1 00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:01,100 Hey there. It's Melissa. 2 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:04,700 Brunetti and welcome to the mind your own Karma podcast. 3 00:00:15,100 --> 00:00:17,900 Either Karma crew. I have something special for you 4 00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:21,300 today. I am super excited to bring you 5 00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:25,100 another adoptee story. Not only an adoptee story but I 6 00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:28,300 get to talk about non traditional healing therapies 7 00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:31,500 which, you know, is totally in my wheelhouse. 8 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:36,500 So let me tell you a little bit about my guest Amanda, Amanda is 9 00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:38,900 a Puerto Rican, transracial adopting. 10 00:00:39,100 --> 00:00:41,900 She is a certified trauma-informed, energetic guy. 11 00:00:42,100 --> 00:00:45,400 Guide and somatic, healer. Love it, through Quantum 12 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:48,900 hypnosis hypnotherapy and other somatic practices. 13 00:00:48,900 --> 00:00:52,600 She can assist you to shift your trauma and Propel you to make 14 00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:56,600 life-altering progression. She has spent over three decades 15 00:00:56,600 --> 00:01:01,500 healing her own complex PTSD, and being diagnosed with ADHD 16 00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,800 later in life. She eventually found her gifts 17 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:09,000 part of her healing process included, traditional therapy as 18 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,900 well as diving into Quantum, hypnosis energy work. 19 00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:15,800 I'm practicing yoga breath, work and meditation through these 20 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:19,000 healing modalities. She found a calling to utilize 21 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,600 her own healing gifts, and intuition to guide others on 22 00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,400 their healing Journey. Amanda has had a couple of 23 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,400 career transitions along the way, starting with a business 24 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,500 degree in human resources and continuing her education with an 25 00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:35,200 MBA. She then gained her training and 26 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,000 software, engineering and has worked in the tech industry for 27 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,100 seven years. She's an avid animal lover with 28 00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:44,500 a dog and a cat. At a humanitarian, a feminist 29 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,100 and a plant mom and she plays music as well. 30 00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:50,100 She has a podcast currently in the works called the trauma 31 00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:52,900 shift podcast. It is not released yet, but it 32 00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:55,000 will be available on Spotify and apple. 33 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:59,100 Hopefully soon here is my interview with Amanda. 34 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,300 So I'm welcoming Amanda to the show today. 35 00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:04,700 Welcome Amanda. Nice to meet you too and 36 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:06,300 everyone. Yeah, you too. 37 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:09,800 So let's just start, tell us the circumstances, surrounding your 38 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,600 adoption story. Whatever you want to share. 39 00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:16,900 Yeah, mine is not the typical one. 40 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,300 Mine was actually planned pre-birth. 41 00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:24,400 It wasn't through an agency or anything. 42 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:28,900 So I was born a domestic adoptee transracial. 43 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:34,600 I'm Puerto Rican in a mix of huge mix, but like the other 44 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:40,200 side is basically all of Eastern European, My adoptive parents 45 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:45,100 had a bunch of them. Miscarriages my adopted mom have 46 00:02:45,100 --> 00:02:50,600 to still birth and she I don't know like what that what her 47 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:54,500 thought process was but the stillbirth was 1978. 48 00:02:54,500 --> 00:03:00,100 I was born in 1981 her. Co-worker who come to find out? 49 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:05,200 Now that I know everything was my birth mother's sister, she 50 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,700 came up to my mom at work. One day and asked her if she was 51 00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:13,200 interested in adopting a baby. She's like my And my birth 52 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,200 mother. Oh well, had to give up a baby. 53 00:03:16,300 --> 00:03:19,100 He's like, I think she was like four or five months pregnant at 54 00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:22,500 that point. And my adopted mom was like, yes 55 00:03:22,500 --> 00:03:26,300 we will and everything else went through, like lawyers. 56 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:31,000 So I was with my birth mother in the hospital for like the first 57 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:36,300 three days and I was a cesarean. And so my doctor mom was, like, 58 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,800 always told me like, oh, you were in the hospital for seven 59 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:42,000 days, but when I got my paperwork, a few years ago, I 60 00:03:42,008 --> 00:03:44,900 was actually only there for like three days, the lawyer picked me 61 00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:48,100 up and then brought me to My adoptive parents. 62 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,100 So no foster parents in between there. 63 00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:52,500 Nothing. No, the lawyer picked me up and 64 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:57,700 then took me to my wow, adoptive parents, house, trying to think, 65 00:03:57,700 --> 00:04:02,100 you know, besides that. I think another thing to note 66 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:07,000 would be, I did not know. I was adopted until I was around 67 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,800 kindergarten age. Mmm, I asked my parents like why 68 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:14,000 I was Fifty Shades Darker The mum, and then that's when I came 69 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,300 out. So, I never was like, always 70 00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:21,100 told or anything. And then when my mom told me my 71 00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:24,200 adopted, mom told me, I was like, well, who are they, where 72 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,700 are they? I wanted to know, like 73 00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:27,900 everything I was like super curious. 74 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:32,100 I think one issue with the way that they told me. 75 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:36,600 I was like my adopted mom, that I told me like everything, but 76 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:41,300 the way that she told me is my birth mother was a single mom. 77 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:45,600 She already had my brother who was like 5 years older than me, 78 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:50,600 her parents were racist, so I think that was like, probably 79 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:55,600 not the best way to go about it. Yeah, her, you know, a 80 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,000 kindergartener, what were you thinking at that point? 81 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,100 Could you even kind of digest all of that which she was 82 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:03,000 saying, or over your head? No. 83 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:06,600 Like, I think that was just a gut to my stomach that was like, 84 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,500 just brought my self-esteem really down. 85 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:14,800 Mmm, and I experienced racism, In my adopted family, like with 86 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:19,700 my adopted dad's mother she never outwardly said something 87 00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:21,600 specific. But I just remember her treating 88 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,300 me differently than the rest of my cousin's. 89 00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:28,100 She was just not a nice person and then she tried making up for 90 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:31,500 it a few years before she passed away but the damage was done 91 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,900 right already. So you said, you had an older 92 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:36,100 brother from your biological mom. 93 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,900 Mmm. Yeah, so she had one child did 94 00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:41,800 that register. Like, why did you keep him? 95 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,900 Him and not me at that point. That was like, one of the big 96 00:05:44,900 --> 00:05:48,000 daggers you kept him but you got rid of me. 97 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:49,900 Yeah. And then that probably kind of 98 00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:52,900 compounded in your head about the racism part. 99 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:55,400 Yeah. The racism that maybe that was 100 00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,900 why. Yeah, there was just like a lot 101 00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,300 in my head going on at the time. Yeah. 102 00:06:00,700 --> 00:06:05,500 And then I wasn't conscious of it, but now looking back, I 103 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:08,600 always have some sort of abandonment issues are 104 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:11,800 separation anxiety. Like when my parents tried, 105 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,200 Leaving me, I like with anyone to babysit me. 106 00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,900 I would just fall. When they tried taking me to 107 00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:20,600 daycare, I was bawling. I had to have a blanky. 