1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,520 I think for adoptive parents that is a a. 2 00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:09,240 Line that probably brings them comfort, you know and and. 3 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:13,480 Agrees with what they believe to be true. 4 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:19,320 But that's not, you know, we. Know as adoptees that there's. 5 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:23,560 Often 2 truths. Hey there, it's Melissa Brunetti 6 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:26,400 and welcome to the Mind Your Own Karma podcast. 7 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,680 Hey there Karma crew, thanks for joining me for this episode of 8 00:00:39,680 --> 00:00:42,480 Mind your Own Karma, The Adoption Chronicles. 9 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,560 Today I have Crystal Park on the show. 10 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:48,480 She is a talented Cree, filmmaker, producer, podcaster 11 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:51,720 and adoptee whose personal journey has driven her to 12 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:55,160 explore themes of identity, belonging and family in her 13 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,200 work. Born and raised in the West 14 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,520 Coast of Canada, Crystal was adopted into a a non Indigenous 15 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:04,000 family as an infant. This experience profoundly 16 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:07,120 shaped her perspective on life, and she has used her creative 17 00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:10,760 prowess to shed light on the complexities of adoption and its 18 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,240 impact on individuals and communities. 19 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:17,160 In her highly anticipated debut feature documentary titled 20 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:21,000 Because She's Adopted, Crystal delves deep into her own life 21 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,960 story while also weaving together the narratives of other 22 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:25,920 adoptees from diverse backgrounds. 23 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:29,520 Through heartfelt interviews, poignant storytelling, and 24 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,320 powerful visuals, the film offers a touching and 25 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:35,760 introspective exploration of what it truly means to belong 26 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,680 and the universal longing for a sense of connection and 27 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,440 acceptance. With Because She's Adopted, 28 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,800 Crystal Park cements herself as a compassionate and insightful 29 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,880 filmmaker, encouraging audiences to reflect on their own stories 30 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,280 of identity and belonging. Here is my interview with 31 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:56,000 Crystal Park. We are welcoming Crystal Park to 32 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,320 the show today. Hi, Crystal. 33 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:00,640 Hi, Melissa, How are you? I am great. 34 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:03,720 I finished your documentary this morning and I was kind of 35 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:07,840 telling you earlier how validating it was for me as an 36 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,120 adoptee that had a positive experience. 37 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:15,320 Just you mirroring that we still can have adoption trauma even 38 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:16,760 though we had a positive experience. 39 00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:21,160 So I just wanted to thank you for that validation and. 40 00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,000 Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, I know you're. 41 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,400 You're very. Welcome and, and I always just 42 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:29,720 want to express my gratitude for anybody that is allowing 43 00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:34,600 adoptees to be showcased in their voices to be heard and, 44 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,040 and platformed. So thank you for what you're 45 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,000 doing. I, I truly, from the bottom of 46 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:43,680 my heart, just want to say thank you and express my gratitude. 47 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:48,800 Thank you for that. So why did you do this 48 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,920 documentary? The truth. 49 00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,840 The real, honest part. Truth. 50 00:02:55,520 --> 00:03:00,840 The real truth. I, you know, I really wanted my, 51 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:04,560 my sorry, my adoptive mom to understand me. 52 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:09,600 I really wanted to be understood and I wanted to be heard and I 53 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,840 wanted to be seen by her specifically. 54 00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:18,360 And and I think so that there was that. 55 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:22,920 The other piece to it was. When I found my biological 56 00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:26,600 father, I thought surely. There's people. 57 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:30,320 That have had a similar experience to this and I would 58 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:35,320 like I've never seen myself represented on film before 59 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,680 really anywhere and I thought, man, I want to be the person 60 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,880 that I could. Have used all these years. 61 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:49,120 And then in the end, the reason? Why I did this was for other 62 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,120 adoptees to feel. Seen and heard. 63 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:55,240 So yeah. Those that that was sort of the. 64 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:59,360 Progression of of how? Of my why you know. 65 00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,120 Yeah, 'cause you started this. When did you start the 66 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:05,560 documentary? In 2021. 67 00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:06,720 OK. Yeah. 68 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:13,840 And it took how long to film. So we filmed for about two years 69 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,200 on and. Off there was a. 70 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,880 Break in there at some point and then we began the editing 71 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:23,280 process in April of 2023 and completed the film in. 72 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,920 I believe it was. July of 2023. 73 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:29,000 So about a year ago. And when did it come out? 74 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,560 When did you start? So it hasn't like officially? 75 00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:41,000 Been released for but but sorry that that's not entirely true. 76 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,080 So in Canada, are you in Canada or the. 77 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,560 State No, I'm in California. You're oh, you're in California, 78 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:49,200 love California. So in Canada right now it. 79 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:53,960 Is available on Telesoptic TV. Which is a streaming service, 80 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:56,120 but it's not available yet out in the. 81 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:59,360 States so it will be available for. 82 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,160 Rent in September on my website. Awesome. 83 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:06,400 Yeah, 'cause I definitely want to gift that to a few people. 84 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,600 So in the film you said you that the person that started the 85 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:15,080 documentary wasn't the same person that was at the end of 86 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,880 the documentary. What changed and why? 87 00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:26,280 So many things changed. One of the most tangible things 88 00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:31,040 that I think changed in me was I didn't have the anger and the 89 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,640 rage. That I used to have. 90 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,840 And I don't know. What that was? 91 00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:39,120 I don't know if that was, you know, connecting to my roots, to 92 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:42,080 my indigenous culture. I don't know if it was, you 93 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:46,800 know, getting the answers or recognizing that maybe we don't 94 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:51,760 get all the answers. Definitely the death of my 95 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:55,640 adoptive mom shifted something inside of me. 96 00:05:56,920 --> 00:06:01,000 That just. Left me never the same. 97 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,120 As as I was. Before, and I think people can 98 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,800 relate. To to the grief. 