went 

837
00:45:20,300 --> 00:45:23,700
20 rounds in a ring. 
So when I get off this podcast 

838
00:45:23,700 --> 00:45:27,800
with you, I'm going to be beat. 
I'm going to be beat because of 

839
00:45:28,300 --> 00:45:32,200
what I went through and what I'm
telling you and emotionally. 

840
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:34,900
Yeah gets to me but men have 
come to me. 

841
00:45:36,100 --> 00:45:39,300
To tell me about their 
experiences and other adopted I 

842
00:45:39,308 --> 00:45:42,200
didn't know one. 
Adopt the say five years ago, I 

843
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:47,400
think maybe a new one or two. 
I know thousands of them now 

844
00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:51,600
from all over the world, you 
know, and it's for a reason. 

845
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:53,300
I went through all this stuff 
for a reason. 

846
00:45:53,300 --> 00:46:00,100
And the good thing about it is 
I'm unable to talk to others and

847
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:03,000
they're not scared to tell me 
what they went through. 

848
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:05,400
Yeah. 
See if they don't see me being 

849
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,900
trans. 
Parent that goes, how are they 

850
00:46:07,908 --> 00:46:10,900
going to say? 
Okay, Jim is honest, I could 

851
00:46:10,900 --> 00:46:13,900
talk to Jim about everything 
that happened to him, or 

852
00:46:13,900 --> 00:46:17,200
happened to them themselves as a
child or with her going through.

853
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:18,900
Now, you never know. 
I don't know. 

854
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,800
Yeah, you know. 
So this is the reason why I tell

855
00:46:21,800 --> 00:46:23,600
it. 
The people always say, well, 

856
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:28,000
you're a strong guy goes. 
I'm not strong because I feel 

857
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,100
like a, like, a train ran me 
over. 

858
00:46:30,100 --> 00:46:33,000
After I finished telling my 
story, that's not strong. 

859
00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:36,800
I'm just, I just do it because 
it needs to be It needs to be 

860
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,900
told. 
Yeah, you know, so that's why I 

861
00:46:39,900 --> 00:46:42,000
do it but you're giving 
permission for others to. 

862
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:43,100
Yeah. 
Do the same. 

863
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:44,900
You know. 
Exactly. 

864
00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:48,300
And the other thing that 
adoptees have trouble with this 

865
00:46:48,300 --> 00:46:51,300
trusting people. 
I know I did and it seems like 

866
00:46:51,300 --> 00:46:55,000
your wife Tina seems to be not 
only a rock but also your soft 

867
00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:57,000
place to land when things get 
hard. 

868
00:46:57,400 --> 00:47:00,700
So what qualities did you see in
her that made you feel safe 

869
00:47:00,700 --> 00:47:04,100
enough to be vulnerable with her
and your relationship and like 

870
00:47:04,100 --> 00:47:07,200
did that happen right away or 
what That a process for you to 

871
00:47:07,200 --> 00:47:12,000
trust her, probably because she 
was my first girlfriend. 

872
00:47:13,300 --> 00:47:16,000
She was my first girlfriend 
because I was always afraid to 

873
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,500
have girlfriends because of the 
abandonment issues and stuff 

874
00:47:19,500 --> 00:47:23,700
like that. 
I was afraid of all sound alike 

875
00:47:23,700 --> 00:47:25,400
and somebody and then they're 
going to just get rid of me. 

876
00:47:25,400 --> 00:47:28,200
Yeah that's why I didn't really 
like to get close to anybody. 

877
00:47:28,900 --> 00:47:31,700
Till I fell in love with tell 
the truth. 

878
00:47:31,700 --> 00:47:35,400
I fell in love with her. 
When I was 20 years old, we went

879
00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:40,300
to the same High School 
graduated in the same class and 

880
00:47:40,300 --> 00:47:42,700
we didn't meet each other two 
years after on a blind date. 

881
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,300
Yeah, yeah. 
Yeah. 

882
00:47:45,300 --> 00:47:49,500
And we're subbing celebrating 
our 40th anniversary next year. 

883
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:59,500
So what was it about her? 
That Your hair looks interesting

884
00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:03,800
well, but probably because she 
didn't leave me when I told I 

885
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,400
was adopted. 
That's the number that's when I 

886
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:08,100
really, really fell in love with
her. 

887
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,500
Of course, she always says, 
well, you know, she didn't say I

888
00:48:11,508 --> 00:48:14,400
love you back till maybe a year 
and a half after. 