108 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:26,300 So, during daycare is like, when my mom had me, like, she's like, 109 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:29,200 I can't do this. Like, my grandma was like, well, 110 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,900 we'll watch her. That was her mom. 111 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,000 Mmm. I like my adopted mom is Mom. 112 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:38,100 But, like, when that happened, she still have my two uncles 113 00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:40,400 living at the house. My adopted mom comes from like 114 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:44,500 nine kids, so she Has like, six Brothers, Three Sisters. 115 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,700 It's a huge family. So they were like, around 18, 116 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:51,000 but like the one is the one that sexually molest me. 117 00:06:51,500 --> 00:06:54,700 I only have one memory and I didn't know, like what it was at 118 00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:57,200 the time. So when I finally figured it out 119 00:06:57,200 --> 00:07:00,500 that was like another thing that was like adolescent age when you 120 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:04,000 like know about sex and all the stuff and it's like, oh, that 121 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:05,800 happened. Mmm! 122 00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:07,500 Wow! Did you tell your mom? 123 00:07:08,300 --> 00:07:10,800 I tried telling them but that was like when I was going 124 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:14,600 through my rebellious age so they just thought it was a lie 125 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,300 or something and then like shoved it under the rug. 126 00:07:17,700 --> 00:07:18,800 Wow. Yeah. 127 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,200 So yeah, going back guy had separation anxiety. 128 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:24,800 Had, like, all these things going on, but at that time, 129 00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:29,000 like, nobody went to like therapist for my family, like 130 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:32,200 they thought anyone that wants like therapy, those are like 131 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:37,000 crazy people, right? Yeah, so even back, then, it was 132 00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:39,800 so what you were Dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 133 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,400 It's just like raised her. That's not where any of this 134 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:46,700 comes around racer as she's just the rest of the family. 135 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,900 Yeah, yeah. So that was like another thing. 136 00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:52,200 It's like, I lost my culture I didn't have any of that. 137 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,200 They would like go to like Mexican restaurants they thought 138 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:57,700 that was doing their job. I'm like all right totally 139 00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:00,400 different culture and everything. 140 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:04,000 So yeah there is just definitely like a lack of knowledge. 141 00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:08,000 Did you have any siblings growing up? 142 00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:09,900 I've been with your adoptive family. 143 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:15,000 So seven years after I was born, they ended up having like my 144 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,200 little sister like their natural child. 145 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:20,800 Okay. But like seven years, big age 146 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:22,800 difference. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 147 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:26,200 And I was just like super jealous and then I think in the 148 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,700 back of my head I was like, are they going to give me out now? 149 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,900 Since they have their baby, did you notice a difference in the 150 00:08:32,908 --> 00:08:36,200 way they treated her? And you I couldn't really 151 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,900 pinpoint anything but you It's just like a feeling you get like 152 00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:43,400 that's their child. Yeah, they tried acting like oh 153 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,400 it's not like a big deal whatever. 154 00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:46,600 Yeah. But there should have been like 155 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:50,800 some sort of communication around the adoption and you 156 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,600 know, having your own child in integrating. 157 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:57,000 Yeah, it's got to be similar to like having a blended family and 158 00:08:57,000 --> 00:09:00,700 then that couple has their baby together and you've kind of 159 00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,700 still feel like, like the outcast. 160 00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:06,300 So that's there's and I'm kind of, yeah, similar. 161 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,900 So you remember me? Being told and then after you 162 00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:13,400 were told, did that thought just stay in your mind from then? 163 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,700 On my God, no kind of forget, or were you like, I was always on 164 00:09:16,700 --> 00:09:18,900 my mind and I'm like, are they going to come get me, are they 165 00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:21,800 going to come find me? And they knew a little bit of 166 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:25,100 pieces of information from my mom's co-worker, quote unquote. 167 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:29,700 So they they knew like my birth father, had three kids. 168 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,800 What I told was like, two or three kids on his own ever, 169 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,600 like, boys. Hmm. 170 00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:37,400 So he was like, married. Did he know about you? 171 00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,400 The Like, I got like mixed information. 172 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,000 Like he did know, he didn't know. 173 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:46,800 Okay, now I know that like my birth mother did try telling 174 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:50,000 him, he didn't believe her. He was still married at that 175 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,500 time. Hmm. 176 00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:54,000 I see but like it wasn't three boys. 177 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:58,600 It was my older, sister and two boys, two brothers on that side. 178 00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:03,100 Okay. So when you look back now like 179 00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:06,900 growing up and even maybe early into adulthood did you see or 180 00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:10,200 recognize now any tendencies that you could probably link 181 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,300 back to adoption like you said the abandonment issue, anything 182 00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:17,600 else that you can like look back and abandonment rejection. 183 00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:23,900 I was just like, always super like I don't know how did that 184 00:10:23,900 --> 00:10:28,100 affect your relationships like, dating, and dating is a mess. 185 00:10:30,100 --> 00:10:32,300 That's like something I'm trying to heal right now, but dating 186 00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,900 was a mess. I feel like I, especially since 187 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:37,400 my parents, they weren't emotionally available. 188 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:40,600 Like, they didn't talk about emotions, it was just surface 189 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:44,000 level. So, it's like, another layer to 190 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,600 the package. But yeah, I felt like I dated, a 191 00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:50,400 lot of guys that were emotionally unavailable, if they 192 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,200 were available, Well, there's probably like some 193 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,500 self-sabotaging that I didn't realize at the time that I was 194 00:10:56,500 --> 00:11:00,300 doing and I just put up with stuff that I probably shouldn't 195 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:03,100 have too long and then, like, it ended. 196 00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:06,700 And like, I can think of, like, a couple relationships. 197 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,100 It was like 3 years and it's, like, I should have ended that 198 00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:12,000 like, after six months or three months, like, it was just like, 199 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:16,600 way too long of dealing with BS. It seems like, I see, you know, 200 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:20,800 the two extremes like, I see people that get super clingy and 201 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:24,500 then I see people that As soon as the significant other tries 202 00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:27,000 to attach, then they. Yeah, that's how I am too. 203 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,200 They pull back. I'm like the disorganized 204 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,100 attachment style. Okay. 205 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:33,700 Yeah. It's like, once you like show me 206 00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:36,300 like too much that I'm like, okay, yes, I'm out. 207 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,000 I really hate that. And then it's like, oh, never 208 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:46,200 mind. So you just had the one sister 209 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,300 growing up in that was their biological. 210 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,700 Yeah, and I had a bunch of cousins. 211 00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:54,700 Because my dad's side he had three sisters a brother. 212 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:57,500 My older cousins goes like always hanging out with them so 213 00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:00,200 I'm pretty close with them. I was it with your sister? 214 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:02,400 How's your relationship? Not close close? 