There is this pandemic, I'm going to call it pandemic
because it seems like an infectious disease of men
borrowing me money, and I want to talk.
About it today, I hope it will be.
Taken in A to be honest, I don't care how it's taken by men who
borrow women money. I've been seeing people talk
about it but it's never really happened to me until recently
and I want to tell. You guys a story?
Maybe you can tell me if I'm overreacting, overthinking, but
I think I'm at a point in my life where I truly truly trust
my intuition and I don't question the feelings that I
have within me because I know the difference between being
anxious and my body telling me something is wrong.
Yesterday. I was at a recording.
At the dialogue with Jaguaro Studios and this guy.
Calls me out of nowhere. This is someone I've not spoken
to in years and if we've spoken in between it's in passing.
This someone I knew from 5-6. Years ago, we're not.
Close. We don't hang out, we don't
talk, I don't even think we follow each other on social
media. And I didn't even have the
number, but. I pick all the calls especially.
From numbers, I don't know, because I don't know, it could
be business, could be something serious.
So if I think the call is a money call, I'm definitely going
to pick it up. I picked up and this.
Guy's like hey. He seemed a bit timid.
A bit not sure of himself. I could read.
This from his voice immediately. I picked up the call.
How are you? He said.
Hi, Bobby, How are you? And I said hi, how may I help
you? And he said X.
Let's say his name is X. And I was like, oh, I was a bit
shocked because why would he? Call me but.
It's OK, people. From my past call me.
All that OK. Sometimes, and I don't mind a
little. Teta Tet.
Catching up Kidogo he. Was like, hey, I was.
Thinking maybe he has something important to tell me.
I don't know because it. Must be, I don't want to use the
word. Urgent, but it must be of
significance for you to take the time to call someone that.
You hardly ever speak. With and I let him keep you
know, saying what he wanted to say.
I asked him how may I help you and he said so I'm at Langata,
I'm at Langata police station. I've been caught yet again, he
added. They yet again, yet again on in
a lower voice and then he proceeded to say I've been
caught and they want me to give them 50,000 shillings.
I've been able to call up a few friends and save up to 27,000
shillings and I'd be really grateful.
If you showed up. For me, in whatever way you can,
the right thing for me to do would have been to be honest
with him. But I don't think he needed me
to put him down in case he was already in a very.
Vulnerable state like I could. Down.
It wasn't the time for me to start giving him a lecture, like
all the feelings I had, but I want to talk.
About the feelings I had. Right now, because of course I
couldn't tell him that. I don't know.
I'm still a kind person at the end of the day, so I wasn't
going to start telling him why would you call me, blah, blah,
blah. But what I felt, first of all,
that was a big red flag because of all the people he.
Could have called. Why me?
We're not close. We don't speak.
He's never helps me with anything.
He's never done anything for me. He's never even, you know,
something I normally check when I'm showing up for people.
I think this is a human thing. It's very subconscious.
I mean, it's not always intentional at tit for tat
because if you're giving and if you're helping, it has to come
from a selfless point of view. But there's when people are in
your life actively, there's an expectation, a silent
expectation. It could be loud and bold.
But there's just that expectation of support
supporting. Each other, showing up for each
other. This is someone who's never, at
least I've never seen any, even sharing a link of my work
telling. People to check.
Out my stuff any even in the simplest.
Of ways or even offered. Me encouragement, I see what
you're doing. Or even just decided to stay in
my life as a friend. This is someone I don't talk.
To we don't have a rapport where.
We can borrow each other money. It's not something that has ever
happened in our lives. So for him to call me that was a
bit weird. And he said that's why I'm
calling with you with this number.
It's not my usual number. So if you could please.
Just send me the number to this and I'm thinking how did he have
my number if he's not using his usual phone?
For five years, he's. Cramped my number.
That's crazy. And I thought why, why, why
would? He's a man, he's way older than
me at this point. He should have connections and a
solid system from people where he can get this money from.
And if at all, it. Was genuine then I don't know, I
just. Feel like he should go to people
who he talks to, people who are actually.
His friends, people who encourage and support him.
I mean, I also have my own life. I also have things that need
money. I'm also doing my own things.
I don't have money lying around waiting to help bail out men
I've not talked to in five years.
And that was a. Huge, huge red flag.
To me, by the way, this pissed me off because.
