I think for adoptive parents that is a a.
Line that probably brings them comfort, you know and and.
Agrees with what they believe to be true.
But that's not, you know, we. Know as adoptees that there's.
Often 2 truths. Hey there, it's Melissa Brunetti
and welcome to the Mind Your Own Karma podcast.
Hey there Karma crew, thanks for joining me for this episode of
Mind your Own Karma, The Adoption Chronicles.
Today I have Crystal Park on the show.
She is a talented Cree, filmmaker, producer, podcaster
and adoptee whose personal journey has driven her to
explore themes of identity, belonging and family in her
work. Born and raised in the West
Coast of Canada, Crystal was adopted into a a non Indigenous
family as an infant. This experience profoundly
shaped her perspective on life, and she has used her creative
prowess to shed light on the complexities of adoption and its
impact on individuals and communities.
In her highly anticipated debut feature documentary titled
Because She's Adopted, Crystal delves deep into her own life
story while also weaving together the narratives of other
adoptees from diverse backgrounds.
Through heartfelt interviews, poignant storytelling, and
powerful visuals, the film offers a touching and
introspective exploration of what it truly means to belong
and the universal longing for a sense of connection and
acceptance. With Because She's Adopted,
Crystal Park cements herself as a compassionate and insightful
filmmaker, encouraging audiences to reflect on their own stories
of identity and belonging. Here is my interview with
Crystal Park. We are welcoming Crystal Park to
the show today. Hi, Crystal.
Hi, Melissa, How are you? I am great.
I finished your documentary this morning and I was kind of
telling you earlier how validating it was for me as an
adoptee that had a positive experience.
Just you mirroring that we still can have adoption trauma even
though we had a positive experience.
So I just wanted to thank you for that validation and.
Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, I know you're.
You're very. Welcome and, and I always just
want to express my gratitude for anybody that is allowing
adoptees to be showcased in their voices to be heard and,
and platformed. So thank you for what you're
doing. I, I truly, from the bottom of
my heart, just want to say thank you and express my gratitude.
Thank you for that. So why did you do this
documentary? The truth.
The real, honest part. Truth.
The real truth. I, you know, I really wanted my,
my sorry, my adoptive mom to understand me.
I really wanted to be understood and I wanted to be heard and I
wanted to be seen by her specifically.
And and I think so that there was that.
The other piece to it was. When I found my biological
father, I thought surely. There's people.
That have had a similar experience to this and I would
like I've never seen myself represented on film before
really anywhere and I thought, man, I want to be the person
that I could. Have used all these years.
And then in the end, the reason? Why I did this was for other
adoptees to feel. Seen and heard.
So yeah. Those that that was sort of the.
Progression of of how? Of my why you know.
Yeah, 'cause you started this. When did you start the
documentary? In 2021.
OK. Yeah.
And it took how long to film. So we filmed for about two years
on and. Off there was a.
Break in there at some point and then we began the editing
process in April of 2023 and completed the film in.
I believe it was. July of 2023.
So about a year ago. And when did it come out?
When did you start? So it hasn't like officially?
Been released for but but sorry that that's not entirely true.
So in Canada, are you in Canada or the.
State No, I'm in California. You're oh, you're in California,
love California. So in Canada right now it.
Is available on Telesoptic TV. Which is a streaming service,
but it's not available yet out in the.
States so it will be available for.
Rent in September on my website. Awesome.
Yeah, 'cause I definitely want to gift that to a few people.
So in the film you said you that the person that started the
documentary wasn't the same person that was at the end of
the documentary. What changed and why?
So many things changed. One of the most tangible things
that I think changed in me was I didn't have the anger and the
rage. That I used to have.
And I don't know. What that was?
I don't know if that was, you know, connecting to my roots, to
my indigenous culture. I don't know if it was, you
know, getting the answers or recognizing that maybe we don't
get all the answers. Definitely the death of my
adoptive mom shifted something inside of me.
That just. Left me never the same.