215 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:05,900 Yeah, I feel like she has probably resentment towards me 216 00:12:05,900 --> 00:12:09,200 too because I was like, super rebellious once I hit teenagers, 217 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:13,300 I'm like, I did not want to listen to anybody, but also my 218 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:18,400 adopted dad was very strict and his dad, my grandpa is like, 219 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,000 from the military, mmm. So, I know that my grandpa was 220 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,900 strict so that's probably. Like another thing super strict 221 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,400 and I'm like I want out of here. Yeah. 222 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:29,300 And I did all the things I was partying. 223 00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:32,000 I was drinking but at the same time if that was like my only 224 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:36,000 Outlet because I couldn't talk about all this other stuff and 225 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,400 to suppress it had to be grateful. 226 00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:40,300 I'd be happy. Yeah. 227 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,800 But I was adopted right. Do you have any kids? 228 00:12:44,300 --> 00:12:46,700 I do not. I think I've been like putting 229 00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:50,200 it off or specially like I wanted to like go through this 230 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,900 healing and stuff but I'm like, Grateful that I have not brought 231 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:58,200 a child in yet because I'm like, I just have this all this work 232 00:12:58,200 --> 00:12:59,900 to do to heal. Yeah. 233 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:04,600 It just finally started healing like started the process 2018 234 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:08,100 but I mean like just started. But that was I mean we went 235 00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,800 through a lot the past couple of years with the epidemic and 236 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,000 everything. Yeah well it's a lot to dig 237 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,700 through. It's not like a one and then 238 00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:18,000 session and you know you've erased all your adoption drama 239 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,500 and everything else doesn't happen. 240 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,000 Yeah we tried I feel like It's going to be like a forever 241 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,100 thing, but at least maintenance or something at some point, 242 00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:27,900 hopefully. Yeah. 243 00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:31,300 Yeah, yeah. I mean just so many layers to 244 00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,900 it, right? So let's talk about reunions for 245 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,100 a minute. Mmm. 246 00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:37,600 Did you find your biological family? 247 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,400 And if so, how did it go? And yeah, I started looking as 248 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:45,600 soon as I could since. So my birth mother came over to 249 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,400 Indiana, she was like Illinois because they worked in Chicago. 250 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,100 So she came over to Indiana because my adopted parents lived 251 00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,100 in Danica. So I guess the process was 252 00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:57,600 easier to do the adoption. So I went through state of 253 00:13:57,600 --> 00:13:59,400 Indiana. Try to get my paperwork. 254 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,500 I don't think I could get it until I was 21. 255 00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:05,800 When I tried to get the paperwork though, it was just 256 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:09,500 like, all, what is it called? I forget like when they just 257 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,100 give you like the and identifying information. 258 00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:14,500 And yeah, I could only get that information. 259 00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:17,700 So I just got her age, which I already knew that she was 26 260 00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:21,000 when she had me and her race Caucasian. 261 00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:25,200 So, I was like, okay like what's the next step? 262 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:28,000 And they're like well you can like get an attorney and do all 263 00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:31,200 this other stuff and I'm like that's so expensive, this had to 264 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:35,700 be like early 2000s, like Facebook, wasn't nothing. 265 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:38,800 There was no like groups like that. 266 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:44,900 I'm like, okay, well I'll just go about my life, but 2018 is 267 00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:47,600 when they actually started opening up, they changed the 268 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:48,800 law. So, like I could get my 269 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:51,100 paperwork. So I did it as soon as I could. 270 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,200 And what paperwork is that names? 271 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,900 And Sue's get that identifying. Oh wow, information. 272 00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:02,000 Yeah, so like, I guess, like prior in 1992 is like, that's 273 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,400 the cutoff. Keep your born after 1992 in 274 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,900 Indiana. Like you could get your 275 00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,800 identifying information, as okay? 276 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:12,100 As long as the birth parent, didn't sign a waiver saying no. 277 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,900 Oh yeah. So 2018, they change it. 278 00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:17,000 So like everyone could like go do it. 279 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,200 So they really like huge backlog. 280 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,700 Yeah. And I wait, I think it was like 281 00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:26,200 six months to get it and then luckily though they're like 282 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:30,000 posting stuff on like Facebook's and like there were groups and 283 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,900 there was like Indiana connections and things like that 284 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,100 and groups that you can like actually go and meet people and 285 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:40,800 talk about all the things and I was like I think I was like 286 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,100 pretty delusional. I'm like on cloud nine. 287 00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:46,400 I'm like having a good time formation and then like people 288 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,500 are talking about the horror stories of like when they like 289 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,600 do the reunions. And I'm like, oh crap. 290 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,500 I need to prepare myself for this. 291 00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:57,600 Yeah. And my health started to tank 292 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:01,300 around that time, I always had like chronic fatigue and like a 293 00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:05,200 sensitive stomach and things like that, but it got worse and 294 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,400 I had dizzy spells. I didn't like actually pass out 295 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:12,500 but like, I got so lightheaded. We're like, I got to that point. 296 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,300 Like, I was still going to the doctor's. 297 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:15,800 Like, no one could figure anything out. 298 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:19,300 I'm like, oh my God, what? I had this same? 299 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:21,700 Same. Yes, I know exactly. 300 00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:24,000 It's going through all this, right? 301 00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:27,900 It's so frustrating and then I couldn't eat food anymore. 302 00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:30,200 Like there was like, so many foods, I was sensitive to. 303 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,000 I'd like to start breaking out stuck with limited amount of 304 00:16:33,008 --> 00:16:35,400 diet. And I'm like, okay, this is not 305 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,200 good. Like, I just need to get this 306 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,600 done. And then I started seeing a 307 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,100 functional doctor at that time because I'm like, I need someone 308 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:44,900 to. So, like I was doing like all 309 00:16:44,908 --> 00:16:48,300 these nature. Pathak things get myself back in 310 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,800 order. How did that work? 311 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,600 Good work. I'm still not. 312 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,200 It up to speed. Like I don't work for like a few 313 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,300 months and then I see the middle like it's better. 314 00:16:57,300 --> 00:17:00,300 Now that I've done a lot of trauma healing and settling my 315 00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:03,000 system. So do you think a lot of it is 316 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,700 psychologically brought on something? 317 00:17:04,700 --> 00:17:08,700 It's all the trauma stuck. All the stress just stuck in the 318 00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:12,200 body causing disease. Yeah, yeah. 319 00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:16,800 Yeah, not fun. So yeah, it was like six months 320 00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:20,599 because I filled out the paperwork around April 2018. 321 00:17:20,599 --> 00:17:25,200 Got the paperwork Like right around like Halloween that year 322 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:30,500 and I got her name, but my father's name was nowhere to be 323 00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:33,500 found on the form but her name was really easy. 324 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,000 I did a Google search fund it in 5 minutes. 