Hey there. It's Melissa.
Brunetti and welcome to the mind your own Karma podcast.
Hey, their karma Cruise. So glad you're joining me for
another episode of mind, your own Karma, the adoption
Chronicles, and as promised I have another adoptee story for
you today. Emily, Albert is a 40 year old
domestic infant adoptee from Grosse Pointe, Michigan.
Born outside of Chicago, Illinois.
Emily identifies as multiple neurodivergent and has special
interest in writing composing music.
Ting art and learning about psychology.
These interest. Have each played a major role in
her Evolution as a human being. And as an adopted person,
learning to embrace her own identity as a creative.
She recently started a Blog on sub stack called out of the fog
and uses that space to articulate her experiences in
relation to separation from her natural mother.
And how adoption has impacted her life, here is Emily Albers,
adoption story. So, we're welcoming Emily to
mind your own Karma today. Hi Emily.
Hi, how are you? I'm good.
Thanks for coming. Yeah, this is gonna be great
conversation. So let's just jump right in and
why don't you tell us why your parents adopted you what were
the circumstances and fertility. So my mom Couldn't have children
or she was really struggling to have children and my aunt's
wasn't able to have children at all, who is older than her.
So, she, I think kind of started making the assumption that that
was just going to be a problem for her as well.
So she and my father, I think they were in their late 20s.
When this started when they had started the whole application
process for adoption. But found out that my dad was
too old for Catholic Social Services.
Wow. So they took an alternate,
alternate route. I didn't know Catholic Services,
had an age limit. They were in their 20s.
They were their late 20s. My my dad may have been in his
early 30s. So.
Wow, that's the story. My parents have told me.
Wow. So I was reading an article that
you wrote and you said that you found out that you were adopted
at 4 years old. Do you remember that
conversation? No, I don't recollection.
But I've asked questions all throughout the course of my life
to my parents sometimes multiple times just because you know how
that is with adoptee as we, those pieces of information are
like gold to US. Yeah, so I think I sometimes
needed to hear it more than one time and it's not that I wanted
to see if the story changed its just to see how I processed it
differently as an adult versus. When I may have heard that when
I asked as a Teenager. Like, when did you tell me?
My mom was pregnant with my sister.
So she ended up getting pregnant with two of her children.
Using fertility intervention. So I asked her were you this fat
when I was in your tummy? Then she was like, well, not all
babies. Come through mommy's tummy and I
don't obviously have any memory of like, what else happened
after that? But something that came up
recently for me that I've Had to start processing was, I always
thought this was funny like something that I thought was
funny, but then I added the blue realized like how not funny.
This isn't actually how messed up.
No one explained to me that I was born and then no one
clarified like the father situation.
So I have a memory of arguing with my dad after 10 years old.
So I think anywhere between 10 And 13 where I was like.
You have to know who my biological mother is like you
had a baby with her and so it just occurred to me, I didn't
know that my dad wasn't my dad until I was between 10 and 13
years old and I don't even get sunk in.
And I honestly I just turned 40 and it just sunk in and I'm
like, what was going on in my mind?
And no wonder I was so like Moody and like weird after that
conversation Interesting. Wow.
So how did you feel once you kind of you know when you when
it was sinking in that you are adopted.
How did that play out in your childhood?
And as teenager, do you do did you see areas net Looking
Backward? Option affected anything in your
childhood 1000%? Yeah, well my parents also got a
divorce so that was like really hard And my dad brought a woman
into our lives that I don't I do not get along with.
So that was something that I think people wanted to latch
onto that I was struggling with this stepmom situation.
When in reality it was more about my adoption issues and
like repeat abandonment and I was very moody and I started
having Really bad stomach problems like stomach pain.
There was a number of times that I went to the hospital because I
was having abdominal pain. That was really bad.
I was accused of being a hypochondriac like a bunch of
times and I'll never forget there was one nurse and I've
this is something I've latched on to just to preserve my
sanity. She she said no there's like
abnormal bleeding. Just a little bit and she was
like I don't think that we should let this go when It
turned out to manifest into having endometriosis and PCOS
and all of this other stuff that I would go on to struggle with.
But I do think that the stress had manifested so badly that it
was causing a lot of these issues earlier on.