Why, of all people, me? What is it about me that says
I'm willing to give someone who I don't talk to money?
Unless it's for a charity. Case or someone who you know,
someone who's not my friend, someone I don't know.
Unless it's charity and go more, I try not to involve money and
even when people reach out to me for help, let's say on Instagram
or. Twitter.
And say, you know, I haven't eaten, I don't have food, I need
money. CG for what?
I prefer to send stuff. Like I'd rather do.
Shopping for you and send the shopping to you.
If you tell me I don't have food then send you money and if you
feel like that's. Selfish.
Then. Of course I can't dictate.
How you use money if I give it to you?
But I'm just not comfortable sharing money with strangers.
And then also I feel like it it creates a habit it.
Creates and people just don't ever think maybe I can't just I
mean yes, I am a giver, but it has to come from my heart,
meaning I have to be comfortable and I have to have been filling
my cup for me to even have the. Capacity to share so.
Someone who's never talked to me or someone who we don't have
that kind of rapport with wouldn't know.
They wouldn't know how I am financially.
They wouldn't know if I was on my last.
To Bob, but they're. Calling me when they need.
To be bailed out bro what if what if I was?
Dying. What if I was sick?
What if I was going through depression?
Now any any crazy? And you see, the crazy thing is
my female friends wait, I'll get to that before I do any
comparison. So I noticed a men are starting
to borrow me money. And listen, I know men are human
beings. Well, anytime I bring up
conversations about emotions, they're always trying to fight
me. You know men are not supposed to
be emotional. Let men be men.
Do not force emotions on men. But OK, so then why would I have
empathy for someone if they claim to be happy about not
being emotional beings? First of all, and this is not
general, it's in recent arguments I've had with men who
argue about such things. Of course grown men know better
and they communicate and understand their emotions, and
they are confident and comfortable being emotional
beings. But not everyone is like that.
And surely these men who borrow me money are not like that.
This has happened to me twice, I'll tell you the other.
Story in a bit. I'm not close with any man
enough for them to even borrow me money, maybe my dad and my
brother and that's fine, that's family.
They don't even have to prove anything or show me anything,
and even with them, I think it's important that.
They're able to. I mean, I know life happens,
sometimes a Cocini, sometimes Nicoju, but my family members,
they've never in my life. They've never made me feel like,
I don't know, like they need my money or they're going to take
my money from me. If anything, they're
consistently trying to provide and make my life easier and show
me how to be a. Better provider.
For myself from watching them. Provide, so I sit.
And start to wonder that in a. Patriarchical world A world that
was literally created by. Men for men.
How come my girls are more stable?
The women in my life, no one has ever borrowed me money at the
only cost. You up in Mashiko?
Send me bail money. Oh, and when women borrow me
money, it's usually, you know, my bank is not working and they
send the money, right? Back after or.
It's not even a Denny, because in my relationships with women,
there is consent and consistent romance.
If I pay today, you pay tomorrow.
Today they bring me gifts. Let me tell you, the women in my
life, them and I, we practice friendship actively.
We're consistently gifting each other, loving each other,
affirming each other, being romantic.
My friends give me flowers, they cook me meals, they send me
gifts. They they treat me so.
Well, it's a level of. Friendship where Kitaku OK, it's
not even a daily. It's not even the kind of
relationship reality. I want my money.
Back. See.
It's you sit. And think about all the.
Ways, all the ways they've. Shown up for you, even all the
things they do for you. You don't even feel bad about
sharing and about being nice and about sending them that urgent.
2K because it's OK, it's all good.
You easily know that when you're in that space.
Next time they're going to. Pull up for you but.
I've never, I've never experienced this from these men
who are unromantic and they borrow money from women.
Let me I tell you, I've only encountered two of them, but
they've given me enough experience to be able to speak
on all of them because it shocked me.
And also it. Just makes me start to wonder
like what about me if you look at me as a woman and if you just
look at me, what about me says that someone can use his base to
borrow me money. It means I really need to
rebrand. I can't imagine.
Well, I can because it's happened.
But imagine a man. Hey babe, I need you to send me
an urgent 2K. I don't know how to imitate a
base but. It's just what it's crazy to.
Be honest, I'm very spoiled and I'm used to it at home.
I'm used to my parents providing and taking care of me.
And that's exactly how I am about myself and the people I
love. I provide and I protect.