325 00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:38,800 Wow. So like taking all the advice 326 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:42,100 from like the groups and like, okay I'll write her a letter 327 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,800 because everyone's like if you call them they might just like, 328 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,700 hang up. So I'm like a, write a letter 329 00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:50,300 sent like some pictures and I waited and I didn't hear 330 00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:54,600 anything. And like, well, ancestry has 331 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,500 Kappa for the holidays. So let me do ancestry. 332 00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,000 See if I can find like anything on the birth father side. 333 00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,300 Hmm. And since his around the 334 00:18:03,308 --> 00:18:06,200 holidays, it took forever to get anything back. 335 00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:09,700 So I think I waited until like mid-January. 336 00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:13,700 So that was like 2019. And then when I got it I'm like 337 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:17,700 holy crap, there's so many connections on my birth father 338 00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:20,200 side. I haven't ancestry right here 339 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:24,600 and I'm like, I have that He's, I don't even know how many I'll 340 00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:29,600 at his family's huge, but there was no close connections. 341 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,400 Give his all third, fourth cousins, but I was able to, 342 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:34,800 like, pull together a family tree. 343 00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:37,200 Yeah, I'm like, kind of dig down a little bit. 344 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:41,300 Mmm and my birth mother was on Ancestry. 345 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,300 Oh wow. I'm like I'll give it a week and 346 00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:46,700 then I'm going to reach out because I by this time I think 347 00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:49,300 it was like three months since I sent the letter to her and I 348 00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,400 haven't heard anything back. Yeah. 349 00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:54,600 So I reached out to her on their on Ancestry. 350 00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,900 Yeah. I'm like, hey, I tried sending 351 00:18:56,900 --> 00:19:00,600 you a letter, blah blah blah. And then she emails me, like, 352 00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:03,900 outside of the exit. I gave her my email address and 353 00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:07,600 then she's like, I'm sorry, I was just like in such a phase. 354 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:11,100 When I got your thing and blah blah blah. 355 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,100 She only wanted to communicate through email like she didn't 356 00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,000 want to communicate over the phone. 357 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:23,400 She doesn't like to talk on the phone so that makes it Because I 358 00:19:23,408 --> 00:19:25,900 don't want to like, put too much in an email. 359 00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,700 I don't want to like be like to everbearing, I don't want to be 360 00:19:28,708 --> 00:19:33,000 like to this or to that, right? So we were emailing back and 361 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:37,200 forth for a few months and then I've got my I asked for my birth 362 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,900 father's name. So, once I got that, I like 363 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:42,800 plugged it into the thing and figure it out who he was right 364 00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,500 away. Except for his last name is 365 00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:47,700 super common. So trying to find like his 366 00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:51,400 contact info is really hard, so it took a little bit. 367 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,900 I'd say like a couple weeks to find his information and then I 368 00:19:55,900 --> 00:20:00,600 reached out through like I sent him a letter to but I sent it 369 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:01,800 certified. Okay. 370 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:04,700 So I knew I need to receive it. Yeah. 371 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,600 So I got the alert the day that he received it and then I got a 372 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:14,600 phone call that evening on speakerphone with him his I 373 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:19,000 guess second wife and my aunt and my cousin I'll on 374 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:20,900 speakerphone and I'm like holy crap. 375 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:23,300 This is like Lads. Yeah. 376 00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:29,500 But he can prepare for that one. He was like, oh my God, he was 377 00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:33,300 like, super excited and happy to hear from me. 378 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,300 He wanted to know, like, all the things. 379 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:38,300 I'm like, this is just like too much and like we scheduled like 380 00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:41,600 the time to like talk just us, we did that. 381 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,300 And then he wanted to fly me because he's in Florida. 382 00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:48,300 So you want to fly me to Florida so I could meet the family. 383 00:20:48,700 --> 00:20:51,600 I did that. I also met my birth. 384 00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:54,700 Smother on my birthday because all of us like happen around 385 00:20:54,700 --> 00:20:57,700 like April twenty, nineteen. So, I met my birth. 386 00:20:57,700 --> 00:21:01,300 Where's your mom at where were she's gonna suburb of Illinois? 387 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,400 Okay, so nearby, yeah. So she wasn't like too far and 388 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,700 then he played for my plane ticket to come out there. 389 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,900 His birthday is actually choose days after mine. 390 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,700 Mmm. So that was interesting to find 391 00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:16,700 out. And then one thing gave me a red 392 00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:21,200 flags was that he's estranged from my siblings. 393 00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:27,100 And I was like, um, and he's like, yeah, their mom, like, was 394 00:21:27,100 --> 00:21:30,500 like really upset after we got the divorce and she kept them 395 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:34,400 away from me and I'm like, okay let's try to connect us and 396 00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:38,300 yeah, whatever. So he started talking to my 397 00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:41,900 sister, who's 10 years older than me, and she was like, open 398 00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:43,500 to it. And then like me and her started 399 00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:48,300 talking and then she started telling me what really happened. 400 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:54,500 Her mom was distant from him. But at the same time he moved to 401 00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:58,400 like a they lived in like New York and he moved to like a 402 00:21:58,408 --> 00:22:03,000 different place and didn't tell them where they moved to I guess 403 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:06,200 it was like walking distance like my sister and my brothers 404 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:09,400 would like go walk when they like stay at his house like on 405 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:13,400 weekends or whatever and they walked there one weekend and he 406 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,900 wasn't there. Oh my God and he had moved. 407 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,700 Wow so they didn't know so it was like a ten-year-old. 408 00:22:20,700 --> 00:22:24,400 Oh my gosh. She's turned my other brothers 409 00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:30,300 were like 75 around that time. Mmm, so unlike you left that 410 00:22:30,300 --> 00:22:35,300 out, did you tell him that? I didn't come out and say it? 411 00:22:35,300 --> 00:22:39,900 But I just kept. I was like, the, what is it 412 00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:42,800 called the attachment style. Where you're like, ghosting a 413 00:22:42,800 --> 00:22:45,700 little bit. Yeah, that's how I was. 414 00:22:46,100 --> 00:22:48,600 And we're just kind of feeling everyone out. 415 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,600 Yeah. Really know who's telling the 416 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,000 truth and who isn't and you're still trying to piece everything 417 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,500 together. So, yeah. 418 00:22:54,500 --> 00:22:57,100 And then my sister was telling me she's like, then when I was 419 00:22:57,100 --> 00:23:02,100 16, I called my dad at work saying that I wanted to go meet 420 00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:06,400 him for lunch and try to reconnect and at first, he's 421 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,700 like yeah let's do that. And then the day of calls her 422 00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:11,800 and says my wife wouldn't want that. 423 00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:15,300 Well how can you tell that to your six-year-old daughter? 424 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:20,900 Yeah so yeah I'm like you left a lot out. 425 00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:24,000 Allowed that Happened. They are like his the way that 426 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,300 he liked described, it's like me. 427 00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:31,300 And his sister's is it was the mother that kept the kids away. 428 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:35,300 Hmm. When he also played a part in 429 00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:37,800 that. Yeah, it was him and his wife. 430 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:42,000 He said that he didn't know about me but I mean from what 431 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:46,700 I'm gathering because my sister step dad told her, she talked to 432 00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:49,900 me and like, you know, like we developed a relationships like, 433 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:52,600 oh yeah, your mom told me about About a baby. 434 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:55,200 And she's like, why didn't you ever tell me? 435 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,300 He's like, I didn't think it was my place to say anything. 