Yeah, yeah. How did it affect relationships
like as a teenager did you date? How did that work out?
Well, I was really quiet. I was also undiagnosed autistic,
so, What people I think are more familiar with the term
Asperger's, but that's not a thing anymore and I also have
ADHD and that's what I think was presenting itself at the time.
That's all that kind of had come up aside from PTSD and Trauma
from the separation issue. But I was told by other people
that I was really quiet and the beginning of high school, which
is strange, because I am not a quiet person like, non-compliant
adoptee a just like super, you know, intense Once but I always
went for the bad boys and I started drinking early and that
happened after. I met my biological mother, but
the relationship stuff that was the hardest for me was the stuff
that was going on at home. After the divorce.
This is my belief that my brother who's just a year and a
half younger than me, his biological, he was really hurt
by my parents divorce, like very badly, I like drawing pictures
bad, you know. And I feel like he took that out
on me a lot. And so there were times where I
heard, no one loves you, no one wants you, shut up, you're
annoying. You're this, you're that you're
fat, you're ugly, you can't play with us, you're adopted.
Well, and there's one time that is like forever burned into my
brain. That I went downstairs to like
the family computer. How it was back.
Then late 90s or early. Is it was like, you know, the
computer was in the basement and my brother had left AOL.
Instant Messenger open. And there was no a message that
said out with my real sisters and then he named my sister and
one of her friends and left it out for me to see and I was
devastated. And I have a very toxic family
system and so I recognize that my brother was in the same toxic
family system as I men. But there's this recollection of
my behavioral Problems, but not of that stuff.
Yeah, well, that's something that's persisted.
I mean, is this is never stopped since childhood the ongoing.
Yeah, stop these Saga. I know.
So then in that article also, you referred to your adoption as
a fraudulent, baby broker adoption.
So what happened? What were the circumstances with
that? So course of advertising my
biological. My mother ended up when she was
19 years old. Going from North Dakota to
Chicago. She was threatened.
She was you know made it impossible for her to back out
of anything that she had gotten herself into.
It was just a really scary situation and there was an
ongoing case against Easter house which is more of a law
firm than an agency. That I don't think they were
licensed. When I was adopted, there was no
home study and my parents handed over, what would be the
equivalent now of the Thousand dollars in cash to a person
representing this lawyer, see more Kurtz at the Dearborn Hyatt
in Michigan, so like rate, kind of as you'd be going out of town
to go chicken to Illinois. It was you know white babies for
sale in the 80s was like a big deal.
That's like that was the thing. Is this big?
It was like a, I see it. Everywhere was just like that
people were making insane amounts of money off of
marketing White. Bees to wealthier families.
Wow wow. So so did you meet your
biological family? Then it sounds like you did.
Once you tell us about how that came about, it sounds like it
happened early, like, in your teens, I was 15.
And I guess to Circle back to AOL.
Instant Messenger. Found my biological mom on AOL
people. Search by actually finding
somebody totally separate and she It it ended up.
I was just asking questions about North Dakota and it all
like kind of came together and the random person I asked this
question to work for my grandmother and by the end of
the day I was like on the phone with them.
It was the most intense thing of all things.
How did you know your mom's name?
So after I was born, I think it was about six months my
biological mother called my parents house and she had made
friends with somebody. To get this information and my
mom answered. And she just said, hi, you know,
I'm I'm Dawn and I, I gave birth to Emily.
And I just wanted to know if she was okay.
And she told me that she was like remembers that very
clearly. And remembers my mom being
really nice and that she was like, I think I would have like
hurt myself. Just, if I wouldn't have known
where you were and what was going on, That's how like,
traumatizing, you know, the stuff for everyone.
My mom remembers this. She's like, she had the softest
voice and she's like, and I just commend her for doing that.
That took a lot of courage and Dawn feels like that scared.
My mom, and it just didn't, so yeah, I'm surprised your mom
reacted, that way. I think my mom would have been,
like, filling threatened. Like, are you coming back
together? Like, haha, my mom's not like
Like doesn't really fit the profile from like what most
adoptees who are involved in the community talk about.
Hmm. And she's really kind of like
she's one of the most kind people, I know.
Mmm, and she's here for me forever and that's important.
Yeah, I know. My mom is too.
It's one of my best friends. So what about your dad?