For. Myself and for the people around
me. And to be honest, I do not mind
spoiling those who spoil me. The men in my life get to enjoy
it. My friends my my family, they
get to enjoy the benefits of me experiencing good things as
well. Because they are a.
Constant in my life, as friends, as family, they continue to show
up and so. Like I said, spoiling.
People who spoil me is not a hard thing, it's the easiest
thing to do and again, it's not coming from a tit.
For tat perspective. It's just coming from.
This is the. Space that we've cultivated.
This is the space we've created for each other.
And it feels good. To be able to be.
Somewhere where I know I can get help, I can ask for help, and I
can give. It's not even a gendered thing.
And because of this I I do not feel like I need any man.
So it makes me wonder. Why would you start?
Talking to me like Kuni. Katia start.
Speaking with me and you say you want me.
You're talking all these words about I want you, I want to be
with you. And you've seen the kind of
material, you've seen the kind of woman I am, and then you come
into my life. But you don't want to be
romantic. Because you're secretly broke.
And you're pretending to be something you're not.
And then you start borrowing me money.
I'll tell you guys a. Story in a bit, unfortunately
because of my experiences and consistently improving my
boundaries and my standards. OK.
Fortunately, but unfortunately for.
The. Losers.
I already know how good it can get when a man wants you.
I've already experienced it when someone is madly in love and
passionate about me. The care is automatic.
It doesn't feel. Forced or.
You know it's not something you ask.
For it's just their the. Generosity, the kindness.
And this is what inspires me as a woman to want to create the
space where I'm able to nurture. So now imagine, especially in
the beginning, when a man wants. You, they it's bliss.
And this means I just can't settle for anything less.
I'm used to the best and it only keeps getting better.
So I met this guy one time and. We dated for.
Like a month. I mean, let me just say roughly
a month. This man immediately he met.
Me, he had already proposed like he was rushing into a.
Relationship with me? He was.
He looked. Like my type.
I mean, he's handsome. He looked rich, he was.
All these nice qualities, kind, affirming, respectful.
Is it 2 feet to pause and Amina angle younger and in that month?
Well, I do blame myself. Because I did see the red flags
but. I think I kept ignoring them.
I don't know if I was ignoring them or I just kept saying let
me do it for the plot so that I can see the story.
But I remember very well feeling it deep in my heart that this
was not going to go anywhere and I was not going to be serious.
About this relationship, but at the.
Same time I keep saying let me just see where.
It goes, it goes. Let me see what I can do and
what I can achieve with this. Relationship, but we started the
the. Dating on a very low note
because he came to meet me me at work.
So we just sat at the cafeteria, Hapo.
And we had mandazi and Chai, which is something I never.
Do some people? Recognize me from talking about
how I don't like going to dates. At coffee places.
Because I think it's too cheap for me.
And I should have just stuck with that.
But you see, people are always. What can I say trying?
Downplay. Or to box you into something
you're not. If you have low self.
Esteem and you don't trust yourself enough and people start
saying, you know, Conor Maringo. Why are you like that?
Why would you say you can't go to a date for such place?
It's. Because I know I already knew
when this. Date started on such a.
Low note. I knew it could only get worse
from here. He didn't really take time to
prepare. I mean, circumstances didn't
allow because I was working. I mean, later that night he took
me out to dinner. But even when we went to dinner,
he only. I was the only one who ate.
Alone, he didn't buy himself food.
And I ignored it like I passed it off.
As maybe he's already eaten Amishiba but now that I look
back I'm realizing maybe he just couldn't afford both our meals
because even before I told him the restaurant I wanted to go
to. He tried to suggest cheaper.
Places and in my head, I was wondering at your age with the
car you're driving with the way you're showing.
Up you've not built yourself. Like enough to be able.
To afford this because I could easily.
Mimi, I could go and eat at that restaurant by myself.
But then I was thinking, this man had been saying he wants to
marry me. He wants to be, you know, He
wants me to be his. Wifey, whatever, whatever I was.
Thinking you're ready for marriage and you.
Don't you can't afford them? Meal.
Why? And what would make you think
I'm the best candidate for such a marriage where you can't even
afford a meal anyway? At that time I wasn't thinking
he can't. Afford.
I just passed it off as Asha Kula Asha Sheba.