99 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:11,280 You know, in that way it just really changed my perspective 100 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,720 and I. Think what it did was. 101 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:23,440 It allowed me to take my story and create a filing system for 102 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,240 it in my brain. It was as if. 103 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:30,200 Before I did the documentary. That I had all these thoughts. 104 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,680 And experiences and feelings that were just floating out in 105 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,440 space and I had nowhere for them to land. 106 00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:41,640 And doing the film gave me that ability. 107 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:46,080 To sort of give. Them a filing system in my brain 108 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:50,520 and and just really see and understand what I went through 109 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,920 you know so. Well, there was one part in the 110 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:56,920 film where you you said something like, OK, I'm ready, 111 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,400 or Are you ready? And then you were like, and I 112 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:01,080 wasn't ready. And in the next scene, you're 113 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:05,720 like falling your eyes out. I was like, that's exactly it. 114 00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:10,560 It's true and it's funny. It's. 115 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:13,280 Funny when you when you. See the clip. 116 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:17,600 You know, I'm crying for maybe a 32nd, you know, shot there. 117 00:07:17,840 --> 00:07:22,000 But I I cried. For an hour and 20 minutes all 118 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,760 the way. To the city, the town that we 119 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:26,560 were. Filming at and. 120 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:29,040 The crew had to pull. Over and I had to get out of the 121 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:34,200 car and just like ground. Myself, 'cause I was, I was 122 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,200 truly. Coming undone for sure, yeah. 123 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:44,960 Yeah, I I can relate. So what was the most difficult 124 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:49,880 thing about doing the the documentary both during and now, 125 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:54,800 in retrospect? I would say two things. 126 00:07:55,800 --> 00:08:01,080 The first was feeling exposed, feeling completely and entirely 127 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,760 exposed. And it it was. 128 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:09,920 More difficult to expose myself. Through the film to people that 129 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:16,280 I knew or knew me and. Less difficult to. 130 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,480 Expose myself to total strangers. 131 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:23,000 The the second thing that has been most. 132 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,640 Difficult about this is. And we? 133 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:29,520 Spoke about this earlier was. You know, you do this film and 134 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:33,320 you capture this moment in time of your life. 135 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:37,799 And for me, that was, you know. It was a period of two years. 136 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:40,679 And I've grown so much since then. 137 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:43,840 I I'm not the same person that I was when I finished the 138 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:47,920 documentary even. And so there's things in there 139 00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,680 that. I feel like I kind of. 140 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:53,080 Cringe at now. Or I feel like oh. 141 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:57,320 Man, I don't even know if I believe in I I believe that 142 00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:01,280 anymore. My there's one part in there 143 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:06,400 where my husband says calls my adoptive family. 144 00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:09,480 My true family, yes. Did you hear that? 145 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,120 Yes, and I. Hate it. 146 00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:14,280 I hate that he says that. I hate it. 147 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:17,520 Because, you know, I think what I've recognized. 148 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,360 Is that? Family comes in all forms. 149 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,760 And what does true family really even mean? 150 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:29,440 Family is family. Biological adoptive perhaps for 151 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:30,760 some. People, they don't feel that 152 00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:34,440 way, but you know, a lot of people, I live my life that if 153 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,240 you, you are my friend, you are my family. 154 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:41,560 So there's a lot wrong with that whole thing that he said there. 155 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:45,080 I cringe every time. I know it's like, wait, what did 156 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,880 did I hear that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 157 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:52,480 And I think for, I think for adoptive parents, that is a, a 158 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:58,160 line that probably brings them comfort, you know, and, and. 159 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:02,400 Agrees with what they believe to be true. 160 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:08,320 But that's not, you know, we. Know as adoptees that there's. 161 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:15,200 Often 2 truths right between things and and yeah so. 162 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:19,680 But yeah, so definitely. The the, the vulnerability and 163 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:22,920 then and then just feeling like I can't. 164 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,320 Have these. Side notes, as people watch 165 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,200 going, I don't think that way anymore, you know? 166 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,880 Subtitles. Yeah, subtitles. 167 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:36,560 Yeah, exactly. So your husband seemed to be a 168 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,760 huge support though during the film. 169 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,840 How? How important was that to you? 170 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:45,400 Oh my gosh, you know. He he really. 171 00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:49,840 He's not just been a support for me in the film, my husband has 172 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,400 been a. Support. 173 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,720 For me, through my postpartum depression, through my mental 174 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,760 health challenges, through my addiction and. 175 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:05,000 Recovery through the. Film and even now, like we just 176 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:09,760 went on a two week family vacation where I, you know, 177 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:14,080 screened the film and I met more biological family and he just 178 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:21,320 continues to show up for me and it is I I don't, you know. 179 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,000 You sort of take for. Granted, because he's always. 180 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:31,360 There right like but. I am reminded of how I don't 181 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:35,000 think that I could have done this without him by my side. 182 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:37,240 I really don't think I could have and. 183 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,280 He told the stories that I couldn't. 184 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:42,800 Tell in this in the film like you know, he told some of the 185 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:45,400 really. Difficult stories that I I. 186 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:50,600 Wasn't able to, so yeah in life. This guy is just. 187 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:56,400 He's not perfect, but. He is. 188 00:11:56,960 --> 00:12:00,600 A he's a wonderful husband and A and a big support and we just. 189 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,560 Celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. 190 00:12:03,560 --> 00:12:05,000 Congratulations. Thank. 191 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,120 You. Yeah, it's challenging being in 192 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:13,240 relationships with us. I think a lot of times I give 193 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,400 him credit a little bit. I had an adoptee. 194 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:21,120 Ask me if my husband and I would meet with him and his. 195 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:26,840 Wife so that so that he could help his wife. 196 00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:32,440 Understand how difficult or how. You know how to how to support 197 00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,600 us adoptees. I'm not saying it very well, but 198 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:36,400 yeah. He, he just, he was like, I 199 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,680 could, I think my wife could really. 