Do you do meet him? Find him.
I did, and Was a rough one that didn't happen.
Until my later 30s. I took a DNA test because my
biological mom didn't. She didn't know who he was.
She actually had his last name incorrect.
I mean, they were teenagers. So it's not to me.
That's not like that weird. But so I get the DNA test back
and I was actually more just wondering about my Heritage and
I knew all this stuff about My biological mother's side but
nothing about the other side. Kind of with a genetic mirroring
piece. It's like, I think I wanted to
see what cultural situation. I was coming from just so I
could see myself better. Yeah, that's, you know, I was
grasping for straws with like, I don't know if you've experienced
this but like I thought I was weird looking and like,
different strange-looking person like, for my entire life and I
didn't know how to explain In that.
But my face just did not sit right with me forever.
I was just like, what is got like, you have?
Such a strange, look, I thought it was I didn't look like anyone
in my community, and then I realized it was like my family.
And that, yeah, I'm taller than everyone.
My bone structures larger than everyone my Smiles.
Someone a little bit similar we all have dark hair and dark
eyes, so it kind of fits in but that was kind of a crisis for
me. So that's why I took the test.
I ended up being linked to To the Chesley family, which isn't
my biological father's family because my grandfather was
adopted, so, it was like that double adoption situation.
Mmm. And so, it made things a little
bit tricky. But there's my cousin Kimberly.
She is this major, you know, genealogy fanatic.
So she had put together this massive family tree and we were
like, okay, we have to figure out like where you fed and so
we're trying it. And I'm like I think it could be
this guy and she's like it can't be because in around when you
were born he was in jail and I was like okay there's like
nobody else that this could be on this test.
Like literally I'm like and his brother was dead before they
were just the two boys and so I was like a has to be hemmed if
his brother passed away in 81 and you know I'm having this
conversation out loud and like not knowing any things going on
and then finally actually A couple of years later, somebody
took a test and I matched with his mother's side so it became
clear that that was my father and I was like somebody totally
different. No, it was the guy that I was
talking about where they were like, couldn't be him.
He was in jail and I was like okay.
Uh and so I then came to find out that he killed his brother
Matt then. It was all the court documents.
I guess it's manslaughter people in the family, don't see it that
way. I don't know what to believe
because I've heard some stories from him that are pretty
traumatizing. Yeah, that was really hard
learning. That was really hard and
something. Also that just hit me recently.
As I keep saying he killed his brother, not my uncle, like I
know that doesn't sound like a big deal, maybe to other people
outside of our community. They would Like, well, you know,
not really because urine family or whatever, but it's hard for
me to always wrap my mind around the relationship of these people
and he actually still, I don't think he sees me, I think he
sees me as his kid and that I'm not a part of that family which
is fine by me. Hmm in that situation.
So that was rough. Yeah, so how I mean that is your
dad, was he in jail? When you're, I mean, I happen
like right before or what? No, he was because there was
cocaine and alcohol involved. He was in a rehab facility and
that's where he met my biological mother and they
hooked up in her car. Okay, then there's me.
Yeah. So what relationship do you have
with your biological family? Now my biological mom, I don't
know if this what her to hear this but she feels like a big
sister to me. Mmm, totally get that.
I was adopted by Boomers and she's a gen Gen X.
I almost said, Jen see, she's Jen acts and my parents are
boomers and so is my grandma. So my grandma was like Teen Mom.
She was kind of too. So it's this weird shift.
We're like my grandmother is closer in age to my dad, My
adoptive father then. Then my biological mom.
So she and I are both. I mean, it's creepy.
I'm one of those situations where it's just like, whoa.
Like I'm like her mini me. Well yeah, that's a weird.
Especially like what you're saying you grow up, not having
anything mirrored like that and then you it's like looking in
the mirror. I believe it.
Prevented me from discovering crucial parts of my identity.
Not knowing a lot about what was going on with her, because she
and I are so similar and have so many, similar undone, seas and
interests and just all of this stuff.
So, I feel like, I'm like a late Discovery person.
And for myself, like, you know, how I am now is nowhere close to
how I was when I was still in the fog.