And I let it go. But now when I look back, I
kept, I did really keep ignoring the signs that I kept seeing.
I kept passing them off as something else.
But deep down, my intuition was blurring all the red flags.
It was saying beep beep beep. Be careful, look how this.
Guy might be crazy. Something is happening during
this time. There were no dates, no flowers,
no practical support. He stopped picking me up even
when we were meeting up and. That already was showing.
Me, this guy is not. Serious.
He's just a big talker because he used to do a lot of.
Future faking you know I'm going to marry you.
I'm going to Mimi, a friend of mine, she's called Saran.
She's always telling me, Roberta, you're so you're so
easy to lie to because all someone needs to do is.
Show you a little. Bit of romance and you fall.
For it, Well, partly it's true, but.
Right now I think I'm wiser. Because I don't really fall for
words so every. Time, he would say all these
things, you know my friends, they want to meet you.
I'm going to take you. Where he never brought me
around. His friends never brought me
around. His family never showed me
anything real or time in his life and even where he lived was
not matching his lifestyle in his.
Car. It was just.
For someone who's younger, that's I think.
That's that could pass because you're still.
Figuring it out but someone of his.
Age. It was just showing me red.
Flags this guy at Raji. Panga and to get married.
This is where we're going to live.
That's not something I was. Going to pass because already.
I'm trying to give myself the best life on my own, so the only
kind of guy I can be with is someone who's better than me,
richer than me, because I need him to be.
Secure for himself it's not. Even about me having a rich
husband or boyfriend, it's about him being.
Well, it is I would. Love that that's the only.
Kind of person I would date. And I'm very honest about it.
That's why I was wondering me. Maybe I'm always saying I'm
myself. Proclaimed gold digger.
What about? Me is making these men think
they can call me and ask me for money.
It's crazy. That's that's that shocked me,
this guy in that. Span of one month he had
borrowed me money four times and it was the babe.
Can you send me two Ki need Suji what please?
And I lied to him because first, that message.
Shot. He didn't even have the audacity
to. Call me and ask and you see he
was doing a lot. Of future.
Faking a lot of speaking with words, Mimi.
Words bore me immediately. You're telling me, darling, I
love you, I miss you, and there's no action attached.
To it I get. So bored he had never paid.
For an Uber, I was. Using he had never sent me money
one time. I was just, it was just a test.
I was just. Testing him to see.
If he'll do it. Well, maybe it's wrong to.
Test people, but I truly. Feel like when a man loves you
and he's serious about you, it becomes his number one priority
to make. Sure.
You're very, very. Well taken care of and I told
him I wanted to buy some brioche bands and I needed some money.
This man told me a tea maybe later another time I was with
him and I needed to pay for my Uber when I was leaving him and
my bank wasn't working so I needed him to send me some money
and I told him could you please send me some money and he said
even me my bank isn't working. So within this one month he had
never other than the meals he paid for he had never once once
given me anything No dates no not even flowers.
I love flowers. This guy had never once bought
me even a flower. A flower is 20 Bob.
This man had never said shikai 50 Bob come a credit, but he
would consistently borrow me babe me said in a 2K the other
time tells me babe I'm in the village, the CG, the bank
network, blah blah blah and I told him you're a grown man.
You're literally 12 years older. Than me he's 4041 and you didn't
think that Oquendo shall go. You need.
To have cash, I told. Him next time just carry cash.
I didn't give him the money. I gave him some lie about my
friend. Something, something just some
lie. He borrowed me some money again.
Now he's. Graduated from 2K to 5K.
He. Borrowed me some money again and
I ignored him and then the fourth time he borrowed me
money. Was the last.
Time we spoke with each other. This guy tells me by.
Then Yanni I had Nil Konsha Boeka Ashani Toka Nashanga to
Kwani. This man tells me ATI need some
25. K.
I'll give it back to you next week.
And then he used to complain about bills all the time.
Like, Oh my. God, the bills are crazy.
And then he would make jokes such as when I would tell him
me, I've already paid off my bills, I pay them in time so
that. Blah blah blah.
Just during conversation he would say why don't you pay
mine? He would.
Pass it off as a as a joke but he used to stay there for a
while. Like Babe?
He would even follow up and ask me, babe, why don't you pay my
bills? Pay my bills for me this time.
I'm alwaysy. Well, I wasn't.
