Hey there. It's Melissa.
Brunetti and welcome to the mind your own Karma podcast.
Either Karma crew. I have something special for you
today. I am super excited to bring you
another adoptee story. Not only an adoptee story but I
get to talk about non traditional healing therapies
which, you know, is totally in my wheelhouse.
So let me tell you a little bit about my guest Amanda, Amanda is
a Puerto Rican, transracial adopting.
She is a certified trauma-informed, energetic guy.
Guide and somatic, healer. Love it, through Quantum
hypnosis hypnotherapy and other somatic practices.
She can assist you to shift your trauma and Propel you to make
life-altering progression. She has spent over three decades
healing her own complex PTSD, and being diagnosed with ADHD
later in life. She eventually found her gifts
part of her healing process included, traditional therapy as
well as diving into Quantum, hypnosis energy work.
I'm practicing yoga breath, work and meditation through these
healing modalities. She found a calling to utilize
her own healing gifts, and intuition to guide others on
their healing Journey. Amanda has had a couple of
career transitions along the way, starting with a business
degree in human resources and continuing her education with an
MBA. She then gained her training and
software, engineering and has worked in the tech industry for
seven years. She's an avid animal lover with
a dog and a cat. At a humanitarian, a feminist
and a plant mom and she plays music as well.
She has a podcast currently in the works called the trauma
shift podcast. It is not released yet, but it
will be available on Spotify and apple.
Hopefully soon here is my interview with Amanda.
So I'm welcoming Amanda to the show today.
Welcome Amanda. Nice to meet you too and
everyone. Yeah, you too.
So let's just start, tell us the circumstances, surrounding your
adoption story. Whatever you want to share.
Yeah, mine is not the typical one.
Mine was actually planned pre-birth.
It wasn't through an agency or anything.
So I was born a domestic adoptee transracial.
I'm Puerto Rican in a mix of huge mix, but like the other
side is basically all of Eastern European, My adoptive parents
had a bunch of them. Miscarriages my adopted mom have
to still birth and she I don't know like what that what her
thought process was but the stillbirth was 1978.
I was born in 1981 her. Co-worker who come to find out?
Now that I know everything was my birth mother's sister, she
came up to my mom at work. One day and asked her if she was
interested in adopting a baby. She's like my And my birth
mother. Oh well, had to give up a baby.
He's like, I think she was like four or five months pregnant at
that point. And my adopted mom was like, yes
we will and everything else went through, like lawyers.
So I was with my birth mother in the hospital for like the first
three days and I was a cesarean. And so my doctor mom was, like,
always told me like, oh, you were in the hospital for seven
days, but when I got my paperwork, a few years ago, I
was actually only there for like three days, the lawyer picked me
up and then brought me to My adoptive parents.
So no foster parents in between there.
Nothing. No, the lawyer picked me up and
then took me to my wow, adoptive parents, house, trying to think,
you know, besides that. I think another thing to note
would be, I did not know. I was adopted until I was around
kindergarten age. Mmm, I asked my parents like why
I was Fifty Shades Darker The mum, and then that's when I came
out. So, I never was like, always
told or anything. And then when my mom told me my
adopted, mom told me, I was like, well, who are they, where
are they? I wanted to know, like
everything I was like super curious.
I think one issue with the way that they told me.
I was like my adopted mom, that I told me like everything, but
the way that she told me is my birth mother was a single mom.
She already had my brother who was like 5 years older than me,
her parents were racist, so I think that was like, probably
not the best way to go about it. Yeah, her, you know, a
kindergartener, what were you thinking at that point?
Could you even kind of digest all of that which she was
saying, or over your head? No.
Like, I think that was just a gut to my stomach that was like,
just brought my self-esteem really down.
Mmm, and I experienced racism, In my adopted family, like with
my adopted dad's mother she never outwardly said something
specific. But I just remember her treating
me differently than the rest of my cousin's.
She was just not a nice person and then she tried making up for
it a few years before she passed away but the damage was done
right already. So you said, you had an older
brother from your biological mom.
Mmm. Yeah, so she had one child did
that register. Like, why did you keep him?
Him and not me at that point. That was like, one of the big
daggers you kept him but you got rid of me.
Yeah. And then that probably kind of
compounded in your head about the racism part.
Yeah. The racism that maybe that was
why. Yeah, there was just like a lot
in my head going on at the time. Yeah.
And then I wasn't conscious of it, but now looking back, I
always have some sort of abandonment issues are
separation anxiety. Like when my parents tried,
Leaving me, I like with anyone to babysit me.
I would just fall. When they tried taking me to
daycare, I was bawling. I had to have a blanky.
So, during daycare is like, when my mom had me, like, she's like,
I can't do this. Like, my grandma was like, well,
we'll watch her. That was her mom.
Mmm. I like my adopted mom is Mom.