Yeah, well, I like you were saying, even those little
nuances like you were talking about, Uncle and you don't call
him your uncle. It's just those little things
that are huge to us and you know, like you don't realize it
till you know that you were doing that because things that
other people just kind of take for granted and we have to
struggle with with the relationship with her birth
mother, I kind of felt the same way.
I felt like my birth mother was like a cool aunt or a cousin or,
you know, something like that. Because we were so much alike.
We looked alike. We had like this.
The same inflections and our voice or like even movements and
stuff even the way we laughed. Yeah.
We kind of laughed the same, you know.
So it was kind of like that was kind of like having a best
friend relative though. You know.
Yeah to me. I totally get it.
Yeah. So what about your dad are?
You're still in contact with him and well um exact off a little
she kind of freaks me out and he believes like all of this crazy
stuff. That's Happens in his life with,
you know, his brother and his family that Lake Jesus has saved
everybody. So I'm like, you know, I'm not
going to criticize your belief system but he tries to impress
that on me quite a bit. Mmm.
Yeah. And I wrote in my journal, which
I didn't see until recently, from my first trip that I said,
from my first visit with him, did he care more about me or
like, Like converting me or saving me or jamming, the Bible
down my throat. Do you know what I mean?
And, yeah, it was really hard. Yeah, trip was rough Montana.
So you did say, though, in that article, that your biological
father made, you feel seen? Yes.
What did you mean by that? I have a lot of issues, physical
mental health, all of that stuff.
And To see where it's coming from and to just be able to
freely, talk about invisible illness and not have people say,
I don't get it or judge you like, I've been judged my entire
life was like, actually very incredible experience and it
made me stop wondering, like, where is this coming from?
Why is this happening to me? You know, the mystery medical
history? Mmm, I was going to the doctor 8
billion times. Something was always wrong with
me. Always trying some new
experimental stuff, always, you know.
Mixing it up with medication or, you know, whatever and doctors
being like, what the hell. And then I end up learning a lot
from him, observing him. Then him actually, he'd sees
told me some stuff about the physical, but I've observed
mental health issues in him that I don't think he's aware things
that were passed down to you. Maybe, I think he copes with
mental illness with a religion. So, I think he thinks You know
mental health episodes are like the devil trying to take him
down or I don't know it's hard for me because I'm very into
psychology because I felt like I had to be out at a young age so
I can clearly see things but I also don't want to make like
harmful assumptions and you know label has him as anything that
he may not be right. How is your relationship with
your adoptive siblings? Then, did that ever happen?
Y'all are so I don't know about the adoptive siblings situation.
Oh, the adoptive siblings. Sorry like we did.
I talk about my biological siblings.
No, I'm estranged. And it's been that way for about
two and a half years. It's the most painful thing I've
ever gone through in my entire life.
Their nieces and nephew involved.
No one's interested in communicating and I'm talking
about like there's just no family communication.
There's like a ton of gaslighting going on There's a
ton of you know, just assumptions being made and
people not being kind or compassionate and it's honestly
been one of the most soul-crushing experiences I've
ever had. But the space that I have had
has helped me see so much that I've needed to see about myself
and my family. So I hope that we can reconcile
one day. That would be the dream.
Yeah. So you guys don't do holidays
like at your parents all together.
Oh no, they Dead behind my back, my dad.
And I went to my dad's office and saw were like, the Detroit
Athletic Club is this huge, like, kind of family deal every
year for us for the holidays, and there's a portrait every
year. And I walked into my dad's
office to have coffee with him. And there was all of the, the
two new babies that I don't even know.
Like, all of these people, my family in this portrait and I
just was like, oh my God, like you couldn't even tell me that.
That was going on. Wow, how hurtful I would
understand? Well, and it's because I'm the
I'm the one that I initiated the estrangement I believe my
siblings like to believe that this is they're doing, but it
happened. When I found out that I didn't
know my actual birthday. My biological mom was like, you
know something I haven't told you your whole life.
Because I was like worried it was just going to really hurt
you and this is during the pandemic and I just collapsed, I
had my first major depressive episode and the way back up
here, how did you not know much about what happened with the
birthday thing? Okay, the birthday thing is is
it's not unbelievable. I talk to a family lawyer in
Cook County in Illinois, which is where this occurred, the baby
broker had the girls give birth At a hospital.