436 00:23:58,900 --> 00:24:02,600 So it's like, he knew like, and he's trying to say that he 437 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,800 didn't believe my mom, that she was pregnant, right? 438 00:24:06,100 --> 00:24:09,800 So I'm like, grieving, all of this stuff from like, everybody. 439 00:24:10,100 --> 00:24:14,200 I'm like, I can only, I want a relationship with my siblings 440 00:24:14,500 --> 00:24:17,400 but like the parents. Yeah. 441 00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:21,800 So, how is it with your dad right now? 442 00:24:21,900 --> 00:24:24,000 Are you talking? Or not. 443 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:27,600 It's very limited. It's like holidays. 444 00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:31,500 Both of our birthdays were like just the other week so like I 445 00:24:31,500 --> 00:24:33,400 sent him something. So yeah. 446 00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:36,600 It's just birthdays holidays. And how about with your mom? 447 00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,600 Very, very limited. I wasn't when you met her and 448 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,900 like what happened with that? Like she's like another one. 449 00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:48,100 Like it's very hard to get information out of if I ask her 450 00:24:48,100 --> 00:24:51,400 something like she'll say it, but if she doesn't want to 451 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,200 answer, then she'll just ignore it. 452 00:24:53,300 --> 00:24:58,400 It, it's very hard to talk. I mean, it was nice meeting her 453 00:24:58,700 --> 00:25:02,800 and I went to her house and let my older brother mmm. 454 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:07,300 Then my older brother connected over Facebook, but, I mean, 455 00:25:07,300 --> 00:25:10,100 he'll like something like random like messages saying that his 456 00:25:10,100 --> 00:25:14,000 wife is beating him. And I'm like, I'm sorry, what am 457 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,900 I supposed to do with that, to do? 458 00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:21,900 So, how many siblings do you have then half-siblings? 459 00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:27,700 So, We're Half and then the one from my adopted family and how 460 00:25:27,700 --> 00:25:30,400 are the relationships with your half-siblings. 461 00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:35,600 So me and my sister from my birth father, my half-sister, 462 00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:40,000 we're pretty communicative and she has like a daughter and 463 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,500 three boys and it's crazy that they're, you know, 10 years 464 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:49,200 younger than me. But I mean I love them all and I 465 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,000 went out to they live in Pennsylvania, so I went out to 466 00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,400 Pennsylvania for like my My sister's. 467 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:56,000 I think it's her second marriage. 468 00:25:56,100 --> 00:25:59,400 So that was fun. I got to hang out with her and 469 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:03,400 like meet all of them and it was just crazy just realizing like, 470 00:26:03,700 --> 00:26:05,600 okay. Me and my sister have a lot of 471 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,500 the similar features but looked at, you know, look different 472 00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:10,600 still. But you can tell we're family 473 00:26:10,800 --> 00:26:13,100 and I can like see you to my niece to. 474 00:26:13,700 --> 00:26:15,900 You can see like a lot of the same features. 475 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:19,300 I don't look like any of my half-siblings look like any of 476 00:26:19,300 --> 00:26:22,300 them but I look like I'm a combination of both. 477 00:26:22,300 --> 00:26:24,600 My birth parents. I don't look like any of my 478 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:26,700 siblings. I'm, that was kind of 479 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:29,800 disappointing for me. I think not seeing that in 480 00:26:29,808 --> 00:26:31,800 mirroring. I was so excited to have like 481 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:36,900 siblings and then I was like, yeah, it's just weird and it's 482 00:26:36,900 --> 00:26:41,100 like weird it's like certain the way like will turn our faces. 483 00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:45,600 You can see it like front on a little bit like depending on 484 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,700 like you know like our facial expressions. 485 00:26:48,700 --> 00:26:49,900 Yeah for sure. Yeah. 486 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:53,100 And then other ones are like are they sisters but like yeah. 487 00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:55,800 Yeah, you can like tell. So it's different definitely 488 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:58,300 with both my birth parents. I'm like, yeah, I see the 489 00:26:58,300 --> 00:27:01,700 similarity is in both. Do you have any it's weird? 490 00:27:01,700 --> 00:27:04,900 How that happened way you talk, or the way you do, certain 491 00:27:04,900 --> 00:27:08,400 things that you do you see that mirrored in your biological 492 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,600 family at all? Definitely, from my birth 493 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:14,900 father, we have the same like appendages. 494 00:27:15,300 --> 00:27:19,900 Long fingers, long toes, skinny feet. 495 00:27:19,900 --> 00:27:22,600 It's just weird. The way I likey like does stuff. 496 00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:23,900 I'll talk. I myself, am I? 497 00:27:23,900 --> 00:27:27,800 Hmm, you know just make random noises when I'm like doing stuff 498 00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:32,100 and he does the same thing that side is like all musicians, I'm 499 00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:34,600 a musician. It was just interesting to like, 500 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,200 find that out. That was where I got my musical 501 00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:41,500 talents and then on my birth mother like she work is like an 502 00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:44,800 admin assistant but she was interested in like interior 503 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:46,900 design. That's like another thing that I 504 00:27:46,900 --> 00:27:49,800 love the Arts and interior design and all that stuff. 505 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,100 So it's weird seeing like how that stuff creeps through. 506 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:57,200 You saw a lot of mirroring with my birth mother and just like, I 507 00:27:57,208 --> 00:28:01,000 think we laughed the same and just how we moved our bodies. 508 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,900 A lot of times you know, it was kind of weird. 509 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:07,600 I didn't feel like she's my mom, but I felt like she was like a 510 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:11,100 close aunt or a cousin or yeah, that we, you know, I don't know. 511 00:28:11,100 --> 00:28:13,000 There was this a lot of similarities that were kind of 512 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:16,400 fun like that to discover that. I never saw growing up 513 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,900 obviously. Yeah, yeah, because that wasn't 514 00:28:19,900 --> 00:28:25,000 the hardest thing growing up. I don't have any one Yeah, I 515 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,300 know. No mirroring. 516 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,000 Yeah. So what advice would you give 517 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:32,600 people that are looking for reuniting with their biological 518 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,000 family? What did you learn from doing 519 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:38,500 your journey? I'm like, I thought I'd prepared 520 00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:43,500 but I didn't I feel like probably being in therapy way 521 00:28:43,500 --> 00:28:49,700 before even starting the process is a good idea because I didn't 522 00:28:49,700 --> 00:28:53,000 start until like right before or something around there. 523 00:28:53,100 --> 00:28:56,400 I don't have any One like walking me like through talking 524 00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,500 about all the things that were like coming up. 525 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:00,500 Yeah. So yeah, I think that's 526 00:29:00,500 --> 00:29:03,600 definitely like way important. Yeah, you can prepare like 527 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:07,600 they're going to like not want to talk but at the same time you 528 00:29:07,608 --> 00:29:12,700 need to prepare for the effects like knowing the story and 529 00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:18,300 knowing that impact on like all these people that affected and 530 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:23,400 I'm like super empath. So I take everything on and my 531 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:25,800 health I was so bad at that time. 532 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,400 Yeah. How'd your birth, are your 533 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,200 adoptive family feel about you finding your birth family. 534 00:29:32,300 --> 00:29:35,900 So they like mine fucked me. When I was growing up with be 535 00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:41,000 grateful and my I don't think they wanted me to look fairly. 536 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:44,900 Why would you want to? And it was just like insecure 537 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,100 attachment with them, right? Right. 538 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,500 And then, when I was older and like, the law was changing, 539 00:29:49,500 --> 00:29:57,200 they're like, oh, you should do it and I'm like, oh well, Why 540 00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,900 can't you give me the sport back then you know, right? 541 00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:05,300 So so how is your relationship with them now now it is I'm 542 00:30:05,300 --> 00:30:08,100 still trying to navigate it and they are still like stuck in 543 00:30:08,100 --> 00:30:09,700 their ways. They don't really talk about 544 00:30:09,700 --> 00:30:13,900 emotions. There's a lot to unpack still 545 00:30:14,100 --> 00:30:18,600 from back then and I mean, I feel like they just thought like 546 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:22,400 oh you could just like sweep it under the rug it happened. 