889
00:48:14,500 --> 00:48:18,900
And that's when we decided to 
get married and it's just like 

890
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:22,900
you said it first, I'll call ya.
She'll children. 

891
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:25,700
She always tell me that to see 
remind you. 

892
00:48:26,100 --> 00:48:28,200
Yeah, shows his, I'm sorry, I 
never said it back to you. 

893
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,000
It's all right. 
Yeah, at least he didn't leave 

894
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:36,800
me at the Chinese restaurant 
that side like that was gonna 

895
00:48:36,800 --> 00:48:38,600
happen. 
Yeah, exactly. 

896
00:48:39,400 --> 00:48:41,800
But let's go back to your 
positive outlook and attitude. 

897
00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:44,100
Sure. 
It seems like, you know, 

898
00:48:44,100 --> 00:48:46,400
obviously about everything 
that's happened to you. 

899
00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:50,600
We've kind of turned it around 
and I always say, everyone has 

900
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:54,900
kind of Their Own. 
Combination to their healing 

901
00:48:54,900 --> 00:48:59,500
journey. 
And if there was one combination

902
00:48:59,500 --> 00:49:01,600
that works for everyone, we'd 
all be doing it right. 

903
00:49:01,700 --> 00:49:03,400
If we all knew what to do, we 
just do it. 

904
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:06,700
How did you get to the point of 
not being a victim in your 

905
00:49:06,700 --> 00:49:08,700
circumstances? 
And then and what were some of 

906
00:49:08,700 --> 00:49:12,400
the things that you personally 
discovered that worked for you? 

907
00:49:13,100 --> 00:49:21,100
Not being a victim Polly talking
about it because like I said, I 

908
00:49:21,100 --> 00:49:25,900
held it in for 40 years, 40, 42 
years, I held it. 

909
00:49:25,900 --> 00:49:28,300
I held that secret of being 
molested. 

910
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:33,100
I had that secret to, I start 
getting answers, you know, just 

911
00:49:33,100 --> 00:49:36,000
by me, tell really telling start
telling my story on all these 

912
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:42,000
podcasts and then I'm going 
deeper and deeper into my star 

913
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:46,400
because it seems like every year
something would change the law. 

914
00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:50,000
Loss of Bollinger parents did 
loss of the adoptive parents. 

915
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:55,700
The loss of family members 
telling me, you know, I wasn't 

916
00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:57,900
just a big baby. 
I'm not a man. 

917
00:49:57,900 --> 00:50:02,300
Like they thought I was because 
I tell my story, but did any any

918
00:50:02,300 --> 00:50:05,000
of them called me since I've 
been telling all my stories? 

919
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:09,100
There's last 34 years that one 
person is called me say we're 

920
00:50:09,100 --> 00:50:10,200
sorry. 
That happened to you. 

921
00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:12,900
Jim, who was it? 
Nothing. 

922
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:15,000
So how do you think that makes 
me feel? 

923
00:50:15,200 --> 00:50:18,600
Yeah, you know there's Does that
line in the movie and Antwone 

924
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:19,800
Fisher? 
I'm still standing. 

925
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:22,000
I'm still strong. 
It's when he goes back to his 

926
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:26,300
foster, mom, and the person. 
Abused them is no matter this, 

927
00:50:26,300 --> 00:50:28,900
my time. 
Yeah, he said that, I'm still 

928
00:50:28,900 --> 00:50:29,800
standing. 
I'm still struck. 

929
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:33,800
I got that tattooed on my legs. 
I got that tattooed on my legs. 

930
00:50:34,700 --> 00:50:38,300
I don't know five years ago and 
then another one, let your mess,

931
00:50:38,300 --> 00:50:40,400
be your message. 
I got that tattooed on my other 

932
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:41,800
leg. 
That's a good one. 

933
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:44,500
Because your convert their 
conversation starters. 

934
00:50:44,500 --> 00:50:46,400
So when I was asked me, what's 
that mean? 

935
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:49,600
Jim, let me tell you my story. 
Yeah. 

936
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:53,700
See was there. 
Something that triggered you 

937
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:58,400
turning your mess into your 
message and getting you to start

938
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:00,000
talking about it? 
Was there something that 

939
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:01,400
happened or just something 
quick? 

940
00:51:02,700 --> 00:51:07,800
Because I do want to be defeated
by the trauma. 

941
00:51:09,300 --> 00:51:12,900
I've always been a someone I was
always fighting. 