200 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:42,040 Use your husband to just. Chat with her a little. 201 00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,200 Bit yeah, out of the whole movie, that's. 202 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,720 Yeah. To talk about. 203 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:51,840 Yeah, yeah. So despite having a positive 204 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:55,080 adoption experience, what were some of the underlying traumas 205 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:57,400 and challenges that you did face? 206 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:06,520 Yeah, I I did have. A positive adoption experience. 207 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:10,360 But also we have to. Remember that my adoptive mom 208 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:15,600 was a biological mother as well. And I think for me. 209 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:20,040 I felt like I was adopted as a result of a child. 210 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:25,520 That was relinquished. I felt incredible high 211 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:31,240 expectations upon my life. I felt like I really had to 212 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,640 show. Up in the world in a perfect 213 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,680 way, and I still. Feel that way so. 214 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,720 You know, I think that in. Itself is a very subconscious. 215 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:46,920 Trauma that I wasn't even aware of, you know, until in well into 216 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:50,960 my. 30s I think it's. Traumatic to be able to not be 217 00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,600 able to look around at your family members and see a little. 218 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,520 Bit of yourself. Right. 219 00:13:56,280 --> 00:14:04,560 And, and so and, and my adoptive mom and I had a very difficult 220 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:08,760 relationship. We were estranged for a number 221 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:13,360 of years even. And so there was. 222 00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:19,040 Yes, I did have a a a positive. Adoption experience, but. 223 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:24,760 It felt like it was a struggle every step of the way still. 224 00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,360 Yeah, you know, yeah. Yeah. 225 00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:31,520 Do you think that they parented you differently because they 226 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,240 were birth parents as well as adoptive parents? 227 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,600 Like, did they understand maybe more why you wanted to find your 228 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,520 roots? Yeah, definitely. 229 00:14:41,520 --> 00:14:44,960 Like it was it was my adoptive mom that went and found my 230 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:47,400 biological mother and father. You were. 231 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:50,880 Like 17. Yeah, I was. 17 I wanted them to 232 00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:54,840 come see me graduate my my biological parents to come see 233 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:59,040 me graduate. And you know, that was that, you 234 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,800 know, looking back on that, that was. 235 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:01,840 Hard. That was a very. 236 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:04,200 Special moment for my adoptive parents too. 237 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:08,840 And now here they have to share it with my birth mother. 238 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:14,560 And as as much as we like to. Think like, oh, that's so 239 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,480 wonderful, you had your biological. 240 00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,280 Mother and your adoptive mother. There. 241 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:24,760 It was so hard and the relationship between the two of 242 00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:27,840 them. Was quite volatile as well and 243 00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:32,360 so I felt like it was. Probably the most uncomfortable 244 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:35,560 place to be in a room with the two of them, you know? 245 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:38,400 Yeah, yeah. I've been in that situation too. 246 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:43,720 I totally agree. And in the film, you know, there 247 00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:47,280 was there was footage of you meeting your biological mother 248 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:50,800 for the first time and then them, you know, showing your 249 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,880 adoptive parents and their reaction. 250 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:57,280 And it was just like you just feel all the all the, you know, 251 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:01,160 complicated feelings and emotions from everybody in that 252 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:04,920 moment was like very tense. And I know as the adoptee how 253 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:09,000 that's even more, you know, on your shoulders because you're 254 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:12,640 juggling yours and theirs and trying not to hurt anyone, you 255 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,920 know, so. Yeah, I definitely thank you for 256 00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,880 thank you for noticing. That part, that was very. 257 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,080 Intentional. You know, I even had the editor 258 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:25,680 zoom in on my adoptive mom's face and. 259 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:29,080 As. A grown woman now, looking back 260 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:34,720 on that moment for. Her it probably brought up. 261 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:39,120 So much trauma of her own birth mother, trauma of her own right 262 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:42,040 so. Both the adoptive mom and the 263 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,360 birth, yes. Yes. 264 00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:45,960 I can't imagine. I cannot. 265 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:49,040 Yeah, and and, you know, like my adoptive mom. 266 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,200 She so she was a. Birth mother and adoptive mother 267 00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:57,040 and then my biological mother was a birth mother and an 268 00:16:57,040 --> 00:17:00,120 adoptee. So, you know, there's there's. 269 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,560 A lot of. Complexity to those 270 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:09,319 relationships and what I found is in being in relationship with 271 00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:13,280 each one of them if they were in their adoptive mom. 272 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:18,520 Box they. Couldn't access the birth mother 273 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:22,319 box. If they were in their adoptee 274 00:17:22,319 --> 00:17:26,200 box, they couldn't access the birth mother box. 275 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,880 Like it was. Very compartmentalized and. 276 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:34,760 So that was, that was. Really, really difficult, you 277 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,600 know, really difficult to navigate those relationships 278 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:43,080 because of that, so. And because of that too, so much 279 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:45,920 generational trauma getting passed down. 280 00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,720 Oh my gosh, yes, yeah, that's a lot. 281 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,080 Was was there a defining moment when you realized that being 282 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:56,960 adopted was affecting how you moved in the world? 283 00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:04,720 Yes, yes there was. I would. 284 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:16,200 Say, I would say that there was a moment when we I realized that 285 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:20,960 my aunt and uncle were going to adopt me if I was a boy and my 286 00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,360 mom and dad were going to adopt me if I was a girl and being a 287 00:18:24,360 --> 00:18:31,200 mother and thinking how strange that was I. 288 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,720 Wonder how you felt about that? Yeah, yeah. 289 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:41,360 It it it, it really felt odd. And and there's been moments 290 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:44,600 where I've let allowed myself to get angry about that. 291 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:46,320 Too. Like what the heck? 292 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,200 You know, like you're good enough for us if you're a girl, 293 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,240 You're not good enough for us if you're a boy. 294 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:56,080 But I would say that the most defining moment for me was when 295 00:18:56,080 --> 00:19:00,680 I gave birth to my first child and they threw her onto my 296 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,960 chest. And I thought I I could never. 297 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:07,000 I don't ever want to be separated from this little. 