In his hometown, in Skokie, I not in Chicago where they were
living which I think is so sketchy.
So I talk to this lawyer and I was telling him the whole
situation and he was like the 80s were like, you know, a hot
mess and just, there wasn't the internet that technology was
different, people could change that, you know, documentation of
things was just not as closely monitored.
And so it's possible that they tried to close the gap on her to
not be able to To change her. Mind by changing my birthday by
a few days, but also birth moms are really traumatized in their
trauma can cause Amnesia. So, I don't even know what's
true. And it has been really
disruptive every year. It's like, I feel like my brain
goes completely sideways around my birthday.
There's no hospital records to look up.
I've tried the Just like, it seems like every place that any
of us seem to look have like either at a flutter burned down
or like, you know. Yeah.
So it's just like what the hell insurance rates must be insane
at this point. Then for agencies, if you're all
burning down and flooding, I know, I just am trying to let it
go and just with the birthday that I know just to, like, keep
it moving because I problems. Otherwise.
Yeah. Oh my gosh.
So you we brought up the biological siblings for a
second. So how many biological siblings
do you have? And so, are you in contact with
them? Yeah, one brother and I have
more than that, but he's the only one I'm in touch with and
he is the nicest human being, and he is in North Dakota with
my biological mom and my other brother from her as kind of out
of the picture. And then there's Not really a
clear understanding with my biological father, he believes
that he had a daughter before me, but I don't know.
There's also a boy. I guess it's really scared that
situation is really. I don't know how to explain it.
It could literally be a movie situation is like it's scary.
It's like Off the Grid. Like weird people praying over
me in tongues when I'm visiting kind of crap.
My gosh, so, like, you know, they grew up in this, this town
of less than 1,000 people all in.
It just doesn't seem like their social structure or rules were
as composed as how they were all over the place.
I don't honestly, what, I don't know.
It's real it with him. So you didn't come up with
anything in your DNA about that side as far as siblings.
Hmm, so let's talk about the fog and you said that you came out
of the fog. But, you know, it kind of sounds
like it's layers. There's layers of fog that
you're coming out of and still coming out of.
So you want to talk about that for a second?
Yes the kind of precipitating event in my mind, it seems to
change. Sometimes, I don't know if that
would resonate with people but I think the more I learn in the
more I come The fog, the more I realize I was starting to come
out of the fog maybe earlier than I thought.
I had this event. I was leaving North Dakota and I
was going to my boyfriend's house at the time in Salt Lake
and I pulled into his driveway. And I called my sister to tell
her that I found out my biological father, like, killed
his brother and I was devastated.
And she goes, why can't you just be grateful for what you have
Emily. And I was like, I lost it.
And this poor guy that I was seeing our holiday is just we're
not fun. It was like, because it was just
what I was searching for my biological father.
I was doing all this stuff so it was just becoming clear to me
just how like screwed up. Things were mmm.
And that my biological mother called me and was like, I heard
you were looking for your biological father.
And what do you know? And she like knew about this and
it Like then I realized I wasn't totally told everything and then
everything just started to get strange.
And then I left the relationship that I was in and we were we
went, we went to the ring store and we were like talking about
getting married and having children and I had had a
laparoscopic whatever Blake's laparoscopy.
I had the whole thing with endometriosis and stuff so I can
have a kid. I remember that and then he was
like we can't do that until you move back.
Back to Salt Lake and you're here permanently and I was like,
okay. And so I went back and it was
just evident to me that I didn't know what was going on in my
life. I had no idea like all of these
things just kept popping into my brain.
It was scary. It was just regulating I had
undiagnosed mental health issues.
I had premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which I was trying to.
We were trying to escalate getting married to have kids, so
I could My uterus removed and many are trees removed.
So I could have some mental health relief and it was a mess,
it became totally chaotic. So, looking back, you know, I've
apologized to Andrew and I it's a very sore subject for me that
relationship because I feel like that was like the only time that
I was prepared to have children with someone to get married to
somebody and I can't have children now and I don't have
any. So, it's hard to look back on
because I made all of these choices after that to, you know,
to figure out who I am in, to work through my trauma, instead
of staying in that relationship and in some ways, I feel like I
sabotage everything with him because I thought he would leave
me if he, like continued to Experience that chaos and I felt
like he deserved better and I may not have said things at the
time. That would lead him to believe
that, but that is how I felt and it was heart breaking, it was
gut-wrenching. Leaving that house, was so sad
and it did not go down. Well, ultimately but so things
after that, just started to kind of unfold and I started learning
more about the truth about my adoption and some really messed
up things that went on And I was listening actually to think that
that was my coming out of the fog and that there were maybe a
couple of other events. I was like, all right, I'm out
of the fog like I know what's going on.