But, like, when that happened, she still have my two uncles
living at the house. My adopted mom comes from like
nine kids, so she Has like, six Brothers, Three Sisters.
It's a huge family. So they were like, around 18,
but like the one is the one that sexually molest me.
I only have one memory and I didn't know, like what it was at
the time. So when I finally figured it out
that was like another thing that was like adolescent age when you
like know about sex and all the stuff and it's like, oh, that
happened. Mmm!
Wow! Did you tell your mom?
I tried telling them but that was like when I was going
through my rebellious age so they just thought it was a lie
or something and then like shoved it under the rug.
Wow. Yeah.
So yeah, going back guy had separation anxiety.
Had, like, all these things going on, but at that time,
like, nobody went to like therapist for my family, like
they thought anyone that wants like therapy, those are like
crazy people, right? Yeah, so even back, then, it was
so what you were Dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just like raised her. That's not where any of this
comes around racer as she's just the rest of the family.
Yeah, yeah. So that was like another thing.
It's like, I lost my culture I didn't have any of that.
They would like go to like Mexican restaurants they thought
that was doing their job. I'm like all right totally
different culture and everything.
So yeah there is just definitely like a lack of knowledge.
Did you have any siblings growing up?
I've been with your adoptive family.
So seven years after I was born, they ended up having like my
little sister like their natural child.
Okay. But like seven years, big age
difference. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I was just like super jealous and then I think in the
back of my head I was like, are they going to give me out now?
Since they have their baby, did you notice a difference in the
way they treated her? And you I couldn't really
pinpoint anything but you It's just like a feeling you get like
that's their child. Yeah, they tried acting like oh
it's not like a big deal whatever.
Yeah. But there should have been like
some sort of communication around the adoption and you
know, having your own child in integrating.
Yeah, it's got to be similar to like having a blended family and
then that couple has their baby together and you've kind of
still feel like, like the outcast.
So that's there's and I'm kind of, yeah, similar.
So you remember me? Being told and then after you
were told, did that thought just stay in your mind from then?
On my God, no kind of forget, or were you like, I was always on
my mind and I'm like, are they going to come get me, are they
going to come find me? And they knew a little bit of
pieces of information from my mom's co-worker, quote unquote.
So they they knew like my birth father, had three kids.
What I told was like, two or three kids on his own ever,
like, boys. Hmm.
So he was like, married. Did he know about you?
The Like, I got like mixed information.
Like he did know, he didn't know.
Okay, now I know that like my birth mother did try telling
him, he didn't believe her. He was still married at that
time. Hmm.
I see but like it wasn't three boys.
It was my older, sister and two boys, two brothers on that side.
Okay. So when you look back now like
growing up and even maybe early into adulthood did you see or
recognize now any tendencies that you could probably link
back to adoption like you said the abandonment issue, anything
else that you can like look back and abandonment rejection.
I was just like, always super like I don't know how did that
affect your relationships like, dating, and dating is a mess.
That's like something I'm trying to heal right now, but dating
was a mess. I feel like I, especially since
my parents, they weren't emotionally available.
Like, they didn't talk about emotions, it was just surface
level. So, it's like, another layer to
the package. But yeah, I felt like I dated, a
lot of guys that were emotionally unavailable, if they
were available, Well, there's probably like some
self-sabotaging that I didn't realize at the time that I was
doing and I just put up with stuff that I probably shouldn't
have too long and then, like, it ended.
And like, I can think of, like, a couple relationships.
It was like 3 years and it's, like, I should have ended that
like, after six months or three months, like, it was just like,
way too long of dealing with BS. It seems like, I see, you know,
the two extremes like, I see people that get super clingy and
then I see people that As soon as the significant other tries
to attach, then they. Yeah, that's how I am too.
They pull back. I'm like the disorganized
attachment style. Okay.
Yeah. It's like, once you like show me
like too much that I'm like, okay, yes, I'm out.
I really hate that. And then it's like, oh, never
mind. So you just had the one sister
growing up in that was their biological.
Yeah, and I had a bunch of cousins.
Because my dad's side he had three sisters a brother.
My older cousins goes like always hanging out with them so
I'm pretty close with them. I was it with your sister?
How's your relationship? Not close close?
Yeah, I feel like she has probably resentment towards me
too because I was like, super rebellious once I hit teenagers,
I'm like, I did not want to listen to anybody, but also my
adopted dad was very strict and his dad, my grandpa is like,
from the military, mmm. So, I know that my grandpa was
strict so that's probably. Like another thing super strict
and I'm like I want out of here. Yeah.
And I did all the things I was partying.
I was drinking but at the same time if that was like my only
Outlet because I couldn't talk about all this other stuff and
to suppress it had to be grateful.
I'd be happy. Yeah.
But I was adopted right. Do you have any kids?