Quite sure how to take. It I didn't know if he was being
serious someone it was a joke because and it was so confusing
to me, I would. Brush it off or laugh it off.
Because I wasn't. There's no way I was going to
believe that this grown ass man was asking me literally in a
paycheck in a wild made for men. He's borrowing a young girl
money that showed me everything I needed to know something was
wrong with this guy because. Not only does he have the.
Experience. And the head start of age.
He also has the head, the head start.
Of him being a man and even the car he drives he tenders.
They pretend to have but they have nothing.
So this guy tells me, babe, you know I need 20. 5K I'll give it.
To you next week. And in my head I just told
myself it's time for me to block.
This guy. There's no way I can continue
speaking with him. The conversation is over and I
simply just deleted him from my phone.
The next day he messages me, you know, acting very disappointed.
He can't believe that, you know, we were in love and we love each
other so much, but I couldn't even give him just 25,000
shillings and he. Brought up the other the past
times where he borrowed. Me money and I gave him excuses
and I lied Any of these times I would tell him I'm sick or I'm
going to a funeral and he would still be waiting like babe sue
to me la pesa and I'm wondering Kumbi and minim ganja minim
Nikoka funeral and you're not thinking how can I make.
This girl feel better? Do I send her a fruit basket?
You know, do I buy her something?
Do I send her some food or a soup?
Normal things, me and my girls. Would do for each other.
This is a man who wants to sleep with me, be marry me.
This is how he's. Acting, of course.
I could see he was devoid. Of empathy and feelings and
care. And I could tell immediately
that he did not like me. He did not want me.
He probably just enjoyed the proximity to me and he was
probably thinking I was the kind of women who are lonely and
desperate and I want to be loved and I want to say I have a man
so. Bad because he would say.
Things like, you know, I want to have.
Babies with you. Mimi, I'm child 3 and I don't
want kids. Maybe to another woman that
would make you fall in love. But when he would say such
things, I would just feel ick. I would feel hell.
No, I'm not in love. I don't want to have kids.
I'm not ready. That's not really going to work
on me. All the future of faking and
love bombing and saying all these right things.
I'm not really. The kind of girl who falls
forwards. Before I see actions, there's no
way you're getting me to do anything.
You know, I used to be a people pleaser and it took a lot for me
to recover. I had to understand that I'm a
very kind person and I'm very giving, but even that has to be
very intentional. So there's no way I'm willing to
pour into something that has never poured into me unless I
know that it's going to make me feel good about myself.
Because I have to care. I have to feel good as well.
Why would I go? Where I'm not loved and not
wanted. And then I start giving him
those urgent 2 KS and five KS and 25 KS.
I'm not crazy. There's so many stories I've
seen on TikTok of men conning women in this way.
You meet a man and he sometimes they'll even give you the money.
You know he'll he'll give you 100.
K he'll give you 1. K And then one day he tells you
babe and I need 400,000. Please please please.
Just give it to me and. Because you guys have created
that rapport of. Sharing and giving each other
money and he's been spoiling you rot and you feel OK.
He's given me money and he's been spending on me.
What's wrong with me giving him the money?
The day you send that 400,000 is the last day you will hear from
that man. It's the last time you will see
him the last. So it does not make sense to me.
For a 40 year. Old man to be asking me for
money, it just doesn't make sense.
Maybe my younger brother who's 24, I can understand if he
doesn't have some money. But a 40 year?
Old man and then he's not going to borrow his fellow man.
He's not going to. Borrow.
You know all these. Men, he was name dropping and
talking. Oh, you know, I was with the
minister of where, you know, Nanny's son is my friend, the
president's son. He's the one who's calling me,
blah, blah, blah. And you can't.
Ask all these other. Rich men for money.
He sent me a long message about, you know, I am a guy who thinks
about the future and if I can't borrow my wife money, who else
am I going to? Borrow he also used.
To send me memes about a tea man shouldn't pay rent for his wife.
You know such discourse. I've literally never had such
arguments with men about any of the men who can come into my
life. All my exes if I line them up.
Problem solvers, solution providers, they.
Really fully take care of me. I have an ex.
Who still? Sends me money and he does it.
We don't even talk. We don't even talk.
He's not even on this continent. He doesn't call me.