298 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:13,160 Baby ever. And I, and I say this with the 299 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,800 most amount of compassion because I know there are so many 300 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:22,720 different circumstances as to why birth mothers choose 301 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:27,400 relinquishment. For me, I I couldn't comprehend 302 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,120 ever being away from that child and maybe. 303 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:33,120 That's because I was adopted. And I knew, I knew how that 304 00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:38,640 impacted me. I remember when she was only, I 305 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:42,800 don't know, ten days old and we lived in an apartment and. 306 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,760 Her dad. Had her in the stroller and was 307 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:48,800 pushing her down the hallway and he got to the end of the hallway 308 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,440 and I started to. Absolutely. 309 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:53,360 Panic. Because she was too. 310 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:56,960 Far away from me and I I remember just like. 311 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,320 Just. Kind of exploding and say. 312 00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,160 Don't. Don't. 313 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,920 Ever. Don't ever take her that far 314 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,080 away. From me ever again. 315 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:11,680 Like it shouldn't, you know, And just really, I mean, I think 316 00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,080 that's my trauma. I think that was my trauma 317 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,560 coming through, right? Yeah, and he was probably like, 318 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:17,760 what the heck just happened? He. 319 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,960 Totally was. He totally was. 320 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:28,920 I just can't imagine what trauma that does 'cause somebody to 321 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,920 give their child up because of that mother instinct to be have 322 00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:39,280 to stuff that down to survive. After that we can't comprehend 323 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:43,720 that all. Oh, absolutely. 324 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:48,480 I mean, I look at even how it affected my adoptive mom and you 325 00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:51,800 know, she. She was tortured. 326 00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:58,120 She was. Tortured by that decision and it 327 00:20:58,120 --> 00:21:04,240 impacted her entire life. And I saw her shift. 328 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:08,360 And change. When she found her, her son, I 329 00:21:08,360 --> 00:21:11,360 saw that shift in her. She softened. 330 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:15,320 Yeah. I wonder if, you know, they 331 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:21,640 adopted you kind of to kind of put a Band-Aid over them, you 332 00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:25,880 know, giving their son up for adoption and when, when they did 333 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:30,360 adopt you and then finding out that that doesn't work. 334 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:35,320 It doesn't, you can't, you know, you can't just put a Band-Aid on 335 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,040 it. And, and, you know, you had a 336 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,280 job to do when you came into the family as a, as a baby, you 337 00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:44,880 know, to try to, to be that first aid kit, you know, and it 338 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,440 just. Yeah, yeah. 339 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:52,040 I've, I've never, I've actually never heard anybody say that to 340 00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,040 me before. Just the way you put it there 341 00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:58,360 is. Is very accurate and very true. 342 00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:01,280 You know that I, I wonder. What it was like for? 343 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:04,920 Them when they recognized like, no, this isn't going to, this 344 00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:08,360 isn't going to fix it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 345 00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:14,080 Adoptee, are you struggling with identity and authenticity? 346 00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,280 You are not alone. Somatic, mindful, guided imagery 347 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:21,480 can help you rediscover your true self and embrace your 348 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,400 unique journey. Find clarity and confidence 349 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:27,280 within. Visit somatichealingjourneys.com 350 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,400 today and start your. Path of self. 351 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:35,000 Discovery and empowerment. So is the process of making this 352 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:39,360 documentary reshaped your perspective on family and 353 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:44,960 connections in any way? Yeah, and I don't know if it was 354 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,440 making the documentary. But it was particularly. 355 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,720 When my adoptive mom passed away. 356 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:54,640 I always looked at her. With such suspicion, you know, 357 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:58,160 like like like. Do you really love? 358 00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,960 Me. Do you? 359 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:00,640 Am I? Really. 360 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:02,840 Your daughter? Did you all? 361 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,840 Did you do all of this just because you felt bad? 362 00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,440 Because you, you know, gave. This. 363 00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:11,720 Child that for adoption yeah I was really really critical and 364 00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:15,760 suspicious of her and I think when she. 365 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:20,640 Passed away. I spent a lot of time at at my 366 00:23:20,640 --> 00:23:26,240 childhood home and I kept finding all these little what I. 367 00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,760 Like treasures, what I'd call. Treasures. 368 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:33,080 And it was, you know, in her. Bible she had. 369 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:39,640 Notes that I had written to her or, you know, when I picked up 370 00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:43,920 her overnight bag from the hospital, you know, after she'd 371 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,000 passed away, gone and got her belongings. 372 00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:50,560 I found a letter that I had written her when I was 13 years 373 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:52,840 old, and she'd kept it in there all those years. 374 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:56,560 Oh, wow. And you don't, you know, to me. 375 00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,920 You can't fake love. Like that you I don't think you 376 00:23:59,920 --> 00:24:01,360 can fake. That for all. 377 00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:04,040 Those years, I don't think she could have faked that. 378 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,560 I think it was true and I think it was genuine and I think I 379 00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:14,120 finally allowed her love to. To I I I. 380 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,960 Finally allowed myself to. To accept her love. 381 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,680 And it was too late in a lot of ways. 382 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:27,320 So I think it I think that it reshaped that relationship. 383 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:30,480 For sure that perspective of that. 384 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:34,760 Relationship for sure. But I've always. 385 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:39,640 I've always wanted to connect with my family, with my 386 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:42,400 biological family always. I always have. 387 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:48,160 And you know, it's been, it's. You, you focus first of first of 388 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,040 all, like, oh. I want to find my birth mother 389 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:51,760 and then, oh, I want to find my birth brother. 390 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:55,640 And then do I have siblings and then, oh, do I have, you know, 391 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,600 aunts and uncles and cousins and great aunts and uncles and 392 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,440 cousins and this and that. And this is sort of what my 393 00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:03,960 journey has just been this last two weeks. 394 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:10,040 And I connected with my Sicilian side of my family in Winnipeg. 