942
00:51:14,300 --> 00:51:19,200
Always fighting for not being a 
mistake, you know, we went we 

943
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:23,800
went and watched that movie 
Creed 3, this past Saturday, but

944
00:51:23,800 --> 00:51:27,200
cretu, there's a scene in that 
movie, that that always got to 

945
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:29,600
me. 
It's when he was in the corner 

946
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:32,500
and he was about to rock, you 
wasn't about to tell him to 

947
00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:35,200
throw in the towel because was 
getting beat up. 

948
00:51:35,700 --> 00:51:38,600
And he goes, don't, don't stop 
the fight and goes why. 

949
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:43,000
I want to prove it. 
Because prove, what? 

950
00:51:44,900 --> 00:51:46,900
Prove them. 
I'm not a mistake. 

951
00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:50,900
So I've been proven that all. 
I've been trying to prove that 

952
00:51:50,900 --> 00:51:53,300
all my life. 
Yeah, Jim strong was not a 

953
00:51:53,308 --> 00:51:54,600
mistake. 
Yeah. 

954
00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:59,600
Even though I been felt like a 
big tree, like that all my life,

955
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:01,800
right? 
You know what I mean? 

956
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:04,800
Yeah, I do. 
So yeah. 

957
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:09,200
So I've heard you say something 
to the effect that your oh, is 

958
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:13,000
that smiley happy guy. 
And that's the guy that you show

959
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:15,300
to the world. 
So what happens when you log on 

960
00:52:15,300 --> 00:52:17,900
Facebook and Instagram and the 
microphones turned off and 

961
00:52:17,900 --> 00:52:22,900
you're not on a podcast and is 
that joyful and optimistic guy 

962
00:52:22,900 --> 00:52:26,500
really who you are or are you 
still in the process of Finding 

963
00:52:26,500 --> 00:52:29,600
your authentic self. 
Well, you'll see me. 

964
00:52:29,700 --> 00:52:33,200
You'll see me a lot on my 
Facebook posts and Instagrams. 

965
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:35,300
You see me at the beach? 
A lot out in the nature. 

966
00:52:35,300 --> 00:52:38,400
A lot that brings me a lot of 
peace. 

967
00:52:41,300 --> 00:52:45,800
Meat is being quiet and 
sometimes I remember that 

968
00:52:45,800 --> 00:52:48,300
program. 
This is us that program. 

969
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:51,700
Yeah, we're that weren't seeing 
when it goes into the lake and 

970
00:52:51,700 --> 00:52:54,800
he walks into the lake and his 
he's dreaming. 

971
00:52:55,300 --> 00:52:57,500
His biological mother is in the 
lake with him. 

972
00:52:58,000 --> 00:52:59,500
And his biological mother tells 
him. 

973
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:03,300
Give it up to scream. 
Yeah. 

974
00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:05,600
And he goes in the Lincoln's, 
the screams. 

975
00:53:06,200 --> 00:53:07,100
This is the best. 
What I do. 

976
00:53:07,100 --> 00:53:08,700
That's what I do sometimes. 
Yeah. 

977
00:53:09,500 --> 00:53:14,300
Just, I have to be more myself 
and I'll talk to, to God. 

978
00:53:14,300 --> 00:53:17,500
It's on Lord, I know this is 
your plan. 

979
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:22,700
I don't understand it, but I'm 
starting to understand it. 

980
00:53:23,100 --> 00:53:24,900
Yeah. 
Delete the older, you get your 

981
00:53:24,900 --> 00:53:27,600
understanding understanding of 
my life now. 

982
00:53:27,700 --> 00:53:30,000
Yeah. 
And I'm not going to be 

983
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:32,100
defeated. 
Yeah, once you start walking 

984
00:53:32,100 --> 00:53:35,200
down the road of being yourself,
there's no turning back. 

985
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:38,100
Yes. 
Good thing. 

986
00:53:38,100 --> 00:53:40,200
And a bad thing. 
Yeah, exactly. 

987
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:44,100
Yeah. 
Lastly, what you wouldn't, you 

988
00:53:44,100 --> 00:53:47,900
tell adoptees one piece of 
advice, if you could give him 

989
00:53:47,900 --> 00:53:52,900
one piece of advice, what would 
that be search for the truth? 

990
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:56,500
Always, tell the truth. 
And hopefully your loved ones. 

991
00:53:56,900 --> 00:54:02,200
Beg them for the truth, because 
I was light at all my life, and 

992
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:06,000
even in the last 20 years, of 
knowing my bonjour mother, I was

993
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,300
still fed some lies that I found
out. 