I do not. I think I've been like putting
it off or specially like I wanted to like go through this
healing and stuff but I'm like, Grateful that I have not brought
a child in yet because I'm like, I just have this all this work
to do to heal. Yeah.
It just finally started healing like started the process 2018
but I mean like just started. But that was I mean we went
through a lot the past couple of years with the epidemic and
everything. Yeah well it's a lot to dig
through. It's not like a one and then
session and you know you've erased all your adoption drama
and everything else doesn't happen.
Yeah we tried I feel like It's going to be like a forever
thing, but at least maintenance or something at some point,
hopefully. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I mean just so many layers to
it, right? So let's talk about reunions for
a minute. Mmm.
Did you find your biological family?
And if so, how did it go? And yeah, I started looking as
soon as I could since. So my birth mother came over to
Indiana, she was like Illinois because they worked in Chicago.
So she came over to Indiana because my adopted parents lived
in Danica. So I guess the process was
easier to do the adoption. So I went through state of
Indiana. Try to get my paperwork.
I don't think I could get it until I was 21.
When I tried to get the paperwork though, it was just
like, all, what is it called? I forget like when they just
give you like the and identifying information.
And yeah, I could only get that information.
So I just got her age, which I already knew that she was 26
when she had me and her race Caucasian.
So, I was like, okay like what's the next step?
And they're like well you can like get an attorney and do all
this other stuff and I'm like that's so expensive, this had to
be like early 2000s, like Facebook, wasn't nothing.
There was no like groups like that.
I'm like, okay, well I'll just go about my life, but 2018 is
when they actually started opening up, they changed the
law. So, like I could get my
paperwork. So I did it as soon as I could.
And what paperwork is that names?
And Sue's get that identifying. Oh wow, information.
Yeah, so like, I guess, like prior in 1992 is like, that's
the cutoff. Keep your born after 1992 in
Indiana. Like you could get your
identifying information, as okay?
As long as the birth parent, didn't sign a waiver saying no.
Oh yeah. So 2018, they change it.
So like everyone could like go do it.
So they really like huge backlog.
Yeah. And I wait, I think it was like
six months to get it and then luckily though they're like
posting stuff on like Facebook's and like there were groups and
there was like Indiana connections and things like that
and groups that you can like actually go and meet people and
talk about all the things and I was like I think I was like
pretty delusional. I'm like on cloud nine.
I'm like having a good time formation and then like people
are talking about the horror stories of like when they like
do the reunions. And I'm like, oh crap.
I need to prepare myself for this.
Yeah. And my health started to tank
around that time, I always had like chronic fatigue and like a
sensitive stomach and things like that, but it got worse and
I had dizzy spells. I didn't like actually pass out
but like, I got so lightheaded. We're like, I got to that point.
Like, I was still going to the doctor's.
Like, no one could figure anything out.
I'm like, oh my God, what? I had this same?
Same. Yes, I know exactly.
It's going through all this, right?
It's so frustrating and then I couldn't eat food anymore.
Like there was like, so many foods, I was sensitive to.
I'd like to start breaking out stuck with limited amount of
diet. And I'm like, okay, this is not
good. Like, I just need to get this
done. And then I started seeing a
functional doctor at that time because I'm like, I need someone
to. So, like I was doing like all
these nature. Pathak things get myself back in
order. How did that work?
Good work. I'm still not.
It up to speed. Like I don't work for like a few
months and then I see the middle like it's better.
Now that I've done a lot of trauma healing and settling my
system. So do you think a lot of it is
psychologically brought on something?
It's all the trauma stuck. All the stress just stuck in the
body causing disease. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, not fun. So yeah, it was like six months
because I filled out the paperwork around April 2018.
Got the paperwork Like right around like Halloween that year
and I got her name, but my father's name was nowhere to be
found on the form but her name was really easy.
I did a Google search fund it in 5 minutes.
Wow. So like taking all the advice
from like the groups and like, okay I'll write her a letter
because everyone's like if you call them they might just like,
hang up. So I'm like a, write a letter
sent like some pictures and I waited and I didn't hear
anything. And like, well, ancestry has
Kappa for the holidays. So let me do ancestry.
See if I can find like anything on the birth father side.
Hmm. And since his around the
holidays, it took forever to get anything back.
So I think I waited until like mid-January.
So that was like 2019. And then when I got it I'm like
holy crap, there's so many connections on my birth father
side. I haven't ancestry right here
and I'm like, I have that He's, I don't even know how many I'll
at his family's huge, but there was no close connections.
Give his all third, fourth cousins, but I was able to,
like, pull together a family tree.
Yeah, I'm like, kind of dig down a little bit.
Mmm and my birth mother was on Ancestry.
Oh wow. I'm like I'll give it a week and
then I'm going to reach out because I by this time I think
it was like three months since I sent the letter to her and I
haven't heard anything back. Yeah.