395 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:11,680 We were supposed to meet, you know. 396 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:18,200 Three years ago and just to to feel like. 397 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:23,120 And I think that in going through what I went through with 398 00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:25,960 my adoptive mom and, and losing her and being able to. 399 00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:30,560 Receive that love. It gave me the ability. 400 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:33,960 To receive the love and. Acceptance from even my 401 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:38,400 biological family when I did finally connect with them so. 402 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,680 Yeah, it. Was and then I went. 403 00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:45,080 Back to the OCN just the last week as. 404 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:46,840 Well and showed the film. There. 405 00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:54,320 And that was quite the. Experience and there was many 406 00:25:54,320 --> 00:26:00,720 family members that attended and they they gave me a star 407 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,600 blanket, which is. Representative, it's. 408 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,040 It's an honor to receive a star blanket and. 409 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,840 It's for. Protection. 410 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:15,760 And so they wrapped. This the the chief. 411 00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:20,240 Maureen Brown and Edwin. He. 412 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,960 He was in the film. They took it and wrapped it 413 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,720 around me. And then Chief Maureen Brown 414 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:29,520 invited my family members to come up to the front. 415 00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:35,000 And so they all came and stood around me and they each took 416 00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:39,960 time to share a little bit about our family and welcome me to the 417 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:43,760 family and and. It it was a. 418 00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:48,440 Very surreal and beautiful experience for me. 419 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:54,440 Yeah, so the Indigenous community was a big role in your 420 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,040 healing process and in the documentary. 421 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,840 Why did you feel like it was important to connect to that 422 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:08,760 that part specifically? I think, I think for me, with 423 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:12,200 Canada's history, you know. Of how? 424 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:15,920 They've treated Indigenous people and continue to treat 425 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,320 Indigenous people and you know, there. 426 00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:21,960 Was a. An agenda it was. 427 00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,640 Purposeful that they were. Splitting up families and 428 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:32,560 removing the culture and the language and the connection and 429 00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:35,360 I'm a little bit. Stubborn, so I thought. 430 00:27:35,360 --> 00:27:39,680 You know, no way I'm not, I am not going to just like lay down 431 00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:44,600 and allow this to happen for, for me, for my children and. 432 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:48,120 So that was part. Of the reason the other. 433 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:51,160 Piece was. That, you know growing up. 434 00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:56,160 It was, I felt. I was taught to feel shame for 435 00:27:56,160 --> 00:28:03,840 being an Indigenous woman and, and I really began the process 436 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:10,200 of breaking free from that years before I even began the film. 437 00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:15,960 And so for me, it was really, really important that that be 438 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:20,040 completely abolished and. That I could. 439 00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:26,360 Stand in my identity as an Opasquet Cree indigenous woman 440 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:30,080 so. Can you educate us a little bit 441 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:34,400 on what is known as the 60s scoop for those that don't know? 442 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:40,120 Yeah, absolutely. So the 60s scoop in Canada was a 443 00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:47,800 time, they say between 1960 and 1980, but we know that it's kind 444 00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:52,680 of can still happen today, but. Where where the? 445 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:59,000 Canadian government removed children from their homes, from 446 00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,680 their. Reserves and specifically 447 00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:05,080 placed. Them into white families. 448 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,560 Where they would be? Assimilated. 449 00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,760 They separated brothers and sisters. 450 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:16,000 They put pictures of these. Indigenous children in the 451 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:19,560 paper. As though they were puppy dogs 452 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:24,040 to adopt. You know, there was a program 453 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:28,200 called AIM, Adopt Indigenous MET and. 454 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,280 It was specifically for people to adopt. 455 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:36,600 These children now, these white families, they thought they were 456 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,560 doing something good, right? They didn't know. 457 00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:43,320 What they? Were being used for right? 458 00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:49,040 And they really were being used. So it's interesting to when I 459 00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,520 did go back to the O Pasqua creation. 460 00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:56,320 Just last. Week they were telling me about 461 00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:59,560 a social worker in the community. 462 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:05,360 That lied about the conditions. Of the home. 463 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,000 Just to be able to. Remove these children. 464 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,600 She wrote a book and she's since then had. 465 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:13,640 To go back. And reconcile with the 466 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:17,280 community. And, you know, Can you imagine 467 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:19,880 having to carry that on your shoulders? 468 00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:28,160 That you were part of this. Assimilation and and just the 469 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:32,160 the families that that she disconnected from one another 470 00:30:32,640 --> 00:30:35,720 like. It just there was an adoption 471 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:42,720 worker in your film and at one point you were very brave and 472 00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:48,120 right just right out asked her if adoption was trauma and she 473 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:54,600 paused and teared up and admitted that yes, it was 474 00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:58,200 trauma. And I think out of all the times 475 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:01,080 I cried watching her documentary, I think I cried the 476 00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:06,480 most right there because it was just like, thank you for saying 477 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:11,840 that as an adoption worker, like acknowledging that, you know, 478 00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:15,160 and I, I can't imagine, like you just said what that feels like 479 00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:19,040 for her, you know, to realize and admit that. 480 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:24,720 But for me, it was just like, I was just like, thank you so much 481 00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:28,160 for admitting that. You know, yeah. 482 00:31:28,920 --> 00:31:31,680 She. She has become a dear friend of 483 00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:33,880 mine. We just talked today. 484 00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:37,800 And just found out that her. Ex. 485 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:43,400 Husband and daughter are related to me. 486 00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:48,960 They're like on my. Ancestry, which is just wild and 487 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,400 we had a good laugh about that, but. 488 00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:56,040 You know one of the things. That I really do appreciate. 489 00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,600 It was because of her that I was able to go back. 490 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:00,960 To the Opasco cremation and show the film. 491 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:02,600 They. They. 492 00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:06,120 She. Was the one that pushed for for 493 00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:09,480 me to come back there and to and made it all happen along with 494 00:32:09,840 --> 00:32:14,520 Gabe Constant who's who is my. Field producer who also ended up 495 00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:18,400 to be my cousin. That was wild. 496 00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:23,320 And you know she. Out of everybody. 