994
00:54:08,400 --> 00:54:14,800
Yeah. and, You know what? 
It just just get as much truth 

995
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:17,000
as you can. 
Yeah, truth. 

996
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:21,300
Because truth, if we realize 
kill a person, it killed me a 

997
00:54:21,300 --> 00:54:24,500
lot of my life. 
A lot of my childhood I was 

998
00:54:24,500 --> 00:54:29,100
robbed from being happy. 
I was robbed from having being 

999
00:54:29,100 --> 00:54:33,700
alone, not having anybody. 
I never had nobody to go to. 

1000
00:54:33,900 --> 00:54:36,100
Yeah. 
You think I wanted to go to my 

1001
00:54:36,100 --> 00:54:38,300
parents and tell him I was being
molested, right? 

1002
00:54:38,700 --> 00:54:42,300
I couldn't know. 
I was a little kid. 

1003
00:54:42,500 --> 00:54:44,700
Yeah. 
The being tortured by a 20 year 

1004
00:54:44,700 --> 00:54:47,000
old. 
Yeah. 

1005
00:54:47,700 --> 00:54:51,100
So well again. 
Thank you for being so 

1006
00:54:51,100 --> 00:54:54,100
vulnerable with me today. 
I know that you're really 

1007
00:54:54,100 --> 00:54:56,800
passionate about telling your 
story and how important it is to

1008
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:59,400
you. 
And everyone's story is 

1009
00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:02,200
important, and I heard adoptee, 
say all the time that there's, 

1010
00:55:02,900 --> 00:55:06,000
you know, my story is not that 
great, you know, I don't even I 

1011
00:55:06,000 --> 00:55:11,500
don't have anything to say. 
And I heard this saying, Being 

1012
00:55:12,200 --> 00:55:16,000
one time that just stuck with me
and it said why to tell your 

1013
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:19,500
story and it said because your 
words are in the shape of 

1014
00:55:19,500 --> 00:55:21,600
somebody else's wound and they 
need to hear them. 

1015
00:55:22,700 --> 00:55:27,200
And everybody that I talked to 
on this podcast has something 

1016
00:55:27,200 --> 00:55:31,800
different to say that someone is
going to relate to. 

1017
00:55:32,100 --> 00:55:38,400
And so that's why I'm doing this
but you know, we're educating 

1018
00:55:38,400 --> 00:55:42,300
the world one story at a time, 
so So thank you for doing hers 

1019
00:55:42,300 --> 00:55:44,200
today on the show. 
Thank you. 

1020
00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:47,000
Thank you. 
Appreciate you man. 

1021
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:49,800
Don't you want to just reach 
through your listening device 

1022
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:52,900
right now and give Jim the 
hugest hug ever. 

1023
00:55:53,300 --> 00:55:58,200
He's been through so much and is
still so brave and courageous to

1024
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,700
come forward and tell his story 
and be vulnerable. 

1025
00:56:02,100 --> 00:56:05,900
It's so hard as a male to do 
that. 

1026
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:10,900
And here's Jim, this big tough 
guy who is showing the mail 

1027
00:56:11,100 --> 00:56:16,200
Optic community that it's okay 
to share your story, no matter 

1028
00:56:16,200 --> 00:56:19,200
what it is. 
And as Jim said, there's so many

1029
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:23,500
men coming forward and coming to
him and saying me, too, that 

1030
00:56:23,500 --> 00:56:29,000
happened to me too and they may 
have never told another soul 

1031
00:56:29,100 --> 00:56:32,700
that that had happened to them. 
But because Jim was able to tell

1032
00:56:32,700 --> 00:56:37,800
his story, they felt safe 
telling their story to Jim. 

1033
00:56:38,500 --> 00:56:40,900
Thanks again, Jim for being on 
the show and thanks. 

1034
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:45,100
Thanks for being an example to 
the mail adoptee community. 

1035
00:56:45,100 --> 00:56:49,700
That is time to tell your story 
and if it is time to tell your 

1036
00:56:49,700 --> 00:56:54,000
story, you can email me at mind 
your own Karma at gmail.com. 

1037
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:58,400
Let's get you on the podcast. 
If you know of anyone that needs

1038
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:02,800
to hear this podcast, please 
feel free to share that. 

1039
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:06,400
Is it for today. 
As always, take what you need 

1040
00:57:06,400 --> 00:57:10,400
and leave what you don't and 
always remember to mind your own

1041
00:57:10,400 --> 00:57:12,800
Karma. 
And I'll see you next time. 

1042
00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:12,800
And I'll see you next time.