As as I was. Before, and I think people can
relate. To to the grief.
You know, in that way it just really changed my perspective
and I. Think what it did was.
It allowed me to take my story and create a filing system for
it in my brain. It was as if.
Before I did the documentary. That I had all these thoughts.
And experiences and feelings that were just floating out in
space and I had nowhere for them to land.
And doing the film gave me that ability.
To sort of give. Them a filing system in my brain
and and just really see and understand what I went through
you know so. Well, there was one part in the
film where you you said something like, OK, I'm ready,
or Are you ready? And then you were like, and I
wasn't ready. And in the next scene, you're
like falling your eyes out. I was like, that's exactly it.
It's true and it's funny. It's.
Funny when you when you. See the clip.
You know, I'm crying for maybe a 32nd, you know, shot there.
But I I cried. For an hour and 20 minutes all
the way. To the city, the town that we
were. Filming at and.
The crew had to pull. Over and I had to get out of the
car and just like ground. Myself, 'cause I was, I was
truly. Coming undone for sure, yeah.
Yeah, I I can relate. So what was the most difficult
thing about doing the the documentary both during and now,
in retrospect? I would say two things.
The first was feeling exposed, feeling completely and entirely
exposed. And it it was.
More difficult to expose myself. Through the film to people that
I knew or knew me and. Less difficult to.
Expose myself to total strangers.
The the second thing that has been most.
Difficult about this is. And we?
Spoke about this earlier was. You know, you do this film and
you capture this moment in time of your life.
And for me, that was, you know. It was a period of two years.
And I've grown so much since then.
I I'm not the same person that I was when I finished the
documentary even. And so there's things in there
that. I feel like I kind of.
Cringe at now. Or I feel like oh.
Man, I don't even know if I believe in I I believe that
anymore. My there's one part in there
where my husband says calls my adoptive family.
My true family, yes. Did you hear that?
Yes, and I. Hate it.
I hate that he says that. I hate it.
Because, you know, I think what I've recognized.
Is that? Family comes in all forms.
And what does true family really even mean?
Family is family. Biological adoptive perhaps for
some. People, they don't feel that
way, but you know, a lot of people, I live my life that if
you, you are my friend, you are my family.
So there's a lot wrong with that whole thing that he said there.
I cringe every time. I know it's like, wait, what did
did I hear that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I think for, I think for adoptive parents, that is a, a
line that probably brings them comfort, you know, and, and.
Agrees with what they believe to be true.
But that's not, you know, we. Know as adoptees that there's.
Often 2 truths right between things and and yeah so.
But yeah, so definitely. The the, the vulnerability and
then and then just feeling like I can't.
Have these. Side notes, as people watch
going, I don't think that way anymore, you know?
Subtitles. Yeah, subtitles.
Yeah, exactly. So your husband seemed to be a
huge support though during the film.
How? How important was that to you?
Oh my gosh, you know. He he really.
He's not just been a support for me in the film, my husband has
been a. Support.
For me, through my postpartum depression, through my mental
health challenges, through my addiction and.
Recovery through the. Film and even now, like we just
went on a two week family vacation where I, you know,
screened the film and I met more biological family and he just
continues to show up for me and it is I I don't, you know.
You sort of take for. Granted, because he's always.
There right like but. I am reminded of how I don't
think that I could have done this without him by my side.
I really don't think I could have and.
He told the stories that I couldn't.
Tell in this in the film like you know, he told some of the
really. Difficult stories that I I.
Wasn't able to, so yeah in life. This guy is just.
He's not perfect, but. He is.
A he's a wonderful husband and A and a big support and we just.
Celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary.
Congratulations. Thank.
You. Yeah, it's challenging being in
relationships with us. I think a lot of times I give
him credit a little bit. I had an adoptee.
Ask me if my husband and I would meet with him and his.
Wife so that so that he could help his wife.
Understand how difficult or how. You know how to how to support
us adoptees. I'm not saying it very well, but
yeah. He, he just, he was like, I
could, I think my wife could really.