497 00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:27,560 Has send me sent me. Books has has helped to. 498 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,360 Educate me and help to keep me connected and. 499 00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,960 She does lots of post adoption work. 500 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:36,720 She supports anybody that's. Coming home that. 501 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:39,760 Was adopted, she helps. Them, she's very knowledgeable, 502 00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:43,800 eligible, she's helped them to find their biological family and 503 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,920 you know. So she really does. 504 00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:50,640 Understand the impact and. Still to this day is. 505 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:54,760 Trying to do what she can. To help us to. 506 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,000 Reconnect. So that's great. 507 00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:01,400 Yeah, she's pretty special. So you talk a lot in the film 508 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:05,240 about belonging, and can you describe the moment for moments 509 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:08,760 when you began to feel a true sense of belonging? 510 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:17,680 Yes. The moments when I feel the most 511 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:26,400 like I belong has been in the quiet moments by myself where I. 512 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:32,200 Realized that it's. Not contingent upon whether 513 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:37,160 people say I belong or accept me. 514 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:43,280 It's that I get to choose. Whether I belong or not and. 515 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:46,880 That's powerful. You know, well, and, and, and 516 00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:58,360 really that that that belonging really is an inside job, right? 517 00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:04,160 And it's perspective and, you know, I can, I can go into, I 518 00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:08,760 can go into a space where I know everybody loves me, right? 519 00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:13,040 But I can still think or believe that I don't belong in that 520 00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:14,719 space. And there has been moments. 521 00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,600 Where I feel like I. Don't even belong with my 522 00:34:18,199 --> 00:34:20,639 husband and kids. Like where I feel like. 523 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:24,480 An outsider even amongst them. And that's, you know, that's a 524 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:27,280 little bit, I think of that old kind of conditioning that comes 525 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:30,199 along, you know, how I lived my whole life before. 526 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:36,080 So yeah, belonging. It's been in those still moments 527 00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:39,000 for me, those quiet moments. Yeah. 528 00:34:40,239 --> 00:34:44,840 So you filmed meeting your biological father for the first 529 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:48,120 time, which is a story in itself how you got there. 530 00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:53,400 But there was like a palpable connection between you 2 just 531 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:55,840 from the start and even over the phone. 532 00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:58,760 Like it was crazy talk about that reunion with him. 533 00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:03,760 Oh my goodness, So he. Yeah, what you see? 534 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:07,920 Of him in that clip and and through the film. 535 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:13,280 Is exactly who he is. Wow, all the time and. 536 00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:18,560 He loves me so dearly. And he will tell me. 537 00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:25,200 That every chance he gets. But there was, there was such a 538 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:28,800 deep. Connection between the two. 539 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:37,080 Of us. And I think part of it for me. 540 00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:41,400 Was that he embraced. Me with no expectation. 541 00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:47,400 He didn't want anything from me. He didn't need anything from me. 542 00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:51,440 I wasn't something that was. Like you said before. 543 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:55,240 A Band-Aid to anything. I was like. 544 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:59,120 The cherry on top? Like, you know. 545 00:35:59,120 --> 00:36:01,320 He was already good. And happy. 546 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:06,440 And here I came along and he, he has been from the moment I met 547 00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,200 him. How can I? 548 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:11,440 How can I support you? How can I? 549 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:13,520 Show up for you how? Can I love you? 550 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:22,480 And he's very insightful. He's so I think, I think. 551 00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:26,520 I was able to. Connect with him so deeply. 552 00:36:26,520 --> 00:36:29,200 Because. I didn't feel any expectations 553 00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:32,240 from him on me. Yeah. 554 00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:36,960 And I someone just sent me something actually this morning 555 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:41,840 and it was a little real on. Liv. 556 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:42,880 Liv. Tyler. 557 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:46,720 The first time she ever connected with, what's his name, 558 00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:50,920 Steven Tyler. Tyler, yeah, from. 559 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:55,160 Aerosmith And she was saying, like to be connected with your 560 00:36:55,160 --> 00:37:00,160 DNA is like a palpable experience and she said it so. 561 00:37:00,160 --> 00:37:01,600 Well, I was like, yeah. That. 562 00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:04,160 It was, it was like that. It was like. 563 00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:08,960 That and I and I'm I'm glad that I got to meet him when I was 564 00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:12,640 older and had a little bit of experience behind me. 565 00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:18,480 Because I really was able. To allow myself just to embrace 566 00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:21,880 him. And yeah, there's nothing 567 00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:27,280 awkward about that moment. No, no, I was so happy for you 568 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:31,720 in that moment because you were thinking for a long while that 569 00:37:31,720 --> 00:37:34,880 somebody else was your biological father and there was 570 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:39,000 like no connection there at all. And then it's so weird how like 571 00:37:39,000 --> 00:37:41,120 you knew. I think you kind of knew, you 572 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:44,520 know, even though you didn't that that was that. 573 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,680 That was just a strange, you know, it wasn't right. 574 00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:49,120 Yeah. Yeah. 575 00:37:49,240 --> 00:37:52,520 And I, I was happy for you. And then I was jealous at the 576 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:56,200 same time because when I met my biological father, I only met 577 00:37:56,200 --> 00:38:01,680 him once and he was very at arm's length, very friendly and 578 00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:05,800 jovial, but didn't want to talk about anything deeper, get into, 579 00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:10,160 you know, anything like that. And so, you know, that wasn't my 580 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:13,560 experience, but I was very happy that that was your experience. 581 00:38:14,240 --> 00:38:15,800 Yeah, thank. Thank you. 582 00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:20,000 And I, I felt the same way, you know, I, I. 583 00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:23,200 Can relate to how you felt as well 'cause. 584 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,480 There's been challenge challenges with with my 585 00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:30,520 biological mothers as well. So yeah. 586 00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:37,120 Well, after watching the film, I really feel like anyone who is 587 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,560 thinking about adoption or even is an adoptive parent, I think 588 00:38:40,560 --> 00:38:46,160 this documentary should be mandatory for them to watch. 589 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:50,200 What message do you hope that it does give to those may be 590 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:59,840 thinking about adopting? My my hope is that and I and I 591 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:02,600 say it in the film. Is that people? 