I'm going to be writing in my blog and like talking about
adoption and then I go and listen to your podcast just to
like get familiar with the whole thing.
And Greg Gentry said, foster care about being an
observational period. I didn't know.
That and it came crashing down. Like I have literally been a
mess for days over this and it was like, I started realizing
that was the one piece that I didn't know why was I in foster
care for three and a half weeks, like why was I there if my
parents wanted me so bad and they were waiting for me and I
had been delivered and they knew about me.
Why didn't they just come get me?
Yeah, and so I heard that And I can't believe and again, not
something people outside of the adopted Community would
understand why that's a big deal to feel like a commodity like
that is disgusting Comet izing and I therapy last night and I
told my therapist and she was like, you know, this like one
abandonment after another is like, of course, going to cause
attachment problems. So then my mom tells me.
Well, now this makes sense like you.
To be so wild. When I would try to put you down
for naps and as a child, like I was not having it like I was not
okay with her, putting me down for naps and I was like, I
probably thought you were going to leave me and then it clicked?
Yes. I think last night or maybe a
little before I was like, wait a second.
Like I can't take naps. Like I cannot, I tried and I
have, like, I can fall Asleep sometimes, but like, in terms of
being like a person who can just close their eyes and take a nap
or like right, you know, it's a chore for me.
I have like electricity going through my body.
It feels like when I try to take naps and there have been times
that I've woke up having nightmares and dreams about my
mom dying and is this really that connected like is that
possible? And you know, I'm reading a lot
right now in a book club about epigenetics and it's just like
stuffs So intense, I don't think people if we aren't even aware
of how Insidious and awful this trauma was, we can't remember
what happened. Yeah.
How are you supposed to heal from this?
And of course, people are just going to minimize it because
they don't know what to say. Hmm, exactly.
Yeah. Super uncomfortable subject and
people just don't want to have these hard conversations, or
They think it's unnecessary and just like, why can't you just
move on? You know what I mean?
That's like, I have to answer this so you can.
Thank. I'm a downer crazy nightmare all
you want, but I have to get to the other end of this myself,
right? Yeah.
So true. So you said that your adoptive
parents are on the adoption Journey with you.
What do you mean by that? They have really my mom has
like, kind of created a space for me where I can talk about
anything that's adoption. Dated staying with my dad and
nobody is saying that didn't happen to you.
No one's saying this isn't real. No one is saying B, note,
whatever. I think they feel bad because
they didn't believe me about like a ton of things for a long
time. And I was becoming obvious that
I have these problems. So they're just trying to help
me get through this as much as they can.
And my adopted father lost his mother when he was an infant.
And I was like, you realize like you have the Primal wound, also,
his brother's adopted and all of a sudden it was like, probably
because I made it about him, he cared, but it was like a lot of
things. Yeah, what helps you cope with
your physical and mental struggles.
What's worked for you? Because I always see like,
therapy and stuff works. But then a lot of people seek
other more non-traditional therapies to that seemed to help
adoptee trauma. So what it helps you?
What have you found myofascial release.
Massage is really helpful for me.
My God. That's so painful, right?
Died. Having that done, I love it.
It. I sweat, it's hurt so bad.
I found an adoptee myofascial release specialist in Cody
Wyoming when I was living there briefly and we had the best
sessions ever and she was like I can see like you had some
birthing trauma around your neck and I'm like oh you have to go
with John F Barnes trained myofascial release specialist.
They're the ones that can like tap your energy into like moving
around your body. Instead of being trapped, he's
kind of like the Godfather of that bracket.
Yeah. I didn't, I did not feel any
release, like I was tightening more and I even told her because
I can handle pain. Like I'm you know, and I had to
like cry Uncle. I was like, that's really
hurting. And she's like, well, you can
cast if you want to. I'm like, no, I'm telling you to
stop but you're like my, I'm just saying.