Use your husband to just. Chat with her a little.
Bit yeah, out of the whole movie, that's.
Yeah. To talk about.
Yeah, yeah. So despite having a positive
adoption experience, what were some of the underlying traumas
and challenges that you did face?
Yeah, I I did have. A positive adoption experience.
But also we have to. Remember that my adoptive mom
was a biological mother as well. And I think for me.
I felt like I was adopted as a result of a child.
That was relinquished. I felt incredible high
expectations upon my life. I felt like I really had to
show. Up in the world in a perfect
way, and I still. Feel that way so.
You know, I think that in. Itself is a very subconscious.
Trauma that I wasn't even aware of, you know, until in well into
my. 30s I think it's. Traumatic to be able to not be
able to look around at your family members and see a little.
Bit of yourself. Right.
And, and so and, and my adoptive mom and I had a very difficult
relationship. We were estranged for a number
of years even. And so there was.
Yes, I did have a a a positive. Adoption experience, but.
It felt like it was a struggle every step of the way still.
Yeah, you know, yeah. Yeah.
Do you think that they parented you differently because they
were birth parents as well as adoptive parents?
Like, did they understand maybe more why you wanted to find your
roots? Yeah, definitely.
Like it was it was my adoptive mom that went and found my
biological mother and father. You were.
Like 17. Yeah, I was. 17 I wanted them to
come see me graduate my my biological parents to come see
me graduate. And you know, that was that, you
know, looking back on that, that was.
Hard. That was a very.
Special moment for my adoptive parents too.
And now here they have to share it with my birth mother.
And as as much as we like to. Think like, oh, that's so
wonderful, you had your biological.
Mother and your adoptive mother. There.
It was so hard and the relationship between the two of
them. Was quite volatile as well and
so I felt like it was. Probably the most uncomfortable
place to be in a room with the two of them, you know?
Yeah, yeah. I've been in that situation too.
I totally agree. And in the film, you know, there
was there was footage of you meeting your biological mother
for the first time and then them, you know, showing your
adoptive parents and their reaction.
And it was just like you just feel all the all the, you know,
complicated feelings and emotions from everybody in that
moment was like very tense. And I know as the adoptee how
that's even more, you know, on your shoulders because you're
juggling yours and theirs and trying not to hurt anyone, you
know, so. Yeah, I definitely thank you for
thank you for noticing. That part, that was very.
Intentional. You know, I even had the editor
zoom in on my adoptive mom's face and.
As. A grown woman now, looking back
on that moment for. Her it probably brought up.
So much trauma of her own birth mother, trauma of her own right
so. Both the adoptive mom and the
birth, yes. Yes.
I can't imagine. I cannot.
Yeah, and and, you know, like my adoptive mom.
She so she was a. Birth mother and adoptive mother
and then my biological mother was a birth mother and an
adoptee. So, you know, there's there's.
A lot of. Complexity to those
relationships and what I found is in being in relationship with
each one of them if they were in their adoptive mom.
Box they. Couldn't access the birth mother
box. If they were in their adoptee
box, they couldn't access the birth mother box.
Like it was. Very compartmentalized and.
So that was, that was. Really, really difficult, you
know, really difficult to navigate those relationships
because of that, so. And because of that too, so much
generational trauma getting passed down.
Oh my gosh, yes, yeah, that's a lot.
Was was there a defining moment when you realized that being
adopted was affecting how you moved in the world?
Yes, yes there was. I would.
Say, I would say that there was a moment when we I realized that
my aunt and uncle were going to adopt me if I was a boy and my
mom and dad were going to adopt me if I was a girl and being a
mother and thinking how strange that was I.
Wonder how you felt about that? Yeah, yeah.
It it it, it really felt odd. And and there's been moments
where I've let allowed myself to get angry about that.
Too. Like what the heck?
You know, like you're good enough for us if you're a girl,
You're not good enough for us if you're a boy.
But I would say that the most defining moment for me was when
I gave birth to my first child and they threw her onto my
chest. And I thought I I could never.