He doesn't text me. Once in a while he'll send me
some money. Men who put money into my
account even before they meet me, even before they send me a
dress, they'll send me an outfit, shoes for a date before
we meet, flowers. Very romantic.
So much romance. But this guy wanted me to fall
for him off words. That's crazy it.
Brings me to think about. How it's as if these kind of
people expect to have. The benefits of friendship and
relationships without putting in the work.
Like I said, the. Reason I feel differently about
my female friendships is the romance is consistent.
If my girlfriend asks me for 2K urgently, I literally do not
mind sending the money because she's probably shown up at my
house with shopping, she's probably bought me food, she's
probably cooked for me, she's probably, you know, visited me.
She's probably come to see me, she's probably bought me flowers
and sweets at some point of our relationship, consistently me
and my friends we go out to nice restaurants on a random.
Tuesday any day so. A man coming into my life and
wanting me to drink hot cocoa and mandazi with him.
There's nothing wrong with that, but I'm so used to people
putting so much effort into being with me and that's the
level and frequency I'm on with my other relationships.
There's just no way I'm going to start dating someone or speaking
with someone and then they lower my quality of life because they
want me to start struggling to build with them.
I'm not the kind of girl who builds with a man.
I'm not going to start from scratch.
I'm not going to date someone who's, you know, trying, trying
things out. I'm also trying things out.
I need someone who's better than me.
I'm only attracted to men who are, you know, kind of
established in the things that they're doing.
They know what they want. They've been putting in the.
Work because. I'm putting in the work.
I'm young, it's my time to. Focus on myself, Why would I
start? Trying to build a man when he's
in his. 40s that's. Crazy.
That's crazy. That's not something I'm going
to do. My exes consistently picked me
up or send a driver. This *** couldn't even pay for
my Uber. So I just had to.
Delete him from my phone and to experience.
A girl who loves herself. You must truly love yourself.
Too. Everything works against US
women, but we still get the bug and this.
Security that we're. Chasing as women, when we say
I'm sorry, I cannot date a broke man or a man who doesn't have
money, it's not about Marengo or it's not about me taking your
money. It's for you more than it is for
me. It's nice to see a grown man
have his own things, do his own things, and not be dependent on
other people the same way as a woman.
That's who I am. I'm not depending on anyone.
I do my things, I pay my bills. I take myself.
Out I do nice things for myself, so I only can be with someone
who's even better than me because I'm trying to grow and
I'm trying to learn. Love and generosity should come
from a mutual space of wanting to care for each other.
But if you've never shown care to me?
Why would you expect Yeniuko? Jela Mimi kutumi bail money bro
Audrey. This is what I've seen as a
recovering people pleaser that anyway, I just.
Have to give myself. And the benefit of giving is to
receive. Whether you give.
Intentionally or not, it's always going to come back.
To you, that's what I. Truly believe I think you can be
mad at me, but I'm not really repeating cycles.
I'm not doing the things I saw my mom and my grandma do.
I want better. I do not want to be the
breadwinner in a family where someone else is a I do not want
to age. I do not want to get autoimmune
diseases because I'm taking care of a man who's way older than me
because I'm doing everything on my own financially.
If I have to do. Everything by myself.
I can be by myself. I don't want to be with anyone
where they're lowering the quality of my life.
It's not a must for me to be with a man or to be in a
relationship. I like nice things and the
lesson I learned is. If you start cheap.
You can only go. Cheaper like if you start.
Low. You can only go lower than that
and the more you're doing better as as a woman in my experience,
I don't know if it's different for other people.
The more I kept doing better as my partners, I've had to break
up with some. People because they get jealous.
And insecure and I don't know, I don't get jealousy because I'm
the kind of. Person who if I.
Admire what you're doing. I want to learn from you and do
better. I don't sit and think, how can I
what can I do to make this person feel bad and you'll start
to notice it in. The way they speak.
They try to make you feel less and they try to put you down.
This *** would make comments like he would send me.
Hairstyles. The other.
Women and say. Why don't you try this?
And it's a woman with a shaved head.
And I'm wondering this guy, he wants me to shave off my hair.
He consistently compliments my natural.
Hair, and he knows how beautiful it is.
And it's one of the reasons he says he.
Loves the way I look. All of a sudden he's sending me
pictures of women or manure. A weak woman would have gone and
nod. Her hair or a pic?
Me, Isaac, Please, Mimi. I just deleted his number.