547 00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:26,200 There's no after-effects. Yeah, but there is so. 548 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:31,400 Yeah, I wish that they would be open to therapy like some sort 549 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:35,400 of family therapy or counseling are something, but they're not. 550 00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:37,900 So right now, it's just like surface level. 551 00:30:38,700 --> 00:30:41,900 I don't really see them that much. 552 00:30:41,900 --> 00:30:44,300 I don't really talk to him that much right now. 553 00:30:45,900 --> 00:30:50,100 I need to do my own healing. Yeah, take care of you. 554 00:30:50,500 --> 00:30:53,700 Yeah but I wish that they would I don't know. 555 00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:57,000 Acknowledge some stuff. Yeah I know that. 556 00:30:57,100 --> 00:31:00,500 It's one thing I've discovered is everybody's in their own fog 557 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:03,200 and even adoptive parents or in their own fog. 558 00:31:03,300 --> 00:31:06,200 You know about what really happens with adoption. 559 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:08,800 So talking about fog are you in the fog? 560 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,000 Are you out of the fog? Do you even use that term? 561 00:31:11,000 --> 00:31:13,700 I know some adoptees. Don't like to use that term but 562 00:31:13,700 --> 00:31:19,600 yeah, I where you at? I Don't really know if I relate 563 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,500 to the term. I don't know. 564 00:31:21,500 --> 00:31:24,400 Have you ever listened to adopt? He's on with Haley? 565 00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:26,300 Radke. I think I have a couple times. 566 00:31:26,300 --> 00:31:28,900 Like I listen to one of their recent episodes there like 567 00:31:28,900 --> 00:31:31,300 something about like not using that term anymore. 568 00:31:31,300 --> 00:31:33,200 For some reason. I forget exactly why. 569 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:36,800 But I don't know if I was ever in the fog, I feel like I always 570 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:41,600 knew something was off. I just didn't know that adoption 571 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,100 was trauma, because there was like, no terminology for that 572 00:31:44,100 --> 00:31:47,200 until like, you know, the last decade or so. 573 00:31:47,500 --> 00:31:53,100 Yeah, so yeah knowing that I did go through trauma and I had PTSD 574 00:31:53,100 --> 00:31:58,400 and that's something. I I wish that was known back 575 00:31:58,400 --> 00:31:59,700 then. Yeah. 576 00:32:00,300 --> 00:32:02,500 So what did you do to start healing? 577 00:32:02,500 --> 00:32:04,200 What did you find? That was helping you. 578 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:09,900 I started seeing a therapist that did brain spotting and 579 00:32:09,900 --> 00:32:11,700 started teach me like meditation. 580 00:32:12,300 --> 00:32:16,900 I moved back to Chicago, though. Late summer 2019. 581 00:32:16,900 --> 00:32:18,700 So I defined like a different therapist. 582 00:32:19,100 --> 00:32:22,900 So find an adoptee one, but she was like super religious, I only 583 00:32:22,900 --> 00:32:26,700 had a couple sessions with her. Mmm, I found another therapist 584 00:32:26,700 --> 00:32:30,800 that brain spotting and then over the pandemic, I was able to 585 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:34,600 get it ADHD diagnosis so that's like another thing I was living 586 00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:37,800 with all along that time, so that was good. 587 00:32:37,900 --> 00:32:43,100 And then I started going to like ADHD specific therapist and then 588 00:32:43,100 --> 00:32:44,900 sought out a different trauma therapist. 589 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:48,800 So it does EMDR so we're working on like the many traumas right 590 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:52,500 now and I think it's good having like the two different ones like 591 00:32:52,500 --> 00:32:55,500 my ADHD therapist. She's also like half Puerto 592 00:32:55,500 --> 00:32:58,800 Rican, half Caucasian. So we kind of have that like, 593 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:02,800 she knows where I'm coming from and then, yeah, the EMDR and I 594 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:05,800 think reading that book, like the body keeps the score. 595 00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:08,900 Like knowing like, okay, you can like, try this this. 596 00:33:09,300 --> 00:33:12,800 So, like around the same time, like I started doing yoga breath 597 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,700 work. That leads me to like, bring it 598 00:33:14,700 --> 00:33:20,100 on the Whole of hypnosis meditation and I feel like those 599 00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:24,000 all really helped but like preparing for hypnosis because I 600 00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:27,000 did not realize how disregulated I was. 601 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:30,000 Mmm. So like doing meditation was 602 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,200 very, very difficult and then trying to get it home. 603 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:35,100 Gnosis was very difficult. So I'm like, I had. 604 00:33:35,100 --> 00:33:37,300 Do you like these somatic exercises? 605 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:38,500 Yeah. Breathwork. 606 00:33:38,500 --> 00:33:41,000 Finding EFT. Tapping has also been great. 607 00:33:41,300 --> 00:33:45,600 So doing all the things and getting regulated Added. 608 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:50,100 Yeah, yeah. I the tapping and the breath 609 00:33:50,100 --> 00:33:52,800 work. It's like, you know, it's like 610 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,500 getting ready to go to gyms. Like I don't want to do this. 611 00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,200 Yeah, I know. But then afterwards you're like, 612 00:33:58,300 --> 00:34:02,100 oh, that felt so good. Yeah, I know that's how it is. 613 00:34:02,100 --> 00:34:03,600 It's like, I gotta like, coach myself. 614 00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:06,400 I'm like, you'll feel great after you're done. 615 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:10,400 Just yeah. Yeah for me I felt like the 616 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:12,000 hypnosis as well with meditation. 617 00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:15,300 That was kind of easy for me because I could check out Really 618 00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:17,400 easily and that felt really good. 619 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,699 Just going to that Lala place and just like floating around, 620 00:34:20,699 --> 00:34:23,500 you know, and not having to think, or feel or anything, 621 00:34:23,500 --> 00:34:25,300 occurs things, come up in my brain. 622 00:34:25,300 --> 00:34:27,600 You know, that pop in that, I need to know what you're pretty 623 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:31,000 cool and that happens, but meditation was different than 624 00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,500 learning this hypnosis stuff. Now where you have to check in 625 00:34:34,900 --> 00:34:38,100 and go to your right brain and all the stuff and I'm just like 626 00:34:38,100 --> 00:34:41,500 I don't know if I could do that. I don't know like I'm so left 627 00:34:41,500 --> 00:34:44,800 brain and so like walled off and I didn't know. 628 00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,100 Know how. Well, the off I was and now it's 629 00:34:47,100 --> 00:34:50,400 like that ice is melting and I can't stop it. 630 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:54,800 And now there's exact nerves that are like getting raw, which 631 00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:58,700 in a good way though, but in a scary way for me right now. 632 00:34:58,700 --> 00:35:02,000 So it's like, I'm in the journey, you know, with the SMG 633 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:05,700 I right now and I'm learning it, but I'm also the student, so I'm 634 00:35:05,700 --> 00:35:08,000 going through it and I'm just like, oh my God, are you doing 635 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,800 practice with other students in there, mmm-hmm? 636 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:13,800 Yeah, and with other people, too. 637 00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:18,900 So it's Really cool and we're just getting into like doing the 638 00:35:18,900 --> 00:35:23,100 whole 90-minute whole session and I'm just freaking out like 639 00:35:23,100 --> 00:35:25,400 I'm going to cry and I never cry. 640 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:29,300 Like I hardly ever cried that's like show emotions but I mean, I 641 00:35:29,300 --> 00:35:32,800 was just doing a session last week and it was just like, a 642 00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,600 five minute and I could feel like the tears were coming in my 643 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:37,700 eyes, and I was just the induction part, and I was just 644 00:35:37,700 --> 00:35:41,900 like, oh my God, this is crazy. But one Governor. 645 00:35:41,900 --> 00:35:44,800 My no, I'm the same way. I'm like, I don't like show. 646 00:35:44,900 --> 00:35:48,100 Oceans to other people easily. Like, I have to be like be by 647 00:35:48,100 --> 00:35:49,300 myself. Yeah. 648 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:53,600 As we like another like adoptee mmm-mmm-mmm response. 649 00:35:53,900 --> 00:35:57,300 Yeah, I always feel like I make sure everybody else is okay. 650 00:35:57,300 --> 00:35:59,800 You know like I'm taking care of everybody else and I'm taking 651 00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:03,200 care of this and that and then can let go after I feel like 652 00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:04,800 okay, there everyone else is. Okay? 653 00:36:04,900 --> 00:36:08,200 Yeah, I can focus on myself, you know and sometimes it never 654 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,100 happens till what later down the road. 655 00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:14,200 I don't know if you've experienced this but like if you 656 00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,200 have like a duck, The family or something? 657 00:36:16,500 --> 00:36:19,300 Do you have a delay reaction? Yeah. 658 00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,100 That's how I was too. I'm like, I thought I was weird 659 00:36:22,100 --> 00:36:23,900 and like, people are like what's wrong with you? 660 00:36:23,900 --> 00:36:26,700 Like why aren't you upset? And I'm like, I haven't 661 00:36:26,700 --> 00:36:30,100 processed it. I don't know what that is right? 662 00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:34,100 Yeah just feel you just feel numb, I don't know. 663 00:36:34,300 --> 00:36:37,100 Yeah, I don't I don't know how to explain it either but that's 664 00:36:37,100 --> 00:36:40,100 the closest I can think of is you just kind of feel numb and 665 00:36:40,100 --> 00:36:43,400 walled off from it. You can't access it. 666 00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,000 Yeah. I I found that. 667 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:50,700 Well, another thing I've tried some psychedelic therapy. 