I don't ever want to be separated from this little.
Baby ever. And I, and I say this with the
most amount of compassion because I know there are so many
different circumstances as to why birth mothers choose
relinquishment. For me, I I couldn't comprehend
ever being away from that child and maybe.
That's because I was adopted. And I knew, I knew how that
impacted me. I remember when she was only, I
don't know, ten days old and we lived in an apartment and.
Her dad. Had her in the stroller and was
pushing her down the hallway and he got to the end of the hallway
and I started to. Absolutely.
Panic. Because she was too.
Far away from me and I I remember just like.
Just. Kind of exploding and say.
Don't. Don't.
Ever. Don't ever take her that far
away. From me ever again.
Like it shouldn't, you know, And just really, I mean, I think
that's my trauma. I think that was my trauma
coming through, right? Yeah, and he was probably like,
what the heck just happened? He.
Totally was. He totally was.
I just can't imagine what trauma that does 'cause somebody to
give their child up because of that mother instinct to be have
to stuff that down to survive. After that we can't comprehend
that all. Oh, absolutely.
I mean, I look at even how it affected my adoptive mom and you
know, she. She was tortured.
She was. Tortured by that decision and it
impacted her entire life. And I saw her shift.
And change. When she found her, her son, I
saw that shift in her. She softened.
Yeah. I wonder if, you know, they
adopted you kind of to kind of put a Band-Aid over them, you
know, giving their son up for adoption and when, when they did
adopt you and then finding out that that doesn't work.
It doesn't, you can't, you know, you can't just put a Band-Aid on
it. And, and, you know, you had a
job to do when you came into the family as a, as a baby, you
know, to try to, to be that first aid kit, you know, and it
just. Yeah, yeah.
I've, I've never, I've actually never heard anybody say that to
me before. Just the way you put it there
is. Is very accurate and very true.
You know that I, I wonder. What it was like for?
Them when they recognized like, no, this isn't going to, this
isn't going to fix it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Discovery and empowerment. So is the process of making this
documentary reshaped your perspective on family and
connections in any way? Yeah, and I don't know if it was
making the documentary. But it was particularly.
When my adoptive mom passed away.
I always looked at her. With such suspicion, you know,
like like like. Do you really love?
Me. Do you?
Am I? Really.
Your daughter? Did you all?
Did you do all of this just because you felt bad?
Because you, you know, gave. This.
Child that for adoption yeah I was really really critical and
suspicious of her and I think when she.
Passed away. I spent a lot of time at at my
childhood home and I kept finding all these little what I.
Like treasures, what I'd call. Treasures.
And it was, you know, in her. Bible she had.
Notes that I had written to her or, you know, when I picked up
her overnight bag from the hospital, you know, after she'd
passed away, gone and got her belongings.
I found a letter that I had written her when I was 13 years
old, and she'd kept it in there all those years.
Oh, wow. And you don't, you know, to me.
You can't fake love. Like that you I don't think you
can fake. That for all.
Those years, I don't think she could have faked that.
I think it was true and I think it was genuine and I think I
finally allowed her love to. To I I I.
Finally allowed myself to. To accept her love.
And it was too late in a lot of ways.
So I think it I think that it reshaped that relationship.
For sure that perspective of that.
Relationship for sure. But I've always.
I've always wanted to connect with my family, with my
biological family always. I always have.
And you know, it's been, it's. You, you focus first of first of
all, like, oh. I want to find my birth mother
and then, oh, I want to find my birth brother.
And then do I have siblings and then, oh, do I have, you know,
aunts and uncles and cousins and great aunts and uncles and
cousins and this and that. And this is sort of what my
journey has just been this last two weeks.
And I connected with my Sicilian side of my family in Winnipeg.
We were supposed to meet, you know.
Three years ago and just to to feel like.
And I think that in going through what I went through with
my adoptive mom and, and losing her and being able to.
Receive that love. It gave me the ability.