So I reached out to her on their on Ancestry.
Yeah. I'm like, hey, I tried sending
you a letter, blah blah blah. And then she emails me, like,
outside of the exit. I gave her my email address and
then she's like, I'm sorry, I was just like in such a phase.
When I got your thing and blah blah blah.
She only wanted to communicate through email like she didn't
want to communicate over the phone.
She doesn't like to talk on the phone so that makes it Because I
don't want to like, put too much in an email.
I don't want to like be like to everbearing, I don't want to be
like to this or to that, right? So we were emailing back and
forth for a few months and then I've got my I asked for my birth
father's name. So, once I got that, I like
plugged it into the thing and figure it out who he was right
away. Except for his last name is
super common. So trying to find like his
contact info is really hard, so it took a little bit.
I'd say like a couple weeks to find his information and then I
reached out through like I sent him a letter to but I sent it
certified. Okay.
So I knew I need to receive it. Yeah.
So I got the alert the day that he received it and then I got a
phone call that evening on speakerphone with him his I
guess second wife and my aunt and my cousin I'll on
speakerphone and I'm like holy crap.
This is like Lads. Yeah.
But he can prepare for that one. He was like, oh my God, he was
like, super excited and happy to hear from me.
He wanted to know, like, all the things.
I'm like, this is just like too much and like we scheduled like
the time to like talk just us, we did that.
And then he wanted to fly me because he's in Florida.
So you want to fly me to Florida so I could meet the family.
I did that. I also met my birth.
Smother on my birthday because all of us like happen around
like April twenty, nineteen. So, I met my birth.
Where's your mom at where were she's gonna suburb of Illinois?
Okay, so nearby, yeah. So she wasn't like too far and
then he played for my plane ticket to come out there.
His birthday is actually choose days after mine.
Mmm. So that was interesting to find
out. And then one thing gave me a red
flags was that he's estranged from my siblings.
And I was like, um, and he's like, yeah, their mom, like, was
like really upset after we got the divorce and she kept them
away from me and I'm like, okay let's try to connect us and
yeah, whatever. So he started talking to my
sister, who's 10 years older than me, and she was like, open
to it. And then like me and her started
talking and then she started telling me what really happened.
Her mom was distant from him. But at the same time he moved to
like a they lived in like New York and he moved to like a
different place and didn't tell them where they moved to I guess
it was like walking distance like my sister and my brothers
would like go walk when they like stay at his house like on
weekends or whatever and they walked there one weekend and he
wasn't there. Oh my God and he had moved.
Wow so they didn't know so it was like a ten-year-old.
Oh my gosh. She's turned my other brothers
were like 75 around that time. Mmm, so unlike you left that
out, did you tell him that? I didn't come out and say it?
But I just kept. I was like, the, what is it
called the attachment style. Where you're like, ghosting a
little bit. Yeah, that's how I was.
And we're just kind of feeling everyone out.
Yeah. Really know who's telling the
truth and who isn't and you're still trying to piece everything
together. So, yeah.
And then my sister was telling me she's like, then when I was
16, I called my dad at work saying that I wanted to go meet
him for lunch and try to reconnect and at first, he's
like yeah let's do that. And then the day of calls her
and says my wife wouldn't want that.
Well how can you tell that to your six-year-old daughter?
Yeah so yeah I'm like you left a lot out.
Allowed that Happened. They are like his the way that
he liked described, it's like me.
And his sister's is it was the mother that kept the kids away.
Hmm. When he also played a part in
that. Yeah, it was him and his wife.
He said that he didn't know about me but I mean from what
I'm gathering because my sister step dad told her, she talked to
me and like, you know, like we developed a relationships like,
oh yeah, your mom told me about About a baby.
And she's like, why didn't you ever tell me?
He's like, I didn't think it was my place to say anything.
So it's like, he knew like, and he's trying to say that he
didn't believe my mom, that she was pregnant, right?
So I'm like, grieving, all of this stuff from like, everybody.
I'm like, I can only, I want a relationship with my siblings
but like the parents. Yeah.
So, how is it with your dad right now?
Are you talking? Or not.
It's very limited. It's like holidays.
Both of our birthdays were like just the other week so like I
sent him something. So yeah.
It's just birthdays holidays. And how about with your mom?
Very, very limited. I wasn't when you met her and
like what happened with that? Like she's like another one.
Like it's very hard to get information out of if I ask her
something like she'll say it, but if she doesn't want to
answer, then she'll just ignore it.
It, it's very hard to talk. I mean, it was nice meeting her
and I went to her house and let my older brother mmm.
Then my older brother connected over Facebook, but, I mean,
he'll like something like random like messages saying that his
wife is beating him. And I'm like, I'm sorry, what am
I supposed to do with that, to do?