Don't do it anymore. I'm gonna punch you right now.
So and I so that helped you. And what else?
Writing I have a sub stack blog. That's called out of the fog and
it is pretty depressing but it's where I like to make my mental
connections about all of this stuff and I love to write so
that I am getting back into composing.
What I would call Contemporary classical music, which I started
doing when I was very young cool.
And my Arts which is like my just life wine.
And I've made a couple of pieces that are about adoption that.
I think you can really tell that they are probably everything is
but you can see in a couple of my pieces, I think what I'm
doing and it's also conscious. I'm like a an artist that really
is more about the process and about the outcome.
So I just don't ever go into anything with a plan.
Commissions are really hard for me and that's what I do for my
job. So I often take like end up
running through like way too many supplies and too much
canvas to like get to the point. But you know, people saying, I
like this color and I like this color and I'm like, yeah, start
the painting. And I'm like, that's not what it
is in its best interest, doing it?
Yeah. I used to make wedding cakes in
the same thing. Like they say, I want this met,
and then you start putting it together near like.
That's not gonna look good now. And stop doing it too much.
Stress is like, I can't make that look good.
You know you're not going to be happy with it.
I was thinking about doing a show at some point with adoptee
kind of artwork. Yeah, that would be cool.
Yeah, just to show, I mean, the stuffs dark, it's like my
biological mother tells me that my Works disturbing all the
time, but that's me and I can't, I can't take that away from
myself. If I want to do stuff that might
be disturbing to other people or look disturbing to other people
than. So yeah, I'm done living for
others. It's over.
Yeah. So do you sell like Prince of
these sir? Can we see them somewhere?
Do you have them? Yeah.
On Instagram at Emily. Albert art and then I don't have
my Etsy store open right now where I did have a couple of
prints. They were more like I had a Ruth
Bader. Tribute print kind of fell,
pretty big in 2020 and so I just use that platform for for sales
for that but I'm working on a website slowly, but surely.
And I think I need to get through the commission's that I
have before I can start making art for me again, and to start,
you know, opening that kind of thing up.
And, but my Instagram for right now is probably just the best
way to look at what I'm doing. I'm also on Facebook at Emily
Albert art. Is anything for sale?
Everything's for sale, that's not listed as a commission, I'll
sell whatever. And okay, I really believe my
art is meant to just art in general.
Is meant to be shared and that's I don't need to hoard my own art
even though I love some of it. There people do experience that
too. And what about your blog is that
public? Yeah, anyone can read that.
It's will put all those links in the show notes.
Make sure you get those to me so we can put them in there.
So you say you are a Neurodivergent adoptee and I've
never heard of that before. Can you tell me what that is?
Well, it's multiplying neurodivergent, is the term and
multiple neurodiversity. 'S although I don't think that
really makes sense because you're just neurodiverse, which
I noticed a lot of adoptees identify as neurodivergent or
neurodiverse. Whichever term you choose to use
but multiple neurodivergent means that I have a number of
things going on 80 HD autism. I have bipolar, which is a new
diagnosis and hilarious that it was a shock to me and nobody
else then I have OCD and complex post-traumatic stress disorder.
And so, those are some major neurodiversity, zits, some
pretty challenging things to live with.
I'm a highly sensitive person. And so, Medications don't really
work for me. So I'm on very low dose
medications and I have to work at self-regulating and being
Mindful and it's like everyday is a chore to get through with
this kind of brain but I'm not giving up.
Hope, I recently recently started taking Lithium which
changed my life and I'm on a very low dose but it is lithium
sobriety and artwork. I always liked.
Those are the things. Is that are really getting me
through right now. Yeah, and how important is it
for you to have that support system?
Not only like the adopt be support system, but even outside
of adoptees, it sounds like you have some friends that are there
through thick and thin. So, how important is that for
you? Well, for somebody like me who
has I hate how stigmatized mental health problems are and
how stigmatized trauma is. I have a really solid Eyelid
like group there, it's actually less of a group and some of them
are friends with each other, but I have quite a few girlfriends
and guy friends and Michigan where I am, and I'm very open
about what goes on, in my life, just to be clear, like, this is
who I am and this is what's going on.