To receive the love and. Acceptance from even my
biological family when I did finally connect with them so.
Yeah, it. Was and then I went.
Back to the OCN just the last week as.
Well and showed the film. There.
And that was quite the. Experience and there was many
family members that attended and they they gave me a star
blanket, which is. Representative, it's.
It's an honor to receive a star blanket and.
It's for. Protection.
And so they wrapped. This the the chief.
Maureen Brown and Edwin. He.
He was in the film. They took it and wrapped it
around me. And then Chief Maureen Brown
invited my family members to come up to the front.
And so they all came and stood around me and they each took
time to share a little bit about our family and welcome me to the
family and and. It it was a.
Very surreal and beautiful experience for me.
Yeah, so the Indigenous community was a big role in your
healing process and in the documentary.
Why did you feel like it was important to connect to that
that part specifically? I think, I think for me, with
Canada's history, you know. Of how?
They've treated Indigenous people and continue to treat
Indigenous people and you know, there.
Was a. An agenda it was.
Purposeful that they were. Splitting up families and
removing the culture and the language and the connection and
I'm a little bit. Stubborn, so I thought.
You know, no way I'm not, I am not going to just like lay down
and allow this to happen for, for me, for my children and.
So that was part. Of the reason the other.
Piece was. That, you know growing up.
It was, I felt. I was taught to feel shame for
being an Indigenous woman and, and I really began the process
of breaking free from that years before I even began the film.
And so for me, it was really, really important that that be
completely abolished and. That I could.
Stand in my identity as an Opasquet Cree indigenous woman
so. Can you educate us a little bit
on what is known as the 60s scoop for those that don't know?
Yeah, absolutely. So the 60s scoop in Canada was a
time, they say between 1960 and 1980, but we know that it's kind
of can still happen today, but. Where where the?
Canadian government removed children from their homes, from
their. Reserves and specifically
placed. Them into white families.
Where they would be? Assimilated.
They separated brothers and sisters.
They put pictures of these. Indigenous children in the
paper. As though they were puppy dogs
to adopt. You know, there was a program
called AIM, Adopt Indigenous MET and.
It was specifically for people to adopt.
These children now, these white families, they thought they were
doing something good, right? They didn't know.
What they? Were being used for right?
And they really were being used. So it's interesting to when I
did go back to the O Pasqua creation.
Just last. Week they were telling me about
a social worker in the community.
That lied about the conditions. Of the home.
Just to be able to. Remove these children.
She wrote a book and she's since then had.
To go back. And reconcile with the
community. And, you know, Can you imagine
having to carry that on your shoulders?
That you were part of this. Assimilation and and just the
the families that that she disconnected from one another
like. It just there was an adoption
worker in your film and at one point you were very brave and
right just right out asked her if adoption was trauma and she
paused and teared up and admitted that yes, it was
trauma. And I think out of all the times
I cried watching her documentary, I think I cried the
most right there because it was just like, thank you for saying
that as an adoption worker, like acknowledging that, you know,
and I, I can't imagine, like you just said what that feels like
for her, you know, to realize and admit that.
But for me, it was just like, I was just like, thank you so much
for admitting that. You know, yeah.
She. She has become a dear friend of
mine. We just talked today.
And just found out that her. Ex.
Husband and daughter are related to me.
They're like on my. Ancestry, which is just wild and
we had a good laugh about that, but.
You know one of the things. That I really do appreciate.
It was because of her that I was able to go back.
To the Opasco cremation and show the film.
They. They.
She. Was the one that pushed for for
me to come back there and to and made it all happen along with
Gabe Constant who's who is my. Field producer who also ended up
to be my cousin. That was wild.
And you know she. Out of everybody.
Has send me sent me. Books has has helped to.
Educate me and help to keep me connected and.
She does lots of post adoption work.
She supports anybody that's. Coming home that.
Was adopted, she helps. Them, she's very knowledgeable,
eligible, she's helped them to find their biological family and
you know. So she really does.
Understand the impact and. Still to this day is.