So, how many siblings do you have then half-siblings?
So, We're Half and then the one from my adopted family and how
are the relationships with your half-siblings.
So me and my sister from my birth father, my half-sister,
we're pretty communicative and she has like a daughter and
three boys and it's crazy that they're, you know, 10 years
younger than me. But I mean I love them all and I
went out to they live in Pennsylvania, so I went out to
Pennsylvania for like my My sister's.
I think it's her second marriage.
So that was fun. I got to hang out with her and
like meet all of them and it was just crazy just realizing like,
okay. Me and my sister have a lot of
the similar features but looked at, you know, look different
still. But you can tell we're family
and I can like see you to my niece to.
You can see like a lot of the same features.
I don't look like any of my half-siblings look like any of
them but I look like I'm a combination of both.
My birth parents. I don't look like any of my
siblings. I'm, that was kind of
disappointing for me. I think not seeing that in
mirroring. I was so excited to have like
siblings and then I was like, yeah, it's just weird and it's
like weird it's like certain the way like will turn our faces.
You can see it like front on a little bit like depending on
like you know like our facial expressions.
Yeah for sure. Yeah.
And then other ones are like are they sisters but like yeah.
Yeah, you can like tell. So it's different definitely
with both my birth parents. I'm like, yeah, I see the
similarity is in both. Do you have any it's weird?
How that happened way you talk, or the way you do, certain
things that you do you see that mirrored in your biological
family at all? Definitely, from my birth
father, we have the same like appendages.
Long fingers, long toes, skinny feet.
It's just weird. The way I likey like does stuff.
I'll talk. I myself, am I?
Hmm, you know just make random noises when I'm like doing stuff
and he does the same thing that side is like all musicians, I'm
a musician. It was just interesting to like,
find that out. That was where I got my musical
talents and then on my birth mother like she work is like an
admin assistant but she was interested in like interior
design. That's like another thing that I
love the Arts and interior design and all that stuff.
So it's weird seeing like how that stuff creeps through.
You saw a lot of mirroring with my birth mother and just like, I
think we laughed the same and just how we moved our bodies.
A lot of times you know, it was kind of weird.
I didn't feel like she's my mom, but I felt like she was like a
close aunt or a cousin or yeah, that we, you know, I don't know.
There was this a lot of similarities that were kind of
fun like that to discover that. I never saw growing up
obviously. Yeah, yeah, because that wasn't
the hardest thing growing up. I don't have any one Yeah, I
know. No mirroring.
Yeah. So what advice would you give
people that are looking for reuniting with their biological
family? What did you learn from doing
your journey? I'm like, I thought I'd prepared
but I didn't I feel like probably being in therapy way
before even starting the process is a good idea because I didn't
start until like right before or something around there.
I don't have any One like walking me like through talking
about all the things that were like coming up.
Yeah. So yeah, I think that's
definitely like way important. Yeah, you can prepare like
they're going to like not want to talk but at the same time you
need to prepare for the effects like knowing the story and
knowing that impact on like all these people that affected and
I'm like super empath. So I take everything on and my
health I was so bad at that time.
Yeah. How'd your birth, are your
adoptive family feel about you finding your birth family.
So they like mine fucked me. When I was growing up with be
grateful and my I don't think they wanted me to look fairly.
Why would you want to? And it was just like insecure
attachment with them, right? Right.
And then, when I was older and like, the law was changing,
they're like, oh, you should do it and I'm like, oh well, Why
can't you give me the sport back then you know, right?
So so how is your relationship with them now now it is I'm
still trying to navigate it and they are still like stuck in
their ways. They don't really talk about
emotions. There's a lot to unpack still
from back then and I mean, I feel like they just thought like
oh you could just like sweep it under the rug it happened.
There's no after-effects. Yeah, but there is so.
Yeah, I wish that they would be open to therapy like some sort
of family therapy or counseling are something, but they're not.
So right now, it's just like surface level.
I don't really see them that much.
I don't really talk to him that much right now.
I need to do my own healing. Yeah, take care of you.
Yeah but I wish that they would I don't know.
Acknowledge some stuff. Yeah I know that.
It's one thing I've discovered is everybody's in their own fog
and even adoptive parents or in their own fog.
You know about what really happens with adoption.
So talking about fog are you in the fog?
Are you out of the fog? Do you even use that term?
I know some adoptees. Don't like to use that term but
yeah, I where you at? I Don't really know if I relate
to the term. I don't know.
Have you ever listened to adopt? He's on with Haley?
Radke. I think I have a couple times.
Like I listen to one of their recent episodes there like
something about like not using that term anymore.
For some reason. I forget exactly why.
But I don't know if I was ever in the fog, I feel like I always
knew something was off. I just didn't know that adoption
was trauma, because there was like, no terminology for that
until like, you know, the last decade or so.