That's not something that's not something I can't stand for.
It's so important to be big and bold and to demand exactly what
you want. And especially if you're growing
as a woman. You truly.
Deserve a man who's better than you, nothing less than that.
It's so sad that I have. To talk about this, but I do
because I have to. Make it clear that I am not.
At all Interested in. Being with anyone who cannot
take care of themselves as an adult, especially financially,
There's so many things we're dealing with already like
emotions, childhood trauma, addictions, CG, what?
And then now we start from a space of we don't have money.
No, you're not ready. For a girl like me.
Because I need collaboration and partnership.
I do not want to raise anyone. I do not want to make anyone
grow, I think in a. Relationship.
We should all come. Grown, healed, healing, rather
in a position where we are consistently both trying to be
better. Because I'm not looking for
handouts and I don't expect a man.
Especially to try and Leech. For me and next time you're
borrowing someone money, especially a woman, make sure
you invest you've invested in them make.
Sure. There's this guy I dated.
Like five years ago he's he was very of.
Course all the men I date are very rich and this guy he would
take me to nice fancy dates but one time he took me to a Kibanda
date and I remember leaving that day thinking why did he bring me
to this kibanda? This is not somewhere I go and.
I used to eat at. Kibandas siaku nashida nakibanda
and even squeezing Icona tumbo sensitive and I just need to
move my food. My food is a bit cleaner like
the standards of hygiene are a bit higher and I was wondering
why would he take me to a kibanda without asking me?
I left that date feeling like he was my boyfriend at the time.
We've been together for a few months and.
Actually it's it's the guy. Who I'm saying is the ex who he
doesn't talk to me, but he sends him money, this guy.
I left that date. Feeling like something was
wrong, like maybe he was testing me to see if I'm a ride or die.
I can eat at fancy restaurants and at Kibanda's.
Bro don't test me, I'm not the gully.
Test. That's the.
Feeling I have, I don't. Know if he was text.
Testing me but when I went home and thought about it.
I had. I broke up.
With him and just said I'm sorry you didn't, you didn't care.
Like, you already know my standards and you know where I
like to go and the things I like to do, but you intentionally
decided to bring me somewhere you know I wouldn't.
Be comfortable. I didn't get sick, but I just.
Thought no, I'm not giving him another chance to take me to
another kibanda because immediately I allow we're only
going to start eating at kibanda's from now on and that's
not my standard. So I had to let.
Let it go another. Guy dated also eh hey.
He, he was generous and he does take care of me and he's always,
you know, gifting me and stuff And he, he asked me one time,
can you please buy for me lunch. So generally I would have had no
problem, you know, buying this guy lunch because he's been
consistent in taking care of me. But there's just something deep
inside me where tells me if I'm not feeling safe emotionally, if
I'm not feeling like you're consistent in how you speak with
me, you could have been spoiling me and whatever.
But if I'm not feeling safe enough, then I don't trust you
enough because what are you doing?
Are you trying to test if I can send you money?
Because like like I said, this world is created.
For men, he couldn't have borrowed his his men, other men
in his life. He couldn't have asked them.
Why ask me. Why ask a woman?
I literally have. So many problems.
We're not even paid anywhere near what men are paid.
Like was he testing me? He's way richer than me so was
he testing me? Why was he asking me for money?
I had to break that off again. So please don't test people like
me. Just be a consistent friend.
That's enough. Be a good.
Person if I can feel. Your intentions are genuine and
you're a kind person. You're going to enjoy what?
I have because I will. Give without restriction.
I will give without thinking. Twice if you are a.
Constant, you know, support in my life and you're actively in
my life. That's a rapport we probably
built where we're able. To share and take.
Care of each other, but. Out of nowhere that's not
happening and I don't want men to borrow me money again.
Unless. They are a significant part.
Of my life, which even that is crazy because even the men in my
life don't. I've never.
Yeah, I don't want to, Zoisha, just be a man.
You're always talking about Am a man a moment.
Just be a man all the way. Be a man.
Stand on the patriarchy and just keep being a man.
I hope you guys enjoyed. This episode, these are just.
My feelings. You'll tell me what you think,
and then we can talk. About it later.
So leave comments, tell me what you think.
Maybe I was. Harsh, but I just.
Spoke up my mind and I'd love to.
Hear your feedback on this. So catch me next time.