Trying to do what she can. To help us to.
Reconnect. So that's great.
Yeah, she's pretty special. So you talk a lot in the film
about belonging, and can you describe the moment for moments
when you began to feel a true sense of belonging?
Yes. The moments when I feel the most
like I belong has been in the quiet moments by myself where I.
Realized that it's. Not contingent upon whether
people say I belong or accept me.
It's that I get to choose. Whether I belong or not and.
That's powerful. You know, well, and, and, and
really that that that belonging really is an inside job, right?
And it's perspective and, you know, I can, I can go into, I
can go into a space where I know everybody loves me, right?
But I can still think or believe that I don't belong in that
space. And there has been moments.
Where I feel like I. Don't even belong with my
husband and kids. Like where I feel like.
An outsider even amongst them. And that's, you know, that's a
little bit, I think of that old kind of conditioning that comes
along, you know, how I lived my whole life before.
So yeah, belonging. It's been in those still moments
for me, those quiet moments. Yeah.
So you filmed meeting your biological father for the first
time, which is a story in itself how you got there.
But there was like a palpable connection between you 2 just
from the start and even over the phone.
Like it was crazy talk about that reunion with him.
Oh my goodness, So he. Yeah, what you see?
Of him in that clip and and through the film.
Is exactly who he is. Wow, all the time and.
He loves me so dearly. And he will tell me.
That every chance he gets. But there was, there was such a
deep. Connection between the two.
Of us. And I think part of it for me.
Was that he embraced. Me with no expectation.
He didn't want anything from me. He didn't need anything from me.
I wasn't something that was. Like you said before.
A Band-Aid to anything. I was like.
The cherry on top? Like, you know.
He was already good. And happy.
And here I came along and he, he has been from the moment I met
him. How can I?
How can I support you? How can I?
Show up for you how? Can I love you?
And he's very insightful. He's so I think, I think.
I was able to. Connect with him so deeply.
Because. I didn't feel any expectations
from him on me. Yeah.
And I someone just sent me something actually this morning
and it was a little real on. Liv.
Tyler.
The first time she ever connected with, what's his name,
Steven Tyler. Tyler, yeah, from.
Aerosmith And she was saying, like to be connected with your
DNA is like a palpable experience and she said it so.
Well, I was like, yeah. That.
It was, it was like that. It was like.
That and I and I'm I'm glad that I got to meet him when I was
older and had a little bit of experience behind me.
Because I really was able. To allow myself just to embrace
him. And yeah, there's nothing
awkward about that moment. No, no, I was so happy for you
in that moment because you were thinking for a long while that
somebody else was your biological father and there was
like no connection there at all. And then it's so weird how like
you knew. I think you kind of knew, you
know, even though you didn't that that was that.
That was just a strange, you know, it wasn't right.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I, I was happy for you. And then I was jealous at the
same time because when I met my biological father, I only met
him once and he was very at arm's length, very friendly and
jovial, but didn't want to talk about anything deeper, get into,
you know, anything like that. And so, you know, that wasn't my
experience, but I was very happy that that was your experience.
Yeah, thank. Thank you.
And I, I felt the same way, you know, I, I.
Can relate to how you felt as well 'cause.
There's been challenge challenges with with my
biological mothers as well. So yeah.
Well, after watching the film, I really feel like anyone who is
thinking about adoption or even is an adoptive parent, I think
this documentary should be mandatory for them to watch.
What message do you hope that it does give to those may be
thinking about adopting? My my hope is that and I and I
say it in the film. Is that people?
Hoping to adopt. Will adopt from a healed and
whole place that they won't use US human beings as a Band-Aid
like you said and that you know it will be like growing up.
I heard my mom say I just wanted a baby.
I just wanted a baby and I would have.
Liked to have heard I. Wanted to love a child and give
them. The best life I could possibly
give. Them and help them become
exactly who they're meant to be. That's what I that's what I
could have. Heard it would have been good
for me. So I I want to.