Yeah, so yeah knowing that I did go through trauma and I had PTSD
and that's something. I I wish that was known back
then. Yeah.
So what did you do to start healing?
What did you find? That was helping you.
I started seeing a therapist that did brain spotting and
started teach me like meditation.
I moved back to Chicago, though. Late summer 2019.
So I defined like a different therapist.
So find an adoptee one, but she was like super religious, I only
had a couple sessions with her. Mmm, I found another therapist
that brain spotting and then over the pandemic, I was able to
get it ADHD diagnosis so that's like another thing I was living
with all along that time, so that was good.
And then I started going to like ADHD specific therapist and then
sought out a different trauma therapist.
So it does EMDR so we're working on like the many traumas right
now and I think it's good having like the two different ones like
my ADHD therapist. She's also like half Puerto
Rican, half Caucasian. So we kind of have that like,
she knows where I'm coming from and then, yeah, the EMDR and I
think reading that book, like the body keeps the score.
Like knowing like, okay, you can like, try this this.
So, like around the same time, like I started doing yoga breath
work. That leads me to like, bring it
on the Whole of hypnosis meditation and I feel like those
all really helped but like preparing for hypnosis because I
did not realize how disregulated I was.
Mmm. So like doing meditation was
very, very difficult and then trying to get it home.
Gnosis was very difficult. So I'm like, I had.
Do you like these somatic exercises?
Yeah. Breathwork.
Finding EFT. Tapping has also been great.
So doing all the things and getting regulated Added.
Yeah, yeah. I the tapping and the breath
work. It's like, you know, it's like
getting ready to go to gyms. Like I don't want to do this.
Yeah, I know. But then afterwards you're like,
oh, that felt so good. Yeah, I know that's how it is.
It's like, I gotta like, coach myself.
I'm like, you'll feel great after you're done.
Just yeah. Yeah for me I felt like the
hypnosis as well with meditation.
That was kind of easy for me because I could check out Really
easily and that felt really good.
Just going to that Lala place and just like floating around,
you know, and not having to think, or feel or anything,
occurs things, come up in my brain.
You know, that pop in that, I need to know what you're pretty
cool and that happens, but meditation was different than
learning this hypnosis stuff. Now where you have to check in
and go to your right brain and all the stuff and I'm just like
I don't know if I could do that. I don't know like I'm so left
brain and so like walled off and I didn't know.
Know how. Well, the off I was and now it's
like that ice is melting and I can't stop it.
And now there's exact nerves that are like getting raw, which
in a good way though, but in a scary way for me right now.
So it's like, I'm in the journey, you know, with the SMG
I right now and I'm learning it, but I'm also the student, so I'm
going through it and I'm just like, oh my God, are you doing
practice with other students in there, mmm-hmm?
Yeah, and with other people, too.
So it's Really cool and we're just getting into like doing the
whole 90-minute whole session and I'm just freaking out like
I'm going to cry and I never cry.
Like I hardly ever cried that's like show emotions but I mean, I
was just doing a session last week and it was just like, a
five minute and I could feel like the tears were coming in my
eyes, and I was just the induction part, and I was just
like, oh my God, this is crazy. But one Governor.
My no, I'm the same way. I'm like, I don't like show.
Oceans to other people easily. Like, I have to be like be by
myself. Yeah.
As we like another like adoptee mmm-mmm-mmm response.
Yeah, I always feel like I make sure everybody else is okay.
You know like I'm taking care of everybody else and I'm taking
care of this and that and then can let go after I feel like
okay, there everyone else is. Okay?
Yeah, I can focus on myself, you know and sometimes it never
happens till what later down the road.
I don't know if you've experienced this but like if you
have like a duck, The family or something?
Do you have a delay reaction? Yeah.
That's how I was too. I'm like, I thought I was weird
and like, people are like what's wrong with you?
Like why aren't you upset? And I'm like, I haven't
processed it. I don't know what that is right?
Yeah just feel you just feel numb, I don't know.
Yeah, I don't I don't know how to explain it either but that's
the closest I can think of is you just kind of feel numb and
walled off from it. You can't access it.
Yeah. I I found that.
Well, another thing I've tried some psychedelic therapy.
Mmm. And that has had some big
breakthroughs. I think I've heard that this
past year. Yeah, I have done some microns
that I was by myself, which I don't recommend to anyone.
So I would recommend having like, a trip sitter or somebody
that is trained. I do it, right.
I felt comfortable. Just because I've done
psychedelics before and like I don't know you fellas.
Welcome to bug. Yeah, as for myself but I don't
recommend it at all right, so what did that do?
Exactly. I mean I've heard people explain
it as it just kind of opened up their awareness more of it.
Well how would you describe it? I think for me it's just
breaking down some barriers. Like the first one, like the big
message I got was we're all connected.