If you want to stick around, stick around.
If you don't then get the fuck out of my like.
Yeah. And so I have friends that are
in no community and are just awesome friends that I have.
And Would drop anything to have breakfast with me if I'm feeling
down or whatever. Because a lot of people I think
can relate to either a family member having an issue that they
love. Or if they have issues that
they're unaware of, and they just feel like it's relatable, I
don't know. But this recovery Community has
very quickly become a 7:00 a.m. meeting is for me.
I have to do it that puts my brain right on track, I have a
sponsor who has said to me, you're going to have to fire me.
In order for me to leave you, well she's very aware of my like
abandonment sensitivities and she is never once minimized the
the traumas or anything or like she doesn't say stuff like.
But if you think about it this way or what do you know, she's
really like girl. This is some heavy shit like and
but she's in, she just but in a good way, you know what I mean?
Who says that to adoptees, we don't hear that like, Don't
sympathize with it, they don't. That's all you have to say,
really. It's all you have to say is
damn, that sucks. I mean, yeah, I didn't, I've
never thought of it that way or whatever, but people get so
uncomfortable and they just shut down but that's cool.
It is cool to have friends like that McGee.
So lastly, what would you tell struggling adoptees, what do you
want them to know? Well, I think I said in that
article that I wrote, like if I can do this, You can do this
too. I have a lot of problems and I'm
not minimizing anyone else's issues.
I'm just saying that. If you have issues and you're
struggling, there is a way through.
It is, just very complicated abstract and in not going to be
clear to you, how you're going to make your way through.
But the one day at a time mentality has become crucial for
me acceptance that, you know, this is one of the steps is
acceptance and admitting powerlessness.
Over something. And just as much as I'm
powerless over drugs and alcohol, I am powerless over my
Primal wound. And so if I can submit to that
and just accept, what's happening and not fight or
resist, experiencing emotions in a healthy way, things do get
easier. These episodes of being just
struggling and going through just these painful things, it
will resolve life gets better. If you feel stuck, I love doing
this. I Journal.
And I write down a list of things that I've done for the
day and I'm like, well you can't lie to your Journal, so then I
make myself do them and that is been a way to push through some
of the mental paralysis. That I think you can have when
you're severely. Traumatized also does to stay
connected with other people even if you feel a resistance to it,
I know that the adoptee community triggered me at first
really badly, I really struggled with that and then I'm trying to
just put myself into situations more where because I was the
only adoptee I'd ever heard. I probably, you know what I
mean? I didn't want it.
I was like this is all this shit in my time coming out like no.
And then I wanted to say all the things other people said to me,
that we are toxic to these people.
I was just bad at first, so I like that got a hard time, but
getting involved in staying connected and talking to people
like yourself. It may have friends.
Yeah, we have to educate the world.
Is there anything else that you wanted to cover?
That I didn't ask no I just appreciate the conversation.
It's helpful to me and it helps me on my journey like I said to
talk to other adopted people and to connect with new people which
hopefully I will after this comes out and yeah, just thank
you. What a great conversation I had
with the Molly and I am so glad to have met her.
She is such a great soul. Cole.
And I want to thank her again for coming on.
Mind your own Karma and helping educate the world about
adoption. You know, mental illness is a
huge thing in the adoptee community.
And so many of us have gone undiagnosed and it is important
to get diagnosed only because it helps you understand you.
And you can use that as a superpower.
It's really a gift. It's part of your essence.
Part of who you are and it's part of what you were put on
this planet to do so, seek professional help and testing if
you feel that you might have a psychiatric disability.
Thank you. Emily for opening up and being
so honest about your multiplying neuro Divergence.
Now if you don't know Emily and you aren't friends with her on
any social media platforms. I have her links in the show
notes and you have to check out her art.
I can't even explain it. It's so inspiring and hauntingly
beautiful. So, go find her and check her
out and friend her on Instagram and Facebook.
Lastly, if you are ready to tell your adoption story on mind your
own Karma, you can email me at mind your own Karma at
gmail.com. If you want to know more about
me in the podcast, you can go to my website, mind your own
Karma.com, as always. Take what you need and leave,
what you don't And always remember to mind your own Karma.
I'll see you next time. And always remember to mind your
own Karma. I'll see you next time.