Encourage adoptive parents also to recognize like their story
isn't the only story and that when they tell their adoption
story and as. Beautiful as it is.
You know. That they got this beautiful.
Baby handed to them or you know. That that there is.
It's. Not all.
It's not all beautiful and not. Everybody looks at it that.
Way that that you know. That that, that there is deep,
deep loss. There is deep loss.
And no amount of love or, you know, good upbringing can and
can feel that. Loss they.
Just can't. You just can't.
We can do the. Best with what we have.
You know, but, but I, I still don't know, even even as I've
gone on this journey and I've like, and I've gotten a lot more
answers than a lot of adoptees do and, and I've had some very
beautiful experiences and I think because of the film, it's
allowed. Me to have these beautiful.
Experiences too, but I still. Had.
To do the healing within myself. Meeting my family didn't heal me
from my trauma. It it didn't.
Finding my birth mother or my birth father wasn't the antidote
to relinquishment. It wasn't those wounds.
Are deep they. Started from the very, very
beginning. And how do you come back from
that? How do you?
Well, I think society likes to start the adoption story the day
the baby comes home, you know, and we forget that before that
was huge loss for the other two people that were involved, you
know. So I think that that's where we
kind of fall short is we don't want to think about that.
We don't want to go there. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's been the greatest gift in sharing your story?
Oh my gosh. I had, AI had.
A gentleman come up to me at the last screening and I.
Share this because he sort. Of represents this experience
and and and many. Adoptees that have.
Come up to me after that have spoken with me after seeing the.
Film, but he was. Probably in his 30s or. 40s he
had his daughter. With him and he said, you know,
I have sought my whole. Life to figure out.
What was wrong? And you summed it up in one
word, trauma. And that's probably been the
most impactful thing that any adoptee has said to me because I
think, you know, for him, he was probably really just coming out
of the fog in that very moment. Yeah, yeah.
You know some of us. We've we've been on this journey
of coming out of the fog and and so I think being.
Able to see that process. Happen has been been a.
Beautiful gift. To me and just meeting.
People that. That we understand one another,
we we understand one another, and we don't even have to say a.
Word. You know, I think that's been a
great gift. Yeah, yeah.
What would you like struggling adoptees to know?
That you belong, that you're worthy, that you're loved, and
you might not have people in your current vicinity.
That treat you that way. But there are a community.
Of of adoptees that do love you. And will love you and will
accept you and where you do belong.
And I want them to know that they're not alone and they don't
have to do this thing alone. And I also want them to know.
That wherever they're at. In their adopt the journey,
whether they have come out of the fog and I say that in
quotation marks I whether they you know.
Are totally comfortable and happy with their.
Adoption experience or whether they are raging mad about their
adoption experience that. Wherever.
You're at. That's OK and.
It's it's all. Part of your It's all part of
your journey. It's all part of your journey.
I I really, I really. And I say that because I.
Had a really hard time when I started.
To. To meet other adoptees.
And I would see some of them, you know, hating their
biological parents or hating their adoptive parents.
And I thought, Oh my gosh, what's wrong with me?
Should I, should I hate my adoptive parents?
Should I be more angry about this?
You know, and, and I, I really. Had to to accept.
That no like. Everybody really is just.
On their own journey and it's OK.
You don't have to do what the other.
Person's doing. Yeah, don't let anyone
unvalidate you, you know, and your your experience and your
journey because it's unique. And yeah, just don't, don't let
anybody do that because I have felt that from the adopted
community, like I said, because of the positive experience that
I've had that, you know, they feel like I should be silenced
or not have have a say and how I feel.
And you know, I'm not trying to change anybody else's mind or
make them agree with me. That's just my truth and I
should be able to express that and still be a part of the
adopted community. A. 100 percent, 100%, Yeah,
Yeah, I might not. Agree with everything you know
that I hear either, but I can validate you still and see that
that was that's your experience. It's not mine, you know.
But yeah. Doesn't hurt me to do that.