It was definitely like a very spiritually.
Hmm. It was very cool experience.
Just like, knowing like we're all connected.
I don't want to say, like there's a reason for end of
everything, but there's like a spiritual aspect to like
everything that we're going through.
And then the second one, the message I got was expansion as
Within Me. Hmm.
So I think that was very elevating like to get my
self-esteem back up and I felt like after that, just like you
have to do the integration work to afterwards though.
Like you can't just like, have it trip and be like, I'm all
better. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's definitely Integrations. Self-esteem is something.
I feel like I continually need to work on and then my third
one. It was, what was my mess?
Did you know that one was a crazy one?
I like saw things and they were like, scary things.
I think I was just walking through the darkness and like
seeing the other side. The other side is on the way
and, you know, basically like I'm doing a great job and just
to keep going. Yeah, yeah, arresting it might
sound crazy, but I felt like, you know, I had my ancestors
with me. I had buried guides with me.
Like I had them with me like guy.
Me along the journey. Wow.
Yeah. That's cool.
Yeah. Where they adopted relatives or
biological relatives that were there or both?
I think the ancestors that I seen were like my Puerto Rican.
Mmm. Very like ancient ancestors.
Okay. So nobody recognized visually
but you knew. Yeah.
You work at and then spirit guide wise past life stuff.
I don't want to get like two booba, some I don't know.
No, I don't know of it, go ahead.
Anyone else in the audience is like we were like that but
definitely, like felt like Spirit guides with me that we're
like past life and I want to like, go into time as an
illusion but like there's like future selves of me and then
past selves of me altogether, like helping me helping guide
along the way. Wow, yeah wow.
Yeah, it's very like deep. And like yeah, very different.
Yeah. Very different from like when
I've heard from multiple people about psychedelics I interviewed
an adoptive mom that's Iverson. She's a podcast as well and she
did that and she was kind of saying similar to you the
experience that she had was kind of like that.
Yeah, I love it and they're so interesting.
So tell me about Quantum. Hypnosis yeah, come on.
Time Henry would have a certification.
Yeah. Quantum gnosis you can
definitely Connect with all of your Spirit guides ancestors,
you can explore past lives that are not on the earth, so there
can be like, some Galactic stuff.
But I don't know if other people are into that, but my teacher,
she's called the star seed awakener.
So, I don't know if other people know what starseeds are, but
it's galactic stuff and she has her own podcasts to that goes
into hypnosis sessions that she's done for her clients that
You basically go through like the induction.
I don't know how long your hypnosis inductions are.
But ours are about like goes about 30 minutes and we're
playing bilateral music as really conducting people.
Mmm. But we want to set an intention
initially. The like what do you want to
explore? So you can explore past lives,
Galactic stuff, whatever you want and then we bring the
higher self through after we like go through whatever life
you want to experience and see what needs to be.
Yield any recommendations from your higher self.
That's cool. Really cool.
And interesting. I've had my own sessions.
We did practice sessions with students and like, did that
really happen? Did I really experienced like
you definitely like question, like, holy crap.
But it's like, did my mind really make that up?
Because I've never seen that before, right, where is it easy
for you two to go into hypnosis like, were you able to easily
be? I definitely had to prep before
my first time. It's, I had to like, do you like
a deep, like, a Yoga Nidra? I don't know if you've ever done
those, but I had to like, you hero, good Nedra, some breath
work, and like, get myself calmed, and then my other two
ones, I micro toast earlier that day to make sure my brain was
just like, we're gonna let this happen.
Yeah, let it in right. Those are like definitely like a
lot more easier. But, yeah, I feel like with
anyone that has trauma is just, it's not easy to get into.
Hypnosis. Yeah, that's what I was afraid
of to. I was worried about that, but
they did pretty good. I think micro dosing does hell.
Yeah. And like, doing all the somatic
stuff, but if you don't want to like microdose and I know that
it is illegal and a lot of States.
Yeah. But there is legislation
happening, we're trying to, you know, open it up because I mean
it's a plant and it is well, I'm talking about mushrooms
specifically, but like it's a plant and Ancestry is used it
for serum. Well, at least I know my
ancestors, use it for ceremonies.
Yeah, I know that there's legislation trying to use some
of that stuff for mental health issues and stuff to, which I
think it would probably help you actually have the ketamine and
MDMA, but like, I'm like, I don't want to use like a
chemical, like that. Like, I'd rather like you
something that's like mother nature.
Like, I'm just like you. Yeah, natural.
So you're practicing this, like, people can contact you.
And yeah, they can go on my website.
I'm also going to be offering a nervous system reset for if any
adoptee wants to reach out, I'll work with them.
I am maxing it out like three four right now but I do like
want to like help support whoever I can.