668 00:36:50,900 --> 00:36:54,500 Mmm. And that has had some big 669 00:36:54,500 --> 00:36:57,000 breakthroughs. I think I've heard that this 670 00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:02,300 past year. Yeah, I have done some microns 671 00:37:02,300 --> 00:37:06,100 that I was by myself, which I don't recommend to anyone. 672 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:10,300 So I would recommend having like, a trip sitter or somebody 673 00:37:10,300 --> 00:37:12,400 that is trained. I do it, right. 674 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,600 I felt comfortable. Just because I've done 675 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:19,700 psychedelics before and like I don't know you fellas. 676 00:37:19,700 --> 00:37:22,300 Welcome to bug. Yeah, as for myself but I don't 677 00:37:22,300 --> 00:37:25,600 recommend it at all right, so what did that do? 678 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,300 Exactly. I mean I've heard people explain 679 00:37:28,300 --> 00:37:31,200 it as it just kind of opened up their awareness more of it. 680 00:37:31,300 --> 00:37:35,200 Well how would you describe it? I think for me it's just 681 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:41,700 breaking down some barriers. Like the first one, like the big 682 00:37:41,700 --> 00:37:44,800 message I got was we're all connected. 683 00:37:44,800 --> 00:37:47,600 It was definitely like a very spiritually. 684 00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:50,100 Hmm. It was very cool experience. 685 00:37:50,100 --> 00:37:52,100 Just like, knowing like we're all connected. 686 00:37:52,300 --> 00:37:55,100 I don't want to say, like there's a reason for end of 687 00:37:55,100 --> 00:37:59,400 everything, but there's like a spiritual aspect to like 688 00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:01,200 everything that we're going through. 689 00:38:01,700 --> 00:38:07,600 And then the second one, the message I got was expansion as 690 00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:09,200 Within Me. Hmm. 691 00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:12,800 So I think that was very elevating like to get my 692 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:18,200 self-esteem back up and I felt like after that, just like you 693 00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:20,900 have to do the integration work to afterwards though. 694 00:38:21,100 --> 00:38:23,800 Like you can't just like, have it trip and be like, I'm all 695 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:26,200 better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 696 00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,700 There's definitely Integrations. Self-esteem is something. 697 00:38:28,700 --> 00:38:33,300 I feel like I continually need to work on and then my third 698 00:38:33,300 --> 00:38:36,500 one. It was, what was my mess? 699 00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:38,600 Did you know that one was a crazy one? 700 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,100 I like saw things and they were like, scary things. 701 00:38:43,100 --> 00:38:47,500 I think I was just walking through the darkness and like 702 00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:51,400 seeing the other side. The other side is on the way 703 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:55,300 and, you know, basically like I'm doing a great job and just 704 00:38:55,300 --> 00:38:59,600 to keep going. Yeah, yeah, arresting it might 705 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:02,300 sound crazy, but I felt like, you know, I had my ancestors 706 00:39:02,300 --> 00:39:04,100 with me. I had buried guides with me. 707 00:39:04,100 --> 00:39:06,500 Like I had them with me like guy. 708 00:39:06,700 --> 00:39:09,100 Me along the journey. Wow. 709 00:39:09,100 --> 00:39:10,400 Yeah. That's cool. 710 00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:13,300 Yeah. Where they adopted relatives or 711 00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:16,000 biological relatives that were there or both? 712 00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:22,700 I think the ancestors that I seen were like my Puerto Rican. 713 00:39:23,100 --> 00:39:27,100 Mmm. Very like ancient ancestors. 714 00:39:27,100 --> 00:39:30,300 Okay. So nobody recognized visually 715 00:39:30,300 --> 00:39:31,800 but you knew. Yeah. 716 00:39:31,800 --> 00:39:36,400 You work at and then spirit guide wise past life stuff. 717 00:39:37,300 --> 00:39:40,200 I don't want to get like two booba, some I don't know. 718 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,500 No, I don't know of it, go ahead. 719 00:39:42,700 --> 00:39:46,000 Anyone else in the audience is like we were like that but 720 00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:50,900 definitely, like felt like Spirit guides with me that we're 721 00:39:50,900 --> 00:39:54,000 like past life and I want to like, go into time as an 722 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:59,900 illusion but like there's like future selves of me and then 723 00:39:59,900 --> 00:40:03,300 past selves of me altogether, like helping me helping guide 724 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:05,400 along the way. Wow, yeah wow. 725 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:10,000 Yeah, it's very like deep. And like yeah, very different. 726 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,200 Yeah. Very different from like when 727 00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:16,400 I've heard from multiple people about psychedelics I interviewed 728 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:20,300 an adoptive mom that's Iverson. She's a podcast as well and she 729 00:40:20,300 --> 00:40:23,600 did that and she was kind of saying similar to you the 730 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:26,000 experience that she had was kind of like that. 731 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,400 Yeah, I love it and they're so interesting. 732 00:40:28,700 --> 00:40:32,000 So tell me about Quantum. Hypnosis yeah, come on. 733 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:33,600 Time Henry would have a certification. 734 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,700 Yeah. Quantum gnosis you can 735 00:40:35,700 --> 00:40:41,400 definitely Connect with all of your Spirit guides ancestors, 736 00:40:41,900 --> 00:40:46,100 you can explore past lives that are not on the earth, so there 737 00:40:46,100 --> 00:40:48,000 can be like, some Galactic stuff. 738 00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:51,300 But I don't know if other people are into that, but my teacher, 739 00:40:51,300 --> 00:40:53,700 she's called the star seed awakener. 740 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:55,900 So, I don't know if other people know what starseeds are, but 741 00:40:55,900 --> 00:41:01,800 it's galactic stuff and she has her own podcasts to that goes 742 00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:06,100 into hypnosis sessions that she's done for her clients that 743 00:41:06,900 --> 00:41:10,300 You basically go through like the induction. 744 00:41:10,700 --> 00:41:13,100 I don't know how long your hypnosis inductions are. 745 00:41:13,100 --> 00:41:16,300 But ours are about like goes about 30 minutes and we're 746 00:41:16,300 --> 00:41:19,800 playing bilateral music as really conducting people. 747 00:41:19,900 --> 00:41:22,200 Mmm. But we want to set an intention 748 00:41:22,300 --> 00:41:24,200 initially. The like what do you want to 749 00:41:24,207 --> 00:41:26,800 explore? So you can explore past lives, 750 00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:30,600 Galactic stuff, whatever you want and then we bring the 751 00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,900 higher self through after we like go through whatever life 752 00:41:33,900 --> 00:41:36,400 you want to experience and see what needs to be. 753 00:41:36,500 --> 00:41:39,900 Yield any recommendations from your higher self. 754 00:41:39,900 --> 00:41:41,600 That's cool. Really cool. 755 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,500 And interesting. I've had my own sessions. 756 00:41:44,500 --> 00:41:49,400 We did practice sessions with students and like, did that 757 00:41:49,400 --> 00:41:53,300 really happen? Did I really experienced like 758 00:41:53,300 --> 00:41:56,000 you definitely like question, like, holy crap. 759 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:57,900 But it's like, did my mind really make that up? 760 00:41:57,900 --> 00:42:00,700 Because I've never seen that before, right, where is it easy 761 00:42:00,700 --> 00:42:06,100 for you two to go into hypnosis like, were you able to easily 762 00:42:06,100 --> 00:42:08,600 be? I definitely had to prep before 763 00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,300 my first time. It's, I had to like, do you like 764 00:42:11,300 --> 00:42:13,900 a deep, like, a Yoga Nidra? I don't know if you've ever done 765 00:42:13,900 --> 00:42:17,000 those, but I had to like, you hero, good Nedra, some breath 766 00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:20,500 work, and like, get myself calmed, and then my other two 767 00:42:20,500 --> 00:42:24,400 ones, I micro toast earlier that day to make sure my brain was 768 00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:26,500 just like, we're gonna let this happen. 769 00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:30,100 Yeah, let it in right. Those are like definitely like a 770 00:42:30,107 --> 00:42:32,300 lot more easier. But, yeah, I feel like with 771 00:42:32,300 --> 00:42:36,400 anyone that has trauma is just, it's not easy to get into. 772 00:42:36,500 --> 00:42:39,500 Hypnosis. Yeah, that's what I was afraid 773 00:42:39,500 --> 00:42:41,900 of to. I was worried about that, but 774 00:42:41,900 --> 00:42:45,900 they did pretty good. I think micro dosing does hell. 775 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:47,500 Yeah. And like, doing all the somatic 776 00:42:47,500 --> 00:42:50,800 stuff, but if you don't want to like microdose and I know that 777 00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,600 it is illegal and a lot of States. 778 00:42:53,700 --> 00:42:55,800 Yeah. But there is legislation 779 00:42:55,800 --> 00:43:00,400 happening, we're trying to, you know, open it up because I mean 780 00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,500 it's a plant and it is well, I'm talking about mushrooms 781 00:43:03,600 --> 00:43:07,700 specifically, but like it's a plant and Ancestry is used it 782 00:43:07,700 --> 00:43:09,500 for serum. Well, at least I know my 783 00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:11,200 ancestors, use it for ceremonies. 784 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:14,700 Yeah, I know that there's legislation trying to use some 785 00:43:14,700 --> 00:43:17,900 of that stuff for mental health issues and stuff to, which I 786 00:43:17,908 --> 00:43:21,700 think it would probably help you actually have the ketamine and 787 00:43:21,700 --> 00:43:25,100 MDMA, but like, I'm like, I don't want to use like a 788 00:43:25,100 --> 00:43:27,400 chemical, like that. Like, I'd rather like you 789 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:29,100 something that's like mother nature. 