No, not, not at all. And and like it, it's, I know
that that community, community can be volatile, you know?
That that like lateral. Violence amongst adoptees and I
think maybe that was one of my biggest fears when I put the
film out there. Was that I was just I, I said.
Oh my gosh, what if? What if I put this out?
There and everybody just hates me and wants me to die.
Like I really, truly had that fear.
You know, and and it. Is scary but.
You know, are they the ones putting themselves out there?
Are they the ones, you know, like doing the thing and showing
up every day and and, you know, meeting?
Face to face. With other adoptees and
supporting them and you know, I, I don't know, maybe they're but.
It's all feeling that onion and everyone's on a different layer.
It's you have some. Compassion for each other.
And, you know, when people do get triggered and lash out, I
just, I just, you know, say to myself that that's their hurt
talking, you know? Yeah.
So yeah. You got to meet people where
they're at. Yeah, that's right.
What's next for Crystal Park? Yeah, well.
I have a podcast coming. Out in September.
So it's a six part video podcast series and it's called the
because she's adopted podcast. It's just a limited series.
So we sort of take. Topics from the film.
We have the trauma therapist come and join another adoptee
and myself my Co host. Her name's Crystal.
Redpath, and she was also. She's also an adoptee.
So we have that. We I have.
A1 on one podcast just with me and my husband, which is feels
really vulnerable. To me actually what I think
about it. And then?
We have this really great two-part series of 260 Scoop.
Survivor sharing their story and.
It is just so. Impactful and it's it was one of
my it's one of my. Favorite pieces of work?
That that we've done so far. So I'm doing that and then I.
Just. I just hope to.
Keep keep making film and films and telling stories and and you
know whether it be in the adoptee realm or whether it be
in in some other. Topic I just I love.
People and I love storytelling and I, I love the experience.
So that's what that's what I'm doing, yeah.
Well, where can we find you and all the goodies that you're
doing? Yeah, so you can.
Find me on. Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok,
YouTube at Because she's adopted.
And I have a. Also have a website Crystal Park
KRISTALPARKE. Dot net and that's.
Where you'll be able to. Rent the film if you are in any
other country than Canada. And what else?
What else? I think that's it.
And then if you go to my
website, there's all my links and connections and you can
e-mail me. Through there I also.
Wanted to share real. Quick, sorry.
The other thing that I'm working on is a book with some educators
from some local Canadian universities on decolonizing
education. So one of the challenges here in
Canada is that we were never. Told the True.
Story of Indigenous peoples and what they went through.
And so we're really trying to change that.
And so I'll be sharing a bit of my adoptee perspective in a book
called Colonizing Education. So I'm really excited and.
Honored to be a part of. Yeah, to be a part.
Of that, yeah, so awesome. Yeah.
Well, I thank you for, you know, putting yourself out there and
giving us all a voice to, you know, in different areas
because, you know, it's, you know, we're all kind of in our
little adoptee arena when we're telling our adoptee stories.
But really what I like to do is I want to educate the world
about really what what happens. And so we can't do that if we
just stay in our little our little community.
Yeah, I I agree. I agree and you know some of the
most. Like greatest impacts that I've
seen through the. Film.
Also have. Been.
Through people that just had. No idea they.
Had no idea. That's awesome and I love that
and I just want to keep doing. I just want to keep doing that.
So yeah. Good.
That's awesome. Well, thank you for coming on
and thank you for sharing your story and film and I loved it.
So I, I can't recommend it enough.
So thank you so much. You're so welcome, Melissa.
I really appreciate you having me and for taking the time to
watch it. And yeah, it's been a pleasure.
I cannot recommend Crystal's documentary enough and it will
be available everywhere in September on her website.
All her links are in the show notes.
Thanks Karma crew for listening today.
And as always, take what you need and leave what you don't.
And always remember to mind your own karma.
I'll see you next time. This podcast is created for
educational purposes by the telling of adoption experiences.
The views expressed in this podcast may not be those of the
host or Mind Your Own Karma.