I just ask because I'm like finishing up a certification for
breath work. I'm doing like some like other
yoga certifications that I just have to do a case study, so if
you're okay with me documenting. Yeah.
Writing about your experience. Yeah.
But yeah, it'll be free for the month of May and yeah the qhc I
think I have like a 20% discount if anyone wants to okay connect
with me and the code is galactic and they can email me.
Amanda at the trauma shift deck, huh?
Yeah. And I'll put that in the show.
Notes do a website? Yes, it's the trauma shift.com.
Make it easy for everybody. That's gonna be the name of your
new podcast, right? That's coming up hopefully soon.
Yes. So what is this?
What's your podcast about? It's going to be like, all
things trauma and somatic exercises.
I want to do, like, some like Live Events.
I'm like Library events that people can join, it's just
getting my ADHD brain to sit down and do it.
The thing is like I also work full time Time in any of the
space, I'm working the tech field.
So I'm like, my brain just wants to rest and like not do anything
else after work. But I'm like if I want to get
this going if I want this to be like my full-time thing, I need
to do it. Yeah.
Yeah, I know for me, I sit down to do one thing and then 15
minutes later I was like, what was I?
I was not, I'm not doing what I said.
Exactly, exactly. Maybe I have ADHD.
I mean There's a lot of women that like, we're just like
overlooked when they were younger because it wasn't until
like the last decade or so like were inattentive type ADHD was I
thing and people like even people that were like Miss
diagnosed, bipolar or borderline got re-diagnosed and it's been
like ADHD the whole time. Yeah, yeah.
And it's like ADHD on top of like trauma on top of sexual
abuse, there's so many people that We are getting late
diagnosis of that, you know, as adults.
I remember in like high school and like elementary schools, the
only ones that got diagnosed were, like, the little boys that
were like, Super Hyper jumping off the walls.
Not the little girls that were like off daydreaming looking out
the window. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My son was like that. I don't know if school is hard
for you like, but like, I could not concentrate in school.
It was just like impossible. I cannot likes it.
I was good until like high school but that was just because
As a teenager, I didn't do my homework and you know, the
teenage stuff. Yeah.
All right, we'll put all your
links and stuff in the show notes so that people can find
you and there anything else that you want to discuss that we
didn't cover trying to think. I think we like went over a lot
just let people know like I'm also here to support and I do
offer like a free like initial consultation.
Owen. Okay for an hour or so people in
chat with me whenever they want. I wish I was more active in
Facebook, but like, I like kind of like deleted Facebook, like,
during the epidemic I'm like, I can't handle it, was too much.
Yeah, maybe I should like, reactivated so I could join more
groups again. Yeah.
It more involved and there's
such an uprising right now of adoptees.
That it's really cool to watch. I mean, obviously it's a public
space. So not 100% safe.
Hmm, there's a lot of triggering things and You know, just keep
scrolling but it's also very supportive space as well.
Like you were saying about reunions and stuff you know, to
have those couple people in place that you can bounce off
what happened and you know kind of somebody that understands has
been through it and not necessarily give you any advice
which, you know, they can. But just having somebody
understands is huge, just listen that Journey, especially like if
you can't like talk to like anybody in your adopted family,
Ali, which I couldn't. Yeah, this is really hard.
Oh yeah. Like another thing is like, my
little sister was mad because I did not force.
Come, all of the information was upset, she wasn't included.
And I'm like I don't even know how to describe how I feel about
all of the solved. I don't have words for this.
Yeah, that's a private journey. I mean yeah.
But to like get mad. Yeah, at me.
Yeah, well, I'm like I'm sorry there's another person you gotta
Look, I'm sorry to everybody. They know, right?
Sorry for. I'm just trying to do me right
now. Sorry, I know.
Well, thanks for coming on today Amanda and we'll put your links
in the show notes. So if anybody wants to find
Amanda excited, it will be their second act.
Yeah, yeah. Thanks for coming on.
Thank you. Thanks again, Amanda for coming
on. Mind your own Karma and just so
everyone knows you cannot get to.
Whoo, for me, I'm always. He's into the whoo.
And if you would like to know more about Amanda and her
Quantum hypnosis and all the other things that are coming up
for her, all her links are in the show notes.
Now, I want to talk to you the listener.
Yes, you that's listening right now.
Have you rated and reviewed the podcast on your listening
platform? Yet if you haven't, please do so
it only takes a minute, it's free and it helps get the word
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Option relinquishment. If you would like to know more
about all the things mind your own Karma, you can go to my
website, mind your own Karma.com, you can learn a
little bit more about me and my mission for this podcast.
Last but not least, if you would like to come on the show and
tell your adoption story, you can email me at mind, your own
Karma at gmail.com and let's get you on the podcast.
As always take what you need and leave, what you don't.
And always remember to mind your own Karma.
See you next time. And always remember to mind your
own Karma. See you next time.