592 00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:07,600 Hoping to adopt. Will adopt from a healed and 593 00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:14,560 whole place that they won't use US human beings as a Band-Aid 594 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:21,560 like you said and that you know it will be like growing up. 595 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:26,120 I heard my mom say I just wanted a baby. 596 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:31,680 I just wanted a baby and I would have. 597 00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:37,960 Liked to have heard I. Wanted to love a child and give 598 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:41,640 them. The best life I could possibly 599 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:45,920 give. Them and help them become 600 00:39:46,240 --> 00:39:50,840 exactly who they're meant to be. That's what I that's what I 601 00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,680 could have. Heard it would have been good 602 00:39:53,680 --> 00:40:00,040 for me. So I I want to. 603 00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:05,000 Encourage adoptive parents also to recognize like their story 604 00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:09,520 isn't the only story and that when they tell their adoption 605 00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:12,360 story and as. Beautiful as it is. 606 00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,120 You know. That they got this beautiful. 607 00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:22,840 Baby handed to them or you know. That that there is. 608 00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:23,600 It's. Not all. 609 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:27,440 It's not all beautiful and not. Everybody looks at it that. 610 00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:32,560 Way that that you know. That that, that there is deep, 611 00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:36,680 deep loss. There is deep loss. 612 00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:45,680 And no amount of love or, you know, good upbringing can and 613 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,560 can feel that. Loss they. 614 00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:50,280 Just can't. You just can't. 615 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,320 We can do the. Best with what we have. 616 00:40:53,720 --> 00:40:59,600 You know, but, but I, I still don't know, even even as I've 617 00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:04,080 gone on this journey and I've like, and I've gotten a lot more 618 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:10,280 answers than a lot of adoptees do and, and I've had some very 619 00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:14,840 beautiful experiences and I think because of the film, it's 620 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:16,440 allowed. Me to have these beautiful. 621 00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:24,440 Experiences too, but I still. Had. 622 00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:31,280 To do the healing within myself. Meeting my family didn't heal me 623 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,840 from my trauma. It it didn't. 624 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:40,080 Finding my birth mother or my birth father wasn't the antidote 625 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,960 to relinquishment. It wasn't those wounds. 626 00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:48,440 Are deep they. Started from the very, very 627 00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:52,440 beginning. And how do you come back from 628 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:53,800 that? How do you? 629 00:41:55,120 --> 00:42:00,400 Well, I think society likes to start the adoption story the day 630 00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:04,920 the baby comes home, you know, and we forget that before that 631 00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:10,480 was huge loss for the other two people that were involved, you 632 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:14,080 know. So I think that that's where we 633 00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:16,880 kind of fall short is we don't want to think about that. 634 00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:21,920 We don't want to go there. You know, yeah, yeah, yeah. 635 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:25,160 What's been the greatest gift in sharing your story? 636 00:42:27,240 --> 00:42:34,800 Oh my gosh. I had, AI had. 637 00:42:34,800 --> 00:42:39,480 A gentleman come up to me at the last screening and I. 638 00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:44,280 Share this because he sort. Of represents this experience 639 00:42:44,280 --> 00:42:47,200 and and and many. Adoptees that have. 640 00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:51,000 Come up to me after that have spoken with me after seeing the. 641 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:57,160 Film, but he was. Probably in his 30s or. 40s he 642 00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:00,440 had his daughter. With him and he said, you know, 643 00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:04,280 I have sought my whole. Life to figure out. 644 00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:07,680 What was wrong? And you summed it up in one 645 00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:13,560 word, trauma. And that's probably been the 646 00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:18,880 most impactful thing that any adoptee has said to me because I 647 00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:22,960 think, you know, for him, he was probably really just coming out 648 00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:26,000 of the fog in that very moment. Yeah, yeah. 649 00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,640 You know some of us. We've we've been on this journey 650 00:43:29,640 --> 00:43:35,000 of coming out of the fog and and so I think being. 651 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:40,680 Able to see that process. Happen has been been a. 652 00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:46,880 Beautiful gift. To me and just meeting. 653 00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:51,560 People that. That we understand one another, 654 00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:55,600 we we understand one another, and we don't even have to say a. 655 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:58,920 Word. You know, I think that's been a 656 00:43:58,920 --> 00:44:00,720 great gift. Yeah, yeah. 657 00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:04,600 What would you like struggling adoptees to know? 658 00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:12,640 That you belong, that you're worthy, that you're loved, and 659 00:44:13,120 --> 00:44:17,600 you might not have people in your current vicinity. 660 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:22,680 That treat you that way. But there are a community. 661 00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:30,280 Of of adoptees that do love you. And will love you and will 662 00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:32,800 accept you and where you do belong. 663 00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:39,720 And I want them to know that they're not alone and they don't 664 00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:44,120 have to do this thing alone. And I also want them to know. 665 00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:48,880 That wherever they're at. In their adopt the journey, 666 00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:53,360 whether they have come out of the fog and I say that in 667 00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:57,800 quotation marks I whether they you know. 668 00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:01,440 Are totally comfortable and happy with their. 669 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:07,480 Adoption experience or whether they are raging mad about their 670 00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:10,880 adoption experience that. Wherever. 671 00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:14,640 You're at. That's OK and. 672 00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:17,680 It's it's all. Part of your It's all part of 673 00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:19,920 your journey. It's all part of your journey. 674 00:45:20,440 --> 00:45:24,600 I I really, I really. And I say that because I. 675 00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,560 Had a really hard time when I started. 676 00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:29,160 To. To meet other adoptees. 677 00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:33,000 And I would see some of them, you know, hating their 678 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:36,640 biological parents or hating their adoptive parents. 679 00:45:37,720 --> 00:45:39,600 And I thought, Oh my gosh, what's wrong with me? 680 00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:41,960 Should I, should I hate my adoptive parents? 681 00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:44,080 Should I be more angry about this? 682 00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:49,360 You know, and, and I, I really. Had to to accept. 683 00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,040 That no like. Everybody really is just. 684 00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,080 On their own journey and it's OK. 685 00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:56,680 You don't have to do what the other. 