790 00:43:29,100 --> 00:43:31,400 Like, I'm just like you. Yeah, natural. 791 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:36,300 So you're practicing this, like, people can contact you. 792 00:43:36,500 --> 00:43:39,000 And yeah, they can go on my website. 793 00:43:39,900 --> 00:43:45,500 I'm also going to be offering a nervous system reset for if any 794 00:43:45,500 --> 00:43:48,900 adoptee wants to reach out, I'll work with them. 795 00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:53,300 I am maxing it out like three four right now but I do like 796 00:43:53,300 --> 00:43:55,900 want to like help support whoever I can. 797 00:43:56,300 --> 00:43:58,800 I just ask because I'm like finishing up a certification for 798 00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:00,800 breath work. I'm doing like some like other 799 00:44:00,800 --> 00:44:04,500 yoga certifications that I just have to do a case study, so if 800 00:44:04,500 --> 00:44:06,400 you're okay with me documenting. Yeah. 801 00:44:06,500 --> 00:44:08,900 Writing about your experience. Yeah. 802 00:44:08,900 --> 00:44:14,300 But yeah, it'll be free for the month of May and yeah the qhc I 803 00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:19,100 think I have like a 20% discount if anyone wants to okay connect 804 00:44:19,100 --> 00:44:24,300 with me and the code is galactic and they can email me. 805 00:44:24,900 --> 00:44:27,700 Amanda at the trauma shift deck, huh? 806 00:44:27,700 --> 00:44:29,500 Yeah. And I'll put that in the show. 807 00:44:29,500 --> 00:44:34,500 Notes do a website? Yes, it's the trauma shift.com. 808 00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:40,600 Make it easy for everybody. That's gonna be the name of your 809 00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,700 new podcast, right? That's coming up hopefully soon. 810 00:44:43,700 --> 00:44:45,200 Yes. So what is this? 811 00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,400 What's your podcast about? It's going to be like, all 812 00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:51,600 things trauma and somatic exercises. 813 00:44:51,600 --> 00:44:54,500 I want to do, like, some like Live Events. 814 00:44:54,500 --> 00:44:58,100 I'm like Library events that people can join, it's just 815 00:44:58,100 --> 00:45:03,500 getting my ADHD brain to sit down and do it. 816 00:45:03,500 --> 00:45:07,600 The thing is like I also work full time Time in any of the 817 00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:09,500 space, I'm working the tech field. 818 00:45:10,100 --> 00:45:14,600 So I'm like, my brain just wants to rest and like not do anything 819 00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:16,200 else after work. But I'm like if I want to get 820 00:45:16,200 --> 00:45:19,000 this going if I want this to be like my full-time thing, I need 821 00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:20,000 to do it. Yeah. 822 00:45:20,300 --> 00:45:23,800 Yeah, I know for me, I sit down to do one thing and then 15 823 00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:25,700 minutes later I was like, what was I? 824 00:45:25,900 --> 00:45:27,700 I was not, I'm not doing what I said. 825 00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:33,100 Exactly, exactly. Maybe I have ADHD. 826 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:39,500 I mean There's a lot of women that like, we're just like 827 00:45:39,500 --> 00:45:43,400 overlooked when they were younger because it wasn't until 828 00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:47,600 like the last decade or so like were inattentive type ADHD was I 829 00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:51,700 thing and people like even people that were like Miss 830 00:45:51,700 --> 00:45:56,800 diagnosed, bipolar or borderline got re-diagnosed and it's been 831 00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:59,900 like ADHD the whole time. Yeah, yeah. 832 00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:03,300 And it's like ADHD on top of like trauma on top of sexual 833 00:46:03,300 --> 00:46:06,600 abuse, there's so many people that We are getting late 834 00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:09,200 diagnosis of that, you know, as adults. 835 00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,000 I remember in like high school and like elementary schools, the 836 00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,600 only ones that got diagnosed were, like, the little boys that 837 00:46:14,600 --> 00:46:16,800 were like, Super Hyper jumping off the walls. 838 00:46:17,100 --> 00:46:20,200 Not the little girls that were like off daydreaming looking out 839 00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:23,500 the window. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 840 00:46:24,100 --> 00:46:26,900 My son was like that. I don't know if school is hard 841 00:46:26,900 --> 00:46:29,500 for you like, but like, I could not concentrate in school. 842 00:46:29,900 --> 00:46:32,500 It was just like impossible. I cannot likes it. 843 00:46:32,500 --> 00:46:35,300 I was good until like high school but that was just because 844 00:46:35,700 --> 00:46:40,000 As a teenager, I didn't do my homework and you know, the 845 00:46:40,008 --> 00:46:41,800 teenage stuff. Yeah. 846 00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:45,200 Yeah. All right, we'll put all your 847 00:46:45,200 --> 00:46:48,100 links and stuff in the show notes so that people can find 848 00:46:48,100 --> 00:46:52,700 you and there anything else that you want to discuss that we 849 00:46:52,700 --> 00:46:57,600 didn't cover trying to think. I think we like went over a lot 850 00:46:57,900 --> 00:47:02,700 just let people know like I'm also here to support and I do 851 00:47:02,700 --> 00:47:05,300 offer like a free like initial consultation. 852 00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:07,700 Owen. Okay for an hour or so people in 853 00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:10,500 chat with me whenever they want. I wish I was more active in 854 00:47:10,500 --> 00:47:14,200 Facebook, but like, I like kind of like deleted Facebook, like, 855 00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:17,500 during the epidemic I'm like, I can't handle it, was too much. 856 00:47:17,700 --> 00:47:21,000 Yeah, maybe I should like, reactivated so I could join more 857 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,700 groups again. Yeah. 858 00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:24,300 Yeah. It more involved and there's 859 00:47:24,300 --> 00:47:27,000 such an uprising right now of adoptees. 860 00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:30,700 That it's really cool to watch. I mean, obviously it's a public 861 00:47:30,700 --> 00:47:33,000 space. So not 100% safe. 862 00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:36,700 Hmm, there's a lot of triggering things and You know, just keep 863 00:47:36,700 --> 00:47:42,400 scrolling but it's also very supportive space as well. 864 00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:45,000 Like you were saying about reunions and stuff you know, to 865 00:47:45,000 --> 00:47:48,600 have those couple people in place that you can bounce off 866 00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:52,200 what happened and you know kind of somebody that understands has 867 00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:56,300 been through it and not necessarily give you any advice 868 00:47:56,300 --> 00:47:58,900 which, you know, they can. But just having somebody 869 00:47:58,900 --> 00:48:02,600 understands is huge, just listen that Journey, especially like if 870 00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:05,300 you can't like talk to like anybody in your adopted family, 871 00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:08,000 Ali, which I couldn't. Yeah, this is really hard. 872 00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:10,000 Oh yeah. Like another thing is like, my 873 00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:13,600 little sister was mad because I did not force. 874 00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:18,200 Come, all of the information was upset, she wasn't included. 875 00:48:18,200 --> 00:48:22,300 And I'm like I don't even know how to describe how I feel about 876 00:48:22,300 --> 00:48:24,900 all of the solved. I don't have words for this. 877 00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:28,800 Yeah, that's a private journey. I mean yeah. 878 00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:31,400 But to like get mad. Yeah, at me. 879 00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:35,000 Yeah, well, I'm like I'm sorry there's another person you gotta 880 00:48:35,500 --> 00:48:37,600 Look, I'm sorry to everybody. They know, right? 881 00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:40,700 Sorry for. I'm just trying to do me right 882 00:48:40,700 --> 00:48:42,600 now. Sorry, I know. 883 00:48:43,700 --> 00:48:46,800 Well, thanks for coming on today Amanda and we'll put your links 884 00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,400 in the show notes. So if anybody wants to find 885 00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:53,300 Amanda excited, it will be their second act. 886 00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:55,800 Yeah, yeah. Thanks for coming on. 887 00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:59,100 Thank you. Thanks again, Amanda for coming 888 00:48:59,100 --> 00:49:01,300 on. Mind your own Karma and just so 889 00:49:01,300 --> 00:49:03,300 everyone knows you cannot get to. 890 00:49:03,300 --> 00:49:06,500 Whoo, for me, I'm always. He's into the whoo. 891 00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:09,700 And if you would like to know more about Amanda and her 892 00:49:09,700 --> 00:49:12,600 Quantum hypnosis and all the other things that are coming up 893 00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:16,100 for her, all her links are in the show notes. 894 00:49:16,800 --> 00:49:19,400 Now, I want to talk to you the listener. 895 00:49:19,500 --> 00:49:21,800 Yes, you that's listening right now. 896 00:49:22,600 --> 00:49:25,300 Have you rated and reviewed the podcast on your listening 897 00:49:25,300 --> 00:49:29,200 platform? Yet if you haven't, please do so 898 00:49:29,400 --> 00:49:32,900 it only takes a minute, it's free and it helps get the word 899 00:49:32,900 --> 00:49:35,300 out about this podcast and about it. 900 00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:38,300 Option relinquishment. If you would like to know more 901 00:49:38,300 --> 00:49:41,000 about all the things mind your own Karma, you can go to my 902 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:44,400 website, mind your own Karma.com, you can learn a 903 00:49:44,408 --> 00:49:47,900 little bit more about me and my mission for this podcast. 904 00:49:48,100 --> 00:49:51,100 Last but not least, if you would like to come on the show and 905 00:49:51,100 --> 00:49:55,100 tell your adoption story, you can email me at mind, your own 906 00:49:55,100 --> 00:49:59,000 Karma at gmail.com and let's get you on the podcast. 907 00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:03,200 As always take what you need and leave, what you don't. 908 00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:06,600 And always remember to mind your own Karma. 909 00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:06,000 See you next time. And always remember to mind your 910 00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:08,500 own Karma. See you next time.