686 00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,560 Person's doing. Yeah, don't let anyone 687 00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:06,520 unvalidate you, you know, and your your experience and your 688 00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:11,200 journey because it's unique. And yeah, just don't, don't let 689 00:46:11,200 --> 00:46:13,920 anybody do that because I have felt that from the adopted 690 00:46:13,920 --> 00:46:17,280 community, like I said, because of the positive experience that 691 00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:20,520 I've had that, you know, they feel like I should be silenced 692 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:23,920 or not have have a say and how I feel. 693 00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:26,560 And you know, I'm not trying to change anybody else's mind or 694 00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:29,720 make them agree with me. That's just my truth and I 695 00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:34,720 should be able to express that and still be a part of the 696 00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:39,040 adopted community. A. 100 percent, 100%, Yeah, 697 00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:42,760 Yeah, I might not. Agree with everything you know 698 00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:46,680 that I hear either, but I can validate you still and see that 699 00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,720 that was that's your experience. It's not mine, you know. 700 00:46:49,720 --> 00:46:52,760 But yeah. Doesn't hurt me to do that. 701 00:46:53,320 --> 00:47:00,200 No, not, not at all. And and like it, it's, I know 702 00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:06,600 that that community, community can be volatile, you know? 703 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:14,320 That that like lateral. Violence amongst adoptees and I 704 00:47:14,320 --> 00:47:17,560 think maybe that was one of my biggest fears when I put the 705 00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,920 film out there. Was that I was just I, I said. 706 00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:24,080 Oh my gosh, what if? What if I put this out? 707 00:47:24,080 --> 00:47:27,000 There and everybody just hates me and wants me to die. 708 00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:30,040 Like I really, truly had that fear. 709 00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,160 You know, and and it. Is scary but. 710 00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:36,880 You know, are they the ones putting themselves out there? 711 00:47:37,000 --> 00:47:42,440 Are they the ones, you know, like doing the thing and showing 712 00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:46,280 up every day and and, you know, meeting? 713 00:47:47,720 --> 00:47:50,160 Face to face. With other adoptees and 714 00:47:50,160 --> 00:47:56,480 supporting them and you know, I, I don't know, maybe they're but. 715 00:47:57,840 --> 00:48:00,960 It's all feeling that onion and everyone's on a different layer. 716 00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:04,240 It's you have some. Compassion for each other. 717 00:48:04,240 --> 00:48:07,000 And, you know, when people do get triggered and lash out, I 718 00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:10,960 just, I just, you know, say to myself that that's their hurt 719 00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:13,040 talking, you know? Yeah. 720 00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:15,680 So yeah. You got to meet people where 721 00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:17,680 they're at. Yeah, that's right. 722 00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:22,920 What's next for Crystal Park? Yeah, well. 723 00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:28,560 I have a podcast coming. Out in September. 724 00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:34,440 So it's a six part video podcast series and it's called the 725 00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:38,360 because she's adopted podcast. It's just a limited series. 726 00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:43,800 So we sort of take. Topics from the film. 727 00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:48,280 We have the trauma therapist come and join another adoptee 728 00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:51,360 and myself my Co host. Her name's Crystal. 729 00:48:51,360 --> 00:48:55,120 Redpath, and she was also. She's also an adoptee. 730 00:48:55,640 --> 00:48:57,440 So we have that. We I have. 731 00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:05,120 A1 on one podcast just with me and my husband, which is feels 732 00:49:05,120 --> 00:49:07,560 really vulnerable. To me actually what I think 733 00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:09,600 about it. And then? 734 00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:14,800 We have this really great two-part series of 260 Scoop. 735 00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:18,400 Survivor sharing their story and. 736 00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:23,400 It is just so. Impactful and it's it was one of 737 00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:26,720 my it's one of my. Favorite pieces of work? 738 00:49:26,720 --> 00:49:30,400 That that we've done so far. So I'm doing that and then I. 739 00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:31,680 Just. I just hope to. 740 00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:39,040 Keep keep making film and films and telling stories and and you 741 00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:44,600 know whether it be in the adoptee realm or whether it be 742 00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:48,080 in in some other. Topic I just I love. 743 00:49:48,080 --> 00:49:52,600 People and I love storytelling and I, I love the experience. 744 00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:56,200 So that's what that's what I'm doing, yeah. 745 00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:59,400 Well, where can we find you and all the goodies that you're 746 00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:01,200 doing? Yeah, so you can. 747 00:50:01,200 --> 00:50:06,160 Find me on. Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok, 748 00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:08,560 YouTube at Because she's adopted. 749 00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:12,800 And I have a. Also have a website Crystal Park 750 00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:19,000 KRISTALPARKE. Dot net and that's. 751 00:50:19,000 --> 00:50:24,800 Where you'll be able to. Rent the film if you are in any 752 00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:29,880 other country than Canada. And what else? 753 00:50:30,040 --> 00:50:31,480 What else? I think that's it. 754 00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:33,680 I think that's it. And then if you go to my 755 00:50:33,680 --> 00:50:36,240 website, there's all my links and connections and you can 756 00:50:36,240 --> 00:50:39,200 e-mail me. Through there I also. 757 00:50:39,200 --> 00:50:40,960 Wanted to share real. Quick, sorry. 758 00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:49,360 The other thing that I'm working on is a book with some educators 759 00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:55,200 from some local Canadian universities on decolonizing 760 00:50:55,200 --> 00:50:59,200 education. So one of the challenges here in 761 00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:02,040 Canada is that we were never. Told the True. 762 00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:05,160 Story of Indigenous peoples and what they went through. 763 00:51:05,480 --> 00:51:09,000 And so we're really trying to change that. 764 00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:16,320 And so I'll be sharing a bit of my adoptee perspective in a book 765 00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:20,960 called Colonizing Education. So I'm really excited and. 766 00:51:20,960 --> 00:51:23,760 Honored to be a part of. Yeah, to be a part. 767 00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:26,680 Of that, yeah, so awesome. Yeah. 768 00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:30,240 Well, I thank you for, you know, putting yourself out there and 769 00:51:30,480 --> 00:51:34,200 giving us all a voice to, you know, in different areas 770 00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,480 because, you know, it's, you know, we're all kind of in our 771 00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:39,040 little adoptee arena when we're telling our adoptee stories. 772 00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:42,760 But really what I like to do is I want to educate the world 773 00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:46,240 about really what what happens. And so we can't do that if we 774 00:51:46,240 --> 00:51:49,120 just stay in our little our little community. 775 00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:54,120 Yeah, I I agree. I agree and you know some of the 776 00:51:54,120 --> 00:51:58,200 most. Like greatest impacts that I've 777 00:51:58,200 --> 00:51:59,280 seen through the. Film. 778 00:51:59,480 --> 00:52:00,760 Also have. Been. 779 00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:04,760 Through people that just had. No idea they. 780 00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,840 Had no idea. That's awesome and I love that 781 00:52:07,840 --> 00:52:11,040 and I just want to keep doing. I just want to keep doing that. 782 00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:12,880 So yeah. Good. 783 00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:16,240 That's awesome. Well, thank you for coming on 784 00:52:16,240 --> 00:52:20,920 and thank you for sharing your story and film and I loved it. 785 00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:23,080 So I, I can't recommend it enough. 786 00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:26,640 So thank you so much. You're so welcome, Melissa. 787 00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:29,920 I really appreciate you having me and for taking the time to 788 00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:32,960 watch it. And yeah, it's been a pleasure. 789 00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:39,800 I cannot recommend Crystal's documentary enough and it will 790 00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:43,280 be available everywhere in September on her website. 791 00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:45,520 All her links are in the show notes. 792 00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:49,080 Thanks Karma crew for listening today. 793 00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:52,480 And as always, take what you need and leave what you don't. 794 00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:55,600 And always remember to mind your own karma. 795 00:52:55,920 --> 00:53:01,400 I'll see you next time. This podcast is created for 796 00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:04,800 educational purposes by the telling of adoption experiences. 797 00:53:05,320 --> 00:53:08,480 The views expressed in this podcast may not be those of the 798 00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:10,000 host or Mind Your Own Karma.